All language subtitles for Hack My Life s04e02 Hack and Cheese.eng

Brooke: Life hacks are supposed
to make your life better.

Kevin: So if any of these hacks
make it worse,

stop what you're doing
immediately!

Brooke: Hack at
your own risk, hackers.

Kevin: Coming up on
"hacks del corazón"...

Señor solución receives
the most precious gift of all.

There is someone
that would like to meet you,

señor solución.

Who is this little man?

This little hombre
is your son.

[ Dramatic chord strikes ]

Que?!

I don't believe it.

Uh, don't you see
the resemblance?

No.

Then here.

Gaze into this mirror,

and see all
the features you share.

Dios mio!

This mirror is so scratched up.

Papa, if you mix
dry mustard

and wet vinegar
into a paste,

I can use it to buff out
those scratches.

Then the mirror and the truth
will become clear.

I see myself

and the smaller
version of myself.

A hacker!

Mijo, I have much to teach you
about life and hacks.

Vámonos.

Aww, ciao.

[ Laughs ]

Kevin: Something is not quite
right in "hacks del corazón."

-Tonight...
-Clear!

Brooke: ...On "hack my life."

-Don't sweat it.
-Oh, my god.

This is like having
hormonal flop sweat.

Is this portable sauna a hot
hack or a waste of money?

Brooke: And Kevin shucks it up
to see which hack is best

for cracking open some oysters.

That's a lot
of protein.

Kevin: And we see
if MacGyver's inventions

are all they're hacked up to be.

What?
You're lying.

If you don't believe me,
come up here.

Brooke: Plus...

Kevin saves you some coin
and a trip to the arcade

with this at-home foosball hack.

-Say "ah."
-Nailed it.

Kevin:
This is "hack my life."

Brooke, I don't think

you're understanding
what I'm saying.

I'm saying he is
the ultimate hacker.

He's our Michael Jordan,

he's our Bobby boucher,
he's the goat.

MacGyver is a goat?

The greatest of all time.

In season 2, episode 1,
he made a telescope

out of everything
that you have in your hand.

An iced tea
and a newspaper?

The newspaper
and the magnifying glass.

There's no way that
that's a hack and that works.

MacGyver would never
lie to us,

and I'm going
to prove it to you

because this is
"hacked or fiction."

In "hacked or fiction,"
we test out hacks

from pop culture
to see if beloved icons

of the big and small screen
are actually great hackers

or if the hacks
are pure fiction.

Now in the documentary
television series "MacGyver,"

the legendary Angus MacGyver
was the greatest hacker,

and when MacGyver made
his telescope

to spy on the bad guys,

he used a newspaper, a watch,
and a magnifying glass.

The glasses will act as lenses
inside the rolled-up newspaper.

Let's get the lens out of
the magnifying glass.

Yeah.

Now with some
magnifying glasses,

you can just
brute force it.

Others, you need to take
a sharp object.

There you go.
Okay.

Hey!

Step one complete.
Perfect.

So, of course, that's going
to magnify the image,

but then the image is
going to be upside down,

so we need another set of glass
to invert the image, right?

Uh-huh.
To reverse it.

And that's where
the watch comes in.

So I'm going to pop
this bad boy out.

Be very careful
if you are using a knife.

There we go.

That's how MacGyver
would do it.

All right.

Got our newspaper.
Yep.

So, we'll roll it
into a cone shape.

Mm-hmm.
Perfect.

So you got that nice and firm.
You want to drop this in?

Or I can drop it in?
You can do it.

Okay. Here we go.

Bombs away.

I'll get in there
and correct it.

Yeah.
Okay.

Oh. You feel it down there?
Perfect.

Fold in the top
of your new telescope.

And now we just
want to throw

the magnifying glass
on it.

There you go, buddy boy.

All right, Brooke.
Are you ready to use the amazing

MacGyver telescope hack?

Yep.
All set up.

MacGyver was able to get
the bad guys' pass code

using his telescope.

I'm going to just unlock
my phone here.

See if you can catch
the pass code.

[ Whistling ]

Super-secure.

All right, I'm in.
Did you catch it?

Uh, can you do it
one more time?

Yeah, sure.
Here we go.

No way MacGyver
would let me down.

Man, now you have
my pass code.

Can you do that
one more time?

I -- I kind of can't see
[Bleep] out of this thing.

What?
You're lying.

If you don't believe me,
come up here.

Wow.

-Told you, it's bad.
-That's -- it's garbage.

Did you roll
the paper wrong?

Maybe we used
the wrong edition.

You have a better
line of vision

using your actual
eyesight

maybe that's what
MacGyver wanted.

Kevin.
Maybe this was

MacGyver's plan
all along.

Hold on. I'll come up with
more reasons why this

is not MacGyver's fault.

Kevin, it's okay.
It's time to call it.

I can't. You have to do it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

This is fiction.

There's no way
this hack works.

Okay, I brought a juice box
up here if you want it.

I do.
Okay.

♪♪

♪♪

Kevin: Aah, yachting.

There's simply no better way
to spend an afternoon,

even when you're the captain
driving the boat.

But this beautiful day at sea
is about to get totally wrecked.

Whoa!

[ Clattering ]

Kevin: Now you're shipwrecked
with a bunch of rich idiots!

Why?!

To keep them from sinking
you along with your ship,

you'll need
a hack line of defense

against your fellow castaways.

Okay, so this is a first,
but luckily,

you're an avid camper and hiker
with hacks to get found and fed.

First, you'll have to
figure out where you are.

This supermodel has never seen
a compass before

and mistook it for a coaster,
and now it's swimming in rosé.

Not to worry.

Just run a safety pin
along a magnet,

the float a leaf
in a cup of water

and place that pin on top.

Now you'll able to find
true north.

Your last morsel of food
is a packet of oyster crackers.

Correction --was
of oyster crackers

thanks to this
millionaire housewife.

But luckily she has designer
soap in her couture Fanny pack.

No, not because
you smell sweaty.

It's for the fish!

They love the taste of soap,
so you can use it as bait.

Nice catch.

Too bad this idiot sliced it
in half, thinking,

"it will be just
like sashimi."

But you're not in the mood
to experiment with raw fish.

Ugh!

Thank god.

You won't have to
become a Sushi chef after all.

You found a cinder block,
and you can use it as a grill.

The cinder block's enclosed
space protects your flame,

and the stone surface conducts
and traps heat.

Now you're cooking.

Woman: I'm starving.

The sun is starting set,
and what do you know?

They took up all the room
in the emergency tent,

those a-holes!

But you know what to do.

Place a large stick in the sand,

and place your poncho over it
for temporary shelter.

You try to get some sleep...

-I want 400 shares of bitcoin.
-...But that entitled moron

is so busy on his phone.

-I want this stock!
-Oh, wait a minute,

he has a phone?!

Well, I guess
you could have checked

for reception
when you crashed.

It's time to call for help.

Oh, thank god.
Congratulations!

Help is on the way.

You survived the elements
and those clueless castaways

using your hack line of defense.

-Coming up...
-Shuck!

Brooke: All the hacks
you need to crack open

and chow down on oysters.

Kevin: And lazy cook Brooke

hacks melted ice cream
into bread.

This is debauchery I didn't
even know I was capable of.

When the "hack" comes back.

Kevin: The cat's in the cradle
on the next "hacks del corazón."

Bring you razor down
to your chin,

going nice and slowly
to avoid cutting your --

ai!

-[ Gasping ]
-Papa?

Are you okay?

No, mijo.

I have lost
a lot of blood.

I see a white light,
and it calls me toward it.

Wait.

Before you go,

put this on.

Anti-per spirant?

Anti-perspirant contains
aluminum compounds,

which can constrict blood
vessels to stop bleeding.

My bleeding's no más!

You have saved my life
with a hack.

You truly are my son.

Ah.

Wait a second.

Is this mijo?

A mija!

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Huh?

Kevin: Nothing is what it seems
on "hacks del corazón."

♪♪

Who among us hasn't
fallen asleep

halfway through a gallon
of ice cream?

Well, today, we are going to
take that leftover liquid shame

and hack it into
ice cream bread.

[ Applause ]
All right, guys.

Let's not [bleep] around.

Let's learn how to make
ice cream bread right now.

All you need to get started
is some self-rising flour,

some delicious ingredients
for garnish,

and then
the pièce De résistance,

your leftover melted ice cream,

you lazy p.O.S.

[ Laughter ]
So how about we jump in?

Let's take our 1 1/4-cup,
self-rising flour.

Then take the melted pint
of ice cream,

and we're going to get
a nice concoction

of these two together,
so I'm going to start mixing

while I pour the melted
ice-cream goodness in here.

Okay, and then I'm going
to take little sweeties,

and fold all these
little goodies real nicely.

Ooh, she pretty.

Okay, you just need
a little loaf pan like so.

And, again, our good friend
non-stick spray.

Just line our pan,
and we're just going to go ahead

and fill our little baking pan.

All right, we've got
all the gooey ice-cream

bread-dough in the pan.

I've pre-heated the oven
to 350 degrees,

and we're going to pop it
in there for 35 to 40 minutes.

And then, go shorty,
it's your birthday.

This is utter madness.

Whoa!

So let's get in there.

This is a new level
of debauchery

I didn't even know
I was capable of.

Let's give this a go.

Hell yeah.
Nailed it.

[ Applause ]
Ice cream, I just gave you

a second life, buddy.

Now that's something
to break bread over.

Ice-cream bread, get it?

♪♪

♪♪

Shuck me.

I can't get this open!

Whether you're serving
oysters for a party

or having a romantic evening,
nothing kills the mood faster

than floundering
with the old shellfish.

So today we're pitting
three hacks against each other

to see which can crack
the mystery of shucking oysters

without
an oyster-shucking knife.

[ Ding ]
This is "hack vs. Hack."

Joining me for
the shellfish shenanigans

are three seafood aficionados.

These guys work
in an actual seafood market,

so they know the shuck
they are talking about.

Welcome Paul, Adam, and Steve.

How are you guys?

-Good, thank you.
-Thanks for joining.

I don't want to get too personal
right off the bat,

but I have to know,
how do you shuck?

Some people with a nice grip,
just slide it in there.

What is "it" that you're
jamming in there?

Shucking knife.
There we go.

That was the third thing
I was thinking.

All right, gents.
You ready to meet your hacks?

Paul, let's start
with you, sir.

Go ahead and remove
the bucket.

That's a vice clamp, sir.
The hack is simple here.

You're going to take the oyster,
put it into the clamp,

apply enough pressure
to pop the shell,

but hopefully not enough
to completely ruin the oyster.

A screwdriver.

I can hack with that.

It should operate similar
to the oyster-shucking knife.

You feel like it has
the same principle

as an oyster-shucking
knife?

Close to it.

Closer than the vice,
that's for sure.

Last but not least --

okay, it's a bit
of a misdirect.

Tongs might play a part,

but your hack is
actually a grill.

The heat from the flame
should make any air or moisture

inside the oyster expand
and hopefully pop it open.

-Right.
-All right, gentlemen.

The rules for this
"hack vs. Hack" are very simple.

I'm giving you five minutes
to shuck

as many oysters as you can.

However, the winner
will be determined

by the number of oysters shucked
and by the presentation,

so try not to get
too sloppy in the process.

Sound good?

-Yeah.
-Yes, sir.

Let the shucking begin
in 3, 2, 1.

Shuck!

♪♪

Okay, Paul's getting
the vice ready,

using the pressure
to crack things open.

Okay.

Looks like Paul managed
to snap off

a piece of the oyster,
first one's open here.

Adam's hammering
that screwdriver in there.

Getting that in there, and the
leverage just popped it open.

And Steve, I like this tactic.

You're throwing several
on the flames.

If one pops, we might see
a whole successful plating

in mere seconds.

Paul, is the vice
working better or worse

than you thought it would?

-Better.
-The mess of the vice, though,

is hard to ignore,

but the pressure from the vice
is working about as fast

as the screwdriver,
if not faster.

How's the screwdriver
working out?

It's --
it's hit-and-miss.

That is a lot of protein.

I'm hearing some crackling
down there, Steve.

What's going on?

Steve: I got
one opening up for you.

Okay, we got
10 seconds left.

It's anybody's game.

♪♪

That is time, and Paul --

oh, the shell has dropped.

"Hack vs. Hack" is over.

We're going to walk through it,
but, Paul, you did,

in fact, get 10 oysters
in your plate,

but I'm assuming
you wouldn't serve

something like this, right?

Definitely not.

Adam, you got eight.

Very well plated.

Do you feel like with
the screwdriver,

you were able to scrape
the muscle?

I was able to not destroy
the shell.

So, in a pinch,
would you say

that the screwdriver
is a viable hack?

As far as hacks go,
I'm guessing if you have

a vice in your garage,
you probably have a screwdriver,

so that would be
the best way to go.

Now, Steve, what happened
down there, man?

Well, managed to get
four of them to pop open.

So, Steve, I'm sorry.

I feel like four
is just not enough.

Of course.

So that brings us to
Adam and Paul,

and this is tough because, Paul,
you had a very difficult hack,

but you got 10 on your plate.

Adam, you've got eight.

I'm going to defer to you,
Steve.

Which hack do you think
deserves to win?

Adam's dish is way
more edible than Paul's,

so I would have
to choose Adam's.

It is official,
my friends.

The winner of this
"hack vs. Hack"

is the screwdriver.

[ Cheering ]

Congratulations, Adam.
So there you have it, friends.

If you don't have the right tool
for the job,

don't just say, "aw, shucks."

Reach for a screwdriver.

Brooke: Up next, is this
portable sauna a chance

to relax
or a waste of cash?

Is this what Florida
feels like?

Kevin: And still to come,
hairspray hacks for days

from taming brows
to gripping screws,

when the "hack" comes back.

Kevin: More family secrets
come to light on the finale

of "hacks del corazón."

Our long-lost son
is actually our daughter!

[ Laughs ] Sí.

Why would you hide
this secret from me?

You are my wife.

Because I am not
your wife.

Que?!

In actuality, I am...

Ha!

Huh!

There is something I need
to share with you,

but the knot on this
trench coat is tied too tight.

I know just the thing
to cut through this tension.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Gasps ]

If we hit this knot over
and over and over again,

the vibrations will loosen it
enough for you to untie it.

Oh, sí.

I am familiar with this old
solución family hack,

for in actuality,
I am...

[ Dramatic music builds ]

Dios mio!

My twin brother.

No, I'm your secret
triplet brother, Dougie.

[ Gasps ]

I've come back
to get closer

to the familia,
muy closer.

'Sup, hermano?

Every hacky family is hacky
in its own way

on "hacks del corazón."

Hey, kev.
Hey.

How's the boxing
match go?

Terribly.
I didn't make weight.

Shoot, did you try just dropping
some pounds at the sauna?

The one at the gym?
Yeah.

Ugh, that thing's, like,
full of old balls.

Now if only we could have
a home sauna

without paying a fortune
to have one installed.

All right, well, I think
this calls for

a "hack delivery."

♪♪

[ Doorbell rings ]

In "hack delivery,"
we test out

an existing product
you can buy online

and let you know if it's
a sleeper or a keeper.

Yeah, don't waste your money
on bogus products.

Let us do that
for you.

Um, why are there
two boxes, by the way?

Oh, Kevin, because
it's a personal

portable sauna
for one!

I have one, too.

This is possibly the solution
to all your problems.

It's going to give you
all the sweating

and public nudity
of a sauna,

but in the privacy
and comfort of your own home.

We can be nude together,
but in private.

Okay.
I like this.

I think this is against
the lord's way,

but let's try it.

Okay.

Blah, blah, blah,
"tisk of dehydration,

you could die,
you could die."

After a page and a half
of warnings and disclaimers,

this thing claims a quick
and easy set-up,

relaxation,
health benefits.

It can detoxify your body
from toxins and chemicals.

And it's completely
portable.

Oh.

Whoa.
Easy, tiger!

I'm assuming it's going
to sit like this.

Yeah, there we go.

Okay. That makes
the most sense.

Look at this little private
phone booth.

Power cord needs
to go out, obviously.

Does this go like that?
A-ha!

Hey.
[ Laughs ]

Okay.
Huh?

There we go.

All right.
Powering up.

See you
on the other side.

Okay. Go.

[ Whirring ]

Whoo. Can I tell you,
already getting toasty.

I need
to stop talking now.

I'm already
feeling the sweat.

Oh, god. This is like having
hormonal, like, flop sweat.

Yeah, I feel like I just
changed my birth control.

Thigh sweat,
under-boob sweat.

Ugh! I hate humidity.

Brooke,
do you have any 3s?

Oh, god.

Brooke,
what you got there?

This is good for energy.
You need a bite, man?

You're looking a little pallid.
It's coming your way.

Ready?
Yeah.

Thank you.

Is this what
Florida feels like?

Hey, kev?
Huh?

I'm tapping out.

Okay.
[ Gasps ]

Whoa.

It's time to get
to the real

important questions,
Brooke.

How did this
bad boy stack up?

Was it quick
and easy to set up?

No.

Did it allow
for relaxation?

Uh, no.

Health benefits, Brooke?

Did it detoxify
your body

from toxins
and chemicals?

I started this
hack delivery hung over,

and I don't
feel better.

Last but certainly not least,
you don't have to bolt it

into a room, so, technically,
it is portable.

Are we keeping it,
or sending it back?

I don't know.
This whole thing is an ordeal.

It's way too cumbersome.

Yeah, it might be cheaper
than a sauna,

but this is not
a good hack.

I think we should
send it back.

I want to give the folks
at the return facility

something to remember
me by, so...

Ugh, that's not nice.

[ Exhales sharply ]

Sometimes, an item
is so useful it ascends

into the pantheon
of great hacking tools.

Today, we celebrate
one that truly

has become a hack all-star --

hairspray.

Think this can is
a one-trick pony?

Think again.

Whip unruly brows into shape
using hairspray

and a spoolie to groom them
and keep them in place all day.

[ Whispering ] All-star.

Have a screw loose?

Spraying your hardware
with hair spray

can help a screw's teeth
get a better grip,

and be put securely
back into place.

[ Whispering ] All-star.

Want to keep Rose petals
from falling off?

Hairspray comes in
and saves the day.

A quick spritz will keep
your petals in place.

[ Whispering ] All-star.

No one has time to sit around
and watch paint dry.

Spraying your nails
with hairspray

can cut their
drying time in half.

[ Whispering ] All-star.

Don't let slippery soles
get you down.

Hairspray can keep you grounded.

This sticky wonder works
from your head to your toes.

[ Whispering ] All-star.

Welcome to the club, hairspray.

You truly are a hack all-star.

-Up next...
-That's-a-goal.

Save a trip to the arcade
by hacking your own.

If you build it,
they will come.

Hola.

I didn't see you there.

It is I, señor solución.

You might think
I'm a muy famous telenovela star

with no problemos,
but I've been where you are.

You get to your new
bachelor casa,

and you've got to measure
stuff alone, solo,

no illicit lover,
no madre or padre, just you.

Who's going to hold the handle
of my measuring tape?!

Ay-yi-yi!

Well, I've got a hack for you.

You can use the little
cut-out hole

at the end
of the measuring tape

and hold it in place
using UN nail or even a screw.

I do love a good screw.

So, next time you're solo,
just remember --

who needs an illicit lover
when you've got a hack?

♪♪

♪♪

Hey there, friends.

Welcome to "let's make a thing,"

where one man's trash
is another man's treasure.

Let's see what's in the box.

[ Laughs ]

Lucky day, it's another box!

I don't know about you.
Whenever I see an empty box,

I immediately imagine
it filled with tiny,

sweaty, athletic men...

Because I love foosball,
but I don't have the money

or the space
for a normal foosball table,

so we're going to
turn this thing

into a miniature foosball game.

That's a pastime somewhere.

So here's what you're
going to need.

Some white tape, some green
construction paper,

some wooden dowels,
a ruler, and some tape,

a hole puncher and a marker,

a utility knife,
and a ping-pong ball,

and, finally, some clothes pins.

Let's make a thing.

First things first,
we need our goals,

'cause what fun is anything
unless you score?

[ Cheering ]

We're going to measure out
four inches from each side.

A little Mark.

Then you'll use your
cutting tool and slice away.

We're going to do it
about 2 inches high.

Look at that.

That's-a-goal!

All right, we need
a playing field, right?

We're going to take this
green construction paper

and place it on in
to the old box.

Make sure the corners
are nice and tidy.

Almost there.
Do you see the field?

Are you getting it?

If you build it, they will come.

Now we're going to tape
some lines,

so we know exactly
where the goal is.

Oh, that's good enough.
We have our field.

We're going to use
a hole puncher

to clip some holes
into the sides of the box.

Clear!

We're gonna pass
our wooden dowels

through the holes
that we just poked.

Okay, our defenders
are in the back here.

There we go.
Each team is set and ready.

If you're starting to question
this hack, just remember --

you can put tiny pictures
of yourself as the players.

[ Chuckles ]
Congratulations!

You just made a thing.

It's game time, baby!

Let's get to the foos!

Oh, the foos is loose.

[ Whistle blows ]

And just like "airbender,"
you really want to use current

to knock
the ping-pong ball around

because maybe your clothespins
aren't quite regulation size.

There we go. Come on...

[ Speaking gibberish ]

Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-al!

[ Horn toots ]

[ Whistle blows ]

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