All language subtitles for To Be or Not to Be (1942).en

Lubinski, Kubinski...

Lominski, Rozanski,
and Poznanski.

We 're in Warsaw,
the capital of Poland.

It's August 1939.

Europe is still at peace.

At the moment,
life in Warsaw is going on...

as normally as ever.

But suddenly something
seems to have happened!

Are those Poles seeing a ghost?
Why does this car suddenly stop?

Everybody seems to be
staring in one direction.

People seem frightened,
even terrified - some flabbergasted.

Can it be true?
It must be true. No doubt'.

The man with the little mustache -
Adolf Hitler.

Adolf Hitler in Warsaw,
when the two countries are still at peace?

And all by himself?

He seems strangely unconcerned
by all the excitement he's causing.

Is he interested
in Mr. Maslowski's delicatessen?

That's impossible.
He's a vegetarian.

And yet he doesn't always
stick to his diet.

Sometimes he swallows
whole countries.

Does he want
to eat up Poland too?

Anyhow, how did he get here?
What happened?

Well, it all started
in the general headquarters...

of the Gestapo in Berlin.

Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler!

Colonel, we have Wilhelm Kuntze here,
if you'd like to look into his record.

- I hope he 'll talk.
- He'd better.

- Send him in.
- Yes, sir.

- Wilhelm Kuntze!
- Wilhelm Kuntze!

Wilhelm Kuntze!

- Heil Hitler!
- Heil Hitler.

Wilhelm, I understand you want
a little tank to play with, huh?

Yes. My father promised me one
if I got a good report card.

But our Fuhrer heard
about your report card...

and decided to give you
just what you want.

Heil Hitler!

- Heil Hitler!
- Heil Hitler!

You are going to tell your father
who gave it to you, aren't you?

Sure, our Fuhrer.

And then maybe he will like
the Fuhrer a little better?

- Sure.
- He, uh -

- He doesn't like him now, does he?
- No.

And, uh, sometimes he even says
funny things about him, doesn't he?

Well, he said they named
a brandy after Napoleon...

and they made a herring
out of Bismarck...

- and Hitler's going to end up as -
- A piece of cheese.

- Yes.
- Yes. How did you know?

Well, it's a -
it's a natural thought.

Oh.
A natural thought?

L- I hope you don't misunderstand.
I always - That is -

W-Well, you see, Colonel -
I hope you don't doubt my -

- Heil Hitler!
- Heil Hitler! - Heil Hitler!

Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler!

Der fuhrer!

Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler!

Heil myself.

That's not in the script!

But, Mr. Dobosh, please.

- That's not in the script, Mr. Bronski!
- But it'll get a laugh.

I don't want a laugh here! How many times
have I told you not to add any line?

- I want -
- You want my opinion?

No, Mr. Greenberg, I do not.

Then let me give you my reaction.
A laugh is nothing to be sneezed at.

I hired you as an actor
and not as a writer, understand?

- What does the script say?
- I make an entrance.

- And what do you say?
- Nothing.

- Then say nothing!
- Let's gel going with this rehearsal.

- I ha ve to pla y Hamle! tonight.
- Here am I, waiting for my scene...

all eager to go,
and I have to wait and wait...

and be driven out of my mood...

just because two little actors
want to enlarge their parts.

Mr. Rawitch,
what you are, I wouldn't eat.

How dare you call me a ham?

Folks, I want everybody
to understand this.

This is a serious play,
a realistic drama.

- Good morning, Dobosh.
- Good morning.

- How do you like my dress?
- Very good.

It is a document of Nazi Ger-Is that what
you're going to wear in the concentration camp?

- Don't you think it's pretty?
- That's just it.

Why not? I think
it's a tremendous contrast.

Think of me being flogged
in the darkness. I scream.

The lights go on, and the audience discovers
me on the floor in this gorgeous dress.

- That's a terrific laugh.
- That's right, Greenberg.

You keep out of this! That a great star,
an artist, could be so inartistic!

- You must be out of your mind!
- What do you mean by talking to my wife like that? How dare you!

I'm sorry.
I lost my temper.

Sweetheart, the dress stinks.

You're only afraid
I'm running away with the scene.

- Afraid? Why should I be?
- Of course not.

You're the greatest actor in the world.
Everybody knows that, including you.

- Don't be a prima donna.
- Whenever there's a chance to take the spotlight -

It's becoming ridiculous,
the way you grab attention.

a story,
you finish it.

If I diet, you lose weight.
If I have a cold, you cough.

- And if we ever have a baby, I'm not sure I'd be the mother.
- I'm satisfied to be the father.

Mr. Dobosh, look.
If you'll just give me a chance -

Who made you up?

I did, Mr. Dobosh.

What's wrong with it?

I don't know.
It's not convincing.

- He's just a man with a little mustache.
- But so is Hitler.

It's not just the mustache.

- It's something - I don't know
- I just can't smell Hitler in him. - I can.

I know! I know!

That picture!
That's what he should look like!

- But that picture was taken of me.
- Then the picture's wrong too.

Now, see here,
Mr. Dobosh.

I'm a nobody,
and I have to take a lot.

But I know I look like Hitler,
and I'm gonna prove it right now.

I'm going out on the street
and see what happens.

And that's how Adolf Hitler
came to Warsaw in August 1939.

May I have your autograph,
Mr. Bronski?

- Why, certainly.
- Bronski?

♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪

I know it would get a laugh.

When Dobosh said to me,
“Bronski, you're going to play Hitler"...

I thought that was
the real start of my career.

Don't worry, Bronski.
They can't keep real talent down forever.

And the day will come
when you'll play Shylock.

The Rialto scene.

Shakespeare must have thought of me
when he wrote this. it's me.

Have I not eyes?
Have I not hands?

Organs? Senses?
Dimensions?

Affections? Passions?
Fed with the same food?

Hurt with the same weapons?

Subject to the same diseases?

If you prick us,
do we not bleed?

If you tickle us,
do we not laugh?

If you poison us,
do we not die?

You'd move 'em to tears.

Instead I have
to carry a spear.

carry a spear.

Carry a spear in the first act.
Carry a spear in the second.

Carry Rawitch
off the scene in the last.

- How I'd love to drop that ham right
- in the center of the stage.
- It would get a terrific laugh.

Hello? This is Mr. Tura.

Will you please order me a
salami-and-cheese sandwich and a beer?

Right away, please.
Thank you.

- Audience is a little cool tonight.
- Not to me.

Oh, I know I'm giving
a rotten performance.

I always do when we quarrel.
Say something nice.

You faker.

I watched your scene with Polonius.
You were never better.

I'd give you a kiss,
but I might ruin my makeup.

Darling, you were right
this morning.

I felt so rotten after the rehearsal,
I went to Dobosh and told him...

when he advertises the new play,
to put your name first.

Did you, darling?
That's sweet of you...

but I really don't care.

That's what Dobosh said,
so we left it as it was.

Oh.

But, darling,
you know how I feel about you.

Why, I'd even -

- Flowers, eh?
- Aren't they beautiful?

- Don't be casual. Who sent them?
- There wasn't any card.

Again? That's three nights
in succession. Who is he?

I'm sure this has nothing
to do with me personally.

This man is probably in love
with the theater. An art fanatic.

Someone sitting up
in the gallery night after night.

One of those poor boys
who hasn't the price of a ticket...

but inherited a lot of flowers
and is trying to get rid of them!

Three nights in a row!

Even Shakespeare couldn't stand seeing
Hamlet three nights in succession.

- You forget you're playing Hamlet.
- Oh. That's right.

Mr. Tura, on stage.

Darling, I'm going
into my big scene.

Joseph, sweetheart,
I swear I don't know who it is.

Thanks, darling.

It's true, Anna.
I don't know who it is...

but I'm positive
who it might be.

- That young aviator?
- Yes, he's very young.

He's in the second row again.
He gets better-looking every night.

Don't misunderstand me.
I love my husband dearly, and why not?

He's wonderful, only he gets so
unreasonable, so upset about little things.

Like the little thing in the second row.

I'm waiting for an answer.

“Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski.”

I was right.
It is the young aviator.

- Is he suffering very much?
- Yes. He had to break his silence.

- He couldn't bear it any longer.
- No, he couldn't.

- Poor little thing.
- Yes, just a mere boy.

Oh, no, no, no.

What's he want you to do,
adopt him?

He's dying to see me,
even for a minute.

Of course I won't.
Definitely not.

Yet I don't like to be rude.

It's a mistake to ignore people
who admire one and who buy the tickets.

Darling, don't waste
any more time with excuses.

If you want to see him,
see him while he's still young.

Yes, I think
I owe it to my public.

“Dear Lieutenant" -

Wait till you see him, Anna.

“Unfortunately, my time is
completely taken up...

but if you insist on seeing me,
come back to my dressing room...

when Hamlet goes into his soliloquy
'To be or not to be."'

- How does it sound, Ann?
- Safe.

O heavy burthen!

I hear him coming.
Let's withdraw, my lord.

“To be or not to be.”

To be...

that is -

that is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler
in the mind...

to suffer
the slings and arrows...

of outrageous fortune...

or to take arms -

Thank you, Mrs. Tura,
for receiving me.

If you knew how I was looking
forward to this moment.

- Now you're probably disappointed.
- Oh, Mrs. Tura!

- Please sit down.
- Thank you.

So you're the gentleman that sent me
those lovely flowers. Thank you.

Somehow I pictured you
as a dignified old gentleman...

and now I see you...

I wonder if it was really right
to ask you back here.

I never see strangers
in my dressing room.

But you're no stranger to me. I've seen
you in everything you ever played.

I'll never forget how I laughed
when I saw you as Kiki.

Yes, some people
thought I was funny.

But you certainly weren't funny
when you played Lady Macbeth.

- Thank you.
- I was really scared of you that night.

Of poor little me?
I wouldn't hurt a fly.

Or a goldfish.

- By the way, how is he?
- Who?

- The goldfish.
- What goldfish?

The one you're so attached to.

You see,
I read all your interviews.

Oh, yes!
Yes, of course!

And when I saw that picture of you
on the farm, you behind the plow -

- By the way, where was that?
- In the Chronicle.

No, I mean, where is the farm?

Now, I think we've talked
much too much about me.

Tell me about yourself.

Well, there isn't much to tell.
I just fly a bomber.

How perfectly thrilling!

I don't know about thrilling,
but it's quite a bomber.

I can drop three tons
of dynamite in two minutes.

Really?

- Does that interest you?
- It certainly does.

I don't want to overstep myself,
but I'll take a chance.

- Would you permit me to show you my plane?
- Maybe.

- When shall I call for you?
- Tomorrow at 2:00 at my home.

No, I'd better meet you
right at the airport.

- Good-bye.
- Mm.

I hope you forgive me
if I acted a little clumsy...

but this is the first time
I ever met an actress.

Lieutenant, this is the first time
I've ever met a man...

who could drop three tons
of dynamite in two minutes. Bye.

Bye!

Tomorrow at 2:00,
I'm going to look down on Warsaw.

He's going to take me up
10,000 feet.

I don't think there's anything
wrong in that, do you?

Not at all, as long as Tura
doesn't find out.

After all, what a husband
doesn't know won't hurt his wife.

It happened -

what every actor dreads.

What, darling? What?

- Someone walked out on me.
- Ohh.

Tell me, Maria,
am I losing my grip?

Of course not, darling.
I'm so sorry.

But he walked out on me.

Maybe he didn't feel well.
Maybe he had to leave.

Maybe he had
a sudden heart attack.

- I hope so.
- If he stayed, he might have died.

Maybe he's dead already.
Darling, you're so comforting.

- What's going on?
- Hitler's speaking to the Reichstag.

How do you do, Mr. Dobosh?

How do you do, Doctor? This is
Dr. Voyowski from the Foreign Office.

How do you do, gentlemen?

I'm afraid I have bad news.

The government fears it would be
unwise to go on with this play.

You mean
we cannot open tonight?

I'm afraid that's what
it comes down to.

- But why?
- Yes, why?

- We have a right to know.
- I know the play has artistic value.

- It has much more than that.
- That's exactly what the government is afraid of.

It, uh, might offend Hitler.

Well, wouldn't that be too bad!

Have you ever read
what he says about us?

I'm sorry, gentlemen,
but the order is final.

To be or not to be:

that is -

that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in mind...

to suffer
the slings and arrows...

of outrageous fortune -

Anna, I'd like to speak
to Mrs. Tura alone.

Look, Stanislav, I usually tell
my maid when to leave.

I have so much to tell you.
In the plane we can't talk.

In the tearoom we can't
do anything but talk. Maria -

And in the dressing room,
we must be very careful of my makeup.

You know, Maria,
the other day in the plane...

you didn't think I was watching,
but I saw you looking at me.

It was a very sympathetic look,
l thought

I had the feeling you like me.
Was I wrong?

No, not at all, Stanislav.

Tell me, Maria. Be frank.
You still like me?

Well, of course.

You still like me, huh?
You think you'll always like me?

Well, I don't see
any reason why not.

That's wonderful! What are we
going to do with your husband?

What?

- We must tell him, of course.
- Tell him what?

That we love each other,
that we're mad about each other.

He has no right
to stand in our way.

I'm sure he'll realize the situation.
So will Mr. Dobosh.

- Where does he come in?
- You don't want to stay on the stage.

No, I wouldn't let you. That's out.
You're tired of it anyway.

You want a quiet life.
You said so in the Chronicle.

Darling, you're really
going to enjoy that farm now.

You won't have to use that plow.
I'll buy you a tractor.

I'll build a swimming pool
for your goldfish.

Stanislav, you're a darling,
but you don't seem to realize I'm married.

- That's why I want to talk to your husband.
- I love my husband.

Oh, no, you don't.
You're just decent.

You're kind,
and you feel sorry for him.

Don't you worry.
It's a situation between men.

- I'll wait here for him.
- Stanislav, you must listen to me.

This is probably my fault,
but you must understand -

- Mrs. Tura!
- Stay out, Anna!

It's war!

“Without
any declaration of war...

German troops crossed our border
at several points this evening.”

Without a word of warning.

They'll pay before they're through.
We're gonna fight 'em.

War. It's really war.

People are gonna kill
each other and be killed.

Stanislav -

Good-bye, Maria.

Stanislav, come back.

I have to.

I have to see you again.

- Maria, have you heard?
- Yes, it's war.

- It seems impossible. It's incredible.
- Does the audience know yet?

- No, I have to make an announcement.
- It's a conspiracy! A foul conspiracy!

It's worse than that.
It's a crime.

Absolutely right!
Walking out on me for the second time!

- What are you talking about?
- Don't you understand? It's war!

It's an air alarm!

Close the windows!

[ Clamoring 1

Well, we don't have to worry
about the Nazi play anymore.

The Nazis are putting on
the show now - a much bigger one.

There's no censor to stop them.

Unhappy Poland...

attacked without a word of warning
by a ruthless conqueror.

Warsaw destroyed...

for the sake of destruction.

The curtain had fallen
on the Polish drama...

a tragedy
with no relief in sight.

There was a Nazi tank...

against every Polish hope...

and the people were
stunned and helpless.

There was no censor
to stop them.

If you prick us,
do we not bleed?

If you tickle us,
do we not laugh?

If you poison us...

do we not die?

What a Shylock
you would have been.

All I had to do...

was to carry a spear.

I wonder if we'll ever
carry a spear again.

Let's hope so.

But a new spirit
had come over the people of Poland.

Hate and more hate
was the answer to the Nazi terror.

Rebellion against suppression,
determination...

to fight at any moment,
anywhere, everywhere.

The battle was on. V!

V! V for victory!

Down with the Nazis.
Down with Hitler.

The Warsaw underground
striking back. Sabotage...

destruction.

But the real fight
for Polish freedom...

was led somewhere in England.

Young men of Poland
avenging their country.

The Polish Squadron of the RAF.

♪ A bomber was leaving
its space for Berlin ♪

♪ With a cargo of gifts
from the boys ♪

♪ There was one for old Hitler
packed full of AG ♪

♪ An especially big one
for old Hermann G ♪

♪ So here's to the bombs
big and small ♪

♪ We'll send 'em a cheer
as they fall ♪

♪ We'll never be seated
till Hitler's defeated ♪

♪ So cheer up, my lads
Bless them all N'

Gentlemen, it's gratifying to see
you still keep your sense of humor.

Oh, we are even
much funnier over Berlin.

I wish I were young enough
to do for our country what you're doing.

Come on, Professor. One of your
radio speeches is worth 10,000 bombs.

When do we hear you again,
Professor Siletsky?

Well, I'm afraid
it might be quite some time.

Why?
What's the matter?

Oh, nothing. I just happen
to be going on a little trip.

And anybody that buys a return ticket
these days is decidedly an optimist.

You're going
on a secret mission.

I see it's no use.
You boys are too clever for me.

I know. He's going
to Berlin to call on Hitler.

Not exactly, and I certainly hope
Hitler doesn't call on me.

Thank you for honoring me
with an excellent dinner -

- Are you by any chance going to Warsaw?
- That'd be risking your neck.

You boys risk your lives
every day, don't you?

So you are going to Warsaw.

Gentlemen, please,
I can't tell you any more.

- I'm sorry I mentioned it.
- Oh, but you didn't.

We got it out of you.

Well, if I can't trust you,
whom can I trust?

And I know it will be buried right here.

Warsaw.

I'd give my soul to be there
for just one hour to see my mother...

if she's still alive.

I wish it were possible
for me to find out.

- Could you find out about my mother?
- My sister -

I understand exactly how you feel,
but you must realize...

I cannot jeopardize
the purpose of my trip.

Why don't you tell me
where I can reach your people...

and I'll try my best.

- Professor Siletsky.
- Yes.

My people are fortunately
out of Poland, but...

well, there is someone
in Warsaw -

- Oh, a lady?
- Yes.

It's a very confidential matter.

Professor, I'd appreciate it
if you'd tell her -

- But don't tell her husband.
- Now I know exactly what to tell her.

Just say, “To be or not to be

- She knows.
- A code message, eh?

- Yeah.
- What's the name of the lady?

It's Maria Tura.

Just a moment.
I'll write it down.

Now, what did you say
the name was?

- Maria Tura.
- T-U-R-A.

Is that correct?

Don't tell me you never
heard of Maria Tura.

Why? Should I?

Well, you lived in Warsaw.

Oh, yes. Of course. The name is familiar.
She's quite well-known.

Well-known?
She's famous.

Yes, indeed.

Here, Professor,
is the name of my brother.

- I hope you can read the writing.
- Thanks very much.

- All right.
- Lieutenant?

- How do you do, sir?
- General Armstrong, Major Cunningham.

How do you do?
What do you want to see me about?

I was thinking about coming here
for a couple of days.

I'm probably doing an injustice
to an important man -

- Whom do you suspect?
- You see, sir...

the other night, Professor Siletsky
was addressing us at the camp...

and I mentioned the name Maria Tura,
and he'd never heard of her.

- Neither have I.
- But he's supposed to be a Pole...

who lived in Warsaw, and she's
the most famous actress in Warsaw.

Lots of people are not
interested in the theater.

As a matter of fact, there's only
one actress I ever heard of...

and I certainly hope
I'll never hear from her again.

But Maria Tura's more
than an actress. She's an institution.

You couldn't buy a newspaper
without reading about her.

You couldn't buy a package of cigarettes without
her picture inside. They name soap after her.

You couldn't move around in Warsaw
without popping into Maria Tura.

I thought it was my duty
to tell you before the professor leaves.

- He left already, didn't he?
- Yes, he was due in Sweden yesterday.

Just a minute.
How did you know he was leaving?

- He told us.
- Told you what?

- That he was going to Warsaw.
- That seems incredible.

We were all Poles together,
and nobody saw anything wrong in it.

Otherwise, the boys wouldn't have
given him the addresses.

- What addresses?
- Of relatives in Warsaw.

- And he took them?
- Yes, sir.

How could he do such a thing? If they
fall into the hands of the Gestapo...

they can take reprisals
against all the families.

When does Professor Siletsky
get to Warsaw?

He probably took the boat
today for Lithuania...

and from Lithuania,
that's uncertain.

- I should say three or four days.
- How long will it take you to fly to Warsaw?

Six or seven hours, sir.

- Do you mind waiting outside?
- Yes, sir.

I hate to believe it.

So do I, sir,
but we can't take any chances.

The fellow came here with the highest
recommendations possible.

And we checked
again and again, sir.

This man's carrying instructions
to the underground in Warsaw.

If he delivers them to the Gestapo
instead of the underground...

it means not only
the death of hundreds...

but the complete destruction
of our organization in Eastern Europe.

But I hate to condemn a man
on such vague evidence.

We're not condemning him.

When Siletsky told those fliers
of his trip to Warsaw...

he wrote his own sentence.

Of course,
he may be just a fool.

Then he's just as dangerous.
And I know Siletsky.

He's no fool.

Well, sir,
what are your orders?

- Call in the young man.
- Yes, sir.

Now, look here, Lieutenant.
As soon as you get to Warsaw...

go to Sztaluga's bookstore
and give him our instructions.

Sztaluga will then inform
the underground.

But if someone happens to be
in the store, don't mention anything.

Just' ask for a copy of Tolstoy
Anna Karenina...

and put Siletsky's picture
on page 105.

- Now, is that clear?
- Yes, sir.

- Ten minutes.
- All right.

Good luck.

Halt!

Too bad we missed him.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Have you by any chance
Anna Karenina by Tolstoy?

I think I have.

Anna Kar-Yes.

Here it is.

- How much is it?
- Twenty zloty.

That's much too expensive.
I'm sorry.

- Good-bye.
- Good-bye.

We'll take these ten.
How much is this?

Eight zloty, seventy-five.

- Good-bye.
- Good-bye, gentlemen.

- Good-bye.
- Come again.

Yes?
Can I help you gentlemen?

- We are looking for Mrs. Maria Tura.
- I am Mrs. Tura.

You have to come along with us.

I haven't done anything.
Why do they want me?

Just come along.
Let's go.

205, 206.

Mrs. Tura is here, sir.

Yes, sir.

- Let her wait in 206.
- Yes, sir.

- Good evening, Mrs. Tura.
- Good evening.

I am Professor Siletsky.

It's a great pleasure
to meet you, Mrs. Tura.

Won't you sit down?

- Cigarette?
- Thank you.

I really must apologize for the manner
in which you were brought here.

When a man wants to see
a lady so badly...

he backs up his invitation
with bayonets, it's rather flattering.

That's very well put.

But as a matter of fact, I'm not
responsible for your being brought here.

There's a charming
young man in England...

gave me a message for you,
a rather strange message.

“To be or not to be.”

- You no doubt know its deeper meaning.
- I have a vague idea.

I really -

You'll forgive me, please.

Hello?

Yes.

Oh, how do you do,
Colonel Ehrhardt?

Yes, the trip was
a little bumpy...

but I'm certainly glad
you sent that plane to Sweden.

Otherwise -

Whenever you wish.
Of course.

10:00 tomorrow morning at Gestapo
headquarters unless I hear from you tonight.

Very well.

I'm looking forward
to making your acquaintance.

Good-bye, Colonel.

- I'm sorry.
- Well, I won't keep you any longer.

Thank you
for the charming message.

Mrs. Tura, you're an actress,
aren't you?

Yes.

Naturally, in the theater it's important
that you choose the right part.

Very“!-

But in real life, it's even more important
that you choose the right side.

The right side?

Well, what is the right side?

The winning side.

I don't quite understand.

Well, here in Warsaw, there are
a lot of people we know very well...

and a lot we don't know
quite so well

and would like to know
a great deal better.

That's where you could help us,
Mrs. Tura.

You want me to be a spy!

Now, come, come.
That's rather a crude word.

I once played a spy. It was a great success.
I had wonderful notices.

- It was really an exciting part.
- Wouldn't it be exciting to play it in real life?

I got shot in the last act.
I suppose that happens to most spies.

My dear Mrs. Tura, we would
never dream of subjecting...

anybody as charming
as you to danger.

All you'd have to do
would be to entertain a little.

For instance,
invite certain people to your home.

I could see myself giving a great
banquet in my one-room mansion.

They took my lovely apartment
away from me.

That can be very easily remedied.

Life could be made very comfortable
for you again, Mrs. Tura.

Well, what do you say?

Naturally, it's all very attractive
and tempting...

but what are we going to do
about my conscience?

Well, we've simply got
to convince you...

you're going to serve
the right cause.

I wonder if you really know
what Nazism stands for.

I have a slight idea.

In the final analysis, all we're
trying to do is create a happy world.

And people who don't want to be happy
have no place in this happy world.

- That makes sense.
- We're not brutal. We're not monsters.

Tell me,
do I look like a monster?

Of course not, Professor.

You say that as though
you really meant it.

- I do.
- We're just like other people.

We love to sing,
we love to dance...

we admire beautiful women.

We're human...

and sometimes... very human.

I'm convinced of that.

Why don't you
stay here for dinner?

I can imagine
nothing more charming.

And before the evening is over,
I'm sure you'll say “Heil Hitler.”

I would like
to accept your invitation...

but just as you want to represent
the Nazi case in the best light...

I would like to represent
the Polish case in a more suitable dress.

I understand perfectly.
Please don't let me wait too long.

- Au revoir.
- Just a moment.

- I'm looking forward to it.
- So am I.

- This lady is permitted to leave.
- Yes, sir.

This is a very difficult place to get in,
but it's much more difficult to get out.

Oh, I'm terribly frightened
and terribly thrilled.

- Bye.
- Bye.

“To be or not to be -”

Oh! I'm feeling much better.

Well, I'm glad of that.

Who are you?
How did you get here?

Parachute.
I jumped from a plane.

Right into my bed, eh?
How did you get in my apartment?

Your wife, uh - Isn't she back?
I'm getting worried.

- You're worried? I'm worried!
- Shh! Not so loud!

You might endanger all of us.
We're all in the same boat.

The same boat, eh?

Then let me ask you something,
as one sailor to another.

- What ill wind blew you into my slippers?

- Siletsky's here!
- What?

When I came from the bookstore,
they took me to him.

- What'd you do at the bookstore?
- I warned them against Siletsky!

- Then everything's over.
- There's still one chance. Siletsky hasn't seen the Gestapo.

- We have to get to him if we have to blow up the hotel.
- Impossible.

- It's like an armed camp. Soldiers everywhere.
- Does he know I'm here?

No. He wants me
to become a Nazi spy.

- Who?
- Siletsky!

- Who is Siletsky?
- A spy!

- And who is he?
- Lieutenant Sobinski.

- What are you doing here!
- What does it matter? Siletsky's here!

It's unbelievable!
Unbelievable!

I come home to find a man
in the same boat with me...

and my wife says,
“What does it matter?"

But it's the zero hour.

You don't want me to waste time
giving you a long explanation.

No, but a husband
is entitled to an inkling.

All right. Siletsky wants me
to have dinner with him...

and if we don't get
any other idea...

maybe I'll have to kill him, because
I'm the only one that can get to him.

This wouldn't have happened if the
lieutenant had arrived before Siletsky.

But they sent a plane for Siletsky,
so Siletsky arrived before.

- Is that clear?
- No.

You're gonna have dinner with him.
That's our only chance.

Wait. I'll decide with whom my wife is to
have dinner and whom she's gonna kill.

- Don't you realize Poland's at stake?
- Have you no patriotism?

Listen, you. First you walk out on my
soliloquy, and then you walk into my slippers.

Now you question my patriotism!

I'm a good Pole.
I love my country and my slippers.

- I hope your country comes first!
- So do I!

- This is an emergency! War!
- Look.

I don't know much about the whole thing,
but is Siletsky a real danger to Poland?

- A catastrophe!
- He must be taken care of.

- And he will be.
- Who's gonna do it?

- I'm gonna do it.
- But how? - Where?

I'm gonna meet Herr Siletsky
at Gestapo headquarters.

And after I've killed him, I hope you'll be
kind enough to tell me what it was all about!

It took a bit longer than I thought.
I wonder if the effect was worth it.

I'm willing to die for our Fuhrer
at any moment...

except for the next few hours.

Thank you, Professor.

You know, the last time I wore
this gown seems like ages.

And I haven't seen such food.
Caviar - it still exists.

Yes, on the winning side.

I must admit you put some very
convincing arguments on this table.

You know, it's nice
being here, Professor.

I ordered a buffet.

We don't want to be
interrupted by orderlies.

Naturally.
After all, this is an affair of state.

your training as an agent...

with a glass of champagne.

Shall we drink to a -
a blitzkrieg?

Hmm-mm.
I prefer a slow encirclement.

You know, Professor,
I'm a little scared of you.

But why?
You shouldn't be.

Maybe not. Maybe there's something
very gentle under that beard.

Yes, I think you might have
a boyish quality.

- And yet I don't know.
- Why don't you find out?

I will.

Here. Write your name,
and I'll tell you everything about you.

The first time I saw
my husband's handwriting...

was on the marriage certificate,
and then it was too late.

Well, I'm taking
an awful chance.

But remember, if a fortune teller
wants to stay in business...

she must only tell her client
what he really wants to happen.

- Here you are.
- Hmm.

“Alexander Siletsky.”

If I'd known you made an S like that,
I wouldn't have come here.

You're a very determined man.

Yes, very.

Oh, but you have great charm.

I only hope you live up
to that Y, Professor.

You'll see.

Heil Hitler.

Hell Hitler.

- Heil Hitler.
- Heil Hitler.

- I am Captain Muhm of Colonel Ehrhardt's staff.
- Oh, yes.

Will you please come in?

Just a moment.

There's been a last-minute change
in Colonel Ehrhardt's plans...

and he'd like
to see you immediately.

Oh, yes.
Yes, of course.

I'll be with you in a minute.

- I'm so sorry.
- Don't tell me you have to leave.

Yes, but I'll make it
as quickly as possible.

That's terrible. I came up here
with such doubts in my mind...

and now you're gonna leave me here
just as the cause is getting me.

I won't be long.

The Gestapo is so busy these days,
I'm sure they'll be glad to get rid of me.

- I'm so sorry.
- Well, it can't be helped.

Just a moment.
What's your name?

Mrs. Tura.

- Whom were you visiting?
- Professor Siletsky.

The professor left no instructions.
You'll have to wait until he comes back.

- But that's impossible.
- Sorry. There's nothing I can do.

- 206.
- Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

- Heil Hitler.
- Heil Hitler.

- If you'll wait, I'll announce you to Colonel Ehrhardt.
- Thank you.

Good-bye, Colonel.

- Heil Hitler.
- Heil Hitler.

Isn't this the gentleman
from England, Captain Muhm?

- Yes, General.
- It's a great pleasure to meet you, Professor.

A very great pleasure.

You certainly fooled
the English, didn't you?

The British lion
will drink his tea...

from saucers made in Germany.

- Hmm? Heil Hitler.
- Heil Hitler.

How did he ever
become a general?

Well, he's Goring's
brother-in-law.

Oh.

- I'll announce you to the colonel.
- Thank you.

- He brought the papers.
- Who are his helpers in England?

- As soon as you find out, call me.
- All right.

- Tura, you're playing for our lives.
- I know.

I'm gonna do the impossible.
I'm gonna surpass myself.

Don't, Tura.
Don't draw out the scene, please.

Let's go. I hate to leave the fate
of our country in the hands of a ham.

Send him in.

- Professor, please.
- Oh, thank you.

- Heil Hitler.
- Heil Hitler.

Professor Siletsky,
I'm glad to see you.

And I'm glad to see you too.

- Sit down, please.
- Thank you.

I can't tell you how delighted
we are to have you here.

And may I say that it's good...

to breathe the air
of the Gestapo again.

You're quite famous
in London, Colonel.

They call you
Concentration Camp Ehrhardt.

Yes, yes. We do the concentrating,
and the Poles do the camping.

Yes, indeed.
Well, here's the report.

And that's the end
of the underground movement.

Hmm. Let's see.

Excellent, excellent.

They're as good as dead.

I, uh, assume there are...

no supplementary documents
still at the hotel.

No, no.
That covers everything.

Good, good.

I'm sending the duplicate to Berlin
first thing in the morning.

The - the duplicate?

Oh, yes, of course!
The duplicate.

If you ask me, it's a lot of red tape,
but since they want it, all right.

Naturally, naturally.
You know, Professor...

Warsaw is a dangerous place
these days...

but I suppose you have
the papers in the hotel safe.

No, they're locked in my trunk,
but the whole hotel is a safe.

Y-Yes, of course.
Naturally.

I want to get the machinery
started on this right away.

- I'll be back in a moment.
- Very well, Colonel.

- All right, I'll get this rat.
- No. You can't.

He still has papers in his trunk.

- I'll kill the dirty dog.
- Listen! How are we going to get in his hotel?

- How are we gonna get in the hotel?
- Keep him there! We'll figure something out!

All right.

Well, is there anything else
you want to ask me?

Lots, lots.
Sit down, Professor.

There are many, many things
I want to ask you.

Yes, yes, yes.
So many things.

Anything you want to know,
I'd only be too happy to oblige.

Thank you.

So they call me
Concentration Camp Ehrhardt, huh?

You know, Professor, there's
something I wanted to ask you.

- Yes?
- What? Oh. Oh.

Well, that's the way it is.

A thousand questions on your mind,
yet you can't think of anything to ask.

But it will crystallize.
It will crystallize.

Maybe there's something
you'd like to ask me.

- No, I can't think of anything.
- Oh.

So they call me
Concentration Camp Ehrhardt!

Yes, yes.

Well, well.

Excuse me a minute.
I'll be right back.

- I'm running out of dialogue.
- We got it.

- Take this gun.
- Put it in your pocket.

Take him back to the hotel.
In his room, hit him with the gun.

Then take his keys, open his trunk,
and burn the papers.

- And then you shoot him.
- All right.

Just a minute! What'll happen to me?
They'll kill me.

We're going to keep
our fingers crossed.

Good.
Hey, wait a minute!

You go to the hotel, and I'll cross my fingers.
Here. Think of something else.

So they really call me
Concentration Camp Ehrhardt, huh?

Colonel, unless there's something
urgent, I'd like to relax a little.

Relax? Oh, Mrs. Tura.

Tell me, how is Mrs. Tura?

Sit down, Professor.

You see, my Gestapo men
are very, very efficient.

I simply thought she might be
of some value to us as an agent.

And besides that,
she's very good company.

"company?

If you'd like to meet Mrs. Tura,
I'd be glad to introduce you.

Thank you!

And if you take
a liking to the lady -

Maybe you'll even put in
a good word for me?

I'd be delighted!

Well, thank you, thank you.

Tell me, hasn't she a husband?

Yes, but what does it matter?

Yes, what does it?

By the way,
I believe her husband is...

that great, great Polish actor,
Joseph Tura.

- Of course you've heard of him.
- No, I haven't. - Oh.

As a matter of fact, I never
heard of Maria Tura before either.

You didn't? Then how did you
get in touch with her?

Well, it's rather
a delicate story.

There's a young
Polish flier in England.

I think his name is Sobinski.

- Uh-huh.
- Asked me to deliver a message to her.

That's very interesting.
What was the message?

I had to swear to this young Romeo
not to tell the husband.

That gives you a rough idea
of the message.

Yes, it is a little rough.

Seems they have
a secret love code.

- Am I boring you?
- No, no, no!

I find it very interesting.

This flier gave me the message. I couldn't
make head nor tail of it. Neither will you.

But Mrs. Tura seemed
to understand it perfectly.

Well, what was the message?

“To be or not to be.”

“To be -”

“To be or not to be -”

Colonel, it's nothing alarming.
It's only Shakespeare.

That's what you think!
Professor, you amaze me.

You, an old Gestapo man, bringing a
message to a Polish woman from the enemy!

And when I say “enemy,"
I mean enemy!

You think they had
a romance together?

I couldn't swear to it,
but I don't doubt it, do you?

No! And I'm gonna find out,
if I have to mobilize the whole Gestapo!

But, Colonel,
I don't understand.

Suppose these two did have a romance.
That's nothing you have to worry about.

The only person that has
to worry is the husband.

And that's enough!
I'm going to arrest this Maria Tura!

Well, I guess you're right,
Professor.

I've been with the Gestapo so long,
I get suspicious of everyone.

And so do I.

So they call me
Concentration Camp Ehrhardt.

- Coming back to Mrs. Tura.
- Oh, let's forget about her.

There's nothing mysterious about her.
She's just a cheap little -

I think I know what you mean.

Then I don't have to say it, do I?

Do you mind if I'm repetitious,
Colonel Ehrhardt?

Why, no, no.
Not at all.

As I said before,
Colonel Ehrhardt...

the only one that has to worry
about all this is the lady's husband...

that great, great Polish actor,
Joseph Tura.

Well, that's none of my concern.

But it should be, Mr. Tura.

Raise your hands.
Quickly, please.

- Did you ever play a corpse, Mr. Tura?
- What?

You're going to be one
unless you do exactly as I say.

Get over to that door and tell
your friends to clear away.

I won't do it.

Turn around.

Get over there
and face that wall.

Now stay there.

You sure you won't
change your mind?

I'll give you one more chance.

Very well, Mr. Tura!

Long live Poland!

- What happened?
- He must have gone that way.

That Way?

Look down there!

There he is!

Get him!

Get backstage!
Raise the curtain!

- Heil Hitler.
- Heil Hitler.

- Professor Siletsky?
- Professor Siletsky isn't here.

Do you expect him back?

Yes, certainly.

Do you mind if I wait here
for the professor?

No, not at all.

Thank you.

- Good night, Professor Siletsky.
- Good night.

- Good night, Professor.
- Good night.

Professor Siletsky?

- Yes?
- Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler.

I'm Captain Schultz
of Colonel Ehrhardt's staff.

I'm glad to meet you, Captain.

Ah, Mrs. Tura.

L thought you had left, madame.

You forgot to leave word
for me to get out...

but now I don't regret
that I've waited.

And how is Professor Siletsky?

Dead.

Absolutely dead.

You see, I had to take care
of some business.

- How about a glass of champagne?
- No, thank you. I don't drink.

- Cigarette?
- Thank you, I don't smoke.

- Just like our Fuhrer.
- Yes.

Well, Captain, I'm terribly sorry
to have kept you waiting.

I tried to entertain the captain,
but he seems the suspicious type.

I admit I was surprised
when I came in.

I don't blame you.

Here the whole Gestapo
has been working for a long time...

day and night trying to find out
every little thing about everybody.

And I arrive, and in a few hours
I find the most attractive lady in town.

- You didn't know madame before?
- Well, not exactly.

But the explanation
is very simple.

I just asked Mrs. Tura here
to deliver a message to her.

- Isn't that right?
- Yes. Yes.

You see, there's a young flier,
a very good friend of the Turas...

and particularly of Mrs. Tura,
isn't that right?

Well, yes, but he's
no particular friend of mine.

Nevertheless, a friend.
It was sort of a code message.

Code message?

Oh, Mrs. Tura has nothing
to hide from the Gestapo...

but she has
one tiny little secret.

If her husband ever found out,
he would murder her.

He is that great,
great Polish actor, Joseph Tura.

- You've probably heard of him.
- No, I haven't.

- Oh.
- Professor, Colonel Ehrhardt wants to -

Yes, I'm going to meet him promptly
at 10:00 tomorrow morning.

There has been a change
in the colonel's plans.

- You're not gonna take him away?
- I'm sorry...

but the colonel is expecting
the professor now.

Those are my orders.

Oh.

Well, it looks
like I'll have to go.

Excuse me a moment.

Oh, sweetheart!

Darling.

- Open the trunk and burn the papers.
- But what did you do with Siletsky?

- What did you do with Sobinski?
- That's so unimportant now.

Don't you realize you're going
into the hands of the Gestapo?

Yes. The scene is loaded
with dynamite.

One little slip
and I'm a dead man.

You know I'm never any good
unless I have my peace of mind.

Maria, be honest.
Be frank.

I've got to know. Did you tell that fellow
to walk out on my soliloquy?

Oh, sweetheart, darling,
I love you.

Don't you know that?
Don't you feel it?

- If anything should happen to you -
- You think I can do it?

You're a great actor.
Nobody can play it but you.

You can and you will do it.

Good-bye, darling.

Good-bye.

If I shouldn't come back...

I forgive you what happened
between you and Sobinski.

But if I come back,
it's a different matter.

- Yes?
- Heil Hitler.

- Heil Hitler.
- Professor Siletsky's here.

Have him come in.

Didn't you understand
what I told you?

Did you arrest him?
Why not?

You have no proof?
A fine excuse! Arrest him too.

Whenever in doubt, arrest them.
How many times do I have to tell you?

Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler.

- Heil Hitler.
- Professor, at last we meet.

Please make yourself at home.
Won't you take off your coat?

Thank you. Thank you.

Colonel Ehrhardt,
I can't tell you how happy I am...

to breathe the air
of the Gestapo again.

Thank you very much.
Cigarette? Cigar? Brandy?

- No, thank you.
- There was a change in my schedule.

Confidentially, big news.

A very old friend of yours
the Fuhrer.

I know you'll be delighted
to see the Fuhrer again.

- Who wouldn't?
- That's right, that's right.

How long since
you've seen him, Professor?

Too long.
Much too long.

Of course, of course.

Tell me, is Berchtesgaden
really as beautiful as they say?

Yes.

I think I can say that
without any risk.

But it isn't the architecture
or the landscaping.

The presence of the fuhrer
lends the real beauty to the place.

Naturally, naturally.

Well? What news
you bring from London?

London?
Oh, yes. London.

Colonel, you're quite famous
in London.

You know what they call you?
Concentration Camp Ehrhardt.

Oh, they do, do they?

So they call me
Concentration Camp Ehrhardt!

I thought you would react
just that way.

Well, Professor,
let's have your information.

Uh, I think I could stand
a glass of brandy after all.

Certainly. Brandy.

That makes me think of a very
funny story going all over Warsaw.

A story about our Fuhrer.

How does it go?
Oh, yes.

They named a brandy
after Napoleon...

they made a herring
out of Bismarck. ..

And the Fuhrer is going to end up
as a piece of cheese!

Don't you think it's funny?

No.
Neither would the Fuhrer.

And I don't believe Adolf Hitler will
go down in history as a delicatessen.

Professor, look here. I was only joking.
Just repeating what I heard.

I never-
Please don't misunderstand me.

- I'm loyal. I wouldn't - Heil Hitler!
- Heil Hitler.

Do you intend to tell
the Fuhrer about this?

- Why should I ruin you?
- Yes, of course. That's very nice.

The Fuhrer will never
hear it from my lips.

- My word of honor.
- Thank you.

Please, now,
if you would be so kind...

what about
the underground movement?

- What exactly are your plans?
- You want to know, huh?

- Yes, if you don't mind.
- Well, I have the key in my hand.

I have to find the lock. Better than having the
lock and having to find the key. How does it sound?

Promising.
Most promising.

But tell me, what exactly
do you intend to do?

Well, then,
let's get down to details.

- If you please.
- There are no details.

At least not yet.
But the important thing is...

I have the name of the leader
of the underground movement.

- And if we play our cards right, and carefully
- - I understand!

If you watch the shepherd,
you are bound to find the flock.

- What's the name of the shepherd?
- Boguslaw Robanski.

Send Captain Schultz in.

So they call me
Concentration Camp Ehrhardt!

- Yes, Colonel? - Captain, there's a man in this town
- What's his name?

- Robanski.
- Boguslaw Robanski? - Yes.

- You don't have to worry about him.
- What do you mean?

- We shot him two days ago.
- Robanski, shot? I refuse to believe it!

Don't you realize
whom you shot, Captain?

I risk my life to get the key men
of the underground movement...

and just when we're ready,
it's sabotage, sabotage, sabotage!

- I resent that, Professor.
- Why did you shoot him?

We have proof
that this man was telling...

some outrageous, supposed-to-be-funny
stories about the Fuhrer.

- That's no reason to shoot the man.
- I agree.

At least not right away.

You shot Robanski. Wouldn't it have
been a good idea to look him over first?

Yes! Why don't we look over people
before we shoot them?

I'm sorry, but you signed
the order of execution yourself.

Oh, I sign so many every day!

You see? I can't rely
on my own people anymore.

Colonel, maybe we can still
save the situation.

There's one other man.
A good possibility.

Maximilian Pietrowski.

Maximilian Pietrowski?

Don't tell me you -

Yes.

Colonel, all I can say is, you can't
have your cake and shoot it too.

It can't be done.
If they hear about this in England...

they'll give you
the Victoria Cross.

- I resent that, Professor.
- That's all, Schultz!

Yes, sir.

I didn't like the way Captain Schultz
shifted the responsibility back to you.

Neither did I. There's always
something wrong with a man...

who doesn't drink, doesn't smoke,
doesn't eat meat.

- You mean our Fuhrer?
- Oh, no! Please, Professor!

- I hope you won't -
- Why should I ruin you again?

Thank you so much.

I suppose you want to go back
as soon as possible to London.

London?
Oh, yes. Certainly.

- When did you plan to leave?
- As soon as possible.

Under the circumstances,
that's the best thing.

We have a plane leaving on Thursday
for Sweden. I'll make a reservation.

- That's fine. You better make that two.
- Two?

My trip was at least
successful in one respect.

a certain Mrs. Tura.

She'll be the most valuable
assistant in London.

Frankly, I don't believe
in women agents.

You'll change your mind
if you meet Mrs. Tura.

Why don't you? Form your own opinion.
If you say no, it's no.

- I'll call you at the hotel. What was the lady's name?
- Mrs. Tura.

Her husband is that great,
great Polish actor, Joseph Tura.

- You've probably heard of him.
- Oh, yes.

I saw him on the stage when I was
in Warsaw once, before the war.

Really?

What he did to Shakespeare
we are doing now to Poland.

- Hmm. Good-bye, Colonel.
- Good-bye, Professor.

I'm Colonel Ehrhardt.
Will you sit down, please?

Thank you.

- Mrs. Tura, I sent for you -
- And I'm very grateful.

I can't make up my mind.
It sounds very intriguing and exciting -

Mrs. Tura,
I have bad news for you.

If you don't think I'm the right person, it'll
be disappointing, but the cause must come first.

No, Mrs. Tura,
it isn't that.

Prepare yourself for a shock.
Professor Siletsky is dead.

Dead?

Murdered.

Oh, I can't believe it.

He can't be.

When did it happen?

We haven't found out yet.
I only got the report just now.

- Was it at the hotel?
- No, he was evidently trapped somewhere.

The Fuhrer has just arrived
in Warsaw...

and the men are planning
a reception for him tonight...

a kind of performance
by the soldiers.

So they opened the Theatre Polski,
tried to arrange some scenery...

one of the props broke, and out fell
the body of Professor Siletsky.

Who could have done such a thing?
Have you any idea?

We are pretty certain.

The bullet in his body came
from a British service revolver...

and yesterday the British landed
someone here by parachute.

So the only mystery is,
where is this man?

- Believe me, we are going to get him.
- I hope so.

The poor professor!

And I had an appointment with him this afternoon.
He was due here any minute.

Thank you. I won't take up
any more of your time.

- Good-bye.
- I want you to know...

that your ties with us
are by no means broken.

- After all, you might be very valuable to us.
- Thank you.

It doesn't have to be London. I might
have something here in Warsaw.

Whatever you decide.
If you want me -

Naturally, I would have
to know you better.

That it my duty and,
if I may say, my pleasure.

- That's nice of you, but at the moment
- - It doesn't have to be today...

but when you feel a little better,
maybe we can have dinner together.

- Why don't you let me know?
- I will. And don't take it too hard, little woman.

- I'll try not to.
- That's the spirit.

Mrs. Tura seems
to be rather upset.

Naturally. It's very unfortunate,
what happened to Siletsky.

But after all,
he died for the Fuhrer.

Naturally.

Hello? Oh, good morning,
Professor Siletsky. I-

Oh, you will be a little late?

Yes.

Yes, I understand.
Of course, Professor.

Will you please announce me
to Professor Siletsky?

The professor left
quite a while ago.

He did? Thank you.

- Was Tura here?
- Yeah.

- Did he say anything?
- No, he just rushed in, punched me in the jaw, and rushed out.

Dobosh, you know what happened?

- Yes, but it's all right. Joseph just left.
- What?

He had trouble. Somebody
must have grabbed his beard.

Don't worry. I gave him an extra beard.
You never can tell with Tura.

He's lost! They found the body!
They know everything!

What!

- Who opened the theater?
- The Nazis.

- Who gave them the key?
- You idiot, shut up!

They're going to kill him!
You've got to help him!

Rawitch, do something!

- The professor's here.
- We will be delighted.

Professor, please.

- Heil Hitler.
- Heil Hitler. And how's the professor?

- Fine, thank you. How's the colonel?
- Excellent. May I?

Tell me, what was
your impression of Mrs. Tura?

- Wonderful!
- I'm glad you feel that way.

Yes, indeed.

May I introduce Captain Muller and Lieutenant
Brandt of our Special Investigation Squad...

or what we call
“the hotfoot department"?

- How do you do? - How do you do?
- It's a pleasure.

- How do you do?
- It's a pleasure.

Professor, we should talk
before you leave.

I have to take up a few things
with these gentlemen.

- Would you mind stepping into my living room?
- Thank you.

Well, he should have
cracked by now.

Give him a little time.
Let him enjoy his goose pimples.

Colonel, do you really prefer
this procedure to our usual methods?

Well, I would say
with intellectuals...

the mental approach
is more effective and much quicker.

But if he shouldn't turn out
to be an intellectual?

Then we try
a little physical culture.

Colonel, I don't want to hurry you,
but do you think it'll be much longer?

- Oh, did you get bored?
- No, no.

I tried to open up a conversation
with your friend in there...

but he seems to be dead.

No! Really?
Let's go and see.

- It looks like murder.
- Mm-hmm.

If I'm wrong, Colonel,
please correct me...

but there seems to be a slight resemblance
between me and your late friend.

- Has that struck you too?
- Oh, definitely.

And I have a terrible suspicion
one of us must be an impostor.

I hadn't thought of that,
but I think you're right.

Just for fun, which one of us
do you think is the impostor?

I hope you won't
consider it impolite...

but there's a general feeling
in this room that it's you.

- Please forgive me.
- Certainly.

- Mind if I play detective?
- Go right ahead, Professor.

Thank you. Thank you.

Hmm.
“Edmondson's, London.”

The real Siletsky came from London.
The suit was bought in London.

- You think it looks bad for me?
- Terrible.

Hmm.

His watch is still running...

which means he was killed since
the real Professor Siletsky arrived in War-

This really looks bad.
You know I'm liable to get shot?

There's a distinct possibility.

And there's no doubt
there was a definite purpose.

- He wanted to look like me -
- Or you wanted to look like him.

That's right. That's right.

Our hair is cut alike, and even the shape
of our beards is somewhat similar.

- Not similar. Exactly alike.
- How long did you know each other?

- I just met him here.
- Now you're plain lying.

You must have observed him for months.
It takes that long to grow a beard.

- Very good, Schultz, very good!
- Excellent, Schultz...

except you forget
I may be wearing a false beard.

Very funny.

No, Professor,
I'll tell you a better story.

Maybe he is wearing
a false beard.

- I hardly think so.
- Why don't you convince yourself?

Why don't you pull his beard?

- I can't do it.
- You can't, eh?

Too sensitive, eh?

You can murder a man,
you can kill in cold blood...

but you cannot pull
a man's beard -

I can't believe it!

Schultz!

How dare you put me in this position!
I can't rely on anybody.

Colonel,
you gave the order yourself.

Shifting the responsibility on me again?
That's all, Schultz!

Good-bye, gentlemen.

Professor,
I don't know how to apologize.

Colonel, you were only
doing your duty.

If there's still the slightest doubt,
why don't you pull my beard?

- Please, Professor!
- Come on. Just once.

No, please, don't rub it in.

I assure you, I never believed it
for one minute.

But this Schultz!
And if you should see the Fuhrer -

- You'd appreciate it if I didn't tell him. My word of honor.
- Thank you.

And now the most important thing is to get
you to London as quickly as possible.

- With Mrs. Tura?
- Yes, of course. Anything you say.

- Get me the airport.
- Where's Colonel Ehrhardt's office?

- Heil Hitler.
- Heil Hitler.

- Colonel Ehrhardt?
- Yes, sir.

I'm General von Seidelman
of the Fuhrer's safety squad.

I arrive with the Fuhrer this morning, and in
one hour, I uncover a plot against his life!

- Can't I rely on anyone?
- But, General -

- Arrest this man!
- No, General!

- The man's an impostor!
- Are you crazy?

He is Professor Siletsky!

Well? What do you have
to say for yourself now?

Here is a man with a beard,
and you didn't even pull it!

I never saw a more grossly
neglected duty in my life!

I have no confidence in you anymore.
I'm taking charge of this case myself.

There'll be a reorganization here,
and your head will not be spared.

- And furthermore -
- General.

- Huh?
- Your appointment with the Fuhrer?

- Yes, yes. You'll hear from me!
- Yes, sir!

Take him out!

“Piece of cheese,” huh?

Schultz!

I had a plane arranged.
Everything.

But Mr. Rawitch had
a burning desire to act again,

and when Mr. Rawitch acts,
someone has to suffer.

Please, Mr. Tura, forgive me
for trying to save your life.

Who really botched the thing up? You! If
you hadn't been so jealous of your wife -

- I hope it's true. - It isn't.
- We'll talk about that later.

Please, please. Friends -

Romans and countrymen! We know you want to
play Marc Antony, but that doesn't help us.

- In 24 hours they'll know everything.
- Then we're caught like rats in a trap!

Just a moment.

Hitler, of course, will be sitting
in the royal box tonight.

You remember two years ago
we played Murder in the Opera House?

- It was a flop.
- Yeah.

And it might be again, but we have
to take the chance to get out of here.

The situation is very similar.

There will be soldiers in the corridor
guarding Hitler's box.

If we can get them away
for just one second -

That means we need
a commotion among the Gestapo.

I've started a commotion
in every Gestapo man I've met.

No, we can't use you. There'll be no ladies.
But... Greenberg?

Yes, Mr. Dobosh?

If we can manage that Greenberg suddenly
pops up among all those Nazis -

- It'll get a terrific laugh.
- No, it won't.

Greenberg, you've always wanted
to play an important part.

What do I have to do,
Mr. Dobosh?

If you don't play it right,
we're all lost.

And if you do play it right,
I still can't guarantee anything.

What do I have to do?

All right, let's rehearse.
Now, the first thing -

- How does it look? - Excellent.
- Sobinski, it's time to go.

I'm ready.

Let's see.

- Looks all right.
- Yes, he looks very good.

Yes.

- I'll pick you up about 9:00!
- Oh, darling!

Good-bye.

If anything should go wrong,
if you shouldn't come back -

- Then Sobinski won't come back either.
- Good-bye, darling.

I guess you want to say good-bye.
Go ahead.

This may be the last time
we'll see each other.

I can only say it was wonderful
knowing you, Maria.

- Good-bye, Mrs. Tura.
- Good-bye, Mr. Sobinski.

Come on, come on.

- Heil the Fuhrer!
- Heil!

N'

- How did you get here?
- I was born here.

And what made you decide
to die here?

Him.

What do you want
from the Fuhrer?

What does he want from us?
What does he want from Poland?

Why all this? Why?

Why? Aren't we human?

Have we not eyes?
Have we not hands...

organs, senses, dimensions,
affections, passions?

Fed with the same food?
Hurt with the same weapons?

Subject to the same diseases?
Healed by the same means?

Cooled and warmed
by the same winter and summer?

If you prick us,
do we not bleed?

If you tickle us,
do we not laugh?

If you poison us,
do we not die?

If you wrong us,
shall we not revenge?

- Lieutenants Lange and Schneider!
- Yes, sir.

Take charge of this man and bring him to
my headquarters. I want to question him.

Men, I don't want a word to leak out
about this incredible incident.

- Who's in charge here?
- I am, sir.

- How could this have happened?
- I don't know, sir.

You don't know. That's just it.
That's how you safeguard our Fuhrer.

My Fuhrer, it is my duty
to advise you to leave immediately.

- To the airport.
- Yes, sir.

- We have to make a stop on the way.
- Yes, sir.

Heil! Heil! Heil!

Greenberg.

He always wanted
to play Shylock...

and he got his chance at last.

And he'll play it again -

not in the corridor but on the stage
of the Polski Theatre.

- The rail road station!
- The underground is still alive!

Yes, we saved the underground.

Bronski,
now we belong to history.

- They might even erect a monument to us.
- They will.

I can see myself sitting
on a horse for the next century.

Yes, and sometimes
when you -

- What's the matter?
- Oh, nothing.

But I'm such a nervous wreck,
I'm imagining things.

- Imagining what?
- For a moment I thought you were wearing a mustache.

I am.

- No, you're not.
- Are you crazy?

Where's my mustache? This is a catastrophe!
We've got to find it!

I can't get out of the car
without it to get Maria.

- What did you do with it?
- We've got to find the mustache.

Good evening, Mrs. Tura.

I suppose
you're surprised to see us.

I'm delighted, but unfortunately
I have an appointment.

There are several things
we want to find out.

- Of course, but couldn't I see you tomorrow at your office?
- No. I'm sorry.

It is very urgent. The colonel and I,
we were talking things over.

Mrs. Tura, we consider you
a woman of enormous appeal.

Thank you, but what's
so very urgent about that?

It struck me as rather peculiar
why anybody like you could be...

attracted to Professor Siletsky.

Captain, you never can tell
about those things.

For instance, I think
you're rather attractive yourself.

Perhaps my taste
is a little peculiar.

But I haven't Professor Siletsky's
distinguished beard.

That's what probably
fascinated you so much.

Yes, it brought out
the child in me.

I felt like pulling his beard.
Thank heavens I didn't.

- What do you mean by that?
- It was a false beard.

He fooled me, and he certainly
fooled you, Colonel.

- How do you know all this?
- General von Seidelman.

What do you know about him?

He asked me to his office.
I had to answer a million questions.

He thanked me
for the information, and -

Gentlemen, do you
by any chance suspect me?

- Well -
- General von Seidelman thought everything was all right.

If General von Seidelman thinks it's
all right, then it is all right.

Schultz! What are you trying
to get me into now?

- Colonel, it was your own idea.
- Shifting the responsibility on me again?

- Good night, Schultz.
- Good night, Colonel.

This Schultz!
Mrs. Tura, I am so sorry.

Colonel, I have an appointment.

- I'll drive you there.
- You don't understand. Someone is coming.

- Aha! Someone is coming here?
- And if he should find you -

I'm here on official business.
There's nothing to worry about.

Mrs. Tura, consider yourself
in the arms of the Gestapo.

- But I'm a married woman.
- But you're expecting someone.

- Now I have to stay here.
- But, Colonel, I -

I have to protect your husband.

No, Colonel,
you really mustn't do this.

Mrs. Tura, I'll give you a bracelet.
I confiscated a beautiful one today.

- I don't want a bracelet.
- I can make life worth living for you.

I can give you extra butter rations,
three eggs a week.

I don't want any eggs.
Colonel, please go.

Maria!

Heil Hitler!

- Why didn't you tell me?
- How could I?

Don't you understand?
Haven't you any tact?

My Fuhrer! My Fuhrer!

Schultz!

Heil! Heil! Heil!

Gentlemen, the Fuhrer wants
to talk to both of you himself.

The lieutenant
will take the controls.

- Yes, mein Fuhrer?
- Jump!

- Heil Hitler!
- Heil Hitler!

Two very obliging fellows.

Now let's go to England!

First it was Hess.
Now him!

Everybody, a nice smile.
Thank you.

- Thank you.
- And you, Mr. Tura...

you played the real hero
in this amazing play.

Well, I - I did my best...

and I was very ably assisted
by my colleagues.

Thank you, my friends,
for everything you did...

as little as it may have been.

I'm sure England
will want to show its gratitude.

What do you desire most?

- Well, I -
- He wants to play Hamlet.

After all, we are in the country
of William Shakespeare -

He wants to play Hamlet.

Than is my deed
to my most painted word.

O heavy burthen!

I hear him coming.

Let's withdraw, my lord.

To be or not to be:

that -