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1
00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:03,612
♪
2
00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:05,440
And that's when I realized
I didn't like
3
00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:06,919
the taste of ratatouille
4
00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:08,921
but I did like the taste of rat!
5
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:10,445
[laughter]
6
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:13,274
Oh, man, I love the C.I.A.!
7
00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:15,667
Name another job
where you sit around
8
00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:18,453
with your friends
and just laugh all day!
9
00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:20,150
Can it, chuckle buddies!
10
00:00:20,194 --> 00:00:22,761
I need someone who can cry
for a mission,
11
00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:25,503
so we're having
a crying contest!
12
00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:27,418
Why do we need to cry
on a mission?
13
00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:31,422
One of you will go undercover
to an enemy operative's funeral,
14
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:35,165
act sad, and seduce his widow
to get intel.
15
00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:36,819
What kind of intel, sir?
16
00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:39,082
State secrets,
Bolognese recipes.
17
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,258
I'm just hungry for info!
18
00:00:41,302 --> 00:00:43,086
My mom makes
a pretty good sauce.
19
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,610
Great!
Seduce her and get the recipe.
20
00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:48,004
On it!
21
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,441
Cry?
A baby could do that.
22
00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:52,182
Then prove it, Smith!
23
00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:55,446
Everyone, think sad thoughts!
24
00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:56,491
♪
25
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,449
Lost pets.
26
00:00:58,493 --> 00:01:00,147
Dead birds.
27
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:04,542
Being too short to go on
Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
28
00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:06,109
Oh, God, I'm close.
29
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,502
Come on!
30
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:10,896
No one leaves until I see
one of you big men cry.
31
00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:12,376
Hooper, shoot me in the leg.
32
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,030
I always cry when I get shot.
33
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,337
Oh, yeah,
here come the waterworks!
34
00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:17,816
Yes, Jackson!
35
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:20,123
♪
36
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,516
Real tears!
37
00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,996
Huzzah and shazam!
38
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,739
With this leather jacket,
I hereby name you...
39
00:01:27,783 --> 00:01:30,742
Agent Cry Baby.
40
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:33,528
I did it, sir!
41
00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:36,139
This isn't a recipe
for Bolognese.
42
00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:38,010
It's a slice of bologna!
43
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:41,405
This is useless to me!
44
00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:48,369
I hope you pleased your mother
more than me.
45
00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:51,023
[patriotic music plays]
46
00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:53,852
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
47
00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:57,682
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
48
00:01:57,726 --> 00:02:00,729
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
49
00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:04,863
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
50
00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:10,304
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
51
00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:12,436
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
52
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:13,524
Aah!
53
00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:18,355
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
54
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:21,532
♪
55
00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,230
Carol, grab a seat.
56
00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:24,579
I'll get you a yogurt.
57
00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:27,451
Morning, everyone!
58
00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:29,018
Steve, are you banging
an old lady?
59
00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:31,847
What? No!
This is Carol.
60
00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:35,546
She's from
the Best Boy Award committee.
61
00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:38,201
The Best Buy Best Boy Award?!
62
00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:41,291
Handed out every year to
the best boy in the best country
63
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,685
as determined
by the best company, Best Buy?!
64
00:02:43,728 --> 00:02:45,077
With almost the best prices?
65
00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:47,341
Yep!
I'm one of two finalists.
66
00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:49,604
Carol is my official
Best Boy observer.
67
00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,867
Her report is
the final determination
68
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:54,130
before the award
is presented next weekend.
69
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,655
My boy the Best Boy
as determined by Best Buy!
70
00:02:57,699 --> 00:03:00,658
Carol, help me set my sky-high
expectations even higher.
71
00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:01,616
Does he have a chance?
72
00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:03,139
Per Best Buy rules,
73
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,620
observers are not allowed
to comment.
74
00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:08,884
But I will say this...
He's basically a lock!
75
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,929
Actually, I kind of hope I lose.
76
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,148
Why?
77
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,629
The other finalist
is this kid Brett Robert.
78
00:03:14,672 --> 00:03:17,675
He's come in second
the last three years.
79
00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:20,678
Imagine how it would feel
to get that close and not win.
80
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:22,245
I have a lot of empathy for him.
81
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,159
Explain.
82
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,335
- Explain empathy?
- Please.
83
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:27,424
Have you ever looked at someone
and felt like
84
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,600
you understood exactly
what they were going through?
85
00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:31,167
Yes.
Olympic athletes.
86
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,647
But only when they win gold.
87
00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,388
Say you were watching
the Olympics
88
00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:36,694
and someone broke their leg
and couldn't finish.
89
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:38,063
Maybe you'd feel
their disappointment
90
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:39,306
like it was your own?
91
00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:40,394
That's empathy.
92
00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:42,004
Gross.
93
00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:43,701
To the concept
and the broken leg.
94
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,268
I'm picturing
a compound fracture
95
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:46,878
with the bone sticking out.
96
00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:48,184
Ew, with lots of blood?
97
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,186
Stop being gross, Steve.
98
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,928
It's just Brett Robert
is a great boy.
99
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:56,540
A-A-And he'll be so hurt if...
if he doesn't...
100
00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,934
Wait, empathy is crying?
101
00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:00,152
I need to do that for work!
102
00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:02,024
Steve, teach me how to empathy!
103
00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:03,547
Okay, I guess.
104
00:04:03,591 --> 00:04:06,507
Teaching his father empathy?!
105
00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:09,553
I wish I was allowed
to share my feelings
106
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:12,295
about this perfect boy!
107
00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:15,733
But I swore an oath
to the CEO of Best Buy
108
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:18,258
on a DVD three-pack
of Die Hard,
109
00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:20,260
Little Women, and The Natural.
110
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:23,175
♪
111
00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:25,482
- You wanted to see me, Roger?
- Yes.
112
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:28,442
As you know, last year
was a disaster for my business.
113
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,270
Your fruit leather belt company?
114
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:31,836
No, no, that's thriving.
115
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,580
I'm talking about
my air-conditioning business.
116
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:37,992
Last summer, I got
a little careless.
117
00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:39,453
Damaged some property.
118
00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:42,020
I need your help typing up
a letter to win my clients back.
119
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,413
I can't touch the keyboard.
120
00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:46,068
My hands are too sticky
with belt fruit.
121
00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:48,853
Sit down.
122
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:53,771
Okay, "Dear HVAC customers.
123
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:56,121
If you're reading this,
I'm already dead."
124
00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:57,514
No, that's too much.
125
00:04:57,558 --> 00:05:00,256
♪
126
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,084
Here's a hypothetical.
127
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:04,173
What would happen if I quit?
128
00:05:04,216 --> 00:05:06,218
Then Brett would have to be
Best Boy, right?
129
00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:07,307
Wow!
130
00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:09,831
If you quit
so another boy could win,
131
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:12,094
you'd be guaranteed to win!
132
00:05:12,137 --> 00:05:14,139
Oh, my God, this boy.
133
00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:16,359
I've seen all I need!
[chuckles]
134
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:19,884
Good luck teaching Stan empathy!
135
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:22,539
Okay, I'm ready
for my crying lessons.
136
00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:24,846
Do I scrunch my face
like this, or...?
137
00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:26,891
You're not here to learn
how to cry, Dad.
138
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,371
You're here to learn empathy.
139
00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:31,113
We already know you can't
empathize with strangers.
140
00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:33,942
I thought we'd see if you could
empathize with someone you know.
141
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:36,727
And you know
one very sad person.
142
00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:39,121
Why would I feel bad for Dick?
143
00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:40,644
Well, we've been talking about
144
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,429
how pathetic he is
for five minutes,
145
00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:44,082
and he's pretending
he can't hear us.
146
00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:46,171
I'm just happy for the company.
147
00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:48,348
My girlfriend
turned out to be a catfish.
148
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,132
Not an MTV Catfish.
149
00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:52,352
A literal catfish, Stan.
150
00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:54,354
He's dating a fish.
151
00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:58,488
That doesn't break your heart
even a little?
152
00:05:58,532 --> 00:06:02,231
♪ Some comfort here ♪
153
00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:03,798
I'm Sarah McLachlan,
154
00:06:03,841 --> 00:06:07,192
and you can save these animals
from abusers.
155
00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:10,370
All those poor puppies?
156
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,241
- Nothing?!
- Nothing.
157
00:06:12,284 --> 00:06:13,721
This song is a banger,
by the way.
158
00:06:13,764 --> 00:06:15,026
I could [bleep] to this.
159
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:16,724
Okay, I want to unlock
your empathy,
160
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,508
but I don't think I can.
161
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:19,988
Maybe we should try a doctor.
162
00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:21,946
But which one?
We know so many.
163
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:23,948
We do know
a lot of different doctors.
164
00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:26,429
But I'm thinking
we start with...
165
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:28,649
It's a very quick fix.
166
00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:32,479
I'll simply need to stimulate
your Super Marginal Gyrus!
167
00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:36,047
Please mark your forehead
for the drill.
168
00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:38,963
[drill whirring]
169
00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:41,401
I'm thinkin' we try
a different doctor.
170
00:06:43,881 --> 00:06:45,579
[door opens, closes]
171
00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:49,278
[chuckles]
Stay still, you wiggle worm!
172
00:06:49,321 --> 00:06:51,715
Sorry,
Dr. Ray is out dead today.
173
00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:53,195
Do you know when he'll be alive?
174
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:54,675
Hmm, no.
175
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:55,980
Do we know more doctors?
176
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,417
"Do we know more doctors?"
177
00:06:57,460 --> 00:06:58,983
Listen to this guy!
178
00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:02,552
♪
179
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:06,208
[grunting]
180
00:07:06,251 --> 00:07:09,341
[giggling]
181
00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:20,396
♪
182
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,180
There was nothing funny
about that guy.
183
00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:23,312
Weird one to end on.
184
00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:25,009
Ugh.
We need a new doctor.
185
00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:28,273
Did you say new doctor?
186
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:31,407
The world is
a pretty cool place.
187
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,018
♪
188
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:35,846
- [cellphone vibrating]
- New e-mail!
189
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:38,283
Drop everything!
190
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:39,783
It's from that awful
air-conditioning guy
191
00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:41,504
I used last year.
192
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,027
"Dear HVAC customer."
193
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:45,029
Hey, that's me!
194
00:07:45,073 --> 00:07:48,032
"I was inspired to write this
after a difficult run
195
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:49,686
for my business last summer.
196
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,427
Why was it so difficult?
197
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,822
Maybe it was my attitude,
maybe it was yours.
198
00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:56,301
Maybe it was the fact
199
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,390
that I put my foot
through some ceilings.
200
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,349
But I always fixed it."
201
00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:02,699
♪
202
00:08:02,743 --> 00:08:04,788
"And now I know
what I need to do
203
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,137
to win back your business."
204
00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:07,487
Free repair?
205
00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:09,140
ROGER:
"An overly personal e-mail."
206
00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:10,881
Even better!
207
00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:13,797
So, new doctor,
what kind of doctor are you?
208
00:08:13,841 --> 00:08:15,930
No specialty!
I can take your temperature.
209
00:08:15,973 --> 00:08:17,279
I can do CPR.
210
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:19,411
Oh!
And I've got a knee knocker!
211
00:08:19,455 --> 00:08:20,761
Want me to give 'em a knock?
212
00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:22,502
- See if they kick?
- No, thanks.
213
00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:25,156
We're actually trying to help
my dad access his empathy.
214
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,855
Mm, yes, I think I can help.
215
00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:32,120
I'm trained in something called
Rapid Eye Movement Therapy.
216
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:35,297
I wave my hand around,
your dad watches and voilà!
217
00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,865
Okay.
218
00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:39,127
DOCTOR NEW: Here it is!
219
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:40,563
Empathy.
220
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:44,088
That's a left, a left,
a right, a left...
221
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:47,352
Down, up, loop-de-loop,
and up and down.
222
00:08:47,396 --> 00:08:49,529
One more loop and a hang loose!
223
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:51,966
Knee knock!
224
00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:55,665
[sniffles, cries]
225
00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:57,885
Oh, my God, it's working!
226
00:08:57,928 --> 00:08:59,669
But why are you crying?
227
00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:01,976
It's just the end of Cars 2.
228
00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:03,499
I finally get it.
229
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,806
The cars, they love each other!
230
00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:10,027
♪
231
00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,813
There I am,
surrounded by the enemy.
232
00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:14,945
If I don't cry, I'm dead.
233
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:16,599
What'd you do, Cry Baby?
234
00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:19,471
Just squoze out
one of these bad boys.
235
00:09:19,515 --> 00:09:21,561
♪
236
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:22,953
- Oh!
- Wow!
237
00:09:22,997 --> 00:09:25,782
You're such a good crier, dude.
238
00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:28,524
Jackson!
I challenge you to a cry-off!
239
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,134
Oh, goodie!
240
00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:34,269
There's nothing I love more
than men with wet, wet faces!
241
00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:37,011
- [indistinct shouting]
- Cry at him, J-bird!
242
00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:39,579
Show him how real men cry,
Jackson!
243
00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:41,798
Am I the only one
rooting for Stan?
244
00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:44,975
[shouting continues]
245
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,890
Enough playing around.
246
00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:49,023
Hey, Dick, how's your love life?
247
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:52,243
Not great, Stan.
I'm dating another catfish.
248
00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:54,158
[sighs]
I gotta stop going to the river.
249
00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:55,899
Dick, that's so...
250
00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:59,163
sa-sasa-sad!
[sobbing]
251
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:01,470
- Hoorah!
- Yes!
252
00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:02,950
You win, Stan.
253
00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:04,952
She's yours now.
254
00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:06,475
Jackson, are you okay?
255
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:07,911
Just a little bummed.
256
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:10,610
I liked being Agent Cry Baby.
257
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:12,002
I won.
258
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:13,700
Why do I feel sad?
259
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:17,007
♪
260
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,749
Steve, I smoked Jackson
in the cry-off!
261
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,490
Check it out!
262
00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:23,361
But then
something weird happened.
263
00:10:23,405 --> 00:10:24,885
Jackson was upset.
264
00:10:24,928 --> 00:10:27,670
And now I'm upset
just thinking about it!
265
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:30,455
That's good, Dad.
That's empathy.
266
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:33,458
But I wanna cry and be happy,
not cry and be sad.
267
00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:36,548
Listen, why don't we go
get you a nice piece of fish?
268
00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:38,420
Maybe take your mind off it.
269
00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:41,902
♪
270
00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:45,688
Something's going on with Stan.
271
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:51,563
- [crying]
- Uh, Dad?
272
00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:53,261
Is the salmon okay?
273
00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:55,263
Are you kidding me?!
274
00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:57,744
This is the best salmon
I've had in my life!
275
00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,049
[sobbing]
276
00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:02,749
Oh, God, I can taste the sea!
277
00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:05,273
Okay, you're a little emotional.
278
00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:06,753
Let's take a walk,
279
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,774
see if we can get you
to stop crying at everything.
280
00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:11,018
Can I take the rest to go?
281
00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:13,498
I don't want the chef to think
I didn't like it.
282
00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:17,720
♪
283
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:21,550
♪ Son, as you grow older ♪
284
00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:25,032
♪ You'll find someone
who is dear ♪
285
00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:27,295
♪ Just stick by her ♪
286
00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:33,301
♪ Take care of her
and you will never hear ♪
287
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:37,087
♪ See the big man cry, mama ♪
288
00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:39,263
♪ That's what I heard him say ♪
289
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:44,094
♪ See the big man cry, mama ♪
290
00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:50,753
♪ He looks like his heart
will break ♪
291
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,541
What are we doing here?
292
00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:57,847
I think I made a mistake.
293
00:11:57,891 --> 00:11:59,501
That must feel awful!
294
00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:01,633
Thank God.
295
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:04,375
Please tell me you have a way
to take away empathy.
296
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:06,595
My dad can't handle
being like this.
297
00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:08,597
Of course I do.
298
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,817
I call it a reverso.
299
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:12,383
They're like half my business.
300
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:14,690
I really shouldn't be messing
with the human mind.
301
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,779
I don't understand it.
302
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:19,390
♪
303
00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:21,349
ROGER: "HVAC.
What does it mean?
304
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:23,351
Heating versus
air conditioning,
305
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:25,875
the battle we are all fighting.
306
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:28,878
But the battle I'm fighting
is with my ex-wife, Regina.
307
00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:30,880
If that is her real name.
308
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,664
Which I think it probably is.
309
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:34,841
She was nothing if not honest.
310
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:38,061
She left me when I was 29,
and she took our kids...
311
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:41,630
Socks, Sir Kittens,
Beezus, and Garbanzo.
312
00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,937
That's right.
Our kids have cats' names.
313
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:47,810
Now that I'm back to normal,
314
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,420
this salmon is not
that great, huh?
315
00:12:49,464 --> 00:12:50,857
Glad you're feeling better.
316
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,641
And just in time
317
00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:54,817
for the Best Boy Award
this weekend!
318
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,166
That's this weekend?!
319
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:57,820
I totally forgot about that!
320
00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,779
I think we all
kind of lost track of it.
321
00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:01,476
But now we remember.
322
00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,391
And so do you.
323
00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:05,262
Steve, I gotta ask.
324
00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:06,742
The empathy.
325
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,526
Is that how you feel
all the time?
326
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,485
Uh... kind of.
327
00:13:10,528 --> 00:13:13,140
And the way I felt bad
for Jackson,
328
00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:15,620
that's the way you'll feel
for Brett Robert if you win?
329
00:13:15,664 --> 00:13:16,839
Pretty much.
330
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,754
I don't want you
to go through that.
331
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,278
You know what?
I'm gonna do you a huge favor.
332
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,717
It's okay.
I'm his father.
333
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,504
Do him, too.
334
00:13:29,634 --> 00:13:32,115
♪
335
00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:35,162
Steve, now that
you're empathy-free,
336
00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:36,903
are you gonna be able
to wholeheartedly
337
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:39,601
enjoy dominating that nerd
Brett Robert?
338
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:41,472
Hell, yeah, thanks to you!
339
00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:43,910
I can't wait to see
that dork's face when I win.
340
00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:45,868
I love that you don't feel bad
for him.
341
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:47,914
You're bad to the bone now!
342
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:51,091
Hey, Steve,
I have some bad news.
343
00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:54,224
Brett Robert's observation
went very poorly.
344
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,183
He gave $5 to a homeless man,
345
00:13:56,226 --> 00:13:58,838
but when I asked for
$5 to buy some Whip-Its,
346
00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:01,275
he said he was "all out."
Hmm.
347
00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:03,755
Sorry, you're definitely
gonna win.
348
00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:05,322
That's great news.
349
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,498
Steve?
I'm Brett Robert.
350
00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:08,673
Nice to meet you.
351
00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:10,414
I hear I have my work
cut out for me.
352
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:11,763
I'll say.
353
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:14,636
Just wanted to wish you
good luck.
354
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:15,898
I'd wish you good luck,
355
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,074
but it won't make
a difference, Brent.
356
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,555
Ha! Yes!
That's not his name.
357
00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:23,645
Hey, Brent, here's a little
preview of tonight.
358
00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:25,125
It's what you're gonna see
359
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:28,041
as I walk up to the podium
to accept the award.
360
00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:28,955
[chuckles]
361
00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:30,913
Watch where I'm going!
362
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,307
[gasps]
Trash talk?!
363
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:35,875
What happened to
my beautiful boy?
364
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,616
Wait, he must be faking!
365
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:40,314
Oh, he's not faking.
366
00:14:40,357 --> 00:14:42,577
Yep, I got under his hood
and made a few tweaks.
367
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:45,493
Now that engine
is humming along empathy-free.
368
00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:47,147
Why would you do that?!
369
00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:50,063
The real question is,
"Why would I tell you?"
370
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:52,761
And the answer is
I have mercury poisoning
371
00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:54,806
because I pretended
to smoke a thermometer
372
00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:57,505
like a cigarette,
but the end was open.
373
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,770
ROGER:
"Look, I can't fix your life
374
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,424
any more than I can fix mine.
375
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,687
But I can fix your A/C.
376
00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,907
And I can fix your ceiling
if I put my foot through it,
377
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:09,386
which I won't this time.
378
00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:10,692
Can you respect that?
379
00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:11,780
I love you."
380
00:15:11,823 --> 00:15:13,086
Wow.
381
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:17,655
57,000 words
and every single one misspelled.
382
00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:20,006
That's how you get
your customers back.
383
00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:26,577
I'm glad we got here so early.
384
00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:29,015
There's nothing that beats
shrimp in a carpeted hotel lobby
385
00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,755
without a kitchen in sight.
386
00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:34,150
Everyone checking in,
smelling my shrimp.
387
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:35,760
Oh, lookie here!
Brent!
388
00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,023
Sit down!
389
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:39,590
Uh, okay.
390
00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:41,418
You look nervous, B.
391
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:42,985
You nervous about tonight?
392
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:45,379
You're not gonna win.
393
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:47,120
I'm the one
who should be nervous.
394
00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:49,122
I'm about to be Best Boy.
395
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:50,558
All right, I'm bored.
396
00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:52,603
I'm gonna hit the steam room
then watch some videos
397
00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:54,170
of fat people falling down.
398
00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:55,693
[chuckles]
399
00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:57,280
Hey, Brett, would you mind
covering your ears for a second?
400
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:59,088
No problem!
401
00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:00,742
Carol, I couldn't help
but notice
402
00:16:00,785 --> 00:16:03,745
that you haven't said what
a great boy Steve is in a while.
403
00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:05,703
That's because he's awful!
404
00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:06,922
I have to tell the committee
405
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,055
that there's no way
he can be Best Boy.
406
00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:10,230
No, wait!
407
00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:12,058
There's got to be something
I can do!
408
00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:14,712
You're welcome to sleep with me,
but it won't change anything.
409
00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:16,453
Then why would I...?
410
00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:18,020
Whatever.
411
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,065
You can listen now.
412
00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:23,808
Brett, do you ever feel like
you really messed up with Steve?
413
00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:25,245
Um, no?
414
00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:27,203
I was trying
to make him better,
415
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:29,727
but somehow, I feel like
I made him worse.
416
00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:33,122
Well, if Steve's
as good as they say,
417
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:36,038
maybe you can remind him
who he really is.
418
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:39,737
Sure, but who is he?
419
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:43,219
He's the type of guy who
feels bad for losers like you.
420
00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:45,004
I know exactly
how to remind him!
421
00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:47,876
You're not gonna like it.
But I know exactly how!
422
00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:50,009
- [cellphone beeps]
- Hey.
423
00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:53,490
I have a mission for the real
Agent Cry Baby.
424
00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:57,146
I've been waiting for this
my whole three days!
425
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:01,629
[doorbell rings]
426
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:04,501
Thanks for reading my e-mail
and giving me a second chance.
427
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:06,025
Whaddya say
we rip off the band-aid
428
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:07,156
and start in the attic?
429
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,290
Just please be careful.
430
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:13,858
Don't worry.
I'll keep it to the studs.
431
00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:16,122
Now, which ones are the studs?
432
00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:20,126
That doesn't count.
That hole looked like a stud!
433
00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:21,997
Careful, Jeff,
looks like the studs
434
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,608
are reversed in this section.
435
00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:27,568
-There's no A/
-C unit in here.
436
00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:29,589
Jeff, we gotta get outta here
before Tuttle notices.
437
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,093
Run!
438
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:34,401
Aah!
These studs are thin as hell!
439
00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:35,837
Jeff, fire up your e-mail!
440
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,622
We got a customer to win back!
441
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:41,582
CAROL: And now to present
this year's Best Boy Award,
442
00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:46,065
five-time Best Boy and
Best Buy fanatic... Robert Wuhl!
443
00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:47,979
[applause]
444
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:49,329
Good evening.
445
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:52,854
What does it mean
to be Best Boy?
446
00:17:52,897 --> 00:17:54,769
[chuckling]
Well, to me it means...
447
00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:59,121
Steve, I just want to say,
I'm sorry.
448
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:01,819
And don't worry,
I have a plan to fix everything.
449
00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:06,650
And that's what being Best Boy
is all about.
450
00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:08,478
And so, without any further ado,
451
00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:11,568
this year's Best Boy is...
452
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:12,874
Brett Robert!
453
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,615
What the hell?!
454
00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:17,139
[applause]
455
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:20,664
First, I'd like to say,
Steve Smith,
456
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,013
you deserve this just...
457
00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:23,406
JACKSON: Wait!
458
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,408
That's no Best Boy!
459
00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:28,977
Last night,
Brett Robert came to my house
460
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:31,893
and pushed my grandpa
off the roof!
461
00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:33,416
[audience gasps]
462
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:36,941
Worst part is, gramps wasn't
on the roof to begin with.
463
00:18:36,985 --> 00:18:39,335
He lured him up there
with licorice!
464
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:41,990
How do we know
you're telling the truth?!
465
00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:45,428
I have all the proof I need
right here!
466
00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:47,430
♪
467
00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:49,040
[audience gasps]
468
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:51,304
A tear!
469
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:52,914
He speaks true!
470
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,917
Brett Robert cannot be Best Boy!
471
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,179
But it's not true.
472
00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:59,225
I... Oh, God!
473
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:01,444
I've lost everything!
474
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:05,361
[wheezing, sobbing]
475
00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:07,711
Gotta feel a little bad
for Brett here, huh?
476
00:19:07,755 --> 00:19:09,191
Who cares about him?!
477
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:10,758
He loses, I win!
478
00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:12,542
- You're a genius!
- No!
479
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:14,631
That's not why
I ruined his life!
480
00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:17,721
I did it so you'd feel bad for
him and remember who you are!
481
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:19,462
But you're trapped in there.
482
00:19:19,506 --> 00:19:20,985
And the only way
to bring you back
483
00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:22,857
is the Indiana Jones technique.
484
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:24,554
The Indiana Jones tech...?
485
00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:26,513
[screaming]
486
00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:27,949
Wake up, Indy!
487
00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,777
Stop!
I'm faking!
488
00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:31,953
- Faking?
- Yes!
489
00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:34,303
I wanted Brett to win
the whole time,
490
00:19:34,347 --> 00:19:36,044
and when you brought me
to the new doctor,
491
00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:37,872
I realized
I could pretend to be bad
492
00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:39,395
and Carol would believe it.
493
00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:41,484
So you were fake gloating?
494
00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:44,052
I was hoping Carol would see me
being a jerk
495
00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:45,096
and give it to Brett.
496
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:46,620
Carol, is this true?
497
00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:47,969
I don't know.
498
00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:49,884
But after hearing this,
I do know
499
00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,973
who the true Best Boy is...
500
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:54,193
Stan Smith!
501
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,716
What?! No!
502
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:58,414
I-I mean, I'm honored,
but give it to Brett.
503
00:19:58,458 --> 00:20:00,242
No, Stan.
504
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,462
When you burned your son
with that torch,
505
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,942
that's when I knew
you were special.
506
00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:06,466
Besides, I don't know
how you knew,
507
00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:10,034
but I do like pushing
old people off roofs.
508
00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:12,385
It's fun.
And I'm not gonna stop.
509
00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:13,995
Don't you see, Dad?
510
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:16,519
You tried to take away
my empathy to protect me
511
00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:18,391
and then you tried
to give it back.
512
00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:20,219
Also to protect me.
513
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:23,004
And that is what truly makes
a Best Boy.
514
00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:24,788
Then I am the Best Boy!
515
00:20:24,832 --> 00:20:27,051
And here's your prize.
516
00:20:27,095 --> 00:20:30,054
A DVD three-pack of Wildcats,
517
00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:33,710
John Grisham's The Client,
and A Beautiful Mind.
518
00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:35,712
I-I'm sorry, what connects
those three movies?
519
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:37,758
The packaging!
520
00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:39,673
But there's one thing
I don't understand.
521
00:20:39,716 --> 00:20:42,676
Why didn't the doctor's hand-
movement therapy work on you?
522
00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:44,939
I think maybe it was because
I was still unconscious
523
00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:46,351
from you clobbering me
with that plate.
524
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:48,464
Ohh, that's why she said
it wouldn't work.
525
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:50,727
I-I thought she just had
the new-doctor jitters.
526
00:20:50,771 --> 00:20:52,729
♪
527
00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:56,342
What is going on with Stan?
528
00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:58,082
Have a great night!
529
00:20:58,132 --> 00:21:02,682
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