All language subtitles for Whatever it Takes (1998) 1080p.BluRay

Why would I lie?

Come on!

Wanna slow down?

Trying to get me killed?

I'm talking to my ex-wife.

Which one?

Honey, I left you a hundred messages,

the check's been in the
mail for three days.

No, I'm not mad.

This is not mad.

This, this is mad!

When I'm like this, this is mad!

This, this is not mad.

Ah, fuck.

You know, you need to be
more sensitive to her needs,

because women have
different needs than we do.

What are you reading, Cosmo lately?

Hey, look who's talking.

You're the one with the three ex-wives.

Yeah, which means I
got laid three times,

which is more than I can
say for you, Father Neil.

I'll tell you the truth,

I'm surprised you're not
getting laid that much.

I mean, you're in a great shape.

I mean, probably they
make vegetables different

where you're from, huh?

What are you
talking about where I'm from?

I'm from Florida!

I need some.

You know, maybe you'll give
me some of that gin thing,

that dick juice stuff.

Ginseng.

There's the van.

Can you believe this?

Looks like a damn cop convention.

Amateurs.

Real farmers.

I got a thing about farmers, you know.

Come on, come on, get
the lead out, asshole.

Where the hell you two been?

You're supposed to be helping me

get these shipping orders ready.

Car trouble.

Billy boy here thinks oil's
only for salads and hair.

Yeah, well just get to work.

Boss is coming in this morning,

I don't want anything going wrong.

When's he due?

Soon.

What the fuck is it to you?

I just want to make sure he notices

what a good job we're doing.

Well, you just do your
job, or I'll notice.

And you know what?

You won't fuckin' like that.

Hey, Roland.

Look what I found.

Isn't this your old flame?

Hi, Roland.

What the fuck are you doing here?

You know what?

I oughta kick your fuckin' ass.

Bruno sent me for some stuff.

Just a small bag.

I don't bring any back,

he's gonna do this to me again.

Hey, what do I care?

Just because we fucked once don't mean

you can come crying to me.

Look, I ain't no nickel
pusher no more, okay?

I'm bigger.

I'm much, much, much bigger here.

Please.

Yeah, all right.

Give me 50 bucks and
I'll let you have some

just for lookin' so fuckin' pathetic.

This is all I got.

Get the fuck outta here!

Neil.

We gotta wait for the boss

before we make our move, okay?

All right?

Please, baby.

We can work it out somehow.

Like before?

Yeah.

Sure.

Me and April, we'll go in the back,

and I'll give her the stuff.

No!

No?

Never.

Never?

Well, give Bruno my best, okay?

Is he still crushing beer
cans on his head, hm?

Roland, she's only 13 years old!

Baby, 13 is my lucky number.

April, honey, come here.

Now, you be momma's good little girl.

And you're gonna go with Roland.

He's gonna give you what we've come for.

And you be nice to him now.

And remember your manners.

Come on, April.

It's all right.

I won't hurt you.

Come on.

It's okay.

We'll have a really good
time together, you and me.

Hey, Roland!

Maybe this isn't such
a good idea right now.

What's it to you?

I just don't want something to go wrong,

make the rest of us look bad.

Get the fuck out of my face, asshole!

Or you will take her place,

and I won't be as nice with you.

All right, all right, we're on it.

I got the trucks rollin'.

The fuck is wrong with you, huh?

We've been taking this
guy's shit for 8 months.

Roland's gonna do to this girl

what he was gonna do with
the girl anyway, all right?

Now when the boss shows
up and we bust this fuck,

you bang his nuts through his asshole.

I'll say he slipped and fell.

Okay?

Okay?

We're moving, we're moving!

DEA, everybody freeze!

You really stalled him.

What?

You hungry?

Yeah.

Cover me.

Fuck.

Are you all right?

No, I'm not all right!

I was just shot, "Am I all right?"

Good thing you had your vest.

Move it, move it, move it!

All right, come on, get out of the car!

Out of the car!

Now, now, now!

Right there, right there!

What now, DEA man?

What now?

Just relax!

We can work this out,
nobody needs to get hurt.

You shut the fuck up!

I'm doing the talking here.

I'm the one who tells
you how it's gonna be,

you understand that?

Absolutely.

Drop the gun.

That's not gonna happen, Roland.

Drop the goddamn gun!

I can't do that.

You know it and I know it.

So let's move on to item number two.

Escape.

Damn right, escape.

Escape where she ends up flank steak

on the coroner's table tonight!

Okay.

Here's what we're gonna do.

You get in that car by yourself,

and I'm gonna let you drive away.

Just like that?

Just like that.

You think I'm a fuckin' idiot, asshole?

That's against cop policy!

There is no policy right now.

Just you and me doing some business.

You get to live, I get the girl.

Fair trade.

Bullshit, man, I do not trust you.

You have to.

I'm not letting you leave here with her.

How much did we lose?

About 200 G's worth of our
new human growth hormone.

Our best steroids.

And we lost one of our

biggest distributors, right?

Yeah.

Uncle Paulie, look.

You don't have an excuse.

When I promised your father
that I would take care of you,

I had no idea that you'd
be such a pain in the ass.

Uncle Paulie, look!

She was a fitness instructor.

I thought I could make a new connection.

You were trying to get laid!

And your big mouth
almost got us all busted.

Maybe a little prison time
would be good for you.

Make a man outta ya.

Oh, I'm a man, muscle head.

No, not yet.

When your father lost his life,

it was because he wasn't careful.

Now, you're gonna lose something.

Uncle Paulie, don't.

Please, I made a mistake, all right?

I promise, it'll never happen again.

You understand, don't you, kid?

This is for your own good.

Just let me...

No, Uncle Paulie, please, please!

No, don't!

Have a good time while
you're here in L.A., Doctor.

But when you're finished
with your business,

I don't want to see you in town.

Clay, come on.

Hey, Clay, let's go.

Come on, man.

Goddamn.

Keep your pants on!

What are you still doing...

Get outta here, girl.

Hey, Clay, come on.

Let's go, Clay!

What the...

Get outta here, girl.

Hey, Clay, Mr. Loverboy,
let's go, come on.

Clay.

Clay, quit fartin' around, let's go.

Come on!

Come on!

Take your time.

Shut up.

Hand me the phone.

Smooth.

I wonder how many more screw ups before

Paulie starts whittling your dick.

Yeah, well, he promised my father

he would make a man out of me.

When he's done cutting down you,

you're gonna have enough parts left over

to make one from scratch.

Forget about it.

There's enough leftover-
Hey, shut up.

Yeah.

I want to make a report of death.

1212 Mallard Avenue.

Oh, yeah.

For sure.

Mother frickin' Teresa.

Come in.

Hey, Chief.

Where's De Marco?

He's sick, he's got the fru.

Take a seat, Menardi.

I got hemorrhoids.

This is regional director Walker,

agents Babich and Pope outta D.C.

Yeah, I'm poppin' a pup tent already.

Menardi!

Well, maybe you and your pup tent

would like a month of unpaid
suspension, my friend.

Friend?

Number one, we ain't friends,

and if we were, I'd tell
you to change that tie.

Number two, boss.

What do I look like, an asshole?

You think I don't know
you want me to go under?

And if you're gonna come in here,

don't have that fuckin' attitude with me.

I'm gonna let that slide, Menardi.

Maybe I was a little harsh

considering what you and your
partner just went through.

But we've got ourselves a red ball.

You know, they got cream for that.

And we've gotta stop it, fast.

And we need someone with your reputation.

So, what's the product?

Powerful new growth hormone,

unlike anything we've ever seen.

Increases muscular growth
and athletic performance

at three times the rate of
any steroid on the market,

legal or otherwise.

Unfortunately, it's very addictive.

Jacks up the heart rate like
a freight train rolling by.

And so the heart literally
shakes itself apart.

We've had some high
profile deaths lately.

Yeah, I heard.

That pro wrestler, what was his name?

Ball Buster, some-

- Ballistic, he was one of ours.

Oh, so he was an agent?

He was a snitch, but he provided us

with enough information
to follow the supplier

all the way back to former East Germany.

Oh, so you want me
and my partner to go in

where you guys already fucked up.

That's what you get paid for, isn't it?

No, that's not what they're paid for.

What they're paid for
is to act responsible

for the public benefit!

And I'm not convinced they're
fit for this assignment.

Well, if they're scared
because someone got killed-

- Hey, I'm scared, but not
'cause somebody got killed,

'cause you guys screw up.

And I'm not too comfortable with that.

Listen.

What will it take to clear
these men for re-assignment?

I'll have a departmental
shrink give an evaluation.

If she says they're
okay, then they're yours.

I'll need an answer tomorrow.

Let's go.

Jerk offs.

I called, he's not home.

He's probably down at the shelter

spooning soup for the homeless.

How noble.

Yeah, he does that.

He's terrifical in those ways.

Hey, let me tell you something.

This guy is clean.

This house, for instance?

This is sewer, not septic.

Look, for De Marco to
remain on active duty,

department policy requires
an in-home evaluation.

If he's not here, he can
start planning his vacation.

Hey, De Marco's one of
the straightest arrows

on the force.

He's very respected.

It's not his integrity
that's being questioned.

It's his emotional stability.

That's completely understandable.

Emotional.

I guarantee you his elevator
goes to the top floor.

It's what we find when the door opens

that interests me.

I hear music, and there's
a light on in the back.

Well, turn the knob and walk in,

and tomorrow we'll teach you

how to put your own shoes on.

I'll tell you another
thing about Neil, Doc.

Very spiritual, you might not know that.

Reads a lot.

And I'm not talking paperbacks,

I'm talking hardcore, hard books.

Big three, four hundred
pages, no pictures, no sex.

Not that he don't like
sex, but, you know...

Not that weird, you know...

I mean, listen to the music.

Violin partita number one.

Number one, huh?

I was thinking number two.

Your partner has very eclectic taste.

Yeah, yeah, he tells
me I smell good a lot.

Well, they're obvious re-productions.

But still, they're quite good,

and they're not cheap.

Hey, look.

De Marco is the guy your mother

would want you to marry, you know?

He's so honest, he don't take free advice.

This guy's got an 8 inch
scar across his chest.

You know why?

'Cause he stepped in front of a guy

that wanted to put an 8 inch
scar in front of my chest

where my heart would've been.

You understand?

So, if you want to go in
and see if he wets the bed,

that's one thing,

but don't question his integrity.

Look, I'm not here to bust his balls.

But I've been hearing some
very disturbing rumors

about De Marco lately.

Even before what happened.

Reckless behavior, needlessly
endangering himself,

now that kind of thing sends
up a red flag in my profession.

Well, you need to get the
bolts tightened in your neck.

Bungee jumping, that's right.

You know, another thing I
didn't tell you about Neil.

He's doing a little remodeling, and, yeah,

it could use a few nuts and bolts

like the ones in your
neck I was talking about?

Hey, look, Doc, the guy's stressed out.

He was in a shooting, okay?

I mean, this is good,
this is normal, right?

Read my report in the morning.

I'll tell ya...

I love what you've done with the place.

Who was she?

Angel of mercy.

Hey, look.

They want us to go under
again, something big.

Career maker for some department mutt,

just another grave-digging job for us.

What's the matter?

Losing your taste for the job?

Maybe.

Maybe it's gotten to
the point I don't like

walking with a grenade in my pocket

waiting for somebody to
finger us and pull the pin.

Maybe there's some other options.

Yeah, like what?

Security guard at Sears?

You know, maybe we pass
on this one, you know?

Do something else, maybe
go down to Florida, huh?

Get a boat.

I got that girl killed, Dave.

That is bullshit!

If I'd just stayed undercover

and not gone off like some damn cowboy,

she might've got hurt a little.

Roland is a maniac.

He would've killed her anyway.

I need this case.

You need this case...

All right, you need
this case, I'm with ya.

Observations indicate a deep neurosis,

that without treatment could develop

into a dangerous psychosis.

I suggest he be re-assigned to desk duty

until a more thorough psychological
evaluation can be made.

How you doin', Doc?

I'm finishing Agent De
Marco's report right now.

This will only take a minute.

Chocolate.

A bribe?

How quaint.

Try the one in the middle.

It's nice, creamy.

What is this?

Just what do you think you have on me?

Some indiscretion when I was 18 years old?

Doc.

I think trying to
overdose on sleeping pills

is more than an indiscretion, but hey.

You're the professional.

Look, it wasn't a suicide attempt,

I was just depressed, and
I didn't think that it-

- All right, look, look, look.

I'm not here to judge you.

I just need you to do the
right thing, that's all.

Enjoy the chocolates.

Who is it?

It's Dave, fuck face, open up.

Come on in, it's unlocked.

Hey, what are you doing?

I just stopped by to give you this stuff.

You know, so, what's going on?

Why don't you shake the place down

if it'll make you feel any better.

Why you gotta break my balls?

I'm not allowed to look around?

What you're looking
for is over by the clock.

When are you gonna stop
this lost weekend routine

and get rid of this?

It's a reminder.

A reminder of what?

You went on a binge for one weekend,

that doesn't make you a drunk.

It's not the drinking
I want to be reminded of,

it's what started it.

All right, look, look.

Mr. Fun.

Me and you are getting
out of here tonight.

We're gonna go over to
Dan Tana's, eat Italian,

have a few laughs.

I'm buying, okay?

Come on, let's get the fuck outta here.

Dan Tana's, huh?

Yeah.

You're a regular
Diamond Jim Brady lately.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't I look handsome?

You didn't even say I look handsome.

I know I look handsome.

You're handsome, you're handsome.

My mother would say I look handsome.

Business is boomin', boss.

Every athlete, college and pro,

is shooting this stuff
like it was bat juice.

Bat juice?

What the hell you talking about?

Bat juice.

Like what Batman drinks
for his superpowers.

Hey, Batman didn't have
no superpowers, moron!

He didn't drink no bat juice.

You must be thinking about
Popeye and his spinach.

And why do you keep wearing
that stuff around here for?

I told you, this ain't no Chippendales.

Whatever.

The point is, we're
sitting on a gold mine.

We got athletes crawling up our assholes

begging for this stuff,

even after that shitty thing
that happened with Clay.

Well, I wouldn't worry
too much about Clay.

What's that supposed to mean?

Shit happens.

Sometimes for the better.

What the hell's wrong with Keko,

he's losing his touch?

Money's coming in, it's just
a little slower than usual.

Yeah.

How much did you front him?

I'm telling you, a couple of weeks ago

he was pumping this stuff
out like it was Kool-Aid.

I figured he was good for it.

It made good business sense, you know.

This ain't no goddamn loan company!

Jesus, Kevin.

All right.

I'm gonna tell you what you're gonna do.

You're gonna go find that
little Mexican chihuahua.

I want to hear what he
has to say in person.

And go take Sonny with you.

Oh, come on, Paulie!

The kid's a screw up.

All right.

So he makes mistakes.

But how else is he gonna learn, huh?

Crime doesn't come
naturally to other people

like it does for me and you, Kevin.

Now, Kevin Thompson is
Paulie's closest associate.

Kevin's the one who uses
contacts and wrestling

to set up a steroid network,

and he's our ticket to Paulie.

He also runs a couple of
legitimate businesses as covers.

He's got a gym in the marina,

he's also got a junkyard in Sun Valley.

You know, all that information's great,

but when do we make contact?

When we say so.

Walker put us in charge,

so you'll operate according to our book.

Hey, stick the book up your ass.

What is this, Barney Fife goes undercover?

Maybe you boys would like
to curl up in a blanket

and dream about a big shootout,

me and Pope will continue
the boring surveillance

which actually makes cases

and sends some people to jail!

And by the time you guys moved on it,

they'll wheel Paulie out
of his retirement home

to stand trial.

You know, you're right.

Why don't we all four
just dress up in costumes

and go over there and kick
the shit out of Kevin,

and then do the same thing to Paulie.

How's that sound, Caped Crusader?

Or better yet, why don't
we forget the costumes

and I just come over there
and kick the shit outta you!

You're just jealous I
didn't offer you a drink!

Oh, fuck you!

Where the hell's he going?

How do I know?

I'm not his mother.

You guys got anything to eat?

What can I get you?

Cranberry juice.

And could I borrow that
pencil and paper please?

Thanks.

I'd like to order a bottle of Dom.

Yeah, right, like this
place carries Dom Pérignon?

Well, the best you got then.

And send it with this note

to the lady sitting over there.

Tell her it's from the
gentleman at the end of the bar.

I'm the one that's gonna
have to clean up the mess.

You're an actress, aren't you?

Act.

Now I owe you back.

Take a shot.

This is for you.

From the guy at the bar.

Hey, Billy.

Come on, man.

I need some more nuts over here.

Yeah, you're gonna need
some more nuts, buddy,

when I'm done ripping yours off.

What's your problem, pal?

What's my problem?

I tell you what my
problem is, monkey face.

I don't like big muscle-bound gorillas

trying to pick up on my old lady,

that's my problem.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do,

just because you were so good enough

to buy us all a round of drinks.

Let me return the favor.

That round's on us, buddy.

Whew, doggy.

Nice shot.

I didn't ask for your help.

We better get out of here.

Who the hell are you?

I'm somebody who's got better
things to do with his time

than talking to a bunch of cops.

I had it under control here.

Oh, man.

Going someplace, asshole?

This ain't over yet,
fuckin' piece of shit.

Juan, split his fuckin' head open.

Come on, come on, hit him.

Hey, batter up!

Hey, nice move.

I guess a little help
was not such a bad thing.

Come on, I'll buy you a drink.

Well, I hope the next place

is not as rowdy as the last.

Hey, man.

I gotta go, okay?

You take care, have a good one.

You made it.

How you doin'?

Good, good, good.

Nice wheels.

Thanks.

Come on in, I'll show you around.

So, what do you think?

Looks great.

Hey, Kim.

Kim, come here a minute.

Meet Neil Farra.

He just moved here from Vegas.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I want you to take good care of him.

I will do that.

Fix him up with the deluxe membership.

I gotta go work off them
beers and corn nuts.

Maybe later you can show me that move

from last night, huh?

No problem.

See ya.

So, what move was that?

Oh, I showed him how to parallel park.

Really?

Sign there.

And did you want personal training?

I don't know, do I need one?

Well, if you want to get
the best out of your workout,

it would probably be a good idea.

I'll...

Yeah, great, I'll use anybody you want.

Get off!

What?

Get the fuck off!

You didn't sign up, asshole.

What's your problem, buddy?

What?

Watch this!

Ow, shit.

You're the one that broke
my friend's nose, aren't you?

It was unavoidable.

Hey, I'm so tired of
seeing behavior like that,

it never solves anything.

As much as I hate it,

I think it solved that problem.

Oh, you're proud of it?

Now why would you assume
something like that?

It's obvious in your attitude.

I see you two have met.

Marla, Neil.

Hi.

Okay.

So, what's the story about my trainer?

Well, you just met her.

Marla's really made a big difference,

and I wanted to thank
you for paying for her.

No problem.

Nothing but the best for you, darling.

And what do you expect from me?

Well, you could come
over and show me more

of those new poses that
you've learned, horizontally.

Now, that...

Could be tricky.

Tricky, I like.

Those are very nice shoes.

Are they comfortable?

Not really.

Well, good, you keep them on,

make me work harder to
keep your mind off of them.

You are a silver tongued devil.

Yes, yes, you remember that, huh?

How could I forget?

Yum, yum, yum.

Yum, yum, yum.

Yeah!

No one could beat me!

Take that!

Get up!

Come on!

Very impressive.

Baby, I love this shit.

You see that kick?

That's the one you taught me.

Looked good.

Sloppy, but effective.

Good?

Hell, that was perfection!

You better watch out, little man,

because before long, I'm
gonna know all your tricks!

I always keep a few tricks in reserve.

Me too.

What is that?

Chemical warfare.

Steroids.

You want a taste?

Hell no.

I heard it makes your dick fall off.

You better watch out, little man,

'cause that's bullshit.

You want to take a peak?

Don't believe everything
you hear on TV, pal.

If you use the stuff the right way,

you'll triple your strength, guaranteed.

In this business,

they come to see the
biggest and the baddest.

As long as I've got my little edge here,

that's gonna be me.

I got a friend of mine back east,

he's a trainer, hooked into the NFL.

Says he can never get enough of this shit.

Is that right?

Well then, guess what?

Today's your lucky day.

This is going way too fast.

Everything goes too fast for you.

When'd you actually cop your first feel,

your golden wedding anniversary?

- Oh, fuck you!
- No, fuck you!

- No, fuck you in the ear!
- No, fuck you!

- No, fuck you!
- Fuck you!

- Fuck you!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

This is an undercover operation, guys.

Now, if this initial buy works out,

we're one step closer to Paulie.

Yeah, well, how do we
know this isn't a setup?

We don't.

Hey, he has brought us
closer than we've ever-

- Oh, that's beautiful, Pope,
that's really beautiful.

Now you're on their side.

I'm siding with whoever
gets Walker off our asses!

What's wrong with you guys?

All right, all right, fuck it,

I don't give a shit.

Here, wear this.

Hey, I'm not wearing a wire.

Then you're not going in there at all!

We do this according to proper procedure

so that nobody walks on a technicality!

And no innocent bystanders
get killed again!

We might as well close shop right now.

Where's the bullseye on this thing?

Be careful, partner.

All right, let's watch him.

Then let's see what I'm buying.

This isn't what we agreed on.

Nandrolone decanoate.

Generic term for Deca-Durabolin.

Very good stuff.

At a bargain price, it
has Kevin the business man

kicking himself for being so generous.

I think I might have to start joining in

on some of that kickin'.

You sold me on a new human
growth hormone, not this shit.

Let's see how this one goes first.

A little trial run.

Satisfied?

Yeah.

As a bonus, keep the car.

Neil the car collector thanks you.

Come on, one more, one more.

- 10!
- Oh!

Great, good job, I got it.

Kim, you got a phone call, darling.

Okay.

You're a monster.

Excuse me.

We got off on the
wrong foot the other day.

I think it was my fault.

Oh, we agree on something.

Maybe I can take you to lunch,

we can get to know each other better.

You want to get to know me better?

Absolutely.

Okay.

Meet me here, tomorrow at 11.

Oh, and dress casual.

I'll be there.

I'm telling you, man,
this shit is the bomb.

You want to be in the NBA, right?

Yeah, I got 50, I got 100, I got 200.

What's up, what's up?

All right, that's my boy.

Hey, what's up, man?

Remember what I taught you?

Knees down.

Come on, one more time.

Now, remember what I taught you?

Yeah.

Hey, chill, man!

It's just a game.

Not bad for an old guy.

How about some one on one?

Yeah, go ahead.

Cone!

Good shot, good shot.

Let's go.

Good shot.

Good game, man.

Good game.

So, I see you met my baby brother.

He taught me a few lessons.

Anytime, man.

- I gotta run.
- Okay.

- See you later, Marla.
- All right.

Home by 10, right?

Sure.

Lunch, he begged, as he
showed her his terrible injury.

Um, okay.

Give me 10 minutes?

You're right, Marla.

If Oscar keeps training like that,

he's got a real shot good
at a basketball scholarship.

Thanks.

You're a strange man, Mr. Farra.

Why, because I showed up?

No, I figured you'd show up.

Just wasn't sure you'd stay.

And that makes me strange?

No, that and letting
Oscar win at basketball.

What makes you think I let him win?

He's good.

For one thing, on the way in here,

you were limping on the wrong foot.

You know, you're a pretty
strange one yourself.

Professional trainer,
assistant manager at the gym,

volleyball teacher to inner-city youth.

A woman of many talents,
as well as many jobs.

Yeah, well, this one isn't a job.

I grew up in that neighborhood.

I used to play at that same rec center.

But I got lucky, I got
an athletic scholarship,

got an education.

Basically, I got a chance to be happy.

Maybe the same thing will happen

to some of the kids at the rec center.

Some.

Not enough.

You know, it's still early.

Maybe we can do something else.

Yeah, okay.

I know what we could do.

Come on, ladies.

They're ready for us.

Let's go.

These are the finalists in the contest.

Who's gonna win?

It's too close to call.

If you see something
you like, by all means,

take your best shot.

I see something I like,

and I'm taking my best shot.

I just don't know if I'm getting anywhere.

You still looking for a trainer?

Could be, if it's the right one.

Tomorrow morning, 6:30.

I train hard, coach, you won't be sorry.

Yeah, you might.

Pain's my friend.

I'm sorry, I gotta go.

I'll see you in the morning.

Okay.

Hey, Frick and Frack.

What's going on here?

I'm at the vet getting my cat de-flead,

I get an urgent beep.

I don't get the catnip,

I'm gonna be scratching
my balls for months.

We tested the entire load.

So?

It was peanut oil.

What?

$50,000 worth of agency
funds down the drain.

Unless there's a law
against selling peanut oil

I don't know about.

Now, I'm gonna have to
check my Barney Fife manual,

but I think it's probably
gonna say we got screwed.

Hey, look, it's not
your life on the line,

it's Bend My Balls over here.

Hey, Walker's gonna nail
our asses to his office door

just as a warning to other agents

to stay the hell away from you two.

That is, if they can find you two again

after they reassign you to Guatemala.

Do you still got that Ford?

Fairlane?

Yeah?

Perfect.

What the hell are they doing?

I don't fuckin' know.

What are you doing?

Hey, what are you doin'?

What is that?

What the...

What is that?

I want my money.

Okay, okay.

I'll set it up, okay?

I'll set it up.

Catch.

He's trouble.

I don't know, if somebody
sold me a load of bad shit,

I'd be trouble too.

So this is the guy, huh?

The peanut oil lord of L.A.

Nice shoes.

Comfortable?

Not to a guy whose ass
I'm kicking with them.

Yeah, yeah, I heard that about you,

a regular Bruce Lee.

Better than making drug buys.

You got my money or not?

Chill, brother, chill.

Come on, huh, what is that about?

You don't trust me?

I tell you what...

Why don't we just forget
what happened, huh?

I got all the stuff you'll ever need.

Human growth hormones, primobolan depot,

Winston tabs, all that kind of stuff.

I mean, you and I can make
some serious cash together.

That's a bold statement.

You interested?

Could be.

Deal goes down my way.

All right, let me hear it.

You front me the entire load.

If it checks out, you get paid.

You must be dreamin'.

I tell you what.

When you come back to reality,

you give me a call, you hear?

You check him out, huh?

Call Frankie in Las Vegas.

You have somebody lean on Frankie,

make sure we get the
whole truth, all right?

And what's this thing about?

What's the deal with Keko?

He's meeting us tonight
to pick up more product.

What are you talking about?

He has much more character on NYPD Blue.

Like that whole tropical
fish hobby of his,

and he's got a sexy woman in his life.

What about the-

- In that old show,
all he did was hang out

with all those-

- What about the David Caruso thing?

What are you talking about David Caruso?

David Caruso.

What is this?

Holy shit.

That son of a bitch, he did it.

We're back in business!

Ladies and gentlemen,

here's the moment we've been waiting for.

The finals of the men's
physique championship.

These guys are really
primed and ready to go.

Here we see Glenn Castle,
one of the favorites,

showing his tremendous
muscle mass and size.

I don't think I've ever
seen him look better.

We have Claude Groux from
Canada in the middle,

and Aaron Baker on the left.

You know, the bodybuilders are hitting

their strong points now,

showing the muscularity, the
hardness, and the separation-

- How's Kim?

Nervous.

The men are almost done, and
she's first up for the women.

Glenn looks great.

Yeah, he's worked really hard.

I know.

It's still pretty hard
to do on protein shakes

and skinless chicken alone.

You know what?

I've gotta check on Kim.

The judges really have

their work cut out for them.

It's a great competition.

Welcome home, Neil.

Let's take a ride.

Yo, Neil, I want to thank you

for accepting my invitation
to come to this party.

My nephew here, he wanted
to give a masquerade party,

and I said, hey, I mean,

there's a lot of people in this business

walking around with some kind of mask on.

So I said hey, it would be cool

to give an anti-masquerade party,

so we could peel off some of those masks.

Know what I mean?

I thought we were done doing business.

Yo, Sonny.

Yeah.

Hey, Uncle Paulie.

I mean, Paulie, he's here.

Right on time.

Now, the party can begin.

You want me to come with you?

Nah, man, I just gotta
pick up the shit from fat boy

and his queer nephew.

Aight.

It's all good, just chill.

Besides, he don't like too many witnesses

when he's doing business,
if you know what I mean.

Right.

Ay, yo, what up mang!

Keko in the house.

Ay, what up, Sonny?

How you doin', man?

Hey, watch the finger!

How you feelin', man?

Good to see you.

Listen, I want you to help
me understand something.

I mean, I fronted you 300 thou

of the best steroids on the planet,

and after working six weeks,

you bring me back 47 grand.

Hey, man.

I've been busting my fucking ass

putting your shit on the streets, man.

My ass.

You know what?

I'm trying to tell you, man,

you can't move this product too fast.

The DEA is gonna be up my fuckin' ass.

And you know what, Paulie?

Then they're gonna be up your ass.

Know what I'm saying?

Tell me something, Neil.

What Keko is running down to
me, is that the real deal?

Are they gonna be up my ass?

Not if you know what you're doing.

Who is this fuckin' asshole?

Oh, he's a job applicant,
an executive in training.

But back...

To me and you.

Are you telling me that
business is going to get better?

Absolutely, Paulie.

Guaranteed.

You know me, it's all good.

Yeah, I know, man.

Yeah.

You know the problem with you, amigo,

is that you're always looking for a way

to get back at whitey
for stealing your land.

I mean, hey, that's just
flat out racism, man.

You can't live your life doing that.

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, think about-

- Hey, if you fuckin' want your faggoty

little wannabe nephew to live,

you better back the fuck up.

Back the fuck up!

You know what the problem
is with you, Paulie?

You think 'cause I ain't a brother, man,

I don't know what's up, man,

I don't know what time it is.

What time is it now, brother?

Keko, Keko.

You disappoint me, man.

Jesus, I thought you
were smarter than that.

I'm shot!

Oh my God!

Sonny, man, damn it.

Hey, fuck, Paulie, man.

Come on, Paulie, man!

We've been doing good business together!

Paulie, man, I'll be better next time.

You shot me!

Sonny, how many times did I tell you

not to stand so close to a mark, huh?

You're right, I'm sorry-

- Man, shut up!

And stop all this goddamn whimpering!

Keko, Keko.

Look, amigo.

If you want to sink your
teeth into another taco...

I made 200 grand, man, the first month,

but I put it back on the street in loans.

I swear, Paulie, I swear.

So what you're telling me is
that while you're stalling me

you're making all this
interest on my money, right?

Sonny.

What?

Listen up here, you
might learn something.

This is one smart hombre.

Please, Paulie, I got
all of it back, man.

But the interest's for you, man.

You and me, man.

Yeah?

Hold that thought.

Yeah?

Jimmy Snake-Eyes.

He just finished his chat with Frankie.

Yo, Jimmy, what's up?

You find out what I wanted to know about

this guy Neil Farra?

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, that's cool.

All right, later.

Keko, Keko.

Keko, where's my cash?

My lady's got it, man.

I swear, Paulie.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, man.

It's all good, man.

Those are nice shoes,
man, what size are they?

10.

Are they comfortable?

No, Paulie!

Let me tell you something
personal about me.

Why I'm so curious all
the time about shoes.

Man, I have a problem with my feet.

It's a bitch to find comfortable shoes.

You know, when I was 10,

my folks took me to the Bronx Zoo,

where they had this pony ride.

But I didn't want to
see no funky pony, man,

I was afraid of the damn thing.

Well, to make a long story short,

the goddamn pony steps on my foot, man,

breaks every bone.

It's like applesauce.

You know, I limped for
one God damn year, man.

And that's why I have
trouble with my feet,

'cause I have to have
my shoes special made

right here in L.A. by Mario Renaldi.

Looks like we got an
opening in our organization.

Are you interested?

Sure.

Welcome to the family.

Go take care of his buddies.

Take Sonny to the doctor, all right?

Aw, geez!

All right.

This is where it's gonna
come down, partner.

Tomorrow you bring me back my 50 thou,

I give you the real stuff,

you move it all within one week,

and I give you a bigger load.

Deal?

For something this big,

I'm gonna have to bring in my partner.

Partner?

It's cool, man.

Frankie told me all about it.

No problem, no problem.

Can I get you a drink?

I let something happen tonight.

Something that shouldn't have.

What?

I can't tell you.

You come over here obviously upset,

but you won't let me help you?

That's not fair, Neil.

I know.

Could you have done anything to stop it?

No.

Then give yourself a break.

You confuse me.

I know you've been meeting
with that Paulie guy,

and I know what kind of man he is.

Maybe if it was just me, I wouldn't care,

but Oscar's involved.

He likes you too.

I won't take any chances with his future.

I would never do anything to hurt Oscar.

I'm not some crook who's
out to make a quick score

and blow town.

You gotta trust me and
believe me when I tell you.

Paulie's gonna regret we ever met.

Okay, I'll accept that, Neil.

For now.

Hey, look!

Hey, Dino, what are you doing over here?

- Hey!
- Hey, Dave.

Say hello.

Hey, say hello to my friend Neil.

Hey, Neil.

I'll see you later, all right?

You take care of yourself,

say hello to the family.

Yeah, that's cool,

but it doesn't always
come down that way, man.

I mean, some chick and
some dude, they meet,

they hook up, they make a deal

to go make whoopee in a
hotel, they get busted.

Take the same chick, same dude,

they make a deal, they make whoopee,

but this time, they do
it in front of a camera.

Somehow, it's legal.

I mean, not only that,

but they start a whole new organization.

What's with that, man?

Why's one legal and one ain't?

I'll tell you why.

'Cause most wives would
rather have their men

beating off to dirty pictures

than banging the local whore
at the neighborhood bar.

Excuse me, but actually
I believe the difference is

is that pornography is a product,

prostitution is a service.

It's easier to test a product.

Since when did you get so smart?

I think he just
reads a lot of dirty books.

Hey, Uncle Paulie,

you gonna let these two
talk to me like that?

Come on!

Oh, come on.

If it wasn't for the whores,

you'd be engaged to your right hand.

I owe you.

You guys clear out.

I'll take it from here.

Check and see if anymore
idiots are out there.

Stand up.

Tiny, take the shot.

Why can't I play?

Why?

'Cause you need fingers.

Hey, that was a class act
you did last night, my man.

Just protecting my investment.

Yeah, but now you
don't have to look over

your shoulder anymore for Mondo.

In this business, you always gotta

look over your shoulder.

Yeah, that's a fact, but with Mondo,

at least you knew where you stood,

it was all business.

But with cops, nah, man,

that's a whole 'nother thing.

These guys walk around like tough guys,

kissing politicians ass,

trying to get them elected,

telling them I'm the bad guy.

You know, like Bush, man.

What is it with this guy?

What makes him such a great guy?

He goes into Panama,
he kicks Noriega's ass,

even after doing business with him

for all those many years.

What does he do next?

Send troops into Iraq to kick Saddam's ass

for cutting off our Jones for oil.

I mean, hey man, I do the same thing,

they send feds and snitches after me.

I mean, what's that all about?

Am I so bad?

Hey, but look, man.

I get a little philosophical
at times, it's cool.

We better be goin'.

Man, that Paulie digs is somethin'.

Man knows how to flip the script.

Did you see that jacuzzi?

That shit is phat, p-h-a-t!

What is it with you?

What are you talking about?

The clothes, the cash.

What's up with all of this?

The Alfano Case last year, remember?

We worked on it for five months,

nearly got whacked twice?

I mean, we take down a hit
guy that kills 8 people,

two of them kids.

And we take them down good.

We think old sparky's
riding straight to hell,

but no, the FBI steps
in, witness protection...

I mean, he gets a new life to
roll over on somebody else.

And what do we get?

Nothing.

Just a bunch of shit.

So?

It wasn't the first time.

Yeah, that's my point, Neil,

it wasn't the first time.

It happens before, and
it's gonna happen again.

So when we go back to
search for more evidence,

I find some cash in envelopes.

How much?

How much!

250,000 okay?

Hey, I thought you knew about it

and just didn't wanna say anything.

I kept your piece aside
in a safety deposit box.

I figured at the right
time you'd come to me.

That's bullshit!

How could you do that?

How?

Remember the bullet I took
in my hand, remember that?

I hold my hand like this for 10 seconds,

I start shaking like a 90 year old lady.

If the boss finds out, I'm out of a job.

It'll get better.

No, doc says it could only get worse.

I'm lucky I can still hold
my own dick to take a piss.

I'm glad I took that fuckin' money, okay?

And if any shit comes down,

you got nothing to do with it.

That's not the point!

Well, what is the point?

The point is, there's a line between

the good guys and the bad guys.

Sure, we pretend to cross that line,

but that was make believe.

Now it's real.

Hey, don't start that
self righteous bullshit

with me, okay?

When that little girl took a bullet,

were you standing on
the side of the angels?

Wait, look, Neil, that
was a cheap shot, I know.

Forget it, let's get
the hell out of here.

I got good news for you, boss.

Oh, yeah?

What's that?

That was fast.

Our new boys?

They want the next one to be a big one.

How big?

Two million.

Two million.

Yeah, yeah, that is big.

Anything that size, I
better be on it myself.

When can I get the cash?

They got it now.

Look, I'm sorry about-

- Forget it.

I was out of line, you know?

It's none of my business.

What are you talking
about none of your business?

If I was caught, they
would automatically assume

you had something to do with it.

I mean, are you that stupid that I gotta

figure out everything for you?

Yeah, I guess I am.

All right, well, I got a little gift.

Koima Recreational Center for Kids.

All right?

Now, is everything cool with us?

We're cool.

All right.

How's your hand?

The one I got shot in is not too good,

but this one?

Better than both my wives.

You're disgusting, you know that?

A lot of people tell me that!

So, who set up the picnic brunch?

I hope this isn't a request
for more money, De Marco.

We don't need more
money, I need your help.

Paulie's ready for the big one,

we're gonna be moving
fast from here on out.

Meaning?

I need more wiretaps.

Sure.

We can probably get you
more wiretaps by tomorrow.

Too late.

By then, this whole thing could be over.

Look, De Marco.

Without a court order, anything we heard

we couldn't use anyway.

We won't need it, we'll have
enough evidence without it.

Why don't we just bring
him in for murdering Keko?

You're a witness.

No good.

My word against theirs.

My bet is, there's no body,

and a half a dozen witnesses that'll swear

he's in Mexico visiting his family.

Why don't you just do what the fuck

he's telling you to do?

Well, I'm sorry, but we're not gonna

commit a felony for you.

So, how else do you want
to proceed with the case?

What case?

Fuckin' jerkoffs.

What?

Nothin'.

Damn!

Hey, lady, need a lift?

Damn thing won't start again!

How many times do I have to take it

to the goddamn shop!

Relax, Marla!

I'll call a tow truck.

Come on, I'll give you a ride.

What's wrong, Marla?

Nothing.

This can't be about the car.

I found these in Oscar's bedroom.

They were hidden in his basketball shoes.

I'll take care of it.

Most the kids
on the team are taking it.

Look.

I'm not saying steroids are poison,

but they're illegal and dangerous.

And you know, there are other ways,

other ways that won't break Marla's heart.

What do you want me to do, huh?

I got a dream.

I want you to figure out
what's really important.

When you do, let me know.

Can you get rid of these for me?

I see you're still with Neil.

I don't know, there's just
something sneaky about that guy.

I mean, yesterday, I see
him going to Kevin's office

with a briefcase in his hand,

and when he leaves, he's not carrying it.

You know what, Kim?

I appreciate the concern, I really do.

Everything's fine.

Yeah, I know he has secrets,

but he swore to me

he has nothing to do
with anything illegal,

and he's gonna prove it
to me tomorrow night.

So, there you have it.

Satisfied?

How's it going?

We're in.

How does it feel to break the law?

Too damn good.

I hear you boys are pretty ambitious.

I think we're proven
for more than just talk.

Yeah, that you did, that you did.

But moving 50 grand worth
of stuff is one thing,

moving two million is a
whole 'nother ballgame.

Difference between college
and professional football,

are you boys ready for the pros?

Hey, Neil, do you believe this guy?

We don't need no pep talk, we are pros.

All right, that's cool.

Let's make a deal.

How fast can you get the two million cash?

Tomorrow.

D'ah.

Yeah, right.

That fast, huh?

Yeah, that fast.

We got some backers that
are pretty impressed

with our sales potential.

It's their cash.

Well, I don't care whose it is today,

as long as it's mine tomorrow.

I tell you what...

Once you get the cash in
hand, you give me a call,

then I'll tell you the warehouse

where the product is located, okay?

Good enough.

My man, bring your own truck.

I don't get it.

I mean, Marla's my friend.

I was just trying to help
her out, and she blows me off.

Yeah.

Well, she can do worse
than a guy like Neil.

Marla's not cut out
for the dangerous type.

And you are?

Yes, I am.

Ah, does that mean
that what's yours is mine

and what's mine is mine, right?

See?

At least with you-
Yeah.

I know who you are and what you do.

Yeah, right.

- But this Neil-
- Mhm.

I mean, he's just lying to her.

Yeah.

Swears he's not into anything illegal.

Says he's gonna prove it
to her tomorrow night.

Wanna run that by me one more time?

Says that he's not into anything illegal

and he's gonna prove it
to her tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night?

Kevin!

What's up?

There's something fishy about Neil.

I knew it.

He's a cop.

Now what?

Payback time.

Oh, can't we just be
couch potatoes all day?

I wish.

- What's the matter?
- I can't reach my shoe.

Thank you.

- Oh, that's him.
- Aw!

I gotta go.

I'll see you tonight.

Tonight all secrets
will be revealed, right?

I made reservations at Chez Jay's.

Oh, hang on, I'll go with you.

I gotta run to the store
and get more coffee.

I didn't realize what a
caffeine fiend you are.

Great, you can meet Dave.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Dave, Marla.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, how you doin'?

Good, thanks.

I hate him now, you know why?

'Cause I'm not him.

And you're exactly like
Neil told me you were.

- I know, handsome.
- Yeah.

Okay, can I have the keys?

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Jaguar!

Bye.

Bye.

Nice meeting you.

She is fantastic.

Hey, Uncle Paulie,
shouldn't we just leave it?

I mean, what if the cops are there?

Listen.

I'm not leaving two million bucks behind,

I'd rather leave you behind.

Now, let's get out of here.

You cannot barge in
there without a warrant.

Even if you arrest them, they'll go free!

Who said anything
about arresting anybody?

Oh, that's beautiful, vigilantes.

Well, if you kill somebody,
you're gonna go to jail.

And Pope and I are gonna testify
against you, right, Pope?

I don't know.

Oh, man.

Look.

I understand your position on this.

If I was in your shoes,
I'd do the same damn thing.

Just tell Walker what happened,

I'll back up whatever you say.

Oh, goddamn it!

Stop!

Shit.

If you're gonna do this, do it right.

All right, you wanna play?

We're gonna play.

Here, you take that.

Got some more bullets?

Do you want bullets too?

Here.

Here, you take this.

There, you take that.

Here, take that.

I'm gonna take this.

Where do we start?

You three take Paulie's house.

Kevin's mine.

No, no, no, you can't do this one alone.

This one I can.

There's nobody here.

I know there's nobody here.

If there was somebody
here, they'd be dead now.

All right, let's get outta here.

Let's go, horse meat.

Hey, Jack!

Hey, Jack, where the hell are you, man?

Son of a bitch.

Come on!

Right here.

Come on, little man.

You're all out of tricks now.

Where's Paulie?

Dave and I will go in
through the loading docks,

you guys go around back.

Go 'head.

Go, let's go!

They got us pinned down.

You got any ideas?

Well, I think we should call for backup.

Some cop!

You know, I'm glad it
wasn't you in that car.

Now I get to do it personally.

Shit.

You know, you're pretty slippery.

You know that?

Come on, get some of this, huh?

Come on.

All right.

You can do this.

You can do this.

Show me something.

That ain't shit.

Show me something, show me something, huh?

Oh, man, this shit stinks.

Let's get out of here.

Get up!

This one's for Marla.

Throw me the gun!

Throw me the God damn gun!

Nice shoes.

Comfortable?

Goodbye.

You're supposed to
learn from your mistakes.

Isn't that right, Uncle Paulie?

God damn you, Sonny.

Come on, I got you.

I got you.

You guys all right?

We're fine.

You check for survivors, we'll
go downstairs for Paulie.

I'm calling for backup.

This fuckin' guy.

I don't know.

They look dead to me.

This one's alive.

Come here, you piece of shit.

There's a lot of money here.

How much?

We're not talking
about 250 grand anymore.

It's gotta be close to
a million dollars here.

We're talking about
retirement in the Bahamas.

No more Walkers, no more Paulies.

Every time my hand shakes,
I can just lift a martini.

Hey, come on, don't do this, Dave.

Why'd I know I was
gonna hear that from you?

Okay.

Come on.

Oh, man.

You all right?

Am I all right?

Every time I get shot,
you ask am I all right.

No, I'm not all right, it fuckin' hurts.

You want me to carry the money?

No, that's okay.

Oh, man, we gotta get
outta this, I'm telling you.

But I tell you something,

we took down them fuckin' farmers.

What is with you and
the farmers all the time?

What do you mean with the farmers?

You know what it is.

It's not that I have a hatred for them,

they're just stupid, you know?

The way they dress with them overalls

and their hats...

You ever been on a farm?

You know, with the corn,

and there's nothin' to fuckin'...

They call soda "pop", these idiots.

Do you understand?

You go into a store, it says
club soda, not club pop.

They're 200 years behind the times,

I'm telling you something.

And another thing, you
see them on the news

every time it fuckin' rains.

Every time, "Well, we're flooded again!"

Yeah, you're fucking flooded!

The flood comes every year.

Then you're in your little
fuckin' boat over there

in a canoe, whatever!

Move, you assholes!

Stupid ass.

You know what we should do?

We should start a card company.

Yeah, just for farmers.

Like, for Thanksgiving.

"God bless the bean and fig,

your mother is a big fat
fuckin' suckling pig."

And then the New Years card.

"The old year is gone,
oh how time does fly,

to you and your family,
I hope you all die."