Original subtitles

[ Phones Ringing ]

[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

[ Woman Narrating ] AT CONSTANT CONSUMER MAGAZINE,

THERE IS BUT ONE CONSTANT RULE: [ People Chattering ]

GET THE JOB DONE.

THIS CAN BE HAZARDOUS, HOWEVER, WHEN THE LAWS OF ECONOMICS AFFECT OUR WORKPLACE...

AND THREATEN TO DOWNSIZE US.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CANNOT KEEP PACE WITH SUCH CHANGES, BE FOREWARNED: AND THREATEN TO DOWNSIZE US.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CANNOT KEEP PACE WITH SUCH CHANGES, BE FOREWARNED:

[ Grunting ] YOU WILL BE TERMINATED.

[ Man ] SORRY. I'M SORRY.

[ Woman ] HI. IS SHE THERE ? YEAH.

YOU SAW HER ? YEAH. AND TODAY'S THE BIG DAY.

WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD ? WHAT ?

YOU HEARD ANYTHING ? OH, EVERYBODY'S BEEN SAYIN' A THIRD,

[ Phone Ringing ] BUT TODAY, I'M TALKIN' TO JANICE,

SHE TELLS ME SHE HEARD HALF. DID SHE ?

HOLD ON. CONSTANT CONSUMER. HOLD, PLEASE. [ Woman ] SHE'S WRONG.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT ? HALF ? IT'S A MASSACRE.

NORAH, SHUT THE DOOR. I'VE GOT A 4:00 WITH TED AND NAOMI.

GO AHEAD AND DISTRIBUTE THEM ON YOUR WAY OUT.

NO. YOU CRAWL OUT THERE AND DO THE DIRTY WORK, VIRGINIA.

I'M THE ONE DRAGGING THIS MAGAZINE OUT OF THE STONE AGE.

YOU'D BE OUT OF BUSINESS IF IT WASN'T FOR ME.

MM-MM. [ Laughing ]

NORAH, I NEVER CRAWL.

AND YOU'RE SPITTING GERMS IN MY FACE.

NOW, LISTEN, SWEETIE.

JUST BECAUSE YOU KNOW...

A THING OR TWO ABOUT COMPUTERS AND OFFICE DOWNSIZING,

THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU KNOW SHIT ABOUT RUNNING A MAGAZINE.

NOW TAKE A FEW DROPS OF ECHINACEA GOLDENSEAL.

IT'LL KNOCK THAT COLD RIGHT OUT OF YOU,

AND THEN GET OUT THERE AND DROP THE AX !

[ Phones Ringing ]

DORINE. OH, I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

UH, KATE THOUGHT THAT, OF COURSE, YOU WOULD KNOW THE PROPER USE OF--

THIRD PARAGRAPH.

"WHICH." WHAT ?

"WHICH" IS CORRECT, NOT "THAT,"

AND THERE'S A SPLIT INFINITIVE IN SENTENCE TWO, PARAGRAPH ONE. "WHICH" IS CORRECT, NOT "THAT,"

AND THERE'S A SPLIT INFINITIVE IN SENTENCE TWO, PARAGRAPH ONE.

WOW. THANKS, DORINE.

[ Phone Ringing ]

[ Coughing ] [ Woman ] HEY, TRAMP, GET OVER HERE. [ Phone Ringing ]

[ Coughing ] [ Woman ] HEY, TRAMP, GET OVER HERE.

DANIEL CALLED.

OH. [ Sniffling ] WHAT'S WITH YOU ?

I THINK I'M GETTING YOUR COLD, THANK YOU,

AND THE NICOTINE QUEEN...

IS MAKING ME DO ALL THE DIRTY WORK.

FIRST OF ALL, IT'S NOT MY COLD. IT'S GARY'S.

AND IT'S YOU WHO WANTED THIS BIG JOB, SO BUCK UP, BABY.

DON'T TOUCH ME. OH, GET OVER IT.

NICE EYE SHADOW, CLUMPY. NICE SUIT.

OH.

RESEARCH HAS BEEN DECIMATED. THEY'VE GOT THREE FULL-TIMERS LEFT.

EVERYBODY ELSE HAS BEEN BUMPED TO FREELANCE,

AND NORAH IS WA-- EXCUSE ME.

- GEE, WHAT YOU GOT THERE, NORAH ? - WHAT IS THIS ?

AH, IT'S ALL THE DOWNSIZING INFORMATION.

HERE ARE THE MEMOS ABOUT BENEFIT ADJUSTMENTS,

SCHEDULES OF TIMES AND DATES OF HOME OFFICE INSTALLATIONS...

AND THEN THERE ARE A BUNCH OF... [ Sighs ]

THESE TO HAND OUT, IF YOU WANT TO.

OR IF YOU WANT ME TO, I-- BE MY GUEST.

FINE. KATE STEIN.

SO, VIRGINIA COULDN'T EVEN TELL US IN PERSON ?

[ Sighing ] D-- DORINE DOUGLAS.

[ Man ] ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, THEY HAVEN'T FIRED US YET.

WE'RE JUST GONNA BE PART-TIME NOW.

SO LET'S GET BACK TO WORK.

[ Phones Ringing, People Chattering ]

THERE YOU ARE, MR. LANDAU. THANK YOU, DORI.

THIS IS-- OVEN CLEANERS.

GREAT. OKAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT ? THIS HAS TO GO BACK TO THE WRITERS AND EDITORIAL.

DO YOU MIND MAKING COPIES ? NOT AT ALL, SIR.

OH, UH, DORINE-- YES, SIR.

YOU PROBABLY WANNA LOOK AT THIS. OH, THANK YOU.

[ Printer Printing ]

[ Modem Screeching ]

[ Buzzes ]

[ Screams ] [ Tube Thuds ]

[ Crying ]

MS. DAVIS. DOUGLAS.

MS. DAVIS. DOUGLAS, DOUGLAS.

UH, WELL, I'VE GOT AN-- I'VE GOT AN EXTRA JACKET AT MY DESK, IF YOU WANT.

[ Crying Continues ] OH. HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE.

HERE. WIPE THAT STUFF OFF. IT'S PROBABLY TOXIC.

[ Sighs ]

THANK YOU. HERE.

[ Woman ] LOOK, NORAH. NO ONE EVER SAID YOU WERE GONNA TO BE POPULAR...

AFTER YOU JOINED THE FIRING SQUAD, SO GET OVER IT ALREADY.

THAT'S THE PRICE FOR PROMOTION. DIDN'T THAT FANCY COLLEGE TEACH YOU ANYTHING ?

AND YOU, YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME.

OTHERWISE YOU'D BE HERE ALL NIGHT, LOOKING AT THIS STRESSED-OUT LITTLE FACE.

I AM NOT STRESSED OUT, KIM.

[ Clears Throat ] YOU PEOPLE SHOULD THANK ME YOU STILL HAVE YOUR JOBS.

- "YOU PEOPLE" ? - LIGHTEN UP, HON.

YOU STILL HAVE YOUR JOB, DON'T YOU ?

I SAW THAT DORINE WOMAN ON MY WAY OUT. SHE WAS WRECKED.

OH, PLEASE, THAT FREAKY LITTLE MOUSE.

OH, SHE'S SO WEIRD. IT'S LIKE HER WHOLE LIFE JUST REVOLVES AROUND HER WORK...

AND HER NOT-SO-SECRET CRUSH ON MR. LANDAU.

- IT'S PATHETIC. - EXCUSE ME, GUYS.

I'M HERE TOO. HOW ABOUT CELEBRATING THE FACT THAT I WILL BE IN THE OFFICE TOMORROW ?

- YOU'RE GONNA BE IN THE OFFICE TOMORROW ? - I HAVE COMPUTER INVENTORY...

AND THEN THREE HOME UNIT INSTALLATIONS A DAY.

NORAH'S MY NEW BOSS. OH, WELL, THAT'S CONVENIENT.

SO NOW THAT YOU'RE SO RICH, BUY ME A DRINK.

OH. WHAT TIME IS IT ? SO NOW THAT YOU'RE SO RICH, BUY ME A DRINK.

OH. WHAT TIME IS IT ?

OH, MAN.

OH, CHRIST.

[ Steam Hissing ]

[ Dog Barking In The Distance ]

HEY. [ Meowing ]

HEY, JUMBO. THERE YOU GO.

THERE YOU GO. OKAY.

[ Clears Throat ] ALL RIGHTY.

[ Meowing Continues ] [ Clock Ticking ]

[ Water Running ]

[ Garbage Disposal Whirring ]

[ Buzzing ] [ Man On Television ] I'LL TRY ANYTHING TO BRING HELEN BACK.

DORINE ! [ Dorine ] I'M COMING.

MOM, I'M COMING.

I'M COMING NOW TO MAKE TEA !

OH, DORINE ! YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE THE CATS UP HERE.

YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER. I HAVE TO REPEAT EVERYTHING. [ Man ] THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

YOU MUSTN'T BLAME YOURSELF. [ Mother ] YOU STAY THERE

[ Nurse ] YOU COULDN'T HAVE KNOWN THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

I NEED YOU TO BE STRONG NOW. OH, LEAVE THAT ON !

[ Mother ] I LOVE THEM.

- JEEVIS AND BUFFY DEE. - MMM.

[ Jeevis ] ...ACTUAL CHEF OF THE FAMOUS BISTRO FRANCAIS...

RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN STUDIO. I'M GONNA GET TO WATCH THEM A LOT MORE NOW, MAMA. [ Jeevis ] ...ACTUAL CHEF OF THE FAMOUS BISTRO FRANCAIS...

RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN STUDIO. I'M GONNA GET TO WATCH THEM A LOT MORE NOW, MAMA.

[ Buffy Dee ] JOIN THE CULINARY FUN. SOUNDS DELICIOUS.

[ Jeevis ] WE'LL TRAVEL WITH OUR FAVORITE TRAVEL CORRESPONDENT, LINDA LOU,

AND VISIT THE EXOTIC-- I'M GOING TO BE WORKING AT HOME NOW, MAMA.

OH, DORI ! WE'LL BE ABLE TO SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER.

[ Buffy Dee ] MAKE ONE IN YOUR OWN KITCHEN.

AND, YOU KNOW, THIS OLD HOUSE COULD USE SOME WORK.

[ Jeevis ] BUFFY DEE, LET'S SPIN THE RANDOM WINNER SELECTION BARREL.

[ Cat Meowing ] [ Buffy Dee ] AND THE WINNER OF THE SMILE OF THE DAY DRAWING...

WHO WILL LEAVE THE SHOW TODAY-- DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE MY CHAIR ON.

[ Dorine Narrating ] IT IS TRUE...

THAT TO LIVE INSIDE A WARM AND NURTURING ENVIRONMENT...

IS EVERYBODY'S DREAM,

BUT AS WE GROW UP, WE ALSO NEED TO EXPERIENCE...

INDEPENDENCE AND ADVENTURE.

THAT IS THE KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP.

[ Glasses Clinking ]

GOOD MORNING, KIM. THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.

I'M SORRY I DIDN'T STAY LAST NIGHT. YEAH, ME TOO.

[ Keys Jangling ]

[ Man ] WHAT ?

EXCUSE ME.

[ Door Closes ] [ Sighs ] OH, I HATE HER.

[ Mumbling ] ALL RIGHT, GANG,

MY LAPTOP MAINTENANCE ARTICLE IS FINALLY IN THE SYSTEM.

I NEED THIS BACK TONIGHT, SO CHOP-CHOP.

COME ON, GARY. WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, McDONALD'S OR SOMETHING ?

LOOK, IT'S THE COVER STORY. IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, THIS IS WHAT WE DO FOR A LIVING.

SO WHO GETS IT ? THIS MAY COME AS A SHOCK TO YOU,

BUT THE COPY DEPARTMENT DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO COEXIST AROUND HERE WITH A MODICUM OF MUTUAL RESPECT. FINE.

WHATEVER. MY HEART IS BURSTING WITH FRATERNAL GOODWILL.

I LOVE YOU ALL, OKAY ?

GET AWAY FROM ME, AND DON'T KISS ANYBODY.

HALF THE OFFICE HAS YOUR COLD AS IT IS, MYSELF INCLUDED.

I GOTTA GET THIS BACK TONIGHT, PLEASE.

THE FUTURE IS HERE. [ Landau ] YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN TO LET UP, DO YOU ?

AT LAST. ACTUALLY, THIS IS AN OLD FUTURE.

THIS STUFF WAS CUTTING EDGE LIKE TWO YEARS AGO.

SHH ! NOT SO LOUD, DANIEL. THIS STUFF IS JUST FINE.

MOST OF THEM ARE PRACTICALLY COMPUTER ILLITERATE ANYWAY. [ Door Opens ]

- WHATEVER YOU SAY. - SO, WHO'S THE FIRST VICTIM ?

WE HAVE, FIRST, KATE, THEN STEVE.

I HAVE TO VISIT THAT WOMAN, DORINE DOUGLAS. OH, YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND.

[ Chuckling ] DANIEL, YOU SHOULD GO.

ALL RIGHT, SEE YA. BYE, HONEY. FEEL BETTER.

THANK YOU.

- OH, DANIEL, CATCH ! - JESUS, NORAH.

- SORRY. DON'T FORGET TO TURN IT ON IN CASE I NEED YOU. - OKAY.

[ Pager Beeping ]

[ Landau ] YOU TOOK THE COMPUTER TUTORIAL, RIGHT, DORINE ?

MM-HMM. OKAY.

[ Printer Printing ]

THIS ISN'T A PROBLEM, IS IT ? NO, SIR, NOT AT ALL.

[ Keyboard Keys Clicking ] [ Whispering ] OKAY.

NOW, IF YOU RUN INTO ANY SNAGS,

THE MANUAL IS VERY USEFUL. MM.

THE PROGRAM'S NOT THAT DIFFERENT FROM THE OLD PROGRAM. MM-HMM.

YOU OKAY ? YES, SIR.

THANK YOU, DORINE. MM.

[ Keyboard Keys Clicking ]

[ Computer Buzzing ]

[ Buzzing Continues ]

[ Hitting Keyboard ]

[ Buzzing Continues ]

[ Knocking ]

MR. MICHAELS, SIR, IT'S JUST ME HERE...

AND THE COMPUTER WON'T STOP BUZZING.

SHOCKING. WHATEVER WILL WE DO ?

IT'S BUZZING AND BUZZING, AND IT JUST WON'T STOP.

SORRY, SIR.

PLEASE, I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL NIGHT FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN.

SHOW ME.

LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER HERE AND LEARN SOMETHING...

SO YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT TIME YOU LOSE A STORY IN THE BLACK HOLE.

HERE. THANK YOU, SIR.

OOH, A LITTLE TENSE. OOH, OOH, OH.

YOU THINK I WANNA BE HERE WITH YOU TONIGHT ?

SITTING AROUND HERE, HANGING ON TO MY JOB BY A THREAD ?

YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT ASTHMATIC BITCH, VIRGINIA, WILL COME DOWN ON MY ASS...

IF THE COVER STORY IS FUCKED 'CAUSE I WAS LATE AGAIN ?

YOU WOULD THINK AFTER A LIFETIME IN THIS OFFICE,

YOU COULD DO ONE THING RIGHT.

[ Panting ] SIR,

I HAVE TO GO TO THE RESTROOM.

[ Crying ] EXCUSE ME. YOU'RE PATHETIC !

THANKS TO YOU, WE'LL PROBABLY BOTH LOSE OUR JOBS.

[ Buzzing ]

NO, YOU DON'T.

[ Flushing ]

[ Inhaling Deeply ]

[ Gary Grunting ]

[ Tool Thuds ]

[ Mumbling ]

[ Chuckling ]

AH, SHE'LL MISS THAT, CHEAP BITCH.

MR. MICHAELS ?

[ Gary ] DORINE !

IF YOU'RE DONE PLAYING WITH YOURSELF, COULD YOU COME HOLD THE LIGHT ?

DORINE, I DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT !

OW.

CHRIST.

DORINE !

- [ Gasping ] - [ Screaming ]

[ Electric Current Buzzing ] MR. MICHAELS ?

[ Sizzling ]

[ Screams ] OH !

MR. MICHAELS ?

WAKE UP, MR. MICHAELS. [ Foot Tapping ]

IT'S DORINE.

WAKE UP !

[ Ringing ]

[ Woman ] 9-1-1. THIS IS 9-1-1.

CAN YOU HEAR ME ?

IS THIS AN EMERGENCY ? IS THERE ANYBODY ON THE LINE ?

HELLO ? HELLO ?

YOU ARE NOT A VERY PLEASANT MAN, MR. MICHAELS. YOU ARE NOT A VERY PLEASANT MAN AT ALL.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO PITCH IN. YOU ARE NOT A VERY PLEASANT MAN, MR. MICHAELS. YOU ARE NOT A VERY PLEASANT MAN AT ALL.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO PITCH IN.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP. [ Panting ]

AND THERE WAS NO NEED TO GET SO PERSONAL.

LOOK AT THIS MESS. I AM GOING TO HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT IT'S NOT MY FAULT. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP.

[ Giggles ]

[ Bell Dings ]

[ Dorine Grunting ]

[ Panting ]

GO AWAY.

GO AWAY. [ Clears Throat ]

TAKE THIS. HERE. PLEASE.

TAKE THIS.

[ Engine Starting ]

[ Clutch Rattling, Engine Restarting ]

[ Dorine Narrating ] YOU MAY THINK THAT ONCE DEAD PEOPLE ARE DEAD...

THAT THAT IS THE END OF THEM.

- NOT SO. - [ Door Closes ]

THEY LEAVE MEMORIES WHICH ARE VERY MUCH LIKE DEAD PEOPLE LIVING INSIDE OF YOU.

[ Gasps, Mutters, Exhales ]

DAMN IT TO HELL, MOTHER. YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH, YOUNG LADY.

MAKING ALL THAT RACKET. COMING IN AT THIS HOUR, DORINE.

I'M TIRED, MAMA. I HAD TO WORK VERY LATE.

I DON'T WANNA ARGUE.

I'M GOING TO MAKE US SOME TEA, AND THEN I'LL BRING IT UP, ALL RIGHT ?

DORINE DOUGLAS, YOU LET THOSE CATS PULL THE PLUG OUT OF MY CHAIR AGAIN.

YOUR POOR MAMA HAD TO CALL THAT LITTLE CASPER GIRL...

TO COME OVER AND PLUG IT IN.

OH, SHE'S IN THE SCOUTS NOW.

SHE LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU DID IN THAT LITTLE OUTFIT.

SO CUTE.

LITTLE KNIFE HANGING FROM HER BELT.

DO YOU NEED ANY HELP ? NO.

THE DOCTOR SAID A LITTLE GETTING AROUND IS GOOD FOR ME.

I HAVE A NICE... [ Flushing ]

BREAKFAST ON THE TABLE.

I HAVE BREAKFAST ON THE TABLE ! MM-HMM.

NOW WHERE THE HELL IS HE ?

[ Kim ] I HAVE NO IDEA. I'VE BEEN CALLING HIS HOUSE.

AND ? AND HIS WIFE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING.

[ Laughing ] YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ?

HE SWORE TO ME IT WOULD BE READY FIRST THING TODAY. HE PROMISED !

I KNOW, I KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

YOU WILL GET HIM ON THE LINE, OR I'LL HAVE YOUR ASS FOR THIS MESS.

VIRGINIA, LISTEN. WE REALLY HAVE GOT TO START. IT'S ALMOST 11:00.

OH, JESUS.

GO AHEAD, AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING.

[ Applause, Cheering On Television ]

[ Jeevis ] HEY, FOLKS, GOOD MORNING.

[ Buffy Lee ] WE'VE GOT A FABULOUS SHOW FOR YOU TODAY.

WE'RE ALL HAPPY TO BE HERE ON THIS BEAUTIFUL, SUNNY DAY. [ Doorbell Ringing ]

AREN'T WE, JEEVIS ? WE SURE ARE, BUFFY. WHAT A LINEUP WE HAVE FOR YOU.

HI, DORINE.

I'M HERE TO INSTALL THE UNIT. I'M A LITTLE LATE, SO--

OF COURSE. I'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU.

NOW I'M GONNA BE GIVING A CLASS FOR EVERYBODY WORKING AT HOME SOMETIME NEXT WEEK,

BUT IN THE MEANTIME, LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT--

I'M SORRY. YOU COULD JUST WATCH ME, ALL RIGHT ?

THIS IS YOUR LIFELINE TO THE OFFICE.

NOW, THE MAGAZINE'S BEEN USING E-MAIL FOR A WHILE,

BUT FOR YOU FOLKS AT HOME, YOU'LL BE USING IT FOR PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING.

I KNOW IT MIGHT SEEM A LITTLE BIT WEIRD AT FIRST,

BUT ONCE YOU GET USED TO IT, YOU KNOW ?

SOME FOLKS SAY THEY LIKE IT SO MUCH, THEY STOP TALKING TO PEOPLE IN PERSON.

UM, OKAY, LET ME GIVE YOU MY CARD IN CASE YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS AT ALL.

I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE WORKSHOP,

BUT FOR NOW, YOU KNOW, FEEL FREE TO JUST FOOL AROUND,

START TO GET TO KNOW THE SYSTEM, TRY THE TUTORIALS.

I DO KNOW A LITTLE BIT ALREADY. GOOD.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

I GUESS THAT'S IT. [ Cat Meowing ]

DO YOU NEED A RIDE BACK TO THE OFFICE ? I'M GOING RIGHT THERE.

OH, THANK YOU. I HAVE A CAR. [ Meowing Continues ]

[ Buzzer Buzzing ]

WHAT'S THAT ? MY MOTHER.

SHE HAS A HARD TIME GETTING AROUND. [ Buzzing Continues ]

COMING, MAMA !

- [ Phone Ringing ] - HELLO ?

[ Kim On Telephone ] MRS. MICHAELS ? YES.

YEAH, IT'S KIM AGAIN. I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU HEARD ANYTHING.

[ Baby Screeching ] NO, I HAVEN'T. NOTHING.

- AND YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE HE COULD BE ? - NO !

HOW DO I KNOW HE HASN'T PUT YOU UP TO THIS WHOLE THING TO BEGIN WITH ?

MRS. MICHAELS, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHERE MR. MICHAELS IS. I SWEAR TO YOU.

WELL, HAVE YOU CHECKED THE HOSPITALS ?

WHAT'D THEY SAY ?

[ Virginia Coughing ] OH, UH-HUH.

WELL, I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD WORRY. I'M SURE HE'LL TURN UP.

OKAY. YEAH. OKAY, I GOTTA GO.

BYE.

[ Kim ] LET'S MEET AFTER WORK.

OH, I GOTTA GO. BYE.

"DEAR KIM-- [ Mumbling ]

HOLD DOWN THE FORT. LOVE, GARY."

BETWEEN VIRGINIA CHEWING MY HEAD OFF AND GARY'S WIFE, I'M FREAKING OUT.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS. IT'S LIKE THEY THINK I HAVE HIM STASHED UNDER MY DESK.

I'M SURE HE'D LOVE THAT, KIM.

WHAT THE HELL'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN ? FORGET IT.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT THEIR MARRIAGE SUCKS.

WHERE DO YOU GET OFF BEING SO SUPERIOR, LITTLE MISS PRINCETON ?

NOT EVERYONE'S SO PERFECT. [ Elevator Bell Dings ]

DROP IT. NOT EVERYONE GETS EVERYTHING THEY WANT.

NOT EVERYONE'S SO LUCKY, NORAH. DROP IT !

OKAY, OKAY. I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY. I'M JUST FREAKING OUT.

GARY JUST SENT ME AN E-MAIL.

WHAT ? YEAH, JUST BEFORE I CALLED YOU.

HE SAYS HE JUST NEEDED A BREAK. NOW WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ?

HE'S EITHER IN DETOX, OR HE'S HIDING FROM SOME BOOKIE WITH A GUN.

JUST LET IT GO, KIM. [ Sighs ]

DON'T STICK YOUR NECK OUT. LET'S GET BACK.

OOH, OH, OH-OH.

IS THIS THE ONE ?

[ Virginia Mumbling ]

I CAME IN THERE, AND-AND-AND-AND MR. MICHAELS--

[ Dorine Continues, Indistinct ]

...TO MY ASSISTANCE. AND ?

SIT DOWN.

DORIS, SIT.

DORINE. DORINE.

IT'S DORINE. SO.

[ Lighter Clicking ] SO MR. MICHAELS... IT'S DORINE. SO.

[ Lighter Clicking ] SO MR. MICHAELS...

BECAME VERY ANGRY...

BECAUSE HE COULDN'T FIX IT EITHER,

AND HE INSISTED...

THAT I LEAVE HIM ALONE...

WITH HIS CHALLENGE.

OH ! [ Crying ] WITH HIS CHALLENGE.

OH ! [ Crying ]

OH, YOU IDIOT !

MR. LANDAU TOLD ME, HE SPECIFICALLY ASKED YOU TO STAY...

UNTIL IT WAS FINISHED. [ Sighing ]

YOU'RE A BIT LONG IN THE TOOTH FOR THAT ROOKIE BEHAVIOR, AREN'T YOU, DEAR ?

WELL, HAVE YOU CONTACTED MR. MICHAELS ?

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

DO YOU THINK I'D BE WASTING MY TIME WITH YOU...

IF I HAD REACHED HIM ?

[ Michael ] YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT ASTHMATIC BITCH, VIRGINIA, WILL COME DOWN ON MY ASS--

YOU'RE PATHETIC ! [ Intercom Buzzing ]

[ Man ] KIM IS HERE. SEND HER IN.

- WHEN MR. MICHAELS-- - AH, FORGET GARY MICHAELS !

HE'S A LOSER. PROBABLY HIDING LIKE A BABY ANYWHERE.

WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE ? SIT.

- KIM, DORINE. - YEAH, WE'VE MET.

GOOD. BECAUSE YOU'LL BE SEEING A LOT OF EACH OTHER.

I'M PUTTING YOU BOTH ON THE MISSING PIECE...

WHICH I NEED YESTERDAY.

LISTEN, GIRLS, I DON'T CARE HOW YOU'RE DOING IT.

RECONSTRUCT IT FROM GARY'S NOTES OR MAKE IT UP IF YOU HAVE TO.

I'M SERIOUS. ROUND-THE-CLOCK TILL IT'S DONE.

HI. HI.

WHAT'S ALL THIS ? UH, DON'T TOUCH IT. DON'T TOUCH IT !

IT'S JUST SOME ACCOUNTING, YOU NOSY BOY. [ Classical ]

WHERE WERE YOU ? I HAD TO GO BY WORK AFTER THAT LAST INSTALLATION.

YOU KNOW, KIM SEEMS TO THINK YOU'RE PISSED OFF AT HER.

OH, REALLY ? YEAH, SHE WAS PRETTY UPSET.

WELL, KIM SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME DOING HER JOB.

I MEAN, SHE AND GARY HAVE NEVER DELIVERED A SINGLE ARTICLE ON TIME.

THERE YOU GO. SEE, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.

I MEAN, IT'S ALL ABOUT OFFICE POLITICS, THEN TO HELL WITH THE REST OF US.

YOU GOTTA CHILL OUT. I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF SCAM ARE YOU RUNNING HERE ANYWAY ?

NOTHING. I AM JUST TRYING TO GET US OUT OF THIS PLACE.

[ Sighing ] SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT TOO CONCERNED ABOUT.

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE A LESSON FROM KIM AND FIND YOURSELF A LIFE, NORAH.

DANIEL, GO FUCK YOURSELF.

[ Papers Thud ]

NORAH. NORAH, COME ON.

COME ON. OPEN THE DOOR, PLEASE.

[ Thunderclaps ]

[ Sighing ]

DORINE.

HEY !

SORRY. DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME ?

WAS THERE SOMETHING THAT YOU NEEDED ?

[ Sighing ] NO, FORGET IT.

[ Coughing ]

[ Sighing ]

SHIT. SHE CAN MAKE ME STAY HERE ALL NIGHT,

BUT SHE CAN'T MAKE ME STARVE.

I'M GONNA GO OUT AND GET SOMETHING.

DO YOU WANT ANYTHING ?

NO, THANK YOU. I'M FINE. DO YOU WANT ANYTHING ?

NO, THANK YOU. I'M FINE.

OKAY.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

HELLO ?

KIM ? DORINE ?

JESUS FUCKING-- DORINE !

YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

[ Wheezing ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ? YOU FINISH ?

[ Groaning ]

HERE WE GO. UP, UP, UP.

UP.

DORINE, I KNOW YOU DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING,

BUT I GOT SOME DING DONGS FOR YOU.

OH, SHIT.

YOU LOOK MUCH PRETTIER IF YOU PUT YOUR HAIR OFF YOUR FACE.

OOH, THANK YOU.

[ Clears Throat ] THESE ARE FOR ME ?

I'LL JUST BORROW 'EM. THANK YOU.

[ Cat Meowing ]

HERE YOU GO. EVERYBODY COMFORTABLE ?

COMFORTABLE NOW ?

OKAY. [ Meowing Continues ]

THIS IS JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.

I PUT MOTHER TO BED EARLY,

AND WE CAN STAY UP AS LATE AS WE WANT.

[ Giggling ]

OH !

COME HERE. COME HERE, COME HERE. COME HERE.

[ Purring ] GO PLAY WITH VIRGINIA. SHE LIKES YOU.

THERE NOW.

HE'S A MUCH MORE HANDSOME BOY.

[ Cat Meows ]

[ Giggling ]

MR. MICHAELS,

YOU SHOULDN'T SAY SUCH THINGS TO A GIRL. [ Meowing Continues ]

[ Giggling Continues ]

YOUR FATHER WOULD HATE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THIS HOUSE.

WHAT DID YOU DO WITH ALL THAT PERFECTLY GOOD FURNITURE ?

MOTHER, YOU KNOW I MOVED DOWNSTAIRS. YOU KNOW THAT.

LOSE IT, DORINE. I'M NOT COMPLETELY CRIPPLED.

WELL, I JUST THINK IT WAS BETTER WITH A MAN AROUND THE HOUSE...

TO GIVE THIS PLACE SOME ORDER.

HE RAN A TIGHT SHIP, YOUR DADDY DID,

BUT HE SURE KNEW HOW TO KEEP US GIRLS UNDER HIS THUMB.

OH, DON'T YOU MISS ALL THOSE WONDERFUL SUNDAY MORNINGS,

GETTING THE PAPER, MAKING UP HIS TRAY ?

OH, THE SUMMER COTTAGE. [ Screams ]

OH, DAMN IT TO HELL, DORINE. WATCH WHAT YOU'RE DOING. MOTHER.

I'M GONNA BRING YOURS UPSTAIRS, MOTHER.

UH, I-I-I HAVE TO GET INTO WORK EARLY TODAY.

IT'S-IT'S A SPECIAL DAY FOR ME.

SO I'M GOING TO BRING YOURS UPSTAIRS, OKAY, MAMA ?

[ Doorbell Ringing ]

HI, MISS DOUGLAS.

THE SCOUTS IS A NATIONAL ORGAZI-- NATIONAL GROUP--

DEVOTED TO TEACHING-- YOUNG GIRLS LEADERSHIP, LOYALTY AND HONESTY.

YES, I KNOW, LINDA.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME COOKIES ?

YES, MY M-- F-- MY--

MY MOTHER ALWAYS LIKED THOSE PEANUT BUTTER SMOOTHIES. COME IN.

WHAT A NICE HOUSE YOU HAVE.

YES.

TELL THEM I'VE JUST FINISHED THE ARTICLE, AND I'VE SENT IT...

BY FAX MODEM.

YES, THANK YOU.

[ Giggling ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Gasps, Sighs ]

DEAR KIM, WHERE'S MY STORY ?

BITCH !

"SPOKE WITH VIRGINIA-- DORINE."

[ Kim ] NICE DIGS.

WELL, I GOT ANOTHER ONE.

FROM GARY ? YEP.

- WHERE IS HE ? - HE DIDN'T SAY. FROM GARY ? YEP.

- WHERE IS HE ? - HE DIDN'T SAY.

HE SAID HE SPOKE WITH VIRGINIA, BUT SHE'S NOT IN HER OFFICE. HAVE YOU SEEN HER ?

NO, NOT YET, BUT I JUST GOT HERE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I'VE NEVER BEEN SO PISSED OFF.

YOU KNOW, THEY COMPLETELY DITCHED ME LAST NIGHT. SHE AND THAT DORINE.

PROBABLY RAN OFF TOGETHER. YOU KNOW, THEY'RE PROBABLY LEZZIES. WHAT ?

AND NOW, APPARENTLY, VIRGINIA'S BEEN TALKING WITH GARY. I MEAN, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

I DON'T GET IT.

KIM,

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ? [ Sighs ]

KIM.

KIM, HOLD ON.

DORINE.

DORINE !

HEY !

GOOD MORNING, MISS POOLE.

WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU LAST NIGHT ? I WENT HOME.

OH, SO YOU JUST WENT HOME. YOU FIGURED YOU COULD JUST LEAVE ME HERE TO DO EVERYTHING ?

I WAS TENDING TO MOTHER. OH, PLEASE.

I'M NOT TAKING THE RAP ON THIS ONE, LADY, AND IF YOU THINK THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING,

YOU ARE VERY-- KIM !

WHAT ? WHAT ? MAYBE THERE'S AN EXPLANATION.

NORAH, BACK OFF. I MEAN IT. OH. SORRY.

KIM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? SAVING MY ASS.

WHAT, BY TATTLING TO EDITORIAL ? YOU THINK THEY CARE ABOUT YOUR PETTY GARBAGE ?

NO, I JUST WANNA-- BECAUSE THEY DON'T.

I WANNA MAKE SURE THAT EVERYONE KNOWS WHO TO START ACCUSING...

WHEN THE ISSUE DOESN'T COME IN THIS WEEK, 'CAUSE I'M NOT TAKING THE BLAME, NOT THIS TIME.

- [ Man ] LOOKS GOOD. - WHAT IS GOING ON HERE ?

KIM ? I MEAN, IF THIS IS SOME KIND OF BIG JOKE AT MY EXPENSE,

I'M NOT LAUGHING. HEY, CALM DOWN. HAVE A SEAT.

KIM, WHAT ARE YOU RAMBLING ABOUT ? THE BIG EMERGENCY.

OR SO VIRGINIA SAYS BECAUSE GARY DIDN'T FINISH THE COVER STORY...

BEFORE DISAPPEARING, WHICH IS ANOTHER THING.

HE'S ACTUALLY FINE. WHOA. KIM, SLOW DOWN.

OH, NO. HI, DORINE.

UM, I WAS GOING THROUGH MY CLOSET,

AND I FOUND A COUPLE OF THINGS THAT I NEVER WEAR.

THEY'D LOOK GREAT ON YOU.

OH, WELL. I COULD TRY THEM. GOOD.

THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO DO THE COVER STORY TOGETHER, BUT SHE ENDS UP LOSING IT.

SO THEN GARY-- WHATEVER--

OKAY, SO VIRGINIA COMES UP TO ME, AND SHE TELLS ME...

TO GO FINISH THAT STORY WITH THAT BITCH.

HER NAME'S DORINE, KIM.

AND SHE DID A FANTASTIC JOB, BY THE WAY. I JUST FINISHED READING IT.

WHAT ? DORINE HANDED IT IN THIS MORNING.

SHE DID QUITE A NICE JOB. I JUST SENT IT TO LAYOUT. W-W-WAIT, THAT FUCKING FREAK ?

KIM, THAT'S PLENTY FROM YOU. YOU WERE ASKED TO STAY LATE, AND YOU JUST COULDN'T DELIVER.

I WAS HERE ALL NIGHT. IT'S PATHETIC, YOU TRYING TO BLAME DORINE.

YOU'VE PROBABLY BEEN AT THIS MAGAZINE LONGER...

THAN JUST ABOUT ANY OF US.

SIXTEEN YEARS.

WELL, YOU'VE PROBABLY GOTTEN A LOT TO OFFER DURING THE CHANGEOVER.

THAT'S A LONG TIME.

YES, IT IS. YEAH.

AND, OF COURSE, MY FATHER...

WAS ONE OF ITS FOUNDING EDITORS. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

I-I'M AFRAID WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO LET YOU GO, KIM.

HAVE YOUR DESK CLEARED OUT BY THE END OF WORK TODAY.

YOU CAN'T FIRE ME ! WHERE'S VIRGINIA ?

WE CAN, KIM. WE JUST DID. HAPPY TRAILS.

[ Door Opens ]

SOUNDS LIKE QUITE A MAN, YOUR FATHER.

IS HE STILL ALIVE ?

NO, MY FATHER WAS KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT.

MY MOTHER WAS CRIPPLED.

[ Car Radio: Instrumental ]

[ Mother ] WE OUGHT TO WASH HER MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP.

YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HER FILTHY LIES.

WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, PETER.

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO YOUR MOTHER, DORINE ?

YOUR DADDY'S TALKIN' TO YOU.

SHE'S ASHAMED OF HERSELF. SHE SHOULD BE.

SHE HAS A DIRTY MIND.

NOW I CAN'T EVEN REPEAT WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT YOU.

AH, SHE LOVES ME, DON'T YOU, HONEY ?

YOU LOVE YOUR DADDY, DON'T YOU ?

YOU'RE PROBABLY JUST JEALOUS OF YOUR MOTHER, AREN'T YOU, DORINE ?

DON'T ENCOURAGE HER. PETER.

YOU TICKLISH THERE, HONEY ? HUH ?

[ Laughing ]

- HEY ! - [ Brakes Squealing ]

I'M SO SORRY, DORINE. THAT'S TERRIBLE.

FUCK VIRGINIA.

SHITTY, BACKSTABBING DYKE.

YOU CAN JUST FUCK THAT FRIGGIN' WIG, DORINE.

I'M SURE SHE'S RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY.

[ Sighs ] FUCK NORAH...

AND FUCK THIS WHOLE FUCKING OFFICE.

[ Vacuum Cleaner Whirring ]

[ Man ] HEY. [ Kim ] HI.

- GETTIN' READY TO LEAVE, HUH ? - YEP.

I'M SORRY.

[ Voices Garbled, Chattering ]

I THINK SHE'S GONNA TAKE DORINE. [ Laughing ]

SHE'S SCREWING EVERYTHING UP.

- YEAH. - WHAT HAPPENED ?

OH, IT'S JUST--

[ Kim Giggling ] I THINK SHE'S A FREAK.

[ Chattering Continues ]

[ Man ] LOOK, IF YOU NEED A HAND BRINGING ANYTHING DOWN--

NO, NO, I GOT IT. YOU SURE ?

YEAH. THANKS.

[ Kim ] SEE YOU AROUND. BYE.

GOOD NIGHT.

[ Bell Dings, Door Opens ]

[ Bell Dings ]

[ Screams ] OH, SHIT ! EASY, EASY.

OH, DANNY, YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE SO LATE ? WELL, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU TOO.

I'M SORRY. JUST-- I'M TRYING TO GET OUT OF HERE. I WAS CANNED.

OH, JESUS. THAT'S HORRIBLE. YEAH, I KNOW.

WELL, I WAS JUST COMING TO SEE IF YOU WANTED TO JOIN US FOR A DRINK.

US WHO ? ME AND NORAH.

YEAH. HIM AND NORAH.

[ Sighs ] OKAY. WELL, I COULD USE A DRINK.

I'LL MEET YOU THERE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, DANNY BOY, IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND A CORPORATE MONSTER YET, OR WHAT ?

[ Dance ] YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH SOMETIMES, KIM.

OH, ISN'T THAT THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK ?

I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE SEEN HOW YOU'VE TREATED DORINE.

OH, NORAH, OPEN YOUR EYES. THE WOMAN IS JUST USING YOU.

FOR WHAT I DON'T KNOW, BUT LOOK AT HER. SHE IS--

NO ! SHE IS A LONELY, DEFENSELESS PERSON.

THE ONLY THING THAT SHE HAS IN THIS WORLD IS HER WORK. [ Scoffs ]

BUT NO. YOU KNOW WHAT SHE TOLD ME TODAY ? NO. WHAT ?

HER FATHER DIED WHEN SHE WAS A TEENAGER, OH.

AND SHE LIVES WITH HER CRIPPLED MOTHER. OH !

OH ! YEAH. WELL, SHE HAD TO GO TO A FOSTER HOME FOR YEARS WHILE SHE RECOVERED.

WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP. [ Mocking Laughter ]

ALL RIGHT, GUYS, LET'S-LET'S CHILL OUT.

MAYBE WE SHOULD PROBABLY GO.

EVERYBODY SEEMS TO BE A LITTLE BIT STRUNG OUT TODAY.

YOU READY ? YES.

IT'S TOO LOUD IN HERE. I REALLY SHOULD GET TO BED.

I'M SORRY, OKAY ? I'M SORRY.

KIM, FORGET IT.

WE'LL SEE YOU.

[ Continues ]

OH, DORINE. GOOD NIGHT, DORINE.

THANKS AGAIN. GREAT JOB. REAL LIFESAVER.

PERSONALLY, I FIND IT SO MUCH EASIER TO WORK WITHOUT THEM.

[ Bell Dings ]

THANK YOU.

[ Grunts ]

BELIEVE ME, I KNOW IT'S SO MUCH HARDER TO BE ON YOUR TOES...

WHEN YOU'RE JUST NOT FEELING FRESH AS A DAISY.

NOW YOUR HANDS'LL GET A LITTLE REST.

GOODNESS. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ?

[ Fly Buzzing ] GOODNESS. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ?

[ Fly Buzzing ]

OH.

[ Buzzing Continues ]

HMM.

OKAY. HMM.

[ Giggling ]

THERE. NOW DOESN'T THAT FEEL BETTER ?

[ Buzzing Continues ]

[ Keyboard Keys Clicking ] [ Norah ] STOP !

STOP IT ! [ Computer Buzzing ] [ Keyboard Keys Clicking ] [ Norah ] STOP !

STOP IT ! [ Computer Buzzing ]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. [ Clicking Continues ]

[ Buzzing Continues ] [ Grunts ]

NO, NO, NO. NEVER BANG.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S DOING. I--

YOU MUST'VE MADE AN ERROR.

MM. [ Buzzing Continues ]

[ Buzzing Stops ] COMPUTERS ARE LIKE CHILDREN.

THEY FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD.

THEY DON'T MAKE MISTAKES UNLESS YOU LEAD THEM IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.

[ Keyboard Keys Clicking ] [ Computer Beeps ]

THANKS, DORINE.

OH, YOU'RE A LIFESAVER. NOT AT ALL.

[ Norah Sighs ]

SO, THANKS, DORINE.

I'LL-I'LL SEE YOU AT LUNCH.

HEY, MISS POOLE-- OH, FUCK OFF ! TED, THIS IS FUCKED UP.

YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF DORINE DOUGLAS. SHE SET ME UP. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

AND NOW SHE'S GOT ALL OF YOU EATING OUT OF HER HANDS. IT'S RIDICULOUS !

KIM, GO HOME. GO TO UNEMPLOYMENT. JUST LEAVE.

THIS COMPULSIVE LYING OF YOURS HAS GOTTEN COMPLETELY OUT OF HAND. I'M NOT LYING.

JUST GET OUT OF HERE, AND DON'T COME BACK,

OR I'LL CALL SECURITY AND HAVE YOU ARRESTED.

[ Norah ] MM-HMM. [ Beeping ]

MM-HMM.

HON, I'VE GOTTA GO. I'M SWAMPED.

ABOUT-- ABOUT 9:00 OKAY ?

OKAY. OKAY.

BYE.

WHO THE HELL--

ARREST ME. YEAH, RIGHT.

YOU'RE GONNA ARREST ME. FUCK !

FUCKING ASSHOLE.

HELLO ?

IS ANYONE THERE ?

[ Screaming ]

[ Gasping ]

[ Screaming ]

NO !

[ Screaming ]

CHRIST ! WHERE-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

YOU GONNA HAUNT THE PLACE NOW ? HEY, DID YOU JUST SEND ME E-MAIL ?

NO. SOMEBODY JUST ATTACKED ME IN THE STAIRWELL.

I COULDN'T SEE, BUT I THINK THAT IT WAS A WOMAN.

I REALLY THINK THAT IT WAS HER.

- WHO ? - YOU KNOW WHO.

CHRIST.

YOU'RE SICK, KIM. I CAN'T BELIEVE EVEN YOU WOULD STOOP THIS LOW.

OH, GOD.

UH, MR. LANDAU. IS THERE A PROBLEM, MISS REED ?

YEAH, UH, NO. UM, WELL, I WAS, UM--

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF DORINE...

OR ANYONE ELSE IN THE COPY DEPARTMENT RECENTLY SENT ME AN E-MAIL.

NOT THAT I KNOW OF. DORINE STEPPED AWAY FROM HER DESK.

SHE SHOULD BE BACK SHORTLY. [ Sniffles ]

WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I THINK I'LL WAIT.

SO...

YOU'VE KNOWN DORINE FOR A LONG TIME ? SURE.

WE WERE NEIGHBORS WHEN WE WERE KIDS. YOU'VE KNOWN DORINE FOR A LONG TIME ? SURE.

WE WERE NEIGHBORS WHEN WE WERE KIDS.

WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER. REALLY ?

SHE SAID, UM,

HER FATHER GAVE YOU THE JOB.

HE DID. UM--

I THINK DORINE HAD A CRUSH ON ME, AND HE DIDN'T LIKE IT.

SO HE PROMISED ME THIS JOB IF I WOULD SIMPLY STAY AWAY FROM HIS DAUGHTER.

BUT ANYWAY, MISS REED, WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT SHE'S A TREMENDOUS WORKER,

AS I'M SURE YOU KNOW AS WELL,

AND THAT'S ALL THAT REALLY SHOULD COUNT AROUND HERE.

[ Sighs ]

[ Dorine ] MISS REED !

SHALL WE HAVE LUNCH ? I'M HUNGRY.

[ Chuckles Nervously ]

DORINE,

YOU DIDN'T SEND ME ANY E-MAIL TODAY, DID YOU ?

ME ? NO, I'M NOT REALLY SURE HOW IT WORKS YET.

DID YOU EXPECT ONE ?

NO.

NO. [ Chuckling ]

[ Sighs ] SURE, LET'S GO TO LUNCH.

THAT'S A NICE SCARF, DORINE.

MISS POOLE SEEMS TO BE IN QUITE A HURRY.

PLEASE, SHE'S NOT A WELL WOMAN.

[ Tires Squealing ] SO I TOLD TED...

THAT WE PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE BACK.

HE'S STILL SO THRILLED ABOUT YOU SAVING THE DAY. IT'S NO PROBLEM.

EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE, HUH, DORINE ?

OH, HOW ABOUT A MANICURE ? [ Grunting ]

[ Dorine Sighing ]

[ Coughing Softly ]

HMM. MM.

NORAH.

SOME POWDER ?

I KEEP TELLING HER THAT DORINE IS A PSYCHO.

BUT WHAT DOES SHE DO ? SHE GOES AND MAKES HER A SPECIAL PROJECT AND TAKES HER UNDER HER WING.

YOU KNOW THEY HAD LUNCH TODAY ? WAIT, WAIT. YOU HAVE TO SLOW DOWN.

OKAY. I WAS IN THE STAIRWAY, AND I GOT ATTACKED.

IT WAS WITH SOME KIND OF A SCARF. I COULDN'T SEE, BUT I KNOW IT WAS A WOMAN.

YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE POLICE, KIM.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS IS ?

I THINK IT WAS HER. WHO, DORINE ?

OH, COME ON, THE WOMAN WEIGHS LIKE 80 POUNDS. YOU THINK SHE'S CAPABLE OF HOLDING YOU DOWN ?

I KNOW. IT SOUNDS INSANE, AND EVERYONE THINKS I'M OUT OF MY MIND.

NO, NO, JUST CALM DOWN. I'M GONNA GIVE NORAH A CALL. I KNOW. IT SOUNDS INSANE, AND EVERYONE THINKS I'M OUT OF MY MIND.

NO, NO, JUST CALM DOWN. I'M GONNA GIVE NORAH A CALL.

DO YOU WANT A DRINK OR SOMETHING ? YEAH.

OKAY. SIT TIGHT. [ Phone Beeping ]

[ Phone Ringing ]

HI, JUMBO. [ Jumbo Meowing ]

[ Door Closes ]

[ Chattering ]

MAMA !

I'M HOME !

MAMA !

[ Screaming ] MAMA !

[ Crying ] NO, DON'T GO AWAY, MOMMY !

MOMMY.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE.

HA-HA-HA. YOU THINK YOU'RE SUCH A SILLY GIRL ?

I DON'T CARE. YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF !

AND YOU AND DADDY...

CAN JUST GO DANCE IN HELL, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT ?

YOU AND DADDY ! CAN JUST GO DANCE IN HELL, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT ?

YOU AND DADDY !

I DON'T CARE.

[ Screaming ]

HON, IT'S ME. I'M GETTING REALLY WORRIED. PLEASE, CALL ME.

I'M GOING DOWN THERE. TO DORINE'S ?

WHY WOULD THEY GO THERE ?

YOU DON'T THINK-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK.

I JUST-- I HAVE TO TALK TO DORINE.

- YOU WANT ME TO GO WITH YOU ? - NO, YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH EXCITEMENT FOR ONE DAY.

YOU SHOULD STAY HERE IN CASE NORAH CALLS, AND THE MINUTE YOU HEAR ANYTHING, GIVE ME A BEEP.

OKAY. DANIEL ?

BE CAREFUL.

[ Footsteps ]

[ Rattling ]

SORRY, MISS DOUGLAS.

[ Laughing ] SHE'S WEIRD !

PROBABLY GOT ANOTHER ONE IN THE BASEMENT.

MAN, THE WHOLE PLACE REEKED OF DEATH.

OH, YOU'RE SICK. LET'S GET GOING. [ Chuckling ]

[ Dispatcher On Radio Chattering ]

[ Doors Closing ]

[ Engine Starting ]

[ Doorbell Ringing ]

[ Dog Barking In Distance ]

HI.

WHY, DANIEL. [ Giggling Nervously ]

I DIDN'T EXPECT ANOTHER VISIT.

MAY I COME IN ? I'M LOOKING FOR NORAH. HAVE YOU SEEN HER ?

FORGIVE MY MANNERS. PLEASE. THANK YOU.

[ Chuckling ]

IT'S SO NICE OF YOU TO STOP BY.

CAN I OFFER YOU SOMETHING TO DRINK ? WE HAVE TEA AND COFFEE.

OH, MY, WE HAVE LEMONADE.

UH, NOTHING, THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT.

LEMONADE THEN.

MEAT LOAF.

I'M HAVING MEAT LOAF.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOR DINNER ?

DORINE, YOU STILL HAVEN'T ANSWERED MY QUESTION.

HAVE YOU SEEN NORAH ?

YES, SEVERAL HOURS AGO, WE HAD--

WE HAD SUCH A LOVELY LUNCH,

AND THEN WE WENT SHOPPING.

AND THEN-- WELL, THEN SHE HAD TO GO BACK TO WORK.

[ Chuckling ] YOU'RE ADMIRING MY NECKLACE.

NORAH HELPED ME PICK THIS OUT.

IT'S JUST LIKE HERS.

- IT'S EXACTLY LIKE HERS. - MM-HMM.

- IS THAT YOU ? - MY FATHER AND I.

AND BRUSH AWAY THE BLUE TAIL FLY JIMMY CRACK CORN

AN' I DON'T CARE DORINE, HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU SIT UP HERE NEXT TO DADDY ?

I HAVE TO FINISH MY HOMEWORK.

THE MASTER'S GONE AWAY

JIMMY CRACK CORN AN' I DON'T CARE THE MASTER'S GONE AWAY

JIMMY CRACK CORN AN' I DON'T CARE

- HA ! - HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ?

YOU TWO ARE NO FUN.

[ Mother ] GOTCHA ! MY MOTHER PAINTED IT.

IS YOUR MOTHER HERE ? IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'D LIKE TO SEE...

MAYBE IF NORAH CALLED OR SOMETHING.

I'M SO, SO SORRY, BUT MY MOTHER IS SLEEPING.

WELL, IF IT'S OKAY WITH YOU, I'D LIKE TO WAIT TILL SHE WAKES UP...

JUST TO FIND OUT IF, YOU KNOW, SHE HEARD ANYTHING BEFORE YOU GOT BACK.

THAT'S FINE.

I DON'T THINK SHE HEARD ANYTHING THOUGH.

SO, UH, HOW'S IT BEEN WORKING OUT FOR YOU AROUND HERE ?

IT'S BEEN GOING SO WELL.

IN THE VERY BEGINNING, I WAS SPOOKED... [ Chuckles ]

BY ALL THE GADGETS.

BUT THEN I REALLY WORKED HARD.

I JUST STUDIED AND STUDIED AND STUDIED,

AND NOW, I REALLY FEEL AS THOUGH THE COMPUTER IS MY BEST FRIEND.

THE COMPUTER'S YOUR BEST FRIEND. MAYBE IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT YOU, DORINE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? WHAT IS IT THAT THEY SAY ?

YEAH, WELL, SOLID WORKER, BUT, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE BIT-- [ Stammering ]

BUT YOU KEEP TO YOURSELF A LOT. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE QUIET, PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE STRANGE.

WHEN K-KIM-- KIM EVEN SAID THAT YOU TRIED TO ATTACK HER TODAY.

[ Chuckling ] REALLY ?

WELL, MY, MISS POOLE CERTAINLY HAS QUITE AN IMAGINATION.

[ Groaning ]

[ Coughs ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Whimpers ]

[ Groans ]

[ Norah Crying ]

- WHAT WAS THAT, DORINE ? - MY CATS.

- [ Crying Continues ] - DORINE, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ?

THE CATS. JUMBO.

HE SCREAMS.

EXCUSE ME.

DORINE ?

D-DORINE ? DORINE, THANK GOD.

[ Crying ] OH, MY GOD !

WHAT IS THIS PLACE ?

WHERE ARE WE ? WE'RE HOME NOW, NORAH.

WE'RE WORKING AT HOME NOW. [ Sniffling ]

AND THAT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU.

IT'S ALL BECAUSE YOU SENT US HOME TO DO OUR JOBS.

[ Panting ]

DID YOU GET THE E-MAIL THAT I SENT YOU TODAY, NORAH ?

[ Sniffling ] E-MAIL ?

NO. [ Fly Buzzing ]

WE WERE-- WE WERE ON OUR WAY TO LUNCH.

BUT I DON'T REMEMBER.

DID WE EAT ? I DON'T--

YOU WON'T BE HUNGRY ANYMORE, NORAH.

I TOOK YOU HOME SO THAT YOU COULD EXPLAIN TO EVERYONE...

ABOUT ALL THE NUMBERS ON YOUR LITTLE YELLOW PAD.

I TOOK YOU HOME SO THAT YOU COULD EXPLAIN--

EXPLAIN TO EVERYONE ABOUT ALL THE MONEY...

THAT YOU HAVE BEEN STEALING.

NO !

[ Daniel ] WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE ? OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR.

- THE KEYS, DORINE. OPEN UP ! - NO !

HELP ME ! SOMEBODY HELP !

OH, MY GOD ! NORAH !

COME ON OUT, YOU GREEDY LITTLE GIRL.

EVERYONE'S WAITING TO TALK TO YOU.

YOU KNOW WE'RE FORBIDDEN TO PLAY HIDE-AND-SEEK IN THE BASEMENT.

IT'S DIRTY AND NASTY, AND WE'LL BE PUNISHED !

[ Norah Gasping ]

YOU WICKED, WICKED, WICKED LITTLE GIRL.

YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND, NORAH. YOU NEVER WERE. YOU WICKED, WICKED, WICKED LITTLE GIRL.

YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND, NORAH. YOU NEVER WERE.

[ Crying ] NO ! DORINE. DON'T DO THIS.

NO ! NO ! PLEASE.

NO, PLEASE. IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

PLEASE.

I'M SO SORRY. I DIDN'T-- I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU.

OH, I'M SO SORRY. I'M SO SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU. I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU.

I'M SO-- I'M SO-- I'M SO-- I'M SO SORRY.

IT'S ALL-- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, DORINE. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

WE COULD-- WE COULD TALK ABOUT IT.

LET'S TALK ABOUT IT.

I COULD HELP YOU. I COULD HELP YOU.

I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

- I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE. - [ Pager Beeping ]

[ Dorine Yelling ]

[ Screaming ] NO !

DON'T HURT ME, PLEASE ! [ Beeping Stops ]

PLEASE. [ Crying ] OH, GOD.

DORINE, LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME.

PLEASE CALM-- CALM DOWN.

CALM DOWN. YES.

YES. [ Panting ]

DORINE,

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET AWAY WITH THIS.

YES.

YOU HAVE TO STOP. LET ME HELP YOU.

LET ME HELP YOU ! GIVE ME THE KNIFE ! [ Dorine Screaming ]

[ Both Screaming ]

[ Norah ] NO ! NO !

NO !

[ Screaming Continues ]

[ Murmuring ]

N-O-R-A-H.

[ Modem Dialing ]

[ Modem Screeching ]

[ Phone Ringing ]

[ Beeps ] HELLO ? DANIEL ?

I CAN HEAR SOMEONE BREATHING. WHO IS THIS ?

WHO IS THIS ?

NO ONE, KIM.

NO ONE AT ALL.

DORINE ! DORINE, IS THAT YOU ?

[ Phone Hits Receiver ] [ Beeping ]

YES, POLICE. THERE'S A MURDER IN PROGRESS.

NO, I DON'T KNOW THE ADDRESS. IT'S, UH--

HER NAME IS DORINE DOUGLAS, AND SHE'S COMPLETELY INSANE.

PLE-- YES, I'LL HOLD.

[ Liquid Pouring ]

[ Soft Murmuring ]

[ Norah Gasping ]

THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.

[ Gasping Continues ] [ Murmuring ]

I'M SO SORRY I MADE SUCH A BIG MESS.

[ Murmuring Continues ]

[ Gasping Continues ]

I REALLY APPRECIATE THE HELP.

I'M NEW HERE.

[ Murmuring Continues ]

OH.

[ Phone Ringing ]

[ Ringing Continues ]

[ Ringing ]

[ Sirens Wailing ]

[ Meowing ]

[ Dorine Narrating ] IF THERE IS ONE THING I HAVE LEARNED,

IT IS ACCEPTING MY LIMITATIONS WHILE ACCENTUATING MY STRENGTHS.

A NEW JOB AWAITS ME SOMEWHERE,

PERHAPS IN YOUR OFFICE.

I HOPE THAT WE COULD GET ALONG.