All language subtitles for Hack My Life s02e20 The Hack House.eng

Pereira:
Over the past two seasons,

we've shown you
hundreds of hacks.

Now one family will put hacking
to the ultimate test

as they attempt to survive
three long months

living on hacks alone.

Will a life of hacking
bring them together...

Or tear them apart?

Stop taking my socks!

Stewie:
I'm not here to make friends.

I'm here to hack.

[ Sniffles ]

[ Crying ] Just want to go home.

Pereira: Find out on the
series premiere of "hack house."

Van poppelen: Tonight...
Whoo! Whoo!

...on "hack my life"...

Step right up!
Take a sniff!

...turn up
that smell-o-vision.

We hit the streets
to hack your halitosis.

It smelled like
wild forest.

[ Laughter ]

Pereira: Plus candle hacks to
see you through the next storm.

Oh, this is
so delightful.

It's, like,
spitting hot butter at you.

Van poppelen:
A trick to turn your old ride

into a smokin' hot car-b-cue.

I got Salisbury on there!
I got to get up to speed!

Pereira:
And more hack-filled action

from inside the hack house.

It's lasagna!

Pereira:
Big hacker is watching.

This is "hack my life."

[ Muffled ]
Hey, kev!

[ Normal voice ]
I got your favorite.

Oh, burgers.
Again. Yeah.

What did you expect
on a road trip?

It's not like you're gonna get
farm-to-table food.

Au contraire,
bvp.

See, underneath the hood
of this bad beast right here

is a full-blown grill ready
to take a meal from zero to 60.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

This is
hack or wack?

Welcome to
the glorious car-b-cue.

Yeah!

Uh, we're gonna cook
with an engine.

How do we even
do this?

Well, basically,

we treat the engine
like it's a giant steamer.

The baseline speed
is 65 miles per hour.

Oh.
And you don't measure your cooking times in minutes.

You measure it
in miles.

Let's say you want
to cook up some shrimp.

35 miles.
How about some sal-mon?

Sal-mon?
You're gonna be going about 40 miles.

Or for steak, you're gonna be
driving 50 to 60 miles.

Waiter, I've been waiting
60 miles for my steak.

[ Laughs ]

Why are we doing this?

Because we can.

We are starting the evening
with a lovely warmed brie,

then moving on
to our entrée of steamed salmon

with asparagus
and dill.

The most important thing here
is...

The foil.

Double-wrap
all of your food items.

It keeps the ingredients
of the food off your car

and the car
out of the flavor of your food.

Now, the exhaust manifold is the
hottest part of the engine bay,

so this is where
you want to secure your food

using some baling wire.

Strap your
hard-to-cook items there,

and then your veggies or
anything else can go around it.

Brooke,
you ready? Okay.

All right.
Gonna go. Let's go.

[ Tires screech ]
Whoa!

Beast mode.

Like, this is
pretty casual driving,

but I think the real test
of the hack is, like,

if you were doing
some of this...

Yeah, yeah.
Kev.

Is there gonna be fish juice
everywhere?

I mean, we wrapped it
pretty tightly in foil, so...

I'm gonna guess this is
how accidents in L.A. happen.

Mm-hmm. A lot of people
cooking on their engine.

I got Salisbury
on there!

I got
to get up to speed!

Who's hungry?

♪♪

Oh, boy.
These are gonna be hot.

Okay.
Hot. Yeah.

Oh, oh.

But foil cools off
pretty quickly.

Yeah, yeah.
You'll be all right.

Toasty brie.

Ooh. This is, like,
keeping me warm right now.

Yeah.

All right.

Dig right in,
huh? Oh, no, no, no.

We got to wait
for our guests.

♪♪

How do you know
these guys again?

Uh,
they're truckers.

Oh!
Yeah.

Fellas,
this is my friend Brooke.

Nice to meet
you all.

They've got
trucking experience. Okay.

Any of you ever cooked a meal
with your car's engine?

Not with the engine,

but I have cooked it
with the dashboard.

What?
Hot pocket.

Sit it on the dashboard
and just drive around.

A couple hours later,
it'll be warm enough for you.

[ Laughter ]

Pereira:
All right.

Well, if that's
the level of acceptance,

these meals might actually
turn out fine for you guys.

It all starts right here,
if you want to unwrap it.

Let me
check it out.

[ Felipe laughing ]

All right.

Van poppelen:
That is some warm brie.

That's fancy,
man.

And then,
the entrée --

steamed dill salmon
and some asparagus.

Ooh.
Ooh. Ooh.

Pereira:
How's that salmon looking?

Los:
Take a look at that, guys.

Felipe:
That looks good, man.

Yeah, but the real question is
how does it taste?

♪♪

That is pretty good.

Great. Oh.
Compliments to the chef.

I don't taste radiator fluid
or anything.

Oh, good. Okay.

I'm dying to know
about the asparagus.

I don't want
to be picky,

but it is
a little bit overcooked. Oh.

It's weird, 'cause it
sounds exactly like that's what you're being.

[ Laughter ]

Would you
have ever guessed

that this meal was cooked
on a car's engine?

No.
Not at all. Pereira: Really?

Man:
No way.

It is good.
It's pretty awesome.

I'm surprised.
This is delicious.

Pereira: Here's what
it comes down to.

Is this hack or wack?

For me...
That's a very good hack, man.

That's one.
Wow. All right. We got one.

Definitely a hack.

Two.
You got the final say.

Man,
to be able to be driving

and have
this kind of quality food,

I am giving it a capital "h"
on that one.

Three.
We did it, bvp. All right!

The car-b-cue is a hack.

Pleasantly surprised.

I am
pleasantly surprised, too.

This is better than
some of my girlfriend's cooking that I've had.

[ Laughter ]

I'll take the salmon,
though.

Okay. All right.

I'll see you later.

Okay.
Write a good review.

♪♪

Pereira: The dishwasher --
cleaner of cutlery,

melter of plastic-ware,

and the chore-eradicating
hack from history.

Illinois, 1886.

Josephine Cochrane is frustrated

that her servants
keep chipping her fine China.

You just can't find
good help these days.

She gets some wire, a wheel,
and an old copper boiler

from the shed behind her house
and starts hacking.

She tinkers with various designs
until 1893.

Josephine debuts
her dish-washing contraption

at the Chicago world's fair.

Judges award it the prize for
best mechanical construction.

You like me.
You really like me!

But its large size

makes it impractical for use
by the general public.

England, 1924.

Weapons designer William livens

applies his expertise
to the war on grime.

So long, mustard gas.

Hello, mustard stains!

He hacks together
a rotating sprayer

so effective
at blasting away gunk

that the size
of large dishwashers

can be drastically reduced.

So here's to you, dishwasher.

May you continue cleaning food
off of our plates

and putting water stains
onto our glasses.

What a great hack from history!

Van poppelen:
Up next, no pump, no problem.

Ugh.

Brooke,
I think the bag broke.

Pereira: We test hacks
to save your sleepover.

Ah!
Plus...

This place is crazy.

Pereira: ...Find out if a family
can live on hacks alone...

Is it me or did that dishwasher
just cook lasagna?

Van poppelen:
...When "hack house" returns.

♪♪

Pereira: It's the Robinsons'
first night in the hack house.

Stewie: Walking into hack house
for the first time,

and this place is crazy.

There's stuff everywhere,
but there's no food in sight.

There's nothing in here.

[ Sighs ]

Angela:
There isn't even an oven.

Just binder clips
and duct tape?

Guys, over here.

There's got to be food
in there, right?

[ Bell dings ]

Ugh.
Ugh.

"Looking for food?
I've got your back.

Check out what's hidden
on your dishwasher's rack."

♪♪

Oh, my god.
It's lasagna!

[ Laughs ]

Is it me, or did that dishwasher
just cook lasagna?

It's not you,
dad.

It's hack house.

Pereira:
A welcome meal

may have helped the family
through tonight,

but will they be able
to handle the hacking from here?

I am not
[Bleep] eating that.

Find out
when "hack house" returns.

So, you've invited your bff over
for a sleepover

and you think
you're all set

'cause you got your favorite
snacks, pjs,

really comfy
air mattresses.

Then you realize your
best friend forgot the pump.

[ Air mattress squeaks ]
All right.

Let's not cancel
the pillow fight just yet.

We've got some hacks
that'll save your sleepover

and the air mattress
in this hack vs. Hack.

So,
here's the story.

Kev and I each have a deflated,
saggy air mattress

and no air pump
in sight.

Whoever inflates
their mattress the fastest

will be declared
the winner.

The loser will, of course,
have to sleep in the soggy spot.

Saggy spot.
The saggy spot.

No, no, no.
Soggy spot.

Ugh.

All right.
My hack's pretty easy.

I've got a hair dryer
and a water bottle.

I'm gonna just snip off
the top of this bottle.

So, you're gonna use this
funnel to guide the air into the air mattress.

Use the "cool" setting
on your hair dryer

so that
you don't melt the plastic.

And this thing's gonna blow up
in like one minute.

Oh, that sounded like a laundry
list of loser-y instructions.

Let me tell you
about the real hack

that is going to win
here today.

It involves a garbage bag
and a straw.

I'm going to snip
about an inch of this straw,

and I'm going to take
a corner of the bag

from the end that is not
naturally open for trash,

feed it through the straw,
and then snip off the tip.

♪♪

Mazel tov.

After inserting the straw
into the nozzle,

I can tape it in place
to make the funnel

that the air
will flow through.

So, while you're
down there losing,

I'm gonna be up here
trapping this bag with air,

cinching it up,

and then squeezing it all
right into the mattress,

all the way
to victory. Okay.

May the best hack win.

Okay.
Here we go. My hack.

♪♪

[ Air horn sounds ]

[ Hair dryer whirring ]

♪♪

Oh, here we go.
Here we go.

Get in there!

Get in there,
air!

Oh, oh, oh!

A big gulp!

Oh!
Look at it go!

♪♪

Oh, look at it
going in.

And I can feel it
blowing out, too.

♪♪

Oh!

♪♪

Elbow. Okay.

I can't hear you over
the sound of my sweet victory.

I don't know.

That was about three minutes
over here. How are you doing?

I think it's clear.

In terms
of time and effort...

The hair dryer and water bottle
is the clear winner.

Okay, that's...
A weird criteria to use,

but, yes,
if we're going by that,

the hair-dryer hack
is the winner.

[ Bell dings ]

Here you go,
buddy.

Thank you.

Sweet dreams.
I'm a winner.

I always win
'cause I'm the best.

Shh.

Whatever helps you
sleep at night, kev.

Van poppelen:
Up next, we light things on fire

because you told us to.

Now,
that's shaping up to be

quite the nice little
fire hazard there.

See which of your candle hacks

burns the brightest
when we return.

♪♪

Pereira:
It's day 45 in the hack house.

Angela: Things in the hack house
are going pretty smoothly.

Stewie!

For most of us.

How many times do I have to
tell you? Stop taking my socks!

Haven't you heard
of hacking, Liz?

They're not socks.
They're seat warmers.

[ Scoffs ]
Get over yourself.

Liz: Once, again,
that little punk stewie

has put my socks on the toilet.

If you want to put socks on
the toilet seat, use your own.

Mom!

Stewie keeps taking my stuff,
and I am sick of it.

Honey, please don't fight
with your brother.

[ Scoffs ]

Ugh!

You, too?

You guys are the worst!

♪♪

Cute pots.

Right?
Yeah.

Yeah.

I hate these stupid hacks!

♪♪

[ Snoring ]

[ Animal howling ]
Oh, god.

Kevin, where are you?
I can't see you.

It's so dark
in here. Brooke.

Do we have any candles?
What was that?!

It's me
talking to you.

I'm standing
right next to you. Oh! Oh.

And we're gonna make
some candles right now.

It's a spooky edition
of tumblr's hack mail.

Today, we're testing out
three of your hacks

for making
emergency candles.

That's right.

We're gonna build
three hacks,

then we're gonna shut off
all the lights.

And whichever hack
burns the brightest

will be awarded
our coveted...

Hack seal of approval!
Hack seal of approval!

Let's hack
some candles.

Hack number one comes to us
from Sammi,

a kindergarten teacher
from Florida.

Sammi writes...

I say start with
the least-used col--

like, why is white
even a color in the box?

Oh,
just don't even -- it doesn't

get out of here,
you privileged crayon.

[ Laughs ]

Hey, look.
Here's a bundle. Okay.

By burning the bottoms,
they'll get a little waxy,

and we can press it
into the tinfoil.

Ooh. Okay.

If any lands on me,
just tell me why I deserve it.

Okay.
Thank you.

All right.

Now that our crayon candle
is built,

we're gonna move on
to our second hack.

We'll come back
to it. Okay.

Hack number two.

Carl writes...

[ Blows ]

All we need to get started is
good ol' fashioned can of tuna.

Just poke a hole
in the top.

Touchdown.

So, now we feed some string
on into it? Yes.

We're working the oil
up and down that string

so that we've got a little bit
of a wick to work with.

And then we'll clip
the string off from there.

We're moving on to our third
and final hack.

Ooh, hoo, hoo.

This comes to us
from Sarah,

who's a pastry chef
in Washington.

Wow.

This is such
an all-American hack.

Like,
"oh, can we put butter in it?

Wrap it bacon, deep-fry it,
you got yourself a candle."

I'm gonna cut this stick
in half, right.

I'll be in charge
of the tp. Okay.

Gonna roll it up
like so. I see

now we can use this to shove
our wick down into the butter.

And that's our third
candle hack.

No idea
if that's gonna work or not.

There's only one way
to find out, Brooke.

Should we set the mood?

Let's set the mood.

Time for
the moment of truth.

First up,
our crayon candle.

♪♪

I think
you want to catch

a little bit of the paper
on the side.

Oh, the suspense,
Kevin!

Oh!
The suspense!

I'm doing it!

I'm doing it!
It's melting!

It's kind of burning my thumb
a little bit.

There's some sort of waxy flame
going on on that side.

It's burning blue.

Okay.

But that was a lot of work
to get it there.

Okay.

Now let's light up
this tuna can.

God help us.
There we go.

There we go.
That one was much easier.

So simple
to set up.

It's gonna be
a game changer

once it kind of travels
down into the can.

We'll see what happens.

It's already getting
a little dimmer.

No,
don't go. No, hack.

Come on, hack.
Stay in this, buddy!

You got this!

I was gonna rim the bathtub with
a bunch of tuna cans tonight,

create
a sensual atmosphere.

Oh, yeah.
You deserve that.

[ Sighs ]

All right.
Let's see how butter does.

Don't let me down.

Been my friend
all these years.

Whoa!
Oh, my god.

That was pretty easy.
Go, butter!

Butter is --
burn, baby.

Flame is actually
pretty strong.

It smells like
mom's home-cooking in here.

So, what do you say we review
and give an award?

Well, let's start
with the crayons.

I just feel like
there's a lot of steps involved

for an okay result.

An okay flame.

Technically, our can of tuna
is still burning,

but it's just a tiny,
tiny little Ember.

And last
but certainly not least,

we got
half a stick of butter.

Look at this!
I'm super impressed.

It's adorable.
Yes.

I like
that it's holding its shape.

And I think it's gonna burn
for a while.

It really hasn't melted
all that far down.

Oh, sweet Sarah.

Your delectable butter hack
has, in fact,

earned you
our hack seal of approval!

Pereira:
Don't blow anywhere.

We hit the streets with our
stinkiest spot the hack yet...

Oh!
Automatic recoil there.

...when we return.

♪♪

Pereira: It's day 90,
and after three long months,

it's finally time
for the Robinsons

to pack up and leave hack house.

Stewie: My time in hack house
has been seriously amazing.

I'm really gonna miss
this place.

But I know with my pool noodle
by my side,

I can handle anything
the real world throws at me.

Dave: There's been some ups
and downs here at hack house,

but I know I've made
some friends that I'll keep for a lifetime.

So long, Marcus, Steven,
th-Thomas.

I'll never forget you.

Liz:
No, I don't like hacking.

Give me back
my sock!

Like, just go get the actual
thing that you need, you know?

Angela: This has been
a life-changing experience.

I didn't know
they were gonna lock us in.

But being trapped in
a tiny building for three months

has really brought us together
as a family.

Pereira:
How will these hackers readjust

to life outside the hack house?

Who cares?
They're not our problem anymore.

Mmm.

[ Chuckles ]

I was like,
"hardly even know her."

[ Laughter ]

Oh!

Oh! Whew!
Bad breath.

Hey, it happens to all of us,
and right now,

that's why I'm joined
by Alexis and Michelle,

two very lovely ladies with
some very stanky pizza breath.

So today, we're gonna try
to hack their halitosis

in this spot the hack.

We're going to invite the public
into out whiffing booth

to see if
they can spot the difference

between
store-bought mouthwash

that's been used
to freshen breath

or our hacked version.

Let's make
some mouthwash.

We start
with a cup of warm water.

Now, I need the juice
of two lemons in there, please.

We need 1/2 tablespoon
of cinnamon.

1/2 tablespoon
of baking soda.

And then, finally,
just 1/2 tablespoon of honey.

That's gonna
sweeten it up.

So, our hacked mouthwash
is made,

but before
we get to using it,

we got to put some hate
in our stank holes.

That is jalapeños,
onions, and garlic.

Whew!
How are you guys doing?

We're doing great.

Oh, yeah.
There it is.

It's terrible?
Yeah.

I mean, I'm leaning.
I'm leaning.

And this isn't
for ab work.

Now that these mouths
could do some serious damage,

we're gonna go ahead
and clear them out --

one with
our hacked mouthwash,

the other
with a store-bought variety.

[ Gargling ]
Step right up.

Take a whiff!

We got some mouths
that need a sniff!

How about
you two gentlemen?

Ladies,
hello, hello, hello. Hey.

Don't be shy.
Come on up.

We have to all
get real close tonight,

because you have just arrived
at our whiffing booth.

Michelle and Alexis were just
chowing down on this pizza,

and then
they freshened their breath.

One used
a store-bought mouthwash.

The other
used a hacked home mouthwash,

and we want to see
if you guys can spot the hack.

Great.
So, go ahead, Michelle.

[ Sniffs ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

It smelled like
wild forest.

[ Laughter ]

This feels like
a weird Russian dating show.

Pereira:
I'm sorry.

♪♪

Oh.
Oh.

Okay, that was
an automatic recoil there.

I think Michelle's smelled
a stronger, fresher smell.

I feel like I'm getting
some hints of cinnamon in there.

Pereira: Oh.

Cinnamon-y. Yeah.

Just smells fresh.

A little too sanitary.

A little bit
too store-bought, perhaps.

And what about
Alexis' breath?

That one
smelled more like pizza.

Pereira: Oh, okay.

Smelled like
she had a busy, busy night.

[ Laughter ]

It is like
a Tokyo subway.

[ Laughter ]

A little too much
packed in there.

[ Laughter ]

So, who's mouth
did we hack tonight, ladies?

So, I think Alexis
has the hacked one.

Love to play the odds on
this one, but I agree with her.

I would speculate that probably
Alexis used the homemade one.

Michelle has the hack.

I think Alexis
used the hack.

I think Alexis
used the hacked mouthwash.

All right.
Let's find out.

All right.

Okay.
Here we go.

Oh!
Oh! Oh!

Ooh!

What?!

Oh.
Interesting.

Michelle had
the hacked mouthwash.

What do you know?
Surprise, surprise.

Isn't that crazy?

That was
conclusive as can be.

Only one person
was able to spot the hack.

They fooled us.

They really did.

Since it worked so well,
I'd definitely try it.

So, the next time you want
kissably fresh breath,

forget the pharmacy.

Head to the pantry.

You guys
want some seconds?

No.
No.

You sure
you don't want to -- mm, no.

Just a little --
no.

Um, I do not know
how to drive an automatic.

Oh. That's a problem,
'cause I don't either.

I'll just try it.
I'll turn the thing.

Yeah.
[ Engine starts ]

Oh. All right.
Okay.

I've seen
other people do it.

Phase one complete.
I think you just --

now I press here.
[ Horn honks ]

Nope.
No.

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