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1
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:16,260
Didn't she have a wart?
2
00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:18,380
Yes, but he left her.
3
00:00:18,380 --> 00:00:21,360
Ran away with a policewoman.
4
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,300
On her chin.
5
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:25,020
Nothing unsightly.
6
00:00:25,020 --> 00:00:27,140
She was quite attractive.
7
00:00:27,140 --> 00:00:29,740
The wart was her best feature?
8
00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:32,520
Did I say that?
9
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:36,040
It's very difficult to have a
serious conversation round here.
10
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:37,840
Yes, we've noticed that.
11
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,660
Are you sure he ran
away with a policewoman?
12
00:00:42,660 --> 00:00:46,380
I mean, maybe he was being arrested.
13
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,920
You see what I mean?
14
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,820
I think I'll just go to sleep.
15
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,380
If there's any room,
we'll probably join you.
16
00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:33,440
I'm coming! Get off the horn!
I love that golden voice.
17
00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:47,060
Oh, get up, woman!
18
00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:49,620
You don't have to kneel for me.
19
00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:52,220
I want a word with you.
20
00:01:52,220 --> 00:01:55,720
Right, go ahead.
Although I must warn you,
21
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,780
I'm not ready
for any personal commitments.
22
00:01:58,780 --> 00:02:02,060
We all know what you're ready for.
23
00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:04,840
What was that row last night?
24
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,980
Row?
25
00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:09,420
You came home singing.
26
00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:11,360
That wasn't a row.
27
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:14,140
That was a musical
postcard from me to you.
28
00:02:14,140 --> 00:02:18,000
I was just ready to
empty a jug on you.
29
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,160
I looked at your lonely
bedroom window and I thought,
30
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,260
"Guess who needs a
little music in her life?"
31
00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:26,620
Who says it's lonely?
32
00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:28,560
Very little through traffic.
33
00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,740
And there's no parking either.
34
00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:36,780
I saw your light was on and
I thought, "Now what can I do to brighten up her life?"
35
00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:39,420
Well, you could move.
36
00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:41,220
No, no, I'm not moving in with you.
37
00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:44,200
You'll have to worship
me at a distance.
38
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,660
A great distance would be nice.
39
00:02:56,580 --> 00:02:58,520
Has he had a bad night?
40
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:03,140
Not yet. But unless he snaps out of
it, he's going to have one tonight.
41
00:03:03,140 --> 00:03:06,620
You know, Travis never
looks on the bright side.
42
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,500
You'd think he'd hurt his eyes.
43
00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:11,420
He's been like it since yesterday.
44
00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:15,420
Regrets. Wished he'd had
more colour in his life.
45
00:03:15,420 --> 00:03:17,820
Did he say what colour?
46
00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:19,760
He got brown.
47
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,100
I made him stain the kitchen door.
48
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,460
I wish I'd joined the paratroopers
when I was first tempted.
49
00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:52,200
What's this? What's it look like?
50
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:57,040
I'm not buying you that for
your birthday. It's MY birthday.
51
00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:58,700
Aye. And they're beginning to show.
52
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,480
Have you seen yourself lately?
53
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,540
You'd age anyone.
54
00:04:02,540 --> 00:04:04,020
Come here!
55
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:09,140
Don't be arguing in front of people.
Don't leave for me.
56
00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:11,920
I'd sooner listen
than lose a customer.
57
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,340
I'll bring him back. You wouldn't
like to leave a small deposit first?
58
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:17,940
We'll be back.
Not to buy that thing, we won't!
59
00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:21,700
Shut your face in front of people.
If you're not blowing your horn, you're blowing your mouth off.
60
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:23,240
Where are you dragging me to?
61
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,880
To where people can't hear.
62
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,120
They can hear you in Leeds.
63
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:31,560
Shut it! I think I can say, without
fear of contradiction, that this is
64
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:37,380
probably the best, nearly-new
fridge-freezer in the universe.
65
00:04:37,380 --> 00:04:39,660
I had my own eye on this one.
66
00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:47,200
I don't want to buy her stuff
like that for her birthday.
67
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,420
No. I want to buy her something
more personal.
68
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:52,980
Suppose we put her initials on it?
69
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,260
We'll take it. We won't take it.
70
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,180
She wants something that'll
give her a lot of pleasure.
71
00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:06,820
Now let me think.
Let me think, let me think.
72
00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:08,900
I've got it.
73
00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:10,620
A new hi-fi!
74
00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:13,060
I knew he'd come up with that.
You lousy, tricky devil.
75
00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:14,620
Did you hear that?
76
00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:16,720
Where's the gratitude?
Can you not see what I'm up against?
77
00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,180
Do you think I don't
know your scheming mind?
78
00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:22,320
What's wrong with hi-fi?
79
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,420
I'm talking state of the art here.
80
00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:26,100
Hours of listening pleasure.
81
00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:28,040
For you. I don't want hi-fi.
82
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:31,020
I want some useful
domestic appliance.
83
00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:37,140
We deliver. We can have it on your
doorstep before you can say the first 15 chapters of the Bible.
84
00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:41,500
She wants hi-fi. I don't want hi-fi.
85
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:45,300
I want a fridge freezer. Domestic
appliances are no good for birthdays.
86
00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,380
Whose birthday is it?
87
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:49,060
Whose? Exactly.
88
00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:50,580
I'm glad you brought that up.
89
00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:52,080
Whose birthday?
90
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,160
It'll soon be the King's.
91
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,280
It'll soon be Elvis's.
92
00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:03,380
And this year I was hoping this
year we might celebrate it with a bigger sub-woofer.
93
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,580
You see! The conniving blob!
94
00:06:07,580 --> 00:06:10,000
Now, now, now. Hold it!
95
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,960
Simmer down a bit.
96
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,680
I can see a solution forming here.
97
00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,540
Why don't you buy a fridge-freezer,
98
00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:21,360
and I'll give you discount on a
little radio to put on top of it?
99
00:06:23,060 --> 00:06:26,180
I was hoping to buy
something that'll bring us closer.
100
00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:28,080
When have we ever been
close, you wormcake?
101
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,220
Not us. Closer to him!
102
00:06:31,820 --> 00:06:34,700
He wants the hi-fi so he can
play his Elvis collection.
103
00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:37,120
Is that a felony to want
the best for the King?
104
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,840
Elvis lives!
105
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,480
I just wish he was living.
106
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,160
With you.
107
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,060
He can have my place any day.
108
00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:03,400
Don't either of you
two have any regrets?
109
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,800
Not till you came in.
110
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,400
I'm serious.
111
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,860
I think that's a fair description.
112
00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:15,560
I wish I'd chosen a
life with more colour...
113
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,140
Spectacle.
114
00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:19,980
Excitement. Even danger.
115
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,320
You've got Pearl.
116
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,980
How much danger do you want?
117
00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:28,600
And for spectacle and
excitement, there's always...
118
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,420
Enough!
119
00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:33,620
I knew you'd drag that
young lady into it.
120
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,780
Look who's talking.
121
00:07:35,780 --> 00:07:39,960
If anybody does any dragging
about of that young lady, it's you.
122
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,180
It wasn't how it looked.
123
00:07:42,180 --> 00:07:44,020
I told you.
124
00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:47,480
She got entangled
in this bramble bush.
125
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,120
"In", you'll notice.
126
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,180
Not just "happened to be passing."
127
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:55,840
And then he says
he lacks excitement.
128
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,120
I'm trying to be serious.
129
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,340
Nobody takes me seriously.
130
00:08:00,340 --> 00:08:04,060
Which shows a certain
amount of good judgment.
131
00:08:04,060 --> 00:08:08,140
Where would you like
to be taken seriously?
132
00:08:08,140 --> 00:08:12,560
You should have more sympathy for
a person in emotional distress.
133
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,440
That sounds serious.
134
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,500
Maybe he is serious.
135
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:19,140
I am.
136
00:08:19,140 --> 00:08:22,760
I've left things too late.
137
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,800
I should have gone for more in life.
138
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,580
I should have aimed higher.
139
00:08:30,860 --> 00:08:34,040
Don't you ever wish you'd
gone for more in life?
140
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,780
I was a lino salesman at the Co-op.
141
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,120
You mean there was more?
142
00:08:46,322 --> 00:08:49,362
I'm not accepting it.
I'm not touching it.
143
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,162
I don't want it. It's not for me.
144
00:08:51,162 --> 00:08:53,802
It'll grow on you. You never did.
145
00:08:53,802 --> 00:08:55,642
Oh, Ethel, let's not get personal.
146
00:08:55,642 --> 00:08:57,542
It's your birthday. Exactly.
147
00:08:57,542 --> 00:08:59,522
So I should get to pick my present.
148
00:08:59,522 --> 00:09:02,342
Not always. What about surprises?
149
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:05,802
The surprise is you've got the
flaming nerve to pretend it's for me.
150
00:09:05,802 --> 00:09:09,582
It's a gift. You can't throw
a gift in a person's face.
151
00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:12,242
If I can lift it, just watch me.
152
00:09:12,242 --> 00:09:14,062
You're unbelievable, woman!
153
00:09:14,062 --> 00:09:15,702
What a personality!
154
00:09:15,702 --> 00:09:19,222
It's like living with a crocodile.
I'm the envy of all my friends.
155
00:09:19,222 --> 00:09:22,922
All? You've only got that
twit from Halifax and he's a moron.
156
00:09:29,082 --> 00:09:30,702
Quality hi-fi.
157
00:09:30,702 --> 00:09:32,362
You can take it back.
158
00:09:32,362 --> 00:09:34,442
Oh, in and out!
159
00:09:34,442 --> 00:09:37,282
That's interesting.
You want to reconsider?
160
00:09:37,282 --> 00:09:38,922
Just right for birthday.
161
00:09:38,922 --> 00:09:41,862
We'll take it. We won't take it.
162
00:09:41,862 --> 00:09:46,062
Are you two like this always
or just birthdays? Always.
163
00:09:46,062 --> 00:09:48,162
I want a washing machine.
164
00:09:48,162 --> 00:09:49,882
You've come right place.
165
00:09:49,882 --> 00:09:52,622
Also do washing machines.
She wants hi-fi.
166
00:09:52,622 --> 00:09:56,922
Cunning solution would be
buy hi-fi and washing machine.
167
00:09:56,922 --> 00:09:58,742
No way. She makes her mind up.
168
00:09:58,742 --> 00:10:01,182
It's made up.
I want a washing machine.
169
00:10:01,182 --> 00:10:03,782
She gets hi-fi.
I'll put me foot through it.
170
00:10:03,782 --> 00:10:06,362
Can you hear it? She wears you out.
171
00:10:06,362 --> 00:10:08,902
She wears out your blue suede shoes.
172
00:10:08,902 --> 00:10:12,642
He's off! I try to make a
shrine for Elvis in the house.
173
00:10:12,642 --> 00:10:15,822
I try keep the flame going
till Elvis returns.
174
00:10:15,822 --> 00:10:20,422
Returns? No one-way ticket?
He went return?!
175
00:10:20,422 --> 00:10:22,882
Elvis lives.
176
00:10:22,882 --> 00:10:26,022
People have seen him.
Pay no attention to him.
177
00:10:26,022 --> 00:10:29,282
He's severely ...
And that's one of his better qualities.
178
00:10:29,282 --> 00:10:31,522
Will you stop embarrassing
me in front of people?
179
00:10:31,522 --> 00:10:33,162
You're only making
a fool of yourself.
180
00:10:33,162 --> 00:10:35,362
Who could embarrass you, you
thick pudding?
181
00:10:36,942 --> 00:10:39,422
You see what I have to live with?
It's my birthday.
182
00:10:39,422 --> 00:10:41,162
You're supposed to be buying for me.
183
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,902
Not the tie. Not the tie.
184
00:10:42,902 --> 00:10:44,362
Not the tie.
185
00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:51,982
And you've been no help.
Have you nothing to say?
186
00:10:51,982 --> 00:10:53,522
Happy birthday.
187
00:10:57,262 --> 00:11:00,562
Here, girl! Good dog. Come here.
188
00:11:02,722 --> 00:11:04,222
Elvira!
189
00:11:06,062 --> 00:11:07,902
Here, girl!
190
00:11:07,902 --> 00:11:10,282
Come to Barry...
191
00:11:10,282 --> 00:11:12,542
There's a good dog.
192
00:11:12,542 --> 00:11:15,362
See what Barry's got.
193
00:11:15,362 --> 00:11:17,142
Don't be lost!
194
00:11:17,142 --> 00:11:19,002
If you're lost,
195
00:11:19,002 --> 00:11:21,802
I'm dead.
196
00:11:21,802 --> 00:11:23,282
Elvira!
197
00:11:25,842 --> 00:11:29,342
Elvira? It's not my dog.
198
00:11:29,342 --> 00:11:31,322
I'm looking after it for a favour.
199
00:11:33,822 --> 00:11:37,202
Whatever happened to Bess? Pat?
200
00:11:37,202 --> 00:11:38,862
Lassie?
201
00:11:38,862 --> 00:11:42,682
She's a pedigree. I expect
they thought they owed it to her.
202
00:11:44,502 --> 00:11:47,202
Kids have weird
names these days, too.
203
00:11:47,202 --> 00:11:49,662
At least you don't
lose them in the bushes.
204
00:11:49,662 --> 00:11:52,082
With the row they make
I'd be very tempted.
205
00:11:57,402 --> 00:11:59,702
Elvira.
206
00:11:59,702 --> 00:12:01,242
Pay attention, girl.
207
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,282
This is your master's whisper.
208
00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:12,922
Ethel! Unlock this car! Ethel!
209
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:18,622
Ethel, you're doing my head in.
I'm warning you.
210
00:12:18,622 --> 00:12:21,342
What's his problem? I think she is.
211
00:12:21,342 --> 00:12:23,402
Ethel!
212
00:12:23,402 --> 00:12:25,122
Ethel! Will you open this door?
213
00:12:25,122 --> 00:12:28,062
They can't decide what
she wants for birthday.
214
00:12:28,062 --> 00:12:32,142
At least he knows what he wants.
He wants to get in the car.
215
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:34,242
Open the door.
216
00:12:34,242 --> 00:12:36,202
He wants hi-fi.
217
00:12:36,202 --> 00:12:38,122
She wants domestic appliance.
218
00:12:38,122 --> 00:12:40,302
Oh, he's had it.
219
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,482
Look at the face on her.
Ethel! Ethel!
220
00:12:42,482 --> 00:12:45,562
To me, that says domestic appliance.
221
00:12:45,562 --> 00:12:47,402
I'm going to count to five.
222
00:12:48,982 --> 00:12:50,982
Stop bragging.
You'll never get past four.
223
00:13:02,902 --> 00:13:04,762
Now look what you've done!
224
00:13:11,782 --> 00:13:15,822
Can you fix this? Would that be
instead of or as well as hi-fi?
225
00:13:15,822 --> 00:13:18,842
As well as.
226
00:13:18,842 --> 00:13:20,402
She gets hi-fi.
227
00:13:20,402 --> 00:13:22,842
I like man who knows his mind.
228
00:13:22,842 --> 00:13:25,522
I haven't got a mind any more.
I've got Ethel.
229
00:13:27,122 --> 00:13:29,722
How long have you had Ethel?
She's not that bad.
230
00:13:31,302 --> 00:13:33,322
She's good round the house.
231
00:13:33,322 --> 00:13:35,842
She frightens burglars.
232
00:13:35,842 --> 00:13:38,482
She'd frighten me. She frightens me.
233
00:13:38,482 --> 00:13:40,762
It's like living life on the edge.
234
00:13:40,762 --> 00:13:43,602
You know, but I love it.
The cut and the thrust.
235
00:13:43,602 --> 00:13:45,542
It makes you feel alive.
236
00:13:45,542 --> 00:13:48,462
You know what I mean?
She's a bit heavy on ties.
237
00:13:48,462 --> 00:13:50,162
And door handles.
238
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:53,102
Oh, no. That's something new.
239
00:13:53,102 --> 00:13:55,902
Look at her. That's malice for you.
240
00:13:57,982 --> 00:14:01,682
You'd go a long way to find
a temper like this, you know.
241
00:14:01,682 --> 00:14:04,162
Classic old bat, is that.
242
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,862
But she makes me proud
cos she's mine.
243
00:14:08,862 --> 00:14:12,302
There's not many could handle
as much woman as that, you know.
244
00:14:12,302 --> 00:14:14,322
Or maybe even want to.
245
00:14:14,322 --> 00:14:16,022
She's a star.
246
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,382
She reminds me of Elvis.
247
00:14:18,382 --> 00:14:19,942
I don't see why.
248
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,502
You have to be there.
249
00:14:21,502 --> 00:14:25,062
You know, it's the energy
she puts into her performance.
250
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,222
Are you going to stand
there gobbing all day?
251
00:14:29,222 --> 00:14:32,302
You see? She gives it 100%.
252
00:14:32,302 --> 00:14:34,522
Shut your yap, I'm coming.
253
00:14:38,242 --> 00:14:40,042
My boss's dog!
254
00:14:40,042 --> 00:14:43,682
What kind of
fool loses his boss's dog?
255
00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:46,182
How did you manage to lose the dog?
256
00:14:46,182 --> 00:14:49,102
That was the easy bit.
Finding her's the tricky part.
257
00:14:49,102 --> 00:14:51,182
You took her off the lead?
258
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,902
They said take her off the lead.
259
00:14:52,902 --> 00:14:54,902
She likes a run, they said.
And boy, does she?
260
00:14:54,902 --> 00:14:56,742
She went like a rocket.
261
00:14:56,742 --> 00:14:58,462
Did you call her?
262
00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:00,682
Just about every name under the sun.
263
00:15:04,402 --> 00:15:07,602
Have you tried shouting "Elvira"?
264
00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:11,502
The dog takes no notice but
people come running to look at you.
265
00:15:11,502 --> 00:15:13,242
The boss's dog.
266
00:15:13,242 --> 00:15:15,682
It could have been worse.
267
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:18,962
How? You could be Japanese.
268
00:15:18,962 --> 00:15:23,542
I bet if they lost the boss's dog,
they'd have to commit suicide.
269
00:15:23,542 --> 00:15:26,322
What a good idea.
Why didn't I think of that?
270
00:15:27,902 --> 00:15:32,182
You'll have to find her. Why aren't
you still out there looking for her?
271
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:34,442
I'm going to get the car
and cover more ground.
272
00:15:34,442 --> 00:15:36,102
And you can come and shout for me.
273
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:39,442
Because I'm not shouting "Elvira"
any more.
274
00:15:48,182 --> 00:15:50,622
Well, we all know what
I need for my birthday.
275
00:15:50,622 --> 00:15:52,762
It's a new handle for the car door.
276
00:15:52,762 --> 00:15:56,162
Shut up. You pulled it off.
And whose fault was that?
277
00:15:56,162 --> 00:15:59,962
Yours, you dozy closet. Nobody asked
you to pull the damned handle off.
278
00:15:59,962 --> 00:16:01,822
She does this to me, you know.
279
00:16:01,822 --> 00:16:05,242
She drives me spare.
And what do think it does to me?
280
00:16:05,242 --> 00:16:07,802
Living with a muffin who
thinks Elvis is still alive?
281
00:16:07,802 --> 00:16:10,282
People have seen him.
People like you.
282
00:16:10,282 --> 00:16:14,082
You think Elvis still alive?
That's good.
283
00:16:14,082 --> 00:16:16,102
Good?
284
00:16:16,102 --> 00:16:20,122
If he believes that, I should be
able to sell him washing machine.
285
00:16:22,202 --> 00:16:24,442
There are witnesses.
Elvis has been seen.
286
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,842
It's time you were seen by somebody.
287
00:16:28,462 --> 00:16:31,442
Can we fill in a few details here?
288
00:16:31,442 --> 00:16:35,882
Who's seen him?
It was in this magazine.
289
00:16:35,882 --> 00:16:37,942
Elvis, he's been sighted all over.
290
00:16:37,942 --> 00:16:41,442
Oh, not only still alive.
291
00:16:41,442 --> 00:16:42,922
Still touring.
292
00:16:46,942 --> 00:16:48,402
Here, girl.
293
00:16:50,502 --> 00:16:52,942
Elvira! Elvira!
294
00:16:52,942 --> 00:16:55,782
Elvira!
295
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:59,182
Elvira! She can't hear that.
296
00:16:59,182 --> 00:17:01,242
I'm not shouting
her name any louder.
297
00:17:02,802 --> 00:17:04,362
Oh. What?
298
00:17:04,362 --> 00:17:06,682
I've found some traces of a dog.
299
00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:11,422
Urgh! I don't think your boss
is going to settle for that.
300
00:17:13,122 --> 00:17:14,942
At least it's a sign.
301
00:17:14,942 --> 00:17:14,962
You don't know it's her.
302
00:17:15,042 --> 00:17:17,162
She's not going to
leave her signature.
303
00:17:22,362 --> 00:17:24,142
Elvira!
304
00:17:24,142 --> 00:17:26,082
Elvira!
305
00:17:26,082 --> 00:17:29,362
Louder. There's nobody out here.
306
00:17:29,362 --> 00:17:31,642
That's what you think.
307
00:17:31,642 --> 00:17:34,442
Every time I shout Elvira
somebody pops out of a bush.
308
00:17:36,002 --> 00:17:37,502
Then shorten it.
309
00:17:37,502 --> 00:17:39,002
Elvi! Elvi!
310
00:17:41,002 --> 00:17:42,922
Here, girl.
311
00:17:42,922 --> 00:17:45,802
Elvi!
312
00:17:45,802 --> 00:17:47,442
Elvi!
313
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,142
Here girl! Elvi.
314
00:17:49,142 --> 00:17:52,482
Elvi! Elvi, Elvi, Elvi! Elvi!
315
00:17:59,082 --> 00:18:00,362
What? Listen!
316
00:18:00,362 --> 00:18:03,062
Elvi!
317
00:18:03,062 --> 00:18:04,642
Somebody calling.
318
00:18:04,642 --> 00:18:07,162
Yes, that's definitely
somebody calling.
319
00:18:07,162 --> 00:18:09,682
He knows somebody
calling when he hears it.
320
00:18:12,802 --> 00:18:15,802
Elvi! Elvi!
321
00:18:15,802 --> 00:18:19,042
So, somebody's calling?
But listen to who they're calling.
322
00:18:19,042 --> 00:18:21,242
They're calling Elvis!
323
00:18:21,242 --> 00:18:24,022
Gimme the keys. You're not
driving in that condition.
324
00:18:24,022 --> 00:18:29,062
Oh, listen, woman! I know it's
something you don't do best, but will you please just listen?
325
00:18:29,062 --> 00:18:31,082
Why would they be calling Elvis?
326
00:18:31,082 --> 00:18:32,862
Because he's been seen.
327
00:18:36,422 --> 00:18:40,002
Come here. Here. I like this person.
328
00:18:40,002 --> 00:18:42,982
You can go for years
without finding one of these.
329
00:18:42,982 --> 00:18:47,482
It seems like good idea.
No, no. The man needs help.
330
00:18:47,482 --> 00:18:49,642
You'll get no argument from me.
331
00:18:49,642 --> 00:18:53,722
Come on! Here's your chance
to do something for poor Lance.
332
00:18:53,722 --> 00:18:56,142
I think Ethel already
doing something.
333
00:18:58,842 --> 00:19:01,122
The man wants to see Elvis.
334
00:19:01,122 --> 00:19:05,402
Maybe we should help him see Elvis.
335
00:19:05,402 --> 00:19:07,402
That could be called wicked.
336
00:19:07,402 --> 00:19:08,882
Yes. I like it too.
337
00:19:21,942 --> 00:19:24,902
Whatever happened to
finding elegance in men?
338
00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:28,782
Whatever happened to finding men?
339
00:19:28,782 --> 00:19:30,742
The way they look these days!
340
00:19:30,742 --> 00:19:35,982
I mean, how can you write
a romantic novel with somebody dressed like that?
341
00:19:35,982 --> 00:19:38,762
Oh! Marina!
342
00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:41,002
Care to comment?
343
00:19:41,002 --> 00:19:45,542
Pass. Would either of you
ladies be going my way?
344
00:19:45,542 --> 00:19:48,042
No.
345
00:19:48,042 --> 00:19:51,022
No? You're not dressed
for escorting ladies.
346
00:19:51,022 --> 00:19:52,922
I don't see why.
347
00:19:52,922 --> 00:19:55,942
I can understand
dressing for comfort.
348
00:19:55,942 --> 00:20:00,222
But sometimes one yearns
for a little glamour.
349
00:20:00,222 --> 00:20:03,702
I don't know one should be
going about yearning for glamour.
350
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:07,222
A gentleman's legs have
no place in the street.
351
00:20:07,222 --> 00:20:11,222
The naked male should
be kept strictly indoors.
352
00:20:11,222 --> 00:20:15,162
Not that either of us is actually
keeping one, you understand.
353
00:20:19,502 --> 00:20:22,502
Well, of course I've
got an Elvis outfit.
354
00:20:22,502 --> 00:20:27,462
What kind of costume hire department
doesn't have an Elvis outfit?
355
00:20:27,462 --> 00:20:29,062
Good. Excellent.
356
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:31,322
All we need now is a
volunteer to wear it.
357
00:20:31,322 --> 00:20:35,182
You supply the volunteer,
I'll supply the outfit.
358
00:20:35,182 --> 00:20:38,382
Not job for just anybody.
359
00:20:38,382 --> 00:20:39,962
That's true.
360
00:20:39,962 --> 00:20:44,282
You'll want someone with a natural
flair for looking ridiculous.
361
00:20:50,242 --> 00:20:54,182
What? What? Come in, Howard.
362
00:20:54,182 --> 00:20:56,482
Don't loiter in the doorway.
363
00:20:56,482 --> 00:20:58,742
Yes, come on in, lad.
364
00:20:58,742 --> 00:21:01,482
Take the weight off your wallet.
365
00:21:01,482 --> 00:21:03,742
Who does he remind you of?
366
00:21:03,742 --> 00:21:06,242
I was just thinking the same.
367
00:21:06,242 --> 00:21:08,682
He could be his double.
368
00:21:08,682 --> 00:21:10,502
Whose double?
369
00:21:10,502 --> 00:21:14,542
Voice too. Uncanny.
Swear it was him.
370
00:21:14,542 --> 00:21:19,182
I can see him now, live in concert.
371
00:21:19,182 --> 00:21:21,242
You're looking troubled, Howard.
372
00:21:21,242 --> 00:21:24,562
I've just been told
I'm lacking in glamour.
373
00:21:26,182 --> 00:21:28,942
We have solution.
374
00:21:28,942 --> 00:21:30,882
Fate must have brought him here.
375
00:21:33,522 --> 00:21:35,642
What? What?
376
00:21:45,522 --> 00:21:49,562
How do you want yours?
Why do you ask? You only do burned.
377
00:21:51,162 --> 00:21:55,162
Do you want it medium,
or well-burned?
378
00:21:55,162 --> 00:21:59,182
Look out! Car coming.
He's not stopping, is he?
379
00:21:59,182 --> 00:22:02,022
He is. He's stopping.
380
00:22:02,022 --> 00:22:04,182
It's the uniform.
381
00:22:04,182 --> 00:22:08,622
They think we've nowt else better
to do than fuss around the public.
382
00:22:09,822 --> 00:22:12,362
Have you seen him? He's been sighted.
People have seen him!
383
00:22:12,362 --> 00:22:15,602
That's not much of a description.
384
00:22:15,602 --> 00:22:16,902
Go on! Give us a clue.
385
00:22:16,902 --> 00:22:20,922
The King. Elvis. He's been sighted.
People have seen him!
386
00:22:25,022 --> 00:22:28,342
Has he been drinking? No.
387
00:22:28,342 --> 00:22:32,182
He can get stupid
on stone-cold sober.
388
00:22:32,182 --> 00:22:35,542
People have seen him.
And where have they seen him?
389
00:22:35,542 --> 00:22:38,802
Well, it sounded as though he
was in some tree somewhere.
390
00:22:38,802 --> 00:22:40,682
Does a lot of that, does he?
391
00:22:40,682 --> 00:22:43,862
Well, don't you be
taking the wee-wee. I just asked you a simple question.
392
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:46,562
Have we seen this dead person?
393
00:22:48,142 --> 00:22:50,342
You're supposed to be helpful!
394
00:22:50,342 --> 00:22:55,622
Very good, sir. If we see this dead
person, where would we contact you?
395
00:22:55,622 --> 00:23:00,442
I'll be round here somewhere, looking
for Elvis! He's looking for Elvis. I'm just looking embarrassed.
396
00:23:00,442 --> 00:23:02,382
She heard him.
397
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:04,582
She heard his name shouted just like
I did. Somebody had just seen him.
398
00:23:04,582 --> 00:23:06,662
Pay no attention to him.
399
00:23:06,662 --> 00:23:08,802
We think he's had his head trapped.
400
00:23:08,802 --> 00:23:11,562
Are you married? Thoroughly.
401
00:23:11,562 --> 00:23:13,622
But thank you for the offer.
402
00:23:16,102 --> 00:23:18,382
None of you'll be laughing when I
find Elvis!
403
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:29,102
With all the changes that happen
these days, it's kind of reassuring to find insanity alive and well.
404
00:23:29,102 --> 00:23:31,242
You can get reassured
quite often round here.
405
00:23:43,062 --> 00:23:44,882
What do you think about Canada?
406
00:23:44,882 --> 00:23:47,382
Am I supposed to be
thinking about Canada?
407
00:23:47,382 --> 00:23:50,802
I think you ought to start since
we're going to be moving there.
408
00:23:50,802 --> 00:23:53,222
We keep looking till we find her.
409
00:23:53,222 --> 00:23:55,242
Suppose something's happened to her?
410
00:23:55,242 --> 00:23:57,922
What's going to
happen to her out here?
411
00:23:57,922 --> 00:23:59,742
I don't... Maybe an eagle.
412
00:24:01,502 --> 00:24:04,502
Have you ever seen
an eagle out here?
413
00:24:04,502 --> 00:24:08,002
She'll be chasing rabbits.
414
00:24:08,002 --> 00:24:11,022
Suppose they've ganged up on her?
415
00:24:11,022 --> 00:24:13,502
This band of vicious rabbits?
416
00:24:13,502 --> 00:24:15,942
She could have had a heart attack.
417
00:24:15,942 --> 00:24:18,882
She could have been abducted
by aliens who are studying our
418
00:24:18,882 --> 00:24:22,502
flora and fauna but I don't
think it's all that likely.
419
00:24:22,502 --> 00:24:25,782
I wonder what the fare is to Canada?
420
00:24:25,782 --> 00:24:27,782
Think positively.
421
00:24:27,782 --> 00:24:29,342
Keep calling her.
422
00:24:29,342 --> 00:24:32,022
Elvi!
423
00:24:32,022 --> 00:24:34,922
Elvi! Elvi!
Elvi! Elvi!
424
00:24:34,922 --> 00:24:37,282
Elvi! Elvi!
425
00:24:37,282 --> 00:24:38,742
Elvi!
426
00:24:41,562 --> 00:24:44,482
Elvi! Elvi!
427
00:24:44,482 --> 00:24:49,242
Elvi! Elvi!
428
00:24:49,242 --> 00:24:52,822
Listen! Now do you believe me? You've
been laughing at me all these years.
429
00:24:52,822 --> 00:24:56,362
For more than Elvis. You've
always been laughable, Elvis or not.
430
00:24:56,362 --> 00:24:59,102
You know, you just won't admit
that you're wrong, will you?
431
00:24:59,102 --> 00:25:03,202
Listen who's talking!
You told our Eric's kid that Venice was in France.
432
00:25:03,202 --> 00:25:06,662
I was just testing. Elvi!
433
00:25:06,662 --> 00:25:09,342
Listen! It's there again.
He's here somewhere!
434
00:25:16,562 --> 00:25:20,062
I wasn't intending
quite so glamorous.
435
00:25:20,062 --> 00:25:23,242
Go for it. You're looking good.
436
00:25:23,242 --> 00:25:26,982
Doesn't he look great? Looks great.
437
00:25:26,982 --> 00:25:29,322
Little more conviction.
438
00:25:29,322 --> 00:25:31,702
Looks really great.
439
00:25:31,702 --> 00:25:34,422
You see? Everybody notices.
440
00:25:34,422 --> 00:25:37,542
You think so? Trust me.
441
00:25:37,542 --> 00:25:39,282
You've even got the walk.
442
00:25:39,282 --> 00:25:41,142
Hasn't he got the walk?
443
00:25:41,142 --> 00:25:43,202
With both legs. I'm impressed.
444
00:26:08,842 --> 00:26:10,322
What?
445
00:26:25,562 --> 00:26:28,002
Howard? Can't stop!
446
00:26:28,002 --> 00:26:30,702
You don't have to.
I'll come with you.
447
00:26:30,702 --> 00:26:35,022
It's the least I can do,
now he's made all that effort.
448
00:26:38,082 --> 00:26:43,002
You pass one comment
about a person's shorts and look how they over-react!
449
00:26:45,482 --> 00:26:49,202
It's no good. She's gone.
450
00:26:49,202 --> 00:26:51,042
I'll have to leave the country.
451
00:26:51,042 --> 00:26:53,542
Is this where you last saw her?
452
00:26:53,542 --> 00:26:57,122
Round here somewhere. Elvi! Elvi!
453
00:26:57,122 --> 00:26:58,742
Elvi! Elvi!
454
00:26:58,742 --> 00:27:00,522
Come on, Elvi. Give us a break.
455
00:27:00,522 --> 00:27:02,422
Show yourself, Elvi.
456
00:27:02,422 --> 00:27:05,682
Come out, Elvi!
We know you're there.
457
00:27:05,682 --> 00:27:08,462
Elvi!
458
00:27:08,462 --> 00:27:10,162
I'm not really Elvis.
459
00:27:10,162 --> 00:27:12,022
Just an amazing lookalike.
460
00:27:13,702 --> 00:27:15,702
He almost convinced me.
461
00:27:19,402 --> 00:27:21,202
Don't you pick on him.
462
00:27:21,202 --> 00:27:23,822
He might be a muffin, but he's
my muffin.
463
00:27:26,442 --> 00:27:28,122
Can't you call her off?
464
00:27:28,122 --> 00:27:30,102
I find it best not to interfere.
465
00:27:40,322 --> 00:27:45,962
Oh, Elvira! Oh, how clever is that?
466
00:27:45,962 --> 00:27:48,402
She found me. She likes me.
467
00:27:48,402 --> 00:27:51,182
I knew she'd find me. Hey.
468
00:27:51,182 --> 00:27:53,682
Oh, well done, Elvira.
469
00:27:55,582 --> 00:27:58,102
I'll have fish, chips and peas.
470
00:27:58,102 --> 00:27:59,882
And he wants...
471
00:27:59,882 --> 00:28:02,162
Just fish.
472
00:28:02,162 --> 00:28:04,522
My place in half and hour.
473
00:28:04,522 --> 00:28:06,202
Don't be late.
474
00:28:06,202 --> 00:28:11,082
Just watch where you're pedalling. I
don't want any more with skid marks.
475
00:28:11,082 --> 00:28:13,842
I blew the dust off every chip!
476
00:28:13,842 --> 00:28:16,342
Be there.
Get them while they're hot.
477
00:28:21,362 --> 00:28:23,822
Funny thing.
478
00:28:23,822 --> 00:28:26,742
I saw Howard this morning.
479
00:28:26,742 --> 00:28:30,322
He was dressed just like Elvis.
480
00:28:30,322 --> 00:28:32,202
Did you get his autograph?
481
00:28:32,252 --> 00:28:36,802
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