All language subtitles for Hack My Life s03e13 Co-Hackitation.eng

Brooke: Life hacks are supposed
to make your life better.

Kevin: So if any of these hacks
make it worse,

stop what you're doing
immediately.

Hack at your own risk, hackers.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Hack: Cassie, it's Liza
and hack Morris.

We're coming in.

Hey, guys!
What are you doing here?

You were supposed to meet us
after school for pizza?

Oh, I guess I got so
wrapped up in hacking

that I lost track
of time!

But, check it out.

I hacked
these votive candles

by melting crayons
in the microwave.

And I organized all the wires
on my desk with binder clips.

And I even glued
this pencil sharpener

to an old breath
mints container

to prevent all the shavings
from falling out everywhere.

Try my hack, Liza!
Try it.

Try it!
Try it!

Cassie.

You're acting really weird.

She's probably
just hungry.

Good thing we brought
this pizza.

I love pizza!

Let me hack us
some plates.

The restaurant already
gave us plates.

Well, maybe I want
to hack it, okay?!

[ Chuckles ]

You can break the top of the box
down into four plates.

Yeah.

And then, you can fold
the bottom half into a to-go box

for the leftovers!

Can we sit down
and eat now?

I can't!

There's something
I have to do...

In the closet, alone,
just for a minute.

Nothing to worry about.

[ Laughs ]

I'm starting to worry
about Cassie.

Yeah, me too.

I think she's addicted...

To hacks.

[ Audience gasps ]

♪♪

Brooke: Tonight on
"hack my life"...

-Marco?
-Polo.

Can a hot tub hack
cook dinner?

Brooke: How bad can it be?

Kevin: Brooke transforms
yesterday's breakfast

into tonight's dessert.

The word "brulée"
is French for

"burn that mother down."

And Kevin hopes the second
time's a charm

for an old tanning hack.

Kevin:
Plus, is this self-heating butter knife a smooth move?

-Pop some bottles to celebrate.
-Oh!

There's not enough time
for all of the hacks!

Kevin: This is "hack my life."

Make way, k.P.'S
coming through!

And he brought
some snacks.

Oh, yeah, snack time!

-Here you go, my lady.
-Oh, my god, kev!

-What?
-This is raw fish.

I thought this was
snack time.

Brooke, relax.

You're basically lounging
in a giant sous-vide,

so in time flat,
that's gonna turn this

into a delicious
three-course meal.

[ Whispering ]
It's a "hack or wack."

[ Bad French accent ] Ho, ho,
ho, welcome to ché Kevin.

[ Normal voice ]
I can't do an accent.

I can't do that, but I can
get you anything else.

What do you want, Brooke?
-A hepatitis vaccine?

Oh, that's
not on the menu.

What is on the menu
is a three-course meal

cooked using nothing
but a hot tub.

The trick is to treat
the hot tub

like it's
a giant sous-vide.

Now, sous-vide
is kind of like poaching.

First, you wanna
vacuum-seal your food.

That will lock in the freshness,
but it will also stop the food

from spilling out into the spa
and making a mess.

The really cool thing
about sous-vide is you can't

overcook your food.

It just kind of hits
that temperature, and it's done.

And since a hot tub stays at
whatever temperature you set,

this should work great.

Tonight, we are making
a shrimp cocktail appetizer,

tilapia,
a vegetable medley,

and we're going to finish
strong with a peach cobbler.

-Dinner is...
-Whoo!

-...almost served.
-Whoa!

We just gotta do
a temperature check.

104 degrees.

-That sounds good.
-Yeah, it's great.

It's gonna cook this food
in about four hours.

What are we gonna do
for four hours?

I got friends coming.

Time's gonna fly by.

Hey, just in time!

Come on in.
Water's warm.

Okay, who wants to be
in charge of shrimp?

We got some aspara-goos.

[ Laughs ]

-Who are these people?
-They're some fellow friends.

♪♪

This food that's floating
around in the water --

is that what
we're eating tonight?

Yeah.

-Whoo!
-Move over.

-Marco?
-Polo.

-Swap in.
-Okay.

Marco?

Man: Polo.

You know,
this is a true story.

I wanted to know if my parents
knew where I was conceived.

This is my mother
telling me this --

like,
an hourly-rate motel.

Oh, they had beds in case
you got tired from the hot tub!

-Eww.
[ Laughter ]

-That's great.
-Oh, okay.

-Oh, god.
-Oh, time is up.

Let's get this going.

Oh!
-Oh, look at that.

Oh, very nice.

Well, it looks pink
enough to me.

I don't know.
It's looking really good.

How bad can it be?

Oh!
This shrimp is good.

-It's got a good texture.
-It's actually not bad.

-It's a little al dente.
-Yeah.

-It is great.
-Yeah, I'm liking it.

There's some spa water
on this fork, but that's fine.

Excuse me one moment.

We have not tried
the tilapia.

It's got a good texture.
-Not bad.

I say we go around
and ask everyone

if you think
this is hack or wack.

Definitely hack.

-Hack or wack?
-I'm a wack.

Any particular reason?

The whole thing
kind of just disgusted me.

Borderline, but hack.

-Okay!
-Wow.

-Two hacks, one wack.
-Yeah, versus one wack.

Okay, well, I actually...

Thought the food
was all really good.

I would hack it.

Check the scoreboard,
Brooke.

What is it?

I think it's a hack.

Well, there you have it,
friends. The people have spoken.

Cooking food in a hot tub is,
in fact, a hack.

Who left room for dessert?

Oh, peach cobbler.

♪♪

Making oatmeal for breakfast
is super easy.

Making dessert out of your
leftover oatmeal, also easy.

Make some oatmeal-banana brulée.

Der!

All you need to get started
is some leftover, mushy oatmeal,

some bananas,
a little bit of --

well, let's be honest, this is
a diabetic amount of sugar --

and a blowtorch, which
if you're a fan of this show,

you definitely have one
or you've illegally hacked one.

Way to go.

So, your first step is
you're gonna want to transfer

your leftover oatmeal

into a microwave-safe bowl.

Nothing fancy.

Wow.

Nope.

Whoa.
That was easy.

Oh, god.

Just need a second.

Okay, there might be a little
too much oatmeal in here.

And then, you're just gonna
pop it in the microwave for,

I don't know, 20 seconds.

Who cares?
It's a microwave.

You really can't mess it up.

Oh, boy.

So, we got our warm,
jiggly oatmeal.

And I've got
a mind-blowing hack.

Take a banana
that's been peeled.

Place it face down
on a cooling rack

and just slice it like so.

Look at that.

[ Tape rewinding ]

[ Thud ]

[ Distorted ] Look at that.

Who's a banana ninja?

We're gonna take
our banana slices

and arrange them on top.

All right.

Ooh, this is a beautiful
little design.

I'm gonna put a little bit
of sugar on my nanners

so that it will caramelize
really nicely.

Now, the fun part.

I cannot believe they're
letting me touch this,

especially with
what happened last season.

Okay.

You want to be about
six inches from your bananas

so that it gets nice
and crackly and brown.

And if you guys didn't know,

the word "brulée"
is French for

"burn that mother down."

Whoop, oh, okay.

Calm down.

Let's add some ice cream!

Top it with a little bit
of cinnamon.

Okay, I never said
I was a pastry chef,

but let's see
what's going on here.

♪♪

This is legitimate.

Go forth into the world
and make banana oatmeal brulée.

You deserve it.

Coming up, can black tea
turn you into a golden god?

Just guys being guys.

Kevin: Plus, it's the dark side
of hacking.

We'll show you
how not to get had.

Brooke: Proceed with caution,

when we return.

♪♪

Liza, I think Cassie
might be addicted to hacks.

You're being so dramatic!

Am I?

It's just a tissue box.

It's two tissue boxes

wrapped
with a rubber band,

one empty
and one full box

so she always has a place
to put her used tissues!

-Well, that's just smart.
-Fine.

If you don't believe me,

write "hack Morris
is an idiot"

with this pen
on my arm.

Gladly.

"Hack Morris is..."

Wait a second.

This pen is red,
but it's writing in blue!

It's a hack so no one
will steal your pen.

You put a blue cartridge
inside the red pen.

Nobody steals red pens!

Oh, no.
Cassie is a hack addict!

And we left her all alone
in the closet!

Come on.

Cassie?

You can open the door now.

Cassie, open the door!

Oh, no.
What if we're too late?

Kevin: It's take two
for failed hacks.

This is re-hack.

Hello, friends,
and welcome to re-hack,

where failed hacks
from seasons past

get a chance
to redeem themselves.

By far, one of
the sloppiest hacks

we've ever attempted
on the show

was when we tried
to make self Tanner

out of cocoa powder
and moisturizer.

It was an absolute train wreck,

and one that I'm not looking
forward to reliving right now.

Maybe we go the ratio
of moisturizer

to cocoa powder wrong.

Or, maybe it just
doesn't work at all.

I still believe it's
absolutely possible

to hack yourself
into a tan, golden god.

Which is why I am joined by
our new pale Guinea pig, Duncan!

What's up, Duncan?
-What's up, man?

How are you?
I'm good.

All right, Duncan.

For this re-hack, we're gonna
make a spray-on Tanner

out of black tea.

All right.

First and foremost,
you wanna take

five black tea bags,

jam it into a pot
with two cups of water,

and boil that sucker
for about 15 minutes.

And you wanna wait
until the water cools.

And then,
just spray away.

♪♪

-Does it taste like tea?
-It's black tea.

The black tea has stuff inside
of it called tannic acid.

Okay.
And that's what gives the tea it's color.

That's what might actually be
dying your skin temporarily.

Oh, really?

It takes about
15 minutes to set in.

I'd say
that's a good coat.

Why don't we give it
15 minutes, let it dry,

see what it looks like?
-All right.

[ Womp, womp ]

All right, Duncan.
It's been 15 minutes now.

Not a drastic difference.

Might be easier to just
go into the sun.

Yeah, pretty much.

So, I'm gonna say that this
re-hack was an epic fail.

[ Buzzer ]

Well, folks,
it's not black magic.

No, it's black tea.

Here's to keeping tea off
your body and in your glass.

♪♪

All right,
that's really warm.

Brooke: She's cunning,
she's calculating,

and she's using
unscrupulous hacks

to get the better of every Tom,

dick, and Harry in her path.

Beware the cold-blooded hacker.

Meet dick, a wealthy widower
who's just lost his wife,

but inherited her fortune --

a fortune
the cold-blooded hacker

was determined
to get her hands on

by using
morally questionable hacks

to gain innocent people's trust.

First, she'd use a hack
to crash the funeral.

Scanning the program
for the family name

would make her
seem like an insider.

Man:
[ Whispering ] Qualia.

I was so sad to hear about
Mrs. Qualia's death.

Right this way.

She was in like sin.

Cold-blooded.

Now she'd need to appear
sympathetic.

Her next hack --

slap a prewritten card
onto the flowers

that were already there...

So she could claim them
as her own thoughtful gift.

Cold-blooded.

Just when she thought
she was on easy street,

someone appeared
to be on to her.

♪♪

Time to up the ante
with her next hack.

To look grief stricken,

she dabbed mentholated cream
under her eyes

to get the fake tears flowing.

Cold-blooded.

She was ready to go in
for the kill and get her hands

on dick's large...

Bank account.

But she'd been rattled.

She had a case
of clammy hands,

which could expose
her as nervous.

Of course,
she had a hack for that.

She lifted some lemons.

Their acidity closes pores
and prevents sweating.

Cold-blooded.

Now, to get those cold, dry
hands on dick and his fortune.

Oh, poor dick was duped.

So, fellas, beware of
the cold-blooded hacker,

and don't become her next dick.

Kevin: Up next,
we put a self-heating

butter knife to the test.

The bad boy
of butter knives.

[ Laughing ] Yes!

Brooke: And later,

what's the best
hack for cracking brewskies?

This is exactly how I imagined
bachelorette parties to go.

♪♪

Cassie!

Quit hacking and talk to us!

Oh, hey, guys.

I was just, um,
reading in there.

You're not gonna
lie to us, okay?

What is this?
-Scarves.

Scarves with shower rings,
on a hanger!

You're trying to create a new
hack to organize your scarves!

Well, maybe I was
hacking, okay?

But that's only because I have
so many things left to hack!

There's not enough time!

There's not enough time
for all of the hacks!

Listen to yourself,
Cassie!

You sound like a total
hack addict!

I am not addicted.

I'm just...

Inspired!

♪ I'm so inspired ♪

♪ I'm so inspired ♪

I'm so...

Scared. [ Crying ]

It's okay.

I'm here.

It's okay.

-Ah!
-Look, do me a favor.

Smell these flowers.

[ Gasps ]
I feel better already.

It's because this bouquet
has lavender in it,

which is supposed to soothe
nerves and reduce anxiety.

Did you just hack away
my addiction to hacks?

Yeah, basically.

For now, though,
let's just have some pizza.

And who knows?

Maybe next week,

it'll be like none
of this ever happened.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

No meal is complete
without some bread and butter.

Except...
-Okay.

...it can be
a real proverbial nightmare.

You're bending the knife.

The butter's cold,
and just destroying the bread.

Yuk.
-Okay.

Yuk!

Which is why we've
ordered something

that might help you
smooth things out

in today's hack delivery.

[ Doorbell rings ]

In hack delivery,
we scour the Internet

looking for pre-made hacks
that you can buy today.

Indeed. And, we know that every
product is not a winner.

So we're putting
these things to the test

so you don't have to.
Okay.

Let's see -- packing peanuts,
packing peanuts,

packing peanuts.
Found it.

It's spreadthat,

a self-heating
butter knife.

Now, this knife claims
to spread butter faster

and with less tearing
than a regular knife.

Spreadthat ii softens
butter for easier

spreading by carrying warmth
from the palm of your hand

to the edge of the blade.

It's like a heat conductor
for butter.

Only two steps here -- shred off
fine curls and spread it on.

Whole lot of claims there,
Brooke.

Oh, my.
[ Chuckles ]

It's so gonna work.

I have nothing
but confidence.

Now, I have the power
of the spreadthat.

I'm just gonna go to a regular
old knife as a control...

-Okay, that sounds good.
-...Against spreadthat ii,

the bad boy
of butter knives.

[ Laughing ] Yes!

Mama did not teach you

how to wield this hot fire.

Okay.

Oh!
Hey, that's kind of satisfying.

Look at that.

And I butter.

Whoa!

Ooh!
All right.

This is working.

The regular knife does
pretty much the same thing.

It really bugs my ocd,

'cause I like to do
butter-pat slices,

but it might just be the shaving
of the butter is the hack.

All right, let's switch.
Let's switch.

Okay.

I feel like you're toast,
or your bread,

was pretty
evenly buttered.

All right.
Okay, I get it.

It's like
little butter worms.

But I just do wanna note

that no heat whatsoever

is being transferred into
the handle of this knife.

You don't feel like
it's warmer? It's freezing.

Maybe they meant
you hold it up here

before you then dip into
the pat of butter.

I could also just warm up
the edge of this

and just squat on it
for a few minutes,

and I guarantee they're gonna
be the exact same temperature.

Works with plastic,
as well.

Okay, can we call it?
-I think so.

Let's go through
the checklist here

and see if
the spreadthat ii

lives up
to it's lofty claims.

Did it curl up and soften
butter easily, Brooke?

Well, it did.
That is true.

Did the regular butter
knife do that as well?

-Yes, it did.
-Okay.

Did it utilize your body heat
to help spread the butter?

No, it did not.

Brooke, I don't wanna
be presumptuous,

but I am going to pick up
and hold this box

while I ask you,
what should we do

with the spreadthat ii?

Send it back.

[ Tires screech, truck beeping ]

[ Cat yowls ]

♪♪

Keep up your heels, hackers.

It's time for a pop quiz.

Heel, toe.
Heel, toe.

Buffalo, buffalo.

Shoes getting all swampy
after a long routine?

[ Sniffs ]

Damn.

My taps
were bringing the noise...

And bringing the funk.

Fortunately, I've got a hack

to cover up
that fetid foot odor.

Let's play pop quiz.

[ Squeals ]
Yes, please!

Let's get on the good foot
asap.

To get your shoes
smelling fresh again,

should you, "a,"

put kitty litter
in a sock

and let it sit overnight;

"b," fill your shoes
with moth balls

and seal them
in a sandwich bag;

or "c," leave them out
in direct sunlight

for an hour?

I'm gonna go with "c,"
leave them in the sun.

[ Buzzer ]

Girl, no.

The answer is "a,"
kitty litter.

The kitty litter will absorb
any extra foot sweat

and leave your tap smelling
neutral by morning.

Thanks, pop quiz lady.

Oh, hey, uh, I got
an extra pair of taps

if you want to duet.

Uh, no, thanks.

I don't come out of this bubble
unless it's to get drunk.

See you next time.

Brooke: Coming up,
does this bride-to-be

have what it takes
to hack open beer bottles?

And this is
before the alcohol.

Pop a cold one when we return.

What's up, hack-heads, and
welcome to another UN-boxing.

I'm Terrell.

And if you are unfamiliar
with what I do here,

I take hacks out of boxes and...

That's actually
all there is to it.

Today, we're UN-boxing
a pair of hacked chopsticks.

Now, look at the first thing
I see when I open this box,

so I know this is
professional -- instructions!

Look at this.

It's very soft and bouncy.

That means there's something
expensive under here.

And that is not jewelry.
Okay.

Step one says,
"identify the objects."

So, I have an ordinary
clothespin and chopsticks.

Step two -- "disassemble
my clothes pin."

Be delicate.
Just twist it off there.

There we go. Can we see that?
I have my spring.

Step three -- "insert chopsticks
into the spring."

Let's see here.

I'm just gonna slide
this in this way.

Is this how
it's supposed to go?

Um, uh...

Step 3 is always the one
that gets on my nerves.

Oh!
Oh!

Look at that.
Look at that!

I am using chopsticks.

I do not feel intimidated.

Where are my noodles?

Let's see if these work.

This is a hack
that you must try.

Thank you so much for watching.

Don't forget to like,

comment, subscribe, and hack.

Peace!

So, it's your last night of
freedom before you tie the knot,

and all you wanna do
is tie one on

with the girls.
I get it.

The problem is, someone's
made like a runaway bride

and split with
the bottle opener.

But fear not, ladies.

We're testing some hacks

that can pop the top off
a cold one.

This is hack vs. Hack.

Welcome, everybody,
to the first-ever "hack my life"

bachelorette bottle bonanza!

[ Cheering ]

Whoo! Yes!

And this is before the alcohol.

Today, Ashley, Nicole,
and ina will be competing to see

who can crack
open cold ones

the fastest
without a bottle opener.

Have you ever been
in this position before?

Yeah, I have a very
tried-and-true method

of handing it
to my fiancé

and asking him
to take care of it.

-Is that how you knew
he was the one? -Yes, yes.

-'Cause he was an enabler?
-Exactly.

Let's go ahead and get
this competition on the road.

You're first hack --
the tube of lip gloss.

You're gonna place it
under the bottle cap.

The lip gloss' sturdy,
hand-held shape

should allow you to use
your thumb as leverage and...

[Pop] Pop it right open.

You're second hack --
it's another beer bottle.

You'll turn the bottle
upside down,

place the lip of the cap
beneath this bottle here...

And pop it open.

Finally, the high heel.

Place the point of the heel
beneath the cap,

pull down on the toe,

and that should pop
the cap right off.

Well, Nicole, since
it's your special night,

you get to decide
who is using what.

What hack would you like
ina to use?

I would love
ina to try the bottle.

Ashley, why don't you
slide that on down?

And for Ashley?

Girl.

Pink's always
been my color.

-Yeah, yeah.
-[ Laughs ]

And I'm gonna try
this bad boy out.

So, here's how this
is gonna work.

You're each gonna have
your own six-pack.

Whoever can pop the tops
off of each bottle first

will be the winner.

All right, ladies, remember --
first to open

all six bottles wins.

Three, two, one.

Hack!

I heard the pressure come out.

Oh! Oh, ho ho!

Who's getting married?

-It's a boy!
-It's me!

Okay.

Oh!

Caps are flying
around everywhere,

and the heel is proving
very effective.

Oh!
Oh, did I hurt you?

-That's fine!
-You got this.

-You got this, girls.
-Yes.

This is exactly how I imagined
bachelorette parties to go.

Ashley's got
three bottles down.

She's working on her fourth.

The stiletto might be
running out of steam.

Okay, yes!

Ina's -- ina's got her
first bottle down.

Nicole, come on.
You got this.

You got this, girl.
This is the last bottle.

This is for the win right here.
-No!

Ashley could catch up.

She's on her fifth bottle.

Oh, my god! Come on.

Okay!
Ashley's on her last bottle!

-No!
-It's a dead heat!

[ Distorted ] Don't you dare.
This is my wedding!

♪♪

[ Pop! ]

Oh, and it looks
like it's open!

There it is!
-No!

-Oh, ho ho.
-Sorry.

Ashley and the lip gloss tube
are the winner.

All right, let's walk
through there.

You had a commanding lead.

They were really, like,
satisfying pops, too.

And then, it would fizz.

-How's the shoe?
-It's a little torn up.

Ina, the bottle-on-
bottle action --

what happened?

It's a very masculine,
macho thing to do.

-Mm-hmm.
-And maybe I was too scared.

Don't throw all women
under the bus with that.

[ Laughter ]

Ashley, my dear,
it was very, very close.

You must've been sweating it
for a second.

I heard her pop for,
like...[Whoosh]

She didn't hear me coming in,
'cause I was like...

And I was just like...
[ Laughter ]

In a pinch, my friends,
reach for a tube of lip gloss

because that is the clear winner
of this hack vs. Hack.

[ Bell dings ]

So, we're not gonna
waste these, right?

-Nope.
-Are these real?

[ Sniffs ]
Yes, they are.

Let's drink...A lot.

[ Laughter ]

Ahh.

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