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1
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Every morning we get this flurry
of wind stirring up the dust...
2
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,180
and it's you.
3
00:00:58,180 --> 00:01:00,420
Well, I'm a flurry in a hurry.
4
00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:02,560
It's time you were dressed and gone.
5
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:06,320
Why don't you slip into something
more comfortable...
6
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:07,540
like a good mood?
7
00:01:09,060 --> 00:01:11,300
Sit down, join me.
8
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:16,320
Alone? With a man
in his dressing gown?
9
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:17,520
Never!
10
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,620
It's tea and toast.
11
00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:22,360
It doesn't mean
we have to get married.
12
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,680
I used to see my husband
in his dressing gown,
13
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:27,420
only when he was poorly.
14
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,820
That's what dressing gowns are for.
15
00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:34,600
Not for flaunting about
in front of respectable widows.
16
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:38,140
It's not much of a flaunt.
17
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:41,540
I'm sorry if it's getting you
all emotional.
18
00:01:41,540 --> 00:01:43,340
You'll find things get easier
19
00:01:43,340 --> 00:01:45,800
once the fires in the flesh
have died down.
20
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,260
They die down very quick,
21
00:01:48,260 --> 00:01:50,660
when the only fuel is men!
22
00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,260
KNOCK AT DOOR
23
00:02:00,260 --> 00:02:02,800
Morning, Cleggy.
24
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,260
I know you think I want something.
25
00:02:05,260 --> 00:02:07,460
That's because
you always want something.
26
00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:11,880
It hurts me
when you say things like that.
27
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,260
What can I do to make it up to you?
28
00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:16,340
That's very thoughtful.
29
00:02:16,340 --> 00:02:19,100
I was just hoping
you could deliver this note...
30
00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:20,620
No! You see?
31
00:02:20,620 --> 00:02:22,600
I knew you wanted something.
32
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,680
You asked me what you could do.
33
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,520
Howard.
34
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,340
All right, then...
35
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,740
..just give me some advice.
36
00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:34,560
Man to man.
37
00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:38,400
I need someone I can
expose my inner self to.
38
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,600
Well,
you've already exposed yourself
39
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,620
as being fundamentally sneaky.
40
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:45,460
I wouldn't say fundamentally.
41
00:02:45,460 --> 00:02:47,980
I'm only occasionally sneaky.
42
00:02:47,980 --> 00:02:51,380
Occasionally?
You do at least a 40-hour week
43
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:54,220
and you're always ready
for overtime.
44
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,100
Are you going to listen to me?
45
00:02:58,180 --> 00:03:00,960
I'm sorry,
but I don't speak English.
46
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,660
I used to be able to speak English
47
00:03:03,660 --> 00:03:06,460
but it's all gone...completely.
48
00:03:06,460 --> 00:03:09,260
I'm being serious here.
49
00:03:09,260 --> 00:03:14,840
Do you think it's possible to care
for two women at the same time?
50
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:20,200
For stuff like that, you come to
someone who wears thermal underwear?
51
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,380
Give me the note.
I'll take the note.
52
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,380
We went to this barbecue.
53
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,460
I'm sorry to hear that.
54
00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:40,020
It muddies the image I have of you
as a man of taste and refinement.
55
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,460
Stop taking the wee wee.
56
00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:44,100
It was the wife's idea.
57
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,820
When I say idea,
58
00:03:45,820 --> 00:03:48,280
of course, I mean instruction.
59
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,480
Yes, I was under orders.
60
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,120
Her cousin was doing it.
Oh, not only the wife's sister,
61
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:57,200
now you're having barbies
with her cousin.
62
00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:01,820
Tha begins to see the weight of the
injustices I have to labour under.
63
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:06,580
Women are bad enough but there's
really no excuse for barbies.
64
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,360
Exactly.
65
00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:11,060
I laugh at your modern barbies.
66
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,380
They have this little gas trolley.
67
00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:20,840
Ready-made fuel...knobs...gadgets.
68
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:23,660
Does everything
but clean up after itself.
69
00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:25,960
Call that a Barbie?!
70
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,020
What was the food like?
71
00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:31,920
Terrible. It was like eating
a pair of trainers - both left feet.
72
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,660
You usually eat everything.
73
00:04:34,660 --> 00:04:37,840
I can't see you saying no,
even to a pair of trainers.
74
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,580
You feel obliged to eat.
75
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:43,580
You can't start looking fussy
at a barbie.
76
00:04:43,580 --> 00:04:46,880
Tha'll soon get a reputation
o' being a big Jessie.
77
00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,580
That sends out the wrong signals for
a direct descendant of Robin Hood.
78
00:04:50,580 --> 00:04:56,060
Imagine! You could soon be known as
a direct descendant of Big Jessie.
79
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,020
She put me in chains.
80
00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:14,040
Sounds reasonable to me.
81
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:18,940
He was dozing in the chair,
so I fastened his feet together.
82
00:05:18,940 --> 00:05:21,000
Whatever happened to freedom?
83
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,620
You've worn it out.
84
00:05:23,660 --> 00:05:26,500
He's on his third bicycle.
85
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:29,960
Well, they're not really good
round the house.
86
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:34,000
The only hope I've got left for
Travis is teaching him to bark.
87
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,340
Ooh!
88
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,920
AUDIENCE OOHS AND WHISTLES
89
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,680
Who's this vision of loveliness?
90
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:48,580
It is I, Alvin - dreamer,
leader of Fashion, style king -
91
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:51,820
determined to raise
the tone of his neighbourhood.
92
00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:56,280
That felt just like...
93
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:58,460
getting your hand wet.
94
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:08,140
I bet you have few equals
at drinking through a straw.
95
00:06:08,140 --> 00:06:13,560
Indulge me. I'm seeking to improve
one of the eyesores of the area.
96
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,940
What eyesore in your area?
97
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,200
Nora Batty.
98
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,580
I'm leading by example.
99
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:30,520
Well, he knows
how to creep round the ladies.
100
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:34,360
Creep? Felt more like
he was wearing wellies.
101
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:38,020
In some respects,
isn't insanity wonderful?
102
00:06:40,220 --> 00:06:44,220
Aha! very good!
CLEGGY APPLAUDS
103
00:06:44,220 --> 00:06:47,400
Tha looks like a foreigner, Alvin.
104
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,580
Ravishing, but foreign.
105
00:06:49,580 --> 00:06:53,080
Didn't I once arrest you
when I was in the vice squad?
106
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,600
No. What am I thinking of?
It was twice.
107
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,220
He reminds me of somebody...
108
00:06:57,220 --> 00:07:00,560
I think it's Audrey Brocklehurst.
109
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,120
She had a bow tie?
110
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,800
No. And I can't explain it either.
111
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:08,980
Take no notice, Alvin,
tha looks delicious.
112
00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:11,880
I bet tha's a danger to womankind.
113
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:15,140
Only to the attractive ones.
That's a pity.
114
00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:18,480
I was hoping tha might elope
with the wife's sister.
115
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,980
I'd have to check my diary.
116
00:07:20,980 --> 00:07:23,680
Well, I don't suppose
tha'll be coming then.
117
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,560
Tha's too posh.
118
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,420
Too posh for what?
119
00:07:27,420 --> 00:07:29,500
It's Billy's barbecue.
120
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:33,140
A direct descendent
of your Robin Hood Barbecue.
121
00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:35,200
A fry up in the Greenwood.
122
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,680
No artificial ingredients.
123
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,620
A proper fire.
124
00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:42,240
None of your poncey little trolleys.
125
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,420
A REAL fire. In the REAL outdoors.
126
00:07:47,620 --> 00:07:49,380
Will there be napkins?
127
00:07:54,860 --> 00:07:59,080
I'm determined to become a slim
young thing. What have you got?
128
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:02,340
You'll find Fairy Tales
on the far shelves.
129
00:08:02,340 --> 00:08:03,900
You're right.
130
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:08,560
I suppose I'll have to settle
for a bit off here and there.
131
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:12,140
Some of the bits in between
could use some work.
132
00:08:12,140 --> 00:08:15,320
That's the trouble
with keeping yourself attractive.
133
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,800
It's so time consuming.
134
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,140
All the men want is looks!
135
00:08:20,140 --> 00:08:23,160
They've got no appreciation
for one's inner qualities.
136
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,720
That's been my experience exactly.
137
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,840
Have you ever tried talking
to them about...
138
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:32,340
imagery in the work
of the major poets? Well...
139
00:08:32,340 --> 00:08:34,700
maybe not ALL the major poets.
140
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,820
I think I'm losing it.
141
00:08:37,820 --> 00:08:40,700
I've just been totally ignored
by a man in the street.
142
00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:43,620
I'm resigned to being ignored
in the street.
143
00:08:43,620 --> 00:08:45,700
But this one is quite uncouth
144
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:49,400
and usually insults me
with rude comments about my person.
145
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,240
Perhaps he didn't see you.
146
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,820
Well, he should have done.
147
00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:54,620
I went back twice.
148
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,200
I'm tightening ship, Glenda.
149
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,680
This is the first day
of the rest of our lives.
150
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,460
I am going to be Mr Organised.
151
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,520
The old softy is gone.
152
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,560
I'm going to play hard ball.
153
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:11,480
If that sounds harsh, let's face it,
the truth often is. You know me.
154
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:16,520
Ask anybody. I come straight out,
up front, that's me. Look at me!
155
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,900
No, look at me.
156
00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:20,540
Straight in the eye.
157
00:09:20,540 --> 00:09:22,100
I'm back, Barry!
158
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,520
Noted. Noted?
159
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,620
You usually give me a big smile...
160
00:09:28,620 --> 00:09:30,540
sometimes a kiss.
161
00:09:30,540 --> 00:09:32,920
Yeah, I've been meaning
for us to have a talk.
162
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:36,400
You didn't even kiss me
before I left. And about that.
163
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,340
What's to talk about?
It's this kissing thing.
164
00:09:39,340 --> 00:09:42,400
Is it really the right image?
Does it say "Mover and shaker"
165
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,000
"Power personality",
force to be reckoned with?
166
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,900
It says you love me.
167
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:51,020
But do we have to let it
interfere with my image?
168
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:57,620
DOORS SLAM, PLATES CRASH
169
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:03,180
OK, let's discuss this.
Who wants a kiss, then?
170
00:10:07,717 --> 00:10:09,257
Oh, I couldn't do that one.
171
00:10:09,257 --> 00:10:13,197
You'd have to be raised
entirely on rice to do that one.
172
00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:16,637
I suggest nothing too drastic
for starters.
173
00:10:16,637 --> 00:10:19,757
Something you can do anywhere,
as the mood takes you.
174
00:10:19,757 --> 00:10:24,737
I'm determined. I'll tackle anything
that doesn't dislodge an eyelash.
175
00:10:24,737 --> 00:10:27,277
They don't look very secure.
176
00:10:27,277 --> 00:10:29,837
They've survived
some rough handling.
177
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:34,057
Although, I must admit, not lately.
Here...
178
00:10:34,057 --> 00:10:37,377
jumping on the spot
with arms out-stretched.
179
00:10:37,377 --> 00:10:39,057
I can do that one.
180
00:10:41,897 --> 00:10:47,377
Oh, yes. Not only healthy but it
shakes the dust from the shelves.
181
00:10:47,377 --> 00:10:50,297
We used to do that one at school.
182
00:10:50,297 --> 00:10:55,657
Only I don't know why cos in those
days I was already slim and lovely.
183
00:11:02,237 --> 00:11:04,297
Oh, Marina!
184
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:07,977
Oh, I think he's getting
more exercise than any of us!
185
00:11:16,457 --> 00:11:19,037
Down there
looks good place for barbie.
186
00:11:19,037 --> 00:11:24,017
No. Keep going. I'll know the perfect
spot when I see it. Soon, I hope.
187
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:27,097
I think we've just passed
New Zealand.
188
00:11:27,097 --> 00:11:31,197
Trust me. I'm running
on instinct here. I'll find it.
189
00:11:31,197 --> 00:11:33,657
Somewhere wild but attractive.
190
00:11:33,657 --> 00:11:35,797
Sounds like the missus!
191
00:11:35,797 --> 00:11:38,297
Apart from the attractive.
192
00:11:38,297 --> 00:11:41,937
Take a left there.
Not real road. Where does it go?
193
00:11:41,937 --> 00:11:43,517
Paradise, I hope.
194
00:11:43,517 --> 00:11:45,437
I've no idea where it goes.
195
00:11:45,437 --> 00:11:47,277
It just feels right.
196
00:11:47,277 --> 00:11:49,317
Trust me. I'm running on instinct.
197
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:53,157
He laughs at road maps
and asking directions.
198
00:11:53,157 --> 00:11:55,377
That's for Big Jessies.
199
00:11:55,377 --> 00:11:57,657
Never a Big Jessie
when you need one.
200
00:12:08,077 --> 00:12:10,097
You're going golfing again.
201
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:11,877
I'm not going golfing AGAIN.
202
00:12:11,877 --> 00:12:14,077
I'm going as if for the first time.
203
00:12:14,077 --> 00:12:16,097
The new me is going golfing.
204
00:12:16,097 --> 00:12:17,917
I rather liked the old you.
205
00:12:17,917 --> 00:12:20,317
The captain didn't and I know why.
206
00:12:20,317 --> 00:12:23,877
Because he obviously doesn't think
you're as cuddly as I do.
207
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,957
In addition to that.
208
00:12:25,957 --> 00:12:28,377
It's because I let him
get away with it.
209
00:12:28,377 --> 00:12:30,657
I was always too timid.
I let him bully me.
210
00:12:30,657 --> 00:12:32,297
Well, not any more.
211
00:12:32,297 --> 00:12:35,697
He gets in my way
and this time he meets Mr Monster.
212
00:12:37,277 --> 00:12:39,657
You won't be too cruel to him?
213
00:12:39,657 --> 00:12:41,777
I can't promise.
214
00:12:49,117 --> 00:12:51,537
Can I ask you a question?
215
00:12:53,157 --> 00:12:55,637
Somebody's told you, haven't they?
216
00:12:56,717 --> 00:12:58,597
Told me what?
217
00:12:58,597 --> 00:13:02,017
That I'm a mine of wisdom
and police experience.
218
00:13:02,017 --> 00:13:04,217
Go on. Ask your question.
219
00:13:05,297 --> 00:13:09,757
Nobody's told me you're a mine
of wisdom and police experience.
220
00:13:09,757 --> 00:13:11,897
Mostly they think you're a twot.
221
00:13:13,797 --> 00:13:15,577
Professional jealousy.
222
00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:17,577
I get that quite a lot.
223
00:13:17,577 --> 00:13:20,097
What's your question?
224
00:13:20,097 --> 00:13:23,117
I'm wondering
what it is we're waiting for.
225
00:13:23,117 --> 00:13:25,077
Waiting for?
226
00:13:25,077 --> 00:13:27,857
Stuck out here, in t'wilds.
227
00:13:27,857 --> 00:13:30,157
Don't you like it here?
228
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:32,737
It's all right
if you're a fieldmouse.
229
00:13:32,737 --> 00:13:37,217
Have you no appreciation
for scenery and peace and quiet?
230
00:13:38,797 --> 00:13:42,097
I suppose it's good training
for being dead.
231
00:13:42,097 --> 00:13:45,517
Would you rather be in town,
where half the idiots break the law
232
00:13:45,517 --> 00:13:48,097
and the other half
are looking for a policeman?
233
00:13:49,677 --> 00:13:52,377
You're right. It's great here.
234
00:13:53,937 --> 00:13:55,777
It's our spot, lad.
235
00:13:55,777 --> 00:13:57,837
Every policeman needs one.
236
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,237
Somewhere to take five.
237
00:14:00,237 --> 00:14:03,477
Away from t'prying eyes
of the civilians.
238
00:14:03,477 --> 00:14:05,497
KNOCK ON WINDOW
239
00:14:07,777 --> 00:14:11,437
Can you tell us where we are?
Only this twit's got us lost.
240
00:14:11,437 --> 00:14:15,777
I wouldn't say lost. I'm between
points of knowing where we are.
241
00:14:15,777 --> 00:14:20,117
I'm sorry, we're not allowed to
give out that kind of information.
242
00:14:20,117 --> 00:14:22,517
Just a few directions?
243
00:14:22,517 --> 00:14:25,017
It's a question
of national security.
244
00:14:25,017 --> 00:14:27,797
Beyond that, I'm afraid our lips
must remain sealed.
245
00:14:27,797 --> 00:14:30,817
What's tha doing way out here
that's so important?
246
00:14:32,617 --> 00:14:35,717
We have to stay one step ahead
of the criminal mind.
247
00:14:35,717 --> 00:14:37,977
Would you expect the police
to be out here?
248
00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:40,017
It's called
the element of surprise.
249
00:14:42,597 --> 00:14:45,017
They're taking five.
250
00:14:45,017 --> 00:14:49,757
Why is there always a troublemaker?
He wants arresting.
251
00:14:49,757 --> 00:14:51,737
That's a lot of paperwork.
252
00:14:53,577 --> 00:14:56,217
You're right.
He gets off with a caution.
253
00:14:58,657 --> 00:15:01,677
Now, ladies,
how many of you use the library?
254
00:15:01,677 --> 00:15:03,237
Now, I know Glenda does.
255
00:15:03,237 --> 00:15:04,777
She's young.
256
00:15:04,777 --> 00:15:08,337
We knew she'd go off the rails
once her mother wasn't here.
257
00:15:08,337 --> 00:15:12,777
It's only the library -
not Sin City.
258
00:15:12,777 --> 00:15:16,557
No, but I bet
they could give you directions.
259
00:15:16,557 --> 00:15:18,937
Surely some of you are readers!
260
00:15:18,937 --> 00:15:21,497
My Howard often changes
his library book.
261
00:15:21,497 --> 00:15:24,217
I don't know
whether he actually reads it
262
00:15:24,217 --> 00:15:27,777
but there's nobody faster
at nipping out to change it.
263
00:15:27,777 --> 00:15:29,697
A regular!
264
00:15:29,697 --> 00:15:33,417
Oh, that's encouraging.
What are his interests?
265
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:39,657
What kind of things does he like?
266
00:15:43,697 --> 00:15:46,997
I see the forecast is rain later.
267
00:15:46,997 --> 00:15:50,617
We have a strong
adventure and mystery section.
268
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,337
The men like that.
269
00:15:52,337 --> 00:15:54,897
It's a mystery to me
what they DO like.
270
00:15:54,897 --> 00:15:58,317
Something a bit meaty,
I always find.
271
00:15:58,317 --> 00:16:01,057
Well, he's got that right.
272
00:16:01,057 --> 00:16:03,317
I like a happy ending.
273
00:16:03,317 --> 00:16:05,057
Something romantic.
274
00:16:05,057 --> 00:16:07,817
I don't believe in happy endings.
275
00:16:07,817 --> 00:16:10,697
I think you're far safer
expecting trouble.
276
00:16:10,697 --> 00:16:12,957
I haven't time for happy endings.
277
00:16:12,957 --> 00:16:14,517
I've got Travis.
278
00:16:14,517 --> 00:16:16,617
I'm with Glenda.
279
00:16:16,617 --> 00:16:18,357
I'm a romantic.
280
00:16:18,357 --> 00:16:21,557
If you'd been brought up chapel,
you wouldn't be!
281
00:16:21,557 --> 00:16:23,857
They don't do chapel
like they used to.
282
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:28,117
The world's gone to pieces since
it lost all respect for misery.
283
00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:35,337
At my previous library I used
to run small, informal courses on The Romantic Novel.
284
00:16:35,337 --> 00:16:37,337
Would you ladies be interested?
285
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:45,097
Actually,
it's looked like rain all day.
286
00:16:48,997 --> 00:16:51,957
At this point, person
with enquiring mind would ask,
287
00:16:51,957 --> 00:16:53,677
how far are you taking us?
288
00:16:53,677 --> 00:16:56,117
I'll know it when I see it.
289
00:16:56,117 --> 00:16:58,177
I hope the world is round
290
00:16:58,177 --> 00:17:01,377
because if it's flat,
we must be getting near the edge.
291
00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:11,897
I wonder what language
they speak round here?
292
00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:13,717
Foul...
293
00:17:13,717 --> 00:17:15,757
if you listen to those two in back!
294
00:17:15,757 --> 00:17:18,337
I think your bow tie is twisted.
295
00:17:19,417 --> 00:17:22,737
I don't think it's the tie,
I think it's my neck.
296
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:25,337
I've never had
so many ups and downs
297
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:28,417
since I had to arrest
an escaped ostrich.
298
00:17:29,997 --> 00:17:32,077
How do you arrest an ostrich?
299
00:17:32,077 --> 00:17:34,537
Very, very carefully.
300
00:17:35,757 --> 00:17:38,137
They've got a kick like a mule.
301
00:17:40,737 --> 00:17:42,917
Now, then, I've got a good feeling.
302
00:17:42,917 --> 00:17:45,697
Round this next bend
and we'll be onto something.
303
00:18:09,157 --> 00:18:11,457
Well, will you look at this?
304
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:14,517
A car full of attractive ladies.
305
00:18:14,517 --> 00:18:16,637
Ooh, what's he been taking?
306
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,237
I think I need some.
307
00:18:18,237 --> 00:18:20,817
It's the new Barry.
308
00:18:20,817 --> 00:18:24,037
I don't know whether I like
it as much as the old one.
309
00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:26,217
That's tough, kid,
cos he's here to stay.
310
00:18:29,397 --> 00:18:32,737
Don't worry, love.
They have these little episodes.
311
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:36,257
Reduce his protein
and don't iron for a week.
312
00:18:36,257 --> 00:18:39,817
They come round fast enough
when they need a clean shirt.
313
00:18:43,657 --> 00:18:46,517
Be careful, Barry.
314
00:18:46,517 --> 00:18:49,497
ENGINE REVS AND TYRES SQUEAL
315
00:18:50,577 --> 00:18:55,137
I'll say this for my Travis,
he doesn't burn much rubber.
316
00:19:08,117 --> 00:19:09,917
This is it.
317
00:19:09,917 --> 00:19:13,077
The perfect spot. Our spot.
318
00:19:13,077 --> 00:19:14,737
Is it clean?
319
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:17,557
Oh, get down, you Big Jessie. Now!
320
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:20,577
We need some wood.
321
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:23,517
Hey, is that what the Greenwood is?
322
00:19:23,517 --> 00:19:25,717
We have to bring our own?
323
00:19:25,717 --> 00:19:29,217
Truly once arrested an ostrich.
324
00:19:29,217 --> 00:19:33,197
I just mention this
since it's not all that usual.
325
00:19:33,197 --> 00:19:35,657
Ostrich was robbing bank?
326
00:19:37,237 --> 00:19:42,237
Ostrich had absconded
during long journey. Oh.
327
00:19:42,237 --> 00:19:43,837
Long journey?
328
00:19:43,837 --> 00:19:47,717
Ha, well, maybe Billy was driving.
329
00:19:47,717 --> 00:19:50,517
Can I just have some wood, please?
330
00:19:50,517 --> 00:19:52,737
Can I have a little co-operation?
331
00:19:57,317 --> 00:20:02,397
Well, I hope he's better at fires
than he is at navigation.
332
00:20:02,397 --> 00:20:05,037
So we made a few detours.
333
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,857
I found us a spot, didn't I?
334
00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:09,677
Yes, yeah, credit where it's due.
335
00:20:09,677 --> 00:20:13,437
It is...it's a pleasant spot.
It's great.
336
00:20:13,437 --> 00:20:15,557
The old instinct never fails.
337
00:20:15,557 --> 00:20:19,057
Takes a few bad roads though. Bad?
338
00:20:19,057 --> 00:20:21,757
I could have sworn I heard
a half shaft crack.
339
00:20:21,757 --> 00:20:23,677
And it was mine.
340
00:20:23,677 --> 00:20:25,777
Hey up!
341
00:20:25,777 --> 00:20:28,597
There's no need
to go overstraining theesen.
342
00:20:28,597 --> 00:20:31,697
I'm not hugging
dirty great lumps in this suit.
343
00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:35,117
I knew no good would come
from wearing a best suit.
344
00:20:35,117 --> 00:20:37,197
Stand back!
345
00:20:37,197 --> 00:20:39,657
Let the woodsman get to work.
346
00:20:51,657 --> 00:20:55,117
Woodsman want to buy
box of matches?
347
00:20:55,117 --> 00:20:56,757
Who needs matches?
348
00:20:56,757 --> 00:20:59,637
He laughs at matches.
349
00:20:59,637 --> 00:21:02,317
Danger. I laugh at danger.
350
00:21:02,317 --> 00:21:04,737
Matches I just hold in contempt.
351
00:21:15,957 --> 00:21:18,557
You're very quiet, Howard.
352
00:21:18,557 --> 00:21:21,917
You must be thinking very deeply.
353
00:21:21,917 --> 00:21:24,597
You hit me in the eye.
354
00:21:24,597 --> 00:21:27,477
Oh, as deep as that.
355
00:21:27,477 --> 00:21:29,857
It was an accident.
356
00:21:29,857 --> 00:21:33,117
It felt like on purpose.
357
00:21:33,117 --> 00:21:35,577
I thought, what have I done?
358
00:21:35,577 --> 00:21:39,277
Absolutely nothing
I ought to be ashamed of.
359
00:21:39,277 --> 00:21:42,497
Yes, I've noticed that.
360
00:21:42,497 --> 00:21:45,497
I said I was sorry.
361
00:21:45,497 --> 00:21:48,037
What were you doing?
362
00:21:48,037 --> 00:21:49,217
This.
363
00:21:50,397 --> 00:21:52,857
It's supposed to tone your muscles.
364
00:21:54,597 --> 00:21:57,837
I like your muscles as they are.
365
00:21:57,837 --> 00:22:00,297
Yes, I know.
366
00:22:00,297 --> 00:22:03,697
Where's a girl going to find
loyalty like that
367
00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:06,217
if she goes for anything fancier?
368
00:22:06,217 --> 00:22:10,237
But if you tone yours,
I'll have to tone mine.
369
00:22:10,237 --> 00:22:12,837
And what happens then, Howard,
370
00:22:12,837 --> 00:22:15,617
when you're all lean and muscular?
371
00:22:16,717 --> 00:22:19,937
I shall probably need
a faster bicycle.
372
00:22:29,117 --> 00:22:31,697
She'll be away in a minute.
373
00:22:31,697 --> 00:22:33,757
I think she's a bit wet.
374
00:22:33,757 --> 00:22:36,437
Takes one to know one.
375
00:22:36,437 --> 00:22:40,697
This is the trickiest bit.
After this it gets easier.
376
00:22:40,697 --> 00:22:44,637
Didn't we ought
to send out for fish and chips?
377
00:22:44,637 --> 00:22:48,217
From where?
We don't even know where we are.
378
00:22:48,217 --> 00:22:51,757
We're in the perfect picnic spot,
that's where we are.
379
00:22:51,757 --> 00:22:54,737
Looking forward to uncooked food.
380
00:22:55,977 --> 00:22:58,997
All this way for uncooked food.
381
00:22:58,997 --> 00:23:02,517
If we'd wanted that,
there's a choice of restaurants.
382
00:23:02,517 --> 00:23:04,877
She's nearly ready to go.
383
00:23:04,877 --> 00:23:06,897
I can feel it.
384
00:23:06,897 --> 00:23:09,257
Me too. It's called being cold.
385
00:23:09,257 --> 00:23:12,037
Now I know why Robin Hood
wore tights.
386
00:23:12,037 --> 00:23:14,817
Not tights. Long johns.
387
00:23:14,817 --> 00:23:19,537
The former Mrs Truelove was
very experienced in uncooked food.
388
00:23:19,537 --> 00:23:23,417
I used to wonder if she was raising
salmonella as pets.
389
00:23:25,957 --> 00:23:27,957
Has anybody got a match?
390
00:23:31,517 --> 00:23:33,397
You get the idea.
391
00:23:33,397 --> 00:23:34,977
You know what I'm after.
392
00:23:34,977 --> 00:23:38,737
All I know is
I'm still pushing a hand cart.
393
00:23:38,737 --> 00:23:41,977
No you're not,
you're part of a team.
394
00:23:41,977 --> 00:23:45,017
Yeah, I'm the part
that's pushing the handcart.
395
00:23:45,017 --> 00:23:49,097
A mutiny. We haven't even started
and I've got a mutiny.
396
00:23:49,097 --> 00:23:52,057
He'll be all right
when I've had a word with him.
397
00:23:53,817 --> 00:23:56,677
I wanted this to be impressive.
398
00:23:56,677 --> 00:24:00,057
A man, his coach and his caddy.
399
00:24:00,057 --> 00:24:02,777
I thought,
that ought to be impressive.
400
00:24:04,377 --> 00:24:07,197
You never think
about a mutiny on the trolley.
401
00:24:07,197 --> 00:24:09,437
You're doing this for Barry.
402
00:24:09,437 --> 00:24:11,737
I don't mind doing this for Barry.
403
00:24:11,737 --> 00:24:13,817
Then what are you
all twitchy about?
404
00:24:13,817 --> 00:24:17,137
Cos I can't help noticing you're
still not pushing the trolley.
405
00:24:17,137 --> 00:24:21,177
That is because I'm supposed to be
the man's coach. I'm the expert.
406
00:24:21,177 --> 00:24:23,257
We don't do trolleys.
407
00:24:23,257 --> 00:24:26,597
If I was his caddy like you,
I'd push it in a flash.
408
00:24:26,597 --> 00:24:28,897
He's here. The captain.
409
00:24:28,897 --> 00:24:30,877
That's his car.
410
00:24:30,877 --> 00:24:33,017
I'm not pushing his car.
411
00:24:34,077 --> 00:24:36,177
Keep him quiet.
412
00:24:36,177 --> 00:24:38,257
Just follow me.
413
00:24:38,257 --> 00:24:41,297
Remember,
you're a couple of old golf pros.
414
00:24:41,297 --> 00:24:45,057
I want to see it in your eyes -
years of wind and weather
415
00:24:45,057 --> 00:24:47,777
and an instinctive feel
for every bump and hollow.
416
00:24:51,077 --> 00:24:53,157
Good day to you, Captain! Hey? What?
417
00:24:53,157 --> 00:24:54,757
Who was that?
418
00:24:54,757 --> 00:24:59,737
Just one of your members
and his coach and caddy.
419
00:24:59,737 --> 00:25:01,977
Always improving the old game,
you know.
420
00:25:07,277 --> 00:25:09,317
Coach and caddy?
421
00:25:09,317 --> 00:25:11,937
Looks more like Laurel and Hardy!
422
00:25:14,437 --> 00:25:16,477
I think that impressed him.
423
00:25:16,477 --> 00:25:19,017
You did his head.
You impressed his head.
424
00:25:23,017 --> 00:25:25,517
I think she's coming.
She'd better be.
425
00:25:25,517 --> 00:25:27,157
You've used all the matches.
426
00:25:28,217 --> 00:25:33,497
All of them? Aren't you supposed
to keep the last one for yourself?
427
00:25:35,177 --> 00:25:39,197
We'll have a real fire
out in the wilds, he says.
428
00:25:39,197 --> 00:25:41,937
All right, so I'm not big on fires.
429
00:25:41,937 --> 00:25:45,457
I'm more your expert archer.
I'm a long-bow man.
430
00:25:46,517 --> 00:25:49,257
You got long bit right.
431
00:25:49,257 --> 00:25:52,377
You don't imagine our Robin
lit his own fires.
432
00:25:52,377 --> 00:25:54,617
All electric, was he?
433
00:25:54,617 --> 00:25:57,397
He was more
your executive function -
434
00:25:57,397 --> 00:26:00,677
a thorn in the side
of the Sheriff of Nottingham.
435
00:26:00,677 --> 00:26:04,317
It must have been a terrible sight
in winter.
436
00:26:04,317 --> 00:26:08,457
No fires...their faces blue
and wearing Lincoln Green.
437
00:26:08,457 --> 00:26:13,517
They had fires. He'd have his own
personal firelighter, wouldn't he?
438
00:26:13,517 --> 00:26:16,937
Oh, just like us.
439
00:26:16,937 --> 00:26:19,537
"Light one over there!" he'd say,
440
00:26:19,537 --> 00:26:22,857
before going off
to a function executively.
441
00:26:25,557 --> 00:26:27,837
Can somebody else give this a blow?
442
00:26:27,837 --> 00:26:29,297
I'm running out of puff.
443
00:26:31,597 --> 00:26:35,597
Try this. Not petrol!
That's suicide with intent.
444
00:26:35,597 --> 00:26:39,997
Not petrol.
Ancient Hull recipe for big fire.
445
00:26:43,917 --> 00:26:46,817
THEY COUGH AND SPLUTTER
446
00:26:53,917 --> 00:26:56,897
MARINA AND HOWARD COUGH AND SPLUTTER
447
00:27:02,117 --> 00:27:04,537
You see, he's looking at us.
448
00:27:04,537 --> 00:27:07,777
I think it's working.
He's impressed.
449
00:27:13,637 --> 00:27:16,057
FIRE CRACKLES
450
00:27:31,217 --> 00:27:33,757
THEY COUGH AND SPLUTTER
451
00:27:33,757 --> 00:27:36,017
Where's it coming from? Beats me.
452
00:27:36,017 --> 00:27:41,017
The good thing is, this is not one
anybody can blame me for.
453
00:27:47,617 --> 00:27:51,637
The perfect picnic spot!
Look at the suit.
454
00:27:51,637 --> 00:27:53,737
CLEGGY CHUCKLES
455
00:27:54,837 --> 00:27:56,877
You know, even sooty,
456
00:27:56,877 --> 00:28:01,197
he still reminds me
of Audrey Brocklehurst.
457
00:28:01,197 --> 00:28:03,237
Were you very close?
458
00:28:03,237 --> 00:28:07,497
At school...
she had a Mickey Mouse eraser.
459
00:28:07,497 --> 00:28:10,497
She said I could borrow it
at any time.
460
00:28:10,497 --> 00:28:12,717
Oh, as close as that?
461
00:28:12,717 --> 00:28:15,057
Pity she looked a lot like Alvin.
462
00:28:15,057 --> 00:28:20,757
Of course, I'd have to see him in a
gymslip before I could swear to it.
463
00:28:20,757 --> 00:28:23,777
"We go into wilderness." he says.
464
00:28:23,777 --> 00:28:27,537
A bit of wilderness
next to a golf course.
465
00:28:29,877 --> 00:28:31,917
Hello, Barry!
466
00:28:31,917 --> 00:28:34,517
Enjoying a round, are you, Barry?
467
00:28:34,517 --> 00:28:37,497
You know these people?
468
00:28:47,057 --> 00:28:51,057
Where's he been? Who knows.
He's like dust...
469
00:28:51,057 --> 00:28:52,377
he gets everywhere!
470
00:28:58,277 --> 00:28:59,757
Everywhere!
471
00:28:59,807 --> 00:29:04,357
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