Original subtitles

Gee, Brain,

what do you want to do tonight?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky,

try to take over the world.

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ one is a genius ♪

♪ the other's insane ♪

♪ they're laboratory mice ♪

♪ their genes have been spliced ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ before each night is done ♪

♪ their plan will be unfurled ♪

♪ by the dawning of the sun ♪

♪ they'll take over the world ♪

♪ they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ their twilight campaign ♪

♪ is easy to explain ♪

♪ to prove their mousey worth ♪

♪ they'll overthrow the earth ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

Pinky: narf!

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

[Munches]

♪ Put your fingers in your ears ♪

♪ then stick 'em in your belly ♪

♪ don't be afraid if it jiggles like jelly ♪

♪ yeah ♪

♪ Schmeerskahoven! ♪

Pinky, will you stop doing that infernal dance?

But Brain, it's the Schmeerskahoven!

Schmeerska what?

Schmeerskahoven.

It's the latest dance craze from Denmark! Zort!

This isn't a disco, Pinky.

I have shrunken us to molecular size,

and we are traveling through an artery,

inside the human body.

But what about the happy psychedelic lights

and mind-numbing rhythmic thumping?

Those happy lights

are actually blood cells whooshing past us.

And that thumping is the beating of the heart,

which is propelling us to our destination--

the larynx of folksy radio personality

tom bodett--

pitchman for a popular chain of motels,

as well as the voice artist

for those tedious good idea/bad idea segments.

There, I will implant

my trache-o-matic control chip.

Pinky: ooh!

Then you can make him say all sorts of funny things,

like, help, help! I'm trapped in a Bo--

Pinky, we aren't going to all this trouble

to indulge in cheap parlor tricks, all right?

It's all right.

When middle America hears my plea for submission

uttered in tom bodett's dulcet tones,

they will be unable to resist,

allowing me to take over the world!

Both: whoa!

Oof! Oof!

Aah! It's a white blood cell!

Something must have happened

to the immuno-suppressant shield.

Well, maybe he just wants to dance.

No, Pinky. He wants to destroy us,

like the germ he thinks we are.

Quickly, take evasive action.

Ok.

Sorry, my dance card is full!

I meant something more like this.

[Both screaming]

Both: whoa!

Uhh! Uhh!

[Giggles] I should have left you

at the islet of Langerhans, Pinky.

[Rumbling echo]

Brain: ahh! Oh, no! [Alarm beeping]

Our little detour

has caused us to veer into the nasal cavity.

Ah...

ah...

choo!

Both: aah!

[Sniffles] Oh, excuse me.

Um, I'll try that again.

Ahem.

It's time for another good idea/bad idea.

Uh, tom,

could you give me more on the word "good"?

Sure, just let me get a sip of water.

Whoa! Whoa!

[Both screaming]

Aah! Aah!

Oof! Oof!

Brain: my ship.

Oh, and this plan was such a good idea.

Good idea-- going to a disco.

Bad idea--

going to a disco in tom bodett's nose. Narf!

I feel another good idea coming on.

[Laughs]

Now come, Pinky.

Since we are presently the size of anthrax spores,

it will take an inordinate amount of time

to walk back to the lab.

Pinky: well, we can always pass the time

dancing the Schmeerskahoven!

[Dance music begins]

♪ Put your fingers in your ears ♪

♪ then stick 'em in your belly ♪

eee! Schmeerskahoven.

Only a simpleton would do that pathetic dance.

Gosh! [Panting]

This sure is hard!

Singers: ♪ wave your hands in the air ♪

♪ like you won a big prize ♪

♪ bump yourself on the head ♪

♪ and cross your eyes ♪

♪ yeah, Schmeerskahoven! ♪

[Music stops]

Hey, what's the big idea?

Come down from there, bill.

We have something important to discuss.

Aw, shucks.

I took a bath last week!

Not that!

Look, America's report card.

Test scores are dropping

at an alarming rate!

Many of today's high school graduates can't even read.

Gee, that--that is bad.

Worst of all,

people actually think Pauly shore is funny.

Bio-dome rocked my world!

[Imitates Pauly shore] Hey, buh-ddy.

Buh-ddy.

We've got to host a conference

to stop this dumbing-Down of America.

We'll invite all the world's

leading experts on the Brain.

Aren't you overreacting, honey?

Man, southern accent: Mr. President!

Mrs. President!

I done tried to brung did the coffee!

But I keepeded burnin' my hands.

You're supposed to put it in cups, bobby bob.

Uh-huh.

I rest my case.

Well, let me see if'n we got

any of them there, uh..."cups."

Aah!

Don't you worry about that, bobby bob.

I've got something special for you to do.

And it doesn't involve

walking and carrying hot beverages

at the same time.

Good. That's hard.

Hey, don't I know it.

The president and I are going to be hosting

a little conference,

and I want you to make sure

all the people written down on this list

are invited, Ok?

O-tay!

[Slowly] "The...Brain."

Oh, his name is real big.

He must Be's important. [Computer beeps]

"The Brain,

"acme labs,

Usa."

Hold still, Pinky.

Now let's get to work.

We must construct a new ship for interbody travel.

It's from the white house.

Hmm.

Must be a thank you card

for those jokes I sent Al gore.

He's probably asking for more.

"You are cordially invited

to a white house conference on..."

[Gasps] "The Brain?"

Pinky, the white house

is throwing a soirée in honor of...

me!

They must finally have seen fit

to recognize my great accomplishments.

Like getting sneezed out of tom bodett's nose?

Pinky, the captain has turned on

the no idiots sign.

Please refrain from speaking.

Ok.

Now, dust off your tux.

We're off to the white house.

Welcome to the white house.

Please take a complimentary balloon animal.

Ahem!

I am the Brain.

Brain, Brain, Brain.

I don't see...

oh, here you are.

Your name is real big.

You must be important.

Hey, whatcha got there?

My little speech.

A manifesto, if you will.

Oh, I thought maybe it was something important.

Well, welcome to the white house.

Please take a complimentary balloon animal.

Absolutely not!

[Whimpers]

I hate clowns.

Look, Pinky--

a veritable gaggle of intelligentsia.

There's Nobel prize-Winning physicist

Friedrich Von fleezal!

And leading psychologist Dr. Lydia supsón.

Pinky: [Gasps]

And there's noted thespian bob "Gilligan" Denver!

It appears my fame has even reached

the echelons of Hollywood's

cultural elite, Pinky.

Just wait until they hear

my brilliant manifesto,

outlining my plans for their future.

[Applause]

Attention, k-mart shoppers.

[Chuckles] Just kiddin'.

Hey, I'm glad y'all could make it here

to talk about the Brain.

[Applause]

Whoo-hoo! We heart the Brain!

Yeah!

Ha ha!

You know, without the Brain,

the world would be a pretty stupid place.

Don't you think?

[Crowd laughs] Ha ha!

Ha ha, but seriously, folks,

I thought we'd start things off

with a little icebreaker--

the latest dance craze from Denmark,

the Schmeerskahoven!

And here to perform it is the group who made it famous.

All the way from Sweden,

give it up for baab!

[Dance music begins]

Oh, no. Not that stupid dance.

♪ Put your fingers in your ears ♪

♪ then stick 'em in your belly ♪

♪ don't be afraid if it jiggles like jelly ♪

come on, Brain! Do it!

Pinky, the day I do the Schmeerskahoven

is the day I've lost my mind.

♪ Yeah, Schmeerskahoven! ♪

I'm sickened.

Dr. Von fleezal!

♪ Wave your hands in the air ♪

♪ like you won a big prize ♪

♪ bump yourself on the head ♪

♪ then cross your eyes ♪

Brain: Dr. Supsón!

♪ Yeah, Schmeerskahoven! ♪

Am I the only one in this ballroom

unwilling to lower myself

into the gutter of imbecility?

No, Brain. There is another.

Tv's bob Denver.

Well, at least somebody else

has their wits about them.

But the rest of them must be stopped.

[Dance music stops]

[Murmuring]

What's goin' on?

You people should be ashamed of yourselves!

Not since you're here

to honor me this evening,

I shall forgive this momentary lapse.

[Murmuring]

Now, perhaps we should start the festivities

in a manner more becoming

of highbrows such as ourselves.

Does anyone have an accordion?

Would you mind telling me who you are?

As if you don't know.

Right, as if I don't know.

Why, he's your guest of honor--

the Brain!

I'm the subject of this whole conference.

We're here to discuss the human Brain.

[Gasps] Egad!

There's a human version of you?

Ooh, scary.

You mean...

this isn't about me?

It's about all of us.

We need to stem the rising tide

of stupidity in this country.

Y'all done wantsed any cream in your coff-eedy?

Whoopsie.

I rest my case.

But--but I prepared a speech and...

my manifesto!

Stop, clown!

That clown stole my speech!

Call security!

Good idea!

[Thwack]

Aah! Aah!

Well, that was particularly humiliating.

Yes!

And refreshingly tingly. Narf!

[Maniacal laughter]

Oh, I hate clowns!

Come on, Pinky.

We've got to get my manifesto back.

Why, Brain?

It's not like you're going to give

your little speech now.

I worked hard on that speech,

and I didn't make a photocopy.

[Maniacal laughter]

[Laughs]

The stairs!

[Elevator dings]

Brain: ha! We've got you.

He's gone.

Maybe that fellow knows where he went.

Pinky, that's no fellow. That's a balloon animal.

Um, I believe the P.C. Term

is inflatable wildlife, Brain.

[Maniacal laughter]

That's odd.

They're expanding.

They must be filled with some sort of...

gas!

Pinky, it's a trap!

[Both coughing]

It's--[Coughs]--Ether.

Already? [Coughs]

I didn't have time to get you an ether basket.

[Laughs]

Pinky,

if I weren't about to drift into a deep slumber,

I would be forced to cause you serious...

pain.

[Snores]

Brain, voice-over: e=Mc squared.

The hypotenuse of the quadrangle is infinite.

In tonight's plan...

♪ hippocampus, neural node ♪

I'm going to have to hurt you, Pinky.

Where am I?

[Pinky laughing]

[Laughing]

Over here, Brain.

Pinky?

What do you want to do tonight?

Tonight.

Tonight.

Tonight.

The same thing we do every night,

night,

night, night--

try to take over the--

try to take over--

try to take--

try to--

try to--

try--

try--

try--

try--

no!

Pinky: ha ha ha ha!

[Woman over P.A.] Mind erasure complete.

[Laughing]

Ride 'em, fishy!

Yee-ha!

Crackers!

[Gulp]

[Laughing]

Woman over P.A.: Mind erasure malfunction.

This subject has no mind to erase.

Troz.

[Snores]

Birdies...

[Snores]

Flowers...

[Snores]

Happy...

[Snores]

♪ La la ♪

[Yawns]

[Sighs]

What a beautiful day, here in the--

land of hats?

Hiya, bowler.

Good morrow, fedora.

Good day, tam o' shanter.

Top of the mornin', derby.

How very...odd.

Good day, pork pie. Ahem.

I said, "good day, pork pie."

You must be mistaken. My name isn't pork pie.

It's, uh...

[Chuckles]

Of course it's pork pie.

You're wearing a pork pie hat.

Strawboater is my name, see?

You must be new here.

Here? Where is here?

Why, here is where you are as opposed to there,

which is where you're not.

It doesn't take a genius to figure that out...

pork pie.

I am not a hat.

I am A...

I am A...

what am I?

Why, of course you're a hat, pork pie.

We're all hats here.

Cheerio, old chapaeu.

Maybe I am a hat.

Oh, Brain, Brain, there you are!

Did you see the lovely hat I have?

And the lovely hat house I live in.

Oh-ho, oh, I am going to like it here, Brain.

Do I know you from somewhere, sir?

Wh--of course you know me, Brain.

Why do you keep calling me Brain?

My name is pork pie,

as you can see by my hat.

You must be, uh, yes--

you must be fez.

Good day, fez.

Oh, I get it.

Fez, pork pie--

[Whispers] We're undercover.

Strawboater: pork pie, fez. [Bell ringing]

Come along, morning exercises.

Chop, chop.

All: ♪ put your fingers in your ears ♪

♪ then stick 'em in your belly ♪

♪ don't be afraid if it jiggles like jelly ♪

♪ yeah, Schmeerskahoven ♪

♪ wave your hands in the air like you won a big prize ♪

♪ bop yourself on the head then cross your eyes ♪

♪ yeah, Schmeerskahoven ♪

egad, Brain-- I mean, pork pie,

you're doing the Schmeerskahoven.

Of course I am, fez, everybody's doing it.

Pinky, the day I do the Schmeerskahoven,

is the day I've lost my mind.

Egad, maybe Brain has lost his mind...

then it must be true.

Brain's been...

brainwashed!

I mean, if he'll dance the Schmeerskahoven,

he'll do...anything.

Narf...

like all the fun, fun, silly-Willy things

he's never let himself do.

Ahh...

there's nothin' like a relaxin',

long gelatin bath

to refresh the senses, ay, pork pie?

Uh, no, I--I guess not.

Are you sure I like to do this, fez?

Oh, yes, everyone loves gelatin baths.

And after this, we can lick the floor

till it's all shiny.

Gee, that sounds...

fun.

Come on, pork pie,

it's time to walk the sponge.

♪ La la la la la-La la la la ♪

you don't look so good.

I must've over-indulged.

[Belches]

I guess that was one too many linoleum tiles.

Yes, but they are tasty.

You know, fez, it's nice

to be reminded of the things

I used to love to do.

But I can't help thinking there's something missing.

Something I used to have a real passion for.

It was something... I don't know--

bigger, like I had some great destiny to fulfill.

Hmm.

Um, I-I-I wouldn't know, really.

Oh, well, let's keep going then.

Come on, spongey.

♪ La la la la la la la ♪

[Sniffles]

Oh, I can't take it!

Oh, I've been very bad, pork pie.

You don't like gelatin baths

or licking the linoleum or any of it.

I don't?

No!

I just wanted you to have fun.

And do all the things

you'd never do when you had your mind.

But now I see it's terribly wrong.

It's not you-- it's scary.

There's only one thing you have a passion for...

yes.

The only thing you've ever wanted

to do is... [Bell ringing]

Time for the evening Schmeerskahoven.

Chop, chop.

Yes! The only thing I ever wanted to do is...

dance!

Troz.

Come, pork pie--

narf! The land of hats is a bad, bad place.

I've got to get you out of here

and get your mind back.

Let me go, fez! I've got to dance.

No, that's not your destiny.

It's bob.

They've got you, too.

Do you know the way out?

[Shrieking]

[Gasping]

[All shrieking]

[Screaming]

[Panting]

It's--it's like a nightmare,

isn't it pork pie?

Pork pie?

No...

[Shrieking]

Pork pie!

No!

♪ They're pork pie ♪

♪ they're pork pie and the fez ♪

♪ fez, fez, fez, fez ♪

Man: here are some scenes from part 2 of brainwashed.

Put your hands in the air.

[Screaming]

Brain: someone has booby-Trapped the computer.

We've got to get out of here.

What kind of person would blow up our lab?

That clown from Washington, D.C.?

Newt Gingrich?

You haven't heard the last of me, Brain!

♪ Bop yourself on the head and cross your eyes ♪

Both: ♪ yeah, Schmeerskahoven ♪

just as I suspected, Pinky,

unless we can find someone around here

who's willing to help us,

the whole world is doomed!

Pinky: the top hat's going to blow it's lid!

[Screaming]

Uhh! Ooh!

[Sighs] Pork pie!

Pork pie, are you Ok?

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org--