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1
00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:08,842
[bell ringing]
2
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,800
- [laughing]
3
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,136
Darling, I am in the most
beautiful classroom
4
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,312
I have ever seen.
5
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:21,061
You can just feel the science
and the learning.
6
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:24,074
And I'm looking at some of
the most breathlessly exciting,
7
00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:25,857
young students.
8
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,360
Explore the school, darlin'.
9
00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:28,652
I'll talk to you soon.
10
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,105
My God.
11
00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:33,783
What a stunning young woman
with such fashion sense.
12
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:36,485
Where did you get that blouse?
I must know.
13
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:39,496
- My dog was Mrs. Doubtfire
for Halloween.
14
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:42,289
- I doubt he pulled it off half
as well as you have.
15
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:45,297
Look at you.
What's your name, good sir?
16
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:48,047
- Victor Kozlowski.
- A fellow Pol.
17
00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:50,299
- To assume all names
ending in "ski" are Polish
18
00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:51,762
is actually
a pretty common mistake.
19
00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:55,261
They can also be Russian,
Czech, even Slovakian.
20
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:56,765
- Hmm. Don't like that so much.
21
00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,766
All right.
Now, where's my son Jack?
22
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:01,138
It's not like him to be late,
I imagine.
23
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:04,766
- Whoa.
Are you Mister Mr. Griffin?
24
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:08,225
- I suppose I am.
- Holy shit.
25
00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:09,736
[The Ramones'
"Listen to My Heart"]
26
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,108
- * One, two, three, four *
27
00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:13,744
* Next time,
I'll listen to my heart *
28
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:16,662
* Next time,
well, I'll be smart *
29
00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:23,671
* *
30
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,090
- And that's why you're afraid
of belly buttons?
31
00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,922
- Not other people's.
Just mine.
32
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,010
- Brave young man.
33
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:36,301
[cell phone rings]
34
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,466
My love. I see.
35
00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,725
Is there a name on it?
36
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,477
Well, then I say
the yogurt is yours. [laughs]
37
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,690
Be safe, my love. Ta-ta.
38
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:48,647
- Okay, so you're sliding
into first
39
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:49,982
and you feel something burst.
40
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,316
Sure, got that.
41
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:52,651
But then you're sliding
into second
42
00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:54,736
and you feel the toilet beckon?
43
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,081
We're assuming that the
toilet wants this?
44
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,277
Like, ew.
- No.
45
00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:00,496
- I'm sorry to interrupt.
I'm Celes.
46
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:03,287
So, I'm a witch
and I was curious.
47
00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:05,291
Is one of you a water sign?
48
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:08,213
- I'm a water sign. Scorpio.
- I knew it.
49
00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,673
- Okay. Yes to all of this.
50
00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,804
Please sit immediately.
[laughs]
51
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:16,301
- So I can tell you're all
intuitive spirits.
52
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:17,974
- That's true.
53
00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:21,313
- One time, I had a dream
that a dog was killed.
54
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,139
Guess what was on the news
when I woke up.
55
00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:24,354
- A dog was killed?
56
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:27,314
- Yep. Bin Laden had been shot.
57
00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:28,975
Dirty little dog.
58
00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:31,284
- Do you guys want to get
into some real stuff?
59
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,647
- Ohh, yes, we do.
60
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,405
- I could show you a glimpse
of your life
61
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,197
at the high point
of the next full moon.
62
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,991
- When is that?
63
00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:42,405
- Exactly 48 hours from now.
64
00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:46,575
No, wait.
That math's not right. Okay.
65
00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:52,014
58--okay. A day is 24, minus--
66
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,877
It's sometime Saturday night.
67
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,763
all: Ooh!
68
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,390
- Stare into the stone
and concentrate.
69
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:05,604
And remember, what you see
is yours and yours alone.
70
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:08,863
Now, close your eyes
and glimpse your future.
71
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,437
For it has already
been written.
72
00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,236
[all scream]
73
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,659
- Oh, that's not good.
74
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:21,328
- So, little Jack says,
75
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,498
"Daddy, I'm not asking
to leave the party
76
00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,917
"because of my bloody nose.
77
00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:30,626
I also wet my pwants!"
[laughter]
78
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:37,049
- Hey, what's
with all the chuckles?
79
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,092
Dad?
80
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,144
- [laughs] Jack Sprat.
81
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,308
My God, look how big you are.
82
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,097
- I've been this size
for over 20 years.
83
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,640
What--what are you doing here?
84
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:49,654
- I received your heartfelt
letter, with your forgiveness,
85
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:53,108
your love, your apology for
your role in our estrangement.
86
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:55,609
- Okay, well, first of all,
I don't forgive you
87
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,452
for abandoning us,
and second of all,
88
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:59,777
I sure as hell
didn't write that letter.
89
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:02,453
- We wrote that letter,
but we didn't send it.
90
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,332
It was just supposed
to be a threat.
91
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,829
- Should we discuss this
in private?
92
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,330
- Oh, no. No.
93
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,872
You can speak in front of them.
94
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,955
You see, I treat my students
with respect and transparency
95
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,552
because, unlike you,
96
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:16,206
I don't believe the people
in my life are disposable.
97
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,086
- Do you know my name?
98
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,593
- Yeah.
99
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,970
Let's circle back on it.
100
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,644
- I'm still processing that
you didn't write this letter.
101
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,023
But you know, it's never
too late to start anew.
102
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,190
I'm gonna hold you now.
103
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,768
- Why? No. Let's--
104
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,404
- I hate to see a hug
go to waste.
105
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,611
I'll take that action.
106
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,110
- It would be
my pleasure, Caleb.
107
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,573
All right.
108
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,275
Listen, Jack.
I'm sorry.
109
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,485
But the person who abandoned
you and your mother
110
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,156
was not yet a man.
111
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,464
- You were 32.
112
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:51,577
Nicholas, right?
113
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,794
- All right. All right, Caleb.
114
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,756
Yes, I was 32. But spiritually,
I was just a child.
115
00:04:57,797 --> 00:05:01,507
I finally became complete
when my beloved fiancée Celes,
116
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,971
and her gorgeous son Max
came into my life.
117
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:05,512
- Mm.
So what you're saying
118
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:08,095
is that my mom
wasn't the right woman,
119
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,601
and I wasn't the right son.
120
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:12,482
Can you imagine
how furious I would be
121
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,400
if I actually cared
what you thought?
122
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,819
- Hey. Got bored in the car.
123
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,858
- Max, my boy.
[chuckles]
124
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:21,782
Oh, you have little beads
of glass in your sweater.
125
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:22,821
Did you--
126
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,954
- Broke the window to get out.
127
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:28,331
- You know, we can just get out
from the inside, remember?
128
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,870
With the handle?
129
00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:32,623
- Did I mess up? Do you not
want to be my dad anymore?
130
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,705
- Nothing would ever make me
feel that way.
131
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:39,262
No one has ever loved anyone
more than I love you, Max--
132
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:42,257
than I love both of my boys.
133
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,510
- That's my big brother?
- [laughs]
134
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,388
- What is this?
What's happening?
135
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,850
- [laughs]
Straight to roughhousing.
136
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,180
Are these two brothers or what?
137
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,055
- Wait.
John, tell him I don't want it.
138
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,732
I don't know what this is,
but I don't want it.
139
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,230
I don't want it. I--
140
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:57,191
[grunting]
[John laughs]
141
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,612
[struggling efforts]
142
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,151
Dan, save me!
143
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,105
- I'm sorry, Mr. G.
144
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,954
I can't step in
when it's a kid.
145
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:10,075
- When I woke up,
the cold Rocky Mountain air
146
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,750
had turned my hot tub
to pure ice.
147
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,789
And it trapped me
from the waist down,
148
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,463
and I knew that if I had
to catch something to eat,
149
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:21,802
I was gonna have
to hold very still.
150
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,880
I'm sorry. What did you ask?
151
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:26,005
- The bathroom.
- Oh, right.
152
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,142
Oh, it's up at the top
of the stairs.
153
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,639
Hey, but before you go,
154
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,432
there are some rumors
swirling
155
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,765
that you can show people
their futures?
156
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:37,651
- In a sense.
- What about the past?
157
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,399
- I have to go real bad.
158
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:42,941
- 'Cause the closeness I have
with that beautiful man,
159
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:46,566
it could only have been
forged over lifetimes.
160
00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,624
And I want to know
whether Ralph Durbin
161
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:51,038
and I knew each other
in a former life.
162
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,457
- It's possible.
- Oh, yes. Do it, do it, do it.
163
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:54,576
Zap me!
164
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:56,002
- If I had time,
165
00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:57,961
I would guide you through
a lengthy visualization
166
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:02,421
where you walk down a stairwell
that exists in all our minds,
167
00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:04,514
open a door to your past life.
168
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,719
- Oh, that's what
those stairs are for?
169
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,390
Oh. I got it from here.
170
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,139
You can go take
your number two.
171
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:14,311
- Oh, that's not--
- Shh, honey, I know.
172
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,561
That's my gift.
173
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,813
Enjoy.
174
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:25,065
Okay, now.
Where are those stairs at?
175
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:28,241
Okay.
[thud]
176
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:31,161
Ah, I hear that.
177
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:35,661
Oh, yeah.
And here's the door, and--
178
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,165
Hello, there!
[Renaissance music]
179
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:41,537
Here are 50 farthings
for 10 bales of hay over there.
180
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:48,684
Uh, no. There's only nine here.
I paid for 10.
181
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,888
No, my horse didn't eat 'em.
182
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,143
[slams desk] Can I speak
to the manager, please?
183
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:56,772
[clattering]
184
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,730
Excuse me, ma'am.
185
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:02,070
Okay, buster, I got a bone
to pick with you.
186
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,190
Oh, my dear crap. Ralph?
187
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:12,332
- Look at my boys.
It's fun to see 'em so happy.
188
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:13,987
- Die!
189
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,245
- Ohh!
190
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,923
Good one, Jack!
191
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,077
- [growls]
- No, no!
192
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:25,344
- That ruled.
193
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,170
- Here you go, kiddo.
194
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:28,715
Round one for Jack.
195
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,137
- Get out!
196
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,048
- Will do.
197
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:35,886
But Jack, I truly have changed.
198
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,602
We're gonna stay
through the weekend,
199
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,892
and if you can
find it in your heart
200
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,475
to spend an evening with me
and Celes and Max,
201
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,230
I've given Nicholas my number.
202
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,323
Let's go, bud.
203
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,238
- Yeah, right.
204
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:53,831
"I've changed.
I've changed, Jack."
205
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,077
No, you know what?
He hasn't changed.
206
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,448
Let me tell you,
this is the guy
207
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:57,794
who took
an extended business trip
208
00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,909
during my mom's
entire pregnancy.
209
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,076
- Yeah, I got bad vibes
from him too.
210
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,955
- Oh, well, now I don't know
what to think.
211
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,922
- Human are complex creatures
capable of growth.
212
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,093
Maybe he really wants
to reconcile.
213
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:12,092
- I've given him chances, Vic.
Okay? Trust me.
214
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,295
When I--when I turned 21,
I asked him to meet me
215
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,256
for a scotch,
and he said, "Yes".
216
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,766
But then he stood me up.
217
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,977
Okay, so, excuse me if I don't
believe that he just meets
218
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:22,478
some woman and suddenly,
he's a different person.
219
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,310
- Well, not suddenly.
220
00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:26,186
They've been engaged
for four years.
221
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,402
- [laughs]
222
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,942
- They've been engaged?
For four years?
223
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,606
Okay, let me tell
you guys something.
224
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,494
That wedding's
never gonna happen. Okay?
225
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:36,121
The day they set a date
is the day my dad splits.
226
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:42,788
They set a date, he splits.
227
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,252
And everyone sees
what a phony he is.
228
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:48,303
[laughs] Ah.
229
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,968
I'm gonna need that number,
Chief.
230
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,427
- Are you calling me Chief
because--
231
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:53,837
- Yeah, 'cause I forgot it.
232
00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:57,095
Just give the number
and don't bust my balls, Chief.
233
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,189
[light music]
234
00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:08,481
* *
235
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,775
- Jack, it's so nice of you
to have invited us
236
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:11,949
into your home.
- Aw.
237
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,776
- Mmm.
- Spaghetti with meat sauce
238
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:14,912
for you.
- Mm-hmm.
239
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,158
- And the vegan option
for Celes.
240
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,120
Say when.
241
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,619
- I'll admit after how things
went in the classroom today,
242
00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:26,246
I didn't expect your call.
243
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,802
It means a lot, you know,
that type of gesture.
244
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,298
- Oh, hey, bud.
245
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,969
Whatcha got there?
A tree branch?
246
00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:34,588
- I didn't take it
from anybody.
247
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,854
It's mine.
Can I go play with it?
248
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,556
- Uh, yeah, sure.
249
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,676
Oh, inside.
You're gonna--
250
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:42,394
- He's showing off for you.
251
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:45,734
- Uh-huh. Well, it's working.
[chuckles]
252
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,610
Hey, so guys,
tell me something.
253
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,187
What you got planned
for the wedding?
254
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,822
- Well, we haven't
set anything.
255
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:51,819
- Well, not yet.
256
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,280
- But obviously,
257
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,159
we want a ceremony
in the modern mystic tradition.
258
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:58,316
- Oh, okay. And what exactly
would that look like?
259
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,656
- Well, my friend Bernar
would officiate.
260
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:01,832
He's a chaos magician.
261
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,250
- And an excellent accountant.
262
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:04,248
- Oh.
263
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,079
- It would start
with a meditation.
264
00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:09,344
And then we'll cleanse
our hands in a bath of rue.
265
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,417
That's a herb
that promotes love.
266
00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:14,763
- Well, listen, you gotta have
tons of rue, you know.
267
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,629
I guess my only question
is why wait?
268
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,086
- Excuse me?
269
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,846
- You know, why not
get married this weekend?
270
00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:22,218
I mean, didn't you say it was a
full moon this weekend, right?
271
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,675
That's probably
something, right?
272
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,556
- Yeah, yeah.
It's very auspicious.
273
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,523
- So auspicious.
[chuckles]
274
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:29,653
Dad?
275
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,899
- [laughs] Uhh--I--
276
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,822
I love it. I adore it.
277
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,072
Of course, we'll have to make
sure that Bernar is available.
278
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,914
And, um, well,
we would need a clearing.
279
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,040
- Oh, Toledo's jam packed
with clearings.
280
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:45,078
You need a clearing?
I'll get you a clearing.
281
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:50,589
- Could I keep this faucet?
- Yeah, why not?
282
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,297
Hey, Max, listen.
283
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:55,627
You want John and your mom
to get married this weekend?
284
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:58,844
- I'm not wearing a hat.
All right?
285
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:01,045
- Well, all right! Max is in.
286
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,716
Wow. Would you look at that?
287
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,934
This is great. [laughs]
288
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:08,064
The old man's getting married.
289
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,911
- Okay.
I can't hold it in anymore.
290
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,737
I am freaking out.
291
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,162
In my vision, I was dead.
292
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,911
It was just pure blackness.
- [gasps]
293
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,504
- Mine was just as bad as that.
294
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,329
I was eating
a grilled cheese sandwich!
295
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:31,955
And I didn't see
a gun to my head,
296
00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:33,502
which is the only way
I would ever do that.
297
00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:35,255
I don't really like
grilled cheese sandwiches.
298
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:38,876
- Michelle, did you not just
hear me say that I was dead?
299
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,255
But you know,
maybe I can avoid it.
300
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,932
I guess I gotta start
wearing my seat belt
301
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,101
like a frickin' dork.
302
00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:46,179
- Uh, hey, ladies, um,
303
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:49,354
I assume you've all met my dad
and that you love him?
304
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:50,444
all: Oh, yeah.
305
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:53,728
- He is amazing.
- He's not amazing.
306
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,943
What are you guys
doing on Saturday?
307
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:58,614
- Dying.
- Eating grilled cheese.
308
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,073
- And what time
are those things happening?
309
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,573
- At the high point
of the full moon.
310
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,485
- Okay. Well, great.
Mine's an afternoon thing.
311
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:07,004
Yeah, I'm gonna expose my dad
as a fraud,
312
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,207
and it'd be really fun
to have an audience there.
313
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,417
He's going to leave his witch
girlfriend at the altar.
314
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,958
- You want me to spend
my riskiest day
315
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,382
with a pissed witch
and her furious coven?
316
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:17,591
- All right, you know what?
Forget it.
317
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:21,220
Oh, hey, Rhonda!
Wanna see a witch get owned?
318
00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,889
- Hey, Mary, you haven't said
a peep about your scary vision.
319
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,098
What did you see?
320
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,428
- It's not--not a big deal.
321
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:31,063
Um, I, I get hit in the head
with a bongo drum.
322
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,772
- Oh. I mean,
323
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,942
I wouldn't volunteer to get hit
in the head with a bongo drum,
324
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:38,361
but at least, it's not a change
to the core of who you are.
325
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:39,691
Like my thing.
326
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,106
- Oh, my God, Michelle!
327
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,624
You're eating a damn sandwich!
328
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,326
- That I don't like very much!
329
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,448
Jeez! Ugh!
330
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:53,209
- All right, so listen, um,
I lied about my vision.
331
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,379
I'm hooking up with a man.
332
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:56,998
And it was Keith!
333
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,835
- Michelle's husband Keith?
334
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,220
- And I'm telling you,
I was all over his little ass.
335
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,011
[pounding]
336
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:10,016
- Good morning, Helen.
Would you mind
337
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,848
sending the rabbit
through the last hole?
338
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,524
- You're a grown man,
Mr. Durbin.
339
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,862
I'm sure you can send the
rabbit through your own hole.
340
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,568
- Uh-oh.
Is this because you think
341
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:20,068
that I forgot
your quarter birthday?
342
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,200
Because I didn't.
There is a cookie cake
343
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:24,527
warming in a sun spot
on my dashboard.
344
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:27,532
- Well, cookie cake can't feed
my former horse!
345
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,123
- What?
346
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,541
- I did a past life regression,
and I found out
347
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,370
that centuries ago,
when we were peasants,
348
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:37,586
you sold me 10 bales of hay
and all I got was nine.
349
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:40,207
Like I couldn't count.
But I could count.
350
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:42,505
I had learned it the week
before, and I was up to 14.
351
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,089
Which is more than enough
to know
352
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:47,054
that nine is different than 10.
353
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:50,385
- Are you sure that your horse
didn't eat it?
354
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,562
- For the more
than fourteenth time,
355
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,690
my horse did not eat it.
356
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:55,898
Bye!
357
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:59,017
- Helen, come on.
- [slamming stapler]
358
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,435
Ouch.
359
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:07,413
* *
360
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,826
- That shirt Brooks Brothers?
361
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,752
Yeah.
362
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:18,420
Oof, looks like the groom's
running a little late.
363
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:19,960
Who could have seen
that coming, huh?
364
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,593
[laughs]
365
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,759
- Hey! Oh, my.
366
00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:25,428
What a sight.
367
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:29,927
I feel like I'm in a dream,
and you made it happen.
368
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,431
I'm sorry I'm late.
369
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,103
I had to find the perfect
boutonnière for Max.
370
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:34,681
Look. It's your favorite color.
371
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:39,938
What's wrong, my boy?
372
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:41,481
- Just reminded of the time
373
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:44,154
that you didn't get me
a boutonnière for my prom.
374
00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:46,534
- Hey, look. I know that
milestones were missed.
375
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,871
But hey, I didn't
forget this time. Huh?
376
00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:50,988
- Oh, nice.
- Yeah.
377
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,834
- Hey, let me
just put this over here.
378
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,659
- Oh. My boys are peas
in a pod.
379
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,535
Hey. Okay. Okay.
380
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,424
[laughs]
381
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,711
All right.
382
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:07,884
Time to marry
the woman of my dreams.
383
00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:09,426
Bernar.
384
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,096
[rings bell]
385
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:20,269
* *
386
00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:23,686
[rings bell]
387
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:32,985
- [whispering indistinctly]
388
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:36,004
[somber music]
389
00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:37,707
* *
390
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:40,537
- Well.
391
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,043
She's not coming.
392
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,545
- Screw this.
393
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:51,429
[people shouting]
394
00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:09,074
* *
395
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:15,832
- Stef, are you sure
we shouldn't wait out
396
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,499
your impending death at home?
397
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,577
- Girl, I don't have
jalapeño poppers at home.
398
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,043
- Oh.
399
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,751
- [gasps] Sh! Sh!
400
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:27,174
Mary, don't move.
401
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:32,046
[humming]
402
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,727
[grunts]
403
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:44,107
I disabled the bongo.
You're safe.
404
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:46,687
And, in other good news,
405
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,743
Keith's joining us.
He's just parking now.
406
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:53,068
- Um, so, Michelle, my vision
wasn't that I get hit
407
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:55,124
in the head with a bongo.
408
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:57,078
I'm about to make out
with Keith.
409
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:58,748
- [gasps] Please don't!
410
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:00,287
- It's already written.
411
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:02,828
[dramatic sting]
412
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:05,884
- Oh, shoot.
413
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,209
- Oh!
- Ooh!
414
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,633
- I'm so sorry.
Just, please, don't move.
415
00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:12,383
That was Bacardi 151.
It's extremely flammable.
416
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,085
I'm required to inform you
that if you get near
417
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,635
even a tiny flame,
you'll immediately
418
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,759
be as charred
as a campfire marshmallow.
419
00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:19,216
[dramatic sting]
420
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,515
- I'll get napkins.
- Okay.
421
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:21,888
- And I'll get
a fire extinguisher
422
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,725
because our napkins
are also extremely flammable.
423
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,440
I'm just gonna set this order
right here for one second.
424
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,771
Oh, look, the full moon
425
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,396
is officially
at its highest point.
426
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,862
[dramatic sting]
- [gasps]
427
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,532
- Oh, Mary.
428
00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,200
I gotta give you a squeeze.
429
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,069
- [chuckles] Hey, Keith.
430
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:39,076
[dramatic music]
431
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,369
* *
432
00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:43,873
Wait.
My earring's caught. Ow, ow.
433
00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:46,745
Hold on, my earring's caught.
Hold on. Ow, ooh!
434
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,673
* *
435
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:52,382
[people singing "Happy
Birthday" in slow motion]
436
00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:58,601
* *
437
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:02,098
- Everything's black.
It's so dark.
438
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,982
[clapping]
439
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:08,310
- [gasps]
- Stef, are you dead?
440
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,566
Mary? Keith?
441
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,188
You!
442
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:15,776
* *
443
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:21,292
No!
444
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:24,787
No! [groans]
445
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:25,791
[sobs]
446
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,882
I prefer cold
cheese sandwiches.
447
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:33,881
[grumbling]
448
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:37,512
[bell rings]
449
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,426
- Knock, knock, knock.
450
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:46,845
Look, I'm sure that whatever
happened between us
451
00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:49,395
in the past life
was a misunderstanding.
452
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:51,899
Let me go back
and get to the bottom of it.
453
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,321
- Be my guest.
454
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,610
You know the stairs
that are in your mind?
455
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,073
- Yeah.
- Okay, you go down
456
00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:58,533
that case of stairs,
457
00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:00,083
and then you open that door,
458
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,286
and that's where
your past life is.
459
00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:05,287
- That's what those are for.
Okay.
460
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:08,250
[mystical music]
461
00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:13,341
* *
462
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:16,510
Oh, Greta, my good wife.
463
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:20,219
Thank you for
the fresh yak's milk.
464
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:22,851
Oh, my hark,
we have a customer.
465
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,519
Hail and well met, Edith.
466
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,097
- Yep. That's me. I'm Edith.
467
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,353
- Bale of hay, you say?
468
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:32,356
Are you sure your horse
didn't eat it?
469
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:36,359
Seven, eight.
470
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:40,203
Oh, boo bos and barleycorn,
she was right!
471
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:44,990
Here is the tenth bale.
In Thomas' cart!
472
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:51,043
Knock, knock, knock.
Edith, are you home?
473
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:52,964
I've an extra bale of hay here.
474
00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:56,973
I'll just leave it
inside of the door.
475
00:20:57,007 --> 00:21:00,507
Oh, Greta.
My God!
476
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:04,809
Oh. Oh.
477
00:21:04,848 --> 00:21:07,558
- What happened?
- I went to your hovel
478
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,770
and you were having revenge sex
with my wife.
479
00:21:11,813 --> 00:21:13,983
- What? I was not!
480
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:16,234
Well, I'm just gonna have
to see for myself.
481
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:21,986
* *
482
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:26,042
What's up, Greta?
Oh God, you're so hot.
483
00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:30,287
- Oh. Oh. Helen, you--
484
00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:31,581
- Oh, flatten me, Greta.
485
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:35,094
- Okay, well--
- Oh, Greta.
486
00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:36,628
Yeah.
487
00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:39,721
- Is there's a world where
gentiles get Yom Kippur off?
488
00:21:39,758 --> 00:21:43,428
Jeez, put a necktie
on the doorknob, Helen.
489
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,060
- Oh, God, yeah.
490
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,190
- Well, my little chickadees,
491
00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:51,516
I won.
492
00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:53,271
- Wait, wait.
He didn't show up?
493
00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:55,823
- It was she
who didn't show up.
494
00:21:55,857 --> 00:21:57,317
all: Aww.
495
00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,069
- He told me over breakfast.
496
00:21:59,110 --> 00:22:00,700
He barely touched his frittata,
497
00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:02,857
and he hardly spoke
at the museum.
498
00:22:02,906 --> 00:22:04,486
all: Aww.
499
00:22:04,532 --> 00:22:06,332
- No, don't "aww" for him.
Okay, he's a bad guy.
500
00:22:06,368 --> 00:22:08,198
He deserves this.
Oh, and get this.
501
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,414
He wants to get a drink with me
tonight to talk about it.
502
00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:12,495
I'm still trying to figure out
the best way to mess with him.
503
00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:14,540
- Or you could
just get the drink.
504
00:22:14,584 --> 00:22:16,384
The fact that he showed up
at the wedding proves
505
00:22:16,419 --> 00:22:17,799
that you were wrong about him.
506
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,217
Isn't this the chance
to get the father-son scotch
507
00:22:20,256 --> 00:22:22,626
you said you always wanted?
508
00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:24,336
- No, Sarika. Okay?
509
00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:26,346
I've made it this far without a
real relationship with my dad.
510
00:22:26,388 --> 00:22:29,888
Why--why would I start now?
511
00:22:29,933 --> 00:22:31,813
I don't want that.
512
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:43,034
- Maybe you could go to watch
him cry and make fun of him.
513
00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:47,124
- Ha! [laughs]
514
00:22:47,158 --> 00:22:48,698
I like that, Heather.
515
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,500
- So I guess I probably deserve
to be stood up
516
00:22:57,544 --> 00:23:00,634
after how crappy
I was to you and your mom.
517
00:23:00,672 --> 00:23:03,132
- Look, if I'm being honest,
518
00:23:03,174 --> 00:23:04,514
I really hated the idea
519
00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:06,851
of you finding happiness
with another family.
520
00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:09,676
- Well, happiness might be
a bit of a stretch.
521
00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:12,933
You know, the, uh,
the witch thing was a lot.
522
00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:15,146
- [chuckles]
- Dress it up all you want.
523
00:23:15,186 --> 00:23:17,646
It's still 90% rock collecting
and drug abuse.
524
00:23:18,940 --> 00:23:21,570
And Max is
a constant challenge.
525
00:23:22,569 --> 00:23:25,949
- What, uh, happened to him?
526
00:23:27,365 --> 00:23:28,865
- He was left
in a x-ray machine
527
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:30,618
for a weekend
when he was little.
528
00:23:31,870 --> 00:23:34,540
Technician took off
and forgot about him.
529
00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:36,745
- Tough stuff.
530
00:23:36,791 --> 00:23:38,461
- Yeah.
531
00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:41,959
So, Jack, I want to do better.
532
00:23:44,382 --> 00:23:46,432
- Well, maybe this is a start.
533
00:23:51,806 --> 00:23:55,726
Sorry, I just--
I have to ask you.
534
00:23:55,769 --> 00:23:58,899
Why did you leave us
in the end?
535
00:23:58,938 --> 00:24:01,608
For real.
536
00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:06,779
- I think I should
have ordered a double. [laughs]
537
00:24:08,281 --> 00:24:12,041
- Yeah, I'm serious though.
538
00:24:12,077 --> 00:24:16,497
Mom never wanted to talk
about it and I want to know.
539
00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:19,750
- And I'm gonna tell you.
540
00:24:19,793 --> 00:24:23,053
So here, get us another round.
541
00:24:23,088 --> 00:24:26,258
If we're about to get into it,
I gotta pee.
542
00:24:26,299 --> 00:24:28,089
- Cool.
543
00:24:30,387 --> 00:24:32,387
[chuckles]
544
00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:35,310
[rock music playing on jukebox]
545
00:24:35,350 --> 00:24:42,480
* *
546
00:24:50,323 --> 00:24:54,793
- Sir, your guest just crawled
out the bathroom window,
547
00:24:54,828 --> 00:24:59,498
so you can settle up the bill
whenever you're ready.
548
00:25:04,754 --> 00:25:07,924
[somber music]
549
00:25:09,259 --> 00:25:12,139
- I was right all along.
550
00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:14,098
Oh, I called it.
551
00:25:14,139 --> 00:25:16,979
I win. I win.
552
00:25:17,017 --> 00:25:19,097
I win again.
553
00:25:21,479 --> 00:25:23,019
[sighs]
37113
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