All language subtitles for iCarly s01e13 iReturn to Webicon.eng

This year's

Webicon Web Icon Lifetime
Achievement Award recipient:

Carly Shay.

-Whoo!
-Step one,

kiss Wes.
[kiss]

Step two, smile.

Step three,
humbly wave at my fans.

Lifetime achievement award?

[laughs]
You're so old.

I'm a dewey 27.

And this award is a big deal.

It's been a hard year,

starting up my channel again
all by myself.

All by yourself?

No emotional support
or fancy studio in my apartment

or anyone dressing up
as a baby for you?

You should probably thank me
first.

You're somewhere
between God and my manicurist.

And now we get to celebrate you
at the new and improved Webicon.

Or I guess the full title
is now "Webicon,

sponsored by
YesIStillUseChecks.com."

I'm just glad they pivoted
from a giant, sweaty convention

to a glamping retreat

for "forward thinkers
of the online era."

Plus, a pitch-fest
for new tech ventures.

A field full of rich people

who don't know what to do
with their money.

And I get to tell 'em.

Well, it better be awesome--
I got Dutch on the music lineup,

and I promised her,
because you promised me,

so it's a blockchain promise.

As requested,

useless, nontoxic buy spray.

But let the record show
I'm still solidly behind

Harper's idea
for mosquito net jumpsuits.

Said that as a joke.

Look, we're headed to an island

with no ferry service
and spotty cellular.

I just want to be prepared.

The tree houses have
electricity, plumbing,

[laughs]:
and an hourly tea ceremony.

My Eagle Scout here wants
to bring a generator,

iodine and rations.

Well, at least
you let me pack candles,

so in case the power goes out,

I can still see
your gorgeous face.

Oh, get a tree house, you two.

Oh, we will. We all will.

We're gonna have
the best weekend ever.

Everybody, hands in.

Webicon.

[ALL]:
Webicon!

Why don't the trees have houses?

What are we supposed to eat?

Where is everyone?!

Are they all having fun
without us? On a yacht?

Harper, speak to the concierge

about getting us an invite
to the yacht.

-[SPENCER]: Mm.
-Please.

Come on, guys,

we just have to roll
with the punches,

and it'll be an adventure.

Webicon!

Yeah, I say we eat her first.

* I know *

* You see *

* Somehow the world
will change for me *

* And be so wonderful *

* Live life, breathe air *

* I know somehow
we're gonna get there *

* And feel so wonderful *

* It's all for real *

* I'm telling you
just how I feel *

* So wake up
the members of my nation *

* It's your time to be *

* There's no chance
unless you take one *

* And the time to see
the brighter side *

* Of every situation *

* Some things are meant to be *

* So give your best
and leave the rest to me *

-* Leave it all to me *
-* Leave it all to me *

* Leave it all to me *

* Just leave it all to me. *

Never ask how I got this tarp.

Is this hell?

No.

Hell at least has Lil Nas X.

Dutch is the only one from
the music lineup who showed.

I guess all the rich people
already figured out

what to do with their money--
they used it

to get on the last helicopter
out of here.

Don't worry, we're
still gonna have a great time.

I'm almost done
completing inventory

and formulating
a list of tasks.

See? Tasks.

I made this dress for Dutch.

She was gonna sing and dance
over a fire,

and then when her fans wanted
an encore,

they would scream:
"S'more! S'more!"

I guess we'll have to eat it.

All right, here's the deal.

I talked
to the person in charge

before she was whisked away
by six competing documentarians.

They planned to have
luxury tree houses,

a pitch-fest,
and a sick music lineup,

but without money,
that plan never went beyond:

"Let's have luxury tree houses,

a pitch-fest,
and a sick music lineup."

We have a sick music lineup.

-Dutch can still perform.
-No.

No, no, they said singing
attracts the possums.

Dutch, I'm sorry.

I will sew you a tent
out of bark if I have to.

Mm-mm. I will take a hotel room,
please, and thank you.

So, are they sending boats?

Helicopters? Amazon drones?

Not until Monday.
Hey, where'd you get the tarp?

[grunts gibberish]

What are we gonna do?

Don't worry about it, all right?
We have just enough water,

and the festival left us
non-FDA-approved protein bars,

but, uh,
they are the blueberry flavor.

I'll starve.

I just really need you
to take this seriously.

I am. But since you've got
survival covered,

there's no reason I can't be
in charge of having fun.

Uh, we could go on a sunset
hike, make flower crowns,

go skinny-dipping.

Sprained ankle, poison ivy,
penis parasites.

I'm just trying to make lemonade
out of lemons.

Oh, you brought lemons?

No.

* *

Ah, good luck getting our food,
bears!

Wait.

If the bears can't get the food,
will they eat us?

Enjoy our food, bears.

[sighs heavily]

I'm so bummed the pitch-fest
is canceled.

Do you think this is a sign?

Maybe it's time I hang up
my entrepreneurial hat.

If you mean your
Rite Aid fedora, then yes.

You can't give up. Let me help.

No. We both agreed that we were
lucky our friendship survived

you investing
in my first failed start-up.

You are not allowed to give me
any more money.

And I won't.

But I bet I can find
a different rich idiot

to trick into losing
all of their money.

There must be someone here
who was too dumb to make it out.

Yeah.

Us.

You're not going to find anyone.

I'm just not cut out
for the tech world.

Maybe it's time
I find something else.

[SPENCER]:
Hey...

Should we tell him he
just walked through poison oak?

He'll find out soon enough.

Sorry I got you to bring
Double Dutch.

She's a lot.

Hey, she's my boss--
only I'm allowed to say that.

And Wes is quite
the survivalist

and very helpful
and not at all annoying.

[like Wes]: Hey, don't eat the
red berries-- they're poisonous.

Hey!

[chuckles]
But that was dead-on.

Wes is just
such a planner, and...

I love that, but sometimes he
has trouble being spontaneous.

I want to survive, too.

Doesn't mean I can't also have
a flower crown.

I'm on a trip
with my favorite people

who I promised a great time.

I need to at least try
to make that happen.

I don't know how to work
this compass.

Oh, uh, try turning it off

-and then back on.
-Oh.

I feel bad, but...

I keep thinking about if I
were here with my ex-boyfriend,

who shall not be named.

Beau?

Guess we're naming him.

He'd already have, like,
four penis parasites.

That guy's fun.

And he's also right there.

Carly!

Oh, fun.

* *

Ooh, this place is amazing!

Is that a bidet in the bathroom?

I'm gonna go check.

You, uh,
seem surprised to see me.

Didn't you know
I was presenting you

with your
lifetime achievement award?

No.

No, I did not.

I guess they thought
we make a good pair.

You know, probably since we've
always made such a good pair.

Uh, congratulations, by the way.

Webicon Web Icon is
a huge deal.

I guess if we'd started
a channel together,

I would've just
been holding you back.

Or riding my coattails.

Sounds like a fun ride.

How'd you get this place,
anyway?

Uh, probably by being
the most famous person here.

I don't know,
maybe a different reason.

Hey, did you get one
of the tarps? Those seem cool.

Oh, yeah.

They're awesome.

We're really just making
the most of our time.

The laughs we've had,

you wouldn't believe.

Same. You know,
I was gonna bounce,

but then I figured: why not
make lemonade out of lemons?

-[door opens]
-Exactly.

It's a bidet, all right.

Hell of a bidet.

So you just have all this space
for you and your girlfriend?

We, uh, broke up, actually.

-Oh.
-And we didn't know?

Don't you usually prefer
to dump people on a livestream?

Let me make it up to you.
Why don't you all stay here?

I don't know.

I just started seeing someone.

He's an auto mechanic.

Like, a real manly man.

He's probably off building us
a better tree house right now.

So no.

You listen to me, Carly Shay.
I am a knight in shining armor,

and Dutch is
my damsel in distress,

professionally speaking!

So yes.

Please.

[sighs]
Fine.

I'll stay
in this gorgeous tree house

with the softest towels
I've ever felt.

But you owe me.

Millicent, this is perfect.
Beau is the investor

of Freddie's dreams.

Positive attitude.
Money to burn.

No understanding of business
or perhaps even money at all.

But my dad's confidence is
at an all-time low.

He's not gonna try and make
a sale now.

Which is why we need Beau
to come to him.

He'll see it as a sign.

Yes! I haven't done
a good scheme in ages.

I hope I'm not rusty.

* *

How cool is it of Beau
to let us use his tree house?

Yeah. Very cool.

Except I am a little worried

it's not built
to hold eight people.

Sure it is.

They wouldn't have included
a blackjack table

if they didn't want you
to entertain.

Since we're good on shelter
and food and water now,

what should we do?

[chanting]:
Flower crowns. Flower crowns.

Yes! And then I heard
about an amazing sunset hike.

Oh, uh, before we go spraining
our ankles all willy-nilly...

I need to make sure
there's actually enough food

and clean water
in this tree house for everyone.

There's tons of food.

I don't know
how much water there is--

the fridge just does filtered.

It even does pellet ice.

Carly loves pellet ice.

Beau, uh, actually,
can you grab us some drinks?

Regular Coke with lime and--

let me guess-- tepid water since
the body absorbs it faster.

Oh. Yeah,
I know you're mocking me,

but that's actually true,
so thanks.

[Carly giggles]

So, this I was not prepared for.

Yeah, it's weird.

But there's
absolutely nothing going on

between Beau and me now.

I doubt we have anything
in common anymore.

Did somebody say "flower crown"?

* *

Which is why, with Kevin,

you're not taking care
of the puppy...

The puppy is taking care...

-of you!
-Of you!

Yeah, but don't tell Freddie
we told you, okay?

He's got so many investors.

He'd kill us if he knew we told
one more person about it.

It's such a good idea.

You think maybe I could get him
to pitch it to me?

-Maybe.
-Maybe.

Hey, um, what are the symptoms
of Lyme disease?

This place has
a real Lyme-y vibe.

You know what doesn't have
a Lyme-y vibe? Your app Kevin.

Whoops. I didn't mean
to mention it in front of Beau.

But now that
the puppy's out of the bag,

why don't you tell him
about it.

[sighs]
Okay, um, well, the idea was:

match people
who need therapy dogs

with people
who need dog-sitters, so that...

It sounds awesome.

How about you give me
the full pitch tomorrow.

I need to text my dad first.

My dad's my business guy.

Also, I just love him.

Really? Beau, I mean...
that would be great.

Men supporting men.

That's what it's all about.

Oh, my God!

Did you see me
just manifest that opportunity

out of total thin air?

-Oh, yes.
-You did that.

-You did that!
-Yes!

Ooh!

* *

Okay, you were right, Wes--

that nontoxic bug spray
is useless.

Mm-hmm.
Or maybe you're just too sweet.

Here, this is safe

and totally works.

Wow, I'm just, like,
the hero of this entire weekend.

-You know what would make it
even better? -[HARPER]: Nothing.

Nothing could make this better,
because it's great!

Right, Dutch?

No.

A chipmunk looked at me weird.

I was gonna say scary stories.

Oh, like the one about the guy
stranded in the forest

with his girlfriend's
ex-boyfriend.

Ooh, what's that one?

Yup, no, I got it.

Are we talking scary scary,
or "George the Bra" scary?

[laughs]
Oh!

[like George]:
"I'm going to get you."

-[laughter]
-Uh...

George the Bra?

George the Bra
that tells ghost stories.

It's a classic iCarly character.

Carly,
your marshmallow's on fire.

Oh.
[exhales sharply]

We like 'em burnt and crispy.

Then when you put it
on the chocolate...

-it melts faster.
-It melts faster.

I wasn't talking about
the viscosity of your dessert.

I was talking about the
increased risk of forest fire.

Wow. You can even take the fun
out of roasting marshmallows.

Am I the only one here
whose definition of fun

includes not dying?

Oh, man, wait. I bet you wind up
dying in some super boring way.

Or maybe I never die, because
I make careful decisions.

Okay, let's all relax.

Oh, I think Beau here is
plenty relaxed.

Aah! Is this what we've
been making s'mores out of?

This is my dress!

This is cannibalism!

Dutch, if we didn't eat it,
it was gonna attract bugs.

Then Wes
would make us eat those.

You know what?
I'm gonna go. I'll be back.

Oh, actually, I was gonna storm
off super dramatically, so...

Aah! Aah!

[continues screaming]

[DUTCH]:
Okay, you're good.

-Wes, wait.
-Look, I'm sorry,

but I just need a minute, okay?

Let's all just cool off
and take some space.

[thunder crashing]

And pack ourselves
into a shelter

that comfortably sleeps two.

* *

[thunder crashing]

[loud crackling]

Do you think that's FEMA
here to save us...

or a serial killer
here to end us?

-It was probably just a branch.
-Serial killer.

-Dude.
-What?

Carly, uh, can we talk?

Uh, yeah.

We should.

[wind whistling]

I'm sorry, Carly, but I'm
getting pretty frustrated, okay?

I-I mean,
I've been working all weekend

to try and keep us safe,
and it's, like, none of that

matters to you because I
didn't weave you a flower crown.

You don't weave a flower crown.
You tie it off.

[sighs]
I'm just trying

to make the best
of a bad situation,

and you keep reminding me
how bad it is.

Yeah, because it is bad, okay?
Not everything is skinny-dipping

and lifetime achievement awards.

Well, not everything is
life-or-death.

[thunder crashing,
loud crackling]

[screaming]

Hi there.

Oh, crap, wrong arms.

Oh, uh, I-I was just reaching
for my phone.

-It's very precious to me.
-I... I was...

-I was also doing, like,
the same. -Yeah, same.

-[thunder crashing]
-[screaming, grunting]

I am my mother's son!

-[thunder crashing]
-[screaming]

See? You grabbed Beau, too.

He's just very grab-able.

-Whoa! Whoa!
-[screams]

Well...

-at least we still have a roof
over our heads. -[wood creaking]

This album is
literally rocking my world.

* *

Well, we look amazing.

I wasn't gonna let these outfits
go to waste.

My best friend was getting
an award.

I rented enough runway
to land a plane.

Aw. That's sweet.

You liar.

You packed
all these cute clothes

so you could look good
for Dutch.

You like her.

How dare you...

read me so accurately.

Okay, yeah,
when the tree house was falling,

I reached for Dutch.

But you reached for Beau.

How dare you...

recount true events.

Do you still have feelings
for him?

Escándalo.

A week ago
I would've told you no,

but Wes and I haven't been
on the same page all weekend.

-Mm.
-It's like this whole experience

has just made me realize that
he and I are really different.

And sometimes
very different people

-make great couples.
-Yeah, but...

then there's Beau.

I mean,
he makes everything so easy.

Mm.

When we broke up,
that was, like,

the third fight we've ever had.

Well, I guess the question is,

do you want someone
who's like you,

or do you want someone
who complements you?

And I guess
the second question is,

are you willing to risk
your dream career

for your dream girl?

Mm.

You know what I wish?

That we jumped
into each other's arms.

'Cause then
it would've been like,

"Aw, they're so cute.
They're best friends."

[laughs]
So cute!

But we didn't.

So it was
the one failed start-up.

It was the two failed marriages.

He's tanking.

[loud, awkward giggling]

Spencer,
you know what you have to do.

Damn it.

And, I mean,
you learn by failing, right?

-What is happening?
-H-Hi!

My name is Bandit,
and I'm a terrier.

[Irish accent]:
An Irish terrier.

And I was ne-u-tered!

Not because I wanted to be,

but because it's the socially
responsible thing to do.

Now, who wants
to scratch me belly?!

-No one!
-Me!

[rhythmic grunting]

Wow. I mean, that was
the best pitch I've ever heard.

I'm so bummed I can't invest.

[SPENCER]:
What?

[Irish accent]:
But I was ne-u-tered.

Yeah, my dad thinks dogs
are just a fad. But...

hey, good luck.

Not that you'll need it.

Spencer and Millicent told me
how many investors

you have lined up.

Congratulations.

Huh.

So you set this up.

What, just so I could squeeze in
one last failure before

-I give up entirely, or...?
-You can't give up.

You have every reason
to believe in this.

You're talented.
It's a great idea.

The world needs it.

In fact...

It's only $13.

It's all I have liquid.

I'm in.

Wow. [chuckles] Thank you.

This means more to me than
any big investment ever could.

Well, I want to make
a big investment.

Okay, thunder stealer.

* *

Dutch?

Are you in there?

[DUTCH]:
No.

All right.
Well, if you see Dutch,

tell her that tarp
is not her color.

How dare you.

I look gorgeous in this.

You do.

Look, I love working for you.

And we click creatively,
and I really admire you.

But I think that
some of those feelings

might be crossing the line,
and...

I think you feel it, too.

Yeah, I do.

Both of my hearts are beating
out of my chest.

I have two hearts.

But we work together,
and this is my dream job.

You're my dream stylist,

and it's really helping me
push myself creatively.

I think we need
to put that first.

Me, too.

[laughs]
So we agree.

We're just gonna close our eyes,

turn off our feelings
for the sake of professionalism.

I really love your boundaries.

[trembles]:
Uh-huh.

Okay.

Erase.

[chuckles nervously]

Erase.

Zip! They're gone. All right.

[laughs]

Well, I'm so glad that worked.

[laughs]

There you are.

I've been looking everywhere
for you.

First place I checked was
in Beau's arms.

Next time we're
in a collapsing tree house,

I promise I will jump on you.

Wes, I'm sorry.

And I really appreciate
everything you've done for us.

Well, hopefully
you'll appreciate this, too.

Come with me.

* *

[whooping, cheering]

Oh, my God, what is all this?

[WES]:
It's your stage,

for you to accept your award.

[clapping, whooping]

I don't deserve all this.

-Carly...
-We are gathered here today

to celebrate the life
of Carly Shay.

[WES]:
Actually, as the person

who made the podium
and the award, I...

Pretty sure this is the award.

I had it flown in this morning.

Does that mean
you could have had us flown out?

I wanted to stay,

'cause I have something
to tell you, Carly.

Uh, this feels like it's in the
arena of what I wanted to say,

so if I could just go first,
I'll be real quick.

-I think we should go
in alphabetical order. -Eh...

-I love you.
-I love you.

Duly noted.

Carly, breaking up with you was

the second biggest
mistake of my life.

Do you remember when I bought
that pizza with Bitcoin?

Okay, I would never make
either of those mistakes,

because I love you, and I
actually do still use checks.

These are all great points.
Very compelling.

A lot of pros, lot of cons.

Okay, so what are you gonna do?

Wait to see if she says it back.

Not you, dude. Carly.

I'd like to thank God

and my brother Spencer

and my manicurist Leslie.

I love you.

Leslie.

And...

[helicopter approaching]

-Hey! Hey!
-Down here!

We're here!

See?

That's why I thank God first.

I looked death
straight in the eyes and said,

"Not today, Carly. Not today."

I drank from a bidet.

What happens at Webicon
stays at Webicon.

So we left those feelings
at Webicon.

Why? Did she say something
about me?

Yeah, I feel good
about where I landed.

I mean, the heart wants
what the heart wants.

Until it doesn't.

And then does again.

And sometimes you get rescued

before you even have to make
a decision,

and then you end up
on a helicopter

with two guys just staring
at you the whole time.

But yeah, everything's great.

I got a penis parasite.

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