All language subtitles for The Love Boat s07e21 Aces Valet.eng

♪♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's love ♪

♪♪

Julie, has everything been taken
care of for the miss Americas --

champagne, flowers,
fruit baskets in the cabins?

Yes, sir,
you won't be able to tell

the difference between
their cabins and our gift shop.

I want everything
to be perfect.

They're here as guests
of the cruise line.

-Yes.
-This is so exciting.

We've never had a miss america
on the ship.

Let alone four of them.

And that's exactly
what I want you to do, Adam.

Let alone all four.

All right, everybody,
flash those pearlies.

-Ace!
-Ace!

-Captain.
-Ace.

-Doc.
-Hi.

And my
two favorite ladies.

Well, it's good
to have you back, ace.

I'll second that.

-Oh, and I'll third that.
-Well, thanks.

It's great to be back.
I missed you all very much.

Oh, and, captain,
I want you to know

I finished
my photography course.

And there's not a thing
I can't do in a darkroom.

Oh, gee, I wonder
if he needs an assistant?

Well, you're here
just in time

to take pictures
of the former miss Americas.

There they are.

♪♪

Uh, excuse me, ladies.

-Sure.
-Sure.

Excuse me, gentlemen.
Hello, I'm captain stubing.

And this is our ship's doctor,
Adam bricker.

Hello, I'm Nancy Fleming,
miss america 1961.

And I'm Jean bartel,
miss america 1943.

I'm Marian mcknight,
miss america 1957.

-Welcome.
-Welcome aboard, ladies.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

Ace: Excuse me, ladies,
uh, captain,

may I get a photograph,
please?

Of course.

That's it. Beautiful.
Right there.

There we are.

Master Ashley.

Finley!

What are you
doing here, huh?

Your parents have sent me
on this cruise.

Is that right?
Well, why not?

I guess even the family valet
needs a vacation, hmm?

I'm not here
on vacation, sir.

I'm here
to be your valet.

No, no, Finley -- Finley,
you can't do this to me.

Uh, soon as
the rest of the guys

find out that my parents
sent me a valet,

I'll never hear
the end of it.

I am sorry, sir.

But you should've thought of
that before you were born rich.

Well, mom, fresh salt air,
warm sunshine,

and swarms
of good-looking men...

[ Chuckles ]
Salt air makes me wheeze.

I get
third-degree sunburns.

And swarms
give me the creeps.

Let's go home.

Hi, I'm your purser,
gopher Smith.

Hi.

I'm Jenny rhodes,
and this is my mother.

How do you do?

The cruise
was her idea.

She wants to fix me up
with some men.

Mom!

I think she's just
feeling a little tired.

Oh, forget tired.
Try old.

Where's our cabin?

Uh, ma'am --
rhodes is fiesta 264.

Go right through these doors,
around to the elevator,

and down one deck.

I could take you there
myself.

Oh, don't bother.

Let's go, Jenny.

I've got to go
count my wrinkles.

I think I feel a new one
about to pop.

Don't worry about a thing --
I'll have her bogeying

on the dining room table
in no time.

-I hope you're right.
-Hey, listen.

I've seen
this happen many times.

And while she's having
a good time, might I suggest

the gopher Smith
escort service?

I'd like to take advantage
of it.

I really would.

But making sure
my mother's happy

is the most important thing
on my mind.

Well, don't you worry
about old mom 'cause

she's gonna have a ball.

Come on, Jenny, I can't wait
to start feeling bored.

[ Chuckles ]

Excuse me, can you help
a desperate woman find a cabin?

Sure,
what's the name?

Isaac Washington.

Excuse me, Isaac,

I didn't recognize you
without your mustache.

I'm Cassie Jones.

Isaac's an old high-school
friend of mine.

Our class reunion
is next week.

And I'd give my right arm
to get Isaac as my date.

Well, does he know
you're sailing with us?

And give him a chance
to jump ship?

No way.

I prefer good,
old-fashioned ambush.

Well, here's your chance
to cut him off at the pass.

All right.
And then we'll use that one.

Oh, is my war paint
on okay?

-You look great.
-Wish me luck.

Good luck!

Everything else is fine.

All right, thank you.

[ Gasps ]
Isaac Washington!

As I live and breathe --
-Cassie Jones!

You know, I haven't seen
you since Jefferson high.

Funny you should mention
our old Alma mater because

next week we're gonna have --
-Cassie.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Is that miss america?

[ Indistinct conversations ]

No, not my cup of tea.

She is beautiful.
Excuse me.

I'll -- I'll be right back.

Excuse me!
Ladies and gentlemen! Ladies and gentlemen!

No more pictures,
please!

No more pictures
or questions!

The ship
is getting ready to sail.

And if you don't have a ticket,
you have to leave.

I'm sorry.
That's just the way it is.

No, I'm sorry, sir.
So long.

Thank you very much for being
so kind and patient with us.

Yes, that's the rules
of the house.

So if you don't have a ticket,
I'm sorry.

You have to go.

Bye.
-Oh, thanks.

The press can be very
persistent.

Oh, I know. I've got a paperboy
that keeps bugging me.

-I'm Vanessa Williams.
-I'm Isaac Washington.

It is so nice
to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Vanessa, would it be all right
if I escorted you to your cabin?

You never know if there's
another journalist

lurking
in the passageway.

Why take the chance?

Listen, you know, there are
so many things at port --

-Isaac.
-Oh, Cassie!

Uh, can I get back
to you later on?

Yeah.
-Sure.

Thanks.
Um, there are things like...

[ Fog horn blows ]

♪♪

Now, where would you like these?
The dresser or the closet?

I don't want them
anywhere.

Look, I want to make it
on my own.

I don't want a valet.

It's not a question
of what you want.

It is the opinion
of your parents

that if you insist on living
on this wretched float,

the least you could have

is the accoutrements
of civilization, master Ashley.

And don't call me
master Ashley.

The name is ace.

Your name is
master Ashley Covington Evans.

And I have no intention

of helping you to make an ace
of yourself.

♪♪

-Hi, Isaac.
-Hey, Julie.

Oh, Cassie.

Have you had a chance to mention
the reunion to Isaac yet?

Not yet.

There's no time
like the present.

Okay.

Hi, Vanessa.

Hi, Isaac.

Listen, I saved the best seat
in the house for you.

-Oh, fantastic.
-Yeah, it's right over here.

On second thought,
there's no time like the future.

And if there's anything
you need, anything at all,

I'm just a holler away.

Thanks a lot, Isaac.

♪♪

Well, smile,
miss america.

Your Mr. America
has just arrived.

[ Clears throat ]

You know, you, uh --

you got a nicer body
than my Porsche.

I don't think my boyfriend
would like that.

But what your boyfriend
doesn't know won't hurt him.

But if he did know,
it could hurt you.

[ Chuckles ]

It's true that I am a --
a lover, not a fighter.

But if you don't say anything,
well, I won't say anything.

My boyfriend is
right over there.

The bartender?

[ Laughs ]

You could do better
than that, baby.

I'm sorry.
I'm very devoted to him.

To the bartender?

[ Clears throat ]

Excuse me.

Miss america there tells me
that, uh, she's crazy about you.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Crazy about me.

All right.

Mom, don't look now,

but I think that man
over there is interested in you.

I know the type --
no words, all hands.

Hi, Jenny.

Hi.

-Hi, Mrs. Rhodes.
-Hello.

Jenny,

I've compiled a list of the
eligible bachelors on this ship.

And I'm sure your mom
would love to meet them.

-That's wonderful, gopher.
-Thank you.

Okay, who we got here?

Ah, how about right here?

Norton henley.

He's an accountant.
-Oh, wonderful.

I like a man
who can count to 10.

Okay, Norton's a no-no.

Oh, hey.
Here's the guy for you.

Ted arbuckle,
plumbing fixtures.

Terrific.

Mr. Adventure.

Um, uh, well, okay.
How about this guy here?

Lou pappas,
used car salesman.

Please, gopher, not so much
excitement the first day.

Might as well just sit here in
the sun and dry up like a prune.

♪♪

Ace: Beautiful.
Okay.

Flash those pearlies.

Great.
Thanks, ladies.

Together: Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Your milk, sir.

Finley,
you're embarrassing me.

Please,
I don't want any milk.

Master Ashley,
even boys trying to make it

on their own need milk.

Oh, for crying out loud,
Finley.

Hi, ace?

Uh, Vicki, Julie.

Hi!
Who's your friend?

-Friend?
-Mm-hmm.

Oh,
this isn't a friend.

He's a, uh, passenger.

Wants his picture taken.

Oh, well,
don't work too hard.

You'll ruin it for the rest
of us.

Bye-bye.

You know,
a picture's not a bad idea.

Master Ashley.

Of course.

-Thank you.
-Finley.

How about a picture?

-That's very kind of you, sir.
-Hmm?

Okay, let's see.

Uh, if you could just start by
stepping back a little bit more.

That's it.
Okay.

A little bit more.

Okay, one more baby,
little step.

Oh!

♪♪

Good evening.

Early seating dinner
is now being served

in the coral dining room.

Tyrone: I actually thought
I'd surprise you.

Time for you to dine
with the man on your mind.

Oh, thank you.

But, uh, suddenly
I'm not feeling too well.

I think I should stay
in my cabin.

Well, it's your loss.

But if, uh, you should happen
to change your mind,

I'll be in the dining room
at an intimate table

for two waiting
for my dessert.

♪♪

Hello? Uh, could you connect me
with Isaac Washington, please?

Yes, I'll hold.

Miss america?

You must be dreaming.

Doc,
I am not dreaming.

She is telling everyone
that I am her main man.

Yeah, and Bo Derek
can't keep her hands off me.

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello?

Yeah, he's right here.

Who's calling?

Miss america?

Uh, ju-- just a moment.

Uh, miss america for you.

Thank you.

[ Clears throat ]

Hello.

Oh, hi, Vanessa.

Dinner in your cabin?

Yeah, I -- I think
I can make those arrangements.

No, no,
no, no, no, no.

It wouldn't be
any bother at all.

Now, you just leave
everything to me.

[ Chuckles ]

Yeah.

Fine.

Okay.

Goodbye.

See, doc?

She'll do anything
to get me alone.

I'd give you a hand, but i'm
expecting a call from Bo.

-Oh, hi, Isaac.
-Cassie!

-Uh, got a minute?
-No.

Miss america needs me.

That's not all she needs.

♪♪

Late-seating dinner
is now being served.

Come dine
and also feast your eyes

on the former miss Americas.

Bon appétit!

[ Soft music playing ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Mom, I'm sorry the men
gopher found

weren't more to your liking.

There'll be others.

Oh, that's
what I keep telling myself.

But where are they?

Where are the heroes
I used to see in the movies,

strong gentlemen
with romance and tenderness?

-Mother.
-Where are the counts, Dukes,

even an Indian prince
or two?

Ah, just one night with any
of them would be all I asked.

Oh.

You haven't eaten.
Where are you going?

Back to the cabin
to read a trashy novel.

Good evening.

I don't know
what to do with her.

Gopher, you haven't seen
any counts,

Dukes, or Indian princes
onboard, have you?

[ Indian accent ]
Well, if it's an Indian prince you are wanting, no problem.

I'll just tell the valet parking
boy bring around my elephant.

[ Laughs ]

Gopher, I love it.
That's marvelous.

-[ Normal voice ] Thank you.
-I love it.

Could I meet you back
in your cabin in about an hour?

It really would mean
a lot to me.

Well, if it means
that much to you,

maybe we'd better make
it half an hour.

[ Chuckles ]

Why didn't I think of
this Indian prince angle before?

-Hi, everybody.
-Good evening.

-Hi, goph.
-Hi, goph.

-Hey, ace.
-Hmm?

Who's that guy
standing behind you?

Hmm?

Yes, who is that man?

Uh, what man?

I am Mr. Finley,
master Ashley's valet.

He's your valet?

His second cruise
he gets a valet.

I've been here 7 years.

I haven't even got
a nurse.

My parents sent him here
to take care of me.

They don't think
I can dress myself yet.

It's very unusual for a crew
member to have a valet.

I know, captain,
I assure you

it's very temporary --
it won't change a thing.

Well, uh,
what looks good tonight, huh?

Oh, lobster.

I think I'll have the lobster.

On second thought,
maybe I'll just have a steak.

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Isaac: Dinner time!

Hi, Isaac.

Wow, look at all this!

A meal fit
for a queen.

First,
we have chateaubriand,

a bottle of our best champagne,
on the house, of course,

and an American beauty Rose
for a true American beauty.

Thanks.

You sure know how
to spoil a girl.

Well, a girl like you
deserves to be spoiled.

But I guess,
being miss america,

you have dozens of guys
falling all over you every day.

Not really,
but I don't want them to.

Basically,
I'm just a one-man woman,

as long
as it's the right man.

Oh.

I'd like to stay
and keep you company,

but I've got to get back
to work.

Thanks for the Rose,
Isaac.

[ Chuckles ]
Sure.

Oh.

They keep moving
these closets.

♪♪

[ Indian accent ]
So, tell me,

what do you think
of Calcutta as a whole?

[ Knock on door ]

Enter, oh, object of my desire
and palpitation.

I'm really a nervous wreck
about this.

Fear not, my sweet.

I know how to steal
the flattering of your heart --

a kiss upon the lips
as gentle as a butterfly wing.

Oh, oh, uh, no, no, gopher.

[ Normal voice ]
What do you mean?

I thought you liked
the Indian approach.

I do,
but not for me.

Yeah, well,
then for who?

For my mother!

What?

She just needs one
romantic interlude --

an eloquent,
poetic gentleman,

charming,
tender, romantic.

You want me to romance
your mother?

All you have to do
is play the mysterious stranger,

appearing, as if from nowhere,
on a lonesome cruise.

You sweep her
off her feet.

Yeah, and then she sweeps me
off the deck.

Forget it.
This is not gonna work.

Unh-unh.
-It has to.

-Unh-unh.
-She feels lonesome.

She feels as if no one
even cares about her.

And she has a fantasy about
a gentleman just like this.

Please, do it for me.
-I can't.

-Well, please, gopher.
-I'm sorry.

I'd like to.
I'd like to help you.

But I just -- I can't.
I...

I can do this.
No problem.

Mm.

Oh, you're gonna make such
a handsome Indian gentleman.

I'm very good with makeup.
-Yeah?

First, you need
a little panstick base.

Uh-huh, and some dark brown
eyeshadow.

[ Indian accent ]
Dark brown eyeshadow?

Let's see.

I have it.

What?

A mustache!

Ah!

[ Chuckles ]

[ Normal voice ]
I like it, too.

Mm.

[ Indian accent ]
Mm, most pleasing.

Try to keep it
out of my nose.

♪♪

[ Soft music playing ]

-It was good.
-Oh, hi, ace.

-Hi.
-Hi, ace, where's jeeves?

Well, he finally took the rest
of the night off.

Now, if he'd only take
the rest of my life off.

Why don't you promise him
that you won't tell your parents

if he just leaves you alone

and enjoys the rest
of the cruise?

It'll be like a vacation
to him.

No, you see,
that's the problem.

Waiting on me hand and foot
is his idea of a vacation.

Well, sure,
he's got it made working for you

on a cruise ship --
there's so little to do here.

You're right.

You know,
that just might work.

Thanks, Julie!

[ Chuckles ]

What might work?

I don't know,
but it's already worked for me.

♪♪

Isaac, will you take little,
old me to the reunion?

Isaac, you come to that reunion
or I'll squash you!

Too subtle.
I --

-Cassie.
-Hi.

-Hi, Isaac.
-Hi.

Uh, Julie said
you were looking for me.

Uh, yes, yes.

I -- I wanted to know,
uh, uh, how --

how's
your sister doing?

I don't have a sister.

Oh.

Well, then I guess
she won't be going

to our reunion
Saturday night.

Nope, but I'm really
looking forward to it.

You gonna be there?

Well, I hadn't really
thought about it.

But now that you've brought
it up,

it sounds like fun.

Yeah, and you know what's
really gonna be fun?

What?

Seeing the old gang's reaction
when I walk in

with miss america
on my arm.

Yeah.

What a blast.

Finley here, sir.

Ace: Come on in.

You wish to see me, si--

Finley.

You're just in time.

I need another can of beer.

Uh, there should be
a can up there

on the bureau
underneath those clothes.

Well, are you certain
that there is a bureau

underneath these clothes?

Thank you, Finley.

Listen, I'm sorry to get you
out of bed at this hour,

but there are a few things
I'd like to go over with you.

All right?
Uh, if you would, just sit down.

First of all, now,
I'm a very restless sleeper.

All right?

I'd like
for you to come in every hour.

Check to make sure I haven't
knocked the covers off my bed, all right?

Also, I like to take a little
stroll -- say, about 3:00 A.M.

So I'd like for you
to come in and dress me.

-Uh, master Ashley?
-Yes.

Since you've left home,
have you always lived like this?

Oh, no, no.

I'm still not used
to you being here.

I tidied up a little bit.
-Yes.

This is really most
unacceptable.

It is, huh?

I was afraid
you'd say that.

Then I guess you'll be

going home when we pull
in to port tomorrow.

On the contrary,

i see know that you need me
more than ever, master Ashley.

Now, let's start
by straightening this picture.

And this.

Now, remember, gopher --
be strong but tender,

suave but romantic.

-Like this?
-Later, gopher.

You'll ruin
your makeup.

Mother's out
on the deck.

Now, go out there
and make her happy.

[ Sighs ]

Good evening.

[ Indian accent ]
Good evening to you, sir.

Excuse me,
would you permit a stranger

to savor this beautiful evening
in your presence

for a moment or two?

Oh, yes, of course.

Thank you very much.

Forgive me for staring
at you,

but you remind me
of my native India.

A flower floating on the Ganges
after the monsoon,

so fierce
and, yet, so tenderly.

Wha-- who are you?

Beautiful lady,
what is in a name?

Well, I -- I --
I don't talk to strangers.

Ah, most commendable.

Permit me, then,
to introduce myself to you.

I am punjab,
Dr. Punjab Singh.

Oh, a doctor?

Yes.

A poet in spirit,
but by profession,

a foot doctor.

Well, one has to eat,
you know?

This is something
Gandhi never learned.

♪♪

Cigarette?
-Oh, no.

I don't smoke.

Me neither.

I wish only to inhale the
fragrance of your beautifulness.

Oh, kiss me.

Oh, this is not
possibly possible.

In India, we do not kiss until
we have been married 5 years.

It helps with
the population problem.

I don't care.

[ Sighs ]

That was incredible.

It was a piece of goodness
for me, too.

But now, beautiful blossom
of the Ganges,

one kiss,
one moment of bliss

and so farewell.

♪♪

I'll find you,
my mysterious lover,

if it takes me the rest
of this cruise.

♪♪

Attention, passengers.

Our delicious breakfast buffet

is now being served
on the starlight deck.

Don't miss out
on the croissants.

But, please, save one for me!

We've got to stop meeting
like this.

My sentiments exactly.

Oh, come on, baby.

You know, you and me,
we were meant to be.

The only thing we were meant
to be is at separate tables.

I know your type.

Hi, Isaac!

Hi, Vanessa.

Good morning,
handsome.

Good morning.

I really enjoyed last night
with, uh, you in my cabin.

I enjoyed it, too.

See you later?

You can count on it.

Have I mentioned
his karate trophies?

Master Ashley,
you may protest all you want.

I am very used to your tantrums
from your diaper days.

[ Speaks French ]

But, now, if you will excuse me,
I am going to your cabin

to prepare your wardrobe
for the afternoon.

Finley,
what's wrong with this?

Hmm?

Sir, I do not intend
to be a gentleman's gentleman

to a gentleman
who does not dress like one.

I guess your plan
didn't work out last night.

-Unh-unh.
-Gee, ace, I really feel sorry

for you having to be pampered
and waited on all day.

Doc, this is no joke.

All right, look, I know
he's only trying to do his job,

but it's getting in the way
of me trying to do my job.

Well, as long as you're gonna be
stuck with him for a while,

maybe you should at least
try getting along.

Yeah, Julie's right.

You might as well just
be nice to him.

Yeah.

Be nice to him.

You're a genius!

Yeah, yeah!
I'll be nice to him.

I'll be real nice
to him.

♪♪

There you are.

[ Normal voice ]
Oh, Mrs. Rhodes, hi.

I can't talk to you now.

I got to take these reports
to the captain.

Stay.

I met the man
of my dreams last night,

and you've got to
find him for me.

His name is
Dr. Punjab Singh.

I don't know him.
Sorry.

What did you do,
memorize the passenger list?

Look him up.
-Okay.

All right, sure.
-Oh, what a man.

He's about your height,
more or less.

He wears a turban, and he has
a mustache and a goatee.

And, oh, he talks like
an Indian prince.

Must be a dozen guys on the ship
that fit that description.

Find mine.

Oh, when I get my hands
on that man,

I'm never gonna let
him go.

♪♪

Welcome
to glamorous acapulco,

one of the jewels
of the Mexican riviera.

Enjoy the beauty and excitement
of this lovely port city.

It's an experience
you'll never forget.

Buenas tardes!

♪♪

A little closer together.
There we go.

Chin up, chin up.
That's it right there.

Smile.
Beautiful.

You're gonna love it.
Finley.

-Yes, sir.
-Will you take this bag, please?

-Certainly, sir.
-Thank you.

You're very kind.
Okay.

Now, there we go.
Perfect.

Ah, beautiful.

Now, in the next one,
I think that we should, uh...

Oh, miss Fleming.

Hi.

The flower shop asked me
to deliver these to you.

Thank you, Vicki.
I wonder who sent them?

"To Nancy,
my favorite miss america, ever.

From your most ardent admirer,
Ernest Finley."

Oh, I have to thank him.
They're just gorgeous.

Do you know Mr. Finley,
Vicki?

Uh, yes, that's Mr. Finley
right over there.

The tall gentleman
in the dark suit?

-Uh-huh.
-Thank you.

Mr. Finley.

Thank you so much
for the flowers.

You're very sweet.

But...no, no, no.

Clearly she must have mistaken
me for somebody else.

Finley, you devil,
you.

Huh?

Hi, Cassie.

Anything new with Isaac?

Yeah, miss america.

Julie,
he is so wrapped up in her

he doesn't even know
I'm alive.

Oh, Cassie,
is it really so important to you

that Isaac goes with you
to the reunion?

Julie,
all through high school,

people made fun of me because
I had a hopeless crush on him.

I've got something
to prove to them.

Besides, I already told a couple
of my close friends

that Isaac
was gonna be my date.

Well, if they're your close
friends, they'll understand.

I don't know what to do.

My mother's mad about you.
-I know.

She told me she met the man
of her dreams last night.

And now she
wants me to find him.

And I want you
to find him too, gopher.

You want me to find him?
You know...

Oh, wait a minute.
No, no, no, no.

One night is all
we agreed upon,

and one night only.
-Please, gopher.

Be Dr. Singh tonight.
-I can't.

I'd never get away
with it a second time.

Besides, I got all this work
to do for the captain.

-Gopher.
-Don't look at me like that.

Gopher!

My mother said Dr. Singh
is her ideal man --

so mature,
handsome, tender, poetic.

She said that?

Yes, and sexy.

She said I was sexy?

No, I'm saying that.

Yeah?

Well, I don't know, Jenny.
I mean, I --

please, gopher.

Just one more night.

The cruise will
be over tomorrow,

and then my mother
can go home happy.

Oh, what the hay?

[ Clears throat ]

Sir, I'll have these
on your floor in an hour.

Your desk!

♪♪

This is beautiful.

Okay, Finley.

I'm gonna go develop this film.
Why don't you take a break?

And I'll catch up to you
in a little bit.

-As you wish.
-All right.

Oh, yeah, thanks.
Bye-bye.

This is
a great surprise.

There he is.

Oh, Mr. Finley.

Mr. Finley,
thank you so much for the candy.

What a sweet man.

Come on, girls.
We're gonna see you later.

Tease him.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Indian accent ]
It seems an eternity

since last I bathed
in the warm glow of your beauty.

Oh, well, I wasn't, uh,
expecting you, punjab.

Ah.

In India,
we have a saying --

"always expect the unexpected,"
because if you

lived in my country,
you would expect that.

The unexpected just
causes a great deal of stress.

So you've,
uh, come back to me.

Regrettably, no,
beautiful lady.

Where my heart would go,
my feet may not follow.

I am married.

You have a wife?

Two and one on the way.

Do you all
live together?

Oh, my goodness, no.

Uh, my wives
live all over India.

Yes, I have one wife
who lives in Delhi.

I have another
who lives in Bombay.

And the future Mrs. Singh
lives in, uh, Karachi.

Uh, that's in Pakistan.

I commute.

Look, I don't care
about your wives.

We'll make any arrangement
you want.

I can't let you go.

Please, you are making
a most difficult

difficulty
more difficult.

I must say goodbye
to you.

That's why
I am saying this to you.

Goodbye.
I am saying goodbye.

You know, I must have one last
thing before you go, punjab.

I know. You want a kiss
for your memory.

But I must say, no, no, no.

This is the last you will ever
see of punjab Singh.

-Uh, punjab?
-Hmm.

-Your singing days are over.
-What? What?

You fraud!
How could you?

[ Normal voice ]
Hey -- wh -- ah,

listen, hey,
Mrs. Rhodes.

Now, let me explain,
okay?

We're now leaving
lovely acapulco.

We hope you've enjoyed your
stay as much as we have.

Our next stop is Los Angeles.

Buenas noches!

[ Knock on door ]

-Who is it?
-Isaac.

Come on in.

Hi, Vanessa.

Hi, Isaac.

-How you doing?
-Good.

Have a seat.

Listen, Vanessa.

When we get back,

my high school class
is having a reunion.

It's Saturday night.

And I was thinking
it would be nice

if you'd come along with me
as my date.

Oh, I'm really flattered,
Isaac,

but I'm afraid I can't.

Being miss america
keeps you pretty busy.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's okay.

Maybe we could get together
Friday instead --

just the two of us.

Well, maybe.

But, um, on the other hand,
maybe not.

I don't understand.

Well,
it's not just my schedule.

I have a boyfriend
back home.

But what about
that big kiss you gave me

and the wonderful time
that we had last night?

And you told that guy
that you were crazy about me.

Oh, I'm -- I'm so sorry.

The truth is I was pretending
that you were my boyfriend

so I could get rid
of that creep.

I -- I really feel awful.

Oh, ah....

Hey, well, uh, that --
that's okay.

Don't worry about it.
It -- it's no big deal.

Actually, uh, uh,
I think it's kind of funny.

-You do?
-Yeah.

And I'm sure I'll be able
to laugh about it...

In a couple of weeks.

♪♪

I don't agree
with what your daughter

or my purser did,
Mrs. Rhodes.

But I'm certain they did it with
your best interest at heart.

I really just
wanted to help.

And I, um,
sort of forced gopher into it.

[ Indian accent ] That is not
entirely true in its entirety.

I just wish
to be thanked.

[ Clears throat ]

[ Normal voice ]
I just wanted to help, too.

Well, I guess you did.

It's just too bad
there aren't of my kind

of heroes
around anymore.

But there are,
Mrs. Rhodes.

You just have to look
under the surface.

They're there.

You really think so?

I'm sure of it.

You're a very
attractive woman.

Oh.

And you'll find that strong
and sensitive man you want.

I'm looking at one.

Me?

Oh, Mrs. Rhodes --

don't get nervous,
captain.

I've had it
with shipboard romances.

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

-You sent for me?
-Finley.

I took some photographs today
I wanted to show you.

I think they're
some of my best work.

Oh, that's wonderful,
master Ashley.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

What do you think?

What do you intend
to do with these?

Well, I thought my parents
might like to see just

what kind of care
you've been taking of me.

-You set me up!
-Yeah.

I'll admit I was the one
who sent the gifts

to the miss Americas
and signed your name.

Yeah.

You realize that if you send
these photos to your parents,

I shall be humiliated?

Displaced!

Finley, I didn't do it
to hurt you.

I'd...

I'd never show
these pictures to my parents.

Then why?

Because I need
to be on my own.

You're the best valet
in the world.

But I have
my work to do, also.

See, I want to be
just like you --

the very best
at what I do.

Oh, well,
thank you, sir.

Good night, Finley.

Good night...

Ace.

[ Both chuckle ]

Don't jump.

Whatever it is,
it's not worth it.

-Hi, Cassie.
-Hi.

Why is it whenever
I'm attracted to someone

and I want to make
a good impression,

that is always the time I end up
making a jerk of myself?

Join the club.

I sure made a jerk
of myself over you.

-Over me?
-Yeah.

Miss Jefferson high should
have been miss Jefferson low.

Don't laugh.
I am so embarrassed about it.

Well, you shouldn't be.

Cassie, I admire you.

You're funny and open
and willing to be yourself.

Right now, I'm more willing
to be miss america.

Gee, that's too bad
because miss Jefferson high

happens to be one
of my favorite people.

Why, because I'm good
for a laugh?

Yes.

And that's a wonderful thing
about you.

And you're
very beautiful, too.

Cassie, Saturday night
is our class reunion.

If you don't already
have a date,

I would be honored
if you would go with me.

Saturday night?

Um...

Isaac, I'm there!

♪♪

♪♪

-Bye-bye.
-Bye-bye, take care.

Ace: Hope you
enjoyed yourself.

Well, we did manage
to squeeze in

a little fun on the cruise,
gopher.

We certainly did.

It was the squeezing part
I like the best.

And, Mrs. Rhodes...

...[ Indian accent ]
A thousand pardons if I caused you some confusement.

That's all right.

The whole thing
was partly my fault anyway.

But, uh, thanks to you,

I -- I went out
and found a man of my own.

No kidding?

-Do you like him?
-Finley?

Yes, well, it was quite
a surprise to me too, sir.

Strong, tender,
great breeding.

Well, he doesn't talk
like an Indian doctor but, uh,

I'll settle
for a British valet.

Oh, well...

Let's go, fin.

I'll be right with you,
sweetheart.

Uh, fin, huh?

-Well, good-bye, sir.
-Good-bye.

And I will tell your parents
that you're doing splendidly.

Oh, thank you.
Oh, by the way, Finley.

Even though things
didn't really work out, I --

I want you to know
I still appreciate

you coming here
and taking care of me.

That is
so nice of you, sir.

Thank you.
-Take care, old man.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Isaac: Okay, well,
I'll be there, too.

[ Both chuckle ]

And thanks, Isaac,
for being so understanding.

You know,
next to my boyfriend,

you're the sweetest guy
I know.

Well, I don't mind being first
runner-up for miss america.

-Bye-bye.
-Bye-bye.

Cassie!

Well, Isaac, I guess I'll
see you Saturday night.

8:00 sharp.

Don't forget.

Captain, we want to thank
you and your crew

for a very enjoyable cruise.

No, it was
our pleasure.

Everything was lovely.

That's my job,
to be as lovely as possible.

And everyone else
was so nice.

That's me -- nice.

I'm coming back.

Uh, excuse me, folks.
Would you look up here, please?

I'd like to get a picture of all
you assembled beauties, huh?

Hold it!

There are two beauties missing.

Which two?

These two!

Okay.

All:
Flash those pearlies!

♪♪

♪♪

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