All language subtitles for Hack My Life s03e19 Hack Paper Scissors.eng

Brooke: Life hacks are supposed
to make your life better.

Kevin: So if any of these
hacks make it worse,

stop what you're
doing immediately!

Brooke: Hack at
your own risk, hackers.

[ Screams ]

Kevin: "Hack 911" is filmed
on location as it happens.

Calling all units.
We have a report of a dad

home alone and in
way over his head.

Going to be another
long day for "hack 911."

[ Siren wails ]

Let's roll.

♪♪

[ Siren wails ]

My son...I don't know
what happened.

I only turned my back
for one second.

I'm sure it is
not as bad as --

-oh, my god!
-Great googly moogly!

It looks like a unicorn
exploded in here!

What am I going to do?
My wife just bought this rug.

Okay, sir, I want you to breathe
into this balloon, okay?

It's going to help
calm you down.

Mack, you got your lint roller?
Locked and loaded.

Sir, if this
happens again,

just drag a lint roller
across the rug like this.

It'll pick up
most of the glitter.

And then you can take
this little balloon

and rub it
gently like this.

What Jack's doing is building up
a static electrical charge.

And then rub it
on the rug like this.

Which will pick up those
last little bits of glitter.

You've saved the rug.

Looks brand-new!

[ Cat yowls ]

-Go!
-Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Brooke: Tonight
on "hack my life"...

Kevin: Brooke kicks us into gear

by hacking her own
cross-training gym.

I want you to transform
your body and your lives.

And we try your hacks to get
number two off your shoe.

-Oh!
-Oh, what? No!

[ Doorbell rings ]
Brooke: Plus, my dogs

take the stage for
even more hacks for your hounds.

Minty fresh.

Kevin: And we use
hacks to face off

in the ultimate
hand-to-hand combat.

One, two,
three shoot!

Brooke: Set your watch
to island time.

I'm going to try
not hurt anybody.

Whoa!

This is "hack my life."

Brooke: Ooh!

[ Grunting ]

Yeah!

♪♪

[ Grunts ]

Okay, guys, cross training is a
great way to get fit, I suppose.

But, who wants to pay
hundreds of dollars

for the privilege of pushing
junk around a warehouse.

Today, I'm going to help you
hack a cross-training routine

using stuff you have
around your home.

Free weights are
a staple at any gym,

but don't waste
your money on them

when you can hack your own
out of soup cans.

And we're going to start
with just some light reps.

Up we go! One...

Two...

Okay, enough of that.
Let's do some...These.

Okay, you guys,
let's shake that soup.

I don't know if there's
some added value to this.

Shake your soup.

Mara is going to a modified
version of the workout.

Go ahead and eat soup

until you've reach a desired
weight that you can handle.

Okay, instead of spending money
on expensive resistance bands,

why don't we use something you
already have around the house.

A sports bra will do
the trick in this case.

It's got just enough stretch

to give you
the resistance you need.

And if you don't have
a sports bra at home,

take the fitted sheet
right off your bed.

Jason, your sports bra's
looking good, buddy.

Okay, elastic in the air!

And resist like you
just don't care.

All right, everyone step
into your sports bra,

or in Mara's case,
your fitted sheet.

Right, left. Right, left.
Right, left. Right, left.

Right, left. Right, left.
Okay, great job everyone.

Nothing builds muscle and
endurance like sled pushes,

but big heavy weights
are hard to come by.

Luckily, heavy furniture is not.

Hey, guys. Stay low.
Use your legs. Doing great.

Mara, I know you got more
in you. Let's get it out!

You're not working
hard enough, you guys!

Deal with it!

I'm Brooke Van poppelen,
the lazy trainer,

and I want you to get out there
and live your best lazy life.

Okay, how 'bout
we do another loop?

♪♪

♪♪

[ Sniffs ]

What's that smell?

Did you step in something?

Yeah, no, I definitely did.

See, today, Brooke,
we're testing hacks

to get dog poo
off of your shoe.

This is hack mail.

We've dirtied up
three pairs of sneakers,

and whichever hack gets
the crap off the best

will not only win
our undying gratitude,

but our...

Together: Hack seal of approval!

All righty, guys,
hack number one

comes from Nancy
in Phoenix, Arizona.

Do we have
freezer pops? Oh!

We got sneaker pops.

Nice and icy cold.

Let's get it going.

Let me just -- oh!

Oh!
Ugh!

Oh!

I've never worked
at a cold stone,

but that is not appetizing.

This -- no --

I mean, I'm not getting a lot
of that chiseling action.

No, this is a mess.

I am putting this
back in the bag.

Can we move on?

Sure.
Ugh!

Hack number two comes from
Richard in gretna, Nebraska.

"Go nuts on the mess."

Oh, man.

Whoa, kev!

What?
Little too close.

Oh, sorry.
Okay. Okay.

Okay, gonna take my
spray-on lubricant here...

[ Spray hissing ]

Oh, yeah. Oh, god.

Just going nuts
on that mess.

And then just a nice
little brushing.

Oh, my god!

Just...oh, god!
Splashing back!

Oh, look at the brush!

Aah!

Let's call it.

[ Brush clatters ]

Our third and final hack comes
from Laurie in Casper, Wyoming.

[ Toothbrush whirring ]

♪♪

Oh, what! No!
It jumped.

What?
You got some splatters?

You know, really
work it in there

like you're going
for those molars.

You know,
it does get in there,

but it is making a mess
on the head of the brush,

you can see that.

The electric toothbrush
is not the way to go.

No.

We are generous,
patient people

and it's gone
too far this time.

There is no
hack seal of approval, okay?

None of you
are getting it.

How about just don't
jump with force and glee

into a mountain
of [bleep]

Brooke: Up next, which hack
gets the best crack?

Whoa! Whoa!

Kevin: Plus, need
to cover your tracks?

We show you hacks for
ditching your fingerprints

when we come back.

Kevin: We now return
to "hack 911."

[ Cat yowls ]

-Go!
-Go, go, go, go, go, go!

-Oh! What happened?
-Where? Where?

Mr. Sushi ran out.

My wife loves that cat,
maybe more than me.

If he's not here when
she gets back from work,

I don't know what's
going to happen.

Okay, sir, sir, sir,
we need to act fact, all right?

So I need you to track down
Mr. Sushi's litter box, okay?

-On it.
-And as for you,

be a good helper,
and get me that baby monitor

from that table, okay?

That's the one.
Thank you.

-I have the box.
-Great!

All right, we're going to take
this, put this outside the door.

Cats can actually
smell their own litter

for miles and miles away.

Mr. Sushi has to go eventually.

And when he does,

you'll be able
to see it all on this.

Wait, are we pulling
a sting operation on my cat?

[ Laughs ]

That's exactly
what we're doing.

Game, set, hack.

Mm, there is nothing
as refreshing

as a tropical drink
straight from coconut.

It is the perfect way to relax
after all the blood, sweat,

and tears that you've shed

actually trying to get inside
of one of these things.

Sounds like it's time
for a hack vs. Hack.

I'm joined by Brielle,
bill, and tabby.

Have you guys ever
cracked into a coconut?

Not successfully, no.

Yes, back in Hawaii,
where I was born.

Oh, you've got
experience, then?

Got a little bit experience
with the coconut.

-What about you, tabby?
-I've sliced my finger trying.

All right, you guys ready
to see your hacks?

-Yes.
-Yes.

Let's get to it!

Ta-da!

We've got a spatula,
we have a corkscrew,

and we have a golf club.

All right, the rules
are very simple.

You got to crack the coconuts
open and get as much water

as you can into the pitcher
in front of you.

You'll have three minutes.

Whoever gets the most juice
will be declared the winner.

Time to pick your hacks.
Who would like to go first?

-Okay, bill.
-What?!

-No!
-That surprises me.

Why the corkscrew, bill?

Well, you know, at my house,
without a machete,

I would go straight
for the corkscrew.

So, Brielle, which hack
would you like?

Oh!
Going with the spatula!

Yeah, I think this will
work the best for me,

and I think I'll be able
to crack open a couple.

I like that.
I like that optimism.

Tabby, how do you feel
about that golf club?

I'm going to try not to hurt
anybody. [ Laughs ]

Three...

Two...

One...hack!

♪♪

Whoa! Whoa!

Brielle has cracked right
into her first coconut.

It looks -- oh, no!

Bill has actually lodged
a coconut into his pitcher.

Brielle is cracking
into her second coconut.

What?!

And the golf club
and tabby -- oh!

Okay.
It's open.

It's still anyone's game.
Now we got a bleeder.

And that's a lot of liquid.

Yeah, it is.

-Bill, what happened there?
-This whole thing bent.

Oh, no!

Okay, now Brielle's just taking
out her aggression on the table.

Tabby is still
swinging away.

It looks like she might've
actually gotten into it.

Get in there, girl!
You have a chance to win this!

Such a close, close race.
And we got five seconds left.

Four...

Three...

Two...

One...and that is time!
Hands up, nuts down!

Let's see who has
the most coconut juice

and declare a winner
of this hack vs. Hack.

Brielle...

Couple meaty bits in there,
but we'll let it slide.

Thanks.

Yes. Well, it's a little
over 24 ounces.

Yeah, that's good!

-Damn!
-All right, bill.

-Give it a pour.
-All righty, let's see it.

There it goes.

Getting up there.
It's getting up there, bill.

You're getting clo--
oh!

All right, bill, not quite.
We didn't hit the 24 ounce Mark,

so unfortunately,
you're dead to us.

Tabby, if you have
more than 24 ounces of juice

in your
pitcher, you and the golf club

will win this hack vs. Hack.

If not, Brielle,
you are going home the winner.

Please empty your pitcher.

That's a lot of juice.

-It's a lot.
-That's a lot of hooch.

That's a lot of hooch.
And that's 25 ounces of juice!

Congrats to tabby!

The golf club is the winner
in this hack vs. Hack.

Tabby, you're going home
with the golden coconut.

[ Screams ]

Thank you so much!

This is awesome.
[ Laughs ]

[ Smooching ]

♪♪

Brooke: She's cunning,
she's calculating,

and she's using
unscrupulous hacks

to get the better of every Tom,
dick, and Harry in her path.

Beware the cold-blooded hacker.

The cold-blooded hacker
was constantly using hacks

to slither into places
where she didn't belong.

Watch and learn, so you
don't become her next Mark.

Tonight, she was sneaking
into the museum after hours.

She had her eyes set
on their crown Jewel.

But the stone was well-guarded

and she'd already earned
herself quite the reputation.

She donned a disguise,

but her wig kept
sliding off her head,

threatening to reveal
her true identity.

This crafty crook
had a solution.

She quickly fashioned
a headband out of velvet

because its texture
helps prevent wig sliding.

Not a hair out of place.

Getting past security --
easier said than done.

But she had something
up her sleeve to convince

that doofus security guard
that she belonged there.

Studies show people
view clipboards

as a symbol of
official business.

Her clipboard gave him
the impression

that she was there as a worker,
just like him.

Poor sap let her right through.

Now she was free to get her
hands on that big hunk of Jewel.

♪♪

Uh-oh! The cat burglar
just left a paw print.

She needed to clean up her act

but had left her
glass cleaner at home.

Instead, she reached
for a nearby newspaper.

The light-grade paper absorbed
the oil her fingers left behind

and rubbed out the prints.

[ Siren wails, tires squeal ]

Damn! He got us again.

Yeah, there used to be
a diamond there.

Next time, look out
for her trail of hacks

before you get screwed.

And beware
the cold-blooded hacker.

Kevin: Coming up, we hack
Brooke's dog's breath

into something more bearable.
-Minty fresh!

-And still to come.
-Are you ready for round one?

-Oh, yeah!
-Place your bets.

Which host will triumph
in our battle royale?

Choose your fighter
when we return.

Kevin: We now return for
the conclusion of "hack 911."

Where the hell is this cat?
Jesus!

Daddy, nap time.

He's right, but I can't
put him down now.

We're still using
the baby monitor.

No.
What do I do?!

Okay, he looks like
a pretty big guy.

Can he skip one?

You don't want to see
what happens when he's cranky.

We got to get
that kid to sleep.

Dad, take the other end
of this tablecloth.

Get over there.
Great.

Now, by securing the top
with a square knot,

we can hack
a kid-friendly hammock

that is perfect
for a little catnap.

[ Cat meows ]

Speaking of cats,
look who I just found

scratching around
the litter box.

Mr. Sushi, you're home!
[ Laughs ]

Ich!

And so are you,
my lovely wife!

Duane, why are
the cops here?

Oh, [chuckles]
We're not cops.

Then what are you
doing in our house?

Hacking.

And serving.

Kevin: "Hack 911,"
to serve and hack.

Brooke: Hey, it's me, Brooke.

I've been hacking all
your lives for years.

I look like
Jabba the Hut.

Here we go.

Okay, that easily holds a lard.

But lately, I'm realizing
my own life

could use some hacking, too.

Oh, mama, no!
Can't have shoes.

This is hack Brooke's life.

I love being a dog mama,
but it's kind of a handful.

Lucky for me, my brother is
a pet trainer and groomer,

and thank god, he's going to
drop by and show my good friend

Joselyn and I some
hacks for our dogs.

[ Doorbell rings ]

[ Dogs barking ]
He's here!

You guys...

-Hi, Brad.
-Hey, sis. Hey, sis.

-Hi.
-How are you?

-Hey, you pups!
-Yay!

What are you guys doing?

-Oh.
-Okay, yep, she jumps,

especially when she's being
territorial or being dominant.

I definitely have
a hack for that.

This is a great deterrent
for jumping.

It's just simply a can,

a piece of cellophane,
and a rubber band.

Here, you've
got coins right here.

Put the coins
in the can like that,

piece of plastic at its top,
put a rubber band on.

As soon as
the bad behavior kicks,

you just want to do
a really quick just --

[ coins rattle ]

Just one quick
kind of just...

[ Coins rattle ]

A lot of
dogs respond to it.

That's a jarring noise.
Okay, earlier, one of our crew,

Paul, walked through
and she did what I fear most.

To demonstrate, hey, Paul!
Can you come in here again?

[ Doorbell rings ]
When...

[ Dogs barking ]
Paul: Whoa! Hey, guys.

That's the behavior. I want her
to stop doing that.

There you go.

[ Dogs barking ]

[ Coins rattle ]

Ohh! Yes! Went there,
like, "hell, no".

-Okay.
-Yeah, her focus changed

from him to you.
-Yep. 100%

and like I said,
a short, quick shake,

and you don't want
to do it too often

because you can sometimes
desensitize.

Oh, baby!

Okay, so we also mentioned
winnie's breath

is kicking most of the time.

And that's even after
she stopped eating turds,

which was, like,
a year and a half ago.

-[ Laughs ] Yeah.
-Yeah, that's all right.

I've actually got a really
cool hack for that.

Pretty much
everybody, right,

has ice cubes in your home,
ice cube tray.

Go out, get some mint,

put some little leaves
of mint in these trays.

You fill it up with water.

So it this how you make ice?
I've never done it.

Yeah! Yeah!

So you just pop these
in the freezer.

Voilà!

Winnie loves ice cubes
as, like, a special treat.

Totally healthy, and you
tackle that dumpster breath.

Okay.

-Ohh!
-There you go.

You know, let her suck
on that for a little bit.

And give it
a little whiff test.

Come on,
let me smell.

Minty fresh!

Yes. All right, come on,
let me get a hit of that.

At the very least,
it's neutral.

Yes. [ Laughs ]

♪♪

Windshield sticker. Take one!

Maybe you accidently
ignored a "no parking" sign.

Or you danced the the night
away with your friends.

Either way, there's a bunch
of stickers on your window

and they've got to come off.

That's why we've got
hidden cameras here,

and over there, and up here,
across the street,

and even inside
of the whip to see

if the people of Los Angeles
will lend me a hack.

Excuse me, ma'am? Miss?

I just need some help. You
stopped, that's half the battle.

These stickers have got
to come off this window.

You tried
peeling it already?

I tried -- I don't want
to scrape off the sticker

and then have a bunch
of torn-up pieces left behind.

So I'm using a towel
to try to wipe it off clean.

Do you have anything

that you can think
that will get these off?

I mean, I have some chapstick.
Do you want to use that?

I will use anything.
I'm desperate right now.

Okay.

[ Trumpet sounds ]

[ Sniffs ] Winter Berry.
There might be something in here

that would break down the
sticker and help it come off.

Okay, here we go.

It's shinier.
Yeah.

Wow, that absolutely
did nothing.

Excuse me, ladies?

Hi. Do you guys have anything
that can get a sticker

off of a window?

Do you have anything,
like, in your purses

that might be able
to get it off?

It's okay. Thanks, though.

Man!

Hi, do you have
two seconds, sir?

I'm just trying to get these
stickers off this window here.

I know it's crazy,
but I don't know

if maybe you had something
in your backpack, or...

Well, let's see.
I would appreciate that.

-Some hand sanitizer.
-Yeah.

[ Trumpet sounds ]

Let's give it
a little drizzle here.

Thank you.
Let me give it a wipe.

Nah.
Oh, well.

I thought maybe
the methyl alcohol

would get in there and eat off
some of the gummy stuff.

Excuse me, miss?

I'm trying to see
if anybody has anything

that can get a sticker
off a window.

-Well, I'll see what I have.
-I've tried a lot of stuff.

-Nail Polish remover.
-Yeah, at this point,

I'll try anything.

[ Trumpet sounds ]

All right, I'm going
to try it right here.

Little pour.

Oh, look at that!

-Hey!
-I haven't even touched it

and it's already
peeling up on the corners.

I think that's
going to work.

Oh, my god!
Wow!

Oh, sweet sassy molasses!

There you have it, friends.

You have a sticker you want
to get off a window,

just roll up to the salon,
ask for the nail Polish remover.

It works!

Thank you, Los Angeles,
for lending me a hack.

Brooke: Coming up, we showcase
winning hacks

in a rock-paper-scissors
showdown.

Don't you touch my rock
with that paper!

Get ready to rumble
when the hack comes back.

For centuries, one game
has been used to settle disputes

and determine
who rides shotty.

Rock-paper-scissors.
Shoot!

But what if there was a way
to turn the odds of this

seemingly random game
in your favor?

Today, we go inside
the mind of a master

to unlock the power of our fist
and our palm and our fingers.

This is gaming the system.

Friends, today we're joined
by Jason Simmons,

one of the all-time great
rock-paper-scissors players.

Fire off some of
the greatest hits.

What is your
rock-paper-scissors résumé?

From an early age,
I was kind of considered

the Bobby fischer
of rock-paper-scissors.

At even
4 and 5 years old,

I could regularly beat
players twice my own age.

Since then, it's been
a never-ending stream

of product
endorsement deals,

color commentary, and,
of course, the street hustle,

which is where the real money
is to be made in the sport.

-[ Laughs ] Whoa.
-[ Laughs ]

I humbly submit this
with all do respect.

It's a one out of three chance!
You can't gain this.

You can influence what
the other person's going to do.

You can read what the other
person's going to do.

Here's the deal,
Kevin and I are going

in a best of five
showdown.

I will have master ro sham Bo
in my corner

whispering into
my cauliflower ear.

I will be entering the ring
armed with nothing

but my guile
and my feline quick fists.

All right,
you guys ready to go?

I'm ready.
All right, get in the ring.

Let's see it.

[ Bell dings ]

[ Applause ]

Kevin: Let's hear it for me!
Ha-ha!

Let's hear it
for Kevin, everybody.

-Whoo!
-Players, are you ready

for round one?

Oh, yeah!
All right.

[ Bell dings ]

One, two, three.
Hyah!

[ Audience "ooh"s ]

Whack a mole.

We got 1-0.
Players to your corners.

Kevin's head is
so big right now.

So are you
giving me hacks?

We got him right
where we want him.

This is a three-throw
sequence called

"the fistful of dollars".
I like that!

Now, "the fistful of dollars" is
a rock followed by two papers.

The fistful and here
are the dollars.

I'll virtually
guarantee you he's going

to keep throwing rock.
That's the amateur throw.

That's what most
beginning players...

That's so Kevin!
Right.

Let's get in there, champ.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Bell dings ]

One, two, three.
Shoot!

Mmm.

Okay, okay.

What the [bleep]
is going on out there, dude?

I'm sorry.
This is more of an ex--

[ bell dings ]
We're looking to kind of --

whoa!

[ Laughter ]

I guarantee you this dude
is all tell and no show.

But stick with the "fistful
of dollars" for right now.

That'll take us
right into the mid-game.

[ Bell dings ]

Together:
One, two, three. Shoot!

Nice, nice.

Don't you touch my rock!

Don't you touch
my rock with that paper!

Save it for the sport, baby.

I think he's going
to keep throwing rock.

Trust your training.
Do us proud.

Ow! Okay.

[ Bell dings ]

Together:
One, two, three. Shoot!

Oh, nice, nice!
Good match!

Deuce, deuce, on the loose!

This is match point.
You have one more throw.

Let's see how much
of a verbal player he is.

Can I have a massage?
Yeah, absolutely.

Give me
your throwing hand.

Oh, okay, yeah.
Oh, I -- okay.

We're trying to get him
a throw of paper.

Yeah.
So I'll tell you what,

right before you release,
just yell "paper",

and see if it works.
Yeah.

[ Cheering ]

[ Bell dings ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Players, we are now
at match point.

Stop. I'm going to do
this round blindfolded.

[ Audience "ooh"s ]

I'm looking
right through you.

What? Impossible!

Fists up.

And...

[ Slow motion ] One...

Two...

Three...

Paper!

Scissors cuts paper,
for the win!

Our champion.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Aah!

[ Sobs ]

[Bleep]

The system was gamed
here today, my friends.

Matter of fact,
I bequeath upon you

your rps nickname, "the system."

The system!
Oh!

[Bleep]
That's a cool band name.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0