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♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played
2
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,040
♪ Songs that made the hit parade
3
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:11,210
♪ Guys like us, we had it made
4
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,678
♪ Those were the days
5
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:17,116
♪ And you knew
where you were then
6
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,352
♪ Girls were girls
and men were men
7
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,587
♪ Mister, we could use a man
8
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,891
♪ Like Herbert Hoover again
9
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,660
♪ Didn't need no welfare state
10
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,897
♪ Everybody pulled his weight
11
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:36,101
♪ Gee, our old LaSalle ran great
12
00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:41,440
♪ Those were the days ♪
13
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:57,256
"Slip the large wing
nut over the pipes."
14
00:00:57,324 --> 00:01:00,125
Yeah, I think I did
that. Then what?
15
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:05,430
"Screw the two smaller pipes
of the union to the new pipes."
16
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,999
Yeah, I think I did
that. Then what?
17
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,136
Call the plumber.
18
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:14,273
Ma!
19
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:18,109
That ain't in the book,
Mike, I made that up myself.
20
00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:22,114
Ma, don't worry, I think
I got this thing fixed.
21
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:25,884
All right, Ma, when I say,
"okay", turn on the water, okay?
22
00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:27,052
Okay.
23
00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:29,087
No! Ma, Ma, Ma!
24
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:33,725
Turn it off! Turn it off!
Turn it off! Turn it off.
25
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:36,795
Turn it off. I don't
think I fixed it.
26
00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:40,866
Here, oh, look at you. Yeah.
27
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:44,536
Don't... Don't you think it's
time you called a plumber now?
28
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:47,250
No, no, Ma. I'm tellin'
you we can't afford it.
29
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,541
Gloria and I are on
a very strict budget.
30
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:53,411
Nowadays, the only person that can
afford a plumber, is another plumber.
31
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,525
No, I think I'll come
back to the sink later.
32
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,482
Well, ain't you gonna
change your shirt?
33
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,128
No, it's all right,
Ma. It's all right.
34
00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:00,886
I gotta... I gotta fix
the front door lock.
35
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,699
Well, what's the matter with it?
36
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,657
Well, it's, uh, loose.
I gotta screw it in.
37
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:09,694
All right, let's see.
Where's my Phillips?
38
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:12,997
You gonna use Milk of
Magnesia on this door there?
39
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,669
No, no, no, Ma. It's
a Phillips screwdriver.
40
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:19,537
Oh.
41
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:24,042
Oh, I better go home and say
goodbye to Archie before he leaves.
42
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:26,411
Hey, Ma, what goes Archie
do for a whole weekend
43
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:27,999
at those veterans' conventions?
44
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:31,683
Oh, well, I don't know. He
never remembers nothin'.
45
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:37,622
I guess the less he remembers,
the more fun he's had.
46
00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:40,892
There.
47
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:42,905
Hey, I must've done somethin'
wrong. This thing works.
48
00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,863
Oh, good.
49
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:49,701
Yup. Now our little home is safe from all
crooks, kooks, and all types of intruders.
50
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,003
Good evening, fellow Americans.
51
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,106
Except one.
52
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,153
There, see, all set to go here.
53
00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,345
♪ Oh, it's a long
way to tickle Mary
54
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:03,348
♪ It's a long way to go
55
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:06,651
♪ And yet we all tickle
Mary Oh, stop that now.
56
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,354
♪ 'Cause Mary giggles so
57
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:12,991
♪ Oh, we all
tickle Mary Stop it.
58
00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:15,727
♪ And Mary yells, "Oh, gee!"
59
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:19,531
♪ But nobody ever kisses Mary
60
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,666
♪ 'Cause she caught VD ♪
61
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:35,880
Ha-ha, huh? Yeah, yeah.
62
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:39,584
Hey, about face here! Return
that salute there, soldier.
63
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:42,187
Oh, Archie. At ease!
64
00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:44,923
Oh, I'll never forget how
handsome you looked
65
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:47,592
the first day you
marched off to war.
66
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,928
Oh, yeah, hey, me and
Buster Brinkley, huh?
67
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:52,175
We were the first two guys
in this neighborhood to enlist.
68
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:56,134
Yeah, and you was the first
ones to get your draft notices, too.
69
00:03:57,537 --> 00:04:01,873
Stifle yourself, will you? We
was gonna volunteer anyway.
70
00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:04,721
Gee, poor old Buster. I wonder if he's
gonna be at the convention this year.
71
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,679
You know, it's a shame to see
a guy like that in a wheelchair.
72
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,282
I didn't know
Buster got wounded.
73
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:14,352
Oh, yeah, at last
year's convention.
74
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:17,789
He zapped the belly dancer
with his electric cane, you know?
75
00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:22,327
And her boyfriend come
over and broke both his legs.
76
00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:25,663
Doesn't make any sense to throw
away all that money on a crazy weekend.
77
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,899
I mean, a... a bunch of
grown men acting like kids.
78
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,980
What do you mean,
actin' like kids?
79
00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:31,747
We do a lot of big stuff there.
80
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,217
We make speeches, we
listen to other speeches there.
81
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:36,608
We take care of all
the affairs of the world.
82
00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:38,355
Take care of
important things there.
83
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,490
Did you pack
everything you need?
84
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:44,282
Oh, yeah. I got my
whoopie cushion, yeah.
85
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:47,452
I've got my police whistle
for screwin' up traffic.
86
00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:50,555
I got my balloons to make the
water bombs to drop out the window.
87
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:54,326
And the itchin' powder for
the topless waitresses. Oh.
88
00:04:57,898 --> 00:05:01,077
Did you hear that? You know who
that is? That's the guys out there.
89
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,502
Okay, fellows!
Okay! Hang on there!
90
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,437
I'll be right with you, guys!
91
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:10,520
Now you take care of the two
girls while I'm gone, huh, Meathead?
92
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:13,178
Don't worry, Arch. If
the commies attack,
93
00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:16,847
I'll hold them off with my
carnation that squirts water.
94
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,828
Put it there. Oh, no. No, no.
95
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,253
I'm not gonna shake that
hand. You got a buzzer in there.
96
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,554
I ain't got nothin' in
that hand. Look at that.
97
00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:25,601
This guy is suspective
of everything. Goodbye.
98
00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:26,970
Goodbye, Archie. Yeah,
goodbye, Edith. Goodbye.
99
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,594
We'll miss you. Goodbye, Edith.
100
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,400
♪ It's a long way To tickle Mary
101
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:36,868
♪ It's long way... ♪
102
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:39,937
Oh, goodbye, Archie.
Have a good time.
103
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:44,008
And be careful. Don't get
lost. Stay with the other boys.
104
00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:48,546
Old soldiers never die.
105
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:52,116
They just go off to
conventions and destroy cities.
106
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,586
Well, I'll come back to
the front door lock later.
107
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,488
I'll try my hand at the furnace.
108
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:59,491
Oh, Mike, please be careful.
109
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:03,194
Make sure there
ain't no gas leakin'.
110
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,564
Oh, I had an Uncle Virgil, once,
111
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:08,734
who used to sneak down to
the basement to smoke a cigar
112
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:12,671
on account of my Aunt
Edna didn't like cigar smoke.
113
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:16,508
Well, one night, he
sneaked down for a smoke
114
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:20,378
and he didn't know there
was gas leakin'. He found out.
115
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:27,485
And that's the last Aunt
Edna ever saw of Uncle Virgil.
116
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:31,056
Or the furnace,
or the front porch.
117
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:36,995
Hey, Ma, didn't any of your
uncles ever die of old age?
118
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,896
Oh, yeah.
119
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:42,567
My Uncle Ralph was hit by
a trolley car when he was 80.
120
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,807
Hi, Ma. Oh, hi, Gloria.
121
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:51,609
What's that?
122
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:55,713
Well, it's Mike. He's been
workin' around the house all day.
123
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:57,782
Oh, how's he doin'?
124
00:06:57,850 --> 00:07:01,018
Well, we ain't done
nothin' that can't be fixed.
125
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:05,356
Oh, you smell so
good. What is that?
126
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,426
Oh, that's Voulez-Vous, Ma. Oh.
127
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:11,496
It's the finest cologne
we sell in the store. Oh.
128
00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:15,133
I'd buy some myself, if we
weren't so short on money.
129
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:18,803
Gloria, if you and Mike
are ever short on money,
130
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,117
you can come to Archie and me.
131
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:23,908
Oh, thanks, Ma, but you
know how proud Michael is.
132
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,677
Why, he wouldn't
take 10 cents from you.
133
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:28,179
Oh, we can afford
more than that.
134
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,517
Oh, gee! Son of a... Honey?
135
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:38,889
Are you all right? No, I'm
yelling because I'm having fun!
136
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,925
Damn it! I'm sorry,
Ma. That's all right.
137
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:43,060
Hell! I'm sorry,
Ma. That's all right.
138
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,363
Damn! I'm sorry,
Ma. All right. All right.
139
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:46,864
What happened?
140
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:49,701
Oh, I was trying to scrape
some rust off the furnace
141
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,714
and I smashed my
hand with a big wrench.
142
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:54,684
Oh, honey. Why
didn't you use a chisel?
143
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:58,075
Because I thought a
wrench would hurt more.
144
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,078
Cold water. Put it
under cold water.
145
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,813
Yeah, we'll put it under cold
water. We can't, it's busted.
146
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:05,517
Oh, sit down, honey and
I'll get you an ice cube.
147
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:07,230
Oh, ice cubes,
yeah, that's good.
148
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,198
Michael, you've got
lots of papers to correct.
149
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,200
You shouldn't be
doing all these repairs.
150
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:15,193
Who else is gonna do it? I'm
the only repairman I can afford.
151
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,995
Gee, what a rotten
time we're livin' in.
152
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:23,201
Inflation, recession... I got a
weekly salary that lasts four days.
153
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:28,339
Well, my salary holds us over for the
other three days, so we're doin' okay.
154
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:31,042
Unless we get hit
by an eight day week.
155
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:39,617
We're barely managing.
We're in a trap!
156
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:43,388
Where can a man go to seek
his fortune? To get a fresh deal?
157
00:08:43,457 --> 00:08:46,024
A new roll at a dice? A
new spin of the wheel?
158
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:49,227
Mike, gamblin' ain't
never the answer.
159
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,675
I don't know what the answer is.
160
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:55,411
All I know is, I can't even
afford to take my own wife out.
161
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,112
You know, we're the
only couple on this block
162
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:58,770
that hasn't seen Jaws?
163
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:01,839
Well, that's 'cause it would
cost us an arm and a leg.
164
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:10,014
You know, Archie and me had fun
even when we didn't have much money.
165
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:14,052
I mean we couldn't afford
to buy a television set
166
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:19,090
but we watched TV on the sidewalk
outside of Copperman's appliance store.
167
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:20,992
And it didn't cost us nothin'.
168
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,894
Oh, I'll never forget
it, they had five sets
169
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:26,798
and Milton Berle was
on every one of them.
170
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:35,173
Oh, my, we laughed when he said,
"Good evening, ladies and germs."
171
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,809
Of course he should've
said, "Ladies and gentlemen",
172
00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:41,612
but he kept makin' the
same mistake every week.
173
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:44,315
And people still laughed at him.
174
00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:50,121
Well, I suppose that was because
he was wearin' a dress when he said it.
175
00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:53,057
You know, I was five years old
when Daddy got us our first TV.
176
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:56,527
It was six inches square, so I always
thought Milton Berle was this big.
177
00:09:56,596 --> 00:10:00,165
Hey, remember how Uncle Milty
used to walk out on the stage?
178
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,715
"I'll kill you a million times."
179
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:09,140
Yeah, he did the funny thing.
Remember the theme song?
180
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,343
♪ Oh, we're the men of Texaco
181
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,943
♪ We work from Maine to Mexico
182
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:14,278
♪ There's nothing like
183
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,180
♪ This Texaco of ours
184
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:17,849
♪ Our show tonight is powerful
185
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:19,817
♪ We'll wow you
with an hour full
186
00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:22,520
♪ Of howls from a
shower full of stars
187
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:24,489
♪ We're the merry Texaco men
188
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,056
♪ Tonight we will be showmen
189
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:28,393
♪ Tomorrow we'll be
servicing your cars ♪
190
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,729
Ouch! You stepped on the foot!
You stepped on the foot! Ow, ow, ow.
191
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,699
Watch the hand! The hand! Oh!
192
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,934
I'm sorry. I got something
here that'll cheer you up.
193
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:39,003
Look, today was
payday. I got my check.
194
00:10:39,071 --> 00:10:41,352
Oh, great. Oh.
195
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:44,975
$160! Why, that's
double my salary.
196
00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:46,689
Hey, maybe it's
got a bonus there.
197
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:49,046
$160?
198
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:52,483
And I got a pink slip.
199
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,153
I've been fired.
200
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:57,788
Oh, no.
201
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:00,958
Oh, yeah.
202
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:04,162
Oh, Michael.
203
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,072
Good night, ladies and germs.
204
00:11:22,782 --> 00:11:27,217
Gloria, you ain't
hardly touched nothin'.
205
00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:29,286
I'm not hungry, Ma.
206
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:32,690
You were right, Michael.
What a lousy time to live.
207
00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:36,594
Oh, come on, honey. Don't
talk that way. Come on, cheer up.
208
00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:40,865
Why would they fire me
like that? I'm a good person.
209
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:43,835
And an excellent employee.
210
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:47,004
Maybe I went to the
water cooler too often.
211
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:49,840
Or to the ladies'
room too many times.
212
00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:53,978
Well if you did one, they can't
blame you for doing the other.
213
00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:00,029
Did you hear what
Ma said? That's funny.
214
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:04,722
If you did one, they can't
blame you for doing the-the...
215
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,436
♪ Oh, we are the men from Texaco
216
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:07,892
♪ We work from Maine to Mexico
217
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,406
♪ There's nothing like
this Texaco of ours... ♪
218
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,867
Come on, honey, snap out of
it. It's not the end of the world.
219
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:19,870
Michael, we needed that
money I was bringing in.
220
00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:22,306
What was I supposed to
do to keep my job, anyway?
221
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:25,310
Have an affair with the
head of the department?
222
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,712
Certainly not at
the same salary.
223
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,749
Oh. Oh.
224
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,100
Do you think maybe
that's the store?
225
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:39,858
Maybe they changed their mind?
226
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,225
I hope so.
227
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,861
Ma? Ma, would you
get it? I'm too nervous.
228
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:45,930
Hello?
229
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,435
No, you must have
the wrong number.
230
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:53,504
What?
231
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:58,876
No! This ain't pussycat.
It's Edith Bunker.
232
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:06,417
Archie! It's your
father, it's Archie.
233
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,085
Is he havin' fun?
234
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:11,222
Gloria wants to know
if you're havin' fun at...
235
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:13,924
Gloria.
236
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,861
Gloria's your daughter.
237
00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:19,631
He's havin' fun.
238
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:24,802
Yeah, I got 'em at
home in the piano bench.
239
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:30,675
At home! On Howser Street. Yeah.
240
00:13:30,744 --> 00:13:35,480
I'll go there and I'll get 'em out of
the bench and you call me there.
241
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:38,215
Yeah. Goodbye, Archie.
242
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,519
Is Daddy looped already?
243
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:45,222
He's sharin' a hotel room
with a Puerto Rican corporal,
244
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:48,492
and he wants me to read
him the words to My Buddy.
245
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,630
He's smashed.
246
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:55,132
I'll be back later and
help you with the dishes.
247
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:59,504
Oh, don't bother, Ma. I'm
a full-time housewife now.
248
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:02,106
No pay, but the work is steady.
249
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:06,076
Don't forget the
fringe benefits.
250
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:09,847
I'll tell you what, I've gotta go
upstairs, and correct some papers,
251
00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:12,450
why don't you come
up after a while?
252
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:14,818
What for?
253
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:19,190
I don't know, we'll
think of somethin'.
254
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:24,061
"Notice of dismissal."
255
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:33,371
♪ We are the men from
Texaco We work... ♪
256
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:38,175
Sheila? Hi, Sheila
Tishman. Hi, honey. Hi, doll.
257
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,144
Gee, you haven't
been over in a while.
258
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:43,047
Oh, I love what you
did with the place.
259
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,749
Yeah? I'm crazy about plaid.
260
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:48,819
Oh, we've been workin' real
hard. Could I get you some coffee?
261
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:53,090
No thanks. I got a date with a real
drag and it might keep me awake.
262
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,160
Someone from the store?
263
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:58,863
Luke Willis in Refrigerators.
264
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:01,032
You know, Cool Hand Luke?
265
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:05,803
Oh, I brought you your
stuff from your locker.
266
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:09,573
Thanks, Sheila. Listen, you
work across the aisle from me,
267
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:12,143
have you any idea
why they fired me?
268
00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:15,446
Honey, you are talking to
the Rona Barrett of Cressler's.
269
00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:18,582
You broke our personnel
manager's 11th commandment.
270
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:21,019
Thou shalt not commit pregnancy.
271
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:26,557
They can't fire a woman
just because she's pregnant.
272
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,826
Didn't the Supreme
Court decide that?
273
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:31,896
Heather Bancroft was
fired in her third month.
274
00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:34,598
Heather Bancroft. When
did she get married?
275
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,400
In her ninth month.
276
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,104
So you see,
you're not the first.
277
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:41,716
Gloria, did I leave
my briefcase...
278
00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:44,053
Oh, honey, you remember
Sheila Tishman, don't you?
279
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,776
Yeah, hi, Sheila. Hi, Mike.
280
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:49,285
Sheila just told me that I was
fired because I'm pregnant.
281
00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:51,282
How... How do you know?
282
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:54,084
Higgins in Accounting
talks in his sleep.
283
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:04,728
He dozes off at movies.
284
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:06,764
Wait... Wait a minute.
285
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,500
But Cressler's can't do
that. That's against the law.
286
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:12,804
It's penalizing the human race
for reproducing themselves.
287
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:15,306
Who is in charge
of hiring and firing?
288
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:18,209
D. Bertram Crenshaw III.
289
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:21,078
D. Bertram Crenshaw III.
290
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:25,149
Well, when I get through with
him, there's not gonna be a fourth.
291
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:33,557
In conclusion, Mr. Kramer, your
faithful service is highly appreciated,
292
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:37,195
and be assured that
this notice of termination
293
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:41,265
coming two weeks before your
eligibility for our pension fund
294
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,901
is merely coincidence.
295
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:48,439
A man with your
40 years experience
296
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:52,243
should have no difficulty
in finding another job.
297
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:54,846
Cordially yours, D.
Bertram Crenshaw,
298
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:57,514
Personnel Director.
299
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:01,152
Yes?
300
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:05,756
Gloria Stivic? Uh, tell
her I'm in a meeting.
301
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:09,693
Helen Kincaid, 169...
302
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,907
I'm sorry to interrupt your
meeting, but I am Michael Stivic
303
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:13,175
and I have one
question to ask you!
304
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,439
Mr. Stivic, as you can
see, I am very, very busy!
305
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,002
Mr. Crenshaw, as you can
see, I am very, very angry!
306
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:19,970
Yes, I can see that!
307
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:28,446
Therefore, I, uh, I'll, uh,
I'll give you five minutes.
308
00:17:28,514 --> 00:17:31,282
I have a New York
State law here that says
309
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:35,586
it is illegal for any employer to
fire women because of pregnancy.
310
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:38,088
Well, that's an excellent
law. I approve of it thoroughly.
311
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:40,069
That has nothing to do with me.
312
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:42,126
My wife is pregnant.
313
00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:45,195
That has nothing to
do with me either but...
314
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:47,932
Mr. Crenshaw, I
was fired yesterday
315
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,302
and we came here to find out if I
was fired because I'm pregnant.
316
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:54,505
Oh, no, no, no. No, that
would be against the law.
317
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,966
No, no, no, Cressler's
does not discriminate.
318
00:17:56,990 --> 00:17:58,976
We are an equal
opportunity employer.
319
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:04,148
We're very, very proud of our
blacks in the maintenance department.
320
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:07,017
And our-our Puerto
Rican window-washers.
321
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,620
And our Filipino
elevator operators.
322
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:11,755
What, no Indians?
323
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:15,225
We have three in our window
display every Thanksgiving.
324
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:20,998
Mr. Crenshaw, we're talking
about sex discrimination.
325
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,934
That's right. You fired my
wife because she is pregnant!
326
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:25,670
Now, why won't you admit that?
327
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,282
The door, Mr. Stivic. The door.
328
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:30,474
Oh, yes, of course,
Mr. Crenshaw, the door.
329
00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:35,646
Mr. Stivic, you
are being irrational.
330
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,626
That's right, Mr. Crenshaw,
I'm being irrational. Honey.
331
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,683
I'm being very irrational.
That is the way I get
332
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,252
when I am not
being told the truth!
333
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,654
My eyes bug out,
my fists start to clench
334
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:45,667
and I just feel like
hittin' somethin'!
335
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,758
Melons! Crenshaw melons!
336
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,207
Mr. Stivic, I am
going to call security.
337
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:56,267
You better call your company
nurse who I'm sure is a token Eskimo!
338
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:02,573
Yeah, and not pregnant!
339
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,775
Actually, he is
neither of those things.
340
00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:07,456
You better give me the truth, now,
because you're dealing with a lunatic!
341
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,913
I'm a cuckoo now, I
want the truth right now!
342
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:14,752
All right. You want the truth,
I... I will... I'll give you the truth.
343
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:22,059
Look at this, we're in
the Oval Office here.
344
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:30,801
Your wife was fired
because she is pregnant.
345
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:35,105
Cressler's has an image
of fashion, style and beauty.
346
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,174
And that image isn't
going to be helped
347
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:41,545
by a girl who very soon is going
to look like Alfred Hitchcock in drag.
348
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:50,120
Alfred Hitchcock?
349
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,323
In drag.
350
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:56,593
That is not fair, Mr. Crenshaw.
351
00:19:56,662 --> 00:20:01,765
Charlie Simmons in Sportswear, why, he has
a stomach bigger than any pregnant woman.
352
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:06,203
Ah, but Charlie Simmons happens
to be in ski togs for the portly.
353
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:11,275
You wanted the truth
and I gave you the truth,
354
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:15,212
and I will swear on a stack
of Bibles that I never said it,
355
00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:17,681
so, sue me.
356
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:20,784
We may just have to settle
this little thing out of court.
357
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:23,465
Crenshaw, you just make sure
that you don't give my wife's job away
358
00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:26,122
because she is going to be
back to work Monday morning!
359
00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:29,070
Oh, are you threatening me,
Mr. Stivic? You're going over my head?
360
00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:31,962
That's right, Mr. Crenshaw,
I'm going over your head!
361
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:35,699
Way over your head! I'm going
to the world! Come on, Gloria.
362
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:39,670
No one, no one is going to
deny you your constitutional rights!
363
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,806
Power to the preggos!
364
00:20:52,384 --> 00:20:56,353
Let the records show that
as Mrs. Stivic left the office,
365
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:59,389
she raised her hand
in a communist salute.
366
00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:06,296
Most probably over here.
367
00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:08,005
Come on, Gloria, hurry up.
368
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:09,878
Didn't they say it was gonna be on
the news between 5:00 and 5:15?
369
00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:11,902
Yeah. Oh, honey, it's 5:00 now.
370
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:14,349
Oh, I'll bring the television
set down from upstairs.
371
00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:15,739
Okay.
372
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:18,142
Alfred Hitchcock, my foot.
373
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:19,442
Ma! You there?
374
00:21:19,511 --> 00:21:21,078
Yeah, what happened?
375
00:21:21,147 --> 00:21:24,481
Oh, Ma, it's so exciting. We went
to see the Personnel Manager,
376
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:27,184
Yeah? and he turned
out to be such a stinker.
377
00:21:27,252 --> 00:21:30,932
So Michael threatened to punch him in
his nose and I got my job back anyway.
378
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:33,501
And you're gonna see how
it all happened on television.
379
00:21:33,525 --> 00:21:35,170
I got the TV. Michael had
a wonderful idea. Yeah.
380
00:21:35,194 --> 00:21:37,094
Hi, Ma. Hi. Mike.
381
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:39,141
You see, Cressler's makes so much
money from pregnant women, you know,
382
00:21:39,165 --> 00:21:41,899
maternity outfits, layettes,
bassinets, baby clothes,
383
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:44,612
so Michael decided that they
wouldn't wanna lose that market. So...
384
00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:46,948
It's comin' on, quiet. You
mean you're going to be on TV?
385
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,872
Yeah! Quiet.
386
00:21:48,941 --> 00:21:51,252
When Gloria Stivic, who insisted
she was fired from Cressler's
387
00:21:51,276 --> 00:21:53,811
because she was
pregnant, was reinstated.
388
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:55,512
Oh.
389
00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:05,789
Oh, Gloria, there you
are. Oh, you're on TV.
390
00:22:05,858 --> 00:22:09,427
Oh, there's
Mr. Crenshaw, look at him.
391
00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:11,628
That's Mr. Crenshaw.
392
00:22:11,697 --> 00:22:12,996
Look at him.
393
00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:17,414
He's the one that fired me.
394
00:22:18,904 --> 00:22:20,114
This is the one.
395
00:22:20,138 --> 00:22:21,583
The police were called.
396
00:22:21,607 --> 00:22:24,942
Officers Davis and
Harris responded.
397
00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:29,379
Cressler's does
not discriminate.
398
00:22:29,448 --> 00:22:33,817
Officer Davis, who was also
pregnant, joined the picket line.
399
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:44,828
Oh, that must be a
maternity uniform.
400
00:22:47,266 --> 00:22:49,065
Did you do all that, Mike?
401
00:22:49,134 --> 00:22:50,967
No, Ma, it was my
idea for the picketing,
402
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,714
but it was Gloria's
idea to call up a doctor
403
00:22:52,738 --> 00:22:54,971
and ask him to send down
all his pregnant patients.
404
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,676
And, so along with Black Power,
Brown Power and Red Power,
405
00:22:58,744 --> 00:23:02,145
we now add Preggo Power.
406
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:06,416
Both Gloria Stivic and baby will
be back to work Monday morning.
407
00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:09,386
And now on the
latest news... Oh!
408
00:23:09,455 --> 00:23:11,522
Hey! How about that, huh?
409
00:23:11,590 --> 00:23:13,990
Oh, I... I just wish they hadn't
mentioned your name, Gloria,
410
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:16,238
now every crackpot in the
city is gonna be callin' us.
411
00:23:16,262 --> 00:23:18,995
Yup, there, see what I mean?
412
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:22,299
Gee, I wonder how
many Americans saw me.
413
00:23:22,368 --> 00:23:25,269
Oh, millions, Gloria.
414
00:23:25,337 --> 00:23:28,238
You was on right
after Dinah Shore.
415
00:23:28,974 --> 00:23:30,107
What?
416
00:23:31,811 --> 00:23:35,145
What do you mean, indecent?
417
00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:39,883
Well, you know what you can do with
your stupid opinions, you loudmouth drunk.
418
00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:44,487
What is that supposed to mean?
419
00:23:47,059 --> 00:23:50,260
What a crazy guy. Starts
singin' My Buddy to me.
420
00:23:53,699 --> 00:23:55,566
Oh!
421
00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:58,302
Oh!
422
00:23:58,370 --> 00:24:00,003
Oh!
423
00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:37,686
All in the Family
was recorded on tape
424
00:24:37,710 --> 00:24:39,543
before a live audience.
34400
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