Original subtitles

...hazy sunshine through Wednesday.

And that's the 2 A.M. report.

You're listening to kmpc, 710, in Los Angeles.

The mutual broadcasting system presents

the peabody award-winning Larry king show,

network radio's most listened-to

coast-to-coast talk program.

And now, Larry king.

We're with Rex Reed,

film critic of the New York post.

Give me the modus operandi of Rex Reed.

Do you have a preference?

Would you rather watch a movie in a crowded theater

or in that special screening room?

I like to see movies in the daytime.

I don't like to see movies at night,

because I like to be fresh.

I like 10 A.M. screenings.

I like to be alone, although that rarely happens.

I don't like to go to these packed movie houses at night

where they fill the movie house

with all the secretaries from the film company

and all the secretaries' second cousins,

because they want the audience to scream and yell,

and they're like backers at an opening night.

But what about that, which Mel Brooks told me,

always needs an audience-- the comedy.

If you're sitting alone at 10:00 in the morning--

If it's really funny, I'll laugh.

I don't need 40 other people

to remind me that I should be laughing.

I don't respond very well to mass hysteria.

With Rex Reed, we're ready to go to your phone calls.

We start with Cincinnati. Hello.

Hi. Good morning, Larry.

Rex, I wanted to tell you

that your forthrightness is refreshing,

and your dry wit and humor cracks me up.

I like your opinions.

You usually agree with me.

Oh, thank you. It gets me into trouble sometimes.

Yeah, but do you care?

Well, I used to a lot.

Really?

I, uh, I go back to...

Like today I'll let myself see a "p" or pg

because I don't like to be uncomfortable

or be embarrassed.

Like I saw the black stallion twice.

So you know where I'm coming from.

What's the question?

Sex, to me, is not a spectator sport.

Are we going to see some clean movies again, ever?

Well, you've had a few lately,

but I agree that the imagination can do so much more

to build scenes or to sustain emotion.

I found a lot of the pictures I saw growing up

much sexier than anything that I've seen today.

I remember the fountainhead

with Gary Cooper and Patricia Neal--

Linda.

You saw lust written on her face.

Linda.

Hmm?

You sleeping?

Yeah.

Maybe we shouldn't move.

Oh, God. What's the matter now?

Nothing. It's just time to ask these questions.

We sold our house.

We should've asked these questions before.

Well, I can't talk to you, so good night.

Stop it. You're just nervous about tomorrow.

You'll get the promotion,

we'll move into the house,

and we'll be happy, OK?

Your voice just fills this room with excitement.

I'm tired. Now stop questioning.

We made a wise decision.

Now let's feel good about it, all right?

All right. Ok. Good night.

Good night.

Why that house?

What?

I think it's too close to here.

It'll feel like the same neighborhood.

We needed more space. That house has more space.

A house is more than space.

We could've rented a locker.

Also, we didn't get a tennis court.

We don't play tennis.

We don't have a court. If you have one, you learn.

Possibly someday we'll have a court and learn.

All right.

Ok?

Can I ask you something else?

What?

How come we let the moving company pack for us?

What?

Shouldn't we have done it ourselves?

Maybe we're being irresponsible.

First, you're talking about tennis,

then you're worried about the moving company packing a box.

Sometimes I wish we were more irresponsible.

What does that mean?

Nothing. Look, just get some sleep.

What do you mean you wish we were irresponsible?

You think we're too responsible?

Yeah. Sometimes I think we're too controlled.

Really? You do? We're too controlled?

How do you buy a $450,000 house

and get all the things you want and everything else

and not be controlled?

What are you talking about?

What difference does it make? I'll sleep in the garage.

Don't do that!

Why not? I'll be responsibly guarding the car.

You're insane!

That's right. I'm insane and responsible.

This is a potent combination.

I'm not sleeping in the garage.

I'm not an animal.

I am not an animal.

Come on. Come to bed.

I apologize...

But don't call me names, OK?

What names?

Calling me responsible

is calling me, what, old or stodgy or stuffed-up.

I'm doing the very best I can.

Also, you're not the most irresponsible person in the world.

Look at your job.

Personnel director is like a Nazi camp.

If you hire one person they don't like, they fire you.

So how much freedom do you have?

I'm sorry I used that word.

After tomorrow, everything's going to be better.

I'm positive. Don't you think so?

You always say that.

Yeah, I know, but for eight years, it's been one way.

I've been this employee.

Tomorrow I'll get this promotion, and that's it.

I'll have stock in this agency.

That makes me genuinely responsible,

so I can fool around now.

Now I can be irresponsible.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. I guess so.

Ok.

Good night.

Good night.

Linda?

How are you?

Well, I'm flattered.

No.

No.

That's more.

Come over to our new house, and we'll barbecue.

Let's celebrate this.

Sure.

Ribs, fish.

I don't care. Anything.

Did you ever barbec-- Yeah?

What are you doing?

Nothing.

I'm meeting Mr. taft in 20 minutes.

I can't pick tile out this morning.

This is the biggest day of my life.

We said we'd do this together. It's important.

You're in the kitchen more than I am.

I don't think about anything in the kitchen.

It's your kitchen.

All right. Fine.

All right. Now we're angry.

No, I'm not. You'll get your promotion.

Think about this.

Good luck.

How are you?

Good morning.

Yes. I'll connect you.

Morning, Sylvia.

Morning.

Hi. Are you Bob?

Bob? No.

Sorry.

Well, I thought it was rude.

Got to go. Bye.

Good morning.

How are you?

Good. Your meeting's in 45 minutes.

I'm very nervous.

You look great.

No calls at all. I really want to be alone.

Get me the Mercedes place.

Okey-doke.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

So?

Is it beautiful?

What?

The kitchen. What does it look like?

I chose an orange tile.

Orange.

Yeah. Burnt orange.

It sounds pretty.

Patty, would you close the door?

Ok.

What's the matter?

I'm going to hate this house.

What are you talking about?

After the contractor left, I was alone.

I sat on the floor and got so sad.

Preview of the next 10 years.

I don't like anything anymore--

My life, my house, anything.

What do you mean?

Nothing's changing. David and I have just stopped.

Life's just going by.

He genuinely believes

this promotion will change everything.

He believed that every single promotion.

It never does. Things are always the same.

Maybe it will change.

And if it won't?

Then it won't.

Then you get divorced. Whatever you got to do.

This is hans. Hold on, please.

Gee, I've been holding most of the morning.

Thank you, dear. Thank you.

Ja, this is hans.

Hans? David Howard.

How are you, David?

Ok. Listen.

Ja.

I'm closing in on a decision.

Good.

I think the beige is the best interior,

and the dark brown... That's the best combination.

That's the most beautiful on the lot.

Ok. So tell me again, everything--

Tax, license, out the door, in my garage.

Well, I don't know where your garage is,

but it's $44,420. All right?

Wow. It's a lot of money for a car.

It's not a car, it's a Mercedes.

I know it's a Mercedes.

It's still a lot of money.

Then maybe you should get a nova.

That's it? That's everything?

At that price, I don't have to add.

Just leather. Nothing else.

Really? It doesn't come with leather?

No. That's why I told you you have to add it.

What's in there?

Well, it's Mercedes leather.

What would that be?

It's a very thick vinyl. I prefer that.

Wouldn't you think there'd be leather in there?

If you buy the car,

I'll put some shoes in it, OK?

Well... All right, sir. Thank you.

See you tomorrow night?

I'm going to talk about it with my wife.

How about Friday morning?

I can't commit to any day right now.

I have stars looking at the car.

Let me call you back.

I'm being buzzed. Hold on.

Yeah?

It's time for your meeting.

Ok. I got hans on the phone coming in for the kill.

Want to help me out?

Oh, no.

Ok.

He'll call you back.

Good luck. You got it.

This is it.

I understand, but it's really impossible right now.

Hold, please.

Good morning.

Hi.

Go on in. He's expecting you.

Good luck.

Thank you.

David. Say hi to Brad Tooley.

Brad, David Howard.

David.

Brad just joined the agency in the east.

He's fantastic. We're lucky to get him.

I got two of the best men in modern advertising

right here.

Right?

Yeah.

Brad was blown away by your stuff.

Very impressive.

The knudsen campaign was the best I've seen.

Thank you.

Brad's here for a special reason.

We're going to get Ford.

No! I can't believe it! Ford!

Trucks, too.

This makes us biggest agency in the world.

Top of the heap.

I can't believe this.

What a week for all of us. This is great!

Now, David--

As senior vice president, I'm here 24 hours.

Don't worry. I'll live on this floor.

You're much too valuable for senior vice president.

But I do want you to move to New York and work under Brad.

You two will be in charge of Ford. You start in two weeks.

God, I'm sorry. I didn't hear...

You start in two weeks.

Wait. There was too much information.

I'm senior vice president and then--

No. Phil shabano is senior vice president.

Oh, no. You couldn't.

I'm senior vice president.

Phil shabano's senior vice president.

Then what am I?

Hey.

He's giving you quite a compliment.

I asked him for the best man.

He didn't hesitate for a moment.

He didn't?

I don't want to go to New York.

I should get the position I deserve

instead of being shifted to another account.

This isn't just another account.

It's Ford.

I know it's Ford.

You have to keep your promise to me.

I didn't make any promises.

We had lunches for years.

You were grooming me for senior vice president.

I've been here longer-- For eight years.

Phil's been here less than two years.

He's not as clever as you.

He's more of an executive.

I need you creatively.

Oh, well, that explains it, then.

So, by being extra clever and by being here longer,

I get shifted to another account,

and he, because of his low intelligence

and short time with the company,

gets this job I've been waiting my whole life for.

You keep referring to this as just another account.

It's not. It's Ford.

Is somebody bursting in and saying, "surprise"?

You did this before. I hate you for this.

God damn it, Paul. You caught me again.

Who's bursting in here?

Nobody's bursting in here,

and I'm offering you something big.

I'm going to New York?

Paul, maybe you should tell him about the campaign.

We have the rights to New York, New York.

Brad, don't. Not now.

Listen.

When I was on the plane, I thought of this.

It should go something like, uh...

¶ This little town car ¶

¶ will drive you away ¶

killer stuff.

I don't want to hear this.

¶ It's Ford ¶

Brad, shut up! Please!

I must get what I deserve.

This is completely unfair.

I have been here too long a time.

Please make me senior vice president.

I'll do what you want. You can't do this to me!

I thought you'd be thrilled.

Thrilled? If it's so thrilling, you go to New York.

I'll take you to the airport.

Don't talk to me like that. I come from New York.

And when you land, people steal everything you've got.

I resent that cliché.

New York's the greatest city there is.

Brad, your song stunk, I hate your suit, and I could hurt you.

David, that's enough.

No, I haven't started.

Let's pretend a mistake was made.

I'll become senior vice president,

I'll work on Ford and do a great job.

Now bring in Allen funt and end this thing.

The position is filled.

Well, fuck you!

That's it. Get out and stay out.

I asked my friends if they thought I'd get this.

They all told me I was the best man.

Everyone said don't worry. Everyone!

Nobody would listen to me

when I said I don't think so.

They all said you're the best man.

Obviously, they're right.

I'm the best man.

Phil shabano's the groom.

There I am, watching Phil's life come true.

Look. I know you're upset.

I can appreciate it.

I'll forget what you said.

Don't blow eight years with this company.

Fuck you.

Paul, I don't think I can work with this man.

I'll go back to the hotel

David, you're fired.

Fired? Oh, I'm fired!

Oh, this is great!

How dare you?

I want my eight years back.

I wasted my youth for you.

I'm wasted. I'm over.

I'll stand here until you give them back.

Better--I'll take things home with me.

Get me security, please.

Oh, he's calling the cops.

Right now, my office, right away.

I can't believe it-- Call security.

I'll call you later.

You're making a big mistake.

You don't even know me, you bald-headed fart!

That's enough! God damn it, sit down!

Listen to me. I used to make fun of my friends in college

who went out to find themselves.

I took the business route.

So I wind up here.

I can't believe it! What do I get?

I get a transfer!

After all these years, I get a transfer.

I can get that at a bus stop.

I don't need any qualifications.

Oh, by the way, our hairpiece secret is off.

Yes, sir.

Would you escort Mr. Howard out?

He doesn't have to escort me out.

I leave on my own gratefully.

It's all right. I leave gratefully!

But people should know what went on here today.

Don't have lunch with this man!

Be very careful. Don't do it!

He'll tell you how good the future is here.

I've seen the future!

It's a bald-headed man from New York!

Maybe you should talk to Cindy about that.

She knows about it.

Well, maybe 3:15? Ok, bye-bye.

Quit. Quit your job.

Quit my job?

I did. You do it.

You quit?

Well, I got fired. It's the same thing.

Linda, you were right.

No more responsible David.

I'm free. I was responsibly blind. I was a dead man!

I wouldn't have used that word

if you were going to take it literally.

I'm giving you credit for saving my life.

It was just a word.

Linda, they were jacking me off!

Shh!

They were jacking me off.

I was on the road to nowhere.

Do you know the road?

It's a nowhere road. It goes nowhere.

You're on it. You don't know it?

It's a nowhere road.

It's the carrot on the stick

and the watch when you're 70.

Who was made senior vice president?

You?

I don't care anymore

about senior vice president.

I'm sick of being programmed like a stupid robot.

Phil shabano!

Why?

Phil shabano!

I don't know why the underqualified son of a bitch!

Why? Because life isn't fair.

But it'll balance out.

He'll buy that boat I saw in the catalog,

crash in catalina,

and seals will eat him!

You like Phil.

So what?

Fine, he won't be eaten,

but he won't get back to the mainland.

Linda, quit. I'll wait right here.

I can't quit now.

Yes, you can. I did.

No one's here I can quit to.

Get out! We have to touch Indians.

We have to see the mountains and the prairies

and the whole rest of that song.

Let's make love right now.

I want to have sex right here, right now.

Please, we can do it later at home.

Later, OK?

We don't have any spontaneity.

Two responsible people that can't have sex here?

Why not? It's a room with a ceiling.

There are some people you fuck in front of--

We'll find them and fuck in front of them!

Linda, we're free! Quit right now.

I can't quit my job.

Fine. I'll wait outside.

Look, my boss isn't here.

Let's talk about this tonight.

I'm hyper. I'm on this high. It's real!

Go home.

Now, I've got things to do.

I love you. One last chance for a quickie! Come on!

Wow! Here's a 3-bedroom ranch on 2 1/2 acres,

immaculate condition with a hearth.

$55,000.

God, that's really pretty.

Country living, excellent farmhouse, $129,000.

4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 acres, a pond.

A pond? $49,000.

Come on. That's better-looking than this house.

Wait. Wait. 5 acres in Connecticut, $80,000.

How can that be?

Because it's there.

Our new house would be $200,000 there.

We'd pay half of what we're paying.

Half! Look at this...

Two-family, barn, $55,000.

Look at that house! Look at this house!

That's a usable attic.

When have you seen a usable attic in California?

A usable attic. We have a fan up there now and a mouse.

Wait. There's a lighthouse here.

An actual lighthouse. Look at that.

Look--two bedrooms, kitchen...

How does that all fit in a lighthouse?

I don't know. Go ask them.

This is what I've been doing.

Tell me what you think.

Here it is.

This is everything we have.

We got a ride on the inflation train that you wouldn't believe.

In 1978, we bought this house for $150,000.

If we sell our house and don't put it into a behemoth,

we have $140,000 of profit.

It's amazing.

We'd never see profit putting it into the other house.

If we pull out of the new house,

we'll lose $15,000 in escrow.

Best $15,000 we'll ever spend, I promise you.

$125,000 left.

We liquidate everything--

Stocks, your father's bonds...

The minimum for both cars--$16,500.

I'm being very conservative.

A very conservative liquidation leaves us $190,000 in cash.

No.

Yes.

We couldn't.

I'm telling you, $190,000 in cash.

I don't believe it.

All we need is a motor home.

We should get a great one

'cause we're going to live there for the rest of our lives.

What does a motor home cost?

Guess who went motor home shopping?

Hi, friends.

Motor homes for sale.

45,000, complete, for a great one.

30 feet long, a bedroom, a bath,

a kitchen, a microwave, a little TV.

Beautiful! Better than our new house.

It has wheels, too.

Now, that leaves us $145,000 in cash.

Now, play devil's advocate--

Can't you live 20 years on $145,000

if you're living out of a motor home

and just eating and painting?

This is what we talked about when we were 19.

Remember? We wanted to find ourselves,

but we watched television instead.

Linda, this is just like easy rider,

except now it's our turn.

I mean, we can drop out,

and we can still have our nest egg.

I think that's unheard of.

If we like a farmhouse in Connecticut,

could we make a down payment?

We can buy the lighthouse and the pond

and still have money left over.

What's the matter? Why are you crying?

We really can do anything we want.

Who's stopping us?

Nobody.

Florida. I'm getting Florida.

I'm going to miss you so much!

Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention, please?

Hey, ray!

I'd like to make a toast.

To our beautiful friends, David and Linda Howard...

Good luck!

Good luck?

The man of no words.

This is a real nice evening

to be here with you folks.

I do have an announcement to make.

Although we have no destination

and we'll be roaming around the country forever,

there is one place we'll stop at first,

and that's Las Vegas, Nevada.

Really?

Because I'd like to, if she'll have me,

remarry my lovely wife.

Try this on.

Does it fit?

We're both nervous.

I'm drunk, you might be nervous.

Ooh, that's nice.

An 80-year-old woman helped me pick this out,

but I couldn't tell what she was pointing to.

I think it was that one.

So, let me make a toast,

see if I can top Ray's toast...

All right, ray.

To our wonderful friends, we will miss you.

Thanks for being our friends. We'll think of you.

Thanks for giving us this party.

To you, thanks for remarrying me.

And good luck with me.

And to America,

look out, here we come!

¶ Get your motor runnin' ¶

¶ head out on the highway ¶

¶ lookin' for adventure ¶

¶ in whatever comes our way ¶

¶ yeah, God, I'm gonna make it happen ¶

¶ take the world in a love embrace ¶

¶ fire all of the guns at once and ¶

¶ explode into space ¶

¶ I like smoke and lightnin' ¶

¶ heavy metal thunder ¶

¶ racin' with the wind ¶

¶ and the feeling that I'm under ¶

¶ yeah, God, I'm gonna make it happen ¶

¶ take the world in a love embrace ¶

¶ fire all of the guns at once and ¶

¶ explode into space ¶

hey, sweetie.

Yeah.

Come up front. We're crossing the city line.

Okey-dokey.

Hurry, this is historic.

Ok, OK.

God, this is a great kitchen.

Melted cheese.

Oh, boy.

Mmm.

Microwave?

Yeah.

Mmm. How long this take?

28 seconds.

Including the Browning time?

Everything. Isn't it great?

Good Browning element.

I've never really tasted melted cheese until now.

I mean, really tasted it. Tastes good.

I love our kitchen.

Further we get from L.A., the better it tastes.

You know something?

I'm nervous,

but I can't wait to marry you.

I just can't wait.

I'm just carried away by this.

Me, too.

Clara says the silver bell chapel is the cutest one.

I like that name.

We'll get there at 10:30, do it,

and then we're on our way.

Oh, boy!

Las Vegas, here we come!

Bright enough for you?

It's great!

Look at those bells.

This is exciting.

I like it. Let's go.

Aren't you tired?

I'm excited.

I think we should do this tomorrow.

Let's do it now.

But tomorrow we'll be up, we'll be fresh,

and we should get married at dawn.

All right. Ok.

Great idea.

We'll go out, camp under the stars,

and be the first couple of the new day.

You really want to camp out tonight?

Yeah. You don't want to camp out?

Let's make this an old-fashioned honeymoon.

Get the best honeymoon suite

and celebrate our heads off.

But Las Vegas represents everything we left.

It's the worst money-grubbing place in the world.

Just tonight,

wouldn't it be fun to have room service,

make love in a big bed,

and watch porno movies? Wouldn't that be fun?

Porno movies?

We want to touch Indians.

We will, but just tonight. Never again.

We can take a bath together in a big tub.

You want to bathe together?

Yeah.

Actually, we haven't taken a bath together in a long time.

Will this make you happy?

Mm-hmm.

It's yours.

How are you?

Good evening.

We've dropped out of society, and we were going--

Just ask him for the room.

And we were going to camp out under the stars,

but we're getting remarried tomorrow

and we want something real special,

so, the best bridal suite.

Do you have a reservation?

Well, I just dropped out of society.

I really don't do reservation things anymore.

Well, we do, and the bridal suite is occupied.

Well, we tried.

It isn't occupied.

He just said it was.

It isn't. Give him some money.

How much do I give him?

$50.

Just give him the money.

Um, I've worked with computers in college,

and I know that sometimes they're complicated machines.

Why don't you just run it through one more time?

I think I know what you mean.

I'll just check.

Nope, it's occupied.

No.

Give him more money.

I gave him $50.

He doesn't give the suite.

Give him more money.

I'm not going--

Just give him some more, OK?

Listen, I'm not good at this.

I don't get good seats at games,

and I've never gotten a ringside table.

It's something I don't know how to do.

To save time, how much do you want?

$100.

Oh, my God.

Wait a minute.

I think this is a mistake.

We paid for a suite.

Does this open up?

Junior bridal suite.

What?

Junior bridal suite.

I gave the guy $100 to get the best bridal suite.

Is there a senior bridal suite?

I don't know.

But I gave him $100.

I don't know.

Is there a big living room that goes here?

I don't know.

Ok...

Can we get one large heart mattress?

We can't push those together.

I don't know.

Not at all?

I don't know.

Thanks for the help.

What do you think?

I think if liberace had children,

this would be their room.

I'll check out the bathroom.

Cute little hearts.

Nice bath?

There's no tub.

None?

No, there's just a tiny heart-shaped shower.

There goes the bath fantasy, honey.

We got porno movies and room service.

Let's go out and see a show and have some dinner.

Let's stick to our plan

and leave by dawn.

I'm going to take a nice hot shower.

It's going to be fun.

Sweetie...

Let's get married.

Sweetheart?

Linda?

Linda?

Linda?

Linda?

Hard 8.

8.

Yeah.

Hey, you can't come into the casino dressed like that.

I saw electric horseman.

An animal rode through here with lights on.

Come on back to me, 22.

Come on back.

Come on, 22, 22, 22.

Come on back, come on back.

Come on. Come on, 22.

What are you doing?

Not now. Just go away.

How long have you been here?

Root for me. 22, 22, 22.

12.

Shit!

How much did you lose?

Shit!

How much was that?

One more time. 22, 22...

We've got to talk.

Just come on back to me, 22.

She's been here all night.

She's not on a lucky streak.

How much has she lost?

Talk to her.

How much?

Talk.

The man says you're not on a lucky streak.

What man? I was down earlier.

And you're up now?

No, I'm still down.

How down are you?

David, you'll bring me bad luck.

22, 22, 22.

22.

Yow! Yeah!

All right! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

How much?

$35.

We're up.

We're still down.

How down is she?

Down.

How down are you?

Down! Down!

How much have you lost?

Everything.

What does that mean?

Everything on 22,

and make it happen for me.

22, 22.

Where did you get that number?

Come on, babe!

Double zero.

Shit!

You lost. It's gone.

22! 22! 2, 2, 2...

You have no more money. Stop it!

You really like 22, huh?

Stop it! 22!

I'm going to hit on 22.

Good morning. May I help you?

Um, we just...

That's fine.

Sit here. Sit here.

What happened?

At 2:30 this morning, this man said I was up $100,000.

How could you gamble that much money?

It was more chips than I've ever seen.

You had no chips when I came downstairs.

I know, but I'll get them back.

Oh, stop it!

You took the cash we had?

Yes.

You cashed your personal checks?

Yes.

You didn't touch the traveler's checks?

Yes.

No.

The core of the nest egg?

How much is left of the nest egg?

Nothing, give or take 1,000.

Give or take 1,000?

Yeah.

Oh, God, I can't believe it!

Sweetheart, listen. Listen.

It's like a twilight zone!

But I never had this feeling before.

There were people rooting and cheering.

I didn't care.

I didn't have problems!

Do you know what that feels like?

Why didn't you tell me when we got married

you were this horrendous gambling diseased person?

Why didn't you tell me?

Don't you think that's fair. Then I could've decided.

It's like a venereal disease.

You tell someone about this.

I've only gambled twice.

Twice?

This is the second time.

I can't believe it! I can't believe it!

What did I do?

Why did this happen?

You don't understand.

Just a minute! I'm tracing my life.

Ok, there's something that can be done.

There's something that has to be done.

Let me just think.

If you pick up a keno card, I'll kill you.

You listen to me.

You stay right here.

I think I can get our money back.

Just stay here.

Don't move.

I'll be right back.

Stay!

Why are you treating me like an animal?

I'll tell you later. Just stay!

How are you feeling?

Can I talk to you privately?

Come on upstairs.

All right.

How are you?

I'm fine.

I've heard a lot about you.

Who were you talking to?

I meant nice things.

You have a good reputation. You run a great casino.

Is your wife feeling better?

Much better.

I'll present an idea,

but first let me fill you in on my credentials.

I was creative director for Ross & McMahon.

You're familiar with them?

No.

One of the biggest advertising agencies in the whole world,

and I was creative director,

so when I say I have an idea,

I'm not a jerk who walked in off the street.

It's my business.

My wife and I have dropped out of society.

We're going to roam the country and find ourselves.

Like they did in easy rider.

Easy what?

Easy rider. The film?

I didn't see that film.

You got to see it. It's historic.

Anyway, my wife and I liquidated.

We put everything into this nest egg.

We were going to spend the rest of our lives

roaming the country finding ourselves-- just being.

We lost our nest egg here.

I realize you lost a lot of money.

Your room and your food, comped--free.

Oh, no, no.

I didn't mean that.

That's not what I meant.

Um, all right.

I'll tell you this idea,

and please be secretive.

If another hotel hears, they'll take it.

This is my business.

As the boldest experiment in advertising history,

you give us our money back.

I beg your pardon?

Give us our money back. Think of the publicity!

The Hilton hotel has billboards all over Los Angeles

where the winners of these slot machine jackpots,

they're faces are all over L.A.,

and I know that works.

I've seen people say, "maybe I'll go there."

Well, you give us our money back.

If we had a visual where the desert inn

handed us our nest egg back,

this gives the desert inn, really...

Vegas is not associated with feeling.

First, those people on those signs won.

You lost.

But that's it.

That's-- That's the campaign.

What's the campaign?

You gave us our money back

because you reviewed our situation

and you realized we dropped out of society

and we--we weren't just gamblers.

We made a mistake, you returned our money.

You couldn't get a room in this place for 10 years.

Then all the gamblers would want to get their money back.

Not gamblers. You'd keep the money.

It's just, my wife and I aren't gamblers.

That's the distinction.

My wife and I represent the few people--

And there's probably nobody else

that's going to come and have this happen.

We represent the people who have taken the chance.

We made a mistake,

and the desert inn corrects it.

There's a warm feeling here.

Everybody won't want it?

No, no, no, no.

You make a distinction between the bold

and all the schmucks here for Wayne Newton.

I like Wayne Newton.

I said Wayne Newton?

I heard you say "schmucks see Wayne Newton."

Liking him makes me a schmuck?

Oh, no. No.

I'm stupid to use an entertainer

as a dividing point.

I meant people coming to see a show,

and my wife and I who, if you knew us, believe me...

You're bold.

Yes. So what do you think?

I don't think the sign works--

The sign is wrong.

A jingle, a television campaign.

¶ The desert inn has heart ¶

¶ the desert inn has heart ¶

¶ the desert inn has heart ¶

that's enough.

The casino is our main means of income.

Not the coffee shop or show.

If we give everybody their money back,

we can't pay our bills.

I'm sorry. We can't change our policy.

Play a fun word game with me.

What do you think of when you think of a hunting lodge?

Hunt.

What do you think of when you think of a rest home?

You rest.

We'll associate the desert inn with something beautiful.

You don't think of anything here now, do you?

Gambling. That's why people come here.

They gamble.

They go hunting in Wisconsin.

They rest in new Orleans.

Gamblers come to Vegas.

That's why it's called Las Vegas gambling.

You see signs with guys shooting ducks?

It's a gambling place.

They don't shoot ducks, beavers.

They come to gamble.

You're a nice guy, you make me laugh,

but we can't give your money back.

I'm sorry. I got to go.

What about miracle on 34th street?

It's a Christmas movie.

Yes. Gimbel's was afraid if they gave something up

that they would lose.

They wound up benefitting.

He didn't lose any of his business.

This costs you nothing.

You would be the one benefiting.

Wrong.

In that movie,

Santa claus took care of everything.

Santa claus came and he fixed the whole thing.

We don't have Santa claus.

Then we get him.

Who?

Santa claus. That's the ad campaign.

I have the chills.

Santa claus hands us our nest egg.

We associate for the first time Christmas and Las Vegas.

"Las Vegas, a Christmas place to be."

We're finished talking.

I can't take this anymore.

Will you say something? Anything.

Yell, scream. Drive off the road. Anything.

Just stop being so quiet.

I'm fine.

I feel horrible.

I can't apologize enough.

I...

This is unnatural.

You'll get sick.

If I was you, I'd be furious.

You've got to let it out.

I'm fine.

I can't keep apologizing,

so let's talk about what we're going to do.

Our dream's still the same,

we just don't have any money.

We should stop saying that.

We do have some.

We have $802.

Well, that's something.

Yes. That's something.

We should make the day as pleasant as possible.

We're headed towards hoover dam.

Let's just make that our destination.

We can take a walk, have a picnic,

get some fresh air. Wouldn't that be nice?

Is that what you'd like?

Yeah.

Fine. Hoover dam.

Nice dam, huh?

You want to go first or should I?

Are you hungry?

No.

I'm starving.

You shouldn't eat now.

Why?

With what money we have,

let's not waste it with the knickknacks here.

Why don't you give me my half

and let me do what I want with it?

That's the fair thing.

The fair thing? I can't believe it!

I have been too controlled!

What do you mean?

You took our nest egg

and broke it all over the desert inn!

You filled up the casino with yolk!

The fair thing! I was sleeping!

Get it out.

Don't treat me like I'm insane.

I don't want you to yell out here.

Out here? We live here.

Get used to the cement, honey.

This is our house! Forever!

This is it!

We found ourselves.

In the middle of nowhere with nothing!

Where are you going?

Please come inside.

What is it?

Sit down.

What is it?

Just sit down.

Now, listen.

I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

I'll make it up to you.

I'll make you breakfast in bed for life.

Stay away from the food. You'll lose it.

How did this happen?

I can't understand it.

I held things in so long, I burst.

What were you holding in?

Everything.

You weren't the only one whose life wasn't satisfying.

I sat in that office for seven years without a window.

I felt like I was going crazy.

Why didn't you wake me up and say,

"I think I'm having this problem.

Can I go lose everything?"

Then I could've said no.

I'm sure the desert inn

has an all-night shrink service

along with a spa facility.

Someone could've counseled us.

He would've said, "well, look,

"she's got to let it go somehow.

"Why don't you spend 10,000,

rent the goodyear blimp,

and have it flash positive things?"

Much cheaper, same result!

We could have discussed this.

I didn't understand it until now.

Oh, great. Congratulations.

I'm glad you understand everything.

Unfortunately, I'm still screwed up!

We don't have the money to fix me.

You're fixed!

Now we have a couple of hundred for me.

$100,000 for you, $100 for me.

I was sicker than you to begin with.

Oh, God, I guess this was my fault.

Maybe I didn't explain

the nest egg well enough.

It's a very sacred thing.

If you had understood the nest egg principle,

as we'll now call it,

in the first of many lectures

that you will have to get,

because if we're to acquire

another nest egg,

we have to understand what it means.

The egg is a protector, like a God.

We sit under the nest egg,

and we are protected by it.

Without it, no protection.

It rains, and the rain drops on the egg

and falls off the side.

Without the egg, wet--it's over.

You didn't understand it.

That's why we're where we are.

I understood the nest egg.

Please, don't use the word.

It's off-limits to you.

Don't use any part of it, either.

Don't use "nest," don't use "egg."

You can point.

The bird lives in a round "stick."

And you have "things" over easy with toast.

Oh, gee. You know what I'd like to do?

I'd like to give you a small punishment before lunch

and have you write 1,000 times on the pavement,

"I lost the nest egg."

Say it 500 times.

I lost the nest egg. I lost the nest egg. I lost the nest egg.

I'm starting for you.

I lost the nest egg--

Shut up with nest egg!

That's not how you drop out anyway.

You drop out with nothing.

Oh, you do?

Where did you read that?

The Las Vegas guide?

Friends told me. People who know.

You don't know anybody who dropped out.

In easy rider, they had no nest egg.

Bullshit! They had a giant nest egg.

They had all this cocaine!

That's not true.

Linda, they sold cocaine.

Ok, wait a second. Wait, wait, wait.

I'm not gonna stand here

in front of one of the great wonders of the world

and argue about an old movie.

I'll go back inside.

If you figure out how to make $800 last a lifetime,

knock on the door. I'll be in there.

Forget it.

Forget what?

Forget everything!

The one good thing that came out of this

is we forgot to get remarried.

That's the one good thing.

No one's mentioned that yet.

What does that mean?

It means if we would've gotten remarried,

it would've been much more difficult to get a divorce.

Now it's easy. I'll stay in Nevada for six weeks,

then we'll be legally through.

You don't mean that.

You bet your life I do!

I know now that you'll never let me forget this.

For the rest of our lives you'll blame me.

I won't have it.

Good-bye, it's over, I'm sorry.

I don't blame you for anything.

You said get angry, and I got angry.

It's over. Stop it.

It is not over. You're still yelling.

Because your hand's out!

Now, stop it!

I'm gonna find somebody who understands my dreams.

Holy shit. Take your arm back in!

Linda, don't do this!

Get in.

Linda?

Good-bye.

Don't get in that car! Stop it!

I've lost a woman.

A whole woman.

Hi. Just sit anywhere.

Linda, Linda.

She doesn't want to talk to you.

It's my wife, but thank you for the ride.

I said, she doesn't want to talk to you.

Please, just thank him for the ride,

tell him it was a family squabble, and let's go.

You don't listen real good.

I'm counting to three.

Then I want you out of here.

Don't count. We'll both leave. Honey, let's go.

1, 2, 3.

Come on, pal.

We got some fightin' to do.

I don't want to fight.

He'll kill me.

Come on, you and me.

This is my wife.

Thank you for the ride. I appreciate it.

Oh, God.

You remind me of everything I hate.

I believe you! I understand!

No. Look--

It's not between you and me, lady.

Call the police!

I'll kill him.

Help! Police!

You don't understand!

Somebody call the police!

Call the police!

Call the police, huh?

If I wasn't wanted, I'd kick your ass.

He's wanted.

When things cool down, I'll be back.

You're dead.

You're history, buddy. You're dead, pal.

I'm dead, pal.

Is this off?

Yeah. Are you OK?

Next time, ride with a small woman.

Everything will be OK.

Weren't you scared?

What were you talking about?

He told me his life story.

He was divorced, kicked out of the army,

couldn't keep a job. He escaped from prison.

What did he do?

He said those two guys were dead when he got there.

Oh, God.

Well, I showed him, huh?

Yes, you did.

Pity the man who tries to catch up with me.

That's not funny.

Yes. You'll laugh soon.

No, I won't laugh soon.

Yes, you will.

An adult's not supposed to get a bloody nose.

That's for children.

Don't make fun of me!

Ok, OK, I'm sorry.

It's beautiful here, don't you think?

Where do you want to go?

I don't know.

Where are we?

I don't know.

We're in Arizona.

Oh. Want to go to Canada?

Canada?

Yeah, let's live in Canada.

The country?

Do you have any idea how much it is to fill up a winnebago?

Uh-uh.

Arizona or new Mexico

is all we can do right now.

Ok.

Preferably downhill from here.

Well, I like Arizona.

We'll drive until we find someplace we like.

This whole thing is a blessing in disguise.

Don't start that. It's not.

Well, I do--

It's not a blessing. I don't know what it is.

Fine, you'll see.

Oh, Linda!

What's wrong?

Oh, look.

We're in hell.

We entered hell. When?

Maybe it's not us.

No, he'll tell me who it really is. Like a courtesy.

Us?

Us?

It's us.

I'm stopping, I'm stopping.

I'm driving a whale here.

What's he look like?

Bad. Bad.

I hate the walk-up the worst.

See your license and registration, please.

What was I doing?

83 Miles an hour.

Gee, my speedometer--

Can I see your license and registration, please?

I just bought this.

I know that driving it out of L.A.--

Your license and registration.

Thank you.

Can I ask a question?

Wait in the home, please.

Wait in the home, please.

Can I ask you a question?

Maybe I was going 70 or 75,

but I don't think it's possible that I could go 83.

We have good radar.

Radar?

You can't use radar on this. It's all metal.

This is like a big antenna.

We get cable. We don't want it.

We have a microwave oven.

It's a radar range.

That would screw it up, wouldn't it?

The dealer said this would happen.

The dealer said I'd get a ticket for no reason.

Hey, buddy. Shh.

What will this cost?

$140, $150.

We can't pay that.

That's too high. We don't have it.

This isn't a swap meet.

Did you see easy rider?

I tried. It doesn't work.

What?

The movie, easy rider.

I can't believe you asked me that.

That's my favorite movie.

I started riding a motorcycle because of it.

Why'd you ask?

My husband based his life on that movie.

For the last couple of weeks, yes.

How are you?

Remember when they got blown away?

Great ending.

It made my day.

Remember Jack Nicholson? The football helmet?

Nicholson wasn't supposed to get that part.

No, he lucked into it.

Remember the commune?

With the mimes?

Great scene!

Couldn't you let us go this time?

That would be great.

This is like a club, right?

Hey, get out of here.

Great!

Dennis hopper

wouldn't give Peter Fonda a ticket, would he?

Hopper couldn't find Fonda.

You're real nice. I appreciate it.

Did you see the Terminator?

No, I didn't.

You look like him.

Thank you.

Be careful.

You're up 140.

Where are we now?

What does that sign say?

Safford, Arizona.

My legs are asleep.

Let's live here.

Kind of nice having young people here.

I like it.

Four more,

three more,

two, and one.

Head looks right and left

and bend.

Good.

Honey!

Honey, come on, breakfast is ready.

You look nice.

Good morning.

Last night was amazing.

Where did we get this?

We brought that with us.

Mmm, good.

Here's your coffee.

Some eggs? Cereal?

Mm-mmm, mm-mmm. Let's save the rest of the food.

What time did you get up?

I've been up for hours.

I've been all over this place.

There's this creek, and some people have a garden.

Doctor says I'm losing my sight.

I can't hear you.

Losing my sight in my right eye.

I can't hear you!

Maybe we could get a puppy.

Puppy? We have to get jobs today.

We'll get jobs today.

It'll be great. This is the beginning.

For real. We need money.

We will. Great jobs. Today.

Ok. What should we do?

I'm ready to go.

Maybe we should go together.

Separately. We'll cover more territory.

Be very careful.

I will.

Get a very good job.

I challenge you.

I bet I get one first.

Loser sleeps under the home.

Be back before dark.

I will.

Good luck!

Buy a cheap lunch!

Ok. Bye-bye.

Excuse me.

Oh, boy.

You scared me.

I'm interested in the delivery job.

Oh. For your son?

For myself.

For you?

Yeah.

You have your own car?

No.

I'm sorry. You would need a car.

I have a motor home.

You couldn't pay for the gas with what I'd pay you.

I thought you'd provide the truck.

No, we don't do that.

I was looking for a high-school kid with a rabbit.

An older man with a motor home wouldn't work out.

All right. Thank you very much.

I should change that sign from "man" to "boy."

I guess delivery boy is more correct.

Leave the sign alone. It's fine.

Any high-paying jobs in the immediate area?

Hmm, let me think.

No. Not in the immediate area.

What about in the outlying area?

No. I don't know of any high-paying jobs

in the country, do you?

I don't. I used to.

I'm sorry. Little down on your luck?

You don't want to hear.

Sure, I would.

There's an employment office about a half-mile down.

You can't miss it.

Maybe they can help you.

All right. Thanks.

So, Mr. Howard, what can we do for you?

I need work.

What has been your previous work experience?

The last eight years,

I was with Ross & McMahon.

I was creative director.

You're familiar with them?

No.

Advertising agency. One of the biggest in the world.

Before that, I worked in advertising,

nothing to speak of, for about five years.

Worked in a catering truck

for seven months in Pittsburgh

and made food.

Uh...

Oh. I worked at a crisis center

for three months.

Not dealing directly-- Well, a couple of crises--

But more just answering the phone--

The regular phone, not the crisis.

In high school I worked at a stuffed fruit place--

We don't have to go back that far.

Ok. Advertising, eight years at Ross & McMahon.

What was your previous salary?

$80,000 was the base salary.

I was in a bonus situation,

which would give me 15 to 25,

depending on the year that we had

and, uh, generally, $100,000.

$100,000?

Over what period of time?

A year.

A year?

What's so funny?

Nothing. That's very good.

What brings you around these parts?

Trying to double up on that income?

I've come here to live.

I'm trying to change my life.

You couldn't change your life on $100,000?

Um...

What have you got for me? Any jobs?

What I do have,

you wouldn't be interested in.

Why don't you check back in a month?

I'm very interested.

What do you have?

Coming from your position and your salary,

you wouldn't be interested.

I might love it. What is it?

A crossing guard.

What is that?

A crossing guard.

At a school?

Where else?

I didn't know if there were different kinds.

Um, what does that pay?

$100,000.

What does it really pay?

It pays $5.50 an hour plus benefits.

And the benefits meaning?

A ride to and from school if you need it.

Do you have anything?

Can you rack your brain?

Something in the executive file?

Or maybe you have a white collar box or something?

What sort of box would that be?

A box of higher-paying jobs.

Oh, I know.

You mean the $100,000 box?

I'm glad I could be your morning's entertainment.

I want to tell you something.

I made a statement.

A statement?

Yes. Did you see easy rider?

No.

I saw easy money.

Rodney dangerfield. I like him.

That no respect bit is funny.

I know who he is.

It's under the sink.

Hi, honey!

Don't make me come do it.

Guess what.

A job?

Yeah, I think so. I won't know until tomorrow.

Doing what?

I'd better not say in case I don't get it.

Give me a hint.

Assistant manager. I'll know tomorrow.

That's all I'll say. I'm superstitious.

I can't believe it.

Yeah. What about you?

Well, I had some good leads.

Give me a hint.

I don't want to jinx mine, either.

Ok, I understand.

All right?

Have a nice day.

Come on, man. Let's go.

What do you think you're paid for,

sitting on your ass? Let's go.

Cross us, retardo.

Don't call me retardo.

Come on, retardo.

Right now, sucker. Across the street.

We ain't got time to wait.

We're already late, retarded.

Come on, retardo.

You're going to get hurt.

Why don't you just cross the street?

Come on, retardo.

Make us!

Walk your bike!

I'm warning you! Walk your bike.

You come from the dump.

I take no responsibility for your safety.

Just die for us. Save us the problem.

Dumb brillo pad fathead!

All righty, all righty.

I was a kid once.

Come here, you!

Come on, fast!

Fast!

Here we go!

Hey, kill the child!

Get away! Get out of here!

Hey, mister, where am I?

Safford, Arizona.

Oh, my God. How do I get to L.A.?

You know where 70 is?

No.

Go about 3 1/2 blocks.

You see that stop sign?

Yeah.

Turn left. Go all the way down till you hit 70.

70 turns into 60. That takes you to Phoenix.

The stop sign, turn left--

What are you smelling?

What is this interior, leather?

Of course. It comes with the car.

It's nice.

The stop sign, turn left, go to 70.

70 to 60, 60 to Phoenix, correct?

Right. You like this car?

What's not to like?

Hi!

Hi.

What are you?

I'm a crossing guard. What are you?

I'm the assistant manager

at the der Weinerschnitzel.

The what?

The der Weinerschnitzel.

The manager said he wanted to sleep on it,

but he said right after I left I got it.

He didn't know how to get hold of me.

That's the job you were waiting for?

Yeah.

You sell hot dogs?

Wow! This place is great!

When you flush the toilet, where does it go?

Who is this?

This is skip, the manager.

This is David, my husband.

How you doin'?

You're the manager?

You slept on it?

He slept on it?

How ya doing?

Call me skippy.

Skippy.

Your wife told me what you did-- that drop-out thing?

Hey, I admire you.

Thanks.

When I get old, I might do it.

Did she tell you what happened?

He's tired. I'll tell him later.

No. I want to hear skip talk.

Thanks. We have this frying machine.

We didn't know how to use it,

but we used it anyway.

We put the oil in and everything,

read the instructions, threw the fries in, blah, blah, blah.

Boom. They were done. Serve them.

No problem.

She says to me, "skip, these fries are frozen."

So we looked inside, and they were frozen.

You were eating them frozen?

What should I do?

Skippy...

The point is, she saw this minor detail

on the first day.

You got a good wife.

That's why I married her.

That's why I hired her.

I want to talk to her.

Go right ahead.

Come here.

Don't get me wrong.

I've had a lot of fun the last two weeks.

Things didn't go exactly like we'd hoped,

but if we're together now, we won't split up.

That assurance makes me feel great.

I told you this would be a blessing.

Right.

Now, given our age and these jobs,

we won't see another nest egg for... Ever.

We'll never see anything.

¶ Flintstones, meet the flintstones ¶

¶ they're the modern stone age family... ¶

um...

I think that there has to be some better way

to rebuild than this.

I thought of a plan to speed things up.

Maybe I should sound it out with you.

Really? I was kind of thinking the same thing.

You were?

What is it?

What was your plan?

Mine is just an emergency backup.

What's your plan?

I was thinking

that we go to New York as fast as we can.

And I eat shit?

My plan, too!

Skippy, out.

¶ Start spreadin' the news ¶

¶ I'm leavin' today ¶

¶ I want to be a part of it ¶

¶ New York, New York ¶

¶ these vagabond shoes ¶

¶ are longing to stray ¶

¶ right through the very heart of it ¶

¶ New York, New York ¶

¶ I want to wake up ¶

¶ in a city that doesn't sleep ¶

¶ and find I'm king of the hill ¶

¶ top of the heap ¶

¶ these little town blues ¶

¶ are melting away ¶

¶ I'll make a brand-new start of it ¶

¶ in old New York ¶

¶ if I can make it there ¶

¶ I'll make it ¶

¶ anywhere ¶

¶ it's up to you ¶

¶ New York ¶

¶ New York ¶

¶ New York, New York ¶

¶ I want to wake up ¶

¶ in a city that never sleeps ¶

¶ and find I'm a-number one ¶

¶ top of the list ¶

¶ king of the hill ¶

¶ a-number one ¶

Brad!

¶ These little town blues ¶

how are you?

Oh, my God!

Stay away from me.

¶ Are melting away ¶

Brad, I was joking with you.

¶ I'm gonna make a brand-new start of it ¶

¶ in old New York ¶

¶ and ¶

¶ if I can make it there ¶

¶ I'm gonna make it ¶

¶ anywhere ¶

¶ it's up to you ¶

¶ New York ¶

¶ New York ¶

¶ New York ¶