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1
00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:09,183
Previously on "Kevin Can F...
Himself"...[Car horn honks]
2
00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:11,489
Kevin is going to die. Yes.
3
00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:12,708
Okay, I can do it.
4
00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:14,666
I thought we weren't
gonna do this anymore.
5
00:00:14,710 --> 00:00:16,451
No, you didn't.
6
00:00:16,494 --> 00:00:19,149
You just need to
broaden your horizons.
7
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,064
She likes me. We can use that.
8
00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:22,259
Jesus Christ, what
the hell is happening?
9
00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:23,893
[Both grunting][Spits]
10
00:00:23,936 --> 00:00:25,634
Augh! You saved my life.
11
00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:28,767
♪
12
00:00:28,811 --> 00:00:30,247
Allison. Oh.
13
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:31,596
Is there a problem? No.
14
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,468
Things okay here?
Oh, Jesus, Sam.
15
00:00:33,511 --> 00:00:36,036
You do it my way, or
you don't get the money.
16
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:41,606
♪
17
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:43,086
Next Saturday.
18
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,914
Next Saturday? [Scoffs]
19
00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:46,457
You know you don't need
an appointment, right?
20
00:00:46,481 --> 00:00:47,917
I can have this
taken care of today.
21
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,460
No. No, no, I still
need a little more time
22
00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:51,877
to get a few things in order.
23
00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:54,117
Next week, I'm gonna go visit
my mother in South Carolina,
24
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:55,501
which I do every
year at this time,
25
00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:56,752
so that gets me out of Dodge.
26
00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:58,145
With me gone Saturday,
27
00:00:58,188 --> 00:00:59,885
Kevin's gonna be in
full bachelor mode,
28
00:00:59,929 --> 00:01:02,366
which means he's gonna
be blacked out by 11:00,
29
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:04,499
and when he's out, he is out.
30
00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:06,979
So, you know... make
it look like a robbery,
31
00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:10,331
and obviously, don't actually
take any of our stuff.
32
00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:13,116
Or... Okay, yeah. Take
whatever you want.
33
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,987
Our bedroom is top of
the stairs on the left,
34
00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:19,383
and I'm guessing that you
know what to do after that.
35
00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:21,255
You do, right?
36
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,213
Yes! Jesus!
37
00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,172
[Inhales sharply]
38
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:26,434
Good.
39
00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:32,004
So, uh
40
00:01:32,048 --> 00:01:34,703
what are you gonna do after?
41
00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:37,619
I'm gonna haul ass
outta your house.
42
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:39,925
Oh, no, sorry. I mean,
like, after after.
43
00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:41,188
You know? It's a lot of money.
44
00:01:41,231 --> 00:01:45,017
Do you have any...
Any big plans, or...
45
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:48,108
Getting the hell away from
here the second my parole's up.
46
00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:49,370
[Sighs]
47
00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:51,981
Tell me about it. [Chuckles]
48
00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:55,245
Yeah.
49
00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:57,813
So, eh, Saturday.
50
00:01:57,856 --> 00:01:59,467
Saturday, and, um
51
00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:01,817
soon as it's done,
you'll get the money.
52
00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:04,950
So, $7,000 can get
you pretty far.
53
00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:07,039
Not far enough.
54
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:10,173
[Door opens, creaks]
55
00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:12,001
[Door closes]
56
00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:13,698
Hey. Hmm?
57
00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:15,352
Customer sent this
back. What? Why?
58
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,224
She says it's not dairy free.
59
00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:18,877
The sauce... it's gorgonzola.
60
00:02:18,921 --> 00:02:20,575
That's cheese, you dumb-ass.
61
00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:22,098
Who gives a shit?
Who... [Scoffs]
62
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,361
That's a whole new fillet
I gotta make, Nicky.
63
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:25,319
I don't have time for
this. Excuse me...
64
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:26,537
Oh! Jesus!
65
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:27,886
I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.
66
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,845
Shit![Screams]
67
00:02:29,888 --> 00:02:31,673
Get some ice! Some ice!
68
00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,501
Aah!
69
00:02:33,544 --> 00:02:34,502
Greg: Nick.
70
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:35,416
What?
71
00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:36,591
"What?"
72
00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:37,722
Christ.
73
00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:39,724
It was an accident. Yeah?
74
00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,117
Now I have to shut
down the grill
75
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,206
till I can scrape
Zack's forearm off it.
76
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,295
Go home. You can't fire me.
77
00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:47,404
They'll throw me in prison.
You really gonna do that?
78
00:02:47,428 --> 00:02:49,430
Spare me, okay?
That was an assault.
79
00:02:49,473 --> 00:02:52,476
As far as I'm concerned,
Walpole can have you.
80
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,565
[Sighs] Just...
81
00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:56,306
Can I at least have a day?
82
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:59,657
A day before my parole officer
finds out about this? Okay?
83
00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:01,268
Do you think you're
in a position
84
00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:04,445
to negotiate right now?
85
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,186
Do you?
86
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:11,147
Okay. Fine.
87
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,714
Tomorrow morning, I'm updating
88
00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:15,282
your employment status
with the county.
89
00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:22,463
♪
90
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:29,644
♪
91
00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:36,868
♪
92
00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:39,306
[Cellphone rings]
93
00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:42,613
♪
94
00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:43,832
Hey, change of plans.
95
00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:46,356
We're leaving tonight.
96
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,880
I just have one thing I
need to take care of first.
97
00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:51,274
[Inhales deeply]
98
00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:53,320
[Laughter]
99
00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:55,670
[Electricity crackles]
100
00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:58,629
[High-pitched ringing]
101
00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:02,416
[Laughter intensifies]
102
00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:07,334
[Indistinct conversations
in distance]
103
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:11,512
[Siren wails in distance]
104
00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:16,560
♪
105
00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:21,565
♪
106
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,350
Tammy: Allison.
107
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,787
I can only imagine how
traumatic tonight was,
108
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,919
but we're gonna have to
ask you some questions.
109
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:29,530
Is that alright?
110
00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:35,623
Where were you tonight,
just before the shooting?
111
00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:37,015
I was... [Clears throat]
112
00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:38,321
I was in bed with Kevin.
113
00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:40,323
And just for the record...
114
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,543
Your relationship
to Kevin McRoberts?
115
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:45,328
♪
116
00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:47,635
I'm his wife.
117
00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:50,638
I'm his miserable,
pathetic wife,
118
00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:53,336
and I'm so glad he's dead.
119
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:55,251
Hey!
120
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,557
You can just go home now
121
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,012
if you're not gonna
take this serious.
122
00:04:58,036 --> 00:04:59,647
Well, I am serious.
123
00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:01,388
Oh, yeah?
124
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:03,259
You'd tell a detective
that you're super glad
125
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,348
your husband has just been
suspiciously murdered?
126
00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:07,698
No, of course not,
but this just seems...
127
00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:09,352
It seems unnecessary.
128
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:10,962
You love a planning
phase, right?
129
00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:12,486
Well, here we are.
130
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,270
Well, I'm not an idiot.
131
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,141
I have planned, okay?
132
00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:18,492
In a few days, I'm gonna
go see your friend Nick...
133
00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:20,015
Not my friend. Okay.
134
00:05:20,058 --> 00:05:21,471
Well, you know what I
mean. Your acquaintance...
135
00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:22,713
Not even that.
136
00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:24,846
Your best friend Nick,
137
00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:26,935
and we're gonna go
through all the details,
138
00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:28,589
and then when the
police investigate,
139
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:30,678
they're gonna find what
we planted as proof
140
00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:32,612
that Kevin is the drug
dealer they're looking for.
141
00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:34,290
You're good. I'm good.
142
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,205
Done.
143
00:05:36,248 --> 00:05:37,598
Done?
144
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:39,077
You realize we're not even
145
00:05:39,121 --> 00:05:42,211
at the hard part
of all this, right?
146
00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:44,387
Sure.
147
00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:47,259
Once Kevin's gone, that's
like the beginning.
148
00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,957
You can't just pick up
149
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,351
and go live out your
scone-and-a-book fantasy
150
00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:53,353
the minute the funeral
cold cuts are gone.
151
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:55,616
Even when a death
isn't suspicious,
152
00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:56,984
people are always
looking to make sure
153
00:05:57,008 --> 00:05:58,662
you're mourning enough.
154
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:00,490
And with this.
155
00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:02,840
[Sighs] they're gonna
have a ton of questions.
156
00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:04,364
Did you know he
was a drug dealer?
157
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,080
Were you in on the dealing?
How was the marriage?
158
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:08,280
Did you love him? Okay!
159
00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:10,935
Just because I haven't discussed
every little thing with you
160
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:12,652
doesn't mean that I'm
not taking this seriously
161
00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:14,156
or that I'm some
kind of big idiot.
162
00:06:14,199 --> 00:06:16,724
Well, screwing your boss
seems pretty idiotic.
163
00:06:22,207 --> 00:06:23,383
Yeah.
164
00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,820
I know.
165
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:29,258
And I found out with
just about zero effort.
166
00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:30,694
If I did,
167
00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:32,957
I can only guess
the cops will, too.
168
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:35,307
Do you really think that's
a good move right now?
169
00:06:35,351 --> 00:06:37,614
I didn't think of it as
a move. It just happened.
170
00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:41,531
Things can't "just happen."
171
00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:44,621
Everything you're doing
right now is gonna be judged.
172
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,014
If you're laughing at his jokes.
173
00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:47,470
What you're buying at
the damn grocery store.
174
00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:48,538
It all sends a message,
175
00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:50,714
and what do you
think affair says?
176
00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:52,586
It's
177
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,109
bad.
178
00:06:54,152 --> 00:06:55,415
Yes.
179
00:06:57,765 --> 00:07:00,158
Listen, I...
180
00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:02,030
I know you don't
want to think ahead
181
00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:03,118
'cause it makes it real.
182
00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:04,772
It's not that. No, it is.
183
00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:07,557
And I get it.
184
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:10,647
But closing your eyes to
reality doesn't change anything.
185
00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:13,433
It just makes you blind.
186
00:07:15,391 --> 00:07:17,611
So, you gotta be
smarter than this.
187
00:07:17,654 --> 00:07:19,917
Smarter than having
an affair right now...
188
00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:22,529
I know!
189
00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:24,879
I know. I know. I know.
190
00:07:24,922 --> 00:07:26,097
[Inhales deeply]
191
00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:28,578
[Sighs shakily]
192
00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:31,755
Hey.
193
00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,583
Eyes open.
194
00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:36,717
♪
195
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:37,979
Right?
196
00:07:38,022 --> 00:07:44,420
♪
197
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,987
Now
198
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:52,341
what is your relationship
to Kevin McRoberts?
199
00:07:52,384 --> 00:08:00,384
♪
200
00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:03,134
He was my husband,
201
00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:05,876
and I loved him
more than anything.
202
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,488
Sam, I can't do this.
203
00:08:08,531 --> 00:08:09,663
Yeah, you know what?
204
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:11,578
This isn't working
for me, either.
205
00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:12,840
No, I'm serious. I'm serious.
206
00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:14,319
I...
207
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:15,930
I've been thinking,
and I need to f...
208
00:08:15,973 --> 00:08:18,802
To focus on my marriage.
209
00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:20,369
[Chuckles] Uh...
210
00:08:24,373 --> 00:08:25,766
Your marriage?
211
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:27,004
You hate your husband. I don't.
212
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,986
I don't... I don't hate him.
213
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:30,422
I've just been...
214
00:08:30,466 --> 00:08:31,641
I've been confused.
215
00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:33,774
No, you haven't been confused.
216
00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:35,253
You've been very clear...
217
00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:37,038
You're miserable. Okay.
218
00:08:37,081 --> 00:08:38,929
Do you think telling me that I'm
wrong's gonna change my mind?
219
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:40,607
That's not how this works, okay?
220
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:42,696
I-I said I'm done. I'm done.
221
00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:43,697
Okay, wait.
222
00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:45,350
Sam, stop. No. No.
223
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:47,744
Not until I understand what
the hell just happened here.
224
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:50,747
Um, 30 seconds
ago, we were fine.
225
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:53,663
And now we're just what? Over?
226
00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:56,318
I told you, I love my husband,
227
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:58,799
and I need to make it work.
228
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,583
So, you're just gonna
throw us away...
229
00:09:00,627 --> 00:09:02,324
For Kevin?
230
00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:04,065
"Us"?
231
00:09:04,108 --> 00:09:06,807
We're not some big love
story. You're my boss.
232
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:09,026
We have sex in a...
In a... closet.
233
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:11,420
No, you know it's
more than that.
234
00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:13,901
No, we pretend that it
is because we don't want
235
00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:15,380
to acknowledge the boring truth,
236
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:17,208
which is that we're two
237
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,949
tired, shitty people
238
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:21,082
who just needed
to feel something.
239
00:09:23,519 --> 00:09:25,565
Do you feel
240
00:09:25,608 --> 00:09:27,044
anything?
241
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,137
Well
242
00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:36,706
thank you, I guess.
243
00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:40,057
Suddenly, I'm more than
happy to never do this again,
244
00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:43,583
because you...
245
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:46,063
I don't know when you got so
246
00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:47,761
broken.
247
00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:56,291
[Gasps]
248
00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:59,468
[Voice breaking]
Oh, what the hell?
249
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:02,689
[Inhales sharply]Wick: You okay?
250
00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:04,386
Mm-hmm. Sure.
251
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:05,668
You know, you don't
need to be brave.
252
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:07,607
I see 15 women a day,
and they all look
253
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:08,714
the same way that
you do right now.
254
00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:09,826
Mm-hmm.
255
00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:12,307
And how do I look? Nervous.
256
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:14,190
Like you're about to find
out you're defective.
257
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:16,224
But if the bloodwork
comes back okay,
258
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,574
then we will find a
way to make it happen.
259
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,881
It's what I'm here for.
You'll get your baby.
260
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:27,888
Um, and it'll be clear that
I'm here for fertility stuff,
261
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:30,238
like on some official record?
262
00:10:30,281 --> 00:10:32,414
Hmm? My, um...
263
00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:35,112
My insurance company can
be a real pain. Oh, yeah.
264
00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:37,134
The... The girls up front
will get them what they need.
265
00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:39,073
Alright. Little pressure here.
266
00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:40,291
[Groans]
267
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:42,424
So this will be your first?
268
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:43,730
Yeah.
269
00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:46,341
And how long have you
been with your partner?
270
00:10:46,384 --> 00:10:47,908
My husband.
271
00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:50,606
My wonderful husband.
272
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,696
I-I met him when I was
20, and since then,
273
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,568
I feel like I've been in
some kind of fever dream.
274
00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:58,005
A greatone.
275
00:10:58,048 --> 00:10:59,615
That's young.
276
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:02,052
Yeah.
277
00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:04,489
I was so nervous
on my wedding day.
278
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:07,623
I'm... I'm not good with
crowds or big decisions.
279
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,842
[Laughs]
280
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:11,148
I just kept...
reapplying deodorant
281
00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:14,674
and wondering if I should
just run for the hills.
282
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:16,153
He saw me, uh
283
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:17,522
pacing back and
forth in the hallway,
284
00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:20,984
almost crying to
Father O'Donnell.
285
00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:23,073
I'm sure it was obvious
I was freaking out,
286
00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:25,162
but instead of
talking to me about it
287
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:27,687
or acknowledging it, he, uh...
288
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:30,298
[Laughs]
289
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:33,736
He pantsed the priest.
290
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,825
I actually laughed.
291
00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:37,348
And after that, I was fine,
292
00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:39,742
because I-I really
believed that he would...
293
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:42,266
You know, he would
do anything for me.
294
00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:45,226
Just keep... pantsing priests
295
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:48,533
and making me laugh for
the rest of our lives.
296
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:50,797
I haven't thought
about that in years.
297
00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:54,777
Well, it's a good
thing you didn't wait
298
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,628
another 15 years
to start trying.
299
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:59,675
Nobody's getting any younger.
300
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,633
[Sobs]
301
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:03,070
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean...
302
00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:04,854
No, I'm fine.
303
00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:07,378
I'm fine. I'm not usually a...
304
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:10,425
I'm not usually
emotional, so I'm fine.
305
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,385
I'll be fine.
306
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:20,261
Thank you.
307
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:22,654
Uh, will there be a
record of my visit.
308
00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:24,569
Just my, uh... My
insurance company...
309
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,006
You bet.
310
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:28,922
[Telephone rings in distance]
311
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:30,053
'Kay.
312
00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:35,450
[Sighing] Mm.
313
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:37,408
Ah!
314
00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:41,238
[Chuckles]
315
00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:44,198
[Clears throat loudly]
316
00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:51,945
Oh! Oh.
317
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:54,382
[Chuckles]
318
00:12:54,425 --> 00:12:56,210
Sorry.
319
00:12:56,253 --> 00:12:57,864
Classic Allison.
320
00:12:57,907 --> 00:13:04,044
♪
321
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:06,220
[Telephone rings in distance]
322
00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:08,048
Well,
323
00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:10,267
so cute.
324
00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,313
Can't wait to show my
husband when I get home.
325
00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:17,884
♪
326
00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:20,408
[Sobs]
327
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:22,976
Damn it!
328
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:31,027
♪
329
00:13:31,071 --> 00:13:32,507
Tammy: Can you tell
me what happened
330
00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:35,858
immediately after you
heard the gunshot?
331
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:37,729
Um...
332
00:13:37,773 --> 00:13:40,515
I don't know.
333
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:43,213
There was screaming.
334
00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:44,475
And
335
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,564
our neighbor called.
336
00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:47,739
Patty.
337
00:13:47,783 --> 00:13:49,176
Well, you know Patty.
338
00:13:49,219 --> 00:13:53,180
♪
339
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:56,705
Patty's full name, please?
340
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:58,402
Um, sure.
341
00:13:58,446 --> 00:14:01,928
Um, Patricia Deirdre O'Connor.
342
00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:04,539
[Classical music plays]
343
00:14:08,325 --> 00:14:10,588
Oh, hell.
344
00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:12,460
You need some help?
345
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:13,896
No. No.
346
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,419
I'm fine.
347
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:17,813
This is great.
It's a great date.
348
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,382
Ahh!
349
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,819
Wow. You hate this.
350
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,429
No.
351
00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:26,996
I... Thank God.
352
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,780
Me, too.
353
00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:31,218
I thought this was gonna
be soothing or something.
354
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:33,568
It's not.
355
00:14:33,611 --> 00:14:36,353
Want to just get drunk
off their wedding wine?
356
00:14:38,225 --> 00:14:40,923
Yes, please.
357
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,707
Ooh.
358
00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:47,234
I love your brush strokes
here. Very evocative.
359
00:14:47,277 --> 00:14:49,323
Oh, yeah? Absolutely.
360
00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:52,326
I can feel your
anger at the sunset.
361
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,415
It's a commentary on
the passage of time.
362
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:57,461
Of course. Where
you gonna put it?
363
00:14:57,505 --> 00:14:59,289
Somewhere really special.
364
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,683
[Cellphone vibrates]
365
00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:03,119
[Laughs]
366
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:04,294
Sorry.
367
00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:06,209
This is rude.
368
00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:09,169
But work is intense.
369
00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:11,519
Anything interesting?
370
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,738
Maybe.
371
00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:15,566
Come on.
372
00:15:15,610 --> 00:15:17,438
Liven up the life of
a hairdresser, please.
373
00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:20,354
[Scoffs] I'm not sure
how exciting it is.
374
00:15:20,397 --> 00:15:22,051
We picked up this
little old lady
375
00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:24,967
for a forged prescription
across town at Melba's.
376
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:26,969
Like, a 98-year-old
telling me and Bram
377
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:28,971
to screw off. [Chuckles]
378
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,842
But I'm pretty sure
she was being supplied
379
00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:34,368
by this dealer
we're after, so...
380
00:15:34,411 --> 00:15:35,586
Done.
381
00:15:35,630 --> 00:15:37,545
All yours again.
382
00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:43,681
Um
383
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:45,509
My brother might be in there.
384
00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,250
He uses my oven a lot.
385
00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:48,991
I've met Neil.
386
00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:51,230
I don't think you have to worry
about him deducing anything.
387
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:52,299
Yeah.
388
00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:56,021
But it's not just Neil
you're worried about.
389
00:15:58,218 --> 00:16:00,481
This has all just
happened kinda fast,
390
00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:02,613
and I haven't been able
to get my head around it.
391
00:16:02,657 --> 00:16:05,138
What's to get your head around?
392
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:06,748
We like each other.
393
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,837
Yeah.
394
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,100
And that's new for me.
395
00:16:11,144 --> 00:16:13,973
Is it? Come on.
396
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:15,080
You're telling me
I'm the first woman
397
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,802
you've ever had feelings for?
398
00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,848
I...
399
00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:22,329
guess so.
400
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:23,547
Yeah. Yes.
401
00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:25,158
You didn't grow up looking twice
402
00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:27,856
at the Morton's Salt Girl
or Jo from "Facts of Life"?
403
00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:30,380
What? No.
404
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:33,079
Are you much older than me?
405
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,602
What about your
"nosy ass neighbor"
406
00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,865
from the bar the other night?
407
00:16:36,908 --> 00:16:39,085
Okay. Now you don't know
what you're talking about,
408
00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:40,564
so you should just stop.
409
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,175
I'm not trying to piss you off.
410
00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:43,848
I'm just trying to show you
that it's not a big deal.
411
00:16:43,872 --> 00:16:46,048
Maybe it is.
412
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:48,355
I have cable, okay?
413
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:52,402
I know we're all fine
with everything now,
414
00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:55,318
but maybe if you're 33 and
still figuring things out,
415
00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:57,712
it's
416
00:16:57,755 --> 00:17:01,237
it's embarrassing.
417
00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:05,067
Can you please just
let it be hard?
418
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,026
Can't that be okay?
419
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:12,422
If it's the right person...
If I'mthe right person...
420
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:15,338
I think it's
supposed to be easy.
421
00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:17,055
And you'd probably kiss
me before you had a chance
422
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:20,561
to think about who might see.
423
00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:26,132
♪
424
00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:31,659
♪
425
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:32,921
[Sighs]
426
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:37,186
♪
427
00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:38,709
[Laughter][Camera
shutter clicks]
428
00:17:38,753 --> 00:17:41,190
No, I think, uh, the
slashing windmill's
429
00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:42,844
a better look on me, Neil.
430
00:17:42,887 --> 00:17:44,759
[Camera shutter clicks]
431
00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:46,239
Fine.
432
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:47,477
But I get to stick
my tongue out.
433
00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:49,285
It's very muscular.
434
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:52,158
[Laughter]
435
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:55,030
Shouldn't you have gotten this
out of your system at Halloween?
436
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,727
Kev and I are starting a band.
437
00:17:56,771 --> 00:17:58,140
Shouldn't you have gotten
that out of your system
438
00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:00,035
in middle school?
439
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,777
It is never too late to
fulfill your destiny.
440
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,170
I just found out last night
441
00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:08,087
that I'm supposed
to be a rock star.
442
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:11,046
Kev did karaoke at
Sully's and killed it.
443
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,701
I always knew I was
destined to be famous.
444
00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:16,138
I just never thought
it'd be for singing.
445
00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:18,880
Yeah, I assumed it'd be some
sort of testicle-bashing video.
446
00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:20,751
Same.
447
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:23,624
I mean, singing is [Chuckles]
pretty soft, you know?
448
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:26,366
Yeah. Thanks, Josh Groban.
449
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:29,586
But last night, with
the crowd eating it up,
450
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,675
I just figured, if it
leads to fame and fortune,
451
00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:33,503
it can't be that soft.
452
00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:35,157
And that's when it dawned on me.
453
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:38,291
♪ Jenny McCarthy Tank Top ♪
454
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:42,077
Is that... What is that?
455
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,687
It's our band name. Yeah.
456
00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:46,299
Jenny McCarthy Tank Top?
457
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:48,605
It's brilliant. We'll save
a bundle on marketing.
458
00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:50,477
Yeah, everyone I
know already Googles.
459
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,044
"Jenny McCarthy Tank
Top" constantly.
460
00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:55,308
Now our sound will pop up
461
00:18:55,351 --> 00:18:57,614
right next to the blonde
in the half shirt.
462
00:18:57,658 --> 00:19:01,966
It was either that or...
♪ Fassbender's Hog!
463
00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:05,056
No day jobs. No
responsibilities.
464
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,972
Just the music
and the open road.
465
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:09,452
And let me guess.
466
00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:12,238
I'm on tambourine.
467
00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:13,456
Uh, oh.
468
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,589
Well... Uh
469
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:19,245
we didn't exactly,
uh, factor you in.
470
00:19:19,288 --> 00:19:20,898
Yeah.
471
00:19:20,942 --> 00:19:23,901
Well, uh, what do you know
about driving a tour bus?
472
00:19:23,945 --> 00:19:25,381
Or... Or... Or picking out
473
00:19:25,425 --> 00:19:27,775
only green M&M's from
bags of other M&M's?
474
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:30,473
Hey, hey, hey. Hold up.
475
00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:32,171
Band meeting.
476
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:36,087
Ugh! [Sighs]
477
00:19:36,131 --> 00:19:37,524
We cannot have a girl
478
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:40,091
in a band named Jenny
McCarthy Tank Top.
479
00:19:40,135 --> 00:19:42,920
I guess that would
be pretty weird.
480
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:45,401
Unless it's Jenny McCarthy.
481
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:47,098
[Laughter]
482
00:19:47,142 --> 00:19:48,491
So we're agreed then?
483
00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:50,232
We put the kibosh on
chicks in the bank
484
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:51,842
who aren't Jenny McCarthy?
485
00:19:51,886 --> 00:19:53,279
Even a half-chick like Patty?
486
00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:56,020
Ugh.
487
00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:59,198
Men: ♪ Jenny McCarthy Tank Top
488
00:20:02,592 --> 00:20:03,811
[Note plays]
489
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:05,421
I'm sorry, man,
490
00:20:05,465 --> 00:20:07,945
but there's just no room
for you in Jenny McCarthy...
491
00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:09,469
♪ Tank Top ♪ Top
492
00:20:09,512 --> 00:20:11,297
And what about Allison?
493
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:13,168
She's in the bathroom
getting all dolled up
494
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,256
to be a groupie.
495
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:15,823
Oh, you know,
496
00:20:15,866 --> 00:20:17,651
I'd say you could be
a groupie, too, Patty,
497
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:20,088
but you obviously
can't be with Neil, so
498
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:21,959
you'd have to be Pete's.
499
00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:24,005
Too clingy.
500
00:20:24,048 --> 00:20:29,445
♪
501
00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:37,489
[Knocks on door]
502
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:39,325
Allison?
503
00:20:39,368 --> 00:20:40,587
Patty?
504
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:41,892
Yes.
505
00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:44,504
Obviously.
506
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,854
What're you doing in here?
507
00:20:46,897 --> 00:20:48,551
I'm...
508
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:52,294
[Sniffles]
509
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:54,340
Jesus, what the hell
happened to you?
510
00:20:54,383 --> 00:20:56,429
Nothing.
511
00:20:56,472 --> 00:20:58,257
Uh
512
00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,432
You sure?
513
00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:00,737
Yeah. I'm fine.
514
00:21:00,781 --> 00:21:02,826
[Sobbing]
515
00:21:02,870 --> 00:21:04,698
You're sobbing. No, I'm not.
516
00:21:04,741 --> 00:21:07,527
I'm not.
517
00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:09,529
Last time I cried was,
like, 10 years ago,
518
00:21:09,572 --> 00:21:11,531
and even then, it was
'cause I saw a dog
519
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:14,185
get hit by a car outside
the package store.
520
00:21:14,229 --> 00:21:16,971
What, am I made of stone?
521
00:21:17,014 --> 00:21:19,495
Even Uncle Chuck pretended to
have allergies that day, okay?
522
00:21:19,539 --> 00:21:20,757
[Sobs]
523
00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:22,846
Ugh. Shut up.
524
00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:24,674
[Sighs deeply]
525
00:21:24,718 --> 00:21:26,415
It's been happening all week.
526
00:21:26,459 --> 00:21:27,808
It's like a physical thing.
527
00:21:27,851 --> 00:21:32,073
I can't help it. It's
like a... a sneeze.
528
00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:33,814
Yeah.
529
00:21:33,857 --> 00:21:36,382
I like to get drunk alone
in the tub to sneeze, too.
530
00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:39,428
I should just get
used to it, right?
531
00:21:39,472 --> 00:21:40,995
"Drunk and alone"
is a nice snapshot
532
00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:42,475
of the rest of my life.
533
00:21:42,518 --> 00:21:45,347
Come on. No, you come on!
534
00:21:45,391 --> 00:21:47,741
I've done some shit, Patty.
535
00:21:47,784 --> 00:21:50,874
I'm like a monster
now. I-I hurt people.
536
00:21:50,918 --> 00:21:52,876
I lied to a police officer.
537
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,749
You think that's the
worst thing you've done?
538
00:21:55,792 --> 00:21:57,577
I just risked everything
539
00:21:57,620 --> 00:21:59,535
so that afterwards,
when it's done,
540
00:21:59,579 --> 00:22:01,929
I get to die alone. Jesus.
541
00:22:01,972 --> 00:22:04,540
And I'm basically all
dried up down there,
542
00:22:04,584 --> 00:22:07,761
so I can't even have kids
to guilt into loving me.
543
00:22:07,804 --> 00:22:09,676
What?
544
00:22:09,719 --> 00:22:12,722
Do you even want kids?
545
00:22:12,766 --> 00:22:14,724
[Sighs] Of course.
546
00:22:14,768 --> 00:22:17,988
That's what you do.
547
00:22:18,032 --> 00:22:21,078
I just don't want Kevin's.
548
00:22:21,122 --> 00:22:22,341
No. [Snaps fingers]
549
00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:23,559
Hey.
550
00:22:23,603 --> 00:22:25,169
Gimme that.
551
00:22:27,041 --> 00:22:28,999
[Sighs]
552
00:22:33,743 --> 00:22:36,355
I'm broken.
553
00:22:36,398 --> 00:22:37,921
And before all this,
554
00:22:37,965 --> 00:22:39,967
you were the picture
of perfection?
555
00:22:40,010 --> 00:22:41,185
Please.
556
00:22:41,229 --> 00:22:42,404
[Scoffs]
557
00:22:42,448 --> 00:22:44,972
Thank you.
558
00:22:45,015 --> 00:22:47,627
No, I...
559
00:22:47,670 --> 00:22:51,544
I mean, I couldn't stand
being around you before.
560
00:22:51,587 --> 00:22:54,024
You had the presence of,
like, a pointy houseplant.
561
00:22:54,068 --> 00:22:56,157
But a naggy one. A naggy ficus.
562
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,028
Is this you being nice?
563
00:22:58,072 --> 00:23:00,683
I mean, I came up
here looking for you
564
00:23:00,727 --> 00:23:02,206
not because things
were going to shit
565
00:23:02,250 --> 00:23:05,209
and I had to talk to you,
but because I wanted to.
566
00:23:08,778 --> 00:23:11,651
I'm just... I'm saying
567
00:23:11,694 --> 00:23:14,044
if this is you broken...
568
00:23:16,656 --> 00:23:19,528
If this is you broken
569
00:23:19,572 --> 00:23:21,269
stay broken.
570
00:23:27,536 --> 00:23:28,668
Come on.
571
00:23:28,711 --> 00:23:29,669
What?
572
00:23:29,712 --> 00:23:32,367
Come on.
573
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:34,500
In there? Mm-hmm.
574
00:23:37,459 --> 00:23:39,983
[Laughs] Oh!
575
00:23:40,027 --> 00:23:41,245
Shut up.
576
00:23:41,289 --> 00:23:44,727
[Chuckles]
577
00:23:44,771 --> 00:23:46,425
Hey.
578
00:23:50,037 --> 00:23:53,214
I like talking to you, too.
579
00:23:53,257 --> 00:23:59,873
♪ Ohhh, oh-h-h
580
00:23:59,916 --> 00:24:02,745
So maybe we can
die alone together.
581
00:24:02,789 --> 00:24:08,751
♪ Oh, my love
582
00:24:08,795 --> 00:24:13,930
♪ Oh, my love
583
00:24:13,974 --> 00:24:16,890
♪ My darling
584
00:24:16,933 --> 00:24:22,330
♪ I've hungered for your touch
585
00:24:22,373 --> 00:24:30,251
♪ A long, lonely time
586
00:24:30,294 --> 00:24:32,775
You are the right person.
587
00:24:32,819 --> 00:24:34,821
You.
588
00:24:34,864 --> 00:24:36,431
Okay?
589
00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:38,912
♪ Ooh, my love
590
00:24:38,955 --> 00:24:41,131
Okay.
591
00:24:41,175 --> 00:24:47,050
♪ Ooh, my love
592
00:24:47,094 --> 00:24:51,925
♪ My love
593
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,200
Bob: Is there anyone you can
think of who's been in conflict
594
00:24:56,233 --> 00:24:57,496
with your husband lately?
595
00:24:57,539 --> 00:25:00,107
Anyone who... might
want to hurt him?
596
00:25:00,150 --> 00:25:03,806
[Sighs] I don't...
Everybody loves Kevin.
597
00:25:03,850 --> 00:25:07,593
Was there an argument
earlier in the day
598
00:25:07,636 --> 00:25:08,855
with a friend of his?
599
00:25:08,898 --> 00:25:10,378
Uh, Neil?
600
00:25:10,421 --> 00:25:12,269
He and the intruder were
on the same hockey team
601
00:25:12,293 --> 00:25:15,426
together at Burncoat.
602
00:25:15,470 --> 00:25:17,167
I mean, maybe.
603
00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:21,302
No, K...
604
00:25:21,345 --> 00:25:23,130
Neil's not capable of
something like this.
605
00:25:23,173 --> 00:25:24,716
You'd be surprised
how dark people can be
606
00:25:24,740 --> 00:25:26,699
beneath the surface.
607
00:25:26,742 --> 00:25:29,005
Oh, no. I don't mean
capable like that.
608
00:25:29,049 --> 00:25:32,008
I mean, um...
609
00:25:32,052 --> 00:25:34,533
You know, the guy who
jumps off a bridge
610
00:25:34,576 --> 00:25:36,447
'cause all of his
friends are doing it?
611
00:25:36,491 --> 00:25:38,275
That's not Neil.
612
00:25:38,319 --> 00:25:41,452
Neil's the guy who offers
to jump in first to see
613
00:25:41,496 --> 00:25:43,150
if the water's too cold.
614
00:25:43,193 --> 00:25:48,982
♪
615
00:25:49,025 --> 00:25:50,636
The heck?
616
00:25:50,679 --> 00:25:53,203
Who's throws something
like this away?
617
00:25:53,247 --> 00:25:56,206
Future album cover art for
Jenny McCarthy Tank Top?
618
00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:58,469
Uh, yes, please!
619
00:25:58,513 --> 00:26:01,647
[Laughter]
620
00:26:01,690 --> 00:26:03,300
[Gasps]
621
00:26:03,344 --> 00:26:07,087
[Laughter]
622
00:26:07,130 --> 00:26:08,610
No, please.
623
00:26:08,654 --> 00:26:10,481
Come on in.
624
00:26:10,525 --> 00:26:12,788
Good morning, Neil.
625
00:26:12,832 --> 00:26:14,137
Neil?
626
00:26:14,181 --> 00:26:15,356
Good morning?
627
00:26:15,399 --> 00:26:18,098
Oh, hi. So... I didn't see you.
628
00:26:18,141 --> 00:26:20,187
And your cop friend.
629
00:26:20,230 --> 00:26:22,189
S-Sorry.
630
00:26:22,232 --> 00:26:25,105
At ease.
631
00:26:25,148 --> 00:26:26,517
It's actually great
that you're here.
632
00:26:26,541 --> 00:26:27,901
Can I get your
advise on something?
633
00:26:27,934 --> 00:26:28,848
Move. No!
634
00:26:28,891 --> 00:26:30,153
Leave her alone, Neil!
635
00:26:30,197 --> 00:26:32,634
No, it's okay. What you got?
636
00:26:32,678 --> 00:26:34,070
Well, let's just say
637
00:26:34,114 --> 00:26:35,787
you had some evidence
that your co-lead singer
638
00:26:35,811 --> 00:26:37,615
and co-lead guitarist was
doing something sneaky
639
00:26:37,639 --> 00:26:39,225
that could break up
Jenny McCarthy Tank Top
640
00:26:39,249 --> 00:26:40,990
before it even started?
641
00:26:41,034 --> 00:26:43,906
I'm really not following, Neil.
642
00:26:43,950 --> 00:26:46,779
I found these in
the trash outside.
643
00:26:46,822 --> 00:26:49,912
They're forms and pamphlets
from a baby making clinic.
644
00:26:49,956 --> 00:26:52,132
Pamphlets with babies on them.
645
00:26:52,175 --> 00:26:54,874
Forms with Allison on them.
646
00:26:54,917 --> 00:26:56,223
You know what this means?
647
00:26:56,266 --> 00:26:57,679
That's it's very
personal information,
648
00:26:57,703 --> 00:27:01,228
and you should stay out of
other people's marriages?
649
00:27:01,271 --> 00:27:04,274
No, it means that
Kevin's been lying to me.
650
00:27:04,318 --> 00:27:06,146
So you want to do
an interrogation?
651
00:27:06,189 --> 00:27:07,756
Exactly. Teach me how.
652
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:11,151
No, Tammy's off duty.
Leave her alone!
653
00:27:11,194 --> 00:27:12,631
It's okay, Patty.
654
00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:15,721
I don't mind sharing a
little of my expertise.
655
00:27:15,764 --> 00:27:17,026
Great.
656
00:27:17,070 --> 00:27:18,288
So I was thinking we get him,
657
00:27:18,332 --> 00:27:19,768
and I tie him down to a chair,
658
00:27:19,812 --> 00:27:24,033
and then I shine a light in
his eyes, real dramatic-like.
659
00:27:24,077 --> 00:27:26,732
Well, that's illegal.
660
00:27:26,775 --> 00:27:28,690
But what we usually do
is make the perp think
661
00:27:28,734 --> 00:27:30,474
we have more
evidence than we do.
662
00:27:30,518 --> 00:27:33,956
By shining a light in his
eyes, real dramatic-like?
663
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,479
Not exactly.
664
00:27:35,523 --> 00:27:37,022
First, we start with a
couple baseline questions
665
00:27:37,046 --> 00:27:38,700
that have nothing
to do with the crime
666
00:27:38,744 --> 00:27:41,050
so we can establish
a good relationship.
667
00:27:41,094 --> 00:27:44,793
"Questions for
good relationship."
668
00:27:44,837 --> 00:27:47,535
Then you should stay
quiet as much as you can.
669
00:27:47,578 --> 00:27:49,450
Stay quiet, as in,
"Don't ask him anything
670
00:27:49,493 --> 00:27:53,062
because it's none
of your business."
671
00:27:53,106 --> 00:27:55,499
As in... let the perp talk.
672
00:27:55,543 --> 00:27:57,216
And if I have a photo
or a piece of evidence
673
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,503
that I think might
take him by surprise,
674
00:27:59,547 --> 00:28:01,592
I slide it across the table.
675
00:28:01,636 --> 00:28:04,073
Real... dramatic-like?
676
00:28:04,117 --> 00:28:06,206
Real dramatic-like.
677
00:28:08,382 --> 00:28:09,775
Then I watch their face.
678
00:28:09,818 --> 00:28:11,646
You're looking for
signs of recognition.
679
00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:13,561
What if this guy's
a real mastermind?
680
00:28:13,604 --> 00:28:16,259
I mean, he once snuck
booze into Gillette Stadium
681
00:28:16,303 --> 00:28:18,522
in a fake fat stomach
682
00:28:18,566 --> 00:28:22,135
over his real fat stomach.
683
00:28:22,178 --> 00:28:24,311
What if he outsmarts
me, and I can't tell?
684
00:28:24,354 --> 00:28:26,008
Well, then my partner and I
685
00:28:26,052 --> 00:28:28,707
would do a little
good cop/bad cop.
686
00:28:28,750 --> 00:28:31,231
Oh! That's good.
687
00:28:31,274 --> 00:28:33,886
"Good cop/bad cop".
688
00:28:33,929 --> 00:28:36,932
Man, you are way funner
than Allison to have around.
689
00:28:36,976 --> 00:28:38,194
Thanks for your help.
690
00:28:38,238 --> 00:28:39,630
Happy interrogating.
691
00:28:39,674 --> 00:28:41,023
Is there any other kind?
692
00:28:41,067 --> 00:28:42,590
No! Stop.
693
00:28:42,633 --> 00:28:45,811
You can't go getting into
other people's business.
694
00:28:45,854 --> 00:28:47,638
Fine.
695
00:28:47,682 --> 00:28:51,251
[Laughter]
696
00:28:53,383 --> 00:28:55,211
Kevin.
697
00:28:55,255 --> 00:28:57,083
Interesting to find you here.
698
00:28:57,126 --> 00:28:58,824
Uh, yeah.
699
00:28:58,867 --> 00:29:00,826
Hey, how's your guitar coming?
700
00:29:00,869 --> 00:29:02,653
'Cause I've been thinking,
it might be cooler
701
00:29:02,697 --> 00:29:04,786
if I just sing and
hold the guitar
702
00:29:04,830 --> 00:29:07,571
and you play for both of us.
703
00:29:07,615 --> 00:29:09,922
Hey, Kev, I got a
couple of questions.
704
00:29:09,965 --> 00:29:11,706
Okay.
705
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:15,623
How many beans do you think
are in a standard Bush's can?
706
00:29:15,666 --> 00:29:17,712
I don't know. Great.
707
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:20,149
What a fun relationship
we've established.
708
00:29:20,193 --> 00:29:22,064
[Chuckling] Are you okay?
709
00:29:22,108 --> 00:29:23,849
Did you try to put
on a fake mustache
710
00:29:23,892 --> 00:29:26,503
with airplane glue again?
711
00:29:26,547 --> 00:29:30,507
Kev, listen, I'm
on your team here.
712
00:29:30,551 --> 00:29:32,988
So why don't you tell me
what you need to tell me?
713
00:29:33,032 --> 00:29:34,424
Uh, o-okay.
714
00:29:34,468 --> 00:29:36,252
Uh, I was gonna wait
until Pete got back,
715
00:29:36,296 --> 00:29:38,428
but I guess I can tell you now.
716
00:29:38,472 --> 00:29:39,821
I booked us a gig for the band.
717
00:29:39,865 --> 00:29:41,344
Wait, no way.
718
00:29:41,388 --> 00:29:42,911
Really? That's wicked awesome.
719
00:29:42,955 --> 00:29:45,435
Hey, I got some art we can
use for the poster and...
720
00:29:45,479 --> 00:29:47,002
Mnm, no. No.
721
00:29:47,046 --> 00:29:48,308
That's... That's not it.
722
00:29:48,351 --> 00:29:49,657
Huh?
723
00:29:51,833 --> 00:29:54,531
Kev, listen,
724
00:29:54,575 --> 00:29:56,664
I'm your friend here, okay?
725
00:29:56,707 --> 00:29:58,579
You can come clean,
726
00:29:58,622 --> 00:30:00,668
because I'm being nice.
727
00:30:02,322 --> 00:30:05,412
[Groans]
728
00:30:05,455 --> 00:30:08,154
What...
729
00:30:08,197 --> 00:30:09,895
What is this? What
are these notes?
730
00:30:09,938 --> 00:30:11,984
It says "Good Cod Bad Cod."
731
00:30:12,027 --> 00:30:13,637
Are these babies?
732
00:30:13,681 --> 00:30:16,553
Oh, so that's how you
wanna play it, huh?!
733
00:30:16,597 --> 00:30:19,556
I know you're trying to start
a family without me, Kevin!
734
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,907
Have you even thought about
what this'll do to the band?!
735
00:30:21,950 --> 00:30:23,865
You may as well have
named the baby Yoko!
736
00:30:23,909 --> 00:30:26,128
Aah!
737
00:30:26,172 --> 00:30:28,217
This is...
738
00:30:28,261 --> 00:30:30,045
Wait, is...
739
00:30:30,089 --> 00:30:32,178
Allison? Oh, yeah, yeah.
740
00:30:32,221 --> 00:30:34,310
Sure, you didn't know
about any of this.
741
00:30:34,354 --> 00:30:36,791
Of course not.
742
00:30:36,835 --> 00:30:38,184
Oh.
743
00:30:38,227 --> 00:30:39,707
I never want babies.
744
00:30:39,750 --> 00:30:41,032
They get to sleep
whenever they want,
745
00:30:41,056 --> 00:30:42,449
and I think that's unfair.
746
00:30:42,492 --> 00:30:43,972
Th... That's what I thought.
747
00:30:44,016 --> 00:30:47,236
Well, then I've made
a huge mistake, huh?
748
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:48,759
No, Neil, it's, uh...
749
00:30:48,803 --> 00:30:51,197
It's good you
brought this to me.
750
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,982
Why would Allison go to the
vaginacologist without you?
751
00:30:56,071 --> 00:30:58,160
Why indeed, Neil.
752
00:30:58,204 --> 00:31:01,729
Why, indeed.
753
00:31:01,772 --> 00:31:04,253
Don't take that sleuthing
hat off just yet.
754
00:31:04,297 --> 00:31:06,429
We've got a case to crack.
755
00:31:06,473 --> 00:31:08,562
The music will have to wait!
756
00:31:10,694 --> 00:31:12,218
That's a solidly built guitar.
757
00:31:12,261 --> 00:31:13,741
Let's go!
758
00:31:13,784 --> 00:31:15,525
[Laughter]
759
00:31:18,224 --> 00:31:19,965
Bob: Allison.
760
00:31:20,008 --> 00:31:21,594
I'm gonna need you to
walk us through today,
761
00:31:21,618 --> 00:31:22,968
before the shooting.
762
00:31:23,011 --> 00:31:24,621
Tammy: I know it's hard,
763
00:31:24,665 --> 00:31:26,014
but really, I'm
your friend here.
764
00:31:26,058 --> 00:31:28,103
We're almost done.
765
00:31:28,147 --> 00:31:31,411
Did you notice anything
outside of your usual routine?
766
00:31:31,454 --> 00:31:33,804
No.
767
00:31:33,848 --> 00:31:37,983
I woke up. I-I went to
work at the diner... Bev's.
768
00:31:38,026 --> 00:31:42,422
And, yeah, there was
nothing unusual there.
769
00:31:45,468 --> 00:31:47,557
Just, uh, let me know if I
can get you anything else.
770
00:31:47,601 --> 00:31:50,256
Yeah. We ordered two coffees.
771
00:31:50,299 --> 00:31:51,910
Of course. Okay.
772
00:31:51,953 --> 00:31:53,520
Yeah. One sec.
773
00:31:53,563 --> 00:31:55,043
[Groans]
774
00:31:57,524 --> 00:31:59,961
Um, two coffees,
when you have a sec.
775
00:32:00,005 --> 00:32:02,094
Whatever you want.
776
00:32:11,059 --> 00:32:12,931
[Sighs]
777
00:32:12,974 --> 00:32:15,585
You okay?
778
00:32:15,629 --> 00:32:17,544
I'm fine.
779
00:32:20,677 --> 00:32:21,940
Hey, wait.
780
00:32:26,596 --> 00:32:28,139
I know it's been a hard
week for both of us,
781
00:32:28,163 --> 00:32:29,425
but, um
782
00:32:29,469 --> 00:32:31,775
we can still talk, you know?
783
00:32:31,819 --> 00:32:33,647
And if you're in a
bad place, then...
784
00:32:33,690 --> 00:32:36,215
Hmm?
785
00:32:36,258 --> 00:32:38,391
I just don't like the idea
of you drinking alone.
786
00:32:38,434 --> 00:32:40,001
I've tried to find answers
787
00:32:40,045 --> 00:32:41,413
in the bottom of a
rocks glass, too,
788
00:32:41,437 --> 00:32:42,762
and I can tell you,
it doesn't work.
789
00:32:42,786 --> 00:32:44,745
I-I wasn't... I
wasn't drinking alone.
790
00:32:44,788 --> 00:32:48,053
I had some wine with
a friend last night.
791
00:32:48,096 --> 00:32:49,532
Oh.
792
00:32:49,576 --> 00:32:52,144
I'm not, like,
drowning my sorrows.
793
00:32:52,187 --> 00:32:53,319
Of course.
794
00:32:53,362 --> 00:32:54,320
I am fine.
795
00:32:54,363 --> 00:32:56,148
I'm, uh
796
00:32:56,191 --> 00:32:58,237
happy, even.
797
00:32:58,280 --> 00:32:59,586
Great.
798
00:32:59,629 --> 00:33:01,414
Yeah.
799
00:33:01,457 --> 00:33:02,981
Me, too.
800
00:33:05,635 --> 00:33:06,854
Okay.
801
00:33:06,897 --> 00:33:08,464
'Kay.
802
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:22,304
[Car alarm beeps]
803
00:33:22,348 --> 00:33:24,524
[Sighs]
804
00:33:26,700 --> 00:33:29,877
[Door closes]
805
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:30,920
Hey.
806
00:33:32,836 --> 00:33:35,883
We were going to wait,
but Mom was hungry.
807
00:33:35,926 --> 00:33:38,146
But we understand.
808
00:33:38,190 --> 00:33:40,148
You're busy at your little cafe.
809
00:33:45,197 --> 00:33:47,373
[Sighs]
810
00:34:00,864 --> 00:34:03,954
What?
811
00:34:03,998 --> 00:34:05,347
What "what?"
812
00:34:05,391 --> 00:34:06,957
You're moping.
813
00:34:07,001 --> 00:34:09,438
I'm just...
814
00:34:09,482 --> 00:34:11,571
I'm sorry I was late.
815
00:34:11,614 --> 00:34:14,095
Well, [Sighs] they were
just giving me a hard time
816
00:34:14,139 --> 00:34:16,315
about the reno
before you got here.
817
00:34:16,358 --> 00:34:17,707
Sorry.
818
00:34:17,751 --> 00:34:20,536
I should've been
here to back you up.
819
00:34:20,580 --> 00:34:22,147
It's okay.
820
00:34:22,190 --> 00:34:23,235
[Sighs]
821
00:34:23,278 --> 00:34:25,150
Should've expected it.
822
00:34:25,193 --> 00:34:26,649
I mean, they always need
something to pick at
823
00:34:26,673 --> 00:34:28,457
that isn't their marriage.
824
00:34:28,501 --> 00:34:30,155
Why get divorced if you can just
825
00:34:30,198 --> 00:34:34,289
throw money at projects
to distract yourself?
826
00:34:34,333 --> 00:34:35,247
You think they should've?
827
00:34:35,290 --> 00:34:36,552
Uh, yeah.
828
00:34:36,596 --> 00:34:38,206
A long time ago.
829
00:34:38,250 --> 00:34:40,426
Instead of taking their
hatred for each other out
830
00:34:40,469 --> 00:34:41,992
on everybody else.
831
00:34:42,036 --> 00:34:44,125
[Laughs] God, yes.
832
00:34:44,169 --> 00:34:46,040
You know, sometimes,
833
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:47,924
I feel like I borrowed
money from a loan shark,
834
00:34:47,955 --> 00:34:49,348
the way your mom "naturally"
835
00:34:49,391 --> 00:34:51,393
works the diner's profit
into conversations.
836
00:34:51,437 --> 00:34:53,700
Can't see through that at all.
837
00:34:53,743 --> 00:34:55,136
And then your dad pretends
838
00:34:55,180 --> 00:34:57,138
like he's on
everyone's side, right?
839
00:34:57,182 --> 00:34:58,618
"Dearest, please.
840
00:34:58,661 --> 00:35:01,142
We mustn't talk finances
in front of the children."
841
00:35:01,186 --> 00:35:03,188
Would've been less
painful to borrow money
842
00:35:03,231 --> 00:35:05,799
from someone who'd
just break my fingers.
843
00:35:09,977 --> 00:35:11,718
What? [Sighs]
844
00:35:11,761 --> 00:35:13,154
What?
845
00:35:13,198 --> 00:35:14,851
They're
846
00:35:14,895 --> 00:35:16,853
very generous with us.
847
00:35:16,897 --> 00:35:20,030
And where are your parents
any time we need anything?
848
00:35:20,074 --> 00:35:21,989
Okay, that's not... I'm
just agreeing with you.
849
00:35:22,032 --> 00:35:24,513
They've taken us to the
Bahamas every Christmas
850
00:35:24,557 --> 00:35:25,732
for how many years?
851
00:35:25,775 --> 00:35:29,692
And that's very nice of them.
852
00:35:29,736 --> 00:35:32,217
But I never asked
for the Bahamas.
853
00:35:32,260 --> 00:35:34,567
[Sighs] They just
want us to be happy.
854
00:35:34,610 --> 00:35:36,501
And we wouldn't afford
this kitchen without them,
855
00:35:36,525 --> 00:35:38,048
let alone yourkitchen.
856
00:35:38,092 --> 00:35:40,703
Oh, you mean the, uh,
"little cafe" they funded?
857
00:35:40,747 --> 00:35:42,986
Stop it. You think they'll ever
let me be proud of that place?
858
00:35:43,010 --> 00:35:45,273
Of building anything,
knowing it came from them?
859
00:35:45,317 --> 00:35:47,362
I'm just their latest
thing to throw money at.
860
00:35:47,406 --> 00:35:51,279
Well, let's be honest,
you're a hell of a project!
861
00:35:51,323 --> 00:35:53,151
[Scoffs]
862
00:35:53,194 --> 00:35:55,153
[Clears throat]
863
00:36:00,723 --> 00:36:03,204
Where are you going?!
864
00:36:03,248 --> 00:36:05,511
Maybe I don't want to
waste the next 15 years
865
00:36:05,554 --> 00:36:07,513
trying to distract myself.
866
00:36:10,255 --> 00:36:11,255
[Door slams]
867
00:36:14,955 --> 00:36:17,218
Is that it?
868
00:36:17,262 --> 00:36:19,002
Can I please go now?
869
00:36:19,046 --> 00:36:21,788
Mm, just about.
870
00:36:21,831 --> 00:36:25,270
What was Kevin doing
today up to the shooting?
871
00:36:25,313 --> 00:36:27,446
[Sighs]
872
00:36:27,489 --> 00:36:28,969
♪
873
00:36:29,012 --> 00:36:32,233
The human body's a
house of horrors.
874
00:36:32,277 --> 00:36:34,235
I just got a new
recurring nightmare.
875
00:36:34,279 --> 00:36:37,499
Being so small I get sucked
down my shower drain is out.
876
00:36:37,543 --> 00:36:40,459
That thing is in.
877
00:36:40,502 --> 00:36:42,243
What kind of a
sicko would choose
878
00:36:42,287 --> 00:36:45,377
to do this to themselves?
879
00:36:45,420 --> 00:36:47,074
Oh. Sorry, ma'am.
880
00:36:47,117 --> 00:36:49,250
He didn't mean you.
881
00:36:49,294 --> 00:36:50,904
He... He meant her.
882
00:36:50,947 --> 00:36:53,733
[Laughter]
883
00:36:53,776 --> 00:36:56,039
God, if this is all so gross,
why are we here at all?
884
00:36:56,083 --> 00:36:57,476
It's simple, Neil.
885
00:36:57,519 --> 00:37:00,000
It's a matter of the
birds and the bees.
886
00:37:00,043 --> 00:37:02,220
Ooh, go slow. This
story sounds fun.
887
00:37:02,263 --> 00:37:04,787
See, Allison's
birds are obviously
888
00:37:04,831 --> 00:37:08,138
not laying their eggs
properly in her little nest.
889
00:37:08,182 --> 00:37:09,705
So, that's why
you think she went
890
00:37:09,749 --> 00:37:11,098
to the baby doctor without you?
891
00:37:11,141 --> 00:37:12,360
Definitely.
892
00:37:12,404 --> 00:37:14,144
But if these quacks
get in her head,
893
00:37:14,188 --> 00:37:16,756
she might try pinning
herissues on mybees.
894
00:37:16,799 --> 00:37:19,454
[Gasps] She wouldn't.She would.
895
00:37:19,498 --> 00:37:22,196
But now, she can't, because
once I go in the back
896
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:23,371
and buzz in a little cup,
897
00:37:23,415 --> 00:37:25,068
I'll have legal documentation
898
00:37:25,112 --> 00:37:29,247
showing that my dude-hive
is loaded with primo pollen.
899
00:37:29,290 --> 00:37:30,552
The primo-est.
900
00:37:30,596 --> 00:37:32,032
That's so smart.
901
00:37:32,075 --> 00:37:33,381
It makes perfect sense.
902
00:37:33,425 --> 00:37:34,687
Plus, as a bonus,
903
00:37:34,730 --> 00:37:36,645
they got dirty
magazines back there.
904
00:37:36,689 --> 00:37:39,518
Well, can't you just, like,
watch nudie stuff on your phone?
905
00:37:39,561 --> 00:37:41,998
Where's your sense
of history, Neil?!
906
00:37:42,042 --> 00:37:45,045
These are magazines,
okay? Old school.
907
00:37:45,088 --> 00:37:47,308
It'll be like visiting
Colonial Williamsburg
908
00:37:47,352 --> 00:37:50,180
and churning my own butter.
909
00:37:50,224 --> 00:37:53,532
It's an enriching experience.
910
00:37:53,575 --> 00:37:56,448
You always find a way to
see the magic in the world.
911
00:37:56,491 --> 00:37:57,710
[Laughter]
912
00:37:57,753 --> 00:37:58,972
♪
913
00:37:59,015 --> 00:38:00,278
Attention, everyone!
914
00:38:00,321 --> 00:38:03,150
Report to the
living room at once!
915
00:38:03,193 --> 00:38:05,065
[Softly] Ow.
916
00:38:05,108 --> 00:38:08,373
Report to the living
room! This is urgent!
917
00:38:08,416 --> 00:38:10,505
The last time you claimed
something was urgent,
918
00:38:10,549 --> 00:38:11,898
you had a fake doctor's note
919
00:38:11,941 --> 00:38:15,815
claiming you had a
"meatball sub deficiency".
920
00:38:15,858 --> 00:38:18,034
You knew that was fake?
921
00:38:18,078 --> 00:38:19,732
Listen, none of
that matters now.
922
00:38:19,775 --> 00:38:21,516
I have an announcement.
923
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:25,694
[Drum roll]
924
00:38:25,738 --> 00:38:27,348
Kevin, focus!
925
00:38:27,392 --> 00:38:29,785
Hey! Sorry.
926
00:38:29,829 --> 00:38:35,530
I, Kevin Garnett McRoberts,
am going to be a daddy.
927
00:38:35,574 --> 00:38:38,446
Oh, my God! Oh,
this is so exciting!
928
00:38:38,490 --> 00:38:41,493
What a blessing!
Oh, my child. Oh...
929
00:38:41,536 --> 00:38:43,538
What? No. What?
I'm not pregnant!
930
00:38:43,582 --> 00:38:44,931
Allison's right, Dad.
931
00:38:44,974 --> 00:38:46,976
There is no bun in this
roomy oven just yet.
932
00:38:47,020 --> 00:38:48,326
But don't worry.
933
00:38:48,369 --> 00:38:49,979
There will be plenty
of tummy touching
934
00:38:50,023 --> 00:38:51,154
down the road.
935
00:38:51,198 --> 00:38:52,721
Kevin, what kind
of joke is this?
936
00:38:52,765 --> 00:38:54,244
A cosmic one, really.
937
00:38:54,288 --> 00:38:55,724
I never wanted to be a father.
938
00:38:55,768 --> 00:38:57,596
You know what I
say about kids...
939
00:38:57,639 --> 00:38:59,617
They're only good for their
tiny fingers. Tiny fingers.
940
00:38:59,641 --> 00:39:00,555
Exactly.
941
00:39:00,599 --> 00:39:01,948
And I'm all set there,
942
00:39:01,991 --> 00:39:03,558
'cause your hands
are pretty small.
943
00:39:03,602 --> 00:39:05,778
That's sweet.
944
00:39:05,821 --> 00:39:08,650
When you have a kid, it
becomes all about them,
945
00:39:08,694 --> 00:39:11,914
which means it's not
about me, and that sucks.
946
00:39:11,958 --> 00:39:13,438
You were a blessing, Kevin.
947
00:39:13,481 --> 00:39:15,657
You never caused
me a problem once.
948
00:39:15,701 --> 00:39:17,137
Well, thanks, but that's 'cause
949
00:39:17,180 --> 00:39:18,854
you were drunk off the
blood of Christ, Pop.
950
00:39:18,878 --> 00:39:23,404
But I took my talents
to the baby batter bank.
951
00:39:23,448 --> 00:39:25,275
The what now?
952
00:39:25,319 --> 00:39:27,495
The fartility clinic.
953
00:39:27,539 --> 00:39:29,497
And I found out
954
00:39:29,541 --> 00:39:32,631
that my bees have 99% motility.
955
00:39:32,674 --> 00:39:34,676
[Laughs]
956
00:39:34,720 --> 00:39:36,156
Runs in the family, son.
957
00:39:36,199 --> 00:39:37,723
Yeah, when I got
your mom pregnant,
958
00:39:37,766 --> 00:39:40,769
we were in separate bathtubs,
like that Cialis commercial.
959
00:39:40,813 --> 00:39:43,511
[Laughter]
960
00:39:43,555 --> 00:39:45,687
Oh, come on!
961
00:39:45,731 --> 00:39:47,689
It would be a slap in God's face
962
00:39:47,733 --> 00:39:50,649
if I only used my business
for recreational purposes.
963
00:39:50,692 --> 00:39:52,172
No.
964
00:39:52,215 --> 00:39:54,957
I need to populate this
town with mini-Kevins,
965
00:39:55,001 --> 00:39:57,133
for the good of all mankind.
966
00:39:57,177 --> 00:39:58,657
That's my boy. So cool.
967
00:39:58,700 --> 00:39:59,701
No joke?
968
00:39:59,745 --> 00:40:00,833
No joke, babe.
969
00:40:00,876 --> 00:40:02,443
[Sobs]
970
00:40:02,487 --> 00:40:04,445
Oh, I know. I know.
971
00:40:04,489 --> 00:40:06,882
All your dreams are coming true.
972
00:40:06,926 --> 00:40:09,145
[Laughter][Neil
and Pete baby talk]
973
00:40:09,189 --> 00:40:11,147
Again, there's nothing in there!
974
00:40:11,191 --> 00:40:13,454
Not yet! Not yet!
975
00:40:13,498 --> 00:40:15,891
But time is of the
essence, because, you know,
976
00:40:15,935 --> 00:40:17,502
the band is starting
to really take off,
977
00:40:17,545 --> 00:40:19,504
and we need to get
this going now.
978
00:40:19,547 --> 00:40:22,202
How awesome would it
be if we got you preggo
979
00:40:22,245 --> 00:40:24,073
before you left town next week?
980
00:40:24,117 --> 00:40:26,467
You could celebrate the
good news with your mom!
981
00:40:26,511 --> 00:40:29,078
So, you're saying you want to
982
00:40:29,122 --> 00:40:30,428
like, right now?
983
00:40:30,471 --> 00:40:32,473
[Chuckles] Rrow!
984
00:40:32,517 --> 00:40:34,736
No. Not right now.
985
00:40:34,780 --> 00:40:36,172
No, Jenny McCarthy Tank Top
986
00:40:36,216 --> 00:40:37,498
has our inaugural
concert tonight,
987
00:40:37,522 --> 00:40:39,001
so we have to get ready.
988
00:40:39,045 --> 00:40:42,265
But after the concert,
I'm all yours, hon.
989
00:40:42,309 --> 00:40:43,702
You know what?
990
00:40:43,745 --> 00:40:47,445
You'll be like my
little at-home groupie.
991
00:40:47,488 --> 00:40:50,535
I still can't believe
it! I'm gonna be a daddy!
992
00:40:50,578 --> 00:40:53,059
[Chanting] D-A-D-D-Y!
993
00:40:53,102 --> 00:40:54,756
Men: [Chanting] D-A-D-D-Y!
994
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,455
D-A-D-D-Y!
995
00:40:57,498 --> 00:41:00,501
♪
996
00:41:00,545 --> 00:41:03,417
♪ Jenny McCarthy Tank Top ♪
997
00:41:03,461 --> 00:41:05,288
[Laughs]
998
00:41:05,332 --> 00:41:09,031
What an amazing night! [Laughs]
999
00:41:09,075 --> 00:41:13,340
What an amazing night!
1000
00:41:13,383 --> 00:41:15,473
Aah! Oh.
1001
00:41:15,516 --> 00:41:17,736
Oh, I just had
1002
00:41:17,779 --> 00:41:19,781
the most amazing night
of my entire life.
1003
00:41:19,825 --> 00:41:21,174
[Chuckles] Oh.
1004
00:41:21,217 --> 00:41:23,655
The crowd demanded
three karaoke encores
1005
00:41:23,698 --> 00:41:26,048
of "Don't Stop Believing."
1006
00:41:26,092 --> 00:41:27,528
You should've been there.
1007
00:41:27,572 --> 00:41:28,747
Although if you had been,
1008
00:41:28,790 --> 00:41:30,270
it might've changed
the vibe a little.
1009
00:41:30,313 --> 00:41:32,011
Sure.
1010
00:41:32,054 --> 00:41:35,231
Can you imagine how much
people are gonna love our band
1011
00:41:35,275 --> 00:41:37,712
once we actually
have original songs?
1012
00:41:37,756 --> 00:41:40,410
Or learn to play instruments?
1013
00:41:40,454 --> 00:41:43,370
So much. [Sighs]
1014
00:41:43,413 --> 00:41:45,981
Well, time for bed.
1015
00:41:46,025 --> 00:41:48,549
We both know how you are
when you've had liquor.
1016
00:41:48,593 --> 00:41:49,768
Oh, no, no, no, no.
1017
00:41:49,811 --> 00:41:51,944
No, ma'am. Not tonight.
1018
00:41:51,987 --> 00:41:53,554
In the spirit of
being a good daddy,
1019
00:41:53,598 --> 00:41:55,643
I have not had a drop to drink.
1020
00:41:55,687 --> 00:41:58,428
Just six Red Bulls. [Giggles]
1021
00:41:58,472 --> 00:42:00,561
[Sighs] I'll tell you,
1022
00:42:00,605 --> 00:42:04,347
all this talk of drugs
and rock 'n' roll
1023
00:42:04,391 --> 00:42:07,220
has really got me
thinking, you know,
1024
00:42:07,263 --> 00:42:11,441
there's something missing
from that trifecta.
1025
00:42:11,485 --> 00:42:12,921
I don't know.
1026
00:42:12,965 --> 00:42:14,967
Maybe tonight is the
night that we start...
1027
00:42:15,010 --> 00:42:17,883
[Glass shatters]What was that?
1028
00:42:17,926 --> 00:42:20,276
I think it's just
the house settling.
1029
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:21,887
Well, it sounded
like more than that.
1030
00:42:21,930 --> 00:42:23,628
[Rattling]
1031
00:42:23,671 --> 00:42:24,672
Okay.
1032
00:42:24,716 --> 00:42:26,979
There's someone in the house.
1033
00:42:27,022 --> 00:42:28,894
You stay there. Oh,
this can't be happening.
1034
00:42:28,937 --> 00:42:30,548
This can't be happening.
1035
00:42:30,591 --> 00:42:33,463
Kev, I'm sure it's
fine... Is that a gun?
1036
00:42:33,507 --> 00:42:35,335
Where the hell did you get that?
1037
00:42:35,378 --> 00:42:38,425
I found it out in the back yard
with Neil's metal detector.
1038
00:42:38,468 --> 00:42:39,750
The last tenant must
have buried it out there
1039
00:42:39,774 --> 00:42:41,689
before he went to prison.
1040
00:42:41,733 --> 00:42:44,213
But it's ours now.
1041
00:42:44,257 --> 00:42:47,260
[Thudding]
1042
00:42:47,303 --> 00:42:50,045
Here's the thing... Once
you decide to have kids,
1043
00:42:50,089 --> 00:42:53,353
there's this thing that,
like, awakens in you.
1044
00:42:53,396 --> 00:42:57,052
You know? Like, a
real... protective urge.
1045
00:42:57,096 --> 00:42:58,639
When I found this
thing, I-I didn't know
1046
00:42:58,663 --> 00:43:00,099
what I was gonna do with it,
1047
00:43:00,142 --> 00:43:01,579
but now...
1048
00:43:01,622 --> 00:43:03,493
I know exactly what it's for.
1049
00:43:03,537 --> 00:43:05,887
I have to protect us.
1050
00:43:05,931 --> 00:43:07,585
All of us.
1051
00:43:07,628 --> 00:43:09,804
There's still nothing
in there. Right. Sorry.
1052
00:43:09,848 --> 00:43:11,327
Stay here. Kev, don't...
1053
00:43:11,371 --> 00:43:14,374
Shh! Don't.
1054
00:43:14,417 --> 00:43:16,637
[Softly] No. No, no, no.
1055
00:43:16,681 --> 00:43:18,639
No, no, no. [Breathing shakily]
1056
00:43:18,683 --> 00:43:20,772
[Gunshot][Gasps]
1057
00:43:21,555 --> 00:43:23,601
[Upbeat tune plays]
1058
00:43:23,644 --> 00:43:24,950
Are you like okay?
1059
00:43:24,993 --> 00:43:26,212
Do I not look okay?
1060
00:43:26,255 --> 00:43:28,257
[Thud]
1061
00:43:28,301 --> 00:43:29,911
We don't take shootings lightly.
1062
00:43:29,955 --> 00:43:31,652
You may not want to go
out of town, at all.
1063
00:43:31,696 --> 00:43:33,195
I just don't get a
good feeling off her.
1064
00:43:33,219 --> 00:43:34,176
[Doorbell rings]
1065
00:43:34,220 --> 00:43:35,482
Can I, uh, come in?
1066
00:43:35,525 --> 00:43:36,875
Inside here?
1067
00:43:36,918 --> 00:43:38,200
What am I supposed to
do, just sit around
1068
00:43:38,224 --> 00:43:39,529
and hope everything works out?
1069
00:43:39,573 --> 00:43:41,009
Cops been trying to get in here,
1070
00:43:41,053 --> 00:43:42,184
but I know my rights.
1071
00:43:42,228 --> 00:43:43,925
Just need to act fast.
1072
00:43:43,969 --> 00:43:47,886
♪
71488
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