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1
00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:07,091
(RUNAWAY BABY PLAYING)
2
00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:18,561
Okay. Let's see where we are.
3
00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:22,815
We could move this,
get rid of that, kill that.
4
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:27,486
That kind of freaks me out.
Don't need her. We can get rid of that.
5
00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:29,989
That's done. Okay,
we could start with this.
6
00:00:30,156 --> 00:00:33,201
I know it's a hard-hitting piece,
but come on, you guys, it's the Internet.
7
00:00:33,284 --> 00:00:35,578
We need traffic, traffic, traffic.
What do you got?
8
00:00:35,745 --> 00:00:38,289
- How about this?
- Perfect.
9
00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:40,791
Now, doesn't she look smart and
knowledgeable about immigration reform?
10
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,793
ALL: Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah. She does, right?
11
00:00:42,919 --> 00:00:45,213
I'm fucking with you people.
This isn't a porn site.
12
00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:47,506
What are we, nerds
trying to look at boobies?
13
00:00:47,590 --> 00:00:49,508
Come on, keep looking.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
14
00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:51,344
Shit! Hello?
15
00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:53,930
Hey! Baby, where are you?
Are you still at work?
16
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:55,348
No! Not even close.
17
00:00:55,431 --> 00:00:56,891
Just so you know, the movie
starts in 10 minutes.
18
00:00:57,016 --> 00:00:58,809
- I know! Give me your pants.
- What?
19
00:00:58,935 --> 00:01:00,519
- I'll buy you lunch tomorrow. Come on.
- No.
20
00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,480
I'm your boss.
Give me your pants.
21
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,024
Please try not to be late.
I really hate missing the beginning.
22
00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:06,275
I know. I know.
23
00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:09,779
Give me your pants.
I'm coming, baby.
24
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:11,781
I'm almost there!
25
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:14,283
- How far away?
- I think I see you!
26
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:17,730
- Where are you?
- I'm here.
27
00:01:17,761 --> 00:01:19,914
So am I. So many people.
What are you wearing?
28
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:22,458
I'm wearing the only
clothes outside the theater,
29
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:25,294
because I'm the only
person outside the theater!
30
00:01:25,461 --> 00:01:27,505
I love that outfit.
You look so sexy in that.
31
00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:29,131
You know that I love this movie.
32
00:01:29,215 --> 00:01:32,969
If a prostitute and a ruthless
businessman can fall in love,
33
00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:34,887
then anyone can.
34
00:01:34,971 --> 00:01:37,139
I know this means a lot to you,
which means it means a lot to me.
35
00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:38,641
Well, apparently it doesn't.
36
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,059
I'm looking at you right now.
I can see you!
37
00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:41,477
MAN: Jamie!
38
00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:43,229
Hey!
39
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:45,523
- Hey.
- You made it.
40
00:01:45,648 --> 00:01:47,400
- Yeah. Hey.
- Hi.
41
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,986
- Sorry I'm late.
- It's okay. I got us sandwiches.
42
00:01:50,069 --> 00:01:52,405
I got you turkey, no cheese,
gluten-free bread.
43
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:54,490
You sure this was prepared
in a nut-free facility?
44
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,826
Yes, I'm fully aware
of your allergies.
45
00:01:56,993 --> 00:01:59,244
Hey, I'm here! I'm here.
I'm really sorry.
46
00:01:59,245 --> 00:02:00,830
Hey, I'm here! I'm here.
I'm really sorry.
47
00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:02,665
We missed
Your Body Is a Wonderland.
48
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,709
Okay. Only one song.
That's not so bad, right?
49
00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,210
It was fucking
Your Body Is a Wonderland!
50
00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:10,172
Well, the good news is,
he has so many good ones.
51
00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:13,968
Here's an idea: next time,
instead of being late, just shit on my face.
52
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,721
'Cause that's kind of the same thing as missing
Your Body Is a Wonderland.
53
00:02:16,846 --> 00:02:17,972
Okay, come on.
We really gotta go in.
54
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,266
Julia Roberts is about to
put on her really tall boots.
55
00:02:22,101 --> 00:02:23,394
We need to talk.
56
00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:26,897
(L.O.V. PLAYING)
57
00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:28,691
I think we should take a break.
58
00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:31,068
I just feel like we should
chill for a while, you know?
59
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:32,987
- You're doing this?
- You're breaking up with me?
60
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,405
You said I was your soul mate.
61
00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:35,740
I did? When?
62
00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:38,284
When we were at that
bed and breakfast having sex.
63
00:02:38,409 --> 00:02:39,910
- But, you know, that doesn't...
- That doesn't what?
64
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:41,203
Count.
65
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,205
I was tied up at work. I'm sorry.
66
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:45,624
Maybe you should care
a little bit less about work
67
00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:47,918
and a little more about
the girl that you're dating.
68
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:51,422
'Cause last time I checked,
work doesn't reassure you
69
00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:54,008
that liking a finger up your ass
doesn't make you gay.
70
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,927
I never said "go up." Okay?
71
00:02:57,053 --> 00:03:00,431
I just said lightly around...
It's like a little button.
72
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:02,433
You know what?
Not your issue anymore.
73
00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:03,684
Is this why you were late?
74
00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:05,269
You were worried about
how to break up with me?
75
00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,730
Oh, no, no. I was trying
to decide what to wear.
76
00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:10,066
- So, you went with sneakers and a hoodie.
- Yeah.
77
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:11,901
What, are you gonna
take the SATs after this?
78
00:03:12,068 --> 00:03:13,778
Don't lash out, okay?
79
00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:15,613
- You're better than that.
- I'm really not.
80
00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,406
I just think we're heading
in different directions.
81
00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:19,909
Yeah, you to the John Mayer concert and me not.
82
00:03:20,076 --> 00:03:22,411
Thank you for doing this
before the concert, by the way.
83
00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:24,497
Best breakup (MOUTHING) ever.
84
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:26,749
He is the Sheryl Crow of our generation!
85
00:03:26,916 --> 00:03:28,167
Let me just ask you a quick question.
86
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:32,254
And just know that I am not at
all crushed by this breakup.
87
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:34,256
So, be honest. Why?
88
00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,633
- Wait, is this a trick?
- No.
89
00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:37,593
Just pure anthropological research.
90
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,678
Okay. You want someone to
sweep you off your feet,
91
00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:42,556
but you're more interested in
getting swept off your feet
92
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:43,849
than the someone who's
doing the sweeping.
93
00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:46,143
You seem like you've
got it totally together,
94
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:48,104
but you're actually
really emotionally damaged.
95
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:51,649
Also, you have, like, really big eyes,
and that freaks me out sometimes...
96
00:03:51,774 --> 00:03:53,859
Thank you. That's enough.
97
00:03:53,943 --> 00:03:55,403
It is not you at all.
98
00:03:55,486 --> 00:03:58,614
Of course it's me! You can't say that.
You're breaking up with me!
99
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:01,492
It's not. It's me.
I don't like you anymore.
100
00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,994
This is my fault.
You deserve better than me.
101
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,329
You're a great guy.
102
00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:08,749
A little too emotionally unavailable,
if you ask me.
103
00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:09,875
I didn't.
104
00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,210
I really want to stay friends.
105
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,795
- Let's stay friends.
- Sure.
106
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:14,046
Totally.
107
00:04:16,132 --> 00:04:17,174
(MOUTHING) John Mayer.
108
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,510
John fucking Mayer!
109
00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:21,470
Come here, you.
110
00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:24,140
You're gonna get through this.
111
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:31,313
Why do relationships always start off so
fun and then turn into suck-a-bag-o-dicks?
112
00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:35,651
I really have to stop buying into this
bullshit Hollywood cliché of true love.
113
00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:39,530
Shut up, Katherine Heigl!
You stupid liar!
114
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:42,825
I'm just gonna work and fuck.
Like George Clooney.
115
00:04:42,992 --> 00:04:45,661
I'm just gonna shut
myself down emotionally.
116
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:48,998
Like George Clooney.
117
00:04:58,507 --> 00:04:59,550
Hello.
118
00:05:00,009 --> 00:05:01,177
Seat up, please, sir.
119
00:05:02,011 --> 00:05:03,012
Is that the Hudson River?
120
00:05:03,721 --> 00:05:05,890
No. It's the East River.
121
00:05:06,182 --> 00:05:10,019
So we won't be landing on it,
then, like that flight,
122
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:13,272
you know, with that captain
they keep giving medals to?
123
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:15,941
That pilot was a hero.
124
00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:19,528
Asshole.
125
00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,865
Plane actually did
a lot of the work.
126
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:26,869
JAMIE: I think I found the perfect
guy to fill that job at GQ.
127
00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:29,205
No, he's landing early.
I'm scrambling.
128
00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:32,458
No, he's not sold on the job yet,
but I'll get him there. I always do.
129
00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:34,793
I'm even picking him up in a hybrid.
130
00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:37,588
He's from LA.
I figured he's into all that bullshit.
131
00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:39,965
Hey, sir, what's that
tall building over there?
132
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:41,884
Empire State Building.
133
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,427
No, no, no, no.
No. The other one.
134
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:47,348
The really, really tall one with the
antenna on top of it, the windows.
135
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:48,933
That is Empire State Building.
136
00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,602
Oh, yeah. You're right.
King Kong.
137
00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:52,770
Hey...
138
00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:54,897
(PARADISE DREAMING PLAYING)
139
00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,069
Oh, hey! Are you done with this?
All met up?
140
00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:02,738
Great. Welcome to New York,
Ms. Penderghast.
141
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,281
Yeah.
142
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:18,128
Oh, no. Excuse me. Sorry.
143
00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:19,421
Okay.
144
00:06:23,676 --> 00:06:25,803
- Can you hand me my bag?
- Sure. Which one?
145
00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:27,012
- The one with the straps.
- Okay.
146
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:28,180
MAN: There.
147
00:06:28,681 --> 00:06:29,932
Okay.
148
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:33,102
- Welcome to New York, sir.
- Thank you.
149
00:06:36,522 --> 00:06:38,107
- Excuse me.
- Yeah.
150
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,277
- That's me.
- Which one, the blue or the yellow?
151
00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:44,446
No. The makeshift sign
made out of lipstick, that's me.
152
00:06:45,281 --> 00:06:46,991
- You're Dylan Harper.
- I am.
153
00:06:47,283 --> 00:06:48,367
I'm Jamie Rellis.
154
00:06:48,534 --> 00:06:51,203
- You're picking me up from the airport.
- Hi. Yes, I am.
155
00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:53,581
You always pick people up like this?
156
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:55,541
Yeah, you know,
I like to keep things interesting.
157
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,167
- Welcome to New York.
- Thank you.
158
00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,879
You're not exactly what comes to
mind when you think headhunter.
159
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:04,174
Yeah, I prefer "executive recruiter."
Headhunter sounds a little creepy.
160
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,802
You did stalk me for six months.
Kind of creepy.
161
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:08,554
Here, here, here,
I'll take it.
162
00:07:09,305 --> 00:07:11,515
You're really gonna carry my bag?
You're that girl?
163
00:07:11,724 --> 00:07:14,727
No. I'm gonna change your life.
I'm that girl.
164
00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,062
My life is already pretty great.
165
00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:20,482
Oh, really? 'Cause you wouldn't be here
if your life were already pretty great.
166
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:23,319
A free trip to New York.
I'd be an idiot to turn that down.
167
00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:26,280
Well, then I guess you must have been
an idiot for the past six months.
168
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:29,491
Ooh, yeah, a lot of people
would say longer than that.
169
00:07:29,742 --> 00:07:31,535
It's a huge opportunity, Dylan.
170
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:34,580
Art director of GQ magazine.
This is the big leagues.
171
00:07:35,039 --> 00:07:36,832
I mean, no offense to your
little blog on the Internet.
172
00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:38,917
Which got six million hits last month.
173
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:41,920
I could put up a video of me
mixing cake batter with my boobs
174
00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:43,547
and it will get eight million hits.
175
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,675
It's been done.
Dunkin-My-Tits-Hynes.com.
176
00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:48,177
Really?
177
00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:51,639
Well, look, there's no question that
you are talented at what you do,
178
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,515
but this is GQ.
179
00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:55,434
New York's so crowded.
180
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,562
Look around.
I'm from LA, okay?
181
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,774
- I like my open spaces.
- What are you, a gazelle?
182
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,068
Come on, what's really
worrying you about this?
183
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:10,199
I don't know. I don't want to be the
guy who took something legendary
184
00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:13,035
and shit the bed with it.
Excuse the expression.
185
00:08:13,369 --> 00:08:16,080
Well, then don't be the guy who shit
the bed. Excuse the expression.
186
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:19,249
Be the guy who made
the bed legendary again.
187
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,587
Listen, we'll get some coffee in you
before the interview. You'll be fine.
188
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:28,801
I'm sorry, not coffee. Some green
tea, soy, organic hemp bullshit.
189
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:31,053
DYLAN:
Really hot in New York.
190
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:32,554
Doesn't it get hot in LA?
191
00:08:32,638 --> 00:08:34,515
Yeah, it gets hot in LA,
but it's the humidity.
192
00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:37,393
In LA, if it's 90 degrees,
it feels like 90 degrees. But...
193
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:38,936
- Right.
- If it's hot in New York,
194
00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:40,896
it's 90 degrees,
it's like 100,000 degrees.
195
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,148
This conversation about weather
is really fascinating,
196
00:08:43,232 --> 00:08:44,983
but lucky for me, we are here.
197
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,486
So, good luck.
198
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:52,116
Whatever happens, happens.
I told you, I don't really want it.
199
00:08:52,408 --> 00:08:55,411
Just do me a favor?
Act like you do so that I look good.
200
00:08:55,494 --> 00:08:57,788
- I can do that.
- Okay. Go get 'em.
201
00:08:57,913 --> 00:08:59,248
This is great, by the way.
202
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,337
(GAGGING)
203
00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:08,674
(GARGLES AND SPITS)
204
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,676
- Watch it!
- Ugh!
205
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,938
- Hey!
- You're still here?
206
00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,482
Yeah. Well, it's my job.
207
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:26,650
Nice.
208
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:29,278
So, tell me, how'd it go?
209
00:09:30,112 --> 00:09:32,239
They bought it.
You're safe for a little while longer.
210
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,616
Well, thank you. I owe you one.
211
00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:35,868
(CELL PHONE BEEPING)
212
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:39,997
This is from you.
213
00:09:40,456 --> 00:09:41,498
It's your offer.
214
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:44,126
- Wait, I got it?
- They called about five minutes ago.
215
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:48,297
Congratulations.
Offer expires at midnight.
216
00:09:49,465 --> 00:09:51,133
Why didn't you just tell me
instead of texting me?
217
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,634
'Cause it's more dramatic.
218
00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:56,972
Dylan, you are not
gonna shit the bed.
219
00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,475
I've seen your work.
It's amazing.
220
00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:01,351
It's a huge move.
221
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,645
Would you uproot your entire
life for a job? Be honest.
222
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,981
Well, no. For a job, probably not.
223
00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:09,985
But for New York?
Yeah, I would.
224
00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:12,362
Which is why I'm not gonna
try to sell you on the job,
225
00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:13,739
I'm gonna sell you on New York.
226
00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:15,157
It's New York!
227
00:10:15,491 --> 00:10:16,533
I've seen Seinfeld.
228
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,744
Not the bullshit tourist version.
229
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:22,956
Puppy dog eyes.
Nice touch.
230
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,500
Yes! Come on.
231
00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:26,001
Let me buy you a drink.
232
00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:30,547
What's wrong?
233
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:32,591
What are you waiting for?
234
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:33,801
The light to change.
235
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,511
You LA folk are so cute.
236
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:36,929
Come on.
237
00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,138
Come on, it's fine.
238
00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:39,264
- See?
- Yep
239
00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:40,432
I'm gonna die.
240
00:10:40,516 --> 00:10:44,520
Here we have Brooklyn Bridge,
downtown Manhattan,
241
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,815
and right in front of us,
an outdoor bar.
242
00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:49,233
(GIRLS FALL LIKE DOMINOES PLAYING)
Aha!
243
00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:51,568
Alcohol. Now we're talking.
244
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,198
You know, I like you.
245
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,075
I'll give you your choice of closes.
246
00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:01,453
- What?
- How I close you on this job.
247
00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:04,081
- Okay.
- So we got the flattery close.
248
00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:07,793
Dylan, you are so good at what you do.
249
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,211
The take-it-or-leave-it close.
250
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:12,214
Man, I don't care if you take it.
I get paid regardless.
251
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:13,799
The sympathy close.
252
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,342
You see, my kidneys are failing...
253
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:17,970
Why do women think the only way
to get a man to do what they want
254
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,221
is to manipulate him?
255
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:23,225
History. Personal experience.
Romantic comedies.
256
00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:26,562
Come on, you're here for a reason,
whether you want to admit it or not.
257
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:29,815
Yeah, to explore an option.
Who wouldn't want to know their options?
258
00:11:29,982 --> 00:11:31,400
Someone who's in the perfect situation.
259
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,734
Are you in the perfect situation?
260
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,903
Job? Absolutely.
261
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:37,239
Everything else?
None of your business.
262
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:38,407
(CHUCKLES)
263
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,536
Shaun!
264
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:43,912
- Jamie!
- Hey!
265
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,664
- Hey, what's up,baby?
- What are you doing here?
266
00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:46,874
- You look great.
- (MOUTHING) Shaun White?
267
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:49,084
- You been working out?
- Nope. Just been eating a lot.
268
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,460
- Okay.
- Yeah.
269
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:51,712
- You want a drink?
- Yeah!
270
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:52,921
- Let me get you a drink. Yeah?
- Okay.
271
00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:55,424
- Careful! Careful.
- Sorry.
272
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:58,468
Hey, bro, that was like
a double McTwist 1260.
273
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,472
- Yeah, like the trick.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dylan.
274
00:12:02,598 --> 00:12:04,141
Jamie, you want to get
this guy out of my face
275
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:05,601
before I break his fucking skull?
276
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,812
Sorry, bro. No disrespect.
I'm a huge fan.
277
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:12,316
You don't fucking know me, man!
Don't talk to me like you know me!
278
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:15,110
What, you think I'm all chill
'cause I snowboard and shit?
279
00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:17,779
One more word,
I'll fuck you up like dynamite!
280
00:12:18,614 --> 00:12:19,656
Dynamite?
281
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,617
I'm just playing, bro.
282
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,620
Any friend of Jamie's is cool with me.
283
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:27,122
- It's all good, man.
- All good.
284
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,791
I'm whispering in
the ear of a dead man.
285
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,585
I'll see you later.
286
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:32,753
- Good to see you.
- Bye, honey.
287
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:37,841
Shaun White seems really great.
Nice dude.
288
00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:40,802
- How do you know him again?
- I took his virginity.
289
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,388
So you guys have known
each other for a while?
290
00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:44,973
No, it was like eight months ago.
291
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:46,850
Wow.
292
00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:49,186
So does the carpet
match the drapes?
293
00:12:49,645 --> 00:12:52,022
It's hardwood floors,
if you know what I mean.
294
00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:54,274
My God! Terrible visual.
295
00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:56,944
Totally kidding, by the way.
Just an old friend of mine.
296
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,278
(TIGHTROPE PLAYING)
297
00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:00,155
You guys use the same
leave-in conditioner.
298
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,449
His hair had nice body.
299
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,451
Can I get two gyro
number sixes, extra sauce?
300
00:13:06,662 --> 00:13:08,038
- What are you looking for?
- The cops.
301
00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:09,706
- Come on.
- The cops?
302
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:10,999
Yep.
303
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,001
Come on!
304
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,839
- Where are you taking me?
- You'll see.
305
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:33,814
Well, here's your open space.
306
00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:36,358
Run, gazelle. Run!
307
00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:43,198
- Wow. This is unbelievable.
- I know.
308
00:13:46,702 --> 00:13:48,704
Okay, this was not on Seinfeld.
309
00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:51,873
Come on, what's your
dad think about all this?
310
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,419
About what?
311
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:56,670
Well, he must have an opinion.
312
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,839
He used to write for the
LA Times for 23 years.
313
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,341
Somebody did their homework.
314
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:05,679
I have this thing at work.
It's called Google.
315
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:07,931
Come on, what's he think about the job?
316
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,183
Actually, I didn't ask him.
317
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,227
Well, then you must know what he'd say.
318
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:21,361
He'd tell me to go with my gut and that
he'd be proud of me no matter what I did.
319
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:24,906
Sounds like a really great man.
320
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,076
Yeah, he is.
321
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,871
Hey, do you want to
see something really cool?
322
00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:33,457
I always want to see
something really cool. What...
323
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:34,958
Come on.
324
00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:37,586
Okay.
325
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:42,257
Only place in the city you
can actually see the stars.
326
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,426
- Wow.
- Yeah.
327
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,762
- It's pretty awesome.
- I know.
328
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,139
I like to come up here to think.
329
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:52,100
Just when it gets a little too much
for me down there, it's like...
330
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:54,478
It's like my New York
version of a mountaintop.
331
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:58,148
Best part, no cell reception.
332
00:14:58,315 --> 00:14:59,399
(LAUGHING)
333
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:02,819
You take all your recruits up here?
334
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,282
Actually, never really taken anyone up here.
335
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,451
- Really?
- Yeah.
336
00:15:09,785 --> 00:15:11,078
Thanks.
337
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,413
If you tell anyone about this,
I will rip your ears off
338
00:15:13,497 --> 00:15:15,248
and staple them to your neck.
339
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:19,169
Everyone in this city seems really violent.
340
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,798
Come on, let's go.
One last stop.
341
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,509
- We're just getting comfortable.
- I know you are. Come on.
342
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:27,969
It's New York. Now hustle.
Come on.
343
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,680
- Come on, come on.
- You're showing me Times Square.
344
00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:33,183
- This is not touristy at all!
- Would you shush? Come on.
345
00:15:33,308 --> 00:15:35,602
Do we have to power-walk
everywhere we go?
346
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:36,978
Yes.
347
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:40,899
So everybody just kind of walks
wherever they want, then.
348
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:43,026
How 'bout right here?
349
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,694
- What do you mean?
- We're here.
350
00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:48,031
(BIG BAND VERSION OF
NEW YORK, NEW YORK PLAYING)
351
00:15:50,826 --> 00:15:52,160
Oh, my God, it's 1988.
352
00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:54,496
All right, smartass, give it five seconds.
353
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:58,667
(BOTH LAUGHING)
354
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:11,346
(MUSIC SEGUES INTO
AN UP-TEMPO HIP-HOP VERSION)
355
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:21,731
- What is this?
- It's a flash mob.
356
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:24,317
- Like on Oprah!
- Exactly.
357
00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:26,027
Should we get out of the way?
358
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:28,238
No, no. Enjoy it.
Take it all in.
359
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,243
- It's pretty damn cool.
- Right?
360
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,038
(CHUCKLING)
361
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:38,373
It's kind of rad.
362
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,376
Do these people get paid for this?
363
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:45,255
No. No.
They kind of just do it for fun.
364
00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:48,175
It's nice to feel like
you're a part of something.
365
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,218
New York can be a little bit lonely at times.
366
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,012
And you're trying to sell me on it.
367
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:55,390
Every place can be a bit lonely sometimes.
368
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:01,730
- Be careful!
- Oh, my God.
369
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,565
- Come down.
- Okay.
370
00:17:11,907 --> 00:17:13,408
- Shit. Get back down.
- Okay.
371
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,879
- I'm in.
- What?
372
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,381
- You sold me.
- Really?
373
00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,133
- I'll take the job.
- Oh, my God!
374
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:34,804
- What, are you surprised?
- No! No. Oh, you are gonna crush it!
375
00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:37,599
Amazing.
376
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:41,269
- You can all go home now! Thank you!
- Very funny.
377
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:42,437
Come on.
378
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:45,273
ALL:
Congratulations, sell-out!
379
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,775
Thank you, thank you.
380
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,152
All I'm saying is,
it wasn't so much the pilot's skill
381
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:52,239
that landed that plane on the river
as much as the mechanics of the aircraft.
382
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:54,741
Are you saying that
Captain Sully wasn't a hero?
383
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,117
No, no.
384
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:57,953
There were just other factors.
385
00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,955
Are you not an American?
386
00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:03,250
(SATELLITE PLAYING)
387
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:14,302
Hey, fuckface, you want to get
your shit out of my car or what?
388
00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:15,929
I... Yeah.
389
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:20,141
Welcome to New York.
Go and fuck a dick.
390
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:45,792
Fuck.
391
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:49,462
So, all I ask is that you give me a
little bit of time to gain your trust.
392
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:54,175
I know that I'm new at this, but what I lack
in experience I make up for in clichés.
393
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,844
So, my door is always open.
394
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:57,387
(CROWD LAUGHING)
395
00:18:57,554 --> 00:19:01,349
But seriously, my door is always open.
396
00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:07,230
My first order of business, lighter doors.
397
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,692
- Okay. Thanks, guys.
- Welcome, Dylan.
398
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,237
Hey, man.
Tommy Bollinger, sports editor.
399
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,032
Tommy, I've read your articles.
Love your writing.
400
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:18,783
Just trying to keep it realsies.
401
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:22,078
Listen, I'd love to take you out
one night and troll for cock.
402
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,581
- What?
- You got some pretty boys out there in LA,
403
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:28,376
but the quality in this town is ridiculous.
404
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:30,545
We can tear this shit up.
405
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:32,213
I'm not gay, Tommy.
406
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:36,009
Really? I just assumed,
art director and, you know...
407
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,428
Hey. No skin, more pipe for me.
408
00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:41,264
By the way,
doing a piece on racism in hockey.
409
00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:43,516
Love to get your
concepts on the font.
410
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:47,437
I'm thinking Helvetica but I could
be persuaded to Courier New.
411
00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:50,774
But what the fuck do I know?
I'm just the sports editor.
412
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:53,902
- You sure you're not gay?
- Yep.
413
00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:55,236
- I'm sure.
- Okay.
414
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,030
All right.
415
00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,034
- Hey.
- Hey.
416
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,703
I'd knock, but you don't have a door.
417
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:05,163
- I don't.
- No.
418
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:06,414
Hey, check this out.
419
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:08,917
SINGER:
♪ Dunkin-My-Tits-Hynes.com ♪
420
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:12,253
- Yeah, it really does exist.
- I told you, but not that. This.
421
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,423
Awesome.
422
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,258
But it'd be even more
awesome if this happened.
423
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,261
Wait for it.
424
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:22,180
Nice!
425
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,391
I got in touch with a guy
who puts flash mobs together.
426
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:26,810
We're thinking about using them
for guerrilla advertising.
427
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,270
Taking something so pure
and commercializing it?
428
00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:31,064
Knew I found the right guy.
429
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,274
- Here I am.
- Okay. Here's your contract.
430
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,943
Sign it and I will be out of here.
431
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:36,945
Okay.
432
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,615
A whole year? Oof!
433
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,910
Why do I get the feeling this is the
first real commitment you've ever made?
434
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:46,413
It's not.
T-Mobile, two years.
435
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:47,664
And, fuck, do I regret that one.
436
00:20:47,831 --> 00:20:50,291
Do me a favor.
Don't quit or get fired before the year's up,
437
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:51,835
because otherwise I don't get my bonus.
438
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,336
Wait, I can leave whenever I want?
439
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:56,131
- What's the point of this contract?
- Just sign the damn thing.
440
00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:57,465
Okay.
441
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:02,137
Nice doing business with you, Dylan Harper.
442
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,474
Hey, I was thinking of getting some lunch.
Do you know a place?
443
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,811
Are you asking me out?
444
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:12,439
Whoa, I'm not asking you out.
445
00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:13,565
I'm asking you to show me a restaurant.
446
00:21:13,648 --> 00:21:16,651
I mean, I'm the only friend you have in New York.
You don't wanna complicate that.
447
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:17,777
I know. I'm not asking you out.
448
00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:19,863
I mean, sure, we'd have fun, roll around,
449
00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:22,157
- get into some erotic humiliation fantasy.
- Erotic?
450
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:25,618
But it'd all blow up in our faces, end badly,
and we'd never speak to each other...
451
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:27,328
I'm not fucking asking you out!
I swear to God!
452
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,706
Okay. You don't like me like that.
453
00:21:29,998 --> 00:21:32,000
You don't have to be so mean about it.
454
00:21:33,168 --> 00:21:34,961
I'm sorry. I didn't...
455
00:21:36,171 --> 00:21:38,506
God, you're such a girl.
Come on, it's my treat.
456
00:21:40,175 --> 00:21:41,676
So was it an easy move?
457
00:21:41,843 --> 00:21:43,678
- It was tough leaving my dad.
- Yeah.
458
00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,138
My sister gave me some shit.
459
00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:47,348
But timing was right.
460
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:48,516
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
461
00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:51,269
Timing was really right.
462
00:21:51,352 --> 00:21:53,563
- Is that your sister?
- No. My ex.
463
00:21:53,688 --> 00:21:55,857
She's great. Loves John Mayer.
464
00:21:56,733 --> 00:21:58,193
Wants us to stay friends.
465
00:21:58,359 --> 00:21:59,694
(GAGGING)
466
00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:03,406
She's also convinced she can cure
me of my emotional unavailability.
467
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,035
- You're emotionally unavailable?
- Oh, yeah.
468
00:22:07,202 --> 00:22:10,705
Oh, my God. I'm emotionally damaged.
I haven't seen you at the meetings.
469
00:22:11,206 --> 00:22:13,166
I'm done with the relationship thing.
470
00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:15,460
Girl, you are preaching to the congregation.
471
00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:16,586
- Choir.
- What?
472
00:22:16,753 --> 00:22:19,380
"Preaching to the choir."
You're supposed to preach to the congregation.
473
00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:21,424
- That's the expression.
- Did you understand what I was saying?
474
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:22,592
Then don't be a dick about it.
475
00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:24,594
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
476
00:22:24,719 --> 00:22:26,429
Oh, my God. Do you mind?
477
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:28,348
- Please.
- Great.
478
00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:31,100
Hello.
You've reached Dylan Harper's cell phone.
479
00:22:31,226 --> 00:22:32,977
He's emotionally unavailable,
but if you'd like...
480
00:22:33,061 --> 00:22:35,063
- John fucking Mayer!
- Hello?
481
00:22:37,524 --> 00:22:40,527
Wow. Hello?
You really do have shitty cell service.
482
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:41,736
- Right?
- Yeah.
483
00:22:44,447 --> 00:22:45,615
I'm gonna have some friends over tomorrow.
484
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:48,076
Why don't you come,
and you can meet some new people?
485
00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:50,703
I'm gonna have to check my schedule.
I'm really busy.
486
00:22:50,787 --> 00:22:53,289
I work at GQ now.
It's not some little blog on the Internet.
487
00:22:53,581 --> 00:22:54,582
(LAUGHS)
488
00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:56,543
(KNOCKING)
489
00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:57,794
- Hey.
- Hey.
490
00:22:57,961 --> 00:22:59,295
- You made it.
- Sorry I'm late.
491
00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:02,090
No, no. Please, come in,
come in. Thank you.
492
00:23:02,549 --> 00:23:04,092
Hey, everybody! Hey!
493
00:23:04,425 --> 00:23:07,262
This here is Dylan. He's from LA.
494
00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:08,429
(EVERYONE BOOING)
495
00:23:08,763 --> 00:23:10,890
He's the reason I can afford all this beer.
496
00:23:10,974 --> 00:23:12,058
(EVERYONE CHEERING)
497
00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:14,769
Okay, all right.
498
00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:19,440
Am I an animal?
499
00:23:20,942 --> 00:23:21,943
Yeah.
500
00:23:22,777 --> 00:23:24,070
Fuck, I'm pretty good at this.
501
00:23:49,804 --> 00:23:53,733
Lieutenant Kali's a West Coast street
artist I got into about five years ago.
502
00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:56,644
- His postmodern interpretation...
- This shit is amazing.
503
00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:58,479
- I know, right?
- Ooh!
504
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:05,445
You will be able to find the perfect candidate
to fill the position at your company.
505
00:24:06,154 --> 00:24:07,155
Okay, here we go.
506
00:24:08,531 --> 00:24:11,492
First up is Joey Morena,
who's fluent in Vietnamese
507
00:24:11,618 --> 00:24:13,661
and has had 10 years of
experience in the culinary field.
508
00:24:21,669 --> 00:24:23,129
I can't do this anymore.
509
00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:27,175
No, I think we both need to go get happy.
510
00:24:27,842 --> 00:24:29,636
It's not adding up to a hundred anymore.
511
00:24:29,719 --> 00:24:30,803
Yeah.
512
00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:32,722
Looks like New York's
all out of blueberries.
513
00:24:33,014 --> 00:24:34,223
Goodbye, Flapjack.
514
00:24:34,682 --> 00:24:36,309
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
515
00:24:36,392 --> 00:24:38,019
Taxi! Taxicab!
516
00:24:38,311 --> 00:24:39,312
Flapjack.
517
00:24:39,395 --> 00:24:41,856
DYLAN: Why do all these
movies have such bad music?
518
00:24:42,231 --> 00:24:44,692
It's so that you know how to
feel every single second.
519
00:24:44,859 --> 00:24:45,902
"I'm heartbroken."
520
00:24:46,235 --> 00:24:48,029
(DYLAN HUMS SAD MUSIC)
521
00:24:48,571 --> 00:24:50,573
"I'm getting married
to the man of my dreams."
522
00:24:51,074 --> 00:24:52,533
(SCATTING HAPPILY)
523
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:55,662
"I'm sneaking through an office."
524
00:24:55,870 --> 00:24:57,997
(SUSPENSEFUL SCATTING)
525
00:24:58,915 --> 00:24:59,999
Madison, wait!
526
00:25:00,708 --> 00:25:02,418
Madison!
527
00:25:02,543 --> 00:25:04,420
Madison, wait!
528
00:25:05,546 --> 00:25:06,589
Bryce.
529
00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:09,384
How did you know I was at
Grand Central Station?
530
00:25:09,509 --> 00:25:12,345
You're not. You're in Los Angeles,
where this movie was shot.
531
00:25:12,428 --> 00:25:14,222
I know you better than
you know yourself.
532
00:25:15,598 --> 00:25:18,184
And your crazy friend Susie
across the hall told me.
533
00:25:18,726 --> 00:25:19,936
Susie.
534
00:25:20,853 --> 00:25:22,188
Why are you here?
535
00:25:22,397 --> 00:25:23,606
To tell you that
536
00:25:24,732 --> 00:25:26,609
I love that sunsets
make you cry,
537
00:25:27,235 --> 00:25:30,071
and I don't care that you
failed your real estate exam,
538
00:25:30,697 --> 00:25:32,615
and I'm glad that you
have a five-date rule.
539
00:25:33,908 --> 00:25:35,785
And that I love you.
540
00:25:36,411 --> 00:25:37,954
Not as much as
I love you.
541
00:25:40,415 --> 00:25:42,583
ANNOUNCER ON PA:
Now boarding, track 5, love.
542
00:25:43,084 --> 00:25:45,420
God, I wish my life was a movie sometimes.
543
00:25:45,753 --> 00:25:47,547
You know,
I'd never have to worry about my hair,
544
00:25:47,797 --> 00:25:49,382
or having to go to the bathroom.
545
00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:51,968
And then, when I'm at my lowest point,
546
00:25:52,260 --> 00:25:55,430
some guy would chase me down the street,
pour his heart out,
547
00:25:55,596 --> 00:25:56,639
and we'd kiss.
548
00:25:57,473 --> 00:25:58,808
Happily ever after.
549
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,603
I mean, a horse and carriage?
550
00:26:02,770 --> 00:26:05,773
Come on, that is awesome.
(HEY, SOUL SISTER PLAYING)
551
00:26:05,898 --> 00:26:08,359
Not as awesome as this
ambiguously upbeat pop song
552
00:26:08,443 --> 00:26:10,069
that has nothing to do with the plot
553
00:26:10,153 --> 00:26:12,071
they put in at the end
to try to convince you
554
00:26:12,155 --> 00:26:14,991
that you had a great time
at this shitty movie.
555
00:26:15,950 --> 00:26:18,953
You know, why don't they ever make a movie
about what happens after the big kiss?
556
00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:20,762
They do. It's called porn.
557
00:26:22,623 --> 00:26:24,250
God, I miss sex.
558
00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:27,628
Right? I mean, sometimes you just need it.
It's like...
559
00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:30,631
I don't know, it's like cracking your neck.
560
00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:32,800
Why does it always gotta
come with complications?
561
00:26:32,925 --> 00:26:34,802
- And emotions.
- And guilt.
562
00:26:35,303 --> 00:26:36,304
Guilt.
563
00:26:36,804 --> 00:26:38,681
- It's women's fault.
- What?
564
00:26:38,848 --> 00:26:42,518
You heard me. "Hold me.
Let's spend the rest of our lives together."
565
00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:44,020
Oh, please, you are no better.
566
00:26:44,353 --> 00:26:47,982
"Oh, yeah, baby, come on, now.
Say my name. Yeah...
567
00:26:48,149 --> 00:26:50,693
(GRUNTS) "I'm done. How was I?"
568
00:26:50,818 --> 00:26:51,819
Who have you been with?
569
00:26:53,279 --> 00:26:54,822
Why can't it not be like that?
570
00:26:54,989 --> 00:26:59,368
It's a physical act. Like playing tennis.
571
00:26:59,827 --> 00:27:02,038
Two people should be able
to have sex like they're playing tennis.
572
00:27:02,163 --> 00:27:03,956
Yeah, I mean,
no one wants to go away for the weekend
573
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,333
after they play tennis.
574
00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:08,711
It's just a game.
You shake hands, get on with your shit.
575
00:27:09,003 --> 00:27:10,171
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
576
00:27:11,506 --> 00:27:12,590
Mmm.
577
00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:14,634
- Do you want more beer?
- Mmm-hmm.
578
00:27:14,801 --> 00:27:16,010
Okay.
579
00:27:23,726 --> 00:27:24,811
- Jamie!
- Yeah?
580
00:27:25,394 --> 00:27:27,104
- Let's play tennis.
- What?
581
00:27:27,188 --> 00:27:28,564
Let's have sex like we're playing tennis.
582
00:27:28,689 --> 00:27:29,899
Get the hell out of here.
583
00:27:30,566 --> 00:27:32,693
Don't laugh. This could be great.
584
00:27:32,860 --> 00:27:34,403
This could take all the weirdness out of it.
585
00:27:34,529 --> 00:27:36,948
Well, we talked about this.
I don't like you like that.
586
00:27:37,031 --> 00:27:39,575
I don't like you like that either.
That's why it's perfect.
587
00:27:40,701 --> 00:27:42,495
I don't even know if I find you attractive.
588
00:27:42,578 --> 00:27:43,704
That's cute.
589
00:27:43,830 --> 00:27:45,414
Well, I do have a thing for jerks.
590
00:27:46,541 --> 00:27:48,167
Okay, well, do you even find me attractive?
591
00:27:48,251 --> 00:27:49,669
- That's cute.
- No, no, no.
592
00:27:49,752 --> 00:27:52,213
Before you got to know
my awesome personality.
593
00:27:52,380 --> 00:27:53,381
Strictly physical.
594
00:27:54,257 --> 00:27:55,675
First time you saw me.
595
00:27:57,051 --> 00:27:59,220
- This is just two people talking?
- Yeah.
596
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,723
Two girls over drinks at Bennigan's. Go.
597
00:28:04,392 --> 00:28:07,395
I liked your eyes. I didn't think
I'd ever seen such big, beautiful eyes.
598
00:28:10,356 --> 00:28:13,526
Your lips. Yeah.
I thought you might be a good kisser.
599
00:28:13,860 --> 00:28:15,027
I am.
600
00:28:15,528 --> 00:28:16,904
- Your breasts.
- What about them?
601
00:28:17,029 --> 00:28:18,322
- They intrigued me.
- Really?
602
00:28:18,406 --> 00:28:20,700
- Yeah.
- I think they're so tiny.
603
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,743
- They're still breasts.
- Thanks.
604
00:28:23,953 --> 00:28:25,454
- I liked your hands.
- Mouth.
605
00:28:25,788 --> 00:28:26,831
- Butt.
- Voice.
606
00:28:26,914 --> 00:28:27,957
- Chest
- Eyes.
607
00:28:28,082 --> 00:28:29,625
- You said that.
- I meant it.
608
00:28:32,962 --> 00:28:35,756
You swear you don't want anything
more from me other than sex?
609
00:28:35,882 --> 00:28:37,592
You swear you don't want
anything more from me?
610
00:28:38,217 --> 00:28:41,262
I know how you girls get.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
611
00:28:41,387 --> 00:28:42,430
Stop it.
612
00:28:43,472 --> 00:28:47,435
- What are you doing?
- I'm pulling up my Bible app.
613
00:28:47,727 --> 00:28:50,396
- You have a Bible app?
- Yes. I am a good girl.
614
00:28:50,605 --> 00:28:51,772
- Hand on the iPad.
- Okay.
615
00:28:51,981 --> 00:28:53,274
(HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGING)
Wait, no.
616
00:28:53,566 --> 00:28:54,609
Why can't they figure this out?
617
00:28:54,984 --> 00:28:58,112
No...
This thing thinks I'm you and you're me.
618
00:28:58,237 --> 00:28:59,739
Keep your hand still.
I'll move the iPad.
619
00:28:59,780 --> 00:29:01,115
- It's actually making me dizzy.
- Hold on.
620
00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:03,659
There we go.
621
00:29:07,830 --> 00:29:09,457
No relationship.
622
00:29:09,832 --> 00:29:11,000
No emotions.
623
00:29:11,751 --> 00:29:12,752
Just sex.
624
00:29:12,835 --> 00:29:15,463
Whatever happens, we stay friends.
625
00:29:15,755 --> 00:29:16,756
- Swear.
- Swear.
626
00:29:16,839 --> 00:29:17,924
BOTH: Swear.
627
00:29:22,136 --> 00:29:23,304
Okay.
628
00:29:27,850 --> 00:29:30,311
So I guess we should just start.
629
00:29:31,646 --> 00:29:32,813
Okay.
630
00:29:33,981 --> 00:29:34,982
I'll serve.
631
00:29:35,107 --> 00:29:37,401
That's really...
That's enough of the tennis.
632
00:29:37,485 --> 00:29:38,569
Let's go to the bedroom.
633
00:29:38,653 --> 00:29:40,655
What's wrong with the couch?
It's less emotional.
634
00:29:40,780 --> 00:29:42,114
The bedroom has better light.
635
00:29:42,365 --> 00:29:44,909
And since we're just friends,
I don't have to be insecure about my body.
636
00:29:44,992 --> 00:29:46,994
Come on, okay? You're beautiful.
637
00:29:47,119 --> 00:29:49,163
You have nothing to be insecure about.
638
00:29:50,706 --> 00:29:53,209
No, you see,
that is way too emotionally supportive
639
00:29:53,334 --> 00:29:55,294
and you need to just lock that down.
640
00:29:57,546 --> 00:29:59,632
- Your ass is a little bony.
- Much better.
641
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,677
My nipples are sensitive,
I don't like dirty talk,
642
00:30:02,802 --> 00:30:05,805
and had I known this was gonna happen,
I would have shaved my legs this morning.
643
00:30:05,888 --> 00:30:08,432
My chin is ticklish,
I sneeze sometimes after I come,
644
00:30:08,516 --> 00:30:09,976
and if I'd have known this was gonna happen,
645
00:30:10,059 --> 00:30:11,268
I wouldn't have shaved my legs this morning.
646
00:30:11,352 --> 00:30:12,520
Okie-dokie.
647
00:30:13,562 --> 00:30:14,647
Oh!
648
00:30:14,730 --> 00:30:17,149
I keep my socks on. Intimacy issues.
649
00:30:17,233 --> 00:30:19,151
Great, 'cause feet gross me out.
Daddy issues.
650
00:30:19,235 --> 00:30:20,569
Great.
651
00:30:24,699 --> 00:30:25,992
I can work with that.
652
00:30:28,869 --> 00:30:29,912
Should be fine.
653
00:30:32,873 --> 00:30:34,250
I can't believe I'm doing this.
654
00:30:34,583 --> 00:30:36,293
Should we stop?
We could just go for a run.
655
00:30:36,377 --> 00:30:37,920
I don't know,
are we getting too old for this?
656
00:30:38,879 --> 00:30:40,589
- Sex?
- No, casual sex.
657
00:30:40,715 --> 00:30:43,426
It just, I don't know,
feels a little collegey.
658
00:30:43,718 --> 00:30:45,553
- I could sing some Third Eye Blind.
- Okay.
659
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:48,973
♪ Closing time,
One last call for alcohol...
660
00:30:49,098 --> 00:30:51,475
- That's not Third Eye Blind.
- I'm pretty sure that's Third Eye Blind.
661
00:30:51,559 --> 00:30:52,601
Nope.
662
00:30:52,727 --> 00:30:56,731
♪ Finish your whiskey or beer,
I know... ♪
663
00:30:56,856 --> 00:30:58,566
- What's wrong?
- We're just doing this once.
664
00:30:58,691 --> 00:30:59,859
- I totally agree.
- Okay.
665
00:30:59,942 --> 00:31:01,152
- Great.
- Great.
666
00:31:01,235 --> 00:31:02,445
Little faster.
667
00:31:02,570 --> 00:31:04,572
- More circular.
- Watch my chin.
668
00:31:04,864 --> 00:31:06,073
- Touch my ears.
- Okay.
669
00:31:07,616 --> 00:31:08,951
Kiss my neck.
670
00:31:10,036 --> 00:31:11,620
- Say my name.
- Dylan Francis Harper Jr.
671
00:31:11,746 --> 00:31:12,747
Not my full name.
672
00:31:12,872 --> 00:31:14,081
Sorry, I had to fill out
a lot of your paperwork.
673
00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:15,249
- Stop talking.
- Okay.
674
00:31:15,374 --> 00:31:17,251
Oh, my God, you're really...
675
00:31:19,086 --> 00:31:24,592
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P...
676
00:31:24,717 --> 00:31:27,053
- Dylan, I...
- Relax.
677
00:31:27,136 --> 00:31:29,305
Just a friend going down on another friend.
678
00:31:29,430 --> 00:31:31,140
Oh, yeah, baby. Tornado.
679
00:31:35,394 --> 00:31:36,437
What, what?
680
00:31:36,604 --> 00:31:38,689
What are you trying to do?
Dig your way to China?
681
00:31:38,773 --> 00:31:40,149
- I'm good at this.
- Says who?
682
00:31:40,274 --> 00:31:41,609
Every girl I've been with.
683
00:31:41,734 --> 00:31:44,111
Well, they're either lying or their
vaginas are made out of burlap.
684
00:31:44,278 --> 00:31:46,113
So, relax. You're not a lizard.
685
00:31:46,447 --> 00:31:47,948
- Okay, fine.
- Okay, fine.
686
00:31:48,157 --> 00:31:50,618
♪ So gather up your jackets... ♪
687
00:31:50,743 --> 00:31:52,244
- A little to the right.
- Okay.
688
00:31:52,453 --> 00:31:54,080
- A little bit more to the left.
- Roger that.
689
00:31:54,163 --> 00:31:55,623
- Now go down.
- Here we go.
690
00:31:55,915 --> 00:31:58,250
- A little more... Whoa, too far!
- Sorry.
691
00:31:58,959 --> 00:32:01,587
(MOANING)
692
00:32:02,505 --> 00:32:03,589
(SCREAMING)
693
00:32:04,006 --> 00:32:05,257
- What's wrong?
- Nothing!
694
00:32:05,341 --> 00:32:06,842
When women start to scream,
it could be misconstrued.
695
00:32:06,967 --> 00:32:08,427
Just keep going!
696
00:32:17,978 --> 00:32:19,021
Yeah, you know it.
697
00:32:23,776 --> 00:32:25,820
Well, let me tell you how I like it.
698
00:32:26,779 --> 00:32:28,739
See, most girls think you should start off soft,
699
00:32:28,823 --> 00:32:32,284
but if you just get in, really go for it...
700
00:32:34,453 --> 00:32:36,288
(MOANING)
701
00:32:36,622 --> 00:32:37,665
(SNEEZING)
702
00:32:45,131 --> 00:32:46,507
Yeah, you know it.
703
00:32:46,799 --> 00:32:47,842
Mmm.
704
00:32:49,135 --> 00:32:50,177
Ugh!
705
00:32:51,178 --> 00:32:53,681
(SIGHING)
706
00:33:05,860 --> 00:33:08,946
- Let's go with Obama.
- No, no, no, no!
707
00:33:09,029 --> 00:33:11,866
It's too easy, too predictable.
Go with Shaun.
708
00:33:11,991 --> 00:33:16,871
He's stylish, transcendent of sport,
has an ass like a kumquat.
709
00:33:17,246 --> 00:33:19,874
- I hear he's kind of a jerk.
- No, he's not.
710
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:21,083
You're just threatened by him
711
00:33:21,208 --> 00:33:23,627
because he's the greatest
snow sport athlete in the universe
712
00:33:23,711 --> 00:33:25,671
and he gets more squirrel than an oak tree.
713
00:33:25,754 --> 00:33:27,923
Hey, Dylan?
Jamie Rellis is in the lobby for you.
714
00:33:28,048 --> 00:33:29,091
Okay, thanks.
715
00:33:29,717 --> 00:33:31,510
Let's hit this after lunch. Okay, guys?
716
00:33:32,052 --> 00:33:34,180
Nobody wants to
fuck Obama, brah.
717
00:33:34,263 --> 00:33:35,598
He's got ears like an elephant.
718
00:33:35,723 --> 00:33:37,892
That's not the part of an elephant you want.
719
00:33:41,937 --> 00:33:43,272
- Hi!
- Hi.
720
00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:48,277
Sorry to just show up like this.
721
00:33:48,444 --> 00:33:49,570
No, no, no, it's fine.
722
00:33:50,362 --> 00:33:51,405
So...
723
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:55,242
- Wanna take a walk?
- Love to.
724
00:33:55,409 --> 00:33:57,620
Great. Okay.
725
00:34:03,417 --> 00:34:04,752
Okay, so about what happened, I...
726
00:34:04,793 --> 00:34:07,671
- It was crazy and we shouldn't have done it.
- Exactly. No, no, exactly.
727
00:34:07,755 --> 00:34:09,006
I mean, it is so not me.
728
00:34:09,089 --> 00:34:11,091
I totally agree. Let's forget it happened.
729
00:34:11,383 --> 00:34:14,762
Great. I mean, look,
I've had one-night stands.
730
00:34:14,887 --> 00:34:18,098
We both have had one-night stands,
none of which we're proud of, but...
731
00:34:19,099 --> 00:34:20,100
Really?
732
00:34:20,976 --> 00:34:23,145
Look, to think that you and I could just have sex
733
00:34:23,270 --> 00:34:25,439
and without it compromising anything was just so...
734
00:34:25,606 --> 00:34:27,900
- Misguided.
- Exactly.
735
00:34:28,150 --> 00:34:29,485
I was gonna call you this morning.
736
00:34:29,735 --> 00:34:30,778
But you didn't.
737
00:34:30,945 --> 00:34:31,946
But I didn't.
738
00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,281
And you see, it's already
coming between us and I really...
739
00:34:34,406 --> 00:34:35,699
I just don't want it to.
740
00:34:35,783 --> 00:34:36,825
It's not going to.
741
00:34:36,951 --> 00:34:39,828
Look, I know that I act all tough
and I talk all tough, but really...
742
00:34:39,954 --> 00:34:42,748
It's just a front to protect yourself
from your own vulnerability.
743
00:34:43,666 --> 00:34:45,292
What are you, my fucking therapist now?
744
00:34:45,501 --> 00:34:50,089
No, I'm a friend.
Who knows that every time you curse, you blink.
745
00:34:50,297 --> 00:34:53,634
- Like your body's rejecting the word.
- It does not.
746
00:34:53,801 --> 00:34:54,802
- Fuck you.
- Blinked.
747
00:34:54,927 --> 00:34:56,637
- No, I didn't fucking blink.
- Blinked again.
748
00:34:56,804 --> 00:34:58,430
- Shit.
- Ah, didn't blink.
749
00:34:59,014 --> 00:35:00,099
"Shit" you're okay with.
750
00:35:01,016 --> 00:35:02,184
- It was stupid.
- Yes.
751
00:35:02,309 --> 00:35:03,602
We're friends, let's stay friends.
752
00:35:03,686 --> 00:35:05,187
Yes. Yes, this, I don't wanna lose this.
753
00:35:05,312 --> 00:35:06,438
Me neither.
754
00:35:06,647 --> 00:35:07,648
- Great.
- Fantastic.
755
00:35:07,815 --> 00:35:09,608
Portrait for the lovely couple?
756
00:35:18,158 --> 00:35:19,785
- What the hell are we doing?
- I don't know.
757
00:35:22,162 --> 00:35:24,331
- Rub my hair.
- Kiss my neck.
758
00:35:26,041 --> 00:35:27,126
(GIGGLING)
759
00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:28,502
- Watch my nipple.
- All right, all right.
760
00:35:30,337 --> 00:35:32,006
- I didn't know you had a tattoo.
- Yeah.
761
00:35:32,339 --> 00:35:33,465
Why didn't I notice that before?
762
00:35:33,674 --> 00:35:35,050
Because we were drunk.
763
00:35:35,301 --> 00:35:37,136
- Was it your dog?
- No. Never had one.
764
00:35:37,303 --> 00:35:38,387
But everyone else did.
765
00:35:38,512 --> 00:35:40,180
And I thought having a dog
meant you had a normal family,
766
00:35:40,306 --> 00:35:41,974
which at 17 I desperately wanted.
767
00:35:42,057 --> 00:35:43,976
So as a sign of rebellion you got a tattoo
768
00:35:44,184 --> 00:35:45,644
of the most conventional thing you could think of.
769
00:35:45,728 --> 00:35:47,354
It was super awesome back then.
770
00:35:47,563 --> 00:35:48,647
- Check it.
- Okay.
771
00:35:48,856 --> 00:35:50,107
- A lightning bolt?
- Eighteen.
772
00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:51,400
- Wanted superpowers.
- Yeah.
773
00:35:52,359 --> 00:35:54,236
I was a little into Harry Potter back then.
774
00:35:54,361 --> 00:35:56,947
- Were you also gay back then?
- Harry Potter doesn't make you gay!
775
00:35:57,031 --> 00:35:58,824
- Okay.
- Are you sure about this?
776
00:35:58,907 --> 00:35:59,950
- Are you?
- No.
777
00:36:00,034 --> 00:36:01,201
Me neither.
778
00:36:01,368 --> 00:36:03,579
(BOOTY CALL PLAYING)
779
00:36:05,664 --> 00:36:07,875
- How was your day?
- It was okay.
780
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:10,210
- I had a turkey sandwich for lunch.
- How was that?
781
00:36:10,336 --> 00:36:12,046
It wasn't that good. How was your day?
782
00:36:12,171 --> 00:36:14,548
Still trying to figure out that
subway system. It is tricky.
783
00:36:15,382 --> 00:36:16,425
(CHEERING)
784
00:36:17,384 --> 00:36:18,886
And it's out of here!
785
00:36:25,225 --> 00:36:26,894
- My butt.
- What?
786
00:36:27,019 --> 00:36:28,562
- Oh, my butt.
- Really?
787
00:36:28,729 --> 00:36:31,815
No, I mean my butt, it's cramping.
Can you grab a pillow?
788
00:36:31,899 --> 00:36:33,108
Okay, yeah, yeah.
789
00:36:34,568 --> 00:36:36,236
- So, no butt?
- No.
790
00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:39,239
(SNEEZING)
791
00:36:39,740 --> 00:36:42,201
- Really? Already?
- Just kidding.
792
00:36:47,122 --> 00:36:49,416
- Do you like this position?
- Yeah, it's all right.
793
00:36:52,044 --> 00:36:54,254
I gotta be honest,
I feel a little emasculated.
794
00:36:55,089 --> 00:36:59,134
A naked girl is lying on top of you
and you feel emasculated?
795
00:37:00,469 --> 00:37:02,679
- Little bit.
- You do know what that word means, right?
796
00:37:02,763 --> 00:37:04,807
Yes, I know what it means, and I feel it.
797
00:37:04,932 --> 00:37:07,101
Okay, all right, you big baby.
798
00:37:07,643 --> 00:37:09,395
- Chinese fire drill.
- Okay. Go!
799
00:37:09,728 --> 00:37:11,271
(GRUNTING AND GROANING)
800
00:37:11,605 --> 00:37:12,773
Okay.
801
00:37:15,609 --> 00:37:17,119
- Do you feel manly now?
- I do.
802
00:37:17,277 --> 00:37:18,487
Okay. Put it in.
803
00:37:19,947 --> 00:37:20,948
That's not funny.
804
00:37:21,281 --> 00:37:22,783
- It's kind of funny.
- It's kind of funny.
805
00:37:27,287 --> 00:37:28,455
- Hold on.
- What's wrong?
806
00:37:28,580 --> 00:37:29,581
I have to go to the bathroom.
807
00:37:29,665 --> 00:37:32,000
- What? Now?
- Yes, now. I had a lot of watermelon.
808
00:37:43,303 --> 00:37:44,346
What's going on in there?
809
00:37:44,471 --> 00:37:46,098
Do you know how hard it
is to pee with a hard-on?
810
00:37:46,181 --> 00:37:47,224
No, actually.
811
00:37:47,307 --> 00:37:49,601
It's like two lanes of traffic
merging into one. It takes time.
812
00:37:49,685 --> 00:37:50,769
Hmm.
813
00:37:56,275 --> 00:37:57,776
- Are you pooping?
- No.
814
00:37:57,860 --> 00:37:59,987
- Why are you sitting down?
- It's easier to control.
815
00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:02,990
- You want a mess in here?
- No. No, no. Sorry.
816
00:38:03,323 --> 00:38:05,701
(SPUTTERING DRIBBLES)
817
00:38:10,664 --> 00:38:12,875
(LOUD GUSHING NOISES)
818
00:38:15,210 --> 00:38:16,295
Oh!
819
00:38:17,004 --> 00:38:18,172
Yeah.
820
00:38:18,964 --> 00:38:20,007
Yup.
821
00:38:23,135 --> 00:38:24,219
What? Did I leak?
822
00:38:24,344 --> 00:38:25,345
Did you wash your hands?
823
00:38:25,846 --> 00:38:26,889
Oh, come on, dude.
824
00:38:27,014 --> 00:38:28,640
I know we're just friends,
but I'm still a lady.
825
00:38:29,016 --> 00:38:32,352
Now get back in there, wash your hands
and then bring that fine ass back here.
826
00:38:32,478 --> 00:38:35,022
If you keep talking to me like that,
I'm not gonna come back.
827
00:38:39,067 --> 00:38:40,152
(GROANING)
828
00:38:40,694 --> 00:38:43,572
- My hammies are killing me.
- Have a banana, they're in the fridge.
829
00:38:43,822 --> 00:38:45,073
Why would you keep bananas in the fridge?
830
00:38:45,365 --> 00:38:47,534
- It dries them out.
- It doesn't. They have a peel.
831
00:38:47,659 --> 00:38:49,161
It's not armor. Air still gets in.
832
00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:50,496
Do you want a banana or not?
833
00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:52,080
Not if they're dry. I'm not an animal.
834
00:38:54,333 --> 00:38:55,876
At least I have food in the house.
835
00:38:56,168 --> 00:38:57,836
All you have at home is drinkable yogurt.
836
00:38:58,170 --> 00:39:00,172
I like to drink my yogurt.
It's a timesaver.
837
00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:02,716
Well, then you think you could use
that time to shave your stubble.
838
00:39:02,841 --> 00:39:04,301
Your whiskers are like knives.
839
00:39:04,384 --> 00:39:08,055
Now, see, if you were my girlfriend,
I couldn't tell you to shut up right now.
840
00:39:08,222 --> 00:39:10,557
And because you're just my buddy,
I can tell you
841
00:39:10,682 --> 00:39:15,395
that if you don't start shaving up here,
I'm gonna stop shaving down there.
842
00:39:20,275 --> 00:39:21,485
Hey, hey. Hey...
843
00:39:21,568 --> 00:39:23,111
- Mom!
- "Mom"?
844
00:39:24,571 --> 00:39:27,115
My eyes are covered.
I don't know what you're doing.
845
00:39:27,241 --> 00:39:29,910
I can't see you putting on your black underpants.
846
00:39:30,035 --> 00:39:31,995
Jamie, baby, I missed you.
847
00:39:32,079 --> 00:39:33,413
On, baby.
848
00:39:33,705 --> 00:39:35,916
- Did your boobs get bigger?
- Mom, I'm over here.
849
00:39:36,458 --> 00:39:39,044
Hey, baby. Oh, no, they didn't.
850
00:39:39,253 --> 00:39:42,965
- What are you doing here?
- Victor turned out to be a total Lombard.
851
00:39:43,257 --> 00:39:46,593
L-O-M-B-A-R-D.
"Lots Of Money But A Real Dullard."
852
00:39:46,718 --> 00:39:47,970
Victor, her fiancé.
853
00:39:48,095 --> 00:39:49,471
Ex-fiancé.
854
00:39:49,596 --> 00:39:51,640
- What happened?
- Nothing. He was just blah.
855
00:39:51,765 --> 00:39:53,600
I mean, nice, but it was like talking to dirt.
856
00:39:53,725 --> 00:39:56,436
I woke up one day and I said, "Lorna..."
I'm Lorna.
857
00:39:57,437 --> 00:40:00,274
- Dylan.
- I said, "Lorna, this is not your bliss.
858
00:40:00,649 --> 00:40:02,359
- "Just because you're 39..."
- Forty-eight.
859
00:40:02,442 --> 00:40:05,070
"...it doesn't mean you have to settle.
He's not an insurance claim."
860
00:40:05,153 --> 00:40:06,989
So I caught the first plane off the island.
861
00:40:07,114 --> 00:40:09,783
- Cleveland's not an island.
- Oh, baby, it is.
862
00:40:10,117 --> 00:40:12,744
Anyway, here I am. It's so good to see you.
863
00:40:12,828 --> 00:40:15,247
You never told me you had a hot boyfriend.
864
00:40:15,455 --> 00:40:17,207
He's not my boyfriend, Mom.
865
00:40:17,291 --> 00:40:19,167
- That's right, we're just friends.
- I love it.
866
00:40:19,293 --> 00:40:21,670
It's like the '70s in here.
867
00:40:22,462 --> 00:40:24,631
That was a better time. Just sex.
868
00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:27,801
A little grass, a little glue...
Not during pregnancy.
869
00:40:27,926 --> 00:40:29,595
(WHISPERING)
Well, not during the final trimester.
870
00:40:29,678 --> 00:40:32,180
But no complications. It's great!
871
00:40:33,432 --> 00:40:35,851
Okay, well, that's technically,
I guess, what this is.
872
00:40:36,018 --> 00:40:37,311
That's exactly what this is.
873
00:40:37,436 --> 00:40:39,271
So my daughter is just your slampiece?
874
00:40:39,479 --> 00:40:41,315
No, no. "Slampiece"?
875
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:43,650
I'm just kidding. Slam away.
876
00:40:43,817 --> 00:40:45,110
Have fun. I think this is great.
877
00:40:45,193 --> 00:40:46,820
The only thing is,
it takes you off the market.
878
00:40:46,987 --> 00:40:48,947
But what the hell.
The whole reason you go to the market
879
00:40:49,031 --> 00:40:51,783
is to buy the produce, which you already got.
880
00:40:52,993 --> 00:40:56,997
It's so good to see you, baby.
I'm only gonna be here a few weeks.
881
00:40:57,122 --> 00:40:58,999
I'm starving. You got any gin?
882
00:40:59,333 --> 00:41:00,959
It's in the kitchen.
883
00:41:02,461 --> 00:41:03,503
You gotta go.
884
00:41:03,962 --> 00:41:06,298
- Is she wearing Axe body spray?
- I don't know. Come on.
885
00:41:06,381 --> 00:41:08,675
LORNA: Bananas in the refrigerator?
What are you, Puerto Rican?
886
00:41:09,009 --> 00:41:12,554
- That is terrible, Mother.
- Just joking. Your dad was Puerto Rican.
887
00:41:12,679 --> 00:41:14,181
What? You said that he was Greek.
888
00:41:14,348 --> 00:41:15,807
- Potato, potato...
- Get your shoes.
889
00:41:15,891 --> 00:41:18,435
- Okay. All right.
- Well, not... Just go, just go.
890
00:41:18,518 --> 00:41:20,062
I'll just put these on on the bike?
891
00:41:20,187 --> 00:41:21,229
- Yeah.
- Okay.
892
00:41:21,855 --> 00:41:22,898
It was nice to have met you...
893
00:41:23,023 --> 00:41:24,608
LORNA: Hey.
- And your pants are coming off.
894
00:41:24,691 --> 00:41:26,735
Oh, my... Mom! Mom, please!
895
00:41:29,029 --> 00:41:30,030
Back, back!
896
00:41:33,825 --> 00:41:35,911
That's what I'm talking about!
897
00:41:36,703 --> 00:41:39,206
We're kicking every gay ass out here!
898
00:41:39,414 --> 00:41:41,750
I don't say that pejoratively, I say it hopefully.
899
00:41:41,875 --> 00:41:43,377
Hold it. Any of you gay?
900
00:41:43,543 --> 00:41:45,045
- Not even you?
- Come on, man.
901
00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:47,255
Come talk to me after.
Give me five minutes of your time.
902
00:41:47,381 --> 00:41:49,091
I might be able to let you see some reason.
903
00:41:49,216 --> 00:41:51,635
(LET A WOMAN BE A WOMAN
(AND A MAN BE A MAN) PLAYING)
904
00:41:51,718 --> 00:41:53,220
(MEN WHOOPING AND HOOTING)
905
00:41:54,096 --> 00:41:55,180
(CHEERING)
906
00:41:55,263 --> 00:41:57,015
Look at you in the house!
907
00:41:57,099 --> 00:41:58,225
Come on, baby!
908
00:41:59,726 --> 00:42:00,852
I'm supposed to meet up with Jamie.
909
00:42:01,937 --> 00:42:03,605
- Who's that, that headhunter?
- Uh-huh.
910
00:42:03,855 --> 00:42:05,190
What, you guys going out now?
911
00:42:05,273 --> 00:42:07,901
No, no, no, we're just friends.
We're messing around a little bit.
912
00:42:08,276 --> 00:42:09,986
- What do you mean?
- Sleeping together.
913
00:42:10,070 --> 00:42:11,363
But it's just sex.
914
00:42:11,446 --> 00:42:13,073
That never works, bro.
915
00:42:13,198 --> 00:42:16,910
She's a girl. Sex always means more
to them even if they don't admit it.
916
00:42:17,077 --> 00:42:18,161
Jamie's different.
917
00:42:18,245 --> 00:42:20,831
Does she have a penis where
most girls have a vagina?
918
00:42:20,914 --> 00:42:22,582
- No penis.
- Then she's no different.
919
00:42:22,916 --> 00:42:24,292
What do you know about women, anyway?
920
00:42:24,418 --> 00:42:27,087
Dude, I've turned down more
tail than you'll ever have.
921
00:42:27,212 --> 00:42:28,296
Yeah, bro. You're gay.
922
00:42:28,630 --> 00:42:32,259
But the offers still keep rolling in,
naturally. Look at me.
923
00:42:32,634 --> 00:42:35,554
And, hey, I love women.
They're beautiful, majestic,
924
00:42:35,637 --> 00:42:38,432
mysterious, mesmerizing creatures.
925
00:42:38,890 --> 00:42:42,728
Smart, empathetic.
Far superior to men in every way.
926
00:42:43,103 --> 00:42:46,565
And if I had a choice,
I would be with women to my dying day.
927
00:42:46,648 --> 00:42:49,818
But me likes cock
so I'm strict-aly dick-aly.
928
00:42:50,902 --> 00:42:53,238
So it's always just about sex, then?
929
00:42:53,321 --> 00:42:56,658
No. I've been in love.
I went down that rabbit hole.
930
00:42:56,992 --> 00:42:58,285
You know what I discovered?
931
00:42:58,952 --> 00:43:01,037
It's not who you want to
spend Friday night with,
932
00:43:01,121 --> 00:43:03,582
it's who you want to spend
all day Saturday with.
933
00:43:03,665 --> 00:43:04,750
Feel me, Felix?
934
00:43:04,833 --> 00:43:08,170
Yeah, but then it's every Saturday
for the rest of your life.
935
00:43:08,754 --> 00:43:10,088
It's okay, you don't get it.
936
00:43:10,338 --> 00:43:12,841
It's no big deal. But you will.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
937
00:43:13,175 --> 00:43:17,095
One day, you'll meet someone
and it'll literally take your breath away.
938
00:43:17,262 --> 00:43:21,349
Like you can't breathe.
Like no oxygen to the lungs.
939
00:43:21,516 --> 00:43:23,852
- Like a fish...
- Yeah, I get it, Tommy.
940
00:43:24,352 --> 00:43:25,437
Yeah, you don't.
941
00:43:25,979 --> 00:43:28,356
Nice work on that new online site, by the way.
942
00:43:28,815 --> 00:43:30,317
What was the font on that headline?
943
00:43:30,609 --> 00:43:31,693
It was Times Roman.
944
00:43:31,818 --> 00:43:34,112
Times Roman. Inspired. I'm out.
945
00:43:40,660 --> 00:43:41,703
You have a boat?
946
00:43:41,870 --> 00:43:45,165
I live in Jersey. And I ain't taking no ferry.
947
00:43:45,832 --> 00:43:48,460
Unless it's out to dinner and a show. Bam!
948
00:44:04,017 --> 00:44:05,018
- Hey.
- Yeah.
949
00:44:05,143 --> 00:44:10,440
You and that Dylan? Way to go.
I mean the whole friendship-sex thing.
950
00:44:10,524 --> 00:44:12,192
Kudos, baby, kudos.
951
00:44:12,317 --> 00:44:13,360
(LAUGHS)
952
00:44:13,693 --> 00:44:15,028
It's not that big of a deal.
953
00:44:15,237 --> 00:44:16,655
It's just surprising.
954
00:44:16,738 --> 00:44:19,366
I always thought you were
a true-love kind of girl.
955
00:44:19,491 --> 00:44:22,536
Whatever, Mom. It's not like
it's stopping me from anything.
956
00:44:22,702 --> 00:44:24,538
That's what I thought back in '78.
957
00:44:25,205 --> 00:44:26,665
And every year since.
958
00:44:26,915 --> 00:44:29,251
I'm just...
I'm flattered, actually.
959
00:44:29,376 --> 00:44:31,878
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
960
00:44:32,212 --> 00:44:34,005
It's just surprising.
961
00:44:35,507 --> 00:44:38,218
- There, done. It's... There we go.
- Okay.
962
00:44:39,845 --> 00:44:42,848
You look great! You look great.
You look like a princess.
963
00:44:43,557 --> 00:44:44,724
- Yeah!
- Really?
964
00:44:44,891 --> 00:44:46,226
- Yeah.
- Okay.
965
00:44:46,351 --> 00:44:50,188
Hey, my friend gave me his
house in Montauk for July 4th.
966
00:44:50,272 --> 00:44:53,149
Let's you and me go away together.
No men, no bullshit.
967
00:44:53,275 --> 00:44:56,736
- Just mother-daughter. Like a Nora Ephron movie.
- (SCOFFS)
968
00:44:56,862 --> 00:44:59,406
When was the last time we spent
a full weekend together?
969
00:44:59,573 --> 00:45:02,576
When I was eight, that time in Vermont.
We got snowed in with the ski instructor.
970
00:45:02,701 --> 00:45:03,785
- Demitri.
- Bill.
971
00:45:03,910 --> 00:45:05,245
He reminded me a lot of your father.
972
00:45:05,704 --> 00:45:08,915
Dark curls, olive skin, Cold War accent.
973
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:10,876
- My father was Russian?
- I don't remember.
974
00:45:11,042 --> 00:45:14,087
But what I do remember is we drank a
lot of vodka and shot a lot of guns.
975
00:45:14,379 --> 00:45:17,757
Mom, this "who's your daddy"
game is getting really old.
976
00:45:17,883 --> 00:45:20,594
I know I haven't been the
best mother in the world...
977
00:45:23,597 --> 00:45:25,056
I'm sorry,
were you waiting for me to jump in?
978
00:45:25,265 --> 00:45:28,393
Come on! Go away with me. Come on!
979
00:45:29,227 --> 00:45:31,062
- Come on. Come on.
- (LAUGHING)
980
00:45:31,479 --> 00:45:34,316
Okay, we'll do it. It'll be fun, yeah?
981
00:45:35,942 --> 00:45:36,943
(SIGHS)
982
00:45:39,779 --> 00:45:40,864
(GASPS)
983
00:45:40,947 --> 00:45:42,949
- Mom...
- I was trying to bond!
984
00:45:43,074 --> 00:45:45,452
- It was either this or sniff glue.
- (LAUGHS)
985
00:45:50,999 --> 00:45:53,251
- Sorry about my mom.
- I thought she was funny.
986
00:45:53,335 --> 00:45:56,129
Yeah, she's really funny
when she's asking for money,
987
00:45:56,254 --> 00:45:58,798
and she's hilarious when
she needs a place to stay.
988
00:46:04,137 --> 00:46:07,265
Dylan, I think I wanna start dating again.
989
00:46:08,141 --> 00:46:11,144
Listen, I think we should stop this.
990
00:46:13,521 --> 00:46:15,440
- Hmm.
- Yeah?
991
00:46:16,149 --> 00:46:17,192
I kind of think you're right.
992
00:46:17,317 --> 00:46:18,318
Right?
993
00:46:18,526 --> 00:46:24,032
♪ Every new beginning comes
from some other beginning's end ♪
994
00:46:24,449 --> 00:46:25,909
That actually makes sense right here.
995
00:46:25,992 --> 00:46:27,953
Who would've thought
Third Eye Blind could be so prophetic?
996
00:46:28,036 --> 00:46:29,162
Not Third Eye Blind.
997
00:46:29,287 --> 00:46:30,997
I'm pretty sure that's Third Eye Blind.
998
00:46:31,164 --> 00:46:32,290
Do you wanna go grab some lunch?
999
00:46:32,374 --> 00:46:33,500
- Yes.
- Okay.
1000
00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:35,293
- You're buying.
- What?
1001
00:46:37,545 --> 00:46:38,630
Okay.
1002
00:46:39,547 --> 00:46:40,632
Oh.
1003
00:46:41,007 --> 00:46:42,008
- Pants.
- Shirt.
1004
00:46:42,801 --> 00:46:43,843
So this is the end of this?
1005
00:46:44,010 --> 00:46:45,887
- I guess so. But it's good.
- Yeah.
1006
00:46:46,012 --> 00:46:47,389
- And we did it.
- With no bullshit.
1007
00:46:47,514 --> 00:46:48,556
- Shirt.
- Sweater.
1008
00:46:49,474 --> 00:46:51,309
We managed to actually stay friends.
1009
00:46:51,685 --> 00:46:52,811
- Yup.
- Yeah.
1010
00:46:57,232 --> 00:46:59,025
Okay. So, what is your type, anyway?
1011
00:46:59,192 --> 00:47:01,194
No, I don't have a type.
1012
00:47:01,361 --> 00:47:03,571
- It's more about what's inside.
- Oh, please!
1013
00:47:03,697 --> 00:47:05,407
Okay, what about her?
1014
00:47:05,991 --> 00:47:08,034
DYLAN:
Yeah. I could get to know her inside.
1015
00:47:08,159 --> 00:47:09,202
And she's reading a book.
1016
00:47:10,036 --> 00:47:10,661
It's probably Nicholas Sparks.
1017
00:47:10,662 --> 00:47:11,329
It's probably Nicholas Sparks.
1018
00:47:11,871 --> 00:47:13,665
- I'm gonna go talk to her.
- What?
1019
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:15,917
What do you mean, "What"?
We said we wanted to date again.
1020
00:47:16,042 --> 00:47:17,711
- I'm gonna go talk to her.
- Now?
1021
00:47:17,836 --> 00:47:19,337
Here, in front of all of these people?
1022
00:47:19,504 --> 00:47:22,716
I didn't say I was gonna rape her.
I said I was gonna go talk to her.
1023
00:47:26,594 --> 00:47:29,389
Excuse me. I'm Dylan.
Nice to meet you.
1024
00:47:29,889 --> 00:47:31,016
Oh, The Notebook.
1025
00:47:32,058 --> 00:47:33,059
(INAUDIBLE)
1026
00:47:37,439 --> 00:47:38,565
DYLAN:
Nice meeting you.
1027
00:47:42,277 --> 00:47:44,821
- Well?
- We talked. We laughed.
1028
00:47:44,904 --> 00:47:46,031
Yeah.
1029
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:48,408
- She's Belgian.
- Explains the reading.
1030
00:47:48,742 --> 00:47:50,160
I showed her where the balcony was,
1031
00:47:50,243 --> 00:47:52,912
because that's where she is
meeting up with her husband.
1032
00:47:53,038 --> 00:47:54,581
Oh!
(LAUGHING)
1033
00:47:54,914 --> 00:47:56,082
DYLAN:
Anniversary trip to New York.
1034
00:47:56,374 --> 00:47:59,377
Three kids. Christof, Karlina and Pepijn.
1035
00:48:00,503 --> 00:48:01,546
Shut up.
1036
00:48:02,589 --> 00:48:05,425
Why are you still laughing?
At least I gave it a shot.
1037
00:48:05,675 --> 00:48:08,261
Fine. I'll go next.
1038
00:48:08,595 --> 00:48:10,930
- See if I still have game.
- Okay.
1039
00:48:11,097 --> 00:48:12,432
- Okay.
- Oh, okay.
1040
00:48:12,557 --> 00:48:14,017
- Yes.
- Right here. Eleven o'clock.
1041
00:48:14,267 --> 00:48:16,853
- Iced coffee.
- Handsome, but doesn't know it.
1042
00:48:17,395 --> 00:48:20,440
Staring at a tree, which means he's
actually in the park for nature
1043
00:48:20,523 --> 00:48:22,108
and not to watch women sunbathe.
1044
00:48:22,275 --> 00:48:23,860
- Or he's retarded.
- Don't care.
1045
00:48:23,943 --> 00:48:25,070
I'm going in.
1046
00:48:26,071 --> 00:48:28,031
(SCATTING)
1047
00:48:31,910 --> 00:48:33,369
- Excuse me.
- Yes?
1048
00:48:33,870 --> 00:48:34,954
- Hi.
- Hello.
1049
00:48:35,455 --> 00:48:36,748
I'm Jamie.
1050
00:48:38,374 --> 00:48:39,626
Yeah. Yeah, that works.
1051
00:48:41,377 --> 00:48:42,629
Oh, hi.
1052
00:48:45,090 --> 00:48:46,132
Okay.
1053
00:48:46,299 --> 00:48:47,383
- Nice to meet you.
- (MOUTHING) Oh, my God!
1054
00:48:47,592 --> 00:48:49,928
(SCATTING)
1055
00:48:52,138 --> 00:48:56,893
Okay. His name is Parker.
He's a children's oncologist.
1056
00:48:56,976 --> 00:48:57,977
(SCATTING)
1057
00:48:58,144 --> 00:48:59,813
And I have a date this Saturday.
1058
00:48:59,938 --> 00:49:00,980
(SCATTING A FAN FARE)
1059
00:49:01,147 --> 00:49:02,315
- Nice.
- Thank you.
1060
00:49:03,149 --> 00:49:04,943
Why'd you wave to me?
1061
00:49:05,485 --> 00:49:08,404
I told him you were my gay best friend,
1062
00:49:08,488 --> 00:49:10,240
so he wants to set you up with his brother.
1063
00:49:10,490 --> 00:49:12,158
(SCATTING MOCKINGLY)
1064
00:49:12,992 --> 00:49:16,788
PARKER:
College, med school, and I haven't slept since.
1065
00:49:17,205 --> 00:49:19,207
JAMIE:
I can't believe you actually cure cancer.
1066
00:49:19,666 --> 00:49:21,543
Well, me and God.
1067
00:49:22,377 --> 00:49:23,837
- What?
- I'm kidding.
1068
00:49:24,170 --> 00:49:26,673
- Can you imagine someone who would actually say that?
- (EXHALING DEEPLY)
1069
00:49:26,798 --> 00:49:28,842
Yeah, I could.
I've been out with a lot of them.
1070
00:49:29,050 --> 00:49:30,677
- Cancer doctors?
- No, assholes.
1071
00:49:31,344 --> 00:49:32,387
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
1072
00:49:32,512 --> 00:49:33,680
Well, hopefully you're all done with that.
1073
00:49:34,848 --> 00:49:38,351
Although, I gotta warn you,
lot of cancer doctors, big assholes.
1074
00:49:38,476 --> 00:49:39,477
- Really?
- Yeah.
1075
00:49:39,561 --> 00:49:42,480
And brain surgeons, huge perverts.
1076
00:49:42,730 --> 00:49:45,400
While they're doing this, a little bit of that.
1077
00:49:47,026 --> 00:49:48,027
Hey.
1078
00:49:48,194 --> 00:49:49,237
(JAMIE LAUGHING)
1079
00:49:49,404 --> 00:49:50,697
Thank you.
1080
00:49:51,489 --> 00:49:52,574
When can I see you again?
1081
00:49:56,703 --> 00:49:57,704
Right now.
1082
00:49:57,871 --> 00:49:58,913
Ah.
1083
00:49:59,205 --> 00:50:00,582
- I'm just kidding.
- Okay.
1084
00:50:00,707 --> 00:50:02,375
Can you imagine someone
who would actually say that?
1085
00:50:03,209 --> 00:50:04,711
JAMIE:
I played the tuba in high school.
1086
00:50:04,919 --> 00:50:07,046
World's stupidest instrument.
1087
00:50:07,380 --> 00:50:09,090
Especially when you move eight times.
1088
00:50:09,257 --> 00:50:12,886
- Why'd you move?
- My mom really likes to break up with guys,
1089
00:50:13,052 --> 00:50:14,429
and she was really good at it.
1090
00:50:14,596 --> 00:50:16,848
- Was your dad one of them?
- No, no, he was long before that.
1091
00:50:17,265 --> 00:50:18,558
I actually never knew my dad.
1092
00:50:18,892 --> 00:50:20,268
I'm sorry. That sucks.
1093
00:50:23,229 --> 00:50:25,565
All right, look,
I think I should probably tell you something.
1094
00:50:25,732 --> 00:50:27,192
Please don't tell me you're a dude.
1095
00:50:27,275 --> 00:50:29,527
Because that'll be like
the third time since I moved here,
1096
00:50:29,611 --> 00:50:31,237
and I don't think I can handle that.
1097
00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:32,572
I have a five-date rule.
1098
00:50:33,406 --> 00:50:36,075
- You know, like, five dates before we...
- Yeah.
1099
00:50:36,284 --> 00:50:38,953
I saw it in a movie.
I thought I'd give it a try.
1100
00:50:40,246 --> 00:50:41,289
You're worth waiting for.
1101
00:50:42,415 --> 00:50:44,250
I'm sure that was the line
in the movie you saw.
1102
00:50:44,417 --> 00:50:45,460
(LAUGHING)
1103
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:47,086
PARKER:
That's awesome.
1104
00:50:47,253 --> 00:50:50,048
This four-year-old that I've been
working on for the last couple months,
1105
00:50:50,256 --> 00:50:51,299
he's gonna be fine.
1106
00:50:51,591 --> 00:50:52,759
- That's great.
- Yeah.
1107
00:50:53,593 --> 00:50:55,220
How is a guy like you single?
1108
00:50:55,303 --> 00:50:58,306
I've just been waiting for someone
to come up to me in the park
1109
00:50:58,598 --> 00:51:00,934
and compliment me for looking at
the trees and not the sunbathers.
1110
00:51:01,059 --> 00:51:02,435
I meant it. It was impressive.
1111
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:04,562
Actually, if I'm gonna be
completely honest with you,
1112
00:51:04,646 --> 00:51:06,356
I was sleeping standing up.
1113
00:51:06,439 --> 00:51:09,567
I worked 36 hours straight.
I don't even know how I got to the park.
1114
00:51:10,485 --> 00:51:11,819
How is a girl like you single?
1115
00:51:11,986 --> 00:51:13,071
(CHUCKLES)
Oh...
1116
00:51:13,780 --> 00:51:14,906
I have issues.
1117
00:51:15,114 --> 00:51:16,658
One might even call me damaged.
1118
00:51:16,991 --> 00:51:18,493
Actually, one did call me damaged.
1119
00:51:18,618 --> 00:51:19,744
Get out of here. Damaged how?
1120
00:51:20,453 --> 00:51:21,663
I kind of believe in true love.
1121
00:51:22,330 --> 00:51:24,916
That there might be a
Prince Charming out there for me.
1122
00:51:26,501 --> 00:51:27,585
(CELL PHONE BEEPING)
Oh.
1123
00:51:30,255 --> 00:51:35,218
Listen, I know this is probably a no
because all you do is work like a dull boy,
1124
00:51:35,301 --> 00:51:37,637
but would you like to come get a beer?
1125
00:51:37,762 --> 00:51:38,763
I'm good.
1126
00:51:38,846 --> 00:51:40,598
No, it's not a gay bar.
1127
00:51:40,682 --> 00:51:44,644
And there'll be just as
many hot girls as hot guys.
1128
00:51:44,978 --> 00:51:46,312
(PHONE BEEPING)
1129
00:51:46,437 --> 00:51:49,023
You know what? I will come out.
1130
00:51:49,190 --> 00:51:51,943
- All right. Let's find you a lady.
- (SCOFFS)
1131
00:51:52,986 --> 00:51:54,112
You're still not gay, right?
1132
00:51:54,195 --> 00:51:55,488
- Nope.
- Okay.
1133
00:52:01,327 --> 00:52:02,996
- What?
- Do you know what today is?
1134
00:52:04,038 --> 00:52:06,332
- Date number five.
- I wasn't even counting.
1135
00:52:11,671 --> 00:52:14,632
- Wanna go in the bedroom?
- No. Here's fine.
1136
00:52:18,011 --> 00:52:19,804
(SNARLING)
1137
00:52:20,847 --> 00:52:23,182
I am so glad I met you tonight.
(MOANING)
1138
00:52:23,808 --> 00:52:25,226
Me, too.
1139
00:52:25,852 --> 00:52:27,186
(CONTINUES SNARLING)
1140
00:52:29,063 --> 00:52:31,024
What are you thinking?
1141
00:52:31,858 --> 00:52:34,110
Just how great you are.
1142
00:52:34,193 --> 00:52:35,653
(MOANS)
1143
00:52:35,862 --> 00:52:37,322
(PUMPED UP KICKS PLAYING)
1144
00:52:37,405 --> 00:52:38,489
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
1145
00:52:41,034 --> 00:52:42,368
(SNIFFING)
1146
00:52:45,747 --> 00:52:47,165
Annie, hey.
1147
00:52:47,248 --> 00:52:49,584
Who the fuck is Annie?
1148
00:52:49,709 --> 00:52:50,918
My sister.
1149
00:52:51,044 --> 00:52:53,046
Better be. I'll cut her.
1150
00:52:55,548 --> 00:52:56,716
Of course I'm coming.
1151
00:52:57,050 --> 00:53:01,220
Yeah, I'm taking the 4th off,
so I'll be there for three days.
1152
00:53:03,598 --> 00:53:05,016
(SNIFFING)
1153
00:53:07,727 --> 00:53:08,770
(BLOWING)
1154
00:53:11,898 --> 00:53:13,524
Yeah. How's Dad?
1155
00:53:14,025 --> 00:53:15,401
Any worse?
1156
00:53:16,194 --> 00:53:17,862
All right, tell him I said hi.
1157
00:53:18,738 --> 00:53:20,239
Bye, Banannie.
1158
00:53:23,910 --> 00:53:26,245
I want you to meet my parents.
1159
00:53:26,871 --> 00:53:28,790
No, you... Really?
1160
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:35,922
(MOANING)
1161
00:53:36,297 --> 00:53:37,590
God!
1162
00:53:38,383 --> 00:53:39,425
(CLOSING TIME RINGTONE PLAYING)
1163
00:53:39,550 --> 00:53:42,929
♪ I know who I want
to take me home ♪
1164
00:53:43,763 --> 00:53:48,726
♪ I know who I want
to take me home ♪
1165
00:53:50,478 --> 00:53:55,400
♪ I know who I want
to take me home ♪
1166
00:53:55,900 --> 00:53:57,985
Hey. Hold on, hold on.
1167
00:53:58,611 --> 00:54:01,239
No, just hold on. Just give me a second.
1168
00:54:01,322 --> 00:54:04,117
I gotta go find a place to talk. Okay.
1169
00:54:05,243 --> 00:54:06,285
(LORNA GRUNTING)
1170
00:54:06,411 --> 00:54:08,454
Shit. Shit. Just hold on.
1171
00:54:08,579 --> 00:54:09,747
- Oh, sorry.
- Hold on.
1172
00:54:09,831 --> 00:54:11,416
I was out pretty late last night.
1173
00:54:11,749 --> 00:54:14,669
When I got in, you and your
girlfriend were on the couch
1174
00:54:14,794 --> 00:54:16,337
so I just crashed in your bed.
1175
00:54:16,462 --> 00:54:18,131
- He's not a girl.
- He smells like a girl.
1176
00:54:18,297 --> 00:54:20,508
- You smelled him?
- I wanna buy marshmallows.
1177
00:54:20,633 --> 00:54:23,219
- What did you say?
- For Montauk this weekend.
1178
00:54:23,302 --> 00:54:26,097
I wanna do a campfire,
like when you were little.
1179
00:54:26,180 --> 00:54:27,306
Okay.
1180
00:54:27,348 --> 00:54:30,309
- And then we're gonna look for sticks.
- I hear you. Sticks.
1181
00:54:30,435 --> 00:54:33,312
And then we're gonna sing. We're gonna...
(SNORING SOFTLY)
1182
00:54:33,479 --> 00:54:35,440
Just hold on a second.
1183
00:54:36,441 --> 00:54:37,608
Okay.
1184
00:54:39,694 --> 00:54:40,862
Okay.
1185
00:54:45,867 --> 00:54:47,076
What's up?
1186
00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:49,120
Do you think guys care more
about global warming
1187
00:54:49,203 --> 00:54:51,622
or how to wear white pants
to a cookout?
1188
00:54:51,706 --> 00:54:52,832
JAMIE:
Well, that depends.
1189
00:54:52,957 --> 00:54:55,626
Do you have a hot model
in a bikini standing on an icecap?
1190
00:54:55,710 --> 00:54:57,420
No. Ski slope.
1191
00:54:57,503 --> 00:54:59,464
I'd still go with pants to a cookout.
1192
00:54:59,630 --> 00:55:01,174
Yeah, me, too.
1193
00:55:01,716 --> 00:55:04,510
How's your boy Parker? Still staring at trees?
1194
00:55:04,635 --> 00:55:06,888
Two coffees.
Yeah, he's still looking up at trees,
1195
00:55:07,013 --> 00:55:09,223
but this time it's actually in my apartment.
1196
00:55:09,348 --> 00:55:11,726
- It's the fifth date already?
- Maybe. Thank you.
1197
00:55:11,851 --> 00:55:14,562
Did you guys "fifth-date"?
1198
00:55:14,687 --> 00:55:17,023
How dare you! A lady never tells.
1199
00:55:17,148 --> 00:55:18,357
I know. That's why I'm asking you.
1200
00:55:18,483 --> 00:55:19,525
(LAUGHS)
1201
00:55:21,903 --> 00:55:24,739
Hey. I gotta go. You have a great
trip in LA and call me when you land.
1202
00:55:25,072 --> 00:55:26,199
Okay.
1203
00:55:26,324 --> 00:55:27,742
JAMIE:
Parker.
1204
00:55:28,409 --> 00:55:29,702
Hey.
1205
00:55:29,827 --> 00:55:30,870
Um...
1206
00:55:30,995 --> 00:55:33,831
I got us coffees.
Nonfat, one sugar, one Splenda.
1207
00:55:34,415 --> 00:55:36,042
- I gotta get going.
- Oh, what?
1208
00:55:36,167 --> 00:55:37,418
I thought you weren't on call today.
1209
00:55:37,543 --> 00:55:40,838
I'm not, but I got that thing...
I got stuff.
1210
00:55:40,922 --> 00:55:42,548
This...
They just called me.
1211
00:55:44,550 --> 00:55:46,511
- Really?
- Yeah.
1212
00:55:46,677 --> 00:55:49,889
The sneak-out.
How incredibly cliché of you.
1213
00:55:50,014 --> 00:55:51,390
I just...
1214
00:55:52,266 --> 00:55:54,268
I don't think I can be your Prince Charming.
1215
00:55:54,393 --> 00:55:57,230
God, you totally didn't get anything
that I was saying, did you?
1216
00:55:57,355 --> 00:56:00,691
- No, no, no. I think you're great.
- Yeah, you, too.
1217
00:56:01,025 --> 00:56:02,693
Hey, you know what?
You and I should stay friends.
1218
00:56:02,777 --> 00:56:04,779
- Really?
- No, go fuck yourself.
1219
00:56:05,071 --> 00:56:06,906
(NICE TRY PLAYING)
1220
00:56:15,748 --> 00:56:17,083
DYLAN:
Who sleeps standing up?
1221
00:56:17,583 --> 00:56:18,751
You know,
you'd be really proud of me.
1222
00:56:18,876 --> 00:56:20,795
I didn't even blink
when I told him to go fuck himself.
1223
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:24,590
- You did just then, though.
- This does not count. I'm not in the moment.
1224
00:56:25,216 --> 00:56:26,884
I don't know, maybe I suck in bed.
1225
00:56:26,968 --> 00:56:28,302
Trust me, you don't suck in bed.
1226
00:56:29,095 --> 00:56:30,930
- Thank you.
- So needy.
1227
00:56:31,055 --> 00:56:32,682
Hey, maybe the guy's married or something.
1228
00:56:32,765 --> 00:56:34,600
No, did a background check at work.
1229
00:56:34,725 --> 00:56:37,812
Single, no criminal history,
credit report 720.
1230
00:56:37,937 --> 00:56:39,522
Background check. Did you do one on me?
1231
00:56:39,605 --> 00:56:41,816
How could you possibly
max out an Old Navy card?
1232
00:56:41,941 --> 00:56:44,110
After college I was really into cargo pants.
1233
00:56:45,820 --> 00:56:47,655
Dylan, I gotta stop thinking it's not me.
1234
00:56:47,780 --> 00:56:50,032
- I mean, it's gotta be me.
- It's not you.
1235
00:56:50,116 --> 00:56:51,367
Nothing is wrong with you.
1236
00:56:51,450 --> 00:56:53,452
He's a guy.
You gave him a five-date challenge,
1237
00:56:53,578 --> 00:56:55,955
he got you and cut out.
Forget the douche.
1238
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,499
He's a dick.
He's a dick-douche.
1239
00:56:59,667 --> 00:57:01,168
Go have fun with your mom.
1240
00:57:01,669 --> 00:57:04,839
- Okay.
- Oh. Almost forgot. I got you something.
1241
00:57:12,471 --> 00:57:15,141
It's Lieutenant Kali,
the street artist we talked about.
1242
00:57:15,308 --> 00:57:17,810
I got him to do something for you.
"F-tale." Fairytale.
1243
00:57:18,477 --> 00:57:21,647
- I know you're into that girly shit, so...
- This is so cool.
1244
00:57:22,773 --> 00:57:24,734
Dylan, that's actually really sweet.
1245
00:57:24,817 --> 00:57:26,819
- It's cool, right?
- Yeah. Thank you.
1246
00:57:28,654 --> 00:57:30,323
Hey, I'm gonna need to borrow cab fare.
1247
00:57:31,490 --> 00:57:33,659
I'm not taking that thing on the subway.
I don't wanna get rolled.
1248
00:57:33,784 --> 00:57:34,869
No problem.
1249
00:57:34,994 --> 00:57:36,996
As long as you get your feet off my bed.
They're disgusting.
1250
00:57:39,290 --> 00:57:40,374
What are you doing?
1251
00:57:40,499 --> 00:57:41,792
Why are you doing that?
Why are you doing that?
1252
00:57:42,335 --> 00:57:44,211
You're an animal. Stop doing that.
An animal. Stop.
1253
00:57:48,341 --> 00:57:49,800
Hey, Ma.
1254
00:57:51,135 --> 00:57:53,554
Ma. Come on, we gotta get on the road.
1255
00:57:54,013 --> 00:57:55,348
Come on.
1256
00:57:55,473 --> 00:57:56,891
Ma?
1257
00:58:13,741 --> 00:58:14,825
Ouch.
1258
00:58:15,534 --> 00:58:17,411
Why did I think that this
time would be any different?
1259
00:58:17,536 --> 00:58:19,163
- Come with me to LA.
- What?
1260
00:58:19,246 --> 00:58:21,957
What else are you gonna do?
It's 4th of July, everybody's left the city.
1261
00:58:22,041 --> 00:58:23,793
You're very sweet for asking, but it's fine.
1262
00:58:23,876 --> 00:58:25,544
You know what, I'll just stay here.
I'll be fine alone.
1263
00:58:25,670 --> 00:58:27,880
I know you'll be fine alone.
You're not a baby in a hot car.
1264
00:58:28,881 --> 00:58:30,716
I'm actually asking you to come
because it would help me.
1265
00:58:31,050 --> 00:58:32,760
You'd be a great distraction
for my family.
1266
00:58:32,885 --> 00:58:35,054
They'd forget all about
drilling me for being single.
1267
00:58:35,221 --> 00:58:36,389
Won't they think that we're together?
1268
00:58:36,514 --> 00:58:38,557
- Not if I tell them we're not.
- And they'll believe you?
1269
00:58:38,683 --> 00:58:41,060
Yeah, we're one of these crazy families
that doesn't lie to each other.
1270
00:58:41,185 --> 00:58:42,520
PBS is doing a documentary on us.
1271
00:58:42,728 --> 00:58:43,771
Come on, they'll love you.
1272
00:58:43,896 --> 00:58:46,357
All fast-talking and brusque,
like I'm bringing home a carny.
1273
00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:49,527
You're really nice to ask,
but I'm just gonna stay here.
1274
00:58:49,610 --> 00:58:50,861
Go to the gym.
1275
00:58:51,112 --> 00:58:54,031
I just got you a ticket with my miles,
it's done. Meet me at JFK.
1276
00:58:54,115 --> 00:58:55,533
- But...
- No buts.
1277
00:58:55,616 --> 00:58:58,452
- Like you were gonna go to the gym.
- I wasn't.
1278
00:58:59,537 --> 00:59:02,248
(SUCH A COLORFUL WORLD PLAYING)
1279
00:59:11,924 --> 00:59:13,509
LA's so nice.
1280
00:59:13,592 --> 00:59:15,970
Hmm.
And everyone's so genuine and level-headed.
1281
00:59:16,137 --> 00:59:17,221
(LAUGHING)
1282
00:59:17,596 --> 00:59:20,599
Thanks for this. You're good peeps.
1283
00:59:20,766 --> 00:59:22,393
You're the good peeps, dude.
1284
00:59:22,476 --> 00:59:25,104
You haven't met my family.
You don't know what you're in for.
1285
00:59:26,897 --> 00:59:28,065
Okay.
1286
00:59:28,315 --> 00:59:30,151
(SIGHING) You know these planes
pretty much land themselves?
1287
00:59:30,276 --> 00:59:33,154
Nobody cares. You sound like an asshole.
1288
00:59:34,613 --> 00:59:35,990
She's from New York.
1289
00:59:36,115 --> 00:59:37,450
I'm sorry.
1290
00:59:48,127 --> 00:59:50,421
Wow. This looks normal.
1291
00:59:50,504 --> 00:59:51,756
It is.
1292
00:59:52,631 --> 00:59:53,758
Thank you.
1293
00:59:57,970 --> 00:59:59,847
Wow, you grew up here?
1294
01:00:00,473 --> 01:00:02,475
It was my grandfather's.
1295
01:00:02,641 --> 01:00:04,268
He bought it when there was nothing else here.
1296
01:00:04,435 --> 01:00:06,645
My dad and my sister
and her son live here now.
1297
01:00:06,812 --> 01:00:09,982
What...
Why would you move to New York?
1298
01:00:10,149 --> 01:00:12,651
- I was conned by some headhunter.
- (LAUGHS)
1299
01:00:12,818 --> 01:00:14,320
- You're here.
- Sammy!
1300
01:00:14,487 --> 01:00:15,488
Hey, Uncle Dylan.
1301
01:00:15,654 --> 01:00:16,864
What's up, buddy?
(GRUNTS)
1302
01:00:17,823 --> 01:00:18,908
How are you?
1303
01:00:18,991 --> 01:00:21,702
Jamie, this is my nephew,
Sam the Magnificent.
1304
01:00:21,952 --> 01:00:24,580
- Hello.
- May I offer you a light for your cigarette?
1305
01:00:24,663 --> 01:00:26,332
I'm sorry, I don't smoke.
1306
01:00:26,457 --> 01:00:28,250
Just pretend. He's a magician.
1307
01:00:28,334 --> 01:00:31,212
Of course I'll have a cigarette.
Smoking is great for you.
1308
01:00:33,339 --> 01:00:34,381
(GASPS)
1309
01:00:34,507 --> 01:00:38,886
- Wow. Thank you, good sir.
- My pleasure, my lady.
1310
01:00:39,804 --> 01:00:41,138
Oh, my God. I got it, I got it.
1311
01:00:41,222 --> 01:00:43,390
Sammy. I got it, I got it.
Just stay still. I got it, I got it.
1312
01:00:43,516 --> 01:00:45,142
Sammy! Are you okay?
1313
01:00:45,226 --> 01:00:46,477
(ANNIE EXHALING DEEPLY)
- All part of the illusion.
1314
01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,187
- Jet Skis later?
- Definitely.
1315
01:00:49,230 --> 01:00:50,439
DYLAN:
Still into magic, huh?
1316
01:00:50,523 --> 01:00:53,692
Yep. But I'll take that
over him sexting his friends any day.
1317
01:00:54,527 --> 01:00:56,737
- Dilbert!
- Banannie.
1318
01:00:56,904 --> 01:00:57,988
(GRUNTING)
1319
01:00:58,072 --> 01:01:00,574
Jamie, this is my sister, Annie.
1320
01:01:00,699 --> 01:01:02,117
- Hi.
- Thank you for having me.
1321
01:01:02,201 --> 01:01:04,161
Oh, please.
It's nice to have Dylan bring a girl home.
1322
01:01:04,245 --> 01:01:05,830
- We're just friends.
- Oh, no, I know.
1323
01:01:05,913 --> 01:01:08,082
If you were his girlfriend,
he never would've brought you here.
1324
01:01:08,207 --> 01:01:10,876
- This one has intimacy issues.
- I know.
1325
01:01:11,043 --> 01:01:12,086
- Dylan.
- Dad.
1326
01:01:12,211 --> 01:01:13,838
- Dylan. Oh, man.
- Hey.
1327
01:01:13,921 --> 01:01:16,298
- How you doing, buddy?
- I'm good.
1328
01:01:16,382 --> 01:01:18,342
I miss you guys, but I'm good.
1329
01:01:18,425 --> 01:01:19,510
Oh!
1330
01:01:19,593 --> 01:01:20,761
Dede Spencer?
1331
01:01:21,220 --> 01:01:23,097
Jamie. Dylan's friend.
1332
01:01:25,266 --> 01:01:27,017
- I'm sorry. I...
- That's okay.
1333
01:01:27,101 --> 01:01:29,061
No, for a minute you reminded
me of a girl I used to know.
1334
01:01:29,228 --> 01:01:31,564
- No, that's okay. It happens.
- Nice to meet you.
1335
01:01:31,689 --> 01:01:33,774
Pleasure meeting you.
You have a beautiful house.
1336
01:01:33,899 --> 01:01:34,900
Thank you.
1337
01:01:35,192 --> 01:01:38,362
Pool's a little cold,
but it's very expensive to heat, so...
1338
01:01:39,405 --> 01:01:41,407
I think I'm gonna go in
and check the tide tables
1339
01:01:41,532 --> 01:01:43,117
'cause I'm gonna take the boat
out early in the morning.
1340
01:01:43,242 --> 01:01:44,743
- You should come.
- I would love to.
1341
01:01:44,869 --> 01:01:46,453
We sold the boat.
1342
01:01:46,579 --> 01:01:48,581
The doctor doesn't want you
driving the boat anymore.
1343
01:01:48,747 --> 01:01:49,748
(SIGHS)
1344
01:01:50,875 --> 01:01:52,751
- Turning to mush.
- No.
1345
01:01:54,378 --> 01:01:56,589
It's good to see you, buddy.
1346
01:01:56,755 --> 01:01:58,382
- Nice to meet you.
- It was nice meeting you, too.
1347
01:01:58,465 --> 01:02:00,217
- Jamie. See?
- Yes.
1348
01:02:05,222 --> 01:02:08,058
- What's with the pants?
- He doesn't like them anymore.
1349
01:02:08,267 --> 01:02:10,102
He's getting worse.
1350
01:02:10,477 --> 01:02:12,229
It's so good to have you here.
1351
01:02:13,439 --> 01:02:14,481
Go show her the beach.
1352
01:02:15,941 --> 01:02:17,985
- Let me show you the beach. Come on.
- Okay.
1353
01:02:18,110 --> 01:02:20,946
- Go, get sandy. Get all messed up.
- Okay.
1354
01:02:36,503 --> 01:02:38,547
JAMIE:
Dylan never told me about your dad.
1355
01:02:38,631 --> 01:02:41,342
Yeah, it's been tough on him.
They were real close.
1356
01:02:42,009 --> 01:02:43,886
Dylan doesn't quite know how
to deal with the Alzheimer's.
1357
01:02:43,969 --> 01:02:45,179
I'm sorry.
1358
01:02:45,304 --> 01:02:47,890
He'll be his regular old self
and everything seems fine,
1359
01:02:47,973 --> 01:02:50,643
and then just in a flash, he's gone.
1360
01:02:52,603 --> 01:02:55,105
- That's Dylan when he was nine.
- Are those braids?
1361
01:02:55,356 --> 01:02:55,897
He was going through a Kris Kross phase.
Remember them?
1362
01:02:55,898 --> 01:02:57,983
He was going through a Kris Kross phase.
Remember them?
1363
01:02:58,108 --> 01:03:00,361
♪ Kris Kross will make you
Jump! Jump! ♪
1364
01:03:00,611 --> 01:03:01,862
(LAUGHING)
1365
01:03:03,447 --> 01:03:06,200
- Is that your mom?
- No, that's Dylan's speech therapist.
1366
01:03:07,326 --> 01:03:10,287
He had a stutter.
It got real bad when he was nervous.
1367
01:03:10,537 --> 01:03:11,997
He had a rough childhood.
1368
01:03:12,164 --> 01:03:15,167
- His math tutor called it "character-building".
- Math tutor?
1369
01:03:15,292 --> 01:03:19,129
No, we're talking, like,
8 times 6 equals 1,200.
1370
01:03:19,213 --> 01:03:21,298
But he's very visual, thank God.
1371
01:03:21,548 --> 01:03:23,676
Can you please explain to me this photo?
1372
01:03:23,801 --> 01:03:26,053
That is my 12th-birthday surprise party.
1373
01:03:26,178 --> 01:03:28,222
- Hey.
- Amazing moment.
1374
01:03:28,347 --> 01:03:30,057
I'm exhausted. I'm gonna go to bed.
1375
01:03:30,182 --> 01:03:33,227
- Jamie, you all good with your room?
- Yeah. No, it's perfect.
1376
01:03:33,644 --> 01:03:35,396
Thank you.
Thank you for everything.
1377
01:03:37,564 --> 01:03:39,483
(MOANING SOFTLY)
1378
01:03:40,192 --> 01:03:42,152
Sammy and I built
a saw-a-girl-in-half box,
1379
01:03:42,236 --> 01:03:43,404
so just be careful on your way to bed.
1380
01:03:43,529 --> 01:03:44,989
He's not using a real saw, is he?
1381
01:03:45,072 --> 01:03:46,740
Of course he is. He's magnificent.
1382
01:03:47,157 --> 01:03:50,536
I'll make sure he brushes his teeth,
and you, don't believe anything she says.
1383
01:03:50,661 --> 01:03:52,663
- She's a liar.
- (LAUGHING)
1384
01:03:53,205 --> 01:03:55,666
- He's a pretty special guy.
- Yeah, I think so.
1385
01:03:56,834 --> 01:03:57,876
(KNOCKING)
1386
01:03:58,419 --> 01:04:00,379
- (WHISPERING) Jamie. Hey.
- (WHISPERING) Hey.
1387
01:04:00,713 --> 01:04:01,880
- You up?
- Yeah. Come in.
1388
01:04:04,842 --> 01:04:06,635
- I thought you were going to bed.
- I was.
1389
01:04:06,719 --> 01:04:09,388
But then I realized
we were both single again, so...
1390
01:04:10,014 --> 01:04:11,056
Oopsy.
(GASPS)
1391
01:04:11,390 --> 01:04:12,433
Oopsy.
1392
01:04:13,100 --> 01:04:14,727
- Dude, no.
- Why not?
1393
01:04:14,852 --> 01:04:16,729
I washed my hands. With soap this time.
1394
01:04:16,895 --> 01:04:18,772
Are you serious?
Why would you just assume?
1395
01:04:18,939 --> 01:04:22,609
You cracked your neck on the porch.
This thing. That's your tell, remember?
1396
01:04:22,776 --> 01:04:26,071
I cracked my neck
because we were on a flight for six hours,
1397
01:04:26,739 --> 01:04:29,616
and you were yapping my ear off
about how planes all fly themselves,
1398
01:04:29,742 --> 01:04:31,243
and it actually kinked my neck a bit.
1399
01:04:31,368 --> 01:04:34,079
- So, no?
- No. Not having sex with you.
1400
01:04:34,204 --> 01:04:36,457
Is it your special time?
They have an app for that. No, wait.
1401
01:04:39,418 --> 01:04:41,378
- Nope, you're good to go.
- We talked about this.
1402
01:04:41,462 --> 01:04:44,131
- Plus, I just got dumped, so...
- Okay, I'm sorry.
1403
01:04:44,256 --> 01:04:46,550
I thought this would be a good way
to take your mind off him.
1404
01:04:46,633 --> 01:04:48,761
No, I don't function that way.
Sex is not gonna help.
1405
01:04:49,219 --> 01:04:51,346
But you know what will?
Emotional support.
1406
01:04:51,430 --> 01:04:54,308
Before we were sex without emotion,
and now we're emotion without sex.
1407
01:04:54,433 --> 01:04:55,851
Exactly.
1408
01:04:55,934 --> 01:04:57,770
I just need you to be my friend right now.
1409
01:04:57,895 --> 01:04:59,938
Okay. So I'll listen to you
while you give me a hand job.
1410
01:05:00,230 --> 01:05:02,566
- No.
- I'm kidding. I got it. Good night.
1411
01:05:02,816 --> 01:05:06,820
Wait, hold on! Friends can still hang out and,
I don't know, listen to music.
1412
01:05:07,071 --> 01:05:08,072
Listen to music?
1413
01:05:08,155 --> 01:05:10,074
♪ Jump! Jump!
The Mac Dad will make you... ♪
1414
01:05:10,157 --> 01:05:11,283
I'm gonna kill Annie.
1415
01:05:12,117 --> 01:05:15,120
- I can't believe you used to like them.
- I didn't like these guys.
1416
01:05:15,245 --> 01:05:16,246
I don't even remember...
1417
01:05:16,330 --> 01:05:18,957
♪ Don't try to compare us
to another bad little fad ♪
1418
01:05:19,083 --> 01:05:21,543
♪ I'm the mac and I'm bad give you something
that you never had ♪
1419
01:05:21,627 --> 01:05:24,129
♪ I'll make ya jump, jump
Wiggle and shake your rump ♪
1420
01:05:24,254 --> 01:05:26,465
♪ 'Cause I'll be kicking up something
that make you wanna jump ♪
1421
01:05:26,590 --> 01:05:28,842
♪ How high? Real high
'Cause I'm just so fly ♪
1422
01:05:28,967 --> 01:05:31,261
And then there's something,
I don't know what he says right there...
1423
01:05:31,345 --> 01:05:33,680
♪ Inside-out is wiggity
wiggity, wiggity wack ♪
1424
01:05:33,806 --> 01:05:36,350
Are you kidding me?
These dudes were da bomb.
1425
01:05:36,475 --> 01:05:38,352
Everybody had Girbauds,
we all wore them backwards.
1426
01:05:38,477 --> 01:05:39,478
The baseball jerseys.
1427
01:05:39,978 --> 01:05:41,021
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
1428
01:05:41,313 --> 01:05:43,315
I went as Kris Kross
three years in a row for Halloween.
1429
01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:45,609
- Oh, you poor kid.
- I'm not proud of it.
1430
01:05:45,859 --> 01:05:49,488
Hey, I borrowed one of your books.
I hope that's okay.
1431
01:05:51,156 --> 01:05:52,950
(JUMP PLAYING)
1432
01:05:53,033 --> 01:05:54,326
Like this.
1433
01:05:56,787 --> 01:05:57,830
No.
1434
01:06:06,547 --> 01:06:07,673
- Surprise!
- (SCREAMS)
1435
01:06:08,632 --> 01:06:09,675
(JAMIE LAUGHING)
1436
01:06:09,842 --> 01:06:11,301
(ROMANTIC BALLAD PLAYING)
1437
01:06:11,385 --> 01:06:14,680
Have you really never
brought a girl home before?
1438
01:06:14,888 --> 01:06:16,682
- I brought you here.
- Mmm-mmm.
1439
01:06:16,807 --> 01:06:19,977
I mean like a real girl. Not a friend.
1440
01:06:20,853 --> 01:06:22,855
- A real girl?
- Yeah.
1441
01:06:24,148 --> 01:06:25,566
I guess not.
1442
01:06:25,691 --> 01:06:28,360
- Separation of church and state.
- Ah, yes.
1443
01:06:28,527 --> 01:06:32,030
Build up as many walls as possible.
That's really healthy.
1444
01:06:32,156 --> 01:06:34,241
- What, are you talking to me about walls?
- Yeah.
1445
01:06:34,366 --> 01:06:36,577
What about you and your mom?
1446
01:06:36,743 --> 01:06:39,705
You couldn't get me out of there fast enough
when she walked in on us.
1447
01:06:39,872 --> 01:06:41,999
That was for your own protection. Okay?
1448
01:06:42,082 --> 01:06:45,919
I'm just surprised she didn't try to
slip you her number or something.
1449
01:06:46,044 --> 01:06:48,213
She did.
She put it in my phone.
1450
01:06:48,338 --> 01:06:50,424
- Under "MILF."
- Oh, my God.
1451
01:06:50,549 --> 01:06:53,218
It's cool, we only hooked up, like, twice.
1452
01:06:54,845 --> 01:06:57,139
I'm starting to get a mental image.
1453
01:06:57,222 --> 01:06:58,473
Well, I have a video image.
1454
01:06:58,557 --> 01:07:01,727
No. Just stop it. Just stop it.
1455
01:07:03,061 --> 01:07:04,062
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
1456
01:07:04,354 --> 01:07:06,398
Just wrong.
1457
01:07:09,735 --> 01:07:10,903
What?
1458
01:07:12,446 --> 01:07:14,740
Nothing. Just glad I met you.
1459
01:07:17,201 --> 01:07:20,245
Yeah, well, knowing you doesn't suck either.
1460
01:07:38,096 --> 01:07:41,266
- But I thought you said...
- I know what I said.
1461
01:07:53,946 --> 01:07:54,947
(GASPS)
1462
01:07:56,281 --> 01:07:57,282
Oopsy.
1463
01:09:16,194 --> 01:09:17,404
(BANGING)
Ow!
1464
01:09:18,447 --> 01:09:19,531
God.
1465
01:09:44,431 --> 01:09:46,600
Lasorda was a good pitcher,
but he was an even better manager.
1466
01:09:46,725 --> 01:09:49,186
- Wrecking Crew?
- I wasn't saying he's not a great manager.
1467
01:09:49,269 --> 01:09:51,021
He's under-appreciated as a pitcher,
that's all I'm saying.
1468
01:09:51,104 --> 01:09:52,439
We get it. Guys.
1469
01:09:52,564 --> 01:09:53,607
- Hi.
- Morning.
1470
01:09:53,732 --> 01:09:57,235
- Good morning.
- Is it always this beautiful out here?
1471
01:09:57,736 --> 01:10:00,614
Well, in between the fires and the floods,
we get about 10 good days.
1472
01:10:00,739 --> 01:10:03,492
- Oh.
- No, no. Here. You two sit together.
1473
01:10:03,575 --> 01:10:04,951
- Are you sure?
- Oh, yeah, no, no.
1474
01:10:05,077 --> 01:10:06,078
You don't have to do that, Dad.
1475
01:10:06,161 --> 01:10:07,746
I know. I wanna look at the boat.
1476
01:10:07,829 --> 01:10:09,581
I love that boat.
1477
01:10:09,915 --> 01:10:11,750
- Okay. Sorry.
- Great. Thanks.
1478
01:10:12,125 --> 01:10:13,293
Here.
1479
01:10:14,127 --> 01:10:16,797
Thank you. This... Okay.
1480
01:10:18,423 --> 01:10:20,509
- Coffee, my lady?
- Oh. Yes, please.
1481
01:10:21,510 --> 01:10:22,928
Thank you.
1482
01:10:23,470 --> 01:10:24,554
Woah!
1483
01:10:24,638 --> 01:10:27,182
- All right, man!
- Look at you!
1484
01:10:27,432 --> 01:10:30,560
- That's pretty impressive.
ANNIE: Yay, Sammy!
1485
01:10:30,644 --> 01:10:32,312
DYLAN: All right!
1486
01:10:32,646 --> 01:10:36,441
Oh, buddy. Your shirt's leaking.
Oh, no, that's...
1487
01:10:36,525 --> 01:10:37,651
Apologies.
1488
01:10:42,364 --> 01:10:43,532
Here.
1489
01:10:48,120 --> 01:10:49,788
- You okay?
- Yeah.
1490
01:10:50,705 --> 01:10:52,124
- You?
- Yeah.
1491
01:10:56,128 --> 01:10:57,170
(FIREWORKS PLAYING)
1492
01:11:04,553 --> 01:11:07,681
- See them, Sammy?
- Yeah. Woah!
1493
01:11:08,640 --> 01:11:10,642
- Pretty cool, huh?
- Yeah.
1494
01:11:11,560 --> 01:11:13,395
God, it's nice.
1495
01:11:13,478 --> 01:11:17,732
I do miss the mornings out here.
Right before it burns off, it really is beautiful.
1496
01:11:17,983 --> 01:11:19,192
I like Jamie.
1497
01:11:21,820 --> 01:11:23,655
And she's pretty, too.
1498
01:11:23,822 --> 01:11:26,491
Hey, easy, dude.
Don't you go casting a spell on her.
1499
01:11:26,825 --> 01:11:30,495
I'm a magician, not a wizard.
You and your gay Harry Potter.
1500
01:11:30,996 --> 01:11:33,540
You can't deny that going to Hogwarts
wouldn't be life-changing.
1501
01:11:34,666 --> 01:11:37,169
- I miss you.
- I miss you, too, bud.
1502
01:11:38,170 --> 01:11:41,006
Mom misses you. And so does Grandpa.
1503
01:11:43,008 --> 01:11:44,176
Does he say anything?
1504
01:11:44,509 --> 01:11:47,345
No. But sometimes he calls me Dylan.
1505
01:11:50,223 --> 01:11:51,850
He said that he didn't want the job.
1506
01:11:51,933 --> 01:11:54,686
That he was just coming to New York
to explore his options.
1507
01:11:54,936 --> 01:11:56,104
What a crock of gas.
1508
01:11:57,105 --> 01:11:59,191
You fly across the country
to explore your options?
1509
01:11:59,274 --> 01:12:00,692
Please. I don't think so.
1510
01:12:00,775 --> 01:12:04,404
Exactly! Please, I knew I had him
the second he got off that plane.
1511
01:12:04,571 --> 01:12:05,780
- Oh, did you, now?
- Yeah.
1512
01:12:05,864 --> 01:12:08,408
Was that the same second you leapt
onto the baggage carousel barefoot
1513
01:12:08,533 --> 01:12:10,410
- and acted out a scene from Will and Grace?
- (EMBARRASSED LAUGH)
1514
01:12:10,535 --> 01:12:10,868
- She did?
- Oh, yeah, you should have seen her.
1515
01:12:10,869 --> 01:12:12,412
- She did?
- Oh, yeah, you should have seen her.
1516
01:12:12,537 --> 01:12:13,872
"Look at me, I'm goofy but cute."
1517
01:12:13,955 --> 01:12:15,499
You know what? It was all part of my plan.
1518
01:12:15,582 --> 01:12:16,750
Quite a plan.
1519
01:12:16,875 --> 01:12:18,376
Did you major in Planning
at Headhunting College?
1520
01:12:18,418 --> 01:12:20,754
- So clever.
- It's not a real college, by the way, buddy.
1521
01:12:20,879 --> 01:12:23,924
You guys bicker like
you're an old married couple.
1522
01:12:24,216 --> 01:12:25,509
Here, pick a card, my lady.
1523
01:12:25,592 --> 01:12:26,760
Okay.
1524
01:12:26,885 --> 01:12:28,845
Oh, no, not that one. The one on top.
1525
01:12:28,929 --> 01:12:31,097
- This is a good one.
- So...
1526
01:12:31,223 --> 01:12:32,390
- Yeah?
- Shuffle.
1527
01:12:32,557 --> 01:12:34,476
Did you get her an engagement gift?
1528
01:12:34,893 --> 01:12:37,479
We're not engaged, Dad.
We're not together. We're just friends.
1529
01:12:37,562 --> 01:12:41,733
All right, you don't wanna label it.
I understand. But get her some jewelry.
1530
01:12:42,734 --> 01:12:44,110
The only thing your mom loves is jewelry.
1531
01:12:44,236 --> 01:12:47,739
I don't care how upset she is,
I get her jewelry, she lights right up.
1532
01:12:48,114 --> 01:12:49,282
Where is she, anyway?
1533
01:12:50,617 --> 01:12:53,787
- She's not here, Dad.
- I know, that's why I asked. Where is she?
1534
01:12:56,122 --> 01:12:58,291
- She's not coming.
- Why not?
1535
01:12:58,833 --> 01:13:01,586
She doesn't live with you anymore, Pop.
You're not married.
1536
01:13:02,337 --> 01:13:04,965
MR. HARPER: What?
- She left about 10 years ago.
1537
01:13:05,090 --> 01:13:06,174
I don't understand.
1538
01:13:06,591 --> 01:13:08,468
She divorced you, Dad.
1539
01:13:11,596 --> 01:13:12,931
- I have to call her.
- Dad, you can't.
1540
01:13:13,014 --> 01:13:14,432
Stop telling me what to do.
1541
01:13:15,809 --> 01:13:17,978
Get your...
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
1542
01:13:20,939 --> 01:13:22,190
(ALL GASPING)
SAM: Grandpa!
1543
01:13:22,440 --> 01:13:23,733
ANNIE: Dylan, get...
1544
01:13:23,817 --> 01:13:25,193
DYLAN: You okay, Dad?
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
1545
01:13:25,277 --> 01:13:27,696
- Here, let me help you up.
- No, don't. Don't!
1546
01:13:27,862 --> 01:13:29,281
(PANTING)
1547
01:13:44,629 --> 01:13:46,715
(I WILL FOLLOW YOU INTO THE DARK PLAYING)
1548
01:14:00,020 --> 01:14:01,479
Here we are.
1549
01:14:02,564 --> 01:14:04,858
This is beautiful.
1550
01:14:04,983 --> 01:14:07,736
Yeah, this is where I used to come
to think. My rooftop.
1551
01:14:07,819 --> 01:14:09,321
Okay, how high do you think that fence is?
1552
01:14:09,487 --> 01:14:10,989
I'm a little over 6 foot.
1553
01:14:11,156 --> 01:14:14,409
Looks like it's about three of me.
So six times three...
1554
01:14:15,493 --> 01:14:17,162
Ninety-two feet.
1555
01:14:17,662 --> 01:14:21,041
- Ninety-two feet. That's really tall, right?
- Yeah.
1556
01:14:22,000 --> 01:14:25,503
But they don't want you to get up there,
so I guess that makes sense.
1557
01:14:25,587 --> 01:14:29,341
- Wait. Six times three...
- Oh, God, you poor kid.
1558
01:14:30,216 --> 01:14:32,052
- What's up?
- Come on.
1559
01:14:32,510 --> 01:14:34,054
What? What?
Where are you going?
1560
01:14:34,679 --> 01:14:37,390
Jamie, no, no, no, no, no, wait.
They take this shit seriously, okay?
1561
01:14:37,515 --> 01:14:38,516
Look at all the cameras.
1562
01:14:38,600 --> 01:14:41,978
This is the only landmark this city has
other than the Scientology Center.
1563
01:14:42,062 --> 01:14:45,148
And if any of these cameras are hooked
up to the actual Scientology Center,
1564
01:14:45,231 --> 01:14:47,108
that was an inappropriate joke
and I apologize.
1565
01:14:47,192 --> 01:14:49,778
I believe in the freedom of science fiction.
1566
01:14:51,279 --> 01:14:52,947
(COUGHING)
Pussy! Oh, sorry.
1567
01:14:53,031 --> 01:14:54,074
Pussy!
1568
01:14:54,449 --> 01:14:55,533
Come on!
1569
01:15:01,873 --> 01:15:04,668
JAMIE: You really never been up here before?
DYLAN: No.
1570
01:15:04,751 --> 01:15:07,212
I've also never transferred
heroin in my rectum,
1571
01:15:07,295 --> 01:15:09,089
'cause it's against the law.
1572
01:15:09,422 --> 01:15:13,218
You know, sometimes a simple
yes or no answer is adequate.
1573
01:15:13,385 --> 01:15:15,053
Hey, why didn't you tell me about your mom?
1574
01:15:15,553 --> 01:15:17,555
She's not worth talking about.
1575
01:15:18,223 --> 01:15:19,224
That's rough.
1576
01:15:19,557 --> 01:15:20,934
So is leaving your husband and kids.
1577
01:15:22,060 --> 01:15:24,104
Yeah, you never told me about him either.
1578
01:15:24,229 --> 01:15:26,147
You know, there's a lot of
stuff you didn't tell me.
1579
01:15:26,272 --> 01:15:27,816
I don't want your pity.
1580
01:15:29,317 --> 01:15:33,071
I can handle anything except
that look in people's eyes.
1581
01:15:35,490 --> 01:15:38,410
- That one.
- Who cares what anybody thinks?
1582
01:15:38,952 --> 01:15:40,245
He's the smartest man I've ever known.
1583
01:15:40,328 --> 01:15:42,288
He's the only person I'd ever go to for advice.
1584
01:15:42,414 --> 01:15:43,665
He's my dad.
1585
01:15:43,790 --> 01:15:45,208
Dylan, he's still the same man.
1586
01:15:45,291 --> 01:15:46,626
When I see the way people look at him now...
1587
01:15:46,751 --> 01:15:49,921
It doesn't matter how people look at him.
1588
01:15:50,004 --> 01:15:51,256
All that matters is how you look at him.
1589
01:15:51,339 --> 01:15:54,175
Yeah, but he's walking around
without his pants. Everyone's staring.
1590
01:15:54,300 --> 01:15:55,885
- So what?
- It's embarrassing.
1591
01:15:55,969 --> 01:15:57,637
He needs to know that nothing has changed.
1592
01:15:57,762 --> 01:15:59,639
That he's still that same man to you.
1593
01:15:59,764 --> 01:16:01,766
Can we stop talking about this?
1594
01:16:03,309 --> 01:16:06,563
Yeah, that's really smart.
Let's just not talk about our feelings.
1595
01:16:06,646 --> 01:16:07,772
I'm trying not to.
1596
01:16:09,774 --> 01:16:12,861
Come on. Is something going on here?
You've been acting really weird.
1597
01:16:13,194 --> 01:16:14,946
- No, I haven't.
- Yeah, you have.
1598
01:16:15,530 --> 01:16:16,823
Is this about what happened the other night?
1599
01:16:16,948 --> 01:16:19,033
What, sex? That doesn't mean anything.
You know that.
1600
01:16:22,287 --> 01:16:23,329
Right.
1601
01:16:23,455 --> 01:16:25,623
- And I haven't been acting weird.
- Okay.
1602
01:16:27,292 --> 01:16:29,669
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, shit!
1603
01:16:29,836 --> 01:16:31,755
- I told you!
- Well, I'm sorry!
1604
01:16:31,838 --> 01:16:32,881
Fuck!
1605
01:16:32,964 --> 01:16:36,050
OFFICER: This is the LAPD.
You are trespassing. Get down from the sign.
1606
01:16:36,134 --> 01:16:37,302
We gotta jump.
1607
01:16:39,220 --> 01:16:41,639
JAMIE: Dylan, jump!
- (STUTTERING) I'm frozen.
1608
01:16:41,723 --> 01:16:42,807
Come on, get down!
1609
01:16:42,891 --> 01:16:44,017
Sir, this is your last warning.
1610
01:16:44,142 --> 01:16:46,311
- Use the ladder!
- I have a fear of heights!
1611
01:16:46,561 --> 01:16:51,316
(STUTTERING) And also helicopters!
They don't make sense to me!
1612
01:16:51,399 --> 01:16:53,735
What do you mean you have a fear of heights?
1613
01:16:54,194 --> 01:16:55,612
Why would you come up here?
1614
01:16:55,695 --> 01:16:58,239
You called me a pussy!
1615
01:17:00,241 --> 01:17:02,911
NEWS ANCHOR: A bizarre situation
this afternoon in the Southland.
1616
01:17:02,994 --> 01:17:06,539
The LAPD rescued a local man
from the Hollywood sign,
1617
01:17:06,998 --> 01:17:08,708
the city's only real landmark.
1618
01:17:08,833 --> 01:17:11,002
They actually wrapped you in a foil blanket!
1619
01:17:11,211 --> 01:17:12,754
Did you run a marathon before this?
1620
01:17:12,837 --> 01:17:14,380
- Okay. Give me...
- No!
1621
01:17:14,506 --> 01:17:16,716
- No, no. I wanna save it. I gotta save it.
- No. That's enough!
1622
01:17:16,841 --> 01:17:19,093
- Give me the remote! Shut up!
- No, I wanna watch it over and over.
1623
01:17:19,177 --> 01:17:20,762
- Ow, ow, ow!
- Foil wrapper...
1624
01:17:20,845 --> 01:17:22,055
- (PREPARES TO SPIT)
- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
1625
01:17:23,014 --> 01:17:24,766
It's okay, it'll be up on YouTube.
1626
01:17:24,849 --> 01:17:25,975
(ANNIE SIGHS)
1627
01:17:26,059 --> 01:17:27,769
Hey, you're still good to take Dad that week
1628
01:17:27,852 --> 01:17:29,729
I have to go to DC for Sam's class trip, right?
1629
01:17:29,854 --> 01:17:33,024
- Yeah, he's gonna stay with me in New York.
- Oh, good.
1630
01:17:33,399 --> 01:17:36,110
So, when are we gonna see Jamie again?
1631
01:17:36,194 --> 01:17:37,654
I don't know.
1632
01:17:37,737 --> 01:17:40,114
What's your problem?
Did you have a fight with your girlfriend?
1633
01:17:40,198 --> 01:17:42,242
She's not my girlfriend.
Why don't you believe me?
1634
01:17:42,367 --> 01:17:44,702
I would believe you if you didn't lie to me.
1635
01:17:44,786 --> 01:17:46,830
I saw you creeping out
of her room the other night.
1636
01:17:46,913 --> 01:17:48,957
Like you had just had sex,
if you know what I mean.
1637
01:17:49,207 --> 01:17:50,959
Yes, I know what you mean,
you just said it.
1638
01:17:51,042 --> 01:17:53,253
And how do you know
what I look like after I have...
1639
01:17:53,378 --> 01:17:56,589
I'm not talking to you about this, okay?
We're not together.
1640
01:17:57,048 --> 01:17:59,259
- Dylan.
- Enough! I'm not talking about it.
1641
01:17:59,467 --> 01:18:00,718
Dylan.
1642
01:18:02,554 --> 01:18:03,972
Forgot my saw. I'll be right back.
1643
01:18:04,973 --> 01:18:06,057
(LAUGHING)
1644
01:18:06,558 --> 01:18:09,102
I'll wait here. Don't worry about me.
1645
01:18:09,227 --> 01:18:12,397
Friends who have sex?
What are you, in college?
1646
01:18:12,480 --> 01:18:14,399
- It doesn't matter, it's over.
- Why?
1647
01:18:14,482 --> 01:18:16,234
Because we don't like each other like that.
1648
01:18:16,317 --> 01:18:19,279
Okay, you know what?
Can we just talk about this? Sit down.
1649
01:18:19,571 --> 01:18:20,947
What more are you looking for?
1650
01:18:21,072 --> 01:18:23,074
- Who says I'm looking for anything?
- Dylan.
1651
01:18:23,241 --> 01:18:24,742
I don't know, but it's not Jamie.
1652
01:18:24,909 --> 01:18:26,578
Why, because you're great together?
1653
01:18:26,744 --> 01:18:28,413
Because you're actually friends with each other?
1654
01:18:28,496 --> 01:18:30,874
Because this is the happiest I have ever seen you?
1655
01:18:30,957 --> 01:18:32,166
I don't know what to tell you.
1656
01:18:32,250 --> 01:18:33,835
She's not for me. I don't like her like that.
1657
01:18:33,918 --> 01:18:35,420
You liked her enough to have sex with her.
1658
01:18:35,503 --> 01:18:36,754
It's just physical.
1659
01:18:37,422 --> 01:18:38,464
Like playing tennis.
1660
01:18:38,590 --> 01:18:39,799
I don't even know what that means, Dylan.
1661
01:18:40,466 --> 01:18:43,177
I haven't seen you this dumb
since you got that candy corn tattoo.
1662
01:18:43,261 --> 01:18:45,388
It's a lightning bolt! With extra powers!
1663
01:18:45,471 --> 01:18:47,640
Dylan, you can't name one thing
that's wrong with her.
1664
01:18:47,765 --> 01:18:49,434
I can never go out with her.
1665
01:18:49,517 --> 01:18:50,894
She's too fucked up.
1666
01:18:50,977 --> 01:18:54,147
Okay, she doesn't want a boyfriend.
She's too damaged.
1667
01:18:54,272 --> 01:18:56,316
Magnum P.I. couldn't solve
the shit going on in her head.
1668
01:18:56,441 --> 01:18:58,651
Wow. You'll say anything right now
1669
01:18:58,776 --> 01:19:00,320
not to admit that you're perfect for each other.
1670
01:19:00,445 --> 01:19:02,196
- Why am I still having this conversation?
- Because I'm right.
1671
01:19:02,280 --> 01:19:03,948
- Good talk, Annie.
- Dylan.
1672
01:19:04,616 --> 01:19:05,617
(SIGHS)
1673
01:19:24,135 --> 01:19:26,137
I don't think the three-point
line would have done anything.
1674
01:19:26,346 --> 01:19:28,222
- He was taller than anyone alive.
- No, but it helped Kobe.
1675
01:19:28,348 --> 01:19:29,807
- Kobe Bryant is incredible.
- It helped him.
1676
01:19:29,891 --> 01:19:31,476
You're men. You like sports. You're men.
1677
01:19:31,643 --> 01:19:33,269
Scored 81 points. Please.
1678
01:19:33,353 --> 01:19:35,229
Hey! We were waiting for you.
1679
01:19:35,521 --> 01:19:36,940
I actually got a call from work.
1680
01:19:37,023 --> 01:19:38,733
I have to be on a red eye
tonight back to New York.
1681
01:19:39,067 --> 01:19:40,485
- Tonight?
- Yeah.
1682
01:19:40,860 --> 01:19:42,820
- Tomorrow's the 4th.
- I know, it sucks.
1683
01:19:43,071 --> 01:19:44,364
Well, at least let me drive you to the airport.
1684
01:19:44,489 --> 01:19:47,492
No, no. It's fine. Stay.
I already called a cab. It's out front.
1685
01:19:47,575 --> 01:19:49,619
But thank you guys for everything.
1686
01:19:49,702 --> 01:19:52,497
And thank you for letting me stay here.
It's been pretty great.
1687
01:19:54,332 --> 01:19:55,333
(CLEARS THROAT)
1688
01:19:55,917 --> 01:19:57,001
- Hey.
- Hey.
1689
01:19:57,043 --> 01:19:59,837
- Everything okay, buddy?
- Yeah, buddy. Everything's great.
1690
01:20:00,004 --> 01:20:01,339
I just really gotta go.
1691
01:20:01,673 --> 01:20:05,301
So, thank you again.
I'm sorry I gotta go.
1692
01:20:05,385 --> 01:20:07,095
- Let Dylan drive you.
- Yeah.
1693
01:20:07,178 --> 01:20:08,513
ANNIE: Do you wanna take some food to go?
1694
01:20:08,680 --> 01:20:10,014
SAM: Do you want me to saw you in half?
1695
01:20:10,181 --> 01:20:11,724
You can send your bottom part to New York
1696
01:20:11,891 --> 01:20:13,434
and your top half can stay here.
1697
01:20:13,518 --> 01:20:14,560
(CHUCKLES)
1698
01:20:14,894 --> 01:20:17,563
Or the whole of you could stay.
1699
01:20:18,022 --> 01:20:19,732
Okay, I'm sorry. I gotta go.
1700
01:20:26,030 --> 01:20:27,073
Ah...
1701
01:20:32,120 --> 01:20:33,538
DYLAN: Jamie!
1702
01:20:34,539 --> 01:20:35,540
(CAR DRIVING AWAY)
1703
01:20:35,707 --> 01:20:37,583
(TAKE A BOW PLAYING)
1704
01:20:41,045 --> 01:20:43,589
She's gone. She hopped in the cab.
1705
01:20:50,888 --> 01:20:52,432
We should eat. You hungry, buddy?
1706
01:20:52,557 --> 01:20:53,558
Yeah.
1707
01:20:53,641 --> 01:20:56,060
Okay. Hand me your plate.
1708
01:21:12,910 --> 01:21:13,953
(CELL PHONE BEEPING)
1709
01:21:26,340 --> 01:21:29,343
Hey, bro. You hungry?
'Cause I'm going to get something to eat.
1710
01:21:29,427 --> 01:21:32,346
Thanks, man.
I think I'm just gonna work through lunch.
1711
01:21:32,430 --> 01:21:37,518
A work ethic. I love it.
That is why this country is still number one.
1712
01:21:38,102 --> 01:21:39,854
Well, behind Germany and France
1713
01:21:40,021 --> 01:21:41,856
and Belgium and Japan and China and...
1714
01:21:42,273 --> 01:21:44,067
Thank God for Bangladesh.
1715
01:21:44,150 --> 01:21:45,193
(LAUGHS)
1716
01:21:45,359 --> 01:21:48,780
By the way, why did you take your door
off its lovely hinges?
1717
01:21:48,863 --> 01:21:51,282
It was dumb, man.
Something I saw in a management book.
1718
01:21:51,449 --> 01:21:55,203
Oh, right, right.
Like, that's how Warren Buffett got rich.
1719
01:21:55,286 --> 01:21:57,038
He took doors off of things.
1720
01:21:57,121 --> 01:21:59,123
Hey, everybody wants a shortcut in life.
1721
01:21:59,207 --> 01:22:02,043
My guidebook is very simple.
You wanna lose weight?
1722
01:22:02,210 --> 01:22:03,377
Stop eating, fatty.
1723
01:22:03,503 --> 01:22:04,629
You wanna make money?
1724
01:22:04,712 --> 01:22:06,714
Work your ass off, lazy.
1725
01:22:06,798 --> 01:22:07,924
You wanna be happy?
1726
01:22:08,007 --> 01:22:10,218
Find someone you like and never let him go.
1727
01:22:10,468 --> 01:22:13,471
Or her, if you're into that kind of creepy shit.
1728
01:22:14,222 --> 01:22:15,306
(SIGHS)
1729
01:22:20,686 --> 01:22:21,729
(SIGHS)
1730
01:22:22,897 --> 01:22:24,732
(CLOSING TIME RINGTONE PLAYING)
1731
01:22:25,149 --> 01:22:26,234
(BEEPS)
1732
01:22:26,317 --> 01:22:27,568
Hi, you've reached Jamie Rellis.
1733
01:22:27,652 --> 01:22:28,820
I can't pick up the phone right now,
1734
01:22:28,903 --> 01:22:31,489
but please leave a message
and I'll call you back.
1735
01:22:37,495 --> 01:22:38,538
(LAUGHING)
1736
01:22:38,663 --> 01:22:40,540
Mom, Mom, you gotta point it at the screen.
1737
01:22:40,665 --> 01:22:42,041
You gotta tell it where you are.
1738
01:22:42,333 --> 01:22:45,711
Fine. I'm over here pouring myself a drink.
1739
01:22:47,588 --> 01:22:48,673
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1740
01:22:49,757 --> 01:22:53,177
Oh. Booty call.
I can take a walk around the block.
1741
01:22:53,261 --> 01:22:55,847
No, no. Nope, that's okay.
1742
01:22:55,930 --> 01:22:58,015
This is your apartment.
I don't wanna twat-block you.
1743
01:23:00,685 --> 01:23:02,186
That's Dylan, right?
1744
01:23:02,687 --> 01:23:04,480
- He seemed pretty great.
- You met him once.
1745
01:23:04,564 --> 01:23:06,399
Well, that's more than anybody else you've dated.
1746
01:23:06,691 --> 01:23:08,067
I don't know,
you think maybe I keep my worlds apart
1747
01:23:08,234 --> 01:23:09,694
for some crazy reason?
1748
01:23:20,872 --> 01:23:23,374
I am an asshole.
1749
01:23:24,041 --> 01:23:27,128
We're looking for someone to lead
the redesign of our entire website.
1750
01:23:27,211 --> 01:23:28,963
Someone to turn it completely upside down.
1751
01:23:29,046 --> 01:23:30,798
But you can't tell me
what company you work for?
1752
01:23:30,882 --> 01:23:32,341
For confidentiality reasons,
1753
01:23:32,425 --> 01:23:33,509
uh, no.
1754
01:23:33,593 --> 01:23:34,760
Can you give me a hint?
1755
01:23:34,886 --> 01:23:36,846
We may or may not be
the largest seller
1756
01:23:36,929 --> 01:23:38,890
of purchased goods on the Internet.
1757
01:23:38,973 --> 01:23:41,309
And by "purchased goods,"
I mean books.
1758
01:23:41,726 --> 01:23:44,312
You just placed the new art
director over at GQ, right?
1759
01:23:44,395 --> 01:23:45,438
Uh, yeah.
1760
01:23:45,563 --> 01:23:46,856
That's the type of guy we want.
1761
01:23:46,939 --> 01:23:48,608
Shoot, that's the guy we want.
1762
01:23:48,733 --> 01:23:49,734
Can you get him to come out to us?
1763
01:23:50,401 --> 01:23:52,945
No longer have a relationship with him.
1764
01:23:53,070 --> 01:23:54,113
Can you get to him?
1765
01:23:54,238 --> 01:23:55,948
He's still in the first year of his contract,
1766
01:23:56,073 --> 01:23:58,492
so that would be inappropriate.
1767
01:23:58,576 --> 01:24:00,661
So is paying full price
for a book at Barnes & Noble,
1768
01:24:00,745 --> 01:24:01,954
but people do dumb shit.
1769
01:24:03,748 --> 01:24:04,790
(PHONE DIALING)
1770
01:24:05,583 --> 01:24:06,751
Hi, you've reached Jamie Rellis.
1771
01:24:06,918 --> 01:24:08,085
I can't pick up the phone right now,
1772
01:24:08,169 --> 01:24:10,254
but please leave a message
and I'll call you back.
1773
01:24:10,421 --> 01:24:13,424
Wow, right to voice mail.
Didn't even ring.
1774
01:24:25,686 --> 01:24:26,938
Jamie.
1775
01:24:28,856 --> 01:24:30,816
How'd you know I was up here?
1776
01:24:32,443 --> 01:24:34,278
Only place in the city you don't get reception.
1777
01:24:34,362 --> 01:24:35,613
Right.
1778
01:24:35,780 --> 01:24:36,948
Why are you avoiding me?
1779
01:24:37,031 --> 01:24:38,074
I'm not.
1780
01:24:38,157 --> 01:24:40,117
Really? Come on, Jamie.
1781
01:24:40,284 --> 01:24:44,288
Well, Dylan, I don't know if you've heard,
but I am seriously fucked up.
1782
01:24:44,997 --> 01:24:48,292
I mean, Magnum P.I. couldn't solve
the shit going on up here.
1783
01:24:49,961 --> 01:24:51,003
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
1784
01:24:51,170 --> 01:24:52,255
But I'm just gonna go
1785
01:24:52,338 --> 01:24:54,298
and try to fix the shit
going on up in my head,
1786
01:24:54,382 --> 01:24:55,675
if that's even possible.
1787
01:24:56,300 --> 01:25:00,012
I shouldn't have said that.
I was just trying to get my sister off my back.
1788
01:25:00,137 --> 01:25:01,264
She thought we liked each other.
1789
01:25:01,347 --> 01:25:02,390
Yeah, me, too, Dylan.
1790
01:25:02,473 --> 01:25:03,516
I thought we were friends.
1791
01:25:03,641 --> 01:25:05,977
But friends don't go
talking shit about each other,
1792
01:25:06,143 --> 01:25:09,146
which must mean that you and I
were actually never friends.
1793
01:25:09,689 --> 01:25:12,483
That all you wanted was to get in my pants.
1794
01:25:12,566 --> 01:25:15,403
- What?
- You jumped at the chance at your dad's house.
1795
01:25:15,486 --> 01:25:16,570
You cracked your neck.
1796
01:25:16,654 --> 01:25:18,781
I thought you were giving me a sign.
We talked about this.
1797
01:25:18,864 --> 01:25:20,199
Oh, my God, really?
1798
01:25:20,324 --> 01:25:22,576
You pulled my robe off.
"Oopsy." Remember?
1799
01:25:22,660 --> 01:25:24,870
Yeah. And then you snuck out of the room.
1800
01:25:24,996 --> 01:25:26,163
"Oopsy." Remember that?
1801
01:25:27,164 --> 01:25:30,334
Are you pissed off at me
because I didn't cuddle?
1802
01:25:30,668 --> 01:25:31,752
(EXASPERATED SIGH)
1803
01:25:32,003 --> 01:25:36,090
Isn't that why we started this whole
arrangement in the first place?
1804
01:25:36,257 --> 01:25:37,383
You wanted this.
1805
01:25:40,594 --> 01:25:42,179
I wanted this?
1806
01:25:43,222 --> 01:25:44,515
Just me?
1807
01:25:44,849 --> 01:25:47,852
God, you are just like every other guy.
1808
01:25:48,227 --> 01:25:51,022
The sad thing is, Dylan,
I actually thought you were different.
1809
01:25:51,105 --> 01:25:53,357
Different from what?
I'm not your boyfriend, I'm your friend.
1810
01:25:54,191 --> 01:25:56,360
Well, with friends like you,
who needs friends?
1811
01:25:59,113 --> 01:26:03,534
And thank you for ruining my mountaintop.
1812
01:26:04,410 --> 01:26:05,703
Asshole.
1813
01:26:12,626 --> 01:26:14,587
Hey, man, you can't be up here.
1814
01:26:15,463 --> 01:26:16,630
Okay.
1815
01:26:16,922 --> 01:26:18,215
You okay?
1816
01:26:18,382 --> 01:26:19,592
I'm fine.
1817
01:26:46,243 --> 01:26:48,287
Bryce, is this for me?
1818
01:26:48,579 --> 01:26:50,956
Yeah. And so is this.
1819
01:26:51,332 --> 01:26:53,918
Madison, will you marry me?
1820
01:26:54,251 --> 01:26:56,170
You bet your ass, Flapjack!
1821
01:26:58,422 --> 01:26:59,423
I love New York.
1822
01:26:59,590 --> 01:27:00,674
I love you.
1823
01:27:01,425 --> 01:27:03,302
Oh, my God.
Look, the Empire State Building.
1824
01:27:03,511 --> 01:27:04,678
Wow.
1825
01:27:04,762 --> 01:27:06,347
Oh, look,
the Statue of Liberty.
1826
01:27:06,639 --> 01:27:07,765
(HORSE WHINNIES)
1827
01:27:10,434 --> 01:27:11,435
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
1828
01:27:13,687 --> 01:27:15,106
Hello, this is Jamie.
1829
01:27:16,941 --> 01:27:18,859
What do you mean
they went to him directly?
1830
01:27:19,944 --> 01:27:21,445
Well, is he gonna take it?
1831
01:27:21,612 --> 01:27:24,281
No, no, no, no, no. I'll handle it.
I'll call him right now.
1832
01:27:24,782 --> 01:27:25,950
Okay.
1833
01:27:27,451 --> 01:27:28,494
(PHONE DIALING)
1834
01:27:29,703 --> 01:27:31,163
Hey, this is Dylan. Leave a message.
1835
01:27:31,288 --> 01:27:32,289
Augh.
1836
01:27:39,839 --> 01:27:41,507
Excuse me. May I help you?
1837
01:27:41,715 --> 01:27:43,759
Oh, hi. Where's Dylan Harper?
1838
01:27:43,843 --> 01:27:45,469
He's at a photo shoot for the sports issue.
1839
01:27:45,970 --> 01:27:49,223
That's right. The photo shoot.
Where was that again?
1840
01:27:49,473 --> 01:27:50,683
I'm sorry. Who are you?
1841
01:27:51,308 --> 01:27:52,476
One of the models.
1842
01:27:53,185 --> 01:27:55,312
I have the perfect body for Photoshop.
1843
01:27:55,813 --> 01:27:59,400
Yeah, this gets more angular,
these get longer,
1844
01:27:59,525 --> 01:28:01,068
and this gets way more Christian.
1845
01:28:01,152 --> 01:28:02,194
Mmm-hmm.
1846
01:28:02,403 --> 01:28:04,530
So where did you say he was again?
1847
01:28:05,489 --> 01:28:07,158
Sports is the last chance we have
1848
01:28:07,241 --> 01:28:08,868
of bringing our world together, bro.
1849
01:28:09,034 --> 01:28:12,079
So I just wanted to shoot
some photos that speak to that,
1850
01:28:12,163 --> 01:28:14,540
to the unification
of all people through sports.
1851
01:28:14,665 --> 01:28:16,041
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Okay, guys. Let's go.
1852
01:28:16,667 --> 01:28:19,587
TOMMY:
That's it. Beautiful.
1853
01:28:19,753 --> 01:28:21,464
Okay, now put your arms around each other,
1854
01:28:21,547 --> 01:28:23,883
like you like each other,
like you love each other.
1855
01:28:24,258 --> 01:28:26,510
- Too gay?
- A little bit.
1856
01:28:26,760 --> 01:28:28,596
Throw some girls in there.
1857
01:28:29,013 --> 01:28:31,348
Come on, ladies. Hop to.
1858
01:28:32,933 --> 01:28:36,228
Girls, girls. Okay, look. Just blend in.
1859
01:28:36,687 --> 01:28:38,898
Okay, let's go boy, girl, boy...
1860
01:28:39,023 --> 01:28:40,858
- Dylan.
- ...boy, boy, boy, boy.
1861
01:28:41,692 --> 01:28:43,527
- What are you doing here?
- You met for another job!
1862
01:28:43,611 --> 01:28:44,862
What, are you gonna leave now?
1863
01:28:44,945 --> 01:28:46,238
I don't know. Yeah, I took one meeting.
1864
01:28:46,447 --> 01:28:47,573
I can't believe you.
1865
01:28:47,740 --> 01:28:49,283
- Come here.
- (SIGHS)
1866
01:28:49,950 --> 01:28:51,911
- Is this your way of getting back at me?
- What?
1867
01:28:52,036 --> 01:28:54,038
You know that if you leave
before a year is up, I get screwed.
1868
01:28:54,455 --> 01:28:55,915
Oh, right.
1869
01:28:56,040 --> 01:28:57,249
If I did leave,
1870
01:28:57,374 --> 01:29:00,169
which I don't know yet because
all I did was take one meeting,
1871
01:29:00,252 --> 01:29:02,087
I'd write you a check for your bonus.
1872
01:29:03,380 --> 01:29:05,883
Whatever it is, I'll pay for it.
Happy now? We good?
1873
01:29:06,050 --> 01:29:07,092
Why didn't you tell me you were looking?
1874
01:29:07,218 --> 01:29:08,219
That's personal.
1875
01:29:08,302 --> 01:29:09,720
And we're not friends anymore.
1876
01:29:09,803 --> 01:29:10,971
You made that pretty clear.
1877
01:29:12,139 --> 01:29:15,809
See, all I wanted to do
was have sex with you. Remember?
1878
01:29:16,560 --> 01:29:18,145
Pretend you were the best
friend I'd ever had.
1879
01:29:18,229 --> 01:29:20,064
Open up to you like I've
never done with anyone ever.
1880
01:29:20,397 --> 01:29:21,649
And then when the sex stopped,
1881
01:29:21,732 --> 01:29:23,901
invite you to LA for the weekend to,
1882
01:29:24,068 --> 01:29:25,069
(SCATTING DRAMATICALLY)
1883
01:29:25,319 --> 01:29:26,779
introduce you to my family.
1884
01:29:28,322 --> 01:29:29,448
I'll send you a check if I take the job.
1885
01:29:29,615 --> 01:29:30,741
Don't bother.
1886
01:29:35,788 --> 01:29:37,831
TOMMY:
Why don't you pick him up?
1887
01:29:38,249 --> 01:29:40,834
Yeah. Just pick him on up.
1888
01:29:41,126 --> 01:29:43,254
Oh, you little Christ figure, you!
1889
01:29:43,504 --> 01:29:45,756
(BOYS DON'T CRY PLAYING)
1890
01:30:05,693 --> 01:30:06,777
(PHONE RINGING)
1891
01:30:07,444 --> 01:30:08,445
Hey, Dyl.
1892
01:30:08,654 --> 01:30:09,780
Dad's coming into Newark Airport, right?
1893
01:30:09,863 --> 01:30:11,615
Yeah, he leaves at 9:00 our time.
1894
01:30:11,782 --> 01:30:14,618
9:00. So it's a five-hour flight,
three-hour time difference,
1895
01:30:14,702 --> 01:30:16,161
so he gets in at
1896
01:30:16,370 --> 01:30:17,454
32:00?
1897
01:30:17,663 --> 01:30:20,624
5:00. Be there at 5:00, Dylan.
1898
01:30:20,708 --> 01:30:22,668
Right. How is Dad?
1899
01:30:22,960 --> 01:30:24,003
Ah.
1900
01:30:24,336 --> 01:30:26,839
He's lost more often than not now.
1901
01:30:26,964 --> 01:30:29,967
But then he has these moments
of real clarity. It's hit or miss.
1902
01:30:30,050 --> 01:30:31,218
- Okay.
- How's Jamie?
1903
01:30:33,721 --> 01:30:35,306
- That's over.
- Oh, Dylan!
1904
01:30:35,472 --> 01:30:36,515
Okay, we're done.
1905
01:30:36,640 --> 01:30:38,225
Don't be an idiot, please.
1906
01:30:38,309 --> 01:30:40,644
Thank you, Annie.
I'll pick up Dad tomorrow at the airport.
1907
01:30:41,061 --> 01:30:42,813
- 32:00 sharp.
- I love you.
1908
01:30:46,483 --> 01:30:47,860
JAMIE:
I don't know what it is.
1909
01:30:47,985 --> 01:30:50,487
I just can't get myself to start
looking for a replacement for him,
1910
01:30:50,571 --> 01:30:51,655
assuming that he leaves.
1911
01:30:51,739 --> 01:30:53,574
Do you want some motherly love advice?
1912
01:30:53,991 --> 01:30:55,034
Not really.
1913
01:30:55,159 --> 01:30:56,785
Oh, good, 'cause I don't know how to do that.
1914
01:30:56,869 --> 01:31:00,456
What I do know is that
it's no great goddamn secret
1915
01:31:00,539 --> 01:31:03,250
you live in fear of repeating my mistakes.
1916
01:31:03,334 --> 01:31:05,419
And you're not wrong, so learn from me.
1917
01:31:05,669 --> 01:31:08,672
Do you know how many men in my life
I thought were really perfect?
1918
01:31:08,881 --> 01:31:10,007
- Eighty.
- One.
1919
01:31:10,174 --> 01:31:11,842
- Eighty-one?
- One.
1920
01:31:11,925 --> 01:31:14,386
- Oh.
- It was your dad. Greatest man I ever met.
1921
01:31:14,595 --> 01:31:16,263
Obviously. Look at you.
1922
01:31:16,347 --> 01:31:19,558
How smart you are, how great,
how funny, how driven.
1923
01:31:19,683 --> 01:31:21,018
Your vaguely Middle Eastern beauty.
1924
01:31:21,101 --> 01:31:23,520
Sure as hell didn't all come from me.
1925
01:31:24,188 --> 01:31:26,273
Okay, but, seriously, Mom,
1926
01:31:26,357 --> 01:31:28,692
do you really not remember
where my dad's from?
1927
01:31:28,901 --> 01:31:30,444
Or is it like a coping mechanism?
1928
01:31:30,527 --> 01:31:31,570
A little of both.
1929
01:31:31,695 --> 01:31:32,696
(LAUGHING)
Okay.
1930
01:31:32,780 --> 01:31:34,657
But I'm pretty sure he's Eurasian.
1931
01:31:34,740 --> 01:31:35,783
(LAUGHING)
1932
01:31:36,200 --> 01:31:37,910
I mean, we all have our Prince Charming,
1933
01:31:38,077 --> 01:31:39,870
you just gotta know him when you see him.
1934
01:31:40,037 --> 01:31:42,539
Mom, it's Prince Charming.
You should just know.
1935
01:31:42,623 --> 01:31:44,208
Well, your Prince Charming isn't coming
1936
01:31:44,375 --> 01:31:45,876
to rescue you in a horse and carriage.
1937
01:31:45,959 --> 01:31:47,211
That's not who you want.
1938
01:31:47,711 --> 01:31:51,632
I mean,
you're looking for a man to be your partner.
1939
01:31:52,549 --> 01:31:54,259
To take on the world with.
1940
01:31:54,385 --> 01:31:56,762
You gotta update your fairytale, baby.
1941
01:31:57,763 --> 01:31:59,598
My Prince Charming?
1942
01:32:00,307 --> 01:32:01,642
You.
1943
01:32:01,809 --> 01:32:02,893
Mom.
1944
01:32:24,957 --> 01:32:25,999
Hey.
1945
01:32:26,083 --> 01:32:27,793
A wheelchair. Like I'm an invalid.
1946
01:32:28,919 --> 01:32:30,462
- How was the flight?
- I'm hungry.
1947
01:32:30,587 --> 01:32:32,297
You know they don't serve
food in coach anymore?
1948
01:32:32,423 --> 01:32:33,507
You'd think with these new planes,
1949
01:32:33,590 --> 01:32:34,675
they practically fly themselves,
1950
01:32:34,758 --> 01:32:37,302
they could get rid of a pilot
and use his salary for a hot lunch.
1951
01:32:37,428 --> 01:32:38,595
I know, right? Let's get you some food.
1952
01:32:38,679 --> 01:32:39,847
God.
1953
01:32:40,305 --> 01:32:42,516
DYLAN: The engineering on
these planes is so advanced.
1954
01:32:42,599 --> 01:32:43,809
Completely computerized.
1955
01:32:43,934 --> 01:32:45,936
- It's like playing a video game.
- Exactly.
1956
01:32:46,103 --> 01:32:48,939
God. How long have we been waiting here?
It's ridiculous.
1957
01:32:49,106 --> 01:32:51,150
I'll be right back, okay?
1958
01:32:53,944 --> 01:32:55,988
Excuse me. We've been waiting a while.
1959
01:32:56,113 --> 01:32:57,781
- Harper.
- Yeah, I got you. I got you.
1960
01:32:57,865 --> 01:32:59,491
I have to seat people
in the order they came.
1961
01:32:59,616 --> 01:33:01,493
I totally understand that,
but I'm with my dad
1962
01:33:01,618 --> 01:33:03,495
- and he's not in the best shape.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
1963
01:33:03,662 --> 01:33:05,456
Is there no way we could,
like, squeeze a table?
1964
01:33:05,831 --> 01:33:08,375
No, I gotta go by the list. Sorry.
1965
01:33:12,296 --> 01:33:13,464
Dad?
1966
01:33:20,304 --> 01:33:21,472
Dad?
1967
01:33:22,806 --> 01:33:24,308
Shit. Dad?
1968
01:33:37,029 --> 01:33:38,489
You gonna join me?
1969
01:33:48,207 --> 01:33:49,833
Absolutely.
1970
01:33:54,546 --> 01:33:56,340
Excuse me, sir.
I'm sorry, you cannot do this.
1971
01:33:56,423 --> 01:33:58,425
Could I get a steak, medium, please?
1972
01:33:58,592 --> 01:34:00,677
- Sir, this is the Daily Grill.
- Make that two.
1973
01:34:09,853 --> 01:34:11,230
Dede? Dede!
1974
01:34:20,197 --> 01:34:21,365
Dad.
1975
01:34:21,865 --> 01:34:23,200
Dad.
1976
01:34:23,367 --> 01:34:24,409
(SIGHS)
1977
01:34:27,037 --> 01:34:28,121
Who is Dede?
1978
01:34:28,914 --> 01:34:33,210
Jesus. She's just a girl
that I met in the Navy.
1979
01:34:34,294 --> 01:34:35,712
Was...
1980
01:34:35,879 --> 01:34:36,880
(CLEARS THROAT)
1981
01:34:38,215 --> 01:34:39,800
She was the love of my life.
1982
01:34:41,385 --> 01:34:42,427
Okay?
1983
01:34:43,554 --> 01:34:44,888
Why didn't you tell me about her before?
1984
01:34:45,055 --> 01:34:47,391
This is not something you
discuss with your children.
1985
01:34:47,975 --> 01:34:50,853
And besides, I have you and Annie.
I have no regrets.
1986
01:34:50,936 --> 01:34:51,979
So tell me now.
1987
01:34:54,231 --> 01:34:55,607
She was the love of my life.
1988
01:34:55,732 --> 01:34:56,984
And I was too stupid to realize it,
1989
01:34:57,067 --> 01:35:00,153
and I lost her because of something
so dumb I don't even remember.
1990
01:35:00,904 --> 01:35:02,322
And I never really got over her.
1991
01:35:02,906 --> 01:35:06,577
And I think that may be one
of the reasons your mom left.
1992
01:35:07,911 --> 01:35:09,413
You know, my friends used to say
1993
01:35:09,663 --> 01:35:11,415
that when Dede and I
looked at each other,
1994
01:35:11,582 --> 01:35:12,749
it was electric.
1995
01:35:12,833 --> 01:35:14,084
And I let her go.
1996
01:35:14,501 --> 01:35:15,836
I just let her go.
1997
01:35:15,919 --> 01:35:19,464
Because I was too damn proud to tell
her how I really felt about her.
1998
01:35:20,173 --> 01:35:22,759
I'll tell you something that I
wish I knew when I was your age.
1999
01:35:22,926 --> 01:35:24,761
And I know you've heard a
million times, "life is short."
2000
01:35:24,845 --> 01:35:28,432
But let me tell you something,
what this is teaching me
2001
01:35:28,515 --> 01:35:31,643
is that life is goddamn short and
you can't waste a minute of it.
2002
01:35:34,271 --> 01:35:36,106
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
2003
01:35:40,611 --> 01:35:44,448
The girl I brought home to LA, Jamie?
2004
01:35:44,531 --> 01:35:45,782
Yeah, what's going on with her?
2005
01:35:46,199 --> 01:35:47,451
I think I messed it up.
2006
01:35:47,701 --> 01:35:49,286
- Fix it.
- She won't talk to me.
2007
01:35:49,620 --> 01:35:51,747
Maybe she'll listen. There's always a way.
2008
01:35:51,830 --> 01:35:54,124
If you think there's even a chance
2009
01:35:54,291 --> 01:35:56,501
that she could be it, you fix it.
2010
01:35:58,879 --> 01:36:00,297
Did Annie put you up to this?
2011
01:36:00,547 --> 01:36:01,632
Who's Annie?
2012
01:36:02,341 --> 01:36:03,508
I'm kidding.
2013
01:36:03,634 --> 01:36:04,635
What, I can't joke about this?
2014
01:36:04,801 --> 01:36:05,802
(LAUGHING)
2015
01:36:06,011 --> 01:36:07,179
Jesus Christ, Dad.
2016
01:36:07,346 --> 01:36:08,513
I don't know what else to do.
2017
01:36:10,349 --> 01:36:11,475
Let's go.
2018
01:36:11,850 --> 01:36:13,644
You don't want to finish your steak?
2019
01:36:13,977 --> 01:36:15,312
We're eating in the goddamn airport.
2020
01:36:15,479 --> 01:36:16,855
I can leave the steak. Come on.
2021
01:36:17,356 --> 01:36:19,232
Yeah, hey, this is Dylan Harper from GQ.
2022
01:36:19,399 --> 01:36:21,026
We met a few weeks ago at the...
2023
01:36:21,401 --> 01:36:23,987
Right. Hey, can I ask you a huge favor?
2024
01:36:24,196 --> 01:36:25,405
Oh. I am so sorry, sir.
2025
01:36:25,489 --> 01:36:26,615
It's my fault.
2026
01:36:26,740 --> 01:36:28,325
- You just scared me.
- No, no. My fault. You all right?
2027
01:36:28,367 --> 01:36:29,868
- Yeah, I'm good.
- Here, let me help you with that.
2028
01:36:29,993 --> 01:36:31,161
Thanks, man. You're really nice.
2029
01:36:31,328 --> 01:36:32,579
All right. Hey, safe travels.
2030
01:36:32,663 --> 01:36:33,914
- All right, thanks, man.
- Okay, thank you.
2031
01:36:33,997 --> 01:36:35,040
Oh.
2032
01:36:35,165 --> 01:36:36,833
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
2033
01:36:36,917 --> 01:36:38,752
All right, let's dance, Clowny Brown.
2034
01:36:38,919 --> 01:36:40,128
What's your problem with me?
2035
01:36:40,212 --> 01:36:41,755
I saw you at that bar with Jamie.
2036
01:36:41,838 --> 01:36:44,341
How could such an awesome
girl be with this
2037
01:36:44,508 --> 01:36:45,842
over this?
2038
01:36:46,176 --> 01:36:49,012
I've been trying to take that little
monkey to pound-town for years.
2039
01:36:49,513 --> 01:36:51,348
- I'll tell her you say hello.
- What?
2040
01:36:51,556 --> 01:36:53,600
You missed a little.
There you go.
2041
01:36:53,684 --> 01:36:55,352
Dylan! I got a cab. Come on.
2042
01:36:55,435 --> 01:36:56,853
I ever run into you again,
2043
01:36:56,937 --> 01:36:59,356
I'll crush your earlobes and
make soup stock out of them.
2044
01:36:59,523 --> 01:37:01,525
- You have a vivid imagination.
- I do!
2045
01:37:01,608 --> 01:37:02,693
I'm gonna get in the cab now.
2046
01:37:02,859 --> 01:37:03,944
I'm gonna go make soup!
2047
01:37:04,027 --> 01:37:05,904
- What's the matter with her?
- I don't know.
2048
01:37:10,033 --> 01:37:13,370
God! I thought LA was bad.
This traffic is terrible.
2049
01:37:13,537 --> 01:37:14,788
Is there another way into the city?
2050
01:37:25,215 --> 01:37:27,300
DYLAN:
I owe you big time, Tommy.
2051
01:37:27,384 --> 01:37:31,763
You'll make it up to me.
Actually, I was heading into town anyway.
2052
01:37:32,264 --> 01:37:36,560
Tonight's the Butterfly Ball.
Great place to pick up dudes.
2053
01:37:36,727 --> 01:37:37,769
You okay, Dad?
2054
01:37:37,894 --> 01:37:38,979
Are you kidding?
2055
01:37:39,062 --> 01:37:42,357
1937 Chris-Craft?
Couldn't get any better, buddy.
2056
01:37:42,441 --> 01:37:43,567
Nice.
2057
01:37:45,819 --> 01:37:47,988
Yeah. Hi, this is Dylan. We met at...
2058
01:37:48,071 --> 01:37:51,158
Right. Can I ask you a huge favor?
2059
01:37:55,662 --> 01:37:57,998
My number. Here's the remote.
2060
01:37:58,248 --> 01:37:59,750
My friend Dave from across the hall,
2061
01:37:59,916 --> 01:38:01,418
his oven broke, so he'll be using the kitchen.
2062
01:38:01,501 --> 01:38:04,504
Your friend Dave is here using
the kitchen or watching me?
2063
01:38:05,255 --> 01:38:06,423
Go.
2064
01:38:06,757 --> 01:38:08,300
- Holy...
- What?
2065
01:38:08,425 --> 01:38:10,260
"How to wear white
pants to a cookout."
2066
01:38:10,427 --> 01:38:13,513
Did you scoop the Times on this?
I smell Pulitzer.
2067
01:38:14,097 --> 01:38:15,307
All right, all right.
2068
01:38:15,432 --> 01:38:16,850
Just say hello to her for me, will you?
2069
01:38:17,851 --> 01:38:19,269
See you, Dad.
2070
01:38:20,145 --> 01:38:21,188
Thanks, man.
2071
01:38:22,147 --> 01:38:23,690
Hi, Dave from across the hall.
2072
01:38:23,774 --> 01:38:27,486
(SLOWLY AND LOUDLY)
Hi, Mr. Harper. How are you?
2073
01:38:28,361 --> 01:38:29,946
And now we know why you're here.
2074
01:38:30,947 --> 01:38:34,534
Mom, I'm over by the Lexington exit.
Where are you?
2075
01:38:34,618 --> 01:38:36,745
LORNA: I'm standing right
by the guy in the tie.
2076
01:38:36,828 --> 01:38:38,622
There are a million guys in ties.
2077
01:38:38,789 --> 01:38:40,499
So look for the guy
I'm standing next to.
2078
01:38:40,624 --> 01:38:43,460
You never do what you say you're gonna do.
When am I gonna learn?
2079
01:38:43,668 --> 01:38:45,170
Just hang on, baby.
2080
01:38:45,337 --> 01:38:47,464
(JUMP BEGINS PLAYING
OVER THE PA)
2081
01:38:49,800 --> 01:38:50,884
What?
2082
01:38:53,220 --> 01:38:55,138
I don't think I'm gonna be
able to make it after all.
2083
01:38:55,222 --> 01:38:57,349
Something came up.
Let's meet tomorrow.
2084
01:38:57,474 --> 01:39:00,560
I'll be on the stairs.
Right across from you.
2085
01:39:05,023 --> 01:39:06,483
Oh, my God.
2086
01:39:06,858 --> 01:39:08,318
Have a great night, baby.
2087
01:39:10,487 --> 01:39:12,572
(CLOSING TIME BEGINS TO PLAY)
2088
01:39:18,870 --> 01:39:20,997
(MOUTHING THE WORDS)
2089
01:39:27,712 --> 01:39:29,256
What is this?
2090
01:39:29,381 --> 01:39:32,050
It's Closing Time,
by the band Semisonic!
2091
01:39:32,342 --> 01:39:34,636
It's not Third Eye Blind.
Can you believe that?
2092
01:39:34,719 --> 01:39:37,514
No, no, no. Not the song. This.
2093
01:39:37,722 --> 01:39:39,724
You said you wanted your life
to be like a movie.
2094
01:39:40,684 --> 01:39:44,271
Sorry I had to use the real
Grand Central instead of the fake one.
2095
01:39:51,027 --> 01:39:52,112
Listen, Jamie, I'm...
2096
01:39:52,195 --> 01:39:54,364
I'm having trouble hearing you!
2097
01:39:54,447 --> 01:39:56,324
Yeah, I didn't really think this through.
2098
01:39:56,408 --> 01:39:58,743
I guess in the movies
the guy pours his heart out
2099
01:39:58,869 --> 01:40:00,245
and they put the music in later.
2100
01:40:00,412 --> 01:40:01,580
What?
2101
01:40:04,875 --> 01:40:06,042
I messed up.
2102
01:40:07,043 --> 01:40:08,545
I was scared.
2103
01:40:09,379 --> 01:40:11,089
Look at what happened
with my mom and my dad.
2104
01:40:11,214 --> 01:40:12,299
Of course I was scared.
2105
01:40:13,466 --> 01:40:14,759
So I ruined it.
2106
01:40:15,719 --> 01:40:17,512
Everything that happens in the day,
2107
01:40:17,596 --> 01:40:20,765
all I can think to myself is,
"I can't wait to tell Jamie about this."
2108
01:40:21,766 --> 01:40:24,895
When I see someone cursing,
all I picture is you blinking.
2109
01:40:25,729 --> 01:40:27,939
And when I hear a kid's
been cured of cancer,
2110
01:40:28,106 --> 01:40:30,317
I pray it's not by that douchebag,
2111
01:40:30,400 --> 01:40:33,320
tree-hugging fucking doctor
who ran out on you.
2112
01:40:33,570 --> 01:40:35,655
I mean, cancer being cured is awesome,
2113
01:40:35,822 --> 01:40:37,949
but, you know,
I wish someone else did it.
2114
01:40:38,825 --> 01:40:40,118
Come on.
2115
01:40:45,081 --> 01:40:47,417
Hey, I miss you.
2116
01:40:47,584 --> 01:40:49,169
Yeah, I miss you, too.
2117
01:40:49,628 --> 01:40:51,588
But you're not wrong, I am damaged.
2118
01:40:51,755 --> 01:40:53,965
So am I. Who isn't?
2119
01:40:54,257 --> 01:40:55,967
That's what makes us so awesome.
2120
01:40:56,259 --> 01:40:57,928
- And our tattoos.
- Yeah.
2121
01:41:00,096 --> 01:41:01,264
No, no, no.
2122
01:41:01,431 --> 01:41:02,599
Oh, shut up. It's not what you think.
2123
01:41:03,141 --> 01:41:05,602
Jamie, will you be my best friend again?
2124
01:41:06,645 --> 01:41:07,687
That is so lame.
2125
01:41:07,854 --> 01:41:08,939
I know.
2126
01:41:10,106 --> 01:41:11,733
That's some Prince Charming
shit, though, right?
2127
01:41:11,816 --> 01:41:13,026
- Get up.
- Okay.
2128
01:41:14,611 --> 01:41:17,697
Look, I can live without ever
having sex with you again.
2129
01:41:18,198 --> 01:41:19,282
It'd be really hard.
2130
01:41:19,366 --> 01:41:20,408
(LAUGHS)
2131
01:41:20,492 --> 01:41:23,370
Hey, I want my best friend back,
2132
01:41:23,620 --> 01:41:25,455
because I'm in love with her.
2133
01:41:26,331 --> 01:41:27,457
Under one condition.
2134
01:41:27,624 --> 01:41:28,792
Anything.
2135
01:41:30,627 --> 01:41:31,962
Kiss me.
2136
01:41:33,546 --> 01:41:34,798
In public? In front of all these people?
2137
01:41:34,965 --> 01:41:36,174
I did not ask you to...
2138
01:41:55,819 --> 01:41:57,529
You can all go home now.
2139
01:42:04,077 --> 01:42:06,037
Okay. So...
2140
01:42:08,999 --> 01:42:10,041
What do we do now?
2141
01:42:10,166 --> 01:42:11,167
Have our first date.
2142
01:42:11,543 --> 01:42:12,669
Okay.
2143
01:42:12,836 --> 01:42:14,379
(HEY, SOUL SISTER PLAYING)
2144
01:42:15,839 --> 01:42:18,925
Oh, my God!
Did you get a horse and carriage?
2145
01:42:20,010 --> 01:42:21,845
Yeah, that's not for you.
2146
01:42:22,053 --> 01:42:25,098
Oh, thank God.
Horses actually scare the shit out of me.
2147
01:42:25,265 --> 01:42:26,516
- Really?
- Yeah.
2148
01:42:26,683 --> 01:42:27,934
DYLAN:
So, where are you from?
2149
01:42:28,018 --> 01:42:29,185
Outside of Philly, actually.
2150
01:42:29,352 --> 01:42:30,562
Interesting.
2151
01:42:30,770 --> 01:42:32,522
I'm from LA, just moved to New York.
2152
01:42:32,689 --> 01:42:34,232
Interesting. Didn't really ask, but go on.
2153
01:42:34,441 --> 01:42:37,736
What? I'm excited, I'm on a first date. So...
2154
01:42:38,069 --> 01:42:40,238
This isn't weird at all.
2155
01:42:40,363 --> 01:42:41,406
We're okay.
2156
01:42:41,531 --> 01:42:42,615
Yeah. Thank you.
2157
01:42:44,909 --> 01:42:46,536
So...
2158
01:42:49,122 --> 01:42:50,707
Yeah, fuck it.
2159
01:42:50,790 --> 01:42:53,585
(MAGIC CARPET RIDE PLAYING)
2160
01:44:00,638 --> 01:44:03,098
(VOLUME LOWERS)
2161
01:44:03,129 --> 01:44:04,251
(VOLUME RAISES)
2162
01:44:20,171 --> 01:44:22,465
(BOOTY CALL PLAYING)
2163
01:46:05,235 --> 01:46:07,987
(PUMPED UP KICKS PLAYING)
2164
01:49:01,911 --> 01:49:05,665
Roll credits, roll credits, roll credits.
And here come the outtakes.
2165
01:49:06,082 --> 01:49:09,419
Because if the actors had a good
time making it, it must be good.
2166
01:49:09,585 --> 01:49:11,421
You bet your ass, Jason.
2167
01:49:12,004 --> 01:49:13,589
Oh, my God,
I just called him Jason.
2168
01:49:13,673 --> 01:49:14,757
(EVERYONE LAUGHING)
2169
01:49:14,924 --> 01:49:15,925
Look, the crew's laughing.
2170
01:49:16,259 --> 01:49:17,260
Oh!
2171
01:49:17,343 --> 01:49:18,886
They made me do it!
They made me do it.
2172
01:49:18,970 --> 01:49:20,012
(EVERYONE LAUGHING AND CHEERING)
2173
01:49:20,805 --> 01:49:22,265
It's my favorite part.
2174
01:49:22,598 --> 01:49:23,599
(GRUMBLING)166305
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