All language subtitles for Last Of The Summer Wine s04e02 Getting on Sydneys Wire.eng

Come away from the water. You'll
finish up wet through like always.

I launched me boat! You'd be better
sailing your trousers into dry dock for an overhaul.

There it goes.
Off to foreign parts!

Either sit down
or stop bending like that.

We can see quite enough foreign
parts, thank you very much!

93 million miles that sunlight's
travelled and it's still warm.

Yet you take a few bean sprouts
home from a Chinese chippy and...

What day is it?

Tuesday.

Is it heck! It's Wednesday.

Well, if you want to be that
accurate... Right, it's Wednesday.

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure! Does tha think
I don't know what day it is?

This means not one of us has
any idea what damn day it is.

It's not Tuesday.
It just feels like it.

My God!
You see what's happening to us?

I can't be bothered to look.
What's he leaping about for?

He got a spider up his leg.
I've nothing up my leg.

I've suspected as much
for a long time.

It's no good sitting cackling.
Don't you realise your brains are rotting?

I thought it was his feet.
It IS me feet.

We are letting ourselves go!

We've started deteriorating. I was
afraid of this when I had to retire.

It's easy to drift into uselessness.

It's not THAT easy.
It took me years.

We ought not just sit here.

Just sit down. I used to have every
hour of every day mapped out. Now I don't even know what day it is.

You never did.
Just shows how you can degenerate.

Calm down, Foggy. Hang about and
if tomorrow feels like Wednesday we'll all know what day it is.

I can't just sit about
in the sunlight. It's easy. Look!

We have to ask ourselves what we're
contributing to a better world.

Come on. That's only for dedicated
people who like shooting people.

The question we ought to ask
ourselves is why have you just put your foot in that cow flop?

You great long frog!
He can't steer them legs.

I've done 30-mile marches on these.

Give over! Look at him.
Completely out of control.

He's like a rubber giraffe.

See! My notebook. I haven't lost
all the old habits of organisation. Get your day down in writing.

Plan. Then you can see whether
your day has been productive. On your feet!

Well, that's your schedule, is it?
0900 to 1630 hours - lolling about on the grass. Very creative!

If you must rush about, why don't
you jog up the hill to the boozer and fetch us both a bottle of ale?

I am going to yonder bridge and
station myself so I can observe the life in the water below.

I'll blend into the background and
become as one with the stonework.

And there I shall record, in my
notebook, a detailed observation of the fishlife of this stream.

I see your Ethel's got
the bandages off again.

She likes them off at the weekend.

A careful, scientific study
of this possibly neglected stretch of waterway.

I hate to admit it, but that idiot
in the pub yesterday was right.

Beethoven wasn't a Yorkshireman.
Ay.

Still, he were a good goalkeeper.

..and gain information
which may be of great interest to the local river board.

Do you miss never being called for
jury service? No. I never met 11 blokes I could agree with anyway.

Do you know what I've never had?

Ambition? As well as that.
A house with a dampcourse.

Even Purley Street didn't have one.

It's not like a racecourse. It's
only a layer of waterproof bricks.

I know! You might have had visions
of webbed feet and racing colours.

It couldn't be...
No, it's too good to be true. It would be funny though.

That great long twonk tumbling off
the bridge and wetting his notebook?

"What I'm going to do will be of
great interest to the river board."

No, it's only a dream!
We enjoyed it anyway.

I could see him face down with them
great, long legs flapping about all over the place. Don't start me off!

No, I just... just thought I'd see
whether I could do this...

You know the old river crossing
in... full combat rig.

It's, um, very invigorating really.
I quite enjoyed it, in a way.

Come in. Just throw the door off
its hinges if it's in the way!

It's thee that were in the way.
You must have injured him mortally. He's coughing up bits of metal.

It were only a little tack. Why
doesn't he bite on a bullet? He's no idea of how to conceal pain.

Couldn't you see me? On the doormat?

One should register pain only by
the barest tremor behind the eyes. The features remain impassive.

Belt up!

What were tha doing down there?

I was installing a doorbell under
the mat. A doorbell under the mat?

It rings when you stand on the mat.
Oh. Now I'm trying to get the kink out of my back.

It don't work.

He should know.
He's the expert at not working.

I liked thee better
when tha were wet. ..No, tha's blown it, chief.

It's not connected.
I bet it's not connected.

Yes, that's the problem.
It's not connected up yet.

Make yourself useful
and hold that wire along there.

Go on, over here, everybody.
Right, down here. Give it here.

Not all in the same place. Spread
yourself out. Give us that wire.

Take that wire. I want to see how
I'm doing for the length of wire.

More like a length of tong.
It's "tongue". He's still doing well.

We ought to come and look at Sid's
skirting board more often. Shut up.

This whole operation
is very amateurish.

When I was a young man
in this position, I worried about the creases in my trousers.

When you get older, you worry
about the creases in your legs.

Typically amateur!
There's no regard for planning.

I still say it's "tong".
It's "tongue". Me mam said "tong".

She'd have been better saying no.

Press it down.
I want to see how far it'll stretch.

Did you hear that note of panic
in his voice then? The man doesn't know where he's at.

I hate doing this to me legs.
Especially when we go everywhere together.

I like to do everything
on paper first. That's why tha never got married!

Hold your tong!
You heard that. He said "tong"!

If I'd told you to hold something
you can't pronounce, God knows what you'd have grabbed. Cobblers!

That man, as you were.
That man, as you were!

There is a simple drill
for handling wire. Give us that!

He has a way with electrics. He was
splashing in a current all morning.

Will you get down there
and hold that wire?

Now, what I need is a drum. He's
not going to march us off, is he?

A cylinder. Something round. Like
a big mouth? You've already got one.

I think
I'll leave my legs to science. They're no good for walking on.

Right! Tactical problem.

Since somebody's lack of planning
resulted in an absence of essential materials, we must improvise.

Creative improvisation! One of
the first laws of leadership.

He's off again! I bet I could enjoy
this if I wasn't in so much pain.

The saltcellar. This should do.

A few turns of the wire round this
and we'll have an acceptable drum,

cable laying, for the use of.

Which tribe used to bury people
in this position? It must have been awful.

Come on, move your foot.
Stand over there. You too. Observe this very carefully.

Starting from here,
I place my legs astride the wire. That could be dangerous.

Holding my drum at the height
of the skirting board, I'll walk forward unwinding cable as I go.

He looks like a pantomime horse.
What a long-winded performance. I'd have laid the wire ten minutes since.

Stop nattering. Hold this wire.

Now, a slow, steady progress
being the target to aim for.

The head and the eyes down, as we
unroll in a continuing inspection

to ensure there are no kinks
forming in the wire.

What a drama! You'd think he was
laying a transatlantic cable.

I heard that!

It is always the fate
of men of action to be criticised by the envious voices of the mob.

But I shall not be deterred.

What's going on?

What are you doing
invading my privacy? I wasn't invading your privacy.

Well, what are you all doing then?

Playing puffer trains?

Oh, no, Ivy. I were assisting
Sid by holding a nail. Oh? Right, Sid, I'm holding the nail.

OW! You stuck me, you great twallop!

We live on a planet
two thirds covered by water and the other third by men!

What did we women do to deserve it?

What are you doing with that hammer?
Hitting my fingers. Tacking the wire down for the bell.

Not there, you fool. It's a right
eyesore. I want it round that picture rail where no-one can see it.

I might have known
it wouldn't suit! OW!

It's nice that Ivy's interested
in your work. Don't hit a cripple!

Why do you want it up there? Do you
want the mat above eye level as well?

Just get that wire out of sight
and don't be clever.

What's all that damn mess?

Ah, well, yes...
I may have spilt some when... See, I was proceeding along...

You're making
one hell of a dust. ALL COUGH

It's hard for us on the ground.

It's not dust. It's not salt either,
you fool. It's pepper!

Steady on, Ivy!

Well, it looked like a saltcellar.

How long have you had that filthy
hankie? Not as long as me vest.

Whatever's the matter?

Oh, well... No, don't say a word!
It's too sad.

I can't bear to talk about it.

Maybe later. But, NOT now!

You're quite right, love.
She called me love.

SHE called me love.

You musn't think about it
if it upsets you.

Someone very close to you, was it?

I bet it's one of them
from Albany Street. No, it...

No? Funny. I wonder who it could be.

Aw. You're no good out here.
It makes my heart bleed to see you weeping in the street.

Oh, not in the street, love.

We'll go back to my place and make
you all a nice, strong cup of tea. Then maybe you'll feel like talking.

It's good to get it off your chest.

Somebody from their Peck's family?
I wondered cos he's been going to mixed sauna.

I knew there'd be trouble there.

There's going to be trouble here.

I wonder why only your eyes water
when they're sore.

Why don't your knees water?

Or your elbows?

You have a weep, love,
if you feel like it. Oh, I feel like it! I feel like it!

Why are men ashamed to weep?

Well, it's not British, is it?

I don't see why not. Because
it's not in the British tradition.

Oh, tosh, Foggy, tosh!

The British take things on the chin.
Especially beards and pimples.

If we keep weeping,
we shan't be able to grow beards.

What if the British male becomes
notorious for his long eyelashes?

It's bad enough being a nation
of shopkeepers. We don't want to start carrying handbags.

Pst! Pst! I'm a... I'm a bit worried
about him with his head buried in that lady's bosom.

Do you think he can breathe?

The scruffy rarely suffocate.

Yes, but it's ages
since he came up for a breath.

I don't mean a left breath
or a right breath. I mean a lung full of air.

Oh, you let it all out, love.

I remember when our Barry lost
his greyhound. He was inconsolable.

He used to slip away on moonlit
nights and sit in a starting cage at the greyhound stadium.

One lump or two? Ta.

No, Foggy!

Not at this moment. You're not
going to ask him, "One lump or two?"

Go on, you disgusting little monkey!
I thought you were suffering from some decent, honest emotion.

What makes you think I wasn't?
When you started undoing me blouse.

Your button was sticking in me ear!

Has she gone then, your missis?

Stop putting ideas in my head.

Bah, no!

Dear oh...

It's not connected up yet.

I bet it's not connected up yet.
not connected up. And never will be at this rate.

Oh, Sid, whilst you're down,
get us three teas. No, we're closed.

So is that ladder!

Isn't there another cafe
you could go to? That's nice! We come in to help...

I'd rather you'd just stay idle.

I've noticed that this DIY business
can change a man's whole character.

It's pathetic, isn't it?

That man!

Do you plan to go up and down that
ladder, moving it a bit at a time?

The man needs a plank. Yes, a plank!

What do you think I am? A pirate?

Are you coming, then?

I used to do a bit of courting
round here. Not alone, I hope.

With Mary Daniels. I suppose
it was always a sound policy to get HER off the street.

40 years ago.
No wonder she's not here then. I expect she got fed up waiting.

Did you ever see Love Story? No.

Neither did I.

I wonder if she still thinks of me.
If it was as draughty then as now she'll never have forgotten you.

Come along, you two.

Don't look at the plank. Keep your
eyes on your work. It's not safe.

This plank is as thick
as two planks. So are you if you think I'll go over there.

That man, one pace forward. March!

That man. What does tha want?
Test it out. Why me?

You're built nearer to the ground
than us.

Sit on the end so it won't come off
the chair. No. I'm not getting splinters in my cheeks.

It's very tricky trying
to get them out.

Oh, dear!

Right, carry on, that man.
Every eventuality is catered for.

Looks like Blondin
crossing Niagara Falls in a barrel.

If you get any more daft ideas
take them somewhere else!

There's no need to take that
attitude. Leave it with me. All that's required is a thicker plank.

And take this plank with you!

I'll put the mat
just where it'll catch her feet.

Oh, not her elbow? I see.

She'll put her foot down there.
She puts her foot down anywhere.

I've a very accurate eye
for judging the stride of an attractive bird.

Look how small you are. If you live
your life at knee level you have to or you'd keep getting knocked over.

She's coming! Watch it.
We don't know if it works yet. We will when she steps on the mat.

Right. OK. Act natural.

Well, don't get up, will you?

Don't raise your bottoms
off them chairs!

I can't stand all this fuss
when a woman enters the room!

Ah, Sid! But the instructions...

You stupid fools!
Get out! Get out! GET OUT!

I see the phantom scribbler's
been at it again.

You don't have to bother reading
it now. Just wait for the film.

You'd think they'd put a few
pictures up on the wall like they did in the old railway carriages.

And a big warning against frivolous
pulling of the communication cord.

Why don't you move
further down there?

Oh! Look at this!

I wish you wouldn't say that
in these places.

I only meant to draw your attention
to this beautiful handwriting here.

That's talent, is that.

It is if it's true!

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