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1
00:00:35,140 --> 00:00:37,100
Oh! Stop squirming about.
2
00:00:37,501 --> 00:00:38,399
I'm bored.
3
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,220
How can you be bored?
4
00:00:40,220 --> 00:00:44,440
It's easy. You just go, "oh"!
5
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:50,100
Well, you've got your health
and your strength, all those fascinating holes in your garments.
6
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:53,120
If you want to do something, why
don't you do something about them?
7
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,580
I'm fed up.
8
00:00:55,580 --> 00:00:57,840
Nothing ever happens around here.
9
00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:03,020
Well, be fair, we had a war in 1939.
10
00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:05,940
Aye, and that were an away match.
11
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:08,680
Do be grateful, they did
let you play, didn't they?
12
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:12,500
It's not ten years since
you had your appendix out.
13
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:16,040
You see, there's a whole list of
things if you count your blessings.
14
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,120
If you just open your eyes
and look around.
15
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,300
Feel the wind in your hair.
16
00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:24,760
In your eyes.
Right across your kidneys.
17
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,120
Up your trousers.
18
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,880
Look at all that sky.
19
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:33,100
Doesn't it make you feel
like asking the Almighty,
20
00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:36,000
"What the heck do we
want all that lot for?"
21
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,260
It's so boring.
22
00:01:38,260 --> 00:01:40,500
Yeah, what can you do with sky?
23
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,820
It's such shoddy workmanship.
24
00:01:43,820 --> 00:01:49,880
I mean, you'd have
thought he'd have sort of decorated the edges or something.
25
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,720
Just dropping it on top of us, plonk!
26
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:56,980
Whether we like it or not.
Take it or leave it, sky!
27
00:01:56,980 --> 00:02:01,400
But then again,
if we look on the bright side...
28
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,900
Go on, then. On the bright side?
29
00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:07,820
Right, we're waiting. Let's have it.
30
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,740
Don't rush me,
I'll think of something.
31
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:21,920
You see, it's a question of whether
it's just a mood that we're in, or whether the world really is boring.
32
00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:25,460
And to anyone who uses his eyes,
33
00:02:25,460 --> 00:02:28,060
who looks at the handiwork
of nature...
34
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,780
..it really is boring.
35
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:37,640
That's what I told thee.
It's boring!
36
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:40,480
No. No. You've got to
give it a chance, be fair.
37
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,780
I mean, you can't rush these things.
38
00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:48,340
We've got to stand here, quietly, and
look around and count our blessings.
39
00:02:48,340 --> 00:02:50,540
Well, come on, then.
40
00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:54,080
Come and stand down here and
start counting your blessings.
41
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,680
Out loud?
42
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,800
Of course, out loud.
43
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:01,920
See, if one of us thinks of something
cheerful, it'll cheer the others up.
44
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:03,520
That's good thinking, Foggy.
45
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,100
Right, who goes first?
46
00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:12,340
Well, whoever thinks of something
cheerful first, let him just say it, straight out.
47
00:03:12,340 --> 00:03:14,600
Right, straight out.
48
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:18,080
We look around and count
our blessings till we think of something cheerful?
49
00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:20,980
Right. Right.
50
00:03:20,980 --> 00:03:22,460
Right.
51
00:03:35,420 --> 00:03:38,460
Something cheerful.
52
00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:41,940
Right. Right. Right.
53
00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:13,560
HAMMERING
54
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,940
Urgh.
55
00:04:24,060 --> 00:04:26,360
Oh, I see, chips with everything.
56
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,240
Drink the tea!
57
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,100
HAMMERING
58
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:38,120
I take it that when you brewed this
tea, you were working on
59
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,620
the principle that
a cuppa would cheer us up?
60
00:04:40,620 --> 00:04:42,100
Aye!
61
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:45,340
HAMMERING
62
00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:47,980
It doesn't seem to
be working, does it?
63
00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:49,640
No. No.
64
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:53,980
HAMMERING
There's somebody at the door.
65
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,200
It's not the door, it's the wall.
66
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,680
HAMMERING
OK, there's somebody at the wall.
67
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,140
HAMMERING
68
00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:08,920
It's Wally Batty, Nora's got
him doing the shelving again.
69
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,540
Oh, lucky Wally.
70
00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:13,080
No, but he is.
71
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,200
See, that's the secret, you see.
72
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,820
Doing something useful,
that is what keeps a man happy.
73
00:05:17,820 --> 00:05:20,080
Oh, aye, he were happy.
74
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:23,340
He were happy this morning, were
Wally, just as he was off to his
75
00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:26,700
pigeons and Nora collared
him for do-it-yourselfing!
76
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:30,740
You should have seen his face,
a picture of happiness!
77
00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:33,560
Nevertheless, that is the secret.
78
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,440
Activity. Come on, on your feet.
79
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,720
The first thing we'll do is
get our swimming costumes.
80
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,240
Swimming?!
81
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,000
Who's going swimming?!
82
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,300
We are. It's years since
we've been near the old pool.
83
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:49,040
If it is all the same to you, Foggy,
I think I'd sooner stay depressed.
84
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,680
You don't really mean that.
85
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:56,180
Come on, on your feet. The minute
we're splashing about in that water, you'll feel on top of the world.
86
00:05:56,180 --> 00:05:59,240
Oh.
87
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,260
No. No!
88
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:03,080
Come on.
89
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:07,320
You see, we've got a sense of
purpose now. We feel better already.
90
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:13,380
You wait, the minute we see the
sunlight glinting on that water, our spirits are going to rise and we...
91
00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:15,700
we...
92
00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:35,560
WHISTLES
What's up with you three?
93
00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:42,260
What?
Could he mean us? Yes, you three.
94
00:06:42,260 --> 00:06:43,900
I don't know what he means.
95
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:46,960
Well, just look at you, you're
like three mobile gravestones.
96
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,280
You haven't said a word
since you came in.
97
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:52,660
I wouldn't say that. He said, "Hmm,"
98
00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:54,640
and he keeps saying, "Oh, dear,"
99
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,660
and, "I've got this
terrible pain in me back."
100
00:06:56,660 --> 00:06:59,480
Aye. It is right across here.
101
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:01,380
WHEEZES
102
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:10,380
I wonder if the world
will ever really be safe from another outbreak of war or famine?
103
00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:12,820
Or bubonic plague.
104
00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:16,140
It's funny you should mention
that, every customer we've had
105
00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:19,660
this morning has been asking about
bubonic plague. "Morning, Sid.
106
00:07:19,660 --> 00:07:23,840
"Cup of tea, and a meat pie and
what about the old bubonic plague?"
107
00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,020
It wiped out great
areas of civilised Europe.
108
00:07:27,020 --> 00:07:30,700
Not unlike the modern pop concert.
109
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:46,800
What gets me about life
is the way Nora Batty's stockings are always wrinkled.
110
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:50,740
The unfortunate victim
comes out in horrible blobs.
111
00:07:50,740 --> 00:07:53,780
Which reminds me, would
anyone care for another bun?
112
00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:55,340
Do you want another bun?
113
00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:58,120
I can't be bothered with
another bun. I think you're right.
114
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,760
I mean, what have you achieved
when you've finished it?
115
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,380
You've had a good fresh bun,
that's what you've achieved.
116
00:08:03,380 --> 00:08:06,680
Yes, but it can be very
tiresome just eating buns.
117
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:09,680
Oh, for crying out loud,
why don't you try and cheer up?
118
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,320
Oh, you think
we don't want to cheer up?
119
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,060
Well, do something about it.
120
00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:18,320
Go on, then, do something about it.
121
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,640
Why me?
Because you started it, didn't you?
122
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:23,660
Me? Yes, you, up there on the hill.
123
00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:25,400
You made us depressed.
124
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:28,220
We were all right till you started
moaning. Go on, then, cheer us up.
125
00:08:28,220 --> 00:08:30,400
How the heck can I cheer thee up?
126
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,920
Do something funny.
Pay for something!
127
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,820
Funny! Come on, then. You got 'em
into it, you get 'em out of it.
128
00:08:37,820 --> 00:08:40,020
How? Make them laugh!
129
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,640
What, in the mood they're in?
130
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,480
So, it's a challenge.
131
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:49,500
All right, then.
"I say, I say, I say.
132
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:55,220
"Did you hear about the two old
ladies that went for a tramp in the woods? He got away!"
133
00:08:55,220 --> 00:08:57,580
LAUGHS
134
00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:07,480
Well, at least there's one thing -
we're at the bottom now.
135
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,040
Things can't get any worse.
136
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,820
Oh...
137
00:09:17,820 --> 00:09:19,320
Oh...
138
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:29,240
Urgh.
139
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:32,080
I thought tha said things
couldn't get any worse!
140
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,160
Well, I'm glad I'm
not in a better mood.
141
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,380
The one I've got just fits this beer.
142
00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:40,640
Do you remember
143
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:46,240
when we were away during the war,
how we used to worry about the old home town being bombed? Yeah.
144
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:50,780
Aye. I think I could stand it now.
145
00:09:50,780 --> 00:09:52,360
It's too late.
146
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,920
Who the hell's going to
bomb this hole nowadays?
147
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,160
Maybe if we advertised.
148
00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:02,780
The trouble is, this place
is going to be standing for another 900 years.
149
00:10:02,780 --> 00:10:05,140
Are you sure? No.
150
00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:09,420
I mean, I'm not absolutely positive.
Not 100%.
151
00:10:09,420 --> 00:10:13,960
No, well, will you kindly not start
rumours of that irresponsible nature?
152
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,040
Oh, dear.
153
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,320
They make better beer down south.
154
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:31,020
Did you hear what he said? He said
they make better beer down south.
155
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,960
(They make better beer down south.)
156
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,080
Well, you could be right, you tell
them. Don't you be intimidated.
157
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:42,480
You tell them. I don't want
to risk being repetitive.
158
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:43,960
Go on, tell them.
159
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,520
They make better beer down south.
160
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,200
He's not right in the head.
161
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:56,980
We don't want trouble in here.
162
00:10:56,980 --> 00:10:59,720
As far as I'm aware,
no-one's causing any trouble.
163
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,160
Well, who's supposed
to be looking after him?
164
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,600
There ought to be
somebody looking after him.
165
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,640
They let them out
too early these days.
166
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:09,640
It's all very well, but it's
the public that has to suffer.
167
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,720
Yes, every time. They shouldn't
let them out before they're cured.
168
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,580
Then they wonder
why they do it again!
169
00:11:14,580 --> 00:11:17,140
It's the relatives I feel sorry for.
170
00:11:17,140 --> 00:11:19,260
Isn't it?
171
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:23,820
It pains me to say as much,
but from certain angles, your Yorkshireman is a smug product.
172
00:11:23,820 --> 00:11:27,600
No, don't say anything tha's
going to feel guilty about later.
173
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,620
You can't judge them all by
that sample at the bar, Foggy.
174
00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:32,800
I'm afraid I disagree with you.
175
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:37,080
That sample at the bar was typical
of your professional Yorkshireman.
176
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:41,420
You know the kind.
Rather eat Yorkshire manure, than Lancashire vegetables.
177
00:11:41,420 --> 00:11:44,220
Well, who wouldn't?
178
00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:47,600
There it is, you see. There it is,
that streak of Yorkshire arrogance.
179
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:53,500
But when you're in a critical mood
and the scales fall from your eyes, what I ask you, has a Yorkshireman
180
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:56,320
got to be so damn smug about?
Keep your voice down, Foggy.
181
00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:59,440
No, it's time it was said. Yorkshire
is not the centre of the universe.
182
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,480
Will you pack it in, Foggy?
183
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:05,020
I am not a religious man,
but I don't like to hear these things being knocked.
184
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:10,680
Yorkshire is not even one of the
superpowers, competing for the ideological leadership of the world.
185
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:13,740
Well, it all went wrong
when they sacked Boycott.
186
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:22,300
Look, Foggy, some folk are Catholic,
some folk are C of E, I'm Yorkshire.
187
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:27,600
Typical! He thinks Jerusalem's
somewhere between Leeds and Bradford.
188
00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:32,140
What do you think you are doing?
Grown men!
189
00:12:32,140 --> 00:12:35,220
Tommy Foster, he left Yorkshire.
190
00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:39,840
Thought he knew it all, moved
to Cheshire - dead within a year.
191
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,920
Snuffed it.
192
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,780
Well, he was 97!
193
00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:48,480
What in the hell's
that got to do with it?
194
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:55,160
It's all right, Foggy, in broad
daylight, you mocking these sacred Yorkshire things.
195
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:58,640
But what happens tonight
if we can't sleep?
196
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:01,580
Well, what will happen
tonight if you can't sleep?
197
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:03,360
Tell him.
198
00:13:04,940 --> 00:13:07,720
We don't know.
199
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,940
That's what's worrying us.
200
00:13:09,940 --> 00:13:13,940
We'll be lying there in the dark,
Foggy, listening to every damn
201
00:13:13,940 --> 00:13:19,340
creak, terrifyied of having roused
the anger of the old Yorkshire gods.
202
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:22,000
What old Yorkshire gods?
203
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,960
Whoever they are.
204
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,920
Well you don't think there
might be one called Sam, do you?
205
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,600
"How do, Sam!"
206
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,960
Look, will you watch it,
muscle mouth?
207
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,560
There's going to be trouble now!
208
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:36,320
Old Yorkshire gods!
I bet there's one called Earnshaw.
209
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,940
There'd have to be
one called Earnshaw.
210
00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:42,200
I can see him now, shaping
up at midnight on Ilkley Moor,
211
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,880
all in sensible stout footwear
and bicycle clips. Ha-ha!
212
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,880
Where are you going, you two? Come
back, sit down, finish your drinks.
213
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:51,840
It may be horrible,
but it's paid for.
214
00:14:01,155 --> 00:14:03,095
What are we doing out here?
215
00:14:03,095 --> 00:14:06,695
Don't come too close,
if you don't mind, Foggy.
216
00:14:06,695 --> 00:14:09,935
Not till we've gone through
the propitiation ceremony.
217
00:14:09,935 --> 00:14:13,655
You heard him.
Bog off, you dangerous Herbert.
218
00:14:13,655 --> 00:14:15,675
Dangerous? Why am I dangerous?
219
00:14:15,675 --> 00:14:17,795
It's the big mouth.
220
00:14:17,795 --> 00:14:20,535
What's he talking about?
221
00:14:20,535 --> 00:14:22,895
Can he really not know?
222
00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:25,495
I haven't a clue.
What are you on about?
223
00:14:25,495 --> 00:14:29,255
Just step back a few paces, Foggy.
224
00:14:29,255 --> 00:14:32,375
Why the devil should I?
It's nothing personal, but if
225
00:14:32,375 --> 00:14:37,755
you're going to get struck down by a
thunderbolt, then there's no sense in us being in a tight little group.
226
00:14:37,755 --> 00:14:39,915
Keep thy distance!
227
00:14:39,915 --> 00:14:43,395
Why the devil should I be struck
down by a thunderbolt?
228
00:14:43,395 --> 00:14:46,395
We're not saying
it's bound to happen.
229
00:14:46,395 --> 00:14:47,975
Not bound to.
230
00:14:47,975 --> 00:14:51,355
But it just seems to
be a strong possibility.
231
00:14:51,355 --> 00:14:54,415
I never heard such clack in me life.
232
00:14:54,415 --> 00:14:58,735
I shouldn't scoff any more
if I was you, Foggy.
233
00:14:58,735 --> 00:15:02,275
Scoff at what?
The old Yorkshire gods.
234
00:15:02,275 --> 00:15:05,315
It is all very well you
laughing at one called Earnshaw,
235
00:15:05,315 --> 00:15:10,375
but there could be an old
Yorkshire god called Earnshaw.
236
00:15:10,375 --> 00:15:13,855
Poppycock. Sorry, Earnshaw.
237
00:15:13,855 --> 00:15:15,495
Hail, Earnshaw.
238
00:15:15,495 --> 00:15:17,255
Don't think that
great lug speaks with us.
239
00:15:17,255 --> 00:15:19,535
Oh, get on your feet, you dozy pair!
240
00:15:19,535 --> 00:15:21,835
Let's get back to town
and do something useful.
241
00:15:21,835 --> 00:15:25,295
Not till we've made our
peace with Earnshaw.
242
00:15:25,295 --> 00:15:30,415
We'd feel much better if you'd
come down here and apologise a bit.
243
00:15:30,415 --> 00:15:31,975
For what?
244
00:15:31,975 --> 00:15:35,055
For all those terrible
things we said about Yorkshire!
245
00:15:35,055 --> 00:15:36,755
We were depressed.
246
00:15:36,755 --> 00:15:39,055
Earnshaw understands.
247
00:15:39,055 --> 00:15:41,875
Never mind about Earnshaw.
248
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,675
I'll put you right on
how not to be depressed.
249
00:15:46,675 --> 00:15:49,675
Come on. Let's go
250
00:15:49,675 --> 00:15:52,395
and find a way of
making ourselves useful.
251
00:15:52,395 --> 00:15:55,155
That's the secret of
how not to be depressed.
252
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,995
Sorry, Earnshaw.
253
00:15:56,995 --> 00:15:59,055
We'll come back to you later.
254
00:15:59,055 --> 00:16:02,455
Yorkshire gods, my foot!
255
00:16:02,455 --> 00:16:04,615
Oh, that's done it.
256
00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:08,495
Now we're in for a great
dollop of bad luck! Rubbish.
257
00:16:08,495 --> 00:16:10,935
Look, you want to
keep your gob shut.
258
00:16:10,935 --> 00:16:12,555
We're in enough trouble already.
259
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:16,035
Earnshaw's vengeance begins,
we're doomed to go through
260
00:16:16,035 --> 00:16:20,495
life being impaled on Earnshaw's
terrible cold stiff goosing finger.
261
00:16:20,495 --> 00:16:25,315
Oh! What next?
262
00:16:25,315 --> 00:16:29,435
Close your eyes,
turn around and spit.
263
00:16:29,435 --> 00:16:30,895
Durkus.
CLEARS THROAT
264
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:42,515
Look, not a 40 mega tonne spit,
just a quiet little token sort of spit, will be quite sufficient.
265
00:16:42,515 --> 00:16:44,175
Thank you very much.
266
00:17:06,535 --> 00:17:08,275
Ouch! Now what?
267
00:17:10,315 --> 00:17:16,535
Everybody knows if you want to
stay lucky, you don't tread on the cracks between paving stones.
268
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:21,615
If you want to stay lucky, you don't
embarrass Dewhursts in the street.
269
00:17:21,615 --> 00:17:23,975
Now, come along and
bring your funny friend.
270
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:41,295
Look, there.
271
00:17:41,295 --> 00:17:45,155
LAUGHS
It's not funny.
272
00:17:45,155 --> 00:17:46,935
It is a bit funny!
273
00:17:51,555 --> 00:17:53,995
He's doing his best! Shut up.
274
00:17:53,995 --> 00:17:56,315
You shouldn't laugh at
people's misfortunes.
275
00:17:56,315 --> 00:18:00,855
It's going to be a miserable
world if you can't laugh at other people's misfortunes.
276
00:18:00,855 --> 00:18:03,635
What sort of a miserable
place is that going to be?
277
00:18:03,635 --> 00:18:05,175
Never mind about laughing.
278
00:18:05,175 --> 00:18:08,075
This is an opportunity for us
to do something more useful.
279
00:18:08,075 --> 00:18:12,615
Listen, what we know about
cars you can count on the fingers of your right leg!
280
00:18:14,275 --> 00:18:18,355
Earnshaw's lurking about with his
snap tin full of bad luck for us.
281
00:18:18,355 --> 00:18:21,035
Stop anticipating difficulties.
282
00:18:21,035 --> 00:18:24,355
I've had quite enough of
this superstitious rubbish.
283
00:18:28,835 --> 00:18:30,295
Good day, to you, sir.
284
00:18:34,675 --> 00:18:39,135
We've come to lend a helping hand.
Please, get me out, now!
285
00:18:45,215 --> 00:18:47,415
By golly, it's a good
job we came along.
286
00:18:47,415 --> 00:18:51,475
You could have been trapped under
there for some considerable time.
287
00:18:51,475 --> 00:18:53,775
Earnshaw strikes again.
288
00:18:56,475 --> 00:19:00,175
I'll never use another
mouse trap as long as I live.
289
00:19:00,175 --> 00:19:03,255
Where does it hurt? Only in places.
290
00:19:03,255 --> 00:19:05,055
I think me left elbow's all right.
291
00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:11,475
By God, it's a good job I'm
wearing this plaster jacket, I'd have been cut in two, else.
292
00:19:11,475 --> 00:19:14,755
Oh yes, you were lucky there.
293
00:19:14,755 --> 00:19:19,135
Just what I thought when all
that lot came crashing down on me.
294
00:19:19,135 --> 00:19:22,775
By heck, I thought,
I was lucky there.
295
00:19:22,775 --> 00:19:24,955
Here, could you
do me overalls at the back?
296
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:27,435
Is the plaster cracked, can you see?
297
00:19:27,435 --> 00:19:29,155
No, it's just dented a bit.
298
00:19:29,155 --> 00:19:31,115
What's your trouble, anyway?
299
00:19:31,115 --> 00:19:32,975
I think it's me clutch cable.
300
00:19:34,575 --> 00:19:37,095
No wonder he needs a plaster jacket.
301
00:19:37,095 --> 00:19:40,875
It's not going to last you long if
you can't treat it better than this.
302
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:43,575
Oh! Oooh! Why are you
grabbing my throat? Get him off!
303
00:19:43,575 --> 00:19:46,075
Why is he grabbing my throat?
304
00:19:53,835 --> 00:19:56,115
It all went black.
305
00:19:56,115 --> 00:19:58,135
Just for a minute.
306
00:19:58,135 --> 00:20:00,235
It all went black.
307
00:20:00,235 --> 00:20:02,615
I have the same
trouble with my feet.
308
00:20:02,615 --> 00:20:08,315
You promised Foggy you'd wash them.
I did, but they still went black.
309
00:20:08,315 --> 00:20:10,495
Maybe it is hereditary.
310
00:20:11,595 --> 00:20:19,135
Listen, if I'm going to get a look
at that cable, you're going have to help me slide underneath the car.
311
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:23,215
Well, he's the wrong way up for
looking at cables. Turn him over.
312
00:20:30,315 --> 00:20:32,975
He's never going to fit underneath.
313
00:20:32,975 --> 00:20:36,335
Not under a car.
314
00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:39,535
He might just fit under a lorry.
315
00:20:39,535 --> 00:20:41,515
We'll have to
straighten him out, then.
316
00:20:41,515 --> 00:20:43,555
Go on, I'll take the
arm, you take the legs.
317
00:20:43,555 --> 00:20:45,015
Ouch!
318
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:51,395
Yes, that's better.
319
00:20:51,395 --> 00:20:53,335
Now, start sliding him under.
320
00:20:59,315 --> 00:21:00,955
You see, it can be done.
321
00:21:08,795 --> 00:21:14,475
It's the wrong end! I want to be on
the other side, don't I? Don't I?
322
00:21:14,475 --> 00:21:17,875
This is for you, Earnshaw.
323
00:21:17,875 --> 00:21:20,375
Will you shut up about Earnshaw?
324
00:21:20,375 --> 00:21:23,495
Now, just get hold
of the gentleman and pull.
325
00:21:26,435 --> 00:21:28,115
Oh!
326
00:21:29,195 --> 00:21:31,795
Oh, it's a treat to have a lie down.
327
00:21:31,795 --> 00:21:35,755
It must be nice to have your
own transport and get about more.
328
00:21:37,335 --> 00:21:38,835
Now, has he made his
mind up this time?
329
00:21:38,835 --> 00:21:41,835
Is that the right place?
330
00:21:41,835 --> 00:21:43,795
Are you all right under there?
331
00:21:43,795 --> 00:21:49,975
Could somebody sit in the driver's
seat and depress the clutch pedal? No problem.
332
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:54,615
Perhaps I'd better get behind the
wheel and handle the technical end.
333
00:21:54,615 --> 00:21:58,435
You two stay out here and offer
him whatever comforts you can.
334
00:21:58,435 --> 00:22:00,995
It's the left-hand pedal.
335
00:22:00,995 --> 00:22:03,575
I know which pedal it is.
336
00:22:03,575 --> 00:22:08,915
"I know which pedal it is", said
he, with his foot in the ashtray.
337
00:22:08,915 --> 00:22:14,815
The only customer
who ever returned a car coat because it was too fast for him.
338
00:22:14,815 --> 00:22:18,275
Never mind about
giggling, see if there's anything you can do underneath.
339
00:22:18,275 --> 00:22:21,975
Press the pedal. Again.
340
00:22:23,555 --> 00:22:25,775
Again.
341
00:22:25,775 --> 00:22:28,855
All right, pull me out. Pull me out.
342
00:22:31,595 --> 00:22:33,595
I don't like the feel of that pedal.
343
00:22:33,595 --> 00:22:36,815
There's no way I can
fix that under there.
344
00:22:39,135 --> 00:22:42,975
I say, I don't like
the feel of that pedal.
345
00:22:50,715 --> 00:22:53,695
Well, what are you doing letting
him knock himself against the door?
346
00:22:53,695 --> 00:22:55,255
Come on.
347
00:22:58,615 --> 00:23:01,975
Oh, that's front and
back I've had a crack now.
348
00:23:01,975 --> 00:23:04,335
Earnshaw strikes again.
349
00:23:04,335 --> 00:23:06,335
Will you shut up about Earnshaw?
350
00:23:06,335 --> 00:23:07,935
How long's it going to take...
351
00:23:09,995 --> 00:23:15,555
..Foggy, before it dawns on you,
that this is not a good day for making ourselves useful?
352
00:23:15,555 --> 00:23:17,635
I refuse to believe that.
353
00:23:17,635 --> 00:23:19,535
Oh!
354
00:23:19,535 --> 00:23:22,715
You clumsy great... Will you watch
your language in the street?
355
00:23:22,715 --> 00:23:28,235
Ooh! Listen, Foggy
knows that song too.
356
00:23:28,235 --> 00:23:30,915
He bit me, the little devil.
357
00:23:30,915 --> 00:23:34,175
I bet my toes go black and blue.
358
00:23:34,175 --> 00:23:39,175
Be fair, you've only got blue to go.
I'm in for gangrene now, for a cert.
359
00:23:58,315 --> 00:24:00,855
HE SOBS
360
00:24:02,915 --> 00:24:06,075
HAMMERING
361
00:24:11,895 --> 00:24:16,055
I'm lighting this candle
to Earnshaw.
362
00:24:16,055 --> 00:24:20,595
In the pious hope that if we promise
to abstain from being useful,
363
00:24:20,595 --> 00:24:23,215
he will overlook all the scandalous
364
00:24:23,215 --> 00:24:27,575
anti-Yorkshire sentiments
which were earlier being expressed
365
00:24:27,575 --> 00:24:29,915
during a moment of
uncharacteristic depression.
366
00:24:31,495 --> 00:24:36,155
Oh, I do wish Wally Batty would stop
hammering whatever he's hammering.
367
00:24:36,155 --> 00:24:38,955
Every thump
goes straight to me toes!
368
00:24:41,015 --> 00:24:45,775
Hey! It's stopped.
Hey, it's stopped.
369
00:24:45,775 --> 00:24:47,795
Hey, it's stopped.
370
00:24:47,795 --> 00:24:50,575
Just a coincidence, of course.
371
00:24:50,575 --> 00:24:53,595
Don't start doubting again.
You heard him.
372
00:24:53,595 --> 00:24:57,275
He made this wish that the hammering
would stop, and wallop, it stopped.
373
00:24:57,275 --> 00:24:59,035
Nice one, Earnshaw! Get out!
374
00:24:59,035 --> 00:25:00,495
Where is it?
375
00:25:04,015 --> 00:25:06,155
Where is it?
376
00:25:06,155 --> 00:25:09,955
Your bucket? Your bucket? Oh!
377
00:25:18,755 --> 00:25:22,095
By gum, when she wants a bucket,
she really wants a bucket!
378
00:25:24,895 --> 00:25:28,915
Aye and it's my bucket
she wanted, I notice.
379
00:25:28,915 --> 00:25:34,755
When that woman wants a bucket,
it's my bucket she thinks of.
380
00:25:34,755 --> 00:25:37,755
She didn't even knock. She's no need.
381
00:25:37,755 --> 00:25:40,975
My door is ever open to Nora Batty.
382
00:25:40,975 --> 00:25:42,555
That's not what worries her.
383
00:25:42,555 --> 00:25:45,175
It's the way you keep leaving
your trousers off the latch.
384
00:25:47,375 --> 00:25:50,795
The water's off.
No, that were last week.
385
00:25:50,795 --> 00:25:52,495
This week it's the electric.
386
00:25:52,495 --> 00:25:56,695
How do you keep track of
those organisations that keep cutting your services off?
387
00:25:56,695 --> 00:25:58,755
Oh, there's a pattern
to it, you know.
388
00:25:58,755 --> 00:26:00,595
Yes, once you get used to it.
389
00:26:00,595 --> 00:26:04,695
I say it is one of the rhythms of
life. A sort of biological clock.
390
00:26:04,695 --> 00:26:08,115
When a bloke's behind with his
payments, he need never be lonely.
391
00:26:08,115 --> 00:26:10,915
There's always somebody
calling to see him.
392
00:26:10,915 --> 00:26:13,815
Your bowl. I need your bowl.
393
00:26:19,035 --> 00:26:21,975
The woman was wet through.
I noticed that.
394
00:26:21,975 --> 00:26:26,615
There's something very
cheeky about a woman in wet clothes!
395
00:26:26,615 --> 00:26:31,055
I could see the outline
of her female form,
396
00:26:31,055 --> 00:26:37,455
revealing every curve and ripple
of what appeared to be three long vests and a foundation garment.
397
00:26:39,695 --> 00:26:44,155
You don't suppose she always wears
three vests and a foundation garment?
398
00:26:44,155 --> 00:26:46,335
Only in summer.
399
00:26:46,335 --> 00:26:50,755
I'm beginning to feel that warm glow
that comes from being a batchelor.
400
00:26:50,755 --> 00:26:52,535
Don't knock it, Foggy.
401
00:26:52,535 --> 00:26:56,195
You begin to understand why
marriages used to last around here.
402
00:26:56,195 --> 00:26:58,275
I mean,
faced with garments like that,
403
00:26:58,275 --> 00:27:02,775
a man could still be trying to find
his way around them after 25 years.
404
00:27:02,775 --> 00:27:05,155
Mine were a wartime marriage,
it didn't last.
405
00:27:05,155 --> 00:27:07,255
It was all right in the blackout.
406
00:27:07,255 --> 00:27:09,755
As soon as the lights
came on, she was away.
407
00:27:09,755 --> 00:27:13,155
She ran off with a chuffing Pole.
408
00:27:13,155 --> 00:27:15,075
I were dead lucky.
409
00:27:15,075 --> 00:27:16,815
Have you got another bucket?
410
00:27:16,815 --> 00:27:18,655
Have you got another bucket?
411
00:27:18,655 --> 00:27:22,435
That stupid man of mine's just
hammered through a water pipe!
412
00:27:22,435 --> 00:27:24,175
Don't panic, Nora, love.
413
00:27:24,175 --> 00:27:26,875
Don't panic. Just come in here.
414
00:27:34,675 --> 00:27:38,935
Oh! Get off me!
SCREAMING AND YELLING
415
00:27:44,515 --> 00:27:47,575
Why is he wet all down
his front, I wonder?
416
00:27:47,575 --> 00:27:51,215
Taking advantage of a
poor woman's misfortune!
417
00:27:51,215 --> 00:27:54,295
Nice one, Earnshaw!
418
00:27:54,295 --> 00:27:57,155
I've heard quite enough
about Earnshaw for one day.
419
00:27:57,155 --> 00:28:00,155
It's very distressing for a man
of my scientific outlook to be
420
00:28:00,155 --> 00:28:04,815
rubbing shoulders with a couple of
superstitious idiots like you two.
421
00:28:04,815 --> 00:28:07,995
I want you to repeat
after me, "there is no Earnshaw".
422
00:28:07,995 --> 00:28:10,135
There is no Earnshaw.
423
00:28:10,135 --> 00:28:11,695
There is no...
424
00:28:51,435 --> 00:28:54,775
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