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1
00:00:03,487 --> 00:00:06,199
Oh, man, I love the C.I.A.!
2
00:00:06,234 --> 00:00:08,423
Name another job where you sit around
3
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,493
with your friends and
just laugh all day!
4
00:00:11,495 --> 00:00:13,028
Can it, chuckle buddies!
5
00:00:13,030 --> 00:00:15,698
I need someone who
can cry for a mission,
6
00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:18,166
so we're having a crying contest!
7
00:00:18,168 --> 00:00:20,168
Why do we need to cry on a mission?
8
00:00:20,170 --> 00:00:24,172
One of you will go undercover
to an enemy operative's funeral,
9
00:00:24,174 --> 00:00:28,377
act sad,
and seduce his widow to get intel.
10
00:00:28,379 --> 00:00:29,778
What kind of intel, sir?
11
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:32,314
State secrets, Bolognese recipes.
12
00:00:32,316 --> 00:00:34,316
I'm just hungry for info!
13
00:00:34,318 --> 00:00:35,918
My mom makes a pretty good sauce.
14
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:39,054
Great! Seduce her and get the recipe.
15
00:00:39,056 --> 00:00:40,923
On it!
16
00:00:40,925 --> 00:00:43,525
Cry? A baby could do that.
17
00:00:43,527 --> 00:00:45,394
Then prove it, Smith!
18
00:00:45,396 --> 00:00:48,130
Everyone, think sad thoughts!
19
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,533
Lost pets.
20
00:00:51,535 --> 00:00:53,068
Dead birds.
21
00:00:53,070 --> 00:00:57,539
Being too short to go
on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
22
00:00:57,541 --> 00:00:59,207
Oh, God, I'm close.
23
00:00:59,209 --> 00:01:00,809
Come on!
24
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:03,878
No one leaves until I see
one of you big men cry.
25
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,347
Hooper, shoot me in the leg.
26
00:01:05,349 --> 00:01:06,749
I always cry when I get shot.
27
00:01:06,751 --> 00:01:09,484
Oh, yeah, here come the waterworks!
28
00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,019
Yes, Jackson!
29
00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:14,623
Real tears!
30
00:01:14,625 --> 00:01:16,759
Huzzah and shazam!
31
00:01:16,761 --> 00:01:20,963
With this leather jacket,
I hereby name you...
32
00:01:20,965 --> 00:01:23,966
Agent Cry Baby.
33
00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:26,568
I did it, sir!
34
00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:28,903
This isn't a recipe for Bolognese.
35
00:01:28,905 --> 00:01:30,905
It's a slice of bologna!
36
00:01:30,907 --> 00:01:34,543
This is useless to me!
37
00:01:37,581 --> 00:01:41,016
I hope you pleased your
mother more than me.
38
00:01:44,455 --> 00:01:46,922
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
39
00:01:46,924 --> 00:01:50,392
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
40
00:01:50,394 --> 00:01:53,528
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
41
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:58,467
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
42
00:02:00,137 --> 00:02:03,138
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
43
00:02:03,140 --> 00:02:05,808
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
44
00:02:05,810 --> 00:02:07,109
Aah!
45
00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:11,480
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
46
00:02:14,619 --> 00:02:16,418
Carol, grab a seat.
47
00:02:16,420 --> 00:02:17,620
I'll get you a yogurt.
48
00:02:17,622 --> 00:02:20,422
Morning, everyone!
49
00:02:20,424 --> 00:02:22,090
Steve, are you banging an old lady?
50
00:02:22,092 --> 00:02:24,759
What? No! This is Carol.
51
00:02:24,761 --> 00:02:28,563
She's from the Best Boy Award committee.
52
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,966
The Best Buy Best Boy Award?!
53
00:02:30,968 --> 00:02:34,169
Handed out every year to the
best boy in the best country
54
00:02:34,171 --> 00:02:36,771
as determined by the best company,
Best Buy?!
55
00:02:36,773 --> 00:02:38,173
With almost the best prices?
56
00:02:38,175 --> 00:02:40,308
Yep! I'm one of two finalists.
57
00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:42,645
Carol is my official Best Boy observer.
58
00:02:42,647 --> 00:02:44,779
Her report is the final determination
59
00:02:44,781 --> 00:02:46,781
before the award is
presented next weekend.
60
00:02:46,783 --> 00:02:50,385
My boy the Best Boy as
determined by Best Buy!
61
00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:53,722
Carol, help me set my sky-high
expectations even higher.
62
00:02:53,724 --> 00:02:56,191
- Does he have a chance?
- Per Best Buy rules,
63
00:02:56,193 --> 00:02:58,393
observers are not allowed to comment.
64
00:02:58,395 --> 00:03:01,730
But I will say this...
He's basically a lock!
65
00:03:01,732 --> 00:03:04,066
Actually, I kind of hope I lose.
66
00:03:04,068 --> 00:03:05,267
Why?
67
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,402
The other finalist is
this kid Brett Robert.
68
00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:10,339
He's come in second
the last three years.
69
00:03:10,341 --> 00:03:13,676
Imagine how it would feel to
get that close and not win.
70
00:03:13,678 --> 00:03:15,544
I have a lot of empathy for him.
71
00:03:15,546 --> 00:03:17,546
- Explain.
- Explain empathy?
72
00:03:17,548 --> 00:03:20,349
- Please.
- Have you ever looked at someone and felt like
73
00:03:20,351 --> 00:03:22,685
you understood exactly what
they were going through?
74
00:03:22,687 --> 00:03:24,219
Yes. Olympic athletes.
75
00:03:24,221 --> 00:03:25,620
But only when they win gold.
76
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,222
Say you were watching the Olympics
77
00:03:27,224 --> 00:03:29,692
and someone broke their
leg and couldn't finish.
78
00:03:29,694 --> 00:03:31,026
Maybe you'd feel their disappointment
79
00:03:31,028 --> 00:03:32,427
like it was your own?
80
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:33,628
That's empathy.
81
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:34,897
Gross.
82
00:03:34,899 --> 00:03:36,699
To the concept and the broken leg.
83
00:03:36,701 --> 00:03:38,367
I'm picturing a compound fracture
84
00:03:38,369 --> 00:03:39,702
with the bone sticking out.
85
00:03:39,704 --> 00:03:41,436
Ew, with lots of blood?
86
00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:42,905
Stop being gross, Steve.
87
00:03:42,907 --> 00:03:45,774
It's just Brett Robert is a great boy.
88
00:03:45,776 --> 00:03:49,511
A-A-And he'll be so hurt if...
if he doesn't...
89
00:03:49,513 --> 00:03:51,846
Wait, empathy is crying?
90
00:03:51,848 --> 00:03:53,248
I need to do that for work!
91
00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,183
Steve, teach me how to empathy!
92
00:03:55,185 --> 00:03:56,651
Okay, I guess.
93
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,388
Teaching his father empathy?!
94
00:03:59,390 --> 00:04:02,657
I wish I was allowed
to share my feelings
95
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,993
about this perfect boy!
96
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,663
But I swore an oath
to the CEO of Best Buy
97
00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,266
on a DVD three-pack of "Die Hard,"
98
00:04:11,268 --> 00:04:13,135
"Little Women," and "The Natural."
99
00:04:17,452 --> 00:04:19,208
- You wanted to see me, Roger?
- Yes.
100
00:04:19,210 --> 00:04:22,477
As you know, last year
was a disaster for my business.
101
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,213
Your fruit leather belt company?
102
00:04:24,215 --> 00:04:26,015
No, no, that's thriving.
103
00:04:28,151 --> 00:04:30,419
I'm talking about my
air-conditioning business.
104
00:04:30,421 --> 00:04:32,021
Last summer, I got a little careless.
105
00:04:32,023 --> 00:04:33,422
Damaged some property.
106
00:04:33,424 --> 00:04:36,091
I need your help typing up a
letter to win my clients back.
107
00:04:36,093 --> 00:04:37,226
I can't touch the keyboard.
108
00:04:37,228 --> 00:04:40,329
My hands are too sticky with belt fruit.
109
00:04:41,632 --> 00:04:43,732
Sit down.
110
00:04:44,835 --> 00:04:47,502
Okay, "Dear HVAC customers.
111
00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:50,039
If you're reading this,
I'm already dead."
112
00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:51,707
No, that's too much.
113
00:04:54,311 --> 00:04:56,111
Here's a hypothetical.
114
00:04:56,113 --> 00:04:57,913
What would happen if I quit?
115
00:04:57,915 --> 00:05:00,049
Then Brett would have
to be Best Boy, right?
116
00:05:00,051 --> 00:05:01,116
Wow!
117
00:05:01,118 --> 00:05:03,985
If you quit so another boy could win,
118
00:05:03,987 --> 00:05:06,121
you'd be guaranteed to win!
119
00:05:06,123 --> 00:05:08,189
Oh, my God, this boy.
120
00:05:08,191 --> 00:05:10,259
I've seen all I need!
121
00:05:10,261 --> 00:05:13,729
Good luck teaching Stan empathy!
122
00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:16,331
Okay, I'm ready for my crying lessons.
123
00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:18,667
Do I scrunch my face like this, or...?
124
00:05:18,669 --> 00:05:20,736
You're not here to learn
how to cry, Dad.
125
00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:22,271
You're here to learn empathy.
126
00:05:22,273 --> 00:05:24,806
We already know you can't
empathize with strangers.
127
00:05:24,808 --> 00:05:27,809
I thought we'd see if you could
empathize with someone you know.
128
00:05:27,811 --> 00:05:31,480
And you know one very sad person.
129
00:05:31,482 --> 00:05:32,948
Why would I feel bad for Dick?
130
00:05:32,950 --> 00:05:34,416
Well, we've been talking about
131
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,217
how pathetic he is for five minutes,
132
00:05:36,219 --> 00:05:38,153
and he's pretending he can't hear us.
133
00:05:38,155 --> 00:05:39,889
I'm just happy for the company.
134
00:05:39,891 --> 00:05:42,491
My girlfriend turned
out to be a catfish.
135
00:05:42,493 --> 00:05:44,225
Not an MTV Catfish.
136
00:05:44,227 --> 00:05:46,495
A literal catfish, Stan.
137
00:05:46,497 --> 00:05:48,297
He's dating a fish.
138
00:05:48,299 --> 00:05:52,501
That doesn't break your
heart even a little?
139
00:05:52,503 --> 00:05:56,237
♪ Some comfort here ♪
140
00:05:56,239 --> 00:05:57,706
I'm Sarah McLachlan,
141
00:05:57,708 --> 00:06:01,176
and you can save these
animals from abusers.
142
00:06:01,178 --> 00:06:03,913
All those poor puppies?
143
00:06:03,915 --> 00:06:06,247
- Nothing?!
- Nothing.
144
00:06:06,249 --> 00:06:07,649
This song is a banger, by the way.
145
00:06:07,651 --> 00:06:08,850
I could [BLEEP] to this.
146
00:06:08,852 --> 00:06:10,652
Okay, I want to unlock your empathy,
147
00:06:10,654 --> 00:06:12,387
but I don't think I can.
148
00:06:12,389 --> 00:06:13,855
Maybe we should try a doctor.
149
00:06:13,857 --> 00:06:15,791
But which one? We know so many.
150
00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,927
We do know a lot of different doctors.
151
00:06:17,929 --> 00:06:20,529
But I'm thinking we start with...
152
00:06:20,531 --> 00:06:22,331
It's a very quick fix.
153
00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:26,401
I'll simply need to stimulate
your Super Marginal Gyrus!
154
00:06:26,403 --> 00:06:29,838
Please mark your forehead for the drill.
155
00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:35,311
I'm thinkin' we try a different doctor.
156
00:06:40,083 --> 00:06:43,152
Stay still, you wiggle worm!
157
00:06:43,154 --> 00:06:45,887
Sorry, Dr. Ray is out dead today.
158
00:06:45,889 --> 00:06:47,489
Do you know when he'll be alive?
159
00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:48,824
Hmm, no.
160
00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:50,025
Do we know more doctors?
161
00:06:50,027 --> 00:06:51,560
"Do we know more doctors?"
162
00:06:51,562 --> 00:06:53,294
Listen to this guy!
163
00:06:53,296 --> 00:06:56,631
_
164
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:00,902
_
165
00:07:14,338 --> 00:07:16,051
There was nothing funny about that guy.
166
00:07:16,053 --> 00:07:17,318
Weird one to end on.
167
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,920
Ugh. We need a new doctor.
168
00:07:18,922 --> 00:07:22,323
- Did you say new doctor?
- _
169
00:07:22,325 --> 00:07:25,460
The world is a pretty cool place.
170
00:07:28,799 --> 00:07:29,999
New e-mail!
171
00:07:30,001 --> 00:07:32,001
Drop everything!
172
00:07:32,003 --> 00:07:33,869
It's from that awful
air-conditioning guy
173
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:35,604
I used last year.
174
00:07:35,606 --> 00:07:37,006
"Dear HVAC customer."
175
00:07:37,008 --> 00:07:38,674
Hey, that's me!
176
00:07:38,676 --> 00:07:42,011
"I was inspired to write
this after a difficult run
177
00:07:42,013 --> 00:07:43,679
"for my business last summer.
178
00:07:43,681 --> 00:07:45,146
"Why was it so difficult?
179
00:07:45,148 --> 00:07:48,950
"Maybe it was my attitude,
maybe it was yours.
180
00:07:48,952 --> 00:07:50,219
"Maybe it was the fact
181
00:07:50,221 --> 00:07:52,221
"that I put my foot
through some ceilings.
182
00:07:52,223 --> 00:07:54,623
But I always fixed it."
183
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,427
"And now I know what I need to do
184
00:07:58,429 --> 00:08:00,029
to win back your business."
185
00:08:00,031 --> 00:08:03,032
- Free repair?
- "An overly personal e-mail."
186
00:08:03,034 --> 00:08:04,566
Even better!
187
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:07,502
So, new doctor,
what kind of doctor are you?
188
00:08:07,504 --> 00:08:09,971
No specialty!
I can take your temperature.
189
00:08:09,973 --> 00:08:11,172
I can do CPR.
190
00:08:11,174 --> 00:08:13,375
Oh! And I've got a knee knocker!
191
00:08:13,377 --> 00:08:14,710
Want me to give 'em a knock?
192
00:08:14,712 --> 00:08:16,311
- See if they kick?
- No thanks.
193
00:08:16,313 --> 00:08:19,114
We're actually trying to help
my dad access his empathy.
194
00:08:19,116 --> 00:08:21,583
Mm, yes, I think I can help.
195
00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,785
I'm trained in something called
196
00:08:23,787 --> 00:08:25,721
Rapid Eye Movement Therapy.
197
00:08:25,723 --> 00:08:29,591
I wave my hand around,
your dad watches and voilà!
198
00:08:29,593 --> 00:08:31,793
Okay.
199
00:08:31,795 --> 00:08:33,262
Here it is!
200
00:08:33,264 --> 00:08:34,396
Empathy.
201
00:08:34,398 --> 00:08:37,867
That's a left, a left,
a right, a left...
202
00:08:37,869 --> 00:08:41,336
Down, up, loop-de-loop, and up and down.
203
00:08:41,338 --> 00:08:43,672
One more loop and a hang loose!
204
00:08:43,674 --> 00:08:45,975
Knee knock!
205
00:08:49,747 --> 00:08:51,947
Oh, my God, it's working!
206
00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:53,482
But why are you crying?
207
00:08:53,484 --> 00:08:55,951
It's just the end of "Cars 2."
208
00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:57,419
I finally get it.
209
00:08:57,421 --> 00:09:01,257
The cars, they love each other!
210
00:09:05,129 --> 00:09:07,463
There I am, surrounded by the enemy.
211
00:09:07,465 --> 00:09:09,931
If I don't cry, I'm dead.
212
00:09:09,933 --> 00:09:11,533
What'd you do, Cry Baby?
213
00:09:11,535 --> 00:09:14,536
Just squoze out one of these bad boys.
214
00:09:16,607 --> 00:09:18,073
- Oh!
- Wow!
215
00:09:18,075 --> 00:09:20,342
You're such a good crier, dude.
216
00:09:20,344 --> 00:09:23,679
Jackson! I challenge you to a cry-off!
217
00:09:23,681 --> 00:09:25,013
Oh, goodie!
218
00:09:25,015 --> 00:09:26,348
There's nothing I love more
219
00:09:26,350 --> 00:09:29,284
than men with wet, wet faces!
220
00:09:30,372 --> 00:09:31,820
Cry at him, J-bird!
221
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,422
Show him how real men cry, Jackson!
222
00:09:34,424 --> 00:09:36,758
Am I the only one rooting for Stan?
223
00:09:40,097 --> 00:09:41,697
Enough playing around.
224
00:09:41,699 --> 00:09:43,631
Hey, Dick, how's your love life?
225
00:09:43,633 --> 00:09:47,102
Not great, Stan.
I'm dating another catfish.
226
00:09:47,541 --> 00:09:49,104
I gotta stop going to the river.
227
00:09:49,106 --> 00:09:50,906
Dick, that's so...
228
00:09:50,908 --> 00:09:54,176
sa-sasa-sad!
229
00:09:54,178 --> 00:09:56,512
- Hoorah!
- Yes!
230
00:09:56,514 --> 00:09:58,046
You win, Stan.
231
00:09:58,048 --> 00:10:00,115
She's yours now.
232
00:10:00,117 --> 00:10:01,317
Jackson, are you okay?
233
00:10:01,319 --> 00:10:03,051
Just a little bummed.
234
00:10:03,053 --> 00:10:05,854
I liked being Agent Cry Baby.
235
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,189
I won.
236
00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:08,991
Why do I feel sad?
237
00:10:12,462 --> 00:10:15,063
Steve, I smoked Jackson in the cry-off!
238
00:10:15,065 --> 00:10:16,398
Check it out!
239
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,400
But then something weird happened.
240
00:10:18,402 --> 00:10:19,735
Jackson was upset.
241
00:10:19,737 --> 00:10:22,670
And now I'm upset just
thinking about it!
242
00:10:22,672 --> 00:10:25,273
That's good, Dad. That's empathy.
243
00:10:25,275 --> 00:10:28,076
But I wanna cry and be happy,
not cry and be sad.
244
00:10:28,078 --> 00:10:31,479
Listen, why don't we go get
you a nice piece of fish?
245
00:10:31,481 --> 00:10:33,882
Maybe take your mind off it.
246
00:10:37,555 --> 00:10:40,456
Something's going on with Stan.
247
00:10:45,285 --> 00:10:46,695
Uh, Dad?
248
00:10:46,697 --> 00:10:48,364
Is the salmon okay?
249
00:10:48,366 --> 00:10:50,232
Are you kidding me?!
250
00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:53,101
This is the best salmon
I've had in my life!
251
00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:58,040
Oh, God, I can taste the sea!
252
00:10:58,042 --> 00:11:00,308
Okay, you're a little emotional.
253
00:11:00,310 --> 00:11:01,710
Let's take a walk,
254
00:11:01,712 --> 00:11:04,046
see if we can get you to
stop crying at everything.
255
00:11:04,048 --> 00:11:05,847
Can I take the rest to go?
256
00:11:05,849 --> 00:11:08,917
I don't want the chef to
think I didn't like it.
257
00:11:12,723 --> 00:11:16,324
♪ Son, as you'll grow older ♪
258
00:11:16,326 --> 00:11:20,062
♪ You'll find someone who is dear ♪
259
00:11:20,064 --> 00:11:21,997
♪ Just stick by her ♪
260
00:11:21,999 --> 00:11:28,336
♪ Take care of her and
you will never hear ♪
261
00:11:28,338 --> 00:11:32,140
♪ See the big man cry, mama ♪
262
00:11:32,142 --> 00:11:35,611
♪ That's what I heard him say ♪
263
00:11:35,613 --> 00:11:38,947
- ♪ See the big man cry, mama ♪
- _
264
00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:45,494
♪ He looks like his heart will break ♪
265
00:11:50,094 --> 00:11:51,493
What are we doing here?
266
00:11:51,495 --> 00:11:53,095
I think I made a mistake.
267
00:11:53,097 --> 00:11:54,830
That must feel awful!
268
00:11:55,327 --> 00:11:56,765
Thank God.
269
00:11:56,767 --> 00:11:59,367
Please tell me you have a
way to take away empathy.
270
00:11:59,369 --> 00:12:01,970
My dad can't handle being like this.
271
00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:03,639
Of course I do.
272
00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:05,774
I call it a reverso.
273
00:12:05,776 --> 00:12:07,375
They're like half my business.
274
00:12:07,377 --> 00:12:09,845
I really shouldn't be
messing with the human mind.
275
00:12:09,847 --> 00:12:11,980
I don't understand it.
276
00:12:14,384 --> 00:12:16,318
"HVAC. What does it mean?
277
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,320
"Heating versus air conditioning,
278
00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:20,322
"the battle we are all fighting.
279
00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:24,126
"But the battle I'm fighting
is with my ex-wife, Regina.
280
00:12:24,128 --> 00:12:26,128
"If that is her real name.
281
00:12:26,130 --> 00:12:27,529
"Which I think it probably is.
282
00:12:27,531 --> 00:12:29,798
"She was nothing if not honest.
283
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,868
"She left me when I was 29,
and she took our kids...
284
00:12:32,870 --> 00:12:36,538
"Socks, Sir Kittens,
Beezus, and Garbanzo.
285
00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:39,408
That's right.
Our kids have cats' names."
286
00:12:40,811 --> 00:12:42,811
Now that I'm back to normal,
287
00:12:42,813 --> 00:12:44,480
this salmon is not that great, huh?
288
00:12:44,482 --> 00:12:46,148
Glad you're feeling better.
289
00:12:46,150 --> 00:12:47,549
And just in time
290
00:12:47,551 --> 00:12:50,018
for the Best Boy Award this weekend!
291
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,353
That's this weekend?!
292
00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:52,621
I totally forgot about that!
293
00:12:52,623 --> 00:12:54,890
I think we all kind of lost track of it.
294
00:12:54,892 --> 00:12:56,758
But now we remember.
295
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,294
And so do you.
296
00:12:58,296 --> 00:13:00,362
Steve, I gotta ask.
297
00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:01,563
The empathy.
298
00:13:01,565 --> 00:13:03,499
Is that how you feel all the time?
299
00:13:03,501 --> 00:13:05,433
Uh... kind of.
300
00:13:05,435 --> 00:13:07,903
And the way I felt bad for Jackson,
301
00:13:07,905 --> 00:13:10,772
that's the way you'll feel
for Brett Robert if you win?
302
00:13:10,774 --> 00:13:13,575
- Pretty much.
- I don't want you to go through that.
303
00:13:13,577 --> 00:13:16,745
You know what?
I'm gonna do you a huge favor.
304
00:13:18,582 --> 00:13:20,849
It's okay. I'm his father.
305
00:13:22,987 --> 00:13:24,553
Do him, too.
306
00:13:25,649 --> 00:13:28,073
_
307
00:13:28,759 --> 00:13:31,159
Steve, now that you're empathy-free,
308
00:13:31,161 --> 00:13:32,761
are you gonna be able to wholeheartedly
309
00:13:32,763 --> 00:13:35,563
enjoy dominating that nerd Brett Robert?
310
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,032
Hell, yeah, thanks to you!
311
00:13:37,034 --> 00:13:39,768
I can't wait to see that
dork's face when I win.
312
00:13:39,770 --> 00:13:41,837
I love that you don't feel bad for him.
313
00:13:41,839 --> 00:13:43,772
You're bad to the bone now!
314
00:13:43,774 --> 00:13:46,975
Hey, Steve, I have some bad news.
315
00:13:46,977 --> 00:13:50,246
Brett Robert's observation
went very poorly.
316
00:13:50,248 --> 00:13:51,980
He gave $5 to a homeless man,
317
00:13:51,982 --> 00:13:54,716
but when I asked for $5
to buy some Whip-Its,
318
00:13:54,718 --> 00:13:57,385
he said he was "all out." Hmm.
319
00:13:57,387 --> 00:13:59,922
Sorry, you're definitely gonna win.
320
00:13:59,924 --> 00:14:01,257
That's great news.
321
00:14:01,259 --> 00:14:03,259
Steve? I'm Brett Robert.
322
00:14:03,261 --> 00:14:04,460
Nice to meet you.
323
00:14:04,462 --> 00:14:06,394
I hear I have my work cut out for me.
324
00:14:06,396 --> 00:14:07,596
I'll say.
325
00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:10,466
Just wanted to wish you good luck.
326
00:14:10,468 --> 00:14:12,000
I'd wish you good luck,
327
00:14:12,002 --> 00:14:14,136
but it won't make a difference, Brent.
328
00:14:14,138 --> 00:14:16,805
Ha! Yes! That's not his name.
329
00:14:16,807 --> 00:14:19,275
Hey, Brent,
here's a little preview of tonight.
330
00:14:19,277 --> 00:14:21,009
It's what you're gonna see
331
00:14:21,011 --> 00:14:23,879
as I walk up to the podium
to accept the award.
332
00:14:25,082 --> 00:14:26,682
Watch where I'm going!
333
00:14:27,583 --> 00:14:29,285
Trash talk?!
334
00:14:29,287 --> 00:14:32,087
What happened to my beautiful boy?
335
00:14:32,089 --> 00:14:34,490
Wait, he must be faking!
336
00:14:34,492 --> 00:14:35,958
Oh, he's not faking.
337
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,494
Yep, I got under his hood
and made a few tweaks.
338
00:14:38,496 --> 00:14:41,429
Now that engine is humming
along empathy-free.
339
00:14:41,431 --> 00:14:42,898
Why would you do that?!
340
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,901
The real question is,
"Why would I tell you?"
341
00:14:45,903 --> 00:14:48,704
And the answer is I
have mercury poisoning
342
00:14:48,706 --> 00:14:50,772
because I pretended
to smoke a thermometer
343
00:14:50,774 --> 00:14:53,742
like a cigarette, but the end was open.
344
00:14:55,846 --> 00:14:59,381
"Look, I can't fix your life
any more than I can fix mine.
345
00:14:59,383 --> 00:15:01,183
"But I can fix your A/C.
346
00:15:01,185 --> 00:15:03,785
"And I can fix your ceiling
if I put my foot through it,
347
00:15:03,787 --> 00:15:05,321
"which I won't this time.
348
00:15:05,323 --> 00:15:06,522
"Can you respect that?
349
00:15:06,524 --> 00:15:07,923
I love you."
350
00:15:07,925 --> 00:15:09,191
Wow.
351
00:15:09,193 --> 00:15:13,661
57,000 words and every
single one misspelled.
352
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:16,498
That's how you get your customers back.
353
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,404
I'm glad we got here so early.
354
00:15:22,406 --> 00:15:25,273
There's nothing that beats
shrimp in a carpeted hotel lobby
355
00:15:25,275 --> 00:15:26,608
without a kitchen in sight.
356
00:15:26,610 --> 00:15:30,278
Everyone checking in,
smelling my shrimp.
357
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,947
Oh, lookie here! Brent!
358
00:15:31,949 --> 00:15:33,148
Sit down!
359
00:15:33,150 --> 00:15:35,751
Uh, okay.
360
00:15:35,753 --> 00:15:37,419
You look nervous, B.
361
00:15:37,421 --> 00:15:39,287
You nervous about tonight?
362
00:15:39,289 --> 00:15:41,156
You're not gonna win.
363
00:15:41,158 --> 00:15:43,225
I'm the one who should be nervous.
364
00:15:43,227 --> 00:15:45,227
I'm about to be Best Boy.
365
00:15:45,229 --> 00:15:46,828
Alright, I'm bored.
366
00:15:46,830 --> 00:15:48,725
I'm gonna hit the steam
room then watch some videos
367
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,358
of fat people falling down.
368
00:15:51,035 --> 00:15:53,301
Hey, Brett, would you mind
covering your ears for a second?
369
00:15:53,303 --> 00:15:54,770
No problem!
370
00:15:54,772 --> 00:15:56,504
Carol, I couldn't help but notice
371
00:15:56,506 --> 00:15:59,708
that you haven't said what a
great boy Steve is in a while.
372
00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:01,643
That's because he's awful!
373
00:16:01,645 --> 00:16:03,045
I have to tell the committee
374
00:16:03,047 --> 00:16:05,047
that there's no way he can be Best Boy.
375
00:16:05,049 --> 00:16:06,049
No, wait!
376
00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:07,783
There's got to be something I can do!
377
00:16:07,785 --> 00:16:11,053
You're welcome to sleep with me,
but it won't change anything.
378
00:16:11,055 --> 00:16:12,388
Then why would I...?
379
00:16:12,390 --> 00:16:14,190
Whatever.
380
00:16:14,192 --> 00:16:16,192
You can listen now.
381
00:16:16,194 --> 00:16:17,793
Brett, do you ever feel like
382
00:16:17,795 --> 00:16:20,128
you really messed up with Steve?
383
00:16:20,130 --> 00:16:21,329
Um, no?
384
00:16:21,331 --> 00:16:23,065
I was trying to make him better,
385
00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:25,734
but somehow,
I feel like I made him worse.
386
00:16:25,736 --> 00:16:29,004
Well, if Steve's as good as they say,
387
00:16:29,006 --> 00:16:32,274
maybe you can remind
him who he really is.
388
00:16:32,276 --> 00:16:35,744
Sure, but who is he?
389
00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:39,081
He's the type of guy who
feels bad for losers like you.
390
00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:40,882
I know exactly how to remind him!
391
00:16:40,884 --> 00:16:43,551
You're not gonna like it.
But I know exactly how!
392
00:16:44,955 --> 00:16:46,354
Hey.
393
00:16:46,356 --> 00:16:49,225
I have a mission for
the real Agent Cry Baby.
394
00:16:49,227 --> 00:16:53,495
I've been waiting for
this my whole three days!
395
00:16:57,167 --> 00:17:00,568
Thanks for reading my e-mail
and giving me a second chance.
396
00:17:00,570 --> 00:17:02,170
Whaddya say we rip off the band-aid
397
00:17:02,172 --> 00:17:03,972
and start in the attic?
398
00:17:03,974 --> 00:17:06,775
- Just please be careful.
- Don't worry.
399
00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:08,532
I'll keep it to the studs.
400
00:17:09,647 --> 00:17:12,314
Now, which ones are the studs?
401
00:17:13,583 --> 00:17:16,118
That doesn't count.
That hole looked like a stud!
402
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:17,986
Careful, Jeff, looks like the studs
403
00:17:17,988 --> 00:17:20,522
are reversed in this section.
404
00:17:20,524 --> 00:17:23,125
There's no A/C unit in here.
405
00:17:23,127 --> 00:17:25,994
Jeff, we gotta get outta
here before Tuttle notices.
406
00:17:25,996 --> 00:17:27,062
Run!
407
00:17:27,064 --> 00:17:30,466
Aah! These studs are thin as hell!
408
00:17:30,468 --> 00:17:31,933
Jeff, fire up your e-mail!
409
00:17:31,935 --> 00:17:34,202
We got a customer to win back!
410
00:17:34,204 --> 00:17:37,273
And now to present this
year's Best Boy Award,
411
00:17:37,275 --> 00:17:42,210
five-time Best Boy and Best
Buy fanatic... Robert Wuhl!
412
00:17:44,081 --> 00:17:45,347
Good evening.
413
00:17:45,349 --> 00:17:48,817
What does it mean to be Best Boy?
414
00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:51,153
Well, to me it means...
415
00:17:51,155 --> 00:17:54,956
Steve, I just want to say, I'm sorry.
416
00:17:54,958 --> 00:17:57,693
And don't worry,
I have a plan to fix everything.
417
00:17:57,695 --> 00:18:02,498
And that's what being
Best Boy is all about.
418
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,833
And so, without any further ado,
419
00:18:04,835 --> 00:18:07,435
this year's Best Boy is...
420
00:18:07,437 --> 00:18:09,104
Brett Robert!
421
00:18:09,106 --> 00:18:10,772
What the hell?!
422
00:18:13,043 --> 00:18:16,845
First, I'd like to say, Steve Smith,
423
00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:19,381
- you deserve this just...
- Wait!
424
00:18:19,383 --> 00:18:21,183
That's no Best Boy!
425
00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:24,720
Last night,
Brett Robert came to my house
426
00:18:24,722 --> 00:18:28,144
and pushed my grandpa off the roof!
427
00:18:29,059 --> 00:18:32,861
Worst part is,
gramps wasn't on the roof to begin with.
428
00:18:32,863 --> 00:18:35,130
He lured him up there with licorice!
429
00:18:35,132 --> 00:18:37,733
How do we know you're
telling the truth?!
430
00:18:37,735 --> 00:18:41,403
I have all the proof I need right here!
431
00:18:45,142 --> 00:18:47,343
A tear!
432
00:18:47,345 --> 00:18:49,011
He speaks true!
433
00:18:49,013 --> 00:18:52,147
Brett Robert cannot be Best Boy!
434
00:18:52,149 --> 00:18:53,281
But it's not true.
435
00:18:53,283 --> 00:18:55,351
I... Oh, God!
436
00:18:55,353 --> 00:18:57,419
I've lost everything!
437
00:19:01,025 --> 00:19:03,559
Gotta feel a little bad
for Brett here, huh?
438
00:19:03,561 --> 00:19:05,293
Who cares about him?!
439
00:19:05,295 --> 00:19:06,762
He loses, I win!
440
00:19:06,764 --> 00:19:08,564
- You're a genius!
- No!
441
00:19:08,566 --> 00:19:10,165
That's not why I ruined his life!
442
00:19:10,167 --> 00:19:13,569
I did it so you'd feel bad for
him and remember who you are!
443
00:19:13,571 --> 00:19:15,237
But you're trapped in there.
444
00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:16,905
And the only way to bring you back
445
00:19:16,907 --> 00:19:18,840
is the Indiana Jones technique.
446
00:19:18,842 --> 00:19:20,576
The Indiana Jones tech...?
447
00:19:22,512 --> 00:19:23,979
Wake up, Indy!
448
00:19:23,981 --> 00:19:25,781
Stop! I'm faking!
449
00:19:25,783 --> 00:19:27,849
- Faking?
- Yes!
450
00:19:27,851 --> 00:19:30,118
I wanted Brett to win the whole time,
451
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:31,787
and when you brought
me to the new doctor,
452
00:19:31,789 --> 00:19:33,922
I realized I could pretend to be bad
453
00:19:33,924 --> 00:19:35,391
and Carol would believe it.
454
00:19:35,393 --> 00:19:37,325
So you were fake gloating?
455
00:19:37,327 --> 00:19:39,928
I was hoping Carol would
see me being a jerk
456
00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:41,263
and give it to Brett.
457
00:19:41,265 --> 00:19:43,932
- Carol, is this true?
- I don't know.
458
00:19:43,934 --> 00:19:46,134
But after hearing this, I do know
459
00:19:46,136 --> 00:19:48,270
who the true Best Boy is...
460
00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:50,338
Stan Smith!
461
00:19:50,340 --> 00:19:51,607
What?! No!
462
00:19:51,609 --> 00:19:54,743
I-I mean, I'm honored,
but give it to Brett.
463
00:19:54,745 --> 00:19:56,078
No, Stan.
464
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,280
When you burned your
son with that torch,
465
00:19:58,282 --> 00:20:00,882
that's when I knew you were special.
466
00:20:00,884 --> 00:20:02,284
Besides, I don't know how you knew,
467
00:20:02,286 --> 00:20:05,821
but I do like pushing
old people off roofs.
468
00:20:05,823 --> 00:20:08,424
It's fun. And I'm not gonna stop.
469
00:20:08,426 --> 00:20:09,958
Don't you see, Dad?
470
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,560
You tried to take away
my empathy to protect me
471
00:20:12,562 --> 00:20:14,430
and then you tried to give it back.
472
00:20:14,432 --> 00:20:16,031
Also to protect me.
473
00:20:16,033 --> 00:20:18,967
And that is what truly makes a Best Boy.
474
00:20:18,969 --> 00:20:20,836
Then I am the Best Boy!
475
00:20:20,838 --> 00:20:22,838
And here's your prize.
476
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,841
A DVD three-pack of "Wildcats,"
477
00:20:25,843 --> 00:20:29,577
John Grisham's "The Client,"
and "A Beautiful Mind."
478
00:20:29,579 --> 00:20:31,713
I-I'm sorry,
what connects those three movies?
479
00:20:31,715 --> 00:20:33,715
The packaging!
480
00:20:33,717 --> 00:20:35,583
But there's one thing
I don't understand.
481
00:20:35,585 --> 00:20:38,586
Why didn't the doctor's hand-
movement therapy work on you?
482
00:20:38,588 --> 00:20:40,989
I think maybe it was because
I was still unconscious
483
00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:42,190
from you clobbering me with that plate.
484
00:20:42,192 --> 00:20:44,326
Ohh, that's why she said
it wouldn't work.
485
00:20:44,328 --> 00:20:47,195
I... I thought she just
had the new-doctor jitters.
486
00:20:48,666 --> 00:20:52,468
What is going on with Stan?
487
00:20:52,470 --> 00:20:54,336
Have a great night!
488
00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:58,031
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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