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1
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,171
And as the neighbor
was spraying us
2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,173
with a hose to separate us,
3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:09,276
my boyfriend Jimmy Chonga
whispered into my ear,
4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,312
"Now I know
that dogs do have souls,
5
00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:14,081
because ours just mated."
6
00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:15,549
All of that is a lie.
7
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:18,852
Those of you on Team Darla
will be happy to know
8
00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:22,689
that she's quit Lindsay,
that femme fatale of footwear,
9
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,157
and has come back to me.
10
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:25,325
Well, that's wonderful
11
00:00:25,392 --> 00:00:27,294
Not ready for feedback.
There's more.
12
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,496
Xavier is coming home
from college.
13
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:33,166
And Xavier is an upside down
colander you hooked up with?
14
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,369
Xavier is my original human.
15
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:38,205
I was a gift to him
on his seventh birthday,
16
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:41,074
and we were inseparable
until he left for college.
17
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:43,343
We were even
in a band together,
18
00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:46,213
until I slept
with one of the drumsticks.
19
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,581
Jill is getting a puppy.
20
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:48,615
[all speaking at once]
21
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:52,219
Take that back,
you scalefaced sack of algae!
22
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:55,455
And II mean, what are you
talking about, Bubbles?
23
00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:56,590
It's true.
24
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,592
Jill has been on her lap thing
every night searching.
25
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,028
There's no way Jill would
make a decision like that
26
00:01:01,094 --> 00:01:02,095
without consulting me.
27
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:05,866
Sexy new baby replace
sexy older baby in prime.
28
00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:07,935
It is Kit Kat all over again.
29
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:09,036
All right. Enough.
30
00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:10,137
We're not getting our news
31
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:12,139
from an animal
with a brain so small
32
00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:13,941
she doesn't even know
how to pinch off a poop.
33
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,275
This is not a poop.
34
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,344
It's a scarf
that my butt makes,
35
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,813
and you're all getting one
for Christmas.
36
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,648
Ooh! Are they all brown?
37
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,751
[upbeat music]
38
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:27,688
[all singing on "ruff"]
39
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:34,861
♪ ♪
40
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,666
[singing on "ruff" and "meow"]
41
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:46,707
♪ ♪
42
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:57,117
Are you sure she was
looking at puppies
43
00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:58,652
and not just on a dating site?
44
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,955
I may be a fish, but I know
the difference between a puppy
45
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,657
and a divorced
real estate agent.
46
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:06,960
But we have a puppy. Me.
That's my role.
47
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,095
Chief, you're six.
48
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,863
That doesn't matter.
I'm baby.
49
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,299
Me baby. Googoobowwow.
50
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,401
I relate to the fear
you're expressing
51
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,969
through that cringy baby talk.
52
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,304
Phank woo.
53
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,206
But, you know, I've thought
about it some more,
54
00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:21,174
and I think
it could be good for us.
55
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:23,343
Besides,
Jill may get other pets,
56
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:25,712
but none will have
our special connection.
57
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:28,148
Sometimes Jill will
put her glasses on me.
58
00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:30,984
Oh, and one time
she tried on my collar.
59
00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,786
Go get the leash.
60
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,321
If Jill is gonna get us
a pet,
61
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,990
why doesn't she do
something cool like clone me
62
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:38,992
so I can be successful at work
63
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:41,028
while spending quality time
with the kids?
64
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,763
What?
My point is,
65
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,098
me wub the way things awe.
66
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,834
It's going to be okay.
Twust me.
67
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,637
Ugh, Honey, I just spent
this whole conversation
68
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:53,540
explaining why I don't want
another baby in the house.
69
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,409
I mean,
were you even wistening?
70
00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:59,413
That baby talk
should be a turnoff, but
71
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:02,149
[can cracks]
72
00:03:02,215 --> 00:03:03,817
Come on, Tabs.
It's dinner time.
73
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,252
II can't.
74
00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:06,253
I made promise to myself,
75
00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:10,123
never again participate
in Tuna Toes Tuesday.
76
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,659
[all meowing]
Ugh!
77
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:15,095
I love my life.
78
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:16,863
I know you're hungry,
79
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,432
so I'm gonna share
something with you
80
00:03:18,498 --> 00:03:21,401
that I've never shared
with another cat.
81
00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:27,040
You own twostory house?
With my credit score?
82
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:28,442
[laughing]
I don't think so.
83
00:03:28,508 --> 00:03:31,344
The lady that lives here
puts out food for stray cats.
84
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:33,547
And if a person tries
to take it,
85
00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:35,415
she calls the police.
86
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,284
It's hilarious.
[gasps]
87
00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:40,754
Is that wet cat food?
In crystal goblet?
88
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:44,491
Uhhuh.
[laughing]
89
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,793
[chomping wildly]
90
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,729
[purring]
91
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,664
Hmm...
92
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,035
[gasps]
That is me.
93
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,737
[gasps]
94
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:57,904
And that is me.
95
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,940
And that is guitar lessons,
96
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:02,109
but underneath that is me.
[gasps]
97
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:04,277
Why would they use
that picture?
98
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:06,480
Yeah, it's not
one of your best,
99
00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:09,916
but the fact that they're using
this less beautiful
100
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:14,654
but more accurate picture shows
how much they want you back.
101
00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:16,089
Let me rephrase that.
102
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,391
See, they can't use
one of your glamour shots
103
00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:20,393
because it wouldn't look like
104
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:21,428
I want to go.
105
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:24,598
Aww, don't listen to me.
I only have one eye.
106
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:25,899
[grunts]
107
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,934
Sorry, ma'am.
108
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,937
Honey, Chief, come.
109
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:33,774
I have a surprise
for you next door.
110
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,643
I love surprises.
I hope it's a poop scarf.
111
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:40,013
Little Cookie.
She's cute, right? I found her.
112
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,015
She's the sweetest
little puppy.
113
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:45,285
Ah.
The puppy is for our neighbor.
114
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:48,989
Now don't you feel silly
for getting so worked up?
115
00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:51,191
[panting]
Hey there, Little Cookie.
116
00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:53,727
Aww, aren't you
the female friend and daughter
117
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:54,995
I've always wanted?
118
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:56,730
Yes, you are.
119
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,265
Hold. Hold.
120
00:04:58,331 --> 00:05:00,500
Now, tell that bitch
who's boss.
121
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,836
[barking]
122
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:05,138
Feels great
on your anal sac, right?
123
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:08,074
Don't ever let anyone
tell you this is wrong.
124
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,577
Little Cookie,
you're the best therapist
125
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,678
in the whole quadrant.
126
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,481
That's only because
I learned from the best.
127
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,652
[dreamy harp music]
[laughter]
128
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:19,619
Okay.
129
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:22,455
Pass on my wisdom
to you later, I will.
130
00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:23,723
[chuckles]
131
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:27,460
That was a reference
to a thing I was thinking.
132
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:29,329
Okay, bye.
133
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:35,735
Is she still watching us?
134
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:37,037
Yes.
135
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,139
I just wish
she'd move on with her life.
136
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:43,844
Her constant lurking really
gives me a derection.
137
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:46,112
[sliding door scrapes]
138
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,415
It's Xavier! He's home!
139
00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:54,120
My man, what it be?
140
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,389
I can't believe
I left you here.
141
00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:59,092
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
142
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:01,294
You're coming back
to school with me.
143
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,296
Oh, hey Shel.
Hey, other turtle.
144
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:07,267
Xavier and Lindsay?
145
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,236
I give them a week.
146
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,238
I can't put this off
any longer.
147
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,807
You guys are going
to meet him soon enough.
148
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,208
Who?
Jimmy Chonga?
149
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,043
Okay, remember
I'm laying odds
150
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,913
that she brings in a watermelon
on four carrot legs.
151
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,081
I always imagined him
152
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:22,682
to be a cantaloupe
with pretzel stick legs.
153
00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:25,352
I picture a piñata
full of misplaced hope.
154
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:28,221
I know this roasting
is a sign of your respect,
155
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,923
but this is serious.
156
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,091
Jimmy Chonga exists.
157
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,894
He just doesn't know that I do.
158
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,395
I've had a crush on him
since puppy class,
159
00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:37,163
and he's just moved
to our neighborhood.
160
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,733
So chances are you'll run
into him at the dog park.
161
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:40,567
You know what, Elsa?
162
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,869
I am really glad
Jimmy Chonga exists.
163
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:46,373
And given the way you feel
about him, he is one lucky dog.
164
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:49,109
I feel a "but" coming.
Oh, there is a butt, Tabitha.
165
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,278
It's mine,
and soon you'll be watching it
166
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:52,212
walk out that door.
167
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:56,383
Yep, I'm joining Cloons
and fam in London.
168
00:06:56,449 --> 00:06:58,184
[all gasp]
But before I go,
169
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,387
I just wanna tell you all
what you've meant to me.
170
00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:03,857
This is going to be good.
No, it's not.
171
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:07,260
But Shel, one thing I love
about you is your optimism.
172
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:09,963
And Nibbles, you're tough
as nails with a heart of gold.
173
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,498
Nope.
Chico!
174
00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:13,633
Did I already use
optimism on Shel?
175
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:14,868
Same for you.
both: Aww.
176
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,803
Oh, Tabitha, The Gray One.
177
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,606
Will they? Won't they?
Who cares? I do.
178
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:22,075
And Diablo, what are you?
Like, a dog?
179
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:23,610
I was gonna ask you
the first week,
180
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:25,979
but then too much time passed
and it would have been weird.
181
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,614
I mean,
it's pretty weird now.
182
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:29,182
And Honey, deep down
183
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,451
I think you may be crazier
than all of us,
184
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:33,019
but that's why
I love you, mama.
185
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:34,888
Well, that wasn't
a compliment, but
186
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,056
Later, losers. Haha!
187
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,324
Wait.
You're leaving right now?
188
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,225
I'm a pig
flying international.
189
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,528
You can't be early enough
to the airport.
190
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,131
What just happened?
I'm sorry.
191
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,666
You guys knew
I was a dog, right?
192
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:49,002
You know, I thought you were
a squirrel the first two weeks.
193
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,203
Land otter.
Feather duster.
194
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,138
Baby rat.
Injured jackal
195
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:54,641
David Spade.
Premature Ewok baby.
196
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,743
Wow. Just wow.
197
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,878
[dogs barking]
[chuckles]
198
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:02,115
It's the battle
of the babies.
199
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:06,186
Let's get weady to wumble!
[growls playfully]
200
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:08,288
Come here,
you little cute little
201
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:11,358
[cooing indistinctly]
Come here.
202
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:14,094
So Jill did get a new puppy.
203
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,296
From first dog to third wheel.
204
00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:19,466
Ha, that's a big leap
for such short legs.
205
00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:21,401
No, she belongs
to our neighbors.
206
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:22,869
[both laughing]
207
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:26,072
Well, it looks like she and
Chief are enjoying themselves.
208
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,207
Why aren't you joining in?
209
00:08:27,273 --> 00:08:30,076
Oh, she needs to learn
oneonone socialization, so
210
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:30,977
So they didn't invite you?
211
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,246
[sighs]
I'm gonna go check on Jill.
212
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:35,548
Oh, looks like Jill's
a little busy
213
00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:37,450
with her new playmate.
214
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,518
A husky?
215
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:41,187
Okay, that guy is
definitely not our type.
216
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,256
It's probably named
something like Utah
217
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,525
and doesn't have
all its vaccinations.
218
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:46,526
I'm gonna go save her.
219
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,663
Elsa, I heard someone say
"Leave it, Jimmy Chonga!"
220
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:52,632
He's here.
221
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:55,702
Oh my god. What do I do?
What do I do?
222
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,570
He is a snack.
223
00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:59,172
He is a total snack.
224
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,440
I don't even know
what to say.
225
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:04,310
This may surprise you,
but I don't got game.
226
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:08,048
Hey, girl. What's going on?
I gotta poop.
227
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:10,250
Real bad.
228
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,255
I'll be your wingman.
229
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:16,923
I do this for my dad
all the time,
230
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,491
and one time, it almost worked.
231
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,593
I like those odds.
232
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:23,229
[both laughing]
233
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,931
Maybe Elsa is right.
234
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:28,368
I should just join in.
I remember how to play.
235
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:32,505
Okay, here comes
some spontaneous playfulness.
236
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,674
In three, two, one.
237
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,443
Ow! My hip!
238
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:37,277
His hip!
Ugh.
239
00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:39,779
You don't just jump
on two babies.
240
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:41,247
Sorry. Sorry. My mistake.
241
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,583
I'll justI'll let you two
do your thing.
242
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:46,019
[chuckles]
Stupid Elsa.
243
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,854
I play rough!
I have no boundaries!
244
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,890
My name is Montana,
and here I come!
245
00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:52,592
Great.
Now I'm the fourth wheel.
246
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:53,593
Here I come!
Fifth.
247
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:54,861
Oh, hell yeah!
Sixth.
248
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:55,895
Room for one more?
Seventh.
249
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:57,397
[laughs]
Oh, come on!
250
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,903
[somber guitar music]
251
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,772
Hey.
What do you want?
252
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:08,975
I know you're upset
because I accidentally implied
253
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,044
you were ugly several times.
254
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,012
So I threw
a little something together
255
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:15,014
to remind you
how pretty you are.
256
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:16,249
That's not why
257
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:20,320
Welcome to the first annual
Uglier than Tabitha Parade!
258
00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:22,922
First up: The Hideous One
259
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:25,825
I got stuck in the microwave
for a couple of seconds
260
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:27,393
when they were making popcorn.
261
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,530
And my secret talent is this.
262
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,265
Tada!
263
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:33,266
Blech, am I right?
264
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:37,203
Next up, the Horribly
Out of Proportion One.
265
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:39,038
My talent is looking normal
266
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:41,875
in the reflection
of this dented toaster oven.
267
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,276
Next.
268
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,879
I absorbed all
the other kittens in my litter,
269
00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,881
and now they always
have my back.
270
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:51,050
♪ Hello ♪
all: Hi.
271
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:54,354
That'll haunt you
for all nine lives.
272
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,789
Bet you're feeling
a little less ugly now.
273
00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:58,825
I'm leaving.
274
00:10:58,892 --> 00:10:59,692
[sighs]
It's not your fault.
275
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:03,296
You guys were disgusting.
Thank you.
276
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,900
And no matter how many hideous
cat parades I put together,
277
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:09,702
she's still upset
I keep calling her ugly.
278
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:11,371
That is not why I am upset.
279
00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:13,239
It is because of hairy arm.
280
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:16,342
You've hooked me.
Now reel me in.
281
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,679
In the lost cat photograph,
I saw Stelios' arm.
282
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:20,947
I used to fall asleep
283
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,283
in that arm every night
after my dinner.
284
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:26,286
I drifted off in the warm glow
of his laptop
285
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:30,190
as he cruised farm tables
on First Dibs.
286
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:32,158
I'm not upset
that you call me ugly.
287
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:34,060
I know I'm centerfold cat.
288
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,296
I'm upset because
I miss my Stelios.
289
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,164
Well, then,
why don't you go home?
290
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,733
Then I would miss
living with you.
291
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:41,935
I'm staying with The Gray One
292
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:43,703
and all of his
disgusting friends.
293
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,104
Are you sure?
294
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:47,340
I mean,
they are truly repugnant.
295
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:49,809
Sometimes those cats
on her back kiss each other.
296
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,912
My mind is made up.
Yay for the Grayitha One!
297
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,280
That's my couple name
for you guys.
298
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:56,449
Speaking of couples doomed
to break up,
299
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:59,953
Xavier is taking Lindsay
back to college with him.
300
00:12:00,019 --> 00:12:01,187
And I wish him luck.
301
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,957
There's not enough lime rickeys
in the world
302
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:06,292
to quench that thirsty beast.
303
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:09,796
Diablo, Jimmy Chonga
totally avoided me
304
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,064
after you left the park.
305
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:15,702
What. Did. You. Say?
306
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,404
So she's been lying about you
being her boyfriend.
307
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,940
She also told us a funny story
about when you were a puppy
308
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:22,175
and you got neutered,
the vet said
309
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,010
one of your testicles
hadn't descended,
310
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,912
and she was like,
"If I was his testicle,
311
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,413
I'd stay up in there too."
312
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,815
And she'd do this funny voice
313
00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:29,983
and your testicle
would be like,
314
00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:32,285
"I'm not going anywhere
no how!"
315
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:34,887
But why?
316
00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:36,522
Just making conversation.
317
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:40,326
I have spent so much time
projecting spectacular
318
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:43,162
yet achievable fantasies
onto this relationship,
319
00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:45,965
and now I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life
320
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:48,635
with a Jimmy Chongasized hole
in my heart.
321
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,236
I'm so alone!
322
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:53,673
Elsa, I can relate to what
you're going through right now.
323
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,141
You can?
Yes.
324
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:58,778
Uh, Chief and Little Cookie
have really bonded,
325
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:00,213
and I'm happy for them,
326
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:04,250
but it's just left me
feeling a little, um, lonely.
327
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,819
That's how I felt after
I killed Butterscotch.
328
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,254
Not that it was
a competition,
329
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:11,057
but Chief is clearly
Little Cookie's favorite.
330
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,526
Ouch.
This is helping me feel better.
331
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:16,429
Eating Butterscotch's face
helped me feel better.
332
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,765
So, Honey, have you tried
eating the puppy's face?
333
00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:19,966
No, Chico. No.
334
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:21,334
Maybe Little Cookie will want
335
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:23,269
to hang out with you
when she's older.
336
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:26,172
But why not now?
A puppy needs to run around,
337
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,141
be a little wild,
make a little mischief
338
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:29,542
while it's still cute,
you know?
339
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:32,278
Are you saying
I'm not as fun as Chief?
340
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:34,847
No, but if Max were here,
he would have.
341
00:13:34,914 --> 00:13:36,482
God, I miss him.
342
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,285
[upbeat music]
343
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:42,088
I don't have a lot
of experience with pigs.
344
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,756
I hear you guys
are smart, though.
345
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:44,791
Like, smarter than dogs.
346
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:46,092
Not smart enough to put
347
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,061
my noisecancelling headphones
in my carryon.
348
00:13:48,127 --> 00:13:49,862
Why won't this guy shut up?
349
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:54,534
Why are we stopping here?
Max doesn't shuttle.
350
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:58,771
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
I need to get to LAX, pronto!
351
00:13:58,838 --> 00:13:59,939
Are you Max?
352
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,641
Listen, you got to get
this guy
353
00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,042
to take me to the airport.
354
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:05,578
If I miss my flight,
George will kill me.
355
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:07,914
George didn't tell you?
Tell me what?
356
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:09,315
You're not moving to London.
357
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,217
You're moving here,
to Los Feliz,
358
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,119
to live with me and Ray Liotta.
359
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,488
Come on, I'll show you
the bed we all share.
360
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,757
[cackling]
361
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:21,327
[dramatic musical sting]
362
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,832
What the hell?
363
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:27,500
Did you do this?
364
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:28,501
What? That?
365
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,636
That is clearly the work
of someone
366
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,438
without opposable thumbs.
367
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:35,308
[both laughing]
Chief.
368
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,610
I can't believe
you guys dug up Jill's roses.
369
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:40,546
Now where is she gonna get
her Friday night bed petals?
370
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:41,414
Honey, hold on.
371
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,416
We're creating
a secret fart language.
372
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,451
[farts]
373
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,820
[both laugh]
374
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,522
Okay, Chief,
this isn't funny.
375
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,157
Honey, we were
just playing around.
376
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,559
We just did it for shiggles.
377
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:56,429
See, this is why
I didn't invite her.
378
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,096
[farts]
379
00:14:57,163 --> 00:14:59,132
I am fully capable
380
00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:00,566
of doing things for shiggles.
381
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,034
[chuckles, farts]
382
00:15:02,101 --> 00:15:03,836
See?
What?
383
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,004
[laughs nervously]
384
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,740
We can't make out a word
you're farting.
385
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:11,411
[both laugh]
[growls]
386
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:14,547
Hey, Bubbles.
I'm busy.
387
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:17,817
Pinching off a poop.
388
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:20,353
It's an L for Loser.
389
00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:28,694
Hi, sweet girl.
390
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,798
Oh, Jill, it has been a day.
391
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,065
[toilet flushes]
392
00:15:33,132 --> 00:15:35,701
Why is husky guy here?
[both moaning]
393
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,203
Okay, where's Montana?
394
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,972
I know you're here,
you blueeyed anarchist.
395
00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:42,542
And why is he
grooming Jill's face?
396
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,844
[barking]
397
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:47,046
Uh, your dog
is kinda freaking out.
398
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,515
I don't know
what's gotten into her.
399
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,484
Okay. Come on.
400
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:56,255
[somber music]
401
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:59,859
I can be fun.
I can be bad. I can.
402
00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:01,861
Ah! Ah! Thorns!
403
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:04,330
Why would anyone
want to do this? Ow.
404
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,599
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
405
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:10,136
Well, everyone has someone
to play and cuddle with but me.
406
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,738
Do you have any idea
how soft I am?
407
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,874
I'm a walking stuffed animal!
408
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:16,843
Wow, you weren't kidding.
409
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:19,111
So why am I alone? Why?
410
00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:21,781
Just because I'm obedient
and a rule follower?
411
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:25,051
Okay, stop petting me.
Your fingers creep me out.
412
00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:27,720
You know, I wanted
to run off with Armando.
413
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:28,888
The pig?
The coyote.
414
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:30,056
Oh, right, right, right.
415
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:31,858
I wanted to throw caution
to the wind,
416
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,427
make mischief, break the rules.
417
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,528
But I didn't.
418
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:38,698
I didn't
because I'm a good, soft girl.
419
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,266
I'll say.
Enough.
420
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,802
I should have gone
when I had the chance.
421
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,704
You still have the chance.
422
00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:46,439
Armando?
423
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,175
That's right. Drink him in.
424
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:51,777
Wait until you see
this house.
425
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:55,081
They've got everything
a cat like you could want.
426
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:58,251
This is my old house.
427
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,754
This is where you belong.
428
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,623
Not with me at that dump.
429
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:04,790
You deserve to be in a place
430
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,993
where the cats only have
one face.
431
00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:08,194
I don't know what to say.
432
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:11,731
I mean,
a thank you would be nice?
433
00:17:11,797 --> 00:17:13,633
No.
434
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:16,469
[soft music]
435
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:20,606
You should go before
they beat you with a broom.
436
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:21,807
You're welcome.
437
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,809
Oh, my God.
438
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,445
She's back! My baby's back!
439
00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:27,547
Oh, my God.
440
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,516
She smells like your mother's
foot before they amputated.
441
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,821
Excuse me, buddy.
442
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,990
I can fix things
with Jimmy Chonga.
443
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,492
Let me go talk to him.
444
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,894
Do not.
445
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:45,064
Max? Why aren't you in London?
446
00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:46,999
I'm Ray Liotta's pig now,
447
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,335
and apparently
we go to the dog park.
448
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,970
Does this mean
you're coming back to group?
449
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:52,238
No, I can't.
450
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,640
I said some things
I can't take back.
451
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:58,711
Nice things, from the heart.
I built a few too many bridges.
452
00:17:58,778 --> 00:17:59,979
So what are you gonna do?
453
00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:02,181
I guess I'll just hang out
with Liotta
454
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:05,084
until Cloons comes
crawling back.
455
00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:06,185
Well, thank God you're here.
456
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,788
Pretend to be my boyfriend
in front of Jimmy Chonga.
457
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:10,089
Yeah, I guess
I got a few minutes
458
00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:12,091
while Ray finishes his Cameo.
459
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:17,396
♪ Happy birthRay to you ♪
460
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:18,497
Another $39.
461
00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:21,634
Let's see. Who's next?
Oh, Veronica got a promotion.
462
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:23,369
Hey, V, what'd I tell ya?
463
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,538
Go tell Jimmy Chonga
that my boyfriend Max
464
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:29,175
is back in town,
and I have moved on.
465
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:30,343
Go!
466
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:35,114
Look at me lovingly,
tap into your emotions,
467
00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:36,215
and action.
468
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:39,151
Max, I knew
you'd come back for me!
469
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:41,721
Of course
I came back for you.
470
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,255
I'm not some heartless monster
471
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:45,024
who would just
fly off to London
472
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:47,226
and leave
his best friend behind.
473
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:50,696
Keep it on me. Keep it on me.
Oh, that's right.
474
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,632
It's always gotta be about you.
475
00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:54,333
Your career, your family,
476
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,236
your antipoaching
satellite program.
477
00:18:57,303 --> 00:19:00,139
But you know what, George?
Now it's my time!
478
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:02,208
So goodbye forever!
What?
479
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,710
You want me
to meet your parents?
480
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,679
Okay.
Oh, thank God.
481
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:08,581
So what'd he say?
482
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,217
Hehe was devastated.
483
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:14,620
Yes! Max, no notes.
You were amazing.
484
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,857
Oh, thanks, Elsa.
You were just okay.
485
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:18,958
Come on, kids.
Change of plans.
486
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,092
Uncle Ray just remembered
487
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,694
he left a pound of scampi
in the car.
488
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:22,895
Scampi?
489
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:25,297
Classier than Clooney,
that's for sure.
490
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,633
Yeah.
491
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,368
One pint salted caramel
492
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:31,170
and something dairyfree
for dad.
493
00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:32,805
[under breath]
Mark is not my dad.
494
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,006
I got it.
495
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,741
What are you looking at?
496
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,576
Take the high road, my love.
497
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:40,680
Soon she'll be
out of our lives forever.
498
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:44,216
I just can't help
but feel she's evil, Shel.
499
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:47,019
She's harmless.
500
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:50,489
The next chapter
is all about us
501
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:52,124
Wait. Crap.
502
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:58,597
[grunts]
[screams]
503
00:19:58,664 --> 00:19:59,832
No!
[cracks, groans]
504
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,967
Ma!
Salted caramel.
505
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,637
Right.
[groans]
506
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,205
Shel?
507
00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:11,777
So what do you say, Honey?
You wanna run away with me?
508
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:14,714
[soft dramatic music]
509
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,817
♪ ♪
510
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,553
[exhales]
511
00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:22,054
Let's get out of here.
512
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:25,357
[empowering synth music]
513
00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:32,398
♪ ♪
514
00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:41,807
Look, I'm happy
to throw you the party,
515
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:44,677
Nonna, but I can't keep having
this conversation.
516
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,779
You're gonna make me
start smoking again.
517
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:47,947
How 'bout a Vegas theme?
518
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:49,548
The party already has
a theme.
519
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:52,318
It's your birthday.
That's the theme.
520
00:20:52,384 --> 00:20:53,219
But
I know it's your party,
521
00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:55,287
but it's my ass
on the line here, Nonna.
522
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:58,124
Under the Sea won't cut it!
What is this, a bar mitzvah?
523
00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,925
[whining]
Hey, Nonna.
524
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:02,161
Okay, Nonna. Don't cry, Nonna.
525
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:04,663
You want a theme?
I'll give you a theme.
526
00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:05,731
Tell me! Tell me!
527
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:08,734
[tropical music]
528
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:14,774
♪ ♪
529
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:19,612
Dust off your coconut bra.
We're having a luau.
530
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:22,815
[suspenseful music]
531
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:28,420
That's nice, Jen and Gabby.
532
00:21:28,470 --> 00:21:33,020
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