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1
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,180
They're taking his telly again.
2
00:00:35,180 --> 00:00:37,280
God, is it Tuesday already?
3
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:43,400
Does your granddad know what you do?
4
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,760
So much for night school.
Mind the steps.
5
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,440
We know there's steps.
6
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,500
Why don't you let me have one
of them nice little portables?
7
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:51,880
Save you a lot of bother.
8
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:55,400
There's going to be
sweating when I get colour.
9
00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:59,940
While you got it, have a look
at that vertical hold.
10
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:07,680
Why don't you stay inside,
Mrs Batty, eh? You know you always get me excited.
11
00:01:09,620 --> 00:01:11,640
That's all he can talk. Filth.
12
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:15,320
There'll be your Harold
wrapped up with his pigeons, eh?
13
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:18,860
Oh, give me a word of encouragement.
14
00:01:18,860 --> 00:01:23,020
Stop flaunting your laundry in
front of my face. Disgusting man.
15
00:01:23,020 --> 00:01:24,680
Wash day's purgatory.
16
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:30,860
No wonder his missus
went off with that Pole.
17
00:01:30,860 --> 00:01:33,580
It's no good being lonely.
He's not lonely.
18
00:01:33,580 --> 00:01:36,240
There's a gang of them down
at that public library.
19
00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:37,480
They've nowt else do.
20
00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:41,480
What does he do when library's
closed without his telly?
21
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:46,560
Next door says he exposes himself.
22
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,800
Raar! Hee-hee!
23
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,600
Hello. Is that a pup?
24
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,380
No, not a pup. Older than you.
25
00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:16,880
Don't it get trodden on?
26
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,400
What you want round here?
27
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:19,880
Can I give it a stroke?
28
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:29,760
Long way from home, aren't you? No.
29
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,680
You're not moving
in round here, are you?
30
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,580
We're in. Next street up.
31
00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:36,380
Dad's got a whippet.
32
00:02:36,380 --> 00:02:39,000
And a motorbike.
33
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:43,160
Two days' stubble on his chin
and sits out in his vest. I know.
34
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,740
Oh, dear, why aren't you in school?
35
00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:51,200
I got spots. What?
36
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,600
See ya.
37
00:02:56,600 --> 00:03:00,520
Oh, my God, they're all coming up.
38
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:01,560
Hello, Cyril.
39
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:16,420
You know, when I became a paying
guest in this quiet little backwater, this superior area up the hill,
40
00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:21,940
nobody said a word about it being
right in the path of the migrating hordes of the proletariat.
41
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:24,620
What's up, Cyril?
Have less of the Cyril.
42
00:03:24,620 --> 00:03:29,420
Neighbours might hear. Eh, we were
school mates together, weren't we? Shut up. I shall deny it.
43
00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:35,380
I saw where they were scarred
once in the penalty area.
44
00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:37,740
I know all the details.
45
00:03:37,740 --> 00:03:39,480
Have less of the Cyril, I said.
46
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,020
I prefer the more rounded
tones of Mr Blamire.
47
00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:44,680
Oh, you don't mind me telling you...
48
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:47,400
Spoken respectfully while
clutching your tattered cap.
49
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,100
Your landlady's dog's
crapping all over the pavement.
50
00:03:52,460 --> 00:03:56,940
That's funny. It usually stores it up
in little bags and sends it by post.
51
00:03:56,940 --> 00:03:59,120
It's the fretting, Cyril.
52
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:01,080
You don't have to call for me,
you know.
53
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,000
Suppose I'm not going to the library.
54
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,140
Give over.
55
00:04:05,140 --> 00:04:08,020
She'll never allow you back
in the house before teatime.
56
00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:10,680
Well, she's not used to having
me under her feet all day.
57
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,700
And you needn't think the only place
I've got to go to is the library.
58
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:19,320
Look, get rid of this here
airy pillock.
59
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:21,540
You've got a right
goolie there, Cyril.
60
00:04:21,540 --> 00:04:24,480
Your landlady's
worse than the missus.
61
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:27,120
Come on, let's go and find Clegg.
62
00:04:29,580 --> 00:04:33,420
Five paces behind,
if you don't mind, Simmonite.
63
00:04:33,420 --> 00:04:36,620
Dragged myself up by my boot
heels out of Hardwick Street
64
00:04:36,620 --> 00:04:43,760
and down towards the end of life's
journey, here you are again undermining my confidence.
65
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:49,940
Now you wait here.
It's not only my City and Guilds, it's the social chasm between us.
66
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,300
Eh, Cyril, give us a fag.
67
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,120
I'll give you a sniff of my socks.
68
00:05:41,700 --> 00:05:44,080
This fella.
69
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:48,400
He picks up this
tiny bird in his hands
70
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:54,400
and carries its quivering little
body across this busy junction,
71
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,840
and feeds it to his cat.
72
00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:58,520
Life's like that.
73
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:02,980
A complex texture of
conflicting moralities.
74
00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:04,740
Agreed.
75
00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:09,400
So, what you doing here in your
heavenly commissioner's suit?
76
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:10,900
Gasping for a smoke.
77
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,620
Reckon you know
what's on t'other side?
78
00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:21,740
Faith, Clegg, faith.
79
00:06:23,340 --> 00:06:25,800
I'm supposed to be stopping.
But then, on the other hand,
80
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:29,040
it's hardly fitting for me to be
seen trying to live forever, is it?
81
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:36,160
I finished the book.
Oh, you know where the others are.
82
00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:37,780
How are you keeping?
83
00:06:37,780 --> 00:06:41,140
My bowel is playing up a bit.
84
00:06:41,140 --> 00:06:45,460
God moves in mysterious ways.
85
00:06:48,780 --> 00:06:50,260
Duty calls.
86
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:06,280
He's still calling for
me in broad daylight.
87
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,700
Tell the neighbours he
doesn't belong to you.
88
00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:11,060
You're just looking
after him for somebody.
89
00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:12,800
They've taken my telly again.
90
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,980
Only because you haven't paid.
91
00:07:14,980 --> 00:07:16,980
It's nothing personal.
92
00:07:16,980 --> 00:07:18,480
Oh, ta.
93
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:25,540
What are you writing?
Just catching the passing thought.
94
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:27,340
I don't know why you bother.
95
00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:29,780
Well, somebody's got
to think about things.
96
00:07:29,780 --> 00:07:33,060
And who's got more
time than we have?
97
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:34,880
It's a might perishing, though.
98
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:37,260
Let's move on. Bring the bike.
99
00:07:55,540 --> 00:07:58,740
Let's have coffee, then. Back up.
100
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:18,160
Here, you're on consecrated ground.
I'm wearing rubber soles.
101
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,360
This chapel ain't
been used for years.
102
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,520
And we all know that feeling.
103
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:31,220
No need to be prejudiced against
him, Cyril, just because he looks like something from Rent-a-Drain.
104
00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,580
That's true.
I've got my feelings, you know.
105
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,620
Oh, I do know.
I've seen you scratching them.
106
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:41,420
You've got to remember,
Compo, that Cyril's a Tory.
107
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:46,360
And Tories can't stand it
if you're filthy and obscene.
108
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,880
That's what the Labour party's for.
109
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:53,760
They fetched me in a car
once, the Labour Party.
110
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,360
Fancy that, having a vote.
I mean, you've only got to look at his flat head.
111
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,760
Who were they burying, then?
112
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,200
A fellow from Herbison Street.
113
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,100
Where else can you go
after Herbison Street?
114
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:10,020
A definitely sub-normal flat head.
You could see that at school.
115
00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:13,420
Lovely bone structure.
That's not the only thing you could see at school.
116
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:18,340
On a clear day, old ragged riches
here could be grinning at you from all sorts of unsightly places.
117
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:22,060
It's not all that flat.
118
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:26,020
Feel here,
where the bolt goes through.
119
00:09:26,020 --> 00:09:31,460
Eh, you play your cards right,
you could run your fingers through my hair any time.
120
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,940
Like a retarded camel.
121
00:09:35,940 --> 00:09:38,340
Eh, do you think I ought
to part it in th'middle?
122
00:09:38,340 --> 00:09:40,420
That might go down
well with Mrs Batty.
123
00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:42,380
I should leave it be,
naturally messy.
124
00:09:44,180 --> 00:09:46,400
Just look how things
have turned out.
125
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,460
To think that that
used to bully me life out. Did you?
126
00:09:49,460 --> 00:09:52,100
Well, he had his velvet suit.
127
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:54,120
You didn't, did you?
128
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,340
Well, my mam
wanted to give me a start in life.
129
00:09:56,340 --> 00:10:01,100
I should think you'd need a
50 yard start in Hardwick Street with a velvet suit.
130
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:11,620
You know, I can't weigh
the Almighty up at all.
131
00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:16,200
Oh, I don't believe in him.
Except in a moving spirit behind the National Assistance. It's a puzzle.
132
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,080
Even old Canon Jameson.
133
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,720
Do you believe in old Canon Jameson?
134
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,840
He was a complex character.
135
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:28,320
A tyrant one minute, and yet more
than democratic in his ways with the choir boys.
136
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,940
And that's just a Canon. So you've
no chance of weighing up God.
137
00:10:31,940 --> 00:10:33,540
Well, I believe in him.
138
00:10:33,540 --> 00:10:35,120
You creeper!
139
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:38,720
I'm interested but...
Your Edie was solid chapel.
140
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,500
You've been, you've seen.
141
00:10:41,460 --> 00:10:44,580
I know. But despite even that,
I'm still interested.
142
00:10:44,580 --> 00:10:46,380
Well what was wrong with chapel, eh?
143
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:49,080
I felt somehow that it
should have more humour.
144
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,280
And perhaps a bigger organ.
145
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:57,200
No, I'm not convinced. I mean, for a
start, if God's omnipotent with all that choice available,
146
00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:00,120
what could he possibly
want with my old woman?
147
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:03,400
Blind chance working there,
not selection.
148
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,020
Oh, I know I choose her,
but think on.
149
00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:09,440
She was a lot younger then. And it
were the night of the Depression.
150
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,380
Nobody expected out fancying.
151
00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:14,820
Well, even if you don't believe in
God, he'd take her just for spite.
152
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:18,200
They're all like, the bosses.
153
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,160
What do you know,
you tatty heathen?
154
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,240
I'm entitled to my opinion.
155
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,280
Not exactly an expert opinion,
is it?
156
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:28,920
Considering how much experience
you've had of either church or full employment.
157
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:33,380
It stands to reason. God's a boss.
158
00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:35,600
Even if you don't believe in him.
159
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,920
What does it matter who
takes your old woman?
160
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,500
You miss them when they've gone.
161
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,440
Chuffing Pole took mine.
162
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,520
She was a good wife to you, Clegg.
163
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:46,020
By every definition.
She nagged incessantly.
164
00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:48,080
She kept things spotless.
165
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,400
You couldn't fault her.
You must miss her.
166
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,120
And my job at the Co-op emporium.
167
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:58,860
Aye. After 31 years niggling at each
other, it leaves a hell of a gap. It's like going deaf.
168
00:11:58,860 --> 00:12:02,960
Aye, it takes a lot of readjusting.
Like this being redundant.
169
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:06,760
She wouldn't have liked
me being redundant, eh?
170
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:11,160
Still, it's not all bad.
There's a lot to think about. There's things we could do.
171
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:13,700
Could you get my foot
out of here for a start?
172
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,720
Here, what are you faffing at?
173
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:20,640
Me foot's fast. Eh?
174
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,540
How did you get it stuck in there?
175
00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:25,380
Oh, it's easy when you've
got the knack.
176
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,180
Steady on,
my bloody leg won't unscrew.
177
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,800
We'll have to take his welly off.
Well, I'll hold the bike.
178
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,880
I'm not handling his feet.
179
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:45,360
Maybe you're right. The world's
not really ready for his feet.
180
00:12:46,420 --> 00:12:48,780
I used to keep myself clean once.
181
00:12:48,780 --> 00:12:52,820
But it weren't any use. She still
went off with that scabby Pole.
182
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:57,140
Least your missus were decent.
Oh, aye, she was chaste.
183
00:12:57,140 --> 00:13:00,440
But think on, she had certain
natural advantages like,
184
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,340
that wart on her face
and them serious bloomers.
185
00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:04,817
Whoa! no!
186
00:13:14,217 --> 00:13:16,917
Oh, Mr Wainwright.
187
00:13:24,377 --> 00:13:25,917
Oh!
188
00:13:30,657 --> 00:13:33,277
I have to touch you. It's a need.
Mr Wainwright.
189
00:13:33,277 --> 00:13:38,457
Now, there's no reason why
we can't be adult about this thing, Mrs Partridge.
190
00:13:38,457 --> 00:13:41,077
Not when you read the Sunday Times.
191
00:13:41,077 --> 00:13:45,477
What truck have we with the
middle-class morality of this nasty little town?
192
00:13:46,817 --> 00:13:48,337
Did you read the DH Lawrence?
193
00:13:48,337 --> 00:13:55,697
Well, I started but then his mother
came, and afterwards my husband likes us to watch High Chapparal.
194
00:13:55,697 --> 00:13:58,357
You poor deprived child.
195
00:13:58,357 --> 00:14:00,857
Then I have to get his Ovaltine.
196
00:14:00,857 --> 00:14:02,437
Oh, God.
197
00:14:02,437 --> 00:14:08,017
But you read far enough to get the
feel of the passionate intensity?
198
00:14:08,017 --> 00:14:10,177
The honesty of the flesh?
199
00:14:10,177 --> 00:14:13,557
Well, more or less. But he
doesn't like me reading in bed.
200
00:14:13,557 --> 00:14:15,377
Filthy Tory swine.
201
00:14:16,257 --> 00:14:18,837
But at least we found
each other, Mrs Partridge.
202
00:14:18,837 --> 00:14:22,677
Fate and the library committee
have thrown us together.
203
00:14:22,677 --> 00:14:26,217
I come to work with a
poem on my lips, do you know that?
204
00:14:26,217 --> 00:14:29,657
It's a good job you've got
your own car, Mr Wainwright.
205
00:14:29,657 --> 00:14:31,897
I feel uplifted.
206
00:14:31,897 --> 00:14:34,037
I feel alive. I feel...
207
00:14:35,637 --> 00:14:38,877
New tights, Mrs Partridge?
208
00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:41,897
Well, they're a bit more expensive,
but worth it, I think.
209
00:14:41,897 --> 00:14:45,697
Oh, God. Every penny.
210
00:14:59,037 --> 00:15:01,497
I'll have to start
charging that lot rent.
211
00:15:01,497 --> 00:15:04,637
Never mind, their days are numbered.
212
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,137
Do you suppose they saw?
213
00:15:06,137 --> 00:15:08,117
Nonsense. What was there to see?
214
00:15:08,117 --> 00:15:13,897
We were merely engaged
upon our multifarious activities upon the lower shelves.
215
00:15:13,897 --> 00:15:16,777
Anyway, I'm going
to get that lot barred.
216
00:15:16,777 --> 00:15:21,177
If you need me, Mrs Partridge,
I will be in natural history.
217
00:15:23,457 --> 00:15:27,417
Here, how could you afford
fags and backing horses?
218
00:15:27,417 --> 00:15:30,437
Oh, it's not easy.
219
00:15:30,437 --> 00:15:33,097
The bookie's got a car,
and you've got a pair of wellies.
220
00:15:33,097 --> 00:15:36,597
Doesn't that teach you something?
Aye, he don't get enough exercise.
221
00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:40,097
He never reads the front page.
222
00:15:40,097 --> 00:15:41,897
Oh, give me diarrhoea.
223
00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:47,397
He does right. I reckon the
world's basically sound as long as there's racing at Chepstow.
224
00:15:47,397 --> 00:15:50,217
He's been useless to
society all his life.
225
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:53,317
You're only saying
that because it's true.
226
00:15:53,317 --> 00:15:56,117
When we were kids.
The rest of us'd go for a swim,
227
00:15:56,117 --> 00:15:58,857
and he'd go for a quick dip
through his mam's handbag.
228
00:15:58,857 --> 00:16:01,457
There weren't nowt in it, though.
229
00:16:01,457 --> 00:16:03,177
We was poor.
230
00:16:03,177 --> 00:16:05,877
We can all see how far
you've come since.
231
00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:08,277
Well, it's our family tradition.
232
00:16:08,277 --> 00:16:13,417
It used to be a tradition
around here if you were hungry, you could knock on any door
233
00:16:13,417 --> 00:16:18,377
and without a moment's hesitation,
they slam it straight in your face.
234
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:22,697
What's that got to do owt?
Just shows they had character.
235
00:16:22,697 --> 00:16:25,897
Now we're in an age of compassion.
236
00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:29,577
The world's full of folk hating folk
for hating folk.
237
00:16:29,577 --> 00:16:31,697
I think I'll have a little treble on.
238
00:16:31,697 --> 00:16:34,137
You see the deep social concern?
239
00:16:34,137 --> 00:16:38,237
Gets that from his Uncle Bill,
who's the first attempted conscientious objector in the area.
240
00:16:38,237 --> 00:16:43,557
Was he, hell! On the grounds that
war interfered with his obligations to earn at Pogmore's sweet shop.
241
00:16:43,557 --> 00:16:47,077
They've all been layabouts, his lot.
Our Frank went to grammar school.
242
00:16:47,077 --> 00:16:48,917
Oh, aye, 11 o'clock
one bloody night.
243
00:16:48,917 --> 00:16:51,617
Left his homework behind.
244
00:16:51,617 --> 00:16:55,157
Here, not that same Frank
who was later apprehended in
245
00:16:55,157 --> 00:17:00,097
Beaumont's yard about to activate a
contraceptive device? Aye, would be.
246
00:17:00,097 --> 00:17:05,557
Well, they were engaged.
And we all know what at, don't we?
247
00:17:05,557 --> 00:17:09,257
Well, he married her, didn't he?
Oh, aye, for a bit.
248
00:17:09,257 --> 00:17:11,797
He'd already had a bit.
249
00:17:13,257 --> 00:17:17,717
Well, for a while, then, until
he got fed up and walked out.
250
00:17:17,717 --> 00:17:21,337
Well,
she was always on about his ferrets.
251
00:17:21,337 --> 00:17:26,497
She said it were either her, or them.
252
00:17:28,197 --> 00:17:31,417
And he knew how good
she'd be down a rabbit hole.
253
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:35,137
You see, no sense of responsibility.
254
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:38,237
Here, you'll have Wainwright
down on us again.
255
00:17:38,237 --> 00:17:41,277
Oh, he always knows we
come in here for a bite.
256
00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:46,057
We?! I hope he doesn't think I
have owt to do with the obscene horrible wodges like that.
257
00:17:46,057 --> 00:17:48,357
Why should he come in here?
258
00:17:48,357 --> 00:17:52,077
He's probably thumbing
through Mrs Partridge.
259
00:17:55,937 --> 00:18:01,337
Many years ago, before even I
was intimate with Muriel Fairfax.
260
00:18:01,337 --> 00:18:03,197
Were ya?
261
00:18:03,197 --> 00:18:09,057
In a manner of speaking, yes, one
day, one Tuesday in the sandpit.
262
00:18:09,057 --> 00:18:11,197
What, her on Pringle Street?
263
00:18:11,197 --> 00:18:14,257
How do you mean,
in a manner of speaking?
264
00:18:14,257 --> 00:18:16,497
She let me see her without her vest.
265
00:18:19,517 --> 00:18:22,757
I always felt it
constituted a bond between us.
266
00:18:22,757 --> 00:18:25,217
Although it didn't stop
her marrying that bread man.
267
00:18:25,217 --> 00:18:27,437
How old were you then there?
Nine or ten.
268
00:18:29,737 --> 00:18:33,417
But it was one of those formative
experiences you don't forget.
269
00:18:33,417 --> 00:18:36,657
She married a Watson
from Dyer Avenue.
270
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,217
Now they are living in, er...
271
00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,157
what's that, erm...Broomfield Road.
272
00:18:40,157 --> 00:18:42,617
She works on the milk.
You must have seen her.
273
00:18:42,617 --> 00:18:45,257
Never without her vest.
Not since that once.
274
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:47,197
She goes to bingo.
275
00:18:47,197 --> 00:18:50,717
Well, they you are, you see.
That's what happens to us in life.
276
00:18:50,717 --> 00:18:53,877
A promising start like that
and she ends up going to bingo.
277
00:18:53,877 --> 00:18:58,057
Maybe we settle too quick
for not enough.
278
00:19:02,357 --> 00:19:04,137
Eh?
279
00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:10,717
Do you realise
that in China they'll pedal 50 miles just to look at a book?
280
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:13,357
Eh? They'd know how to
treat this place in Peking.
281
00:19:18,677 --> 00:19:21,317
You're out. You're finished.
282
00:19:21,317 --> 00:19:24,637
I wanted my reading room
to be a little light,
283
00:19:24,637 --> 00:19:30,557
a beacon, shining in the darkness,
keeping the flame of culture alight!
284
00:19:33,597 --> 00:19:37,177
Get out. Go on. Get out of here!
285
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,097
Get over, don't come back!
286
00:19:39,097 --> 00:19:44,457
Go on, get out, you're barred!
287
00:19:44,457 --> 00:19:46,377
Barred!
288
00:19:46,377 --> 00:19:48,317
He can't bar us.
289
00:19:48,317 --> 00:19:51,317
He couldn't if you wasn't
for you, you scruffy twit.
290
00:19:51,317 --> 00:19:54,037
I wish I'd had you under me
in the army.
291
00:19:54,037 --> 00:19:55,957
Do you? Hark at him.
292
00:19:55,957 --> 00:19:57,537
Bloody stores wallah.
293
00:19:59,137 --> 00:20:02,537
Anybody'd think
he invented the Gurkhas.
294
00:20:02,537 --> 00:20:04,757
At least I was in full employment.
295
00:20:04,757 --> 00:20:07,637
Any silly sod can work.
296
00:20:07,637 --> 00:20:09,177
That's not strictly true.
297
00:20:09,177 --> 00:20:12,177
Ivy? Ivy!
298
00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:14,517
What's up now?
What about this mucky plate?
299
00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:16,177
It's been here three days.
300
00:20:16,177 --> 00:20:19,977
Well give us it here, if you're
allergic. Bloody petal-soft hands.
301
00:20:21,577 --> 00:20:24,157
Well, cheer up,
it's only the library gone.
302
00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:25,897
The world's still our oyster.
303
00:20:25,897 --> 00:20:28,317
Ah, but she has me tea
ready for five.
304
00:20:28,317 --> 00:20:31,497
Not so much a landlady
more a way of life.
305
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:36,177
I know you'll never stop
dripping, but you might take a look at these kitchen taps.
306
00:20:36,177 --> 00:20:38,437
Oh, get back in there, you bloody...
307
00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:40,637
CLATTERING AND ARGUING
308
00:20:40,637 --> 00:20:43,037
Until it happens,
you never realise how much
309
00:20:43,037 --> 00:20:45,557
you're going to miss a close marital
relationship like that.
310
00:20:48,777 --> 00:20:50,757
Well, come on, get a move on.
311
00:21:35,297 --> 00:21:39,577
Come on!
Oh, now look what you've made me do!
312
00:21:41,257 --> 00:21:43,337
Come on!
313
00:22:00,097 --> 00:22:02,757
You can't catch fish,
you know, if you frighten the mud.
314
00:22:02,757 --> 00:22:06,457
I'm not on the same terms
of familiarity with it as you.
315
00:22:48,337 --> 00:22:51,217
You must be mad. All this exercise.
316
00:22:51,217 --> 00:22:52,937
Enjoy it.
317
00:22:52,937 --> 00:22:54,917
We ought to do things more.
318
00:22:54,917 --> 00:22:56,737
That's what I keep telling Mrs Batty.
319
00:22:58,297 --> 00:23:00,317
Oh, shut him up, can't you?
320
00:23:00,317 --> 00:23:04,137
Did you notice?
We came past Lovers' Lane just now.
321
00:23:04,137 --> 00:23:05,957
They all used to come up here...
322
00:23:05,957 --> 00:23:09,257
We know what they used
to come up here for.
323
00:23:09,257 --> 00:23:11,977
We come up here on a picnic
once, me and the missus.
324
00:23:11,977 --> 00:23:14,597
We hadn't been married long.
I got stung.
325
00:23:14,597 --> 00:23:17,297
Well, she didn't exactly
get a bloody bargain.
326
00:23:19,317 --> 00:23:21,217
Here, give us a fag.
327
00:23:21,217 --> 00:23:23,497
I wouldn't task only I'm dead cheeky.
328
00:23:23,497 --> 00:23:24,957
Oh, ta.
329
00:23:26,717 --> 00:23:30,897
I'll have one of yours an' all,
for old time's sake.
330
00:23:30,897 --> 00:23:33,497
Here, where's your missus now?
331
00:23:33,497 --> 00:23:35,577
Oh, I've no idea.
332
00:23:35,577 --> 00:23:37,877
I don't even know if she's alive.
333
00:23:39,497 --> 00:23:42,217
Do you reckon you meet up again,
up there, afterwards.
334
00:23:42,217 --> 00:23:46,037
Afterwards? You know. Up there?
335
00:23:46,037 --> 00:23:47,717
There's a treat
in store for us then.
336
00:23:47,717 --> 00:23:50,837
Halfway through a hymn, and he'll
come trotting up in his wellies.
337
00:23:51,877 --> 00:23:55,697
You don't anticipate you're going
to get through them gates, do ya?
338
00:23:55,697 --> 00:23:57,777
Don't matter any road.
339
00:23:57,777 --> 00:23:59,657
I don't believe in it.
340
00:23:59,657 --> 00:24:02,537
Except to think about it sometimes.
341
00:24:02,537 --> 00:24:04,637
Like will there be Wednesdays
when you're dead?
342
00:24:04,637 --> 00:24:09,417
Here, d'you reckon angels
wear underpants? You what?
343
00:24:09,417 --> 00:24:10,997
Under their overcoats.
344
00:24:10,997 --> 00:24:12,777
It never shows on pictures.
345
00:24:14,357 --> 00:24:16,537
Here, do you reckon they got parts?
346
00:24:16,537 --> 00:24:18,977
You know, to hide.
347
00:24:18,977 --> 00:24:22,997
He's a scruffy peasant.
348
00:24:22,997 --> 00:24:24,697
They don't need them, do they?
349
00:24:24,697 --> 00:24:26,717
There is no mucking about like that.
350
00:24:26,717 --> 00:24:30,137
You see, no variety,
even in the heavenly chorus.
351
00:24:30,137 --> 00:24:32,977
Just rank after rank of sopranos.
352
00:24:35,517 --> 00:24:38,677
I bet it don't even rain.
And I'd like a drop of rain.
353
00:24:38,677 --> 00:24:42,517
Choirs will assemble in the
canteen on wet afternoons.
354
00:24:42,517 --> 00:24:44,497
You have to believe in something.
That's just
355
00:24:44,497 --> 00:24:50,137
your background speaking because
there's always been a Blamire in the armed forces or WH Smith and Sons.
356
00:24:50,137 --> 00:24:53,457
Armed forces? Bloody catering corps.
357
00:24:53,457 --> 00:24:55,197
What d'you know of service?
358
00:24:55,197 --> 00:24:58,817
Always on the knock. Well, he
hasn't altered much since school.
359
00:24:58,817 --> 00:25:01,637
He could hear the rustle
of toffee paper at 40 feet.
360
00:25:01,637 --> 00:25:03,477
Him and
Dougie Eastwood between them.
361
00:25:03,477 --> 00:25:05,857
The only time I was happy in school
362
00:25:05,857 --> 00:25:08,857
was when I was at home dying
of something. He never caught nowt.
363
00:25:10,577 --> 00:25:13,617
Germs used to stagger back, coughing.
364
00:25:15,477 --> 00:25:17,597
And they says sex instruction's new.
365
00:25:17,597 --> 00:25:21,437
They should have attended his
tutorials round the back of t'bike shed.
366
00:25:23,057 --> 00:25:25,297
Well, sup up.
367
00:25:36,737 --> 00:25:39,217
Hey, somebody's been at it
up the lane.
368
00:25:42,037 --> 00:25:43,957
Hey, it's old Wainwright.
369
00:25:43,957 --> 00:25:46,077
Aye, aye! Did you get any, did you?
370
00:25:46,077 --> 00:25:49,177
I bet she blotted your
copy book, didn't she? Eh?
371
00:25:52,037 --> 00:25:54,397
Eh? Woohoo!
372
00:25:57,557 --> 00:26:03,477
Well, I think we might
be able to go back to the library.
373
00:26:03,477 --> 00:26:04,917
Eh?
374
00:26:11,397 --> 00:26:14,417
What's Wainwright going to
think if he sees that in here?
375
00:26:14,417 --> 00:26:18,757
He's going to think it's one
of the penalties of making love to lady librarians.
376
00:26:18,757 --> 00:26:22,197
It's disgusting. And he's in
charge of the children's library.
377
00:26:22,197 --> 00:26:25,437
Give over! You don't
think they enjoy it, do you?
378
00:26:25,437 --> 00:26:27,337
Well, it seems to be popular.
379
00:26:27,337 --> 00:26:29,877
Adultery? It's nerve-wracking.
380
00:26:29,877 --> 00:26:31,397
Poor devils.
381
00:26:31,397 --> 00:26:35,477
Guilt and cramp in confined spaces.
382
00:26:35,477 --> 00:26:38,037
And Wainwright deserves
all our sympathy, anyway.
383
00:26:38,037 --> 00:26:39,797
What for?
384
00:26:39,797 --> 00:26:41,957
Because he's got
intellectual aspirations.
385
00:26:41,957 --> 00:26:46,937
Which means that, one day, he's
going to lose all sense of reason and go and live down south.
386
00:26:46,937 --> 00:26:50,917
Here, d'you reckon I'm in love
with Mrs Batty? Or is it just sex?
387
00:26:50,917 --> 00:26:53,617
Huh! Love!
388
00:26:53,617 --> 00:26:58,197
Why not? Him? Do you know how
he started his romantic career?
389
00:26:58,197 --> 00:27:03,037
Stuffing broken biscuits down
Susan Anderson's knickers.
390
00:27:03,037 --> 00:27:06,577
Yeah, but that were research.
391
00:27:06,577 --> 00:27:10,697
That was just an excuse, you see, to
see if it were true what Dougie said.
392
00:27:10,697 --> 00:27:12,957
Rubbish. Shut up a minute.
What did Dougie say?
393
00:27:12,957 --> 00:27:16,257
Well, Dougie reckoned
they'd got a trap door.
394
00:27:18,497 --> 00:27:20,317
A trap door?
395
00:27:20,317 --> 00:27:22,597
Yeah, he said that's
how babbies were born.
396
00:27:22,597 --> 00:27:28,037
Through a trap door?
Think about it, Cyril.
397
00:27:28,037 --> 00:27:30,237
Is it any weirder than the truth?
398
00:27:30,237 --> 00:27:33,877
Oh, it's a queer world for those
of us brought up to believe in God,
399
00:27:33,877 --> 00:27:37,057
the Queen, and the
superiority of British bicycles.
400
00:27:37,057 --> 00:27:43,617
Sometimes, Cyril, I could swear
your idea of orgasm is a quick flick through Burke's Peerage.
401
00:27:43,617 --> 00:27:47,777
Which one of you Burkes is
going to give us a fag, then?
402
00:27:47,777 --> 00:27:51,997
Here, come on, give us a fag, and
I'll give you a sniff of my socks.
403
00:27:51,997 --> 00:27:53,537
Here, keep them.
404
00:27:53,537 --> 00:27:55,617
He'd give cork-tipper disease.
405
00:27:55,617 --> 00:27:58,417
D'you know what they used
to do to me at school?
406
00:27:58,417 --> 00:28:04,157
They used to lift up my little shirt
and squash butterflies in my navel.
407
00:28:04,157 --> 00:28:05,597
Aye, but only in summer.
408
00:28:09,117 --> 00:28:11,137
Poor little tiddler.
409
00:28:22,097 --> 00:28:24,997
Don't just stand there,
give us a hand.
410
00:28:24,997 --> 00:28:27,457
I can't get up here on me own.
411
00:28:27,457 --> 00:28:29,597
Come on then.
412
00:28:29,597 --> 00:28:32,137
Oh!
413
00:28:32,137 --> 00:28:35,097
He's off to the sea now.
414
00:28:35,097 --> 00:28:38,277
I'll walk with thee. Clegg's off
t'other way. Oh, well.
415
00:28:38,277 --> 00:28:40,657
Only to the end of the street, mind.
416
00:28:40,657 --> 00:28:43,797
It does me no good to
be seen consorting with the depressed classes.
417
00:28:46,857 --> 00:28:48,597
Well, see you. Tomorrow.
418
00:28:48,597 --> 00:28:51,097
At the library. Ta-ra. Cheerio.
419
00:28:51,097 --> 00:28:53,657
Ta-ra.
420
00:28:53,657 --> 00:28:56,897
I don't know, lass,
it's a rum old world.
421
00:28:59,457 --> 00:29:03,897
None the less, I think I'll go
and get a bit of sausage for my tea.
422
00:29:40,437 --> 00:29:43,457
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423
00:29:43,457 --> 00:29:46,437
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424
00:29:46,487 --> 00:29:51,037
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