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1
00:01:12,331 --> 00:01:14,798
-Oh, shit.
2
00:01:14,833 --> 00:01:17,801
-Is this the--
Is this the right site?
3
00:01:17,836 --> 00:01:20,070
-Yes, honey.
It's site 16, like always.
4
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:24,532
-Yo, Tommy, what's going on?
-Will you call me "Dad"?
5
00:01:24,568 --> 00:01:26,043
-Franklin?
-Yeah?
6
00:01:26,078 --> 00:01:28,670
-Are you sure
you booked this for us?
-Absolutely.
7
00:01:28,705 --> 00:01:31,081
I booked
the last available site.
8
00:01:31,116 --> 00:01:34,576
I got the permit right here.
Site 16, July 4th weekend.
9
00:01:34,611 --> 00:01:37,354
Felipa.
10
00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:41,783
-I just think that there's been
a little bit of a mix-up, Papi,
so--
11
00:01:41,818 --> 00:01:45,020
-Buenos tardes, amigos!
Word, bitches.
12
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,230
-Who you calling a bitch?
-I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
13
00:01:47,266 --> 00:01:50,759
Just trying to break up
the racial tension here,
that's all.
14
00:01:50,794 --> 00:01:51,493
Might have hit bitch
a little hard.
15
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,370
-A little bit.
-Yeah.
16
00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:57,832
So what's going on?
Pretty sure we booked this site
for the weekend.
17
00:01:57,868 --> 00:01:59,067
-No, no.
We're the Jones family.
-Yeah.
18
00:02:00,771 --> 00:02:02,112
We booked site 16.
19
00:02:02,147 --> 00:02:06,532
Well, now,
we're the Jonas family
and this is our site.
20
00:02:06,568 --> 00:02:09,435
-Son, we're site 16.
-No.
21
00:02:09,471 --> 00:02:10,937
We're site 16.
22
00:02:10,972 --> 00:02:13,773
-You guys might be 116,
but we're definitely 16.
23
00:02:13,808 --> 00:02:14,440
It's right here on the paper,
okay?
24
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:18,119
-Uno, dos, tres, quatro--
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
25
00:02:18,155 --> 00:02:20,747
-That is level two, sweetheart,
that's nice. This is 16.
26
00:02:20,782 --> 00:02:22,682
-I don't know how that is.
-We're 16.
27
00:02:22,717 --> 00:02:24,717
-Yeah, I know,
but we're site 16.
28
00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,429
-16, man. Come on.
-Hold on. So--
29
00:02:27,464 --> 00:02:31,132
Jones, Jonas,
and our last name is Jones, too.
Well, there's the mix-up.
30
00:02:31,168 --> 00:02:33,926
-What y'all trying to say,
y'all our masters or something?
31
00:02:33,962 --> 00:02:37,296
-No, no, not saying--
I barely even own a cat.
32
00:02:37,332 --> 00:02:39,665
-Site 16!
33
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,067
Wait a minute!
34
00:02:42,470 --> 00:02:44,003
-2,000 and 3,000.
35
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,371
But we're definitely 16.
It says here on the paper.
36
00:02:45,407 --> 00:02:47,432
-Also site 16!
37
00:02:56,910 --> 00:03:00,645
-Okay, um, so,
it looks like the name "Jones"
38
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,915
kind of mixed up the computers.
39
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,817
And, uh, unfortunately,
that's a big problem,
40
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,061
because the park
is completely sold out.
41
00:03:08,096 --> 00:03:11,957
I mean, this is, like,
our biggest weekend of the year.
42
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,058
-Hey, maybe it's because
it's the 4th of July.
43
00:03:14,135 --> 00:03:17,336
-Um, yeah, well, you know,
we think that that's a factor.
44
00:03:17,372 --> 00:03:19,105
-Come on, you guys.
Please, please, please,
let's not escalate this.
45
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:23,435
How about sharing the site?
46
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,448
-Everyone stop!
47
00:03:28,483 --> 00:03:31,276
-Ron, you just gonna stand there
and let them push us around
like that?
48
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:34,004
-No, no,
I won't let that happen, okay?
Let me tell you something.
49
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:36,673
I'm gonna have Jesse Jackson
down here on a moped,
50
00:03:36,708 --> 00:03:38,708
with Al Sharpton
in the sidecar.
51
00:03:38,744 --> 00:03:40,677
Okay?
They love that type of shit.
52
00:03:40,712 --> 00:03:43,546
-Ooh! It just escalated.
-Yeah.
53
00:03:43,582 --> 00:03:45,323
That definitely escalated,
54
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:49,019
which was the exact opposite
of what he was hoping
you would do.
55
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:53,098
-Sir, if sharing the site
is the only option, then--
56
00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:58,828
This weekend is important.
I say we all just share
the site.
57
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,172
-Uh, son,
are you out of your damn mind?
58
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,365
-Come on, Pop,
there's kids here--
-We're not gonna share--
59
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,807
-There's not--
There's not enough space!
60
00:04:10,842 --> 00:04:14,035
-Papi? Are we gonna
have to go home?
61
00:04:19,709 --> 00:04:21,042
Okay. Okay, so-- So--
62
00:04:22,645 --> 00:04:26,748
Maybe we can share.
-Yes!
63
00:04:26,783 --> 00:04:28,516
All right,
so we're all gonna share.
64
00:04:28,551 --> 00:04:30,051
And it's gonna be great!
65
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:41,029
-All right.
Little bit of a rough start,
66
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,397
but this weekend's
gonna be great.
67
00:04:42,432 --> 00:04:45,141
Yeah, I hope so.
68
00:04:45,177 --> 00:04:47,602
You know,
this is the first time
we've all been together
69
00:04:47,637 --> 00:04:49,279
since you and I got married.
70
00:04:49,314 --> 00:04:53,041
I just want your kids
to like my kids
and my kids to like you.
71
00:04:53,076 --> 00:04:56,737
There's no reason we can't be
one big, happy family.
72
00:04:56,772 --> 00:04:59,113
-That speech sucked.
-Sucked balls.
73
00:04:59,149 --> 00:05:03,744
-Wow.
-Yeah, yeah, he's right.
It came off really whiny.
74
00:05:03,779 --> 00:05:05,186
I can't believe
that we're brothers.
75
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:09,016
-Hey, Gravy,
why don't you take these
over to the campsite?
76
00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:10,091
-Oh, no, my hands are full.
I gotta go, I gotta--
77
00:05:12,955 --> 00:05:14,321
-Hey, Thomas,
did you unpack my turtle shells?
78
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,056
-Yeah, here.
79
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:21,135
Can you call me "Dad"?
-Not right now.
80
00:05:21,171 --> 00:05:24,105
Thanks, Tommy. Hey, guys,
check out my new turtle shells!
81
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,275
-Give it time, honey.
82
00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:30,737
Oh, do you think
you can get Sharni
to stop calling me "Fake Mom"?
83
00:05:30,773 --> 00:05:31,905
-She doesn't call you
"Fake Mom."
84
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,807
-Oh, you're doing that?
You're doing that?
85
00:05:33,842 --> 00:05:35,033
-Yeah, no, no. I'll try.
-Thank you.
86
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:41,806
-Man! Sharing this site
was a crap idea, Felipa.
87
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:42,774
-We're doing this
for Papi's birthday.
88
00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:45,252
Just try to hold it together
for him.
89
00:05:45,287 --> 00:05:47,087
-You think maybe
we'll see Papi smile
for once in his damn life?
90
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:52,017
He works hard,
and he worries about us.
91
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,260
-What, he can't worry and smile
at the same time?
92
00:05:53,295 --> 00:05:57,264
Hey, I bet if your Papi
ever did smile,
his face would creak.
93
00:05:57,299 --> 00:06:00,025
Sound like a nail
being pulled from wood.
94
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:03,103
-We'd probably hear his face go,
"Oilcan! Oilcan!"
95
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:07,174
-Ha, ha, ha.
Maybe he would smile more
96
00:06:07,209 --> 00:06:09,109
if you stopped goofing around
and went to work for Rolando.
97
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:12,871
-As a plumber?
98
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,440
Uh, no, Felipa.
That's a living nightmare.
99
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:16,799
-It's honest work.
100
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,935
-Anyways, look,
it doesn't even matter.
101
00:06:18,970 --> 00:06:20,636
I tell you, one day,
I'm gonna be a millionaire.
102
00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:23,606
-Oh! You gonna win the lottery?
103
00:06:23,641 --> 00:06:25,875
-Won't win if I don't scratch.
104
00:06:25,910 --> 00:06:26,084
Plus, I'm gonna get my ass
on "Shark Tank"
105
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,745
and make Mark Cuban
my new best friend.
106
00:06:28,780 --> 00:06:30,055
-Well, when you become
a millionaire,
107
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:33,850
maybe you could pay me back
the 75 bucks I loaned you.
108
00:06:33,885 --> 00:06:35,060
-Ah! Mmm-hmm.
-Yeah, you're gonna have to
109
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,920
fill out all kinds of paperwork
and taxes and stuff.
110
00:06:37,956 --> 00:06:40,056
Might not be worth it, bro,
so, probably not.
111
00:06:42,961 --> 00:06:46,963
-Hey, did you leave
the car open?
-I did.
112
00:06:46,998 --> 00:06:49,866
-Did you see Fake Mom
telling me how to unpack,
113
00:06:49,901 --> 00:06:51,142
like she's the boss of me
or something?
114
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:54,604
-Hey, babe, Sharni,
you shouldn't call her
"Fake Mom."
115
00:06:54,639 --> 00:06:56,973
I'm glad that Dad remarried.
116
00:06:57,008 --> 00:06:59,567
He's much happier,
which keeps him off of my ass.
117
00:06:59,602 --> 00:07:02,003
I think she's great for him.
118
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,047
-Yeah, well, Fake Mom says
you drink too much, too.
119
00:07:04,082 --> 00:07:07,408
-Fake Mom can blow my balls.
She said that?
-Yeah.
120
00:07:07,443 --> 00:07:08,042
-That's bullshit.
121
00:07:10,747 --> 00:07:13,047
Is that a 24-hour
Popeyes Chicken?
122
00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:16,050
-Uh, no. That's a Porta Potty.
123
00:07:18,755 --> 00:07:21,389
-I love chickens.
More than you.
124
00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:23,057
-Ah, screw off.
125
00:07:27,897 --> 00:07:29,797
-Whoo! Y'all kids
keep it down over there
126
00:07:29,832 --> 00:07:32,466
with your Pokemon Go
playing selves!
127
00:07:32,502 --> 00:07:33,176
-Girl, you so crazy.
128
00:07:33,211 --> 00:07:37,505
-Girl, I am so tired
of running around
after the kids.
129
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,833
I need this vacation.
130
00:07:39,868 --> 00:07:43,837
-It's beautiful here.
-It is, ain't it?
131
00:07:43,872 --> 00:07:46,439
Honey, you gonna like
my brother Franklin.
132
00:07:46,475 --> 00:07:48,008
All I got to say is,
133
00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:50,844
is hold off on having kids
for as long as you can.
134
00:07:50,879 --> 00:07:52,219
'Cause they will suck
the life out of you.
135
00:07:52,255 --> 00:07:55,415
I mean, it's like sticking
a vacuum cleaner in a pumpkin,
just--
136
00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,954
-What'd you say, Mama?
-Just suck it all-- Huh? Huh?
137
00:08:00,989 --> 00:08:04,924
Baby, nothing. Mama loves you.
Go on. Go play.
138
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,860
-Wait. Hold up.
Are you saying you invited me
139
00:08:06,895 --> 00:08:08,828
as some kind of blind date
for Franklin?
140
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:12,173
-Girl, no, no, no!
We enjoy your company.
141
00:08:12,208 --> 00:08:15,802
-Oh, girl,
'cause I was about to--
-But it is a blind date.
142
00:08:15,837 --> 00:08:18,571
-Hey, Jose,
can you get those oranges?
143
00:08:18,607 --> 00:08:20,081
-Are you kidding, Felipa?
144
00:08:20,116 --> 00:08:21,899
Nothing can give
the other families
the satisfaction
145
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,935
of watching a Mexican
carry a bag of oranges.
146
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:25,903
Like I'm selling them
on the side of the street.
147
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,039
-Okay, are you serious?
God, you sound crazy.
148
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:33,811
-Hey, excuse me!
149
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,481
How much do you want
for those oranges?
150
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,415
-Ay, beat it, pendejo!
151
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,050
-Oh, crap. Angry.
152
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:44,489
-Hey, Paco,
you got any roses over there?
153
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,056
-Who asked you, Oprah?
154
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,328
-Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'll take that one.
155
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:53,064
Hey, what is that?
156
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,069
In your bag.
157
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:03,032
Yeah, that. What's--
158
00:09:18,616 --> 00:09:21,050
-Recycled. Glass sculpture.
159
00:09:23,621 --> 00:09:24,053
My exhibit. It's next week.
160
00:09:25,957 --> 00:09:27,056
-What? You have an exhibit?
-It's called...
161
00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:30,059
"The Exhibit."
162
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:39,935
-Oh, at least there's
some chicas calientes
to stare at, huh?
163
00:09:39,971 --> 00:09:41,070
-Jose! What if Francesca
heard you say that?
164
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:45,700
-She ain't here.
And we ain't married.
165
00:09:45,736 --> 00:09:47,769
Besides,
just 'cause I'm on a diet
166
00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:49,571
doesn't mean
I can't look at the menu.
167
00:09:49,606 --> 00:09:50,739
-You mean stare at the menu?
168
00:09:50,774 --> 00:09:52,040
-Tuck dollar bills
into that menu?
169
00:09:53,251 --> 00:09:55,777
-I mean, come on!
Man, she's got so much
wiggle in her walk,
170
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:58,646
she could butt-dial
a rotary phone.
171
00:09:58,682 --> 00:09:59,047
I heard them talking.
172
00:10:00,124 --> 00:10:03,351
I guess she came
as a blind date
for that Franklin guy.
173
00:10:03,387 --> 00:10:04,586
-Word?
-Word.
174
00:10:04,621 --> 00:10:07,589
-What? What'd you just say?
175
00:10:07,624 --> 00:10:08,757
-Are you all right?
-No!
176
00:10:08,792 --> 00:10:10,992
No, no, I'm not all right.
177
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:13,061
Listening to you two talk
would make anybody sick.
178
00:10:15,799 --> 00:10:18,066
Men are idiots.
Blind date bullshit.
179
00:10:19,669 --> 00:10:20,802
-Don't let her call you that.
180
00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:23,838
-She's talking to you, too,
pendejo.
181
00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,507
Is our sister on her menopause
or what?
182
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:26,032
-Ah! The Jones family!
183
00:10:27,402 --> 00:10:28,501
-Jones!
-Whoa!
184
00:10:28,536 --> 00:10:30,937
Chilluns are everywhere.
185
00:10:30,972 --> 00:10:32,872
-Hey, I really hope you guys
like the park, man.
186
00:10:32,907 --> 00:10:34,807
I don't know what happened
with this mix-up.
187
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:37,318
I know I booked
the last available site.
188
00:10:37,354 --> 00:10:41,214
-What changed your mind
about coming with us
this year, huh, son?
189
00:10:41,249 --> 00:10:42,782
-What?
190
00:10:42,817 --> 00:10:45,160
I love camping.
All this is me, Pops.
191
00:10:45,195 --> 00:10:48,430
-Come on, Franklin.
Come on, bro.
That's bullshit, okay?
192
00:10:48,465 --> 00:10:51,266
I hope you know
this is not online camping.
It's actually the real thing.
193
00:10:51,301 --> 00:10:54,527
-And I hope you know
this won't be
a online fist in your face.
194
00:10:54,562 --> 00:10:56,896
It'll be the real thing.
195
00:10:56,931 --> 00:10:58,965
-You know something?
I'm tired of your shit.
196
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,066
-Ron Ron, stop it.
You leave your brother alone.
197
00:11:01,403 --> 00:11:03,111
-Sorry, Daddy.
198
00:11:03,146 --> 00:11:05,113
-He's gotta dress correct.
He's a District Attorney now.
199
00:11:05,148 --> 00:11:08,733
And he's working his way up.
He might be Mayor one day.
200
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,109
-Ah, I don't know
about Mayor, Pop.
201
00:11:10,145 --> 00:11:14,305
-And, this weekend,
we have a fine young woman
with us.
202
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,707
Shantaysia.
203
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:19,352
-Who's Shantaysia?
-Listen, son.
204
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:22,088
Beautiful woman
like that on your side,
no telling how far you can go.
205
00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:26,550
From DA to Mayor.
Commander-in-chief.
206
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,586
You smell that?
207
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,163
There's romance in the air.
208
00:11:30,198 --> 00:11:33,232
-Y'all smell these potties?
Damn!
-I smell something.
209
00:11:33,268 --> 00:11:36,102
But I didn't wanna say nothing,
'cause I kinda thought it was--
210
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,295
-Sorry, Daddy.
211
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,073
Is that Justin Bieber?
212
00:11:53,637 --> 00:11:55,037
Is that guy naked?
-You wish.
213
00:11:58,576 --> 00:12:00,042
-Is that dumpster on fire?
214
00:12:03,781 --> 00:12:05,047
Oh, my gosh.
Is that Charles Bronson?
215
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,052
-What's in the bottle?
216
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:15,457
-Communion.
-Right. So you're some
creepy drunk priest?
217
00:12:15,493 --> 00:12:17,059
-I am not a priest.
218
00:12:21,966 --> 00:12:24,900
-Listen.
Why don't you help Franklin...
-No!
219
00:12:24,935 --> 00:12:27,770
...set some things up?
220
00:12:27,805 --> 00:12:30,072
-I've gotta go till some soil.
-Pop!
221
00:12:31,434 --> 00:12:33,835
Shantay-- Sharon?
222
00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:36,504
-Shantaysia.
-Damn, they still doing that?
223
00:12:36,539 --> 00:12:38,039
-That's fucked up. Here.
224
00:12:39,376 --> 00:12:42,010
-"Shantaysia."
225
00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:44,086
Come on, what the hell
kind of disease-- Shantaysia.
226
00:12:45,156 --> 00:12:47,582
-Hey, bro, what are you doing?
You sleeping in your car?
227
00:12:47,617 --> 00:12:49,124
-Until Denali makes a tent.
228
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,494
-Bro, you is not a real camper.
Huh? You can't fool me.
229
00:12:52,530 --> 00:12:55,957
You might be able to fool Pops,
but you can't fool me, brother.
-You're right.
230
00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:57,859
-You can never fool me.
-I don't wanna fool you.
231
00:12:57,894 --> 00:12:59,134
-Since I've known you-- Whoa!
-Ah, snake!
232
00:12:59,170 --> 00:13:02,797
-Snake! Snake on your shoulder!
Snake on your shoulder!
233
00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:04,899
-Is it invisible?
I don't see nothing!
234
00:13:04,934 --> 00:13:06,208
-Where is it?
-Ron Ron, I'm just--
235
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:10,671
Ron Ron,
I'm just messing with you.
I'm just messing with you!
236
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,006
I'm just messing with you, dawg.
237
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,032
I just-- I just-- What?
I just, what, fooled you.
238
00:13:17,772 --> 00:13:20,606
Hit those flying bastards!
239
00:13:20,641 --> 00:13:21,774
-Chuckie, don't say "bastard."
240
00:13:21,809 --> 00:13:24,643
-What about bitch?
-Yeah, that's not--
241
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,045
-Ass Slurpee?
-No. That-- No.
242
00:13:27,582 --> 00:13:28,614
-Ass waffle!
-Not great.
243
00:13:28,649 --> 00:13:30,483
-Bitch taco?
-Don't love it.
244
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:31,617
-Shit Slurpee?
-No.
245
00:13:31,652 --> 00:13:33,686
-Crap-talker.
-I don't-- No.
246
00:13:33,721 --> 00:13:35,196
-Ass-butch?
-Don't-- Not a fan.
247
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,990
-You love tit chicken.
Tell me that.
-No, I don't love that.
248
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,959
-I kinda like that.
-I don't love the word "tit."
249
00:13:39,994 --> 00:13:41,427
-Come on now. Dick dog?
-Definitely not "dick."
250
00:13:41,462 --> 00:13:42,428
-Ass lick?
-No.
251
00:13:42,463 --> 00:13:44,497
-Slurpee?
-No.
252
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,666
-Shit Slurpee!
-No.
253
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,368
-What else you got?
-Bastards!
254
00:13:49,404 --> 00:13:50,636
-Mmm--
-Mmm.
255
00:13:50,671 --> 00:13:52,638
You know what, bastard's fine.
256
00:13:52,673 --> 00:13:55,866
-It's-- It's passable.
-Yeah.
257
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:57,634
Hey, everybody, look!
258
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,303
-I made Ocho
into a turtle dog!
259
00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:03,382
-It's the fifth Ninja Turtle,
Taco Bello.
260
00:14:03,418 --> 00:14:06,744
Ha, ha, ha, yeah.
It's totally funny, man.
Now take it off.
261
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,045
I can't.
It's super-glued.
262
00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:24,061
-Is that tejano?
263
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,634
-Now this is what
I'm talking about.
264
00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:33,070
Jazz on the stereo, cozy fire.
265
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:35,414
-Dad, look, no offense,
266
00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:38,075
but this old-ass music make me
wanna put a gun to my head
and shoot it!
267
00:14:39,571 --> 00:14:40,036
Give me a sec.
268
00:14:41,539 --> 00:14:42,438
I'm gonna go get a gun.
269
00:14:42,474 --> 00:14:44,440
-Ha! Good one, Pop.
270
00:14:44,476 --> 00:14:46,042
When?
271
00:14:47,379 --> 00:14:48,411
-When?
-When?
272
00:14:48,446 --> 00:14:50,613
-When? When what?
273
00:14:50,648 --> 00:14:51,447
-I don't even know.
-What?
274
00:14:51,483 --> 00:14:53,190
-No, no, no, no, no.
275
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:56,419
You said someday
someone's gonna have
an intervention on you.
276
00:14:56,454 --> 00:14:58,721
I'm curious. When?
277
00:14:58,757 --> 00:15:00,723
-She wasn't suppo--
I mean, uh--
278
00:15:00,759 --> 00:15:01,324
-When?
-What is she talking about?
279
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,233
-Wait, what?
280
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:05,335
I love that show,
"Intervention."
-What is she talking about?
281
00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:08,172
-I'm camping with
my son and my daughter,
we're having a good time.
282
00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:10,107
-The wieners--
-I don't even know
where this is coming from.
283
00:15:12,003 --> 00:15:15,838
-My brother's coherent, and--
-I love it here.
284
00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:16,072
-This is fabulous.
-It's great.
285
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,799
-Yeah, it--
286
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,868
-Until I hear things
about interventions.
287
00:15:20,903 --> 00:15:23,504
When might this intervention
be happening?
288
00:15:23,539 --> 00:15:25,339
-What you talking about?
289
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:28,542
-Uh, son, uh--
290
00:15:28,578 --> 00:15:30,153
When this wiener is done.
291
00:15:30,188 --> 00:15:32,155
-When will it be done?
-Yeah, it will be done!
292
00:15:32,190 --> 00:15:35,816
-Well, let me just tell you
that interventions are not cool.
293
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,126
They sprung one
on a buddy of mine once
294
00:15:37,162 --> 00:15:39,062
and I'm pretty sure he stabbed
a bunch of his mom's cats.
295
00:15:39,097 --> 00:15:42,823
-The vet probably had
a really good night that night,
296
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:43,057
wondering how all those cats
got stabbed.
297
00:15:48,898 --> 00:15:50,931
-One of these days,
I'm gonna be so rich,
298
00:15:50,967 --> 00:15:52,633
I'll be able to rent
this whole damn park out.
299
00:15:52,668 --> 00:15:53,067
Maybe then Papi will smile.
300
00:15:55,304 --> 00:15:57,872
Oh, hey.
301
00:15:57,907 --> 00:15:59,740
I just had my best
million-dollar idea yet.
302
00:15:59,776 --> 00:16:01,033
It's a soft drink,
but for dogs.
303
00:16:02,636 --> 00:16:05,404
It's called "Pupsi."
-What?
304
00:16:05,439 --> 00:16:06,038
-Pupsi!
-Pupsi?
305
00:16:07,975 --> 00:16:09,050
Pepsi's not gonna let you
get away with that.
306
00:16:09,085 --> 00:16:13,812
-What are they gonna do, sue me?
-Yeah. Out your ass.
307
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:17,049
-♪ That's a bad idea
called Pupsi ♪
308
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,052
-You fools have no vision.
309
00:16:23,424 --> 00:16:25,758
-♪ Pupsi-- ♪
310
00:16:25,793 --> 00:16:27,559
-Who made y'all the DJ
of site 16?
311
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:29,895
Turn that shit down, okay?
312
00:16:29,930 --> 00:16:31,330
We're trying to hear
old-ass jazz over here.
313
00:16:33,567 --> 00:16:35,309
-Look at they fire, huh?
314
00:16:35,344 --> 00:16:38,179
We got this little fire
right here.
This doesn't make any sense.
315
00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:40,114
-What does it matter
if their fire is bigger
than our fire?
316
00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:43,468
-It don't matter...
-Thank you.
317
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,036
-...if it ain't true.
318
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:50,041
-Hey, are their fires
bigger than ours?
319
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,044
You know, we need a bigger fire.
320
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,350
Get that lighter fluid.
321
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:14,432
-Want some of this?
322
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,038
-Hey, what you doing?
323
00:17:32,577 --> 00:17:34,043
-What's wrong with y'all?
324
00:17:36,814 --> 00:17:39,648
-What the hell is wrong
with you men?
325
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:41,650
Y'all trying to burn my babies?
326
00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:42,618
-Tell 'em, baby.
-Oh, my God!
327
00:17:42,653 --> 00:17:44,820
-What is wrong with you guys?
328
00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:45,054
-Yell at them.
Yell at them a little bit.
329
00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:48,290
-What the hell?
-Felipe!
330
00:17:48,326 --> 00:17:50,334
-Cool off!
331
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,103
My babies in there sleeping,
you know you got that
from Vietnam.
332
00:17:53,664 --> 00:17:54,697
-Why would you burn that shit?
333
00:17:54,732 --> 00:17:56,832
-Hey!
-The fire's still burning.
334
00:17:56,868 --> 00:18:00,036
They started it.
-Okay, come on, really?
335
00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:02,238
-We had it under control.
The ice was under control.
336
00:18:02,273 --> 00:18:03,672
Baby--
337
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,032
-Yeah, you can't fuel this fire!
338
00:18:14,477 --> 00:18:15,676
-What are you doing?
339
00:18:15,711 --> 00:18:17,811
-Go to bed!
Everybody go to bed.
340
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,747
-I was actually sleeping.
-Go to bed!
341
00:18:19,782 --> 00:18:20,814
-I was sleepy.
I was gonna go to bed.
342
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:21,048
I was thinking
it was time to go to bed.
343
00:18:33,462 --> 00:18:35,462
This is bullshit!
344
00:18:35,498 --> 00:18:37,073
Getting eaten alive!
345
00:18:37,108 --> 00:18:40,534
Damn ants or mosquitoes
or whatever the hell you are.
346
00:18:40,569 --> 00:18:41,068
Leave me alone!
347
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:50,035
There's gotta be
a 24-hour place in town.
348
00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:54,039
Oh, my God.
349
00:18:56,577 --> 00:18:58,043
What a fricking beginning.
350
00:19:10,557 --> 00:19:11,056
-What the hell was that?
351
00:19:12,426 --> 00:19:14,059
Fricking pina--
352
00:19:15,829 --> 00:19:16,061
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!
353
00:19:18,465 --> 00:19:20,999
-What did you do?
354
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,901
-You scared the crap outta me!
-Oh, my goodness.
355
00:19:22,936 --> 00:19:25,904
Okay, okay,
this is not what it looks like.
356
00:19:25,939 --> 00:19:27,081
-You killed them both?
-No, no, no, no, no!
357
00:19:27,116 --> 00:19:32,937
This piece of shit dumbass
hybrid makes no noise, and--
358
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:35,906
All right. You gotta help me
get them to a vet.
359
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:37,508
You drive and I'll give them
mouth-to-mouth.
360
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:39,043
I mean, mouth-to-snout.
361
00:19:58,798 --> 00:19:59,063
-What the hell did
they do to Ocho?
362
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:02,066
Who would do such a thing?
363
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,072
-Them...
-Come on.
364
00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:13,802
-Hey, man. Hey! What?
365
00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:14,370
-What the heck did you do
to our dog?
366
00:20:14,405 --> 00:20:15,179
Look.
367
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,606
-Nobody do nothin' to your dog.
What are you talking about?
368
00:20:17,641 --> 00:20:19,541
-What do you mean do nothin'?
369
00:20:19,577 --> 00:20:22,011
Oh, shit. Chaka!
370
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,412
-What did they do to you?
-What happened to my baby?
371
00:20:24,815 --> 00:20:26,015
What did you'll try
to do to my baby?
372
00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,916
-Hey, man, we didn't touch
your dog. You busted ours.
373
00:20:27,952 --> 00:20:30,252
-Yeah, we love dogs, man.
-Look at our dog.
374
00:20:30,287 --> 00:20:31,195
It's...
375
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,097
If y'all didn't touch our dog
and we didn't touch your dog...
376
00:20:35,626 --> 00:20:37,059
Wake up, white people.
377
00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:42,431
-Okay, all right, heh...
Just... Just hear me out.
378
00:20:42,466 --> 00:20:44,633
I am so... sorry.
379
00:20:44,668 --> 00:20:46,068
It was an accident.
380
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,438
I swear. I just wanted some Benadryl.
381
00:20:55,704 --> 00:20:56,536
-Crazy white man.
-What, man?
382
00:20:56,572 --> 00:20:59,373
I have no idea.
383
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,813
Come on, man,
what are you doing?
384
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:07,581
I want a freakin' refund
or something.
385
00:21:07,616 --> 00:21:08,782
-They seem pretty worked up.
386
00:21:08,817 --> 00:21:10,884
-Yeah, if this turns
into a race war,
387
00:21:10,919 --> 00:21:13,053
we'll be pulling out paperwork
for a decade.
388
00:21:26,402 --> 00:21:27,067
You people...
389
00:21:30,005 --> 00:21:32,973
This is the 4th of July.
This is the day we honor
390
00:21:33,008 --> 00:21:36,535
how our great nation declared
its independence
391
00:21:36,571 --> 00:21:37,503
from the king of England.
392
00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:43,116
Do you happen to even know
how George Washington
393
00:21:43,152 --> 00:21:47,513
celebrated his final victory
over the British at Yorktown?
394
00:21:47,548 --> 00:21:49,915
That day great day, hmm?
395
00:21:49,951 --> 00:21:53,052
He issued his troops,
a double ration of rum.
396
00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:58,958
Here we are. We had...
397
00:21:58,993 --> 00:22:02,061
fought this bitter war
against a tyrannical foe.
398
00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:07,833
And, all we did to celebrate it,
is that we drank.
399
00:22:07,869 --> 00:22:10,302
Four fingers of booze.
Instead of two.
400
00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:36,987
That's about a martini
and a half.
401
00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:38,055
In case you were wondering
what four fingers was.
402
00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:41,859
Today...
403
00:22:41,894 --> 00:22:43,994
If a kid happens to throw
his poopy diaper
404
00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,205
into the hamper, the parents,
they go ape-shit,
405
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,107
and they throw the kid a party,
and give him a PlayStation.
406
00:22:53,773 --> 00:22:55,072
Gosh, he drinks like me.
407
00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:01,036
Aah!
408
00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:08,910
-I don't really see...
409
00:23:08,946 --> 00:23:10,812
This issue between you people
as a problem.
410
00:23:10,848 --> 00:23:13,815
I see it as an opportunity
to get away
411
00:23:13,851 --> 00:23:15,125
from what the 4th of July
has become.
412
00:23:15,161 --> 00:23:19,521
Which, let's face it, is just
a couple of days off work
413
00:23:19,556 --> 00:23:20,064
for all the lazy people.
414
00:23:20,099 --> 00:23:26,895
We have become a nation
of soft, puffy, pussy people.
415
00:23:26,930 --> 00:23:28,530
And, we have forgotten
the sacrifice of those
416
00:23:28,565 --> 00:23:30,107
who have come before us.
417
00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:34,111
And, so, in my opinion,
whoever wants camping site 16...
418
00:23:35,939 --> 00:23:37,214
you're gonna have to fuckin'
fight for it.
419
00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:41,601
-Wait a minute, you're talking
about cannons, muskets and shit?
420
00:23:41,636 --> 00:23:43,837
-You're crazy.
-Mm-hmm.
421
00:23:43,872 --> 00:23:46,740
-Hey, I am retiring in a week
and a half,
422
00:23:46,775 --> 00:23:48,942
and I don't give a shit,
all right?
423
00:23:48,977 --> 00:23:52,379
You don't have to use guns
and knives. Just...
424
00:23:52,414 --> 00:23:53,380
Have a contest.
425
00:23:53,415 --> 00:23:55,715
Have a contest.
426
00:23:55,751 --> 00:23:58,193
Whatever family
wins the contest,
427
00:23:58,228 --> 00:24:01,388
they get to kick the other two
families' asses outta the park.
428
00:24:01,423 --> 00:24:02,922
How about that?
429
00:24:02,958 --> 00:24:05,133
You get no cheese
with your wine around here.
430
00:24:05,169 --> 00:24:09,362
So, if I were you, I would be
dedicated to gettin' it on.
431
00:24:09,398 --> 00:24:11,064
Cause it's on.
432
00:24:14,111 --> 00:24:17,971
This whole thing is a mess,
and we're sorry about it.
433
00:24:18,006 --> 00:24:20,799
We were told to help out
with the contest, and...
434
00:24:20,835 --> 00:24:22,075
It was the park's fault.
-Well, great.
435
00:24:22,110 --> 00:24:26,672
-Wow. It's really nice that
the pigs are being helpful.
436
00:24:26,707 --> 00:24:28,048
-Pardon?
-Uh, no, nothing.
437
00:24:28,083 --> 00:24:31,510
He just said that the cloud
up there looks like a pig.
438
00:24:31,545 --> 00:24:33,278
-No, I didn't. I said...
439
00:24:35,983 --> 00:24:37,449
-He, uh... He had a spider
on his zipper there.
440
00:24:37,485 --> 00:24:39,051
Thanks!
441
00:24:41,655 --> 00:24:43,956
-Thanks, guys.
Hey, Gravy.
442
00:24:43,991 --> 00:24:46,759
-He deserved that.
-Yeah, seriously.
443
00:24:46,794 --> 00:24:49,595
-So, we're doing
this contest thing?
444
00:24:49,630 --> 00:24:50,863
-Oh, yeah, we're doing this.
445
00:24:50,898 --> 00:24:53,332
What's the matter, old man?
You scared?
446
00:24:53,367 --> 00:24:55,434
-Scared? No.
447
00:24:55,469 --> 00:24:57,836
Just sad.
-Oh!
448
00:24:57,872 --> 00:25:00,239
Sad for you
and all these other losers.
449
00:25:00,274 --> 00:25:01,974
-Kids.
450
00:25:02,009 --> 00:25:03,800
We're marking off an area
for you to play in.
451
00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:05,736
Do not leave this area
for any reason.
452
00:25:05,771 --> 00:25:07,304
-What if we get hit
by lightning?
453
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:08,739
-Try not to.
454
00:25:08,774 --> 00:25:10,474
-What if we see
an ice cream truck?
455
00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:12,709
-Try not to.
-Dad?
456
00:25:12,745 --> 00:25:14,053
How long do we have to
stay here?
457
00:25:14,088 --> 00:25:16,780
-Just while the adults are off,
doing adult things.
458
00:25:16,815 --> 00:25:18,048
-Yes, I'm getting
a new baby brother.
459
00:25:19,251 --> 00:25:21,651
-Uh...
460
00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:24,388
Not those kind of adult things.
461
00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:28,291
-Okay, kids, have fun.
Hey, don't poke your eyes out.
462
00:25:28,327 --> 00:25:29,059
Peace out.
463
00:25:34,633 --> 00:25:35,065
Hi.
464
00:25:37,603 --> 00:25:39,069
Oh, hmm...
465
00:25:43,117 --> 00:25:45,767
-I don't know what to say.
-Well, you can usually find
466
00:25:45,802 --> 00:25:48,211
all the right words
in the courtroom.
467
00:25:48,247 --> 00:25:51,806
-I thought bringing our families
together up here, would be...
468
00:25:51,842 --> 00:25:54,676
our chance to, you know,
break the news.
469
00:25:54,711 --> 00:25:56,044
-Wait...
You did this on purpose?
470
00:25:58,615 --> 00:26:01,016
-Yeah, kinda, a little bit.
471
00:26:01,018 --> 00:26:03,351
I mean, it was easy
'cause our names are so similar.
472
00:26:03,387 --> 00:26:05,954
Jones. Jonas.
473
00:26:05,989 --> 00:26:08,131
I didn't expect
a white Jones family to show up.
474
00:26:08,167 --> 00:26:11,659
Man, I screwed up everything.
It's my fault, I'm sorry.
475
00:26:11,695 --> 00:26:15,663
-So, who is she?
-Who is who?
476
00:26:15,699 --> 00:26:17,832
-You know who I'm talking about.
477
00:26:17,868 --> 00:26:20,001
-Who, Fantasia?
I don't know that girl.
478
00:26:20,037 --> 00:26:22,470
-Shantaysia, why is she here?
-I don't know her.
479
00:26:22,506 --> 00:26:24,072
She's my dad's idea.
480
00:26:25,968 --> 00:26:26,333
I don't... It's my first time
ever seeing her.
481
00:26:26,369 --> 00:26:28,035
Stop. Come on.
482
00:26:29,638 --> 00:26:31,038
You know I love you.
Stop.
483
00:26:34,610 --> 00:26:37,044
Anyway, look, I have a plan.
484
00:26:39,682 --> 00:26:41,222
I'll make sure we win the race.
485
00:26:41,258 --> 00:26:45,819
And, then, I'll convince my dad
to let you... your family stay,
486
00:26:45,855 --> 00:26:46,453
and we'll get rid of
the white family.
487
00:26:46,489 --> 00:26:48,055
They'll kick rocks.
488
00:26:49,725 --> 00:26:51,291
-What if your family
doesn't win?
489
00:26:51,327 --> 00:26:53,460
-Felipa...
490
00:26:53,496 --> 00:26:56,063
Stop smoking crack.
491
00:26:57,666 --> 00:26:59,066
We're black, we're gonna win.
492
00:27:00,143 --> 00:27:03,604
Mexicans are pretty athletic,
too. What about like...
493
00:27:03,639 --> 00:27:06,006
Big Papi.
-He's Dominican.
494
00:27:06,042 --> 00:27:08,033
Oh, y'all gonna lose bad.
Y'all gonna lose so bad.
495
00:27:18,979 --> 00:27:21,046
-Hey, guys, I think I hear
an ice cream truck.
496
00:27:23,817 --> 00:27:25,751
-Wait, but,
we can't leave this area.
497
00:27:25,786 --> 00:27:27,386
-Well, screw that,
it's ice cream.
498
00:27:36,630 --> 00:27:38,497
Look at these people.
499
00:27:38,532 --> 00:27:40,240
They're like vultures.
500
00:27:40,276 --> 00:27:43,969
-They're standing around
watching us fight
among ourselves.
501
00:27:44,004 --> 00:27:46,204
-Don't think they're just
out here having fun?
502
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:47,114
-No.
503
00:27:47,149 --> 00:27:50,834
This has gotten much bigger
than three mad-ass families.
504
00:27:50,869 --> 00:27:53,970
-Bigger how?
-Oh, you think about it, bud.
505
00:27:54,006 --> 00:27:56,206
International sports, you root
for your country.
506
00:27:56,241 --> 00:27:57,807
-Yeah.
507
00:27:57,843 --> 00:27:58,208
-School sports, you root
for your school.
508
00:27:58,243 --> 00:28:00,844
-Yeah.
509
00:28:00,879 --> 00:28:02,979
-These people are rooting
for their race.
510
00:28:03,015 --> 00:28:06,983
-Oh, you don't know that.
-Okay. Truth or dare?
511
00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:09,452
I'll answer a question,
if you answer a question.
512
00:28:09,488 --> 00:28:10,553
-Okay.
-Truthfully.
513
00:28:10,589 --> 00:28:11,755
-All right.
-All right.
514
00:28:11,790 --> 00:28:13,923
Now, when you first
drove up here,
515
00:28:13,959 --> 00:28:15,067
and you saw that
there were two families here.
516
00:28:15,102 --> 00:28:18,862
Now, were you mad cause
there were two families here?
517
00:28:18,897 --> 00:28:21,831
Or, were you mad cause
we weren't white?
518
00:28:21,867 --> 00:28:24,934
-Yeah, well, you know...
Truth be told
519
00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:27,003
when I drove up here,
I was a little nervous.
520
00:28:27,039 --> 00:28:28,113
But, that's because
I didn't know what to expect.
521
00:28:28,148 --> 00:28:32,533
-Well, I felt the same way.
And, that's textbook racism.
522
00:28:32,569 --> 00:28:33,868
-You can't say I'm racist
523
00:28:33,903 --> 00:28:35,870
just because I didn't know
what to expect.
524
00:28:35,905 --> 00:28:37,705
I've had a lot of
great experiences with...
525
00:28:37,741 --> 00:28:39,941
other races,
and some not so great.
526
00:28:39,976 --> 00:28:41,709
-Yeah, I'm sorry.
I couldn't help but overhear.
527
00:28:41,745 --> 00:28:44,912
You should know that...
528
00:28:44,948 --> 00:28:48,983
our family isn't anything
like that at all.
529
00:28:49,019 --> 00:28:51,819
In fact, I was a total wigger
back in high school.
530
00:28:51,855 --> 00:28:52,854
I had my hair braided
and everything.
531
00:28:52,889 --> 00:28:54,055
You remember that?
-Yeah, that was so cute.
532
00:28:55,458 --> 00:28:56,057
-What is a wigger?
533
00:29:01,831 --> 00:29:03,798
-It's just a term
for a kid that's...
534
00:29:03,833 --> 00:29:06,734
trying to act tough
and sound cool.
535
00:29:06,770 --> 00:29:08,236
-Well, now,
that's what it means.
536
00:29:08,271 --> 00:29:09,837
But...
537
00:29:09,873 --> 00:29:12,532
What is it an acronym for?
-An acronym?
538
00:29:12,568 --> 00:29:14,901
-Yeah, like the word smog.
539
00:29:14,937 --> 00:29:17,404
It's a combination of the words
smoke and fog.
540
00:29:17,439 --> 00:29:18,972
That's an acronym.
541
00:29:19,008 --> 00:29:23,043
What are the words that wigger
is an acronym for?
542
00:29:24,446 --> 00:29:26,087
Well, that's easy.
543
00:29:26,122 --> 00:29:30,091
It's a... It's a combination of,
a mash up, if you will,
544
00:29:31,587 --> 00:29:33,053
of the words...
545
00:29:36,291 --> 00:29:37,424
white...
546
00:29:37,459 --> 00:29:39,059
-White.
-and...
547
00:29:43,265 --> 00:29:45,232
er...
548
00:29:45,267 --> 00:29:46,066
-Okay.
549
00:29:47,903 --> 00:29:50,670
I mean, you know,
you guys get hit with...
550
00:29:50,706 --> 00:29:53,673
-honky, hick, crackers,
-Hey!
551
00:29:53,709 --> 00:29:55,734
-peckerwood, redneck,
-Hey!
552
00:29:55,769 --> 00:29:58,145
-white bastards, white devils.
-Hey!
553
00:29:58,180 --> 00:30:02,182
-But, the "N" word, that cuts
straight through the clutter.
554
00:30:02,217 --> 00:30:04,342
-Yeah, well, once you say that,
it's pretty much game over.
555
00:30:04,378 --> 00:30:05,043
You're right.
556
00:30:06,947 --> 00:30:09,156
-Good going, son. Well done.
-Happy to help.
557
00:30:09,191 --> 00:30:11,816
-But, I still don't agree with
you these people round here
558
00:30:11,852 --> 00:30:12,050
are rooting for their own races.
-Hey!
559
00:30:18,592 --> 00:30:19,057
We got this, baby.
560
00:30:21,028 --> 00:30:22,560
Black and white going down
like a knocked-out zebra.
561
00:30:22,596 --> 00:30:24,729
Yeah, maybe you're right.
562
00:30:25,832 --> 00:30:27,399
I hear it, I hear it.
Ice cream.
563
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:35,082
Ice cream!
564
00:30:35,117 --> 00:30:39,602
-Hey, sorry I'm late.
-Hey, Franklin. All right. Mmm.
565
00:30:39,637 --> 00:30:41,771
You know, I love that look...
566
00:30:41,806 --> 00:30:43,573
That gleam of victory
in your eyes.
567
00:30:43,608 --> 00:30:45,875
-Yeah, we about to win, Pop.
568
00:30:45,910 --> 00:30:46,084
And, we gonna kick a family
up outta here.
569
00:30:46,119 --> 00:30:50,088
-Oh, yes. That's right.
You know... Where's Shantaysia?
570
00:30:50,123 --> 00:30:54,059
Shantaysia...
You know that old Franklin here
571
00:30:54,094 --> 00:30:58,955
was a track star in high school.
Shantaysia, come on.
572
00:30:58,990 --> 00:31:02,792
-One time, I ate 37 eggs
in six minutes, come on.
573
00:31:02,827 --> 00:31:04,994
I mean that's impossible,
you know.
574
00:31:05,030 --> 00:31:06,171
You proud of me, Daddy?
You gonna brag about that?
575
00:31:06,206 --> 00:31:09,107
-Proud of you, son. Not as proud
as I am of Franklin here.
576
00:31:10,769 --> 00:31:12,802
What?
-That was a joke.
577
00:31:12,837 --> 00:31:15,238
-He's messing with you.
-Shitty joke.
578
00:31:15,273 --> 00:31:17,173
-What?
579
00:31:17,208 --> 00:31:20,769
-I said Keko's titty is broke.
-Yeah, I thought you said that.
580
00:31:20,804 --> 00:31:23,046
-Let's do this.
-Uh, you know what...
581
00:31:23,081 --> 00:31:25,340
Y'all enjoy your pissing contest
but I'm outta here.
582
00:31:25,376 --> 00:31:26,708
-You wanna go?
583
00:31:26,744 --> 00:31:28,443
-Yeah, I wanna
go find Shantaysia.
584
00:31:28,479 --> 00:31:29,118
Keko, Felipa.
585
00:31:29,154 --> 00:31:33,348
-This is our contest pick
and it's called the Potty Carry.
586
00:31:33,384 --> 00:31:34,750
That's right.
587
00:31:34,785 --> 00:31:37,552
One person goes inside
of each one
588
00:31:37,588 --> 00:31:39,554
and the rest of us carry.
589
00:31:39,590 --> 00:31:40,822
And, the winner is the one
590
00:31:40,858 --> 00:31:43,792
who gets across
that finish line first.
591
00:31:43,827 --> 00:31:45,994
-That finish line
is pretty far, man.
592
00:31:46,030 --> 00:31:47,863
-Dude, don't sweat it, man.
We totally got this.
593
00:31:47,898 --> 00:31:49,297
Mexicans are gonna take
this hands down.
594
00:31:49,333 --> 00:31:51,140
Hey, Papi.
595
00:31:51,176 --> 00:31:53,109
Papi, we're about to start
the race, you gonna come cheer?
596
00:31:55,606 --> 00:31:57,672
-Does your dad ever smile?
597
00:31:57,708 --> 00:31:59,199
-No.
-You mean, "Darth Valdez"?
598
00:31:59,234 --> 00:32:00,734
-Huh.
599
00:32:00,769 --> 00:32:03,003
-Does he even know
what a smile is?
600
00:32:03,005 --> 00:32:04,871
-I bet you, he can't say
the word "Chuck E. Cheese."
601
00:32:04,906 --> 00:32:07,115
Bet you his face makes him
stop at "Chuck."
602
00:32:07,151 --> 00:32:10,744
-He'd probably need a fake ID
just to buy a "Happy Meal."
603
00:32:10,779 --> 00:32:12,879
Wow. That's good.
All right.
604
00:32:12,914 --> 00:32:14,156
All right. That's pretty funny,
but, uh...
605
00:32:14,191 --> 00:32:17,092
You know, he's still my dad,
so could you cut it out, please.
606
00:32:17,127 --> 00:32:19,127
-Well, you know, come on,
let's space these potties out,
607
00:32:19,163 --> 00:32:22,064
and get the race started.
I mean, we're standing around...
608
00:32:22,099 --> 00:32:24,724
Let me just drag this one.
Get outta the way, would ya?
609
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:26,993
Okay.
So, I'll just take this one.
610
00:32:27,029 --> 00:32:28,995
-Are you sure, Dad?
These things are kinda heavy.
611
00:32:29,031 --> 00:32:30,238
-Charlie, I've been a fireman
for years, you know.
612
00:32:30,274 --> 00:32:34,801
I've rescued babies from windows
and fiery buildings, you know.
613
00:32:34,836 --> 00:32:36,669
Come on.
Come on, put this on my back.
614
00:32:36,705 --> 00:32:38,805
-I guess.
-Come on, let's go.
615
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,073
This is... I can just...
I got this.
616
00:32:45,905 --> 00:32:48,940
Charlie, get it off of me.
Get it off of me.
617
00:32:48,975 --> 00:32:51,042
We got this. We got this, Dad.
618
00:32:58,685 --> 00:33:00,651
-Yeah, maybe we should slide it.
619
00:33:14,901 --> 00:33:17,068
-I don't like this.
I'm having a bad day.
620
00:33:18,738 --> 00:33:22,032
I hate kids.
You ruined my life.
621
00:33:28,674 --> 00:33:29,806
The main problem is
622
00:33:29,842 --> 00:33:31,708
is getting this potty
over the ravine.
623
00:33:31,744 --> 00:33:34,311
But, luckily,
Ron Ron got an idea.
624
00:33:34,346 --> 00:33:35,053
What?
625
00:33:35,088 --> 00:33:38,849
-All we need to do is swing
this potty by using rope.
626
00:33:38,884 --> 00:33:40,124
We need to put the rope
through a hitch,
627
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,954
on top of the potty and, then,
toss the rope on branches.
628
00:33:43,989 --> 00:33:45,622
And, then, we swing the potty
over the ravine.
629
00:33:45,657 --> 00:33:48,992
Come on.
-That's a good idea.
630
00:33:49,028 --> 00:33:51,728
We gotta get some rope.
-Oh, Daddy, look at this.
631
00:33:51,764 --> 00:33:52,496
I already got it.
Taken care of.
632
00:33:52,531 --> 00:33:53,897
-Look at that.
-Crap.
633
00:33:53,932 --> 00:33:55,198
-Guess I'm smarter
than Franklin now, right?
634
00:33:55,234 --> 00:33:57,934
-No.
635
00:33:57,970 --> 00:33:58,769
-He's right, man.
Rope's gonna make it easier.
636
00:33:58,804 --> 00:34:00,604
-Sharni, get a rope.
-Okay, got it.
637
00:34:00,639 --> 00:34:02,806
-Dad.
-We're ready to go.
638
00:34:02,841 --> 00:34:03,840
-We can't wait.
-No, no, don't start.
639
00:34:03,876 --> 00:34:05,667
-Come on, let's get started.
-Wait, wait.
640
00:34:05,702 --> 00:34:06,534
-Wait, wait.
-Get on your marks,
641
00:34:06,570 --> 00:34:08,770
get set, go!
-Wait, wait.
642
00:34:08,805 --> 00:34:11,081
Oh, come on.
643
00:34:11,116 --> 00:34:14,009
Uh-uh, keep dreamin'
blondie, that rope is mine.
644
00:34:14,011 --> 00:34:16,086
-No, I saw it first.
-Hello, open up.
645
00:34:17,748 --> 00:34:18,947
We wanna borrow
your clothes line.
646
00:34:18,982 --> 00:34:21,416
-This is kinda cute.
-Open up. We wanna borrow...
647
00:34:21,451 --> 00:34:22,684
your clothes line.
648
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:23,752
-Yeah, you know,
keep knocking.
649
00:34:23,787 --> 00:34:25,787
People love Mexicans
at their door.
650
00:34:25,822 --> 00:34:27,222
-Ha-ha, really funny,
"Blow White."
651
00:34:27,257 --> 00:34:30,025
Hello.
652
00:34:30,027 --> 00:34:31,101
Gonna see how much you laugh
when the rope is mine.
653
00:34:32,796 --> 00:34:34,896
-Hey, what are you doing
up there?
654
00:34:34,931 --> 00:34:37,065
-Getting this damn clothes line.
-Oh, shit.
655
00:34:47,502 --> 00:34:49,736
I don't know.
656
00:34:54,117 --> 00:34:56,409
-Come this way.
-What the hell was that?
657
00:35:01,816 --> 00:35:03,049
Hey, where did everybody go?
658
00:35:04,219 --> 00:35:05,051
Pop?
659
00:35:06,287 --> 00:35:07,053
Ron Ron?
660
00:35:08,356 --> 00:35:11,024
Did we win?
661
00:35:11,026 --> 00:35:13,526
Come on, come on.
662
00:35:13,561 --> 00:35:14,761
What happened?
663
00:35:14,796 --> 00:35:16,562
-He has a TV antenna stuck
in him.
664
00:35:16,598 --> 00:35:18,898
Where?
665
00:35:18,933 --> 00:35:20,633
We need to take him
to a hospital.
666
00:35:20,668 --> 00:35:21,834
-All right, let's use my car.
667
00:35:21,870 --> 00:35:23,069
-Wait, wait, we're gonna
get him in that?
668
00:35:25,407 --> 00:35:26,072
Here.
669
00:35:28,935 --> 00:35:29,033
What in the hell
are you doing?
670
00:35:30,837 --> 00:35:31,736
-Bactine. It stings
like a bitch, but...
671
00:35:34,707 --> 00:35:36,374
-No! No more,
you fucking idiot.
672
00:35:38,911 --> 00:35:41,045
Everybody, stop!
673
00:35:42,615 --> 00:35:43,748
-Do you get the NFL package?
674
00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:48,686
We're not gonna
get him in that pussy car.
675
00:35:48,721 --> 00:35:50,054
-Let's get him
in Franklin's car.
676
00:35:51,958 --> 00:35:53,524
-I'm right here.
-Come on.
677
00:35:53,559 --> 00:35:55,960
You got it. You got it.
678
00:35:55,995 --> 00:35:58,763
-Put him inside.
-There you go.
679
00:35:58,798 --> 00:35:59,697
Let's give him a push.
-All right.
680
00:35:59,732 --> 00:36:01,665
-One, two...
-No...
681
00:36:01,701 --> 00:36:03,067
Three.
682
00:36:07,607 --> 00:36:08,572
-That went horribly wrong.
683
00:36:08,608 --> 00:36:10,834
Yeah, hang tight.
684
00:36:10,869 --> 00:36:12,369
-Okay, okay. Let's go.
Come on. Vamanos.
685
00:36:22,914 --> 00:36:24,514
-So, are you doing
number one or number two?
686
00:36:24,549 --> 00:36:26,474
-What? Go get an adult.
687
00:36:26,509 --> 00:36:28,018
-You look like a pinata.
688
00:36:28,020 --> 00:36:29,719
-And, you look the first
person's ass I'm gonna beat
689
00:36:29,755 --> 00:36:31,095
if you don't go
and get an adult.
690
00:36:31,130 --> 00:36:33,064
-I didn't say you were one,
I said you looked like one.
691
00:36:33,099 --> 00:36:36,559
-Oh, I'mma beat you so bad
and you're not even my kid.
692
00:36:36,595 --> 00:36:38,828
-Woah, take it easy, perv.
693
00:36:38,864 --> 00:36:40,663
-I thought you kids were
on lock down.
694
00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:42,966
How did you get outta your area?
695
00:36:43,001 --> 00:36:44,868
-You didn't answer me.
Number one or number two?
696
00:36:44,903 --> 00:36:47,570
-Why you wanna know?
Chuckie, that's nasty.
697
00:36:47,606 --> 00:36:49,506
Get an adult, I could die.
698
00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:50,640
-No, no.
-Okay, yeah.
699
00:36:50,675 --> 00:36:54,902
-Please, this is not a drill.
700
00:36:54,938 --> 00:36:56,046
This is a "code red."
You know a "code red."..
701
00:36:56,081 --> 00:36:58,906
Oh, y'all went to public school.
Y'all know nothing.
702
00:36:58,942 --> 00:37:03,044
Oh, my God. I hate kids.
And, I hate camping.
703
00:37:14,099 --> 00:37:16,099
Hey guys, quick.
Come say hi to Mom. Come on.
704
00:37:18,628 --> 00:37:20,461
-Hey, Mom.
-Cheese.
705
00:37:20,497 --> 00:37:22,063
-Yo. Yep, I'm good.
706
00:37:25,435 --> 00:37:27,068
Yo, I got lucky.
707
00:37:28,638 --> 00:37:30,071
It was tough, but I'm good.
708
00:37:34,235 --> 00:37:37,003
Hey...
709
00:37:37,005 --> 00:37:38,079
Doctor said my love handles
are like a teenager's.
710
00:37:44,612 --> 00:37:46,779
Yeah, don't worry about it.
711
00:37:46,814 --> 00:37:48,047
Just gonna be here
by myself, you know.
712
00:37:50,518 --> 00:37:51,050
No family to talk to.
713
00:37:55,723 --> 00:37:56,055
-Something
to think about, mijo.
714
00:38:06,901 --> 00:38:09,735
-Okay.
-Aunt Felipa, I can't move.
715
00:38:09,771 --> 00:38:12,071
-Yes, but you're safe.
Have fun.
716
00:38:13,574 --> 00:38:17,869
-Mind if I sit.
-Sure.
717
00:38:17,904 --> 00:38:20,038
-It's a pretty mantis.
-I'm gonna kill him.
718
00:38:22,743 --> 00:38:23,041
-You know,
the kids don't see race.
719
00:38:25,012 --> 00:38:27,045
-It's true. Seems they learn it
from the adults.
720
00:38:28,615 --> 00:38:30,915
Kids can be a handful, man.
721
00:38:30,951 --> 00:38:32,224
I used to think that
I wanted a bunch of them,
722
00:38:32,260 --> 00:38:35,094
but after this weekend, I think
I'm just gonna get another cat.
723
00:38:36,523 --> 00:38:37,055
Hey where is it?
724
00:38:38,925 --> 00:38:39,924
It's right there,
it's just moving.
725
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:41,860
Now, that's a...
It's a praying...
726
00:38:41,895 --> 00:38:44,070
It's just a gross bug.
Just put it down.
727
00:38:44,105 --> 00:38:46,631
Oh, you know, I've actually
been meaning to tell you,
728
00:38:46,666 --> 00:38:47,532
that I really like your hair.
729
00:38:47,567 --> 00:38:50,668
-Thanks, I do it myself.
730
00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:51,069
-Really?
-I have my own salon.
731
00:38:52,506 --> 00:38:54,180
-That's super cool.
732
00:38:54,215 --> 00:38:58,501
Didn't I hear Charlie saying
that he has his own salon, too.
733
00:38:58,536 --> 00:39:00,203
-Not a salon, a saloon.
734
00:39:00,238 --> 00:39:01,871
-Okay.
735
00:39:01,906 --> 00:39:03,148
-I drove with him to
the vet the other night.
736
00:39:03,183 --> 00:39:06,509
He had a dog under each arm,
giving them both mouth-to-mouth.
737
00:39:06,544 --> 00:39:08,745
He's got a lot of heart.
738
00:39:08,780 --> 00:39:11,848
-Yeah, and dog breath,
sounds like.
739
00:39:11,883 --> 00:39:13,783
Did any of the dogs get
a contact drunk?
740
00:39:13,818 --> 00:39:15,618
-Yeah, I think the dogs
were wondering
741
00:39:15,653 --> 00:39:16,052
why I kept checking their IDs.
742
00:39:22,102 --> 00:39:25,695
You know, he's a good guy.
-Yeah, and cute too, right?
743
00:39:25,730 --> 00:39:28,998
-Yeah, he is kinda cute.
-Yeah.
744
00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:31,768
-Super cute. Like I would.
-I think I would, too.
745
00:39:31,803 --> 00:39:33,536
-Seriously, he's a bit
of a charmer
746
00:39:33,571 --> 00:39:34,771
and girls love bad boys.
747
00:39:34,806 --> 00:39:36,739
-I think he knows
he has a problem.
748
00:39:36,775 --> 00:39:39,934
I don't drink.
I never have, but...
749
00:39:39,969 --> 00:39:42,903
My dad was an alcoholic,
so, I know the signs.
750
00:39:42,939 --> 00:39:44,939
-I really wanna kill it.
-Just kill it.
751
00:39:44,974 --> 00:39:48,476
-No, it's one of God's
creatures, don't kill it.
752
00:39:48,511 --> 00:39:49,043
Right? Don't kill it.
753
00:39:51,481 --> 00:39:53,981
-So, how about you?
754
00:39:54,017 --> 00:39:55,549
Do you work at the courthouse
back in the city?
755
00:39:55,585 --> 00:39:57,752
-Yeah, I'm a stenographer.
756
00:39:57,787 --> 00:39:59,453
-Franklin works
in the DA's office.
757
00:39:59,489 --> 00:40:00,755
-Does he?
-Yeah.
758
00:40:00,790 --> 00:40:01,922
Do you ever see him
around there?
759
00:40:01,958 --> 00:40:04,058
Uh... Now that you...
I think I have. Mm-hmm.
760
00:40:06,429 --> 00:40:08,171
Not that often.
761
00:40:08,206 --> 00:40:11,699
-You know, I've been meaning
to tell you, I'm not here to...
762
00:40:11,734 --> 00:40:13,434
Oh, my God.
763
00:40:16,372 --> 00:40:18,839
-Oh, my God.
764
00:40:18,875 --> 00:40:20,032
Should I buy a tabby
or a Siamese cat?
765
00:40:22,436 --> 00:40:24,636
-Okay, cabrones.
766
00:40:24,672 --> 00:40:26,472
Our pick.
The eating contest.
767
00:40:26,507 --> 00:40:28,374
-Yeah, but not food...
768
00:40:28,409 --> 00:40:30,409
Habaneros, baby.
769
00:40:30,444 --> 00:40:31,977
Hot peppers, bro.
770
00:40:32,013 --> 00:40:34,580
You gotta eat as many
as you can in three minutes.
771
00:40:34,615 --> 00:40:35,681
And habaneros...
772
00:40:35,716 --> 00:40:37,216
Habaneros are
the Devil's food.
773
00:40:37,251 --> 00:40:38,517
-Yup.
774
00:40:38,552 --> 00:40:40,853
-They can't be that bad.
775
00:40:40,888 --> 00:40:42,554
Oh, you're about to find out.
776
00:40:42,590 --> 00:40:43,989
-Can I eat for the family?
777
00:40:44,025 --> 00:40:46,692
-Yeah, Gravy, you can eat
for the family for sure.
778
00:40:46,727 --> 00:40:48,827
-'Cause habaneros
are organic,
779
00:40:48,863 --> 00:40:52,965
and I do non-pharmaceuticals
really well.
780
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,233
Yeah. Like, one time I got
lost in the desert.
781
00:40:54,268 --> 00:40:55,834
Yeah.
782
00:40:55,870 --> 00:40:58,404
I had to eat 67 mushrooms
to survive.
783
00:40:58,439 --> 00:40:59,438
-Caps and stems?
784
00:40:59,473 --> 00:41:00,606
-The whole thing.
785
00:41:00,641 --> 00:41:03,835
I hallucinated for 15 days.
786
00:41:03,870 --> 00:41:05,670
My diarrhea tasted like honey.
-All: Ugh!
787
00:41:05,705 --> 00:41:07,772
-Tommy:
That's beautiful, Gravy.
788
00:41:07,807 --> 00:41:09,907
-That's your son-in-law?
-Yep. Uh...
789
00:41:09,943 --> 00:41:11,476
-Your brother-in-law?
-Yes, my brother-in-law.
790
00:41:11,511 --> 00:41:13,244
-That's your brother.
791
00:41:13,279 --> 00:41:14,286
-In-law.
792
00:41:14,321 --> 00:41:17,248
-You said that like you
might have seen him naked
or something.
793
00:41:18,718 --> 00:41:19,650
-All right, fool,
I got this.
794
00:41:19,686 --> 00:41:21,126
-No, clown,
I love habaneros.
795
00:41:21,162 --> 00:41:23,195
-What are you talking about?
Who you calling a clown, man?
796
00:41:23,230 --> 00:41:25,189
I can eat so many more
habaneros than you,
I always have.
797
00:41:25,225 --> 00:41:27,425
-No.
798
00:41:29,362 --> 00:41:30,361
-You, papi?
799
00:41:30,397 --> 00:41:32,397
-What, he's...
800
00:41:32,432 --> 00:41:33,765
...resurrected.
801
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:35,066
-It's like it's Easter
or something.
802
00:41:36,903 --> 00:41:39,604
-I've been eating
habaneros for 65 years.
803
00:41:39,639 --> 00:41:41,939
I will win for the familia.
804
00:41:41,975 --> 00:41:44,667
Mira. This is what I
have been whittling. Huh?
805
00:41:44,702 --> 00:41:47,336
Ocho!
806
00:41:47,372 --> 00:41:49,772
For cervezas.
807
00:41:49,807 --> 00:41:54,377
Ocho is now
an official St. Bernardo.
808
00:41:54,412 --> 00:41:55,578
Whoo!
809
00:41:55,613 --> 00:41:56,712
-Papi made a joke.
-Yeah.
810
00:41:56,748 --> 00:41:59,715
-Habaneros are
nothing to Mexicans.
811
00:41:59,751 --> 00:42:02,351
We put hot sauce
on our hot sauce.
812
00:42:04,856 --> 00:42:06,589
-He made another joke.
-That's awesome.
813
00:42:06,624 --> 00:42:08,858
-I'm ready.
Let's do this.
814
00:42:08,893 --> 00:42:11,460
-All right, pendejos,
the timer is set.
815
00:42:11,496 --> 00:42:14,630
Three, two, one, go!
816
00:42:42,018 --> 00:42:45,519
-There's something
going on
in my fucking mouth.
817
00:42:47,923 --> 00:42:51,718
-Do men... Do you think
men ever get like
818
00:42:51,753 --> 00:42:55,455
a POV of themselves
and just go...
819
00:42:55,490 --> 00:42:56,063
"We're really stupid"?
820
00:43:06,301 --> 00:43:08,034
-Oh!
-Oh!
821
00:43:19,948 --> 00:43:22,515
-May the Devil use
your backbone as a trellis,
822
00:43:22,550 --> 00:43:24,884
to pick apples in Hell.
823
00:43:24,919 --> 00:43:29,022
To you, Mr. DiMaggio,
and to you, Dr. Freud.
824
00:43:29,024 --> 00:43:30,556
If you don't know
where you're going,
825
00:43:30,592 --> 00:43:31,057
there are plenty of roads.
826
00:43:37,899 --> 00:43:40,666
-Okay. So, she's
not just crazy beautiful,
827
00:43:40,702 --> 00:43:42,502
she's actually
smart enough to
828
00:43:42,537 --> 00:43:44,904
see right through me.
829
00:43:44,939 --> 00:43:46,513
-You need to look past
the train-wreck he is
830
00:43:46,549 --> 00:43:49,734
and see the man that was
crying when he thought
the doggies wouldn't make it.
831
00:43:49,769 --> 00:43:50,034
-Okay, that's a...
That's a turnoff.
832
00:43:51,938 --> 00:43:54,739
May I just say I'm not
usually the crying type.
833
00:43:54,774 --> 00:43:55,639
-I thought it was sweet,
you know,
834
00:43:55,675 --> 00:43:58,084
you crying
like a little sissy.
835
00:43:58,119 --> 00:44:02,580
-I cried, because when I was
giving them mouth to snout,
836
00:44:02,615 --> 00:44:04,123
Ocho slipped me some tongue.
837
00:44:04,159 --> 00:44:09,687
I-I-I-I-I can still taste the,
ugh, the lamb and carrots.
838
00:44:09,722 --> 00:44:12,065
Okay, okay. Let's...
Let's recap.
839
00:44:12,100 --> 00:44:15,926
I know I come off like a...
Like a bit of a tough guy,
840
00:44:15,962 --> 00:44:19,063
but I do cry when I see
that doggies are hurt,
841
00:44:20,566 --> 00:44:21,499
and you're half naked...
842
00:44:21,534 --> 00:44:23,300
I'm sorry about that.
843
00:44:23,336 --> 00:44:24,068
-Are you?
844
00:44:26,339 --> 00:44:27,071
-Oh, shit.
845
00:44:28,775 --> 00:44:30,466
Don't move.
That's a coral snake.
846
00:44:30,501 --> 00:44:32,768
You'll be totally safe
847
00:44:32,803 --> 00:44:34,770
if you stand there,
just like that,
848
00:44:34,805 --> 00:44:36,038
back lit by the sun,
looking perfect.
849
00:44:39,477 --> 00:44:41,443
Damn it! You moved!
850
00:44:41,479 --> 00:44:42,911
Now you look awful.
851
00:44:42,947 --> 00:44:44,046
You went from looking
like a goddess, to a...
852
00:44:45,583 --> 00:44:47,049
To a favela in a bikini.
853
00:44:48,519 --> 00:44:49,051
-What are we gonna do?
854
00:44:51,489 --> 00:44:54,957
-If we meld as one,
855
00:44:54,992 --> 00:44:56,058
it'll see us as a much
larger and greater threat,
856
00:44:57,728 --> 00:45:00,062
and then slither
away sheepishly.
857
00:45:01,599 --> 00:45:04,066
So, this is us...melding.
858
00:45:05,369 --> 00:45:06,335
Here we go.
859
00:45:06,370 --> 00:45:07,403
-Whoa, whoa.
860
00:45:07,438 --> 00:45:10,039
In chapter seven
861
00:45:10,041 --> 00:45:11,974
in one of the most brilliant
novels I've ever read,
862
00:45:12,009 --> 00:45:13,033
the main character finds
a coral snake in a barn.
863
00:45:15,004 --> 00:45:16,570
Roger tells her,
"Red over yellow
kills a fellow.
864
00:45:16,605 --> 00:45:18,939
Red over black, venom lack."
865
00:45:18,974 --> 00:45:20,207
So our little friend
over there isn't poisonous.
866
00:45:20,242 --> 00:45:21,408
-Wow.
867
00:45:21,443 --> 00:45:22,242
You read my novel?
868
00:45:22,277 --> 00:45:23,777
-Twice.
869
00:45:23,812 --> 00:45:25,412
So I guess
you know what a...
870
00:45:25,447 --> 00:45:27,547
What a clich I am.
871
00:45:27,583 --> 00:45:28,715
-Oh, a writer who drinks.
872
00:45:28,751 --> 00:45:30,784
-You forgot to
mention "tortured."
873
00:45:30,819 --> 00:45:33,520
-And I left out
"scared and insecure."
874
00:45:33,555 --> 00:45:35,389
-Aha! Well, perhaps that
875
00:45:35,424 --> 00:45:37,591
is why I drink.
876
00:45:37,626 --> 00:45:39,435
-But we never see you drink,
877
00:45:39,470 --> 00:45:41,661
because we're always
distracted by the things
you're pointing to, you know?
878
00:45:41,697 --> 00:45:44,731
Justin Bieber,
dumpster fires,
879
00:45:44,767 --> 00:45:45,932
twenty-four hour
Popeyes Chicken...
880
00:45:45,968 --> 00:45:50,404
-The really tall midget
enlightened trucker...
881
00:45:50,439 --> 00:45:51,638
Silent bagpipes,
882
00:45:51,673 --> 00:45:54,600
Pete Best,
Blockbuster Video.
883
00:45:54,635 --> 00:45:55,501
-The cast of "Breakfast Club,"
884
00:45:55,536 --> 00:45:57,770
and one of my favorites,
885
00:45:57,805 --> 00:45:59,038
"That cloud looks
like a drag queen."
886
00:46:00,742 --> 00:46:01,941
Let me see
if I got this straight.
887
00:46:01,976 --> 00:46:04,710
You wrote one novel,
got lots of critical praise,
888
00:46:04,746 --> 00:46:06,045
then you finished?
What happened?
889
00:46:09,417 --> 00:46:11,717
-Wait a second.
890
00:46:11,753 --> 00:46:14,053
Is that Charlie Jones
over there?
891
00:46:15,656 --> 00:46:17,456
Behind that empty typewriter?
892
00:46:17,492 --> 00:46:20,259
Frozen, hammered...
893
00:46:20,294 --> 00:46:22,361
Alone...
894
00:46:22,397 --> 00:46:24,030
-No, it isn't.
895
00:46:24,032 --> 00:46:26,532
I guess if my head was
filled with that kind of crap,
896
00:46:26,567 --> 00:46:27,333
I'd probably drink, too.
897
00:46:27,368 --> 00:46:29,668
But I don't.
898
00:46:29,704 --> 00:46:30,069
So good luck
with your travels.
899
00:46:32,740 --> 00:46:35,532
Wait.
What if I...
900
00:46:35,568 --> 00:46:37,034
What if... I didn't drink?
901
00:46:39,572 --> 00:46:40,037
I guess we'll never know.
902
00:46:41,874 --> 00:46:43,040
But I do know you are
a brilliant writer.
903
00:46:59,759 --> 00:47:02,059
-I swear, that was
not me peeing.
904
00:47:16,976 --> 00:47:18,400
-Last one to drop their
hand off the car wins.
905
00:47:18,435 --> 00:47:20,268
Ocho.
906
00:47:24,274 --> 00:47:25,040
Gracias.
907
00:47:27,978 --> 00:47:30,045
-Uncle Gravy saw some
bad boys right over there.
908
00:47:31,315 --> 00:47:32,714
Oh, yeah.
909
00:47:32,750 --> 00:47:35,484
Yeah, you gotta be
real careful.
910
00:47:35,519 --> 00:47:36,051
They got 10,000 eyes.
911
00:47:38,555 --> 00:47:40,489
Kind of like my ex-wife.
912
00:47:40,524 --> 00:47:41,482
-Are you gonna do it?
913
00:47:41,517 --> 00:47:43,058
-It's been a long time.
914
00:47:44,361 --> 00:47:45,553
I'm scared.
915
00:47:45,588 --> 00:47:46,061
-Do it. You won't. No balls.
916
00:47:47,331 --> 00:47:49,064
-No balls?
917
00:47:55,539 --> 00:47:57,572
-I got him! I got him!
918
00:47:57,608 --> 00:47:58,032
I gotcha! You're gonna...
919
00:47:59,235 --> 00:48:01,736
-Ahem!
920
00:48:01,771 --> 00:48:03,037
-Oh, yeah.
I need one of your hairs.
921
00:48:04,741 --> 00:48:07,274
You're ready for
your little leash?
922
00:48:10,713 --> 00:48:12,413
-Que paso, little flower?
Yes?
923
00:48:12,448 --> 00:48:14,415
-Dad, what's sex?
924
00:48:17,687 --> 00:48:18,853
-Have fun
with that one, Dad.
925
00:48:18,888 --> 00:48:20,721
Listen up. He's got a lot
of good advice.
926
00:48:20,757 --> 00:48:23,724
-Yeah, Felipa.
Thank you very much.
927
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,393
-What's sex? Huh?
Tell her, Dad.
928
00:48:25,428 --> 00:48:26,060
-Let's hear it.
929
00:48:27,563 --> 00:48:29,330
-Excuse me.
Thank you.
930
00:48:29,365 --> 00:48:31,665
Um... Uh...
931
00:48:31,701 --> 00:48:33,567
Sex is like, like...
It's...
932
00:48:33,603 --> 00:48:35,970
It's when you hug someone.
933
00:48:36,005 --> 00:48:37,905
-Come on, brother, that's it?
-Hug real tight.
934
00:48:37,940 --> 00:48:40,532
-So, wait.
So I've had sex
with my grandpa.
935
00:48:40,568 --> 00:48:42,267
-I wouldn't be surprised.
936
00:48:44,238 --> 00:48:46,739
-Okay.
937
00:48:46,774 --> 00:48:48,040
Well, I...
I guess you're old enough.
938
00:48:50,678 --> 00:48:54,046
Sex is when
Mommy and Daddy...
939
00:48:56,951 --> 00:49:00,919
And we don't
have any clothes on.
940
00:49:00,955 --> 00:49:02,988
-Well, you better get
naked and start hugging,
941
00:49:03,024 --> 00:49:06,358
'cause they said dinner
will be ready in two secs.
942
00:49:10,331 --> 00:49:12,698
-Yes! Yes!
943
00:49:12,733 --> 00:49:15,901
Dinner will be ready
in two secs!
944
00:49:15,936 --> 00:49:17,836
He's my son and
I love him, but...
945
00:49:17,872 --> 00:49:20,147
You know,
you hate to see 'em struggle.
946
00:49:20,183 --> 00:49:24,043
This thing that
he's struggling with,
has this, uh...
947
00:49:24,078 --> 00:49:26,470
Has this got anything to do
with why he's not married
948
00:49:26,505 --> 00:49:29,206
and not settled down?
949
00:49:29,241 --> 00:49:30,741
-Yeah.
950
00:49:30,776 --> 00:49:32,976
Well, hopefully
he'll figure it out.
951
00:49:33,012 --> 00:49:35,045
We got a guy coming up
that's gonna help with that.
952
00:49:36,215 --> 00:49:38,048
-Oh!
953
00:49:39,318 --> 00:49:41,418
I get it.
954
00:49:41,453 --> 00:49:43,387
-You do?
-Yeah.
955
00:49:43,422 --> 00:49:44,588
Hey, it's fine.
956
00:49:44,623 --> 00:49:47,424
I mean, every family has got
957
00:49:47,459 --> 00:49:48,058
someone who is...
958
00:49:49,395 --> 00:49:50,794
...different.
959
00:49:50,829 --> 00:49:52,863
I mean, and you're
fine with it, right?
960
00:49:52,898 --> 00:49:54,531
You've probably seen
a whole lot of stuff.
961
00:49:54,566 --> 00:49:55,065
-I used to be a fireman.
962
00:49:57,669 --> 00:49:58,602
Drinking got
the best of me.
963
00:49:58,637 --> 00:49:59,069
I couldn't control it, so...
964
00:50:01,473 --> 00:50:02,072
...they fired me.
965
00:50:03,534 --> 00:50:04,500
Tried the Bible.
966
00:50:04,535 --> 00:50:06,469
Jim Beam vs. John 3:10.
967
00:50:06,504 --> 00:50:08,337
That didn't work out.
968
00:50:08,373 --> 00:50:09,205
-Jim Beam won?
969
00:50:09,240 --> 00:50:11,741
-Yeah.
970
00:50:11,776 --> 00:50:13,042
I went to AA.
Let go and let God...
971
00:50:16,848 --> 00:50:19,915
I'm keeping my side
of the street clean.
972
00:50:19,951 --> 00:50:22,051
-You know,
as a parent I made
mistakes, too.
973
00:50:23,888 --> 00:50:24,854
I mean, I know it
really bothers Ron Ron,
974
00:50:24,889 --> 00:50:28,357
the way I focus in
on Franklin's potential.
975
00:50:28,393 --> 00:50:29,258
But Ron Ron...
976
00:50:29,293 --> 00:50:30,793
He's...
977
00:50:30,828 --> 00:50:32,061
He's special.
978
00:50:37,335 --> 00:50:39,176
-Special.
979
00:50:39,211 --> 00:50:43,113
You know, a couple of
old school guys
like you and me...
980
00:50:45,968 --> 00:50:47,267
...gotta learn it's
a new world out there, man.
981
00:50:47,303 --> 00:50:48,035
New rules.
982
00:50:49,638 --> 00:50:51,205
Charlie's gonna be all right.
983
00:50:51,240 --> 00:50:52,473
-Yeah.
984
00:50:52,508 --> 00:50:53,049
-And I mean, things...
985
00:50:53,084 --> 00:50:56,085
Things are
a lot easier nowadays
for guys like him.
986
00:50:58,481 --> 00:51:00,381
I'll be right back.
987
00:51:01,650 --> 00:51:03,717
-It's like a little fly kite.
988
00:51:03,753 --> 00:51:05,052
He looks like
a real goer.
989
00:51:06,589 --> 00:51:07,054
Watch what I do next here.
990
00:51:09,392 --> 00:51:11,458
Okay, big guy.
991
00:51:11,494 --> 00:51:12,059
Time to go to work.
992
00:51:16,140 --> 00:51:19,333
-Going somewhere with
all those
bells and smells on?
993
00:51:20,636 --> 00:51:22,636
-Uh, I was just about to...
994
00:51:22,671 --> 00:51:24,438
-I know where
you're going.
995
00:51:24,473 --> 00:51:25,806
-You do?
-Yep.
996
00:51:25,841 --> 00:51:28,400
And I think you two
make a great pair.
997
00:51:28,435 --> 00:51:30,702
-You do?
-Yes!
998
00:51:30,738 --> 00:51:31,036
I even like
the ring of her name.
999
00:51:32,506 --> 00:51:33,038
-Shantaysia.
-Fe...
1000
00:51:34,541 --> 00:51:36,541
Shan... Shantaysia? Oh.
1001
00:51:36,577 --> 00:51:38,844
-Yeah, yeah.
-Shantaysia.
1002
00:51:38,879 --> 00:51:40,579
-Now, look,
I know what you're
gonna say.
1003
00:51:40,614 --> 00:51:41,046
I know I push a little hard.
1004
00:51:42,850 --> 00:51:44,783
But it's because you got
so much promise,
1005
00:51:44,818 --> 00:51:46,051
and I just want you
to deliver on it.
1006
00:51:47,521 --> 00:51:48,687
See, back in the day,
1007
00:51:48,722 --> 00:51:50,489
when I was
coming up your age...
1008
00:51:50,524 --> 00:51:52,533
Phew! And the time...
1009
00:51:52,568 --> 00:51:55,102
I never would have dreamed
I'd have a son that's on
the verge of running a city.
1010
00:51:56,730 --> 00:51:59,664
I just want to
say to you, son...
1011
00:51:59,700 --> 00:52:00,332
I'm proud of you.
-Oh, Pop.
1012
00:52:00,367 --> 00:52:02,501
-Real proud.
1013
00:52:02,536 --> 00:52:03,068
-Oh, Pop. Thanks, man.
1014
00:52:05,272 --> 00:52:07,773
Whoo.
1015
00:52:07,808 --> 00:52:09,332
-Now you go ahead on
for your walk.
1016
00:52:10,569 --> 00:52:12,244
-And don't make her late.
1017
00:52:12,279 --> 00:52:15,405
No son of mine is gonna
take longer than a woman
to get ready.
1018
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:17,040
-Oh, come on, man.
1019
00:52:19,011 --> 00:52:20,310
You sound like an episode
of "Sanford and Son."
1020
00:52:20,345 --> 00:52:23,646
Oh!
1021
00:52:23,682 --> 00:52:26,049
Ah! Romance is
in the hizzouse.
1022
00:52:27,319 --> 00:52:29,819
-Hey, hey.
1023
00:52:29,855 --> 00:52:31,321
-Hey, Shay-Shay.
-Hey. Have a nice walk.
1024
00:52:31,356 --> 00:52:33,923
-All right.
1025
00:52:33,959 --> 00:52:35,058
-Uh... Then where is he
going all dressed up?
1026
00:52:37,429 --> 00:52:38,762
Who isn't here?
1027
00:52:38,797 --> 00:52:40,063
Hey, Charlie,
where are you?
1028
00:52:41,333 --> 00:52:42,065
-Charlie?
1029
00:52:46,538 --> 00:52:48,071
Charlie and Franklin?
1030
00:52:51,302 --> 00:52:52,034
Oh, Lord.
1031
00:52:58,776 --> 00:53:01,276
-Oh, hey. You're here.
How you doing?
1032
00:53:01,312 --> 00:53:02,511
-I'm good.
1033
00:53:02,546 --> 00:53:03,312
-Funny seeing you here.
1034
00:53:03,347 --> 00:53:05,314
-Not really.
1035
00:53:05,349 --> 00:53:06,815
-Uh, just...
1036
00:53:06,851 --> 00:53:08,951
Well, being that I'm here,
you're here,
1037
00:53:08,986 --> 00:53:09,051
I thought
we could talk about
this whole...
1038
00:53:11,455 --> 00:53:13,389
...Fake Mom thing.
1039
00:53:13,424 --> 00:53:14,390
-What about it?
1040
00:53:14,425 --> 00:53:16,925
-Maybe, well...
1041
00:53:16,961 --> 00:53:17,059
Not that I thought
about it a lot, but I did...
1042
00:53:19,964 --> 00:53:22,498
...jot down some alts,
as you kids like to say.
1043
00:53:22,533 --> 00:53:23,766
-I've never said that.
1044
00:53:23,801 --> 00:53:24,533
-You don't say "alts" for...
Okay.
1045
00:53:24,568 --> 00:53:26,535
-You wrote all of that?
1046
00:53:26,570 --> 00:53:27,803
-Yeah, just a few, um...
1047
00:53:27,838 --> 00:53:31,573
Just a few alternatives
to "Fake Mom."
1048
00:53:31,609 --> 00:53:32,632
Not that I don't love it.
1049
00:53:32,668 --> 00:53:34,076
But I just thought,
why not...
1050
00:53:34,111 --> 00:53:38,605
...Trophy Mom?
I could be like
a Trophy Mom, you know?
1051
00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:39,473
I always wanted...
-No. No.
1052
00:53:39,508 --> 00:53:40,474
-No? Okay, not great.
1053
00:53:40,509 --> 00:53:42,042
Okay. How about, um...
1054
00:53:43,312 --> 00:53:44,277
Mom Again?
1055
00:53:44,313 --> 00:53:45,479
Mom Again.
1056
00:53:45,514 --> 00:53:47,014
You know what I mean?
1057
00:53:47,016 --> 00:53:48,849
Like, when you call me,
you'll be like, "Mom Again!"
1058
00:53:48,884 --> 00:53:52,452
-No. Fake Mom.
-Okay. How about "This Mom"?
1059
00:53:52,488 --> 00:53:54,446
This Mom. This Mom.
1060
00:53:54,481 --> 00:53:55,922
You know what I mean?
1061
00:53:55,958 --> 00:53:58,717
-Who would say any of this?
-Probably nobody.
1062
00:53:58,752 --> 00:53:59,659
How about "Other Mom"?
"Cute Mom"?
1063
00:53:59,695 --> 00:54:02,654
-Cute? Cute Mom?
-"Mom Mom"?
1064
00:54:02,689 --> 00:54:03,730
Okay, "Mom Mom."
Mom Mom is cute.
1065
00:54:03,766 --> 00:54:05,565
Right? You'll be like,
"Mom Mom!"
1066
00:54:05,601 --> 00:54:06,933
-What am I, two years old?
1067
00:54:06,969 --> 00:54:08,702
-'Cause it wouldn't be like
your first mom...
1068
00:54:08,737 --> 00:54:10,504
-I have my real mom...
-Uh-huh.
1069
00:54:10,539 --> 00:54:11,180
-And then I have you.
1070
00:54:11,215 --> 00:54:14,766
-Right and I would never wanna--
-And you are my fake mom.
1071
00:54:14,801 --> 00:54:17,836
And you need to
stop trying to act...
1072
00:54:17,871 --> 00:54:18,470
-Take the place of her.
-Yeah, exactly.
1073
00:54:18,505 --> 00:54:19,504
-Yeah, I would never.
1074
00:54:19,539 --> 00:54:20,605
-Well, you're trying to.
1075
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:22,040
-No, I don't.
I wouldn't...
1076
00:54:23,877 --> 00:54:26,411
I think this has been
a productive talk.
1077
00:54:26,446 --> 00:54:27,879
All right, well...
1078
00:54:27,914 --> 00:54:29,881
Um, do you want me to
button up your shirt?
1079
00:54:29,916 --> 00:54:31,549
No. Okay.
It's supposed to
be like that.
1080
00:54:31,585 --> 00:54:32,283
-Yeah.
-Okay. All right.
1081
00:54:32,319 --> 00:54:33,284
All right.
1082
00:54:40,627 --> 00:54:42,727
-My family may not win this.
1083
00:54:42,763 --> 00:54:44,062
Which means
my plans get flushed.
1084
00:54:46,666 --> 00:54:47,699
-You've got to tell your dad.
1085
00:54:47,734 --> 00:54:49,067
We both do.
I can't keep lying.
1086
00:54:52,706 --> 00:54:54,906
-I don't know.
My dad is crazy.
1087
00:54:54,941 --> 00:54:57,468
It's like he wants me to be
Mayor someday,
1088
00:54:57,503 --> 00:54:59,244
so it's...
You know?
1089
00:54:59,279 --> 00:55:02,973
-Yeah. And you can't do that
with a Mexican woman
by your side.
1090
00:55:03,009 --> 00:55:05,409
-What? I didn't say that.
I mean, why did you...
1091
00:55:05,444 --> 00:55:07,845
-Look, Franklin...
1092
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:09,646
I'm glad that you
worry about your father.
1093
00:55:09,682 --> 00:55:11,582
I worry about
my father, too.
1094
00:55:11,617 --> 00:55:13,817
They want
so much for us,
1095
00:55:13,853 --> 00:55:14,051
even though sometimes
it's misguided.
1096
00:55:16,956 --> 00:55:19,590
But I think that we've been
fooling ourselves
1097
00:55:19,625 --> 00:55:21,592
hoping that this will work.
1098
00:55:21,627 --> 00:55:23,794
-What are you talking about?
1099
00:55:23,829 --> 00:55:24,461
-We were going to
lean on each other,
1100
00:55:24,497 --> 00:55:27,831
but maybe we can't.
1101
00:55:27,867 --> 00:55:29,107
And it's better that
we learned it now,
1102
00:55:29,142 --> 00:55:32,636
before we commit to
something that
isn't gonna work.
1103
00:55:32,671 --> 00:55:33,070
-Felipa, what are you saying?
1104
00:55:35,741 --> 00:55:36,073
Making it easier
on both of us.
1105
00:55:38,235 --> 00:55:39,034
What?
1106
00:55:41,605 --> 00:55:43,238
Felipa, what are you doing?
1107
00:55:43,273 --> 00:55:44,039
Felipa.
1108
00:55:48,245 --> 00:55:49,044
Fuck!
1109
00:55:58,856 --> 00:56:00,297
-Ron Ron, I told you
to knock that off.
1110
00:56:00,332 --> 00:56:03,792
You're gonna mess around
and put a hole
in the back of your neck.
1111
00:56:03,827 --> 00:56:05,327
-So you're just
telling me stuff, huh?
1112
00:56:05,362 --> 00:56:06,428
You told me?
1113
00:56:06,463 --> 00:56:07,362
-Yeah, I told you.
1114
00:56:07,398 --> 00:56:08,230
-You told me?
1115
00:56:08,265 --> 00:56:09,064
-Yes.
1116
00:56:10,267 --> 00:56:11,066
-Okay.
1117
00:56:12,703 --> 00:56:13,568
Oh, that's it, Ron Ron.
1118
00:56:13,604 --> 00:56:15,112
Wear those pants, brother.
1119
00:56:15,147 --> 00:56:17,114
That way it'll tell your wife
who's the boss, brother.
1120
00:56:19,835 --> 00:56:21,468
-You know something?
Watch this. Ahem!
1121
00:56:21,503 --> 00:56:23,178
Keko, check this out.
1122
00:56:23,213 --> 00:56:27,674
I'm in this contest where I
keep my hand
on this damn car,
1123
00:56:27,709 --> 00:56:28,541
so I can win it
for the family.
1124
00:56:28,577 --> 00:56:30,910
I'm a little thirsty now.
1125
00:56:30,946 --> 00:56:31,044
I want you to go get me
one of those beers,
1126
00:56:32,381 --> 00:56:33,613
open the top,
1127
00:56:33,648 --> 00:56:35,515
and put the beer
on my lips
1128
00:56:35,550 --> 00:56:36,182
and pour it in my mouth.
1129
00:56:36,218 --> 00:56:38,385
Now!
1130
00:56:38,420 --> 00:56:39,953
Bullshit!
1131
00:56:39,988 --> 00:56:42,989
Do I look like somebody
who's gonna pop a beer,
1132
00:56:43,025 --> 00:56:45,058
put it on your lips and
pour it down your throat?
1133
00:56:47,462 --> 00:56:48,628
-Never mind, baby.
1134
00:56:48,663 --> 00:56:50,363
-Wow! What a beautiful thing.
1135
00:56:50,399 --> 00:56:51,631
I mean, look.
1136
00:56:51,666 --> 00:56:55,668
Every creed, race,
and creed
1137
00:56:55,704 --> 00:56:58,071
just hanging loose.
It's...
1138
00:57:00,542 --> 00:57:01,032
I wanna give a speech.
1139
00:57:07,240 --> 00:57:09,974
-Uh...
1140
00:57:10,010 --> 00:57:12,844
So, you gonna make
that speech, hopper,
or what?
1141
00:57:12,879 --> 00:57:13,044
-Well, I gotta write
something down first.
1142
00:57:16,649 --> 00:57:17,482
-That man is
out of his mind.
1143
00:57:17,517 --> 00:57:19,283
-He's a lunatic, man.
1144
00:57:20,453 --> 00:57:22,453
-What's up, guys?
1145
00:57:22,489 --> 00:57:24,689
-What's up, Charlie?
1146
00:57:24,724 --> 00:57:25,056
-You smell what
I'm stepping in?
1147
00:57:26,826 --> 00:57:27,725
You smell
of something, brother.
1148
00:57:27,761 --> 00:57:29,827
-Yeah, the kids
used to say that.
1149
00:57:29,863 --> 00:57:31,729
-What kids used to say that?
I don't...
1150
00:57:31,765 --> 00:57:33,598
-I heard a couple
of kids say it.
1151
00:57:33,633 --> 00:57:35,408
Oh, hey Charlie, man.
1152
00:57:35,444 --> 00:57:38,111
I see your hybrid's got
all the latest gadgets,
man, that's pretty cool.
1153
00:57:39,773 --> 00:57:40,238
It's like...
It's like "Star Trek."
1154
00:57:40,273 --> 00:57:41,114
-What?
1155
00:57:41,149 --> 00:57:43,467
-Yeah, yeah. You got one of
those special force fields.
1156
00:57:43,502 --> 00:57:45,369
What do they call it?
1157
00:57:45,404 --> 00:57:46,303
Pussy Deflector.
1158
00:57:47,573 --> 00:57:49,706
-Charlie, where were you?
1159
00:57:49,742 --> 00:57:50,941
-I was in the lake,
washing up.
1160
00:57:50,976 --> 00:57:53,043
-Oh, yeah? Did you wash
behind your ears, fool?
1161
00:57:54,780 --> 00:57:56,046
♪ Did you wash
behind your ears? ♪
1162
00:58:00,619 --> 00:58:02,853
-♪ Wash behind the ears ♪
1163
00:58:02,888 --> 00:58:06,923
-♪ Why don't you shut
The fuck up? ♪
1164
00:58:06,959 --> 00:58:07,824
You know, Jose,
maybe you should try washing.
1165
00:58:07,860 --> 00:58:10,827
I mean, even your tent
has skid marks.
1166
00:58:10,863 --> 00:58:13,271
And don't be stingy
with the Lever 2000.
1167
00:58:13,306 --> 00:58:16,733
Maybe you should call them
and see if they got
a Lever 10000.
1168
00:58:16,769 --> 00:58:17,801
-What are you
talking about, man?
1169
00:58:17,836 --> 00:58:19,569
That's pheromones.
The chicks dig that.
1170
00:58:19,605 --> 00:58:20,070
Jose does smell.
1171
00:58:22,508 --> 00:58:23,607
You got that right.
1172
00:58:23,642 --> 00:58:25,200
Hey, pass me that bullhorn.
1173
00:58:25,235 --> 00:58:26,034
What?
1174
00:58:29,473 --> 00:58:31,473
Hey, y'all.
1175
00:58:31,508 --> 00:58:34,776
Jose BO smell so bad,
1176
00:58:34,811 --> 00:58:36,277
he need the Right
and the Left Guard.
1177
00:58:38,323 --> 00:58:41,950
You get it? 'Cause it's
the Right Guard,
that's what it's called.
1178
00:58:41,985 --> 00:58:43,952
And he smells,
so he needs
both sides of it,
1179
00:58:43,987 --> 00:58:45,195
'cause it's the left...
-Man: Yeah, they got it.
1180
00:58:45,230 --> 00:58:48,265
They didn't like that one?
Okay, I got another one
for you.
1181
00:58:48,300 --> 00:58:53,103
What is the flattest surface
that you could
iron anything on?
1182
00:58:55,699 --> 00:58:58,400
A white girl's ass.
1183
00:58:58,435 --> 00:59:00,301
-Hey! Bullshit!
1184
00:59:00,337 --> 00:59:02,771
Bullshit!
1185
00:59:02,806 --> 00:59:05,306
Check out this
masterpiece of assery.
1186
00:59:05,342 --> 00:59:06,566
-Oh, yeah.
1187
00:59:08,703 --> 00:59:09,936
-Mind if I do
a little tucking?
1188
00:59:09,971 --> 00:59:12,972
I don't know.
It looks pretty flat to me.
1189
00:59:13,008 --> 00:59:14,741
Although, wait a minute.
Maybe this is a bad angle.
1190
00:59:14,776 --> 00:59:15,150
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You check it out.
1191
00:59:15,185 --> 00:59:17,085
-We got a challenger on
the plane,
ladies and gentlemen.
1192
00:59:19,381 --> 00:59:20,088
Yeah, my bad.
1193
00:59:20,123 --> 00:59:22,548
I was wrong. You're right.
Okay, I'll concede the point.
1194
00:59:22,584 --> 00:59:24,317
Oh, I got one, I got one.
1195
00:59:24,352 --> 00:59:25,093
Right, uh...
1196
00:59:25,128 --> 00:59:29,422
Okay, y'all.
What's nine inches long
and white? Huh?
1197
00:59:29,457 --> 00:59:32,425
Anybody? Anybody?
1198
00:59:32,460 --> 00:59:34,293
Not a damn thing!
1199
00:59:37,365 --> 00:59:38,531
-Oh, really?
1200
00:59:38,566 --> 00:59:40,400
Really? I call bullshit.
1201
00:59:40,435 --> 00:59:41,868
Oh, yeah?
1202
00:59:41,903 --> 00:59:44,370
-Check out this masterpiece
of dickery.
1203
00:59:47,868 --> 00:59:48,400
-All right, all right.
Fine, fine, fine.
1204
00:59:48,435 --> 00:59:49,401
Give me that horn.
1205
00:59:49,436 --> 00:59:51,277
Give me that horn.
1206
00:59:51,312 --> 00:59:54,673
-And now Charlie has taken
the bullhorn,
ladies and gentlemen.
1207
00:59:54,708 --> 00:59:55,507
This competition
is heating up.
1208
00:59:55,542 --> 00:59:56,041
Let's see what he's got.
1209
00:59:58,946 --> 01:00:00,712
-Did you hear about
the black and Mexican guy
1210
01:00:00,748 --> 01:00:02,314
that opened
a restaurant together?
1211
01:00:02,349 --> 01:00:03,815
No.
1212
01:00:03,851 --> 01:00:06,059
It's called "Nacho Mama."
1213
01:00:06,094 --> 01:00:08,420
-Oh, hey, what
happens when a white
guy with a boner
1214
01:00:08,455 --> 01:00:10,322
walks into a wall?
1215
01:00:10,357 --> 01:00:11,456
What?
1216
01:00:11,492 --> 01:00:12,324
-He breaks his nose.
1217
01:00:17,831 --> 01:00:19,297
Franklin,
he takes the bullhorn.
1218
01:00:19,333 --> 01:00:21,666
All right.
1219
01:00:21,702 --> 01:00:24,503
Why do white people love hockey?
1220
01:00:24,538 --> 01:00:26,638
-Why?
-Why is that?
1221
01:00:26,673 --> 01:00:27,146
-Because if they ain't a cop,
1222
01:00:27,182 --> 01:00:29,265
that's the only chance
they get
to beat something black.
1223
01:00:29,301 --> 01:00:32,402
-Ooh, ooh.
1224
01:00:32,437 --> 01:00:35,805
-Oh, in your face!
1225
01:00:35,841 --> 01:00:38,508
-What do you call
a black man in a suit?
1226
01:00:38,543 --> 01:00:40,310
-What?
-The defendant.
1227
01:00:44,158 --> 01:00:48,018
-I got one, I got one,
you guys,
wait for this. Ready?
1228
01:00:48,020 --> 01:00:49,652
-Oh, ladies and gentleman,
looks like the pole dancer
1229
01:00:49,688 --> 01:00:51,921
wants to enter
the competition.
1230
01:00:51,957 --> 01:00:53,656
She's teeing it up,
let's see what she's got.
1231
01:00:53,692 --> 01:00:56,259
-What do you call
a black...
1232
01:00:56,294 --> 01:00:58,762
wait...
1233
01:00:58,797 --> 01:01:01,631
-Ooh, and Daisy Duke's
got nothing.
1234
01:01:01,666 --> 01:01:04,142
Fuck this shit.
1235
01:01:04,178 --> 01:01:06,903
-All right. Well,
there's some
good news and bad news.
1236
01:01:06,938 --> 01:01:09,906
While she had
the bullhorn, ratings spiked,
1237
01:01:09,941 --> 01:01:12,300
but the bad news
is everybody's IQ went down.
1238
01:01:19,009 --> 01:01:20,975
-Okay, all right,
all right.
I got one for you.
1239
01:01:21,011 --> 01:01:23,478
Uh...hey! What do
white women
make for dinner?
1240
01:01:23,513 --> 01:01:25,313
-What?
-Reservations.
1241
01:01:29,786 --> 01:01:31,127
-Oh, no, and ladies
and gentlemen,
1242
01:01:31,163 --> 01:01:34,789
the park rangers
are getting involved
in the competition.
1243
01:01:34,824 --> 01:01:36,891
And either
this brother is color blind
1244
01:01:36,926 --> 01:01:38,726
or he is flat-out
helping the wrong family.
1245
01:01:38,762 --> 01:01:42,430
You sure about that?
1246
01:01:42,465 --> 01:01:43,998
-They'll love it.
1247
01:01:44,034 --> 01:01:46,667
When a black
and a Mexican are in a car,
1248
01:01:46,703 --> 01:01:48,302
who's driving?
-Everyone: Who?
1249
01:01:48,338 --> 01:01:50,304
-The cop.
1250
01:01:54,277 --> 01:01:57,903
-Yeah, okay, brother, don't--
check on out.
okay, thank you.
1251
01:01:57,939 --> 01:02:00,740
Yeah, you can go on
and clock out. Thank you.
1252
01:02:00,775 --> 01:02:03,976
And now,
Franklin takes the bullhorn.
1253
01:02:04,012 --> 01:02:06,379
Let's see if he
can pull one out
for his team.
1254
01:02:06,414 --> 01:02:07,747
All right, uh...
1255
01:02:07,782 --> 01:02:09,382
why do white folks
have so many pets?
1256
01:02:09,417 --> 01:02:10,783
Why?
1257
01:02:10,818 --> 01:02:12,051
-'Cause they can't
own people anymore.
1258
01:02:14,889 --> 01:02:16,522
Boom! Drop the bull horn.
That's right.
1259
01:02:18,459 --> 01:02:20,192
-Hey! Ya, ya, ya!
1260
01:02:20,228 --> 01:02:22,395
-Ya!
1261
01:02:22,430 --> 01:02:25,598
-Hey, hey, hey!
1262
01:02:25,633 --> 01:02:27,600
What's going on, everybody?
1263
01:02:27,635 --> 01:02:28,734
My name is Johnny Jon-John.
1264
01:02:28,770 --> 01:02:30,603
I'll be running
the intervention.
1265
01:02:30,638 --> 01:02:31,937
And it is for Charlie Jones,
1266
01:02:31,973 --> 01:02:33,439
is there a a Charlie Jones?
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1267
01:02:33,474 --> 01:02:34,499
-No, no, not now.
1268
01:02:34,534 --> 01:02:36,108
-An intervention for me?
1269
01:02:36,144 --> 01:02:40,312
-No, no, no. You can go now.
We don't need you. We're fine.
1270
01:02:40,348 --> 01:02:44,809
-I should have seen you
a mile away. Yes, sir,
let's get right to it.
1271
01:02:44,845 --> 01:02:46,044
Anyone want to speak
up about this joker?
1272
01:02:48,382 --> 01:02:50,815
Okay. I'll go.
1273
01:02:50,851 --> 01:02:53,752
All right, uh...
this is an intervention.
1274
01:02:53,787 --> 01:02:55,494
10th one's free.
Another joke we do.
1275
01:02:55,530 --> 01:02:58,364
I like to lighten the mood
a little bit when someone
is heading into the grave.
1276
01:02:58,399 --> 01:03:02,894
Your family put
together a list of things
you've done while... drunk.
1277
01:03:02,929 --> 01:03:04,896
-They put together a list?
-Yeah, that's...
1278
01:03:04,931 --> 01:03:07,866
that's how it works.
-Give us the short list.
1279
01:03:07,901 --> 01:03:10,635
-Let's see, boo...
you burned down a farm,
1280
01:03:10,670 --> 01:03:14,839
with a barn
and three cows?
1281
01:03:14,875 --> 01:03:16,366
-They were goats.
-Oh, they were goats.
1282
01:03:16,401 --> 01:03:18,735
Only goats, oh.
1283
01:03:18,770 --> 01:03:20,603
Well, that's cool.
He's a great guy.
1284
01:03:20,638 --> 01:03:22,805
For he's a jolly...
1285
01:03:22,841 --> 01:03:24,049
No, you're horrible.
I'm kidding again.
1286
01:03:24,084 --> 01:03:26,876
Oh, it keeps going.
You got drunk
at a carnival
1287
01:03:26,911 --> 01:03:29,045
and you shot a fireman?
-He was off duty.
1288
01:03:30,582 --> 01:03:32,882
And a bit shifty.
-Oh.
1289
01:03:32,917 --> 01:03:35,752
Okay, off duty and shifty.
-He was shifty.
1290
01:03:35,787 --> 01:03:37,395
-Sounds to me
like you're enabling.
1291
01:03:37,431 --> 01:03:40,757
-Oh, that's a pretty
big word for something
that I'm... not really doing.
1292
01:03:40,792 --> 01:03:42,859
-You unbolted
the ferris wheel too?
1293
01:03:42,894 --> 01:03:46,896
-Yeah, it's a wheel,
so it could roam away.
1294
01:03:46,931 --> 01:03:48,765
-To give it a head start
for the next town.
1295
01:03:48,800 --> 01:03:50,533
-Hello?
-Shaved a librarian's head?
1296
01:03:50,568 --> 01:03:52,210
-She may have had lice.
1297
01:03:52,245 --> 01:03:55,605
-All right, and you pushed your
cousin Bobby down some stairs.
1298
01:03:55,640 --> 01:03:57,707
He had lice, right.
1299
01:03:57,742 --> 01:03:59,633
He's got the RID
and the comb.
1300
01:03:59,669 --> 01:04:00,176
All right,
you did him a favor.
1301
01:04:00,211 --> 01:04:05,940
Uh, did you shoot 72
bottle rockets
at your old high school?
1302
01:04:05,975 --> 01:04:07,575
-Let's just say
that I enhanced its curb appeal.
1303
01:04:07,610 --> 01:04:09,443
And most of them were duds.
1304
01:04:09,479 --> 01:04:11,712
-Over 50%?
-Duh.
1305
01:04:11,748 --> 01:04:13,514
-Holy shit,
what am I doing here?
1306
01:04:13,549 --> 01:04:15,783
What a waste of my time.
1307
01:04:15,818 --> 01:04:16,217
This guy seems fine
to me. You single?
1308
01:04:16,252 --> 01:04:20,721
-Uh...
1309
01:04:20,757 --> 01:04:23,624
I am, but now
that you mention it,
1310
01:04:23,659 --> 01:04:26,727
I was... but a few hours ago,
1311
01:04:26,763 --> 01:04:29,063
I'm... now I'm not...
Not... no.
1312
01:04:30,666 --> 01:04:32,108
-Final answer?
-Final answer.
1313
01:04:32,143 --> 01:04:35,369
-I wasn't even talking
to you. I was talking
to her.
1314
01:04:35,405 --> 01:04:37,838
-Me? Holy God.
1315
01:04:37,874 --> 01:04:39,699
-Sounds like a no, um...
-You know what?
1316
01:04:39,735 --> 01:04:41,668
This, this, this,
whole event...
1317
01:04:41,703 --> 01:04:44,838
can, can, can
"mange" my taint.
1318
01:04:44,873 --> 01:04:46,773
I don't need this,
this, this intervention.
1319
01:04:46,808 --> 01:04:48,775
-Well, I fucking
don't need it either.
1320
01:04:48,810 --> 01:04:50,777
All right, I'm outy
like five thouty.
1321
01:04:50,812 --> 01:04:52,712
Anybody need weed,
holler at your boy.
1322
01:04:52,748 --> 01:04:55,849
It's nice out here!
I'm joking.
1323
01:04:55,884 --> 01:04:58,218
This place is fun
if I was the Zika virus.
1324
01:04:58,253 --> 01:04:59,052
Uber!
1325
01:05:00,756 --> 01:05:02,622
-What the hell
was that all about?
1326
01:05:02,657 --> 01:05:04,224
-Look, son, we didn't mean to.
1327
01:05:04,259 --> 01:05:06,559
-Shit.
1328
01:05:06,595 --> 01:05:08,995
Took my hand off the car.
1329
01:05:09,031 --> 01:05:12,899
-Oh, yeah, so now
it's just me
and Mr. Jonas.
1330
01:05:12,934 --> 01:05:14,734
-Jose: Oh, no,
Papi's going to swat the fly.
1331
01:05:14,770 --> 01:05:16,336
Papi, Papi, Papi, wait!
1332
01:05:18,807 --> 01:05:21,566
-Dad.
-You let go of the door, Pops.
1333
01:05:21,601 --> 01:05:23,434
-I won! I won! I won, I won!
1334
01:05:23,470 --> 01:05:25,370
We won! Oh, my Gosh!
1335
01:05:25,405 --> 01:05:27,380
-Well, we won...
1336
01:05:27,416 --> 01:05:30,150
But it was kind of fun
the way it turned out.
Why doesn't everybody stay?
1337
01:05:30,185 --> 01:05:33,511
-I agree! Let's just
everybody stay
and enjoy the weekend.
1338
01:05:33,546 --> 01:05:35,188
-All right, we'll stay.
1339
01:05:35,223 --> 01:05:38,583
But you gotta be able
to keep a leash
on your son Charlie.
1340
01:05:38,618 --> 01:05:40,718
-What!
-Wait, wait, wait...
1341
01:05:40,754 --> 01:05:42,128
What the hell
did that just mean?
1342
01:05:42,164 --> 01:05:47,825
-Madonna, some pendejo tried
to pin a mosq on my shirt...
1343
01:05:47,861 --> 01:05:51,996
with a blonde hair,
the whites cheated.
1344
01:05:52,032 --> 01:05:53,064
-Hey, I mean,
come on, now...
the whites cheated
1345
01:05:54,901 --> 01:05:56,367
and now Charlie
is after my son Franklin.
1346
01:05:56,403 --> 01:05:58,736
-What?
-What?
1347
01:05:58,772 --> 01:06:00,538
-Pop, what are you
talking about?
1348
01:06:00,573 --> 01:06:02,040
-Come on, now, Franklin.
1349
01:06:02,042 --> 01:06:03,107
I mean, you should
have told me
that you were gay.
1350
01:06:03,143 --> 01:06:07,703
I mean, is that why
you... don't want
to run for Mayor?
1351
01:06:07,739 --> 01:06:09,080
-Are you kidding...
I'm not gay.
1352
01:06:09,115 --> 01:06:11,607
And if I was gay,
I could get way
better than Charlie.
1353
01:06:11,642 --> 01:06:13,609
-You think I'm after Franklin?
1354
01:06:13,644 --> 01:06:15,878
-And a drunk!
-Okay, okay...
1355
01:06:15,913 --> 01:06:17,913
you might have me
on the drunk thing but...
1356
01:06:17,949 --> 01:06:19,648
you're out of your mind.
Everybody knows that
1357
01:06:19,684 --> 01:06:21,350
Franklin's in love with Felipa.
1358
01:06:21,386 --> 01:06:22,351
-What?
-What?
1359
01:06:22,387 --> 01:06:24,328
-Oh, Charlie.
1360
01:06:24,364 --> 01:06:28,791
-Even me, the huge drunk
could tell 14 seconds
after I got here.
1361
01:06:28,826 --> 01:06:31,360
And you still don't see it?
-Felipa?
1362
01:06:31,396 --> 01:06:34,764
Es la verdad?
1363
01:06:34,799 --> 01:06:36,298
-Papi, I've been
meaning to tell you.
1364
01:06:36,334 --> 01:06:38,968
Yes, okay?
1365
01:06:39,003 --> 01:06:40,369
Franklin and I
have been dating
for over a year.
1366
01:06:40,405 --> 01:06:42,080
-What?
-What?
1367
01:06:42,115 --> 01:06:44,273
-You need to keep
your son away
from my daughter.
1368
01:06:44,308 --> 01:06:48,536
-Aye, no, no. You ain't
calling no shots
in my family, El Chapo.
1369
01:06:48,572 --> 01:06:50,005
-Oh, well, Pop, calm down.
1370
01:06:50,007 --> 01:06:52,048
-No, no, no, no,
and you, I can't
believe this, son.
1371
01:06:52,083 --> 01:06:55,377
You've been sneaking
around with her behind
my back,
1372
01:06:55,412 --> 01:06:57,879
and lying and...
1373
01:06:57,914 --> 01:07:00,715
standing up Shantaysia
who is hot to trot.
1374
01:07:00,751 --> 01:07:03,318
-Wow, hot to trot
isn't accurate.
1375
01:07:03,353 --> 01:07:04,619
-Okay, fine.
1376
01:07:04,654 --> 01:07:06,521
I came up here
because we all
1377
01:07:06,556 --> 01:07:08,656
needed to get together.
1378
01:07:08,692 --> 01:07:11,593
I love Felipa.
That is my girl.
1379
01:07:11,628 --> 01:07:12,961
That is why we are all here.
1380
01:07:12,996 --> 01:07:14,763
I don't know where
the white family
came from,
1381
01:07:14,798 --> 01:07:16,831
but that's why
our families are here.
1382
01:07:16,867 --> 01:07:18,533
We planned it.
But you know what I hate?
1383
01:07:18,568 --> 01:07:20,869
Camping is what I hate.
1384
01:07:20,904 --> 01:07:22,178
-I knew it, I knew it,
I fucking knew it.
1385
01:07:22,213 --> 01:07:25,607
You are not perfect, brother.
You don't want to be a camper.
1386
01:07:25,642 --> 01:07:27,467
♪ Franklin's not perfect ♪
1387
01:07:27,502 --> 01:07:28,534
♪ He is a dumbass ♪
1388
01:07:28,570 --> 01:07:30,503
♪ He fuck with Felipa ♪
1389
01:07:30,538 --> 01:07:31,704
♪ I fucking knew it ♪
1390
01:07:31,740 --> 01:07:33,706
♪ And I thought
he was gay too ♪
1391
01:07:33,742 --> 01:07:36,117
-This camping
can jump up my ass.
1392
01:07:36,153 --> 01:07:38,578
These "Jurassic Park"
mosquitoes can
jump up my ass.
1393
01:07:38,613 --> 01:07:40,847
Sleeping in my car at night,
1394
01:07:40,882 --> 01:07:41,481
waiting for somebody
to come and kill me...
1395
01:07:41,516 --> 01:07:43,449
-Can jump up your ass.
1396
01:07:43,485 --> 01:07:44,617
-Exactly.
-Right.
1397
01:07:44,652 --> 01:07:46,561
-All this can jump up my ass.
1398
01:07:46,596 --> 01:07:49,555
-Well, if you're going to act
that way, then why did we
say we'd like to stay?
1399
01:07:49,591 --> 01:07:50,556
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
1400
01:07:50,592 --> 01:07:52,458
Let us stay?
1401
01:07:52,494 --> 01:07:54,102
-The whites cheated.
1402
01:07:54,137 --> 01:07:57,830
And we're going
to win this contest
and kick you out.
1403
01:07:57,866 --> 01:07:59,699
-Yeah, man, the hell
with all you guys.
1404
01:07:59,734 --> 01:08:02,769
Final contest.
Winner or go home.
1405
01:08:02,804 --> 01:08:04,795
-Let's get it on.
-Let's get it on.
1406
01:08:04,831 --> 01:08:06,539
Let's vamos.
1407
01:08:06,574 --> 01:08:07,673
-Let's do this.
-Huh.
1408
01:08:07,709 --> 01:08:09,400
-Go this way.
-It's game over,
1409
01:08:09,435 --> 01:08:10,034
tacos and Schlitz.
1410
01:08:15,183 --> 01:08:19,643
-Hey, hey, gather around here,
I'm Peter Galkie, and I'm...
1411
01:08:19,679 --> 01:08:20,978
one of the original spectators,
1412
01:08:21,014 --> 01:08:22,680
so I think I'm probably
most qualified to describe
1413
01:08:22,715 --> 01:08:25,549
what we're about
to witness here.
1414
01:08:25,585 --> 01:08:27,952
This obstacle course race
1415
01:08:27,987 --> 01:08:30,688
is two miles total,
give or take a mile or two.
1416
01:08:30,723 --> 01:08:32,757
And, uh,
it's through the woods,
1417
01:08:32,792 --> 01:08:35,026
and then you gotta
get past that lake
1418
01:08:35,028 --> 01:08:37,862
and then make it up
to that clearing way
up there
1419
01:08:37,897 --> 01:08:39,930
'cause that's where
the finish line's at.
1420
01:08:39,966 --> 01:08:41,565
So, what do you say
we all just sit back here,
1421
01:08:41,601 --> 01:08:44,769
and let's enjoy the show.
1422
01:08:44,804 --> 01:08:45,369
-Y'all ready for this?
Let's do this!
1423
01:08:45,405 --> 01:08:46,504
Let's do this.
1424
01:08:48,841 --> 01:08:49,407
-Okay, everybody,
here are the rules.
1425
01:08:49,442 --> 01:08:51,533
-Rules?
-Yeah.
1426
01:08:51,569 --> 01:08:52,468
No rules!
Ready set, go!
1427
01:08:54,872 --> 01:08:56,305
Hey!
You got dirt on my shoes.
1428
01:09:11,422 --> 01:09:12,096
-I want to stay.
1429
01:09:12,131 --> 01:09:14,723
-Yeah, why do parents
always have
to ruin everything?
1430
01:09:14,759 --> 01:09:17,493
I don't want to go.
-Me either.
1431
01:09:17,528 --> 01:09:19,661
-Wait, I have an idea.
1432
01:09:19,697 --> 01:09:20,763
Rolie, you still have that map?
1433
01:09:20,798 --> 01:09:23,565
-Does the bear shit
in the woods?
1434
01:09:23,601 --> 01:09:25,200
-Yes, young man, it does.
1435
01:09:25,236 --> 01:09:27,803
-Ew!
1436
01:09:27,838 --> 01:09:29,380
-He's gross.
-He smokes too much weed.
1437
01:09:29,415 --> 01:09:33,735
One time he got so baked,
he tried to take his pants
off over his head.
1438
01:09:33,770 --> 01:09:35,703
-What?
-It's an old Woody Allen joke.
1439
01:09:35,739 --> 01:09:37,739
-Okay, so you
see this ridge here.
1440
01:09:37,774 --> 01:09:39,874
It horseshoes
around this mountain.
1441
01:09:39,909 --> 01:09:42,217
And if we cut across here,
then we're there.
1442
01:09:42,253 --> 01:09:44,612
-The plan only works
if we can get
to the finish line first.
1443
01:09:44,647 --> 01:09:46,748
-Think we can get there first?
1444
01:09:46,783 --> 01:09:47,715
-Hell, yeah, first
is my middle name.
1445
01:09:47,751 --> 01:09:49,817
-It is?
-No, sweetie, it's Olivia.
1446
01:09:49,853 --> 01:09:51,519
-All right, let's do this.
On three...
1447
01:09:51,554 --> 01:09:53,287
One, two, three, break!
1448
01:09:53,323 --> 01:09:55,723
-Let's go!
1449
01:09:55,759 --> 01:09:59,060
-And the black...
is in the lead.
1450
01:10:03,033 --> 01:10:04,632
-You're killing it, Dad.
-Get your arms down there.
1451
01:10:04,667 --> 01:10:07,068
Get away from me!
1452
01:10:10,147 --> 01:10:12,573
Look, Pop,
I just want to say
I'm sorry.
1453
01:10:12,609 --> 01:10:14,033
-No talking, just winning.
1454
01:10:15,803 --> 01:10:17,036
-I'm not sorry-sorry,
but I'm sorry.
1455
01:10:23,811 --> 01:10:25,578
-You can't keep up, can ya?
-Look...
1456
01:10:25,613 --> 01:10:26,879
you're the one out of shape.
1457
01:10:26,914 --> 01:10:28,314
-I'm not out of shape,
I could go for hours.
1458
01:10:30,385 --> 01:10:34,553
-Hey. Wait...
1459
01:10:34,589 --> 01:10:36,355
Is that a snake?
-Where?
1460
01:10:36,391 --> 01:10:39,325
-Right there.
1461
01:10:50,271 --> 01:10:51,070
-Oh...
1462
01:10:52,807 --> 01:10:54,206
Oh, shit, that ain't
no damn snake.
1463
01:10:54,242 --> 01:10:55,799
Oh.
1464
01:10:55,835 --> 01:10:59,403
-You know your scream
was kind of a...
1465
01:10:59,438 --> 01:11:01,605
hoo hoo, you know.
1466
01:11:01,640 --> 01:11:03,374
You need to man up, you know.
1467
01:11:03,409 --> 01:11:05,042
-Man up on this!
1468
01:11:07,813 --> 01:11:09,155
I should
have told my family.
1469
01:11:09,190 --> 01:11:11,782
Well, I don't know
what happened.
We just... fell in love.
1470
01:11:11,817 --> 01:11:14,885
-Yeah.
-My dad's so furious.
1471
01:11:14,920 --> 01:11:16,487
-Well, girl, your dad
be overreacting, okay,
1472
01:11:16,522 --> 01:11:18,622
if you ask me.
-Yep.
1473
01:11:18,657 --> 01:11:20,758
-I mean, it's not a bad thing,
1474
01:11:20,793 --> 01:11:21,525
it's kind of a good thing.
-Really?
1475
01:11:21,560 --> 01:11:23,460
-I mean, I was in shock.
1476
01:11:23,496 --> 01:11:24,962
I was like, "What?"
1477
01:11:24,997 --> 01:11:26,764
I was clutching
my purse
like I was watching
1478
01:11:26,799 --> 01:11:28,899
"Days of Our Lives"
or something.
1479
01:11:28,934 --> 01:11:30,734
I was like, "What?"
Did not see that coming!
1480
01:11:30,770 --> 01:11:33,804
But... it's a good thing.
-Yeah.
1481
01:11:33,839 --> 01:11:36,040
-Y'all might make
some little Obamas,
1482
01:11:36,042 --> 01:11:38,308
or something, little Baracks
up in here.
1483
01:11:38,344 --> 01:11:42,312
Girl, all I can say
is I think your dad's
acting like a big old kid.
1484
01:11:42,348 --> 01:11:46,576
-Right. Surprise, surprise,
all the men are acting
like children.
1485
01:11:46,611 --> 01:11:47,084
-And speaking of children...
1486
01:11:47,119 --> 01:11:49,712
I cannot hear mine. It's like...
-Yeah, that is weird.
1487
01:11:49,748 --> 01:11:51,948
-They real quiet,
like when I put
1488
01:11:51,983 --> 01:11:53,716
a little bit of Benadryl
in their Cap'n Crunch.
1489
01:11:53,752 --> 01:11:55,051
You know they get
real quiet then.
1490
01:11:57,096 --> 01:12:00,723
What? I wouldn't
really drug my babies,
that's a joke.
1491
01:12:00,759 --> 01:12:03,760
Okay, okay, I was like...
1492
01:12:03,795 --> 01:12:05,428
-Just a little bit,
for a minute.
1493
01:12:05,463 --> 01:12:07,263
Kids!
-Chuckie!
1494
01:12:07,298 --> 01:12:08,664
-Rolie!
1495
01:12:08,700 --> 01:12:09,632
-Chuckie!
-They're not there.
1496
01:12:09,667 --> 01:12:11,667
We should go.
-Let's go see.
1497
01:12:11,703 --> 01:12:13,069
-Let's try to parent.
-Hey!
1498
01:12:17,509 --> 01:12:21,502
Oh, my God!
1499
01:12:26,476 --> 01:12:28,209
-Really? Seriously?
1500
01:12:28,244 --> 01:12:30,420
-What?
1501
01:12:30,455 --> 01:12:33,614
-You think they're going
to shoot dollar bills
at you with a t-shirt gun?
1502
01:12:33,649 --> 01:12:35,850
-No, this is a public service.
1503
01:12:35,885 --> 01:12:38,285
I do this for charity.
Not dollar bills.
1504
01:12:38,321 --> 01:12:40,321
You drunk!
1505
01:12:42,367 --> 01:12:44,825
-All right, nothing
to see here. Head down
the trail, down the trail.
1506
01:12:44,861 --> 01:12:46,894
Nothing to see here,
nothing to see here.
1507
01:12:46,929 --> 01:12:47,728
We've got a race to run.
Come on, sweetie.
1508
01:12:47,764 --> 01:12:50,064
Okay, I'm open.
Come on, let's go.
1509
01:12:51,567 --> 01:12:53,934
Come on!
-Wait for me.
1510
01:12:53,970 --> 01:12:59,607
♪ And the bombs of war
will make you bleed ♪
1511
01:12:59,642 --> 01:13:04,470
♪ When the hugs of love ♪
1512
01:13:04,505 --> 01:13:08,841
♪ Are all you need ♪
1513
01:13:08,876 --> 01:13:12,811
Hello, buddy!
You want to sing the chorus?
1514
01:13:12,847 --> 01:13:17,483
♪ The hugs of love
Are all you need ♪
1515
01:13:17,518 --> 01:13:19,518
♪ The hugs of love ♪
1516
01:13:23,491 --> 01:13:25,557
-I'm gonna get you!
1517
01:13:25,593 --> 01:13:28,060
You slimy little bastard!
1518
01:13:37,538 --> 01:13:39,838
-Do you see them yet?
1519
01:13:39,874 --> 01:13:41,540
-Don't see them,
but I think I hear them.
1520
01:13:44,436 --> 01:13:46,636
-Hold on! Hold on!
1521
01:13:46,672 --> 01:13:49,039
Wait, wait, wait, stop!
-What?
1522
01:13:50,576 --> 01:13:52,309
-What?
-Do you hear that?
1523
01:13:52,344 --> 01:13:54,678
-Hear what?
1524
01:13:54,713 --> 01:13:57,056
-What is that sound?
-Oh, shit!
1525
01:13:57,091 --> 01:14:01,752
Well, maybe it's a bear
or, or even worse, a monster!
1526
01:14:01,787 --> 01:14:03,053
Oh, damn, what's
behind those bushes?
1527
01:14:04,790 --> 01:14:06,823
Oh, what beast
is coming towards us!
1528
01:14:06,859 --> 01:14:08,558
Who are you! What are you!
1529
01:14:08,594 --> 01:14:09,659
Show yourself!
1530
01:14:09,695 --> 01:14:12,462
Oh, shit, worse than I thought.
1531
01:14:12,498 --> 01:14:14,865
Just kidding, baby.
1532
01:14:14,900 --> 01:14:15,074
-We're looking
for the kids, they ran off.
1533
01:14:15,109 --> 01:14:18,635
-Is this some kind of joke,
'cause we're going to win?
1534
01:14:18,670 --> 01:14:19,736
-Oh, really, I'm just curious,
1535
01:14:19,772 --> 01:14:21,938
on what planet
might that be true?
1536
01:14:21,974 --> 01:14:23,466
-Oh, I don't even know
how you got in the lead.
1537
01:14:23,501 --> 01:14:25,735
-No, really, uh, uh...
1538
01:14:25,770 --> 01:14:27,036
Shan...Shantay...what?
-Shantaysia.
1539
01:14:28,773 --> 01:14:29,638
-Oh, Shantaysia.
-Can't get it right?
1540
01:14:29,674 --> 01:14:31,474
-No, I thought it was Shantay...
1541
01:14:34,412 --> 01:14:37,680
-Anyway, she...
1542
01:14:37,715 --> 01:14:38,414
said something
about the kids...
1543
01:14:38,449 --> 01:14:40,649
and a finish line.
1544
01:14:40,685 --> 01:14:43,352
-Wow! Is that a bat?
-Really?
1545
01:14:43,388 --> 01:14:45,488
-Oh, Charlie.
1546
01:14:45,523 --> 01:14:47,723
-Is that another bat?
1547
01:14:47,759 --> 01:14:48,624
-I thought you
were going to quit.
1548
01:14:48,659 --> 01:14:51,460
-No, no, no, wait, it that...
1549
01:14:51,496 --> 01:14:52,995
Is that three bats?
1550
01:14:53,031 --> 01:14:54,697
-I guess we'll never know
what we could've been.
1551
01:14:54,732 --> 01:14:57,066
-No, no, no,
no booze, no bottle.
1552
01:14:59,670 --> 01:15:02,004
Five, five, five... five bats.
1553
01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:05,532
-Oh, my God. Seriously!
-No, no, no, I'm serious.
1554
01:15:07,236 --> 01:15:08,302
-Bats!
1555
01:15:22,126 --> 01:15:25,586
-We can't stop.
They say bats get
stuck in your hair.
1556
01:15:25,621 --> 01:15:27,454
-No, no, no. That's a myth.
1557
01:15:27,490 --> 01:15:29,423
Total urban legend.
1558
01:15:29,458 --> 01:15:31,525
-Oh, shit.
-Oh!
1559
01:15:31,560 --> 01:15:32,059
What?
1560
01:15:33,896 --> 01:15:34,962
-There's a... there's
a bat on your head.
1561
01:15:34,997 --> 01:15:38,732
-Guys, guys, guys,
come on,
I'm not a moron.
1562
01:15:38,768 --> 01:15:40,734
Clearly there's
no bat on my head.
1563
01:15:40,770 --> 01:15:42,036
-How drunk are you?
-Irrelevant.
1564
01:15:42,038 --> 01:15:44,938
-I promise you,
son, there's a bat
in your hair.
1565
01:15:44,974 --> 01:15:46,306
-Jose: Come on, Charlie!
You don't feel that?
1566
01:15:50,537 --> 01:15:53,972
-Get it off! Get it off!
1567
01:15:54,008 --> 01:15:55,474
-Throw rocks at it,
everybody, throw rocks at it.
1568
01:16:01,615 --> 01:16:02,581
-Enough with the damn rocks.
1569
01:16:02,616 --> 01:16:04,616
-Hit it with the bug racket!
1570
01:16:04,651 --> 01:16:05,283
Yeah!
1571
01:16:12,593 --> 01:16:13,392
-Not my head, not my head!
1572
01:16:13,427 --> 01:16:15,761
-Look, the kids!
1573
01:16:15,796 --> 01:16:18,063
The finish line!
1574
01:16:20,634 --> 01:16:22,667
-Oh, hey, thanks everybody!
1575
01:16:22,703 --> 01:16:25,303
Yeah, I'm fine.
It's all good.
1576
01:16:26,974 --> 01:16:30,034
-There was nothing
about that... that I liked!
1577
01:17:04,037 --> 01:17:07,179
-You kids did this?
-Yeah! We don't want to go home.
1578
01:17:07,214 --> 01:17:10,074
-Us kids get along,
how come you adults
can't get along?
1579
01:17:12,336 --> 01:17:14,045
-Well, wow.
1580
01:17:14,080 --> 01:17:17,181
This is some
muddy bullshit.
But I'm damn impressed.
1581
01:17:17,216 --> 01:17:19,375
-Franklin: Yeah, but
who's going to get
a whooping first?
1582
01:17:19,410 --> 01:17:20,943
-Kids! Not bad.
1583
01:17:20,978 --> 01:17:24,580
You dug a hole,
you filled it
with mud and...
1584
01:17:24,615 --> 01:17:26,982
made it look like the trail.
1585
01:17:27,018 --> 01:17:29,485
And you caught yourselves
a bunch of dumbass men.
1586
01:17:29,520 --> 01:17:31,720
You know what's funny?
1587
01:17:31,756 --> 01:17:34,723
Everyone covered
in mud like this,
1588
01:17:34,759 --> 01:17:36,558
you just can't
tell anybody apart.
1589
01:17:36,594 --> 01:17:38,660
There's a lesson in that.
1590
01:17:38,696 --> 01:17:42,264
A big obvious,
freaking lesson.
1591
01:17:42,299 --> 01:17:46,001
-Preach!
1592
01:17:46,037 --> 01:17:49,571
-So, being that you can't
tell anybody apart...
1593
01:17:49,607 --> 01:17:52,532
the bottom line is this...
1594
01:17:52,568 --> 01:17:54,034
are you an asshole or not?
1595
01:17:57,272 --> 01:17:59,873
-Uh-mmm.
1596
01:17:59,908 --> 01:18:01,475
-Choose wisely.
-So, let's not be assholes.
1597
01:18:01,510 --> 01:18:04,277
And let's all just...
1598
01:18:04,313 --> 01:18:06,747
get along.
1599
01:18:06,782 --> 01:18:08,281
-In the words
of Rodney King, girl.
1600
01:18:08,317 --> 01:18:11,018
-La raza!
1601
01:18:11,020 --> 01:18:13,253
-What does that mean, baby?
-Just a Latin bonding.
1602
01:18:13,288 --> 01:18:14,163
-Got it.
1603
01:18:14,198 --> 01:18:19,459
-Hey, that was a really
really nice speech,
Fake Mom.
1604
01:18:19,495 --> 01:18:21,962
-Oh, well, that's...
1605
01:18:21,997 --> 01:18:23,296
still doing the Fake Mom
stuff right after the...
1606
01:18:23,332 --> 01:18:26,566
-Cheyenne.
1607
01:18:26,602 --> 01:18:29,336
-You called me by my name!
1608
01:18:29,371 --> 01:18:30,537
Sweetheart!
1609
01:18:30,572 --> 01:18:32,873
I'm so touched by the...
1610
01:18:32,908 --> 01:18:34,899
You know, I've always
felt that we had...
1611
01:18:34,935 --> 01:18:37,469
Okay, don't hit on 16,
got it, don't hit on 16.
1612
01:18:40,115 --> 01:18:43,708
-They said that tomato juice
can get rid of skunk stink.
1613
01:18:45,612 --> 01:18:47,779
-I hear the ice cream truck!
1614
01:18:47,814 --> 01:18:48,713
Oh,
that's beautiful, Gravy.
1615
01:18:48,749 --> 01:18:50,715
-Hold up, hold up.
Hey, hey, hey.
1616
01:18:50,751 --> 01:18:52,851
-Something's wrong
with my knee.
1617
01:18:52,886 --> 01:18:54,419
Look, you're my brother, okay?
1618
01:18:54,454 --> 01:18:55,720
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1619
01:18:55,756 --> 01:18:56,054
-Listen to me,
I'm talking to you.
1620
01:18:57,758 --> 01:18:59,057
-Yes!
-Okay, and I love you, man.
1621
01:19:00,994 --> 01:19:02,794
And someday
you are going
to be married, bro.
1622
01:19:02,829 --> 01:19:04,362
Because if anybody
can do it, you can.
1623
01:19:04,398 --> 01:19:05,997
-You think so?
1624
01:19:06,033 --> 01:19:07,799
-I think what he's trying
to say, Pop, is that...
1625
01:19:07,834 --> 01:19:09,501
It's time to propose.
1626
01:19:09,536 --> 01:19:10,301
You know, to Charlie.
1627
01:19:13,874 --> 01:19:15,766
♪ Felipa's going
to get proposed to ♪
1628
01:19:15,801 --> 01:19:17,401
♪ Felipa's going to get
proposed to ♪
1629
01:19:17,436 --> 01:19:19,803
You're next!
1630
01:19:19,839 --> 01:19:22,806
-Well, Franklin,
you're down on one knee,
1631
01:19:22,842 --> 01:19:24,708
I think you better
handle your business.
1632
01:19:24,744 --> 01:19:27,745
-Felipa... just
follow your heart.
1633
01:19:27,780 --> 01:19:29,279
-What is this...
are you'll for real?
1634
01:19:29,315 --> 01:19:31,582
-Oh... oh!
1635
01:19:31,617 --> 01:19:33,417
-Do it, Franklin.
-Wow!
1636
01:19:33,452 --> 01:19:35,052
-Do it, Franklin.
1637
01:19:42,661 --> 01:19:44,661
-Will you marry me?
-Yes.
1638
01:19:44,697 --> 01:19:46,330
-You will?
-Yes, yes, yes, yes!
1639
01:19:52,371 --> 01:19:54,238
-Oh!
-Yes!
1640
01:20:18,522 --> 01:20:21,490
-Felipa! We need help!
1641
01:20:21,525 --> 01:20:25,527
-I got you! I got you!
1642
01:20:25,562 --> 01:20:27,062
-We're getting married!
1643
01:20:41,703 --> 01:20:43,703
-Excuse me. Hello.
-Hi. Hi. Hi.
1644
01:20:43,739 --> 01:20:46,473
-Everybody.
-I just want to say...
1645
01:20:46,508 --> 01:20:48,216
another 4th of July...
1646
01:20:48,252 --> 01:20:51,444
here we are again,
I'm just so happy that
we can all make it.
1647
01:20:51,480 --> 01:20:52,412
Yes.
1648
01:20:52,447 --> 01:20:54,781
-All right. Yeah!
1649
01:20:54,816 --> 01:20:57,384
-Yay! Too bad Gravy
couldn't make it.
1650
01:20:59,821 --> 01:21:00,854
-What? Am I supposed
to be somewhere?
1651
01:21:00,889 --> 01:21:04,491
-Just kidding, bro.
You're here. It's now.
1652
01:21:04,526 --> 01:21:05,859
-We're joking, Gravy.
1653
01:21:05,894 --> 01:21:08,428
-Um, hi, I'm Charlie
and I'm an alcoholic.
1654
01:21:08,463 --> 01:21:09,529
Hi, Charlie.
1655
01:21:09,564 --> 01:21:11,398
-I'm sorry, wrong group.
1656
01:21:13,668 --> 01:21:15,435
-Oh, check out
this bad boy.
1657
01:21:15,470 --> 01:21:17,537
-Six months sober.
1658
01:21:18,907 --> 01:21:21,934
-Look who the good
influence is over here.
1659
01:21:21,969 --> 01:21:24,536
-It just looks like
a poker chip painted green.
1660
01:21:24,572 --> 01:21:26,972
-Looks like a blue condom.
1661
01:21:27,008 --> 01:21:29,742
-Uh-uh. No.
That is an IUD.
That's what that is.
1662
01:21:29,777 --> 01:21:31,844
-Oh, gosh,
I hope you washed it, man.
1663
01:21:31,879 --> 01:21:32,378
-Baby, no, no, no.
It's just an onion ring.
1664
01:21:32,413 --> 01:21:34,054
-An onion ring?
1665
01:21:34,089 --> 01:21:37,016
-Yeah. You know,
like from Mars.
You know, Mars has--
1666
01:21:37,018 --> 01:21:39,718
-Mars?
-Did you hear about
the restaurant on Mars?
1667
01:21:39,754 --> 01:21:41,320
-What?
-Good food,
no atmosphere.
1668
01:21:43,098 --> 01:21:45,624
-Hey, you're getting the hang
of these jokes, Gravy.
1669
01:21:45,659 --> 01:21:47,726
-I have a sobriety chip, too.
1670
01:21:47,762 --> 01:21:50,136
-Oh, there we go.
-See this? Yup.
1671
01:21:50,172 --> 01:21:54,800
Lord, grant me the serenity
to accept what I cannot change
1672
01:21:54,835 --> 01:21:57,803
and the courage
to change what I can,
1673
01:21:57,838 --> 01:21:59,071
and the wisdom
to know the difference.
1674
01:22:00,574 --> 01:22:03,575
-Hear, hear.
-Cheers.
1675
01:22:03,611 --> 01:22:06,570
-Maybe he could grant you
the ability to change a light
bulb in the house, right?
1676
01:22:06,605 --> 01:22:08,372
Or put the toilet seat down?
1677
01:22:08,407 --> 01:22:09,940
-Go, Trophy Mom.
1678
01:22:09,975 --> 01:22:12,943
-Mmm-hmm. I know exactly
what you talking about.
1679
01:22:12,978 --> 01:22:14,945
You wake up at 3:00
in the morning to go to pee
1680
01:22:14,980 --> 01:22:16,680
and then it's like
you've fallen into a hammock.
1681
01:22:16,715 --> 01:22:18,457
Booty and everything,
all wet.
1682
01:22:18,492 --> 01:22:23,262
-Oh, ladies and gentlemen,
and it looks like the attitudes
are heating up.
1683
01:22:23,297 --> 01:22:27,591
Bring out the bullhorns,
it is time to go at it
one more time.
1684
01:22:27,626 --> 01:22:29,059
Round two,
one year later.
1685
01:22:32,865 --> 01:22:35,565
-Felipa, go ahead
and show us that ring.
1686
01:22:35,601 --> 01:22:37,701
-Oh, yes,
it's so heavy.
1687
01:22:39,271 --> 01:22:41,071
-Damn!
1688
01:22:42,808 --> 01:22:44,366
-Sorry.
-Okay, hun. Well, you know--
1689
01:22:44,401 --> 01:22:46,109
-Very nice. Hey!
1690
01:22:46,145 --> 01:22:49,637
Francesca's got a ring, too.
She got engaged with this guy.
1691
01:22:49,673 --> 01:22:51,606
Go ahead, Franny,
show 'em.
1692
01:22:51,641 --> 01:22:53,417
Very nice.
1693
01:22:53,452 --> 01:22:55,118
-Hey, when I become
a millionaire, that thing's
gonna be huge, all right?
1694
01:22:55,154 --> 01:22:59,356
-"A millionaire"? I'd be happy
if you were a hundredaire.
1695
01:22:59,391 --> 01:23:04,019
-This idiot brother puts
an air foil on the back
of my plumbing van.
1696
01:23:04,021 --> 01:23:05,429
-Business has been kicking
ever since we did that.
1697
01:23:05,464 --> 01:23:09,858
-Hey, Jose, could you shove
that antennae back into
your love handle,
1698
01:23:09,893 --> 01:23:11,726
I think the Giants
are playing the Dodgers.
1699
01:23:11,762 --> 01:23:13,236
-Oh, ha-ha-ha.
Yeah, I can do that.
1700
01:23:13,272 --> 01:23:15,463
You know, but I charge
14 bucks for the premium
channels, fool.
1701
01:23:18,035 --> 01:23:20,735
-Hey, y'all kids, keep it
down over there! Okay?
1702
01:23:20,771 --> 01:23:22,704
This is not a library!
-Chuckie!
1703
01:23:22,739 --> 01:23:25,299
Quit hitting your
sister Sara.
1704
01:23:25,334 --> 01:23:26,800
Don't! Stop!
1705
01:23:26,836 --> 01:23:28,469
-Can I hit you, Dad?
-Can I hit the dogs?
1706
01:23:28,504 --> 01:23:29,803
-Can I hit a cupcake?
1707
01:23:29,839 --> 01:23:31,405
-Me, too!
-I want to hit one of those--
1708
01:23:34,944 --> 01:23:37,611
-All right. It's cool.
Just hit her, it's fine.
1709
01:23:37,646 --> 01:23:39,513
-Excuse me. Excuse me.
-Yes?
1710
01:23:39,548 --> 01:23:41,048
-I have a toast.
-Ah!
1711
01:23:43,819 --> 01:23:45,052
-All that I've ever
wanted to be...
1712
01:23:46,522 --> 01:23:47,454
is whom I'm becoming.
1713
01:23:47,490 --> 01:23:49,056
-Nice.
-Hear, hear.
1714
01:23:50,526 --> 01:23:52,059
-Cheers.
-Hear, hear.
1715
01:24:02,438 --> 01:24:04,405
-Uh-oh.
-Hey!
1716
01:24:04,440 --> 01:24:07,007
Hey, Gunga Din.
1717
01:24:07,043 --> 01:24:08,033
What are you doing here?
This is our site. Site 16.
1718
01:24:09,570 --> 01:24:10,802
-No way!
We have site 16.
1719
01:24:10,838 --> 01:24:13,972
-Oh, are you going
to build a 7/11 here?
1720
01:24:14,008 --> 01:24:14,039
-Yeah, right next
to your nail salon.
-Oh, yeah.
1721
01:24:15,609 --> 01:24:17,676
-Oh, snap! Y'all hear that?
1722
01:24:17,711 --> 01:24:18,710
-What are you
people doing here?
1723
01:24:18,746 --> 01:24:21,221
Finish up the gardening
and go.
1724
01:24:21,257 --> 01:24:24,282
-Hey, things are heating
up down there. I got one.
I got one.
1725
01:24:25,127 --> 01:24:28,286
How do you know
a Chinese guy broke
into your house?
1726
01:24:28,322 --> 01:24:30,464
How?
1727
01:24:30,499 --> 01:24:33,558
Your homework's all done
and he takes an hour
to pull out of your driveway.
1728
01:24:33,594 --> 01:24:35,627
Get it?
1729
01:24:35,662 --> 01:24:37,763
-Come on, man.
It's funny.
1730
01:24:37,798 --> 01:24:39,731
-Did he just say that?
-Yeah, he did.
1731
01:24:39,767 --> 01:24:40,065
-Let me see that.
Let me see that.
1732
01:24:43,037 --> 01:24:44,336
-What did St. Peter say
when he saw the Indian guy?
1733
01:24:44,371 --> 01:24:45,704
What?
1734
01:24:45,739 --> 01:24:47,406
-"Hey, Jesus,
your cab's here."
1735
01:24:49,601 --> 01:24:50,667
-That was funnier than that.
1736
01:24:50,702 --> 01:24:52,802
-Okay, that's messed up.
-Yeah.
1737
01:24:52,838 --> 01:24:55,939
-Hey, you guys still want
campsite 16?
1738
01:24:55,974 --> 01:24:57,374
-Oh, I think we need to have
a little contest.
1739
01:24:59,711 --> 01:25:01,044
-Contest?
-What kind of contest?
1740
01:25:02,414 --> 01:25:04,547
-It's over now!
1741
01:25:04,583 --> 01:25:07,817
-No math contest and no...
1742
01:25:07,853 --> 01:25:09,719
-Yeah, no math
and no science questions.
1743
01:25:09,755 --> 01:25:11,654
Yeah.
129286
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