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1
00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:06,919
Now for the question that I'm
famous for asking on Fridays...
2
00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:08,747
What's everyone
doing this weekend?
3
00:00:08,791 --> 00:00:11,141
Me and Dick are gonna go
check out this cranberry bog
4
00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:12,925
down in the Chimdale Wetlands.
5
00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:14,579
How about you, Deputy Director?
6
00:00:14,623 --> 00:00:17,756
Oh, I'm going to
a different cranberry bog.
7
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,063
♪ With a girl ♪
8
00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,412
[laughter, cheering]
9
00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:22,761
Oh, nice!
10
00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:24,633
All right, men.
Back to work.
11
00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:27,940
We're in the middle
of a giant mission!
12
00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:30,334
Do you have any plans
this weekend, Stan?
13
00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,119
Hey, would you mind
asking the other guys?
14
00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:33,511
I feel like if I answer,
15
00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:35,513
I'll get trapped
in a conversation with you.
16
00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:37,167
But you're the only one
with a family,
17
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:39,300
and families have always
fascinated me
18
00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:41,824
because I don't have one.
19
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:44,479
That's a stupid reason
to be fascinated by something.
20
00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:47,438
I don't have a vagina
and I never think about those.
21
00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:49,614
Well, now I'm thinking
about them a little bit.
22
00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:52,008
Thanks a lot, Weitzman.
Now I have to go home at lunch.
23
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,488
Hey, wait!
24
00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,533
I have a coupon to take
a whole family to a buffet.
25
00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:57,796
Zoinks!
Thanks, Dr. Weitzman!
26
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,059
Maybe I could join you guys.
27
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:00,712
Oh, I couldn't ask you
to do that.
28
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,279
After all,
you gave us the coupon.
29
00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:03,976
You've done enough.
30
00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:09,373
So how's your day going?
31
00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,767
Sorry. I don't like
a lot of chitchat
32
00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:13,247
while I'm getting my nails done.
33
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:15,249
[cellphone rings]
34
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:17,816
Buckle, what's good, my man?!
35
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:19,209
[tires screech]
36
00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:23,953
Everyone... Everyone get
in the [bleep] car!
37
00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:26,129
Stan, you can't just
kick the door
38
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,262
off its hinges
and scream at us.
39
00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:31,265
There's a new buffet in town.
[panting]
40
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:35,007
And I got us a coupon
for free everything.
41
00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:38,446
Everyone get in the [bleep] car!
42
00:01:38,489 --> 00:01:40,970
[patriotic music plays]
43
00:01:41,013 --> 00:01:43,625
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
44
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:47,498
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
45
00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:50,762
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
46
00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:54,984
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
47
00:01:56,855 --> 00:02:00,163
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
48
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,557
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
49
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,819
Aah!
50
00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:08,519
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
51
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:11,131
♪
52
00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:14,395
Hey, Rog, is Dad forcing you
to go to the buffet too?
53
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,223
What... What's that?
I'm sorry.
54
00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:17,678
It's just that I am
thinking about, like,
55
00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:19,617
a billion things right now.
56
00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:21,706
[breathes deeply]
What were you asking me?
57
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:24,927
I just wanted to know if you
were coming to the buffet.
58
00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:27,364
[laughs] He thinks
I can go to a buffet!
59
00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:30,672
Now.
In the middle of this chaos!
60
00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,935
You don't look stressed, Roger.
61
00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:34,338
You're...
You're just sitting here.
62
00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:36,156
STAN: Steven!
Leave him!
63
00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:37,679
Maybe it looks that way.
64
00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:39,898
But up here, full meltdown.
65
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:42,901
Imagine a thousand Chernobyls
and you're halfway there.
66
00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,033
So...
67
00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:45,426
2,000 Chernobyls?
68
00:02:45,469 --> 00:02:46,905
You can't put a number on it,
Steve!
69
00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:49,038
It's one meltdown!
70
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,041
[engine revving]
71
00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:53,434
Why are we speeding?
72
00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:55,566
We just spent 45 minutes
decorating the car.
73
00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:57,873
What do I love most
about buffets?
74
00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,788
In a word... camaraderie.
75
00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:01,790
I thought we'd get together
and do something fun,
76
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:04,140
go eat cafeteria style,
like at camp.
77
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,707
Camp isn't fun.
78
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:08,536
They force you to sing
and ride horses all day.
79
00:03:08,579 --> 00:03:10,668
You chose musical horse camp.
80
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:13,454
Oh, I thought the horses
were gonna make the music.
81
00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:16,805
Well, forcing us to eat
together isn't camaraderie.
82
00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:19,503
Steve, I'm hearing
that you feel "forced."
83
00:03:19,547 --> 00:03:21,026
Could you expand on that?
84
00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:23,855
I guess these handcuffs give me
that "forced" feeling.
85
00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:25,030
The feelings you're feeling
86
00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,468
are very natural
family time feelings.
87
00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:30,645
Would anyone like to know
how I feel about buffets?
88
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:39,088
This long silence has got
to be tough for you.
89
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,569
♪
90
00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,397
Make way!
Coupon holder!
91
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,226
Man with a coupon
coming through!
92
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:48,706
[flatly] Welcome to
the King's Choice Buffet.
93
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,055
♪ Da-da-da ♪
94
00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:51,579
When you're royalty,
you're here.
95
00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:53,537
The VIP section is located
in the back.
96
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:54,625
Here's your wristbands.
97
00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:57,106
Ew.
98
00:03:57,149 --> 00:04:01,023
It's a little weird that this
buffet has a VIP section, right?
99
00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:02,459
You wanna hear something weird?
100
00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:04,722
The Goodyear Blimp
is the official bird
101
00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:06,681
of Redondo Beach, California.
102
00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:09,945
Oh, you guys wanna hear
something really weird?
103
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:12,730
Zerp Znap Za-noodle!
104
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:14,123
Sit yo ass down.
105
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:16,691
You need to hear
my patented rules of the buffet.
106
00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:20,782
♪ Stan's patented rules
of the buffet ♪
107
00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:23,959
Rule one... There are no rules.
108
00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:25,569
Wowwww.
109
00:04:25,613 --> 00:04:28,268
Rule two...
Never fill up on bread.
110
00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:30,618
Rule three...
Plates are for losers.
111
00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:32,204
Cut out the middleman
and pile your food
112
00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:33,664
directly onto your tray.
113
00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:35,057
Rules 4 through 100
114
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,320
only apply to buffets
at strip clubs.
115
00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:40,323
And most important, rule 101...
116
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:43,892
You can never have
a bad time at the buffet.
117
00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:47,417
Cold melon and scallop soup?
118
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:51,334
Uhhh, I'll take nasty-ass soups
for $200, Alex.
119
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,293
[laughs]
120
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:55,817
Survey says...
121
00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:57,340
I have to smell it!
122
00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:58,472
[sniffs]
123
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:01,344
Ugh! Aah!
124
00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:03,738
I'd like to solve
the puzzle, Pat.
125
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:07,350
This. Is. A. Disaster.
126
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:12,094
♪
127
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:15,184
I thought a walk would clear
my head
128
00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:17,795
but I'm just getting
more stressed out!
129
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:19,754
Look at those flowers.
130
00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:21,495
Not a care in the world.
131
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:24,149
Sitting around eating bees
all day.
132
00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:25,412
Do I dare?
133
00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:26,848
No, no, you're being silly,
Roger,
134
00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:29,198
with all the irons
you have in the fire.
135
00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:30,504
But on the other hand...
136
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:34,029
[thinking]
Ahhh, meltdown averted.
137
00:05:34,072 --> 00:05:36,553
[bee buzzing]
138
00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:42,385
Yuck, I don't like the taste,
but I'm a flower,
139
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,692
so I gotta get used
to eating bees.
140
00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:47,216
♪
141
00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:50,306
Can we leave now?
The place is closing.
142
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,614
Not until we get the special
VIP dessert we were promised.
143
00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:54,789
What the...
144
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:57,139
MAN [amplified]:
Welcome, Smith family.
145
00:05:57,182 --> 00:06:00,272
I'm so glad you joined us
for dinner,
146
00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:02,710
but your time here is just...
147
00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,233
- [crash, clatter]
- Oh!
148
00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,061
Okay, who left this cart out?
149
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:08,411
Oh, I just bashed my shin!
150
00:06:08,455 --> 00:06:10,065
Oh, turn on the lights!
151
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:11,066
♪ Let's go ♪
152
00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:12,415
MAN: Not those lights!
153
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,548
Why would I want
the disco lights?!
154
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,768
TOGETHER: Dr. Weitzman?!
155
00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:20,075
That's right!
Oh, sorry.
156
00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,598
[normal voice]
My evil genius voice
157
00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:23,121
sounded cool, though, right?
158
00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,949
Sorry about my real voice.
159
00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:26,864
I'm making you my family!
160
00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:30,912
What is happening?!
161
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:33,436
Geez, Hayley, are you dense?
162
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,917
Dr. Weitzman is a lonely person.
163
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,571
He wants a family.
164
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:40,835
He's gonna force us to live
with him forever in accordance
165
00:06:40,878 --> 00:06:44,316
to whatever his demented idea
of a "family" is.
166
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,754
I'm assuming
these VIP wristbands
167
00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:48,277
are rigged with explosives
168
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,671
and we've been drugged
with a neurotoxin
169
00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:54,588
to temporarily paralyze... us.
170
00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:57,765
I don't know if I'd call
my ideas "demented."
171
00:06:57,808 --> 00:07:01,769
Plus I wanted to be the one
to say all my demented shit.
172
00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:03,988
[suspenseful music plays]
173
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:05,686
♪
174
00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:11,387
Home sweet home.
175
00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:15,478
- Stan, are you okay?
- Okay?
176
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:17,567
- I'm having a blast!
- You are?
177
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,047
Of course!
178
00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:21,789
Rule 101... You can't have
a bad time at the buffet.
179
00:07:21,832 --> 00:07:25,488
Huh. That's an interesting way
of looking at things, honey.
180
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:27,359
Excuse me, ma'am.
181
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:28,883
My sheets are a little tight.
182
00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,798
Oh, no, are they a little tight?
183
00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:33,104
They're supposed to be
very tight.
184
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,803
What about all the other people
at the restaurant?
185
00:07:35,846 --> 00:07:37,413
- Were they...
- Background actors.
186
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,023
They actually were all extras
187
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,721
from the
Marvelous Mrs. Maisel set.
188
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,897
Great show.
Getting worse every year.
189
00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:44,768
Can you help us get out of here?
190
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:47,510
- No.
- What kind of person are you?
191
00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,643
I'm not a person.
I'm a robot.
192
00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:52,297
Dr. Weitzman made me.
193
00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:53,579
And then he named me
after a stripper
194
00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:54,952
he once fell in love with.
195
00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:57,825
Okay, put your face back on,
Chardonnay.
196
00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:59,348
No one likes when you do that.
197
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,176
Oh, God, are you two...
198
00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:02,394
I wish!
199
00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:04,440
No, my hostess robot
became sentient,
200
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:08,009
and as per usual
I'm stuck in the "friend zone."
201
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:11,839
Okay, it's nigh-nighs,
my sweet family.
202
00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:16,408
♪ Hush, little family,
it's time to hit the hay ♪
203
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:21,849
♪ You all live with
Dr. Weitzman in a big buffet ♪
204
00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:23,677
♪ You're down here for forever ♪
205
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,375
♪ Now, isn't that fun? ♪
206
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,420
♪ Eat whatever you want ♪
207
00:08:28,464 --> 00:08:33,774
♪ And never see the sun ♪
208
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:40,563
ROGER [thinking]: Ahhh,
this is the life. No stress.
209
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:44,219
Just eating bees, not thinking
a million miles an hour.
210
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:49,441
I wonder why bees aren't
more afraid of flowers.
211
00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,139
[vehicle approaching]
212
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:53,750
Oh, no.
213
00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:55,012
Let's go!
214
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:58,538
Steal as many flowers
as you can for the shop!
215
00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:00,540
I don't like this one bit.
216
00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:04,369
What's that thing?
217
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,937
I thought it was a flower,
but I'm not so sure now.
218
00:09:06,981 --> 00:09:09,549
Check out its nasty root bulb.
219
00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:12,769
It looks like a gross, gray ass.
220
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,466
Eh, let's put it in the van.
221
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:15,729
Maybe some freak will like it.
222
00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,295
[men grunting]
223
00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:22,213
And now to the cemetery
for more free flowers!
224
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,302
ROGER [thinking]:
This is so stressful.
225
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:28,089
♪
226
00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:30,439
Dr. Weitzman must've woken me up
227
00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:34,051
seven times last night
walking to the bathroom to pee.
228
00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:37,707
If you ask me, he should spend
less time imprisoning families
229
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,927
and more time
imprisoning urologists.
230
00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:42,494
But counterpoint...
What a great night!
231
00:09:42,538 --> 00:09:43,887
I mean, when was the last time
232
00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,802
we all slept together
in the same room?
233
00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:47,848
Obviously I'm not counting
our annual trip
234
00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,719
to the Gathering
Of The Juggalos.
235
00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:51,591
Good morning,
my beautiful children.
236
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,505
Can you please let us go?!
237
00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,986
There must be
some humanity inside you!
238
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:58,467
Sounds like you guys are hangry.
239
00:09:58,510 --> 00:09:59,990
Who wants Monte Cristos?
240
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:02,340
STAN: The American riff
on a croque monsieur?!
241
00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:03,777
Sign me up!
242
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,127
Now, two simple rules here
in the Weitzman home...
243
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:08,172
I'm in control of everything,
244
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:12,699
and that door over there
is off limits.
245
00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:15,049
[whispering] I think
that door might be significant.
246
00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:16,528
Yeah, no shit.
247
00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:17,660
Dr. Weitzman...
248
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:19,183
- Call me Dad.
- No.
249
00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:20,750
- Uncle?
- That's worse.
250
00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:23,666
Dr. Weitzman,
why are you doing this?
251
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,494
Great question, Franny.
252
00:10:25,537 --> 00:10:28,540
Chardonnay, roll tape
and do it like...
253
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:29,890
Christoph Waltz.
254
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:32,849
WALTZ'S VOICE:
Christoph Waltz mode initiated.
255
00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:40,814
No one knows when
or where Dr. Weitzman was born.
256
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:44,426
He was abandoned as a baby
in the Lanceton sewers,
257
00:10:44,469 --> 00:10:48,996
where even the rats refused
to be his family.
258
00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,651
Dr. Weitzman's adolescence
259
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:55,132
was spent
in and out of orphanages.
260
00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:59,223
He briefly appeared on
The Mickey Mouse Club
261
00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:01,051
until he caught the attention
262
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:03,488
of the show's
legendary producer
263
00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:05,577
and was quickly removed.
264
00:11:05,621 --> 00:11:09,016
Then back to his sewers
for doctor school.
265
00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:13,890
But even after becoming
a successful C.I.A. doctor,
266
00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:16,501
he could never find
the right woman.
267
00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:19,722
So he was never able to start
the family
268
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,724
he dreamt of his whole life.
269
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:23,987
And adoption was out
of the question
270
00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:27,034
because obviously
his appearance
271
00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:28,905
terrifies children...
272
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:31,168
Chardonnay, did I sign off
on this artwork?
273
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:35,564
We're screwed.
274
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,348
You know how stubborn Dad is.
275
00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:40,003
He'll never admit you can have
a bad time at the buffet.
276
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:41,309
You're right.
277
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,703
If we're getting out of here,
it's up to us.
278
00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:48,098
I did it. [belches]
279
00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:51,058
I ate all that disgusting soup.
280
00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:52,537
And now to...
281
00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:55,018
Well, shit.
282
00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:59,980
Come on, that door
has to be the exit!
283
00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:04,332
♪
284
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,726
[laughs]
Oh, you goofy kids!
285
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,292
Always playing pranks.
286
00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:10,338
I think you all
will love it here.
287
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,383
The days are gonna fly by.
288
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:15,125
If you don't believe me,
check out this montage.
289
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:19,434
♪ We are family ♪
290
00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:23,568
♪ I got all my sisters with me ♪
291
00:12:24,526 --> 00:12:27,181
♪ We are family ♪
292
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,489
♪ Get up, everybody, and sing ♪
293
00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:37,844
♪ We are fami-lay! ♪
294
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:43,240
♪ I trapped the Smiths
in a buffet! ♪
295
00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:45,155
♪ We are family ♪
296
00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:49,377
♪ I got all my sisters with me ♪
297
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:51,335
Who Framed Roger Rabbit!
298
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,947
♪ We are family ♪
299
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:56,819
♪ Get up, everybody ♪
300
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,995
Okay, gang,
just checked the time
301
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,910
and it's "rock" o'clock.
302
00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:03,130
Be right back with the acoustic.
303
00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:04,696
I can't do it.
304
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,394
I can't listen to him play
305
00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:08,875
another Death Cab for Cutie
song.
306
00:13:08,918 --> 00:13:11,268
I guess some of them
are technically Postal Service.
307
00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:13,401
I've been trying to smile
through all this,
308
00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:14,663
'cause rules are rules.
309
00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:16,360
But some rules
are meant to be...
310
00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:17,361
Broken?
311
00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:19,059
To a crisp.
312
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,843
I have a plan.
313
00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:24,586
Everybody sneak a Monte Cristo
sandwich into bed tonight.
314
00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,414
This plan sounds delicious, Dad.
315
00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:28,416
Don't be cute, Steve.
316
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,680
- [snoring]
- Dad!
317
00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:33,464
We all brought sandwiches
to bed.
318
00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:34,509
What's the plan?
319
00:13:34,552 --> 00:13:36,293
Five minutes, son.
320
00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:37,468
Stan!
321
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,775
Chumbawumba!
Okay.
322
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,385
Everything we need
for our escape
323
00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:43,910
is right here
in the Monte Cristo sandwich.
324
00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:46,434
I'll remove it from the baggie
and just lightly touch
325
00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:48,828
the grease-soaked bread
to the sheets.
326
00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:52,788
Wow. And gross.
327
00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:58,446
Next we use the jam.
328
00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:01,101
[gasps, screams]
329
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,887
Wow, that's strong jam.
[gasps]
330
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:07,716
I think I just figured out
why I almost died of diarrhea.
331
00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:11,894
Wait.
It's powdered sugar time.
332
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:13,330
[blows]
333
00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:18,814
We're not going this way,
but it looks cool, right?
334
00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:22,774
Wait, we should grab Klaus!
335
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:24,341
There's no time!
336
00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:27,910
Next, everyone take the ham
out of your sandwich and eat it.
337
00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:29,912
It's the perfect
protein-rich snack
338
00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:32,219
to keep our motors humming.
339
00:14:32,262 --> 00:14:33,785
KLAUS: Is anyone there?!
340
00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:36,571
It sounds like
four people eating ham!
341
00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:38,225
Good ham.
342
00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:41,924
[doorknob rattling]
343
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:44,796
Oh, man, the forbidden door
is locked!
344
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:48,975
Luckily, the "Giving Sandwich"
has one last thing to give.
345
00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:50,150
The bread.
346
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,457
[lock disengages]
347
00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:55,068
[gasps]
348
00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:57,505
This isn't an exit.
349
00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:59,202
It's a graveyard.
350
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,291
Look at the way they're grouped.
351
00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:05,165
I think they're...
other families.
352
00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:08,603
Yes, there are a lot
of dead bodies,
353
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:10,170
but at least it's not
a gift shop.
354
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:12,085
I hate crass commercialism.
355
00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:14,087
But the skeletons are for sale.
356
00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,349
I make keychains!
357
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:17,438
Perfect for a gas station bathroom!
358
00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:19,440
Do you have
any gas station owner friends
359
00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:21,529
who have a birthday coming up?
360
00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:28,188
You killed all those families?
361
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:31,234
What?
No, they killed themselves.
362
00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:32,975
On average,
most offed themselves
363
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:35,282
after living with Dr. Weitzman
for three days.
364
00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:37,197
Though the current record
is the Shelmerdines,
365
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,242
who only lasted 45 minutes.
366
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,809
That hurt my feelings.
367
00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:44,073
But you guys really hurt
my feelings trying to escape.
368
00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:45,945
I thought you loved me.
369
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,816
Wait, the other families
killed themselves
370
00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:49,252
without trying to escape?
371
00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:52,168
Well, it was before
my online guitar lessons.
372
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:54,910
[sniffles]
Before I got really good.
373
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,085
You suck at guitar.
374
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:57,826
Yeah, man, you suck at guitar.
375
00:15:57,869 --> 00:15:59,959
[crying]
376
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,570
Keep it up, guys.
I think this is working.
377
00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:03,919
Keep mocking him.
378
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,790
You have long,
beautiful eyelashes.
379
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,096
No, honey!
380
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:10,143
Aaand you always cuff
your sleeves like Cam
381
00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:12,319
from Modern Family.
382
00:16:12,362 --> 00:16:14,582
That's not good?
383
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:16,323
Wizard alert!
384
00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,933
[laughter]
385
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:18,978
Get out!
386
00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:21,806
Get out!
[cries]
387
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:24,070
How'd you know he'd let us go?
388
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:26,072
Actually I was sure
he was gonna kill us,
389
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:28,683
so I just wanted
to get it over with.
390
00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:31,164
♪
391
00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:33,514
I can't believe it.
We're home!
392
00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:35,516
There you all are!
393
00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:36,952
You're good hiders!
394
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,780
I've been looking for months.
395
00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:40,869
Jeff, did you think
we were playing
396
00:16:40,912 --> 00:16:42,175
hide and seek this whole time?
397
00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:45,308
In September I doubted it
for a second.
398
00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:48,007
But then I found this clue.
399
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:50,183
So I took apart
the water heater,
400
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:51,662
but you guys weren't in there.
401
00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:53,838
There certainly
was a smell, though.
402
00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:56,276
And a lot of scalding water.
403
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,800
And you guys stayed true
to the game.
404
00:16:58,843 --> 00:17:02,456
When I screamed in agony
for help, you stayed hidden.
405
00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:05,589
And you didn't visit me
in the burn ward.
406
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:08,375
I can't tell you
how much I respect that.
407
00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:12,422
And now the game is over
and I don't know why.
408
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,946
I guess I can return to my life.
409
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:17,210
Right back in.
410
00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:19,908
Hi.
411
00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:22,389
[doorbell rings]
412
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,436
- Flower delivery!
- Whoo!
413
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,917
Smells like dead bees
and cigarettes.
414
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,919
It's been in the shop
for two months.
415
00:17:30,962 --> 00:17:34,096
Your sweetheart got
an unbelievable price on it.
416
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:36,838
Adam, you got me flowers?!
417
00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:39,623
I am Adam and I am guilty.
418
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,669
Whoaaaa, that guy's hot.
419
00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:44,411
MAN: The dang door's blockin'
the hot body!
420
00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:45,977
I love it!
421
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:47,414
[smooching]
422
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:49,459
ROGER [thinking]:
So I'm a symbol of love.
423
00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:50,808
That's nice.
424
00:17:50,852 --> 00:17:52,419
JENNY:
I can't believe you remembered
425
00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:54,812
that I love grotesque flowers.
426
00:17:54,856 --> 00:17:57,641
[Adam and Jenny smooching]
427
00:17:57,685 --> 00:17:59,121
- JENNY: Ooh!
- ADAM: Mm.
428
00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:03,995
Stan, I'm happy to be home,
429
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:07,825
but does
something feel... off to you?
430
00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:09,436
There's no buffet and I hate it.
431
00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:11,002
I'm feelin' it too, Dad.
432
00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:12,787
There was just so much food.
433
00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,789
I think that's what I loved
about it.
434
00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:17,661
Sounds crazy,
but maybe we're all...
435
00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:19,576
Concerned about Jeff?
Me too.
436
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:21,622
I think there's something
really wrong there.
437
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,928
He's not, like, fun stupid,
ya know.
438
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:26,148
I worry Hayley might be
committing a crime
439
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,367
being married to him.
440
00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:29,064
Maybe we meet with the lawyer,
441
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,761
get on record
what we knew when...
442
00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:32,043
We're talking about the buffet.
443
00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:33,590
Oh, my God, the buffet!
444
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,157
I miss the buffet!
445
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:37,333
- We all do!
- We gotta go back!
446
00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:39,379
Maybe we just have
Stockholm Syndrome?
447
00:18:39,422 --> 00:18:43,557
If that means overwhelming
desire to break into a buffet,
448
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,168
then I got the stock, homes.
449
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:55,177
♪
450
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,701
And now for dessert.
451
00:18:57,745 --> 00:18:59,921
[grunting]
452
00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:03,490
[both smooching]
453
00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:05,622
ROGER [thinking]:
They're so in love.
454
00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:07,842
And I'm so relaxed.
455
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:09,211
- [door closes]
- JENNY: Get off me!
456
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:10,323
He's home early!
457
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:11,846
Now, who the hell is this?
458
00:19:11,889 --> 00:19:13,040
MAN: Jennifer,
what's going on?
459
00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:14,327
What is that hideous flower?
460
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:16,546
ADAM: Your wife happens
to love hideous flowers!
461
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:20,159
MAN: [gasps] My best friend
and business partner!
462
00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:22,161
Oh, my jangled nerves!
463
00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:23,510
[guns cocking]
464
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:25,468
Oh, good, they're
all gun owners.
465
00:19:25,512 --> 00:19:27,078
This should
de-escalate quickly.
466
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:29,820
[gunshots]
467
00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:31,866
That's a tip for everyone
at home...
468
00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:34,912
No one ever shoots the flower.
469
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:37,872
♪
470
00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:40,657
Dr. Weitzman is
never gonna let us back in.
471
00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:41,876
Remember how we used
472
00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:44,183
the Monte Cristo sandwich
to get out?
473
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:46,228
Here's a sandwich
to help us get in...
474
00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:48,448
a C-4 Sandwich.
475
00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:51,755
There are also some
tuna sandwiches in the bag
476
00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:53,627
in case anyone wants to scarf.
477
00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:57,935
Wait, this is
the C-4 sandwich.
478
00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:04,333
Wait a second.
That means the tuna...
479
00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:06,727
Stan, did you buy
the cheap tuna again?
480
00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:09,120
No! It was me!
481
00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:10,774
You bought the cheap tuna?
482
00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:14,082
No, I blew up the wall
from the inside.
483
00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:16,519
What a twist!
Why?
484
00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:19,087
Because my family
came back to me.
485
00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:20,567
I'm just so excited!
486
00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:22,133
This guy's not cool.
487
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:24,266
I'm starting to think
this was a mistake.
488
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,747
No, no, no, no,
let me get my guitar!
489
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:28,444
And some Legos!
490
00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:34,058
You guys came to rescue me!
491
00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:35,886
Yes.
Yes, we did.
492
00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:38,280
Let's not be here
when Dr. Weitzman comes back.
493
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:39,977
But the buffet!
494
00:20:40,021 --> 00:20:42,110
I still want a dried-out
piece of Dover sole
495
00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:44,243
and a sweaty sweet potato pie.
496
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:47,420
I guess we could try
the buffet across the street.
497
00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:50,118
HAYLEY: "Smiths eat free"?
498
00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:51,554
I like that price.
499
00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:53,252
Come on in!
500
00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:54,601
Leave whenever you like!
501
00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:56,646
I'm not lonely!
502
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,648
Bye-bye!
See you soon!
503
00:20:58,698 --> 00:21:03,248
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