Original subtitles

The holidays tend to be our busiest time of the year.

Yep, people wait till the last minute

to decorate or wrap presents,

and then something goes wrong.

And that's when they call us.

[ Siren wails ]

♪♪

Go, go, go, go!

♪♪

Oh, I-I don't know what happened.

I spent an hour stringing up lights on the tree,

and then, they just stop working.

You guys got to do something.

I'm just gonna need you to relax,

and we'll take it from here.

Oh, no.

I mean, look at it. Look at it!

What'd I say about relaxing?

All yours.

All right, let's see.

[ Gasping ] There it is.

Look at that. Found the perp.

Let me see there.

Oh, yeah, still warm.

All right, you cut the power? Mm-hmm.

I got the aluminum foil. On it.

Sir, next time this happens,

I want you to take a piece of aluminum foil like this. Man: Huh?

We're gonna roll this up,

and we're gonna stuff that

right into the electrical socket,

and that's gonna complete your circuit

and get power flowing right back to the rest of the line.

See that? Plug's in place!

Everybody clear! Clear!

[ Gasps ]

You saved my tree!

Just doing our jobs.

[ Woman screams in distance ]

Oh my god, that sounded like my wife.

Let's roll. Go, go, go, go!

Oh, my god, what happened?

Kevin: Tonight...

All: Hacky holidays!

Kill me.

...your holidays are about to get hacked.

Both: Santa!

Brooke: Kevin turns old junk into new year's decorations.

[ Snap! ]

Kevin: Brooke's holiday helper

goes to town on candy cane hacks.

Have you ever had minty meat before?

[ Audience exclaiming ]

Plus, your hacks for keeping calm --

get the ultimate stress test

as we relive our worst holiday memories.

What's wrong with you?

What's wrong withyou?

Brooke: It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Everybody ready?

Kevin: This is "hack my life."

Welcome, everyone.

It's our holiday hack-stravaganza,

and I'm celebrating the only way I know how --

by some good, old-fashioned nut hackin'.

[ Bell dings ] This is hack vs. Hack.

Today, we have three very different hacks

for cracking your way inside of a walnut

without a nutcracker.

I'm joined by three friends.

I've got Kelly, Grant, and Patrick here,

and the three of them are nuts about nuts, yes?

-Very true. -Correct.

-Very much so. -Good.

Ready to meet your hacks?

Ready.

Here are your hacks!

Mm-hmm. Yep. [ Exhales sharply ]

So, we've got the trusty hammer,

got a screwdriver,

or you can take a second walnut,

place them seam to seam,

give them a squeeze using it's own shell against it.

And...

All: Oh!

Patrick, which hack would you like?

I think I feel most comfortable with

the screwdriver.

Here you go, sir. Your hack. Ooh, thank you.

Grant?

You know, I think I'm a nut to nut guy.

So, you don't need anything.

You have everything.

I have everything I need right here.

You got some powerful hands.

That means, Kelly...

I get the pink, powerful hammer.

Here's how the contest is going to work.

You're each gonna have 60 seconds

to hack into as many walnuts as you can.

We're gonna weigh the nutmeat at the end.

Person with the largest amount is the winner.

Pretty simple.

However, shells are not going to count.

Very important.

If I see shells in there, there will be hell to pay.

60 seconds on the clock.

Ready?

Three...

Two...

Hack!

♪♪

That's the way. The hammer's getting in.

I already see the hammer cracked open.

Oh, Grant got one.

Grant: I totally got this, I think.

Interesting technique -

he's keeping one walnut in his hand,

replacing the second nut with each go.

Patrick's getting in there.

Patrick: I like how easily that lifts and separates.

Kelly's hammer is making shells fly everywhere.

She's getting through a lot of walnuts.

Grant looks like he's searching for a decoder ring.

Why won't this open?

Is fatigue becoming an issue here?

I'm a little dizzy, but I'm gonna get --

actually, I just need some protein.

Oh, there you go.

Patrick's screwdriver hack is really pulling double duty.

He's able to pop open the shell with no problem.

And then he scoops it out nice and quick.

15 seconds!

Come on, guys!

Nut up!

Grant: There literally -- Kelly: Aah!

There's so many nuts!

Don't crack under the pressure!

Final walnuts, guys, come on.

Five... No! Aah!

Four... No!

Three...

Two...

One, that's time!

That is time, hands up.

Hands up.

Friends, it's time for the moment of truth.

Let's find out who got the most walnut meat.

Grant, why don't you hand me your bowl.

Thanks, buddy.

Definitely see some good, intact nuts.

Good job with that. Hand method seemed to work.

I wonder what this guy is here, though.

Grant: It's a flake.

No, that's a joke. Kelly: That's definitely a shell.

Kevin: That's a foul, is what it is. Let's get it out of there.

And...

1 ounce on the button.

Good job, Grant. [ Grunts ]

Very good. Very good.

Patrick, your actual nuts are pretty intact. Patrick: Mm-hmm.

You think you're gonna beat Grant's one ounce?

I'm confident I will.

Let's find out.

♪♪

Handily. 1.3 ounces of nut meat!

Kelly: Whoo. Thank you.

Kevin: Kelly, do you believe that this bowl

represents more than 1.3 ounces of delicious walnut meat?

Yeah.

Here we go, moment of truth.

Is it 1.3 ounces or more?

Come on, hammer!

♪♪

2 ounces of nutmeat! Oh!

No! 2 whole ounces!

Kelly, that means, not only do you get bragging rights,

but you're going home with the golden nutcracker.

There you go.

Hey, nutcracker, how do you feel?

[ As nutcracker ] So good.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

♪♪

Kevin: The ball drop -- shiny symbol of the new year,

and spherical reminder to make resolutions.

But did you know the ball drop tradition

is only possible thanks to a hack from history?

Portsmouth, england. 1829.

British sailing ships

navigate using timepieces called chronometers.

Only each ship calibrates it's own chronometer,

leading to catastrophe.

So, captain Robert wauchope of the royal Navy

hacked some scrap metal into a giant sphere,

and hoisted it on top of a flagpole.

I call it the "time ball".

By lowering the ball every day at exactly 1:00 P.M.,

he makes sure that every ship in the harbor

can set their chronometer at the same time.

Flash forward to New York City. 1907.

New York times Adolf ochs

is preparing the company's

annual new year's fireworks display,

when his paper breaks a huge story.

Needing something to set off at midnight,

ochs bought the timeball and inspiration strikes.

My resolution is to stop stealing ideas,

on January 2nd.

He has a timeball built atop the times building,

and in a stroke of brilliance, festooned it with light bulbs

so it can be seen at night.

The crowd loves it, and a tradition is born.

This is way more fun than fireworks.

So here's to you, new year's ball drop.

To this day, you remain the only good reason

to hang out in Times Square,

and a hack from history.

Brooke: Coming up, me and Tom scharpling

make peppermint candy powder,

or as we like to call it, pcp.

What do you think the street value on this is?

Well, we can find out.

Kevin: Plus, take your office holiday party

from failure to festive.

Hacks for having a cool yule in the workplace when we return.

♪♪

Narrator: We now return to "hack 911."

[ Woman screaming in distance ]

Oh, that sounded like my wife.

-Let's roll! -Go, go, go, go!

Karen, what happened?

It was like an avalanche.

I went to reach for one wrapping paper roll,

but they all started falling.

I feel so cold.

Pulse is normal. No visible signs of paper cuts.

How's it looking in there, Mac?

It's all clear.

You got eyes on a garment bag, by any chance?

Uh-huh, bingo.

All right, Karen,

now I'm gonna need you to stay calm for me, okay?

What we're gonna do is

put these wrapping paper rolls in the garment bag.

It's a great way to keep your rolls organized,

and it will prevent something like this from happening again.

That's it.

Now, Karen, I want you to give your toe

just a little wiggle for me.

My legs! I can feel them!

♪♪

All right, you're okay. Oh, thank god.

It's a Christmas miracle.

[ Man groaning in distance ] What was that?

Mac: Is there somebody else in the house?

♪♪

♪♪

[ Crash! ]

The holidays are over,

and all you've got left to show for it

is an empty bank account

and a ton of leftover candy canes.

[ Audience booing ]

Luckily, I've got a hack

to turn that peppermint surplus

into the gift that keeps on giving.

And here today to help me is my friend

Mr. Tom scharpling.

Hi. Hey.

Thanks for joining us in the lazy cook kitchen.

Thanks for having me in the lazy cook kitchen.

So, Tom, do you cook?

I get impatient at a drive-thru,

let alone in a kitchen trying to actually make stuff.

I've got a hack that I know you can handle.

We are going to take candy canes,

put them into a pepper grinder,

and make delicious peppermint dust.

[ Audience exclaiming ]

My lovely sous chef over here

already prepped some candy canes.

I'm gonna give you a tenderizer. Oh!

I'm gonna use a rolling pin.

Shall we bash?

Yeah.

♪♪

Yeah! Mm.

Whoo!

Street value on this is -- huh.

Now that we've got our grinders assembled,

I've got some cupcakes.

[ Gasps ]

They're so boring.

One, two, three.

It's raining peppermint.

It is raining peppermint.

So minty.

These are adorable, don't you think? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

No, no, no.

Next, we're going to use the peppermint dust

to spice up some savory, salty bacon.

So, to get started I've got four ingredients --

a pinch of black pepper, garlic powder, cayenne pepper,

and once again, peppermint dust.

Essentially, we're gonna make a sweet and salty bacon rub.

What do you think?

If you're gonna let your freak flag fly and eat that,

more power to you.

I'm gonna stick with the cupcakes. Okay.

Now, if you would do the honor

of just sprinkling the rub down each strip of bacon.

Ooh.

I like what you're doing, Tom.

So, have you ever had minty meat before?

[ Audience exclaiming ]

Sure.

It's not my first time eating some minty meat.

[ Laughter ]

So, our bacon is completely covered.

It looks amazing,

and I'm gonna pop it in the oven.

You just stand there and look pretty, okay? Okay.

[ '80s funk music plays ]

♪ Mm-hmm ♪

♪ yeah ♪

[ Record scratches ]

And we already have some done.

[ Audience "oohs" ]

Come on, candy bacon? What's better than that?

Nothing, I say.

Tom, you've been such a great help.

I've made us this peppermint candy cane vodka.

Thank you.

Cheers to you, Tom. Cheers to you.

Hacky holidays, everybody.

Hacky holidays.

Mm-hmm.

Visions of fairies dancing through your head?

Yeah, I'm allergic to peppermint.

♪♪

Kevin: Sometimes, ordinary people do extraordinary things

all in the name of hacking.

People like knoll.

He's the chair of his office's party planning committee.

This year, Gina grincherson in accounting

shrunk the holiday party budget three sizes smaller.

Knoll's not worried, though.

He'll find a way to throw a cool yuletide bash,

because he's a hack hero.

Step one -- giving the conference room

a festive makeover.

Too bad Gina spent the money earmarked for decorations

on boring office supplies.

But knoll knows how to stick it to her with memo pads.

Using post-its like pixels,

he creates a low-fi fresco of Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.

Now, that's a bright idea.

[ Twinkle! ]

Though knoll is crazy for Christmas,

he makes sure other faiths are represented, too.

By slicing four limes

from the company kitchen in half,

he hacks the base of a citrus-themed menorah.

Blowing money on memo pads

isn't the end of Ms. Grincherson's humbuggery.

[ Audience booing ]

She also nicks the good stuff

in favor of bargain basement booze.

Good thing knoll is here

to put some pep in everyone's step.

Peppermint, that is.

By soaking the breath mints from reception in vodka,

he turns that rotgut hooch

into a Christmas-infused cocktail.

Eat, drink, and be very merry.

The party is poppin',

but knoll wants everyone to get into the spirit.

So he combines leaves from a plant at his desk

with cotton balls from the office bathroom

to make mistletoe.

Will it be enough to warm Gina's frosty heart?

Close enough.

Way to go, knoll!

You truly are a holiday hack hero.

Brooke: Up next, resolve to be more creative in the new year.

Let's make a thing.

Brooke: Kevin teaches you how to hack your own confetti poppers.

Kevin: Plus, holidays got you wrapped tight?

Oh, fudge.

[ Both laugh ]

[ Bleep ]

Hacks for reducing stress,

when the hack comes bouncing the [bleep] back.

Narrator: We now return for the Holly jolly conclusion

of "hack 911."

Both: Santa!

Ho, ho, oh my stomach!

[ Groans ]

Oh, no. Talk to me, St. Nick.

Tell me what's going on here.

I can't stop eating cookies and milk.

Only, I'm lactose intolerant.

Oh, yeah, his belly's shaking like a bowl full of jelly,

and it's not 'cause of the holiday cheer.

All right, Santa, I'm gonna need you

to open your mouth and say, "ahh."

Ahh. Ahh...perfect.

All right, now, go ahead and suck on that for me.

A candy cane?

But why?

Well, peppermint.

It helps the stomach muscles to relax.

That's gonna get the fats that break down acids flowin'.

Ho! Ho!

I'm starting to feel like a right jolly elf again!

Now, why don't you sit on Santa's lap

and tell me what you'd like me to bring you?

Yeah, I'm Jewish.

And I'm a grown-up, so I can't.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Hey friends, welcome to let's make a thing,

where one man's trash is another man's treasure.

Let's see what Santa left for us this year.

Ha! Ho!

Toilet paper rolls.

And I don't know about you,

but when I think of a toilet, I think of a party.

So let's hack these bad boys into something useful and fun,

like confetti poppers to ring in the new year.

Here's what we're gonna need.

We need some curling ribbon or string,

tissue paper, and some cracker snaps.

They sound like a gluten-free treat,

but really they just do this.

[ Snaps loudly ]

Now, what you're gonna want to do is

cut a nice little slit into the roll --

not all the way through, but about halfway or so.

So, this little slit

is where all the confetti's gonna burst forth

like an alien from a chest cavity,

but more festive.

Next, I'm cutting a 7x7 piece of tissue paper.

Next up, I'm gonna take my cracker snap

and put it on my tissue paper,

then take take the slit from the toilet paper roll

and affix it right on top of that cracker snap,

and I'm gonna roll it up.

So, here's where the tissue paper is overlapping.

I want to secure it.

Now, you could use a glue stick,

you could use a piece of tape --

however you want.

The whole point, though, is

to make sure that the tissue paper stays together

and doesn't pop open prematurely,

'cause that can be embarrassing.

So, now we got to fill it with confetti.

Let's fill her up.

♪♪

Look at this.

I'm throwing my own mini-celebration.

Yay!

So, now we need to secure the ends of our confetti popper

with some string.

I want to make sure this thing is nice and secure.

Mmm!

Does this look like a new year?

Sure does, huh?

Congratulations.

It's time to call out all your friends.

You just made a thing.

And I know Brooke really wanted to be here,

but she said no.

[ Clears throat ]

Everybody ready?

Five...

Four...

Three...

Two...

Hacky new year!

[ Laughs ]

Oh, wow!

Well, best party ever, huh?

Kevin: Close your laptop and throw your smartphone down a well.

Brooke: We're bringing the Internet's craziest hackers to your TV.

It's worldwide hacks.

Welcome everyone to worldwide hacks,

your number one source

for all the stuff we can't believe exists.

This week's hack comes just in time

for the hell of holiday travel.

It's a pillow you wear on your face.

It's the ostrich pillow.

Man: This is Ken, dreaming away with his ostrich pillow,

a perfect companion to nap pretty much anywhere,

be it for an express power nap at work

or for a good snooze on a long-distance journey.

Joining us now, the co-creator of the ostrich pillow.

It's Ali ganjavian.

Pleasure to have you here, Ali.

Ali:Hey, guys, thank you for having me.

How does this improve upon a regular pillow?

The way we decided to hack power napping

was basically to say,

"let's just create a product that you can just

slip over your head and sleep at your desk."

We had, I think, 32 different designs.

We decided on this option, because we thought

it was actually the most comfortable one.

I'll see you on the other side. Okay.

You look like a "star wars" character.

I would say you look pretty good right now.

I feel really good.

Oh, these are for my hands to go into? Exactly.

It's for your hands to go into, so you can --

this typical gesture of sleeping at your table

at work or at school.

There you go.

[ Soft music plays ]

Well, he's out, so it's just you and me.

Let's talk.

It's that special time of year

that involves a lot of hellish holiday travel.

You're stranded in a car.

You're stranded on trains.

You're stuck in the airport.

This seems like an amazing solution.

Airports can be such busy places. Yeah.

Just popping that on your head,

it can increase that sense of coziness.

You know, like, when you put a hoodie on,

and you feel like, "ahh," it's the same principle.

Absolutely.

I mean, I feel like with the stress of the holidays, too,

say you're having dinner with everybody

and your racist uncle is going off like usual,

I think I might pop one of these right on my head,

drown him out.

I legit started to fall asleep.

I'm happy to hear that.

Yeah, me too, man. I'm happy to have it.

I mean, I think you've successfully hacked a nap.

So congratulations.

It's so nice to meet you, Ali.

Thank you for having me on the show, guys.

Yeah, Ali, I'm not gonna say goodbye,

but I will say, "goodnight, sir."

Good night. Oh!

Good night!

Good night!

Brooke: Let it all out, hackers.

[ Squealing sound ] Oh, yeah!

This is what it sounds like in my soul.

We test your hacks for deflating holiday stress

when "hack my life" returns.

♪♪

From arguing with family at Thanksgiving

to making out with strangers on new year's Eve,

the holidays are a five-and-a-half-week gauntlet

of stressful social interaction.

That's why we are trying out your hacks for diffusing stress

in today's hack mail.

All right, friends, here's how this is going to work.

Brooke and I will each relive

a terrible, horrible holiday memory.

The one that just fills you with so much stress

you want to burst.

And the hack that does the best job

of relieving that stress

will win our hack seal of approval.

Hack number one comes to us

from Ronnie in Toms river, New Jersey.

He says...

Blowing into a balloon.

Let's conjure up a stressful memory.

Sure.

I have a father, and he loves to drive.

But in his old age, he's having some afflictions

like loss of hearing, loss of eyesight.

That plus old motor skills

equals scared Kevin in the back seat.

I'm really stressed 'cause of --

and you can't tell him that he's a bad driver,

'cause he'll snap. Kevin --

is your ego so big, you can't -- Kevin --

now's a good time to pick up the balloon and blow. Oh.

[ Blows ]

Well, now I'm focused on my fear of passing out.

It's really hard to accelerate the pace of your breath.

Perhaps blowing up a balloon

taps into some deep-breathing techniques.

Try to blow it up in a rage.

You can't even --

I don't know about you,

but I kind of feel less stress making this noise.

[ Squeaking sound ]

Ah.

This is what it sounds like in my soul.

Hack number two comes from Mallory in Minneapolis.

Okay, rubbing the earlobes.

We got to pack some tension into them,

so what have you got

kicking around the old bvp holiday vault?

You know, one year,

I really wanted to go home and see my folks,

but I couldn't afford to,

and I chose to pet sit a chihuahua in queens.

And I ate all their lean pockets,

and I felt so guilty about it.

I remember I ran across, like, six lanes of traffic

to go replace the lean pockets.

[ Voice fading ] That was my Christmas Eve dinner.

Then, it was my Christmas morning breakfast.

The chihuahua was humping my leg.

The heat didn't work,

and I kept hoping there'd be a Christmas miracle. Oh, god!

So that's my holiday story.

I'll just get two hands on this ear. Oh, wow.

You're going ham!

You're going ham on those lobes!

I just -- I just want to let it go.

You should. It was a long time ago.

How do you feel? [ Exhales deeply ]

It did a little something for me.

Just 'cause I felt like I was concentrating on the earlobes

and not my infinite sadness, but...

Our third and final hack comes from Carole,

a mother of four in San Antonio, Texas.

Carole writes...

Okay, well I was gonna share a personal story,

but I'll be honest.

Reading about Carole,

boy, that fills with enough stress for several holidays.

Oh, I'm turned up to an 11.

Yeah, so, let's dig in, shall we? I think, uh -- yeah.

So what's your method? I'm gonna start with some small squares.

Oh, that's very sensible and organized of you.

[ Bleep ]

Here's one square.

[Bleep] Basket.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, fudge.

[ Both laugh ]

[ Bleep ] Aah!

You [bleep] [bleep] bag! Aah!

Suck it! [Bleep]

[ Extended bleep ]

[Bleep] Hole.

I'm ready to calmly talk about these hacks,

how about you?

[Bleep] Yes.

Uh, at first, I wanted to say,

"let's report Carole to the authorities."

But, there is some method to this madness.

Yes. I feel good.

Whoo! Oh, my gosh!

The minute the holidays are over,

you can stock up on discounted wrapping paper

and just go [Bleep] nuts!

So, swear and tear,

you get our hack...

Both: ...Seal of approval.

You got some hacks you want to see on our show,

go to trutv.Com/hacks and send them in.

[Bleep] Yeah! Okay.

This is a sweet [bleep] hack.

Yeah!

Happy holidays! Happy holidays!

[ Grunts ] [ Bleep ]

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