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Last week on
Married With Children,
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00:01:18,334 --> 00:01:19,567
the Bundys went on vacation,
3
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:22,667
and got stranded
in Lucifer, New Mexico.
4
00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:26,166
They met an old prospector
5
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,099
who offered to trade them
his gold mine
6
00:01:28,133 --> 00:01:30,300
for the family's old Dodge.
7
00:01:30,334 --> 00:01:32,433
Dodge is
a damn fine car.
8
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,400
Ran over my wife
with a Dodge.
9
00:01:35,434 --> 00:01:37,266
Then the prospector
warned them
10
00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,999
gold can turn families
against each other.
11
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,400
So it'd be just like
my life now,
12
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:42,900
except I'd have gold
in both fists,
13
00:01:42,934 --> 00:01:44,467
and I'd be saying
"Yippee, yippee."
14
00:01:44,501 --> 00:01:46,800
With Al's car, and
Marcie's and Jefferson's money,
15
00:01:46,834 --> 00:01:49,366
they bought the mine and
set out to strike it rich.
16
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,366
Well, the plot's simple enough.
17
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,600
And now, Married
With Children continues.
18
00:02:04,601 --> 00:02:05,567
See, son...
19
00:02:05,601 --> 00:02:07,433
I saved us
some money already.
20
00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:10,101
We didn't need
no pack mules.
21
00:02:18,934 --> 00:02:21,133
Could somebody
help us out?
22
00:02:21,167 --> 00:02:22,500
Well, sure, honey.
23
00:02:22,534 --> 00:02:24,800
Come on, you can
make it!
Come on.
24
00:02:24,834 --> 00:02:25,834
Go!
25
00:02:25,868 --> 00:02:27,300
Come on! You can do it!
26
00:02:27,334 --> 00:02:29,300
Hurry it up now!
Just a couple more steps!
27
00:02:29,334 --> 00:02:31,300
Thattaway!
There you go!
28
00:02:31,334 --> 00:02:33,333
Hey, all right.
That wasn't so tough.
29
00:02:33,367 --> 00:02:35,500
Now, let's unpack
all these picks and shovels,
30
00:02:35,534 --> 00:02:37,900
and the rest of this
western crap...
31
00:02:37,934 --> 00:02:39,433
and start digging!
32
00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:40,633
Daddy, it is so hot,
33
00:02:40,667 --> 00:02:42,967
you could lay an egg
on the sidewalk.
34
00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:49,567
Look, Al...we just
got done lugging
35
00:02:49,601 --> 00:02:52,567
all the mining supplies,
plus your necessities.
36
00:02:52,601 --> 00:02:56,401
You know, two 12-packs
of Aurora white...
37
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,600
a newspaper,
38
00:02:58,634 --> 00:03:01,734
and the Preparation H
with sunscreen.
39
00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:04,834
We want a rest.
40
00:03:04,868 --> 00:03:06,033
Rest?
41
00:03:06,067 --> 00:03:07,400
There's still
three hours of--
42
00:03:07,434 --> 00:03:09,467
Of 100,000-degree
daylight left.
43
00:03:09,501 --> 00:03:11,700
Now, come on, let's go to work.
Let's go to work.
44
00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:13,200
Let's go, Marcie.
45
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,600
There's gold
in them thar hills.
46
00:03:14,634 --> 00:03:16,200
Let's get off
our duffs.
47
00:03:16,234 --> 00:03:17,767
Thank you,
honey.
48
00:03:17,801 --> 00:03:21,234
Now, would you bend over
and give me a target?
49
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:23,533
You know, Al,
I've been thinking.
50
00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:25,533
I believe we should
all just take a little rest.
51
00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:28,101
Oh. You tenderfeet.
52
00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:30,934
Do you realize
where we're standing?
53
00:03:30,968 --> 00:03:32,433
Well, I don't know
about us,
54
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:35,700
but you're standing
in coyote doodie.
55
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,867
Aside from that.
56
00:03:38,901 --> 00:03:40,366
Now, look here.
57
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,867
We're in the wild,
wild West.
58
00:03:42,901 --> 00:03:44,934
And I wanna see a little
pioneer spirit.
59
00:03:44,968 --> 00:03:46,999
I wanna see me
a little gumption.
60
00:03:47,033 --> 00:03:49,266
I wanna see me
a little-- Ladybug.
61
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:51,067
Get it off me.
Get it off me!
62
00:04:00,701 --> 00:04:02,999
Now, look here.
63
00:04:03,033 --> 00:04:04,467
I'm sick of
your female whining.
64
00:04:04,501 --> 00:04:06,600
Yeah!
Yeah!
65
00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:09,400
Now, we have a chance
to get rich here.
66
00:04:09,434 --> 00:04:10,633
He who dares, wins.
67
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,467
He who seeks, finds.
68
00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:14,667
He who digs...
69
00:04:14,701 --> 00:04:16,366
golds.
70
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:17,900
Now, Peg...
71
00:04:17,934 --> 00:04:19,333
we've seen it
with our own eyes.
72
00:04:19,367 --> 00:04:21,099
There's nuggets
in this here mine
73
00:04:21,133 --> 00:04:23,500
as big as your mother's behind.
74
00:04:25,634 --> 00:04:27,400
And-- And just like
your mother's behind,
75
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,401
it's there for the taking...
76
00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:33,800
by anyone with the courage
to reach out and grab it.
77
00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:38,600
Now, I feels like
getting rich.
78
00:04:38,634 --> 00:04:41,433
How many of you mangy
varmints are with me?
79
00:04:41,467 --> 00:04:43,567
I'm with you!
80
00:04:43,601 --> 00:04:44,600
Let's go!
Come on.
81
00:04:44,634 --> 00:04:45,667
Okay. Okay!
82
00:04:45,701 --> 00:04:47,600
Pull that
cup down.
83
00:04:47,634 --> 00:04:49,266
All right, good.
84
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:50,633
Now, if anybody needs me,
85
00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:54,201
I, uh...got a little work
to do myself.
86
00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:05,867
Would you
look at him?
87
00:05:05,901 --> 00:05:07,633
And we followed
him.
88
00:05:07,667 --> 00:05:09,366
What were
we thinking?
89
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,834
He's never found
anything, you know.
90
00:05:11,868 --> 00:05:14,667
Not even change
in the street.
91
00:05:14,701 --> 00:05:18,334
He can barely find his ear
with his finger.
92
00:05:19,634 --> 00:05:21,166
Yeah.
93
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,533
Or chew gum
at the same time.
94
00:05:28,634 --> 00:05:31,201
Should she be
out in the sun?
95
00:05:32,467 --> 00:05:35,433
Hey, Peg, look!
It's a flip-top lid!
96
00:05:35,467 --> 00:05:37,834
It was in there.
97
00:05:40,334 --> 00:05:42,900
Good, baby.
98
00:05:42,934 --> 00:05:46,001
Uh, I am dying
of thirst.
99
00:05:48,767 --> 00:05:50,099
Ah.
100
00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:51,400
Anyone else want
some water?
101
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:54,167
It's not water.
It's sweat.
102
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,401
Eureka.
103
00:06:01,133 --> 00:06:03,099
O, mighty one
in the heavens,
104
00:06:03,133 --> 00:06:05,967
who created the mountains,
the seas and beer...
105
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,600
40 years of
plague and darkness,
106
00:06:09,634 --> 00:06:11,333
and now finally a light.
107
00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:13,300
A golden light.
108
00:06:13,334 --> 00:06:15,767
It's gold.
109
00:06:16,868 --> 00:06:18,567
What'd you find,
Al?
110
00:06:18,601 --> 00:06:20,800
Nothing.
111
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:26,099
You know, this may be
just a hunchback,
112
00:06:26,133 --> 00:06:29,434
but I think
Daddy found something.
113
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,633
Oh, my--
114
00:06:32,968 --> 00:06:34,433
It's gold,
all right!
Oh, my--
115
00:06:34,467 --> 00:06:36,266
The bozo found gold!
116
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:37,800
We're rich!
117
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:43,333
Get out of
there!
118
00:06:43,367 --> 00:06:44,400
Hey. What
are you doing?
119
00:06:44,434 --> 00:06:47,401
Hey, hey!
I found it first!
120
00:06:54,968 --> 00:06:57,033
It's so good to be
alone with you, baby.
121
00:06:57,067 --> 00:07:01,767
Oh. I could hold you
like this forever.
122
00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:15,101
This is for the apartment.
123
00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:19,201
This is for the Corvette.
124
00:07:20,501 --> 00:07:23,567
And this is
for Miss February.
125
00:07:30,634 --> 00:07:32,267
Is this gold?
126
00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:34,166
N- no, honey.
127
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,334
Darn it, I haven't
found any real gold.
128
00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:40,101
I'll take that!
Hey!
129
00:07:44,968 --> 00:07:47,500
I- if we found this much
in three hours,
130
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:49,233
imagine how much
we'll find tomorrow.
131
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:51,834
Oh, God!
We're actually rich.
132
00:07:51,868 --> 00:07:54,467
What are you gonna do
with your share, Marcie?
133
00:07:54,501 --> 00:07:57,134
I'm gonna share mine
with the poor.
134
00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:00,900
No, really.
135
00:08:00,934 --> 00:08:02,300
What are you gonna
do with yours?
136
00:08:02,334 --> 00:08:04,333
I'm gonna buy
a seal coat,
137
00:08:04,367 --> 00:08:06,700
a diamond car
with condor floor mats,
138
00:08:06,734 --> 00:08:08,600
and a bald eagle hat.
139
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:11,300
What about you,
honey?
140
00:08:11,334 --> 00:08:13,966
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
141
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,767
I have everything
I want, and...
142
00:08:17,434 --> 00:08:18,934
everyone I want.
143
00:08:18,968 --> 00:08:20,667
Hm.
144
00:08:22,734 --> 00:08:23,999
By the way...
145
00:08:24,033 --> 00:08:26,667
would you be upset if
I got a place of my own?
146
00:08:29,601 --> 00:08:31,101
Hey, Dad.
147
00:08:31,734 --> 00:08:33,368
I know what I'm gonna do.
148
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:34,667
I'm gonna get me
a place
149
00:08:34,701 --> 00:08:37,033
right next to the old
Playboy Mansion.
150
00:08:37,067 --> 00:08:39,767
You know, Hef's parties might
have died down by now,
151
00:08:39,801 --> 00:08:41,966
but, uh, he can still
sneak over the fence
152
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,368
and get some young stuff
at Club Bud.
153
00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:48,500
Here, let me get that
spittle for you, son.
154
00:08:48,834 --> 00:08:49,800
Kelly.
155
00:08:49,834 --> 00:08:52,133
What about you,
dear?
156
00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:53,900
Is this gold?
157
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,201
No, pumpkin.
158
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,867
I'll take that too, Peg!
No, no. I got it! No!
159
00:09:01,234 --> 00:09:03,301
My eye! All right!
My eye!
160
00:09:04,367 --> 00:09:05,867
Oh, Peg. Ahh!
161
00:09:08,367 --> 00:09:10,467
What about you, Peggy?
What are you going to do?
162
00:09:10,501 --> 00:09:11,800
Oh, I don't know. I--
163
00:09:11,834 --> 00:09:14,134
Probably make
a few changes. Ha-ha.
164
00:09:37,067 --> 00:09:38,467
SorryI'm late.
165
00:09:38,501 --> 00:09:40,166
Oh, that's all right,
sweetheart.
166
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,667
Just take your shirt off
and put it on the moose head.
167
00:09:58,601 --> 00:10:00,366
You know, maybe, uh,
168
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,700
redecorate or something.
169
00:10:03,868 --> 00:10:05,567
What about you, honey?
170
00:10:06,367 --> 00:10:07,934
Honey?
171
00:10:22,801 --> 00:10:25,700
And so...that's how
I defeated the robots
172
00:10:25,734 --> 00:10:28,867
in the first intergalactic
Super Bowl.
173
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,733
So, what do you wanna
do now, girls?
174
00:10:32,767 --> 00:10:34,767
We'd just like
to serve you,
175
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,533
beautiful
one.
176
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,033
Well...what's
on the menu?
177
00:10:42,067 --> 00:10:43,600
Massage?
178
00:10:43,634 --> 00:10:45,700
Whipped cream bath?
179
00:10:47,434 --> 00:10:49,600
Spanking?
180
00:10:51,601 --> 00:10:53,600
Horsy ride?
181
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,033
Or shall we go back
in our cages
182
00:10:58,067 --> 00:10:59,867
and frug for you again?
183
00:11:01,033 --> 00:11:02,233
Well, girls...
184
00:11:02,267 --> 00:11:04,201
it's your dream.
185
00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:07,567
Sorry I'm late.
186
00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:09,633
Oh, that's
all right, dear.
187
00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:12,800
Just hang up your robe
on the moose head.
188
00:11:36,067 --> 00:11:37,800
Oh, you know me, Peg.
189
00:11:37,834 --> 00:11:40,834
I probably won't even
get off the couch.
190
00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:44,934
Hey.
I have an idea.
191
00:11:44,968 --> 00:11:46,633
How about if
we all put
192
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:48,166
our gold together
in one sack,
193
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,067
and then we divvy it up
when we get home?
194
00:11:51,634 --> 00:11:53,667
Gee, that's a great idea
for you, Kelly.
195
00:11:53,701 --> 00:11:55,467
You have nothing.
196
00:11:55,501 --> 00:11:56,867
Yeah. I work
harder than you.
197
00:11:56,901 --> 00:11:58,966
Why shouldIgive you
my gold?
198
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,500
Because...
199
00:12:00,534 --> 00:12:02,300
I'm your daughter.
200
00:12:02,334 --> 00:12:05,066
Well, y-- And you always
will be, pumpkin, but...
201
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,034
you ain't gonna
have no gold.
202
00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:09,800
Hey, Dad.
203
00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:11,433
Didn't that
old prospector
204
00:12:11,467 --> 00:12:12,834
warn us all about greed?
205
00:12:12,868 --> 00:12:15,033
Fine. Then you give Kelly
some of your gold.
206
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,167
Yeah.
207
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:21,034
Catch you
at the mission, babe.
208
00:12:22,067 --> 00:12:24,800
All right. Look.
Here's what we should do.
209
00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:27,433
Some of us are obviously working
harder than others.
210
00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:30,633
So I say what everybody finds,
everybody keeps.
211
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:32,567
We're all responsible
for our own goods.
212
00:12:32,601 --> 00:12:33,733
That makes
sense.
213
00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:35,066
Well said, honey.
214
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:38,001
Touch my gold again,
and I'll slap you silly.
215
00:12:39,167 --> 00:12:41,468
All right, let's
all turn in.
All right.
216
00:12:54,367 --> 00:12:55,400
Ah! Ah!
217
00:12:55,434 --> 00:12:57,734
Oh.
218
00:13:03,801 --> 00:13:06,134
Must have been
a coyote.
219
00:13:06,934 --> 00:13:09,167
Yeah.
220
00:13:09,968 --> 00:13:12,200
Must have been.
221
00:13:12,234 --> 00:13:14,400
Good night.
Night.
222
00:13:14,434 --> 00:13:16,134
Good night.
Good night.
223
00:13:31,367 --> 00:13:33,101
Al.
224
00:13:34,334 --> 00:13:36,500
What?
225
00:13:38,267 --> 00:13:40,900
I think we should kill
Marcie and Jefferson.
226
00:13:44,501 --> 00:13:47,667
Peg, listen to what
you're saying.
227
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:50,667
They can work for days
and gather more gold.
228
00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:57,934
And then...
229
00:13:57,968 --> 00:13:59,533
if they should
accidentally walk
230
00:13:59,567 --> 00:14:01,067
in front of my rifle...
231
00:14:04,267 --> 00:14:05,533
Oh, you're
so smart, honey.
232
00:14:05,567 --> 00:14:07,099
Yeah. Ah,
good night.
Good night.
233
00:14:07,133 --> 00:14:09,301
Good night.
234
00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:14,266
Al.
235
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:16,533
What?
236
00:14:16,567 --> 00:14:18,867
I don't trust
the kids.
237
00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:25,200
What are you guys
talking about over there?
238
00:14:25,234 --> 00:14:27,966
Nothing. Nothing.
239
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,533
You're not gonna
kill us, are you?
240
00:14:32,367 --> 00:14:34,733
Now, we wouldn't
do that.
241
00:14:34,767 --> 00:14:37,300
We love you.
242
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:40,667
We love you
guys too. Huh.
243
00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:42,600
We gotta get
that shotgun
244
00:14:42,634 --> 00:14:44,134
away from Dad.
245
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,233
We will. We will.
246
00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:49,667
All in due time.
247
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:56,301
We love you guys!
248
00:15:02,367 --> 00:15:04,700
We're dead.
249
00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:27,934
Kelly...
250
00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:30,301
that's not
real gold.
251
00:15:30,901 --> 00:15:33,967
Darn it. I never get
any real gold.
252
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,166
Get this away from me.
253
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,767
Stupid.
254
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,368
Al!
255
00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:15,066
What?
256
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,767
There's a deadly
tarantula
257
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:18,567
crawling on
your arm.
258
00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:25,934
Yeah, right.
259
00:16:25,968 --> 00:16:27,467
I get up to check,
260
00:16:27,501 --> 00:16:31,034
a shovel crushes
the back of my skull...
261
00:16:31,834 --> 00:16:34,333
and my gold is gone.
262
00:16:34,367 --> 00:16:37,600
I'm not falling
for that one, Peg.
263
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,600
Okay, honey.
Good night.
264
00:16:43,634 --> 00:16:45,267
Good night.
265
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,234
Peg...
266
00:17:12,267 --> 00:17:16,600
There's a tarantula on me.
267
00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:20,333
I need some help here.
268
00:17:20,367 --> 00:17:22,300
You didn't
believe me.
269
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,500
I'm not speaking
to you.
270
00:17:25,501 --> 00:17:26,767
I believe you.
I believe you.
271
00:17:26,801 --> 00:17:28,567
Too late.
272
00:17:28,601 --> 00:17:30,767
Hey, what's going on?
273
00:17:32,367 --> 00:17:36,167
Daddy has a tarantula
on his arm.
274
00:17:36,868 --> 00:17:38,233
Wow! Look at
that thing.
275
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:39,900
Dibs on Dad's gold!
276
00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:44,167
Hey. I know how
we could save Daddy.
Huh?
277
00:17:45,033 --> 00:17:46,733
Kelly.
278
00:17:46,767 --> 00:17:48,200
Don't.
279
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,200
You might hurt
Daddy.
280
00:17:50,234 --> 00:17:51,834
We'll shoot it
off him.
281
00:17:51,868 --> 00:17:53,033
Yeah.
282
00:17:53,067 --> 00:17:55,467
Daddy...give us
your gun.
283
00:17:55,501 --> 00:17:57,966
No. But I'll give you
both barrels
284
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,867
if you don't get
this monster off my arm...
285
00:18:00,901 --> 00:18:03,900
Oh. I'll take care
of this, you big baby.
286
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,433
I can't believe it.
It's just a stupid spider.
287
00:18:07,467 --> 00:18:09,700
Oh, Peg.
288
00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:15,467
Oh! It's hot!
Oh, it's hot!
289
00:18:15,501 --> 00:18:16,467
Oh.
Oh, God!
290
00:18:16,501 --> 00:18:18,267
Get his gold!
291
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,700
Gold! Gold!
Gold!
292
00:18:26,934 --> 00:18:28,133
Well, I guess we've
293
00:18:28,167 --> 00:18:29,200
played this mine out.
294
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:30,233
Time to get our gold
295
00:18:30,267 --> 00:18:31,233
and go home.
296
00:18:31,267 --> 00:18:33,233
Ha-ha-ha.
Where's Daddy?
297
00:18:33,267 --> 00:18:34,767
Gee, I don't know. I--
298
00:18:34,801 --> 00:18:37,468
I haven't seen him
since he went insane.
299
00:18:39,434 --> 00:18:41,167
Here he comes.
300
00:18:42,634 --> 00:18:45,600
I killed this squirrel
for looking at my gold.
301
00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:53,333
Good work, Dad.
302
00:18:53,367 --> 00:18:54,433
Uh, Al...
303
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,967
Hm?
304
00:18:58,334 --> 00:19:01,999
I think Dad's shoe-selling
days are just about over.
305
00:19:02,033 --> 00:19:03,999
I think Dad's
shoe-wearing days
306
00:19:04,033 --> 00:19:06,133
are just about over.
307
00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:07,433
Y- you know...
308
00:19:07,467 --> 00:19:10,200
we can't very well
take him home like this...
309
00:19:10,234 --> 00:19:11,266
can we?
310
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:13,033
Huh. I-I know
I'm the new guy,
311
00:19:13,067 --> 00:19:14,867
but if I have a vote...
312
00:19:14,901 --> 00:19:16,533
I'd say kill him.
313
00:19:16,567 --> 00:19:17,533
I heard that!
314
00:19:17,567 --> 00:19:19,267
It wasn't me,
it was Marcie!
315
00:19:20,467 --> 00:19:22,800
You all thinkI'm nuts!
But I'm not!
316
00:19:22,834 --> 00:19:24,767
Hold on, mister!
Don't move!
317
00:19:24,801 --> 00:19:26,334
Ho!
318
00:19:29,467 --> 00:19:33,500
Well, it's not like
he was once a whole man.
319
00:19:34,167 --> 00:19:35,734
Claim jumpers!
Oh.
320
00:19:36,934 --> 00:19:37,900
The old
prospector
321
00:19:37,934 --> 00:19:39,233
warned us
about these guys.
322
00:19:39,267 --> 00:19:41,034
Huh. Just act
natural.
323
00:19:43,367 --> 00:19:45,667
What are you people
doing here?
324
00:19:45,701 --> 00:19:46,667
Hm?
325
00:19:46,701 --> 00:19:47,934
We're, uh--
326
00:19:47,968 --> 00:19:50,066
We're seeing
America.
327
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:51,667
We're loving each other.
328
00:19:53,033 --> 00:19:54,567
What do you want?
329
00:19:54,601 --> 00:19:55,767
Well, this is
the third stop
330
00:19:55,801 --> 00:19:57,767
on the Hell Hole
National Park tour.
331
00:19:57,801 --> 00:20:00,633
What kind of
exhibit is this?
332
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:05,633
We can see these kind of
people in Miami.
333
00:20:06,601 --> 00:20:08,033
Don't worry,
folks.
334
00:20:08,067 --> 00:20:10,133
We'll clean out the Bigfoot
family in a second.
335
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,433
Grab your pans
336
00:20:11,467 --> 00:20:14,200
and share the forty-niner
experience.
337
00:20:14,234 --> 00:20:16,900
Yeah? Grab your butts
and kiss 'em goodbye.
338
00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:19,333
We own this here mine.
339
00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:20,900
We bought it...
340
00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:23,033
from some old guy...
341
00:20:23,067 --> 00:20:24,667
Looked like John Byner.
342
00:20:26,801 --> 00:20:28,233
Oh, old Zeke.
343
00:20:28,267 --> 00:20:31,267
Is he still selling
fake mines to rubes?
344
00:20:31,801 --> 00:20:34,500
Look, son, this is
a national park.
345
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:37,433
And what you've got there
is fool's gold.
346
00:20:37,467 --> 00:20:39,900
We salt the mines
for the rubes--
347
00:20:40,467 --> 00:20:41,533
Uh, tourists.
348
00:20:41,567 --> 00:20:43,099
But if it would
make you feel better,
349
00:20:43,133 --> 00:20:44,800
you can each carry
a nugget home...
350
00:20:44,834 --> 00:20:47,333
because fun and rocks
are what we're all about
351
00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:49,167
at Hell Hole
National Park.
352
00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:53,733
Thanks a lot,
Al.
353
00:20:53,767 --> 00:20:55,900
Four days
in this intense heat
354
00:20:55,934 --> 00:20:57,066
for nothing.
355
00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:58,900
You are truly
a numskull!
356
00:20:58,934 --> 00:21:00,667
Dimwit.
Total thief.
357
00:21:00,701 --> 00:21:01,667
Cretin!
358
00:21:01,701 --> 00:21:03,800
Bombastic simpleton.
359
00:21:05,767 --> 00:21:09,267
And a bad, bad daddy.
360
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:13,934
We don't have any gold.
361
00:21:14,467 --> 00:21:16,368
Now, listen.
Listen.
362
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,400
Now, I came here
to get real gold.
363
00:21:19,434 --> 00:21:20,467
And I ain't leaving
364
00:21:20,501 --> 00:21:22,800
till I get real gold.
365
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,999
Under the heading,
"Isn't that bizarre,"
366
00:21:37,033 --> 00:21:39,133
today's story comes
from New Mexico,
367
00:21:39,167 --> 00:21:41,233
where an inbred,
insane family--
368
00:21:41,267 --> 00:21:43,467
a man with two wives
and three sons
369
00:21:43,501 --> 00:21:45,066
-- held up a group
of tourists.
370
00:21:45,100 --> 00:21:47,633
They left them
with cash and diamonds.
371
00:21:47,667 --> 00:21:50,366
All the family said
they wanted was gold.
372
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,233
The reportedly stole
an old Dodge
373
00:21:52,267 --> 00:21:54,533
from a prospector
who looked like John Byner,
374
00:21:54,567 --> 00:21:56,467
and were last seen
heading west
375
00:21:56,501 --> 00:21:57,600
towards Los Angeles.
376
00:21:57,634 --> 00:21:59,033
Do not approach them.
377
00:21:59,067 --> 00:22:00,900
They are insane...
378
00:22:00,934 --> 00:22:01,934
unbathed
379
00:22:01,968 --> 00:22:03,834
and dangerous.
380
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,067
What time is it,
gang?
381
00:22:09,133 --> 00:22:11,900
Five after 3!
25296
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