All language subtitles for Basmati Blues 2017

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Morning, Dad.

Oh, hi, honey.
I got a surprise.

Oh, I don't like surprises.

In honor of launching Rice Nine
in India,

Mogil is doubling our staff
and our research budget.

That's a good face.

I have so many ideas, Dad.

Your mother would be very proud.

Well, uh, time to go.
I'll see you at the lab.

Bye.

We're gonna do it, Mom.

Yes.

Dad, look at this.

The ribosome is resistant
to the MD mosaic virus.

Rice Nine.
Resistance to drought, flood,

pestilence and blight.

Nine percent more protein.

As many nutrients
in a single cup

as a steak dinner,
and salad and baked potato.

With or without sour cream?

With sour cream.

As promised,
the father-daughter team

behind Rice Nine.

One cup of Rice Nine
has as much calcium

as a 30-gram dollop
of sour cream.

Would you guys like to take
a look in the microscope?

- Oh, yes.
- Dr. Linda Watt.

And don't let her youth
fool you.

Movie time, gentlemen.

India.

Five hundred million farmers,
1.1 billion rice eaters,

all of them potential customers.

Bilari, the birthplace
of Basmati rice.

How did you figure that out?

It's not a fact,
it's an article of faith

with our marketing department.

Who say that launching Rice Nine

in the hallowed cradle
of Basmati rice

will be an auspicious event.

We need the Indians to trust us.

And at the moment, they don't.

Berg, you said Jeffries
would be perfect

as Mogil's friendly face
in India.

Turns out his face
was a little too friendly.

He got caught
with a governor's wife.

- I...
- Shut up, Berg.

We could lose India
because of that.

And we cannot lose India.

No, we cannot.

We need someone who can
make them forget Jeffries.

We need someone
they can believe in.

With the power to melt
hardened hearts.

Someone with delicacy.

Hearts and minds.

Trust.
That someone works inside Mogil.

Let's think outside the box.

Hmm. Too passive.

A long shot.

Talk to me. Talk to me.

Fire that fellow.

Young Dr. Watt.

Dr. Watt, a question.

Isn't it true you created this

just so Mogil can patent
and own it?

No, we created it to help
farmers all over the world.

Rice Nine produces 22%
more rice per acre.

And the patents pay for the lab.

But she's a scientist.

A seed that could feed
the world.

And I'm... proud.

Doctors Watt.

Mr. Gurgon. What a surprise.

Well, well.
The creators of Rice Nine.

I've got some good news for you.

We're sending you
to India tomorrow.

- Me?
- What?

I don't even like leaving
my own neighborhood.

I mean, who does?

Jeffries screwed the pooch.

And we don't have a sales rep
who can help us.

I don't even have a passport.

It's just three weeks.

In and out.

This is too important.

I'm not
a public relations person.

She's practically
running the lab now.

- That's where you want her.
- Absolutely, of course. Yes.

But there won't be a lab
if we lose India.

Train station.

This street.

No, I got it. Or not.

Ow!

I'm sorry.
Please take it.

No, you take it.

What? You have to try this tea.

It's from the Northeast.
It's delicious.

India's destiny's at stake.

It's a tragedy to let
such a mind go to waste.

And you know, my professor said
I was best in class.

A blend of natural brilliance
and dedication.

I'm paraphrasing,
but only slightly.

I was studying
at a great college.

First in my family.
Now my talents go to waste

because I can't afford
my tuition.

Here, auntie, let me help you.

You know, yesterday
I was working

towards my country's future,

and by dinner time I'll be
in the fifth century.

How are the crickets?
You know, the ones in the lab

that eat at night and the ones
in the apartment

- that eat during the day.
- They're good.

But they, um... they won't touch
the manicotti.

No. No.

The frozen manicotti
is actually for you.

I know that it says two minutes
on high, but... blech!

It's actually two minutes,
44 seconds works the best.

How are you doing?

- Should I be worried?
- No, it's not so bad.

It's actually kind of like
Penn Station.

I hate to say it,
but I think I have to go.

I love you. Ooh!

Don't worry yourself, Ma.

I've thoroughly prepared myself
to ferry this old man around

while he takes less note of me
than a stray dog.

You're as important
as you make yourself.

Uh...

Um...

Pardon me,
you're Dr. Watt's assistant?

Oh, you mean the old guy?

Tweedy coat, glasses.

Um...

I'm him. Or I'm me.

- Oh...
- I'm Dr. Linda Watt.

It's okay.

Your father must be
so proud of you.

This is my son,
William J. Patel.

I will be your government rep,
and don't you worry.

We will turn this Mogil mess
right around, Dr. Watt.

Linda. You can call me Linda.

Linda.

- Please.
- Oh, great.

- Oh, I...
- I'll get...

Please, let me.

Just, um... It's okay.

Thank you.

Of course.

Believe we're riding
in mama's limo.

He is. He's in the
Agriculture Ministry.

Who's his new
American girlfriend?

Ah. Does my brother
have a crush?

Come on,
get on with it!

- Hiiii!
- What's the rush?

If we're late your mother's
abandonment issues

will make her cook
a lot of food.

And if we don't eat all of it,

then her irrational fears will
cause a persecution complex.

What?

Psychology programs
on the radio.

Don't ask.

Come on, Freud, Jung,
get on with it! Ahh!

Chromosome!

Oh, you're awake.

Am I? Where am I?

Um, your home. We're here.

Have a seat.

So, tomorrow I will show you
the wonder of Bilari.

Uh, no, I can't.

I've never done anything
like this before,

so I really need to focus
on getting ready.

There's just the one wonder,
really.

Thank you, but I have over
100 specimen slides to prepare.

Your plan is to show slides
to farmers?

Mm-hmm.

Linda, these are simple men...

Honey, we're glad you've come
to drag these savages

- out of the Stone Age.
- Oh, but I don't think...

Farmers are the feet on which
the nation stand.

I know.

I know that.

I'm with you.

Good morning, Rajit.

Wake up, Rajit.

Good morning!

Dad!

Yes.

The lab is equipped.

There's rice,
and air circulation

and people who hang things
on the walls.

It's perfect.

Ish.

That was nothing.

Just a little deviation
from the norm.

Sorry.

I can't believe
I'm back to this. I...

It's a stem borer egg.

You know they'll kill
half the crop.

I was studying a stinkweed
called hyzarium geranus

that would have killed these.

Ah. I told everyone
you went away on a vacation.

Yeah, you just plant them
between the rice rows

and you don't need any
expensive pesti...

They thought I was on vacation.

You know how they are.
"Your son is very smart.

He found a way
to get out of working."

Sorry.

Not smart enough to figure out
how to pay for college.

They mock you out of insecurity.

I want to know how this
makes you feel.

Trapped.

Suffocated.

Ooh.

Wait.

I might have enough money
to buy stinkweed plants.

People will line up to buy them.

Wait, wait. Come back!

This is my ticket back
to college.

Come back!
We were making real progress.

Not possible.

I had this thing charging
all night.

Never say impossible.

The power was out all night.

You know what, take me home.

I will order the slides
from the house phone.

And you can charge your phone
in the car.

Don't leave me here.

I'll get the part,
drive you home.

You can order new slides.
No problem.

Patel, make sure this new rep
stays sober.

You don't have
to worry about Linda, sir.

Linda?

Don't even think about
trying anything with her.

No, sir, of course not.

Look, the Indian farmers
really need this.

- Yes, sir.
- Hope you're your father's son.

The farmers loved him.

You'll take her to 35 cities
in 20 days.

She lectures and inspires,
you handle the contracts.

Yes, sir.

I won't let you down,
Director Kapoor. Thank you.

No. Thank your mother.

Hello.

Hi.

Do you speak English?

English?

Yes, lady memsahib.

I'm speaking English many.

Please, thank you.

Are you going into town?

Yes, lunching.
Monkey masala today.

Monkey masala?

Very bad monkey.

Monkeys many hungry.
Very chewing.

Cooking long times.

Oh.

Oh, is that for rice?

No.

It's for killing monkeys.
Come, watching.

- I haven't seen any monkeys.
- Shh. It's good weapon.

Uh, this how we making hello.

Hello.

A traditional greeting.

We don't do this
where I'm from.

But we should.

It's fun.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

This is a monkey bridge.

Listen, it's impossible
to catch jet lag.

But the man back there
said you can.

- Hi.
- Linda. What a surprise.

Hi. I met these guys.
This is Rajit and this is Buddy.

Yeah. Um...

I want you to meet
a village elder from the shrine.

Shri Barshlam.

Linda.

Greet him.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh...

Um...

He says you must learn
to ride a horse.

Oh.

Thank you.

Let's get out of here.

Crazy.

What?

Amused?

- Yeah.
- Mm, little bit.

Kind of.

You may think this is very
funny, but as a rice farmer

she is the most important person
in your life.

Oh, look at this.

Suddenly, Prince William
knows all about farming.

Hey, Buddy's goat is the most
important thing in his life.

One day, know what, our love
won't be forbidden.

What does she know
about farming, huh?

She thought a hoe
was for killing monkeys.

And her fingertip,
did you notice?

It had no callus.

It was soft as ghee.

It was pretty soft.

- Hmm.
- Hmm.

- Monkey masala?
- If you're buying.

- Yeah, I can buy you some.
- Thank you, sir.

I always wanted to see
a Broadway show.

The Empire State Building.

Maybe go to a Yankee game.

I know I only ran into you
because your phone died.

- And your car died.
- Mm.

But I'm glad it did.

Yeah, I'm glad too.

You rescued me.

I can't save you
from everything.

Shri insists you go riding,
so...

Oh.
Well, I used to love to ride.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I mean, you could come too.
But first...

After we get
the farmers onboard.

- Right.
- You know what?

You should meet their kids.

One...

Two...

Oh, I'm sorry.
Are we interrupting?

No, no. Please come in.

Oh, um... It's an emergency
at the Ministry.

I'm sorry, I have to go.
I'll see you later.

Girls... Go practice.

I'm Sita. And you're Linda.
The beautiful American

who's replacing the drunk,
adultering salesman.

Wow, word really gets around.

We call it the Rice Paddy Radio.

You're new here, so you're
coming to my family's house

- for dinner tonight.
- Cool.

- Yeah, you now.
- Oh. Oh, no, no, no.

Hands in position.

One, two...

This is it. One.

Two.

Our son is a scientist too.

Rajit always did experiments.

He was always top of his class.

He researches
agricultural sustainability.

Impressive.
I can't wait to meet him.

He's considered an expert
on stinkweed.

Wow.

Such a diligent student.

Rajit.

That's him?!

That's the monkey hunter.

Traditional family greeting.

Real mature, Rajit.

That was pretty funny.

Well, you know,
we met once before.

On the train? I was on the roof.

You gave me the last tea.

From the Northeast.

How did you end up coming here?

- Do you eat cows?
- Are you married?

No. Who has time for that?

Not that it... That it's always...

She's taking time to think and
become more of her own person.

Rajit is single though.

Yeah, Sima ran up to
Delhi to be a cosmetologist.

Yeah, and that was a win-win.

That marriage was arranged
by the gods!

But you young people
with your anxiety...

...and your narcissism.

- So, Rajit, you're a student?
- Yes.

Well, he's working on his degree
in Agricultural Science.

- Not anymore.
- I'm taking a sabbatical.

- You know how it is.
- Absolutely.

Reboot.
Come back with fresh eyes.

Yes.

That's a very sad story.

- Mm.
- But true.

You can keep the guitar.

- Oh, I couldn't.
- Yeah.

Some hippie left it
many years ago.

It's just lost that...
patchouli smell.

The British
stole the silverware,

that's why we eat
with our hands.

So, how does a scientist
get into seed sales?

I don't know.

- They sang me a song.
- Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I think you're really gonna
like it here, doctor.

Hey.

Welcome to my office.

- It's very roomy.
- Mm-hm.

You must be very important.

Oh, very.

And then the stem-borers.

They're like the piranhas
of the paddies.

Yes, they can eat twice
their weight in six hours.

I have nightmares
about those guys.

But you know there is a ferbacia
that can kill it.

Hedysarum geranus.

That is my sixth favorite weed.

- Wow, that is so weird.
- Yeah.

I never met anybody
who likes weeds.

What an unexpected night.

That's Aman. My ride.

- Of course.
- Mm-hm.

It was nice... re-meeting you.

You should stop by my lab.

I'll show you my rice.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Bye, Linda!

Bye.

Ta-da!

Ooh!

Luckily, I have no end
to my self-esteem.

Don't move!

Turns out I do have an end
to my self-esteem.

I have negative air pressure

to keep the foreign pollens out.
But those were pretty.

Exora cocinea?

Of course. Exora cocinea.

I'm a gentleman, you know.

You should join me tonight.

Farmers are gonna be here
in an hour.

No slides! I wish I had
some experience teaching.

I'm supposed to win back
their hearts and minds.

What does that even mean?

Hmm. Wouldn't it be more poetic
if it was in a circle?

You know, the endless
cycle of life kind of thing?

- Would you care to join me?
- T-shirts!

Um... you know what?

I'll come back.

Bye.

Oh, thanks for the flowers.

You're welcome.

- Rajit.
- Billy.

Scoring off those bananas.

Nice outfit.

Have a good day.

I brought you local bananas.

Put these on.
This is a sterile lab.

And get the musa acuminata
out of here.

It's a sub-species, first of
all, and they're really sweet.

Please put this on
or go outside.

Oh, my God, are you serious?

You know your rice is going to
have to grow outside.

It's called Mother Nature,
there's flowers.

People walk around barefoot,
it's beautiful.

- You don't know what I'm doing.
- I know.

That's why I'm here.
You invited me, remember?

Wow. So this is what an American
rice paddy looks like.

How come the life cycles are in
a line, not a circle?

- I like when it's in a circle.
- Because this one's not.

I'm sorry.

I'm just... I'm exasperated.

Don't worry, India does that
to all newcomers.

Uh-uh. I'm pretty sure
it's just you.

- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hm.

Okay, well, then consider these
apology bananas.

They can be a sub-species
of apology banana.

Outside.

Rajit!
Rajit, work!

Okay, but I'm gonna come back
to further my education.

- Okay.
- Okay, and I'll leave these...

- Don't leave them here!
- I know, I know.

Have a good day. That's a really
cute hat. We match.

- Rajit.
- Okay, bye.

You're in avoidance mode.

So Rice Nine,
it's different because...

Did you really hit
our town elder?

Uh, it was a misunderstanding.

It was just a tap.

What makes it different...

Drought resistant,
pest resistant,

vitamins,
nine percent more protein.

We even know the jingle.

Oh.

Yeah, I brought my microscope...

But your slides were ruined.
So we heard.

On Rice Paddy Radio.

So nothing to show now.

Yeah.

I don't know why I'm here.
I should...

be in the lab with my dad.

Uh, Rajit's father told us

your vulnerability would evoke
our paternal instincts.

Jeffries never even
spoke with us.

And you went to a farmer's house
and had a meal.

And you give us these nice hats
and slippers.

Hey, you know what is cool
under a microscope?

A human hair.

Ow!

I'll show you.

Hm?

I'm intrigued.

What we're talking about
is natural management.

That means planting more
of my stinkweed,

- and planting further apart.
- Ah.

Plant less plants.
That does sound natural.

For a lazy man.

What else?
Should we get more sleep?

Mogil's got it all figured out
with Rice Nine.

Even the stem beetles.

Rice Nine is armored
with a protective sheath.

What is this Rice Nine?

You really should have come to
Dr. Linda's class this morning.

This is her rice?

Don't you talk
to your girlfriend?

Hey, she's not my girlfriend,
okay?

That's beside the point.
I, a farmer

from your own village am here.
I'm trying to help you.

Learn something.

The farmers like Rice Nine, Dad.

They just needed to know
there was someone behind it

- they could trust.
- Dr. Linda, hi.

- Dr. Linda, hello.
- Hi.

Sounds like you made
some friends today.

Now to win over
the rest of the country.

Our little rice is all grown up.

This harvest we're exchanging
our old, crappy rice

for shiny, new, high-yield
Rice Nine.

Hm.

They're having an event.

"Rice Exchange Day".

Right here, in the hallowed
cradle of Basmati rice.

Hallowed cradle?
What are you talking about?

It's catchy.

Listen, if you think
some big agro-business

is gonna look out for your best
interests, you're crazy.

Move your cloud of doom
out of my sunlight.

I can't see my cards.

And I was not on vacation!

Oh, hey, guys. Great news.

I survived my presentation.

You guys should stop by
and check it out

before I take this show
on the road.

So, any questions about rice,
just let me know.

Did you know we've been farming
for over 5,000 years?

It just feels that way.

That came out wrong.

I'm just here to help.

- Which is a great opportunity.
- Sure.

Did you know in today's India
we're worth more

than just, I don't know,
tech support

for some screaming,
sobbing American

who's erased their hard drives?

- Mogil sent me here...
- Oh, the benevolent Mogil.

You ever heard the phrase
a wolf in sheep's clothing?

Yeah. It's a lot like a person
who pretends to be helpful

and really they're just
screwing with somebody.

You thought we had monkeys.

Because you lied to me.

If you weren't so self-involved
you would have remembered me

from the train and you wouldn't
have fallen for it.

Maybe you're not as memorable
as you think.

Because so many men
are falling at your feet

that you can't even remember
who they are.

How can you be so vain?

Wow, you're mad at me
because I don't remember you

and I'm the one who's vain?

Well...

You thought we ate monkeys!

Aman, could you stop the car?

I feel like walking.

Walking?

I just want to look
at the stars.

Sure, sure.

Rajit, why is it
when you tell me

not to sign the Mogil contract
I want to sign it more?

You're not listening.

Look, with stinkweed my
rice harvest is gonna outweigh

anything you've ever grown.

You do know we've grown rice
for 5,000 years

- around here, young man.
- Ha-ha-ha!

We're talking about
a contest here, all right?

At harvest time,
take equal sections

of Linda's paddy field
and Rajit's field

and weigh them
against each other.

Biggest harvest wins.

Look, you're gonna forget about
Rice Exchange Day,

or Rice Nine or whatever,

and you're gonna line up
to buy my stinkweed.

Just keep your gossipy mouths
shut, okay?

Oh, you're gonna keep it
a secret from your girlfriend?

She's not his girlfriend.

Okay, look, I'm gonna tell her,
all right?

It's just, uh,
scientific protocol.

- Oh.
- Scientific...

- Just shut up about it, okay?
- Yeah, yeah, right.

And if William pressures you
to sign...

Tell him the stars aren't lucky
until after Diwali.

Maybe he really did
learn something on vacation.

Hmm, no point signing
the Mogil contracts

until we see how this turns out.

Ooh. An epic battle
for our affections.

Let's spread the word.

It's me again.
Did anybody sign anything yet?

Dr. Watt is making sense.

And she speaks from the heart.

Please, I'm telling you
my stinkweed's gonna work.

Just give me until the harvest,
and I'll prove it.

Don't sign those contracts.

It's nothing
to worry about, right?

There's always the anomaly.

Just one bad day.

Congratulations, Rajit.

Rice Paddy Radio
says nobody's signing.

12 cities and bupkis.
Not a single contract signed.

This is bad.

Are you hearing anything
on Rice Paddy Radio?

Rice Paddy what?

It's Linda's office,
they have her on the line.

Dr. Linda Watt.
I was just thinking about you.

Sorry, it's William J. Patel.

But I had to get through.

Lapel.

It's Patel.

You're even handsomer
than I'd imagined.

What's up?

Actually, it's about
that wonder rice of yours,

the rice that produces no seed.

- Lapel.
- Patel.

Rice is a seed.

About that contract of yours...

I had to read the fine print
three times

before I could understand
the implications.

Implications?

Once you take their rice,
they're trapped... by yours.

And you have the farmers
lining up for it,

thanks to Linda's passion.

- Now Lapel...
- My name is Patel.

I know it's your instinct
to shout those implications

from the top of
the tallest pagoda.

Linda has no idea, does she?

- Scotch, is it?
- Excuse me?

Royal Salute,
is that your drink?

Uh...

Berg, he takes it
on the rocks.

Nice, isn't it?

As it happens,
you called at a most...

They're on the line, MG.

Auspicious moment.

Are you with us, Geneva?

Are you with us, London?

Berlin.

Alan Wood.

Good morning.

Hello, Uncle Gene.

Are you with us, Lapel?

Well, I'm listening but I'm not
with anybody, just...

Don't be coy.

You called.
A rupee for your thoughts.

Well, to be honest,
I'm not so sure the farmers

will be able to pay for the seed
year after year.

Well, if they don't have cash,
there are other ways to pay.

Land, for example.

I mean, why should farmers
have to worry about owning land.

Hmm.

So, who would own
the farmers' land?

One big local landowner.

Understand?

With a big cowboy hat
and it's from profit.

Simple as that.

Take out your steno pads,
ladies.

Oh, Evelyn!

What's that look, Lapel?

This is a hat...

for a hero.

Well?

Now I see the implications.

It's no accident we've been
thrown together like this, son.

It's destiny.

You're bound, bound for glory.

Don't let me down.

And there'll be a place
for you...

in New York City.

Why isn't anyone signing these?

Rumesh?

Contracts must after
until after Diwali.

The stars are bad.

Only two farmers have signed and
it's almost Rice Exchange Day.

How am I gonna face my father?

- This is the best rice...
- Okay, okay. Wait, listen.

Shh. Don't even think about
the contracts. That's my job.

I know farmers.

Everything, including contracts,
is "in the stars".

Well, those stars
better shift fast.

After the holiday, they'll sign.

- Diwali?
- Mm-hm.

Diwali's kind of like Christmas,
so nobody will sign on Diwali.

But they will, after.

You've impressed them so much.

Chief, could you get us
a couple of Cokes, please?

There are some in the fridge.

Oh, yes.

I'm on it.

So...
we're going dancing tonight.

What?

It's in the stars.

One, please.

Hm. From the Northeast.

Oh. Thank you.

You don't look ready
to go dancing.

Show me another dress.

My other dress is a lab coat.

What are you do...

What are you doing?

Artie's dress will fit.

It's decided.

I'll have Rajit drive you.

Hey, girl!

Come in.

How was your vacation?

Very relaxing.

Dance!

Hey!

- What is going on?
- Don't worry.

Let's try this.
Right, screw in the light bulb.

Pet a goat.

Light bulb. Pet goat.

Light bulb. Pet goat.

I'm going to get
something to drink.

Okay.
I'll be right here.

Sorry.

Hey.

Nice to see a familiar face.

Yeah. You know, you've got
some really good moves.

You must have been Indian
in a past life.

You have some moves too.

Yeah, I must have been white
in a past life.

It's really great getting out.
I've been so stressed.

Why? You can tell me.

My father's practically
a psychologist.

Nobody's signing the contracts.

I don't know why. It's...

I've been losing sleep over it.

I'm... sure
it's nothing personal.

I know. I know.

It's just me thinking about it
all the time.

It's, um, it's Diwali.
You know, the stars.

They're lousy for contracts.

I heard. It's okay.

I-I just...

drive myself crazy sometimes.

But you know,
tonight is about fun.

So...

To fun!

I'll let you go.

How 'bout just one dance?

Hey!
Are you looking for Linda?

- Yeah.
- She's upstairs.

Oh. Thanks.

Linda...

about Diwali.

I've gotta confess something.

Show me your hand stamp.

Out of here.

What's this all about?

This is how
all my nights out end.

- I'll find you tomorrow.
- Move it, move it!

- There you are.
- They just threw Rajit out.

That's terrible.

Up, up, up!

I think I finally
caught Linda's eye.

Any girl can see you're
the world's most lovable boy.

Your father would have
wanted you to have this.

He'd be so proud.

It's in Ma's jewelry box.

The song Dad wrote for her.

The song you should sing
for Linda.

Ah!

I'm gonna tell her about the
secret rice weighing contest.

I'm gonna beg her forgiveness,

and I'll sing her this song.

Skip the begging
and just sing the song.

Trust me.

It is possible that
Linda's rice will win.

- Win what?
- Oh!

Why do those bags say
"Rajit" and "Linda"?

Did you harvest
my Rice Nine paddy?

Is that hedysarum geranus?

That is stinkweed.

- Hello?
- Linda? Hello.

Dad, hi.

I'm flying out there
for the big day.

- No, Dad...
- Yes?

You don't have to come out here.

I know, but Gurgon said...
or did something.

I want to be there.
I'm so proud of you.

I see.

Well, that's...
that's great, Dad.

- Um... bye.
- Good-bye?

Oh!

- Stinkweed!
- Linda...

Diwali. Lousy stars?

Violence is not the answer.

It depends on the question.

These are for you.

I was going to tell you, but
then I got afraid, and then...

it became too late!

All those sleepless nights
because you're a lying jerk!

Dr. Linda, hi!

Linda. Linda!

Look. I told you they'd all sign
after Diwali.

Dr. Linda, you won!

Farmers are signing
all over the country.

93 contracts
in our office alone.

Good stuff, Dr. Linda.
You weighed in great.

Yes. Rice Nine is the best.

Sorry, Rajit. Cheer up.

You'll find another way
back to college.

Linda!

I've got champagne.

Come on up. Let's toast.

Linda! Linda.

You're a really
fast runner.

Did you like the flowers?

I did. How did you grow
the stinkweed?

Hey, how about we talk about
something not serious

for 30 seconds, okay? Please.

It's funny, I know India
is this huge country

but to me it's just...
the train.

The farm towns.

Yeah, there's still lots to see,
you know.

There's Khelar... uh, Bernasi.

My God,
Punjab is just beautiful.

- The Taj Mahal.
- Taj Mahal?

No, I hate the Taj Mahal.
Do not go there.

How can you hate the Taj Mahal?

How can I...

Do you know Shah Jahan
cut off the hands

of the 20,000 craftsmen
who built the Taj Mahal

so they would never create
anything beautiful ever again.

I will never set foot in there.

You're cute when you're
righteously indignant.

I know.

Since we were talking
about sightseeing...

Mm-hm?

Am I allowed
in the temple?

We've got so many gods
we can't keep track

of who's allowed.
Come on, I'll show you.

There's so much music here.

People are dancing, singing.

And then the farmers,
they'll take a small portion

of their seed, and they'll
put it in a bowl like this

- as an offering.
- Do they circle around it?

Yes, exactly.
It's an ancient tradition.

It's like the growth cycle,
and the bowl is like the world

offering up its...

I don't know.

I hope they don't stop
doing the ceremony.

It would be a shame.

- Oh, here.
- What's this?

Oh, a promotional
rice seed packet.

Wow, that's what
I always wanted.

Look at the back.

- Monkey seeds.
- Mm-hm.

I knew Mogil
was up to something.

What is that head wiggle
that Indians do?

Hm?

Does it mean yes, no, maybe?

Exactly. Come on, try it.

No.

- Yeah.
- No. Wow, that's horrible.

Okay, okay, let me help you.

Okay.

Move just your head, like this.

Mm-hm. Yeah, that's it.

I can't believe I thought you
were some corporate stooge

out to destroy the lives
of these farmers.

Corporate stooge?

Well, you're not.

Thank you.

Did you clear me
of cannibalism too?

You make everything sound
horrible for no good reason.

You have a good reason to make
everything sound horrible?

- Linda...
- What?

You're going to sing now?

Come with me. Please.

Wait. What did you mean
when you said

we should stop the ceremony?

No, I said it would be a shame.

You know, ritual is metaphor.

There's no reason to stop just
because the rice is sterile.

Sterile?

Rice Nine doesn't produce seed.

Rice can't be seedless.
Rice is a seed.

Not anymore. You don't plant
the rice that you harvest.

You eat that and then you plant
Rice Nine seed.

Which we're expected
to buy from Mogil

- every time we plant?
- Naturally.

And grow 22 percent more rice.

With less water.

No... What? That's impossible.

Who invented this, Frankenstein?

Maybe you'd like
to rephrase that.

Oh, I'm sorry. Dr. Frankenstein.

Farmers buy seed.

I know why your poster
had a flat line.

You killed the circle of life.

I am going to love visiting
the Taj Mahal!

Fine. Go!

Those hands are on your head!

Oh, my gods.

Oh, no!

Rice Nine is armored
with a protective sheath

Yeah, armored.

Not only more protein
and vitamins,

but resistant to pests as well.

On Rice Exchange Day,
you'll load your old seed

onto the Mogil train
and we'll supply you

with the seed of the future.

- Here you go, partner.
- It's a win-win exchange.

Rice Nine.

Join our family.

William, listen.

We've got to warn people, okay?

These contracts,
we'll lose our farms.

We'll be trapped buying seeds
we can't afford.

I know, it sounds crazy
but it's true.

What about Linda?

Linda, she would...

never take part
in something like this.

That's not possible, I mean...

That's why we like her, right?

Yes.

Yes, I suppose it is.

- Chief?
- Good idea, call the police.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about all of this.

- It's nothing personal.
- Hope you got a big, fat bribe.

Hmm, decent. Not life-changing.

- Not life-changing!
- Steady, steady, steady.

You'll be out of here
in two days' time.

So, why don't you think of this

- as a vacation.
- What?!

Sir.

Monkey seeds?

I've always wondered
where monkeys came from.

And now, I have to go
and solve a crime

you will be committing.

What?

My apologies from all of Bilari.

But, I'm happy to announce

that we have already
captured the criminal.

A young farmer named Rajit.

Rajit?

Yes.

No, that's not possible. He's...

He's upset.

I think he likes being upset...

What is this?

No, don't touch!

This is a crime scene.

Chief.

Hey! Hey!

Mr. Gurgon, trains
are coming from all over India

filled with the farmers' rice.

- It's incredible.
- Perfect.

They all want Rice Nine.

Let's enjoy the ride.

Take that rice to the train.

Cheers.

Hey.

Dad, don't wait up for me.

There's something
that I have to do.

William said I could speak
with Rajit.

He's with the head of Mogil.

I don't want to get you
in trouble.

Wow, look at you.

I'll speak first.

I just can't figure out

why you would want to gouge me
out of your life.

Shh.

You seem to hate me.

No, Linda, I don't...

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

I've been horrible.
I've been terrible to you,

but when I'm with you, I feel...

I...

I...

Ugh!

You lied and then I came back.

You're so sweet to me,
and then you're mean to me.

You destroyed my greenhouse.

- What? Greenhouse?
- Don't even.

And you stabbed my monkey seeds.

You stabbed my heart
through my seeds.

No. William must have
stabbed those seeds

- to make you feel that way.
- Enough.

- William stab...
- Enough lying.

I don't even know
why I came here.

Linda.

Ask the farmers if they know

they have to buy seed
every year.

Good-bye, Rajit.

I know that it's probably
a stupid question to ask, but...

the farmers know that
they have to buy seed from us

every year, right?

Of course.
Can you imagine the surprise

if they didn't understand
the implications?

Mm-hm.

Right.

How 'bout when
we're finished here,

we take a little side trip.

I've always wanted to see
the Taj Mahal.

Ah, that sounds great.

Mr. Gurgon,
everything's ready for you.

Honored guests...

and you are each,
every one of you,

an honored guest.

In an auspicious...

Ow! Ah!

Hey! Hey, goat.

Goat. Hi, goat. Goat.

Hey, goat.

Goat, get the key.

The brilliant Dr. Linda Watt.

Thank you. Um...

Thank you, Mr. Gurgon
and thank you, Mogil

for sending me
to this amazing country.

I miss Rajit.

This would have made him
so angry.

You've taught me your songs
and dances,

shared your mouth-searing food.

Your tea...

Um...

Uh...

You know, my first day here...

I had the best tea
I've ever tasted.

What a weird guy.

He doesn't like the Taj Mahal.

Hmm.

And, anyway...

You all know that you have to
buy the seed every year.

Right?

Okay.

Okay, so he was crazy.

We plant our own seed.
Why would we buy it?

But... but you can't plant
the harvested rice.

I'm serious.

Turn the mic back on, please.

- What's she saying?
- Uh...

But rice is a seed.

Exactly.

We've put up
our farmers' security.

This is impossible!

- Mr. Gurgon...
- You sold it to them.

And you thought
you weren't a salesman.

You rock, Doc.

We would not ask you
to do anything

that hasn't been done
by every successful farmer

in America.

Rice Nine is the way
to a bright future.

- No. No, it's not.
- How 'bout three cheers.

For the successful farmer.

Hip hip hooray!

Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!

And so it goes.

Together, we march forward.

I trust all is in order?

Our wish is that you fly

unchained from the past,

to soar to what heights you may

on wings of gold.

Or the precious metal
of your choice.

Come with us.
Please, please.

Linda!

The horse for you.

Lapel, get that choo-choo train
going.

Our destinies
are now entwined.

Join us.

Hey, hey, stop, stop.
No further.

Go, go, go, go!

We have to stop the train.

Bring crowd control.

Master Rajit...

I have nothing to do
with anything.

It's all right, folks.

They're just here to protect you
and your future.

But they're not local boys.

I want to thank you all

for participating
in this program.

Liar.

Eric.

I think I'm going to have to
let you go.

Let go of me! Ow!

Shall we take the train?

Hello?

Lapel, is my choo-choo
ready to go?

Lapel?

Lapel?

Nice outfit.

Lapel!

It's ready when you are,
Mr. Gurgon.

Clickety-clack.

Get this engine shut down.

- Now.
- Yes, sir.

Give my regards to Broadway.

Get this carcass on the road.

Mr. Patel told us the departure
was cancelled.

Who the devil is Patel?

This rice is ready to roll.

This train is bound for glory.

What?

Press the green button.

And the red button?

- Press the green button.
- Green, yes.

- Ah, there we go.
- There we go.

I think that's Dr. Watt.

She's doing better than we are.

A lot.

- Dr. Watt, I presume.
- Stop the train!

The train of progress cannot
and will not be stopped.

Oh, yeah.

Huh? Hey.

In case you didn't know it,

I have five-year
ironclad contracts

and they can't get out of them.

Faster.

No! No, no, no.

You might want to check with
William about those contracts.

Lapel.
Where are those contracts?

We're processing them now.

Eric, I fired you. Lapel!

And the name's Patel.
William Patel.

Oh. You're Patel.

Come on, train of progress.

Get off the tracks!

Yeah, at that speed
it can stop for me, okay?

Get down!
The train is coming fast!

Poor brainwashed puppet.

I'm on your side.

I unhinged the rice cars.
William destroyed the contracts.

- Come on! Come on.
- Yeah, right.

Ow!

Idiot! Ugh!

- Ow!
- Get off!

- No. You are strong.
- Get off!

What? Oh.

Ah...

Huh...

Well... you swept me
off my feet.

Now what?

Subtitles by explosiveskull

You know, he used my love song.

Dad, Rajit's been doing research
on a rye zone

that repels weevils.

Cool. I hate weevils.

Our methods combine perfectly.

I'm going to miss you
in the rice paddies, my son.

Really?

You make everything sound
horrible for no reason.

That's because you just make...

Quiet!

How is there a cow there?

How is there a cow there?

- There's a cow there.
- How is there a cow there?