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1
00:00:00,070 --> 00:00:02,250
Previously, on
2
00:00:02,335 --> 00:00:04,579
So I take it, you're still
looking for a new therapist.
3
00:00:04,664 --> 00:00:07,586
[Abby] It is really hard
to find the right person.
4
00:00:07,671 --> 00:00:08,633
I'm just not going to settle.
5
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,211
- Julia.
- I fixed Pat!
6
00:00:11,296 --> 00:00:13,618
No, Julia, I don't
want you to fix Pat,
7
00:00:13,703 --> 00:00:15,821
I want you to bury Pat.
8
00:00:15,906 --> 00:00:17,141
I'm just late
for a body hack.
9
00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:19,268
The fundraiser for
Chris's top surgery.
10
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:20,978
[Abby] I'm really happy for him.
11
00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:22,688
On the night of
the breakup,
12
00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:25,149
my anger took over and
I screamed out his dead name.
13
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:27,514
I know I have so much
to make up for.
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00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:35,074
-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-
15
00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:39,162
♪ Stark, hollow town ♪
*WORK IN PROGRESSN*
16
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:42,417
♪ Carson city lights ♪
Season 02 Episode 04
17
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:44,180
Episode Title: Apologies and
Their Fluctuating Nature"
18
00:00:44,265 --> 00:00:46,797
♪ Baby, let's get high ♪
19
00:00:46,882 --> 00:00:49,340
♪ Spend a Johnny's cash ♪
20
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:52,010
♪ Hitch another ride ♪
21
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:56,188
♪ We laugh until we cry ♪
22
00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:57,974
♪ You say "go fast" ♪
23
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:01,329
♪ I say "hold on tight" ♪
24
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:07,358
♪ In the dead of night ♪
25
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,320
- You.
- There she is.
26
00:01:09,421 --> 00:01:10,790
[Geo] Well, well, well...
27
00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:13,477
Traitor to the
entire queer community!
28
00:01:13,562 --> 00:01:15,243
- [Abby] I know...
- Dead-naming is a hate crime!
29
00:01:15,328 --> 00:01:16,951
I know that's what
I'm trying to tell you.
30
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,327
I'm sorry.
31
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:19,852
Don't look at me, Abby.
32
00:01:19,937 --> 00:01:21,539
Nobody can fix Abby.
33
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:22,915
Traitor!
34
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:25,167
[crowd chanting]
Traitor! Traitor!
35
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:30,256
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! No! No!
36
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:33,093
[crowd chanting]
Traitor! Traitor!
37
00:01:37,985 --> 00:01:39,002
Chris?
38
00:01:39,087 --> 00:01:40,724
[alarm clock chiming]
39
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:41,813
[sighs]
40
00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:43,892
Fuck.
41
00:01:43,977 --> 00:01:44,932
[alarm clock continues]
42
00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,022
[turns off alarm]
43
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,024
[breathing machine hisses]
44
00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:25,812
[Abby sighs]
45
00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:33,862
[sighs]
46
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,931
God, I need a new therapist.
47
00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:44,497
[knocking on door]
48
00:02:47,490 --> 00:02:49,075
Dr. Martinson?
49
00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:52,296
[door closes]
50
00:02:52,692 --> 00:02:53,985
Hello?
51
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:00,721
What the fuck...
52
00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:02,807
- [bell rings]
- Oh!
53
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,475
I'm Dr. Martinson,
54
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:07,144
but please call me Greg.
55
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:08,646
That's all right.
You know, I'm getting
56
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,106
the feeling that
this isn't going to be
57
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,816
- the right fit for me.
- Are you Abby?
58
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,317
Hmm, I might be.
59
00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:14,735
I hope you take care
of yourself, okay?
60
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:16,087
Thank you for...
61
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:18,989
W-What are you doing?
62
00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:20,282
[door opens]
63
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:21,682
Have a good
rest of your day.
64
00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:22,952
Yeah.
65
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,787
[King] Oh, hell no.
If this is the doctor
66
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,664
I think you're talking about
67
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,499
let's just say he and I
tried some "physical therapy"
68
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,126
a few years back
and he was terrible.
69
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,407
[Abby] Ugh.
70
00:03:31,492 --> 00:03:33,410
Truly one of the most
selfish lovers
71
00:03:33,495 --> 00:03:35,760
I have ever had,
in my entire life.
72
00:03:35,845 --> 00:03:37,049
Do you know
he had the nerve
73
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,744
to have a book
next to his bed called
74
00:03:38,829 --> 00:03:40,713
- Sharing Is Caring.
- Uh-uh.
75
00:03:40,798 --> 00:03:42,808
You need to practice what
you fucking preach, Gregory.
76
00:03:42,892 --> 00:03:43,978
[Abby] Amen.
77
00:03:44,063 --> 00:03:45,190
[sniffs] Ugh!
78
00:03:45,275 --> 00:03:47,026
So you just fled the scene?
79
00:03:47,111 --> 00:03:49,822
Yeah. I think I'm ready
to accept the fact
80
00:03:49,906 --> 00:03:51,157
that I have no one to blame
81
00:03:51,241 --> 00:03:53,367
for my lack of
coping mechanisms.
82
00:03:53,451 --> 00:03:54,994
Yourself?
83
00:03:55,078 --> 00:03:57,163
Okay. You know,
always with the assessments.
84
00:03:57,247 --> 00:03:59,807
Well, maybe after this,
we can squeeze in a yoga class.
85
00:04:00,833 --> 00:04:02,835
It's for all bodies!
86
00:04:02,919 --> 00:04:05,337
Okay.
Nothing is for all bodies.
87
00:04:05,421 --> 00:04:07,756
Especially not this old
fat body with a bad back.
88
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,676
[laughs] Okay, okay,
don't namaste then, bitch.
89
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:11,844
- Mamma go!
- Mm-mm.
90
00:04:11,928 --> 00:04:13,179
[both laugh]
91
00:04:13,263 --> 00:04:14,638
I cannot believe
you got me to agree
92
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:16,432
to this whole day
of woo-woo shit.
93
00:04:16,516 --> 00:04:17,934
It's science!
94
00:04:19,018 --> 00:04:20,811
Okay, it's "sciencey."
95
00:04:20,895 --> 00:04:21,895
Mm.
96
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:26,571
- Uh-uh. Come on.
- [groans] Okay.
97
00:04:30,113 --> 00:04:32,531
The dachshund on
the wall had an aura,
98
00:04:32,962 --> 00:04:35,493
that kid's Iron Man doll
had an aura.
99
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:38,370
And somehow I don't?
100
00:04:38,454 --> 00:04:41,290
The photographer was crying
when she handed it to me.
101
00:04:41,374 --> 00:04:43,375
Oh, no, no, no.
Serena is an empath,
102
00:04:43,459 --> 00:04:44,585
she cries at everything.
103
00:04:44,669 --> 00:04:45,509
[cell phone chimes]
104
00:04:45,594 --> 00:04:47,181
Listen, this idea was a miss.
105
00:04:47,266 --> 00:04:48,462
But don't you worry,
106
00:04:48,547 --> 00:04:50,340
I don't care if it takes
us all damn day,
107
00:04:50,425 --> 00:04:51,550
we're gonna get
you all fixed up.
108
00:04:51,634 --> 00:04:53,181
No matter what.
Let's go.
109
00:04:57,181 --> 00:04:58,682
That's what they
all say, baby.
110
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:00,893
- Okay.
- [laughs]
111
00:05:00,977 --> 00:05:03,771
You know,
that was really fun.
112
00:05:03,855 --> 00:05:06,649
Uh, I think I got all my
Chakra Khans aligned!
113
00:05:06,733 --> 00:05:07,691
[chuckles] That was almost cute.
114
00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:09,068
Yeah, that was pretty bad.
115
00:05:09,152 --> 00:05:10,444
Oh, don't forget,
I'm doing
116
00:05:10,528 --> 00:05:11,695
the drag storytelling
later this week.
117
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,819
You should come.
For the karma.
118
00:05:14,532 --> 00:05:15,923
I'm gonna think about it.
119
00:05:16,008 --> 00:05:18,035
Don't worry,
Chris isn't gonna be there.
120
00:05:18,119 --> 00:05:19,537
He's taking care of
some stuff out of town
121
00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:20,587
before his surgery.
122
00:05:20,672 --> 00:05:22,579
[stammering]
That's not why I...
123
00:05:23,215 --> 00:05:25,008
Okay it's why. I...
124
00:05:25,335 --> 00:05:26,877
It's gonna be so much fun.
125
00:05:26,961 --> 00:05:28,174
I want to hang out
with you more!
126
00:05:28,258 --> 00:05:29,549
Sometimes it's nice
hanging out with somebody
127
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:31,399
who goes to bed at 9:00 pm.
128
00:05:31,507 --> 00:05:33,425
Makes me feel young,
darling.
129
00:05:33,509 --> 00:05:35,399
Okay, first of all,
8:30 on a good night.
130
00:05:35,484 --> 00:05:36,403
[laughs]
131
00:05:36,488 --> 00:05:38,239
I'm happy to help!
132
00:05:38,681 --> 00:05:40,360
Oh, my chariot awaits.
133
00:05:40,445 --> 00:05:41,657
Okay. Hey, you know,
134
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,142
really thanks for...
all of it!
135
00:05:44,536 --> 00:05:45,953
It was actually
pretty healing!
136
00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:47,824
It's my pleasure, boo.
137
00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:49,483
- Love you.
- Love you, too.
138
00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:52,517
- Bye.
- Yes, girl! Get it!
139
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,112
Bitches be shopping!
140
00:05:54,197 --> 00:05:55,906
- Okay. [laughs]
- All right.
141
00:05:55,990 --> 00:05:58,159
Singing in foreign language...
142
00:06:06,125 --> 00:06:08,211
[rattles]
143
00:06:11,631 --> 00:06:12,882
Right.
144
00:06:59,202 --> 00:07:01,055
[typing]
145
00:07:02,432 --> 00:07:03,468
[breathing heavily]
146
00:07:06,299 --> 00:07:07,984
[sighs]
147
00:07:08,945 --> 00:07:10,218
Hey, Susan.
148
00:07:10,303 --> 00:07:12,046
Oh. Oh, who's Susan?
149
00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:13,692
You might wanna call me
the Big Bad Wolf,
150
00:07:13,776 --> 00:07:15,277
because I am
huffing and puffing!
151
00:07:15,361 --> 00:07:17,585
Yeah, uh, all right
if you say so. Yeah.
152
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:20,179
[Susan] Ooh! Look at you
internally communicating!
153
00:07:20,283 --> 00:07:22,910
Yeah, I'm actually.
Keeping very busy, so...
154
00:07:22,994 --> 00:07:24,912
[Susan] Hey, do you
have a hair tie I can borrow?
155
00:07:24,996 --> 00:07:27,289
Susan, funnily enough
I don't, uh, have a hair tie.
156
00:07:27,373 --> 00:07:29,083
It's just my hair is
so thick right now,
157
00:07:29,167 --> 00:07:31,210
it's, like, impossible
to keep out of my face!
158
00:07:31,294 --> 00:07:33,128
- I can see that.
- It's just so lustrous.
159
00:07:33,212 --> 00:07:35,172
I'm like a walking
shampoo commercial.
160
00:07:35,256 --> 00:07:37,466
- Yeah, sure.
- Walkin' down the street.
161
00:07:37,550 --> 00:07:39,218
Here you go.
162
00:07:39,341 --> 00:07:40,528
Eli!
163
00:07:40,613 --> 00:07:43,356
Well, don't you just
continue to be unexpected.
164
00:07:43,441 --> 00:07:44,722
Reliable, Eli-able.
165
00:07:44,807 --> 00:07:46,350
I like that.
166
00:07:46,434 --> 00:07:47,559
[Susan] Actually,
since you're both here,
167
00:07:47,643 --> 00:07:48,686
it might be a good time.
168
00:07:48,770 --> 00:07:50,562
I am really actually busy.
169
00:07:50,646 --> 00:07:52,398
I'm trying to finish this
expense report for corporate.
170
00:07:52,482 --> 00:07:54,817
Um, attention, everyone!
Attention!
171
00:07:54,901 --> 00:07:56,694
I'm going to need
your focus right here.
172
00:07:56,778 --> 00:07:59,161
Pencils down, eyes up!
173
00:07:59,284 --> 00:08:00,844
Now, I know a lot of you
have clocked me
174
00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:02,692
rocking these caftans lately
175
00:08:02,784 --> 00:08:05,994
and you probably thought, "Okay,
look at you, Stevie Nicks!"
176
00:08:06,078 --> 00:08:10,207
And while Gold Dust Woman
is my signature karaoke jam,
177
00:08:10,309 --> 00:08:11,959
I am not
paying tribute to
178
00:08:12,043 --> 00:08:14,337
The Ms. Leather and Lace.
179
00:08:16,464 --> 00:08:18,007
[Susan exhales]
180
00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,084
I'm pregnant! [laughs]
181
00:08:21,169 --> 00:08:22,260
This is my...
182
00:08:22,345 --> 00:08:24,263
Pregnancy!
183
00:08:24,347 --> 00:08:25,640
[applause]
184
00:08:26,293 --> 00:08:27,627
Oh, why thank you.
185
00:08:28,095 --> 00:08:29,471
[giggles]
186
00:08:29,602 --> 00:08:31,437
- Who's the dad?
- [Abby] Eli!
187
00:08:31,521 --> 00:08:33,522
What? Freedom of
Information Act!
188
00:08:33,606 --> 00:08:35,140
[Susan] Oh, that's okay, Eli!
189
00:08:35,225 --> 00:08:37,609
Well, I have yet to meet
my child's father.
190
00:08:37,693 --> 00:08:39,278
The sperm donor
is my friend Rick.
191
00:08:39,362 --> 00:08:40,738
He's my college friend
192
00:08:40,822 --> 00:08:42,239
who runs that
CrossFit gym in Lisle.
193
00:08:42,323 --> 00:08:43,679
Right, Rick.
194
00:08:43,764 --> 00:08:46,099
We're gonna call him
Buncle Rick.
195
00:08:46,190 --> 00:08:47,297
Why "Buncle"?
196
00:08:47,382 --> 00:08:49,050
- He's a bisexual!
- Ah!
197
00:08:49,135 --> 00:08:50,387
We thought that name
would be cute.
198
00:08:50,471 --> 00:08:53,056
Oh! So cute! Oh, my gosh!
Yes. Yeah.
199
00:08:53,209 --> 00:08:54,547
- Wait, Lula?
- [laughs]
200
00:08:54,632 --> 00:08:56,797
Hey. What are you doing here?
201
00:08:57,219 --> 00:08:58,881
I want to start by saying
this was not my idea.
202
00:08:58,965 --> 00:09:01,133
[Abby] Okay. Um...
203
00:09:01,217 --> 00:09:03,051
[Weird Al over iPad] Abby? Abby!
Hey! I'm down here!
204
00:09:03,135 --> 00:09:05,137
- Hi! Hi!
- [Abby] Oh!
205
00:09:05,221 --> 00:09:06,930
[Weird Al] Lula! Is that Abby?
I can't see what's...
206
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,348
Oh, there you are!
Hey, hi! Hi!
207
00:09:08,432 --> 00:09:10,350
Hey, Al.
You're wearing your wig!
208
00:09:10,434 --> 00:09:11,935
Yeah, well,
I'm on a writing retreat,
209
00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:13,771
working out
some of my new songs.
210
00:09:13,855 --> 00:09:15,230
And I can only write
when I'm in character.
211
00:09:15,314 --> 00:09:17,274
Oh, that makes...
That makes a lot of sense.
212
00:09:17,358 --> 00:09:18,859
Oh, great, Weird Al.
213
00:09:18,943 --> 00:09:20,486
- Catch ya later.
- All right.
214
00:09:20,570 --> 00:09:21,945
[Weird Al] Well, look at
the fruit basket!
215
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,530
- Not bad, huh?
- Oh, wow!
216
00:09:23,614 --> 00:09:25,814
That's, uh, thoughtful?
217
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,483
Read the note!
Read the note!
218
00:09:27,785 --> 00:09:30,037
- All right.
- Lula, is she excited?
219
00:09:30,121 --> 00:09:32,456
Excited is not
the word I'd use.
220
00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:35,793
[Susan] Okay, I'm so sorry,
but you look so familiar.
221
00:09:35,877 --> 00:09:37,753
Do you coach at Orange Theory?
222
00:09:37,837 --> 00:09:40,589
[Abby] Oh, uh, Susan,
this is Al Yankovic.
223
00:09:40,673 --> 00:09:42,341
Okay. Well, that doesn't
answer my question.
224
00:09:42,425 --> 00:09:43,550
All right,
I'll let you all do...
225
00:09:43,634 --> 00:09:44,994
whatever this is.
226
00:09:45,079 --> 00:09:46,845
Oh, and Abby, I'll add
you on the Google doc
227
00:09:46,929 --> 00:09:48,430
as an editor
for the baby shower.
228
00:09:48,514 --> 00:09:49,973
[Abby] Oh, yeah,
but it's not my job!
229
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,934
But it is your privilege!
You're welcome!
230
00:09:52,018 --> 00:09:53,685
All right.
231
00:09:53,769 --> 00:09:55,270
Hey, Al, I'm not
trying to be rude,
232
00:09:55,354 --> 00:09:57,272
but what is this?
233
00:09:57,356 --> 00:09:59,608
Well, it's watermelon,
cantaloupe and honeydew...
234
00:09:59,692 --> 00:10:01,026
So you know,
235
00:10:01,110 --> 00:10:03,028
the Holy Trinity
of melons, really.
236
00:10:03,112 --> 00:10:04,613
- For sure.
- Uh, plus there's strawberries
237
00:10:04,697 --> 00:10:05,989
- and rhubarb...
- Sure.
238
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,825
[Weird Al]
Some peaches and pears,
239
00:10:07,909 --> 00:10:09,785
- a few plums thrown in there.
- Oh, I see it. Yeah.
240
00:10:09,869 --> 00:10:11,870
Full disclosure, I did not
hand pick these personally.
241
00:10:11,954 --> 00:10:14,039
It's my mom's idea
of a peace offering.
242
00:10:14,123 --> 00:10:15,666
- Oh, right.
- I did warn you to run away.
243
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:17,543
I remember that, yeah.
244
00:10:17,627 --> 00:10:19,670
You know, Julia's
really distraught about her
245
00:10:19,754 --> 00:10:21,547
This American Life performance.
246
00:10:21,631 --> 00:10:25,384
Some monster
uploaded it to YouTube.
247
00:10:25,468 --> 00:10:27,511
Oh? I-I haven't see that.
248
00:10:27,595 --> 00:10:28,846
- [Pat over phone] Eww!
- [crowd vociferous booing]
249
00:10:28,930 --> 00:10:30,222
Oh, Julia.
250
00:10:30,306 --> 00:10:31,723
So...
251
00:10:31,807 --> 00:10:33,600
Can you please
just talk to her?
252
00:10:33,684 --> 00:10:37,908
Al, I mean,
I really appreciate this...
253
00:10:38,361 --> 00:10:40,495
gesture, but I... gotta be honest,
254
00:10:40,580 --> 00:10:42,234
I don't have
the bandwidth right now.
255
00:10:42,318 --> 00:10:44,322
I... I'll reach out to her
when I'm ready, okay?
256
00:10:44,502 --> 00:10:46,730
You know, I, I would be there
in person myself right now.
257
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:49,066
But I'm in Saugatuck.
I'm working on my new album.
258
00:10:49,158 --> 00:10:52,327
It's a complete departure
from my normal art.
259
00:10:52,411 --> 00:10:55,122
What are you doing? Writing some
parody songs about fruit?
260
00:10:56,666 --> 00:10:58,083
Lula, did you tell?
261
00:10:58,167 --> 00:11:00,168
No, Dad, trust me.
262
00:11:00,252 --> 00:11:02,884
This is not a secret you need
to worry about me spilling.
263
00:11:04,071 --> 00:11:06,256
Look, Julia
only needs five minutes.
264
00:11:06,341 --> 00:11:08,509
Um, well,
maybe not exactly five minutes.
265
00:11:08,594 --> 00:11:10,963
I was gonna send an apology
and they fluctuate wildly,
266
00:11:11,048 --> 00:11:12,055
it's really hard to tell.
267
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:13,557
It could be less
than five minutes,
268
00:11:13,641 --> 00:11:15,058
it could be more
than five minutes.
269
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,268
It really depends
on the situation...
270
00:11:16,352 --> 00:11:18,646
No, Al, is she here right now?
271
00:11:21,273 --> 00:11:24,109
- Jesus.
- And I will see you at
272
00:11:24,193 --> 00:11:27,029
restorative yoga
on Saturday, sir.
273
00:11:32,410 --> 00:11:34,786
Oh, thank you
so much for meeting me.
274
00:11:34,870 --> 00:11:36,997
Okay. Yeah, but, Julia,
I didn't really have a choice.
275
00:11:37,081 --> 00:11:38,957
But you didn't answer
any of my calls.
276
00:11:39,041 --> 00:11:41,501
Yeah, but it's because I didn't
know what to say to you.
277
00:11:41,585 --> 00:11:44,296
And Al's organic co-op fruit
delivery arrived and...
278
00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:47,841
So, you wrangled Al and Lula
to deliver fruit
279
00:11:47,925 --> 00:11:49,468
because you knew
I couldn't say no to them?
280
00:11:49,552 --> 00:11:51,011
Did I hear my name?
281
00:11:51,095 --> 00:11:52,638
Well, when you say it like that,
282
00:11:52,722 --> 00:11:53,597
it does sound a
little manipulative.
283
00:11:53,681 --> 00:11:54,640
Oh.
284
00:11:54,724 --> 00:11:56,892
Gift giving is my love language.
285
00:11:56,976 --> 00:11:59,269
Along with extravagant capers.
286
00:11:59,353 --> 00:12:00,812
Mine is talking with friends.
287
00:12:00,896 --> 00:12:02,814
Mine is thinking about
things before I do them.
288
00:12:02,898 --> 00:12:04,483
Listen, I know you
don't wanna talk to me
289
00:12:04,567 --> 00:12:06,318
and you have every right not to.
290
00:12:06,402 --> 00:12:09,572
What I did was, um, oh,
291
00:12:11,699 --> 00:12:15,536
"A complete violation of your
expressed emotional desires."
292
00:12:17,705 --> 00:12:19,331
That is pretty much spot on.
293
00:12:19,415 --> 00:12:22,250
You told me not to do Woke Pat,
294
00:12:22,334 --> 00:12:23,669
but I did it anyway.
295
00:12:23,753 --> 00:12:26,088
Now everybody's mad at me.
296
00:12:26,172 --> 00:12:29,341
And it turns out I actually
do care what the haters think.
297
00:12:29,425 --> 00:12:31,301
Which actually is not that
surprising 'cause
298
00:12:31,385 --> 00:12:33,637
I just took that
Meyers Brigg personality test
299
00:12:33,721 --> 00:12:36,014
- and it turns out that I'm an...
- Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.
300
00:12:36,098 --> 00:12:37,849
Focus is your friend. Okay?
301
00:12:37,933 --> 00:12:39,973
- Okay, right. Thank you.
- Yeah.
302
00:12:41,270 --> 00:12:43,814
Hey, have you heard
about this book?
303
00:12:43,898 --> 00:12:46,525
Uh, it's written by this women,
Dr. Simone Schaefer,
304
00:12:46,609 --> 00:12:49,152
it has helped me so much.
305
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:52,281
And, um, she's speaking
at my book club.
306
00:12:53,324 --> 00:12:54,741
Would you go with me?
307
00:12:54,825 --> 00:12:56,410
Uh, really?
308
00:12:56,494 --> 00:12:58,662
Uh, I mean, I'll think about it,
how about that?
309
00:12:58,746 --> 00:13:00,956
- Really? You will?
- Sure. Yeah.
310
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,083
Good. Oh, Al, honey,
she's gonna think about it.
311
00:13:03,167 --> 00:13:04,751
[Weird Al] Uh, I heard.
312
00:13:04,835 --> 00:13:06,503
Lula, honey, could you...
Could you maybe
313
00:13:06,587 --> 00:13:08,714
bring the iPad a little closer
to Mom and Abby
314
00:13:08,798 --> 00:13:12,718
so that I can properly share
in this emotional healing
315
00:13:12,802 --> 00:13:14,219
process, please?
316
00:13:14,303 --> 00:13:17,681
Abby, I am so sorry I hurt you.
317
00:13:17,765 --> 00:13:19,182
Thanks, Julia.
318
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,143
And also thanks
for the sangria basket.
319
00:13:21,227 --> 00:13:22,811
All right.
320
00:13:22,895 --> 00:13:25,295
Actually, thank you for
the sangria basket, Al.
321
00:13:26,398 --> 00:13:28,316
It's fun, isn't it?
322
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,236
I'm getting really good
at apologies, I think.
323
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:32,404
[chuckles]
324
00:13:32,488 --> 00:13:33,864
Anyway. Okay.
325
00:13:33,948 --> 00:13:35,657
Run away.
326
00:13:35,741 --> 00:13:36,741
[laughs]
327
00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:54,927
So, I...
328
00:13:56,929 --> 00:14:00,349
Guess that
I'm in trouble again
329
00:14:02,601 --> 00:14:04,519
I'm in trouble
330
00:14:04,603 --> 00:14:08,065
Trouble, trouble
331
00:14:08,149 --> 00:14:10,985
Again
332
00:14:12,611 --> 00:14:15,280
- Hey.
- Oh, hey, Charles.
333
00:14:15,364 --> 00:14:17,949
Yeah, no, that...
334
00:14:18,033 --> 00:14:22,954
I've become such
a horrible thing
335
00:14:23,038 --> 00:14:26,083
In a fight where
nobody should win
336
00:14:28,127 --> 00:14:31,088
Yeah, nobody should win
337
00:14:35,301 --> 00:14:38,804
Oh, oh, oh
338
00:14:38,888 --> 00:14:40,889
You're special, darling
339
00:14:40,973 --> 00:14:44,142
Oh, oh, oh
340
00:14:44,226 --> 00:14:46,020
I love you, baby
341
00:14:53,444 --> 00:14:55,529
Hi, hello,
welcome to Best Self.
342
00:14:55,613 --> 00:14:57,948
I'm Miri Ann and I'm here
to guide you on your journey.
343
00:14:58,032 --> 00:15:00,700
Okay. Well, that journey
has officially ended for me
344
00:15:00,784 --> 00:15:02,619
and I'd like to cancel
my membership.
345
00:15:02,703 --> 00:15:04,913
Wait, did you say
your name was Miriam?
346
00:15:04,997 --> 00:15:06,289
Uh, no, Miri Ann.
347
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:08,041
Miriam?
348
00:15:08,125 --> 00:15:10,335
- [chuckles] Okay, Miri.
- Miri Ann.
349
00:15:10,419 --> 00:15:12,129
I'd like to cancel
my membership.
350
00:15:12,213 --> 00:15:14,172
Well, I'm really sorry
to hear that, Abigail.
351
00:15:14,256 --> 00:15:16,258
Is there anything
I can do to make you reconsider?
352
00:15:16,342 --> 00:15:17,968
No, there's not.
353
00:15:18,052 --> 00:15:20,053
I just really wanna stop
paying 40 dollars a month
354
00:15:20,137 --> 00:15:21,513
for a service I don't use.
355
00:15:21,597 --> 00:15:23,014
Okay. Well,
the system is asking me
356
00:15:23,098 --> 00:15:25,338
why you wanna
terminate your membership.
357
00:15:27,102 --> 00:15:28,729
It wasn't working out.
358
00:15:30,898 --> 00:15:34,328
Would you stay if I told you
how I hacked the point system?
359
00:15:34,413 --> 00:15:37,460
I figured out how to eat
chocolate cake once a month.
360
00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:39,705
Would you just
cancel my membership?
361
00:15:40,553 --> 00:15:42,096
Okay, done and done.
362
00:15:42,993 --> 00:15:44,869
Abigail, just remember,
363
00:15:44,954 --> 00:15:47,508
your weight loss journey,
it never ends.
364
00:15:47,593 --> 00:15:49,618
We just won't be walking
alongside you.
365
00:15:49,703 --> 00:15:51,246
Good to know.
366
00:15:52,544 --> 00:15:54,838
[Abby] Uh, Babes in Book Land?
367
00:15:54,922 --> 00:15:55,874
That's the name
of the group.
368
00:15:55,959 --> 00:15:57,251
- Of course it is.
- [laughs]
369
00:15:57,422 --> 00:15:58,702
Hi. Oh, hi.
370
00:15:58,787 --> 00:16:00,608
This is my first time
at a book club, fingers crossed.
371
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:01,788
Hello, Babes.
372
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,929
I'm thrilled
to welcome our guest...
373
00:16:04,014 --> 00:16:06,469
author of the literary
sensation that's been
374
00:16:06,554 --> 00:16:09,643
burning up the Costco Reader's
Rack bestseller list,
375
00:16:09,728 --> 00:16:11,968
Cancel and Gretel,
Dr. Simone Schaefer.
376
00:16:12,053 --> 00:16:12,898
[applause]
377
00:16:12,983 --> 00:16:14,985
[laughs] Thank you.
378
00:16:15,358 --> 00:16:17,194
Are we good?
Everyone can hear me?
379
00:16:17,278 --> 00:16:19,429
Hello, hello. [laughs]
380
00:16:19,514 --> 00:16:21,348
"One June day in 2018,
381
00:16:21,433 --> 00:16:23,935
I felt funny.
Ready to make a quip.
382
00:16:24,304 --> 00:16:26,119
When I made
the mistake of tweeting what
383
00:16:26,203 --> 00:16:27,546
I thought was a joke.
384
00:16:27,631 --> 00:16:30,748
I wrote it minutes before I went
under anesthesia for surgery
385
00:16:30,833 --> 00:16:32,918
to repair torn
ligaments in my knee."
386
00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:34,257
Telluride.
387
00:16:34,855 --> 00:16:36,374
"I woke up several hours later
388
00:16:36,459 --> 00:16:38,562
to a life
I no longer recognized.
389
00:16:38,647 --> 00:16:40,565
My tweet had gone viral."
390
00:16:40,650 --> 00:16:41,749
There they are.
391
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,226
The twenty-one words
that changed my life.
392
00:16:44,311 --> 00:16:47,431
"Uh-oh, just found
out my surgeon's name is
393
00:16:47,516 --> 00:16:49,976
Ayodele, Ayodele Nkiruka...
394
00:16:50,061 --> 00:16:51,507
Oh, my God.
395
00:16:51,592 --> 00:16:52,780
Hope his surgery skills
396
00:16:52,865 --> 00:16:54,616
are better than
my pronunciation skills!"
397
00:16:54,716 --> 00:16:56,116
With a little cringy face.
398
00:16:56,201 --> 00:16:59,694
Those who know me know
I was joking about my dyslexia.
399
00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:03,569
But I was branded
a racist and a sexist,
400
00:17:03,654 --> 00:17:06,156
because it turns out,
my brilliant surgeon
401
00:17:06,258 --> 00:17:07,671
was a woman.
402
00:17:07,756 --> 00:17:09,132
[whispers]
Like the riddle.
403
00:17:09,217 --> 00:17:10,968
[Simone]
People said things like...
404
00:17:11,053 --> 00:17:13,305
"I guess Becky
was today years old
405
00:17:13,459 --> 00:17:15,293
when she learned doctors
don't have names
406
00:17:15,378 --> 00:17:17,296
like Jonathan and Chip."
407
00:17:17,551 --> 00:17:20,547
"Dr. Nkiruka,
let her die on the table
408
00:17:20,632 --> 00:17:22,717
and I'll Venmo you
a $1,000."
409
00:17:22,801 --> 00:17:24,195
- [crowd gasps]
- i
410
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:25,960
Hey, do you wanna grab a bite
to eat after this?
411
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,005
Mediterranean.
No compromises.
412
00:17:28,307 --> 00:17:31,768
Dumped by a man
I had recently met online,
413
00:17:31,852 --> 00:17:34,604
I was fielding calls
from every major talk show
414
00:17:34,688 --> 00:17:37,649
and news organization
to appear as the "knee jerk."
415
00:17:37,733 --> 00:17:39,442
Okay. Knee jerk.
I got that. That's good.
416
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:42,153
It's because
she had surgery on her knee.
417
00:17:42,237 --> 00:17:43,822
And I found my voice.
418
00:17:43,906 --> 00:17:45,657
One that could write this book
419
00:17:45,741 --> 00:17:48,660
and travel the country meeting
all different kinds of women
420
00:17:48,744 --> 00:17:51,372
just like me who could've made
the same mistake.
421
00:17:52,998 --> 00:17:55,318
I'd love to open
the forum up for questions.
422
00:17:57,378 --> 00:17:59,379
Good afternoon, Dr. Simone.
423
00:17:59,463 --> 00:18:02,132
Thank you so much for
coming to our book club.
424
00:18:02,216 --> 00:18:06,845
Um, I can't tell you how much
this book has meant to me.
425
00:18:06,929 --> 00:18:09,389
I'm sorry, have we met?
You look so familiar to me.
426
00:18:09,473 --> 00:18:11,349
Um, no.
427
00:18:11,433 --> 00:18:13,810
Go ahead, go ahead. This is
a confident space, right?
428
00:18:13,894 --> 00:18:15,478
Because there are
no safe spaces anymore.
429
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:17,355
Confidence over safety.
430
00:18:17,439 --> 00:18:21,192
Oh, all right.
Um, several months ago
431
00:18:21,276 --> 00:18:24,821
I performed at an NPR, uh,
432
00:18:24,905 --> 00:18:28,116
that's for National
Public Radio, event, uh,
433
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:32,537
where I brought back
one of my old characters, Pat.
434
00:18:32,621 --> 00:18:34,789
Oh, that's it.
Pat. Yes. How fun.
435
00:18:34,873 --> 00:18:36,291
[crowd murmuring]
436
00:18:36,375 --> 00:18:38,585
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
437
00:18:38,669 --> 00:18:39,586
No, no, no.
438
00:18:39,670 --> 00:18:41,338
No, no, no. No, no, no.
439
00:18:41,422 --> 00:18:45,175
But... oh, but thank you so much,
Babes, for your support.
440
00:18:45,259 --> 00:18:50,555
Um, I didn't know how much
the Pat character was hurting
441
00:18:50,639 --> 00:18:54,893
the LGBTQ community, even though
someone very close to me
442
00:18:54,977 --> 00:18:57,812
told me how much it hurt her.
443
00:18:57,896 --> 00:19:00,482
And then the video became
444
00:19:00,566 --> 00:19:02,108
a viral.
445
00:19:02,192 --> 00:19:03,234
Ooh.
446
00:19:03,318 --> 00:19:04,819
Yeah. It was bad.
447
00:19:04,903 --> 00:19:06,321
It is bad.
448
00:19:06,405 --> 00:19:08,645
I guess I'm just
looking for more, um...
449
00:19:10,909 --> 00:19:14,079
"tools and strategies
to reduce harm."
450
00:19:16,582 --> 00:19:19,292
I, I still have a lot to learn
and a long way to go,
451
00:19:19,376 --> 00:19:22,296
but I'm interested in
figuring out my role.
452
00:19:23,505 --> 00:19:25,424
I want to be accountable.
453
00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:29,886
Anyway, um,
454
00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:32,514
I guess that was more of
a comment than a question, so.
455
00:19:32,598 --> 00:19:34,224
Thank you, Julia.
456
00:19:34,308 --> 00:19:35,934
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
457
00:19:36,018 --> 00:19:37,143
[applause]
458
00:19:37,227 --> 00:19:39,479
I would love you to have this.
459
00:19:39,563 --> 00:19:42,190
[laughing]
460
00:19:42,274 --> 00:19:44,526
Oh, thank you!
461
00:19:44,610 --> 00:19:46,695
- Oh!
- [applause]
462
00:19:48,864 --> 00:19:51,533
That was like meeting myself
if I had gone to Saint Mary's,
463
00:19:51,617 --> 00:19:54,536
married my dad's coworker Glenn,
and moved to Naperville.
464
00:19:55,704 --> 00:19:57,789
That's not good, right?
465
00:19:57,873 --> 00:20:00,291
No, especially not for Glenn.
466
00:20:00,375 --> 00:20:03,753
Julia, I, I just wanted
to say thank you, um,
467
00:20:03,837 --> 00:20:06,131
for what you said in there
about accountability.
468
00:20:06,215 --> 00:20:08,925
Well, that's what
I'm trying to be.
469
00:20:09,009 --> 00:20:10,552
Accountable.
470
00:20:10,636 --> 00:20:12,470
I am, too.
471
00:20:12,554 --> 00:20:16,474
And I never really have told
you about my breakup with Chris.
472
00:20:16,558 --> 00:20:20,562
Uh, I did something so bad,
so unforgivable
473
00:20:20,646 --> 00:20:22,605
that I can't even think about it
and I've just been...
474
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,607
Hey.
475
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,818
- [Julia] Oh.
- Hey, fuck you, Julia Sweeney.
476
00:20:26,902 --> 00:20:29,154
Yeah, I saw a clip
of your stupid show or whatever,
477
00:20:29,238 --> 00:20:31,281
- and you are an asshole.
- [Abby knocks on window]
478
00:20:31,365 --> 00:20:33,950
Hey, fuck off,
you little edgelord shit.
479
00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:35,952
What? It's fun for you
to yell at some
480
00:20:36,036 --> 00:20:37,787
little old lady
eating ice cream?
481
00:20:37,871 --> 00:20:39,330
Give you a little dopamine hit?
482
00:20:39,414 --> 00:20:40,957
It's actually mango froyo.
483
00:20:41,041 --> 00:20:43,460
So she made mistakes,
but she's working on it.
484
00:20:43,544 --> 00:20:45,879
She's out in public.
I mean, come on.
485
00:20:45,963 --> 00:20:47,130
She even read a book.
486
00:20:47,214 --> 00:20:48,548
[man] Wow. Such hard work.
487
00:20:48,632 --> 00:20:50,383
Take a break, girl.
You deserve it.
488
00:20:50,467 --> 00:20:52,010
Chill out, lady.
489
00:20:52,094 --> 00:20:54,137
Well, thank you for noticing.
490
00:20:55,764 --> 00:20:57,099
Fuck those kids.
491
00:20:58,225 --> 00:21:00,101
Thank you, Abby.
492
00:21:00,185 --> 00:21:02,825
I mean, come on, like they've
never made a mistake before?
493
00:21:03,522 --> 00:21:05,648
Nobody claws their
way out of the womb
494
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,776
an exact perfect queer.
495
00:21:09,194 --> 00:21:10,528
Present company excluded.
496
00:21:10,612 --> 00:21:11,612
[chuckles]
497
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:16,285
I'm laughing because that's
the opposite of what's true.
498
00:21:17,452 --> 00:21:20,705
Squeeze, squeeze,
499
00:21:20,789 --> 00:21:23,458
squeeze all the morning long.
500
00:21:23,542 --> 00:21:25,460
[chuckles]
501
00:21:25,544 --> 00:21:27,337
I squeezed that sperm
502
00:21:27,421 --> 00:21:30,173
until myself almost
melted into it.
503
00:21:30,257 --> 00:21:32,217
[audience laughs]
504
00:21:32,301 --> 00:21:33,676
Come.
505
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,887
[audience laughs]
506
00:21:37,472 --> 00:21:40,475
Let us squeeze, squeeze...
507
00:21:41,518 --> 00:21:43,019
[all] Squeeze.
508
00:21:43,103 --> 00:21:44,437
Want a little more?
509
00:21:44,521 --> 00:21:46,064
[crowd cheering]
510
00:21:49,276 --> 00:21:51,945
So then he tells me
he's building a shrine
511
00:21:52,029 --> 00:21:54,531
to me in his living room.
512
00:21:54,615 --> 00:21:56,658
And I said, "What's the use
513
00:21:56,742 --> 00:21:59,911
- if you won't text me back?"
- [audience laughs]
514
00:21:59,995 --> 00:22:02,330
So I told him, "Bitch,
515
00:22:02,414 --> 00:22:05,375
you either get right
or get left."
516
00:22:05,459 --> 00:22:07,877
- [audience laughs]
- Yes.
517
00:22:07,961 --> 00:22:09,587
You tell him, queen!
518
00:22:09,671 --> 00:22:11,089
That's right.
That's right.
519
00:22:11,173 --> 00:22:13,091
We're gonna
take a ten from here.
520
00:22:13,175 --> 00:22:15,343
Thank you all
so much for being here.
521
00:22:15,427 --> 00:22:17,054
Ooh.
522
00:22:19,514 --> 00:22:20,682
Ooh. Lord, have mercy.
523
00:22:24,519 --> 00:22:26,104
- Thank you, Mrs. Doll.
- Of course.
524
00:22:26,188 --> 00:22:27,814
Hey
525
00:22:30,692 --> 00:22:31,734
Hey you, hey you.
526
00:22:31,818 --> 00:22:32,777
I just caught the end of it,
527
00:22:32,861 --> 00:22:35,113
but you were so perfect.
528
00:22:35,197 --> 00:22:37,448
- Thank you so much for coming.
- Of course.
529
00:22:37,532 --> 00:22:39,117
I thought I saw you
hiding over here.
530
00:22:39,201 --> 00:22:40,743
- I was indeed.
- [laughs]
531
00:22:40,827 --> 00:22:42,328
How's that fluorite
treating you?
532
00:22:42,412 --> 00:22:45,623
Oh, actually, I'm
not sure which one it is.
533
00:22:45,707 --> 00:22:47,000
- [King] This one.
- [Abby] Okay.
534
00:22:47,084 --> 00:22:48,293
So it cloaks your
energy signature...
535
00:22:48,377 --> 00:22:50,253
- Mm-hmm.
- To avoid the effects
536
00:22:50,337 --> 00:22:51,462
of sorcery.
537
00:22:51,546 --> 00:22:52,922
Okay, Gandalf.
538
00:22:53,006 --> 00:22:54,090
- Okay. He was kind of hot.
- All right.
539
00:22:54,174 --> 00:22:55,258
[both laugh]
540
00:22:55,342 --> 00:22:57,010
You can make
fun all you want
541
00:22:57,094 --> 00:22:58,469
as long as you keep
that shit on you
542
00:22:58,553 --> 00:23:00,138
to keep your spirit right.
543
00:23:00,222 --> 00:23:01,723
Or else I'll get left.
544
00:23:01,807 --> 00:23:03,224
Left, exactly.
545
00:23:03,308 --> 00:23:05,143
Are you gonna stick around?
546
00:23:05,227 --> 00:23:06,519
'Cause intermission's gonna
be over here in a bit
547
00:23:06,603 --> 00:23:08,438
and the rest of
the lineup is lit.
548
00:23:08,522 --> 00:23:10,315
You know, actually, I haven't
seen Chris' brunch bunch
549
00:23:10,399 --> 00:23:12,567
since the breakup,
so I, I think I...
550
00:23:12,651 --> 00:23:13,776
What?
551
00:23:13,860 --> 00:23:16,029
Girl, no.
Come on.
552
00:23:17,239 --> 00:23:18,407
Come on.
553
00:23:19,658 --> 00:23:21,159
Look who I found.
554
00:23:21,243 --> 00:23:22,577
Ooh.
555
00:23:22,661 --> 00:23:23,620
- Hello.
- Oh.
556
00:23:23,704 --> 00:23:25,539
Abby, it's been a while.
557
00:23:29,543 --> 00:23:33,588
So, killed any
therapists lately?
558
00:23:33,672 --> 00:23:35,340
- [laughter]
- Okay. All right.
559
00:23:35,424 --> 00:23:37,342
Rude.
560
00:23:37,426 --> 00:23:40,011
Uh, no, actually,
I haven't found one worthy yet.
561
00:23:40,095 --> 00:23:42,096
Oh, let me give you mine
because, oh, my gosh.
562
00:23:42,180 --> 00:23:44,140
Oh. She done you dirty?
563
00:23:44,224 --> 00:23:46,384
- Oh, let me tell you.
- Oh. [laughs]
564
00:23:49,220 --> 00:23:50,494
Can I get a drag of that?
565
00:23:50,579 --> 00:23:51,537
Hey.
566
00:23:51,622 --> 00:23:54,041
I'm glad you stayed.
567
00:23:54,126 --> 00:23:55,322
Thank you so much.
568
00:23:55,407 --> 00:23:57,746
Thank you.
I've got something for you.
569
00:24:05,829 --> 00:24:07,414
It's what I see.
570
00:24:11,418 --> 00:24:13,586
Thank you.
I love you. Thank you.
571
00:24:13,670 --> 00:24:15,254
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
572
00:24:15,338 --> 00:24:17,048
Text me when you get home, okay?
573
00:24:17,132 --> 00:24:19,718
All right. Bye.
574
00:24:28,226 --> 00:24:32,563
What if instead of probably
tens of thousands of dollars
575
00:24:32,647 --> 00:24:35,566
and hundreds of fucking
hours of therapy,
576
00:24:35,650 --> 00:24:39,320
I had just decided to "ohm"
at rocks the whole time?
577
00:24:39,404 --> 00:24:42,157
You don't actually believe that.
578
00:24:43,909 --> 00:24:45,076
[rocks clatter]
579
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:46,911
- [laughs]
- I am really trying
580
00:24:46,995 --> 00:24:48,538
to take it seriously. Okay.
581
00:24:48,622 --> 00:24:50,748
[laughs] Yes, that's... Okay.
582
00:24:50,832 --> 00:24:51,999
Nice.
583
00:24:52,083 --> 00:24:53,543
[Abby] What are you even doing?
584
00:24:53,627 --> 00:24:55,586
Getting back into the game.
585
00:24:55,670 --> 00:24:58,297
Campbell, I cannot even believe
that you're talking about
586
00:24:58,381 --> 00:25:02,218
fucking tricks in front of my
creativity and abundance candle.
587
00:25:02,302 --> 00:25:05,513
[sighs] Picky eater,
oh, how fucking precious.
588
00:25:05,597 --> 00:25:06,931
I'm not dealing
with that again.
589
00:25:07,015 --> 00:25:08,850
Eww. A biter.
590
00:25:08,934 --> 00:25:10,351
No, thank you.
591
00:25:10,435 --> 00:25:13,021
What kind of janky fuck site
are you even on?
592
00:25:13,566 --> 00:25:14,620
[chuckles]
593
00:25:16,292 --> 00:25:19,358
- Well, to be clear...
- Oh.
594
00:25:19,443 --> 00:25:21,361
- I'm just looking.
- Okay.
595
00:25:21,446 --> 00:25:22,909
It's still way too soon.
596
00:25:22,994 --> 00:25:24,621
But there are so many cute ones.
597
00:25:25,736 --> 00:25:27,279
[laughing]
598
00:25:27,364 --> 00:25:28,865
Ooh. Except for this one.
599
00:25:29,573 --> 00:25:30,908
Has a, uh,
600
00:25:30,993 --> 00:25:33,488
mange and a prolapsed rectum.
601
00:25:33,573 --> 00:25:34,657
Ugh!
602
00:25:34,909 --> 00:25:37,378
♪ Oh, baby, it's ♪
603
00:25:37,462 --> 00:25:39,297
♪ No big deal ♪
604
00:25:39,620 --> 00:25:43,801
♪ However it is I feel ♪
605
00:25:44,307 --> 00:25:48,723
♪ You were just
the man on my mind ♪
606
00:25:50,628 --> 00:25:53,728
♪ In a particular time ♪
607
00:25:53,812 --> 00:25:57,858
♪ I know I projected onto you ♪
608
00:25:58,569 --> 00:26:00,153
♪ My own ♪
609
00:26:00,503 --> 00:26:02,940
♪ Colorful reel ♪
610
00:26:03,025 --> 00:26:04,234
♪ I simply ♪
611
00:26:04,319 --> 00:26:08,030
♪ Had man on my mind ♪
612
00:26:08,493 --> 00:26:12,038
♪ And you delivered the lines ♪
613
00:26:13,290 --> 00:26:15,709
♪ So fine ♪
614
00:26:17,759 --> 00:26:19,720
♪ So fine ♪
615
00:26:23,675 --> 00:26:27,053
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
616
00:26:28,085 --> 00:26:31,672
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
617
00:26:33,408 --> 00:26:37,912
♪ Between the shootings
and spills ♪
618
00:26:37,997 --> 00:26:41,959
♪ Behind the scenes ♪
♪ it's too real ♪
619
00:26:43,285 --> 00:26:47,539
♪ After the ending ♪
620
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:51,590
♪ We fall into the streets ♪
621
00:26:52,844 --> 00:26:56,055
♪ The daylight's ♪
622
00:26:56,374 --> 00:26:58,418
♪ Blinding ♪
623
00:27:02,693 --> 00:27:04,694
♪ The daylight's ♪
624
00:27:04,856 --> 00:27:07,150
♪ Blinding ♪
625
00:27:12,349 --> 00:27:14,768
♪ Where do you go ♪
626
00:27:15,627 --> 00:27:19,506
♪ If I get to know you ♪
627
00:27:21,362 --> 00:27:23,948
♪ I don't think ♪
628
00:27:24,290 --> 00:27:29,587
♪ I really want to ♪
629
00:27:30,305 --> 00:28:30,902
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