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1
00:00:21,411 --> 00:00:25,131
And that's supposed to
entertain the over-60s?!
2
00:00:25,131 --> 00:00:28,591
I hope they think it's been
worth waiting 60 years.
3
00:00:29,711 --> 00:00:31,411
Give us a chance!
4
00:00:32,231 --> 00:00:34,291
It looks better in costume.
5
00:00:34,291 --> 00:00:36,751
And with the pizzazz -
lights, music...
6
00:00:36,751 --> 00:00:38,631
The audience leaving.
7
00:00:41,671 --> 00:00:44,411
Do you think she can smile?
8
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,951
Do you think the
muscles have gone slack?
9
00:00:46,951 --> 00:00:51,491
Seen her corsets?
I don't think there's a chance for anything to go slack.
10
00:00:51,491 --> 00:00:54,231
She was married to
Wally for 50 years!
11
00:00:54,231 --> 00:00:56,171
I don't think he raised a smile.
12
00:00:56,171 --> 00:00:59,331
He was probably waiting
till she was in a good mood.
13
00:01:14,811 --> 00:01:19,051
Some fella, just sitting there...
All alone... On this wall.
14
00:01:21,131 --> 00:01:25,911
Do you think he's going to jump?
And dash himself to pieces?
15
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:28,711
On the grass? Two foot below?
16
00:01:28,711 --> 00:01:30,391
Just checking.
17
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:32,531
Maybe he's waiting for a bus.
18
00:01:32,531 --> 00:01:35,431
There hasn't been a bus
past there for 20 years.
19
00:01:35,431 --> 00:01:37,951
Oh, well, no wonder he's sitting.
20
00:02:12,431 --> 00:02:13,431
No?
21
00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:17,871
Which bits didn't you like?
The beginning.
22
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,391
We're working on it. And the end.
23
00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:22,091
But in-between?
24
00:02:22,091 --> 00:02:23,971
Rubbish.
25
00:02:33,471 --> 00:02:36,231
I'm glad to be out of the house.
26
00:02:36,231 --> 00:02:39,351
It's Pick-On-Billy Week. Oh?
27
00:02:39,351 --> 00:02:41,751
I thought that was every week.
28
00:02:41,751 --> 00:02:44,271
It is, but this is special.
29
00:02:44,271 --> 00:02:46,731
They've brought out all the guns.
30
00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:49,411
It's not just the
missus and her sister...
31
00:02:49,411 --> 00:02:52,671
now I'm getting flak
from her dead mother.
32
00:02:52,671 --> 00:02:54,711
In person? Well, no.
33
00:02:54,711 --> 00:02:57,811
Not in person, you twollop.
34
00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:01,771
They use her for chief witness
for the prosecution.
35
00:03:01,771 --> 00:03:04,971
"Me mother always
said you were useless.
36
00:03:04,971 --> 00:03:09,051
"I should have listened
to me mother. Me mother knew."
37
00:03:09,051 --> 00:03:12,711
I get more of her mother now
than I did when she was here.
38
00:03:12,711 --> 00:03:16,511
And people say there's no afterlife.
39
00:03:16,511 --> 00:03:19,031
I'm in two minds about eternity.
40
00:03:19,031 --> 00:03:20,831
A bloke's entitled to a break.
41
00:03:20,831 --> 00:03:27,511
And if there is an afterlife,
who do you finish up with if you've had three wives?
42
00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:30,531
Well, possibly all three.
43
00:03:30,531 --> 00:03:35,631
But if they start ganging up on you,
eternity's going to feel like...
44
00:03:35,631 --> 00:03:38,711
..Well, like an eternity.
45
00:03:39,691 --> 00:03:43,211
Just make sure
they don't come with their sisters.
46
00:03:43,211 --> 00:03:45,791
That bloke's there again.
Sitting on the wall.
47
00:03:55,571 --> 00:03:58,631
You look like a person
in search of knowledge.
48
00:03:58,631 --> 00:04:00,591
What have we got in mind today?
49
00:04:00,591 --> 00:04:04,091
Insects. Yes, they are, aren't they?
50
00:04:04,091 --> 00:04:06,631
They encourage our
affections and then scuttle away.
51
00:04:06,631 --> 00:04:09,351
You find them affectionate?
52
00:04:09,351 --> 00:04:10,991
At first.
53
00:04:10,991 --> 00:04:14,371
A brief honeymoon
period and they're gone.
54
00:04:14,371 --> 00:04:17,171
I understand they
hibernate every winter.
55
00:04:17,171 --> 00:04:20,271
I think that's just an
impression they give.
56
00:04:20,271 --> 00:04:26,511
A few remain consistently lively
but they're the last ones a girl should settle down with.
57
00:04:26,511 --> 00:04:28,231
Insects?
58
00:04:29,331 --> 00:04:30,871
Men.
59
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:33,711
Oh, those insects!
60
00:04:33,711 --> 00:04:36,211
No, I mean genuine insects.
61
00:04:36,211 --> 00:04:41,551
Little creepy-crawlies as opposed to
the larger creepy-crawlies. I see.
62
00:04:41,551 --> 00:04:44,591
It's entomology you're looking for.
63
00:04:44,591 --> 00:04:47,151
I wouldn't be surprised.
64
00:04:47,151 --> 00:04:49,611
The study of insects.
65
00:04:49,611 --> 00:04:53,431
You're interested
in the study of insects?
66
00:04:53,431 --> 00:04:55,611
I have a friend who is.
67
00:04:55,611 --> 00:04:58,311
I've been invited to
join their little group.
68
00:04:58,311 --> 00:05:00,031
That's jolly.
69
00:05:00,031 --> 00:05:01,911
How many in the group?
70
00:05:01,911 --> 00:05:04,811
Oh, it's quite small.
71
00:05:04,811 --> 00:05:08,631
I don't think we're in any
danger of outnumbering the insects.
72
00:05:19,291 --> 00:05:21,991
There's something about him
that looks...
73
00:05:21,991 --> 00:05:23,571
Familiar!
74
00:05:25,211 --> 00:05:29,271
It's Lenny!
From the pickle factory!
75
00:05:33,631 --> 00:05:36,631
Hey up, Lenny! How do, lads?
76
00:05:36,631 --> 00:05:38,251
What brings you out here?
77
00:05:38,251 --> 00:05:41,551
We're always out here.
What brings thee?
78
00:05:41,551 --> 00:05:43,391
I'm waiting for the voice.
79
00:05:43,391 --> 00:05:45,711
How is the little woman?
80
00:05:45,711 --> 00:05:48,191
Not her. This other voice.
81
00:05:55,311 --> 00:06:00,251
What are you going to do now,
providing it's not going to scratch the furniture?
82
00:06:00,251 --> 00:06:04,011
I'm working on finding some
acceptable substitute for golf.
83
00:06:04,011 --> 00:06:06,271
There are people who
believe there is one.
84
00:06:06,271 --> 00:06:11,151
You hear rumours about people
finding happiness somewhere beyond the 18th green.
85
00:06:11,151 --> 00:06:14,151
But do you believe it? I'm trying.
86
00:06:14,151 --> 00:06:15,731
It's not easy.
87
00:06:15,731 --> 00:06:19,631
Whatever you choose. As long as
it doesn't mark the furniture.
88
00:06:19,631 --> 00:06:22,111
What have you got there?
89
00:06:22,111 --> 00:06:23,871
This is a stamp album.
90
00:06:23,871 --> 00:06:26,051
And this is a packet of stamps.
91
00:06:26,051 --> 00:06:29,491
Oh, I love it when it's the
beginning of some new excitement.
92
00:06:29,491 --> 00:06:32,871
Yeah. Right.
Although so far, I have to admit,
93
00:06:32,871 --> 00:06:37,511
neither of these items
is setting my pulse racing. Let's be fair.
94
00:06:37,511 --> 00:06:43,671
The excitement probably only starts
when you take one of those and begin sticking it in your album.
95
00:06:57,331 --> 00:06:59,791
I don't want you
getting too excited.
96
00:06:59,791 --> 00:07:01,991
Watch your blood pressure, Barry.
97
00:07:02,951 --> 00:07:06,671
At the moment it's not in any danger.
98
00:07:06,671 --> 00:07:09,551
Maybe it takes two stamps.
99
00:07:14,231 --> 00:07:17,471
You know me. I'm a normal bloke.
100
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:21,231
You're going to ask - why me?
101
00:07:21,231 --> 00:07:23,491
I wasn't going to ask why thee.
102
00:07:23,491 --> 00:07:28,571
Hands up everybody who was going
to ask. Let him get on with it.
103
00:07:28,571 --> 00:07:32,931
The man is clearly in some
emotional torment. I am.
104
00:07:32,931 --> 00:07:36,851
Which is not what you expect from
a reader of Gardener's Monthly.
105
00:07:36,851 --> 00:07:41,511
I didn't expect it either.
Expect what?
106
00:07:41,511 --> 00:07:43,371
Tell him to get on with it.
107
00:07:43,371 --> 00:07:46,771
We shall be here till the
next bus comes. The voice.
108
00:07:46,771 --> 00:07:52,231
Suddenly this voice starts giving me
instructions. I've got one of them.
109
00:07:52,311 --> 00:07:54,071
Two actually.
110
00:07:54,071 --> 00:07:55,811
Whose voice?
111
00:07:55,811 --> 00:07:58,711
That's it, isn't it?
The big question.
112
00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:00,311
All I can tell you is...
113
00:08:00,311 --> 00:08:02,651
it's not from round here.
114
00:08:02,651 --> 00:08:07,351
Foreign? No, it's not foreign.
How would I understand foreign?!
115
00:08:07,351 --> 00:08:09,491
Did it have an accent?
116
00:08:09,491 --> 00:08:13,051
To me it sounded
like a Barnsley accent.
117
00:08:13,051 --> 00:08:16,991
I thought you were
talking about a supernatural voice.
118
00:08:16,991 --> 00:08:18,991
I am.
119
00:08:18,991 --> 00:08:21,291
With a Barnsley accent?
120
00:08:21,291 --> 00:08:24,211
I know a Barnsley
accent when I hear one.
121
00:08:24,211 --> 00:08:28,391
We thought you were speaking of
a voice from... I am. From up there.
122
00:08:29,951 --> 00:08:31,671
From Him.
123
00:08:31,671 --> 00:08:35,391
He has a Barnsley accent?
124
00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:37,311
Not many people know that.
125
00:08:37,311 --> 00:08:39,811
I told you. Mysterious.
126
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:44,831
Did it have anything specific to
pass on or was it just a social call?
127
00:08:44,831 --> 00:08:47,911
It was an instruction. A command.
128
00:08:47,911 --> 00:08:51,191
It's not the world
coming to an end, is it?
129
00:08:51,191 --> 00:08:55,871
I did that bit once and
wasted a whole Tuesday.
130
00:08:55,871 --> 00:08:58,311
No, it's not
the world coming to an end.
131
00:08:58,311 --> 00:09:02,551
Not so far, anyway.
You'll probably have to work your way up to that.
132
00:09:02,551 --> 00:09:06,131
Stands to reason - they're not
going to start with the end.
133
00:09:06,131 --> 00:09:09,111
Will you allow Lenny to
get on with his story?!
134
00:09:09,111 --> 00:09:11,011
Thank you.
135
00:09:11,011 --> 00:09:14,251
Two weeks ago,
it were a night like any other.
136
00:09:14,251 --> 00:09:19,231
I was in bed. I'd just dropped off
when I heard this voice.
137
00:09:19,231 --> 00:09:21,951
Barnsley accent. Barnsley accent.
138
00:09:21,951 --> 00:09:23,911
A voice that meant business.
139
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:28,611
"Don't just lie there!" it said.
"Go and do something!" Just like that.
140
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:33,011
No messing. This was a definite
order. I mean, none of this...
141
00:09:33,011 --> 00:09:36,511
"Excuse me, Lenny, would you pop
along and perhaps do something?"
142
00:09:36,511 --> 00:09:39,551
No, this was a definite,
"Get your act in gear!"
143
00:09:39,551 --> 00:09:44,151
Did the voice tell you
what this something was that you ought to be doing?
144
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:47,531
No, but that's not
untypical in these situations.
145
00:09:47,531 --> 00:09:50,451
I've been reading up on
these things ever since.
146
00:09:50,451 --> 00:09:52,471
There's often this
element of mystery.
147
00:09:52,471 --> 00:09:55,591
It's designed to make you think.
148
00:09:55,591 --> 00:09:58,171
So, what do you think?
149
00:09:58,171 --> 00:10:02,691
I think...
I wish it could be more explicit.
150
00:10:02,691 --> 00:10:04,991
I'm hoping it'll come through
soon with a bit more detail.
151
00:10:06,571 --> 00:10:11,191
What's the missus think of
all this? Guess. She never heard it.
152
00:10:11,191 --> 00:10:13,071
She was fast asleep.
153
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,731
There's your first problem.
154
00:10:14,731 --> 00:10:18,791
With no witnesses, when you tell
people, you get these funny looks.
155
00:10:18,791 --> 00:10:21,191
You mean like ours?
156
00:10:21,191 --> 00:10:22,311
Exactly.
157
00:10:27,213 --> 00:10:32,673
We take the book with us
everywhere and a magnifying glass and that's it.
158
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:34,633
Completely covered.
159
00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:38,153
We're just a couple
of insect collectors.
160
00:10:38,153 --> 00:10:40,893
Insects are a girl's best friend?
161
00:10:40,893 --> 00:10:43,933
That's a new one, Howard.
162
00:10:43,933 --> 00:10:49,533
And the really ingenious part is
that insects are found everywhere.
163
00:10:49,533 --> 00:10:54,273
Which means we're free
to wander anywhere we please.
164
00:10:54,273 --> 00:10:57,233
I wouldn't say absolutely anywhere.
165
00:10:59,173 --> 00:11:02,193
Don't tell me I'm under threat.
166
00:11:02,193 --> 00:11:04,633
..At last.
167
00:11:04,633 --> 00:11:09,373
For instance, we can now be
seen together on this wall
168
00:11:09,373 --> 00:11:14,733
because there'll be insects living
in these stones.
169
00:11:14,733 --> 00:11:22,273
That's a really comforting
thought, Howard. There'll be no further need to hide.
170
00:11:22,273 --> 00:11:24,113
Car coming.
171
00:11:29,533 --> 00:11:31,073
Did you see that?
172
00:11:32,093 --> 00:11:35,253
What?
Somebody just went over the wall.
173
00:11:35,253 --> 00:11:36,853
I never saw... Exactly.
174
00:11:36,853 --> 00:11:41,233
We weren't meant to see. He went
over that wall like a pocket rocket.
175
00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:42,993
He's up to something.
176
00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,833
Behaving suspiciously?
177
00:11:44,833 --> 00:11:49,293
If he was behaving more suspiciously,
the wife would think it was me.
178
00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:52,673
We could be onto something here.
What's the plan?
179
00:11:52,673 --> 00:11:55,273
The plan is - we park here.
180
00:11:55,273 --> 00:11:57,113
He thinks we've gone.
181
00:11:57,113 --> 00:12:00,473
We're going to surprise him.
We're going to walk back.
182
00:12:00,473 --> 00:12:02,033
That's tricky.
183
00:12:02,033 --> 00:12:08,753
It's devious. I like the style but
it means we get out of the car? Well, yes.
184
00:12:08,753 --> 00:12:10,753
The plan did include that notion.
185
00:12:10,753 --> 00:12:12,273
That's a bad move.
186
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,713
I always feel safer in the car.
187
00:12:14,713 --> 00:12:19,493
Well, of course you do.
It's our habitat. It's our little nest. It's our den.
188
00:12:19,493 --> 00:12:23,933
It's a back-to-the-womb thing.
It's home and you've made it nice.
189
00:12:23,933 --> 00:12:27,653
Those doilies your wife sent
have made all the difference.
190
00:12:27,653 --> 00:12:32,553
I'm only sorry we couldn't accept
her kind offer of a set of curtains.
191
00:12:34,033 --> 00:12:36,173
Sandals?
192
00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:38,693
I'm not sure about these sandals.
193
00:12:38,693 --> 00:12:44,953
Traditional. Goes back a long way.
You don't get voices speaking to people in trainers.
194
00:12:44,953 --> 00:12:47,153
This coat's a bit long.
195
00:12:47,153 --> 00:12:49,693
Try a lot long.
196
00:12:49,693 --> 00:12:53,273
They'll think it's
something I've just threw on.
197
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,533
They'll think tha' nearly missed.
198
00:12:55,533 --> 00:12:58,593
You hear a voice.
It says "go do something".
199
00:12:58,593 --> 00:13:01,213
Not a word about wardrobe.
200
00:13:01,213 --> 00:13:04,713
This thing's more
complicated than I thought. Eh.
201
00:13:08,373 --> 00:13:11,453
Here! Use that for your staff.
202
00:13:11,453 --> 00:13:13,673
This doesn't look like a staff.
203
00:13:13,673 --> 00:13:16,553
I'll make thee a proper staff later.
204
00:13:16,553 --> 00:13:23,273
Looking good, Lenny. I've never seen
anybody looking better in a big overcoat carrying a thingummybob.
205
00:13:23,273 --> 00:13:25,593
I'd say you need a drink, Lenny.
206
00:13:25,593 --> 00:13:31,033
Dressed like that, people will
expect to see you drinking. As long as we sit near a window.
207
00:13:31,033 --> 00:13:33,673
I don't want to miss
the voice when it comes.
208
00:13:33,673 --> 00:13:36,613
Oh, it's coming again, is it?
I hope so.
209
00:13:36,613 --> 00:13:40,353
I'm stuck here dressed like a wally,
waiting for instructions.
210
00:13:43,473 --> 00:13:47,753
Gone. I told you. Sneaky.
211
00:13:47,753 --> 00:13:50,293
Something guilty going on.
212
00:13:50,293 --> 00:13:55,573
Where did he go?
Good question. You wouldn't think he could disappear that quick.
213
00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,553
What are we going to do?
214
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,953
We'll split up and search.
215
00:14:01,953 --> 00:14:03,613
Split up,
216
00:14:03,613 --> 00:14:06,933
as in you going one way
and me the other?
217
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:09,033
What's wrong with that?
218
00:14:09,033 --> 00:14:10,873
Don't you think it's unlucky -
219
00:14:10,873 --> 00:14:13,353
partners splitting up?
220
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,833
You're right. Let's go.
221
00:14:21,233 --> 00:14:24,493
You've just disturbed
a very rare creature.
222
00:14:24,493 --> 00:14:28,393
Why, Howard! That's the nicest
thing you've ever said to me.
223
00:14:28,393 --> 00:14:31,353
I meant the beetle.
224
00:14:31,353 --> 00:14:34,753
Is that the leg? That's it.
225
00:14:34,753 --> 00:14:36,493
How impressive.
226
00:14:36,493 --> 00:14:38,393
He never forgets a leg.
227
00:14:44,093 --> 00:14:47,673
Here, what does
Florrie think of all this?
228
00:14:47,673 --> 00:14:49,393
She's not too keen.
229
00:14:49,393 --> 00:14:51,393
She let's thee go wandering off.
230
00:14:51,393 --> 00:14:55,953
Up to a point.
I've got to be back home for tea. She sends their Wilf to fetch me.
231
00:14:55,953 --> 00:14:58,593
Florrie sounds the right stuff.
232
00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:01,413
She is. She's a good lass.
233
00:15:01,413 --> 00:15:04,033
Their Wilf takes you home
every night in his car?
234
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:08,193
On his motorbike.
Tha's in for a right draught up that overcoat tonight.
235
00:15:08,193 --> 00:15:10,353
It's going to be like a wind tunnel.
236
00:15:10,353 --> 00:15:13,893
And there's nowhere you
could easily double-glaze.
237
00:15:13,893 --> 00:15:17,273
Although they
do advertise free estimates.
238
00:15:17,273 --> 00:15:22,513
Florrie doesn't believe in
double-glazing. It's a faithless age.
239
00:15:23,853 --> 00:15:25,593
Does she believe in voices?
240
00:15:25,593 --> 00:15:28,873
Not in mine. She says it was
the bloke next door shouting.
241
00:15:28,873 --> 00:15:32,353
I bet Florrie wishes
you'd pack all this in.
242
00:15:32,353 --> 00:15:36,093
She does but...duty calls.
243
00:15:36,093 --> 00:15:39,413
It's not calling very often
if tha's only heard it once.
244
00:15:39,413 --> 00:15:41,873
Maybe it got a wrong number.
245
00:15:41,873 --> 00:15:45,273
It would have said sorry.
It wouldn't just end the connection.
246
00:15:45,273 --> 00:15:48,053
No, this voice is for me.
247
00:15:48,053 --> 00:15:49,173
I can feel it.
248
00:15:53,193 --> 00:15:58,053
I'm sure Miss Davenport
will find you some interesting things to do, Barry.
249
00:15:58,053 --> 00:15:59,513
You'd be surprised.
250
00:16:00,953 --> 00:16:02,073
Barry?
251
00:16:04,853 --> 00:16:06,833
Poor Barry.
252
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,833
I've been pulling his leg.
253
00:16:08,833 --> 00:16:11,173
He thinks I've got designs on him.
254
00:16:11,173 --> 00:16:16,513
I've never understood men
thinking women have designs on them.
255
00:16:16,513 --> 00:16:22,853
It sounds as though we want
to go around drawing patterns on their exposed surfaces.
256
00:16:22,853 --> 00:16:25,453
The only thing I'd
write on mine is...
257
00:16:25,453 --> 00:16:29,813
"If found,
please return to this address."
258
00:16:29,813 --> 00:16:33,933
Basically, I suppose we're all
just looking for that special one.
259
00:16:33,933 --> 00:16:37,993
I spend a good deal of time
looking for mine.
260
00:16:37,993 --> 00:16:41,553
I'm usually falling over mine.
261
00:16:41,553 --> 00:16:45,073
What's wrong with you? Come in.
262
00:16:45,073 --> 00:16:47,853
I never told you but...I'm allergic.
263
00:16:47,853 --> 00:16:50,993
To libraries? There's nothing
going to bite you!
264
00:16:50,993 --> 00:16:53,833
That's what I used to think.
265
00:17:06,733 --> 00:17:11,253
I'd give him nine out of ten
for being a bit of a walnut.
266
00:17:11,253 --> 00:17:14,073
Nine? What's wrong with ten?
267
00:17:14,073 --> 00:17:18,193
But does he look to you like somebody
you could trust with a message?
268
00:17:18,193 --> 00:17:24,313
Well, I can see him
with one that says, "Please help me, I've lost my owner."
269
00:17:24,313 --> 00:17:26,393
I wish you'd shut up, you lot.
270
00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:28,473
I'm trying to listen.
271
00:17:28,473 --> 00:17:31,033
You must excuse Norman Clegg.
272
00:17:31,033 --> 00:17:33,773
He has this tendency to be truthful.
273
00:17:33,773 --> 00:17:38,713
How long are you supposed to listen,
Lenny? Didn't it give you any time?
274
00:17:38,713 --> 00:17:41,053
It's not Radio Leeds.
275
00:17:41,053 --> 00:17:44,193
This is something timeless.
They don't care about time.
276
00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:46,953
Oh, like road repairers.
277
00:17:47,993 --> 00:17:49,973
I've got the sandals.
278
00:17:49,973 --> 00:17:53,273
I'm ready for timeless messages.
279
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:56,053
It's the right look
for messages, Lenny.
280
00:17:56,053 --> 00:17:59,633
You expect people with
messages to look a bit barmy.
281
00:17:59,633 --> 00:18:02,433
Well, I've cracked
it then, haven't I?
282
00:18:02,433 --> 00:18:04,613
Florrie's going to kill me.
283
00:18:04,613 --> 00:18:07,533
It's a question of confidence, Lenny.
284
00:18:07,533 --> 00:18:10,193
People trust people
who are badly dressed.
285
00:18:10,193 --> 00:18:14,133
They don't trust messages
from sharpies in flash suits.
286
00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:18,413
And you're doing very
nicely, Lenny, avoiding flash.
287
00:18:22,073 --> 00:18:25,413
I don't know what's the matter
with you. You used to like books.
288
00:18:25,413 --> 00:18:27,753
I do like books. Well, then!
289
00:18:27,753 --> 00:18:29,213
Enjoy!
290
00:18:42,113 --> 00:18:45,073
We must put it behind us, Barry.
291
00:18:45,073 --> 00:18:47,373
It would never have worked.
292
00:18:55,293 --> 00:18:58,353
Bit more chin thrust out.
Tightens the neck.
293
00:18:58,353 --> 00:19:01,073
Hides your wattles. Me wattles?
294
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:07,073
You don't want them looking
at your neck and thinking, "Look at his wattles!"
295
00:19:07,073 --> 00:19:08,993
They'll miss your message.
296
00:19:08,993 --> 00:19:10,733
Now, stick your chin out.
297
00:19:12,913 --> 00:19:15,893
When he gets crowd, what then?
298
00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:20,233
This mystery voice will come in
and guide him.
299
00:19:20,233 --> 00:19:26,013
If he believes stuff like that,
it seems shame not to sell him nearly-new washer and dryer.
300
00:19:27,073 --> 00:19:29,673
Control your commercial instinct.
301
00:19:29,673 --> 00:19:32,433
This is a man with a message.
302
00:19:32,433 --> 00:19:37,593
Washing machine comes with message
and full instructions.
303
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,193
But does it work?
304
00:19:39,193 --> 00:19:42,193
If not, he's in luck. I do repairs.
305
00:19:43,753 --> 00:19:45,613
How you find this guy?
306
00:19:45,613 --> 00:19:48,753
Just luck, I suppose.
Where did you find him?
307
00:19:48,753 --> 00:19:51,033
Fell off the back of a Florrie.
308
00:19:54,653 --> 00:19:57,713
Sorry. Right, here we go.
309
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:13,093
Thank you.
310
00:20:13,093 --> 00:20:16,373
Travis's mother wasn't
as bad as you say, surely?
311
00:20:16,373 --> 00:20:19,073
She used to buy his
favourite sweets.
312
00:20:19,073 --> 00:20:20,793
Well, there you are then.
313
00:20:20,793 --> 00:20:23,773
So he could watch her eat them.
314
00:20:23,773 --> 00:20:26,913
Do we gather that you never
really liked his mother?
315
00:20:26,913 --> 00:20:29,813
There was one time I missed her.
316
00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:33,793
I was driving and she
was crossing the road.
317
00:20:33,793 --> 00:20:35,773
I was sorely tempted.
318
00:20:35,773 --> 00:20:38,393
They're not rational
about their mothers.
319
00:20:38,393 --> 00:20:44,673
When we were first married
Howard used to insist on going to his mother every Sunday for lunch.
320
00:20:44,673 --> 00:20:46,473
Didn't you like her cooking?
321
00:20:46,473 --> 00:20:49,013
He never took me.
322
00:20:49,013 --> 00:20:52,113
Wally's mother was
a nice little woman.
323
00:20:52,113 --> 00:20:54,453
It was his father I couldn't stand.
324
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:58,613
You beat them once at arm
wrestling and they never forgive you.
325
00:20:58,613 --> 00:21:01,793
Syd's parents were both dead.
326
00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:07,373
And if you tried to get him
wallpapering you couldn't half see the family resemblance.
327
00:21:07,373 --> 00:21:10,813
You shouldn't be too sorry
for them, I always think.
328
00:21:10,813 --> 00:21:12,973
They owe you for what
you don't know about.
329
00:21:12,973 --> 00:21:17,013
The things they get up
to when they're off the leash.
330
00:21:17,013 --> 00:21:20,413
It's like "husband" is something
they only wear in the house.
331
00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:23,293
They say they're more
playful out of doors.
332
00:21:23,293 --> 00:21:26,313
My Barry's not playful out of doors.
333
00:21:26,313 --> 00:21:28,513
You can't call golf being playful.
334
00:21:28,513 --> 00:21:30,413
You should see the rule book.
335
00:21:30,413 --> 00:21:33,773
Makes you wonder how the
church gets along with only ten.
336
00:21:33,773 --> 00:21:38,593
I don't know what's left of
the ten since we went decimal.
337
00:21:41,713 --> 00:21:43,593
Cheer up, Lenny.
338
00:21:43,593 --> 00:21:45,733
So you didn't draw a crowd.
339
00:21:45,733 --> 00:21:51,673
I think you should reconsider the
whole thing and go home to Florrie.
340
00:21:51,673 --> 00:21:53,573
I'd love to, but you can't.
341
00:21:53,573 --> 00:21:55,613
Once the voice gets you, that's it.
342
00:21:55,613 --> 00:22:00,153
You've been got. You're committed.
Tha' probably will be.
343
00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:02,313
It's a question of honour.
344
00:22:02,313 --> 00:22:05,073
You can't just pack it in
at the first snag.
345
00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:07,413
Works for me.
346
00:22:07,413 --> 00:22:09,493
If it's message you want,
347
00:22:09,493 --> 00:22:11,373
why not try something like -
348
00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:15,033
"See Entwistle Electrics
for all household needs"?
349
00:22:15,033 --> 00:22:17,233
Does he belong to you?
350
00:22:17,233 --> 00:22:20,273
We're looking after
him for a friend.
351
00:22:20,273 --> 00:22:25,993
But supposing you did
have a crowd, Lenny, what are you going to do with it?
352
00:22:25,993 --> 00:22:28,133
It'll come to me once I get a crowd.
353
00:22:28,133 --> 00:22:30,813
But what if the
voice doesn't turn up?
354
00:22:30,813 --> 00:22:33,433
It will. Once there's a crowd.
355
00:22:33,433 --> 00:22:35,933
You've got to trust your instincts.
356
00:22:35,933 --> 00:22:40,613
We're going to get nowhere with him
until we get him a crowd.
357
00:22:40,613 --> 00:22:44,193
We need a crowd puller
to get him started.
358
00:22:45,973 --> 00:22:49,233
And there's quite a crowd
next door, having coffee.
359
00:22:49,233 --> 00:22:51,873
What we need...
360
00:22:51,873 --> 00:22:53,413
is a warm-up act.
361
00:23:03,793 --> 00:23:05,913
Cue the music.
362
00:23:05,913 --> 00:23:08,053
CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS
363
00:23:53,773 --> 00:23:56,873
Right, Lenny. There's your crowd.
364
00:24:25,293 --> 00:24:27,353
What's up with him?
365
00:24:28,413 --> 00:24:30,213
Is he dumb?
366
00:24:30,213 --> 00:24:33,873
If he is, he's no
dumber than the rest.
367
00:24:42,053 --> 00:24:46,033
Who's taking responsibility?
Does he know what he's doing?
368
00:24:46,033 --> 00:24:47,593
Can he work this thing?
369
00:24:47,593 --> 00:24:52,073
She asks this of Electronic
Entwistle? Wizard Of The Spark.
370
00:24:52,073 --> 00:24:55,213
He's a genius with things electric.
371
00:24:55,213 --> 00:24:59,113
Yes. Somebody was
saying that only recently.
372
00:24:59,113 --> 00:25:01,693
It was him. You see.
373
00:25:01,693 --> 00:25:05,873
Straight from horse's mouth.
Wrong end if you ask me.
374
00:25:20,913 --> 00:25:22,233
I'm a failure.
375
00:25:22,913 --> 00:25:25,253
I like failures.
376
00:25:25,253 --> 00:25:28,813
Some of my
best friends are failures.
377
00:25:28,813 --> 00:25:34,333
Correction. All
my best friends are failures.
378
00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:37,513
I'm standing there
like a muffin and...
379
00:25:37,513 --> 00:25:39,093
no voice.
380
00:25:49,633 --> 00:25:54,353
You're not the only one
who didn't hear the voice. None of us heard the voice.
381
00:25:54,353 --> 00:25:56,413
You're not supposed
to hear the voice.
382
00:25:56,413 --> 00:25:58,073
There's only me hears the voice.
383
00:25:58,073 --> 00:26:00,013
That's how I know
it's talking to me.
384
00:26:03,753 --> 00:26:06,553
Is he there whom I seek?
385
00:26:06,553 --> 00:26:10,473
He is. Yes. He's here. It's Lenny.
386
00:26:10,473 --> 00:26:12,513
I'm here. It's here.
387
00:26:12,513 --> 00:26:15,593
The voice. Did you hear that?
388
00:26:15,593 --> 00:26:17,113
I told you.
389
00:26:17,113 --> 00:26:18,753
It's just for me.
390
00:26:18,753 --> 00:26:20,453
Hear the word.
391
00:26:20,453 --> 00:26:22,613
Follow me.
392
00:26:22,613 --> 00:26:25,233
I will. I will. Ready when you are.
393
00:26:35,033 --> 00:26:36,673
Now what?
394
00:26:38,453 --> 00:26:41,933
Walk to't middle. Obey instructions.
395
00:26:43,273 --> 00:26:45,073
Are you sure about this?
396
00:26:46,653 --> 00:26:51,013
I was thinking more along
the lines of passing on a message.
397
00:26:54,673 --> 00:26:55,713
Message is...
398
00:26:55,713 --> 00:26:57,073
Jump.
399
00:26:57,073 --> 00:26:58,433
Say again?
400
00:26:59,393 --> 00:27:01,033
Jump.
401
00:27:01,033 --> 00:27:02,653
I don't think so.
402
00:27:04,433 --> 00:27:06,513
That's it, lad.
403
00:27:06,513 --> 00:27:08,233
Tha's failed test.
404
00:27:08,233 --> 00:27:10,593
Go home.
405
00:27:10,593 --> 00:27:12,233
Home?
406
00:27:12,233 --> 00:27:14,233
Hear and obey.
407
00:27:14,233 --> 00:27:16,113
Return to't wife.
408
00:27:16,113 --> 00:27:19,033
I was just going.
409
00:27:19,033 --> 00:27:20,833
Get thee home.
410
00:27:20,833 --> 00:27:23,753
I'm going now.
411
00:27:23,753 --> 00:27:26,933
I accidentally bumped into the
young lady collecting insects.
412
00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:31,453
Return. Go.
413
00:27:31,453 --> 00:27:33,813
He's already gone.
414
00:27:34,373 --> 00:27:36,333
Well, that's it then.
415
00:27:36,333 --> 00:27:38,033
Change of plan.
416
00:27:38,033 --> 00:27:40,713
Got to go home. Back to Florrie.
417
00:27:40,713 --> 00:27:43,173
That's nice. She'll be glad.
418
00:27:43,173 --> 00:27:44,653
Me too.
419
00:27:45,993 --> 00:27:49,253
It's tricky,
this "do something" lark.
420
00:27:51,793 --> 00:27:53,493
Ow!
421
00:28:41,153 --> 00:28:44,313
Barnsley accent. I like it.
422
00:28:44,313 --> 00:28:48,453
You'd know where you were
with a Barnsley accent.
423
00:28:48,453 --> 00:28:51,773
There'd be none of this
flossy liberal stuff.
424
00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:57,753
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
425
00:28:57,803 --> 00:29:02,353
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