Original subtitles

I have to go to school tomorrow early.

You always call it school. I think the conservatory's a bit more than that.

School sounds nicer.

So you want to be a conductor.

A composer. But you conduct your own pieces with an orchestra.

Yes, with those sticks.

One stick. Two sticks is for Chinese food.

Funny, composer...

Not a job for women. -That's not what I mean. It's just...

Am I too short or is it my childish face?

I'm already 27. An old hag compared to you.

On the edge of decline.

People with a round face, always stay young longer.

Yes, I have a circular head. You can draw me with a compass.

Stop taking pictures.

But you think it would look bad if I conducted an orchestra?

No, I'd just expect you with a violin or something.

Violinist?

I'd rather be a whore. -Jesus!

Shocking, isn't it? -Yes, what a job that would be.

Every morning, you'd go to work with your lunch box.

No, whore's not my thing.

But it's better than violinist.

If you ever change your mind, let me know where you are.

As a whore, you mean. -Yes.

I'll mail you my prices.

How much would that cost? I have no idea.

Whatever men are prepared to pay.

No, I think there are fixed prices.

What could I charge?

Don't be silly.

No, tell me. Give me a figure.

What I'd pay for you if we...

I wouldn't know you and you'd be sitting there.

Just in general, what would you pay for one time with me.

Jesus! -No, not Jesus, you!

If I bid too much, you'll think I really want it.

And if I bid too little, you'll be offended.

No, I won't be offended.

If you bid too much, it'll be a compliment.

What would you bid in this life on this planet?

2000 euros.

Deal.

2000, really? -Yes.

When I look into my heart what it would be worth to me...

then that's how much.

Well, deal then.

This conversation's becoming weird. You're not serious, are you?

I wasn't serious at first, but when I think rationally...

I think you came up with a realistic amount for yourself...

and I'd do it for that much.

Get lost!

That's one month of working here and I'm buggered.

Do you know what it means, working in hospitality?

When you're also studying?

I'd rather make that in one night.

You're not a creep and...

I'd give away some intimacy...

and I'd have to deal with the fact that you know how I am in bed.

And you're not poor. You live in a house paid by your father.

I wouldn't be exploiting a poor person. We'd both get something out of it.

How drunk are you?

This is only my... You're more drunk than me.

This is really... This is really insane.

I don't think it's an amount that will keep you awake at night.

But I think it will keep you awake if you let this opportunity go.

It's not going to happen any other way between us.

If I had wanted it, it would already have happened.

What? I've never asked anything or made any indecent proposals.

We're just friends, aren't we? -Yeah right, Midas, I'm not crazy.

Come on.

Not everybody always wants sex.

No, but you're even prepared to pay 2000 euros for it...

and maybe more if I tried, which I won't.

2000 is ok.

And, again, no offence, but it won't happen any other way.

I mean...

You're a nice guy, but look at my boyfriends.

They're very different types.

Yes, dumber and more vulgar.

That derogatory comment means you're jealous.

And they're not dumb, they're just different. You're a bit girlie.

My boyfriends are hairier and rougher.

Yes, and older.

Yes, sometimes older.

Anyway, different from you.

And I don't mind it if you tell other people after we've done it.

Don't tell them you paid for it, of course.

But if you'd want to share it with your friends, I wouldn't be ashamed of you.

Does it sound even more attractive now?

You're really serious, aren't you?

You also looked very serious when you were thinking of the amount.

Or else I'd never have brought it up.

So now it's suddenly my idea!

I didn't say that.

Why are you so tense? We're talking about something nice.

I'm going to clean up.

Should I help you clean up?

No, I'll do it myself. Gives me time to think.

The last drink was on me.

Thank you. -Go have a good sleep.

Dad, what I really called about...

I have a question. -Kathmandu.

What?

I thought you wanted to ask what the capital of Nepal was.

Strange that it has to be cash.

It's for a seminar in Belgium and you know what Belgians are like.

You always have to pay cash. -Yes, those Belgians.

Right, those Belgians.

Did you bring a wallet? -It fits in my pocket.

Jesus, and you want to go into insurance.

Have you got an envelope or something?

This is the envelope of your nephew's birth announcement card. That alright?

Put it away safely.

If you lose it, you'll be crying again.

Thanks, dad.

Hey, Sara. -Hey.

Can I have a coffee and a glass of water?

Right.

Right.

Good morning.

Good morning.

I got your text message.

Can I have 2 cookies? Or 3, actually.

I really like these cookies.

I like those little waffles.

I like these.

So... shall we make a plan?

What do you mean? -How are we going to do it?

Where, how? Your house, mine?

I can't really picture it yet.

I'm sure you can.

Maybe this is something you do somewhere else.

So I thought maybe... if it's possible...

Maybe we can go away for a weekend.

I can never go in the weekend because I always have to rehearse on Saturdays.

But I can go on Fridays.

Friday. -Yes, Friday.

Is there a specific place you want to go to?

You've been thinking about it so you must know a place.

But that will be a surprise.

I'll arrange something.

Have you got a valid passport? -Yes, I just got a new one.

Bring it because they always ask for it in a hotel.

Separate beds?

If you insist on separate beds, I can...

No man, come on.

Sorry.

What shall I wear? Chic, sporty?

Tell me, it's your day.

Jesus, what have I done! -How about me?

As if this is normal for me.

I don't know what you're used to.

Nothing when it comes to this.

When it comes to what?

Don't say anything.

What's your full name?

Are we signing a contract?

No.

Hello, I wanted to use my Frequent Flyer Points.

Via the website?

Barcelona! -Yep.

It's quite something.

This is where we'll be.

And that's where we'll sleep tonight. -No!

Yes. -Fuck a duck!

Well, well.

Did you pay for this with your Air Miles too?

No, Fly Miles. For 30,000 miles you can spend a night here.

Trading stamps for cosmopolitans.

Yes, for 1000 miles you get a toaster.

So you had to choose between one night in this hotel or 30 toasters.

Something like that.

Not bad! -Yes.

A view of the sea. -Quite.

Well, well. -Smoke alarms, that's a minus.

Which side do you prefer? -The right side.

Then I'll sleep here. -Then I meant the other side.

You meant left. -Yes.

It's called left these days.

It doesn't really matter if we're not going to sleep anyway.

Won't we sleep at all?

I'll sleep an hour on the beach.

Last night, I went to bed at 3.

Otherwise I'll be a wreck tonight.

You slept two hours in the plane. So you really went to bed at 1.

That's not how it works.

Ok, it's your day. -It's more like your day.

That's true. -"That's true", he said.

Here? -Whose day was it?

You can say whose day it is, because it's your day.

Do you like this spot? -Yes.

We'll stay here then.

Here we go.

You're not hairy. -You don't like that, of course.

No, it suits you. You don't have a face for hairy.

A face for hairy...

Right, Godfried, an unexpected holiday.

The woman with the two breasts. -Yes, I can see that.

Do my undies look like swimmers? -Yes, definitely.

Give me.

Few people are swimming. -Yes.

It's still May, so the water must be cold.

You've got a good back.

I don't know. I never see it.

Take it from me then.

You're not going to give me compliments all day, are you?

I'll try to alternate them with insults.

Good.

Doesn't Godfried need sun screen? -Godfried's a mouse.

He's got tiny grey hairs over his entire body.

He must think he's at a nude beach, without trunks and all.

He didn't know we were going to Barcelona. He was expecting Valkenburg.

I'm going to fall asleep right away.

That's alright.

Even though it's your day. -I'll keep myself entertained.

There's a book in my bag. It's chicklit, though.

Hey!

It's getting a bit chilly. -Yes.

What time is it?

Around 7 o'clock.

You slept for an hour, I think.

And you sat on your towel next to a sleeping woman, like a good boy.

No, I slept a bit too.

Good, then I don't feel guilty.

A lemon pie. -With whipped cream?

Of course.

Alright. And for the gentleman?

Do you want a desert? -Not before dinner. Too sweet.

He doesn't want anything sweet.

If he doesn't want anything sweet... I love it.

You speak Spanish!

Not always, only to Spaniards.

Woman puts on bra. -Very interesting.

What does a bra cost?

What does a bra cost?

It depends. This one was quite expensive, 50 euros.

It keeps them in shape, so to speak. -You don't need that at all.

I'll be 30 in 2.5 years. Gravity will set in one day.

Besides, that was a compliment. You weren't going to do that too often.

I'll come up with some insults soon.

But I thought this was the moment for a compliment.

You've seen them before, haven't you?

Not live. -Not in the wild.

No.

Haven't we ever been to the beach together before?

Wouldn't you remember?

At least... -Oh, God no.

Disappear.

It worked. The big disappearing act.

Admirable.

Did you two have a fight?

Earlier, on the phone.

A fight? No.

Just a little clash. Happens often.

The conflict model.

He wanted to do something tonight.

What did you say?

I said I'm in Barcelona.

He said "I'll join you".

And what did you say? -I said...

I'm here with a girlfriend.

Thank you.

It feels a bit that way too.

Thank you.

I don't mean that in a bad way.

I mean that it's nice here with you.

I can be myself with you.

Women find that important.

You should abuse that.

With other men there's often some sort of competition. Tiring.

With my sort of boyfriend, for instance...

I always have confrontations.

When I say A, he'll say B.

If you find 24 more people, you could recite the entire alphabet.

That's even more lame than my joke earlier.

But mine's better. -That's true.

How do you see the rest of the evening?

I don't know.

I thought we could eat something. It's up to you. You're the woman.

Alright, we'll eat something first.

I don't want to immediately... I'd feel like a whore.

No, we'll make sure we have a nice evening.

Yes, I prefer that.

Me too. -Good, we feel the same way.

Can I go like this or should it be more dressy. I brought something else too.

What you prefer. -A typically male answer.

Don't act that way when you'll be somewhere with a woman for real.

It looks great on you, but I can't give too many compliments, remember?

It's not about a compliment now. It's about what you think looks better.

I think what you're wearing's beautiful.

Or this?

It's more or less the same. Also beautiful.

Midas!

It's a very different dress. A completely different cut.

It's more stylish, but also sexier. You can't wear a bra with it.

This is more decent and cheerful.

This is for when you want to show yourself.

Right, and the other one is for when you don't want to show yourself.

You'll be standing behind a tree in it.

I really like them both.

I like what you're wearing and I like the other one too.

Ok, I'll wear this one. I'll wear that one tomorrow for... breakfast.

Solved.

That's you! Stand next to it.

This isn't paid for with your KLM points.

No, I once had dinner here with my father...

and I remember thinking that if there'd ever be a special occasion...

I'd have dinner here again.

Isn't your father a bank man? -An insurer.

Insurer. -Yes, from generation to generation.

The Van Veldhovens are insurers.

Something with a tie.

Yes, and checkered pants in the weekends.

So you'll be an insurer in the weekends and play golf in the weekends.

It's quite possible.

Wow.

I've got it made.

Does that make you feel secure?

What do you think?

I don't think so.

My father was a clown.

Really? Clown.

For his work? -Yes.

Funny. -We thought so too.

So he had all these red noses in a drawer.

He only had one and it was a perfect fit.

He was very careful with it.

So I'm having dinner with the daughter of a clown.

Yep.

Did you never think about following in his footsteps?

They would have been big footsteps with those clown's shoes.

I used to be afraid of clowns.

I'm genetically a clown. Are you also afraid of me?

A bit. Half-half.

When I was a toddler, other children were also afraid of me.

Did you hit them?

No, it was because of how I looked.

I had big bulging eyes, a bit like a frog.

I still have big eyes, but I look a bit less like a frog.

You still look like a frog.

Ha, the first insult. Good.

When did you first realise people found you beautiful?

I don't know. I didn't think about that for a long time.

I only did it for the first time when I was 18.

Really? With who?

With a wreck diver.

You too? -You too then?

Yes, who didn't?

What type of woman do you like?

How do you mean?

Big, tiny, square, blonde?

Round.

Chubby. -No, round.

Like you. I like full lips and round eyes.

Your looks are pretty much what I think is beautiful.

That explains the compliments. -Yes, I guess so.

So if we hadn't known each other and you'd seen me in a bar...

you would have liked me. -Yes, I'd say so.

I don't really like ice cream.

But in Spain, you always get an umbrella with it.

Handy for Godfried. -Yes, he could have used one today.

The moon is a big stone marble.

That's not a very romantic approach of the moon concept.

I like the moon. -But I'm not against the moon either.

Really? -No, I have no issues with it.

I find one thing irritating about it. That it causes high and low tide.

Yes, it should stop doing that.

My father's a sort of clown too.

At home, I mean.

He's very funny, but he tends to... laugh at people.

Who did he laugh at? You?

Well... he never took me very seriously.

Don't men with ties always call their sons good-for-nothings?

Yes, this man with a tie did that too.

Good-for-nothing.

It didn't damage me for life. -That's good.

Is that a lighthouse?

A lighthouse in the middle of the sea.

Don't patronise me. -Sorry.

It's a bit chilly, isn't it?

We should go to the hotel.

I'll be dragging my feet. -What?

Nothing, I'm in mumble mode. That happens to me sometimes.

All in all, it was a nice evening.

Yes, it was.

It's strange that we came here to have sex for money.

Because that's what it comes down to.

Yes.

It's bizarre, really.

It doesn't really look like we're really going to do it, does it?

I think we both dread going to our room a bit.

Yes.

Why not have another drink in this fucking hotel?

I've never done that before. -Me neither, I believe.

Maybe we should just go to sleep.

Right?

Yes, then we can get up early tomorrow, so we'll have some time.

We don't have to be at the airport until 1:30 pm.

Yes.

A man with a plan, I like that.

I'll sleep well. -Me too.

Oh yes, you were the unhairy man. -Yes, I'm the unhairy man.

I only brought this. Maybe not very sexy.

We're not going to do it anyway. Maybe for you.

I can handle it. -Ah, a real man!

Yes, you bet.

It's not that unsexy.

Depends who wears it, I think.

Funny that you only have two breasts.

I don't know where the other three went.

Maybe I can join the circus with them.

The woman with the two breasts.

You are from a circus family, after all.

Looks good on you.

Thank you.

I don't know why I brought it.

If we had done it, I wouldn't have needed it either.

If I start sleepwalking, just let me go. It'll solve itself.

Where's the light? -On your side.

Do you talk or do you go straight to sleep?

A bit of both.

If we talk about something unpleasant, I won't be able to sleep anymore.

Ok, then we'll go to sleep.

Will you turn off the light? -Certainly, dear good-for-nothing.

Are you covered enough?

Yes, I'm not that big and neither is Godfried.

I feel sand in the bed.

Me too.

I hate that feeling. -Yes.

What shall we do? Ignore it or get rid of it?

It's like a trampoline for Godfried.

I think it's...

There's still a bit left, but it's negligible.

Yes, we can try again.

Maybe we should rinse to be sure. -What, the bed?

The bed... Ourselves of course.

Ok, who first?

Turn around.

Funny that you're keeping your hands exactly there.

That happens automatically.

Don't be a prude. We're friends.

No, it's like with soccer.

I always used to stand in the wall.

It's like a reflex.

There's sand fucking everywhere.

Most of it must be in your hair.

But I'm not going to wash my hair.

The only thing I hate more than sleeping in a bed full of sand...

is sleeping on a wet pillow.

But they must have a hair dryer here.

Oh, yes.

The simplest things appear to be insurmountable problems for us.

We can't just go to sleep in a luxury bed.

The moon's ridiculously bright, by the way.

The moon makes people crazy.

Yes, why is that? -I don't know.

But it's true in all languages. Lunatic, lunatico they say here.

Moonstruck.

Learn something new every day.

Sleep well, Midas. -Sleep well.

Sleep well, Godfried. -Sleep well, Godfried.

Dream something nice. -I will.

Something with a dromedary. -I'll do my best.

Does a dromedary have 1 or 2 humps. I need to know.

1 hump. A camel has 2. You can crossbreed them.

You'll get a hybrid camel. -Are they more economic?

Yes, 50 miles per gallon. -Really?

And dromedaries tend to live further to the west.

In North Africa, the Middle East.

Camels are located more in Central Asia.

Just a little fact. -It sure is.

Now I'm going to sleep. -Sleep well.

Sleep well, Midas.

He wants a sleeping pill.

This will make you sleep well.

Hey, friend.

Friend.

Do you want to buy a CD with gypsy music?

I'm a gypsy.

No, thanks.

Only ten euros.

Midas?

Midas... you snore.

Sorry? -You snore.

Shit, sorry.

It's ok, but can't you lay on your belly?

I can, but I don't know if I'll stay that way.

I dream a lot.

If you lay half on your belly, like this...

with a pillow in your back...

then you can't roll back.

Sounds logical.

It's the egg of Columbus.

What was the egg of Columbus again?

When Columbus discovered America...

the nobles said to him afterwards that he'd been lucky.

And that others could have done it too.

And then Columbus asked for a hard boiled egg.

He challenged the others to put the egg on its end, without it falling over.

Those inbreds weren't able to, of course.

And then he took the egg and put it down so that the bottom flattened...

so it didn't fall over.

In other words, it doesn't matter how difficult it is.

What matters is that you have to think of it.

This is typically one of those cases. -Did you think of that yourself?

No, my father told me.

The clown. -The clown.

You have a good back too. -Thank you.

You don't have to add an insult for me.

A bit of a girl's back.

That wasn't an insult.

This feels nice.

I'm very good at skull massage.

Is that an offer?

You have quite flexible hair.

That sounds better than "thy hair is like a flock of goats".

Excuse me?

Thy hair is like a flock of goats.

That's from the Song of Songs.

It's about sex.

Do you know the bible well?

No.

But I remembered this one.

I thought it was funny.

Prince kisses frog.

Prince kisses frog.

Forget it, I'm not a frog.

And you're not a prince.

Have you got sensitive spots, except the usual ones?

For a friend of mine, it's her neck, for instance.

No, my neck just connects my head to the rest.

She's just a normal girlfriend, by the way.

I never did it with her.

She just told me that once.

Midas, you don't have to talk.

We're just making love. -Ok.

How do you feel? -Good.

Is it ok like this?

You don't have to talk all the time. You'll notice if I like it.

Relax.

Feel, don't think.

There's still sand. -Yes.

Are we going to ignore it this time or...

There's just as much sand as earlier.

Maybe it's the sandman.

Right.

My boyfriend always says I make love as if I'm a physiotherapist.

A physiotherapist? -Yes.

Working hard physically, but in silent concentration.

That's just me.

I'm neither vocal nor expressive during love making.

It has nothing to do with you.

I make more noise with bad lovers.

So as not to hurt their little egos.

Yell out "Oh yes!" really loud.

Good vocal cords can get you far.

But I won't do that to you. I'm myself with you.

Oh, your breasts.

Your breasts are like two fawns.

Is that also from the Bible?

Yes, the Song of Songs.

Soft and huggable.

Frolicking bunnies.

Those are compliments again, Midas.

Time for an insult. -No.

Tomorrow.

I have a compliment for you too.

But I have to think about how I'm going to put it.

Now you've become the big talker.

There are lighthouses sailing around.

My father also sailed a ship.

As a clown?

Yes, he'd be at the helm in his clown's outfit.

Unusual.

He was an unusual man.

My brother also worked in the circus.

As a lion tamer?

Human projectile.

A living cannonball.

That's even more heroic.

He didn't survive.

They shot him right out of the tent. He landed 30 metres away in a store.

He broke his neck against a washbasin.

I tell you a very dramatic story and you start to laugh!

Yes.

Today's the day of the strange professions, isn't it?

Wreck diver, clown, human cannonball...

All honourable professions.

Nothing strange about them.

All better than violinist. -That's right.

Well... -What?

Nothing.

I thought I was going to get my compliment.

The compliment's more about...

that you never imposed yourself physically on me.

That you didn't touch me before I touched you.

Before I made it clear that it was alright.

That seems like the normal procedure to me.

I've had it different.

During my many wanderings.

Men who can't control themselves are always very bad lovers.

Losers. -Losers.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Yes.

I think you'd like it, although it's chicklit.

It sounds good. -Yes, but you won't read it anyway.

I'm not so sure about that.

Funny. -What?

That you're sitting here with that sheet.

You'd think we were in an American movie.

Where a woman keeps a blanket in front of her breasts after fucking.

We are in some kind of movie, actually.

Storywise.

Look, there's the camera.

Do you know your lines? -Yes, does my hair look good?

That doesn't matter. Viewers will only be looking at me.

And action!

Can you do this? -Yes.

Do it then. -No.

Why not? -I won't say.

What are you doing?

What was it like to make love to an unhairy person?

How was making love to a physiotherapist?

Medically sound, at least.

Weren't there cigarettes here?

I did find something else. Or somebody else.

You can't lose him. -No, that's my biggest nightmare.

Does the Song of Songs say anything about buttocks?

I don't know.

The strangest thing was about teeth.

What was that?

Your teeth are like a flock of sheep.

I wouldn't use it as a pickup line.

Hello! Your teeth are like a flock of sheep!

Speaking of teeth. Can I use your toothbrush?

I forgot mine.

If you're not afraid of my cooties.

I'll work around them.

It's not because of you that I'm brushing my teeth.

I always do that after sex.

I always do that too.

What did you say? -That we have that in common too.

I don't really want breakfast. I'd prefer something small.

A smurf.

How does Godfried feel about smurfs?

He thinks they're a bunch of scum.

Yes, Godfried. -The true hero.

How does your boyfriend feel about Godfried?

Peaceful coexistence.

Peaceful what? -Peaceful coexistence.

The attempt of countries that are each other's political opponents...

to both exist peacefully.

To make sure that political conflicts don't become military conflicts.

Cold war. -Yes.

I'll say another word and you won't know what it means.

Bring it on.

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia.

What?

That's not a real word. That doesn't count.

It does count. It exists. It's an exaggerated fear of long words.

Write it down.

Can I write on this? -Go ahead.

This is a nice dress too, isn't it? -Yes.

The same as yesterday, except blue.

Get lost.

Funny that we came here to do it for fucking 2000 euros...

but we were too cowardly and then we did anyway, but differently.

How do you mean, differently?

Well... because we created this nice atmosphere between us.

That we did it anyway, but in a different way.

And therefore?

Therefore what?

Therefore, 2000 euros.

You're serious.

Midas, I hope you're joking.

I hope you're the one who's joking.

But you're not.

Jesus!

I mean...

Midas, wake up. Why are we here? -For something we didn't pursue.

Didn't pursue? I won't be able to walk for a week.

As a manner of speech.

Damn it.

This really isn't ok.

You don't think it's ok. How do you think I feel?

I can probably find a word for that, if that's what you mean.

We've got a problem, Midas. A big problem.

I wish I could turn it all back.

Excuse me?

You want to do what? -To turn everything back.

Yeah. -It's not like I planned this.

It's not a trick.

Here, I've got the money with me.

You had it with you? In cash?

Yes.

What were you thinking? We'll do it and then I'll give her the cash?

I'm not a whore.

We didn't discuss it. How else would you have wanted to receive it?

Just a transfer.

My nephew's birth announcement card was in there.

I'm going for a swim.

Isn't it too cold?

I'll see when I'll get there.

Should I get a towel from the room?

Hey, friend, where are you going?

What an idiot.

Oh no.

Sara?

I've got a towel.

And your dress.

And your shoes.

Can I join you?

Quite brave, going into the water like that.

In May, the water's still very cold in the morning.

The same as in November.

Even colder sometimes.

I noticed.

Further along, there are people swimming too.

What a situation.

Us, you mean. -Yes.

Yes.

It might end up in a court case.

Wouldn't that be something?

No, you don't have to be afraid of that.

We both wouldn't... -like that.

We'd be in the paper.

You've got goose bumps.

Yes, and frozen nipples.

We're really crazy.

Everybody's crazy, except most people don't show it.

I think I'll wear the red dress in the plane.

Sand and salt don't feel nice.

It's the same dress anyway. Just a different colour.

Makes no difference.

Exactly.

Just a quick rinse.

I'll only be 5 minutes. That's not a problem, is it?

They won't be that strict about checkout times.

Yes? -Sir, it's after twelve o'clock.

I have to clean the room. -I know...

...but we're not ready yet. Ten minutes?

It's ok. No problem. -Thank you.

No problem.

Maybe we would have done it anyway.

It was a really nice day yesterday.

Wait a moment. I forgot something.

I forgot Godfried. -Oh.