Original subtitles

[ Screams ]

Kevin: A parent's nightmare.

Out of control kids wreaking havoc on the household.

Evelyn!

They need help. No!

And there's only one person to call.

Hack nanny.

In tonight's episode, hack nanny faces her toughest mess yet.

Oh, my goodness, what are you doing?

Building a fort.

That's not a fort.

[ Both scream ]

My darling cherub, your fort is weak.

This is how you make a real fortress.

With a box fan and a duvet cover.

There, we've secured the edges of our sheet,

our fan is in place.

Now we turn it on.

[Bleep]

Get in here.

So fun! So fun! So fun!

Like a big delicious marshmallow.

[ Laughing ]

Kevin: Hack nanny -- she'll blow your kids away.

Tonight on "hack my life"...

It's alive!

Swing, batter, batter!

Find out how we hacked a leaf blower

to throw high heat.

Oh!

Kevin: Sayau revoir to your French press.

Hot coffee, people! Come get it!

Because we've got a hack to class up your cheap cup of Joe.

Tastes like mnh-mnh to you.

Yeah. [ Laughs ]

Brooke: Plus... Ooh.

...ways to turn your bedroom into a day spa

for cents on the dollar.

Kevin: And the coolest hacks for chilling hot soup.

This is how Mariah Carey eats soup.

Brooke: Open up and say "ahh."

Are you proud of me now, papa?

This is "hack my life."

Coffee's one of the best ways to start your day,

but feeding the daily habit can get really expensive.

Well, today we're gonna see if customers can taste

the difference between our hacked brew

and a fancy cup of Joe.

This is spot the hack.

So, to test this hack, we're gonna make two pots of Joe.

In one, we're gonna use the finest, most freshly ground

gourmet beans, and in the other, we're gonna use

cheap pre-ground coffee.

To make that gross pre-ground coffee

into something more drinkable,

we're going to hack with eggs, shells and all.

When we're done, we're gonna invite people

to come on up, sample each coffee,

and see if they can spot the hack.

I like this when we make people drink things from random cups.

Any time it's not me.

We're gonna crack the egg into the coffee grounds

and leave the shells.

This feels very wrong, but it's fun.

What's happening here is that

there's proteins in this egg, right,

and it's gonna bind to the acidic portions

of this coffee and it's gonna bring that acidity down.

Next, pour the mixture into one cup of water

and boil for five minutes.

Then we want to add one cup of cold water

to our concoction over here.

The cold water's gonna help push some of the egg shells

and the grounds to the bottom of the pot.

After that, just strain and serve.

So, here we go.

That is an interesting bouquet.

Unforgettable.

Yeah.

Hacked coffee! Step right up!

Hacked coffee!

Hackuccino! De-hack!

Hacked coffee, people! Come get it!

Hi. How you guys doing?

Can we interest you in some free coffee today?

Fancy a cup of Joe?

You guys coffee drinkers?

-A little bit, yeah. -Yeah.

We got two different brews.

We have one hacked cup of coffee and a regular cup of coffee.

Which one do you want to start with?

Yellow.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

It tastes like coffee. Okay.

It tastes like the morning.

Oh.

You're kind of making sour faces drinking that one.

Oh, two sour faces.

Yeah, what's going on?

-It's bitter. -Yeah. Really bitter.

Why don't you ladies step into the blue.

Oh.

Strong opinion right out of the gate.

Not liking the blue.

-No. -Mm.

Tastes like mnh-mnh to you.

Yeah. [ Laughter ]

I'd say this one's less bitter.

The blue kind of tastes like vanilla to me.

Which one do you think is our hacked cup of coffee

and which one do you think

is the high-end, fancy artisanal coffee?

I feel like yellow was hacked.

I think the yellow was hacked.

Okay. What about you?

I'm gonna have to go with yellow.

I think yellow is hacked. Yeah.

That one was hacked.

-The yellow is the hacked. -Yep.

And the blue is fancy expensive.

Money's on blue.

Oh, you're putting money on the blue?

How much will we bet on it? 'Cause you seem very confident.

-I bet $1. -$1. Okay.

That's about what the blue coffee was worth,

because that was our hack.

Oh, my god!

That's the hacked coffee? Oh, wow.

Do you have any idea what we did to the hacked coffee

to make it taste different?

Maybe vanilla extract?

Vanilla's an interesting flavor profile to get from an egg.

Oh.

-That's the hack. -Oh, darn.

I'm sort of surprised that nobody could spot this hack.

I thought there was a clear difference.

Well, if you're feeling adventurous

and you want to spice up your cup of Joe,

I guess reach for an egg and see if you can spot the hack.

Ahh.

[ Crash ]

Ugh. We've all been there.

You go to re-heat your leftover pizza

in the microwave, and it turns into a soggy mess.

Today I've got a hack that will breathe some life

back into your stale slice.

I'm about to give you guys a "pizza" my mind.

-Ahh! -Huh?

Oh, I'm fired?

All you need to give this old pizza a makeover

is any sort of hot press.

I'm gonna use a waffle iron

and make myself some pizza pockets, 'cause I classy.

I'm gonna take this slice, fold it over,

and then trim off the excess.

You can feed this to a neighborhood feral cat.

Now, if you really want to bring this pizza pocket to life,

you should stuff it full of toppings.

Ooh! I have some leftover mozzarella sticks

and no shame, so let's do that.

Ahh!

If you don't want your pizza to be dry,

you can use your leftover marinara sauce

from your mozzarella sticks.

Things are getting saucy.

It's kind of like a calzone, a pocket.

Depressed person food, you know what I'm saying?

So, I've got my delicious little pocket of goodness formed.

Now you put it on our waffle iron.

Mommy will be right out here, buddy.

[ Pizza sizzling ]

I know it hurts, but it's for the best?

Guys, do you hear that?

That's the sound of clogged arteries.

Mmm. [ Canned laughter ]

Yeah, this is pretty much idiot proof.

Let's eat it.

Yep.

This is how you want to get fat, trust me.

This is the way to do it.

Don't ever put your pizza in the microwave again.

This tastes awesome.

It's crispy, it's got marinara on it, the cheese is re-melted.

Guys, it's not delivery.

It's a hack.

Yeah!

Up next, feel the breeze.

Little leaguers take their hacks

against a hacked pitching machine.

That's a home run!

Kevin: And how to save serious dough on your next massage.

There's more to come.

Hacks for a spa day staycation when we return.

They say that it takes 10,000 hours to get good at anything.

Well, that's a whole lot of balls

if you're trying to be a major leaguer.

So, what are you supposed to do if you want to be a big shot

but you can't afford a pitching machine?

You got to hack one with one of these.

This is hack or wack.

To help me with today's hack or wack,

I'm joined by Mike Stein.

He's the coach of the furious squirrels!

Whoo-hoo.

How often do you guys do batting practice?

At least twice a week.

Really? Mm-hmm.

How many pitches are you throwing?

Probably at least 200.

Well, your arm is in luck, because we're gonna

hack this leaf blower into a pitching machine.

First thing I'm gonna do -- a little t-joint here.

Okay. Put it on to our leaf blower.

I want to take one of our pipes, pop it in the front.

That is now the muzzle of this wiffle gun.

And our loader is right there.

The squirrel's got a secret weapon now, huh?

Let's meet those squirrels!

[ Cheers and applause ]

The furious squirrels!

You're kaidin. Yeah.

I'm Skylar. Skylar.

Nathan. Nathan.

Nice to meet you guys. I'm Kevin pereira.

I know, you're starstruck. I get it. It happens a lot.

Where's Brooke?

Let's play ball!

-Yeah! -Yeah!

Here we go.

[ Leaf blower blowing ]

Three!

Two!

One!

Oh!

What?! Glorious!

Oh!

Boom!

Come on now.

Whoo!

Oh!

Oh!

That's a home run!

Let's get down to the important business here.

We have to find out,

was my leaf blower pitching machine hack or wack?

Nathan, we're gonna start with you.

Hack. Hack? Because?

It's the best thing ever.

Absolutely right, Nathan.

Skylar?

Wack.

[ Gasps ] What?!

I mean, most of them, we didn't hit.

And I would probably blame it on your leaf blower.

I would, too. That's a great excuse.

It's gonna get you far in this world.

Blame it on everybody else.

Kaidin, you tell me.

Leaf blower pitching machine, is it hack or wack?

Hack.

I love it.

Leaf blower pitching machine -- it's totally a hack.

Uh, any openings on the team?

Well, we didn't actually see you bat.

[ Scoffs ] I can swing, Mike.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Brooke: This is Bob.

He may not look like much, but back in the day,

Bob had some big dumb dreams which didn't quite work out.

Now Bob's a broke ass,

and he needs every hack in the book to survive.

This is...

$5 a month on toilet paper?

That's excessive.

Our neighbors throw away tons of perfectly good newspaper.

You look stressed.

You know what you need?

A day of unwinding at a fancy spa.

Really?

Oh, Bob, that would be fantastic.

Whoa, what the [bleep] Bob?

A spa day means expensive massages,

costly mani-pedis, and those mud baths

with cucumbers on your eyes ain't cheap, pal.

They charge you for the cucumbers, too?

Yeah, it's gonna cost you at least $200.

That's over twice what you've got in the bank.

When do we go?

We're already there.

Suave, Bob.

Real suave.

Okay, if you're gonna pull off this at-home health spa thing,

your lady will need the appropriate attire.

Throw a bathrobe in the washer with some white vinegar,

then drop a couple tennis balls in the dryer.

One fluff cycle later,

that ragged robe is a super soft spa-grade wrap.

For me?

To borrow.

Aww, such a generous lover.

Now that your ever-patient partner has settled in...

Ooh.

...let's cover up the hold sweaty sock smell

permeating your broke-ass bedroom.

By heating up some water and lavender oil

in an old thrift-store mug,

slobby Bobby hacks an aroma therapy diffuser

for cents on the dollar.

[ Sighs ]

All right. What do you say we get this massage rolling?

Wow, that's literal, but applying a rolling pin

to tense muscles is certainly one way

to knead out pesky knots.

Who needs to shell out big bucks for massage tools,

or pay a strapping six-foot-tall Swedish masseuse

named sven $150 an hour

to put his hands all over your girlfriend?

Not me, that's who.

Of course no spa day is complete without a pedicure,

but something tells me you're not the type

to foot the bill for that, are you, Bob?

That's just what the "big foot" industry wants you to do.

To fight back against big foot, Bob hacks a minty foot bath

by combining mouthwash and vinegar in a sandwich bag.

Then for some extra exfoliation, he rubs a lemon and coarse salt.

Plus I can even use it to scrub the dirty dishes.

But I won't.

[ Whispering ] I will.

Got to give you some credit, Bob.

Your broke-ass beauty hacks actually worked.

This spa day only cost you about 20 bucks.

How was everything?

It was great.

But don't use those lemons to scrub the dirty dishes.

Ugh, seriously, don't.

You'll get athlete's mouth.

Kevin: Prepare to be bowled over.

Okay!

Up next, we test your hacks for cooling off piping-hot soup.

Ay-ay-ay!

Brooke: And never leave your couch again.

Oh, sweet nectar of the gods!

A hack master returns for his juiciest hack yet.

Kevin: Transportable timepiece.

Ticking reminder that life is finite.

Let's turn back the clock on this...

Clock makers invent a timepiece small enough

to fit in the pocket of a man's waistcoat.

Smell thee later, sundial.

There it stays until...

British troops use watches to synchronize attacks,

but find they lose valuable seconds

digging through their pockets.

Hands up!

To save time, soldiers begin lashing watches to their wrists.

Crap. I'm late for work.

[ Cannons fire ]

Flash forward 30 years to another war!

English jewelers start selling trench watches

with leather straps already attached

for officers to wear in combat.

Time's up for you, you hun bastard.

[ Grunts ]

Wristwatches grow in popularity

over decades until disaster strikes!

Motorola releases the first commercial cellphone.

Before long, everyone once again has a clock in their pocket.

So, here's to you, wristwatch.

You may be nothing more than a fashion accessory today,

but perhaps your time will come again.

Until then, you remain a hack from history.

Mmm.

Kev, kev, kev, kev, no.

You're gonna burn the [bleep] out of your mouth.

Don't eat that.

Brooke, the soup is hot and delicious,

and waiting for it to cool down feels like torture,

so I'm gonna have a bite.

Don't do it!

Because we've got some hacks for cooling down hot soup faster

in today's tumblr's hack mail.

Hack number one comes to us from Tony in Philadelphia.

Tony is right about the whole metal being a conductor thing.

But my question is for a big bowl like this,

what is one spoon capable of?

I think we need to find out.

Together: Three, two, one.

Okay, you've gone for the dip, but I'm gonna go for

a bit of a stir, because I want the metal

to try to touch every ounce of soup in this bowl.

Okay, for science.

Okay.

Okay!

Still too hot.

Yeah, way too hot.

So, let's move it on.

Our next hack comes to us from Carol in Reno, Nevada.

That belongs in the "shark tank."

[ Laughs ] That's brilliant.

Here they be.

[ Squeals ] They're tiny umbrellas.

Look at them. Cute!

So, I'm just gonna grab one here.

Soupy. I like it.

Rather than eat the hack, can we use it to cool down the soup?

Can we try?

All right, let's do a little dunky-doo, shall we?

That is melting that sicle down.

Okay.

Yep, mine's going down pretty fast.

Time for the moment of truth.

Bon appétit.

Bon appétit.

Yeah. Still warm.

Not scalding.

That's a perfect temperature.

A very bold, intense-flavored soup

because we didn't water it down.

If you don't have the Patience to wait 30 or 40 seconds

for soup to cool down, you can take 3 to 4 hours

and just freeze a little bit of that soup beforehand

and you're set.

Our third and final hack comes to us from Jordan in tampa.

Prepare to be blown away.

Oh, boy.

Are you at all scared of splatter?

Very. Because instead of just burning my mouth,

I'll burn my entire face.

Okay, uh, I don't want you to do this.

I feel like you're just gonna get --

look at how glamorous this hack would be.

This is how Mariah Carey eats soup.

Ay-ay-ay!

My contact.

Don't put that on my face.

Sorry.

I, too, have a fan.

I'm just going to hold it here and cool off my soup.

If I can get them in there.

Ooh. I can already tell.

It's cooling my lips before I even touch the soup.

Ooh, how refreshing.

It didn't burn my face, but it is loud.

Hard to take a conference call and eat soup,

and I think it could be a shocking hazard.

I actually think my hack is a little too effective.

You got cold soup now?

Cold soup.

All right, let's run this down.

For our first hack, we used a metal spoon.

Once that spoon cools down a single bite of soup,

bit is now the same temperature as the soup,

and therefore, I got to say that one's kind of a pass.

Speaking of another pass.

I don't want to carry around a box fan.

I don't think you should need accessories

to have chicken noodle in this life.

I just don't.

Our third and final hack was the soupsicle.

I mean, out of left field.

They do take a minute of preparation,

but if you go through that work, you are awarded

with a hack that cools down your soup,

does not dilute the taste,

and that's why we have got to give it our...

Together: Hack seal of approval!

If you'd like to submit an idea, you can go to

hackmylifetrutv.tumblr.com and submit your idea today.

Kev, I feel sexy.

Yeah. Now it's working.

Yeah? On fleek?

It actually blew some soup in your hair, too.

Oh.

Great.

Kevin: We got one hack left,

and it's good to the last drop, people.

This is beverage foreplay, Jason.

When we return, how to get an ice-cold beverage

at the push of a button.

We live in an on-demand world.

At the push of a button, you can get music or movies.

And now thanks to master hacker Jason poel Smith,

you can get ice-cold beverages.

Mm. Thanks, Jason.

This is hack masters.

So, thank you for joining us again today.

What are we making?

We're making a soda fountain out of a refrigerator

and some random stuff in your house.

Sounds like [bleep] to me, Jason, but all right.

So, we've got some aquarium air tubing,

we've got an aquarium air pump, some connector caps,

and a switch.

So, first you need to hook up your switch to your air pump

using a pair of twist-on insulated connector caps.

So, just twist these together.

So, then you can just press the button.

The air pump is starting to run.

It's pushing air out the little tube right there.

So, the next step is we modify the orange juice can.

But this can be pretty much any beverage, right?

It can be anything that has a nice sealed top.

Use some gravy.

That might not work so well, but...

So, you take the lid and then you drill two small holes

in the top of your juice can.

You want it to be the same diameter as your tubing

so that when you slide it in, it makes a nice, tight fit,

and you want one of the hoses to be just barely inside,

and then you want the other one to go

to the bottom of the juice can.

And then tightly close the lid.

All right, the tubes are in,

but the drink is already getting room temp, Jason.

How do we get it into the fridge and get beverage out of it?

You put it into the fridge.

You can drill through a side of the refrigerator

and stick the hose through that,

or if you're not quite so brave, you can just have it

going out through the side of the door.

You want to test it out?

Absolutely. Push the button. Let's try it out.

Moment of truth.

[ Pump whirring ] I hear the pump.

I'm getting so excited right now.

This is beverage foreplay, Jason.

Oh, sweet nectar of the gods!

Oh!

All right.

You can get, like, a multiple pump version.

It would allow you to have multiple drinks.

Yeah, you could make a screwdriver

with some orange juice and vodka.

Jason, you are a master hacker.

You have to go down like two or three inches.

Like, squat.

Don't you tell me how to get juice from a hose.

You can leave me with your tubes.

Are you proud of me now, papa?

Are you proud of me now?

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