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Previously on "Stan Against Evil"...
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Sheriff Miller?
It's your wife, sir. She's dead.
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I'm Evelyn Barret.
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I'm the new sheriff of Willard's Mill.
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Starting today, you're as good as dead.
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This whole town's haunted
'cause of the witch burnings.
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Of course, they weren't really witches.
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Willard's Mill had a
constable named Thaddeus Eccles.
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You know how many witches
Thaddeus Eccles burned?
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172.
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One person burned 172 people?
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One sheriff.
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And ever since,
every sheriff we've ever had
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has died an early,
violent, horrible death.
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Except Stan.
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Pipe to the head. Never fails.
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Not that I've ever...
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done that to a suspect.
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That would, of course, be...
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illegal.
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00:00:47,242 --> 00:00:49,243
- Who are you?
- He did not send you?
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He won't let me go.
I'm afraid he wants you, too.
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Who?
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00:00:52,387 --> 00:00:55,274
You're supposed to destroy
Constable Eccles.
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I'm supposed to kill a guy
who's been dead for 400 years?
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00:00:57,871 --> 00:00:59,532
If you continue down this path,
27
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you're gonna find a time loop.
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- What is this place?
- This is the space between spaces.
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How do I get out?
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Please! I have to get back!
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No!
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Evelyn Barret, as Constable
of Willard's Mill Township,
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I, Thaddeus Eccles,
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accuse you of the crime of witchcraft.
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No!
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Something ain't right.
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_
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Evelyn Barret, unholy viper!
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I am not the viper!
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You are!
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Watch your mouth, blondie!
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Oh, please!
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Child of Satan, you shall be purified,
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and nothing quite purifies like fire!
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No!
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Hey, I'm a pilgrim!
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_
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_
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Stan?
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00:03:37,659 --> 00:03:39,367
Don't you remember me, buddy?
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No. I don't.
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I died in 1692.
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You're in the wrong world.
54
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How could I remember you
if you died in 1692?
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Figure it out.
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Boop!
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Oh, goddammit.
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I can't get any rest when I'm sleeping.
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Oh, God.
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- Morning, Dad.
- Hey, Evie.
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I'm Denise.
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00:04:15,406 --> 00:04:16,303
Beg your pardon?
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You called me Evie... again.
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My name is Denise. Who's Evie?
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I don't know.
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Are you sure?
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00:04:25,506 --> 00:04:27,467
You have some girlfriend
you're not telling me about?
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You been acting real weird lately.
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It sounds familiar, doesn't it?
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But I don't know anybody named Evie.
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Whoever she is,
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she better not be some
scuzzy hag with a dead leg,
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walking in here,
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trying to limp around and be my new mom.
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"Oh, sweetheart, why don't you go
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down to the packy
and get me a pack of smokes."
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You're not my mother.
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"Don't talk to sass to me
or I'll kick your ass."
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At least my ass works.
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00:04:54,509 --> 00:04:56,310
"Don't talk to your new
mother like that."
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I don't like your tone with me.
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"I don't like your tone."
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I don't want a new mom!
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Hey.
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Where did you go?
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What are you lookin' at?
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Huh?
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Punk.
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Ah. Dick.
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Hey! Hey!
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Don't I know you?
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00:06:08,104 --> 00:06:09,216
Can I help you?
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No, I'm talking to her.
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00:06:11,219 --> 00:06:13,753
How... How do I know you?
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Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to move.
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Why, huh?
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Do I need to call you the sheriff?
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Go ahead.
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Who is the sheriff?
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You don't know?
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Leon?
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Hello, Stanley.
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Leon, you can't be the new sheriff.
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The new sheriff's a woman, or...
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00:06:37,587 --> 00:06:38,920
did I dream that?
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The new sheriff is not a woman.
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00:06:40,806 --> 00:06:42,024
Well, we got that going for us.
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For a second, I thought
we were living in Europe.
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00:06:44,297 --> 00:06:46,397
Stanley, are you okay?
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Oh, I'm fine, Leon.
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Just in the wrong world.
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I call this meeting of the Willard's
Mill Black Hat Society to order.
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Hmm.
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We've seen him.
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00:07:29,251 --> 00:07:31,573
- Who?
- The prophesied one.
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He has begun his awakening,
as was predicted.
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Yeah?
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The Chair recognizes Judy.
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Before we get going,
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I just have a question about snack duty.
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It was on the e-mail.
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Oh, the one where you CC'ed
everyone instead of BCCing,
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- that e-mail?
- Judy, are you serious?
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We've seen the prophesied one!
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Okay, you know what?
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If you don't want snacks, fine.
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Just make a formal motion.
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00:08:01,795 --> 00:08:03,333
Well, I'd like to make a formal motion
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for you to shut your word hole.
130
00:08:04,737 --> 00:08:06,543
Oh. It's "pie hole."
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For the record... I made pie.
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But I guess nobody cares about that.
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Nobody cares about you, Judy.
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00:08:15,751 --> 00:08:19,689
Well, what can I get you that you
would like, Clifford, diarrhea?!
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00:08:21,484 --> 00:08:23,919
Anyway, we've seen the prophesied one.
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I don't care anymore.
137
00:09:05,978 --> 00:09:07,471
Huh.
138
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Wake up.
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Oh, mother's fudge.
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Son of a...
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Now what?
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Don't be mad.
143
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What did you do?!
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I was thinking about chocolate milk.
145
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I beg your pardon?
146
00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:16,739
I was thinking I wanted chocolate milk.
147
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And then I got distracted,
and then there was a tree.
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Stan!
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Stan!
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Evie Barret.
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Who's Evie Barret?
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00:10:38,829 --> 00:10:39,859
I don't know.
153
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But she's in the cemetery.
154
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Hey, Kev-o.
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Oh, hey, Sheriff.
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You got a Barret back here?
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Uh, no, I got a Barton.
158
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Just came in, hot off the hearse.
159
00:11:02,702 --> 00:11:04,483
Who the hell are those mutts?
160
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:09,902
Oh, that's the, uh,
the Black Hat Society.
161
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The what?
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They're witches... so they say.
163
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Well, what are they doing
by my wife's grave?
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I don't know.
165
00:11:19,202 --> 00:11:22,538
This... This place is full of ding dongs
doing all kinds of baloney.
166
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It's funny.
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I spent four years
living in a monastery...
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Good talk, Kev.
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Yeah, I'm... I'm not interesting.
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If somebody said that to me, I
wouldn't want to hear the rest.
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Hey!
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00:11:40,323 --> 00:11:42,100
Hey!
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00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:45,394
Now, I don't exactly know
what kind of club this is,
174
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but crashing a graveyard
and making pretend
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00:11:47,430 --> 00:11:49,799
you're Fleetwood Mac
is not exactly the...
176
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Oh.
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00:11:51,768 --> 00:11:54,260
I knew damn sure you'd turn up again.
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You're like a bad penny.
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00:11:55,970 --> 00:12:01,076
So have we officially stopped chanting,
or is this just a small break?
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00:12:01,077 --> 00:12:03,412
- Are we taking breaks?
- I think so.
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How do I know you?
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We were friends of
your wife's, Mr. Miller.
183
00:12:10,816 --> 00:12:12,761
Yeah, well, I never met you before.
184
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,079
Of course, I...
185
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,738
I didn't know any of her friends or...
186
00:12:15,739 --> 00:12:18,448
I don't think Claire wanted you
to know about us,
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00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:20,171
about our group.
188
00:12:20,363 --> 00:12:22,061
What are you saying,
my wife was one of you guys?
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00:12:22,062 --> 00:12:23,350
This is me not buying it.
190
00:12:23,351 --> 00:12:24,982
Unh-unh, unh-unh-unh.
191
00:12:24,983 --> 00:12:27,652
Well, then how do I know
so much about her?
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About what she did
when she went out late at night.
193
00:12:32,262 --> 00:12:34,804
About what she keeps in her sewing room.
194
00:12:34,805 --> 00:12:37,179
Oh, now just a second.
How do you know th...
195
00:12:40,450 --> 00:12:41,884
All right, that's it.
196
00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:43,554
You two, come with me.
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00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,736
Statler and Waldorf, go get ice cream.
198
00:12:45,737 --> 00:12:46,529
Let's go.
199
00:12:47,190 --> 00:12:48,457
Oh.
200
00:12:48,458 --> 00:12:49,391
I'll take some ice cream.
201
00:12:50,031 --> 00:12:52,466
I'm lactose intolerant,
and you know that.
202
00:13:09,437 --> 00:13:11,815
All right, what, uh...
203
00:13:12,723 --> 00:13:13,984
what is all this stuff?
204
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:18,541
While Claire was alive, this
room was strictly off limits.
205
00:13:19,157 --> 00:13:20,989
Then after she passed, I...
206
00:13:21,526 --> 00:13:23,335
- I came in here and...
- What?
207
00:13:24,024 --> 00:13:26,997
Well, I... I saw all of this stuff.
208
00:13:26,998 --> 00:13:27,861
And?
209
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:29,968
I don't know, I...
210
00:13:31,562 --> 00:13:32,669
I guess I...
211
00:13:34,196 --> 00:13:36,006
I shut the door and left.
212
00:13:36,481 --> 00:13:39,932
You have this giant mystery
in the middle of your house,
213
00:13:39,933 --> 00:13:41,430
and you just shut the door and left?
214
00:13:41,431 --> 00:13:43,781
Lookit, I was married to the woman
215
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:45,156
for more than half my life,
216
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:48,952
and you think this is the only
mystery I ever had to deal with?
217
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,888
What about the hair curlers?
218
00:13:51,616 --> 00:13:52,389
Huh?
219
00:13:52,759 --> 00:13:54,472
Nobody in the house uses them,
220
00:13:54,473 --> 00:13:58,124
and yet they're underneath
every single bathroom sink.
221
00:13:58,125 --> 00:14:00,715
One time, I threw a few away,
and the next morning,
222
00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:02,580
they were right back down there,
223
00:14:02,581 --> 00:14:04,449
just staring up at me.
224
00:14:04,450 --> 00:14:06,028
- What, do they breed?
- Mr. Miller?
225
00:14:06,029 --> 00:14:07,930
And those brown hair pins?
226
00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:09,042
Oh, they're everywhere.
227
00:14:09,043 --> 00:14:10,757
I got one in my foot right now.
228
00:14:10,758 --> 00:14:12,783
Mr. Miller! My wife was not a witch!
229
00:14:13,176 --> 00:14:15,260
Oh, she most certainly was not!
230
00:14:16,759 --> 00:14:19,351
- Oh, great.
- What is going on here?
231
00:14:19,352 --> 00:14:20,245
Is this her?
232
00:14:20,246 --> 00:14:21,896
Is this the girlfriend
you won't tell me about?
233
00:14:21,897 --> 00:14:25,289
Well, I gotta tell you,
Dad, I'm impressed.
234
00:14:25,290 --> 00:14:25,949
I really am.
235
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:27,767
Shocked is more of a word for it.
236
00:14:27,768 --> 00:14:29,366
I mean, you and her?
237
00:14:29,586 --> 00:14:31,186
Foxy lady!
238
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:33,042
Foxy lady!
239
00:14:34,098 --> 00:14:36,227
Bow-chicka-wow-wow.
240
00:14:36,228 --> 00:14:38,551
This is not my girlfriend.
241
00:14:38,552 --> 00:14:40,429
It was a friend of your mother's.
242
00:14:41,608 --> 00:14:43,376
Did you get the eyes?!
243
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:45,642
What?
244
00:14:47,214 --> 00:14:50,216
Uh, nobody said anything, Dad.
245
00:14:51,268 --> 00:14:53,269
Did you get the eyes?!
246
00:14:56,075 --> 00:14:57,324
Did I bring the eyes?
247
00:14:57,325 --> 00:14:58,578
Mr. Miller...
248
00:14:59,893 --> 00:15:02,009
Who... Who are you talking to?
249
00:15:03,248 --> 00:15:04,612
I just heard a woman's voice
250
00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:06,317
asking me if I brought the eyeballs,
251
00:15:06,318 --> 00:15:07,895
and none of you heard that?
252
00:15:07,896 --> 00:15:09,615
N-No.
253
00:15:10,357 --> 00:15:12,238
Okey-dokey.
254
00:15:14,533 --> 00:15:18,843
Well, then I've either gone just
completely bat-shit crazy...
255
00:15:19,583 --> 00:15:21,243
or this is God's way of telling me
256
00:15:21,244 --> 00:15:23,708
it's time to start doing
some real drinking.
257
00:15:28,373 --> 00:15:30,489
I'm talking about real drinking.
258
00:15:33,746 --> 00:15:35,807
Hello there, little fella.
259
00:15:36,789 --> 00:15:38,189
Oh.
260
00:15:42,746 --> 00:15:43,869
Doctor!
261
00:15:45,686 --> 00:15:46,948
Mr. Mill...
262
00:15:46,949 --> 00:15:48,149
Mr. Miller!
263
00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:51,060
Oh. How did you guys get here?
264
00:15:51,061 --> 00:15:53,294
She's sending you a message, Mr. Miller.
265
00:15:53,295 --> 00:15:54,896
There was a coven of witches
266
00:15:54,896 --> 00:15:56,630
in Willard's Mill in the 1600s.
267
00:15:56,631 --> 00:15:58,732
Not the people
who were burned as withes,
268
00:15:58,733 --> 00:16:01,368
but a coven of pure Wiccans
who did no harm.
269
00:16:01,369 --> 00:16:03,069
We are their descendants.
270
00:16:03,070 --> 00:16:04,437
Wait a second.
271
00:16:04,438 --> 00:16:07,221
If your ancestors were here
in the 1600s,
272
00:16:07,222 --> 00:16:08,849
- that means they...
- Yeah.
273
00:16:09,732 --> 00:16:11,066
Well, I didn't do it.
274
00:16:11,543 --> 00:16:13,627
But there's the case of Evelyn Barret...
275
00:16:13,628 --> 00:16:15,640
who was put to the stake,
but then vanished.
276
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,717
No one knows what happened to her.
277
00:16:17,718 --> 00:16:19,139
Keep talking.
278
00:16:19,140 --> 00:16:21,407
My... My legs are...
are just starting to get warm.
279
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,013
- Denise?!
- I'm right here.
280
00:16:23,021 --> 00:16:23,823
Oh.
281
00:16:24,661 --> 00:16:26,261
There's a deer on the wall.
282
00:16:26,357 --> 00:16:28,555
He's always been there! That's Gunther.
283
00:16:28,556 --> 00:16:30,280
Okay, so legend states
284
00:16:30,344 --> 00:16:33,779
that Evelyn Barret was rescued
by the prophesied one.
285
00:16:33,859 --> 00:16:35,360
We believe that's you.
286
00:16:39,204 --> 00:16:40,605
Jesus!
287
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,540
Not saying I'm Jesus.
288
00:16:44,206 --> 00:16:45,843
God knows I hate the meek.
289
00:16:46,708 --> 00:16:48,679
Oh, boy, he damn sure stayed in shape.
290
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:50,647
He had abs like Michael Phelps.
291
00:16:50,648 --> 00:16:53,084
Did you ever see that washboard
the guy was sporting?
292
00:17:02,494 --> 00:17:05,195
Oh, something ain't right.
293
00:17:05,196 --> 00:17:06,730
I need a drink.
294
00:17:06,731 --> 00:17:08,699
Oh! It's like magic.
295
00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:09,933
No more.
296
00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:11,063
Oh, it don't matter.
297
00:17:11,110 --> 00:17:12,877
I know what I have to do now.
298
00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:14,125
I'm outie, McGroutie.
299
00:17:14,162 --> 00:17:15,595
Gotta dig up a grave.
300
00:17:15,714 --> 00:17:17,715
He's not going anywhere.
301
00:17:17,851 --> 00:17:19,185
I have the keys.
302
00:17:19,377 --> 00:17:21,619
- I'm an excellent driver.
- Oh!
303
00:17:21,649 --> 00:17:24,218
I'll drive, ladies. Follow me. Come on!
304
00:17:24,616 --> 00:17:26,250
But I... I can do it.
305
00:17:37,964 --> 00:17:39,325
Oh, I feel good.
306
00:17:39,533 --> 00:17:41,467
That was a fun car ride.
307
00:17:45,204 --> 00:17:48,540
- What?
- Do you have a Barret here?
308
00:17:48,541 --> 00:17:50,171
No, I told you up there.
309
00:17:50,172 --> 00:17:52,590
No, I don't mean up there.
I mean down here.
310
00:17:52,591 --> 00:17:55,079
No. There's... There's one unmarked.
311
00:17:55,081 --> 00:17:55,909
That's it.
312
00:17:57,089 --> 00:17:57,948
That's it.
313
00:17:59,184 --> 00:18:00,919
This is my... my dream.
314
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,087
- Oh!
- Dad?
315
00:18:04,068 --> 00:18:05,400
Sheriff Miller, are you drunk?
316
00:18:05,408 --> 00:18:08,843
Don't you believe it, Kev-o.
317
00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:11,240
Maybe... Maybe a little bit.
318
00:18:12,364 --> 00:18:13,853
- Hi, Kevin.
- Hi.
319
00:18:15,034 --> 00:18:16,267
Dad?
320
00:18:35,254 --> 00:18:37,221
Oh, what do we have here?
321
00:18:38,089 --> 00:18:40,369
But Evelyn Barret was never killed.
322
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:41,590
She vanished.
323
00:18:41,591 --> 00:18:44,513
Yeah? Then who's down here?
324
00:19:07,215 --> 00:19:07,886
We're here.
325
00:19:20,538 --> 00:19:21,838
Dad, did you do that?
326
00:19:21,934 --> 00:19:25,069
No.
327
00:19:25,070 --> 00:19:26,471
Get out of there.
328
00:19:37,016 --> 00:19:39,651
I knew it!
329
00:19:39,652 --> 00:19:41,888
You ugly son of a bitch!
330
00:19:42,899 --> 00:19:44,737
I'm not crazy!
331
00:19:44,738 --> 00:19:47,339
I saw this whole
goddamn thing in my dream!
332
00:19:57,002 --> 00:19:59,338
Get down!
333
00:20:00,372 --> 00:20:03,274
It's gonna kill us.
334
00:20:03,275 --> 00:20:04,809
Yes.
335
00:20:07,846 --> 00:20:11,716
This is a trap set by my father
400 years ago.
336
00:20:11,717 --> 00:20:14,013
The wraith cannot be destroyed.
337
00:20:17,412 --> 00:20:21,326
_
338
00:20:29,301 --> 00:20:31,135
It's gonna kill us!
339
00:20:39,094 --> 00:20:42,385
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