All language subtitles for Hack My Life s02e11 Hacks for Work and Play.eng

Kevin: On the next gripping
episode of "Dr. Hack"...

Hello, there.

You must be Dr. Hack.

And you must be...

Nausea,
too much birthday cake.

I'm not proud of myself,

but I knew if anyone
could help, it'd be you.

Take my hand.

♪♪

I feel better already.

You really do have
the touch.

That's because I'm applying
that touch here,

between the two tendons
in your wrist.

It's an acupressure point

that relieves nausea
and anxiety.

[ Ding! ]

Are there
any acupressure points

on my thigh?

No.
None.

"Dr. Hack" --
the pressure is on.

Coming up on "hack my life"...

No!
Yes!

[ Chuckles ] Oh!

Kevin: ...We've got hacks
to make packing even more fun.

Ohh!

Brooke: Plus,
we dine deep under cover

to show you
how to score free food

by gaming the system.

Sorry about the douche bag
in your section.

Kevin:
And learn how to hold more booze than you ever thought possible.

-Bottoms up.
-Aah!

Aah!
Aah!

Brooke:
This is "hack my life."

Hey, kev.
Beer me, bro.

Okay, bro.
Come on. I'm gonna knock back some suds.

"Bro" Van poppelen.
[ Laughs ]

I can't.
It's not happening.

Ugh.

Ever wish you had
an extra set of hands?

Today,
we are trying out some hacks

to help you carry
a little bit more.

In today's
tumblr's hack mail.

My drinking buddy
and I, well,

we're testing out
your hacks

for carrying
multiple adult beverages

at the same time.
Right you are.

Now, the hack
that allows us

to carry the most drinks
with the least amount of effort

will be awarded our...

Hack seal of approval.
Hack seal of approval.

Our first hack comes
from Taylor in Boise, Idaho.

Taylor writes,
"when I was in college,

my friend and I would use
coasters to make beer towers.

Cover the top of your first cup
with a coaster,

and then start stacking
more cups on top.

By senior year,

we were carrying
10 cups at once.

Wow. Sounds
like you developed a problem.

All right,
I'm just assuming he meant this.

Yeah.
You put one on top.

-Seems good.
-All right, all right.

All right.

There we go.

I mean, I just think maybe
the pressure behind it --

yeah, not a problem.
Let's do six.

-Get -- get out of --
-no, don't you want some beer?

You're not thirsty?
Want a beer, bro?

No, wait, don't put it on
while it's mobile.

We're not doing
a mid-air refueling.

-We're doing fine.
-I'm not an f-16.

Aah, aah, aah!

Yahtzee!

Okay.
Next hack.

Billy writes,
"grab your first cup

in between your thumb
and index finger,

your second cup between your
middle finger and pinky,

and final cup
in the palm of your hand.

All right,
classic bartender move.

Step one,
turn your palm out like so.

And then you cradle one beer
between these fingers,

another between your --
you kind of make a claw.

-Okay, yeah.
-Like a cradle claw.

And then you should be able

to balance a third drink
on your palm.

Ah!
See? There you go.

Well, hello, world.

-That's pretty solid.
-It's pretty solid.

All right, let's move
on to our third and final hack.

Joanne writes, "whenever I go
to my kid's soccer games,

I like to have
a bunch of drinks on hand.

So I decided to string several
beer koozies onto a belt.

This way, I'm always locked
and loaded with drinks."

All right, joanne.

[ Ta-da! ]

You got it.

As you can see,
she's taken beer koozies,

cut two slits
in the back,

and then slipped a belt
right on through.

-Yeah.
-So let's strap this around.

Okay, I got you.
Suck it in.

Oh, yeah, like a boozy corset.

You are locked and loaded.

I'm locked,
but I ain't yet loaded, milady.

-Oh, you're so right.
-You know what I'm saying?

So, now I'm gonna jam 'em
into my koozies.

I just need you
to put your arm up...

-Stuff that kooz!
-...So we can get this one on.

Yeah, just jam it on.

[ Chuckles ]
Sweet gold in my kooz.

-Whoo, mama!
-That hurt.

Using two hands?

Yeah, do it.
[ Laughs ]

Look me in the eye.

Look me in the eye.
Yeah.

Whose mom does this?!

[ Laughs ]

-Oh, my god.
-Whoo!

-Oh, man.
-I'm loving it.

Well, when did you lose custody
there, joanne?

[ Laughs ]

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

Hands-free.

And look at this mobility.
It kind of works.

It totally works.

Look at this!

Why are we even
talking anymore?!

-Clean sweep.
-I know a seal when I see it!

Let's make it official!

Girl, you get our...

Hack seal of approval!
Hack seal of approval!

If you guys have crazy ideas
like this and want to submit,

you can go to
hackmylifetrutv.Tumblr.Com

and submit today.

♪♪

[ Sparkle! ]

Brooke: This is Bob.

He may not look like much,

but back in the day,
Bob had some big, dumb dreams

which didn't quite work out.

Now Bob's a broke ass,

and he needs every hack
in the book to survive.

This is broke ass Bob's
guide to date night.

[ Cellphone rings ]

Hello?
Hey, you.

You want to get together
tonight?

Maybe go for a walk?

Oh, let's go to that new
French restaurant downtown.

Is she nuts?

Doesn't she know
you're a broke ass?

Last I checked, you only had
$20 in the bank, dude.

You cannot afford
to drop 100 bucks

on some fancy date

with expensive food,
overpriced wine, and flan.

Flan!

They always order the flan!

What if you come over

and I make you
a nice dinner tonight instead?

Great.

Oh, can't wait to see
howthis

all right, let's start
by picking out a shirt for you.

Oh, Bob, did you fall asleep
with a box of wine again?

Look at those stains!

They're barely noticeable!

A woman always notices, Bob.

If you're not
gonna throw it out,

at least try
to clean up that shirt.

[ Cash register dings ]

Or, sure,
just dye the damn thing instead.

Chop up some beets.

A little hot water.

That two-toned shirt,
and 20 minutes later,

who's that handsome
devil in red?

Oh, it's just you, Bob.

Now that we've zazzed up
your gross shirt,

what can we do
about those baggy blue jeans?

[ Snaps fingers ]
Maybe there's some junk

in those cabinets behind you.

Ah, bungee cords.
Of course.

These chips went bad
a year ago, anyway.

What a dreamboat.

And ladies, get this --

[ singsong voice ]
He's single!

[ Creak! Bang! ]

Aah!

[ Doorbell rings ]

Hi.

Por vous, madame.

I like your suspenders.

For the record,
we told her to say that.

Sorry, Bob.

To set the mood,

Bob does what any gentleman
would do.

He cuts the cheese.

All it takes are some cheese
rinds and string,

some heat,
a dash of vanilla,

and a really, really sweet date.

Mmm.
That smells good.

Where'd you get those at?

The dairy section!

Okay, Romeo.

Isn't it about time
you started making

that dinner you promised?

Hey, why don't you gaze
at the moonlight

while I prepare you
a secret brocasa family recipe?

Yes, chef!

Quick, while she isn't looking.

Time to turn that cold pizza

into the first hot meal
you've had in months.

A dollop of ricotta,

touch of tomato,
and a mound of mozzarella.

And you, my cheapo friend,

just hacked yourself a lasagna
without spending a dime.

Mmm.
This looks delish.

I can't believe
you pulled it off, Bob.

I think she might actually
be into you.

The best part is this old pizza
didn't go to waste!

What?
What?

Nothing.

Looks like being a cheap date
actually paid off.

With your frugal hacks,

tonight cost you
less than 10 bucks,

which means you've still
got money in the bank

for next time.

Way to go, bobbo.

How about another date?

Yes.

And next time, it's on me.

Marry this one.
Okay, Bob?

Kevin:
Keep watching, hackers.

-Whoo!
-Up next,

an ice-cold hack
that Sushi chefs

don't want you to know about.

Thanks, buddy!

Brooke: Then, cheap ways
to protect your expensive crap.

Aah!

[ Object shatters ]

I heard a little rattlin'
from up here.

It's all going down
when the "hack" comes back.

♪♪

Ah, moving.

It's one of life's
great pleasures.

You know,
like parking tickets

or getting kicked
in the soft bits.

But what do you do when you're
out of fancy packing materials?

We're gonna
find out right now.

It's a metropcs
hack vs. Hack.

Today's hack vs. Hack,

it's all about unconventional
packing materials.

So to help, we got three
professional movers.

It's Brandon, Steve,
and Ethan.

Gentlemen, welcome.

Ready to see
what you're working with?

[ Drumroll ]

-Whoa.
-[ Laughs ]

-Okay. Okay.
-Okay.

So, instead of bubble wrap,
we have inflated plastic bags,

and instead of packing peanuts,
we've got cheesy puffs.

And instead of
crumpled-up newspaper, we have diapers.

Choose wisely,
because this isn't a typical moving job.

You're gonna pack
seven plates into a box,

which I will then drop
from this scissor lift.

And whoever has
the least-shattered plates

will be declared our winner.

Brandon,
you're my favorite.

-I'm gonna let you pick first.
-Cheesy puffs.

-Ah!
-Why the cheese puffs?

It looks like
they have more cushion,

and they can absorb the shock.

Ethan, you're next.

I think I'll have to go
with the plastic bag.

You don't think
it's gonna pop right away?

No, I think
the seal there will keep.

Steve,
by process of elimination,

you get some baby diapers.

♪♪

All right, let's do it.

What's the strategy
here, Brandon?

I'm do about like
four to five hard chips in between each plate.

To get an equivalent amount
of packing peanuts,

you could spend
4 or 5 bucks.

This...
It's only $1.

Diapers.
Talk to me, Steve.

Steve:
So I got the elastic here,

and it wraps around.
Oh, look at that.

It's almost like...
Nice and secure.

Yeah, I feel
like I'm the front-runner now.

Ethan, how we doing?

Uh, okay.

So, this hack is a substitute
for bubble wrap.

Are these, like,
half inflated?

I think the fact
that they're less filled,

less likely to burst.

But I think they'll be okay.

Kevin: All right, guys.
Seal up your boxes.

I'm taking them on the lift.

Gentlemen, good luck.

I'll see you in 20 feet.

[ Dramatic music plays ]
[ Lift beeping ]

[ Music stops ]
Can I just get...

Oh.

[ Music resumes ]
[ Lift beeping ]

All right, we're gonna start off
with Brandon's cheesy-puff box.

Together:
Three, two, one.

Aah!

[ Object shatters ]
Ohh.

-[ Chuckles ] Ooh!
-Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

I heard a little rattlin'
from up here.

I think
all seven plates are fine.

-Steve.
-Okay.

Godspeed to you
and your pampers.

Together:
Three, two, one.

Aah!

Oh!
That sounded really good.

I did not hear a single
plate rattle there.

One more hack to go.

Ethan, how many
plates are gonna remain?

I'll say four.

And how confident are you
in your answer, Ethan?

I'll say three,
actually.

Yep.
[ Laughs ]

Hah!

[ Object shatters ]

Ooh! Ow.

Ethan: Not necessarily any worse
than the cheese puffs.

It certainly wasn't better.

[ Plates rattle ]

-Ohh.
-That was telling.

Shall we?
Let's do it.

Let's see how many plates
your hacks saved.

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Not too bad.
That's one, buddy.

-Plate number two.
-Oh.

Okay, not too shabby.

Okay, let me just dig
through these cheesy poofs here.

This could be a --
this could --

ah.
Sorry, Brandon.

Okay, I've got some unexploded
plastic bags.

-That's a good sign.
-Yeah.

And look at this.

Right away, no time
finding plate number one.

Oh, big plate number --
ooh.

That's not good.

Well, maybe there's something
under these bags.

Wait, wait a second.

Oh, we might have a survivor
here.

I'm calling that
a second plate.

-[ Laughing ] What?!
-That is two plates.

-Somehow.
-What?!

Those diapers
sounded real good.

Steve: I'm thinking
I may have all of them intact.

♪♪

Searching away,
searching away.

No!
Yes!

-[ Chuckling ] Oh!
-What?! What?!

-What?!
-Oh!

No!

It was misleading
'cause it was silent.

That is not good.

Here we -- oh!
Oh, wait!

-Yes! Yes!
-That's one.

-That's one.
-Yes!

-[ Laughs ]
-Yes! Can I hold it?

And, uh...
No, that was it.

That's a whole box
of fail.

Kevin:
Which means cheese puffs

and plastic bags
were the right call.

But if you were watching
what I just watched,

the smart move here
is to invest in bubble wrap.

How does it feel
out of three people

to be the only loser
of a hack vs. Hack?

It feels horrible.
Ha!

Oh! Yes!

[ Laughter ]

It's Karma.

[ Squeak! ]

[ Doy-oy-oy! ]

[ Sparkle! ]

♪♪

[ Shaker thuds ]

Brooke: Ugh.

Guys, the Sushi struggle
is real.

Luckily, there's a hack
lurking in your freezer

that will take the pain
out of making Sushi forever.

Ooh!
Ooh! Ooh!

All you need is an ice-cube tray

to hack your way
into being a Sushi sensei.

[ Laughs ]

More like Sushi "sensei-tion."
[Sensation]

[ Laughter ]

Hello!

Okay, I'm gonna lay down
my first ingredient.

I'm feeling tuna right now.

So I'm gonna pop that in.

Then I'm gonna add avocado,
ginger, cucumber,

a little dollop of wasabi,

and of course
some Sushi rice.

Dig in here.

I'm gonna just shove this down
into the ice-cube tray.

A little piece of nori on top.

Look at how cute this is.

With the ice-cube tray,

you can do
multiple styles of Sushi.

You know who this hack
is perfect for?

People who are afraid
of commitment.

I'm able to kind of press
the bottom of it

and coax the little sushis out.

Look at these babies.

Wow!
Wow! Wow!

I don't know
what I'm waiting for.

Uh-oh, it's tall.

Mmm!
Whoa.

Next time you find yourself
craving Sushi,

don't bother going out.

Just play it cool
and reach for the ice-cube tray.

Thanks, buddy!

Kevin: Still to come,
bvp and I dine undercover

to try to hack our way
to some free food.

Dine and dash.
Dine and dash.

Just going to the restroom.

Brooke: Plus,
five hacks for your six-pack

when we come back.

♪♪

♪♪♪

Kevin:
On the next death-defying installment of "Dr. Hack"...

I heard
there was a hack-mergency!

Oh!

Snake! Snake!

No, the other doctor's
taken care of this.

It's my husband.

My arm's asleep!

Can you do something,
Dr. Hack?

Can you move your head
side to side for me?

Of course I can.

My head's not asleep.
It's my...Arm. Oh.

A sleeping
arm is often the cause

of a compression
of the nerves in your neck.

Loosening
the neck muscles

relieves that pressure

and brings a sleeping arm
to life.

Oh, gosh.
Thank you, Dr. Hack!

Now...

About that snake bite.

[ Sucking ]
Oh.

Is this part
of the treatment? [ Moans ]

Hacking isn't all duct tape,

paper clips,
and pool noodles.

Oh, no, my friends.

No, sometimes
when a problem is big enough,

you need street smarts
and subterfuge.

This is gaming the system.

I get the feeling
that sometimes people

sitting around me
in restaurants

are getting far better
treatment than I am.

Kevin: Getting free stuff
at restaurants

is a time-honored tradition.

Who hasn't said
it's their birthday

to try to score some cake?

Brooke: That's why Kevin
and I are dining out undercover

to try and get some
of that special treatment.

For my hack tonight,
I will be playing the part

of a high-powered
online food critic.

-How are you?
-I'm doing very well, thank you.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]
Thank you very much.

Kevin: My mission
will be to see

if leaning on my "credentials"
can get me some serious perks.

Good luck with that.

I'm going to act normal.

Hi, how are you?

Brooke: I'll just be nice
to my server

and just use a little bit
of empathetic language and charm

to get some items
knocked off my bill.

May the best hacker win.

Hi, how are you?
Hey.

How are you?
Doing well.

Thank you so much.
You're welcome.

Can I get you anything
to drink besides water?

I'll have
a whiskey and soda.

May as well bring two.

I usually tend to suck 'em down
kind of fast.

Save you a trip to the bar.
I like your style.

All right.

Hey, there.
Hi.

Okay, I think I am ready
for my review.

I would love
to write up something

about that steak of yours.

There's like a quarter
of a million people

waiting for this review.

So I want to --
I want to go all out.

The lobster
Mac and cheese...

Okay.
...Sounds awesome.

But I would love to get that
without lobster,

if that's possible.

Um, I can definitely check,

but I-I doubt it.
That's interesting.

I heard you guys were, like,
super accommodating with --

with requests
like that. Well, we are.

I mean, like I said,
I'll just check with the chef.

-Okay.
-I can't guarantee it.

But we have a regular
Mac and cheese.

I think I wanted,
like, the hint of the lobster,

but no chunks of lobster.

I have, like,
a texture thing.

So it's not an allergy
or anything, it's just...

No, it's just a preference.

I don't know
if that's actually possible.

Okay, sounds like
a five-star meal already.

[ Laughs ]
But I have to wait to eat it.

Hey. Ugh.
Hi, your drinks are coming right out.

Great. Sorry about
the douche bag in your section.

Oh, it's fine.

-I've seen worse, honestly.
-I feel ya. I feel ya.

Okay.
I haven't.

-I'm gonna do a burger.
-Okay.

-Everything?
-Sure.

-Okay.
-All right, thank you.

So, I did talk
to the chef.

We are unfortunately
not able

to do the lobster Mac and cheese
without the lobster.

-Aw!
-I'm so sorry about that.

No, that's all right.
Thank you for checking.

And you're okay
with drinks?

Doing great with this,
yeah, thank you.

Appreciate it.

I think she hates me.

Thank you, thank you.
Whiskey and soda.

I appreciate
you bringing them both.

I figured you might be
in the weeds a little bit, so...

Well, it's a little crazy,
but not too bad, so...

Good, all right.
I'll get out of your hair.

Mmm.

Oh, wow, that was fast.
Thank you.

We have the burger,
loaded, no fries.

Great.

Anything else you need?

No, I'm so good.
Thank you.

-Enjoy.
-Great.

Lil' hack.
Yeah.

[ Clock ticking ]

Wow, you guys have food
back there.

That looks --
that looks good.

I like to eat food.

All right, here we are.

Medium-rare steak.

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

-That looks very --
-anything else you need?

No,
I think that's gonna do it.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

All right,
you're all set there.

Thanks again.

And I'll be back to take care
of that whenever you're ready.

Hold on, I can just
give it to you right now.

Oh, you only charged me
for the one drink.

No problem.
No one will even notice. Thank you so much.

Brooke:
Looks like a little charm

paid off big in the form
of a free drink for me.

How did you do, Kevin?

I'm just gonna leave that there
for you whenever you're ready.

Thank you, Erin.
You're welcome.

Ooh.

Kevin: Pretending to be
a high-powered food blogger

got me exactly nothing, Brooke.

Charm definitely beats
credentials.

I'm also not paying.

Dine and dash!
Dine and dash!

What?
Just going to the restroom.

Just the restroom.
Three stars.

Kevin: Hey!
You on the couch!

Don't throw out
that six-pack yet.

Can hacks aplenty
when we come back.

♪♪

Kevin: The hack mvp --

a heisman for the household.

The Stanley cup of saving money.

Today, we honor an item

that has crushed
its competition --

the aluminum can.

Want to keep your herbs
in mint condition?

Use an opener
to pop the can's lid off,

spray-paint
with your team's colors,

add a cup of potting soil,

and you just hacked a can into
your garden's starting lineup.

Need to take a time-out
from reading your playbook?

Tear a tab off your can
and never lose your page again.

Whoo!

Looking for inexpensive
holiday ornaments?

Snip the sides off a can,

trace and cut
your favorite design,

and boo-Yah!

Watch as that tin man goes up
and over the competition.

Now, that is some serious
hang time.

Want to impress the guys

with some tasty
sports-themed cookies?

Cut through the competition
with an assist from your can.

Slice a strip of aluminum
from the side.

Wrap it around a pre-cut
cardboard design.

Tape up the ends.

And go into a full-court press.

Mm-mmm!

Kevin:
That tastes like victory.

Find yourself playing
an unexpected night game?

Then hack your tall boy
into a lantern.

Draw a pattern
on the can,

make some strategic cuts,

pop in a tea candle,
and you're on fire.

I mean,it's

congratulations, aluminum can.

You've proved your mettle.

Make some room
in your trophy case,

because you're a hack mvp.

Way to crush it, bro.

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