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♪ ♪
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Arliss (narrating):
For most of us,
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00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:16,020
the dream of becoming a champion
4
00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:18,652
remains a fantasy.
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00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:20,588
But for a special few,
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it is very much a reality.
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We cheer them,
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we live through them.
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Athletes are our last warriors.
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My job is to make
their dreams come true.
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My name is Arliss Michaels.
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I represent athletes,
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00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:39,607
these are my stories.
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♪ Don't know what it is
that makes me love you so ♪
15
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:46,309
♪ I only know I never
wanna let you go ♪
16
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:50,349
♪ 'Cause you started
something, oh, can't you see ♪
17
00:00:50,416 --> 00:00:53,786
♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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♪ It happens to be true ♪
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♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
20
00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:04,801
♪ I just wanna be
beside you everywhere ♪
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00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:08,674
♪ As long as we're
together, honey, I don't care ♪
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00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:12,005
♪ 'Cause you started
something, oh, can't you see ♪
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00:01:12,071 --> 00:01:15,681
♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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♪ No matter what you do ♪
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♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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Arliss (narrating): One of the swell
things about my chosen profession
27
00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,515
is the opportunity it affords me
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00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:33,230
to visit exciting
and exotic places.
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Kirby, why are we here?
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You know I hate the beach.
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Just give it a chance.
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No, you don't understand.
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If you microscopically wrote,
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"Arliss Michaels
hates the beach,"
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00:01:43,736 --> 00:01:45,336
onto every grain of sand,
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00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:47,205
it still would not
underline enough
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how much I hate the beach.
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You won't be sorry, okay?
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Excuse me! Oh!
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Oh, hi.
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I enjoyed that.
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Cocoa butter on
Italian gabardine.
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That can't be good.
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Arliss, I present to you
an exciting new world
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with precious, untapped
natural resources
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just waiting to be... tapped.
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Behold!
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(cheers and applause)
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Woman: Whoo!
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Arliss (narrating): There
comes a time in every agent's life
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when he discovers
something truly inspiring.
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Caramba!
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And it's not always
just the athlete.
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Sometimes it's their milieu,
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the arena in which they toil.
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- See those guys over there?
- Uh-huh.
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That's Urch and Rack.
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By next year, they'll be the best
two-man volleyball team in the country.
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Okay, they knock down
more tail in a weekend
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than I do in a year.
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(women screaming)
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Listen, all these people,
they get in for free?
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For free? For free?
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(whistle blows)
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Can I apply a free sample of
Catalina Tropic's non-oily sunscreen?
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Nectarine number Nine.
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Oh! Honey, you can apply
Nine through Ninety-Nine.
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Oh man, there's too much
stuff being given away for free.
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I haven't seen one
dime exchange hands.
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Unless you count panhandlers.
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Now see, you can change all
that with your marketing genius.
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Oh boy, I'm telling you,
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it's not the sport
that's golden.
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It's the scene, dude!
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(cheering and applause)
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Thanks.
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Arliss (narrating):
Timing is everything.
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Arliss always says Carpe Diem.
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Seize the moment. You
must become one of them.
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Speak their language.
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I got nothing
against scratch, Arlo.
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We notch every night.
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Wake up to breaking waves,
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slap white leather till sunset.
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Yeah! We're already rich.
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I believe you mean
"enriched," like flour.
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00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,879
Quite stalling, Arlo.
Hurry up and drink.
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00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:11,348
- Oh, no, no, no. None... none for us.
- No, no, no.
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(scoffs)
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Losers!
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"Losers"?
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Losers.
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They're calling us losers.
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Wrong. You guys are the losers.
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Open your eyes!
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All of you! Don't you see
what you got in front of you?
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Volleyball should be every
bit as popular as basketball.
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It's got passion,
it's got grace,
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and above all, it's got hard
bodies with very little on!
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00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:39,710
It's sexy! It is hip!
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The only thing is, you're giving
your product away for free!
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That's stupid.
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You guys need to be marketed!
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You should have
a world indoor tour!
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Yeah! The majority of the
women players last year
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made less than
$10,000 on the circuit.
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Oh my God, it's
worse than I thought.
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That's below the poverty line!
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Tour's been done, dude!
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Been done all wrong.
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00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:06,010
We'll bring the
scene to the people!
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The landlocked, the
huddled, beach-less masses
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throughout the world.
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Guys! This man represents
Barry Bonds, Shaq, and Jerry Rice.
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Wayne Gretzky, Reggie
Miller, Albert Belle, Cigar.
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We would be so
stupid not to do it.
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How do we know we
can trust these guys?
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They don't shred.
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Yeah. They don't drink.
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And I don't trust
nobody who don't drink.
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Well, in that case, barkeep!
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Line up ten of Jose's family
on both sides of the table!
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Double shots!
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Here's the game.
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Shirts versus... skins.
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Who's ever left standing wins.
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What do you got in mind, agent?
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We win?
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You join the tour.
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You win?
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Cuervo Gold for life.
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(crowd oohs)
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Let's rock.
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00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:07,804
Boss, listen, you can't
even handle Diet Snapple.
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00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,297
How you gonna
outdrink these guys?
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00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:10,998
I'm not! You are!
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00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:12,340
No, no, me? I can't!
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00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:14,035
I've been on the
wagon for three weeks!
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00:06:14,106 --> 00:06:15,806
It just hit a bump.
Get in there.
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00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,175
No, no, no, listen. One
more week and I get a chip.
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00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:20,204
Listen, you talked me
into this, now get in there!
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- No, no, no, you can't make me!
- Take one for the team!
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- No, no, no!
- For the team!
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Look, they're gonna make us
drink against somebody's father.
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"Father"?
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00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,400
Well, I must be yours.
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'Cause I've been
"notching" your mother.
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Ooh!
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Crowd: Ooh!
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♪ ♪
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(inaudible)
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Woman: All right!
153
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Man: Whoo! Look at that.
154
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(woman laughs)
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00:07:31,183 --> 00:07:33,393
(crowd cheering and applause)
156
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:40,434
(crowd cheers)
157
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Tequila makes me thirsty.
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00:07:41,827 --> 00:07:43,557
Somebody get me a beer.
159
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:46,799
And somebody call my sponsor.
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00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:49,436
(cheers and applause)
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00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:54,044
Losers!
162
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,047
Well, something has to
be done about her hair.
163
00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:04,715
I mean, we have to curl it,
164
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:07,154
or cut it, shag it, or shape it.
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00:08:07,219 --> 00:08:09,689
And these breasts.
Are we married to them?
166
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We're gonna play on
colored sand in indoor arenas.
167
00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:14,785
Jade, neon, cherry-cherry.
168
00:08:14,860 --> 00:08:18,100
Call it the Catalina Tropic or
Hobie Tour! Sell off signage!
169
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,774
Introduce players
with a laser show.
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Concerts afterwards.
171
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Now, Sally and Lisa, Rack and
Urch, are gonna be our flagship teams.
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I'm gonna get
"Cosmo," "Elle," "GQ."
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00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:27,481
Every fashion mag out there
shooting. What do you think?
174
00:08:27,506 --> 00:08:31,776
I think that your penises
have overpowered your brain,
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00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,984
and taken common sense hostage.
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00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:35,516
Now, in Kirby's case,
I can understand
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00:08:35,548 --> 00:08:36,978
the brain not
putting up a fight.
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But you, Arliss?
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00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:40,004
Sinking your money
into something like this.
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00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,059
Commissioner Carlisle,
could I see you for a minute?
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00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:49,860
Commissioner Carlisle?
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00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,499
It's a decorative title.
183
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:52,634
He doesn't do anything.
184
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,078
It's sort of like the
Queen of England,
185
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,800
or the General
Manager of the Yankees.
186
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:59,008
Now, the entire makeover's
going to cost $50,000.
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00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,441
Not including pictures.
188
00:09:00,506 --> 00:09:02,606
But I've got Leibovitz
to do the photo layout.
189
00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:05,035
- Annie?
- Uh, no, her cousin, Kurt.
190
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,751
He gets $10,000 a day,
191
00:09:06,812 --> 00:09:08,412
but he uses very little light.
192
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,216
Approved.
193
00:09:11,283 --> 00:09:13,993
Okay, you got a
cheesecake flying circus.
194
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,793
So, what? I see a lot
of money going out,
195
00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:17,255
but where's it coming in from?
196
00:09:18,290 --> 00:09:20,690
♪ CBS ♪
197
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,500
♪ Welcome home ♪
198
00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:24,261
Arliss: Les...
199
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:26,270
Beach volleyball was
huge in the Olympics.
200
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,372
120 million people tuned in.
201
00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:32,074
120 million people tuned in
to synchronized swimming.
202
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:33,748
It doesn't mean it's
gonna beat "Seinfeld."
203
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:35,673
Oh, Les, come on! What
have you got to lose?
204
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:37,481
CBS hasn't had a hit
show on Thursday night
205
00:09:37,543 --> 00:09:38,883
since Buddy Ebsen retired!
206
00:09:38,944 --> 00:09:40,024
What are you talking about?
207
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,159
"Murder, She Wrote," "Diagnosis:
Murder," doing very well.
208
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:43,751
Oh, Les, come on!
209
00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:45,946
Nothing against Angela
Lansbury and Dick Van Dyke,
210
00:09:46,018 --> 00:09:48,488
but between the two of
'em, there's nobody left to kill!
211
00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:50,364
So the answer is
beach volleyball?
212
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,623
It's counter-programming.
213
00:09:51,690 --> 00:09:54,690
Look, this NBC "Must
See" stuff is totally overrated.
214
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,500
"Seinfeld." Good
show, I'll give you,
215
00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:58,062
but "Single Guy,"
216
00:09:58,130 --> 00:09:59,470
"Caroline in the City"?
217
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,342
- What about "Friends"?
- That's the most overrated!
218
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:02,537
It's annoying. It's cloying.
219
00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:04,011
You do know I had a
little something to do
220
00:10:04,036 --> 00:10:05,176
with the development
of that show.
221
00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:06,514
You didn't let me finish!
222
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:09,282
Look, what do all these NBC
comedies have in common?
223
00:10:09,341 --> 00:10:10,811
They're in the top ten?
224
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:11,976
No, no, no!
225
00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:13,954
They're all about a bunch
of good-looking people
226
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:16,353
sitting around
indoors fully-clothed.
227
00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:17,475
So?
228
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:19,120
So I give you...
229
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,945
counter-programming.
230
00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:27,031
Tell me they won't
get your audience
231
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:28,293
to stick around for Letterman.
232
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,997
And, Les, you do know,
233
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:34,965
if you don't jump on this,
234
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:36,204
FOX will.
235
00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:38,838
Okay, I need two things.
236
00:10:38,904 --> 00:10:41,574
An umbrella sponsor that
I can sell to my sales guys.
237
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,080
- Fine.
- And two, I need your stars.
238
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,183
Give me a couple of your
superstars, you got a deal.
239
00:10:46,245 --> 00:10:48,475
Great! Now let me
ask you a question.
240
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:50,617
Do you ever think about
bringing back "Mannix"?
241
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,045
When you said you had
an opportunity for me,
242
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:56,671
I thought we were
finally going to open up
243
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,019
Cecil Fielder's
Grand Slam Burgers.
244
00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:01,131
Cecil, would you
rather go to work
245
00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:02,763
and see two greasy fry cooks,
246
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:05,428
or come to the beach and
see two greased mega-babes?
247
00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:08,596
You got a point.
248
00:11:09,768 --> 00:11:11,238
Set.
249
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,605
Oops!
250
00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:16,837
I think that's out.
251
00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:18,149
Yeah, and the idea in this game
252
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:20,080
is to keep the ball
in the ball park.
253
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:21,776
Oh.
254
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:23,167
Arliss Michaels' office.
255
00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:24,476
(phone ringing)
256
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:26,550
Please hold for
Commissioner Carlisle.
257
00:11:27,786 --> 00:11:29,386
- Hey, Rita.
- Where are you?
258
00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:31,685
The commissioner's office.
259
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,527
Listen, Rita, I need
you to get Stanley
260
00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:34,632
to cut a deposit check
261
00:11:34,693 --> 00:11:37,033
to the Poggi-Tozi Sand Company.
262
00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:39,366
They've, uh, sent
us some samples.
263
00:11:39,431 --> 00:11:41,471
You do it. I don't work for you.
264
00:11:42,568 --> 00:11:43,998
(giggles)
265
00:11:44,069 --> 00:11:45,099
What was that?
266
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:47,811
My, um, screen saver.
267
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,713
- (phone rings)
- Hold on.
268
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:52,075
Arliss Michaels' office.
269
00:11:52,144 --> 00:11:53,384
One moment, please.
270
00:11:53,445 --> 00:11:57,815
Rita, what is this $7,000
bill for Rack's aromatherapy?
271
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,953
Michael Armstrong, line two.
272
00:12:00,019 --> 00:12:03,159
Oh, what does this prick want?
273
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:05,262
Hello! How's the man with
the wooden handshake?
274
00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:08,094
(chuckling) Oh, now, Arliss.
275
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,430
You're not still bitter
because we bought jerky
276
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,326
instead of your little
boutique, are you?
277
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,778
No, no, no, no. Why
should I be bitter
278
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:16,169
cause you reneged
on a $54 million deal?
279
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:17,535
Good! Because I understand
280
00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:20,173
you're talking to CBS
about a little, uh...
281
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,369
volleyball tour.
282
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:23,778
That's right.
283
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:24,837
Cute idea.
284
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:27,550
We had something in the
works along those lines ourselves.
285
00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:29,353
You probably stole
the idea from us, huh?
286
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,975
I didn't steal it from you,
287
00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:33,630
and you're not clever enough to think
of it on your own, so get off of my wave!
288
00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:37,592
Now, now, let's
not get all pissy.
289
00:12:37,656 --> 00:12:41,026
Concorde Pro Management was
going to make a generous offer
290
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:42,533
to buy you off of that tour.
291
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,325
(chuckling) Save your breath!
292
00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:47,226
There is no way I would
consider selling it to you.
293
00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:48,399
What are you offering?
294
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:51,097
We take over everything
including your expenses,
295
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:52,870
and give you a two
million dollar buyout.
296
00:12:53,872 --> 00:12:55,312
Are you kidding?!
297
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,644
Two million dollars for
all the work I put into this?
298
00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,620
Rita, how long have I been
working on this project?
299
00:12:59,645 --> 00:13:00,755
Eleven days.
300
00:13:00,764 --> 00:13:01,884
Two and a half years!
301
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,847
And you offer me
two million dollars?
302
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,776
Shame on you! Shame on you!
303
00:13:05,851 --> 00:13:06,901
Make it ten, and we can close.
304
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,989
(chuckles) There you go again.
305
00:13:09,054 --> 00:13:12,394
Greed. Two million
is as high as I can go.
306
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,688
Well, then, we have
nothing to talk about.
307
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,659
Ooh! Can I feel your muscles?
308
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,371
Strong man!
309
00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:21,602
Big bill.
310
00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:26,965
$10,000 for aura cleansing?
311
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:28,909
Aura cleansing?
312
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,344
What is with these people?
313
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:33,180
Kurt: Beautiful.
This is the shot.
314
00:13:33,245 --> 00:13:34,575
Look in the lens.
315
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,577
Right here. Make
love to the lens, guys.
316
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,579
Give me some fire.
Give me some ice.
317
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:39,891
Come on now.
318
00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:42,152
A little less fire.
A little more ice.
319
00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:44,191
- Perfect. Perfect. We've got it.
- Great.
320
00:13:44,256 --> 00:13:47,126
So where are, uh, Urch
and what's her name?
321
00:13:47,192 --> 00:13:49,532
Lisa's practicing
and Urch hurt his foot.
322
00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:51,125
We had a game at Redondo.
323
00:13:51,196 --> 00:13:53,296
He stepped on a
petrified kelp pod.
324
00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:56,095
A petrified kelp pod?
325
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:57,998
Petrified kelp, rotator cuffs.
326
00:13:58,070 --> 00:14:00,010
'60s aluminum flip-tops.
327
00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:01,172
Career killers.
328
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,240
Is this serious?
329
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:05,439
Fifteen stitches,
but he'll be cool.
330
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,151
Urch has tremendous nad.
331
00:14:07,212 --> 00:14:08,212
Arliss, please.
332
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:09,680
Oh, yeah, sure.
333
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:14,191
Can you step out of the way?
334
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,256
Okay, feel the seashore.
335
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:20,755
I wanna see the sand!
336
00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:22,696
Arliss, they are incredible.
337
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:24,311
- I definitely see the potential.
- Sure!
338
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:27,270
But a suntan lotion company
sponsoring indoor volleyball?
339
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:30,003
Catalina Tropics
self-tanning bronzing gel.
340
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:31,469
Indoor pro-beach tour.
341
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:32,637
Here's how it works:
342
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,605
you hand out free
samples at the door.
343
00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:36,343
People watch, get bronzed,
344
00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:38,338
and buy your product
as they walk out.
345
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:39,560
What's not to like?
346
00:14:39,563 --> 00:14:40,713
What's in it for you?
347
00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:42,819
A piece of the
concessions at the gate
348
00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:43,991
and the network advertising.
349
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:46,086
Ooh, you are amazing.
350
00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:48,651
But then, so are Sally and Rack.
351
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,821
All right. I'll huddle with
my people about the tour.
352
00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:54,630
You don't close with anybody
until you talk to us last.
353
00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:56,103
Great!
354
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:59,131
Now, the only thing, her
name isn't Sally anymore.
355
00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:00,298
Lisa: Excuse me!
356
00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:02,396
We had a practice!
357
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:03,698
I'm not finished here.
358
00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:07,009
Look, volleyball player
formerly known as Sally,
359
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:08,482
if you're not serious
about the game,
360
00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:09,737
I'm gonna find a new partner!
361
00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:11,608
(clears throat) Lisa, Slasha!
362
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:13,877
Uh, have you met
our new sponsor?
363
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:16,146
New partner? Go ahead.
364
00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:18,315
See how much media
attention you get without me.
365
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:20,054
See how much
media attention you get
366
00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:21,729
when you don't qualify
for the tournaments.
367
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,044
Fine!
368
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,320
Chick fight! Dig it.
369
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,020
You're on your own.
370
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:33,029
I'll get, uh, Slasha
a new partner.
371
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:37,838
No problem.
372
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,665
♪ ♪
373
00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:51,922
Luscious Liz Masakayan.
374
00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:53,894
How's the baroness
of the beach set?
375
00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:56,322
Forget it, Arliss!
376
00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:59,688
I'm not playing with Slasha
or whatever her name is.
377
00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:02,688
Now how do you know that's
what I came all the way down here
378
00:16:02,761 --> 00:16:04,131
just to see you for?
379
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:06,566
You're wasting your time.
380
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,512
I'd partner with you
before I'd partner with her.
381
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,444
Except you haven't
seen me in a thong bikini.
382
00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:12,942
Liz, listen, I think together
you and Slasha'd become
383
00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:14,365
one of the great
teams of all time.
384
00:16:14,406 --> 00:16:17,376
Like Butch and Sundance,
Batman and Robin, Bruce and Demi!
385
00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:18,913
Ball and chain? No way, Arliss.
386
00:16:18,977 --> 00:16:20,777
Look, it's one thing
that Sally McGuinness
387
00:16:20,846 --> 00:16:22,046
has cement feet on the sand.
388
00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:24,194
It's another thing she's a
king-sized pain in the ass!
389
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:25,916
So you'll think about it?
390
00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:29,256
I'm trying to practice here.
Can you get off the court?
391
00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:30,858
It's a public beach.
392
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,130
I win!
393
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:40,968
No, that's a four and a six.
394
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:43,503
You can't... you can't put...
395
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:46,369
No, you gotta flip
one. You don't have it.
396
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:49,008
So, this is the
Commissioner's Office, huh?
397
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:50,844
Arliss, great to see you.
398
00:16:50,909 --> 00:16:52,909
Chuck, two
Commissioner Cocktails
399
00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:55,148
and hold my calls.
400
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:56,754
(sighs) We got some bad news.
401
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:59,145
Urch when ballistic
when he hurt his foot,
402
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:01,118
and demolished
the bathroom here.
403
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,116
AMM's gotta pay for it.
404
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:05,518
Aw, man. I don't
need this today!
405
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:08,325
Lisa and Slasha broke up.
406
00:17:08,393 --> 00:17:09,763
We can't have that.
407
00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:11,458
Yeah, well, we do.
408
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:14,030
No, this office can't have that!
409
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:15,869
That's a violation of, um,
410
00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:17,944
Section Five, Paragraph Six
411
00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:20,143
of the WIBF bylaws.
412
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,525
You know, it's
too late for Slasha
413
00:17:21,573 --> 00:17:22,953
to join the tour
with a new partner.
414
00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:25,475
The filing deadline
was yesterday!
415
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,949
So change the deadline.
416
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:30,484
Get new by-laws.
417
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:34,190
That would be abusing
the power of my office.
418
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:36,863
And it's not in the best
interest of volleyball.
419
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:40,833
Who made you the
god of volleyball?
420
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,633
Uh, you did.
421
00:17:42,694 --> 00:17:45,664
Well, guess what. The
owners elect the commissioner.
422
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,201
Since I am the
only owner so far,
423
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:51,337
then I can vote one to
nothing to have you impeached!
424
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,443
You wouldn't do that.
425
00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:55,870
(slurping)
426
00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:57,511
Would you?
427
00:17:59,945 --> 00:18:01,575
Yo, Arliss.
428
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,348
How do you get
service in restaurants?
429
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:07,952
You order.
430
00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:15,693
Arliss: Slasha...
431
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:18,461
the Catalina Tropic people
are getting a little uneasy.
432
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:21,300
They won't sponsor the
tour unless you find a partner.
433
00:18:21,366 --> 00:18:23,736
Sally: Well, I won't have any
problem finding a new teammate.
434
00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:25,802
Arliss: Well, one would think,
435
00:18:25,871 --> 00:18:27,351
but it seems that
your style is suited
436
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:29,506
for something
a little bit more...
437
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:31,015
you know, a different
type of partner.
438
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,753
Someone who can jump
a little higher in the sand,
439
00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:35,652
and spike the ball
and maybe serve.
440
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,594
Sally: Are you saying
that I can't play the game?
441
00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:39,379
- No, no, no.
- Who then! Who said this?
442
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:40,791
Everybody else!
443
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,117
Well, they're jealous.
444
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:44,187
They're jealous that
I'm on magazine covers
445
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:46,166
and that I'm getting offers
from Bausch and Lomb,
446
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:47,231
and the E! Channel.
447
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,532
Let me just set this one
up for you and then duck.
448
00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:52,425
Would you entertain the
idea of re-teaming with Lisa?
449
00:18:52,497 --> 00:18:54,527
Not if she were the
last player on Earth.
450
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,870
Well, Slasha, I believe she is.
451
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,512
You think Tommy
Hilfiger puts up with this?
452
00:19:04,042 --> 00:19:06,382
I just need you to go to
the bank and get some cash!
453
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:08,275
Poggi-Tozi don't take checks!
454
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:10,477
Well, did you step on
some petrified kelp?
455
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:11,849
Go walk over there yourself!
456
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:12,947
I have a meeting.
457
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:14,728
You know, I'm sick of you
not giving me the respect
458
00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:15,753
worthy of my title.
459
00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:16,987
He balled his fist!
460
00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:19,055
Children! Please.
461
00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:20,964
Arliss, God, I'm
glad you're here.
462
00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:22,426
(growls)
463
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:29,272
What's he been
doing? Making wine?
464
00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:32,295
No. Yesterday, we
were at a sand company
465
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:33,651
testing out the
color and texture
466
00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:35,235
of some Key West Coral
467
00:19:35,307 --> 00:19:37,337
and the dye they
used, apparently
468
00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:40,049
infected the cut he got
from the petrified kelp.
469
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,782
And as it turns out,
470
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,617
it's sort of... permanent.
471
00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:45,072
(nervous laugh)
472
00:19:45,068 --> 00:19:46,448
Oh, good.
473
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:49,218
Yeah, the next 36
hours are really critical
474
00:19:49,287 --> 00:19:50,317
according to the doctors.
475
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:52,863
Or what?
476
00:19:52,924 --> 00:19:54,394
They may have to amputate.
477
00:19:54,459 --> 00:19:55,489
His foot?
478
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:56,525
Shhh! No, no, no.
479
00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:58,055
His right toe. The big one.
480
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,430
- (screams)
- Sorry.
481
00:19:59,498 --> 00:20:02,868
Oh, this is great. I
can't catch a break.
482
00:20:02,934 --> 00:20:04,104
Take him home.
483
00:20:04,169 --> 00:20:07,069
I would, but a transient
set fire to his trailer.
484
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:10,679
Another $67,000 in
volleyball invoices.
485
00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:13,152
Another $67,000?
486
00:20:13,211 --> 00:20:15,581
And the Catalina Tropic
people are on their way over.
487
00:20:15,647 --> 00:20:17,717
Arliss, you're not paying
me enough to work for you,
488
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,023
and the village idiot.
489
00:20:19,084 --> 00:20:21,464
Oh, what's the matter? Falling
behind in your "Vogue" reading?
490
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:25,016
Tell her to go to the bank
and get me $5,000 in $100 bills.
491
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,230
Another $5,000? For what?
492
00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:28,892
For Poggi and Tozi.
493
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,860
For research and development!
494
00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:32,759
(scoffs) Of colored sand!
495
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:34,471
That's toxic and indelible?
496
00:20:34,533 --> 00:20:35,573
You've gotta be kidding.
497
00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:36,874
I'm not paying those guys dick.
498
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,202
(pounding at door)
499
00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:41,335
(Poggi and Tozi growl)
500
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:43,136
Rita, would you get
petty cash, please?
501
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:53,050
Where is Slasha?
502
00:20:53,118 --> 00:20:54,718
She's always late.
503
00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:56,486
Can he jump without a big toe?
504
00:20:56,555 --> 00:20:59,055
Hell, he could never
jump with a big toe.
505
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:00,734
(laughs) Concur!
506
00:21:00,792 --> 00:21:02,592
Okay, well, we
have to get going.
507
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:04,541
She'll have to meet us at
CBS. Come on. Let's go.
508
00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:07,233
Whoa, whoa, time out, Arlo.
509
00:21:07,299 --> 00:21:09,029
I noticed where
the end of the tour
510
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,871
conflicts with the
big wave season.
511
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,436
Yeah, so?
512
00:21:12,504 --> 00:21:14,014
So, me and Urch haven't missed
513
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:16,342
the Banzai Pipeline
in, like, ten years,
514
00:21:16,408 --> 00:21:19,378
and I don't think
we're starting now!
515
00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:21,254
Deal breaker!
516
00:21:21,313 --> 00:21:22,533
Is he serious?
517
00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:23,752
Of course not!
518
00:21:23,815 --> 00:21:25,045
(whispers) Is he serious?
519
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,787
Uh, when it comes to
surfing, Urch is very serious.
520
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:28,903
(door opens)
521
00:21:28,905 --> 00:21:29,955
Sorry, everyone!
522
00:21:30,021 --> 00:21:31,621
Traffic. Kisses. (kissing)
523
00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:33,660
Kisses!
524
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:35,630
Oh. My. God.
525
00:21:35,694 --> 00:21:36,834
Ay Caramba!
526
00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:40,265
People! I have something
really, really sad to tell you.
527
00:21:46,671 --> 00:21:48,441
I promised myself
I wouldn't cry,
528
00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:51,777
but star athletes cry when
they retire, don't they?
529
00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:54,383
I mean, I see it on
ESPN all the time.
530
00:21:54,446 --> 00:21:55,606
"Retire"?
531
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,450
I'm hanging 'em up.
532
00:21:58,517 --> 00:22:00,287
Well, actually, that's not
right. We play barefoot,
533
00:22:00,318 --> 00:22:01,548
but you know what I mean.
534
00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:05,190
What a flake! I can't believe
you made me get back with her!
535
00:22:05,257 --> 00:22:07,087
What about the tour?
536
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,229
You know, you're walking
away from a lot of money.
537
00:22:09,294 --> 00:22:11,934
Not really. I mean, I'm walking
away from a lot of money
538
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,527
to just gobs and gobs of money!
539
00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:16,599
I just signed with
Elite Modeling Agency!
540
00:22:16,668 --> 00:22:18,598
You signed with a
modeling agency?
541
00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:20,340
Oh, and that's another thing.
542
00:22:20,405 --> 00:22:23,705
You know that brew deal
you signed Urch and me up to?
543
00:22:23,775 --> 00:22:25,035
Corona!
544
00:22:25,110 --> 00:22:27,380
What's wrong? The 12 cases
didn't arrive by breakfast?
545
00:22:27,445 --> 00:22:29,945
No, it's just, I only drink Bud!
546
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:31,275
That's my brand.
547
00:22:31,349 --> 00:22:33,249
I can't wear the Corona logo!
548
00:22:33,318 --> 00:22:36,288
- No, you can't...
- I'd be, like, lying to the American people.
549
00:22:36,354 --> 00:22:37,894
'Cause I'm a Bud Man!
550
00:22:37,890 --> 00:22:39,420
Deal breaker!
551
00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:41,661
Liz Masakayan,
she'd sign with Lisa!
552
00:22:41,726 --> 00:22:44,296
- Lisa: I'd play with her.
- Great. What's she look like?
553
00:22:44,362 --> 00:22:45,732
Rita.
554
00:22:47,499 --> 00:22:49,069
Get me Mike Armstrong.
555
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,443
Oh, oh, oh! Guess
what my first gig is?
556
00:22:53,505 --> 00:22:55,205
The "S.I." swimsuit issue.
557
00:22:55,273 --> 00:22:56,273
Woo-hoo!
558
00:22:56,341 --> 00:22:57,591
Finally, I can
relax on the beach
559
00:22:57,609 --> 00:22:59,139
instead of running around on it.
560
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,481
Yeah? And since when have
you run around on the beach?
561
00:23:01,546 --> 00:23:02,846
You're jealous.
562
00:23:02,914 --> 00:23:04,284
You've always
been jealous of me.
563
00:23:04,349 --> 00:23:06,919
$300,000? Last week,
you offered me two million!
564
00:23:06,985 --> 00:23:09,285
You have to figure
in depreciation, Arliss.
565
00:23:09,354 --> 00:23:11,724
Do you know how long I've
been working on this project?
566
00:23:11,790 --> 00:23:13,790
Rita, how long have I been
working on this project?
567
00:23:13,859 --> 00:23:15,029
Fifteen days.
568
00:23:15,093 --> 00:23:17,003
Three and a half years
I've been working on this!
569
00:23:17,028 --> 00:23:18,828
Fine, then.
570
00:23:18,897 --> 00:23:20,067
Go somewhere else.
571
00:23:20,131 --> 00:23:23,171
Arliss, you don't mind
if I fire up the bong?
572
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:26,135
It has, like, medicinal
value for my partner.
573
00:23:28,907 --> 00:23:31,977
Sold to the man with the
wooden handshake for $300,000!
574
00:23:32,043 --> 00:23:34,083
Arliss! How am I
supposed to sell this?
575
00:23:34,145 --> 00:23:37,645
A stoned three-legged men's
team and a divorced women's team!
576
00:23:37,716 --> 00:23:38,996
I'm gonna be
late for my colonic.
577
00:23:39,050 --> 00:23:40,790
Fine. Let me break the seal!
578
00:23:40,852 --> 00:23:42,922
Sally: Bitch! How dare you!
579
00:23:42,988 --> 00:23:44,718
Girls. Girls.
580
00:23:44,789 --> 00:23:46,889
(Sally and Lisa arguing)
581
00:23:49,828 --> 00:23:51,828
Chick fight.
582
00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:53,497
- (bong bubbling)
- Dig it.
583
00:23:53,565 --> 00:23:56,395
(indistinct shouting continues)
584
00:23:59,638 --> 00:24:00,668
Arliss, do me a favor?
585
00:24:00,739 --> 00:24:03,209
Please get your
great idea off my floor.
586
00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:07,080
Arliss (narrating): When
riding the wave of success,
587
00:24:07,145 --> 00:24:09,945
it's important to
know when to jump off.
588
00:24:10,015 --> 00:24:13,385
You want to get the maximum
from your ride, and then bail
589
00:24:13,451 --> 00:24:15,051
before the tube collapses.
590
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,820
Crushing your spirit
and your will to live.
591
00:24:17,889 --> 00:24:20,189
Because timing is everything.
592
00:24:23,428 --> 00:24:25,228
(sucking, burps)
593
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:27,497
My name is Arliss Michaels.
594
00:24:27,565 --> 00:24:29,295
I represent athletes.
595
00:24:29,367 --> 00:24:31,237
These are my stories.
596
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:32,803
Cool?
597
00:24:32,871 --> 00:24:35,871
(surf music playing)
598
00:24:35,921 --> 00:24:40,471
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