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1
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,710
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,838
Hey, people!
3
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,770
Royal Burger's in the house!
4
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:24,465
Oh, hey, hey,
I got dibs
5
00:00:24,549 --> 00:00:27,779
on the bacon king
cheeseburger. All right.
6
00:00:27,853 --> 00:00:30,653
Okay, hold on.
Sit down, princess. I'll take the fries.
7
00:00:30,722 --> 00:00:33,402
I want to thank you
for making dinner tonight.
8
00:00:33,475 --> 00:00:37,025
(chuckles)
That was just my way of saying I love you.
9
00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:38,534
Mm.
(inhales)
10
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,525
And I have, uh...
11
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,991
I have to go away
on business tomorrow for a week.
12
00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:45,238
Oh, Wanda, come on,
not this week.
13
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,040
I got reshoots
to do for the movie.
14
00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:49,254
Honey, I know
the timing is bad, but...
15
00:00:49,324 --> 00:00:51,424
Wha--What am I
supposed to do?
16
00:00:51,493 --> 00:00:53,963
Call John Favreau
and tell him I got to babysit?
17
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:55,921
Come on, now.
Um...
18
00:00:55,997 --> 00:00:57,547
BRYAN:
Hey, hey, hey, guys.
19
00:00:57,624 --> 00:01:00,094
Look, I can help you out.
You know what?
20
00:01:00,168 --> 00:01:01,588
My schedule is real
light this week...
21
00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,300
except for Thursday.
22
00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:04,560
I have to watch The O.C.
23
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,520
Now them people,
they know how to live.
24
00:01:06,591 --> 00:01:08,861
Encino.
25
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,056
Yay! Daddy's
gonna babysit!
26
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:15,318
Oh, it's gonna
be a party. Ha-ha!
27
00:01:15,326 --> 00:01:16,696
Great.
28
00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:19,067
Now I got to watch four kids.
29
00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:21,276
JORDAN:
Hey, those are my fries. BRYAN: Uh-huh.
30
00:01:21,356 --> 00:01:23,406
Anything at the bottom
of the bag is fair game.
31
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,283
It's the finder's keepers
French fry rule.
32
00:01:26,361 --> 00:01:28,951
And give me
that bag back. JORDAN: No!
33
00:01:29,030 --> 00:01:30,880
(bag crinkling)
JORDAN: Hey!
34
00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:32,468
BRYAN:
That's an empty bag!
35
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:36,876
(exhales)
Okay.
36
00:01:36,955 --> 00:01:38,255
I have
my phone charger.
37
00:01:38,331 --> 00:01:40,421
I have my spare
laptop battery.
38
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,640
I have
my PowerPoint presentation.
39
00:01:43,712 --> 00:01:46,302
Am I forgetting
anything? Yeah, your clothes.
40
00:01:46,381 --> 00:01:49,231
(door opens and closes)
I would've remembered that.
41
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,599
Oh, hey.
Good morning.
42
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,848
Whoa, hey, Bryan.
What's up with the big bag?
43
00:01:53,930 --> 00:01:55,310
You only gonna
be here a week.
44
00:01:55,390 --> 00:01:56,680
Yeah, you know,
I know, man, but, you know,
45
00:01:56,759 --> 00:01:59,439
I got some laundry
I need to catch up on.
46
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:01,179
We making lunch, huh?
You know what, man?
47
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:02,782
I could bag some cookies
or cut up some carrots...
48
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,446
No, no, no,
look, look here. I got this.
49
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:07,615
And, you know,
I really appreciate
50
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:09,454
you being here and all,
and I know you want to lend a hand.
51
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:12,463
Yeah, man.
You know, I can't wait to get my parent on.
52
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:13,732
Well, look here.
53
00:02:13,809 --> 00:02:15,759
What you can do that
can help all of us...
54
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,206
Mm-hmm?
...is just chill-lax
55
00:02:17,287 --> 00:02:18,877
and let me handle
the heavy stuff.
56
00:02:18,955 --> 00:02:20,595
All right? Thank you.
57
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:23,472
Oh.
58
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:24,863
America,
59
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,756
I didn't mean
to hurt Bryan's feelings.
60
00:02:26,838 --> 00:02:28,538
His heart is in the right place.
61
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,765
It's just that his mind is
sometimes still in junior high.
62
00:02:31,843 --> 00:02:33,393
I mean, come on.
63
00:02:33,470 --> 00:02:36,520
What adult says,
"I'm gonna get my parent on?"
64
00:02:36,598 --> 00:02:37,808
Please.
65
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,941
I'm going to miss you guys.
66
00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:41,402
Bye, Aunt Wanda.
GIRLS: Bye.
67
00:02:41,478 --> 00:02:44,568
Oh, we miss you already.
(chuckles)
68
00:02:44,648 --> 00:02:46,868
Honey.
69
00:02:46,942 --> 00:02:48,332
You have a safe trip, hear?
70
00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:51,171
I will.
And I love you. I love you, too.
71
00:02:53,424 --> 00:02:55,004
Well...
72
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,165
(car door closes)
73
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,247
It's just me
and you now, B.
74
00:02:58,328 --> 00:02:59,758
Just me and you.
75
00:03:01,122 --> 00:03:04,682
(car leaving)
76
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,737
Oh, hey, B. What's up, man?
77
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,683
You got some whites
you want to add to this? No, I'm straight.
78
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,811
Okay, cool. I'll go check
the kids' room then.
79
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,018
No, I got to be
on the set in an hour, so I made you a list.
80
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,515
You say you want
to help out, right?
81
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,516
Oh, now we talking,
man. Okay. Okay.
82
00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,268
Number one...
83
00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:21,520
Number four:
84
00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:22,991
"Remember to flush"?
Uh...
85
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,780
What's that
supposed to mean, man?
86
00:03:24,854 --> 00:03:28,034
Let's just say
you don't always finish your work.
87
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:29,208
Wha...?
88
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,830
Uh...
My bad.
89
00:03:32,904 --> 00:03:36,584
You know, I'll start him off
real slow, America.
90
00:03:36,658 --> 00:03:39,668
A little responsibility
might make him feel useful,
91
00:03:39,744 --> 00:03:41,634
but I don't want to overload
him, you know what I mean?
92
00:03:41,705 --> 00:03:44,665
It wouldn't be fair.
I mean, he's no me.
93
00:03:44,749 --> 00:03:46,589
He didn't have Big Mama
to help mold him
94
00:03:46,668 --> 00:03:49,548
into a well-rounded person.
(chuckles)
95
00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:51,679
He can thank
Colonel Sanders for that.
96
00:03:51,756 --> 00:03:54,976
Guys, here's the ballots
for 8th grade's best.
97
00:03:55,051 --> 00:03:57,891
We have to turn them in
by Friday.
98
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,595
Why do you
even care?
99
00:03:59,681 --> 00:04:02,441
Seriously, it's not
like any of us are gonna win anything.
100
00:04:02,517 --> 00:04:04,567
Are you kidding?
We're in the 8th grade.
101
00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:06,324
This is
our last hurrah at Damien.
102
00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:07,986
We gotta leave
our mark.
103
00:04:08,064 --> 00:04:11,204
I'm thinking about class clown.
Hello?
104
00:04:11,276 --> 00:04:12,696
Have you forgotten
about Doug Dorner?
105
00:04:12,777 --> 00:04:14,537
(indistinct chatter)
106
00:04:14,612 --> 00:04:16,162
(screams)
107
00:04:16,239 --> 00:04:17,669
Gotcha!
108
00:04:20,201 --> 00:04:21,961
The guy is
in another league.
109
00:04:22,037 --> 00:04:23,247
(sighs)
110
00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:25,854
(indistinct chatter)
111
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,387
Best smile.
112
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,606
This'll be a cakewalk.
113
00:04:39,095 --> 00:04:42,355
(closes door)
Sorry I'm late. Traffic was a mess.
114
00:04:42,432 --> 00:04:44,282
Who wants Chow-Chow Chicken?
115
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,275
Wait...
116
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:47,913
Wait, wait, wait.
117
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:48,948
What's going on here?
118
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,452
We already ate.
119
00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:52,123
Daddy made
spinach lasagna.
120
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:54,032
BRYAN:
Never made it before, man.
121
00:04:54,110 --> 00:04:57,630
You know what?
I added a little fennel. I think it works.
122
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,930
Wow, and... you cleaned up, too?
123
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,452
Yeah, yeah, and look.
124
00:05:03,529 --> 00:05:05,339
And now I'm helping Baby Girl
with her fractions.
125
00:05:05,413 --> 00:05:08,133
Wow, Bryan...
126
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,388
I'm impressed.
127
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,467
Hey.
Thanks, B.
128
00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:17,347
You know,
a little encouragement goes a long way, man.
129
00:05:17,425 --> 00:05:19,855
I got some clothes to check
in the dryer. Excuse me.
130
00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:24,658
I checked it.
131
00:05:27,143 --> 00:05:28,953
How 'bout that, America?
132
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:32,449
Shoot, Bryan not
such a lost cause after all.
133
00:05:32,524 --> 00:05:34,214
The way he stepped
up there tonight
134
00:05:34,284 --> 00:05:37,244
made me think that he probably
could handle a little more.
135
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:38,820
Lighten up my load a bit.
136
00:05:38,897 --> 00:05:42,337
Shoot, I'm gonna add
some more to his list.
137
00:05:42,417 --> 00:05:43,997
You know what?
138
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,377
I'm gonna need some more paper.
139
00:05:45,453 --> 00:05:48,473
(chuckles)
140
00:05:52,585 --> 00:05:54,385
(exhales)
141
00:05:56,306 --> 00:05:57,756
Oh, hey, Bernie.
142
00:05:57,775 --> 00:06:00,765
Look, here's your suit
for tomorrow, man.
143
00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:03,938
And guess who's having
a Denver omelet for breakfast?
144
00:06:04,013 --> 00:06:05,733
Huh? Huh?
(chuckles)
145
00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:06,771
Come eat with me.
146
00:06:06,784 --> 00:06:08,114
(retreating footsteps)
147
00:06:08,184 --> 00:06:10,114
Look at him go, America.
148
00:06:10,186 --> 00:06:11,276
Sprinting out of the gate.
149
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,448
Trying to be everyone's mama.
150
00:06:13,523 --> 00:06:15,783
I say knock yourself out, Bryan.
151
00:06:15,859 --> 00:06:17,369
I got work to do.
152
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,198
Bernie Mac is out.
153
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,289
Don't forget the hash browns!
154
00:06:21,364 --> 00:06:22,964
BRYAN:
Coming right up!
155
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:25,634
Mama.
156
00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:29,046
(upbeat music playing)
157
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,972
Mm.
(sighs)
158
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,304
Okay. You can open
your eyes now.
159
00:06:34,377 --> 00:06:36,677
(gasps)
160
00:06:36,754 --> 00:06:38,694
Wow! I love it!
161
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:41,519
Yeah, it looks
great, doesn't it?
162
00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,937
Hey, okay, look.
Now remember,
163
00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:46,350
you have to sleep
pretty like this, okay?
164
00:06:46,431 --> 00:06:48,981
Now do it just like this
tonight. All right? You got it?
165
00:06:49,058 --> 00:06:51,358
That way, in case
your head falls, you know,
166
00:06:51,436 --> 00:06:53,736
you can catch it
and you don't want to mess it up.
167
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,663
Okay? Go.
Let me see, let me see.
168
00:06:55,732 --> 00:06:58,412
You got it? Okay, now,
go to sleep, go to sleep.
169
00:06:58,485 --> 00:06:59,775
Mm-hmm, see?
Don't even move.
170
00:06:59,861 --> 00:07:00,991
Right? See there
how you caught it?
171
00:07:01,070 --> 00:07:02,520
Do it again,
do it again.
172
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:04,047
You might want
to fall asleep the other way.
173
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,794
You never know.
See, watch. Look.
174
00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,331
See, look at...
Look, it just stay right...
175
00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:09,090
Ooh, I messed up a curl.
Why don't you try?
176
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,132
Why don't you try? You try it.
Okay, okay. Let me see.
177
00:07:11,206 --> 00:07:13,166
(grunts)
178
00:07:13,249 --> 00:07:14,809
See, okay. See...
179
00:07:14,885 --> 00:07:16,005
All right.
180
00:07:16,085 --> 00:07:17,465
Come on.
181
00:07:17,545 --> 00:07:19,175
(The Stylistics:
"You're a Big Girl Now" playing)
182
00:07:19,255 --> 00:07:21,255
♪ No more silly looks ♪
183
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:24,481
♪ With a childish glare ♪
184
00:07:24,552 --> 00:07:27,812
♪ No more dollfor you to play ♪
185
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:32,193
BRYAN: A dream is not upin the sky or in the stars,
186
00:07:32,268 --> 00:07:33,828
it's right in your heart.Bryan.
187
00:07:33,904 --> 00:07:37,204
♪ No more dumbnessin the things you say ♪
188
00:07:37,273 --> 00:07:39,163
There you go, B.
Hey, man.
189
00:07:39,234 --> 00:07:40,334
(sniffs)
190
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,155
Hey, man, that smells nice.
191
00:07:42,237 --> 00:07:43,747
Oh, yeah.
New fabric softener
192
00:07:43,821 --> 00:07:46,291
and just a squirt
of High Karate.
193
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,076
(karate yells
and laughs)
194
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:49,673
Smell them drawers.
195
00:07:49,744 --> 00:07:51,464
Mm-hmm. Man.
196
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:54,878
America,
I got to hand it to Bryan.
197
00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:58,468
I mean, he's doing things
Wanda would never do.
198
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:00,965
But don't tell her, though.
I don't know.
199
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,637
It's like I finally got
a stay-at-home wife.
200
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:06,386
Shoot, Bernie Mac
could get used to this,
201
00:08:06,469 --> 00:08:08,939
except for the part
where he folded my drawers.
202
00:08:09,013 --> 00:08:11,733
Huh, I got to burn those.
203
00:08:11,808 --> 00:08:13,148
(sniffs)
204
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,776
Get a whiff first.
205
00:08:15,853 --> 00:08:17,253
(exhales)
206
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:18,792
That's great.
207
00:08:20,775 --> 00:08:23,575
Okay, girls, now
we're gonna practice trapping the ball with your chest.
208
00:08:23,653 --> 00:08:26,513
Bryana, come up here
and show us how it's done.
209
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:30,248
What's she gonna
trap it with?
210
00:08:30,326 --> 00:08:32,126
I know.
She doesn't even have a chest.
211
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,797
(mean laughter)
212
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,431
(clears throat)
213
00:08:39,460 --> 00:08:40,890
Now, the chest trap...
214
00:08:41,963 --> 00:08:43,303
GIRL: What is wrong
with him?
215
00:08:43,381 --> 00:08:44,401
(indistinct chatter)
216
00:08:44,474 --> 00:08:47,104
GIRL 2: Ew! Weird!
217
00:08:47,176 --> 00:08:49,646
GIRL 3: What is his deal?
218
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,229
Is that Connor Santell?
219
00:08:51,306 --> 00:08:53,156
Yeah.
220
00:08:54,475 --> 00:08:56,605
He just got
his braces off.
221
00:08:56,686 --> 00:08:57,856
His dad's
an orthodontist.
222
00:08:57,937 --> 00:08:59,607
Gave him
George Clooney's smile.
223
00:08:59,689 --> 00:09:01,949
I got to step up my game.
224
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:05,369
JORDAN: Wait, you're taking
the last piece of meat loaf?
225
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,125
Wait a minute,
that meat loaf's for Baby Girl
226
00:09:07,205 --> 00:09:09,455
for when she comes
from soccer practice. Put that back.
227
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,836
Just give her half.
She'll never know.
228
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:14,428
VANESSA: Yeah, I want it.
She can have a sandwich.
229
00:09:14,504 --> 00:09:16,504
Hey, hey, you know, I make
a mean meat loaf, too.
230
00:09:16,581 --> 00:09:17,841
You all
never ask me for seconds.
231
00:09:17,915 --> 00:09:19,585
BRYAN (hastily):
I'm pretty sure
232
00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:21,557
your meat loaf is delicious.
233
00:09:22,712 --> 00:09:23,942
Do you put liver
in your meat loaf?
234
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,440
It always tastes...
livery,
235
00:09:26,516 --> 00:09:27,596
like a liver-loaf.
236
00:09:27,675 --> 00:09:29,185
There's no liver in it.
237
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,700
You know, Bryan,
you are so creative.
238
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:35,443
What are these
little red things?
239
00:09:35,516 --> 00:09:37,606
They're delicious.
240
00:09:37,685 --> 00:09:40,775
Pimentos... from Portugal.
241
00:09:40,855 --> 00:09:45,025
Mmm. You know,
you really should show Uncle Bernie how to do that.
242
00:09:45,109 --> 00:09:46,229
Wh-What?
243
00:09:47,236 --> 00:09:49,656
He'd just think they was olives.
244
00:09:49,739 --> 00:09:51,119
Are you sure
there's no liver in it?
245
00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:52,826
I said I didn't put
no liver in it.
246
00:09:52,909 --> 00:09:54,469
Okay...
247
00:09:54,544 --> 00:09:57,634
Just... tastes
so livery.
248
00:09:57,705 --> 00:09:59,875
Okay, America,
I ain't gonna lie.
249
00:09:59,957 --> 00:10:03,217
I've been enjoying the comforts
of Bryan's domestic generosity,
250
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:06,638
but this Martha Stewart act
is getting annoying.
251
00:10:06,714 --> 00:10:08,974
Probably that's why
they threw her in jail.
252
00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:12,494
Whoo!
(sighs) What a day.
253
00:10:12,562 --> 00:10:17,692
-Hey, man, how 'bout
a little Sports Center to relax? -Relax? It's easy for you.
254
00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:19,107
You ain't got
no 17-year-old girl
255
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,895
late for her curfew
on a Friday night.
256
00:10:20,978 --> 00:10:23,318
Oh, no, no, Mac.
She not late, man.
257
00:10:23,398 --> 00:10:25,068
I gave her an extra hour.
What?
258
00:10:25,149 --> 00:10:27,779
Yeah.
Just because she kissed your meat loaf ass.
259
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,500
Who gave you permission
to do any doggone thing?
260
00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:32,010
Who in the hell
do you think you are, man?
261
00:10:32,082 --> 00:10:34,422
(chuckling) Oh, that's funny.
That's real funny, man.
262
00:10:34,492 --> 00:10:36,412
'Cause you wasn't asking me
them questions
263
00:10:36,485 --> 00:10:38,915
when I was cooking,
when I was cleaning and washing your dirty drawers.
264
00:10:38,996 --> 00:10:40,386
See, that's what I want
to talk to you about.
265
00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:42,485
You didn't have no re... no
reason touching my drawers.
266
00:10:42,567 --> 00:10:44,377
Don't touch my drawers, okay?
(volume of indistinct TV commentary increases)
267
00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:45,350
(snap)
268
00:10:45,428 --> 00:10:46,518
Hey!
269
00:10:46,596 --> 00:10:48,016
(chuckles)
270
00:10:48,098 --> 00:10:49,678
(snap)
(screams)
271
00:10:49,757 --> 00:10:51,687
Bryana doesn't have a bra.
272
00:10:51,768 --> 00:10:53,058
She's still a baby.
273
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,530
I do too have one.
274
00:10:54,604 --> 00:10:57,234
Then where is it?
At the cleaners.
275
00:10:57,306 --> 00:10:59,186
Bras don't go
to the cleaners.
276
00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:00,227
Big bras do.
277
00:11:00,309 --> 00:11:02,039
(laughing)
278
00:11:08,985 --> 00:11:11,695
Hey, Jordan,
how was school today?
279
00:11:11,779 --> 00:11:13,799
Fantastic!
Hi, Tammy!
280
00:11:15,950 --> 00:11:19,170
(car door opens)
BRYAN: Oh, hey, Baby Girl.
281
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:20,625
How was school today?
282
00:11:20,705 --> 00:11:23,595
(slams the door)
(girls laughing)
283
00:11:25,001 --> 00:11:27,471
(all laughing)
284
00:11:27,545 --> 00:11:28,505
Want to talk about it?
285
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,508
No.
286
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,640
Can we go now?
My face is cramping.
287
00:11:32,717 --> 00:11:35,647
Oh, sure, we can.
Okay, let's go.
288
00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:39,935
Oh, come on, Baby Girl.
289
00:11:40,016 --> 00:11:42,576
I know
something's bothering you.
290
00:11:42,652 --> 00:11:45,652
Hey, was it those girls
at school today?
291
00:11:45,730 --> 00:11:48,280
(sniffs)
Uh-huh.
292
00:11:48,357 --> 00:11:49,617
What did they say?
293
00:11:49,701 --> 00:11:51,741
They said I was flat.
294
00:11:51,819 --> 00:11:53,289
Aw, princess,
295
00:11:53,362 --> 00:11:55,292
don't you pay them
no mind, okay?
296
00:11:55,364 --> 00:11:56,664
Oh, there you are.
297
00:11:56,741 --> 00:11:57,841
Remember
that list I gave you?
298
00:11:57,917 --> 00:11:59,087
Remember number four?
299
00:12:00,645 --> 00:12:03,345
Hey, Baby Girl.
What you doing on the floor like that?
300
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,103
Are you crying?
301
00:12:05,175 --> 00:12:07,625
Come here and tell Uncle Bernie
what's going on. Come here.
302
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,764
It's okay, princess, all right?
303
00:12:09,837 --> 00:12:12,057
It's nothing. I'm fine.
304
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,111
Hey, hey, I guess
I'm easier to talk to, man.
305
00:12:17,187 --> 00:12:18,807
Don't worry.
306
00:12:18,888 --> 00:12:20,698
I'll keep you in the loop.
307
00:12:22,225 --> 00:12:24,615
Who's easier to talk to
than me, America?
308
00:12:24,694 --> 00:12:26,624
Who?
I'm sorry,
309
00:12:26,696 --> 00:12:28,816
but he hasn't even been
baby-sitting a week,
310
00:12:28,898 --> 00:12:30,818
and all of a sudden,
she's telling him stuff
311
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:32,830
she won't tell me? Huh.
312
00:12:32,902 --> 00:12:34,662
I know I brought this on myself,
313
00:12:34,737 --> 00:12:37,287
but the Mac-man
won't stand for it any longer.
314
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:41,625
No, sir.
There's only room for one mama in this house,
315
00:12:41,702 --> 00:12:44,102
and that mama's gonna be me!
316
00:12:52,964 --> 00:12:55,264
(knocking on door)
BERNIE: Baby Girl, you in there?
317
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,895
Just a minute.
All right.
318
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,810
Hey, sweetheart.
319
00:13:01,889 --> 00:13:03,979
You all right?
You sure?
320
00:13:04,058 --> 00:13:06,318
Anything you want
to get off your chest?
321
00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:08,694
What? No, no, no, I'm fine.
322
00:13:08,771 --> 00:13:10,911
Oh. 'Cause,
you know, if you do,
323
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,530
you can come talk
to good old Uncle Bernie,
324
00:13:13,609 --> 00:13:15,789
the man who's been
with you from day one,
325
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:17,622
especially
the last five years,
326
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:19,037
not just this week.
327
00:13:19,115 --> 00:13:20,605
Thanks.
328
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:26,841
Baby Girl's going
through something, America.
329
00:13:26,914 --> 00:13:29,634
Maybe she feels
like I haven't been there for her this week.
330
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,129
But I'm here now.
331
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:32,590
I'll get things
back to normal.
332
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:35,014
I promise, America. I will.
333
00:13:35,089 --> 00:13:37,679
(knocking)
Baby Girl, it's time for your...
334
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:41,062
And please bless Bryana,
335
00:13:41,137 --> 00:13:42,517
my princess.
336
00:13:42,597 --> 00:13:44,477
Hang up on him, Lord.
337
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,187
Disconnect that call.
338
00:13:46,267 --> 00:13:48,367
And thank you
for bringing her into my life.
339
00:13:50,354 --> 00:13:51,744
Well, all right.
340
00:13:51,814 --> 00:13:53,534
Then I'm beeping in.
341
00:13:53,608 --> 00:13:56,248
O heavenly Father,
precious Lord,
342
00:13:56,327 --> 00:13:59,497
this is Bernie Mac
coming to You live from Baby Girl's room,
343
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:03,366
asking You to put her
in Your Godly hands as she sleeps tonight...
344
00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:07,091
(loudly)
And grant her peace and understanding,
345
00:14:07,163 --> 00:14:09,513
that she may better deal
with the adversities
346
00:14:09,591 --> 00:14:11,521
she'll face
in her everyday life.
347
00:14:11,593 --> 00:14:13,183
You know, Father,
348
00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:15,602
peace and understanding
has its place...
349
00:14:15,671 --> 00:14:17,031
Mm.
350
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,226
But, Father, give Baby
Girl love and forgiveness.
351
00:14:19,309 --> 00:14:24,149
And give her the strength,
the strength that you gave Sampson, O powerful God,
352
00:14:24,221 --> 00:14:25,401
and the '84 Bears.
353
00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:28,363
Praise God.
Oh, God.
354
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,988
(bellowing)
And, if you will,
355
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,279
O most precious Father,
356
00:14:32,355 --> 00:14:34,815
give her good grades
357
00:14:34,899 --> 00:14:36,669
without really trying.
358
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,163
(also bellowing)
O powerful God, I ask you
359
00:14:39,236 --> 00:14:41,866
to protect Baby Girl
from all her enemies,
360
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,298
especially those who...
361
00:14:43,374 --> 00:14:46,434
(speaking normally)
Praise God, give her false promises.
362
00:14:46,502 --> 00:14:49,252
(bellowing)
And, if it be Thine will, O heavenly Father,
363
00:14:49,330 --> 00:14:55,590
give her clarity
so that she may see who's who and what's what.
364
00:14:55,670 --> 00:15:00,010
(hollering) O powerful God,
I've not asked you to smite anyone as of late,
365
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:03,225
but in this...
(snoring)
366
00:15:08,057 --> 00:15:09,687
Amen.
367
00:15:09,767 --> 00:15:12,327
In Jesus' name...
368
00:15:12,403 --> 00:15:15,583
Amen.
369
00:15:15,657 --> 00:15:17,407
(Harry Connick Jr.:
"A Wink and a Smile" playing) ♪ You can't have a dream ♪
370
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:18,963
♪ and cut it to fit ♪
371
00:15:19,035 --> 00:15:22,655
♪ But when I saw you, I knew ♪
372
00:15:22,738 --> 00:15:25,788
♪ We go together ♪
373
00:15:25,866 --> 00:15:29,246
♪ Like a wink and a smile ♪
374
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:31,848
(upbeat riff)
375
00:15:38,713 --> 00:15:40,223
♪ We go together ♪
376
00:15:40,297 --> 00:15:43,467
♪ Like a wink and a smile ♪
(wink dings)
377
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:45,071
Looking good, Robert.
Huh?
378
00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:47,274
See you in Science, Marshall.
379
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,810
MARSHALL: Whatever.
What the...?
380
00:15:48,889 --> 00:15:51,149
Beautiful day, isn't it?
381
00:15:51,225 --> 00:15:54,815
♪ We're so far awayfrom yesterday ♪
382
00:15:54,895 --> 00:15:57,445
♪ Together ♪
383
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,277
Hey, Baby Girl!
384
00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:01,488
I'm cutting you up
some orange slices for the game
385
00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:02,869
so you can eat
at half-time.
386
00:16:02,945 --> 00:16:04,445
And guess what else?
387
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,960
I got the stain out
of your soccer uniform.
388
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:08,343
Who loves you, baby?
389
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,596
Say...
390
00:16:13,789 --> 00:16:15,089
what's the matter,
Baby Girl?
391
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:18,180
Come on, tell
your Uncle Bernie.
392
00:16:18,252 --> 00:16:19,352
Um...
393
00:16:21,964 --> 00:16:23,604
Here it comes, America.
394
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:26,268
She want to talk to me. Huh.
395
00:16:26,343 --> 00:16:27,813
Take that, Bryan.
396
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,017
Who's your mama now?
397
00:16:29,096 --> 00:16:31,016
Who's your mama now?
398
00:16:31,098 --> 00:16:32,688
Who your mama now?
399
00:16:32,767 --> 00:16:35,777
Hey, there's
my little Pelé.
400
00:16:35,853 --> 00:16:37,783
Hey, I'm ready
for your after-game snacks.
401
00:16:37,855 --> 00:16:39,115
I got your brownies.
402
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:40,868
I got some Crickle-Crackle.
403
00:16:40,950 --> 00:16:42,910
And you know what?
We gonna have some quesadillas
404
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:44,739
if I can find us
a Sterno.
405
00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:46,660
Quesadillas ain't
no game food.
406
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,169
I don't want to go.
407
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:52,329
Why? What's wrong,
princess?
408
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:55,211
She was about
to tell me before you walked in.
409
00:16:55,289 --> 00:16:58,429
Come on, tell
your Uncle Bernie, your legal guardian,
410
00:16:58,509 --> 00:17:00,839
the person
who's been with you from day one,
411
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,340
ever since you were
a little-bitty baby.
412
00:17:02,421 --> 00:17:05,561
The girls are teasing me
because I'm flat.
413
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:08,443
Which I already knew.
414
00:17:08,519 --> 00:17:10,149
You...
Mm-hmm.
415
00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:12,769
They were snapping
each other's bra straps,
416
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,572
but I don't have one to snap.
417
00:17:16,352 --> 00:17:18,322
Well, that
ain't no problem.
418
00:17:18,395 --> 00:17:20,525
Uncle Bernie just
got to go out and buy you a bra.
419
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:23,616
Hold up, Mac.
Hold up, man, I-I-I think that's something
420
00:17:23,692 --> 00:17:25,412
that, uh,
a father should do.
421
00:17:25,486 --> 00:17:27,406
I think a father
should have thought of it.
422
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:32,422
Fine. Then we'll both go
and buy you a bra, okay?
423
00:17:32,493 --> 00:17:33,593
Thanks.
424
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:38,212
I'll see you
at the bra store.
425
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:40,970
Bring it on.
Huh. It's here, baby, right in front of you.
426
00:17:41,043 --> 00:17:43,513
Hey, everybody,
the Eighth Grade Bests are here!
427
00:17:43,587 --> 00:17:45,297
(murmuring)
428
00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:48,055
BOY: What did I get,
what did I get, what did I get?
429
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:49,934
Two years running!
430
00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:53,114
(cheering)
431
00:17:53,889 --> 00:17:55,559
Hmm. Best Smile.
432
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,611
Charles "Fort" Knox.
433
00:17:57,685 --> 00:17:59,195
Who's that?
434
00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:04,002
Dang!
That's some bling!
435
00:18:04,075 --> 00:18:06,285
Hey, you did win
something.
436
00:18:07,695 --> 00:18:08,655
JORDAN:
"Creepiest?"
437
00:18:08,737 --> 00:18:10,397
GIRL: I got it!
438
00:18:10,473 --> 00:18:12,123
Don't worry.
Next year, in high school, I'm sure there will be
439
00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:13,919
plenty of kids
creepier than you.
440
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,133
Really?
Yeah.
441
00:18:15,202 --> 00:18:16,632
Just never,
ever smile.
442
00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:17,724
Thanks.
443
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,217
GIRL: Oh, you guys!
444
00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:24,297
Whoo!
445
00:18:24,378 --> 00:18:26,298
Oh. All right,
here we go.
446
00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:29,180
Baby Girl,
I'll be in the men's shoe department, okay?
447
00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:30,848
Hey, hey, hey,
where you going, man?
448
00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:32,236
Uh... this is all you.
449
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:35,981
What's wrong? You her daddy.
450
00:18:36,056 --> 00:18:39,526
-You're buying...
unless you're uncomfortable. -Who's uncomfortable?
451
00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:41,290
You?
Nah. You.
452
00:18:41,362 --> 00:18:43,952
-No, it looks like it's you.
-No, it sounds like you.
453
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:45,953
Look, look, I've worn
bras and panties before.
454
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,945
Help yourself.
I have.
455
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,247
Be down.
It's your turn.
456
00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:51,458
I don't do that.
Mm-hmm.
457
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,255
Sweetheart,
what size are you?
458
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:56,333
I don't know.
You don't know?
459
00:18:56,410 --> 00:18:58,710
Oh, hey, hey,
how about this one? This looks like it will fit.
460
00:18:58,787 --> 00:19:00,587
She ain't no Laker Girl, man.
461
00:19:00,664 --> 00:19:02,674
I know, man.
462
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:05,130
I'm the one she told
about being flat-chested, remember?
463
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:06,261
Like we can't see that.
464
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:07,641
Oh, come on, Mac-man.
465
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,103
I'm just trying
to be a daddy, all right?
466
00:19:09,173 --> 00:19:10,353
Man, use your head.
I am.
467
00:19:10,424 --> 00:19:11,734
Baby Girl,
what size do you...?
468
00:19:13,427 --> 00:19:16,687
BERNIE: Aw, Baby Girl,
I'm sorry. BRYANA: You're embarrassing me.
469
00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:19,404
Sweetheart, ain't nothing
to be embarrassed about.
470
00:19:19,475 --> 00:19:21,685
BRYANA: Yes, there is.
I'm flat like you said.
471
00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:23,789
Look, all of us got something
472
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:26,703
that we're not proud of,
but we can't let that stop us.
473
00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:29,414
You know what I'm saying?
Shoot, when I was a little kid,
474
00:19:29,485 --> 00:19:31,695
I had braces on my legs,
and when I walked,
475
00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:34,999
it sounded like "chu-chu-chu,"
like I was a robot.
476
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,504
(both chuckle)
Really?
477
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,256
Really.
Mm-hmm.
478
00:19:40,454 --> 00:19:42,504
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
and when I was a kid,
479
00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:45,471
um... you know,
I had this real bad stuttering problem.
480
00:19:45,542 --> 00:19:48,512
Even to this day,
I still can't say the word...
481
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:49,597
(stuttering)
482
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,466
(stuttering)
483
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:52,782
(stuttering)
484
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,443
You get
the picture, right? See?
485
00:19:56,512 --> 00:19:58,152
Come on,
let's find a salesperson.
486
00:19:58,222 --> 00:20:00,812
Come on. Come on.
There you go.
487
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:04,935
I was lying
about my b-b-b-brace on my f-f-f-feet.
488
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:08,070
Now, how you gonna lie
about having braces on your legs?
489
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:10,162
This right here,
this why. Oh.
490
00:20:10,234 --> 00:20:11,314
Hi, ma'am.
How you doing?
491
00:20:11,385 --> 00:20:12,655
Hi.
I'm looking for a bra
492
00:20:12,736 --> 00:20:14,446
for this lovely
young lady right here.
493
00:20:14,530 --> 00:20:16,340
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's her first one.
494
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:19,745
And, uh, we wanted it
to be special. Of course.
495
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:23,707
We have a three-pack that comes
in pink, cream and white.
496
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:26,089
I like pink.
(chuckles)
497
00:20:26,166 --> 00:20:29,636
Can I just say,
I think it's wonderful that, in today's society,
498
00:20:29,712 --> 00:20:31,432
it's okay for a gay couple
like yourselves
499
00:20:31,505 --> 00:20:34,425
to shop for a bra
with their daughter.
500
00:20:34,508 --> 00:20:36,178
Hey, hey, hey,
slow your roll, snowflake.
501
00:20:36,260 --> 00:20:38,190
Uh... Ain't no gay
going on over here, all right?
502
00:20:38,262 --> 00:20:40,042
I'm her daddy.
I'm her uncle.
503
00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:43,274
(chuckling) Oh, I get it. That
makes it more fun, doesn't it?
504
00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:45,160
(chuckling)
No, I know, I know, I know.
505
00:20:45,236 --> 00:20:47,486
I had a lady friend in college.
506
00:20:47,563 --> 00:20:48,663
Well...
507
00:20:48,739 --> 00:20:49,949
Thanks, Daddy.
508
00:20:50,024 --> 00:20:52,204
Thanks, Uncle Daddy.
509
00:20:52,276 --> 00:20:54,536
Uh...
Don't play with me, okay?
510
00:20:54,611 --> 00:20:56,451
You, uh, you still keep
in contact with that lady friend?
511
00:20:56,530 --> 00:20:58,080
Quit it.
I-I was just asking.
512
00:20:58,157 --> 00:20:59,917
Get some information.
Get some information.
513
00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:01,461
You know, America,
514
00:21:01,535 --> 00:21:03,785
I was so busy
competing with Bryan,
515
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:06,085
I forgot
the very important thing:
516
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:09,015
Baby Girl's better off
with both of us.
517
00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:12,803
It's kind
of like she got... two daddies.
518
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,850
Two straight daddies.
519
00:21:14,923 --> 00:21:16,523
This I know for sure.
520
00:21:16,592 --> 00:21:19,322
SINGER (slow song):♪ No more daddy's little girl ♪
521
00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:31,762
Ew!
522
00:21:31,841 --> 00:21:33,211
I don't want
to touch it. MAN: Pick it up.
523
00:21:35,361 --> 00:21:37,951
(laughs)
ALL: Ew!
524
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:39,410
"Say 'cheese'."
MAN: (laughs)
525
00:21:39,490 --> 00:21:41,670
Oh, it's
a whole bagful of cheese.
526
00:21:41,742 --> 00:21:44,342
More cheese.
MAN: More cheese. (all laugh)
527
00:21:44,411 --> 00:21:47,801
More cheese.
MAN: Cheese, so much.
528
00:21:47,873 --> 00:21:49,133
MAN: Another one. Oh!
529
00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:51,478
More cheese!
WOMAN: Say cheese!
530
00:21:56,340 --> 00:21:57,480
Captioned by Visual Data
531
00:21:57,530 --> 00:22:02,080
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