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1
00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:11,180
Have you ever thought
of changing that pinny?
2
00:00:11,180 --> 00:00:13,080
It's a clean pinny.
3
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:16,240
I'm not querying its condition.
It's the style.
4
00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:18,180
What's wrong with the style?
5
00:00:18,180 --> 00:00:20,440
In a nutshell, it hasn't got any.
6
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,880
My mother wore this kind of pinny.
7
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:25,200
I've always worn this kind of pinny.
8
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:27,640
And while you keep wearing it,
I have to tell you
9
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,260
it's doing absolutely nothing
to inflame my senses.
10
00:00:31,260 --> 00:00:33,600
I'm never going
to lose control at this rate.
11
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,620
I know what you HAVE lost...
12
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,900
most of your marbles!
13
00:01:12,820 --> 00:01:15,160
Women!
14
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:18,720
You're a strange lot.
15
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,480
I've never understood women.
16
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:24,920
Mind you, I've never understood
nuclear physics
17
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:29,140
but then there are still
some people who...do.
18
00:01:30,740 --> 00:01:33,100
What's up with him?
19
00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:35,320
Has he eaten something?
20
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:38,400
There's some funny bugs about.
21
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:42,000
It's all because he has
to wear his best suit this evening.
22
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,940
Why do they hate getting dressed up?
23
00:01:44,940 --> 00:01:51,380
You wouldn't mind
but they've all got best suits that look just as bad as their old suits.
24
00:01:51,380 --> 00:01:55,660
He's going to an old friend's stag
night. You'd think it was a funeral.
25
00:01:55,660 --> 00:01:59,320
I think I'd sooner go to a funeral.
26
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:05,080
If he's Norman Clegg's generation,
how old is this dashing bridegroom?
27
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:06,820
Nearly 80.
28
00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:09,560
I hope they're not
planning anything exciting.
29
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:14,600
Mind you, I don't remember
it being all that exciting.
30
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,820
I know what you mean.
31
00:02:16,820 --> 00:02:20,400
I don't know how we would
have survived being newly weds
32
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,620
if the house hadn't
needed so much decorating.
33
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,900
But why is
Doggy Wilkinson inviting us?
34
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:33,160
I expect because everybody else
he knows is dead.
35
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,460
You see! How crafty people are.
36
00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:37,300
They must have known something.
37
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,900
It's only for a few hours.
38
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:45,820
I shall entertain the company
with a few impressions.
39
00:02:45,820 --> 00:02:49,900
We like the one where you
do someone keeping quiet.
40
00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:54,960
Why don't we skip this one
and go to his next stag night?
41
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,520
It only means having
a drink with the man.
42
00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,420
You've had a drink before.
43
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,100
It's having a drink in a best suit.
44
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:06,480
It always goes straight
to your tight collar.
45
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,300
A tight collar's not compulsory.
46
00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:11,600
But it's inevitable.
47
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:16,140
Your neck gets bigger
but your shirt stays the same.
48
00:03:16,140 --> 00:03:22,160
Some people are so wild
and irresponsible, they'd probably buy a new shirt.
49
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,460
For one stag night?
50
00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:28,020
Sounds like your wallet's
tighter than your collar.
51
00:03:28,020 --> 00:03:30,740
But it's not
wrapped round your neck.
52
00:03:30,740 --> 00:03:32,820
Just spare a thought for Doggy.
53
00:03:32,820 --> 00:03:35,380
Look what he's wrapping
round HIS neck at his age!
54
00:03:36,940 --> 00:03:39,540
Where did he get Doggy?
55
00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:42,020
I've forgotten why
we called him Doggy.
56
00:03:42,020 --> 00:03:43,860
We shall ask him.
57
00:03:43,860 --> 00:03:46,380
Provided, of course,
that he doesn't bite.
58
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:54,860
Phwoar! This stuff shouldn't
be available on the internet where anybody can see it.
59
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,820
Barry, what are you looking at?
60
00:03:56,820 --> 00:04:01,020
Philosophy. You should see some
of the ideas floating around here.
61
00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:02,940
As long as it's only philosophy.
62
00:04:02,940 --> 00:04:07,480
Only?! They come out with stuff
that makes your hair stand on end.
63
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,080
Look out there.
64
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,220
What do you see?
65
00:04:11,220 --> 00:04:13,500
I can see it's time
to paint the fence.
66
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:15,800
What fence? Our fence.
67
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:19,660
I don't expect you to paint next
door's. There is no fence out there.
68
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,500
There is no anything out there.
We just think there is.
69
00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:25,320
And I think it still needs painting.
70
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:30,200
It's all in here. It's only the
way we see things that makes them look as if they're out there.
71
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,680
Actually, everything is in our heads.
72
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:38,580
Barry, if you can go out there
with a pot of paint and paint it, then it's out there.
73
00:04:38,580 --> 00:04:41,220
I hate it when you do that. What?
74
00:04:41,220 --> 00:04:43,300
Make more sense than philosophy.
75
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,560
You don't have the qualifications.
76
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:47,060
You're not playing fair.
77
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,400
This suit,
78
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,880
it smells a bit musty.
79
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:59,860
TRULY SPLUTTERS
I may have to run an iron over it.
80
00:04:59,860 --> 00:05:03,860
You'd be better running a lorry
over it. It's had its day, Cleggy.
81
00:05:03,860 --> 00:05:06,960
It's hardly been worn.
82
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:10,520
I bought it for a wedding. Whose?
83
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:15,500
Mine. There must be
a bit of mildew in that wardrobe.
84
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:22,660
You'll have to do something with it,
it's going to be lethal at 20 yards.
85
00:05:22,660 --> 00:05:26,620
Twenty-five!
Although, it IS a stag night.
86
00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:30,860
They're not actually famous for
people staying sharp and alert.
87
00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:33,980
Maybe if I went and sat
in a corner.
88
00:05:33,980 --> 00:05:38,080
Or even next door. What's this stag
night we're all talking about?
89
00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,660
It may have been his stag night
first time round.
90
00:05:40,660 --> 00:05:44,420
At nearly 80, it's going to be
more like a chapel supper.
91
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:46,960
Look at the time
he's asked us to be there.
92
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,420
It's more like a stag teatime.
93
00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:51,860
Oh, poor old Doggy.
94
00:05:51,860 --> 00:05:54,860
I expect he'll have
to be in bed by nine.
95
00:05:54,860 --> 00:05:58,740
If he gets a sniff of this suit,
he could be gone by eight.
96
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:03,620
The shed? Yes.
97
00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:06,900
At the first sign of a harsh word,
he locks himself in the shed.
98
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:10,340
Are you listening?
We'll have to get a shed.
99
00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:13,580
Does he sulk if you get mad at him?
100
00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:16,480
Lord, no, love.
He'd never be out of the shed.
101
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:19,580
Criticism just bounces off him.
102
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:22,340
He's not what you call
the sensitive type.
103
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,580
I'm as sensitive as the next man.
104
00:06:24,580 --> 00:06:27,300
Provided the next man
is a football hooligan.
105
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:34,600
Travis is inclined to be...artistic.
106
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,240
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
107
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,140
It was his mother's fault.
108
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:42,260
She gave him piano lessons
and a complete set of Shakespeare.
109
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,820
It's only me, Cleggy.
110
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,400
HOWARD COUGHS
111
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,840
What are you doing?
112
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:55,500
We're smelling Cleggy's suit.
113
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:58,240
He invites a few friends
round occasionally.
114
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,060
To smell his suit?!
115
00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:03,200
Only the Sunday best one.
It's a bonding thing.
116
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,840
Grab a sleeve or something.
117
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,640
You're welcome to join us.
118
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:10,980
Just be warned. You can't normally
get stuff like this without a prescription.
119
00:07:10,980 --> 00:07:13,960
I can smell it from here.
It's musty.
120
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,820
It'll do for Doggy's stag night.
121
00:07:16,820 --> 00:07:21,340
He's probably lost
most of his faculties, anyway.
122
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:26,640
And it seems only fitting that the
library should take the initiative.
123
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,640
We should all cherish
our local history.
124
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:32,680
There's a few round here with
history enough for anybody.
125
00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,600
Do you read your local history?
126
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,820
I don't get much time for reading.
127
00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:39,540
You should make time.
128
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,180
But readers are welcome here.
129
00:07:41,180 --> 00:07:44,080
I love a good reader.
They make the best customers.
130
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,480
Oh, really? Why is that?
131
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,620
They'll believe anything.
They're a shopkeeper's gift.
132
00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:53,180
Oh, I wouldn't have thought so.
133
00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:57,000
I've been tossed around a little
in the storms of life.
134
00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:01,260
I think you'd find me
a harder nut to crack.
135
00:08:01,260 --> 00:08:05,540
Although, I must admit the storms
have been fewer lately.
136
00:08:05,540 --> 00:08:08,120
Umbrellas. How are you for umbrellas?
137
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,740
No, thank you.
My storms are more emotional.
138
00:08:13,540 --> 00:08:15,820
Love potions...
139
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,560
Oh, now,
140
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:21,360
you can't really seriously
expect me to believe...?
141
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:22,900
Local recipes.
142
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:24,640
You want local history.
143
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:26,720
This stuff goes way back.
144
00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,660
Oh, well,
145
00:08:28,660 --> 00:08:32,700
I suppose if one views it from
the standpoint of local history...
146
00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:40,080
Are you sure this is not
what you could call a bad idea?
147
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:41,740
It's a good idea.
148
00:08:41,740 --> 00:08:44,880
Doggy's going to need his
stag night livening up a bit.
149
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,780
I think it's a great idea.
150
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:54,600
Oh, good heavens!
151
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,660
So many male persons and just me.
152
00:08:57,660 --> 00:09:00,740
I shall be completely
out of my depth.
153
00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:04,800
All three of us don't amount
to a paddle. I deny that.
154
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,560
In my case, even a splash.
155
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:10,760
Oh, Norman Clegg!
156
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,460
You were always something
a lady could cuddle.
157
00:09:13,460 --> 00:09:16,000
We once shared a lift
together and got stuck.
158
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,640
For three weeks.
159
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,320
Or shall we say 40 minutes?
160
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,560
Well, it seemed like three weeks.
161
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,680
He was a great source of strength.
162
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:28,520
I still get the urge
to squeeze him in a crisis.
163
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,680
You'd have to really squeeze.
164
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:34,400
You'd be tackling a vest, a shirt,
two cardigans and a waistcoat.
165
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:38,180
Unless, of course, it was winter,
when he puts something warm on.
166
00:09:38,180 --> 00:09:41,820
No wonder we were
overheating in the lift.
167
00:09:41,820 --> 00:09:46,960
Speaking of overheating, we were
wondering if we dare go so far
168
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:51,940
as to ask you to become
the, eh, surprise at a male-only event this evening.
169
00:09:51,940 --> 00:09:55,460
Yes, you dare go so far!
170
00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:59,300
How do you fancy getting
dressed up as a kissogram girl?
171
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:03,320
How did you know I've always
wanted a foothold in showbiz?
172
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,960
Go steady. He's nearly 80.
He's been twice round the clock.
173
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,800
Oh, well! I'll give him
my shorter performance.
174
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,940
Why don't I practise on this?
175
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,380
Mwah! Nn..nnn..!
176
00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:21,360
You see? I was right.
177
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,360
She's a natural for the job.
178
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:24,960
Come along, Norman.
179
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:28,280
Give us your opinion. You had
the experience. How did it feel?
180
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,140
I don't remember.
181
00:10:30,140 --> 00:10:33,460
I was just hoping that I haven't
lost any fillings.
182
00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:41,590
Enjoy your coffee, ladies.
183
00:10:43,170 --> 00:10:46,230
He's in a good mood.
What's up with him?
184
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:49,870
Don't look at me. I'm only
responsible for his bad moods.
185
00:10:49,870 --> 00:10:52,210
I don't like them in a good mood.
186
00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:55,250
It unnerves you. It's true.
187
00:10:55,250 --> 00:10:59,370
I always think you can relax more
when they're bored and miserable.
188
00:10:59,370 --> 00:11:02,970
There's nothing worse than
pleasure for ruining a good marriage.
189
00:11:02,970 --> 00:11:07,050
Barry and I quite like
a bit of pleasure.
190
00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:10,430
It's a good job
your mother's not listening.
191
00:11:10,430 --> 00:11:16,130
It is amazing how you can get
so used to boredom that you really find it quite comfortable.
192
00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:18,790
Were your husbands really so boring?
193
00:11:18,790 --> 00:11:21,310
Oh, yes, love.
194
00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:23,030
Credit where it's due.
195
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,890
They were quite good that way.
196
00:11:27,510 --> 00:11:30,150
Oh, look at her little finger!
197
00:11:31,790 --> 00:11:33,590
Sorry.
198
00:11:33,590 --> 00:11:35,850
It was compulsory where we were.
199
00:11:35,850 --> 00:11:37,950
How did Travis cope?
200
00:11:37,950 --> 00:11:39,870
He did his best, bless him.
201
00:11:39,870 --> 00:11:45,070
He tried to like gin and tonic,
but I think they could see he was bluffing.
202
00:11:45,070 --> 00:11:46,810
They didn't scare me.
203
00:11:46,810 --> 00:11:51,890
I could hold my own. We can see
that from your drinking finger!
204
00:11:51,890 --> 00:11:55,110
I can't help it.
It's still in automatic.
205
00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:01,270
Got everything you need, ladies?
Can I get you anything?
206
00:12:01,270 --> 00:12:03,630
Will you stop being in a good mood?
207
00:12:03,630 --> 00:12:06,130
You're upsetting everybody.
208
00:12:06,130 --> 00:12:07,670
What's up with you?
209
00:12:07,670 --> 00:12:14,270
What's up with me is...
for once...this evening I shall be above suspicion.
210
00:12:14,270 --> 00:12:16,390
Don't bet on it.
211
00:12:16,390 --> 00:12:23,430
It's an all-male occasion
with absolutely no reason to cause anyone the slightest concern.
212
00:12:23,430 --> 00:12:26,710
Just the boys' night out
at Doggy's stag night.
213
00:12:26,710 --> 00:12:31,670
Repeat after me,
"My husband is innocent."
214
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:36,870
I told you. It's not a stag NIGHT.
215
00:12:36,870 --> 00:12:38,950
It's more like a stag afternoon tea.
216
00:12:38,950 --> 00:12:42,850
When Doggy goes home to bed,
what are we going to do for the rest of the evening?
217
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:45,010
We're going to stop moaning,
aren't we?
218
00:12:45,010 --> 00:12:47,390
It's Doggy's last free night.
219
00:12:47,390 --> 00:12:49,870
Shows good spirit, man his age.
220
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,270
Not much sense but good spirit.
221
00:12:52,270 --> 00:12:54,530
I'm determined to enjoy it.
222
00:12:54,530 --> 00:12:58,210
It's a change, for once,
to be above suspicion.
223
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:00,790
You're not tall enough
to be above suspicion.
224
00:13:00,790 --> 00:13:03,130
Most you can hope for
is below suspicion.
225
00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:08,090
Hey, hey, do you think this suit
still smells musty?
226
00:13:08,090 --> 00:13:11,110
THEY SNIFF
Smells like old hymn book.
227
00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:13,350
When did you ever smell a hymn book?
228
00:13:13,350 --> 00:13:15,370
Sold vicar washing machine.
229
00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:17,830
Borrowed hymn book
to make good impression.
230
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:20,430
Sneaky beggar!
231
00:13:20,430 --> 00:13:21,910
Listen who's talking!
232
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:30,870
How do, Barry?
233
00:13:34,430 --> 00:13:35,990
He never heard you.
234
00:13:35,990 --> 00:13:38,190
Course he heard me.
235
00:13:38,190 --> 00:13:40,350
He never moved!
236
00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:42,470
He's got something on his mind.
237
00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:45,910
Yeah, like being dead.
238
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:48,910
Why would he be thinking
about being dead?
239
00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:51,310
I'm not saying he's
thinking about it.
240
00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,990
I'm saying maybe he IS dead.
241
00:13:53,990 --> 00:13:56,470
Course he's not dead!
242
00:14:00,710 --> 00:14:03,710
Barry? I told you.
243
00:14:06,070 --> 00:14:07,670
Wha...?
244
00:14:07,670 --> 00:14:09,630
What time is it?
245
00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:11,470
He thought you were dead.
246
00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:13,250
Ye gods!
247
00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:14,930
Is it that time already?
248
00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:29,230
How long have you known her,
then, Doggy?
249
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:31,950
Who?
250
00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:34,030
Your bride-to-be!
251
00:14:34,030 --> 00:14:35,670
Oh, her! Right.
252
00:14:35,670 --> 00:14:37,310
Yes, her.
253
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:40,110
How long?
254
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:41,710
It must be, er...
255
00:14:45,270 --> 00:14:46,750
Let me see...
256
00:14:48,950 --> 00:14:50,550
I forget.
257
00:14:57,310 --> 00:14:59,830
Wish I'd brought hymn book.
258
00:14:59,830 --> 00:15:01,910
Who's he, then?
259
00:15:01,910 --> 00:15:03,650
This is Entwistle.
260
00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:06,570
We thought we'd bring him.
We knew you wouldn't mind.
261
00:15:08,170 --> 00:15:10,230
He smells musty.
262
00:15:10,230 --> 00:15:14,110
No, that's me. Remember me?
263
00:15:14,110 --> 00:15:17,110
He's not from round here.
264
00:15:17,110 --> 00:15:18,310
No.
265
00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:20,510
He's from Hull.
266
00:15:20,510 --> 00:15:22,930
Entwistle! Remember name.
267
00:15:22,930 --> 00:15:26,910
For anything electrical
when setting up new home.
268
00:15:26,910 --> 00:15:28,630
She does all that.
269
00:15:28,630 --> 00:15:31,950
She does electricals.
270
00:15:31,950 --> 00:15:38,630
If you don't mind a question
from somebody musty, what's your good lady's name, Doggy?
271
00:15:42,670 --> 00:15:44,950
It'll come back to me.
272
00:15:48,770 --> 00:15:52,050
How do you mean,
there's nothing solid anywhere?
273
00:15:52,050 --> 00:15:56,950
Everything is made up of atoms
and atoms are mainly empty space.
274
00:15:56,950 --> 00:15:59,910
So what are we sitting on, then?
275
00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:05,890
I know it feels solid
but the closer you look into things the more they disappear.
276
00:16:05,890 --> 00:16:09,350
It's the same with him
when there's a heavy job to do.
277
00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:15,910
I hope you're not going to get
bitter as you grow older, and lose all that sunny personality(!)
278
00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:18,130
No way. I promise.
279
00:16:18,130 --> 00:16:21,170
Part of my job is
selling people insurance.
280
00:16:21,170 --> 00:16:24,410
How am I supposed to do it now
I know they're full of holes?
281
00:16:24,410 --> 00:16:30,310
Barry, you look to me like somebody
who's so concerned, you might easily buy us all a drink.
282
00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:32,890
I will.
283
00:16:32,890 --> 00:16:35,930
Is that wise
when we're full of holes?
284
00:16:35,930 --> 00:16:37,950
You're becoming a right chatterbox.
285
00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:47,410
I have to be honest with you.
286
00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:51,330
This is not as exciting
as the first time.
287
00:16:51,330 --> 00:16:53,950
Maybe second marriages
are like that.
288
00:16:53,950 --> 00:16:57,030
I thought first marriages
were like that.
289
00:16:57,030 --> 00:16:59,650
Mine was exciting enough.
290
00:16:59,650 --> 00:17:01,790
I never knew what she'd throw next.
291
00:17:01,790 --> 00:17:03,750
Women can't throw.
292
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:06,050
They're all jelly at the elbows.
293
00:17:06,050 --> 00:17:08,790
They haven't got our wonderful
muscular development.
294
00:17:08,790 --> 00:17:11,750
Trust me to get one that could throw!
295
00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:13,490
Pearl can throw.
296
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:17,110
Maybe in a fashion.
What does she throw?
297
00:17:17,110 --> 00:17:19,510
Him, usually.
298
00:17:19,510 --> 00:17:23,370
Men should seek good obedient wife.
299
00:17:23,370 --> 00:17:26,390
And if not already married,
I would too.
300
00:17:26,390 --> 00:17:30,050
Could I draw your attention
to the fact that this is supposed to be a night out?
301
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,530
What are
we doing sitting here moaning?
302
00:17:32,530 --> 00:17:36,310
At moaning we're doing
rather well, I thought.
303
00:17:36,310 --> 00:17:38,550
He's right.
304
00:17:38,550 --> 00:17:43,330
And I'm sure if she was here,
my old...what's-her-name... would say the same.
305
00:17:44,390 --> 00:17:50,810
I expect that's why he's getting
married, so he'll be able to remember she's called Mrs Wilkinson.
306
00:17:50,810 --> 00:17:55,070
That's if he remembers
that he's Mr Wilkinson.
307
00:17:56,990 --> 00:18:00,390
He's looking at me again.
308
00:18:00,390 --> 00:18:02,030
Who's he, do you say?
309
00:18:02,030 --> 00:18:05,030
Sandy McPherson.
310
00:18:05,030 --> 00:18:07,330
You should have brought your organ.
311
00:18:07,330 --> 00:18:11,650
What did you do on your
first stag night, Doggy?
312
00:18:11,650 --> 00:18:14,030
We had a good time.
I remember that much.
313
00:18:14,030 --> 00:18:15,590
Oh!
314
00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:17,870
A lot like this.
315
00:18:17,870 --> 00:18:21,030
Would you care
to fill in a few details?
316
00:18:21,030 --> 00:18:24,230
I don't recall the details.
317
00:18:24,230 --> 00:18:26,710
Well, there's a surprise(!)
318
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:34,070
I remember
standing on a table and singing.
319
00:18:35,950 --> 00:18:38,230
Why not?
320
00:18:38,230 --> 00:18:40,830
It's not as if I'm past it.
321
00:18:44,510 --> 00:18:48,250
Why don't we stand on the table
and you sing sitting down?
322
00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:51,690
Sit down, Doggy.
Hold your water, you lot.
323
00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:54,190
I'll get there in the end.
324
00:18:54,190 --> 00:18:56,310
But which end?
325
00:18:59,610 --> 00:19:02,490
Pub tables are higher
than they used to be.
326
00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:04,590
Get this down your neck.
327
00:19:04,590 --> 00:19:06,430
This is good for loss of memory.
328
00:19:06,430 --> 00:19:08,510
Removes it almost entirely.
329
00:19:10,070 --> 00:19:12,070
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
330
00:19:15,550 --> 00:19:17,230
Good night...
331
00:19:18,870 --> 00:19:20,770
Irene!
332
00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:22,210
Thank you.
333
00:19:22,210 --> 00:19:27,250
..Irene, good night,
Ire...Irene...
334
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:31,790
Can you believe he's never had
a lesson in his life(?)
335
00:19:31,790 --> 00:19:36,590
..Irene
I'll see you in my...
336
00:19:36,590 --> 00:19:39,490
dreams!
337
00:19:39,490 --> 00:19:41,510
Argh!
THUD!
338
00:19:41,510 --> 00:19:43,590
GLASS SMASHING
339
00:19:52,990 --> 00:19:55,630
Hey, who's going to keep
an eye on the handcart?
340
00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:57,150
Who's going to pinch it?
341
00:19:57,150 --> 00:19:59,070
It's full of holes anyway. Eh?
342
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:17,150
Do you think she'll want to marry
a drunk with a sprained ankle?
343
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:20,510
You'll be sober by morning, Doggy.
344
00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:25,390
And at your age,
it's not likely that ankle's going to be under too much pressure.
345
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,570
Let's look on the bright side.
346
00:20:27,570 --> 00:20:30,910
At least he fell off before
he did too much singing.
347
00:20:30,910 --> 00:20:33,410
I liked way he screamed.
348
00:20:33,410 --> 00:20:35,870
The only true note
he's hit all night.
349
00:20:37,430 --> 00:20:38,990
Go steady.
350
00:20:40,550 --> 00:20:42,070
Go steady!
351
00:20:44,630 --> 00:20:49,110
I hope my wedding night's
not as rough as this.
352
00:20:53,550 --> 00:20:57,790
What have we here?
Auntie Wainwright's handcart!
353
00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:03,990
Pop back in the pub, Howard, and tell
Tom and Smiler we're borrowing the handcart. Medical emergency.
354
00:21:06,470 --> 00:21:10,030
Is somebody injured?
355
00:21:10,030 --> 00:21:12,070
YOU, you cough drop!
356
00:21:14,090 --> 00:21:18,030
Ah! They've borrowed
your handcart.
357
00:21:18,030 --> 00:21:20,310
I knew it.
358
00:21:20,310 --> 00:21:23,210
I told you we'd get it nicked!
359
00:21:23,210 --> 00:21:25,750
It hasn't been nicked.
It's been borrowed.
360
00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:28,070
Doggy's sprained his ankle.
361
00:21:28,070 --> 00:21:30,490
Already? He isn't even married yet.
362
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:34,750
Don't look now, but I think
there's a Russian spy waving at us.
363
00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:39,030
Oh...I think she wants somebody.
364
00:21:39,030 --> 00:21:41,270
Poor soul.
365
00:21:41,270 --> 00:21:43,530
I expect she's lonely.
366
00:21:43,530 --> 00:21:45,470
I'm not surprised.
367
00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:54,170
It's not safe on here.
I'm falling off!
368
00:21:54,170 --> 00:21:55,950
You're not falling off.
369
00:21:55,950 --> 00:21:58,270
Where's Sandy? I'm pushing.
370
00:21:58,270 --> 00:22:00,730
He's handy is Sandy.
371
00:22:00,730 --> 00:22:03,470
Don't let me...fall off.
372
00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:08,330
Where are we going?
373
00:22:08,330 --> 00:22:11,830
You're going home.
I'm not going home.
374
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:15,950
I'm going to do what I...always do
on my stag night.
375
00:22:15,950 --> 00:22:18,030
Sprain your ankle.
376
00:22:18,030 --> 00:22:21,190
Kiss the girls goodbye.
377
00:22:21,190 --> 00:22:24,470
First one I meet. It's a tradition.
378
00:22:24,470 --> 00:22:28,830
He's absolutely fearless...
379
00:22:28,830 --> 00:22:32,270
except about falling off handcarts!
380
00:22:32,270 --> 00:22:34,270
There's nothing to it.
381
00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:36,910
You just give 'em a kiss.
382
00:22:36,910 --> 00:22:39,770
Lie down, Doggy. Control yourself.
383
00:22:39,770 --> 00:22:43,230
You're a disgrace
to the ageing process.
384
00:22:43,230 --> 00:22:45,310
You have to try.
385
00:22:50,890 --> 00:22:53,390
Where are they going
with a drunk on a handcart?
386
00:22:53,390 --> 00:22:55,150
Don't they need a licence?
387
00:22:55,150 --> 00:22:56,970
He's sprained his ankle.
388
00:22:56,970 --> 00:22:59,490
It's his stag night.
We're taking him home.
389
00:22:59,490 --> 00:23:03,090
His stag night?! Bit over the
hill for marriage, isn't he?
390
00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:05,310
And he can't sing, either.
391
00:23:05,310 --> 00:23:07,950
Bit early to be going
home for a stag night.
392
00:23:07,950 --> 00:23:10,870
He's usually in bed before nine.
393
00:23:10,870 --> 00:23:12,950
He's nearly 80.
394
00:23:12,950 --> 00:23:16,730
He's getting married?
He doesn't believe in rushing, then.
395
00:23:16,730 --> 00:23:20,150
There's life there yet. Come and see.
396
00:23:23,030 --> 00:23:25,590
You're being wicked, you know.
397
00:23:25,590 --> 00:23:27,190
Well, you have to try.
398
00:23:31,290 --> 00:23:33,730
First stranger coming, Doggy.
399
00:23:33,730 --> 00:23:36,950
Pucker your lips and close your eyes.
400
00:23:36,950 --> 00:23:39,710
How much has he had to drink?
HE SNIFFS
401
00:23:52,510 --> 00:23:54,870
I'm falling off.
402
00:23:54,870 --> 00:23:57,210
I'm falling off!
403
00:23:57,210 --> 00:24:00,010
You'll feel safer in a minute.
404
00:24:00,010 --> 00:24:02,390
Gawd...!
405
00:24:02,390 --> 00:24:07,250
Where's he going? Hush now, Doggy,
before you sprain your clacker.
406
00:24:07,250 --> 00:24:11,050
A man's entitled to moan
on his stag night.
407
00:24:11,050 --> 00:24:14,790
Not till he wakes up in the morning.
408
00:24:16,750 --> 00:24:18,390
Now what?!
409
00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:20,670
You want to feel safe, don't you?
410
00:24:20,670 --> 00:24:22,950
What's he doing with that rope?
411
00:24:22,950 --> 00:24:25,310
We're going to make you safe.
412
00:24:25,310 --> 00:24:27,590
You're not going to fall out now.
413
00:24:30,850 --> 00:24:32,430
What's up with him?
414
00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:34,030
We think it's shock.
415
00:24:34,030 --> 00:24:37,070
He's just kissed a policeman.
416
00:24:37,070 --> 00:24:38,870
Don't tell everybody.
417
00:24:38,870 --> 00:24:42,930
Are you sure it's not illegal,
kissing policemen?
418
00:24:42,930 --> 00:24:44,970
Was he in uniform?
419
00:24:44,970 --> 00:24:47,070
Not in good form
at all when we left.
420
00:24:48,650 --> 00:24:51,030
Where is he? The policeman?
421
00:24:51,030 --> 00:24:55,050
I expect he's gone somewhere
quiet to think about the perils of his profession.
422
00:24:55,050 --> 00:24:59,130
Not the policeman. Where's Howard?
Maybe still in pub.
423
00:24:59,130 --> 00:25:00,870
We sent him back with a message.
424
00:25:00,870 --> 00:25:04,070
He was the obvious choice
on account of his reliability.
425
00:25:04,070 --> 00:25:06,790
You'll get no sense from them.
426
00:25:06,790 --> 00:25:08,430
They've been drinking.
427
00:25:08,430 --> 00:25:11,210
Nora Batty!
428
00:25:11,210 --> 00:25:13,670
I'll skip her this time.
429
00:25:13,670 --> 00:25:16,590
I kissed her last stag night.
430
00:25:16,590 --> 00:25:19,230
Oh! He never did!
431
00:25:20,270 --> 00:25:22,310
How was she?
432
00:25:22,310 --> 00:25:25,990
Marginally better than a policeman.
433
00:25:25,990 --> 00:25:27,770
That should do it.
434
00:25:31,630 --> 00:25:34,170
It does feel safer,
435
00:25:34,170 --> 00:25:39,030
but should you be anchoring
the trousers of the bridegroom?
436
00:25:40,090 --> 00:25:42,850
He better not have company
when I get there.
437
00:25:42,850 --> 00:25:44,990
It's perfectly harmless.
438
00:25:44,990 --> 00:25:47,510
Howard's with Tom and Smiler.
439
00:25:47,510 --> 00:25:49,430
Whoops!
440
00:25:49,430 --> 00:25:51,330
Whoops what?
441
00:25:51,330 --> 00:25:56,210
The kissogram girl! You've got
to get to Howard before Pearl does.
442
00:25:56,210 --> 00:25:57,510
Quick!
443
00:26:08,410 --> 00:26:10,450
It works!
444
00:26:10,450 --> 00:26:14,810
It works! I'm safe as houses
in these trousers.
445
00:26:14,810 --> 00:26:18,390
Which is not usually
the case for your newly-wed.
446
00:26:25,610 --> 00:26:27,230
Watch it!
447
00:26:31,330 --> 00:26:32,790
Whoops!
448
00:26:35,130 --> 00:26:37,570
Oh...!
449
00:26:37,570 --> 00:26:41,910
This is turning out to be livelier
than my last stag night.
450
00:26:50,870 --> 00:26:52,950
Oh, Glenda...
451
00:26:52,950 --> 00:26:54,870
I'm looking for my Barry.
452
00:26:54,870 --> 00:26:56,870
I think he's depressed.
453
00:26:56,870 --> 00:26:58,430
I'm looking for my Howard.
454
00:26:58,430 --> 00:27:00,510
I think he's going to be depressed.
455
00:27:03,730 --> 00:27:07,310
How was I supposed
to know it was you?
456
00:27:08,910 --> 00:27:11,870
Why are you wearing
your uncle's raincoat?
457
00:27:13,450 --> 00:27:17,470
I feel I'm entitled to know
what you're hiding.
458
00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:20,430
Then fasten your safety belt, Howard.
459
00:27:24,430 --> 00:27:26,270
Oh, Marina!
460
00:27:26,270 --> 00:27:27,910
Oh, it's draughty.
461
00:27:27,910 --> 00:27:30,390
And it's going to get draughtier.
462
00:27:36,810 --> 00:27:40,330
It wasn't for him.
It was for some other gentleman.
463
00:27:40,330 --> 00:27:42,350
What do you do in your spare time?
464
00:27:44,110 --> 00:27:46,850
Home! I thought she was an old lady.
465
00:27:46,850 --> 00:27:48,890
I was going to help her
across the road.
466
00:27:48,890 --> 00:27:50,590
Home!
467
00:27:51,770 --> 00:27:55,510
I thought it would be in a delicate
little sort of perfume bottle.
468
00:27:58,890 --> 00:28:00,690
It's the family size.
469
00:28:00,690 --> 00:28:03,110
It works out cheaper.
470
00:28:03,110 --> 00:28:06,850
Don't you breathe a word.
471
00:28:06,850 --> 00:28:09,990
I'll explain.
You were under stress at the time.
472
00:28:24,770 --> 00:28:28,390
We still didn't find out
why he's called Doggy.
473
00:28:28,390 --> 00:28:30,310
And HE won't remember.
474
00:28:31,910 --> 00:28:35,910
The way he sings sounded
a lot like a dog howling.
475
00:28:35,910 --> 00:28:38,370
Pedigree, though.
476
00:28:38,370 --> 00:28:41,990
I've never seen a man
leave his trousers so fast.
477
00:28:43,550 --> 00:28:45,870
At his age, it's probably a record.
478
00:28:50,090 --> 00:28:52,350
I know she lives here somewhere.
479
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:56,950
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