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1
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:18,500
My mother wastrying to kill us...
2
00:00:18,568 --> 00:00:19,400
With fat.
3
00:00:19,469 --> 00:00:20,568
With fat?
4
00:00:20,637 --> 00:00:22,069
Oh, sure, I mean,
with that food.
5
00:00:22,138 --> 00:00:23,805
I mean, this is way
before cholesterol
6
00:00:23,874 --> 00:00:25,439
and that whole bit.
You know, I mean,
7
00:00:25,509 --> 00:00:27,141
7-year-olds were
having heart attacks.
8
00:00:28,545 --> 00:00:29,677
See, but you ate it
because she said
9
00:00:29,746 --> 00:00:31,312
the same thing to
you every meal...
10
00:00:31,381 --> 00:00:32,480
"Clean your plate.
11
00:00:32,549 --> 00:00:33,948
"Children in Europe
are starving.
12
00:00:34,017 --> 00:00:35,383
"Eat everything.
13
00:00:35,451 --> 00:00:36,885
"Children in Europe
are starving," right?
14
00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:38,720
So, I go to Europe
for the first time.
15
00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:41,188
You know what I see?Fat schlubs.
16
00:00:41,257 --> 00:00:43,491
Everybody...
Big beasts waddling,
17
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,359
eating everything,
with an accent.
18
00:00:45,428 --> 00:00:47,428
I mean, I forget...
I never believed my mother
19
00:00:47,497 --> 00:00:49,030
from that day on,
I'll tell you.
20
00:00:49,098 --> 00:00:51,032
But the food was
sensational, right? I mean...
21
00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:53,267
But you didn't even call it
by it's name, the food.
22
00:00:53,336 --> 00:00:55,036
You called it by what
it did to your body.
23
00:00:55,104 --> 00:00:56,871
I don't get you.
Well, you say, "hey, ma,
24
00:00:56,940 --> 00:00:58,606
"pass me some of that
burning sensation
25
00:00:58,675 --> 00:01:00,241
"I'm having in my colon."
26
00:01:00,309 --> 00:01:01,609
You know, it's funny
27
00:01:01,678 --> 00:01:03,878
because a lot ofthe comedians thatI've interviewed,
28
00:01:03,947 --> 00:01:05,947
their humor
centers around food,
29
00:01:06,016 --> 00:01:07,682
around the family
dining room table.
30
00:01:07,751 --> 00:01:09,116
Well, yeah, sure.
That's because
31
00:01:09,185 --> 00:01:10,952
most of their families
came from Russia,
32
00:01:11,021 --> 00:01:12,687
see? And in Russia,
they had no food.
33
00:01:12,756 --> 00:01:14,756
I mean, sand
was a beverage.
34
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,090
I mean, like,
in my family,
35
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:18,826
my uncle schmuclich,
when he came here
36
00:01:18,895 --> 00:01:20,728
and saw a supermarket
for the first time,
37
00:01:20,797 --> 00:01:22,437
he proposed to a brisket.
38
00:01:22,498 --> 00:01:24,298
Well, there was
talk he had to.
39
00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:26,534
See, but for me, my
family was like, uh,
40
00:01:26,603 --> 00:01:27,936
dances with Jews.
41
00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:29,037
Oh, sure,
42
00:01:29,105 --> 00:01:30,305
we had names
for our relatives,
43
00:01:30,373 --> 00:01:31,673
like they had
in that movie.
44
00:01:31,741 --> 00:01:32,974
What do you mean?
45
00:01:33,043 --> 00:01:34,208
Well, we had "eats
with his hands,"
46
00:01:34,277 --> 00:01:35,409
"spits
when he talks,"
47
00:01:35,478 --> 00:01:36,911
"makes noise
when he bends,"
48
00:01:36,980 --> 00:01:38,412
"sweats like a pig,"
49
00:01:38,481 --> 00:01:39,948
"whines
in the can..."
50
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:40,949
Ok.
51
00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:42,183
"Never buys retail,"
52
00:01:42,251 --> 00:01:43,517
"shaves his back."
53
00:01:43,587 --> 00:01:44,752
Now, were you
always funny?
54
00:01:44,821 --> 00:01:46,320
Compared
to you, yes.
55
00:01:46,389 --> 00:01:47,655
Let me give you
a fashion tip.
56
00:01:47,724 --> 00:01:49,190
The pants go
on the bottom.
57
00:01:49,258 --> 00:01:50,925
Where's my drummer?
Ba dum-da.
58
00:01:50,994 --> 00:01:53,695
Now, so... so you got your
humor from the family?
59
00:01:53,763 --> 00:01:56,097
Oh, yeah. My father had
a great sense of humor.
60
00:01:56,165 --> 00:01:57,531
He died when
we were kids.
61
00:01:57,601 --> 00:01:59,634
He was always
doin' stuff like that.
62
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,069
What a kidder.
63
00:02:01,137 --> 00:02:03,004
No, no, no. Who was
your biggest influence?
64
00:02:03,073 --> 00:02:04,639
All of them.
The entire herd.
65
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:05,974
They were
a joyous people.
66
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,241
See, they
spoke yiddish,
67
00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:09,077
which is a language of
coughing and spitting.
68
00:02:09,145 --> 00:02:11,646
So until I was 15,
i lived in a raincoat.
69
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:13,314
When did youstart performing?
70
00:02:13,382 --> 00:02:14,382
After dinner.
71
00:02:14,450 --> 00:02:15,850
Oh, sure,
after all the food
72
00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:17,652
in the entire world
had been eaten,
73
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,754
the tow trucks would come
and take the relatives
74
00:02:19,823 --> 00:02:20,823
into the living room,
75
00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,790
and that meant
it was showtime.
76
00:02:22,859 --> 00:02:24,092
My brother Stan and I
77
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:25,493
would perform
for the relatives.
78
00:02:25,561 --> 00:02:27,095
We loved to
make them laugh,
79
00:02:27,163 --> 00:02:28,997
and that's where
it started for me.
80
00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:30,564
And who would think,
81
00:02:30,634 --> 00:02:32,566
that from that living room
in Brooklyn in the '30s,
82
00:02:32,636 --> 00:02:34,401
to CBS in 1956,
83
00:02:34,470 --> 00:02:36,303
and I would have
my own television show?
84
00:02:36,372 --> 00:02:37,672
I mean, it's
incredible to...
85
00:02:38,708 --> 00:02:40,041
Excuse me.
86
00:02:40,110 --> 00:02:41,843
That was something
i ate as a child.
87
00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:44,378
Oh, sure, I mean,
i remember...
88
00:02:49,519 --> 00:02:51,753
The Coleman comedy hour
89
00:02:51,822 --> 00:02:53,888
is on the air.
90
00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:58,860
Starring...
91
00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:00,461
Buddy young, Jr.
92
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:02,296
♪ Buddy ♪
93
00:03:02,365 --> 00:03:03,598
♪ buddy ♪
94
00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,667
♪ we hope we'll have
a buddy you can muster ♪
95
00:03:05,736 --> 00:03:06,801
2 minutes!
96
00:03:06,870 --> 00:03:08,603
2 minutes to
introduce buddy!
97
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,371
Damn it!
98
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,906
Move that
damn horse!
99
00:03:11,975 --> 00:03:13,441
What the hell
is this?
100
00:03:13,510 --> 00:03:15,276
Come on!
101
00:03:15,345 --> 00:03:16,911
Buddy doesn't want to do that,
ok? He doesn't want to do that.
102
00:03:16,980 --> 00:03:18,079
Stan!
Hold it a second.
103
00:03:18,148 --> 00:03:19,788
So make sure the cue
cards get the change.
104
00:03:19,816 --> 00:03:22,017
Get him the other jacket from
rehearsal 'cause it's funnier. Go.
105
00:03:22,085 --> 00:03:23,284
How can a jacket
be funny?
106
00:03:23,353 --> 00:03:24,853
How can you be
unemployed? Go! What?
107
00:03:24,921 --> 00:03:25,987
Where's buddy?
What?
108
00:03:26,056 --> 00:03:27,321
I got less
than 2 minutes!
109
00:03:27,390 --> 00:03:28,289
Oh, Jesus.
110
00:03:28,358 --> 00:03:29,557
Cue announcer!
111
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:32,560
Tonight, join buddy
and his guests,
112
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:33,695
Patti page...
113
00:03:33,764 --> 00:03:34,696
Hi, Stan!
114
00:03:34,765 --> 00:03:36,330
Hoagy Carmichael,
115
00:03:36,399 --> 00:03:39,634
and the krolpaynter
jugglers.
116
00:03:39,703 --> 00:03:41,069
Buddy!
117
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,270
Buddy...
118
00:03:42,338 --> 00:03:43,237
Stan!
119
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,706
You've got
one minute!
120
00:03:44,775 --> 00:03:46,708
Oh, Jesus!
See you later!
121
00:03:46,777 --> 00:03:47,876
Bye, buddy.
122
00:03:47,944 --> 00:03:49,477
What the hell are
you doing in there?
123
00:03:49,546 --> 00:03:51,186
I was workin' on
the opening monologue.
124
00:03:51,214 --> 00:03:52,513
What? In the girls'
chorus room?
125
00:03:52,582 --> 00:03:53,582
Yeah!
Come on!
126
00:03:53,616 --> 00:03:54,736
No, they loved it.
127
00:03:54,785 --> 00:03:55,884
They're smart.
Two want to direct.
128
00:03:55,952 --> 00:03:56,885
The time, buddy.
129
00:03:56,953 --> 00:03:58,053
My brother,
the maniac.
130
00:03:58,121 --> 00:03:59,681
Stan, you worry
too much.
131
00:03:59,723 --> 00:04:01,089
Excuse me. It
just came to me.
132
00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:02,991
I'm gonna kill 'em!
It won't even be fair!
133
00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:04,060
Hey, buddy!
134
00:04:04,127 --> 00:04:05,526
What? You want
a picture? Ok.
135
00:04:05,595 --> 00:04:06,795
Not now.
Now!
136
00:04:06,863 --> 00:04:07,996
Hey!
137
00:04:08,065 --> 00:04:09,530
Ok.
138
00:04:09,599 --> 00:04:11,099
Sorry.
How are you?
139
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:14,169
Special appearance
by Mickey mantle.
140
00:04:14,237 --> 00:04:15,670
Hello, everybody!
141
00:04:15,739 --> 00:04:16,805
Hi, daddy!
142
00:04:16,873 --> 00:04:19,174
Susan, where's
that double take?
143
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,242
Mmm.
144
00:04:22,378 --> 00:04:23,378
Needs work.
145
00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:24,979
Hi! Where
you been?
146
00:04:25,048 --> 00:04:26,647
I was workin' on the
opening monologue.
147
00:04:26,717 --> 00:04:29,650
It's gonna be great.
Hello, mama!
148
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:30,952
Here, hip,
hip, hip.
149
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,021
You look great.
150
00:04:32,089 --> 00:04:33,221
Thanks. Gotta go.
151
00:04:33,289 --> 00:04:34,856
Gotta go be famous.
See ya, see ya.
152
00:04:34,925 --> 00:04:36,324
Bye, kid.
Keep smilin'.
153
00:04:36,392 --> 00:04:38,927
Bye, ma. Ma, ma,
no, ma. Ma, no. Ma.
154
00:04:38,995 --> 00:04:40,261
Not now, mom.
155
00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:41,596
Makeup!
156
00:04:41,664 --> 00:04:44,132
♪ Just sit back with
your favorite squaw ♪
157
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,667
♪ and a big chief
cigarette ♪
158
00:04:46,737 --> 00:04:48,669
I got it! I got it!
Stan, it's me.
159
00:04:48,739 --> 00:04:50,071
Here, put on
this jacket!
160
00:04:50,140 --> 00:04:51,339
This isn't
the right one!
161
00:04:51,407 --> 00:04:52,907
This is a funnier
jacket. Put it on.
162
00:04:52,976 --> 00:04:54,242
♪ Buddy ♪
163
00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:57,112
♪ he's the funniest
paleface on TV ♪
164
00:04:57,180 --> 00:04:58,679
it don't fit!
It don't fit!
165
00:04:58,749 --> 00:05:00,281
What did you do?
What did you do?
166
00:05:00,350 --> 00:05:01,482
Nothing.
It's not the same.
167
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,551
What did you do
with the... with the...
168
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,887
See what I did?
Huh? Huh?
169
00:05:05,956 --> 00:05:07,455
Thank you.
170
00:05:07,523 --> 00:05:09,490
Fasten your seat belts,
171
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,860
put on your
crash helmets...
172
00:05:11,928 --> 00:05:14,562
Because here he comes...
173
00:05:14,631 --> 00:05:16,697
Is he gonna say, "America's
favorite new funnyman?"
174
00:05:16,767 --> 00:05:18,066
No.
Stan...
175
00:05:18,135 --> 00:05:20,268
Mr. Saturday night!
176
00:05:20,336 --> 00:05:21,469
Better.
177
00:05:21,537 --> 00:05:22,837
Thank you.
178
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:23,838
Hurt them.
179
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,406
La, la, la, la, la, la.
180
00:05:25,475 --> 00:05:26,941
Get outta here.
181
00:05:27,844 --> 00:05:30,945
Buddy young, Jr.
182
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:34,916
♪
183
00:05:39,722 --> 00:05:41,722
Look at daddy,
uncle Stan.
184
00:06:02,145 --> 00:06:04,813
What's the matter,
buddy? Having a bad day?
185
00:06:04,881 --> 00:06:06,547
A bad day?
186
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:09,550
Don't get me started!
187
00:06:15,558 --> 00:06:18,426
Ah, don't get me started
on today, I'll tell you this.
188
00:06:18,494 --> 00:06:20,295
Actually, it started
last night, folks.
189
00:06:20,363 --> 00:06:22,130
I had a little fight
with my wife.
190
00:06:22,199 --> 00:06:24,498
Nothing serious.
3 police cars.
191
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,069
Mommy,
is this true?
192
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,138
No, honey.
It's just a joke.
193
00:06:30,207 --> 00:06:31,973
Ok.
194
00:06:32,042 --> 00:06:34,008
I'm gonna tell you folks
what really happened
195
00:06:34,077 --> 00:06:35,776
because we're
friends now.
196
00:06:36,947 --> 00:06:38,579
Last night,
i come home,
197
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,348
I found my wife
smooching and kissing
198
00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:42,016
with my best friend.
199
00:06:42,085 --> 00:06:43,251
Ooh!
200
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,752
Yeah. So I said,
"Lenny, I have to.
201
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:45,854
"But you?"
202
00:06:47,290 --> 00:06:48,656
Mommy,
is this true?
203
00:06:48,725 --> 00:06:50,358
No. It's just
a joke, honey.
204
00:06:50,426 --> 00:06:51,860
Ok.
205
00:06:55,098 --> 00:06:57,031
And my daughter's
no genius, either.
206
00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:59,400
Oh, don't get me
started on her.
207
00:07:00,536 --> 00:07:01,936
It's just a
joke, honey.
208
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,437
It's just a joke.
209
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:04,739
Yeah, she's 6.
210
00:07:04,807 --> 00:07:06,707
She'll be 7
if I let her.
211
00:07:06,776 --> 00:07:08,343
Every morning
when she gets up,
212
00:07:08,411 --> 00:07:09,911
"daddy, I got
a headache."
213
00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:11,379
It drives me crazy.
214
00:07:11,447 --> 00:07:12,780
"Daddy, I got
a headache."
215
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,416
So I said, "look,
when you get out of bed,
216
00:07:15,485 --> 00:07:17,085
"it's feet first."
217
00:07:19,555 --> 00:07:21,689
See, then the show
just went on from there.
218
00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:23,291
You know, that
was a great night.
219
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,093
That was in 19...
Ba-ba-ba-boom.
220
00:07:25,161 --> 00:07:26,560
I'll tell you
that right now.
221
00:07:26,629 --> 00:07:27,828
No, that was
the night
222
00:07:27,898 --> 00:07:29,931
that the network called
me "Mr. Saturday night."
223
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,732
Yeah, and you were
on for how long?
224
00:07:31,801 --> 00:07:33,467
An hour. And
then gunsmoke...
225
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,236
Now, how do you
like t.V. Today?
226
00:07:35,305 --> 00:07:38,139
Terrible. Because my
reception is so bad...
227
00:07:39,575 --> 00:07:41,575
I had that cable guy
with the belt cleavage
228
00:07:41,644 --> 00:07:43,411
come over and
give me a snowstorm
229
00:07:43,479 --> 00:07:45,813
on every channel.
230
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,081
10 minutes, buddy.
231
00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:48,682
Ok, good.
232
00:07:48,751 --> 00:07:50,551
Oh, i-I'm sorry, i
should get out of here.
233
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,460
You've got a show to do.
Ok.
234
00:07:52,522 --> 00:07:53,922
Ok. Nice
meeting you.
235
00:07:53,990 --> 00:07:55,189
Pleasure
to meet you.
236
00:07:55,258 --> 00:07:56,424
Ok.
Ok. Bye-bye.
237
00:07:56,492 --> 00:07:57,926
Remember,
feet first.
238
00:07:57,994 --> 00:07:59,160
Ok.
239
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:00,328
How's the crowd?
240
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:01,296
Comin' in.
241
00:08:01,364 --> 00:08:02,530
Great.
242
00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:11,406
Jesus Christ, Stan.
243
00:08:11,474 --> 00:08:13,541
What is this, a
civil war reunion?
244
00:08:13,609 --> 00:08:14,809
They're a
little older.
245
00:08:14,877 --> 00:08:16,177
A little older?
246
00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:17,912
These people built
the pyramids.
247
00:08:17,981 --> 00:08:19,480
You said there'd
be singles.
248
00:08:19,549 --> 00:08:21,082
A lot of them
are single.
249
00:08:21,151 --> 00:08:23,884
Yeah, because whoever
they were with is dead.
250
00:08:23,954 --> 00:08:26,087
What are you complainin'?
It's jammed up.
251
00:08:26,156 --> 00:08:28,456
Yeah? So's my ass.
252
00:08:28,524 --> 00:08:30,158
You booked me
into a condominium,
253
00:08:30,226 --> 00:08:31,306
for Christ's sake.
254
00:08:31,361 --> 00:08:32,760
Gotta be wearin'
a tuxedo
255
00:08:32,829 --> 00:08:34,929
at 1:00 in the
goddamn afternoon.
256
00:08:34,998 --> 00:08:36,931
Comedy's a nighttime
thing, Stan.
257
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,967
You can't be funny
Durin' the day.
258
00:08:39,035 --> 00:08:41,302
There are no dayclubs,
there are nightclubs.
259
00:08:41,371 --> 00:08:42,870
They're not funny
on the today show,
260
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,339
they're funny
on the tonight show.
261
00:08:44,407 --> 00:08:45,974
So work slowly.
It'll be nighttime.
262
00:08:46,042 --> 00:08:47,202
Buddy, you do
the bakery bit.
263
00:08:47,243 --> 00:08:48,843
They'll pee
in their pants.
264
00:08:48,911 --> 00:08:50,979
They're doin' that anyway.
What the hell do they need me for?
265
00:08:51,047 --> 00:08:52,480
Now, listen
to me, buddy,
266
00:08:52,548 --> 00:08:54,482
don't... don't get
nasty out there.
267
00:08:54,550 --> 00:08:55,984
All right?
Not this time.
268
00:08:56,052 --> 00:08:57,986
These are... these are
nice old people.
269
00:08:58,054 --> 00:08:59,920
Stan, I'm shocked.
270
00:08:59,990 --> 00:09:01,489
Do you think that
i would honestly
271
00:09:01,557 --> 00:09:03,124
go out there, huh,
272
00:09:03,193 --> 00:09:05,226
and... and insult
these people, huh?
273
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,494
Do you honestly think
274
00:09:06,562 --> 00:09:08,062
that I would walk
out there and say,
275
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,730
"good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
276
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,200
"so what's it like
to outlive your kids?"
277
00:09:12,268 --> 00:09:13,901
I wouldn't
say that, Stan.
278
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,836
I wouldn't say,
"excuse me, ma'am,
279
00:09:15,905 --> 00:09:18,373
"Moses called. He said
you're a great fuck."
280
00:09:18,441 --> 00:09:19,940
Come on, Stan,
i wouldn't say that.
281
00:09:20,010 --> 00:09:21,442
I wouldn't
do that to you.
282
00:09:21,511 --> 00:09:23,444
You gotta have a little
faith in people.
283
00:09:23,513 --> 00:09:24,845
Ok. I was
just checkin'.
284
00:09:24,914 --> 00:09:26,280
Yeah. Good.
285
00:09:31,687 --> 00:09:32,887
Thanks.
286
00:09:38,094 --> 00:09:40,428
Stan, would you get me
my soda, please?
287
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:41,562
Uh-huh.
288
00:09:41,631 --> 00:09:43,431
And, uh, you know,
leave me alone
289
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,533
for, uh, the rest
of your life?
290
00:09:46,802 --> 00:09:48,069
I'm just kidding.
291
00:09:49,739 --> 00:09:51,272
Did you see
what I did there?
292
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,407
Yeah.
293
00:09:52,475 --> 00:09:53,475
Put on this jacket.
294
00:09:53,543 --> 00:09:54,808
Yeah?
Yeah.
295
00:09:54,877 --> 00:09:56,911
Hey, Stan, you ok?
296
00:09:56,979 --> 00:09:58,346
Yeah. Sure.
297
00:09:59,582 --> 00:10:00,515
Hurt them.
298
00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:02,550
La, la, la, la.
299
00:10:21,104 --> 00:10:23,171
Guys, how many of you
still have your prostates?
300
00:10:23,239 --> 00:10:24,605
How many?
301
00:10:24,674 --> 00:10:26,006
Not you, lady.
302
00:10:26,076 --> 00:10:27,108
Unbelievable.
303
00:10:27,177 --> 00:10:28,376
Nah. I'm just kiddin'.
304
00:10:28,445 --> 00:10:29,610
You're a good sport.
305
00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:31,412
By the way,
Moses called...
306
00:10:37,287 --> 00:10:38,819
That big fat woman
in the front,
307
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,121
that big tub there
308
00:10:40,190 --> 00:10:41,956
that looked like she
had her own climate...
309
00:10:42,024 --> 00:10:43,257
Buddy, enough
already, ok?
310
00:10:43,326 --> 00:10:45,326
Couldn't get her to laugh,
couldn't budge her,
311
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:46,760
couldn't even
get her to smile.
312
00:10:46,829 --> 00:10:48,262
She had had
a stroke.
313
00:10:48,331 --> 00:10:50,331
Then what is she
doing in the front?
314
00:10:50,366 --> 00:10:51,926
Don't come out.
Stay home.
315
00:10:51,968 --> 00:10:53,134
Have a sponge bath.
316
00:10:53,203 --> 00:10:54,502
Have somebody
read to you.
317
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,104
But no, I get
tubs 'r' us.
318
00:10:56,172 --> 00:10:58,172
How did she get in
the front row, anyway?
319
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,074
Are you screwin' her?
320
00:11:01,478 --> 00:11:02,910
Come on, let's get
somethin' to eat,
321
00:11:02,979 --> 00:11:04,178
for Christ's sake.
322
00:11:11,287 --> 00:11:12,520
Oh, boy.
323
00:11:13,223 --> 00:11:14,223
Oh.
324
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,591
I ate too much.
325
00:11:16,659 --> 00:11:19,127
I'm gonna go home
and shit a waiter.
326
00:11:21,164 --> 00:11:22,663
"Shit a waiter."
327
00:11:26,736 --> 00:11:28,469
So, how long
have you been working
328
00:11:28,538 --> 00:11:30,804
on this Marcel marceau
imitation? It's very good.
329
00:11:30,873 --> 00:11:33,107
Come on, what's
with you today?
330
00:11:34,544 --> 00:11:36,076
Buddy, I, uh...
331
00:11:36,146 --> 00:11:37,645
I got some bad news.
332
00:11:37,713 --> 00:11:38,779
What is it? Mom?
333
00:11:38,848 --> 00:11:40,248
No. She's the same.
334
00:11:40,316 --> 00:11:41,915
Oh, Susan then.
She's in trouble again?
335
00:11:41,984 --> 00:11:43,417
No, no.
You know, that kid...
336
00:11:43,486 --> 00:11:45,219
We lost the cruise.
337
00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:48,156
The ship,
the whole thing?
338
00:11:48,224 --> 00:11:49,323
That was my winter.
339
00:11:49,392 --> 00:11:50,832
It was
2 months' booking.
340
00:11:50,893 --> 00:11:52,760
I know. I... I... I didn't
wanna tell you
341
00:11:52,828 --> 00:11:54,562
before you had
to do a show.
342
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,597
What happened?
343
00:11:56,666 --> 00:11:58,899
Well, they told me
they've been getting
344
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,834
a lot of younger
people, and...
345
00:12:00,903 --> 00:12:03,237
They wanted a
younger comedian.
346
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,605
Boy, oh, boy.
347
00:12:04,674 --> 00:12:06,274
Huh?
348
00:12:06,342 --> 00:12:08,342
That was my winter.
349
00:12:08,411 --> 00:12:10,478
That was my nuts
and berries, you know.
350
00:12:10,547 --> 00:12:12,280
For Christ's sakes.
351
00:12:13,783 --> 00:12:15,883
So, what else we got cookin'?
How about the poconos?
352
00:12:15,951 --> 00:12:17,485
There's all of those
hotels in there.
353
00:12:17,554 --> 00:12:18,586
We could do a tour.
354
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,087
Listen, there's
somethin' else.
355
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,490
You're not gonna
like it.
356
00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:24,358
It's bad
timing, and...
357
00:12:24,427 --> 00:12:26,227
But I've been Thinkin'
about it, you know.
358
00:12:26,296 --> 00:12:27,628
It's something
i gotta tell you
359
00:12:27,697 --> 00:12:28,896
sooner or later.
360
00:12:28,964 --> 00:12:30,698
Oh, boy,
listen to this setup!
361
00:12:30,766 --> 00:12:32,667
Come on, Stan.
Cut to the punch line.
362
00:12:34,804 --> 00:12:36,270
I'm retiring.
363
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:40,708
What are you
talkin' about?
364
00:12:42,312 --> 00:12:44,144
I found a place
in Florida...
365
00:12:44,214 --> 00:12:45,246
When? Today?
366
00:12:45,315 --> 00:12:47,381
No, no. A couple
of weeks ago, you know,
367
00:12:47,450 --> 00:12:49,450
when I thought that
you were set for the winter.
368
00:12:50,587 --> 00:12:52,853
Why? Why would
you do this?
369
00:12:55,291 --> 00:12:56,757
I... I'm tired.
370
00:12:58,595 --> 00:13:00,828
I... I mean,
at least when...
371
00:13:00,896 --> 00:13:02,230
When roz was alive,
372
00:13:02,298 --> 00:13:03,598
I'd come off the road,
373
00:13:03,666 --> 00:13:05,132
there'd be
someone there,
374
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,867
and now
there's no one.
375
00:13:06,936 --> 00:13:08,469
Now there'll
still be no one,
376
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:09,670
and it's
gonna be humid.
377
00:13:09,739 --> 00:13:11,539
Look, my kids
are down there,
378
00:13:11,608 --> 00:13:13,674
people our age
are down there.
379
00:13:13,743 --> 00:13:15,143
You know
i wanna paint.
380
00:13:16,178 --> 00:13:18,646
So what
happens now?
381
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,948
Well, I... I buy
the place in Florida,
382
00:13:21,016 --> 00:13:22,149
I... I ship
the furniture...
383
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:24,017
No, to me! To me!
384
00:13:24,086 --> 00:13:25,786
What happens to me?
385
00:13:25,855 --> 00:13:26,920
Huh?
386
00:13:26,989 --> 00:13:28,656
I mean, how the hell
does this happen?
387
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:30,258
How does a brother
quit on a brother?
388
00:13:30,326 --> 00:13:32,460
Buddy, I'm... I'm not
quitting on you.
389
00:13:32,528 --> 00:13:34,595
I'm... I'm just
retiring.
390
00:13:34,664 --> 00:13:37,030
I mean, I just want to live
however long I have left
391
00:13:37,099 --> 00:13:39,400
the way i
wanna live it.
392
00:13:39,469 --> 00:13:40,768
For god sakes,
393
00:13:40,836 --> 00:13:42,336
we've been doin' this
since we were kids.
394
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,004
I think I gave it
a pretty good shot.
395
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,172
You deserve
a good shot,
396
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:46,674
leaving me when
I'm playing condos
397
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:47,908
in the goddamn
afternoon.
398
00:13:47,977 --> 00:13:49,009
That's all
i could get.
399
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:50,978
Because you
don't push.
400
00:13:51,046 --> 00:13:53,180
Because you never were
strong enough, Stan.
401
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,181
For Christ's sakes,
402
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,416
you let them
cancel my show
403
00:13:55,485 --> 00:13:57,385
because you were afraid
to stand up to them.
404
00:13:57,453 --> 00:13:59,052
They hated you.
405
00:13:59,121 --> 00:14:00,421
They hated you. You...
you offended the whole country.
406
00:14:00,490 --> 00:14:02,423
It was the same thing
with the Sullivan show.
407
00:14:02,492 --> 00:14:04,525
Don't you ever mention
the Sullivan show.
408
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,527
I worked a year to
get you on that show.
409
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:08,663
Right. And look where
you let 'em put me.
410
00:14:08,731 --> 00:14:11,732
♪ I wanna hold your hand ♪
411
00:14:25,981 --> 00:14:27,014
You next?
412
00:14:27,082 --> 00:14:28,015
Yeah.
413
00:14:28,083 --> 00:14:29,583
Jesus.
414
00:14:29,652 --> 00:14:31,452
What does
that mean?
415
00:14:31,521 --> 00:14:33,688
So please welcomebuddy young, Jr.
416
00:14:33,756 --> 00:14:34,689
What does that...
417
00:14:34,757 --> 00:14:36,190
Go! Go! Go!
418
00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:46,066
Ok.
419
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,568
Ok.
420
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:48,836
Knock it off.
421
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:51,839
You're excited?
422
00:14:51,907 --> 00:14:54,107
I just bought
a house.
423
00:14:54,176 --> 00:14:55,509
Where's Ringo?
424
00:14:56,078 --> 00:14:57,645
Shut up.
425
00:14:57,714 --> 00:14:58,714
Please.
426
00:14:58,748 --> 00:14:59,780
Please, just look...
427
00:14:59,849 --> 00:15:01,482
But what we need
is love today.
428
00:15:01,551 --> 00:15:04,418
I love you, John! I love you!
429
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:06,019
And what I need
is a machete,
430
00:15:06,088 --> 00:15:07,355
so I can come
down there
431
00:15:07,423 --> 00:15:09,423
and cut your pimply
little heads off.
432
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:10,658
If I had your face,
433
00:15:10,727 --> 00:15:13,927
I'd be screaming,
too, you poodle.
434
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,463
A year I waited
for this shot, ed,
435
00:15:15,531 --> 00:15:17,398
and you put me on
after the Beatles?
436
00:15:21,270 --> 00:15:23,270
There you go.
437
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:24,938
I can't believe this.
438
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,039
Come on.
439
00:15:26,108 --> 00:15:27,708
Stop doing that.
440
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,411
Cue the band.
441
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:31,912
Cue the band.
Cue the band.
442
00:15:31,981 --> 00:15:33,714
What are you
playing me off for, ed?
443
00:15:33,783 --> 00:15:35,015
I got good
stuff here.
444
00:15:35,084 --> 00:15:36,884
Hey, hey. Come on!
I got...
445
00:15:36,952 --> 00:15:39,253
Hey, ed, you dead man in a suit!
446
00:15:39,321 --> 00:15:41,689
Hey, get your hands off me,
you son of a bi...
447
00:15:41,758 --> 00:15:43,858
That was
a chance for you,
448
00:15:43,926 --> 00:15:45,693
but you did
what you always do...
449
00:15:45,762 --> 00:15:47,127
You screwed it up
450
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,096
with nastiness,
and craziness,
451
00:15:49,164 --> 00:15:50,898
and I'm supposed
to clean it up.
452
00:15:50,966 --> 00:15:52,433
Well, I am tired
of being the guy
453
00:15:52,502 --> 00:15:54,535
that follows the elephant
act with a shovel.
454
00:15:54,604 --> 00:15:55,936
Don't flatter yourself.
455
00:15:56,005 --> 00:15:58,305
Buddy... it's over.
456
00:15:59,609 --> 00:16:00,841
Answer me
one question,
457
00:16:00,910 --> 00:16:02,243
and be perfectly
honest with me.
458
00:16:02,311 --> 00:16:04,378
What?
Am I still funny?
459
00:16:04,446 --> 00:16:05,579
Oh, buddy, don't do...
460
00:16:05,647 --> 00:16:07,547
No, no, no. 'Cause
i will trust your opinion.
461
00:16:07,616 --> 00:16:09,250
If you say to me
that I'm not funny,
462
00:16:09,318 --> 00:16:11,285
then I will also retire
tonight, right here.
463
00:16:11,354 --> 00:16:13,254
I'll eat a goddamn
litchi nut and go to bed.
464
00:16:13,322 --> 00:16:16,056
But if I am funny, then
you're a goddamn quitter,
465
00:16:16,125 --> 00:16:17,591
and you're
letting me down.
466
00:16:17,659 --> 00:16:19,260
Tell me, am I funny
or am I not funny?
467
00:16:19,328 --> 00:16:20,627
Will you stop?
Am I funny or not?
468
00:16:20,696 --> 00:16:22,029
Would you just
stop it already?
469
00:16:22,098 --> 00:16:24,131
Tell me, am I...
You're not that funny!
470
00:16:25,434 --> 00:16:27,101
Read your
fortune, Stan.
471
00:16:27,169 --> 00:16:29,370
You know what? I'll
read it for you, huh?
472
00:16:29,438 --> 00:16:30,804
"Get out of this
restaurant,
473
00:16:30,873 --> 00:16:32,306
"you bald,
jealous fuck."
474
00:16:32,375 --> 00:16:34,008
You know how many
agents, big shots,
475
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:36,443
begged with me, pleaded with
me, to let them represent me?
476
00:16:36,512 --> 00:16:38,379
And I said, "no. I
can't leave my brother.
477
00:16:38,447 --> 00:16:40,214
"I have to let him
drive my career
478
00:16:40,283 --> 00:16:42,482
"completely
into the ground."
479
00:16:42,551 --> 00:16:44,618
Buddy, you're
out of your mind.
480
00:16:44,686 --> 00:16:46,853
You know what?
It's better this way.
481
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:49,156
I'll go with a big agency.
I'll have my career again.
482
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:50,925
So, good. So, what
do you want me to do?
483
00:16:50,993 --> 00:16:52,426
So, get out of
here. So, go.
484
00:16:52,494 --> 00:16:54,461
Go ahead. Go. Go!
485
00:16:54,530 --> 00:16:55,662
You're
really going?
486
00:17:00,869 --> 00:17:02,569
You see what
i did there?
487
00:17:03,639 --> 00:17:04,939
Yeah.
488
00:17:05,007 --> 00:17:06,173
I saw.
489
00:17:30,366 --> 00:17:32,366
♪
490
00:18:13,876 --> 00:18:14,808
Thank you.
491
00:18:14,877 --> 00:18:16,043
Thank you.
492
00:18:16,112 --> 00:18:17,044
Thank you.
493
00:18:17,113 --> 00:18:19,380
Thank you.
Thank you.
494
00:18:19,448 --> 00:18:21,315
Uncle moe...
495
00:18:21,384 --> 00:18:23,217
Uncle moe,
you look good. You...
496
00:18:23,285 --> 00:18:25,419
You look like
New Jersey in pants.
497
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:30,790
Oh, Stan,
look what we did.
498
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:32,192
Now ma,
she's laughing.
499
00:18:32,261 --> 00:18:34,061
You know
what that means.
500
00:18:34,130 --> 00:18:36,530
The arms.
There go the arms.
501
00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:39,666
Ok, ok, ok.
502
00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:41,201
Ok.
503
00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:42,202
Ok. Ok.
504
00:18:42,271 --> 00:18:43,203
Ok.
505
00:18:43,272 --> 00:18:44,304
Whew.
506
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:45,739
This is uncle moe
507
00:18:45,807 --> 00:18:47,141
and uncle Julius
508
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:49,309
every morning
at the bakery.
509
00:18:52,748 --> 00:18:54,014
We're killing 'em.
510
00:18:54,083 --> 00:18:56,016
I know.
Just don't rush it.
511
00:18:56,085 --> 00:18:57,584
Just watch me.
512
00:19:06,262 --> 00:19:07,661
You... you ordered
too much!
513
00:19:07,729 --> 00:19:08,895
No, you ordered
too little.
514
00:19:08,964 --> 00:19:10,097
You ordered
too much.
515
00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:11,265
You ordered
too little.
516
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:12,933
I don't do that!
517
00:19:15,704 --> 00:19:16,636
Ptooey!
518
00:19:16,705 --> 00:19:18,172
You're spitting
in the cookies!
519
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,873
It makes
them moist.
520
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,249
♪
521
00:19:35,991 --> 00:19:37,224
This isn't gonna
work, abie.
522
00:19:37,293 --> 00:19:38,525
This is not
the living room.
523
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:39,594
They don't know
uncle moe.
524
00:19:39,661 --> 00:19:40,694
They don't
speak yiddish.
525
00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:42,062
It's not gonna
be funny to them.
526
00:19:42,131 --> 00:19:43,897
It is funny. We're
gonna make it funny.
527
00:19:43,966 --> 00:19:45,499
No, we're leavin'.
We're going home.
528
00:19:45,568 --> 00:19:46,733
What?
529
00:19:47,303 --> 00:19:48,303
Stan!
530
00:19:48,337 --> 00:19:49,337
Stan!
531
00:19:50,005 --> 00:19:51,005
Stan!
532
00:19:51,073 --> 00:19:53,006
We can't go. I already
changed our names.
533
00:19:53,075 --> 00:19:54,075
What?
Yeah, yeah.
534
00:19:54,143 --> 00:19:56,009
We're Stan
and buddy young.
535
00:19:56,078 --> 00:19:57,511
See, yankelman
was too long...
536
00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:58,512
What?
537
00:19:58,581 --> 00:19:59,581
It's better.
538
00:19:59,648 --> 00:20:01,014
No, look, you... we
don't belong here.
539
00:20:01,083 --> 00:20:03,003
We're funny
at home.
540
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,356
You're frightened.
541
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:12,392
I can't believe
this! Stan...
542
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:15,529
Every night in bed,
this is all we talk about.
543
00:20:17,533 --> 00:20:19,133
Look, I'm sorry.
544
00:20:19,901 --> 00:20:21,635
Let's just go home.
545
00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:25,038
Ok. Fine.
546
00:20:25,107 --> 00:20:27,107
Go. Go home.
It's ok.
547
00:20:27,176 --> 00:20:28,275
I'll do it.
548
00:20:28,344 --> 00:20:29,643
What do you mean,
you'll do it?
549
00:20:29,711 --> 00:20:30,977
I'm gonna
do the act.
550
00:20:31,046 --> 00:20:32,812
It's our act.
It's for 2.
551
00:20:32,881 --> 00:20:33,980
Who's gonna
do my parts?
552
00:20:34,049 --> 00:20:35,415
I'll do both parts.
553
00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:36,416
Abie.
554
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:37,651
Buddy.
555
00:20:37,719 --> 00:20:40,320
You're gonna be
out there by yourself?
556
00:20:41,390 --> 00:20:42,489
Yeah.
557
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,359
Well, then wear
the bigger jacket.
558
00:20:45,427 --> 00:20:46,360
Why?
559
00:20:46,428 --> 00:20:47,361
It's funnier.
560
00:20:47,429 --> 00:20:48,695
Yeah? Ok.
561
00:20:49,865 --> 00:20:50,964
You guys
ready?
562
00:20:51,033 --> 00:20:52,299
Yeah.
Oh, wait, wait.
563
00:20:52,368 --> 00:20:53,500
There's
a slight change.
564
00:20:53,569 --> 00:20:55,135
It's not
the young brothers.
565
00:20:55,204 --> 00:20:56,570
It's just
buddy young.
566
00:20:56,639 --> 00:20:57,771
Junior.
567
00:20:57,839 --> 00:20:59,239
It's better.
568
00:21:13,922 --> 00:21:16,022
Hey-ya! Hey-ya! Hey-ya!
569
00:21:16,091 --> 00:21:18,559
Let's hear it
for Alberto and lupe!
570
00:21:18,627 --> 00:21:21,961
The fabulous tubmans!
571
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,298
Hey, I haven't seen
dancin' like that
572
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,400
since they
hung my brother.
573
00:21:26,468 --> 00:21:28,001
Don't leave.
574
00:21:28,070 --> 00:21:30,351
We're the same
blood type.
575
00:21:32,007 --> 00:21:33,373
Hurt them.
576
00:21:33,442 --> 00:21:35,942
Give a nice welcome
to a fabulous kid.
577
00:21:36,011 --> 00:21:37,678
Very funny, we hope.
578
00:21:38,414 --> 00:21:40,113
Here he is...
579
00:21:40,182 --> 00:21:43,016
Mr. buddy young, Jr.
580
00:21:43,619 --> 00:21:45,352
♪
581
00:22:07,710 --> 00:22:08,875
We take you...
582
00:22:08,944 --> 00:22:11,478
We take you now
to a, uh, a, uh...
583
00:22:11,547 --> 00:22:13,680
The final scene
at the end
584
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,482
of the movie
king Kong,
585
00:22:15,551 --> 00:22:17,451
where, uh, the
great ape is... is lying
586
00:22:17,519 --> 00:22:19,286
at the base of
the empire state building,
587
00:22:19,355 --> 00:22:21,555
and we turn to, uh,
to Karl denim.
588
00:22:21,624 --> 00:22:23,056
Mr. denim,
589
00:22:23,125 --> 00:22:25,759
was it the machine guns
that killed him?
590
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:27,894
Machine guns?
591
00:22:28,330 --> 00:22:29,596
Feh!
592
00:22:39,308 --> 00:22:41,007
You get it?
593
00:22:41,076 --> 00:22:42,876
He was dying.
594
00:22:42,944 --> 00:22:45,384
So are you!
595
00:22:46,815 --> 00:22:48,749
Quiet. He's just a kid.
596
00:22:48,817 --> 00:22:51,251
He stinks. He don't
belong up there.
597
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:52,786
Uh, who said that?
598
00:22:52,854 --> 00:22:54,020
I did!
599
00:23:06,368 --> 00:23:09,068
Sir, would you mind
standing up, please?
600
00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:12,406
Please,
stand up, yes.
601
00:23:14,710 --> 00:23:15,942
Thank you. Whoa!
602
00:23:16,011 --> 00:23:19,746
Look at you.
You're New Jersey in pants.
603
00:23:27,589 --> 00:23:29,523
Y-you know, I'd like
to show you something
604
00:23:29,591 --> 00:23:32,292
that you probably haven't
seen in a very long time...
605
00:23:32,361 --> 00:23:33,694
Your feet.
606
00:23:37,866 --> 00:23:40,634
No, I'm kidding.
I kid the bloated. No.
607
00:23:40,703 --> 00:23:42,336
No, but seriously,
seriously, though,
608
00:23:42,404 --> 00:23:43,603
there are some things
609
00:23:43,672 --> 00:23:45,572
that you should really
learn how to say...
610
00:23:45,641 --> 00:23:46,641
Like...
611
00:23:46,709 --> 00:23:48,542
"I'm full."
612
00:23:50,746 --> 00:23:52,546
Thank you. No, please give
a round of applause
613
00:23:52,614 --> 00:23:53,913
for our special guest,
614
00:23:53,982 --> 00:23:55,515
the hindenburg.
615
00:24:03,792 --> 00:24:04,924
Thank you.
616
00:24:04,993 --> 00:24:06,960
You have no taste.
617
00:24:07,028 --> 00:24:08,628
Let me tell you
about my uncles.
618
00:24:08,697 --> 00:24:09,929
They own a bakery.
619
00:24:09,998 --> 00:24:11,431
You probably
heard them.
620
00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:13,020
Ptooey!
621
00:24:13,068 --> 00:24:14,735
You're spittingon the cookies.
622
00:24:14,803 --> 00:24:17,237
It makes
them moist.
623
00:24:17,305 --> 00:24:19,439
Don't get me
started on them!
624
00:24:22,411 --> 00:24:24,043
Then, then there's
my aunt rose.
625
00:24:24,112 --> 00:24:26,145
There's a beautiful lady.
626
00:24:26,214 --> 00:24:28,915
She has her makeup
put on at the circus.
627
00:24:53,709 --> 00:24:54,709
Who's that?
628
00:24:54,743 --> 00:24:55,842
What?
629
00:24:56,378 --> 00:24:58,478
Dad.
630
00:24:58,547 --> 00:25:00,714
What are you
doing here?
631
00:25:00,783 --> 00:25:02,983
What am i
doing here?
632
00:25:03,485 --> 00:25:04,684
I live here.
633
00:25:04,753 --> 00:25:06,085
What are you
doing here?
634
00:25:06,154 --> 00:25:07,353
Is mom all right?
635
00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:09,188
Shh! She's asleep.
She's fine.
636
00:25:09,257 --> 00:25:10,757
We went to the
movies together,
637
00:25:10,826 --> 00:25:12,426
and I stayed here.
638
00:25:12,494 --> 00:25:14,428
I thought you
were in Florida.
639
00:25:14,496 --> 00:25:16,430
I was.
640
00:25:16,498 --> 00:25:18,532
Your uncle Stan
screwed up.
641
00:25:19,401 --> 00:25:20,801
So, what's with you?
642
00:25:20,869 --> 00:25:23,703
You get kicked out of your
apartment again, or what?
643
00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:24,805
No.
644
00:25:26,442 --> 00:25:28,708
If you must know...
645
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:29,777
Mom gets scared
646
00:25:29,845 --> 00:25:31,010
to be alone
at night,
647
00:25:31,079 --> 00:25:33,447
so she asked me
to stay here.
648
00:25:33,515 --> 00:25:36,316
Scared? She never said
anything to me about...
649
00:25:36,384 --> 00:25:38,184
Well, she does.
650
00:25:38,253 --> 00:25:40,587
It's just so typical that
you wouldn't know that.
651
00:25:40,656 --> 00:25:42,088
Don't start.
652
00:25:42,724 --> 00:25:43,824
Ok?
653
00:25:43,892 --> 00:25:45,224
Not today.
654
00:25:48,464 --> 00:25:50,129
Thank you for staying
with your mother.
655
00:25:50,198 --> 00:25:51,598
If she had said
anything to me...
656
00:25:51,667 --> 00:25:53,900
Well, it's hard to say
anything to you, dad,
657
00:25:53,969 --> 00:25:56,329
because you're
always talking.
658
00:25:56,772 --> 00:25:58,505
Ok, here we go.
659
00:25:58,574 --> 00:26:00,574
My daughter,
the paper cut.
660
00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:01,942
Always talking, huh?
661
00:26:02,010 --> 00:26:03,042
You didn't mind
my talking
662
00:26:03,111 --> 00:26:04,377
when I said
to the judge,
663
00:26:04,446 --> 00:26:05,979
"your honor,
I'll pay the store
664
00:26:06,047 --> 00:26:07,614
"for everything
she shoplifted.
665
00:26:07,683 --> 00:26:09,315
"I'll get her into
rehab, your honor.
666
00:26:09,384 --> 00:26:10,951
"I'll pay all
of the court costs,
667
00:26:11,019 --> 00:26:13,019
"and look, here's a little
something for yourself."
668
00:26:13,088 --> 00:26:14,821
You didn't mind
my talking then, huh?
669
00:26:14,890 --> 00:26:15,922
Where are
you going?
670
00:26:15,991 --> 00:26:17,524
Away from
your mouth.
671
00:26:17,593 --> 00:26:18,725
What did I say?
672
00:26:18,794 --> 00:26:20,760
What... you're
in your pajamas.
673
00:26:20,829 --> 00:26:22,362
I'll get a cab.
674
00:26:24,432 --> 00:26:26,299
Susan, you goin'
out like that?
675
00:26:26,368 --> 00:26:28,468
Hey, do what
you always do.
676
00:26:28,537 --> 00:26:30,103
Don't worry
about me.
677
00:26:30,171 --> 00:26:31,938
Susan,
would you j...
678
00:26:43,451 --> 00:26:44,618
Buddy?
679
00:26:45,253 --> 00:26:46,753
Yeah, it's me.
680
00:26:47,489 --> 00:26:49,923
What are you
doin' back?
681
00:26:49,992 --> 00:26:52,959
Well, there was
a little mix-up,
682
00:26:53,028 --> 00:26:55,428
but everything is
ok. Don't worry.
683
00:26:56,865 --> 00:26:57,797
Glad you're home.
684
00:26:57,866 --> 00:26:59,298
Yeah.
685
00:26:59,367 --> 00:27:01,267
Did you see Susan?
686
00:27:01,336 --> 00:27:03,937
Yeah, yeah.
We, uh...
687
00:27:04,006 --> 00:27:05,646
We had a really
nice chat,
688
00:27:05,674 --> 00:27:07,106
and she told me
to tell you
689
00:27:07,175 --> 00:27:08,808
that she's leaving
early in the morning
690
00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:10,544
before you get up.
691
00:27:14,716 --> 00:27:15,882
Ahh...
692
00:27:17,986 --> 00:27:19,218
You hungry?
693
00:27:19,287 --> 00:27:22,088
Nah. I had, uh, I had
some Chinese with Stan.
694
00:27:27,563 --> 00:27:28,762
Are you all right?
695
00:27:29,998 --> 00:27:31,497
Oh, sure, sure.
696
00:27:31,567 --> 00:27:33,833
You know, it, uh, it just
takes me a little time
697
00:27:33,902 --> 00:27:35,301
to get the
excitement of a show
698
00:27:35,370 --> 00:27:37,136
out of my system,
you know?
699
00:27:37,205 --> 00:27:38,438
I'm still coming down
700
00:27:38,506 --> 00:27:40,986
from that show I did
at grossinger's in 1950.
701
00:27:44,079 --> 00:27:45,144
All right.
702
00:27:45,213 --> 00:27:46,880
Come to bed.
I'm cold.
703
00:27:58,944 --> 00:27:59,944
Shhh.
704
00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:05,381
♪
705
00:28:05,450 --> 00:28:06,783
♪ Aah... ♪
706
00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:10,654
♪ ah-ah-i ♪
707
00:28:10,722 --> 00:28:12,455
♪ hot, hot, hot, hot ♪
708
00:28:14,793 --> 00:28:16,660
♪
709
00:28:46,959 --> 00:28:49,292
This is why
i love the catskills!
710
00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:51,962
Huh?
711
00:28:57,235 --> 00:28:58,668
Can you believe
these schmucks?
712
00:28:58,737 --> 00:28:59,737
But I love this audience.
713
00:28:59,805 --> 00:29:02,305
Everybody has been
absolutely great,
714
00:29:02,373 --> 00:29:04,674
except this guy
right over here.
715
00:29:05,911 --> 00:29:07,811
What is with you?
Have you...
716
00:29:07,879 --> 00:29:10,647
This man passed away,
and no one has told him.
717
00:29:13,184 --> 00:29:15,451
Smile. Have a...
Are you havin' a good time?
718
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:16,753
Tell your face!
719
00:29:16,822 --> 00:29:18,955
Come on!
Pep up! Pep up!
720
00:29:19,024 --> 00:29:20,657
Look at this guy.
721
00:29:20,726 --> 00:29:23,793
This is what happens
when cousins marry. Huh?
722
00:29:25,097 --> 00:29:27,831
But don't get me
started on that!
723
00:29:27,899 --> 00:29:29,666
Good night, everybody!
724
00:29:29,735 --> 00:29:31,300
♪
725
00:29:33,371 --> 00:29:35,105
Hey, how you doin'?
726
00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:41,945
All right.
727
00:29:56,028 --> 00:29:57,028
Great job.
728
00:29:57,062 --> 00:29:58,695
It went great.
Felt great.
729
00:29:58,764 --> 00:30:00,596
I can't believe you.
Where'd you come up with
730
00:30:00,666 --> 00:30:01,698
the circumcision bit?
731
00:30:01,767 --> 00:30:03,327
I just made it up,
and I went with it.
732
00:30:03,368 --> 00:30:04,668
I mean, what did I say?
733
00:30:04,736 --> 00:30:06,369
I don't know. I wrote it down.
I got it right here.
734
00:30:06,437 --> 00:30:07,704
Jesus, you
were strong tonight.
735
00:30:07,773 --> 00:30:09,405
I know. I killed 'em,
i murdered them.
736
00:30:09,474 --> 00:30:11,514
It wasn't even fair.
I mean, except for that one guy.
737
00:30:11,576 --> 00:30:13,109
What guy?
738
00:30:13,178 --> 00:30:14,610
The guy in the front.
I couldn't even get him to laugh.
739
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:16,412
Buddy, 528 people
laughed their asses off.
740
00:30:16,481 --> 00:30:18,514
You're worried about one
guy 'cause he's from NBC?
741
00:30:18,583 --> 00:30:20,583
The guy's from NBC? I murdered him!
I insulted him!
742
00:30:20,652 --> 00:30:21,918
See what I did?
743
00:30:21,987 --> 00:30:23,787
I made you think it was
a network guy, but it wasn't.
744
00:30:23,855 --> 00:30:25,989
See what I did?
I crushed your larynx!
745
00:30:27,192 --> 00:30:29,592
Listen, uh, I got... I got
some things I should do.
746
00:30:29,661 --> 00:30:31,127
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna get goin'.
747
00:30:31,196 --> 00:30:32,996
Ok. Before you go,
listen, listen...
748
00:30:33,065 --> 00:30:34,998
Table 8,
polka-dot dress.
749
00:30:35,067 --> 00:30:36,700
I think she's sitting
with her parents.
750
00:30:36,768 --> 00:30:37,901
Yeah?
751
00:30:37,969 --> 00:30:40,236
Bring her back.
I want to meet her.
752
00:30:40,305 --> 00:30:41,237
Wha... th...
753
00:30:42,874 --> 00:30:45,241
Table 8,
polka-dot dress,
754
00:30:45,310 --> 00:30:46,843
bring her back...
Now...
755
00:30:46,912 --> 00:30:49,312
Before she goes
into menopause.
756
00:30:51,316 --> 00:30:52,682
Buddy...
757
00:30:52,751 --> 00:30:54,818
You know,
i... I don't... I don't...
758
00:30:54,886 --> 00:30:56,385
I don't like
doin' this.
759
00:30:56,454 --> 00:30:58,487
You know, I mean,
get your own women.
760
00:30:58,556 --> 00:31:00,090
Oh, come on, Stan.
I'm up on stage,
761
00:31:00,158 --> 00:31:01,257
you know,
that's one thing.
762
00:31:01,326 --> 00:31:02,525
If I go out
in the audience...
763
00:31:02,594 --> 00:31:04,393
W-why you makin'
a thing out of this?
764
00:31:04,462 --> 00:31:05,862
I wasn't.
Don't make a thing.
765
00:31:05,931 --> 00:31:07,931
What do I ask you to do
that's so difficult?
766
00:31:07,999 --> 00:31:09,799
I ask you to drive
when I have a headache,
767
00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:11,000
watch the act,
768
00:31:11,069 --> 00:31:12,335
and bring me a girl
after the show.
769
00:31:12,403 --> 00:31:14,003
Are you
overworked?
770
00:31:14,072 --> 00:31:15,772
No, I'm not overworked.
Would you like an assistant?
771
00:31:15,841 --> 00:31:17,473
Come on, now. Churn
those chubby legs.
772
00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:19,475
Well, I'm gonna see if
she wants to come back.
773
00:31:19,544 --> 00:31:22,278
No. Handcuff her.
Of course, "if she wants."
774
00:31:25,016 --> 00:31:27,183
Hey, Stan. There's
plenty of guys
775
00:31:27,252 --> 00:31:28,684
who want to
be my brother.
776
00:31:28,754 --> 00:31:30,586
But they're all
in bellevue.
777
00:31:30,655 --> 00:31:31,821
Ohh...
778
00:31:58,716 --> 00:32:00,850
♪
779
00:32:18,403 --> 00:32:20,870
What do
you think?
780
00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:22,972
Excuse me, sir, my name
is Stan yankelman,
781
00:32:23,041 --> 00:32:25,008
and I was wondering
if your daughter
782
00:32:25,076 --> 00:32:26,375
would care to dance.
783
00:32:26,444 --> 00:32:27,610
Ooh!
784
00:32:29,681 --> 00:32:30,880
Eugene!
785
00:32:33,018 --> 00:32:34,284
Yankelman?
786
00:32:34,352 --> 00:32:36,619
We used to know
a yankelman family.
787
00:32:36,688 --> 00:32:38,021
What do you do
for a living?
788
00:32:38,089 --> 00:32:39,722
I'm a pediatrician.
789
00:32:40,758 --> 00:32:42,992
Oh! Elaine,
790
00:32:43,061 --> 00:32:44,327
show Dr. yankelman
791
00:32:44,395 --> 00:32:47,263
some of those dances
you learned in college!
792
00:32:48,566 --> 00:32:50,433
Subtle as
a train wreck.
793
00:32:50,501 --> 00:32:52,101
I'd be happy to.
794
00:32:54,139 --> 00:32:56,239
It was nice
meeting you all.
795
00:33:09,855 --> 00:33:11,888
So, what's
your name?
796
00:33:11,957 --> 00:33:13,589
Elaine gimbel.
797
00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:15,725
Of the department
store gimbels?
798
00:33:15,793 --> 00:33:17,961
No, of the "we'll get
that spot out,
799
00:33:18,029 --> 00:33:21,564
"and you'll have it back
Thursday" gimbels.
800
00:33:21,632 --> 00:33:23,032
So, where'd
you go to college?
801
00:33:23,068 --> 00:33:24,868
Hunter. I graduated
a few years ago.
802
00:33:24,936 --> 00:33:26,002
Hunter? Really?
803
00:33:26,071 --> 00:33:28,804
Oh, well, then you must
know professor feingold.
804
00:33:28,874 --> 00:33:29,874
Does he teach there?
805
00:33:29,941 --> 00:33:32,641
No, he does a memory
act in the poconos.
806
00:33:34,346 --> 00:33:35,666
But, really.
He could remember
807
00:33:35,713 --> 00:33:38,481
everything that he wore
for the last 40 years.
808
00:33:38,549 --> 00:33:40,750
It was a strange,
strange act.
809
00:33:43,989 --> 00:33:47,123
You're not... really
a pediatrician, are you?
810
00:33:47,725 --> 00:33:50,459
No. No, I, uh,
811
00:33:50,528 --> 00:33:52,628
I'm a theatrical agent.
812
00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:53,829
Really? Oh.
813
00:33:53,899 --> 00:33:55,498
Yeah. I handle
some of the acts
814
00:33:55,566 --> 00:33:56,699
up here at the hotel.
815
00:33:56,768 --> 00:33:58,634
I handle
buddy young, Jr., and...
816
00:33:58,703 --> 00:34:00,370
You're his agent?
817
00:34:00,438 --> 00:34:03,839
Yeah, I'm his agent...
And his brother.
818
00:34:03,909 --> 00:34:05,741
But you said your name
was yankelman.
819
00:34:05,810 --> 00:34:09,345
Well, I changed it when
i went into show business.
820
00:34:09,414 --> 00:34:10,613
Your brother...
821
00:34:10,681 --> 00:34:12,916
Did you... did
you like him?
822
00:34:12,984 --> 00:34:15,118
I loved him.
He's so funny.
823
00:34:15,186 --> 00:34:17,220
The best I've ever
seen here, really.
824
00:34:17,289 --> 00:34:19,089
Well, I... I... I help
him a lot with the act.
825
00:34:19,124 --> 00:34:20,756
I write some of
the material, and...
826
00:34:20,825 --> 00:34:22,458
Could I meet him?
827
00:34:26,464 --> 00:34:27,830
Yeah, sure.
828
00:34:28,666 --> 00:34:29,999
Over here.
829
00:34:36,074 --> 00:34:37,606
Hi.
830
00:34:37,675 --> 00:34:39,775
Elaine gimbel, I'd like
you to meet buddy young.
831
00:34:41,546 --> 00:34:43,413
Nice to meet you.
How you doin'?
832
00:34:43,481 --> 00:34:46,182
Pull up a cockroach
and sit down.
833
00:34:46,251 --> 00:34:47,850
Elaine really
enjoyed the show.
834
00:34:47,919 --> 00:34:49,285
Oh,
you're the one.
835
00:34:49,354 --> 00:34:50,586
No. Everybody
was laughing.
836
00:34:50,655 --> 00:34:52,588
Not the one guy
in front.
837
00:34:52,657 --> 00:34:53,889
Stan,
before you go...
838
00:34:53,959 --> 00:34:55,224
Elaine, have you
ever had
839
00:34:55,293 --> 00:34:57,460
a roast pork sandwich
on garlic bread?
840
00:34:57,528 --> 00:34:58,561
No.
841
00:34:58,629 --> 00:35:00,029
Well, tonight
is your lucky night!
842
00:35:00,098 --> 00:35:01,464
Welcome to
your life!
843
00:35:01,532 --> 00:35:03,066
Stan, you'll
call Manny's, right?
844
00:35:03,134 --> 00:35:04,267
Tell him it's 2,
845
00:35:04,336 --> 00:35:05,634
it's me,
a nice quiet table,
846
00:35:05,703 --> 00:35:06,902
and we'll be
on our way.
847
00:35:06,972 --> 00:35:08,904
Are you hungry? What
would you like to eat?
848
00:35:08,974 --> 00:35:10,073
My parents...
849
00:35:10,141 --> 00:35:11,774
I would rather
eat the sandwiches.
850
00:35:11,843 --> 00:35:14,177
I'm sure your parents are
very delicious people,
851
00:35:14,245 --> 00:35:16,079
but parents at this hour,
they lay there.
852
00:35:17,315 --> 00:35:19,148
No, really, I have to
tell them I'm going.
853
00:35:19,217 --> 00:35:20,316
If I'm gone an hour,
854
00:35:20,385 --> 00:35:21,985
they'll give my blouse
to my brother
855
00:35:22,020 --> 00:35:23,319
and have him
sniff me out.
856
00:35:23,388 --> 00:35:24,720
Whoa, base hit
up the middle!
857
00:35:24,789 --> 00:35:26,122
Runner goes
to 3rd on that.
858
00:35:26,191 --> 00:35:27,223
Very funny,
very funny.
859
00:35:27,292 --> 00:35:28,424
I'll be
right back.
860
00:35:28,493 --> 00:35:30,526
Ok, here.
Right over there.
861
00:35:32,697 --> 00:35:34,230
Oh, she's cute!
862
00:35:34,299 --> 00:35:36,265
She looks a little
young, don't you think?
863
00:35:36,334 --> 00:35:37,533
What am I,
a redwood?
864
00:35:37,602 --> 00:35:39,535
And smart and funny.
Did you hear that joke?
865
00:35:39,604 --> 00:35:40,903
Buddy...
You should get a girl,
866
00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:42,838
instead of sittin'
in the room all night.
867
00:35:42,907 --> 00:35:44,540
I can't do
this anymore.
868
00:35:44,609 --> 00:35:45,541
Do what?
869
00:35:45,610 --> 00:35:46,976
This.
870
00:35:47,045 --> 00:35:49,512
This. This. What I...
What I do... Schlep work.
871
00:35:49,580 --> 00:35:50,946
Like you said,
i drive the car,
872
00:35:51,016 --> 00:35:52,382
I watch the act...
873
00:35:52,450 --> 00:35:54,117
Stan, I didn't mean
anything by that.
874
00:35:54,185 --> 00:35:55,418
You know,
it's after the show,
875
00:35:55,487 --> 00:35:57,120
stuff is still flyin'
out of my mouth...
876
00:35:57,188 --> 00:35:58,754
Well, face it,
buddy, I'm the...
877
00:35:58,823 --> 00:36:00,123
I-I'm the brother.
878
00:36:00,191 --> 00:36:02,058
What do you want
to be? The cat?
879
00:36:02,127 --> 00:36:03,826
Fine. From now on,
your name is buttons.
880
00:36:03,895 --> 00:36:06,135
I'll get a little tinkle ball
you can roll with your nose.
881
00:36:06,197 --> 00:36:07,630
Maybe I should start
my own agency,
882
00:36:07,698 --> 00:36:09,065
handle some
other acts. That way...
883
00:36:09,134 --> 00:36:11,000
Stan, what are you
talkin' about?
884
00:36:11,069 --> 00:36:12,735
I need you.
885
00:36:12,803 --> 00:36:15,138
Nobody can do for
me what you do.
886
00:36:16,341 --> 00:36:18,141
Stan, if it
wasn't for you,
887
00:36:18,209 --> 00:36:20,510
I would be
much more successful.
888
00:36:21,546 --> 00:36:22,945
Did you see what
i did there, huh?
889
00:36:23,014 --> 00:36:24,047
Did you notice that?
890
00:36:24,115 --> 00:36:25,214
Yeah.
891
00:36:25,283 --> 00:36:26,449
I saw.
892
00:36:27,018 --> 00:36:28,617
Stan...
893
00:36:28,686 --> 00:36:31,454
Stan, everything that we
dreamed about as kids
894
00:36:31,523 --> 00:36:33,356
is startin' to happen.
895
00:36:33,425 --> 00:36:35,291
Please, don't leave me.
896
00:36:40,165 --> 00:36:41,431
You know every
night when you bring
897
00:36:41,499 --> 00:36:42,779
the fat lady up
from the audience
898
00:36:42,833 --> 00:36:44,667
and you ram her in the
ass with your head?
899
00:36:44,735 --> 00:36:46,502
Yeah?
You're doin' it wrong.
900
00:36:46,571 --> 00:36:48,137
How many ways
are there to do it?
901
00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:49,486
You're tippin' the bit.
902
00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:51,541
You're makin' the face
before you ram the ass.
903
00:36:51,609 --> 00:36:52,508
I did not.
904
00:36:52,577 --> 00:36:53,476
Yes, you did.
905
00:36:53,545 --> 00:36:54,545
Don't tell me.
Shut up.
906
00:36:54,579 --> 00:36:55,579
Don't tell me.
Shut up.
907
00:36:55,646 --> 00:36:56,646
Don't tell me.
Shut up.
908
00:36:56,714 --> 00:36:57,813
Don't tell me.
Shut up.
909
00:36:57,882 --> 00:36:59,648
Don't tell me.
910
00:36:59,717 --> 00:37:00,983
Don't tell.
Shut up.
911
00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:02,385
Don't tell.
Shut up.
912
00:37:04,655 --> 00:37:06,021
Ok, I'm ready.
913
00:37:06,091 --> 00:37:07,990
Hi. Did you
get prettier?
914
00:37:08,059 --> 00:37:10,025
Stan, did she get
pret... Stan.
915
00:37:10,095 --> 00:37:11,461
Stan,
wake up. Stan,
916
00:37:11,529 --> 00:37:12,962
Elaine, I'm
talking abou...
917
00:37:13,030 --> 00:37:15,030
Try to stay awake
a little while.
918
00:37:15,100 --> 00:37:16,732
Go on,
get out of here.
919
00:37:16,801 --> 00:37:18,334
Elaine, these sandwiches
are amazing.
920
00:37:18,403 --> 00:37:19,868
Roast pork,
yet they're kosher.
921
00:37:19,937 --> 00:37:21,137
I don't know
how they do it!
922
00:37:23,608 --> 00:37:26,542
Buddy, funny tonight.
I thought I'd die!
923
00:37:26,611 --> 00:37:27,843
Maybe next time.
924
00:37:27,912 --> 00:37:31,481
Good night, everybody.
See you tomorrow.
925
00:37:31,549 --> 00:37:34,750
♪
926
00:37:41,826 --> 00:37:43,392
♪ You look at me ♪
927
00:37:43,461 --> 00:37:48,063
♪ and then the song begins ♪
928
00:37:48,133 --> 00:37:52,801
♪ played on a million
velvet violins... ♪
929
00:37:54,606 --> 00:37:55,704
Wow!
930
00:37:55,773 --> 00:37:57,173
Excuse me.
931
00:37:57,242 --> 00:37:59,208
See? They're
great sandwiches.
932
00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:02,111
It's the gift that
keeps on giving.
933
00:38:02,180 --> 00:38:03,846
I can't believe
i did that.
934
00:38:03,914 --> 00:38:05,114
I'm so embarrassed.
935
00:38:05,183 --> 00:38:06,415
It wasn't that bad.
936
00:38:06,484 --> 00:38:09,084
A couple of boats
capsized, but, uh...
937
00:38:10,555 --> 00:38:11,454
Whew!
938
00:38:11,523 --> 00:38:12,988
Ohh.
939
00:38:13,057 --> 00:38:14,624
So tell me,
940
00:38:14,692 --> 00:38:16,292
how is a woman
wearing your face
941
00:38:16,361 --> 00:38:17,493
still single?
942
00:38:17,562 --> 00:38:19,328
Oh, god, you sound
like my mother.
943
00:38:19,397 --> 00:38:21,631
Oh, it's the night air.
Gives me that rasp.
944
00:38:21,699 --> 00:38:23,832
"Darling, we're so
proud of you."
945
00:38:23,901 --> 00:38:25,768
You know, I think we
have one big relative
946
00:38:25,836 --> 00:38:27,002
that we all share.
947
00:38:27,071 --> 00:38:28,437
Oh, it's true.
948
00:38:28,506 --> 00:38:30,339
"This is what
we sent you
949
00:38:30,408 --> 00:38:31,408
"to college for?
950
00:38:31,476 --> 00:38:33,376
"So you could be 25
and still single?
951
00:38:33,444 --> 00:38:35,511
"Your sister rose doesn't
have half your looks,
952
00:38:35,580 --> 00:38:37,180
"and she's married."
953
00:38:37,248 --> 00:38:39,114
You're 25, and you
still come up here
954
00:38:39,184 --> 00:38:40,316
with your parents?
955
00:38:40,385 --> 00:38:42,117
Well, the hotel
has spinster rates.
956
00:38:42,187 --> 00:38:44,587
Wow! Double
off the scoreboard.
957
00:38:44,656 --> 00:38:46,289
2 runners
score on that.
958
00:38:46,357 --> 00:38:47,623
You're very funny,
Elaine.
959
00:38:47,692 --> 00:38:48,624
No...
960
00:38:48,693 --> 00:38:50,493
No, you are.
Yeah.
961
00:38:52,497 --> 00:38:54,497
I'm trying to
make up with them.
962
00:38:54,566 --> 00:38:55,931
They're angry at me.
963
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,433
Your parents?
964
00:38:58,570 --> 00:39:00,703
I was supposed to get
married last month,
965
00:39:00,771 --> 00:39:02,071
and I backed out.
966
00:39:02,139 --> 00:39:03,406
Oh.
967
00:39:03,474 --> 00:39:05,374
My dad lost
the deposit.
968
00:39:06,110 --> 00:39:08,244
It was a nightmare.
969
00:39:08,313 --> 00:39:10,313
I said, "dad, look
on the bright side.
970
00:39:10,381 --> 00:39:12,781
"Now 140 cornish hens
don't have to die!"
971
00:39:16,854 --> 00:39:19,322
Who were you
supposed to marry?
972
00:39:19,390 --> 00:39:21,457
Herb,
"the shower door king."
973
00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:23,459
I was at his
coronation!
974
00:39:25,062 --> 00:39:27,663
It was
a lovely affair.
975
00:39:27,732 --> 00:39:30,566
Oh, he was
all right. He was...
976
00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:32,335
A putz?
977
00:39:32,403 --> 00:39:33,469
The biggest.
978
00:39:34,505 --> 00:39:37,306
All he ever talked about
was shower doors.
979
00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:38,541
You know,
i started thinking,
980
00:39:38,610 --> 00:39:39,842
this is the rest
of my life,
981
00:39:39,910 --> 00:39:41,277
listening to
him whine
982
00:39:41,346 --> 00:39:42,778
about what
New York City water
983
00:39:42,847 --> 00:39:44,547
does to a chrome finish?
984
00:39:47,685 --> 00:39:50,219
My parents pushed
and pushed, but...
985
00:39:51,522 --> 00:39:53,489
It's not
what I want.
986
00:39:53,558 --> 00:39:55,057
What do you want?
987
00:39:55,126 --> 00:39:57,860
Ed, "the toilet seat
czar"? He's available.
988
00:40:00,365 --> 00:40:03,098
I don't know
what I want.
989
00:40:03,167 --> 00:40:05,468
I don't even know
what there is.
990
00:40:06,871 --> 00:40:11,240
♪ ...one little angel
that I'll stand by ♪
991
00:40:12,176 --> 00:40:13,976
♪ fantastic ♪
992
00:40:14,044 --> 00:40:19,214
♪ fantastic, that's you ♪
993
00:40:19,284 --> 00:40:22,585
does your brother bring you
a girl after every show?
994
00:40:24,689 --> 00:40:26,589
No, no, no, no.
995
00:40:26,658 --> 00:40:27,723
See, I... I...
996
00:40:27,792 --> 00:40:30,092
I saw you...
From the stage,
997
00:40:31,228 --> 00:40:33,228
and I wanted
to meet you.
998
00:40:33,264 --> 00:40:35,431
So Stan went,
you know,
999
00:40:35,500 --> 00:40:36,632
to get you, because
1000
00:40:36,701 --> 00:40:39,101
I... I was, you know,
had to change.
1001
00:40:41,539 --> 00:40:44,273
This isn't an all-the-time
thing, you know.
1002
00:40:44,342 --> 00:40:47,410
Stan and I spend all our
time workin' on the act.
1003
00:40:47,478 --> 00:40:49,612
We don't have
a lot of, uh...
1004
00:40:49,681 --> 00:40:51,647
What are they called?
1005
00:40:51,716 --> 00:40:53,081
Women. Hmm?
1006
00:40:54,419 --> 00:40:55,618
Mm-hmm.
1007
00:41:01,392 --> 00:41:02,991
So, what's it like?
1008
00:41:03,060 --> 00:41:04,126
What?
1009
00:41:04,195 --> 00:41:06,495
What you do...
Being a comedian.
1010
00:41:07,565 --> 00:41:09,699
I just can't imagine
standing up there
1011
00:41:09,767 --> 00:41:11,734
in front of all
those strange people.
1012
00:41:11,803 --> 00:41:14,537
It's what I do.
You know, it's my job.
1013
00:41:14,605 --> 00:41:16,639
It's an odd job,
but it's my job.
1014
00:41:16,708 --> 00:41:18,774
I mean, some nights are
better than others.
1015
00:41:18,843 --> 00:41:20,275
It's so strange.
Like last night,
1016
00:41:20,345 --> 00:41:22,578
I couldn't buy a laugh.
I mean, nothin'.
1017
00:41:22,647 --> 00:41:24,079
The audience
just sat there.
1018
00:41:24,148 --> 00:41:27,216
They were like, uh,
nuremberg with drinks.
1019
00:41:27,284 --> 00:41:29,117
And it's the same
exact show that you saw!
1020
00:41:29,186 --> 00:41:30,386
I mean, I came out,
1021
00:41:30,455 --> 00:41:32,455
and I said, "good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,"
1022
00:41:32,523 --> 00:41:33,789
and a guy
in the front row
1023
00:41:33,858 --> 00:41:36,492
looks up at me
and says, "oi, English."
1024
00:41:40,264 --> 00:41:43,198
But then there are
nights like tonight...
1025
00:41:43,267 --> 00:41:45,835
Where I... wow,
i was like...
1026
00:41:45,903 --> 00:41:47,436
I don't know. I... I...
1027
00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:50,038
I was like Joe Louis,
you know?
1028
00:41:50,107 --> 00:41:51,741
I... I came out,
started to jab,
1029
00:41:51,809 --> 00:41:53,208
you know, just
feeling 'em out...
1030
00:41:53,277 --> 00:41:54,744
"Hey, where you from?"
You know?
1031
00:41:54,812 --> 00:41:56,111
"What a crowd!"
1032
00:41:56,180 --> 00:41:57,646
Then I moved in.
Body shots...
1033
00:41:57,715 --> 00:41:59,749
"Lenny, I have to.
But you?" Boom!
1034
00:41:59,817 --> 00:42:01,650
"We use the camel
to ride to town, sir."
1035
00:42:01,719 --> 00:42:02,985
Boom!
1036
00:42:03,053 --> 00:42:04,687
Then it went right to
the head, the bakery bit...
1037
00:42:04,756 --> 00:42:05,855
"You bought too much!"
Boom!
1038
00:42:05,923 --> 00:42:07,155
"You bought
too little." Boom!
1039
00:42:07,224 --> 00:42:08,924
Roumania, roumania.
Boom! And I got 'em.
1040
00:42:08,993 --> 00:42:11,260
They're mine. They
can't take any more.
1041
00:42:11,328 --> 00:42:13,763
It's the best feeling
in the world.
1042
00:42:18,002 --> 00:42:19,334
Until now.
1043
00:42:22,573 --> 00:42:23,672
What?
1044
00:42:26,778 --> 00:42:28,110
Table 8...
1045
00:42:30,281 --> 00:42:31,881
Polka-dot dress...
1046
00:42:42,460 --> 00:42:43,992
It's get... it's gettin'
a little late.
1047
00:42:44,061 --> 00:42:45,628
You know,
your... your parents...
1048
00:42:45,696 --> 00:42:46,796
Yeah.
1049
00:43:31,943 --> 00:43:33,823
Hey, I got married!
1050
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:37,980
Yeah, it was
a beautiful affair.
1051
00:43:38,048 --> 00:43:38,948
9 killed.
1052
00:43:41,218 --> 00:43:43,118
We had a little accident
on the dance floor.
1053
00:43:43,187 --> 00:43:44,587
My aunt Sheila
spun out of control
1054
00:43:44,655 --> 00:43:46,021
doin' the bunny hop
1055
00:43:46,090 --> 00:43:48,624
and wiped out
the entire smorgasbord.
1056
00:43:50,027 --> 00:43:51,259
The rest of
the relatives
1057
00:43:51,328 --> 00:43:53,128
were on their
best behavior.
1058
00:43:53,197 --> 00:43:55,097
Yeah, they ate until
their heads exploded!
1059
00:43:55,165 --> 00:43:57,132
You should've seen 'em.
They ate everything...
1060
00:43:57,201 --> 00:43:58,734
Silverware, candles...
1061
00:43:58,803 --> 00:44:00,703
They... they were
like goats in tuxedos!
1062
00:44:00,771 --> 00:44:02,805
♪
1063
00:44:02,874 --> 00:44:04,306
♪ When you're smilin' ♪
1064
00:44:04,375 --> 00:44:05,541
♪ keep on smilin' ♪
1065
00:44:05,610 --> 00:44:06,842
♪ keep on smilin' ♪
1066
00:44:06,911 --> 00:44:09,612
♪ and the whole world
smiles with you ♪
1067
00:44:26,764 --> 00:44:28,998
But I love this town!
1068
00:44:29,066 --> 00:44:31,266
I love las Vegas, yeah.
1069
00:44:31,335 --> 00:44:33,602
I come here
to visit my money.
1070
00:44:36,774 --> 00:44:38,073
I got a great system.
1071
00:44:38,142 --> 00:44:39,408
You wanna know
how you can beat
1072
00:44:39,476 --> 00:44:40,709
the gambling
problems here?
1073
00:44:40,778 --> 00:44:42,210
Soon as you get out
of the plane,
1074
00:44:42,279 --> 00:44:43,712
walk into
the propeller!
1075
00:44:45,016 --> 00:44:47,016
Las Vegas is the only
town in the world
1076
00:44:47,051 --> 00:44:49,552
where you can arrive
in a $5,000 car
1077
00:44:49,620 --> 00:44:52,220
and leave
in a $20,000 bus.
1078
00:44:54,358 --> 00:44:55,591
I'll tell you that.
1079
00:44:55,660 --> 00:44:57,993
But, hey, I hit a jackpot
the other day.
1080
00:44:58,062 --> 00:44:59,528
I became a daddy!
1081
00:45:01,766 --> 00:45:03,486
Yeah, born right here
in las Vegas
1082
00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:06,301
at our lady of the
2-drink minimum.
1083
00:45:06,370 --> 00:45:09,404
No. She's pink
and soft and...
1084
00:45:09,473 --> 00:45:10,973
She's an eraser,
basically.
1085
00:45:11,042 --> 00:45:13,241
My wife gave birth
to an eraser!
1086
00:45:24,822 --> 00:45:26,455
I'll tell you, folks,
1087
00:45:26,523 --> 00:45:28,156
I look at my
little girl,
1088
00:45:28,225 --> 00:45:30,392
how tiny she is,
and I think,
1089
00:45:30,461 --> 00:45:33,128
how can something
you can hold in one hand
1090
00:45:33,197 --> 00:45:35,263
give you such a thrill?
1091
00:45:35,332 --> 00:45:36,732
Then I remembered
what it was like
1092
00:45:36,801 --> 00:45:37,900
when I was 14
1093
00:45:37,969 --> 00:45:40,135
and I used to lock myself
in the bathroom!
1094
00:45:40,204 --> 00:45:43,338
But don't get me
started on that!
1095
00:45:43,407 --> 00:45:45,741
Aw, she's so cute.
What a thrill.
1096
00:45:45,810 --> 00:45:47,409
I'll never forget
what my uncle moe
1097
00:45:47,478 --> 00:45:49,177
said about little girls.
1098
00:45:49,246 --> 00:45:50,913
He said, "officer,
1099
00:45:50,982 --> 00:45:52,481
"she said she was 18!"
1100
00:45:59,456 --> 00:46:01,690
But I'll tell you, folks,
there's nothin' like it.
1101
00:46:01,759 --> 00:46:03,726
Nothin' in the world.
1102
00:46:03,794 --> 00:46:06,561
My favorite time is
when the baby's asleep,
1103
00:46:06,631 --> 00:46:08,563
you know, lookin'
all cute and innocent
1104
00:46:08,633 --> 00:46:10,198
and there's a little
bit of moonlight
1105
00:46:10,267 --> 00:46:12,367
coming through the window,
shinin' on her face,
1106
00:46:12,436 --> 00:46:14,069
and it's quiet.
1107
00:46:14,138 --> 00:46:15,971
All's right with the world.
1108
00:46:16,040 --> 00:46:18,774
And only one thought is
goin' through your mind...
1109
00:46:18,843 --> 00:46:20,142
What stinks?
1110
00:46:20,210 --> 00:46:22,778
What the hell
stinks like that?
1111
00:46:22,847 --> 00:46:23,979
You know what it is?
1112
00:46:24,048 --> 00:46:25,748
It's this lady
in the front!
1113
00:46:27,184 --> 00:46:28,483
Nice face, madam.
1114
00:46:28,552 --> 00:46:30,853
You look like a toches
with lipstick!
1115
00:46:30,921 --> 00:46:32,821
But don't get me
started on that!
1116
00:46:32,890 --> 00:46:34,823
Good night, everybody!
1117
00:46:38,062 --> 00:46:39,528
What a night!
1118
00:46:51,776 --> 00:46:54,143
Oh, what a view!
1119
00:46:54,211 --> 00:46:56,178
You can see my whole
career from here.
1120
00:46:57,447 --> 00:46:59,181
I mean, there was
the capitol theater...
1121
00:46:59,249 --> 00:47:00,482
And the Paramount...
1122
00:47:00,551 --> 00:47:02,151
And over there
was the Latin quarter.
1123
00:47:02,186 --> 00:47:04,953
Oh, the Latin quarter was
always a hot room for me.
1124
00:47:05,022 --> 00:47:07,622
And then we'd go to the metropole,
hear some jazz,
1125
00:47:07,692 --> 00:47:09,892
then end up at Lindy's,
get a piece of cheesecake,
1126
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,194
and lie about
how good we did.
1127
00:47:12,262 --> 00:47:13,796
Yeah. Great days.
1128
00:47:13,864 --> 00:47:15,698
Yeah. It's great
to see you, Phil.
1129
00:47:15,766 --> 00:47:17,733
You, too, buddy.
Come on.
1130
00:47:17,802 --> 00:47:19,201
Ahh, boy.
1131
00:47:20,637 --> 00:47:22,470
I was surprised
to hear about Stan.
1132
00:47:22,539 --> 00:47:23,605
Is he all right?
1133
00:47:23,674 --> 00:47:25,974
Oh, sure, he's fine.
You know, I... I said to him,
1134
00:47:26,043 --> 00:47:27,275
I said, "look, cookie...
1135
00:47:27,344 --> 00:47:29,277
"You've been workin'
your whole life.
1136
00:47:29,346 --> 00:47:31,546
"Relax. You know,
go down to Florida.
1137
00:47:31,615 --> 00:47:32,915
"Be with your children.
1138
00:47:32,983 --> 00:47:34,249
"Paint your pictures."
1139
00:47:34,318 --> 00:47:36,085
You know...
He carried on...
1140
00:47:36,153 --> 00:47:37,419
"I can't
leave you, buddy.
1141
00:47:37,487 --> 00:47:39,354
"I don't want
to leave you, buddy."
1142
00:47:39,423 --> 00:47:40,689
Oh, it broke my heart.
1143
00:47:40,758 --> 00:47:42,624
But it was time
for him to retire.
1144
00:47:42,693 --> 00:47:43,926
I mean, he's
gettin' up there.
1145
00:47:43,994 --> 00:47:44,927
Yeah, yeah.
1146
00:47:44,995 --> 00:47:46,528
So I gave him
a couple of bucks.
1147
00:47:46,597 --> 00:47:48,797
Yeah, a couple
of bucks. I, uh...
1148
00:47:48,866 --> 00:47:50,498
I set him up
with a condo.
1149
00:47:50,567 --> 00:47:52,101
That was a lovely
thing to do.
1150
00:47:52,169 --> 00:47:54,169
He's my brother.
You know, he's a classy guy.
1151
00:47:54,238 --> 00:47:56,739
What, are you kidding?
Stan is class.
1152
00:47:56,807 --> 00:47:58,240
I mean, you open
the dictionary
1153
00:47:58,308 --> 00:47:59,608
under "class,"
it's his picture.
1154
00:47:59,676 --> 00:48:01,243
Hey, when I was
just a young pisher,
1155
00:48:01,311 --> 00:48:03,145
schlepping acts
up to the catskills,
1156
00:48:03,214 --> 00:48:04,880
Stan took me
under his wing.
1157
00:48:04,949 --> 00:48:06,949
He taught me
how to be an agent.
1158
00:48:07,017 --> 00:48:08,150
Stan.
1159
00:48:09,053 --> 00:48:11,286
So, what can i
do for you?
1160
00:48:11,355 --> 00:48:13,889
Well... you know,
you always said
1161
00:48:13,958 --> 00:48:15,557
that you
liked the act.
1162
00:48:15,626 --> 00:48:16,759
What, are you
kidding me?
1163
00:48:16,827 --> 00:48:18,526
Who didn't love
your act?
1164
00:48:18,595 --> 00:48:20,929
Just the other day,
i was saying to...
1165
00:48:20,998 --> 00:48:21,930
Somebody...
1166
00:48:21,999 --> 00:48:23,431
"Remember
buddy young, Jr.?"
1167
00:48:23,500 --> 00:48:24,933
And they got
all excited.
1168
00:48:25,002 --> 00:48:26,882
Oh, yeah?
Who was it?
1169
00:48:27,104 --> 00:48:28,536
I'm not...
1170
00:48:28,605 --> 00:48:30,038
Well,
where were you?
1171
00:48:30,107 --> 00:48:32,741
It was at the... You know, uh,
with the tables.
1172
00:48:32,810 --> 00:48:34,843
Well, did you say I was
funny, and they agreed,
1173
00:48:34,912 --> 00:48:36,211
or did you
say my name,
1174
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:37,612
and they said
i was funny?
1175
00:48:37,681 --> 00:48:39,148
I mean,
how did it work?
1176
00:48:39,216 --> 00:48:41,283
Either way.
W-what's the difference?
1177
00:48:41,351 --> 00:48:42,918
The point is,
you're a legend.
1178
00:48:42,987 --> 00:48:43,987
You're a giant.
1179
00:48:44,054 --> 00:48:45,174
You're the
comic's comic.
1180
00:48:45,222 --> 00:48:46,955
You look in the dictionary
under "funny,"
1181
00:48:47,024 --> 00:48:48,024
it's your picture.
1182
00:48:48,092 --> 00:48:49,591
Well, I... I appreciate
that, Phil.
1183
00:48:49,660 --> 00:48:52,494
I really do, I mean,
especially comin' from you.
1184
00:48:52,562 --> 00:48:54,997
So, I was Thinkin',
maybe, uh, you know,
1185
00:48:55,065 --> 00:48:57,266
you want to take me on,
you know, handle me.
1186
00:48:57,334 --> 00:48:58,801
I don't need
much. I mean,
1187
00:48:58,869 --> 00:49:00,502
just a little kick in the
ass to get it over the top.
1188
00:49:00,570 --> 00:49:03,638
Hey, hey, buddy, do I want
to handle you? I owe you.
1189
00:49:04,441 --> 00:49:05,707
I owe you.
1190
00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:07,810
The business owes you.
1191
00:49:07,878 --> 00:49:10,378
You know, with all
due respect to Stan,
1192
00:49:10,447 --> 00:49:12,547
I always thought you
should've been bigger.
1193
00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:14,149
Now, maybe i
shouldn't say that.
1194
00:49:14,218 --> 00:49:16,451
No, no. I hear you.
I hear you.
1195
00:49:17,288 --> 00:49:18,653
So, come with us.
1196
00:49:18,722 --> 00:49:20,388
We'll do, we'll
make, you'll be.
1197
00:49:20,457 --> 00:49:21,589
Great.
1198
00:49:21,658 --> 00:49:22,958
Let me set
something up
1199
00:49:23,027 --> 00:49:24,526
for later
in the week.
1200
00:49:24,594 --> 00:49:25,994
It'll give me a
chance to come up
1201
00:49:26,063 --> 00:49:28,297
with a game plan. Uh...
1202
00:49:28,365 --> 00:49:29,464
How's Friday?
1203
00:49:29,533 --> 00:49:31,266
It's like today,
but later.
1204
00:49:32,536 --> 00:49:34,069
Ok, 1:00, lunch...
1205
00:49:34,138 --> 00:49:36,038
Friar's club?
1206
00:49:36,106 --> 00:49:37,439
Unless you'd rather
eat someplace else.
1207
00:49:37,507 --> 00:49:39,041
Yeah, off
Madonna's breasts,
1208
00:49:39,109 --> 00:49:41,443
but you got to call so far
ahead for reservations.
1209
00:49:41,511 --> 00:49:42,644
Funny.
1210
00:49:42,713 --> 00:49:45,193
Yeah. Berle said
I'm not topical.
1211
00:49:49,153 --> 00:49:50,685
Sidney. Sidney,
1212
00:49:50,754 --> 00:49:52,587
who do you have to screw
to get a vodka?
1213
00:49:52,656 --> 00:49:53,688
Me.
1214
00:49:54,391 --> 00:49:56,158
Make it a ginger ale.
1215
00:49:58,628 --> 00:50:00,295
Are you guys
gonna order lunch,
1216
00:50:00,364 --> 00:50:02,898
or is this one of
them Jewish holidays?
1217
00:50:02,967 --> 00:50:04,766
Ah, now you're
talkin' sense.
1218
00:50:04,835 --> 00:50:06,668
Listen, uh...
You guys order,
1219
00:50:06,737 --> 00:50:08,636
because I, uh,
i got a lunch.
1220
00:50:08,705 --> 00:50:10,272
I'm meeting somebody.
1221
00:50:11,342 --> 00:50:12,807
Who?
1222
00:50:12,877 --> 00:50:14,743
Who? It's a person,
that's all. It's a someone.
1223
00:50:14,811 --> 00:50:16,544
Tell us.
Who is it?
1224
00:50:17,481 --> 00:50:19,314
Phil gussman,
all right?
1225
00:50:19,383 --> 00:50:20,448
Phil gussman?
1226
00:50:20,517 --> 00:50:22,217
My god,
that's terrific.
1227
00:50:22,286 --> 00:50:23,551
Phil gussman's
comin' here
1228
00:50:23,620 --> 00:50:25,053
to have
lunch with you?
1229
00:50:25,122 --> 00:50:27,422
It's the strangest thing.
He calls me out of the blue,
1230
00:50:27,491 --> 00:50:28,823
said he heard
about Stan,
1231
00:50:28,893 --> 00:50:30,859
how I bought him
the condo and the boat
1232
00:50:30,928 --> 00:50:32,127
and the whole thing.
1233
00:50:32,196 --> 00:50:35,463
Anyway, he says he wants
to pitch me a few ideas.
1234
00:50:35,532 --> 00:50:37,665
Well, you know, I thought i
was gonna take this year off,
1235
00:50:37,734 --> 00:50:38,901
but, listen,
I'm not stupid.
1236
00:50:38,969 --> 00:50:40,402
I'll listen to
what he has to say.
1237
00:50:40,470 --> 00:50:42,104
I don't
blame him.
1238
00:50:44,875 --> 00:50:46,115
Oh.
1239
00:50:47,444 --> 00:50:48,911
Hey,
how you doin'?
1240
00:50:48,979 --> 00:50:50,412
Buddy.
Good to see you.
1241
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:51,980
What a coincidence.
What?
1242
00:50:52,049 --> 00:50:53,848
I was just over at the museum
of natural history,
1243
00:50:53,918 --> 00:50:55,583
visiting your act.
1244
00:50:56,820 --> 00:50:58,620
You look sensational.
Thank you.
1245
00:50:58,688 --> 00:51:00,688
You still combing your hair
with the exxon valdez?
1246
00:51:00,757 --> 00:51:03,491
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Funny. Funny, buddy.
1247
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:06,261
Seriously, though, jer,
i got to ask you something.
1248
00:51:06,330 --> 00:51:08,463
It's upsetting me.
I just heard about it.
1249
00:51:08,532 --> 00:51:10,232
I want to know if
it's the truth or not.
1250
00:51:10,301 --> 00:51:11,199
What?
1251
00:51:11,268 --> 00:51:12,767
You and Dean
broke up?
1252
00:51:12,836 --> 00:51:14,569
What did you do?
What did you say to him?
1253
00:51:14,638 --> 00:51:15,837
Did you open
a mouth?
1254
00:51:15,906 --> 00:51:16,838
What... what happened?
1255
00:51:16,907 --> 00:51:18,506
It's 36 years ago.
1256
00:51:18,575 --> 00:51:19,507
Really?
1257
00:51:19,576 --> 00:51:20,708
Of course.
1258
00:51:20,777 --> 00:51:22,044
My goddamn
paper boy.
1259
00:51:22,112 --> 00:51:24,352
If it's not on the roof,
it's in the bushes.
1260
00:51:24,381 --> 00:51:26,714
That's funny, buddy.
1261
00:51:26,783 --> 00:51:28,183
It's great
to see you, Jerry.
1262
00:51:28,252 --> 00:51:30,218
Good seeing you, buddy.
Good seeing you guys.
1263
00:51:30,287 --> 00:51:32,154
Sidney, another pitcher
of Hawaiian punch
1264
00:51:32,222 --> 00:51:33,621
for the kids' table.
1265
00:51:33,690 --> 00:51:36,058
Remember, fellas,
breathe in, out...
1266
00:51:36,126 --> 00:51:38,026
In, out...
1267
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:39,361
Where you goin'?
France?
1268
00:51:39,430 --> 00:51:41,529
France? I didn't
plan on it,
1269
00:51:41,598 --> 00:51:44,666
but, yeah! Oh, I'm gonna
go on a trolley!
1270
00:51:44,734 --> 00:51:46,534
I'm going now!
1271
00:51:48,072 --> 00:51:49,438
Clear the area!
1272
00:51:49,506 --> 00:51:50,705
France!
1273
00:51:50,774 --> 00:51:52,407
Who was that?
1274
00:51:52,476 --> 00:51:53,608
Looked familiar.
1275
00:51:58,349 --> 00:51:59,614
Mr. young?
1276
00:52:00,584 --> 00:52:02,617
I'm Mr. young.
1277
00:52:02,686 --> 00:52:03,952
How nice
to meet you.
1278
00:52:04,021 --> 00:52:05,620
I'm Annie Wells.
I'm from I.T.I.
1279
00:52:05,689 --> 00:52:06,955
Yeah?
1280
00:52:07,024 --> 00:52:08,323
Phil asked me
to apologize for him.
1281
00:52:08,392 --> 00:52:10,025
He had to fly suddenly
to the coast,
1282
00:52:10,094 --> 00:52:12,527
and he asked me
to fill in for him.
1283
00:52:15,665 --> 00:52:16,965
When's he
gettin' back?
1284
00:52:17,634 --> 00:52:19,101
I'm not sure.
1285
00:52:22,873 --> 00:52:25,007
When Phil gets back,
then I'll see him.
1286
00:52:25,075 --> 00:52:28,343
I think he was hoping you
and I could get together.
1287
00:52:31,781 --> 00:52:33,382
I have a table
right over here.
1288
00:52:33,450 --> 00:52:34,549
Sure.
1289
00:52:36,553 --> 00:52:37,886
Excuse me.
1290
00:52:48,132 --> 00:52:49,498
I do have a 1:30,
1291
00:52:49,566 --> 00:52:51,966
but we can get
to know each other.
1292
00:52:54,138 --> 00:52:57,239
This is a very unusual room.
What is it, a club?
1293
00:52:58,008 --> 00:52:59,707
Yeah, it's a club...
1294
00:53:00,610 --> 00:53:02,244
Miss, uh... Jones?
1295
00:53:02,312 --> 00:53:04,046
Wells. Annie Wells.
1296
00:53:05,549 --> 00:53:06,948
What are you?
1297
00:53:07,017 --> 00:53:09,684
You know... I mean,
what do you do?
1298
00:53:09,753 --> 00:53:13,155
I'm an agent at I.T.I.
I handle comedians.
1299
00:53:13,223 --> 00:53:15,323
Now, here's what I thought
we could do today.
1300
00:53:15,392 --> 00:53:16,724
You could give
me some sense
1301
00:53:16,793 --> 00:53:18,093
of what you'd
like to be doing.
1302
00:53:18,162 --> 00:53:19,394
You know,
how do you see
1303
00:53:19,463 --> 00:53:22,064
the buddy young Jr. career
developing from here?
1304
00:53:23,300 --> 00:53:25,233
Who's Harry ritz?
1305
00:53:25,302 --> 00:53:27,135
Jack Carter?
Um...
1306
00:53:27,204 --> 00:53:29,737
Phil silvers?
Myron Cohen?
1307
00:53:29,806 --> 00:53:31,306
Sheckey Greene?
Perky stiles?
1308
00:53:31,375 --> 00:53:32,774
Dick Shawn?
1309
00:53:32,842 --> 00:53:34,376
I'm... I'm sorry.
Am I supposed to know these people?
1310
00:53:34,445 --> 00:53:37,345
Yeah. You are supposed
to know these people,
1311
00:53:37,414 --> 00:53:40,082
because they're
great comedians. Great.
1312
00:53:40,150 --> 00:53:42,016
Comedians who loved
to be on a stage.
1313
00:53:42,086 --> 00:53:43,885
Professionals who
could take an audience
1314
00:53:43,954 --> 00:53:45,487
like they were a herd
of wild buffalo
1315
00:53:45,556 --> 00:53:48,022
and move 'em into a corral.
Masters of a craft.
1316
00:53:48,092 --> 00:53:50,392
Well, I guess they
were before my time.
1317
00:53:50,461 --> 00:53:51,693
Everything was.
1318
00:53:52,829 --> 00:53:54,362
Look, miss...
1319
00:53:54,431 --> 00:53:57,765
If Phil wants to give
me the brush, ok...
1320
00:53:57,834 --> 00:53:59,367
But he don't
have to send you,
1321
00:53:59,436 --> 00:54:00,868
"30 seconds
over show business,"
1322
00:54:00,937 --> 00:54:02,304
to do it for him.
1323
00:54:02,372 --> 00:54:04,906
I'm 40 years past
"so tell me about yourself."
1324
00:54:04,975 --> 00:54:07,542
Mr. young, I assure you,
everyone at the agency
1325
00:54:07,611 --> 00:54:09,211
is very excited
about you.
1326
00:54:09,279 --> 00:54:12,280
No one is very
excited about me!
1327
00:54:12,349 --> 00:54:14,316
I'm not excited
about me!
1328
00:54:15,586 --> 00:54:16,784
Sweetheart...
1329
00:54:16,853 --> 00:54:19,654
Tell Phil that if he
looks in the dictionary
1330
00:54:19,723 --> 00:54:21,656
under "lying,
rat-faced, two-timing,
1331
00:54:21,725 --> 00:54:23,525
"chicken-livered pricks,"
1332
00:54:23,594 --> 00:54:25,193
there's his picture!
1333
00:54:25,262 --> 00:54:26,461
Look, obviously,
1334
00:54:26,530 --> 00:54:29,164
there's been some sort
of misunderstanding.
1335
00:54:29,966 --> 00:54:31,766
I went to Phil
for help.
1336
00:54:31,835 --> 00:54:34,068
I never had to
do that before.
1337
00:54:34,138 --> 00:54:35,937
He dances me around
the office, you know,
1338
00:54:36,006 --> 00:54:37,239
and I get
a little excited.
1339
00:54:37,307 --> 00:54:38,840
There's somebody
who believes in me.
1340
00:54:38,908 --> 00:54:40,875
So we set up this
meeting. Then I look up,
1341
00:54:40,944 --> 00:54:42,477
and there's this
embryo in a dress
1342
00:54:42,546 --> 00:54:44,379
who don't know me
from a goddamn salami!
1343
00:54:44,448 --> 00:54:46,481
Good-bye, Mr. Young.
It was lovely to have met you.
1344
00:54:46,550 --> 00:54:48,049
Go take a shit
with your clothes on.
1345
00:54:48,118 --> 00:54:49,551
I got no winter.
Excuse me.
1346
00:54:49,620 --> 00:54:51,653
You know?
I lost my winter!
1347
00:55:07,687 --> 00:55:09,120
Hello?
1348
00:55:09,189 --> 00:55:11,889
Hello. Is, uh,this Elaine young?
1349
00:55:11,958 --> 00:55:13,057
Yes.
1350
00:55:13,126 --> 00:55:15,627
I got your name
off a men's-room wall.
1351
00:55:15,695 --> 00:55:18,329
It says, "for good soup,
call Elaine."
1352
00:55:19,932 --> 00:55:20,865
Hi, buddy.
1353
00:55:20,933 --> 00:55:22,200
Hi, baby.
How you doing?
1354
00:55:22,269 --> 00:55:23,368
Ok.
Good.
1355
00:55:23,436 --> 00:55:24,702
Are the clubs nice?
1356
00:55:24,771 --> 00:55:26,871
Oh, great, great.
Good bookings.
1357
00:55:26,939 --> 00:55:28,373
Good places, yeah.
1358
00:55:28,441 --> 00:55:29,507
Well, how's it goin'?
1359
00:55:29,576 --> 00:55:30,508
Oh, I'm killin' 'em.
1360
00:55:30,577 --> 00:55:31,842
Yeah?
Really.
1361
00:55:31,911 --> 00:55:33,411
Last night,
i shot a guy,
1362
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:34,945
made all the papers.
1363
00:55:36,349 --> 00:55:38,316
Are you feelin' ok?
1364
00:55:38,385 --> 00:55:39,817
Well, I had
a little problem.
1365
00:55:39,886 --> 00:55:41,926
My hair set off
the metal detector
1366
00:55:41,988 --> 00:55:44,589
at the airport.
It's those clips.
1367
00:55:47,093 --> 00:55:48,926
Hey, you know what...
What place I drove by?
1368
00:55:48,995 --> 00:55:50,061
What?
1369
00:55:50,129 --> 00:55:51,563
Remember the 300 club
in Boston?
1370
00:55:51,631 --> 00:55:53,464
Remember I played
there in, like, uh,
1371
00:55:53,533 --> 00:55:55,200
19-ba-ba-ba-boom.
1372
00:55:55,268 --> 00:55:56,434
Boston?
1373
00:55:56,503 --> 00:55:58,863
Yeah, come on. Remember?
I had a great show there,
1374
00:55:58,905 --> 00:56:00,271
I was all excited
after the show,
1375
00:56:00,340 --> 00:56:01,573
and you and I made love
1376
00:56:01,641 --> 00:56:03,575
right on the makeup table
in my dressing room.
1377
00:56:03,643 --> 00:56:05,310
Don't you remember?
1378
00:56:05,378 --> 00:56:07,845
Buddy...
That wasn't me.
1379
00:56:07,914 --> 00:56:09,046
It...
1380
00:56:10,750 --> 00:56:12,317
You see what I did?
1381
00:56:12,385 --> 00:56:14,519
I made you think
it wasn't me, but it was.
1382
00:56:14,588 --> 00:56:16,654
Yeah, you're pretty
funny for an old bag.
1383
00:56:18,091 --> 00:56:19,524
Where are you?
1384
00:56:19,593 --> 00:56:20,991
I'm in a small town.
1385
00:56:21,060 --> 00:56:23,361
It's, uh, called
"resume speed."
1386
00:56:25,932 --> 00:56:27,164
I miss you.
1387
00:56:27,234 --> 00:56:28,366
Yeah.
1388
00:56:28,435 --> 00:56:30,368
Buddy, are
you all right?
1389
00:56:30,437 --> 00:56:32,370
Sure, sure.
1390
00:56:32,439 --> 00:56:34,405
It's just
a little quiet.
1391
00:56:36,543 --> 00:56:38,676
So, this guy goesin a doctor's office.
1392
00:56:38,745 --> 00:56:40,845
Doctor says to him,
"i got good news
1393
00:56:40,913 --> 00:56:42,413
"and bad news," see?
1394
00:56:42,482 --> 00:56:44,315
Guy said, "well, uh...
1395
00:56:45,051 --> 00:56:46,451
"What's the good news?"
1396
00:56:46,519 --> 00:56:49,454
Said, "the good news is
you got 24 hours to live."
1397
00:56:49,522 --> 00:56:51,256
He says, "that's
the good news?
1398
00:56:51,324 --> 00:56:52,557
"What's the
bad news?"
1399
00:56:52,626 --> 00:56:55,159
He said, "i forgot
to call you yesterday."
1400
00:56:55,228 --> 00:56:57,762
Did you see what
i did there, ma?
1401
00:56:59,499 --> 00:57:02,099
Stan? Oh, Stan
is great, yeah.
1402
00:57:02,168 --> 00:57:04,135
He's the president
of France now.
1403
00:57:04,203 --> 00:57:06,170
Oh, yeah. You
should've seen him.
1404
00:57:06,239 --> 00:57:07,472
They had this
big revolution.
1405
00:57:07,540 --> 00:57:08,740
He led them,
wearing a beret,
1406
00:57:08,808 --> 00:57:10,941
wavin' a big piece
of French bread.
1407
00:57:11,010 --> 00:57:12,710
He loves
what he's doin'.
1408
00:57:14,046 --> 00:57:17,382
Mrs. gershen, would you
please hold it down?
1409
00:57:17,450 --> 00:57:19,550
I brought the ice skates,
and we'll go.
1410
00:57:19,619 --> 00:57:21,486
A promise
is a promise.
1411
00:57:24,324 --> 00:57:26,223
Me, I'm doin'
sensational.
1412
00:57:26,293 --> 00:57:27,759
Sensational, ma.
1413
00:57:27,827 --> 00:57:30,127
I played a place
the other night.
1414
00:57:30,196 --> 00:57:31,796
You know what
they loved?
1415
00:57:31,864 --> 00:57:34,666
Remember that routine i used
to do about grandma and grandpa
1416
00:57:34,734 --> 00:57:37,802
on the porch at silver beach,
arguing over who's sicker?
1417
00:57:37,870 --> 00:57:38,936
Remember?
1418
00:57:39,005 --> 00:57:40,471
"What are
you talking, a fever?
1419
00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:42,674
"106 is not a fever.
1420
00:57:42,742 --> 00:57:46,544
"I was dead for 6 months,
and I never missed a day's work."
1421
00:57:48,682 --> 00:57:51,482
Yeah, they loved
it, loved it.
1422
00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:54,485
Big laughs, just like
in the living room, ma.
1423
00:58:12,004 --> 00:58:13,805
It's not so good, ma.
1424
00:58:15,842 --> 00:58:17,709
Things aren't so good.
1425
00:59:01,287 --> 00:59:03,788
So, you folks do drugs?
You do drugs or what?
1426
00:59:03,857 --> 00:59:05,097
Yeah!
1427
00:59:05,157 --> 00:59:06,758
Yeah? Oh, that's
something to admit
1428
00:59:06,826 --> 00:59:08,058
in front of a group
of strangers, you bonehead!
1429
00:59:10,062 --> 00:59:12,897
If your I.Q. Gets to 80,
sell, brother man.
1430
00:59:14,233 --> 00:59:15,400
What'd you do today?
1431
00:59:15,468 --> 00:59:17,268
Well, I smoked
a couple of joints.
1432
00:59:17,336 --> 00:59:19,470
You want to
come with me?
1433
00:59:19,539 --> 00:59:21,138
Where you goin'?
1434
00:59:21,207 --> 00:59:22,473
I told you
3 times,
1435
00:59:22,542 --> 00:59:24,542
I'm goin' over
to see Susan.
1436
00:59:24,611 --> 00:59:26,043
Watch your pocketbook.
1437
00:59:26,112 --> 00:59:27,044
Buddy.
1438
00:59:27,113 --> 00:59:29,414
Look, maybe
another time, ok?
1439
00:59:29,482 --> 00:59:31,048
I'm very tired,
1440
00:59:31,117 --> 00:59:33,751
and I'm not in the mood
for her hostility.
1441
00:59:33,820 --> 00:59:35,686
Well, then
take a walk.
1442
00:59:35,755 --> 00:59:38,088
You're, like, glued
to that chair.
1443
00:59:38,157 --> 00:59:41,091
See a movie. Steal a
car. Just do something.
1444
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:42,493
Drugs are a waste...
1445
00:59:42,562 --> 00:59:44,729
You believe this guy, Elaine?
Look... look at this guy.
1446
00:59:44,798 --> 00:59:46,196
He's performing
in front of people,
1447
00:59:46,265 --> 00:59:47,698
and he's dressed
for a felony.
1448
00:59:47,767 --> 00:59:49,233
I mean, look at this.
1449
00:59:49,302 --> 00:59:50,302
Buddy...
1450
00:59:50,369 --> 00:59:52,470
You call these jokes?
You call this comedy?
1451
00:59:52,539 --> 00:59:54,439
Bye.
I mean, who wrote this crap?
1452
00:59:54,507 --> 00:59:57,642
All right! You guys call
yourselves comedy writers?
1453
00:59:57,710 --> 00:59:59,777
Call yourselves
ex-comedy writers!
1454
00:59:59,846 --> 01:00:00,945
You're fired!
1455
01:00:01,013 --> 01:00:01,946
You're fired!
1456
01:00:02,014 --> 01:00:03,581
You're fired! You're fired!
1457
01:00:03,650 --> 01:00:05,015
I don't work here!
1458
01:00:05,084 --> 01:00:06,317
You're hired!
1459
01:00:06,385 --> 01:00:07,885
Now you're fired!
Get outta here!
1460
01:00:07,954 --> 01:00:08,719
Buddy...
1461
01:00:08,788 --> 01:00:10,087
Oh, here's
the head genius!
1462
01:00:10,156 --> 01:00:12,389
I don't want to see you
guys anymore! You got it?
1463
01:00:12,459 --> 01:00:14,058
Come on, Woody.
1464
01:00:14,126 --> 01:00:14,992
2 minutes...
1465
01:00:15,061 --> 01:00:16,260
You're fired!
1466
01:00:16,329 --> 01:00:18,463
And get that bird
outta here!
1467
01:00:19,699 --> 01:00:21,966
Lorraine!
Now! Out!
1468
01:00:22,034 --> 01:00:23,801
They rewrote my
opening monologue.
1469
01:00:23,870 --> 01:00:25,636
I told them
to do it.
1470
01:00:25,705 --> 01:00:28,205
You changed my monologue
without asking me?
1471
01:00:28,274 --> 01:00:29,834
Buddy, you can't do the
other monologue.
1472
01:00:29,876 --> 01:00:31,909
The sponsor will go crazy.
We'll lose the show!
1473
01:00:31,978 --> 01:00:33,744
We're losin' the show now!
We're dyin' here!
1474
01:00:33,813 --> 01:00:35,746
Look at these ratings, heh?
Look at this, Stan.
1475
01:00:35,815 --> 01:00:37,982
First, we're number 3.
Then, we're number 8.
1476
01:00:38,050 --> 01:00:39,684
Then, we're number 11.
1477
01:00:39,752 --> 01:00:41,318
Now you can't
even goddamn find us!
1478
01:00:41,387 --> 01:00:42,787
Here, we're right
here! We're 36!
1479
01:00:42,856 --> 01:00:45,490
36? That's good? From 3
to 36, that's a good thing?
1480
01:00:45,558 --> 01:00:47,859
It's... it's just temporary.
You got Davy Crockett
1481
01:00:47,927 --> 01:00:49,093
against you
for a few weeks.
1482
01:00:49,161 --> 01:00:50,928
It's a fad.
It'll go away.
1483
01:00:50,997 --> 01:00:54,298
You don't even see it, Stan.
You don't even see what's happening.
1484
01:00:54,367 --> 01:00:56,266
We're losing the show!
They're gonna cancel me!
1485
01:00:56,335 --> 01:00:57,969
Buddy, I spoke
to the network.
1486
01:00:58,037 --> 01:00:59,604
They're a little concerned
about the ratings,
1487
01:00:59,672 --> 01:01:01,171
but they're more
concerned about you!
1488
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:02,306
Me?
Yes.
1489
01:01:02,375 --> 01:01:03,875
They're worried about me?
Yes.
1490
01:01:03,943 --> 01:01:05,810
I'm workin'
like a horse here!
1491
01:01:05,879 --> 01:01:08,278
I'm doin' everything,
and I'm getting no support!
1492
01:01:08,347 --> 01:01:09,814
I can't get
a decent joke!
1493
01:01:09,883 --> 01:01:11,763
I ask the fuckin' kid
for a fuckin' sandwich...
1494
01:01:11,818 --> 01:01:12,818
Wait a min...
What?
1495
01:01:12,886 --> 01:01:13,918
I asked for
Russian dressing
1496
01:01:13,987 --> 01:01:15,152
on both sides
of the bread!
1497
01:01:15,221 --> 01:01:16,420
Is that too much
to ask for?
1498
01:01:16,489 --> 01:01:18,756
Buddy!
Don't "buddy" me!
1499
01:01:18,825 --> 01:01:21,526
For 7 years, Stan,
i played every club,
1500
01:01:21,594 --> 01:01:22,594
to every audience.
1501
01:01:22,629 --> 01:01:24,294
Audiences that
couldn't speak English.
1502
01:01:24,363 --> 01:01:26,296
Audiences that wouldn't
laugh, couldn't laugh,
1503
01:01:26,365 --> 01:01:28,298
that were physically
incapable of laughing.
1504
01:01:28,367 --> 01:01:29,800
Bowling balls
with ears!
1505
01:01:29,869 --> 01:01:31,229
And I'm not goin'
back there, Stan!
1506
01:01:31,270 --> 01:01:32,603
One minute,
buddy!
1507
01:01:32,672 --> 01:01:33,838
You're fired!
1508
01:01:33,907 --> 01:01:35,139
Damn it!
1509
01:01:36,242 --> 01:01:38,142
I'm gonna do
my monologue!
1510
01:01:38,210 --> 01:01:39,844
I'm the one
who got me here!
1511
01:01:39,913 --> 01:01:41,879
I'm the one
who'll keep me here!
1512
01:01:47,754 --> 01:01:49,854
Hi, daddy!
1513
01:01:49,923 --> 01:01:52,489
Get this off! What's
the matter with you?
1514
01:01:52,559 --> 01:01:54,324
What do you let her
wear this for, huh?
1515
01:01:54,393 --> 01:01:55,693
Buddy, what
are you doing?
1516
01:01:55,762 --> 01:01:56,861
Ahh!
1517
01:02:00,199 --> 01:02:02,332
Get out of my way!
Get outta here!
1518
01:02:02,401 --> 01:02:04,535
Buddy, I forbid you
to do that monologue!
1519
01:02:06,305 --> 01:02:08,606
You're forbidding me?
1520
01:02:08,675 --> 01:02:12,242
Stanley... let's each do
what we do best, huh?
1521
01:02:12,311 --> 01:02:13,878
I'll tell the jokes,
1522
01:02:13,947 --> 01:02:16,307
you'll get me a soda
when I'm through.
1523
01:02:16,983 --> 01:02:18,015
Ok?
1524
01:02:21,654 --> 01:02:23,974
Now, which
jacket's funnier?
1525
01:02:24,924 --> 01:02:26,523
Doesn't matter.
1526
01:02:26,593 --> 01:02:28,492
♪
1527
01:02:28,561 --> 01:02:30,294
Come on.
1528
01:02:30,362 --> 01:02:32,730
Give me the jacket!
I'm on!
1529
01:02:32,799 --> 01:02:35,499
And now, the starof our show...
1530
01:02:35,568 --> 01:02:37,602
The kamikaze of comedy!
1531
01:02:37,670 --> 01:02:39,503
Fasten your seat belts,
1532
01:02:39,572 --> 01:02:41,639
and put on
your crash helmets
1533
01:02:41,708 --> 01:02:44,475
because here he comes...
1534
01:02:44,543 --> 01:02:47,144
Mr. Saturday night...
1535
01:02:47,213 --> 01:02:50,114
Buddy young, Jr.!
1536
01:02:54,721 --> 01:02:55,987
Thank you!
1537
01:03:00,827 --> 01:03:02,259
Thank you very much,
1538
01:03:02,328 --> 01:03:03,928
and good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
1539
01:03:03,997 --> 01:03:06,697
Hey, how about that whole
Davy Crockett thing, huh?
1540
01:03:06,766 --> 01:03:09,333
Don't get me started!
1541
01:03:14,306 --> 01:03:16,607
Yeah, don't get me startedon that schmendrik
1542
01:03:16,676 --> 01:03:18,542
with a dead animal
on his head.
1543
01:03:21,347 --> 01:03:22,947
I got news for you...
1544
01:03:23,016 --> 01:03:25,249
His moccasins
never touch the ground.
1545
01:03:27,053 --> 01:03:28,352
Why do you think
1546
01:03:28,420 --> 01:03:30,655
there are only men
at the alamo, huh? Huh?
1547
01:03:30,723 --> 01:03:32,890
I'm tellin' you,
"king of the wild frontier?"
1548
01:03:32,959 --> 01:03:34,291
How about "queen..."
1549
01:03:45,638 --> 01:03:46,638
What?
1550
01:03:49,308 --> 01:03:51,375
Uhh!
1551
01:03:51,443 --> 01:03:53,778
What'd you do...
Forget something?
1552
01:03:55,782 --> 01:03:58,448
Harry ritz was the funniest
of the ritz brothers.
1553
01:03:58,517 --> 01:04:00,250
He used to say,
"don't holler!"
1554
01:04:00,319 --> 01:04:01,952
Jack Carter was
a nightclub comedian.
1555
01:04:02,021 --> 01:04:03,921
He was known as
the comic's comic.
1556
01:04:03,990 --> 01:04:06,023
Phil silvers
was a genius...
1557
01:04:06,092 --> 01:04:09,126
Sergeant bilko,
burlesque, top banana.
1558
01:04:09,195 --> 01:04:11,996
Buddy young, Jr.,
was Mr. Saturday night
1559
01:04:12,065 --> 01:04:13,731
and the only man
who ever told me
1560
01:04:13,800 --> 01:04:15,920
to take a shit
with my clothes on.
1561
01:04:18,204 --> 01:04:20,705
That's Dean Martin,
Tommy lasorda...
1562
01:04:20,773 --> 01:04:22,039
Uh-huh...
Old blue eyes,
1563
01:04:22,108 --> 01:04:24,541
and yours truly,
old liver spots.
1564
01:04:24,610 --> 01:04:25,610
Who's that?
1565
01:04:25,644 --> 01:04:27,011
Oh, that's me.
1566
01:04:27,080 --> 01:04:28,345
What?
Oh, yeah.
1567
01:04:28,414 --> 01:04:30,314
That was Durin' the '60s.
1568
01:04:30,382 --> 01:04:32,783
That's, uh, uh, during
my political period. Heavy satire.
1569
01:04:32,852 --> 01:04:34,985
That was taken at a club
in San Francisco.
1570
01:04:35,054 --> 01:04:36,754
Yeah, it was a...
It was a good time
1571
01:04:36,823 --> 01:04:38,555
'cause there was...
For a comic then,
1572
01:04:38,624 --> 01:04:40,357
there was so
much goin' on...
1573
01:04:40,426 --> 01:04:41,592
You know, the
whole Vietnam bit,
1574
01:04:41,660 --> 01:04:44,862
that folk-music fiasco
that was goin' on.
1575
01:04:44,931 --> 01:04:46,864
Yeah. I once
punched Joan baez
1576
01:04:46,933 --> 01:04:48,766
in the mouth
at a peace rally.
1577
01:04:48,835 --> 01:04:51,468
She started it.
Wasn't a fun decade.
1578
01:04:51,537 --> 01:04:53,270
What is that?
1579
01:04:53,339 --> 01:04:55,106
Oh, that's my album.
1580
01:04:56,175 --> 01:04:57,507
Disco Jew.
1581
01:04:58,745 --> 01:04:59,910
Wow.
1582
01:04:59,979 --> 01:05:01,846
Oh, no, no.
It was a big hit.
1583
01:05:01,914 --> 01:05:03,313
It went zinc.
1584
01:05:04,650 --> 01:05:06,650
It was a, uh, parody
of that movie,
1585
01:05:06,719 --> 01:05:08,585
the Saturday night fever
movie, you know?
1586
01:05:08,654 --> 01:05:10,855
And, uh, we made
up songs, you know?
1587
01:05:10,923 --> 01:05:12,356
♪ Oi, oi, oi ♪
1588
01:05:12,424 --> 01:05:14,691
♪ I'm almost alive,
almost alive ♪
1589
01:05:14,761 --> 01:05:16,460
♪ oi, oi, oi ♪
1590
01:05:16,528 --> 01:05:18,863
♪ I'm almost alive ♪
1591
01:05:18,931 --> 01:05:21,232
I got a night fever,
you know, stuff like that.
1592
01:05:21,300 --> 01:05:22,466
It was a lot of laughs.
1593
01:05:22,534 --> 01:05:23,467
And this?
1594
01:05:23,535 --> 01:05:25,035
Oh, that's my
daughter Susan.
1595
01:05:25,104 --> 01:05:26,503
Yeah, that was taken
in las Vegas
1596
01:05:26,572 --> 01:05:29,974
in 19-ba-ba-ba-boom,
I'll tell you that right now.
1597
01:05:30,042 --> 01:05:32,877
Yeah, I used to bring her up
at the end of the act, right?
1598
01:05:32,945 --> 01:05:35,479
Sit her on a stool,
beautiful pool of light,
1599
01:05:35,547 --> 01:05:37,248
and I'd sing this
song to her...
1600
01:05:37,316 --> 01:05:38,956
♪ You're sugar,
you're spice ♪
1601
01:05:38,985 --> 01:05:40,550
♪ you're everything nice ♪
1602
01:05:40,619 --> 01:05:44,889
♪ 'cause you're
daddy's little girl ♪
1603
01:05:44,957 --> 01:05:46,590
tears streaming.
1604
01:05:46,659 --> 01:05:49,093
Mayhem. The audience
didn't know what hit 'em.
1605
01:05:49,162 --> 01:05:50,828
W-wait. You want
to see somethin'?
1606
01:05:50,897 --> 01:05:52,229
Yeah. Yeah.
1607
01:05:52,865 --> 01:05:54,064
Where...
1608
01:05:55,334 --> 01:05:56,600
Here.
1609
01:05:56,669 --> 01:05:57,669
Here.
1610
01:05:57,703 --> 01:06:00,271
Take a look at this.
Here I am on-stage,
1611
01:06:00,339 --> 01:06:02,072
doin' a number,
and that's what won me
1612
01:06:02,141 --> 01:06:05,009
entertainer of the year,
las Vegas, 1958.
1613
01:06:05,077 --> 01:06:07,077
So you have
2 daughters?
1614
01:06:07,146 --> 01:06:09,713
No. That's a girl that
i hired to be my daughter
1615
01:06:09,782 --> 01:06:12,616
when Susan didn't want
to do the act anymore.
1616
01:06:12,685 --> 01:06:15,119
Yeah. It was a good
bit. Really strong.
1617
01:06:15,188 --> 01:06:16,520
Yeah. Hmm.
1618
01:06:16,588 --> 01:06:18,122
I'm Thinkin' about
puttin' Susan
1619
01:06:18,191 --> 01:06:20,357
back in the act now,
you know, but, um...
1620
01:06:20,426 --> 01:06:21,859
I think it
loses somethin'
1621
01:06:21,928 --> 01:06:23,493
when you sing
to a twice-divorced,
1622
01:06:23,562 --> 01:06:25,296
middle-aged drug addict.
1623
01:06:25,364 --> 01:06:27,932
You know, it's not
quite as moving somehow.
1624
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:29,200
Sit down.
1625
01:06:29,268 --> 01:06:31,969
I have a son who's
a lawyer. Very big.
1626
01:06:32,038 --> 01:06:33,971
Yeah, he lives
anywhere I'm not.
1627
01:06:35,107 --> 01:06:37,507
Anyway, uh...
1628
01:06:37,576 --> 01:06:39,276
So, why are you here?
1629
01:06:39,345 --> 01:06:41,178
I mean, I'm
a very busy man.
1630
01:06:41,247 --> 01:06:43,480
In a half-hour, i
give myself an enema.
1631
01:06:43,549 --> 01:06:44,849
It's festival seating.
1632
01:06:47,153 --> 01:06:49,987
I want to get
you some work.
1633
01:06:50,056 --> 01:06:52,122
Look, I know i
wasn't nice to you
1634
01:06:52,191 --> 01:06:53,690
the other day
at the friar's...
1635
01:06:53,759 --> 01:06:55,659
No, no, no. Phil... Phil...
Phil was wrong
1636
01:06:55,728 --> 01:06:57,968
to do that, um,
and I told him.
1637
01:06:58,097 --> 01:06:59,563
Ok, whatever.
1638
01:07:00,666 --> 01:07:02,299
But I'm through.
1639
01:07:02,368 --> 01:07:04,701
There's nothin'
out there for me.
1640
01:07:05,671 --> 01:07:07,704
You don't know me.
1641
01:07:07,773 --> 01:07:09,606
My clients work.
1642
01:07:11,577 --> 01:07:12,676
Sure.
1643
01:07:18,584 --> 01:07:20,904
But if you're
not interested...
1644
01:07:21,921 --> 01:07:23,120
Thanks.
1645
01:07:30,796 --> 01:07:31,996
Annie, right?
1646
01:07:32,064 --> 01:07:32,930
Yeah.
1647
01:07:32,999 --> 01:07:34,164
Annie.
1648
01:07:36,235 --> 01:07:38,468
Get me in front
of an audience.
1649
01:07:39,138 --> 01:07:40,604
Any audience.
1650
01:07:42,942 --> 01:07:45,042
I'm dyin' here.
1651
01:07:45,111 --> 01:07:46,944
Every night
i go to bed,
1652
01:07:47,013 --> 01:07:48,779
there's a little
less of me.
1653
01:07:51,150 --> 01:07:53,884
I'll get you
an audience.
1654
01:07:53,953 --> 01:07:55,685
So, I come home,
i find my wife
1655
01:07:55,754 --> 01:07:57,521
in bed with my best friend.
1656
01:07:57,589 --> 01:07:59,990
So I said, "Lenny,
i have to. But you?"
1657
01:08:01,727 --> 01:08:04,428
Oh, yeah. Let me ask
you a question, folks.
1658
01:08:04,496 --> 01:08:06,964
How many of you
actually speak English?
1659
01:08:07,033 --> 01:08:08,465
Show of hands here.
1660
01:08:08,534 --> 01:08:11,168
Hands. Hands. It's the thing
at the end of your sleeve.
1661
01:08:11,237 --> 01:08:13,971
Yeah. Oh, good. I'm working
Ellis island here.
1662
01:08:14,040 --> 01:08:16,073
Has he ever done
a warm-up before?
1663
01:08:16,142 --> 01:08:17,808
Um, not per se.
Per what, then?
1664
01:08:17,876 --> 01:08:19,743
He's doing well.
He's getting laughs.
1665
01:08:19,812 --> 01:08:21,245
But he's edgy.
I don't like this.
1666
01:08:21,314 --> 01:08:23,981
Anyway, uh, these 2
Polish dwarfs go into a...
1667
01:08:24,050 --> 01:08:25,615
Yeah, yeah, sure. Ok.
1668
01:08:25,684 --> 01:08:28,618
Uh, we're gonna startthis, uh, ring a bell,
1669
01:08:28,687 --> 01:08:31,255
get a cookie,
talk to a dog,
1670
01:08:31,324 --> 01:08:32,423
win a pile.
1671
01:08:32,491 --> 01:08:34,091
I've had piles.
It's not such a prize.
1672
01:08:34,160 --> 01:08:35,892
I'll tell you that.
1673
01:08:35,962 --> 01:08:37,127
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
1674
01:08:37,196 --> 01:08:38,362
We're gonna bring, uh,
1675
01:08:38,431 --> 01:08:39,997
the host of the
show out now.
1676
01:08:40,066 --> 01:08:42,532
We're going to
bring Fred out, and, uh...
1677
01:08:42,601 --> 01:08:44,734
How are you?
Nice to see you.
1678
01:08:47,840 --> 01:08:50,874
Yeah. Ok. So, what
we're gonna do is this...
1679
01:08:50,943 --> 01:08:52,276
When Fred comes out,
1680
01:08:52,345 --> 01:08:55,879
let's give Fred a big,
big standing ovation, ok?
1681
01:08:55,948 --> 01:08:57,014
See?
Anyway,
1682
01:08:57,083 --> 01:08:58,515
so put your
hands together,
1683
01:08:58,584 --> 01:08:59,916
and on the count of 3,
1684
01:08:59,986 --> 01:09:01,918
let's make him feel at home
and we'll all say,
1685
01:09:01,988 --> 01:09:05,155
"Fred, what's with
your fuckin' hair?"
1686
01:09:08,927 --> 01:09:11,561
What? What did I say?
What did I do?
1687
01:09:11,630 --> 01:09:14,198
Here we go! Stand up!
Stand up, goddamn it!
1688
01:09:14,266 --> 01:09:15,932
Let's do this.
1689
01:09:16,002 --> 01:09:17,468
1... 2... 3...
1690
01:09:17,536 --> 01:09:18,668
Fred!
1691
01:09:18,737 --> 01:09:21,038
What's with your fuc...
1692
01:09:21,107 --> 01:09:23,807
I opened for durante.
I opened for Sinatra.
1693
01:09:23,876 --> 01:09:27,711
I don't open for win-a-bedroom-set
on a farkuckta game show.
1694
01:09:27,779 --> 01:09:29,079
It's a good thing.
1695
01:09:29,148 --> 01:09:31,081
A lot of up-and-coming
comics do warm-ups.
1696
01:09:31,150 --> 01:09:32,582
It's a great way
to start out.
1697
01:09:32,651 --> 01:09:34,318
Darling, I'm not starting out.
I'm finishing up.
1698
01:09:34,387 --> 01:09:35,585
There's a big
difference.
1699
01:09:35,654 --> 01:09:37,087
Nothing on me
is up-and-coming,
1700
01:09:37,156 --> 01:09:38,655
I'll tell you
that right now.
1701
01:09:38,724 --> 01:09:40,324
Get me a real job,
1702
01:09:40,393 --> 01:09:43,927
a real thing where people
are coming to see me.
1703
01:09:43,996 --> 01:09:45,896
Have you ever acted?
1704
01:09:45,964 --> 01:09:46,796
Roll it.
1705
01:09:46,865 --> 01:09:48,265
Speed.
1706
01:09:48,334 --> 01:09:49,699
And action.
1707
01:09:52,505 --> 01:09:53,937
"Having fun, sweetie?"
1708
01:09:54,006 --> 01:09:55,572
"I sure am, because
1709
01:09:55,641 --> 01:09:58,042
"with these new
extra-absorbent 'secures, '
1710
01:09:58,110 --> 01:09:59,876
"i can eat and
drink all I want
1711
01:09:59,945 --> 01:10:01,378
"and not have
to worry about
1712
01:10:01,447 --> 01:10:02,612
"bladder control.
1713
01:10:02,681 --> 01:10:04,181
"For the first
time in years,
1714
01:10:04,250 --> 01:10:05,882
"i can relax and
have a good time.
1715
01:10:05,951 --> 01:10:07,184
"And so can you.
1716
01:10:07,253 --> 01:10:08,618
"To feeling secure."
1717
01:10:10,389 --> 01:10:13,290
Great. All right.
Let's put it on film.
1718
01:10:13,359 --> 01:10:16,493
Uh, hair, makeup, wardrobe,
do what you have to do.
1719
01:10:17,963 --> 01:10:19,563
Buddy, you're great!
1720
01:10:19,631 --> 01:10:21,398
Listen, I'm very
embarrassed about this.
1721
01:10:21,467 --> 01:10:23,300
I... I... people'll think
i have this problem.
1722
01:10:23,369 --> 01:10:24,369
No, they're not.
1723
01:10:24,403 --> 01:10:25,569
They'll think
you're a good actor.
1724
01:10:25,637 --> 01:10:27,677
No, but it's not funny.
I'm not funny.
1725
01:10:27,739 --> 01:10:29,306
Buddy, we talked
about this.
1726
01:10:29,375 --> 01:10:31,408
Now, I need film
to show people.
1727
01:10:31,477 --> 01:10:33,317
Clients are already
talking about using you
1728
01:10:33,379 --> 01:10:34,578
for something else.
1729
01:10:34,646 --> 01:10:36,012
Would you do me
a favor, please?
1730
01:10:36,082 --> 01:10:37,948
Would you look at them
once and smile?
1731
01:10:44,890 --> 01:10:46,223
You're wonderful.
1732
01:10:46,292 --> 01:10:47,157
I'm not funny.
1733
01:10:47,226 --> 01:10:48,358
You're
very charming.
1734
01:10:48,427 --> 01:10:49,593
This is picture, people.
1735
01:10:49,661 --> 01:10:50,894
Quiet, please.
1736
01:10:50,963 --> 01:10:52,196
Ready.
1737
01:10:52,264 --> 01:10:53,430
Everybody settle.
1738
01:10:53,499 --> 01:10:54,764
Speed.
1739
01:10:54,833 --> 01:10:55,966
Rolling.
1740
01:10:56,034 --> 01:10:57,234
101, take one.
1741
01:10:57,303 --> 01:10:58,702
Background action.
1742
01:10:58,770 --> 01:11:00,971
All right, now, buddy,
make me love this.
1743
01:11:01,039 --> 01:11:02,506
And... action.
1744
01:11:03,875 --> 01:11:05,309
"Having fun, sweetie?"
1745
01:11:05,377 --> 01:11:08,011
"I sure am, because i
just dropped 2 crab cakes
1746
01:11:08,080 --> 01:11:10,247
"into my shorts
and nobody knows."
1747
01:11:10,316 --> 01:11:11,582
Cut it!
1748
01:11:11,650 --> 01:11:12,682
See what I did?
1749
01:11:12,751 --> 01:11:13,883
Listen to me.
1750
01:11:13,952 --> 01:11:15,419
Will you just
listen to me?
1751
01:11:15,488 --> 01:11:17,921
I'm angry at you. Don't eat
while I'm angry at you.
1752
01:11:17,990 --> 01:11:19,523
I worked very hard
to get you that job.
1753
01:11:19,592 --> 01:11:21,258
What did you
do that for?
1754
01:11:21,327 --> 01:11:22,726
Look...
1755
01:11:22,794 --> 01:11:24,161
It's a comic's job
1756
01:11:24,230 --> 01:11:26,296
that if he sees bullshit,
he says "bullshit."
1757
01:11:26,365 --> 01:11:27,697
Buddy, that's
not an answer.
1758
01:11:27,766 --> 01:11:28,932
You don't understand...
1759
01:11:29,001 --> 01:11:30,167
Buddy.
1760
01:11:31,970 --> 01:11:33,970
Stan.
1761
01:11:34,039 --> 01:11:35,272
What are you doin' here?
1762
01:11:35,341 --> 01:11:36,973
I... I... I thought
you were in Florida.
1763
01:11:37,042 --> 01:11:39,075
I've been tryin' to find
you. Where you been?
1764
01:11:39,145 --> 01:11:40,277
I was... I was workin'. I...
1765
01:11:40,346 --> 01:11:41,778
Annie, this is my
brother Stan.
1766
01:11:41,847 --> 01:11:42,946
Buddy...
1767
01:11:44,250 --> 01:11:45,516
Mom died.
1768
01:11:55,628 --> 01:11:58,828
♪
1769
01:12:16,982 --> 01:12:18,415
At this time,
1770
01:12:18,484 --> 01:12:19,783
if anyone would care
1771
01:12:19,851 --> 01:12:21,518
to say a few words
1772
01:12:21,587 --> 01:12:23,320
about rose yankelman,
1773
01:12:23,389 --> 01:12:24,954
you'd be welcome.
1774
01:12:28,594 --> 01:12:30,561
Stan, say something.
1775
01:12:30,629 --> 01:12:32,128
You do it.
1776
01:12:32,198 --> 01:12:33,497
Yeah?
1777
01:12:33,566 --> 01:12:34,665
Yeah.
1778
01:12:50,583 --> 01:12:51,682
Ahem.
1779
01:12:53,118 --> 01:12:55,151
What can you say
1780
01:12:55,221 --> 01:12:57,454
about someone
who gave you life?
1781
01:13:00,792 --> 01:13:03,126
You know,
when my brother Stan...
1782
01:13:05,497 --> 01:13:08,599
First told me that our
mother had passed away...
1783
01:13:11,103 --> 01:13:14,070
My first thought was...
1784
01:13:14,139 --> 01:13:16,106
Did you get her recipe
for kugel?
1785
01:13:21,280 --> 01:13:23,747
The woman lived
in the kitchen.
1786
01:13:23,815 --> 01:13:26,717
Seriously. She had a bed
put in there and everything.
1787
01:13:27,953 --> 01:13:29,253
Until I was 15,
1788
01:13:29,321 --> 01:13:32,021
I thought my name
was "taste this."
1789
01:13:36,094 --> 01:13:37,294
I'd blow my nose,
1790
01:13:37,363 --> 01:13:38,828
and gravy would come out.
1791
01:13:43,168 --> 01:13:44,268
Yeah.
1792
01:13:45,504 --> 01:13:47,537
She was everything for us.
1793
01:13:48,840 --> 01:13:51,642
She cooked for us.
She cleaned for us.
1794
01:13:51,710 --> 01:13:53,277
She had sex
with our father.
1795
01:13:53,345 --> 01:13:55,579
I'm sure that
was no picnic.
1796
01:13:59,618 --> 01:14:02,419
Remember the arms on her?
1797
01:14:02,488 --> 01:14:05,689
She had these
gigantic arms that...
1798
01:14:05,758 --> 01:14:08,592
Th-they weighed more than me
and you, Stan. They did.
1799
01:14:08,661 --> 01:14:11,461
They were... they were like
flesh curtains, these arms.
1800
01:14:14,267 --> 01:14:16,199
She looked like
a Jewish Batman.
1801
01:14:16,269 --> 01:14:18,702
You know, just
this big... cape.
1802
01:14:18,771 --> 01:14:20,203
When she waved good-bye,
1803
01:14:20,273 --> 01:14:22,773
it sounded like
5 people applauding.
1804
01:14:24,277 --> 01:14:25,542
When we were kids,
1805
01:14:25,611 --> 01:14:27,411
we could sneak
into the movie theater
1806
01:14:27,480 --> 01:14:28,912
hiding behind those arms.
1807
01:14:28,981 --> 01:14:30,821
The loews pitkin
in Brooklyn.
1808
01:14:31,384 --> 01:14:33,183
Am I right, Stan?
1809
01:14:33,252 --> 01:14:34,518
Remember?
1810
01:14:37,456 --> 01:14:40,357
But when she held you
in those arms...
1811
01:14:43,696 --> 01:14:47,030
It was the safest place
in the world to be.
1812
01:14:59,978 --> 01:15:02,413
I loved makin' her laugh...
1813
01:15:04,650 --> 01:15:06,750
Because she had
this laugh...
1814
01:15:08,587 --> 01:15:11,588
Big... big beauty...
1815
01:15:11,657 --> 01:15:14,257
Laugh, you know?
1816
01:15:14,327 --> 01:15:17,260
It would hit you like
a wave at coney island.
1817
01:15:24,203 --> 01:15:26,837
I've done a lot of
things in my life...
1818
01:15:27,406 --> 01:15:28,772
That, uh...
1819
01:15:38,250 --> 01:15:39,650
But I...
1820
01:15:40,486 --> 01:15:41,785
Know...
1821
01:15:41,854 --> 01:15:43,987
That I made
my mother laugh.
1822
01:15:49,294 --> 01:15:50,361
Hmm?
1823
01:15:56,068 --> 01:15:57,534
She was 91...
1824
01:16:00,005 --> 01:16:01,872
And she went
too soon.
1825
01:16:35,574 --> 01:16:37,240
You know what just
occurred to me?
1826
01:16:37,309 --> 01:16:38,509
What?
1827
01:16:38,577 --> 01:16:40,076
We're orphans.
1828
01:16:42,815 --> 01:16:45,416
What's gonna
become of us, Stan?
1829
01:16:45,484 --> 01:16:47,384
What if they take us
to the orphanage
1830
01:16:47,453 --> 01:16:49,887
and the big kids
try to beat me up?
1831
01:16:51,557 --> 01:16:53,524
You know,
you look good...
1832
01:16:53,592 --> 01:16:55,392
For you.
1833
01:16:55,461 --> 01:16:56,794
Oh, yeah.
I... I feel ok.
1834
01:16:56,862 --> 01:16:58,261
Yeah?
Yeah. Not bad.
1835
01:16:58,330 --> 01:16:59,362
Florida's good?
1836
01:16:59,432 --> 01:17:00,497
Yeah.
1837
01:17:00,566 --> 01:17:01,665
Weather?
1838
01:17:01,734 --> 01:17:03,199
Occasionally.
1839
01:17:12,912 --> 01:17:14,344
When you
goin' back?
1840
01:17:14,413 --> 01:17:16,246
Tomorrow.
Oh.
1841
01:17:16,315 --> 01:17:18,816
You know, I just... I had
to settle mom's estate.
1842
01:17:18,884 --> 01:17:20,584
What estate? You take
the housecoat,
1843
01:17:20,653 --> 01:17:23,086
I'll take the slippers.
We're done.
1844
01:17:23,155 --> 01:17:25,255
No. She had
a little.
1845
01:17:25,324 --> 01:17:27,691
I set her up with some
things, some accounts.
1846
01:17:27,760 --> 01:17:29,292
Yeah?
1847
01:17:29,361 --> 01:17:31,241
There's a
check here.
1848
01:17:32,197 --> 01:17:34,317
I want you
to have it.
1849
01:17:35,434 --> 01:17:37,400
It's $13,000.
1850
01:17:37,470 --> 01:17:38,769
Oh, no, Stan.
This is too much.
1851
01:17:38,838 --> 01:17:40,070
We should
split this.
1852
01:17:40,138 --> 01:17:42,339
No, buddy. Really,
i want you to have it.
1853
01:17:42,407 --> 01:17:43,907
There's a lot of
dough here. Stan...
1854
01:17:43,976 --> 01:17:47,010
Listen, buddy, the thing
with the cruise...
1855
01:17:47,079 --> 01:17:49,112
I felt bad.
1856
01:17:49,181 --> 01:17:51,014
I left you
without a winter.
1857
01:17:51,083 --> 01:17:53,643
So please take it, and
then I won't feel bad.
1858
01:17:55,153 --> 01:17:56,386
But you could use this.
1859
01:17:56,455 --> 01:17:58,021
No. I'm fine.
Over the years,
1860
01:17:58,090 --> 01:17:59,790
I stole thousands
from you.
1861
01:18:07,099 --> 01:18:08,732
You see what I did?
1862
01:18:10,035 --> 01:18:11,434
Yeah, I saw.
1863
01:18:14,807 --> 01:18:16,006
Thanks.
1864
01:18:29,287 --> 01:18:31,021
Stan, you know, I've been
watchin' that old t.V. Show,
1865
01:18:31,089 --> 01:18:32,322
the Patty Duke show.
1866
01:18:32,391 --> 01:18:33,524
What, that girl?
1867
01:18:33,592 --> 01:18:35,826
No, Patty Duke. I been
watchin' it from Atlanta.
1868
01:18:35,895 --> 01:18:37,260
What were you
doin' in Atlanta?
1869
01:18:37,329 --> 01:18:38,795
I wasn't in...
Patty Duke.
1870
01:18:38,864 --> 01:18:40,063
Oh, yeah.
1871
01:18:40,132 --> 01:18:41,398
Yeah, it's
confusin' me...
1872
01:18:41,466 --> 01:18:42,799
Identical cousins?
1873
01:18:42,868 --> 01:18:44,200
How the hell
is this possible?
1874
01:18:44,269 --> 01:18:46,703
Weren't the Germans workin' on
something like that?
1875
01:18:46,772 --> 01:18:48,705
But I tell you, this
Patty Duke's sexy.
1876
01:18:48,774 --> 01:18:50,206
Patty Duke is sexy?
1877
01:18:50,275 --> 01:18:51,708
Yeah. Remember
the theme song?
1878
01:18:51,777 --> 01:18:53,209
"Patty likes
to rock 'n' roll,
1879
01:18:53,278 --> 01:18:55,546
"a hot dog makes
her lose control."
1880
01:18:55,614 --> 01:18:57,014
There's a
date I want.
1881
01:18:57,082 --> 01:18:58,682
Bartender, I'll have
a vodka and tonic
1882
01:18:58,751 --> 01:19:00,517
and a Hebrew national
for the young lady,
1883
01:19:00,586 --> 01:19:02,085
and keep them comin'.
1884
01:19:03,055 --> 01:19:04,421
So, this is what
you do all day?
1885
01:19:04,489 --> 01:19:05,756
You watch
television?
1886
01:19:05,824 --> 01:19:07,357
Yeah. What do you
do down there
1887
01:19:07,426 --> 01:19:08,825
besides
retaining water?
1888
01:19:08,894 --> 01:19:11,528
What's a day in
the life of Stan?
1889
01:19:11,597 --> 01:19:12,796
What? I... I get up...
1890
01:19:12,865 --> 01:19:13,897
Good idea.
1891
01:19:13,966 --> 01:19:15,231
I have something.
1892
01:19:15,300 --> 01:19:16,833
A cup of coffee
with 9 sugars,
1893
01:19:16,902 --> 01:19:20,003
and you do the cha-cha
for 5 hours. And then?
1894
01:19:20,072 --> 01:19:21,438
I go to the club.
1895
01:19:21,506 --> 01:19:22,940
I play golf
with some friends.
1896
01:19:23,008 --> 01:19:24,307
You have friends?
1897
01:19:24,376 --> 01:19:26,643
Yeah, I have friends.
You know, they come with the condo.
1898
01:19:26,712 --> 01:19:27,945
You get cable
or friends.
1899
01:19:28,013 --> 01:19:29,013
I took the friends.
1900
01:19:29,081 --> 01:19:30,280
Over cable?
1901
01:19:30,348 --> 01:19:32,816
In the afternoon,
i paint.
1902
01:19:33,886 --> 01:19:35,351
The light is good.
1903
01:19:35,420 --> 01:19:37,187
It's... it's just right.
1904
01:19:37,255 --> 01:19:39,295
And I sit
by myself,
1905
01:19:39,324 --> 01:19:41,124
and I, uh, take the
phone off the hook...
1906
01:19:41,193 --> 01:19:42,492
Who's gonna call?
1907
01:19:42,561 --> 01:19:44,995
That's it. What's the
sense in talking to you?
1908
01:19:45,064 --> 01:19:46,496
Ok. All right.
I'm just playin'.
1909
01:19:46,565 --> 01:19:47,998
I'm just playin'
around, Stan.
1910
01:19:48,067 --> 01:19:50,627
What do you
do at night?
1911
01:19:51,637 --> 01:19:54,504
Sometimes I baby-sit
my grandchildren,
1912
01:19:54,573 --> 01:19:55,839
and, um...
1913
01:19:56,976 --> 01:19:59,042
Also, I'm
seeing a woman.
1914
01:19:59,111 --> 01:20:00,911
What, like,
through a window?
1915
01:20:00,980 --> 01:20:02,312
You're like...
1916
01:20:02,380 --> 01:20:04,114
Boris Becker here.
1917
01:20:04,182 --> 01:20:05,348
I'm... I'm
hitting lobs,
1918
01:20:05,417 --> 01:20:06,937
and you're smashing
them back at me.
1919
01:20:06,986 --> 01:20:08,418
No, really? You're
seeing a woman?
1920
01:20:08,487 --> 01:20:09,920
Yeah.
What, like on dates?
1921
01:20:09,989 --> 01:20:12,422
Yes. We go to the theater,
we go to dinner.
1922
01:20:12,491 --> 01:20:16,192
Has she seen those
steamed clams you call balls?
1923
01:20:16,261 --> 01:20:17,560
Buddy, you're a child.
1924
01:20:17,630 --> 01:20:18,929
You're a big,
wrinkled child.
1925
01:20:18,998 --> 01:20:20,363
What is the
matter with you?
1926
01:20:20,432 --> 01:20:21,932
It's not a matter.
I'm just playin'.
1927
01:20:22,001 --> 01:20:23,500
I'm worried about you,
Stan. For god sakes,
1928
01:20:23,568 --> 01:20:24,601
there's all of these
1929
01:20:24,670 --> 01:20:26,402
sexually transmitted
diseases out there.
1930
01:20:26,471 --> 01:20:28,111
Most of which
you started.
1931
01:20:29,407 --> 01:20:31,207
Double off the
wall. Come on.
1932
01:20:31,276 --> 01:20:33,716
We'll sit down
on your laugh here.
1933
01:20:40,052 --> 01:20:43,654
You know, I... I talked
to this, uh, Annie person.
1934
01:20:43,722 --> 01:20:45,588
You know,
she likes you.
1935
01:20:45,658 --> 01:20:46,923
She'll...
1936
01:20:48,927 --> 01:20:51,028
I'm dead.
1937
01:20:51,096 --> 01:20:53,030
I got cancer
of the career.
1938
01:20:53,098 --> 01:20:54,698
It's inoperable.
1939
01:20:55,600 --> 01:20:56,733
But it's
good timing.
1940
01:20:56,802 --> 01:20:58,835
I'm out of 8 x 10s.
1941
01:20:58,904 --> 01:21:01,038
Look, buddy...
1942
01:21:01,106 --> 01:21:03,406
If it's over,
you know,
1943
01:21:03,475 --> 01:21:05,008
let it be over.
1944
01:21:05,944 --> 01:21:08,444
Enjoy what you
had, and just...
1945
01:21:08,513 --> 01:21:11,014
I never got
the act perfect.
1946
01:21:11,083 --> 01:21:13,449
You know? I never
got it just right.
1947
01:21:13,518 --> 01:21:15,952
Oh, buddy,
don't start.
1948
01:21:16,021 --> 01:21:18,155
Why couldn't it have
happened, you know?
1949
01:21:18,223 --> 01:21:20,543
I wanted it
so bad.
1950
01:21:20,993 --> 01:21:22,092
To be the guy who,
1951
01:21:22,161 --> 01:21:24,327
when he walked
into the friar's,
1952
01:21:24,396 --> 01:21:26,697
everybody
turns around,
1953
01:21:26,765 --> 01:21:28,765
and they say...
1954
01:21:28,834 --> 01:21:31,101
"Why him, that
lucky bastard?
1955
01:21:31,170 --> 01:21:33,610
"I'm funnier
than him."
1956
01:21:34,206 --> 01:21:36,206
I wanted to
be that guy.
1957
01:21:36,274 --> 01:21:37,554
You know?
1958
01:21:39,578 --> 01:21:40,944
I still do.
1959
01:21:54,492 --> 01:21:55,926
There you are!
1960
01:21:57,629 --> 01:21:59,062
C-come on!
1961
01:21:59,131 --> 01:22:00,864
Don't forget to
marinate it first.
1962
01:22:00,933 --> 01:22:03,453
Would you get
out of the cab?
1963
01:22:04,002 --> 01:22:06,336
Oh, boy.
1964
01:22:06,404 --> 01:22:08,538
Look... look at you. Look
at what you look like.
1965
01:22:08,607 --> 01:22:09,672
I took a nap.
It got late.
1966
01:22:09,742 --> 01:22:11,507
Didn't my assistant tell
you this was important?
1967
01:22:11,576 --> 01:22:12,709
Hey, what are
you doin'?
1968
01:22:12,778 --> 01:22:14,211
I could get excited.
I could get an erection.
1969
01:22:14,279 --> 01:22:15,411
It could kill
me. Stop!
1970
01:22:15,480 --> 01:22:16,613
We're meeting
Larry meyerson.
1971
01:22:16,681 --> 01:22:18,148
Who's that?
1972
01:22:18,217 --> 01:22:19,482
Who is that?
1973
01:22:19,551 --> 01:22:21,684
The hottest director
in Hollywood!
1974
01:22:21,754 --> 01:22:23,453
Listen, I'm having dinner
with him last night,
1975
01:22:23,521 --> 01:22:24,621
and I mention
your name,
1976
01:22:24,689 --> 01:22:26,589
and he goes insane.
It turns out
1977
01:22:26,658 --> 01:22:29,138
he's the buddy young
fanatic of the universe.
1978
01:22:29,194 --> 01:22:30,593
He knows all
of your routines.
1979
01:22:30,662 --> 01:22:31,828
He worships you.
So?
1980
01:22:31,897 --> 01:22:33,630
So, he's casting
a picture.
1981
01:22:33,698 --> 01:22:34,998
There's a big part.
1982
01:22:35,067 --> 01:22:36,867
The character
is named buddy.
1983
01:22:36,935 --> 01:22:38,268
He wrote it
to be you,
1984
01:22:38,336 --> 01:22:39,469
but he thought
you were dead.
1985
01:22:39,537 --> 01:22:40,904
You mean I'm not?
1986
01:22:40,973 --> 01:22:42,172
Shut up!
1987
01:22:42,241 --> 01:22:44,007
Listen, big actors...
1988
01:22:44,076 --> 01:22:46,009
Their tongues are hanging
out to play this part,
1989
01:22:46,078 --> 01:22:47,078
and he wants you.
1990
01:22:47,112 --> 01:22:48,645
Do you realize what
this could mean?
1991
01:22:48,713 --> 01:22:49,946
I left my hair home.
1992
01:22:50,015 --> 01:22:51,375
Listen, i
gotta go home.
1993
01:22:51,416 --> 01:22:53,349
Underneath my hat is
bacon strips. It's a horror.
1994
01:22:53,418 --> 01:22:54,851
No, buddy!
Come on!
1995
01:22:54,920 --> 01:22:56,787
No. There's a way that
i like to meet people.
1996
01:22:56,855 --> 01:22:58,288
Buddy! He's
waiting in here.
1997
01:22:58,356 --> 01:22:59,790
No, I can't go in.
1998
01:22:59,858 --> 01:23:01,291
You look fine.
Come on.
1999
01:23:01,359 --> 01:23:03,994
Look at us. We're
the barelli brothers here.
2000
01:23:05,764 --> 01:23:07,130
Oh, my god.
2001
01:23:08,700 --> 01:23:11,567
Oh, my god.
I don't believe it.
2002
01:23:11,636 --> 01:23:13,937
How do you do?
How do you do?
2003
01:23:14,006 --> 01:23:15,371
I'm Larry meyerson.
2004
01:23:15,440 --> 01:23:17,174
I love your work.
2005
01:23:17,242 --> 01:23:19,682
I'm buddy young, Jr.,
and you have no taste.
2006
01:23:19,744 --> 01:23:21,577
Thank you.
2007
01:23:21,646 --> 01:23:23,246
No, no, I'm just
jokin'. Seriously,
2008
01:23:23,315 --> 01:23:25,381
I want to tell you,
I'm a very, very big fan.
2009
01:23:25,450 --> 01:23:26,917
I have seen
all of the movies.
2010
01:23:26,985 --> 01:23:28,785
They're fun for
the entire family,
2011
01:23:28,854 --> 01:23:30,253
and, uh, do
we order out,
2012
01:23:30,322 --> 01:23:31,754
or do we get
to sit down here?
2013
01:23:31,824 --> 01:23:33,924
Oh, I'm sorry. Sit.
Sit, please.
2014
01:23:35,994 --> 01:23:39,229
I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm... I'm... I'm actin' like a... a fool here...
2015
01:23:39,298 --> 01:23:40,430
This is so
weird for me.
2016
01:23:40,498 --> 01:23:41,658
What?
2017
01:23:41,700 --> 01:23:43,433
Well, I'll tell
you what. 1956, ok?
2018
01:23:43,501 --> 01:23:45,101
I'm 8 years old.
2019
01:23:45,170 --> 01:23:47,204
I'm in... I'm in grossinger's
with my family, we're having dinner,
2020
01:23:47,272 --> 01:23:48,939
and the door flies open.
2021
01:23:49,007 --> 01:23:50,740
Who walks in?
2022
01:23:50,809 --> 01:23:52,142
Buddy young, Jr.,
walks in.
2023
01:23:52,211 --> 01:23:53,576
Everybody in the entire
dining room...
2024
01:23:53,645 --> 01:23:54,777
I don't remember
how big it was...
2025
01:23:54,847 --> 01:23:56,279
Everybody
stopped eating.
2026
01:23:56,348 --> 01:23:57,714
Now I know
you're lying.
2027
01:23:57,782 --> 01:23:59,582
They never stopped
eating at grossinger's.
2028
01:23:59,651 --> 01:24:00,884
No, it's true.
2029
01:24:00,953 --> 01:24:02,618
Never. They didn't
even have tables there.
2030
01:24:02,687 --> 01:24:04,020
They had troughs.
2031
01:24:04,089 --> 01:24:05,688
People just...
On their knees, going...
2032
01:24:10,295 --> 01:24:11,728
Miles of
pickled herring,
2033
01:24:11,796 --> 01:24:13,263
which is not
attractive in a mouth
2034
01:24:13,332 --> 01:24:14,612
when they're talkin'...
2035
01:24:14,666 --> 01:24:17,234
"Harry, have the waiter
get me more onions.
2036
01:24:17,302 --> 01:24:18,969
"I want to
smell worse.
2037
01:24:19,037 --> 01:24:20,871
"I don't smell bad enough
with my breath."
2038
01:24:20,939 --> 01:24:22,705
You know, it was
an amazing place.
2039
01:24:22,774 --> 01:24:26,076
Ok, this time... this time,
they stopped eating, and they applauded.
2040
01:24:26,144 --> 01:24:28,245
You glided
into the room.
2041
01:24:28,313 --> 01:24:31,381
We... it was like... It was like
a king came into the room.
2042
01:24:31,449 --> 01:24:34,684
It was the greatest entrance
i have ever seen in my life.
2043
01:24:34,753 --> 01:24:36,586
I... you...
I ran up to you.
2044
01:24:36,654 --> 01:24:38,521
I'm... I'm 8 years old
now, remember, ok?
2045
01:24:38,590 --> 01:24:39,923
I ran up to you
and I told you
2046
01:24:39,992 --> 01:24:41,724
I wanted to be a
comedian when I grew up.
2047
01:24:41,793 --> 01:24:43,126
Really? And
wh-what did I say?
2048
01:24:43,195 --> 01:24:44,394
I'll tell you
exactly what you said.
2049
01:24:44,462 --> 01:24:46,229
You turned to the person
you were standing with,
2050
01:24:46,298 --> 01:24:47,864
you pointed at me,
and you said,
2051
01:24:47,933 --> 01:24:50,466
"look what just
fell out of my nose."
2052
01:24:53,272 --> 01:24:54,905
And that was
funny to you?
2053
01:24:54,973 --> 01:24:57,374
Yeah. I... I was
8 years old.
2054
01:24:57,442 --> 01:24:59,642
Now I'm nervous about
bein' in this movie.
2055
01:24:59,711 --> 01:25:01,144
Larry, is this
funny to you?
2056
01:25:01,213 --> 01:25:02,645
Look.
I'm Karl Malden.
2057
01:25:02,714 --> 01:25:04,474
"Never carry cash.
Whatever."
2058
01:25:05,583 --> 01:25:06,583
How about this?
2059
01:25:06,618 --> 01:25:07,784
The girlie
from star wars
2060
01:25:07,852 --> 01:25:09,119
with the bialys
on her head.
2061
01:25:09,187 --> 01:25:11,821
"Luke. I need
you, Luke.
2062
01:25:11,890 --> 01:25:13,456
"Give me the force."
2063
01:25:13,525 --> 01:25:15,458
Look.
I'm a hasidic Baker.
2064
01:25:15,527 --> 01:25:18,128
"I'll have it Thursday for you.
I'll have it Thursday for you.
2065
01:25:18,196 --> 01:25:19,462
"I'll have it
Thursday.
2066
01:25:19,531 --> 01:25:21,064
"I don't got
no pumpernickel.
2067
01:25:21,133 --> 01:25:22,698
"We're closed,
you little bastards."
2068
01:25:22,767 --> 01:25:24,034
You can do this bit.
You can do
2069
01:25:24,102 --> 01:25:25,902
that interviewing the
basketball players
2070
01:25:25,971 --> 01:25:27,011
after the game,
2071
01:25:27,039 --> 01:25:28,538
you know, in
the locker room.
2072
01:25:28,606 --> 01:25:30,540
You go, "hey, you
played a great game.
2073
01:25:30,608 --> 01:25:33,043
"Really, not only that, you're a very
impressive young man.
2074
01:25:33,111 --> 01:25:35,412
"I swear, I've never
seen a poppy-seeded one.
2075
01:25:35,480 --> 01:25:37,780
"Look at you.
You're a credit to men.
2076
01:25:37,849 --> 01:25:39,849
"Wait, wait. Look. Here.
2077
01:25:39,918 --> 01:25:41,184
"Now, you're Jewish."
2078
01:25:41,253 --> 01:25:42,919
There you go.
Look, I'm literally...
2079
01:25:42,988 --> 01:25:44,421
I'm literally
on a roll.
2080
01:25:44,489 --> 01:25:45,688
See, now, look.
2081
01:25:45,757 --> 01:25:47,424
Now I'm on a roll.
2082
01:25:47,492 --> 01:25:48,624
Now I'm
uncomfortable.
2083
01:25:48,693 --> 01:25:51,361
Whatever.
What a time.
2084
01:25:51,430 --> 01:25:54,530
So, Larry, I was telling
buddy about this part.
2085
01:25:54,599 --> 01:25:55,966
Oh, the movie, right.
2086
01:25:56,034 --> 01:25:58,969
Sorry. I got so excited,
I'm acting like a fan.
2087
01:25:59,037 --> 01:26:00,470
I am a fan.
2088
01:26:00,538 --> 01:26:01,978
Anyway, look.
Here's the, uh, script.
2089
01:26:02,040 --> 01:26:04,740
I want you to take
it home with you, ok?
2090
01:26:04,809 --> 01:26:05,842
Ok.
2091
01:26:09,547 --> 01:26:11,181
See what
i did there? Huh?
2092
01:26:11,249 --> 01:26:12,715
That's called
a lead-away.
2093
01:26:12,784 --> 01:26:14,584
You do the punch, then
lead the audience away.
2094
01:26:14,652 --> 01:26:16,686
The greatest lead-away man
in the history of ever
2095
01:26:16,754 --> 01:26:17,820
was fat Jack e. Leonard.
2096
01:26:17,889 --> 01:26:19,222
You don't even
remember fat Jack.
2097
01:26:19,291 --> 01:26:20,790
Jack e. Leonard.
No, I don't think...
2098
01:26:20,859 --> 01:26:22,192
Unless he's the same
Jack e. Leonard
2099
01:26:22,260 --> 01:26:23,493
from the Jackpaar show?
2100
01:26:23,561 --> 01:26:24,961
"Was the ground
cold when
2101
01:26:25,030 --> 01:26:27,430
"you got up this morning? I certainly hope it was."
Big fat guy?
2102
01:26:27,499 --> 01:26:29,299
How about
Harry ritz, huh?
2103
01:26:29,368 --> 01:26:30,766
"Don't holler!"
2104
01:26:36,141 --> 01:26:37,840
So, um,
in the script,
2105
01:26:37,909 --> 01:26:40,943
it's... it's clear which
part is for buddy?
2106
01:26:41,013 --> 01:26:42,112
Yeah. Buddy.
2107
01:26:42,180 --> 01:26:44,780
Actually, the character
is called "buddy."
2108
01:26:44,849 --> 01:26:47,217
You know, we were thinking
about buddy when we wrote it.
2109
01:26:47,285 --> 01:26:48,818
I... until I bumped
into Annie, uh,
2110
01:26:48,887 --> 01:26:51,554
I... I didn't know you were,
you know, still around, and, uh...
2111
01:26:51,623 --> 01:26:52,788
It's the grandfather.
2112
01:26:52,857 --> 01:26:54,457
It's the largest part.
It's a big part.
2113
01:26:54,526 --> 01:26:55,858
It's a very big
part in the film.
2114
01:26:55,927 --> 01:26:58,061
Buddy, I have a really
good feeling about you
2115
01:26:58,130 --> 01:26:59,562
for the part.
I really do.
2116
01:26:59,631 --> 01:27:01,031
I just have to...
I have to know
2117
01:27:01,099 --> 01:27:02,565
that you can read
lines. That's all.
2118
01:27:02,634 --> 01:27:04,134
Look, I'm not looking
for Olivier.
2119
01:27:04,202 --> 01:27:05,535
Good,
'cause he's dead.
2120
01:27:05,603 --> 01:27:07,403
You'd never
find him.
2121
01:27:08,973 --> 01:27:11,607
Buddy, I... I... I really
want this to happen.
2122
01:27:18,216 --> 01:27:20,016
I really have to get
to the airport.
2123
01:27:20,085 --> 01:27:22,185
I guess I'm just gonna
have to miss him.
2124
01:27:22,254 --> 01:27:24,120
Oh, that's a shame.
Yeah.
2125
01:27:24,189 --> 01:27:26,589
Well, it was really good
to see you again, Stan.
2126
01:27:26,658 --> 01:27:28,324
It was great
seein' everybody.
2127
01:27:28,393 --> 01:27:30,093
I'm sorry
i missed Jeffrey,
2128
01:27:30,162 --> 01:27:31,928
but Susan
looked great.
2129
01:27:31,996 --> 01:27:33,796
Really. Is she, uh...
2130
01:27:36,435 --> 01:27:37,833
It'll be ok.
2131
01:27:39,003 --> 01:27:40,103
Yeah.
2132
01:27:41,306 --> 01:27:43,239
We really
miss you, Stan.
2133
01:27:43,308 --> 01:27:45,175
So come on down.
2134
01:27:45,243 --> 01:27:46,943
Put buddy in one of
those dog carriers,
2135
01:27:47,011 --> 01:27:48,511
and get on a plane.
2136
01:27:48,580 --> 01:27:50,246
We will.
2137
01:27:50,315 --> 01:27:51,875
Ok.
Ok.
2138
01:27:58,356 --> 01:28:00,423
Do you think
i let him down?
2139
01:28:01,626 --> 01:28:03,460
Of course not.
2140
01:28:03,528 --> 01:28:07,297
No, Stan. You worked
like a horse for him.
2141
01:28:07,365 --> 01:28:08,898
He's just
mad at you
2142
01:28:08,967 --> 01:28:11,234
because you
have a life.
2143
01:28:11,303 --> 01:28:12,469
I have a life?
2144
01:28:12,537 --> 01:28:13,636
Yes, you.
2145
01:28:13,705 --> 01:28:15,472
He has you.
2146
01:28:15,540 --> 01:28:17,240
That's a life.
2147
01:28:17,309 --> 01:28:19,209
I would take
that life.
2148
01:28:24,882 --> 01:28:26,616
I knew a
long time ago
2149
01:28:26,684 --> 01:28:29,119
that he needed
more than me.
2150
01:28:29,187 --> 01:28:30,853
He needs the show.
2151
01:28:32,124 --> 01:28:33,656
No matter how much
i love him,
2152
01:28:33,725 --> 01:28:35,391
and I do,
2153
01:28:35,460 --> 01:28:38,461
he needs that
extra little hug
2154
01:28:38,530 --> 01:28:41,030
that he can only
get from strangers.
2155
01:28:44,536 --> 01:28:45,735
Well...
2156
01:28:47,139 --> 01:28:48,338
Go. Go.
2157
01:28:51,009 --> 01:28:52,074
Mmm.
2158
01:28:55,046 --> 01:28:56,179
Thank god
you're still here.
2159
01:28:56,248 --> 01:28:57,280
Why?
What's wrong?
2160
01:28:57,349 --> 01:28:58,648
Mom died again.
2161
01:28:58,716 --> 01:29:00,583
For god sakes, buddy,
i... I got a cab waiting.
2162
01:29:00,652 --> 01:29:02,652
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Elaine, make some tea.
2163
01:29:02,720 --> 01:29:04,154
Buddy,
he's gotta go.
2164
01:29:04,222 --> 01:29:05,655
I know.
Make some tea.
2165
01:29:05,723 --> 01:29:07,657
Buddy, I got a cab
waiting here.
2166
01:29:07,725 --> 01:29:09,659
I'm suffering
from acute late.
2167
01:29:09,727 --> 01:29:11,661
What is it?
I got to get goin'.
2168
01:29:11,729 --> 01:29:13,729
Yeah, yeah. This will
only take a second.
2169
01:29:13,798 --> 01:29:17,433
I just had a meeting
with Larry meyerson.
2170
01:29:17,502 --> 01:29:18,768
What, the director?
2171
01:29:18,836 --> 01:29:21,571
No, the gorilla breeder.
Yeah, the director, schmuck.
2172
01:29:21,640 --> 01:29:24,440
He's the biggest
director in Hollywood.
2173
01:29:24,509 --> 01:29:25,841
Come here.
2174
01:29:29,747 --> 01:29:32,382
He wants me
to audition
2175
01:29:32,450 --> 01:29:34,784
for a big part
in his new movie.
2176
01:29:34,852 --> 01:29:37,019
Buddy, that's...
That's fabulous.
2177
01:29:37,088 --> 01:29:38,368
That... that is wonderful.
2178
01:29:38,423 --> 01:29:41,357
Yeah, but I'm lookin'
it over in the cab, right?
2179
01:29:41,426 --> 01:29:43,092
And...
2180
01:29:43,161 --> 01:29:45,828
It's got a lot of words
and a lot of emotions,
2181
01:29:45,897 --> 01:29:47,997
you know? And i
have to audition.
2182
01:29:48,066 --> 01:29:49,865
So you talk to Annie.
2183
01:29:49,934 --> 01:29:52,435
You tell her to get you
a coach or somethin'.
2184
01:29:52,504 --> 01:29:54,824
Buddy, you'll...
You'll be great.
2185
01:29:55,574 --> 01:29:58,208
Listen, i-I'm sorry,
but I'm so late.
2186
01:29:58,276 --> 01:29:59,709
I gotta...
I gotta go.
2187
01:29:59,777 --> 01:30:00,943
I gotta go.
Stan. Stan.
2188
01:30:01,012 --> 01:30:03,479
Stan, I was hopin'
2189
01:30:03,548 --> 01:30:05,448
that you would
stay a few days.
2190
01:30:05,517 --> 01:30:07,450
You know, we have
the shorthand.
2191
01:30:07,519 --> 01:30:08,884
You know, you know me.
2192
01:30:08,953 --> 01:30:11,754
Buddy, Friday's my grandson's
birthday in Florida.
2193
01:30:11,823 --> 01:30:14,224
You know, Scotty.
He... he's gonna be 3.
2194
01:30:14,292 --> 01:30:16,259
Stan, they'll
hire a clown.
2195
01:30:16,328 --> 01:30:18,127
He'll think it's you.
2196
01:30:19,897 --> 01:30:21,664
Look, come here.
Come here.
2197
01:30:21,733 --> 01:30:23,299
Buddy, I really...
2198
01:30:23,368 --> 01:30:24,400
What?
2199
01:30:24,469 --> 01:30:26,369
Shh. Shh. Shh.
2200
01:30:26,438 --> 01:30:29,305
I want this part,
very badly.
2201
01:30:30,108 --> 01:30:31,307
This could be for me
2202
01:30:31,376 --> 01:30:34,544
what sunshine boys
was for George.
2203
01:30:34,613 --> 01:30:37,213
It would be nice
for Elaine.
2204
01:30:37,282 --> 01:30:40,383
She hasn't seen me doing
so good in a long time.
2205
01:30:41,586 --> 01:30:42,952
Please, Stan.
2206
01:30:43,020 --> 01:30:45,288
Be with me.
2207
01:30:45,357 --> 01:30:47,423
Everything good that
ever happened to me,
2208
01:30:47,492 --> 01:30:49,425
you were there.
2209
01:30:49,494 --> 01:30:51,227
Everything bad that
ever happened to you,
2210
01:30:51,296 --> 01:30:52,729
I was there.
2211
01:30:52,797 --> 01:30:54,397
I was always there.
2212
01:30:55,267 --> 01:30:56,799
So be there now.
2213
01:31:04,142 --> 01:31:05,775
Yeah, but she'd be difficult.
2214
01:31:05,843 --> 01:31:06,942
She's terrific.
2215
01:31:07,011 --> 01:31:08,378
And she'd be perfect
for this part.
2216
01:31:08,446 --> 01:31:10,446
She read the script,
and she really likes it.
2217
01:31:10,515 --> 01:31:12,448
Did you call her?
What did she say?
2218
01:31:13,785 --> 01:31:16,519
♪
2219
01:31:16,588 --> 01:31:18,020
Don't get me started.
2220
01:31:18,089 --> 01:31:20,323
♪ Da da da da da
da da da da da ♪
2221
01:31:20,392 --> 01:31:21,392
what a night!
2222
01:31:21,426 --> 01:31:22,426
♪ Da da da da ♪
2223
01:31:22,494 --> 01:31:23,593
what does
cheese say
2224
01:31:23,662 --> 01:31:25,261
when it has
its picture taken?
2225
01:31:25,330 --> 01:31:26,462
♪ Da da da da ♪
2226
01:31:26,531 --> 01:31:27,797
where is the
town of charter?
2227
01:31:27,865 --> 01:31:29,732
'Cause half the buses
are going there.
2228
01:31:29,801 --> 01:31:30,801
♪ Da da da da da ♪
2229
01:31:30,868 --> 01:31:33,169
as Mrs. Einstein said
to her husband Albert,
2230
01:31:33,237 --> 01:31:34,570
"what the hell
do you know?"
2231
01:31:34,639 --> 01:31:35,772
Buddy?
2232
01:31:35,840 --> 01:31:37,273
I work alone.
2233
01:31:37,342 --> 01:31:38,775
I'm just kidding.
2234
01:31:38,843 --> 01:31:41,110
Hello, Larry. How are you?
Nice to see you.
2235
01:31:41,179 --> 01:31:42,645
Annie, you know.
2236
01:31:42,714 --> 01:31:43,646
Hi.
2237
01:31:43,715 --> 01:31:45,014
And this is
my brother Stan.
2238
01:31:45,082 --> 01:31:46,115
Hello.
2239
01:31:46,184 --> 01:31:48,318
Oh. Hi. Very nice
to meet you.
2240
01:31:48,386 --> 01:31:49,586
Larry meyerson.
2241
01:31:49,621 --> 01:31:51,253
Yeah, Stan passed away
4 months ago.
2242
01:31:51,323 --> 01:31:53,289
I haven't had the
heart to tell him.
2243
01:31:53,358 --> 01:31:54,490
Try to cheer down.
2244
01:31:54,559 --> 01:31:56,559
Anyway, I gotta
tell you,
2245
01:31:56,628 --> 01:31:57,694
I read the script,
2246
01:31:57,762 --> 01:32:00,229
and it is
really terrible.
2247
01:32:00,298 --> 01:32:02,765
No, I'm just
playin' around.
2248
01:32:02,834 --> 01:32:05,100
It really is...
Horrible. I'm shocked.
2249
01:32:05,169 --> 01:32:06,969
We had to hold it
outside the cab
2250
01:32:07,038 --> 01:32:08,771
because of
the stench.
2251
01:32:08,840 --> 01:32:10,506
Ok. Let's
get started.
2252
01:32:10,575 --> 01:32:13,175
How do we begin
this march to stardom?
2253
01:32:18,316 --> 01:32:20,550
Ok, buddy, look.
Something's, uh, come up.
2254
01:32:20,618 --> 01:32:22,852
About, uh,
3 weeks ago,
2255
01:32:22,920 --> 01:32:25,221
we, uh, we offered the
part to Walter matthau.
2256
01:32:25,289 --> 01:32:26,922
And he wasn't
interested at the time.
2257
01:32:27,425 --> 01:32:28,524
Um...
2258
01:32:30,294 --> 01:32:32,194
This morning,
matthau's agent called,
2259
01:32:32,263 --> 01:32:34,096
and he's doing it.
2260
01:32:39,103 --> 01:32:40,269
Show biz.
2261
01:32:42,139 --> 01:32:43,939
Oh, why didn't you call me?
2262
01:32:44,008 --> 01:32:45,641
We did try to contact
you this morning.
2263
01:32:45,710 --> 01:32:48,110
No, no, no, you didn't.
I was in my office all morning.
2264
01:32:48,179 --> 01:32:50,346
Annie.
Annie. Annie.
2265
01:32:50,415 --> 01:32:53,182
Annie, can I talk to
buddy for a minute? Ok?
2266
01:32:53,852 --> 01:32:54,884
Ok.
2267
01:32:55,987 --> 01:32:57,319
Thank you.
2268
01:32:59,323 --> 01:33:00,556
Now, look.
2269
01:33:00,625 --> 01:33:02,024
I still want buddy
in the picture.
2270
01:33:02,093 --> 01:33:03,926
There's another part.
You read the script?
2271
01:33:03,995 --> 01:33:05,227
Sure.
2272
01:33:05,296 --> 01:33:07,864
Ok. The doctor who
comes in in, uh, act 3.
2273
01:33:07,932 --> 01:33:09,965
He has 3 big scenes.
They're very good scenes.
2274
01:33:10,034 --> 01:33:11,467
Uh-huh.
2275
01:33:11,536 --> 01:33:13,176
I really think it's...
I... I really think
2276
01:33:13,237 --> 01:33:15,437
buddy could score
with that part.
2277
01:33:15,940 --> 01:33:17,139
Now, look, I know
you prepared
2278
01:33:17,208 --> 01:33:18,908
the grandfather
for today, ok?
2279
01:33:18,976 --> 01:33:20,543
So you could come
in and read that,
2280
01:33:20,612 --> 01:33:22,645
and that will serve as your
reading for the doctor.
2281
01:33:22,714 --> 01:33:24,580
Or if you want, you
can take some time,
2282
01:33:24,649 --> 01:33:26,148
look at the
doctor's part,
2283
01:33:26,217 --> 01:33:27,917
and come in
and read that.
2284
01:33:27,985 --> 01:33:29,351
That's your call.
2285
01:33:29,421 --> 01:33:31,521
Whatever you want
to do. Ok?
2286
01:33:33,892 --> 01:33:37,026
I... I really think
this can work,
2287
01:33:37,094 --> 01:33:39,595
and I... I apologize
for all the confusion,
2288
01:33:39,664 --> 01:33:42,298
but, uh... I hope
you understand.
2289
01:33:42,366 --> 01:33:44,434
Hey, you
got matthau.
2290
01:33:44,502 --> 01:33:46,335
That's secretariat.
That's man o' war.
2291
01:33:46,404 --> 01:33:48,938
I mean, you got
to bet on them.
2292
01:33:49,006 --> 01:33:50,239
Could I have
one minute
2293
01:33:50,308 --> 01:33:52,475
to talk
to my consigliere?
2294
01:33:52,544 --> 01:33:55,377
Yeah, of course.
Sure. Take all the time you need, ok?
2295
01:33:55,447 --> 01:33:56,746
Ok. Thanks.
2296
01:34:01,285 --> 01:34:02,725
Did you get in touch
with him or not?
2297
01:34:02,787 --> 01:34:03,719
Yes, I did.
2298
01:34:03,788 --> 01:34:05,287
And what happened?
2299
01:34:06,724 --> 01:34:08,257
What do you think?
2300
01:34:08,326 --> 01:34:10,593
I... I think it's
still a great shot.
2301
01:34:10,662 --> 01:34:12,361
I... I think, uh,
it could still lead
2302
01:34:12,430 --> 01:34:14,764
to a lot of
things. Right?
2303
01:34:14,833 --> 01:34:17,199
This is a lousy
situation. I'm sorry,
2304
01:34:17,268 --> 01:34:19,535
but this is
a huge movie,
2305
01:34:19,604 --> 01:34:21,704
and it's a nice
part. It is.
2306
01:34:21,773 --> 01:34:23,238
Yeah, well...
2307
01:34:25,577 --> 01:34:27,042
So what
should I do?
2308
01:34:27,111 --> 01:34:28,778
Well, you read
the grandfather part.
2309
01:34:28,847 --> 01:34:31,347
I mean, we worked on it
3 days. You're ready.
2310
01:34:31,415 --> 01:34:32,582
What the hell
do you know?
2311
01:34:32,650 --> 01:34:33,883
Shut up.
Don't tell me.
2312
01:34:33,952 --> 01:34:35,751
Shut up.
Don't tell me.
2313
01:34:35,820 --> 01:34:37,419
Fell-fell-fellas.
2314
01:34:41,359 --> 01:34:42,692
Hurt them.
2315
01:34:54,606 --> 01:34:56,472
I'll do the
grandfather part,
2316
01:34:56,541 --> 01:34:59,241
'cause I know it, and,
uh, I'm already here.
2317
01:34:59,310 --> 01:35:00,442
Great.
2318
01:35:00,512 --> 01:35:02,712
All right.
So let's do it.
2319
01:35:05,449 --> 01:35:07,182
Could I do the scene
with the boyfriend?
2320
01:35:07,251 --> 01:35:10,052
You bet.
Whatever you want.
2321
01:35:10,121 --> 01:35:13,288
Karen, read the scene
with the boyfriend, please.
2322
01:35:14,392 --> 01:35:15,591
Can I stand up?
2323
01:35:15,660 --> 01:35:17,727
Sure.
Good. I'll sit here.
2324
01:35:22,767 --> 01:35:24,266
Are you ready?
2325
01:35:27,805 --> 01:35:28,838
Go.
2326
01:35:29,641 --> 01:35:31,073
"Mr. Tannenbaum,
2327
01:35:31,142 --> 01:35:33,042
"i have something
to tell you,
2328
01:35:33,110 --> 01:35:35,044
"and I'm a little
nervous about it."
2329
01:35:35,112 --> 01:35:36,913
"Stuey, what are
you nervous about?
2330
01:35:36,981 --> 01:35:38,280
"You're a good kid.
2331
01:35:38,349 --> 01:35:40,616
"My granddaughter
likes you. I like you.
2332
01:35:40,685 --> 01:35:42,585
"Come on,
talk to me."
2333
01:35:42,654 --> 01:35:44,687
"Ok. I...
2334
01:35:45,657 --> 01:35:47,222
"I got Julie pregnant."
2335
01:35:55,033 --> 01:35:56,699
"I'm really sorry."
2336
01:35:58,703 --> 01:36:01,003
"Stuey, go
into the kitchen.
2337
01:36:01,072 --> 01:36:02,237
"In the refrigerator,
2338
01:36:02,306 --> 01:36:03,739
"there's a bottle of wine
2339
01:36:03,808 --> 01:36:06,042
"that I've been saving
for a special occasion.
2340
01:36:06,110 --> 01:36:08,377
"Bring it here. Smash it
against that table,
2341
01:36:08,446 --> 01:36:12,582
"and with the jagged end,
ram it through my heart!
2342
01:36:12,650 --> 01:36:15,718
"I'd do it myself,
but I've got arthritis.
2343
01:36:15,787 --> 01:36:18,754
"Get out of my house,
you little sperm bank!
2344
01:36:18,823 --> 01:36:20,456
"I let you stay
here with me.
2345
01:36:20,524 --> 01:36:21,791
"I let you change
the channels
2346
01:36:21,859 --> 01:36:23,392
"in the middle
of what I'm watching.
2347
01:36:23,461 --> 01:36:25,394
"I let you have the
heel of the rye bread
2348
01:36:25,463 --> 01:36:28,497
"that I love so much.
I gave it to you, stuey."
2349
01:36:32,169 --> 01:36:33,836
Give him the line.
2350
01:36:37,675 --> 01:36:39,976
This is my part,
not the doctor.
2351
01:36:43,314 --> 01:36:44,513
Buddy...
2352
01:36:44,582 --> 01:36:45,915
I... I'm giving you
beauties here.
2353
01:36:45,984 --> 01:36:47,784
Don't you see?
I'm giving you beauties.
2354
01:36:47,852 --> 01:36:50,086
I mean, I know this part.
I know this guy.
2355
01:36:50,154 --> 01:36:51,687
Look, buddy,
I'm sorry.
2356
01:36:51,756 --> 01:36:54,223
I got every take, I got every
rhythm, whatever you need.
2357
01:36:54,291 --> 01:36:55,791
I'm like a museum
of comedy.
2358
01:36:55,860 --> 01:36:57,793
You want takes?
You go to the take exhibit.
2359
01:36:57,862 --> 01:36:59,862
You want faces? You go
to the face pavilion.
2360
01:36:59,931 --> 01:37:01,363
You want timing?
I'm a Swiss watch.
2361
01:37:01,432 --> 01:37:02,832
Buddy, calm down.
It's all right.
2362
01:37:02,900 --> 01:37:04,100
Why should i
calm down?
2363
01:37:04,168 --> 01:37:06,902
It's a hit-and-run!
I got run over here!
2364
01:37:06,971 --> 01:37:09,772
I'm sorry. He's upset.
He gets a little upset.
2365
01:37:10,942 --> 01:37:14,376
Don't apologize for me,
Stan! I hate that!
2366
01:37:14,445 --> 01:37:17,146
Let's take a break, and then he'll...
He'll read the doctor.
2367
01:37:17,214 --> 01:37:19,849
I will not read
the doctor part!
2368
01:37:19,917 --> 01:37:21,550
This is my part!
2369
01:37:21,619 --> 01:37:22,885
Jesus Christ, Stan!
2370
01:37:22,954 --> 01:37:24,520
Anybody can shit
in your hat,
2371
01:37:24,588 --> 01:37:27,489
and you go, "thank you.
It fits much better now."
2372
01:37:27,558 --> 01:37:29,725
Well, I can't wear
that hat, Stan.
2373
01:37:29,794 --> 01:37:31,426
I'm takin' too many
punches here.
2374
01:37:31,495 --> 01:37:32,594
If my life
was a fight,
2375
01:37:32,664 --> 01:37:34,196
they would have
stopped it by now!
2376
01:37:34,265 --> 01:37:35,698
So I'm stoppin' it.
That's it.
2377
01:37:35,767 --> 01:37:37,166
I'm throwin' in
the towel.
2378
01:37:37,234 --> 01:37:38,668
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
2379
01:37:38,736 --> 01:37:41,603
The winner and still
champion... show business!
2380
01:37:41,673 --> 01:37:43,505
Annie, you're
a good girl
2381
01:37:43,574 --> 01:37:45,041
and a terrific agent.
2382
01:37:45,109 --> 01:37:46,776
Can I give you
a little advice?
2383
01:37:46,844 --> 01:37:48,544
Represent the living.
2384
01:37:51,348 --> 01:37:53,615
Larry,
no hard feelings.
2385
01:37:54,485 --> 01:37:55,885
Business is business,
2386
01:37:55,953 --> 01:37:56,953
prick.
2387
01:38:00,124 --> 01:38:01,757
Let's have lunch.
2388
01:38:06,330 --> 01:38:07,963
Um, I... I'll go
talk to him.
2389
01:38:08,032 --> 01:38:09,999
No... I'll do it.
2390
01:38:12,103 --> 01:38:14,463
He would have been
great in that part.
2391
01:38:21,512 --> 01:38:22,672
Ugh!
2392
01:38:24,548 --> 01:38:25,681
What are
you doin'?
2393
01:38:25,750 --> 01:38:27,249
You did it
to me again!
2394
01:38:27,318 --> 01:38:28,483
I was out of it,
2395
01:38:28,552 --> 01:38:30,019
and you sucked
me back in!
2396
01:38:30,088 --> 01:38:32,287
My grandson is
crying in Florida
2397
01:38:32,356 --> 01:38:35,057
so I could watch you
do that crap again!
2398
01:38:36,728 --> 01:38:38,493
I hurt my back here.
2399
01:38:38,562 --> 01:38:39,795
You happy?
2400
01:38:40,865 --> 01:38:42,064
My leg!
2401
01:38:43,134 --> 01:38:45,300
Come on,
help me up.
2402
01:38:45,369 --> 01:38:46,649
Please. Come on.
2403
01:38:48,773 --> 01:38:50,472
What are you, nuts?
2404
01:38:50,541 --> 01:38:52,981
Hittin' an old man
like that! You schmuck!
2405
01:38:53,010 --> 01:38:54,476
You're crazy.
2406
01:38:55,980 --> 01:38:57,179
You're nuts!
2407
01:38:57,248 --> 01:38:58,848
You stupid shit!
2408
01:39:08,359 --> 01:39:09,759
God, I hate you.
2409
01:39:09,827 --> 01:39:11,526
You're... you're
not a comedian.
2410
01:39:11,595 --> 01:39:12,828
You're a terrorist.
2411
01:39:12,897 --> 01:39:14,964
This time I was
right. They had...
2412
01:39:15,032 --> 01:39:17,466
You're
never right!
2413
01:39:17,534 --> 01:39:18,600
Even when
you're right,
2414
01:39:18,669 --> 01:39:20,202
you're not right!
2415
01:39:22,273 --> 01:39:24,706
Everybody gets
screwed, buddy!
2416
01:39:24,776 --> 01:39:27,009
Everybody
got shit upon,
2417
01:39:27,078 --> 01:39:28,177
got bad breaks!
2418
01:39:28,246 --> 01:39:30,246
That is part
of the business!
2419
01:39:30,314 --> 01:39:32,314
That is part of life!
2420
01:39:34,886 --> 01:39:37,086
You took every
bad break
2421
01:39:37,155 --> 01:39:38,155
you ever got,
2422
01:39:38,222 --> 01:39:40,489
and you made it worse.
2423
01:39:40,557 --> 01:39:43,592
You gotta burn
your Bridges behind you
2424
01:39:43,661 --> 01:39:44,994
and under you
2425
01:39:45,062 --> 01:39:46,461
and in front of you.
2426
01:39:46,530 --> 01:39:47,997
Every bridge!
2427
01:39:51,836 --> 01:39:53,135
Buddy, my whole life
2428
01:39:53,204 --> 01:39:54,569
I listened to
you bellyache
2429
01:39:54,638 --> 01:39:56,172
about your luck.
2430
01:39:57,275 --> 01:39:59,775
Well, you are
where you are
2431
01:39:59,844 --> 01:40:01,710
because of
who you are.
2432
01:40:26,437 --> 01:40:28,971
It should have been
you, right, Stan?
2433
01:40:30,374 --> 01:40:31,273
What?
2434
01:40:31,342 --> 01:40:32,674
Come on,
it's a lot of years.
2435
01:40:32,743 --> 01:40:35,277
Why don't we at least
say what it is?
2436
01:40:35,679 --> 01:40:37,179
Huh?
2437
01:40:37,248 --> 01:40:39,982
It should have been you
instead of me, right?
2438
01:40:40,051 --> 01:40:41,283
You would have
been better,
2439
01:40:41,352 --> 01:40:42,918
you would have
handled things better.
2440
01:40:42,987 --> 01:40:44,386
You would have
made it all better
2441
01:40:44,455 --> 01:40:46,088
than I made
it, right?
2442
01:40:46,157 --> 01:40:47,622
You would have been
nicer to Elaine,
2443
01:40:47,691 --> 01:40:48,924
if she had liked
you that night
2444
01:40:48,993 --> 01:40:50,625
instead of me.
2445
01:40:52,230 --> 01:40:53,528
Come on, Stan,
2446
01:40:53,597 --> 01:40:54,796
you don't think I see
2447
01:40:54,866 --> 01:40:56,746
how you still
look at her?
2448
01:40:58,035 --> 01:40:59,434
You're sick.
2449
01:41:00,704 --> 01:41:02,404
No, it had to be
the way it was, Stan,
2450
01:41:02,473 --> 01:41:03,973
because you didn't
have the balls
2451
01:41:04,041 --> 01:41:05,774
to fight me for her.
2452
01:41:05,843 --> 01:41:07,576
You had living room
balls, Stan...
2453
01:41:07,644 --> 01:41:10,812
Funny in the living room,
but that's it.
2454
01:41:10,882 --> 01:41:12,547
And I know how it looked
to everybody...
2455
01:41:12,616 --> 01:41:14,316
"Oh, poor Stan.
What a nice guy.
2456
01:41:14,385 --> 01:41:16,551
"Has to put up with
crazy buddy, the shit.
2457
01:41:16,620 --> 01:41:18,754
"Why does he stay
with him?"
2458
01:41:18,822 --> 01:41:21,556
But we know why,
don't we, Stan, huh?
2459
01:41:23,327 --> 01:41:26,228
Because you had
to be around it,
2460
01:41:26,297 --> 01:41:27,329
near it,
2461
01:41:27,398 --> 01:41:28,430
so I let you
2462
01:41:28,499 --> 01:41:29,965
because
you're my brother
2463
01:41:30,034 --> 01:41:32,134
and you were brilliant,
and it broke my heart
2464
01:41:32,203 --> 01:41:34,703
that you never knew what
it felt like up there,
2465
01:41:34,772 --> 01:41:36,638
when it's good,
when it's cookin',
2466
01:41:36,707 --> 01:41:37,973
you got 'em,
they're yours,
2467
01:41:38,042 --> 01:41:39,541
you can take them
anywhere you want,
2468
01:41:39,610 --> 01:41:40,742
you're powerful,
2469
01:41:40,811 --> 01:41:42,344
you prowl the stage
like a panther,
2470
01:41:42,413 --> 01:41:43,478
it feels so good,
2471
01:41:43,547 --> 01:41:45,014
the laughs go right
into your blood.
2472
01:41:45,082 --> 01:41:46,748
You can be a schmuck
in the afternoon,
2473
01:41:46,817 --> 01:41:48,150
but you're the king
of the night.
2474
01:41:48,219 --> 01:41:49,651
And every woman
wants to fuck you,
2475
01:41:49,720 --> 01:41:51,320
and every man
wants to know you.
2476
01:41:51,389 --> 01:41:53,889
You never knew
that, Stan...
2477
01:41:53,958 --> 01:41:56,191
And I felt bad
for you,
2478
01:41:56,260 --> 01:41:57,960
and I wanted you
to at least
2479
01:41:58,029 --> 01:41:59,561
be close to it.
2480
01:42:00,932 --> 01:42:03,213
I didn't take
your life, Stan.
2481
01:42:04,068 --> 01:42:05,600
I gave you one.
2482
01:42:09,840 --> 01:42:11,506
Yeah...
2483
01:42:11,575 --> 01:42:13,675
But you could have
been nicer.
2484
01:43:06,763 --> 01:43:08,830
Dad, what are you
doin' here?
2485
01:43:08,899 --> 01:43:09,931
Hi.
2486
01:43:10,701 --> 01:43:11,967
Did something
happen?
2487
01:43:12,036 --> 01:43:14,036
No, no, no, no.
Everything is ok.
2488
01:43:14,105 --> 01:43:16,805
I, uh, I just needed to
see you for a second.
2489
01:43:16,874 --> 01:43:20,109
That's all.
2490
01:43:20,177 --> 01:43:21,310
Oh.
2491
01:43:21,378 --> 01:43:23,878
Well, you want
to come in?
2492
01:43:23,947 --> 01:43:25,581
Uh, no. No, no.
2493
01:43:25,649 --> 01:43:27,449
This is...
This is ok.
2494
01:43:28,385 --> 01:43:30,252
It's ok.
2495
01:43:30,321 --> 01:43:32,354
Listen, do you have
a 21-inch color t.V.?
2496
01:43:32,423 --> 01:43:34,889
'Cause a guy just
carried one out of here.
2497
01:43:35,692 --> 01:43:37,692
No.
2498
01:43:37,761 --> 01:43:38,761
So, were
you shoppin'?
2499
01:43:38,829 --> 01:43:39,761
What?
2500
01:43:39,830 --> 01:43:40,996
Were you shoppin'?
2501
01:43:41,064 --> 01:43:43,698
Oh, I just picked up
a few things after work.
2502
01:43:43,767 --> 01:43:46,235
You're workin'. That's great.
Where you workin'?
2503
01:43:46,303 --> 01:43:48,503
I just...
Oh, it's nothing.
2504
01:43:49,006 --> 01:43:50,539
I...
2505
01:43:50,608 --> 01:43:51,973
Tell me,
where you workin'?
2506
01:43:52,042 --> 01:43:55,010
I got a job working
at a record company
2507
01:43:55,078 --> 01:43:56,612
in... in the publicity
department.
2508
01:43:56,680 --> 01:43:58,180
Yeah? Well,
that's good.
2509
01:43:58,249 --> 01:43:59,748
It's no big deal.
2510
01:43:59,816 --> 01:44:02,551
Oh, no, it is
a big deal.
2511
01:44:02,620 --> 01:44:05,787
It is. That's good.
That's a good thing.
2512
01:44:05,856 --> 01:44:06,976
Yeah.
2513
01:44:08,992 --> 01:44:11,152
And you look
healthy.
2514
01:44:16,233 --> 01:44:17,399
So...
2515
01:44:18,202 --> 01:44:19,701
What is it, dad?
2516
01:44:19,770 --> 01:44:21,403
Why are you here?
2517
01:44:22,540 --> 01:44:24,005
Yeah, well...
2518
01:44:25,709 --> 01:44:27,042
Grandma...
2519
01:44:29,313 --> 01:44:31,079
Left you some money.
2520
01:44:43,294 --> 01:44:45,394
$13,000?
2521
01:44:46,096 --> 01:44:48,430
Grandma had $13,000?
2522
01:44:48,499 --> 01:44:49,499
Yeah.
2523
01:44:49,533 --> 01:44:50,865
It was
probably more,
2524
01:44:50,934 --> 01:44:53,174
but that's all I could
get from her pimp.
2525
01:44:55,339 --> 01:44:57,138
Well, it's made
out to you.
2526
01:44:57,974 --> 01:44:59,774
Yeah, well...
2527
01:44:59,843 --> 01:45:02,283
When grandma made out
her will, years ago,
2528
01:45:03,046 --> 01:45:05,980
I was still the
executor of you...
2529
01:45:06,049 --> 01:45:08,449
You know, from when
you had your trouble, so...
2530
01:45:08,485 --> 01:45:10,885
So I endorsed it
right over there.
2531
01:45:13,457 --> 01:45:15,324
This will really help.
2532
01:45:17,661 --> 01:45:19,728
I can't believe
she did this.
2533
01:45:22,933 --> 01:45:24,700
Well, she loved you.
2534
01:45:29,172 --> 01:45:31,692
She always thought
the world of you...
2535
01:45:34,945 --> 01:45:37,679
And no matter what
was happening with you,
2536
01:45:37,748 --> 01:45:39,114
you know...
2537
01:45:40,951 --> 01:45:42,684
She...
2538
01:45:42,753 --> 01:45:44,786
She just loved you.
2539
01:45:50,361 --> 01:45:52,327
And like that,
you know?
2540
01:45:57,868 --> 01:45:58,900
Ok.
2541
01:45:59,836 --> 01:46:00,869
Ok.
2542
01:46:02,406 --> 01:46:03,438
Ok.
2543
01:46:05,276 --> 01:46:07,008
Call your mother, huh?
2544
01:46:08,145 --> 01:46:09,177
Ok.
2545
01:46:10,013 --> 01:46:11,045
Ok.
2546
01:46:14,050 --> 01:46:15,384
All right.
2547
01:46:29,866 --> 01:46:31,032
Susan.
2548
01:46:34,338 --> 01:46:35,837
Where's that
double take?
2549
01:46:38,809 --> 01:46:41,142
Come on, I'm goin'
on in a minute!
2550
01:46:54,591 --> 01:46:55,824
Perfect.
2551
01:47:21,819 --> 01:47:23,184
So I come home,
2552
01:47:23,253 --> 01:47:26,020
I find my wife in bed
with my best friend,
2553
01:47:26,089 --> 01:47:29,190
so I said, "Lenny,
i have to, but you?"
2554
01:47:31,228 --> 01:47:32,861
I kid. I kid.
2555
01:47:32,929 --> 01:47:34,363
I'm kidding you all.
2556
01:47:34,431 --> 01:47:36,398
Guy goes into the
doctor's office, right?
2557
01:47:36,467 --> 01:47:39,000
He says,
"doc, I got 5 penises."
2558
01:47:39,069 --> 01:47:41,269
Right? Doc says,
"how do your pants fit?"
2559
01:47:41,338 --> 01:47:43,572
He says, "like a glove."
2560
01:47:46,777 --> 01:47:48,042
I got to tell you,
2561
01:47:48,111 --> 01:47:50,044
this is a great audience,
but these pants...
2562
01:47:50,113 --> 01:47:52,046
There's a pair
of pants here.
2563
01:47:52,115 --> 01:47:54,075
What is this,
let's-wear-anything day?
2564
01:47:54,117 --> 01:47:55,216
Have you seen this?
2565
01:47:55,285 --> 01:47:57,051
This man's
a walking garage sale.
2566
01:47:57,120 --> 01:47:58,587
Look at these pants.
2567
01:47:58,655 --> 01:48:00,689
You know what I'm sayin'?
What stinks?
2568
01:48:00,758 --> 01:48:01,990
Some... there's
a perfume here
2569
01:48:02,058 --> 01:48:03,492
that's... is
it you, ma'am?
2570
01:48:03,560 --> 01:48:04,993
No.
2571
01:48:05,061 --> 01:48:07,128
That eau de bayonne you're
wearin' there? But...
2572
01:48:07,197 --> 01:48:08,730
No, it's lovely makeup.
2573
01:48:08,799 --> 01:48:12,300
Who puts it on,
the ringling brothers?
2574
01:48:12,369 --> 01:48:14,736
Looks like an opera
broke out on your face.
2575
01:48:14,805 --> 01:48:17,372
You got too close when
the avon lady exploded.
2576
01:48:19,610 --> 01:48:23,378
But there's a guy over here
that I can't believe.
2577
01:48:23,447 --> 01:48:25,781
I mean this in
the nicest of terms.
2578
01:48:25,849 --> 01:48:27,248
Is that a toupee?
2579
01:48:27,317 --> 01:48:28,317
No.
2580
01:48:28,385 --> 01:48:30,719
No. Well, I, for
one, was fooled.
2581
01:48:36,727 --> 01:48:37,926
Looks like
somebody stapled
2582
01:48:37,994 --> 01:48:40,028
a Danish to your
head, you know?
2583
01:48:53,410 --> 01:48:54,509
Yeah?
2584
01:49:01,251 --> 01:49:02,417
Hello, buddy.
2585
01:49:03,219 --> 01:49:04,619
Hello, Stan.
2586
01:49:08,391 --> 01:49:09,491
How are you?
2587
01:49:10,527 --> 01:49:12,928
It was a good show.
2588
01:49:12,996 --> 01:49:14,763
Yeah,
they were good.
2589
01:49:14,832 --> 01:49:17,031
No, you were...
You were really sharp.
2590
01:49:17,100 --> 01:49:18,633
Everything was
right on the beat.
2591
01:49:19,436 --> 01:49:21,302
Well, it...
It felt good.
2592
01:49:21,371 --> 01:49:23,338
You know, i-I've been
playing these places,
2593
01:49:23,406 --> 01:49:24,873
and, uh,
it's been ok.
2594
01:49:24,942 --> 01:49:27,108
Yeah, I saw in the paper
that you were here.
2595
01:49:27,177 --> 01:49:28,443
Oh, yeah?
2596
01:49:29,680 --> 01:49:31,112
Did you see Elaine?
2597
01:49:31,181 --> 01:49:32,447
Yeah.
2598
01:49:32,516 --> 01:49:34,148
You know, usually, she
don't like the... the clubs
2599
01:49:34,217 --> 01:49:35,817
and the traveling
and, uh...
2600
01:49:35,886 --> 01:49:37,686
But it's nice
that you're together.
2601
01:49:37,754 --> 01:49:38,754
Yeah...
2602
01:49:39,490 --> 01:49:40,589
Yeah.
2603
01:49:42,225 --> 01:49:44,192
And what's this?
2604
01:49:44,260 --> 01:49:45,794
Oh, this is, uh...
2605
01:49:45,863 --> 01:49:47,228
A painting that I did.
2606
01:49:47,297 --> 01:49:48,497
Really?
2607
01:49:50,000 --> 01:49:51,399
Here. It's for you.
2608
01:49:52,402 --> 01:49:53,802
It's for me?
2609
01:49:56,106 --> 01:49:57,572
Thanks, Stan.
2610
01:49:59,342 --> 01:50:00,509
Should i
open it now?
2611
01:50:00,577 --> 01:50:01,510
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
2612
01:50:01,578 --> 01:50:03,378
Yeah?
Go ahead.
2613
01:50:24,100 --> 01:50:25,433
It's good.
2614
01:50:28,005 --> 01:50:29,538
It's very good.
2615
01:50:31,842 --> 01:50:33,808
Nah, you know,
it's just a...
2616
01:50:33,877 --> 01:50:35,209
Thing I...
2617
01:51:02,138 --> 01:51:04,873
Is that the only jacket
that you brought?
2618
01:51:06,509 --> 01:51:07,842
Yeah. Why?
2619
01:51:09,880 --> 01:51:12,380
Because the other
jacket was funnier.
2620
01:51:16,086 --> 01:51:18,853
You know, I got
to tell you, Stan,
2621
01:51:18,922 --> 01:51:22,190
seeing you walk into the
back of that room today...
2622
01:51:24,061 --> 01:51:26,027
It just made me feel...
2623
01:51:27,430 --> 01:51:29,197
Sick to my stomach.
2624
01:51:29,265 --> 01:51:32,333
I thought I'd lose my lunch
right on the stage.
2625
01:51:35,338 --> 01:51:38,339
Did you see
what I did there?
2626
01:51:38,408 --> 01:51:40,709
You thought
i was gonna say...
2627
01:51:40,777 --> 01:51:43,478
That I was overjoyed
to see you again...
2628
01:51:44,881 --> 01:51:47,015
But I took you
the other way.
2629
01:51:51,121 --> 01:51:52,286
I saw.
2630
01:51:56,059 --> 01:51:58,994
But you said you, uh,
you liked the act, huh?
2631
01:51:59,062 --> 01:52:00,662
Yeah, yeah.
2632
01:52:00,731 --> 01:52:02,430
You know what was
really good
2633
01:52:02,499 --> 01:52:04,799
was, uh, the
ringling brothers.
2634
01:52:04,868 --> 01:52:06,367
Oh, yeah, well,
that occurred to me
2635
01:52:06,436 --> 01:52:07,568
right on stage.
2636
01:52:07,638 --> 01:52:08,670
What, right then?
2637
01:52:08,739 --> 01:52:10,539
Oh, yeah. I went with it
right then and there.
2638
01:52:10,607 --> 01:52:11,906
Well, it was very funny.
2639
01:52:11,975 --> 01:52:14,009
Oh, yeah, you know,
i always used to say "circus",
2640
01:52:14,077 --> 01:52:15,409
but I went
more specific.
2641
01:52:15,478 --> 01:52:16,645
Well, it was
very funny.
2642
01:52:16,713 --> 01:52:18,079
It was better, right?
Don't you think?
2643
01:52:18,148 --> 01:52:19,080
Much better.
2644
01:52:19,149 --> 01:52:20,581
Yeah, I loved it.
Hi, honey.
2645
01:52:20,651 --> 01:52:22,183
Then I rolled over
to that other guy.
2646
01:52:22,252 --> 01:52:24,218
Oh, what, the guy with the...
With the toupee?
2647
01:52:24,287 --> 01:52:25,319
Well, you're
being kind.
2648
01:52:25,388 --> 01:52:26,587
I, for one,
was fooled.
2649
01:52:26,657 --> 01:52:28,690
He looked like
an old q-tip,
2650
01:52:28,759 --> 01:52:29,991
this guy.
2651
01:52:30,060 --> 01:52:32,060
W-w-well, I...
I just hammered that.
2652
01:52:32,129 --> 01:52:33,227
You know, I mean,
i had to.
2653
01:52:33,296 --> 01:52:35,136
But... but it was
good-natured.
2654
01:52:35,198 --> 01:52:36,597
It was good-natured
hammering.
2655
01:52:36,667 --> 01:52:37,667
They loved it.
2656
01:52:37,701 --> 01:52:39,100
They loved you, honey.
2657
01:52:39,169 --> 01:52:40,735
They had a great
sense of humor.
2658
01:52:40,804 --> 01:52:42,170
And they had
a good time.
2659
01:52:42,238 --> 01:52:43,738
Oh, sure.
2660
01:52:43,807 --> 01:52:46,074
Well, what I was doing,
forget about it.
2661
01:52:46,143 --> 01:52:47,175
Cannon shots.
2662
01:52:47,243 --> 01:52:48,743
Yeah, but one
after another.
2663
01:52:48,812 --> 01:52:49,644
Wow.
2664
01:52:49,713 --> 01:52:50,845
It wasn't even fair.
2665
01:52:50,914 --> 01:52:52,313
It wasn't fair.
2666
01:52:52,382 --> 01:52:53,682
You know?
I had a good time.
2667
01:52:53,750 --> 01:52:56,017
I thought it was strong.
I felt vital,
2668
01:52:56,086 --> 01:52:57,518
and I did 48 minutes.
2669
01:52:57,587 --> 01:52:59,620
It takes me
that long to pee.
2670
01:52:59,690 --> 01:53:01,622
Did you write
any of this down?
2671
01:53:01,692 --> 01:53:02,991
I didn't bring
a pad.
2672
01:53:03,060 --> 01:53:04,225
Great.
2673
01:53:10,667 --> 01:53:13,868
♪
2674
01:53:13,937 --> 01:53:15,770
♪ When you're smilin' ♪
2675
01:53:15,839 --> 01:53:18,073
♪ when you're smilin' ♪
2676
01:53:18,141 --> 01:53:21,710
♪ the whole world
smiles with you ♪
2677
01:53:21,778 --> 01:53:23,978
♪ and when
you're laughin' ♪
2678
01:53:24,047 --> 01:53:26,447
♪ oh, you're laughin' ♪
2679
01:53:26,516 --> 01:53:29,584
♪ ooh, then the sun
comes shinin' through ♪
2680
01:53:30,386 --> 01:53:32,687
♪ when you're cryin' ♪
2681
01:53:32,756 --> 01:53:34,455
♪ you bring on the rain ♪
2682
01:53:34,524 --> 01:53:36,490
♪ stop your sighin' ♪
2683
01:53:36,559 --> 01:53:38,479
♪ won't you be
happy again? ♪
2684
01:53:38,528 --> 01:53:40,494
♪ when you're smilin' ♪
2685
01:53:40,563 --> 01:53:42,731
♪ keep on smilin' ♪
2686
01:53:42,799 --> 01:53:46,067
♪ and the whole world
smiles with you ♪
2687
01:56:21,024 --> 01:56:22,323
♪ buddy ♪
2688
01:56:22,392 --> 01:56:23,657
♪ buddy ♪
2689
01:56:23,726 --> 01:56:25,693
♪ we hope we'll have
a buddy you can muster ♪
2690
01:56:25,762 --> 01:56:28,129
♪ 'cause buddy's
our buddy ♪
2691
01:56:28,198 --> 01:56:30,798
♪ and remember what
we did to custer ♪
2692
01:56:33,036 --> 01:56:35,904
♪ and remember what
we did to custer ♪
2693
01:57:56,719 --> 01:58:01,489
♪ so if you want a heap
of big laugh from t.V. Set ♪
2694
01:58:01,557 --> 01:58:04,058
♪ just sit back with
your favorite squaw ♪
2695
01:58:04,127 --> 01:58:06,361
♪ and a big chief
cigarette ♪
2696
01:58:06,429 --> 01:58:08,896
♪ 'cause the sioux and
the crow and the arapaho ♪
2697
01:58:08,965 --> 01:58:11,332
♪ and the Pawnee all agree ♪
2698
01:58:11,401 --> 01:58:12,867
♪ that buddy ♪
2699
01:58:12,935 --> 01:58:14,335
♪ buddy ♪
2700
01:58:14,404 --> 01:58:18,373
♪ he's the funniest
paleface on t.V. ♪
2701
01:58:18,441 --> 01:58:20,841
♪ on t.V. ♪
2702
01:58:20,910 --> 01:58:23,878
♪ on t.V. ♪
2703
01:58:23,946 --> 01:58:31,946
♪ look out,
here comes buddy ♪
187610
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