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♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played
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00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,039
♪ Songs that made the hit parade
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00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:11,209
♪ Guys like us, we had it made
4
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,679
♪ Those were the days
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00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:17,116
♪ And you knew
where you were then
6
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,352
♪ Girls were girls
and men were men
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♪ Mister, we could use a man
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00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,891
♪ Like Herbert Hoover again
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♪ Didn't need no welfare state
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♪ Everybody pulled his weight
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♪ Gee, our old LaSalle ran great
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♪ Those were the days ♪
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Hey, Ma, are you home?
14
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Yeah, Mike. Hi.
15
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,758
I got a problem.
16
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I did the laundry today. I must
have done something wrong.
17
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Look at this.
18
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:09,368
Oh, that's Gloria's bra.
19
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:11,937
Yeah, I had a hunch it was, Ma.
20
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,883
But, uh, look, it's all stained.
21
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,641
Oh, well, what did
you put it in with?
22
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,477
Well, just some socks,
towels, my new blue shorts...
23
00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:24,183
Oh, you should never put your
blue shorts in with Gloria's bra.
24
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:27,352
But that's all right,
Ma. We're married.
25
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,521
Oh, Mike.
26
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:35,927
What I mean is, you should
never mix coloreds and whites.
27
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:43,735
Yeah, Archie's been
telling me that for years.
28
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,615
Well, what should I
do with this? Well...
29
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,039
I'll see what I can
do. Oh, thanks, Ma.
30
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:51,610
Oh, Mike, did you pick out
a name for the baby, yet?
31
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,556
Yeah, well, we were
thinking if we had a boy,
32
00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:57,048
we might call him Stanislaus.
33
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,885
T-That was my father's
name. It's Polish for Stanley.
34
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,587
Oh, I like the name Stanley.
35
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:05,223
That was my cousin
Claude's name.
36
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,440
Stanley was your
cousin Claude's name?
37
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,997
Yeah. Claude Stanley.
38
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,911
Oh, then Stanley
was his last name.
39
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:17,402
Except in the phone
book. There it was
40
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:20,372
Stanley, Claude.
41
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,440
Well, it's been a
rotten day, folks.
42
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:26,879
Oh, Archie!
43
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:28,247
You're home!
44
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:31,183
Jeez, you got
wonderful eyesight.
45
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:34,419
It's Friday afternoon
and it's only 1:30.
46
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:38,423
Whoop-dee-doo, she can read
the calendar and tell the time, too.
47
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,358
What the hell is this?
48
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:42,627
That's Gloria's bra.
49
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:46,631
I know what it is, but
what is it doin' here, huh?
50
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,944
There's some things that
should never be seen in public,
51
00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:50,968
and this here is two of them.
52
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,717
Mike was doin' the laundry,
53
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:58,009
and his blue shorts
run all over Gloria's bra.
54
00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:00,578
Aw, jeez, leave
it to this prevert
55
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:04,182
to turn doing laundry
into a sex orgy.
56
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:06,284
Get that slingshot out of here.
57
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,852
Okay, I'll take it.
58
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,966
Get away from me. What is this?
59
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,501
That's my laundry. Oh, jeez.
60
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,858
When his butt ain't in
my chair, his laundry is.
61
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,228
Get it out of here. Sorry, Arch.
62
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,008
What are you doin'
home so early?
63
00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:21,433
Oh, jeez, something happened at
work today that got me all unsprung.
64
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:22,634
I had to leave.
65
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,769
I got that Black Elmo
to take over for me,
66
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,683
you know, in the loadin'
dock, and I ducked out.
67
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,907
Archie! What happened?
68
00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:31,409
Sanders, the hatchet
man down at work,
69
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:34,045
he ordered physical
checkups next Monday, see,
70
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,014
for two of us, the
two guys over 50,
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00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,683
of which I am one.
72
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,250
Well, who's the other man?
73
00:03:39,319 --> 00:03:42,620
Oh, a guy around my own
age. Old Man Dirksmeyer.
74
00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:44,467
And the word is out
that the guy that's got
75
00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:47,125
the lessest amount of good
health gets the heave-ho.
76
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:49,594
Arch, if he's a guy
around your age,
77
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,329
how come he's Old Man Dirksmeyer
78
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,164
and you're not Old Man Bunker?
79
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:56,334
Because he acts like
an old man, that's why.
80
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,771
He walks around with his
pants baggin' in the behind,
81
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,406
his shoelaces are untied,
82
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:04,375
and half the time he's
unzipped to the world.
83
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,857
I think you're puttin'
down Dirksmeyer
84
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,893
'cause you're afraid that
he's in better health than you.
85
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:12,150
Get out of here!
I'm in perfect health.
86
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:16,121
Every part on me is as good as
any part of you when I was your age.
87
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,455
Tell him, Edith.
88
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,936
What's takin' you so
long? Talk, will you?
89
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,306
Well, I'm goin' all over you.
90
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,374
Oh, well, never mind!
91
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,121
Get off of me, that's all.
92
00:04:39,145 --> 00:04:41,947
Listen, what I want
to ask you, is this.
93
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,716
Could I refuse to
take that medical test?
94
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,551
Arch, in the state of New York,
95
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,197
if you refuse to take
a company physical,
96
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,721
they could legally fire you.
97
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,857
You see how them
bums hide behind the law?
98
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,727
They just want to get
rid of us old guys over 50,
99
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,676
that's all, and put
us out to pasture.
100
00:04:57,731 --> 00:05:01,299
But I ain't ready
to be pasteurized.
101
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:04,201
Certainly not to make room
for all these young college punks
102
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:06,215
who can't find the jobs
they was educated for.
103
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:08,484
Hey, hey, don't
blame the college kids.
104
00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:10,553
Put the blame for
unemployment where it belongs,
105
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:11,787
right at the White House door.
106
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,379
Well, don't blame
President Ford, will you?
107
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:18,082
The man's doin' a hell of a
job for a guy nobody voted for.
108
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,726
Hi, Ma. Hi, Dad.
Hi, Rick. Hi, Dave.
109
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:31,441
Hi, honey. How you
doing? Hi, honey.
110
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:32,697
Hey, what'd the doctor say?
111
00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:35,300
Oh, he said everything
is right on schedule.
112
00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:37,580
The fetus is in the proper
position in the womb...
113
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:41,105
Oh, jeez, watch your
language, will you?
114
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:44,776
Can't you just say that...
that what-you-may-call-it there
115
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,344
is A-Okay?
116
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:49,981
The what-you-may-call-it there
is A-Okay, Daddy. Oh, great.
117
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:52,490
Gee, what are you doing
home from work so early?
118
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,552
Ah, I gotta take a
damn company physical.
119
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:55,786
Here?
120
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:59,157
Oh. Oh, no. No, at
the plant on Monday.
121
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:02,427
And your father's
worried about losin' his job.
122
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:03,806
Well, what are you worried for?
123
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:05,670
Doesn't the union
protect your job?
124
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:08,633
It didn't protect Leo
Silverforce from Sunnyside.
125
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:11,403
Get away from me.
They wanted to fire him.
126
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:14,484
They just let him go. They just
made up some excuse there.
127
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,142
They said he had
neurosis in his liver.
128
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,445
That's cirrhosis.
129
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:23,381
Whatever! It was
still a phony excuse.
130
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,890
They didn't have the decency
to tell him the real reason
131
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,120
which was that he was a lush.
132
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,290
Arch, the man didn't
have a leg to stand on.
133
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:35,026
He couldn't even stand on two.
134
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,773
But I ain't gonna stop there.
135
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,908
We're gonna take this
thing right up to the top.
136
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:40,876
W-W-Wait a minute, wait a
minute. What do you mean "we"?
137
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,545
"We... We," I mean you and me.
138
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,914
We're gonna sit down, we're
gonna write a letter to George Meany,
139
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,905
the head of the UFO-CIA.
140
00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:53,122
What? Certainly, there's
the man in the country
141
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,091
that's most worried
about the unemployment.
142
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:59,217
Oh, poor Mr. Meany.
Did he lose his job?
143
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:02,219
No. Did you lose your marbles?
144
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:05,624
Arch, the only way that George
Meany is going to stop unemployment
145
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:08,794
is if he gets his pal Gerald
Ford to start another war.
146
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:11,629
Well, that always
worked in the past.
147
00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:13,865
What are you saying?
You're in favor of a major war?
148
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,734
We don't have to take
on anybody real tough.
149
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:19,303
You know, we could
hit Mexico again.
150
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:24,053
We could pounce on 'em
in the middle of the day
151
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:27,044
when they're all snoozin'
under them big dopey hats.
152
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,449
You know, you ought to
be a military strategist?
153
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:33,530
Well, you ought to be
backin' out of a stable
154
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,794
'cause you're a
horse's patootie.
155
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:42,694
Archie, just to make
sure you're all right,
156
00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:46,331
why don't you go see
a doctor this afternoon?
157
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,900
That way, if there ain't
nothin' wrong with you,
158
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,414
you won't have
nothin' to worry about.
159
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:53,771
And if there is
somethin' wrong with you,
160
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,841
the doctor can fix it
by Monday morning.
161
00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:00,911
That's a good idea.
Yeah, that makes sense.
162
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:04,482
I'll tell you what.
163
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:07,252
Why don't I go to a
doctor this afternoon?
164
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,466
And if he don't find
nothin' wrong with me,
165
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,390
then I ain't got
nothin' to worry about.
166
00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,325
And if he finds
somethin' wrong with me,
167
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:16,895
then maybe he can fix
it by Monday morning.
168
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,531
Oh, that's a better idea.
169
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,936
That makes a lot more sense.
170
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,005
Of course it makes sense.
171
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,475
Can't you folly that?
172
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,051
This way, Mr. Bunker.
173
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,786
Okay. How am I doin'
there, nursey, huh?
174
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,633
The doctor's checking
out your tests right now.
175
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:45,701
He'll be with you in a
moment. So, what do I do then?
176
00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:48,885
Why don't you sit down?
Oh, all right. I'll sit down, there.
177
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:52,964
Mrs. Bunker, you can
come in now. Oh, thank you.
178
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:57,068
Where have you been?
What did Dr. Shapiro say?
179
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,237
Dr. Shapiro, he ain't here.
180
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:01,339
Shapiro's on a
two-week vacation.
181
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:04,275
He's visitin' the land
of his people, Miami.
182
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,480
Well, then, who
took care of you?
183
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:10,848
Jeez, his assistant.
184
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:14,152
Some young kid, looked to
be about 12 years of age there.
185
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,354
Gee whiz, right out of
doctor school, I suppose.
186
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:20,925
I half expected him to take my
pulse with a Mickey Mouse watch.
187
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:23,828
Well, new doctors
is the best kind.
188
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:28,666
They ain't had time to forget
what they learned in school.
189
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,770
Okay, let's see what
we have here. Oh, hello.
190
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:35,273
How'd I do on the
test there, junior?
191
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:37,809
Oh, don't worry.
You did neato guido!
192
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,778
Is he talking Latin?
193
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:44,682
Let's see. Your
blood count's normal,
194
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,784
heart and lungs are fine.
195
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:50,488
Uh, well, how... how about what
I'd done for you in the bottle there?
196
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,312
You know, the eulogy test.
197
00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:58,295
Your urine is fine, too.
198
00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:00,684
Oh, thank God for fine urine.
199
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,435
Only one thing concerns me. Huh?
200
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:07,839
Your blood pressure
is 170/98. Oh, jeez.
201
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:11,542
That's just a little high.
Let me ask you, Mr. Bunker,
202
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,879
are you the excitable type?
Do you get upset easily?
203
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:18,483
Oh, no, I don't do
that. No, no, ask her.
204
00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:21,485
Well, only when
something upsets him.
205
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:24,288
What kind of an answer is that?
206
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:27,391
You do get upset,
Archie, we gotta tell him.
207
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,427
I get upset when them
young guys down at work
208
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,307
start harassing me
about my age, that's all.
209
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,331
Now, junior here
asked me a question,
210
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,344
I don't need the help of a talking
dingbat to give him an answer!
211
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:36,701
Stifle yourself!
212
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,046
You just answered my
question, Mr. Bunker.
213
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:50,126
You obviously suffer
from hypertension,
214
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,595
so I'm going to give you this
prescription for your nerves.
215
00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:54,251
Oh, yeah, all right.
216
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:58,222
Now, I want you to go home and
relax this weekend. Just stay calm.
217
00:10:58,291 --> 00:10:59,769
That's it? That's
all I gotta do?
218
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,959
That's it. Stay calm, huh?
219
00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:04,807
That's a cinch. Thanks very
much, Doc. Let's get out of here.
220
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,942
Thank you, Doctor. I'll open
the door for you there, dear.
221
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:08,144
That's all right, I've got it.
222
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,002
I said I'd open the
door. Let me open it!
223
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:13,470
It's open. Get away
from there, will you?
224
00:11:13,539 --> 00:11:15,417
What's the matter with
you? You think I'm too feeble
225
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,722
to open the door for myself?
226
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,848
Good beginning, Mr. Bunker.
Have a nice, calm weekend.
227
00:11:23,916 --> 00:11:25,916
Thank you very much,
Doctor. There. There.
228
00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:28,119
Come on, dear.
After you, after you.
229
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:30,755
Thank you, Doctor.
After you, dear.
230
00:11:30,823 --> 00:11:33,035
You had to open
your mouth in there!
231
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:46,271
♪ Don't eat meat, ooh-ooh
232
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:48,873
♪ Cut out sweets, ooh-ooh
233
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:52,944
♪ You'll get a pain
and ruin your tum-tum
234
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:55,713
♪ Stay away from bootleg hooch
235
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:58,582
♪ When you're on a spree
236
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:01,319
♪ Take good care of yourself
237
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,788
♪ You belong to me ♪
238
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:09,060
Ma, it sounds like the doctor
gave Daddy a good report.
239
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:10,907
Oh, yeah, everything's fine,
240
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,464
except his blood
pressure's a little high.
241
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:18,035
So we gotta help keep him
calm and relaxed all weekend.
242
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:22,407
Well, I can do it, but I'm
not leavin' town just for that.
243
00:12:22,476 --> 00:12:25,442
All right, now, I want
calm in this loony bin.
244
00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:28,290
Hey, Arch. How you doing? Hi,
Daddy. Here, let me take your hat.
245
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:29,959
What's goin' on?
Let me get your coat.
246
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:32,016
There you go,
Arch. Take it easy.
247
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,484
All right, all right.
248
00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:36,020
Did you get your relaxing
pills? Yeah, I got 'em.
249
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,923
Five bucks for 20
little sugar bullets.
250
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:42,805
Be nice and comfortable.
251
00:12:42,829 --> 00:12:45,874
Mike, would you get your
father-in-law his slippers?
252
00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:48,344
Sure, Ma. And I'll get
you a nice, cold beer.
253
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:51,135
Oh, don't bother, Ma. I've seen
you do it thousands of times.
254
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:52,970
I'll get Daddy his beer.
255
00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:55,139
Archie, now put your feet up.
256
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,442
All right, all
right. Here we go.
257
00:12:57,510 --> 00:13:00,645
Oh, jeez, at these prices,
only the druggers can relax.
258
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,248
Oh, look!
259
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:07,719
We mustn't let this
little piggy catch cold!
260
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,021
Here are your slippers, Arch.
261
00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:13,224
Yeah, thank you, Meathead.
262
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:16,393
Here's your beer, Daddy!
263
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:17,795
That's my little girl.
264
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:20,698
And here's the Reader's Digest.
265
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:23,735
So you just sit
right there and relax.
266
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,036
What do we got here?
267
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,605
"High blood pressure,
the all-American killer."
268
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:31,308
How the hell am I
gonna relax with that?
269
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:33,221
Don't be doin' nothin'
for me, will you?
270
00:13:33,245 --> 00:13:35,157
Just do like youse
always do around here.
271
00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:36,525
Please, don't change nothin'.
272
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,883
Little girl, go read
somethin', huh?
273
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:41,597
Edith, knit somethin', will you?
Oh, we'll get out of your way.
274
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:45,255
Meathead, eat somethin'.
275
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:48,503
Daddy, we'll do anything
you want, as long as you relax.
276
00:13:48,527 --> 00:13:52,229
'Cause we want you strong
and healthy for little Stanislaus.
277
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:58,303
Uh, Gloria... Don't
talk about that.
278
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,644
What do you mean...
279
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,915
Who is little Stanislaus?
280
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:14,285
Archie, don't you think you
better take a relaxing pill?
281
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:18,923
Later, later, later, later.
Who is little Stanislaus?
282
00:14:18,991 --> 00:14:20,758
Who'd like to hear a riddle?
283
00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:23,561
Nobody in the world!
Who is little Stanislaus?
284
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:26,897
Uh, what has
four legs and flies?
285
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:29,967
Two pairs of pants.
Who is little Stanislaus?
286
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,302
Wrong!
287
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,337
It's a garbage truck!
288
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:39,810
Edith, think a minute, huh?
289
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,713
A garbage truck has four legs?
290
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:45,549
The driver and his helper.
291
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,119
Stay close to
me, Lord, will you?
292
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:52,756
How about a pill?
293
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:57,695
How about who the
hell is little Stanislaus?
294
00:14:57,764 --> 00:15:01,198
Well, we were thinkin' if we had
a boy, that might be his name.
295
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:03,768
Stanislaus?
296
00:15:04,838 --> 00:15:08,806
How'd you think up a
nutty name like that?
297
00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:12,543
That was my father's
name. And it's a good name.
298
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:16,147
If Stanislaus is a good name, how
come he named you Meathead?
299
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:22,287
He named me Michael. You
named me Meathead. Ah.
300
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,667
If you was thinkin' about
naming him after a grandfather,
301
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:28,625
why didn't you pick the grandfather
who happens to be a livin' American here?
302
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,438
Before you get all upset, Daddy,
303
00:15:30,462 --> 00:15:33,142
would you like to know the other
name we were considering if it's a boy?
304
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,966
What? Archie.
305
00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:38,703
Oh, that's your name!
306
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:44,575
You don't say.
307
00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:46,544
See, Daddy, we
didn't forget about you.
308
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,512
We thought we'd use
both grandfathers' names
309
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:51,248
and call him Stanislaus
Archibald Stivic.
310
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:53,428
Well, how come you didn't think
about it the other way around?
311
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,719
Archie Stanislaus Stivic.
312
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:59,290
Oh, Daddy, you wouldn't want
your grandchild to have those initials.
313
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:10,168
Well, it would fit the
American grandfather.
314
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:13,971
Are you callin' me an ass?
315
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,486
Are you callin' me... And you
got the nerve in my own home
316
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:18,954
to call me an ass. For one,
it's not my father's name!
317
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,045
All right, then, all right.
318
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,926
Get over there, and sit down
and shut up where you belong.
319
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:25,627
Sit, Daddy, sit. Yes.
320
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:28,286
Relax. I gotta be calm here.
321
00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:30,054
There you are.
322
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:31,922
All right.
323
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:35,626
Stanislaus!
324
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:38,629
What the hell kind of a
middle name is "Laus"?
325
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,330
All one name.
326
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:44,368
What is the difference? All
the kids will call him Laus.
327
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:48,339
They'll say, "Hey, Laus, where's
the doggy you've been riding on?"
328
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,674
That's what they'll
be hollerin' after him.
329
00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:52,921
Arch, the kids'll
call him Stanley.
330
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,912
They will call him Laus!
331
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:56,559
Little kids are mean and rotten.
332
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:59,883
I ought to know,
I used to be one.
333
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:02,130
Why, did they make
fun of your name? Yes!
334
00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:04,055
Archibald is a nice name.
335
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,522
Archibald stinks!
336
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:08,037
And when the kids on the block
found out I was called Archibald,
337
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:10,461
they brung me up to the
Bronx and they left me there!
338
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:13,630
Oh, Archie. No, no more
arguments! No arguments!
339
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,110
I wanna tell you somethin' here.
340
00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:17,334
Her and me ain't gonna
be diaperin' no Laus.
341
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,581
And Stanley's a
name that stinks, too.
342
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,784
Stanley's a name that
stinks, too, huh? Fine!
343
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:24,085
Fine, but I do not
have to listen to you!
344
00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:25,954
It is up to us to
name our own child!
345
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:28,323
I don't have to stand here and
listen to your juvenile opinions!
346
00:17:28,347 --> 00:17:30,948
That's all you're
gonna get out of me.
347
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:38,267
Tell him to stop opening up
his mouth, for crying out loud!
348
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,058
Aren't you gonna stop?
He insulted my father!
349
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:42,971
Now, my grandson...
I don't know what...
350
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,494
Why don't you just go out?
351
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:46,675
Ma, it's not my fault! Look,
Daddy, don't you understand?
352
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:49,111
It's not my fault he insulted my
father! That was Michael's father!
353
00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:51,579
You're listening to him all the
time, Gloria. I have to, I'm his wife!
354
00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:54,939
Out, out, out. Ma...
355
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:58,508
Go home and don't come
back till after Monday.
356
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,581
Edith! What come over you?
357
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,850
I never seen you
like this before.
358
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:09,186
You just threw your own pregnant
daughter right out of the house.
359
00:18:10,622 --> 00:18:12,323
Oh, I know.
360
00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:15,226
But the doctor says
361
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:18,829
that my husband
needs calm and quiet.
362
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:23,433
You done that for me, huh? Yeah.
363
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:26,704
Well, thanks, Edith.
364
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,238
But I gotta tell you,
365
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,218
the way you pushed the
two of them out the door,
366
00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:35,112
you put me in mind of an Irish
bartender at 3:00 in the mornin'.
367
00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:39,550
Why didn't you let 'em stay here at
least until I could win the argument?
368
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,585
Oh, because I'm your wife
369
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:44,454
and I'm supposed
to keep you healthy.
370
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:47,364
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, sit back down here...
371
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,638
You were terrific
there, really... and relax,
372
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:52,029
and take your pill. Yeah.
373
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:55,299
And... And don't worry no
more about losin' you job.
374
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:57,212
Oh, well, come on.
You can't blame me
375
00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:58,948
for worrying about
losing my job.
376
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:01,872
Jeez, a lot of old guys are
getting laid off nowadays.
377
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:05,609
I don't want to wind up on a
park bench feedin' the pigeons.
378
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:08,646
Or maybe stealin'
from the pigeons.
379
00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:11,549
Now, put this over
you. Put your feet up.
380
00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:13,317
Oh, all right, Edith. Yeah.
381
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:15,464
There, now. Ain't that comfy?
382
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,855
Take your pill.
Yeah, take a pill.
383
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:21,959
And you're gonna come out better
on the test than Mr. Dirksmeyer.
384
00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:23,494
You're a good wife to me, Edith.
385
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,295
Oh, you're a good husband.
386
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:28,065
Well, you deserve
every part of me, Edith.
387
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:33,704
I still gotta beat
out Dirksmeyer.
388
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:37,908
Well, then again, he's
got awful feet, you know?
389
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:40,644
Could a guy die from that?
390
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,514
Oh, Archie, don't
think about that now.
391
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:47,351
Just relax and be quiet.
392
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,121
You wanna go upstairs?
393
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,829
In the daylight, Edith?
394
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:01,231
What?
395
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:04,434
Oh!
396
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:13,477
Oh, I didn't mean that.
Yeah, I know, I know.
397
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,247
You wanna?
398
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:45,209
Hiya, there, Doc! Top
of the mornin' to you!
399
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,122
Hey, hey, it's a great
day to be alive, huh?
400
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,946
Where do I sit?
Here's the chair.
401
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:51,849
Where do you want the chair,
Doc? Here, there, anyplace. Where?
402
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,650
I suggest on the floor.
403
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:55,753
On the floor. You got it, Doc.
404
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:58,321
A. Bunker here, reportin'.
405
00:20:58,391 --> 00:20:59,590
Ding dong.
406
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:03,727
I am Dr. Ferguson,
Stanley Ferguson.
407
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:06,756
Stanley Ferguson. Oh, I
always loved that name Stanley.
408
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:11,468
Doc, I... I seen Old Man
Dirksmeyer leavin' the building.
409
00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:15,506
Gee, he looked kind of green around
the grills, like he was gonna barf up.
410
00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:17,720
I hope he gets through
the front door in time.
411
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:20,043
Let's find out about
you, Mr. Bunker.
412
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:23,347
Your doctor has
forwarded me his findings.
413
00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:26,127
The only question seems to
be your, uh, blood pressure.
414
00:21:26,151 --> 00:21:27,871
Oh, well, listen, Doc,
I'm in great shape.
415
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,588
Hey, you should have seen me
runnin' up them steps out there.
416
00:21:30,657 --> 00:21:33,257
There are only two.
417
00:21:33,325 --> 00:21:37,294
Yeah, right. I took 'em
both at the same time.
418
00:21:37,363 --> 00:21:40,130
Now, Doc, I'm over 50
as you can certainly see,
419
00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:42,699
but I am certainly
not over the hill.
420
00:21:42,768 --> 00:21:45,869
Well, I hope not. I'm 71.
421
00:21:45,938 --> 00:21:47,204
Get out of here.
422
00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:49,506
Seventy-one. Seventy-one?
423
00:21:49,575 --> 00:21:52,576
Jeez! Well, I mean, I
would have said 70, but...
424
00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:58,415
Doc, remember, us senior
citizens, we gotta stick together
425
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,084
and stay in there
punching, you know?
426
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:01,852
Right. I can't
afford to get old.
427
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:05,422
I play a very rotten
game of shuffleboard.
428
00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:08,759
All right, now let's see if we
can get this pressure down a bit.
429
00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:11,428
Oh, yeah. I tell you, relax,
430
00:22:11,497 --> 00:22:14,564
I want you to think
happy thoughts.
431
00:22:14,633 --> 00:22:17,301
You're out on a beautiful lake.
432
00:22:17,369 --> 00:22:20,171
You're fishing. Oh, yeah.
433
00:22:20,239 --> 00:22:22,606
Uh-huh, and you're
living in a world
434
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:25,843
where your age doesn't
count against you.
435
00:22:25,912 --> 00:22:28,011
Oh, jeez. If only, Doc, if only.
436
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:29,279
Good, good.
437
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,783
In a world where all
men live in brotherhood,
438
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:37,655
blacks and whites
and... in peace,
439
00:22:38,224 --> 00:22:40,090
mixing free...
440
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:48,065
Bunker, your... your...
Your pressure is rising!
441
00:22:48,134 --> 00:22:49,411
Oh, that don't
mean nothin', Doc.
442
00:22:49,435 --> 00:22:51,802
I'm just holdin'
back a burp here.
443
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:54,405
It'll do it every
time. All right.
444
00:22:54,474 --> 00:22:59,142
I'm gonna put you down. 168/95.
445
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:03,981
Is that good? Well, it's high
normal, but it'll keep you your job.
446
00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:06,917
Oh, jeez, that's
the main thing, Doc.
447
00:23:06,986 --> 00:23:08,852
Boy, what a relief that is.
448
00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:12,255
Hey, hey. This is swell of you.
449
00:23:12,324 --> 00:23:15,860
Well, if nobody else is going
to take care of us old-timers,
450
00:23:15,928 --> 00:23:17,528
we've got to do it ourselves.
451
00:23:17,597 --> 00:23:19,196
Yeah, you said it, Doc.
452
00:23:19,265 --> 00:23:22,232
Listen, you're a swell
guy, I wish you the best.
453
00:23:22,301 --> 00:23:25,302
May you always have
a steady flow of invalids.
454
00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:30,007
Uh, how did Old Man
Dirksmeyer check out?
455
00:23:30,076 --> 00:23:33,477
Oh, well, I... I couldn't
do much for Dirksmeyer.
456
00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:37,648
He's got problems.
Oh. Oh, that's a shame.
457
00:23:37,716 --> 00:23:39,756
Yeah, well. I'll tell the
guys on the loadin' dock
458
00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:42,118
to get ready to throw him
a nice going-away party.
459
00:23:42,188 --> 00:23:44,588
Yes. Okay, Doc,
thank you very much.
460
00:23:44,657 --> 00:23:47,824
Say, Doc, don't forget that we
tee off tomorrow morning, 6:00 a.m.
461
00:23:47,893 --> 00:23:50,972
Hey. Hi, there, Mr. Sanders.
Well, hello, Bunker.
462
00:23:50,996 --> 00:23:53,442
How'd you make out with
the Doc? Oh, swell, swell.
463
00:23:53,466 --> 00:23:54,943
I've come through
with flying colors there.
464
00:23:54,967 --> 00:23:57,334
I ain't hardly got any
blood pressure at all.
465
00:23:58,570 --> 00:23:59,703
Well, congratulations.
466
00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:02,639
Uh, uh, what do you
think of poor Dirksmeyer?
467
00:24:02,708 --> 00:24:04,208
Yeah, I just saw him leavin'.
468
00:24:04,277 --> 00:24:07,678
Hey, Doc, what was the
final determination on him?
469
00:24:07,746 --> 00:24:10,158
Ulcers. Oh, ulcers.
Ain't that too bad?
470
00:24:10,182 --> 00:24:12,222
He can't be on the
loadin' dock no more.
471
00:24:12,251 --> 00:24:13,491
That's rough, ain't it?
472
00:24:13,519 --> 00:24:15,486
Rough? What's rough about that?
473
00:24:15,554 --> 00:24:18,389
He'll be eligible now for his
union disability retirement,
474
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,357
the social security,
medical insurance,
475
00:24:20,426 --> 00:24:22,192
probably all tax-free.
476
00:24:22,261 --> 00:24:24,761
Not to mention our new
company pension plan.
477
00:24:24,830 --> 00:24:26,397
Puttin' those together,
478
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:29,099
Dirksmeyer's gonna be clearin'
more dough sittin' on his butt
479
00:24:29,168 --> 00:24:31,134
than he ever made workin' here.
480
00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:35,383
Doc, you all through with
him? Yes, yes, all through.
481
00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:37,874
Hey, Bunker, you better get
down on the loadin' platform.
482
00:24:37,943 --> 00:24:41,478
With Dirksmeyer off the job, we're
gonna be shorthanded down there.
483
00:25:05,470 --> 00:25:07,749
All in the Family
was recorded on tape
484
00:25:07,773 --> 00:25:09,272
before a live audience.
38278
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