Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:14,780
Oh, shit.
2
00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:17,683
Is this the...
Is this the right site?
3
00:01:17,763 --> 00:01:20,997
Yes, honey.
It's site 16, like always.
4
00:01:21,154 --> 00:01:24,527
- Yo, Tommy, what's going on?
- Will you call me "Dad"?
5
00:01:24,607 --> 00:01:26,472
- Franklin?
- Yeah?
6
00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:29,051
- Are you sure you booked this for us?
- Absolutely.
7
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,320
I booked the last available site.
8
00:01:31,412 --> 00:01:35,110
I got the permit right here.
Site 16, July 4th weekend.
9
00:01:35,190 --> 00:01:37,393
Felipa.
10
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,266
I just think that there's been a
little bit of a mix-up, Papi, so...
11
00:01:41,346 --> 00:01:44,522
Buenos tardes, amigos!
Word, bitches.
12
00:01:44,602 --> 00:01:47,706
- Who you calling a bitch?
- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
13
00:01:47,786 --> 00:01:50,753
Just trying to break up the
racial tension here, that's all.
14
00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:54,196
- Might have hit bitch a little hard.
- A little bit.
15
00:01:54,276 --> 00:01:57,827
So what's going on? Pretty sure we
booked this site for the weekend.
16
00:01:57,907 --> 00:02:00,536
- No, no. We're the Jones family.
- Yeah.
17
00:02:00,616 --> 00:02:03,029
We booked site 16.
18
00:02:03,109 --> 00:02:06,905
Well, now, we're the Jonas
family and this is our site.
19
00:02:06,985 --> 00:02:09,430
- Son, we're site 16.
- No.
20
00:02:09,510 --> 00:02:10,931
We're site 16.
21
00:02:11,011 --> 00:02:15,807
You guys might be 116, but we're
definitely 16. It's here on the paper!
22
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,470
- Uno, dos, tres, quatro...
- Whoa, whoa!
23
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,347
That is level two, sweetheart,
that's nice. This is 16.
24
00:02:21,427 --> 00:02:23,121
- I don't know how that is.
- We're 16.
25
00:02:23,212 --> 00:02:24,986
Yeah, I know, but we're site 16.
26
00:02:25,066 --> 00:02:27,423
- 16, man. Come on.
- Hold on. So...
27
00:02:27,503 --> 00:02:31,766
Jones, Jonas, and our last name is
Jones, too. Well, there's the mix-up.
28
00:02:31,846 --> 00:02:33,921
What y'all trying to say,
y'all our masters or something?
29
00:02:34,001 --> 00:02:37,635
No, no, not saying...
I barely even own a cat.
30
00:02:37,728 --> 00:02:41,106
- Site 16!
- Wait a minute!
31
00:02:42,509 --> 00:02:46,204
2,000 and 3,000. But we're definitely
16. It says here on the paper.
32
00:02:46,284 --> 00:02:48,302
Also site 16!
33
00:02:57,411 --> 00:03:01,452
Okay, um, so,
it looks like the name "Jones"
34
00:03:01,532 --> 00:03:03,910
kind of mixed up the computers.
35
00:03:03,990 --> 00:03:06,586
And, uh, unfortunately,
that's a big problem,
36
00:03:06,666 --> 00:03:08,961
because the park
is completely sold out.
37
00:03:09,041 --> 00:03:11,951
I mean, this is, like,
our biggest weekend of the year.
38
00:03:12,031 --> 00:03:14,094
Hey, maybe it's because
it's the 4th of July.
39
00:03:14,174 --> 00:03:17,546
Um, yeah, well, you know,
we think that that's a factor.
40
00:03:17,626 --> 00:03:21,300
Come on, you guys. Please, please,
please, let's not escalate this.
41
00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:23,990
How about sharing the site?
42
00:03:27,618 --> 00:03:29,387
Everyone stop!
43
00:03:29,479 --> 00:03:32,226
Ron, you just gonna stand there and
let them push us around like that?
44
00:03:32,308 --> 00:03:34,481
No, I won't let that happen.
Let me tell you something.
45
00:03:34,561 --> 00:03:37,309
I'm gonna have Jesse Jackson
down here on a moped,
46
00:03:37,389 --> 00:03:40,671
with Al Sharpton in the sidecar.
Okay? They love that type of shit.
47
00:03:40,751 --> 00:03:43,541
- Ooh! It just escalated.
- Yeah.
48
00:03:43,621 --> 00:03:45,896
That definitely escalated,
49
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:48,980
which was the exact opposite of
what he was hoping you would do.
50
00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:54,764
Sir, if sharing the site
is the only option, then...
51
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:58,823
This weekend is important.
I say we all just share the site.
52
00:03:58,903 --> 00:04:00,722
Uh, son,
are you out of your damn mind?
53
00:04:00,809 --> 00:04:03,552
- Come on, Pop, there's kids here...
- We're not gonna share...
54
00:04:08,913 --> 00:04:11,787
There's not...
There's not enough space!
55
00:04:11,867 --> 00:04:16,479
Papi? Are we gonna
have to go home?
56
00:04:19,950 --> 00:04:22,469
Okay. Okay, so... So...
57
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:27,167
Maybe we can share.
- Yes!
58
00:04:27,247 --> 00:04:29,380
All right,
so we're all gonna share.
59
00:04:29,567 --> 00:04:31,678
And it's gonna be great!
60
00:04:38,832 --> 00:04:40,999
All right.
Little bit of a rough start,
61
00:04:41,091 --> 00:04:43,478
but this weekend's gonna be great.
62
00:04:43,561 --> 00:04:46,231
Yeah, I hope so.
63
00:04:46,311 --> 00:04:49,718
It's the first time we've all been
together since you and I got married.
64
00:04:49,798 --> 00:04:53,996
I just want your kids to like my
kids and my kids to like you.
65
00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:57,105
There's no reason we can't be
one big, happy family.
66
00:04:57,185 --> 00:04:59,972
- That speech sucked.
- Sucked balls.
67
00:05:00,052 --> 00:05:03,869
Yeah, yeah, he's right.
It came off really whiny.
68
00:05:03,949 --> 00:05:06,109
I can't believe
that we're brothers.
69
00:05:06,189 --> 00:05:09,108
Hey, Gravy, why don't you take
these over to the campsite?
70
00:05:09,188 --> 00:05:11,794
Oh, no, my hands are full.
I gotta go, I gotta...
71
00:05:12,715 --> 00:05:15,202
Hey, Thomas,
did you unpack my turtle shells?
72
00:05:15,301 --> 00:05:16,926
Yeah, here.
73
00:05:19,031 --> 00:05:21,797
Can you call me "Dad"?
- Not right now.
74
00:05:21,877 --> 00:05:25,335
Thanks, Tommy. Hey, guys,
check out my new turtle shells!
75
00:05:26,053 --> 00:05:27,576
Give it time, honey.
76
00:05:27,656 --> 00:05:30,863
Oh, do you think you can get Sharni
to stop calling me "Fake Mom"?
77
00:05:30,943 --> 00:05:32,030
She doesn't call you
"Fake Mom."
78
00:05:32,110 --> 00:05:33,932
Oh, you're doing that?
You're doing that?
79
00:05:34,012 --> 00:05:36,264
- Yeah, no, no. I'll try.
- Thank you.
80
00:05:38,141 --> 00:05:41,420
Man! Sharing this site
was a crap idea, Felipa.
81
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,144
We're doing this
for Papi's birthday.
82
00:05:43,225 --> 00:05:45,377
Just try to hold it together
for him.
83
00:05:45,457 --> 00:05:48,895
You think maybe we'll see Papi
smile for once in his damn life?
84
00:05:49,152 --> 00:05:51,711
He works hard,
and he worries about us.
85
00:05:51,791 --> 00:05:54,092
What, he can't worry and smile
at the same time?
86
00:05:54,172 --> 00:05:57,389
Hey, I bet if your Papi ever did
smile, his face would creak.
87
00:05:57,469 --> 00:06:00,117
Sound like a nail
being pulled from wood.
88
00:06:00,197 --> 00:06:04,597
We'd probably hear his face go,
"Oilcan! Oilcan!"
89
00:06:05,001 --> 00:06:07,826
Ha, ha, ha.
Maybe he would smile more
90
00:06:07,906 --> 00:06:10,944
if you stopped goofing around
and went to work for Rolando.
91
00:06:11,575 --> 00:06:12,996
As a plumber?
92
00:06:13,076 --> 00:06:15,982
Uh, no, Felipa.
That's a living nightmare.
93
00:06:16,062 --> 00:06:17,415
It's honest work.
94
00:06:17,495 --> 00:06:19,060
Anyways, look,
it doesn't even matter.
95
00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:21,438
I tell you, one day,
I'm gonna be a millionaire.
96
00:06:21,518 --> 00:06:23,731
Oh! You gonna win the lottery?
97
00:06:23,811 --> 00:06:27,290
Won't win if I don't scratch. Plus,
I'm gonna get my ass on "Shark Tank"
98
00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:29,202
and make Mark Cuban
my new best friend.
99
00:06:29,282 --> 00:06:31,372
Well, when you become
a millionaire,
100
00:06:31,452 --> 00:06:34,775
maybe you could pay me back
the 75 bucks I loaned you.
101
00:06:34,863 --> 00:06:38,046
You're gonna have to fill out all kinds
of paperwork and taxes and stuff.
102
00:06:38,126 --> 00:06:40,830
Might not be worth it, bro,
so, probably not.
103
00:06:43,131 --> 00:06:47,088
- Hey, did you leave the car open?
- I did.
104
00:06:47,168 --> 00:06:49,991
Did you see Fake Mom
telling me how to unpack,
105
00:06:50,071 --> 00:06:51,902
like she's the boss of me
or something?
106
00:06:51,982 --> 00:06:55,228
Hey, babe, Sharni, you
shouldn't call her "Fake Mom."
107
00:06:55,308 --> 00:06:56,843
I'm glad that Dad remarried.
108
00:06:56,924 --> 00:06:59,692
He's much happier,
which keeps him off of my ass.
109
00:06:59,772 --> 00:07:02,095
I think she's great for him.
110
00:07:02,175 --> 00:07:04,817
Yeah, well, Fake Mom says
you drink too much, too.
111
00:07:04,909 --> 00:07:08,066
Fake Mom can blow my balls.
She said that?
112
00:07:08,146 --> 00:07:10,235
That's bullshit.
113
00:07:10,917 --> 00:07:14,128
Is that a 24-hour
Popeye's Chicken?
114
00:07:15,356 --> 00:07:17,733
Uh, no. That's a Porta Potty.
115
00:07:19,516 --> 00:07:22,835
I love chickens.
More than you.
116
00:07:22,915 --> 00:07:24,548
Ah, screw off.
117
00:07:28,436 --> 00:07:30,291
Whoo! Y'all kids
keep it down over there
118
00:07:30,371 --> 00:07:32,961
with your Pokemon Go
playing selves!
119
00:07:33,041 --> 00:07:34,315
Girl, you so crazy.
120
00:07:34,397 --> 00:07:38,464
Girl, I am so tired of running
around after the kids.
121
00:07:38,544 --> 00:07:40,172
I need this vacation.
122
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:44,331
- It's beautiful here.
- It is, ain't it?
123
00:07:44,411 --> 00:07:46,934
Honey, you gonna like
my brother Franklin.
124
00:07:47,014 --> 00:07:48,469
All I got to say is,
125
00:07:48,549 --> 00:07:51,338
is hold off on having kids
for as long as you can.
126
00:07:51,418 --> 00:07:52,714
'Cause they will suck
the life out of you.
127
00:07:52,794 --> 00:07:56,744
I mean, it's like sticking a vacuum
cleaner in a pumpkin, just...
128
00:07:58,559 --> 00:08:00,748
- What'd you say, Mama?
- Just suck it all... Huh?
129
00:08:00,775 --> 00:08:04,719
Baby, nothing. Mama loves you.
Go on. Go play.
130
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:07,354
Wait. Hold up.
Are you saying you invited me
131
00:08:07,434 --> 00:08:09,323
as some kind of blind date
for Franklin?
132
00:08:09,403 --> 00:08:13,067
Girl, no, no, no!
We enjoy your company.
133
00:08:13,106 --> 00:08:16,096
- Oh, girl, 'cause I was about to...
- But it is a blind date.
134
00:08:16,176 --> 00:08:20,975
- Hey, Jose, can you get those oranges?
- Are you kidding, Felipa?
135
00:08:20,979 --> 00:08:22,394
Nothing can give the other
families the satisfaction
136
00:08:22,474 --> 00:08:24,429
of watching a Mexican
carry a bag of oranges.
137
00:08:24,509 --> 00:08:26,398
Like I'm selling them
on the side of the street.
138
00:08:26,478 --> 00:08:29,292
Okay, are you serious?
God, you sound crazy.
139
00:08:32,951 --> 00:08:36,975
Hey, excuse me! How much
do you want for those oranges?
140
00:08:37,055 --> 00:08:40,820
- Ay, beat it, pendejo!
- Oh, crap. Angry.
141
00:08:42,148 --> 00:08:44,983
Hey, Paco,
you got any roses over there?
142
00:08:45,063 --> 00:08:46,780
Who asked you, Oprah?
143
00:08:49,330 --> 00:08:51,766
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'll take that one.
144
00:08:53,004 --> 00:08:54,658
Hey, what is that?
145
00:08:57,909 --> 00:09:00,163
In your bag.
146
00:09:03,048 --> 00:09:04,820
Yeah, that. What's...
147
00:09:19,410 --> 00:09:23,176
Recycled. Glass sculpture.
148
00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:25,580
My exhibit. It's next week.
149
00:09:25,660 --> 00:09:28,982
- What? You have an exhibit?
- It's called...
150
00:09:29,933 --> 00:09:31,765
"The Exhibit."
151
00:09:37,166 --> 00:09:39,902
Oh, at least there's some chicas
calientes to stare at, huh?
152
00:09:39,982 --> 00:09:42,932
Jose! What if Francesca
heard you say that?
153
00:09:43,721 --> 00:09:46,486
She ain't here.
And we ain't married.
154
00:09:46,566 --> 00:09:48,432
Besides,
just 'cause I'm on a diet
155
00:09:48,512 --> 00:09:50,352
doesn't mean
I can't look at the menu.
156
00:09:50,432 --> 00:09:51,744
You mean stare at the menu?
157
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:53,673
Tuck dollar bills
into that menu?
158
00:09:53,771 --> 00:09:56,765
I mean, come on! Man, she's got
so much wiggle in her walk,
159
00:09:56,845 --> 00:09:59,141
she could butt-dial
a rotary phone.
160
00:09:59,221 --> 00:10:00,461
I heard them talking.
161
00:10:00,663 --> 00:10:03,846
I guess she came as a blind
date for that Franklin guy.
162
00:10:03,926 --> 00:10:05,375
- Word?
- Word.
163
00:10:05,455 --> 00:10:08,083
What? What'd you just say?
164
00:10:08,163 --> 00:10:09,251
- Are you all right?
- No!
165
00:10:09,331 --> 00:10:11,487
No, no, I'm not all right.
166
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:14,784
Listening to you two talk
would make anybody sick.
167
00:10:16,138 --> 00:10:19,841
Men are idiots.
Blind date bullshit.
168
00:10:20,208 --> 00:10:21,552
Don't let her call you that.
169
00:10:21,638 --> 00:10:24,071
She's talking to you, too,
pendejo.
170
00:10:24,151 --> 00:10:26,001
Is our sister
on her menopause or what?
171
00:10:26,081 --> 00:10:27,722
Ah! The Jones family!
172
00:10:27,808 --> 00:10:28,995
- Jones!
- Whoa!
173
00:10:29,075 --> 00:10:31,030
Chilluns are everywhere.
174
00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:33,366
Hey, I really hope you guys
like the park, man.
175
00:10:33,446 --> 00:10:35,302
I don't know what happened
with this mix-up.
176
00:10:35,382 --> 00:10:37,813
I know I booked
the last available site.
177
00:10:37,893 --> 00:10:41,708
What changed your mind about
coming with us this year, huh, son?
178
00:10:41,788 --> 00:10:43,276
What?
179
00:10:43,356 --> 00:10:46,542
I love camping.
All this is me, Pops.
180
00:10:46,622 --> 00:10:49,422
Come on, Franklin. Come on, bro.
That's bullshit, okay?
181
00:10:49,502 --> 00:10:52,650
I hope you know this is not online camping.
It's actually the real thing.
182
00:10:52,730 --> 00:10:55,698
And I hope you know this won't
be a online fist in your face.
183
00:10:55,778 --> 00:10:57,290
It'll be the real thing.
184
00:10:57,370 --> 00:10:59,404
You know something?
I'm tired of your shit.
185
00:10:59,539 --> 00:11:02,147
Ron Ron, stop it.
You leave your brother alone.
186
00:11:02,590 --> 00:11:03,605
Sorry, Daddy.
187
00:11:03,685 --> 00:11:06,163
He's gotta dress correct.
He's a District Attorney now.
188
00:11:06,257 --> 00:11:09,227
And he's working his way up.
He might be Mayor one day.
189
00:11:09,307 --> 00:11:10,930
Ah, I don't know
about Mayor, Pop.
190
00:11:11,010 --> 00:11:15,744
And, this weekend, we have
a fine young woman with us.
191
00:11:15,832 --> 00:11:17,643
Shantaysia.
192
00:11:17,723 --> 00:11:19,846
- Who's Shantaysia?
- Listen, son.
193
00:11:19,926 --> 00:11:23,650
Beautiful woman like that on your
side, no telling how far you can go.
194
00:11:23,730 --> 00:11:27,089
From DA to Mayor.
Commander-in-chief.
195
00:11:28,536 --> 00:11:29,925
You smell that?
196
00:11:30,011 --> 00:11:31,678
There's romance in the air.
197
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,930
Y'all smell these potties? Damn!
- I smell something.
198
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:37,150
But I didn't wanna say nothing,
'cause I kinda thought it was...
199
00:11:38,562 --> 00:11:39,819
Sorry, Daddy.
200
00:11:49,502 --> 00:11:51,705
Is that Justin Bieber?
201
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,832
Is that guy naked?
- You wish.
202
00:11:59,655 --> 00:12:01,816
Is that dumpster on fire?
203
00:12:03,636 --> 00:12:06,584
Oh, my gosh.
Is that Charles Bronson?
204
00:12:09,879 --> 00:12:11,879
What's in the bottle?
205
00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:16,202
Communion.
- So you're some creepy drunk priest?
206
00:12:16,282 --> 00:12:18,643
I am not a priest.
207
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:26,196
Listen. Why don't you help Franklin...
- No!
208
00:12:26,276 --> 00:12:28,084
Set some things up?
209
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:31,931
- I've gotta go till some soil.
- Pop!
210
00:12:32,096 --> 00:12:34,149
Shantay... Sharon?
211
00:12:34,229 --> 00:12:36,863
- Shantaysia.
- Damn, they still doing that?
212
00:12:37,596 --> 00:12:39,898
That's fucked up. Here.
213
00:12:40,954 --> 00:12:42,291
"Shantaysia."
214
00:12:42,371 --> 00:12:45,789
Come on, what the hell
kind of disease... Shantaysia.
215
00:12:45,869 --> 00:12:48,495
Hey, bro, what are you doing?
You sleeping in your car?
216
00:12:48,575 --> 00:12:50,464
Until Denali makes a tent.
217
00:12:50,544 --> 00:12:53,396
Bro, you is not a real camper.
Huh? You can't fool me.
218
00:12:53,476 --> 00:12:56,252
You might be able to fool Pops,
but you can't fool me, brother.
219
00:12:56,332 --> 00:12:58,173
You're right.
I don't wanna fool you.
220
00:12:58,253 --> 00:12:59,449
- Since I've known you...
- Ah, snake!
221
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:03,111
Snake! Snake on your shoulder!
Snake on your shoulder!
222
00:13:03,191 --> 00:13:05,858
Is it invisible?
I don't see nothing!
223
00:13:05,944 --> 00:13:07,725
Where is it?
- Ron Ron, I'm just...
224
00:13:07,805 --> 00:13:10,986
Ron Ron, I'm just messing with you.
I'm just messing with you!
225
00:13:11,066 --> 00:13:12,321
I'm just messing with you, dawg.
226
00:13:12,401 --> 00:13:15,110
I just... I just... What?
I just, what, fooled you.
227
00:13:19,082 --> 00:13:21,265
Get those flying bastards!
228
00:13:21,358 --> 00:13:22,944
Chuckie, don't say "bastard."
229
00:13:23,026 --> 00:13:25,328
- What about bitch?
- Yeah, that's not...
230
00:13:25,408 --> 00:13:27,850
- Ass Slurpee?
- No. That... No.
231
00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:29,856
- Ass waffle!
- Not great.
232
00:13:29,936 --> 00:13:31,312
- Bitch taco?
- Don't love it.
233
00:13:31,392 --> 00:13:32,834
- Shit Slurpee?
- No.
234
00:13:32,914 --> 00:13:34,903
- Crap-talker.
- I don't... No.
235
00:13:34,983 --> 00:13:36,413
- Ass-butch?
- Don't... Not a fan.
236
00:13:36,493 --> 00:13:39,208
- You love tit chicken. Tell me that.
- No, I don't love that.
237
00:13:39,288 --> 00:13:41,176
- I kinda like that.
- I don't love the word "tit."
238
00:13:41,256 --> 00:13:42,644
- Come on now. Dick dog?
- Definitely not "dick."
239
00:13:42,724 --> 00:13:43,645
- Ass lick?
- No.
240
00:13:43,725 --> 00:13:45,714
- Slurpee?
- No.
241
00:13:45,794 --> 00:13:47,700
- Shit Slurpee!
- No.
242
00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:50,630
- What else you got?
- Bastards!
243
00:13:50,773 --> 00:13:53,254
You know what, bastard's fine.
244
00:13:53,334 --> 00:13:55,676
- It's... It's passable.
- Yeah.
245
00:13:55,756 --> 00:14:00,086
Hey, everybody, look!
I made Ocho into a turtle dog!
246
00:14:01,121 --> 00:14:04,115
It's the fifth Ninja Turtle,
Taco Bello.
247
00:14:04,195 --> 00:14:06,726
Ha, ha, ha, yeah. It's totally funny,
man. Now take it off.
248
00:14:06,806 --> 00:14:09,481
- I can't.
- It's super-glued.
249
00:14:23,018 --> 00:14:24,618
Is that Tejano?
250
00:14:27,227 --> 00:14:30,016
Now this is what
I'm talking about.
251
00:14:30,096 --> 00:14:33,196
Jazz on the stereo, cozy fire.
252
00:14:33,631 --> 00:14:35,017
Dad, look, no offense,
253
00:14:35,097 --> 00:14:38,918
but this old-ass music make me wanna
put a gun to my head and shoot it!
254
00:14:38,998 --> 00:14:40,606
Give me a sec.
255
00:14:41,761 --> 00:14:45,067
- I'm gonna go get a gun.
- Ha! Good one, Pop.
256
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:46,718
When?
257
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:49,042
- When?
- When?
258
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,244
When? When what?
259
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,079
- I don't even know.
- What?
260
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,359
No, no, no, no, no.
261
00:14:53,439 --> 00:14:56,581
You said someday someone's gonna
have an intervention on you.
262
00:14:56,661 --> 00:15:00,476
-I'm curious. When?
- She wasn't suppo... I mean, uh...
263
00:15:00,556 --> 00:15:02,993
- What is she talking about?
- Wait, what?
264
00:15:03,073 --> 00:15:05,720
I love that show, "Intervention."
- What is she talking about?
265
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,248
I'm camping with my son and my
daughter, we're having a good time.
266
00:15:09,328 --> 00:15:11,396
The wieners...
- I don't even know where this is coming from.
267
00:15:11,476 --> 00:15:16,214
- My brother's coherent, and...
- I love it here.
268
00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:18,562
- This is fabulous.
- It's great.
269
00:15:18,642 --> 00:15:21,499
Until I hear things
about interventions.
270
00:15:21,579 --> 00:15:24,135
When might this intervention
be happening?
271
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,971
What is she talking about, dad?
272
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:30,529
Uh, son, uh...
When this wiener is done.
273
00:15:30,619 --> 00:15:33,142
- When will it be done?
- Yeah, it will be done!
274
00:15:33,235 --> 00:15:35,881
Well, let me just tell you
that interventions are not cool.
275
00:15:35,961 --> 00:15:37,451
They sprung one
on a buddy of mine once
276
00:15:37,531 --> 00:15:39,693
and I'm pretty sure he stabbed
a bunch of his mom's cats.
277
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,243
The vet probably had
a really good night that night,
278
00:15:42,323 --> 00:15:45,455
wondering how all those cats
got stabbed.
279
00:15:48,473 --> 00:15:50,462
One of these days,
I'm gonna be so rich,
280
00:15:50,542 --> 00:15:52,219
I'll be able to rent
this whole damn park out.
281
00:15:53,237 --> 00:15:55,112
Maybe then Papi will smile.
282
00:15:56,258 --> 00:15:57,472
Oh, hey.
283
00:15:57,552 --> 00:15:59,650
I just had my best
million-dollar idea yet.
284
00:15:59,730 --> 00:16:02,321
It's a soft drink, but for dogs.
285
00:16:02,830 --> 00:16:05,553
It's called "Pupsi."
- What?
286
00:16:05,633 --> 00:16:07,271
- Pupsi!
- Pupsi?
287
00:16:07,370 --> 00:16:09,710
Pepsi's not gonna let you
get away with that.
288
00:16:09,790 --> 00:16:13,517
- What are they gonna do, sue me?
- Yeah. Out your ass.
289
00:16:13,613 --> 00:16:17,754
♪ That's a bad idea
called Pupsi ♪
290
00:16:18,991 --> 00:16:20,957
You fools have no vision.
291
00:16:24,129 --> 00:16:25,930
♪ Pupsi... ♪
292
00:16:26,010 --> 00:16:28,238
Who made y'all the DJ
of site 16?
293
00:16:28,318 --> 00:16:30,460
Turn that shit down, okay?
294
00:16:30,540 --> 00:16:32,785
We're trying to hear
old-ass jazz over here.
295
00:16:34,290 --> 00:16:35,987
Look at they fire, huh?
296
00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:38,857
We got this little fire right here.
This doesn't make any sense.
297
00:16:38,937 --> 00:16:42,233
What does it matter if their
fire is bigger than our fire?
298
00:16:42,313 --> 00:16:44,146
- It don't matter...
- Thank you.
299
00:16:44,226 --> 00:16:46,293
if it ain't true.
300
00:16:48,552 --> 00:16:51,446
Hey, are their fires
bigger than ours?
301
00:16:52,134 --> 00:16:54,444
You know, we need a bigger fire.
302
00:16:58,053 --> 00:16:59,853
Get that lighter fluid.
303
00:17:14,003 --> 00:17:15,003
Want some of this?
304
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,914
Hey, what you doing?
305
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:34,919
What's wrong with y'all?
306
00:17:36,311 --> 00:17:39,301
What the hell is wrong
with you men?
307
00:17:39,381 --> 00:17:41,493
Y'all trying to burn my babies?
308
00:17:41,573 --> 00:17:42,815
- Tell 'em, baby.
- Oh, my God!
309
00:17:42,897 --> 00:17:44,234
What is wrong with you guys?
310
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,954
Yell at them.
Yell at them a little bit.
311
00:17:47,083 --> 00:17:48,748
- What the hell?
- Felipe!
312
00:17:48,830 --> 00:17:50,192
Cool off!
313
00:17:50,285 --> 00:17:53,268
My babies in there sleeping, you
know you got that from Vietnam.
314
00:17:53,367 --> 00:17:54,918
Why would you burn that shit?
315
00:17:54,998 --> 00:17:56,752
- Hey!
- The fire's still burning.
316
00:17:56,832 --> 00:17:58,979
They started it.
- Okay, come on, really?
317
00:17:59,059 --> 00:18:02,294
We had it under control.
The ice was under control.
318
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:03,729
Baby...
319
00:18:03,809 --> 00:18:05,733
Yeah, you can't fuel this fire!
320
00:18:14,578 --> 00:18:15,732
What are you doing?
321
00:18:15,812 --> 00:18:17,612
Go to bed!
Everybody go to bed.
322
00:18:17,693 --> 00:18:19,548
- I was actually sleeping.
- Go to bed!
323
00:18:19,628 --> 00:18:20,616
I was sleepy.
I was gonna go to bed.
324
00:18:20,696 --> 00:18:22,827
I was thinking
it was time to go to bed.
325
00:18:33,308 --> 00:18:35,264
This is bullshit!
326
00:18:35,344 --> 00:18:36,919
Getting eaten alive!
327
00:18:37,445 --> 00:18:40,335
Damn ants or mosquitoes
or whatever the hell you are.
328
00:18:40,415 --> 00:18:42,115
Leave me alone!
329
00:18:48,423 --> 00:18:51,108
There's gotta be
a 24-hour place in town.
330
00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:54,975
Oh, my God.
331
00:18:56,522 --> 00:18:58,909
What a fricking beginning.
332
00:19:10,502 --> 00:19:12,781
What the hell was that?
333
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:14,494
Fricking pina...
334
00:19:15,771 --> 00:19:18,063
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!
335
00:19:19,216 --> 00:19:20,609
What did you do?
336
00:19:20,689 --> 00:19:23,263
- You scared the crap outta me!
- Oh, my goodness.
337
00:19:23,349 --> 00:19:25,555
Okay, okay,
this is not what it looks like.
338
00:19:25,635 --> 00:19:27,943
- You killed them both?
- No, no, no, no, no!
339
00:19:28,023 --> 00:19:32,429
This piece of shit dumbass
hybrid makes no noise, and...
340
00:19:32,509 --> 00:19:35,267
All right. You gotta help me
get them to a vet.
341
00:19:35,347 --> 00:19:37,602
You drive and I'll give them
mouth-to-mouth.
342
00:19:37,682 --> 00:19:39,182
I mean, mouth-to-snout.
343
00:19:58,461 --> 00:20:01,079
What the hell did
they do to Ocho?
344
00:20:01,264 --> 00:20:02,952
Who would do such a thing?
345
00:20:05,947 --> 00:20:08,414
- Them...
- Come on.
346
00:20:11,589 --> 00:20:12,789
- Hey, man.
- Hey! What?
347
00:20:12,883 --> 00:20:15,185
- What the heck did you do to our dog?
- Look!
348
00:20:15,265 --> 00:20:17,351
Nobody do nothin' to your dog.
What are you talking about?
349
00:20:17,442 --> 00:20:18,542
What do you mean do nothin'?
350
00:20:18,622 --> 00:20:20,622
Oh, shit. Chaka!
351
00:20:20,702 --> 00:20:23,762
- What did they do to you?
- What happened to my baby?
352
00:20:23,844 --> 00:20:25,271
What did you'll try
to do to my baby?
353
00:20:25,351 --> 00:20:27,206
Hey, man, we didn't touch
your dog. You busted ours.
354
00:20:27,286 --> 00:20:29,541
- Yeah, we love dogs, man.
- Look at our dog.
355
00:20:29,621 --> 00:20:30,484
It's...
356
00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:33,564
If y'all didn't touch our dog
and we didn't touch your dog...
357
00:20:35,656 --> 00:20:37,508
Wake up, white people.
358
00:20:39,365 --> 00:20:42,006
Okay, all right, heh...
Just... Just hear me out.
359
00:20:42,086 --> 00:20:44,796
I am so... sorry.
360
00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:46,886
It was an accident.
361
00:20:46,966 --> 00:20:50,014
I swear.
I just wanted some Benadryl.
362
00:20:55,038 --> 00:20:56,959
- Crazy white man.
- What, man?
363
00:20:57,039 --> 00:20:59,107
I have no idea.
364
00:21:03,869 --> 00:21:07,344
Come on, man, what are you doing?
I want a freakin' refund or something.
365
00:21:07,424 --> 00:21:09,016
They seem pretty worked up.
366
00:21:09,110 --> 00:21:10,907
Yeah, if this turns
into a race war,
367
00:21:10,987 --> 00:21:13,346
we'll be pulling out paperwork
for a decade.
368
00:21:27,037 --> 00:21:29,475
You people...
369
00:21:29,570 --> 00:21:33,072
This is the 4th of July.
This is the day we honor
370
00:21:33,152 --> 00:21:36,536
how our great nation declared
its independence
371
00:21:36,616 --> 00:21:38,377
from the king of England.
372
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:43,781
Do you happen to even know
how George Washington
373
00:21:43,861 --> 00:21:47,492
celebrated his final victory
over the British at Yorktown?
374
00:21:47,572 --> 00:21:49,775
That day great day, hmm?
375
00:21:49,855 --> 00:21:54,050
He issued his troops,
a double ration of rum.
376
00:21:56,548 --> 00:21:58,937
Here we are. We had...
377
00:21:59,017 --> 00:22:02,891
fought this bitter war
against a tyrannical foe.
378
00:22:04,601 --> 00:22:07,813
And, all we did to celebrate it,
is that we drank.
379
00:22:07,893 --> 00:22:11,618
Four fingers of booze.
Instead of two.
380
00:22:34,748 --> 00:22:37,204
That's about a martini
and a half.
381
00:22:37,284 --> 00:22:39,926
In case you were wondering
what four fingers was.
382
00:22:40,836 --> 00:22:44,348
Today... if a kid happens
to throw his poopy diaper
383
00:22:44,428 --> 00:22:46,558
into the hamper, the parents,
they go ape-shit,
384
00:22:46,638 --> 00:22:49,696
and they throw the kid a party,
and give him a PlayStation.
385
00:22:53,431 --> 00:22:55,531
Gosh, he drinks like me.
386
00:23:06,266 --> 00:23:08,908
I don't really see...
387
00:23:08,989 --> 00:23:11,166
This issue between you people
as a problem.
388
00:23:11,246 --> 00:23:13,881
I see it as an opportunity
to get away
389
00:23:13,961 --> 00:23:15,996
from what the 4th of July
has become.
390
00:23:16,076 --> 00:23:19,606
Which, let's face it, is just
a couple of days off work
391
00:23:19,686 --> 00:23:21,215
for all the lazy people.
392
00:23:21,295 --> 00:23:26,722
We have become a nation
of soft, puffy, pussy people.
393
00:23:26,802 --> 00:23:28,883
And, we have forgotten
the sacrifice of those
394
00:23:28,963 --> 00:23:30,460
who have come before us.
395
00:23:30,540 --> 00:23:35,094
And, so, in my opinion,
whoever wants camping site 16...
396
00:23:36,337 --> 00:23:38,290
you're gonna have to fuckin'
fight for it.
397
00:23:38,370 --> 00:23:42,529
Wait a minute, you're talking
about cannons, muskets and shit?
398
00:23:42,609 --> 00:23:44,190
- You're crazy.
- Mm-hmm.
399
00:23:44,270 --> 00:23:46,538
Hey, I am retiring in a week
and a half,
400
00:23:46,632 --> 00:23:49,295
and I don't give a shit,
all right?
401
00:23:49,375 --> 00:23:52,732
You don't have to use guns
and knives. Just...
402
00:23:52,812 --> 00:23:54,434
Have a contest.
403
00:23:54,514 --> 00:23:56,069
Have a contest.
404
00:23:56,149 --> 00:23:58,546
Whatever family
wins the contest,
405
00:23:58,626 --> 00:24:01,741
they get to kick the other two
families' asses outta the park.
406
00:24:01,821 --> 00:24:03,063
How about that?
407
00:24:03,143 --> 00:24:05,772
You get no cheese
with your wine around here.
408
00:24:05,852 --> 00:24:10,303
So, if I were you, I would be
dedicated to gettin' it on.
409
00:24:10,383 --> 00:24:12,125
Cause it's on.
410
00:24:14,898 --> 00:24:17,969
This whole thing is a mess,
and we're sorry about it.
411
00:24:18,061 --> 00:24:21,153
We were told to help out
with the contest, and...
412
00:24:21,233 --> 00:24:23,508
It was the park's fault.
- Well, great.
413
00:24:23,588 --> 00:24:27,070
Wow. It's really nice that
the pigs are being helpful.
414
00:24:27,169 --> 00:24:28,837
- Pardon?
- Uh, no, nothing.
415
00:24:28,917 --> 00:24:32,202
He just said that the cloud
up there looks like a pig.
416
00:24:32,282 --> 00:24:33,876
No, I didn't. I said...
417
00:24:35,441 --> 00:24:38,913
He, uh... He had a spider
on his zipper there.
418
00:24:38,993 --> 00:24:40,642
Thanks!
419
00:24:41,467 --> 00:24:44,092
Thanks, guys.
Hey, Gravy.
420
00:24:44,172 --> 00:24:47,112
- He deserved that.
- Yeah, seriously.
421
00:24:47,192 --> 00:24:49,948
So, we're doing
this contest thing?
422
00:24:50,028 --> 00:24:51,593
Oh, yeah, we're doing this.
423
00:24:51,673 --> 00:24:53,685
What's the matter, old man?
You scared?
424
00:24:53,765 --> 00:24:55,787
Scared? No.
425
00:24:55,867 --> 00:24:58,190
Just sad.
- Oh!
426
00:24:58,270 --> 00:25:00,592
Sad for you
and all these other losers.
427
00:25:00,672 --> 00:25:02,327
Kids.
428
00:25:02,407 --> 00:25:04,154
We're marking off an area
for you to play in.
429
00:25:04,234 --> 00:25:06,268
Do not leave this area
for any reason.
430
00:25:06,348 --> 00:25:08,201
What if we get hit
by lightning?
431
00:25:08,281 --> 00:25:09,437
Try not to.
432
00:25:09,527 --> 00:25:10,827
What if we see
an ice cream truck?
433
00:25:10,907 --> 00:25:12,735
- Try not to.
- Dad?
434
00:25:12,815 --> 00:25:14,406
How long do we have to
stay here?
435
00:25:14,486 --> 00:25:16,721
Just while the adults are off,
doing adult things.
436
00:25:16,801 --> 00:25:19,550
Yes, I'm getting
a new baby brother.
437
00:25:20,208 --> 00:25:21,611
Uh...
438
00:25:21,691 --> 00:25:24,401
Not those kind of adult things.
439
00:25:25,947 --> 00:25:28,656
Okay, kids, have fun.
Hey, don't poke your eyes out.
440
00:25:28,736 --> 00:25:30,425
Peace out.
441
00:25:35,031 --> 00:25:36,031
Hi.
442
00:25:43,601 --> 00:25:46,221
- I don't know what to say.
- Well, you can usually find
443
00:25:46,301 --> 00:25:48,565
all the right words
in the courtroom.
444
00:25:48,645 --> 00:25:52,160
I thought bringing our families
together up here, would be...
445
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,829
our chance to, you know,
break the news.
446
00:25:54,909 --> 00:25:57,989
Wait...
You did this on purpose?
447
00:25:58,609 --> 00:26:00,786
Yeah, kinda, a little bit.
448
00:26:00,866 --> 00:26:03,486
I mean, it was easy
'cause our names are so similar.
449
00:26:03,566 --> 00:26:05,431
Jones. Jonas.
450
00:26:05,511 --> 00:26:08,425
I didn't expect
a white Jones family to show up.
451
00:26:08,505 --> 00:26:12,114
Man, I screwed up everything.
It's my fault, I'm sorry.
452
00:26:12,194 --> 00:26:15,639
- So, who is she?
- Who is who?
453
00:26:15,719 --> 00:26:18,186
You know who I'm talking about.
454
00:26:18,266 --> 00:26:20,151
Who, Fantasia?
I don't know that girl.
455
00:26:20,231 --> 00:26:23,268
- Shantaysia, why is she here?
- I don't know her.
456
00:26:23,364 --> 00:26:25,410
She's my dad's idea.
457
00:26:25,490 --> 00:26:27,596
I don't... It's my first time
ever seeing her.
458
00:26:27,676 --> 00:26:29,693
Stop. Come on.
459
00:26:30,128 --> 00:26:32,184
You know I love you.
Stop.
460
00:26:35,100 --> 00:26:37,534
Anyway, look, I have a plan.
461
00:26:39,623 --> 00:26:41,668
I'll make sure we win the race.
462
00:26:41,748 --> 00:26:45,582
And, then, I'll convince my dad
to let you... your family stay,
463
00:26:45,662 --> 00:26:47,365
and we'll get rid of
the white family.
464
00:26:47,445 --> 00:26:49,657
They'll kick rocks.
465
00:26:50,215 --> 00:26:52,681
What if your family
doesn't win?
466
00:26:52,761 --> 00:26:54,393
Felipa...
467
00:26:54,473 --> 00:26:57,068
Stop smoking crack.
468
00:26:58,071 --> 00:27:00,094
We're black, we're gonna win.
469
00:27:01,191 --> 00:27:03,594
Mexicans are pretty athletic,
too. What about like...
470
00:27:03,689 --> 00:27:05,916
Big Papi.
- He's Dominican.
471
00:27:05,996 --> 00:27:09,249
Oh, y'all gonna lose bad.
Y'all gonna lose so bad.
472
00:27:18,885 --> 00:27:22,482
Hey, guys, I think I hear
an ice cream truck.
473
00:27:23,632 --> 00:27:26,066
Wait, but,
we can't leave this area.
474
00:27:26,150 --> 00:27:28,318
Well, screw that,
it's ice cream.
475
00:27:37,116 --> 00:27:39,161
Look at these people.
476
00:27:39,241 --> 00:27:40,905
They're like vultures.
477
00:27:40,985 --> 00:27:44,325
They're standing around watching
us fight among ourselves.
478
00:27:44,405 --> 00:27:46,869
Don't think they're just
out here having fun?
479
00:27:46,949 --> 00:27:48,172
No.
480
00:27:48,252 --> 00:27:51,172
This has gotten much bigger
than three mad-ass families.
481
00:27:51,252 --> 00:27:54,255
- Bigger how?
- Oh, you think about it, bud.
482
00:27:54,335 --> 00:27:57,371
International sports,
you root for your country.
483
00:27:57,451 --> 00:28:00,253
School sports,
you root for your school.
484
00:28:00,341 --> 00:28:02,441
These people are rooting
for their race.
485
00:28:02,780 --> 00:28:07,024
- Oh, you don't know that.
- Okay. Truth or dare?
486
00:28:07,104 --> 00:28:09,493
I'll answer a question,
if you answer a question.
487
00:28:09,573 --> 00:28:10,861
- Okay.
- Truthfully.
488
00:28:10,941 --> 00:28:11,795
- All right.
- All right.
489
00:28:11,875 --> 00:28:13,964
Now, when you first
drove up here,
490
00:28:14,044 --> 00:28:16,387
and you saw that
there were two families here.
491
00:28:16,467 --> 00:28:19,087
Now, were you mad cause
there were two families here?
492
00:28:19,167 --> 00:28:22,353
Or, were you mad cause
we weren't white?
493
00:28:22,433 --> 00:28:25,176
Yeah, well, you know...
Truth be told
494
00:28:25,256 --> 00:28:26,943
when I drove up here,
I was a little nervous.
495
00:28:27,023 --> 00:28:28,809
But, that's because
I didn't know what to expect.
496
00:28:28,889 --> 00:28:32,800
Well, I felt the same way.
And, that's textbook racism.
497
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,698
You can't say I'm racist just because
I didn't know what to expect.
498
00:28:35,778 --> 00:28:37,947
I've had a lot of
great experiences with...
499
00:28:38,027 --> 00:28:40,182
other races,
and some not so great.
500
00:28:40,262 --> 00:28:41,951
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I couldn't help but overhear.
501
00:28:42,031 --> 00:28:45,154
You should know that...
502
00:28:45,234 --> 00:28:48,427
our family isn't anything
like that at all.
503
00:28:48,507 --> 00:28:51,605
In fact, I was a total wigger
back in high school.
504
00:28:51,685 --> 00:28:53,577
I had my hair braided and everything.
You remember that?
505
00:28:53,657 --> 00:28:55,664
Yeah, that was so cute.
506
00:28:55,744 --> 00:28:57,777
What is a wigger?
507
00:29:01,221 --> 00:29:04,365
It's just a term
for a kid that's...
508
00:29:04,445 --> 00:29:06,709
trying to act tough
and sound cool.
509
00:29:06,789 --> 00:29:09,043
Well, now,
that's what it means.
510
00:29:09,123 --> 00:29:10,079
But...
511
00:29:10,159 --> 00:29:12,774
What is it an acronym for?
- An acronym?
512
00:29:12,854 --> 00:29:15,143
Yeah, like the word smog.
513
00:29:15,223 --> 00:29:17,490
It's a combination of the words
smoke and fog.
514
00:29:17,579 --> 00:29:19,385
That's an acronym.
515
00:29:19,465 --> 00:29:24,176
What are the words that wigger
is an acronym for?
516
00:29:25,425 --> 00:29:26,865
Well, that's easy.
517
00:29:26,945 --> 00:29:31,426
It's a... It's a combination of,
a mash up, if you will,
518
00:29:31,506 --> 00:29:33,339
of the words...
519
00:29:36,973 --> 00:29:38,210
white...
520
00:29:38,295 --> 00:29:40,147
- White.
- And...
521
00:29:43,452 --> 00:29:45,376
er...
522
00:29:45,456 --> 00:29:47,305
Okay.
523
00:29:47,892 --> 00:29:50,797
I mean, you know,
you guys get hit with...
524
00:29:50,877 --> 00:29:53,255
- honky, hick, crackers...
- Hey!
525
00:29:53,335 --> 00:29:55,263
- Peckerwood, redneck...
- Hey!
526
00:29:55,343 --> 00:29:58,386
- White bastards, white devils.
- Hey!
527
00:29:58,466 --> 00:30:02,691
But, the "N" word, that cuts
straight through the clutter.
528
00:30:02,771 --> 00:30:04,906
Yeah, well, once you say that,
it's pretty much game over.
529
00:30:04,986 --> 00:30:06,721
You're right.
530
00:30:06,801 --> 00:30:09,317
- Good going, son. Well done.
- Happy to help.
531
00:30:09,397 --> 00:30:11,533
But, I still don't agree with
you these people round here
532
00:30:11,613 --> 00:30:14,073
are rooting for their own races.
- Hey!
533
00:30:18,552 --> 00:30:20,069
We got this, baby.
534
00:30:20,149 --> 00:30:22,993
Black and white's going down
like a knocked-out zebra.
535
00:30:23,075 --> 00:30:25,208
Yeah, maybe you're right.
536
00:30:25,699 --> 00:30:28,321
- I hear it, I hear it.
- Ice cream.
537
00:30:33,095 --> 00:30:34,949
Ice cream!
538
00:30:35,759 --> 00:30:39,995
- Hey, sorry I'm late.
- Hey, Franklin. All right.
539
00:30:40,075 --> 00:30:42,164
You know, I love that look...
540
00:30:42,244 --> 00:30:43,966
That gleam of victory
in your eyes.
541
00:30:44,046 --> 00:30:45,559
Yeah, we about to win, Pop.
542
00:30:45,639 --> 00:30:47,199
And, we gonna kick a family
up outta here.
543
00:30:47,279 --> 00:30:51,075
Oh, yes. That's right.
You know... Where's Shantaysia?
544
00:30:51,155 --> 00:30:54,452
Shantaysia...
You know that old Franklin here
545
00:30:54,532 --> 00:30:58,617
was a track star in high school.
Shantaysia, come on.
546
00:30:58,697 --> 00:31:03,081
One time, I ate 37 eggs
in six minutes, come on.
547
00:31:03,161 --> 00:31:04,578
I mean that's impossible, you know.
548
00:31:04,658 --> 00:31:06,110
You proud of me, Daddy?
You gonna brag about that?
549
00:31:06,353 --> 00:31:10,168
Proud of you, son. Not as proud
as I am of Franklin here.
550
00:31:10,916 --> 00:31:13,549
- What?
- That was a joke.
551
00:31:13,679 --> 00:31:16,035
- He's messing with you.
- Shitty joke.
552
00:31:16,115 --> 00:31:16,815
What?
553
00:31:17,067 --> 00:31:20,928
- I said Keko's titty is broke.
- Yeah, I thought you said that.
554
00:31:21,060 --> 00:31:23,205
- Let's do this.
- Uh, you know what...
555
00:31:23,319 --> 00:31:25,790
Y'all enjoy your pissing contest
but I'm outta here.
556
00:31:25,881 --> 00:31:28,079
You wanna go?
- Yeah, I wanna go find Shantaysia.
557
00:31:28,159 --> 00:31:29,532
- Keko!
- Felipa!
558
00:31:29,612 --> 00:31:33,886
This is our contest pick
and it's called the Potty Carry.
559
00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:37,190
That's right. One person
goes inside of each one
560
00:31:37,471 --> 00:31:39,667
and the rest of us carry.
561
00:31:39,747 --> 00:31:43,904
And, the winner is the one who
gets across that finish line first.
562
00:31:43,984 --> 00:31:45,480
That finish line
is pretty far, man.
563
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:47,975
Dude, don't sweat it, man.
We totally got this.
564
00:31:48,055 --> 00:31:50,066
Mexicans are gonna take
this hands down.
565
00:31:50,246 --> 00:31:51,297
Hey, Papi.
566
00:31:51,491 --> 00:31:54,196
Papi, we're about to start
the race, you gonna come cheer?
567
00:31:55,993 --> 00:31:57,798
Does your dad ever smile?
568
00:31:57,878 --> 00:32:00,291
- No.
- You mean, "Darth Valdez"?
569
00:32:00,382 --> 00:32:02,616
Does he even know
what a smile is?
570
00:32:02,818 --> 00:32:04,695
I bet you, he can't say
the word "Chuck E. Cheese."
571
00:32:04,981 --> 00:32:07,828
Bet you his face makes him
stop at "Chuck."
572
00:32:08,071 --> 00:32:10,857
He'd probably need a fake ID
just to buy a "Happy Meal."
573
00:32:10,987 --> 00:32:12,647
- Wow. That's good.
- All right.
574
00:32:12,727 --> 00:32:14,580
All right. That's pretty funny,
but, uh...
575
00:32:14,839 --> 00:32:17,458
You know, he's still my dad,
so could you cut it out, please.
576
00:32:17,538 --> 00:32:19,781
Well, you know, come on,
let's space these potties out,
577
00:32:19,861 --> 00:32:22,477
and get the race started.
I mean, we're standing around...
578
00:32:22,745 --> 00:32:25,318
Let me just drag this one.
Get outta the way, would ya?
579
00:32:25,398 --> 00:32:28,641
So, I'll just take this one.
- Are you sure? These things are heavy.
580
00:32:28,897 --> 00:32:30,840
Charlie, I've been a fireman
for years, you know.
581
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:34,947
I've rescued babies from windows
and fiery buildings, you know.
582
00:32:35,034 --> 00:32:36,796
Come on, put this on my back.
583
00:32:36,876 --> 00:32:38,688
- I guess.
- Come on, let's go.
584
00:32:38,768 --> 00:32:41,126
This is... I can just...
I got this.
585
00:32:45,546 --> 00:32:48,581
Charlie, get it off of me.
Get it off of me.
586
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,884
We got this. We got this, Dad.
587
00:32:58,943 --> 00:33:01,522
Yeah, maybe we should slide it.
588
00:33:14,387 --> 00:33:17,951
I don't like this.
I'm having a bad day.
589
00:33:18,786 --> 00:33:22,080
I hate kids.
You ruined my life.
590
00:33:28,822 --> 00:33:29,910
The main problem is
591
00:33:29,990 --> 00:33:32,150
is getting this potty
over the ravine.
592
00:33:32,230 --> 00:33:34,722
But, luckily,
Ron Ron got an idea.
593
00:33:34,802 --> 00:33:35,501
What?
594
00:33:35,590 --> 00:33:39,030
All we need to do is swing
this potty by using rope.
595
00:33:39,110 --> 00:33:40,708
We need to put the rope
through a hitch,
596
00:33:40,788 --> 00:33:43,671
on top of the potty and, then,
toss the rope on branches.
597
00:33:43,751 --> 00:33:45,725
And, then, we swing the potty
over the ravine.
598
00:33:45,805 --> 00:33:48,400
Come on.
- That's a good idea.
599
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,276
We gotta get some rope.
- Oh, Daddy, look at this.
600
00:33:51,356 --> 00:33:52,599
I already got it.
Taken care of.
601
00:33:52,679 --> 00:33:54,000
- Look at that.
- Crap.
602
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:55,657
Guess I'm smarter
than Franklin now, right?
603
00:33:55,737 --> 00:33:57,373
No.
604
00:33:57,453 --> 00:33:59,034
He's right, man.
Rope's gonna make it easier.
605
00:33:59,114 --> 00:34:00,633
- Sharni, get a rope.
- Okay, got it.
606
00:34:00,713 --> 00:34:02,370
- Dad.
- We're ready to go.
607
00:34:02,450 --> 00:34:05,105
- We can't wait. Let's get started.
- Wait, wait.
608
00:34:05,185 --> 00:34:06,443
- Wait, wait.
- Get on your marks,
609
00:34:06,523 --> 00:34:08,208
get set, go!
- Wait, wait.
610
00:34:08,288 --> 00:34:10,564
Oh, come on.
611
00:34:11,664 --> 00:34:13,592
Uh-uh, keep dreamin'
Blondie, that rope is mine.
612
00:34:13,679 --> 00:34:16,875
- No, I saw it first.
- Hello, open up.
613
00:34:17,175 --> 00:34:19,023
We wanna borrow
your clothes line.
614
00:34:19,103 --> 00:34:21,577
- This is kinda cute.
- Open up. We wanna borrow...
615
00:34:21,657 --> 00:34:24,005
- ... your clothes line.
- Yeah, you know, keep knocking.
616
00:34:24,085 --> 00:34:25,907
People love Mexicans
at their door.
617
00:34:25,987 --> 00:34:28,483
Ha-ha, really funny,
"Blow White."
618
00:34:28,563 --> 00:34:29,787
Hello.
619
00:34:29,867 --> 00:34:32,953
We'll see how much you laugh
when the rope is mine.
620
00:34:33,033 --> 00:34:34,942
Hey, what are you doing
up there?
621
00:34:35,022 --> 00:34:38,161
- Getting this damn clothes line.
- Oh, shit.
622
00:34:47,839 --> 00:34:49,827
I don't know.
623
00:34:54,454 --> 00:34:57,043
- Come this way.
- What the hell was that?
624
00:35:01,515 --> 00:35:03,713
Hey, where did everybody go?
625
00:35:04,556 --> 00:35:05,556
Pop?
626
00:35:06,624 --> 00:35:07,624
Ron Ron?
627
00:35:08,693 --> 00:35:10,461
Did we win?
628
00:35:10,551 --> 00:35:13,818
Come on, come on.
629
00:35:13,898 --> 00:35:17,399
What happened?
- He has a TV antenna stuck in him.
630
00:35:17,492 --> 00:35:19,190
Where?
631
00:35:19,270 --> 00:35:21,770
- We need to take him to a hospital.
- All right, let's use my car.
632
00:35:22,207 --> 00:35:24,722
Wait, we're gonna get him in that?
633
00:35:25,744 --> 00:35:27,344
Here.
634
00:35:28,689 --> 00:35:32,774
- What in the hell are you doing?
- Bactine. It stings like a bitch, but...
635
00:35:34,537 --> 00:35:37,122
No! No more,
you fucking idiot.
636
00:35:38,741 --> 00:35:40,875
Everybody, stop!
637
00:35:42,445 --> 00:35:44,434
Do you get the NFL package?
638
00:35:46,650 --> 00:35:49,155
We're not gonna
get him in that pussy car.
639
00:35:49,235 --> 00:35:51,284
Let's get him in Franklin's car.
640
00:35:51,788 --> 00:35:53,309
- I'm right here.
- Come on.
641
00:35:53,389 --> 00:35:55,745
You got it. You got it.
642
00:35:55,825 --> 00:35:58,248
- Put him inside.
- There you go.
643
00:35:58,328 --> 00:35:59,666
Let's give him a push.
- All right.
644
00:35:59,746 --> 00:36:01,862
- One, two...
- No...
645
00:36:01,942 --> 00:36:03,497
three.
646
00:36:07,137 --> 00:36:10,364
- That went horribly wrong.
- Yeah, hang tight.
647
00:36:10,446 --> 00:36:12,645
Okay, okay. Let's go.
Come on. Vamanos.
648
00:36:22,087 --> 00:36:24,298
So, are you doing
number one or number two?
649
00:36:24,378 --> 00:36:27,879
- What? Go get an adult.
- You look like a pinata.
650
00:36:27,959 --> 00:36:29,802
And you look the first
person's ass I'm gonna beat
651
00:36:29,882 --> 00:36:31,139
if you don't go
and get an adult.
652
00:36:31,219 --> 00:36:34,105
I didn't say you were one,
I said you looked like one.
653
00:36:34,185 --> 00:36:37,148
Oh, I'mma beat you so bad
and you're not even my kid.
654
00:36:37,231 --> 00:36:38,873
Woah, take it easy, perv.
655
00:36:38,953 --> 00:36:42,377
I thought you kids were on lock down.
How did you get outta your area?
656
00:36:42,457 --> 00:36:44,912
You didn't answer me.
Number one or number two?
657
00:36:44,992 --> 00:36:47,615
Why you wanna know?
Chuckie, that's nasty.
658
00:36:47,695 --> 00:36:50,854
Get an adult, I could die.
- No, no. - Okay, yeah.
659
00:36:50,934 --> 00:36:54,290
Please, this is not a drill.
660
00:36:54,370 --> 00:36:56,683
This is a "code red."
You know a "code red"...
661
00:36:56,763 --> 00:36:58,630
Oh, y'all went to public school.
Y'all know nothing.
662
00:36:58,710 --> 00:37:03,133
Oh, my God. I hate kids.
And, I hate camping.
663
00:37:14,709 --> 00:37:17,928
- Hey guys, quick.
- Come say hi to Mom. Come on.
664
00:37:18,488 --> 00:37:20,641
- Hey, Mom.
- Cheese.
665
00:37:20,721 --> 00:37:22,673
Yo. Yep, I'm good.
666
00:37:25,167 --> 00:37:27,678
Yo, I got lucky.
667
00:37:28,702 --> 00:37:30,738
It was tough, but I'm good.
668
00:37:34,777 --> 00:37:36,304
Hey...
669
00:37:36,384 --> 00:37:39,243
Doctor said my love handles
are like a teenager's.
670
00:37:44,913 --> 00:37:48,950
Yeah, don't worry about it. Just
gonna be here by myself, you know.
671
00:37:49,897 --> 00:37:51,980
No family to talk to.
672
00:37:55,729 --> 00:37:57,836
Something to think about, Mijo.
673
00:38:07,183 --> 00:38:09,697
- Okay.
- Aunt Felipa, I can't move.
674
00:38:09,777 --> 00:38:13,217
Yes, but you're safe.
Have fun.
675
00:38:13,797 --> 00:38:17,154
- Mind if I sit?
- Sure.
676
00:38:17,409 --> 00:38:21,051
- It's a pretty mantis.
- I'm gonna kill him.
677
00:38:22,248 --> 00:38:24,256
You know,
the kids don't see race.
678
00:38:24,941 --> 00:38:28,024
It's true. Seems they learn it
from the adults.
679
00:38:28,634 --> 00:38:30,890
Kids can be a handful, man.
680
00:38:30,970 --> 00:38:32,199
I used to think that
I wanted a bunch of them,
681
00:38:32,279 --> 00:38:35,863
but after this weekend, I think
I'm just gonna get another cat.
682
00:38:36,870 --> 00:38:39,611
Hey where is it?
- It's right there, it's just moving.
683
00:38:39,691 --> 00:38:41,546
- Now, that's a...
- It's a praying...
684
00:38:41,626 --> 00:38:44,001
It's just a gross bug.
Just put it down.
685
00:38:44,378 --> 00:38:46,317
Oh, you know, I've actually
been meaning to tell you,
686
00:38:46,397 --> 00:38:48,063
that I really like your hair.
687
00:38:48,158 --> 00:38:50,355
Thanks, I do it myself.
688
00:38:50,435 --> 00:38:52,747
- Really?
- I have my own salon.
689
00:38:52,827 --> 00:38:54,668
That's super cool.
690
00:38:54,748 --> 00:38:58,309
Didn't I hear Charlie saying
that he has his own salon, too.
691
00:38:58,389 --> 00:39:00,586
Not a salon, a saloon.
692
00:39:00,666 --> 00:39:03,271
I drove with him to
the vet the other night.
693
00:39:03,351 --> 00:39:06,574
He had a dog under each arm,
giving them both mouth-to-mouth.
694
00:39:06,654 --> 00:39:08,620
He's got a lot of heart.
695
00:39:08,700 --> 00:39:11,534
Yeah, and dog breath,
sounds like.
696
00:39:11,614 --> 00:39:13,469
Did any of the dogs get
a contact drunk?
697
00:39:13,549 --> 00:39:15,304
Yeah, I think the dogs
were wondering
698
00:39:15,384 --> 00:39:17,442
why I kept checking their IDs.
699
00:39:22,162 --> 00:39:25,909
You know, he's a good guy.
- Yeah, and cute too, right?
700
00:39:25,989 --> 00:39:28,021
- Yeah, he is kinda cute.
- Yeah.
701
00:39:28,101 --> 00:39:31,199
- Super cute. Like I would.
- I think I would, too.
702
00:39:31,293 --> 00:39:34,682
Seriously, he's a bit of a charmer
and girls love bad boys.
703
00:39:34,762 --> 00:39:39,237
I think he knows he has a problem.
I don't drink. I never have, but...
704
00:39:39,317 --> 00:39:42,316
My dad was an alcoholic,
so, I know the signs.
705
00:39:42,396 --> 00:39:44,625
- I really wanna kill it.
- Just kill it.
706
00:39:44,705 --> 00:39:48,268
No, it's one of God's
creatures, don't kill it.
707
00:39:48,348 --> 00:39:50,035
Right? Don't kill it.
708
00:39:52,300 --> 00:39:55,592
So, how about you? Do you work
at the courthouse back in the city?
709
00:39:55,691 --> 00:39:59,140
- Yeah, I'm a stenographer.
- Franklin works in the DA's office.
710
00:39:59,220 --> 00:40:00,441
- Does he?
- Yeah.
711
00:40:00,521 --> 00:40:01,609
Do you ever see him around there?
712
00:40:01,689 --> 00:40:04,906
Uh... Now that you...
I think I have. Mm-hmm.
713
00:40:06,496 --> 00:40:08,246
Not that often.
714
00:40:08,326 --> 00:40:11,830
You know, I've been meaning
to tell you, I'm not here to...
715
00:40:12,499 --> 00:40:13,921
Oh, my God.
716
00:40:16,620 --> 00:40:18,570
Oh, my God.
717
00:40:18,854 --> 00:40:21,401
Should I buy a tabby
or a Siamese cat?
718
00:40:22,856 --> 00:40:26,737
Okay, cabrones. Our pick.
The eating contest.
719
00:40:26,817 --> 00:40:30,564
- Yeah, but not food...
- Habaneros, baby.
720
00:40:30,644 --> 00:40:32,208
Hot peppers, bro.
721
00:40:32,299 --> 00:40:34,611
You gotta eat as many
as you can in three minutes.
722
00:40:34,696 --> 00:40:37,800
And Habaneros...
Habaneros are the Devil's food.
723
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,232
Yup.
724
00:40:39,312 --> 00:40:42,747
- They can't be that bad.
- Oh, you're about to find out.
725
00:40:42,827 --> 00:40:44,208
Can I eat for the family?
726
00:40:44,288 --> 00:40:46,551
Yeah, Gravy, you can eat
for the family for sure.
727
00:40:46,631 --> 00:40:48,954
'Cause Habaneros are organic,
728
00:40:49,034 --> 00:40:52,295
and I do non-pharmaceuticals
really well.
729
00:40:52,375 --> 00:40:55,324
Yeah. Like, one time
I got lost in the desert.
730
00:40:55,404 --> 00:40:58,738
I had to eat 67 mushrooms to survive.
731
00:40:58,818 --> 00:41:01,066
- Caps and stems?
- The whole thing.
732
00:41:01,156 --> 00:41:03,638
I hallucinated for 15 days.
733
00:41:03,718 --> 00:41:06,206
- My diarrhea tasted like honey.
- Ugh!
734
00:41:06,286 --> 00:41:07,575
That's beautiful, Gravy.
735
00:41:07,655 --> 00:41:09,711
- That's your son-in-law?
- Yep. Uh...
736
00:41:09,791 --> 00:41:12,081
- Your brother-in-law?
- Yes, my brother-in-law.
737
00:41:12,161 --> 00:41:14,408
- That's your brother.
- In-law.
738
00:41:14,488 --> 00:41:17,864
You said that like you might
have seen him naked or something.
739
00:41:18,753 --> 00:41:22,761
- All right, fool, I got this.
- No, clown, I love Habaneros.
740
00:41:22,858 --> 00:41:26,136
Who you calling a clown? I can eat
so many more Habaneros than you!
741
00:41:26,216 --> 00:41:28,121
No.
742
00:41:29,751 --> 00:41:32,447
- You, papi?
- What, he's...
743
00:41:32,527 --> 00:41:36,778
- ... resurrected.
- It's like it's Easter or something.
744
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:41,579
I've been eating Habaneros for
65 years. I will win for the familia.
745
00:41:41,659 --> 00:41:44,788
Mira. This is what
I have been whittling. Huh?
746
00:41:44,868 --> 00:41:47,064
Ocho!
747
00:41:47,980 --> 00:41:49,715
For cervezas.
748
00:41:49,795 --> 00:41:54,668
Ocho is now
an official St. Bernardo.
749
00:41:55,632 --> 00:41:57,275
- Papi made a joke.
- Yeah.
750
00:41:57,355 --> 00:41:59,953
Habaneros are nothing to Mexicans.
751
00:42:00,033 --> 00:42:03,261
We put hot sauce
on our hot sauce.
752
00:42:04,609 --> 00:42:06,705
- He made another joke.
- That's awesome.
753
00:42:06,785 --> 00:42:08,766
I'm ready. Let's do this.
754
00:42:08,846 --> 00:42:11,763
All right, pendejos,
the timer is set.
755
00:42:11,843 --> 00:42:14,583
Three, two, one, go!
756
00:42:42,593 --> 00:42:46,065
There's something going
on in my fucking mouth.
757
00:42:48,100 --> 00:42:52,157
Do men... Do you think
men ever get like
758
00:42:52,237 --> 00:42:55,550
a POV of themselves
and just go...
759
00:42:55,630 --> 00:42:57,551
"We're really stupid"?
760
00:43:19,683 --> 00:43:22,949
May the Devil use
your backbone as a trellis,
761
00:43:23,029 --> 00:43:25,419
to pick apples in Hell.
762
00:43:25,865 --> 00:43:29,289
To you, Mr. DiMaggio,
and to you, Dr. Freud.
763
00:43:29,369 --> 00:43:32,578
If you don't know where you're going,
there are plenty of roads.
764
00:43:37,536 --> 00:43:40,511
Okay. So, she's
not just crazy beautiful,
765
00:43:40,591 --> 00:43:44,650
she's actually smart enough
to see right through me.
766
00:43:44,737 --> 00:43:46,818
You need to look past
the train-wreck he is
767
00:43:46,898 --> 00:43:49,776
and see the man that was crying when he
thought the doggies wouldn't make it.
768
00:43:49,856 --> 00:43:54,423
Okay, that's a turnoff. May I just say
I'm not usually the crying type.
769
00:43:54,503 --> 00:43:58,037
I thought it was sweet, you know,
you crying like a little sissy.
770
00:43:58,701 --> 00:44:02,753
I cried, because when I was
giving them mouth to snout,
771
00:44:02,833 --> 00:44:04,815
Ocho slipped me some tongue.
772
00:44:04,895 --> 00:44:10,133
I- I-I-I-I can still taste the,
ugh, the lamb and carrots.
773
00:44:10,230 --> 00:44:12,654
Okay, okay. Let's... Let's recap.
774
00:44:12,734 --> 00:44:15,872
I know I come off like a...
Like a bit of a tough guy,
775
00:44:15,958 --> 00:44:20,109
but I do cry when I see
that doggies are hurt,
776
00:44:20,190 --> 00:44:23,546
and you're half naked...
I'm sorry about that.
777
00:44:23,639 --> 00:44:25,282
Are you?
778
00:44:26,792 --> 00:44:27,792
Oh, shit.
779
00:44:29,228 --> 00:44:31,219
Don't move.
That's a coral snake.
780
00:44:31,302 --> 00:44:34,902
You'll be totally safe if you
stand there, just like that,
781
00:44:34,982 --> 00:44:38,041
back lit by the sun,
looking perfect.
782
00:44:39,592 --> 00:44:42,982
Damn it! You moved!
Now you look awful.
783
00:44:43,062 --> 00:44:45,201
You went from looking
like a goddess, to a...
784
00:44:45,281 --> 00:44:47,764
To a favela in a bikini.
785
00:44:49,006 --> 00:44:51,234
What are we gonna do?
786
00:44:51,468 --> 00:44:54,461
If we meld as one,
787
00:44:54,541 --> 00:44:57,495
it'll see us as a much
larger and greater threat,
788
00:44:57,575 --> 00:45:01,282
and then slither
away sheepishly.
789
00:45:02,063 --> 00:45:05,360
So, this is us... melding.
790
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:07,867
- Here we go.
- Whoa, whoa.
791
00:45:08,177 --> 00:45:11,349
In chapter seven in one of the most
brilliant novels I've ever read,
792
00:45:11,430 --> 00:45:14,339
the main character finds
a coral snake in a barn.
793
00:45:14,419 --> 00:45:18,402
Roger tells her, "Red over yellow kills
a fellow. Red over black, venom lack."
794
00:45:18,482 --> 00:45:20,626
So our little friend
over there isn't poisonous.
795
00:45:20,706 --> 00:45:23,186
Wow. You read my novel?
796
00:45:23,266 --> 00:45:24,641
Twice.
797
00:45:24,736 --> 00:45:27,856
So I guess you know what a...
What a cliche I am.
798
00:45:27,936 --> 00:45:29,135
Oh, a writer who drinks.
799
00:45:29,215 --> 00:45:31,203
You forgot to mention "tortured."
800
00:45:31,283 --> 00:45:33,725
And I left out
"scared and insecure."
801
00:45:33,805 --> 00:45:37,585
Aha! Well, perhaps that
is why I drink.
802
00:45:37,665 --> 00:45:39,388
But we never see you drink,
803
00:45:39,468 --> 00:45:42,237
because we're always distracted by the
things you're pointing to, you know?
804
00:45:42,326 --> 00:45:46,128
Justin Bieber, dumpster fires,
twenty-four hour Popeye's Chicken...
805
00:45:46,208 --> 00:45:50,823
The really tall midget
enlightened trucker...
806
00:45:50,903 --> 00:45:52,057
Silent bagpipes,
807
00:45:52,137 --> 00:45:55,019
Pete Best, Blockbuster Video.
808
00:45:55,099 --> 00:45:58,189
The cast of "Breakfast Club,"
and one of my favorites,
809
00:45:58,269 --> 00:46:00,336
"That cloud looks
like a drag queen."
810
00:46:00,474 --> 00:46:02,111
Let me see
if I got this straight.
811
00:46:02,191 --> 00:46:04,734
You wrote one novel,
got lots of critical praise,
812
00:46:04,814 --> 00:46:07,266
then you're finished?
What happened?
813
00:46:10,092 --> 00:46:11,881
Wait a second.
814
00:46:11,970 --> 00:46:15,266
Is that Charlie Jones
over there?
815
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,158
Behind that empty typewriter?
816
00:46:18,238 --> 00:46:20,923
Frozen, hammered...
817
00:46:21,419 --> 00:46:24,131
- Alone...
- No, it isn't.
818
00:46:24,211 --> 00:46:26,496
I guess if my head was
filled with that kind of crap,
819
00:46:26,582 --> 00:46:29,663
I'd probably drink, too.
But I don't.
820
00:46:29,743 --> 00:46:31,916
So good luck with your travels.
821
00:46:33,204 --> 00:46:35,996
Wait. What if I...
822
00:46:36,167 --> 00:46:38,931
What if... I didn't drink?
823
00:46:39,341 --> 00:46:41,582
I guess we'll never know.
824
00:46:41,753 --> 00:46:44,810
But I do know you are
a brilliant writer.
825
00:47:00,020 --> 00:47:03,097
I swear, that was not me peeing.
826
00:47:16,261 --> 00:47:19,128
Last one to drop their
hand off the car wins.
827
00:47:19,208 --> 00:47:20,732
Ocho.
828
00:47:24,738 --> 00:47:26,333
Gracias.
829
00:47:27,714 --> 00:47:31,467
Uncle Gravy saw some
bad boys right over there.
830
00:47:31,581 --> 00:47:35,499
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you gotta be real careful.
831
00:47:35,579 --> 00:47:38,033
They got 10,000 eyes.
832
00:47:38,570 --> 00:47:42,088
- Kind of like my ex-wife.
- Are you gonna do it?
833
00:47:42,168 --> 00:47:45,317
It's been a long time.
I'm scared.
834
00:47:45,399 --> 00:47:47,730
Do it. You won't. No balls.
835
00:47:48,275 --> 00:47:50,435
No balls?
836
00:47:55,892 --> 00:47:59,577
I got him! I got him!
I gotcha! You're gonna...
837
00:47:59,699 --> 00:48:01,385
Ahem!
838
00:48:01,465 --> 00:48:04,327
Oh, yeah.
I need one of your hairs.
839
00:48:05,135 --> 00:48:07,738
You're ready for your little leash?
840
00:48:10,508 --> 00:48:13,042
Que Paso, little flower? Yes?
841
00:48:13,122 --> 00:48:15,379
Dad, what's sex?
842
00:48:17,143 --> 00:48:19,272
Have fun with that one, Dad.
843
00:48:19,352 --> 00:48:21,141
Listen up. He's got a lot
of good advice.
844
00:48:21,221 --> 00:48:24,144
Yeah, Felipa.
Thank you very much.
845
00:48:24,224 --> 00:48:26,875
- What's sex? Huh? Tell her, Dad.
- Let's hear it.
846
00:48:26,955 --> 00:48:30,045
Excuse me. Thank you.
847
00:48:30,125 --> 00:48:32,085
Um... Uh...
848
00:48:32,165 --> 00:48:35,034
Sex is like, like... It's...
It's when you hug someone.
849
00:48:35,131 --> 00:48:37,645
- Come on, brother, that's it?
- Hug real tight.
850
00:48:37,725 --> 00:48:41,025
So, wait. So I've had
sex with my grandpa.
851
00:48:41,105 --> 00:48:43,293
I wouldn't be surprised.
852
00:48:44,974 --> 00:48:49,243
Okay. Well, I...
I guess you're old enough.
853
00:48:50,414 --> 00:48:55,133
Sex is when Mommy and Daddy...
854
00:48:55,746 --> 00:49:00,957
... uh, hug.
And we don't have any clothes on.
855
00:49:01,037 --> 00:49:03,100
Well, you better get
naked and start hugging,
856
00:49:03,180 --> 00:49:06,822
'cause they said dinner
will be ready in two secs.
857
00:49:10,354 --> 00:49:12,855
Yes! Yes!
858
00:49:12,935 --> 00:49:15,565
Dinner will be ready in two secs!
859
00:49:15,663 --> 00:49:18,000
He's my son and I love him, but...
860
00:49:18,081 --> 00:49:20,709
You know,
you hate to see 'em struggle.
861
00:49:20,789 --> 00:49:24,793
This thing that he's struggling with,
has this, uh...
862
00:49:24,873 --> 00:49:26,889
Has this got anything to do
with why he's not married
863
00:49:26,969 --> 00:49:29,360
and not settled down?
864
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:30,890
Yeah.
865
00:49:30,970 --> 00:49:33,140
Well, hopefully he'll figure it out.
866
00:49:33,225 --> 00:49:36,254
We got a guy coming up
that's gonna help with that.
867
00:49:36,470 --> 00:49:38,512
Oh!
868
00:49:40,228 --> 00:49:41,837
I get it.
869
00:49:41,917 --> 00:49:45,007
- You do?
- Yeah. Hey, it's fine.
870
00:49:45,087 --> 00:49:47,567
I mean, every family has got
871
00:49:47,647 --> 00:49:51,213
someone who is... different.
872
00:49:51,293 --> 00:49:54,950
I mean, and you're fine with it, right?
You've probably seen a lot of stuff.
873
00:49:55,030 --> 00:49:57,154
I used to be a fireman.
874
00:49:57,486 --> 00:50:01,366
Drinking got the best of me.
I couldn't control it, so...
875
00:50:01,446 --> 00:50:03,511
they fired me.
876
00:50:03,646 --> 00:50:07,482
Tried the Bible.
Jim Beam vs. John 3:10.
877
00:50:07,562 --> 00:50:10,469
- That didn't work out.
- Jim Beam won?
878
00:50:10,554 --> 00:50:14,650
Yeah. I went to AA.
Let go and let God...
879
00:50:16,514 --> 00:50:19,579
I'm keeping
my side of the street clean.
880
00:50:19,669 --> 00:50:23,190
You know, as a parent
I made mistakes, too.
881
00:50:23,524 --> 00:50:25,273
I mean, I know it
really bothers Ron Ron,
882
00:50:25,353 --> 00:50:28,777
the way I focus in
on Franklin's potential.
883
00:50:28,857 --> 00:50:30,471
But Ron Ron...
884
00:50:30,551 --> 00:50:32,932
He's... He's special.
885
00:50:38,011 --> 00:50:39,983
Special.
886
00:50:40,063 --> 00:50:44,282
You know, a couple of
old school guys like you and me...
887
00:50:45,743 --> 00:50:49,936
gotta learn it's a new world
out there, man. New rules.
888
00:50:50,016 --> 00:50:52,570
- Charlie's gonna be all right.
- Yeah.
889
00:50:52,650 --> 00:50:57,790
And I mean, things... Things are a lot
easier nowadays for guys like him.
890
00:50:58,471 --> 00:51:00,547
I'll be right back.
891
00:51:01,631 --> 00:51:05,924
- It's like a little fly kite.
- He looks like a real goer.
892
00:51:06,004 --> 00:51:08,093
Watch what I do next here.
893
00:51:09,330 --> 00:51:12,958
Okay, big guy.
Time to go to work.
894
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:20,451
Going somewhere with all
those bells and smells on?
895
00:51:20,728 --> 00:51:24,373
- Uh, I was just about to...
- I know where you're going.
896
00:51:24,453 --> 00:51:26,225
- You do?
- Yep.
897
00:51:26,305 --> 00:51:28,819
And I think you two
make a great pair.
898
00:51:28,899 --> 00:51:32,226
- You do?
- Yes! I even like the ring of her name.
899
00:51:32,306 --> 00:51:34,428
- Shantaysia.
- Fe...
900
00:51:34,508 --> 00:51:38,276
Shan... Shantaysia? Oh.
- Yeah, yeah.
901
00:51:38,356 --> 00:51:42,698
Now, look, I know what you're gonna
say. I know I push a little hard.
902
00:51:42,962 --> 00:51:45,202
But it's because you got
so much promise,
903
00:51:45,282 --> 00:51:46,922
and I just want you to deliver on it.
904
00:51:47,016 --> 00:51:50,553
See, back in the day,
when I was coming up your age...
905
00:51:50,647 --> 00:51:52,428
And the time...
906
00:51:52,508 --> 00:51:56,574
I never would have dreamed I'd have a son
that's on the verge of running a city.
907
00:51:56,654 --> 00:51:58,924
I just want to say to you, son...
908
00:51:59,004 --> 00:52:00,882
I'm proud of you.
- Oh, Pop.
909
00:52:00,962 --> 00:52:04,000
- Real proud.
- Oh, Pop. Thanks, man.
910
00:52:05,736 --> 00:52:06,986
Whoo.
911
00:52:07,066 --> 00:52:09,796
Now you go ahead on
for your walk.
912
00:52:10,499 --> 00:52:12,673
And don't make her late.
No son of mine
913
00:52:12,753 --> 00:52:15,824
is gonna take longer
than a woman to get ready.
914
00:52:15,904 --> 00:52:17,904
Oh, come on, man.
915
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,835
You sound like an episode
of "Sanford and Son."
916
00:52:23,269 --> 00:52:27,298
Ah! Romance is in the hizzouse.
917
00:52:27,975 --> 00:52:29,673
Hey, hey.
918
00:52:29,753 --> 00:52:32,889
- Hey, Shay-Shay.
- Hey. Have a nice walk.
919
00:52:33,747 --> 00:52:37,177
Uh... Then where is he
going all dressed up?
920
00:52:37,450 --> 00:52:40,861
- Who isn't here?
- Hey, Charlie, where are you?
921
00:52:41,797 --> 00:52:43,617
Charlie?
922
00:52:46,570 --> 00:52:49,189
Charlie and Franklin?
923
00:52:51,336 --> 00:52:53,245
Oh, Lord.
924
00:52:58,413 --> 00:53:01,696
Oh, hey. You're here.
How you doing?
925
00:53:01,776 --> 00:53:04,307
- I'm good.
- Funny seeing you here.
926
00:53:04,387 --> 00:53:06,953
- Not really.
- Uh, just...
927
00:53:07,033 --> 00:53:08,815
Well, being that I'm here,
you're here,
928
00:53:08,903 --> 00:53:11,170
I thought we could talk
about this whole...
929
00:53:11,919 --> 00:53:14,554
- Fake Mom thing.
- What about it?
930
00:53:14,639 --> 00:53:19,065
Maybe, well... Not that I thought
about it a lot, but I did...
931
00:53:19,149 --> 00:53:22,445
jot down some alts,
as you kids like to say.
932
00:53:22,525 --> 00:53:24,952
- I've never said that.
- You don't say "alts" for...
933
00:53:25,032 --> 00:53:28,054
- You wrote all of that?
- Yeah, just a few, um...
934
00:53:28,134 --> 00:53:31,499
Just a few alternatives
to "Fake Mom."
935
00:53:31,579 --> 00:53:34,978
Not that I don't love it.
But I just thought, why not...
936
00:53:35,058 --> 00:53:38,518
Trophy Mom? I could be
like a Trophy Mom, you know?
937
00:53:38,598 --> 00:53:39,892
I always wanted...
- No. No.
938
00:53:39,972 --> 00:53:43,077
No? Okay, not great.
Okay. How about, um...
939
00:53:43,409 --> 00:53:46,261
Mom Again?
You know what I mean?
940
00:53:46,341 --> 00:53:48,249
Like, when you call me,
you'll be like, "Mom Again!"
941
00:53:48,329 --> 00:53:52,647
- No. Fake Mom.
- Okay. How about "This Mom"?
942
00:53:52,727 --> 00:53:55,614
This Mom. This Mom.
You know what I mean?
943
00:53:55,694 --> 00:53:58,303
- Who would say any of this?
- Probably nobody.
944
00:53:58,383 --> 00:54:00,523
How about "Other Mom"?
"Cute Mom"?
945
00:54:00,608 --> 00:54:02,480
- Cute? Cute Mom?
- "Mom Mom"?
946
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:04,150
Okay, "Mom Mom."
Mom Mom is cute.
947
00:54:04,230 --> 00:54:06,671
- Right? You'll be like, "Mom Mom!"
- What am I, two years old?
948
00:54:06,751 --> 00:54:08,460
'Cause it wouldn't be like
your first mom...
949
00:54:08,540 --> 00:54:11,971
I have my real mom...
And then I have you.
950
00:54:12,051 --> 00:54:14,505
- Right and I would never wanna...
- And you are my fake mom.
951
00:54:14,585 --> 00:54:17,495
And you need to
stop trying to act...
952
00:54:17,575 --> 00:54:19,923
Take the place of her.
Yeah, I would never.
953
00:54:20,003 --> 00:54:23,001
- Well, you're trying to.
- No, I don't. I wouldn't...
954
00:54:24,093 --> 00:54:26,830
I think this has been
a productive talk.
955
00:54:26,910 --> 00:54:28,298
All right, well...
956
00:54:28,378 --> 00:54:29,845
Um, do you want me to
button up your shirt?
957
00:54:29,939 --> 00:54:33,783
No. Okay. It's supposed
to be like that. Okay. All right.
958
00:54:40,109 --> 00:54:45,659
My family may not win this.
Which means my plans get flushed.
959
00:54:46,369 --> 00:54:50,426
You've got to tell your dad.
We both do. I can't keep lying.
960
00:54:52,738 --> 00:54:57,653
I don't know. My dad is crazy. It's
like he wants me to be Mayor someday,
961
00:54:57,733 --> 00:54:59,951
- so it's... You know?
- Yeah.
962
00:55:00,031 --> 00:55:03,137
And you can't do that with
a Mexican woman by your side.
963
00:55:03,227 --> 00:55:05,828
What? I didn't say that.
I mean, why did you...
964
00:55:05,908 --> 00:55:09,462
Look, Franklin... I'm glad that
you worry about your father.
965
00:55:09,542 --> 00:55:11,630
I worry about my father, too.
966
00:55:11,710 --> 00:55:16,374
They want so much for us, even though
sometimes it's misguided.
967
00:55:16,473 --> 00:55:19,976
But I think that we've been
fooling ourselves
968
00:55:20,056 --> 00:55:23,751
- ... hoping that this will work.
- What are you talking about?
969
00:55:23,831 --> 00:55:27,695
We were going to lean
on each other, but maybe we can't.
970
00:55:27,779 --> 00:55:29,858
And it's better that
we learned it now,
971
00:55:29,938 --> 00:55:32,796
before we commit to something
that isn't gonna work.
972
00:55:32,876 --> 00:55:35,231
Felipa, what are you saying?
973
00:55:35,311 --> 00:55:38,016
Making it easier on both of us.
974
00:55:38,929 --> 00:55:40,966
What?
975
00:55:41,738 --> 00:55:44,737
Felipa, what are you doing?
Felipa.
976
00:55:45,463 --> 00:55:49,179
Fuck! Fuck!
977
00:55:58,506 --> 00:56:00,858
Ron Ron, I told you to knock that off.
978
00:56:00,952 --> 00:56:03,666
You're gonna mess around and put
a hole in the back of your neck.
979
00:56:03,746 --> 00:56:05,902
So you're just
telling me stuff, huh?
980
00:56:05,982 --> 00:56:07,872
- You told me?
- Yeah, I told you.
981
00:56:07,952 --> 00:56:10,563
- You told me?
- Yes.
982
00:56:11,269 --> 00:56:14,144
- Okay.
- Oh, that's it, Ron Ron.
983
00:56:14,224 --> 00:56:15,687
Wear those pants, brother.
984
00:56:15,767 --> 00:56:18,522
That way it'll tell your wife
who's the boss, brother.
985
00:56:19,370 --> 00:56:21,666
You know something?
Watch this. Ahem!
986
00:56:21,746 --> 00:56:23,753
Keko, check this out.
987
00:56:23,833 --> 00:56:27,284
I'm in this contest where
I keep my hand on this damn car,
988
00:56:27,364 --> 00:56:30,279
so I can win it for the family.
I'm a little thirsty now.
989
00:56:30,359 --> 00:56:33,924
I want you to go get me one
of those beers, open the top,
990
00:56:34,004 --> 00:56:37,126
and put the beer on my lips
and pour it in my mouth.
991
00:56:37,206 --> 00:56:39,894
- Now!
- Bullshit!
992
00:56:39,974 --> 00:56:43,030
Do I look like somebody
who's gonna pop a beer,
993
00:56:43,110 --> 00:56:46,260
put it on your lips and
pour it down your throat?
994
00:56:47,357 --> 00:56:51,120
- Never mind, baby.
- Wow! What a beautiful thing.
995
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:52,404
I mean, look.
996
00:56:52,484 --> 00:56:56,153
Every creed, race, and creed
997
00:56:56,238 --> 00:56:59,264
just hanging loose. It's...
998
00:57:00,814 --> 00:57:02,914
I wanna give a speech.
999
00:57:07,512 --> 00:57:09,426
Uh...
1000
00:57:09,506 --> 00:57:12,515
So, you gonna make that
speech, hopper, or what?
1001
00:57:12,595 --> 00:57:15,429
Well, I gotta write
something down first.
1002
00:57:16,210 --> 00:57:19,426
- That man is out of his mind.
- He's a lunatic, man.
1003
00:57:20,991 --> 00:57:24,344
- What's up, guys?
- What's up, Charlie?
1004
00:57:24,424 --> 00:57:27,756
- You smell what I'm stepping in?
- You smell of something, brother.
1005
00:57:27,836 --> 00:57:31,246
- Yeah, the kids used to say that.
- What kids used to say that?
1006
00:57:31,326 --> 00:57:35,300
- I heard a couple of kids say it.
- Oh, hey Charlie, man.
1007
00:57:35,380 --> 00:57:37,769
I see your hybrid's got all the latest
gadgets, man, that's pretty cool.
1008
00:57:37,849 --> 00:57:39,799
It's like...
It's like "Star Trek."
1009
00:57:40,461 --> 00:57:41,701
What?
1010
00:57:41,781 --> 00:57:45,418
You got one of those special
force fields. What do they call it?
1011
00:57:45,498 --> 00:57:47,883
Pussy Deflector.
1012
00:57:47,963 --> 00:57:51,285
- Charlie, where were you?
- I was in the lake, washing up.
1013
00:57:51,365 --> 00:57:53,957
Oh, yeah? Did you wash
behind your ears, fool?
1014
00:57:55,110 --> 00:57:57,913
♪ Did you wash
behind your ears? ♪
1015
00:58:00,812 --> 00:58:02,995
♪ Wash behind the ears ♪
1016
00:58:03,075 --> 00:58:06,209
♪ Why don't you shut
The fuck up? ♪
1017
00:58:06,289 --> 00:58:08,169
You know, Jose,
maybe you should try washing.
1018
00:58:08,249 --> 00:58:10,616
I mean, even your tent
has skid marks.
1019
00:58:10,703 --> 00:58:13,355
And don't be too stingy
with the Lever 2000.
1020
00:58:13,435 --> 00:58:16,813
Maybe you should call them and
see if they got a Lever 10000.
1021
00:58:16,893 --> 00:58:19,802
What are you talking about, man?
That's pheromones. The chicks dig that.
1022
00:58:19,882 --> 00:58:23,517
Jose does smell. You got that right.
1023
00:58:23,597 --> 00:58:25,989
Hey, pass me that bullhorn.
1024
00:58:26,287 --> 00:58:28,215
What?
1025
00:58:29,949 --> 00:58:31,949
Hey, y'all.
1026
00:58:32,159 --> 00:58:34,729
Jose BO smell so bad,
1027
00:58:34,809 --> 00:58:37,389
he need the Right
and the Left Guard.
1028
00:58:39,339 --> 00:58:41,857
You get it? 'Cause it's the Right
Guard, that's what it's called.
1029
00:58:41,937 --> 00:58:44,020
And he smells, so he
needs both sides of it,
1030
00:58:44,100 --> 00:58:46,023
- 'cause it's the left...
- Yeah, they got it.
1031
00:58:46,103 --> 00:58:48,984
They didn't like that one? Okay,
I got another one for you.
1032
00:58:49,064 --> 00:58:54,617
What is the flattest surface
that you could iron anything on?
1033
00:58:55,388 --> 00:58:57,787
A white girl's ass.
1034
00:58:58,299 --> 00:59:02,329
Hey! Bullshit! Bullshit!
1035
00:59:02,409 --> 00:59:05,609
Check out this
masterpiece of assery.
1036
00:59:05,689 --> 00:59:07,630
Oh, yeah.
1037
00:59:08,345 --> 00:59:10,037
Mind if I do a little tucking?
1038
00:59:10,117 --> 00:59:12,392
I don't know.
It looks pretty flat to me.
1039
00:59:12,472 --> 00:59:14,816
Although, wait a minute.
Maybe this is a bad angle.
1040
00:59:14,899 --> 00:59:15,869
You check it out.
1041
00:59:15,949 --> 00:59:18,999
We got a challenger on the
plane, ladies and gentlemen.
1042
00:59:19,391 --> 00:59:22,769
Yeah, my bad. I was wrong. You're right.
Okay, I'll concede the point.
1043
00:59:22,849 --> 00:59:25,957
Oh, I got one, I got one.
Right, uh...
1044
00:59:26,037 --> 00:59:30,141
Okay, y'all. What's nine
inches long and white? Huh?
1045
00:59:30,221 --> 00:59:32,644
Anybody? Anybody?
1046
00:59:32,724 --> 00:59:34,757
Not a damn thing!
1047
00:59:37,929 --> 00:59:41,439
Oh, really?
Really? I call bullshit.
1048
00:59:41,519 --> 00:59:45,134
Check out this masterpiece
of dickery.
1049
00:59:47,384 --> 00:59:51,129
All right, fine, fine, fine.
Give me that horn.
1050
00:59:51,352 --> 00:59:54,437
And now Charlie has taken the
bullhorn, ladies and gentlemen.
1051
00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:57,905
This competition is heating up.
Let's see what he's got.
1052
00:59:57,989 --> 01:00:02,161
Did you hear about the black and Mexican
guy that opened a restaurant together?
1053
01:00:02,241 --> 01:00:04,419
It's called "Nacho Mama."
1054
01:00:06,658 --> 01:00:09,139
Oh, hey, what happens when
a white guy with a boner
1055
01:00:09,219 --> 01:00:11,404
- walks into a wall?
- What?
1056
01:00:11,484 --> 01:00:13,556
He breaks his nose.
1057
01:00:17,532 --> 01:00:19,899
Franklin, he takes the bullhorn.
1058
01:00:19,979 --> 01:00:21,613
All right.
1059
01:00:21,693 --> 01:00:24,667
Why do white people love hockey?
1060
01:00:24,766 --> 01:00:27,510
- Why is that?
- Because if they can't be a cop,
1061
01:00:27,609 --> 01:00:30,986
that's the only chance they get
to beat something black.
1062
01:00:32,801 --> 01:00:36,040
Oh, in your face!
1063
01:00:36,178 --> 01:00:39,114
What do you call
a black man in a suit?
1064
01:00:39,194 --> 01:00:41,242
The defendant.
1065
01:00:44,209 --> 01:00:47,382
I got one, I got one, you
guys, wait for this. Ready?
1066
01:00:47,479 --> 01:00:49,659
Oh, ladies and gentleman,
looks like the pole dancer
1067
01:00:49,739 --> 01:00:53,904
wants to enter the competition. She's
teeing it up, let's see what she's got.
1068
01:00:53,984 --> 01:00:57,474
What do you call a black...
1069
01:00:57,554 --> 01:00:59,204
wait...
1070
01:00:59,284 --> 01:01:02,395
Ooh, and Daisy Duke's got nothing.
1071
01:01:03,075 --> 01:01:04,806
Fuck this shit.
1072
01:01:04,887 --> 01:01:06,933
Well, there's
some good news and bad news.
1073
01:01:07,013 --> 01:01:09,112
While she had
the bullhorn, ratings spiked,
1074
01:01:09,192 --> 01:01:13,064
but the bad news
is everybody's IQ went down.
1075
01:01:17,721 --> 01:01:20,599
Okay, all right, all right.
I got one for you.
1076
01:01:20,679 --> 01:01:24,342
Hey! What do white women
make for dinner?
1077
01:01:24,433 --> 01:01:26,443
Reservations.
1078
01:01:29,749 --> 01:01:31,571
Oh, no, and ladies
and gentlemen,
1079
01:01:31,651 --> 01:01:34,323
the park rangers are getting
involved in the competition.
1080
01:01:34,403 --> 01:01:36,341
And either
this brother is color blind
1081
01:01:36,421 --> 01:01:39,490
or he is flat-out
helping the wrong family.
1082
01:01:40,897 --> 01:01:43,647
- You sure about that?
- They'll love it.
1083
01:01:43,803 --> 01:01:46,236
When a black
and a Mexican are in a car,
1084
01:01:46,335 --> 01:01:48,844
- who's driving?
- Who?
1085
01:01:48,924 --> 01:01:50,973
The cop.
1086
01:01:54,345 --> 01:01:57,628
Yeah, okay, brother, don't...
Check on out, okay, thank you.
1087
01:01:57,708 --> 01:02:00,464
Yeah, you can go on
and clock out. Thank you.
1088
01:02:00,544 --> 01:02:03,466
And now,
Franklin takes the bullhorn.
1089
01:02:03,546 --> 01:02:06,103
Let's see if he can pull
one out for his team.
1090
01:02:06,183 --> 01:02:09,830
All right, uh... why do
white folks have so many pets?
1091
01:02:09,910 --> 01:02:10,507
Why?
1092
01:02:10,587 --> 01:02:12,740
'Cause they can't
own people anymore.
1093
01:02:14,221 --> 01:02:17,058
Boom! Drop the bull horn.
That's right.
1094
01:02:18,491 --> 01:02:22,119
- Hey! Ya, ya, ya!
- Ya!
1095
01:02:22,199 --> 01:02:25,060
Hey, hey, hey!
1096
01:02:25,140 --> 01:02:28,879
What's going on, everybody?
My name is Johnny Jon-John.
1097
01:02:28,959 --> 01:02:32,097
I'll be running the intervention.
And it is for Charlie Jones,
1098
01:02:32,177 --> 01:02:34,689
is there a a Charlie Jones?
- No, no, not now.
1099
01:02:34,769 --> 01:02:36,906
An intervention for me?
1100
01:02:36,986 --> 01:02:40,881
No, no, no. You can go now.
We don't need you. We're fine.
1101
01:02:40,977 --> 01:02:44,166
I should have seen you a mile away.
Yes, sir, let's get right to it.
1102
01:02:44,246 --> 01:02:47,181
Anyone want to speak
up about this joker?
1103
01:02:48,501 --> 01:02:50,540
Okay. I'll go.
1104
01:02:50,620 --> 01:02:53,476
All right, uh...
this is an intervention.
1105
01:02:53,556 --> 01:02:55,638
10th one's free. Another joke we do.
1106
01:02:55,718 --> 01:02:58,783
I like to lighten the mood a little bit
when someone is heading into the grave.
1107
01:02:58,863 --> 01:03:02,618
Your family put together a list of
things you've done while... drunk.
1108
01:03:02,698 --> 01:03:04,620
- They put together a list?
- Yeah, that's...
1109
01:03:04,700 --> 01:03:07,226
that's how it works.
- Give us the short list.
1110
01:03:07,306 --> 01:03:10,829
Let's see, boo...
you burned down a farm,
1111
01:03:10,909 --> 01:03:14,095
with a barn and three cows?
1112
01:03:14,175 --> 01:03:16,711
- They were goats.
- Oh, they were goats.
1113
01:03:16,791 --> 01:03:18,638
Only goats, oh.
1114
01:03:18,718 --> 01:03:20,833
Well, that's cool.
He's a great guy.
1115
01:03:20,913 --> 01:03:24,529
For he's a jolly...
No, you're horrible. I'm kidding again.
1116
01:03:24,647 --> 01:03:26,600
Oh, it keeps going.
You got drunk at a carnival
1117
01:03:26,680 --> 01:03:29,903
and you shot a fireman?
- He was off duty.
1118
01:03:29,983 --> 01:03:32,291
And a bit shifty.
- Oh.
1119
01:03:32,371 --> 01:03:35,285
Okay, off duty and shifty.
- He was shifty.
1120
01:03:35,365 --> 01:03:37,164
Sounds to me
like you're enabling.
1121
01:03:37,250 --> 01:03:40,810
Oh, that's a pretty big word for
something that I'm... not really doing.
1122
01:03:40,890 --> 01:03:46,408
- You unbolted the Ferris wheel too?
- It's a wheel, so it could roam away.
1123
01:03:46,488 --> 01:03:48,489
To give it a head start
for the next town.
1124
01:03:48,569 --> 01:03:50,468
- Hello?
- Shaved a librarian's head?
1125
01:03:50,548 --> 01:03:52,379
She may have had lice.
1126
01:03:52,461 --> 01:03:55,733
All right, and you pushed your
cousin Bobby down some stairs.
1127
01:03:55,813 --> 01:03:59,358
He had lice, right.
He's got the RID and the comb.
1128
01:03:59,438 --> 01:04:01,007
All right, you did him a favor.
1129
01:04:01,087 --> 01:04:05,409
Did you shoot 72 bottle rockets
at your old high school?
1130
01:04:05,495 --> 01:04:07,735
Let's just say
that I enhanced its curb appeal.
1131
01:04:07,815 --> 01:04:11,313
And most of them were duds.
- Over 50%?
1132
01:04:11,393 --> 01:04:14,952
Holy shit, what am I doing here?
What a waste of my time.
1133
01:04:15,039 --> 01:04:17,737
This guy seems fine to me. You single?
1134
01:04:17,817 --> 01:04:20,490
Uh...
1135
01:04:20,588 --> 01:04:23,625
I am, but now
that you mention it,
1136
01:04:23,705 --> 01:04:26,452
I was... but a few hours ago,
1137
01:04:26,532 --> 01:04:29,907
I'm... now I'm not...
Not... no.
1138
01:04:29,987 --> 01:04:32,433
- Final answer?
- Final answer.
1139
01:04:32,513 --> 01:04:34,984
I wasn't even talking to you.
I was talking to her.
1140
01:04:35,064 --> 01:04:38,278
- Me? Holy God.
- Sounds like a no, um...
1141
01:04:38,358 --> 01:04:41,392
You know what?
This, this, this, whole event...
1142
01:04:41,472 --> 01:04:44,177
can, can, can "mange" my taint.
1143
01:04:44,257 --> 01:04:46,799
I don't need this,
this, this intervention.
1144
01:04:46,879 --> 01:04:50,374
Well, I fucking don't need it either.
All right, I'm outy like five thouty.
1145
01:04:50,454 --> 01:04:52,840
Anybody need weed,
holler at your boy.
1146
01:04:52,920 --> 01:04:55,751
It's nice out here! I'm joking.
1147
01:04:55,831 --> 01:04:58,853
This place is fun
if I was the Zika virus.
1148
01:04:58,933 --> 01:05:00,722
Uber!
1149
01:05:00,963 --> 01:05:04,493
- What the hell was that all about?
- Look, son, we didn't mean to.
1150
01:05:04,587 --> 01:05:06,328
Shit.
1151
01:05:06,630 --> 01:05:08,720
Took my hand off the car.
1152
01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:12,194
Oh, yeah, so now it's
just me and Mr. Jonas.
1153
01:05:12,274 --> 01:05:14,459
Oh, no,
Papi's going to swat the fly.
1154
01:05:14,539 --> 01:05:16,409
Papi, Papi, Papi, wait!
1155
01:05:18,476 --> 01:05:21,235
- Dad.
- You let go of the door, Pops.
1156
01:05:21,370 --> 01:05:23,159
I won! I won! I won, I won!
1157
01:05:23,239 --> 01:05:25,094
We won! Oh, my Gosh!
1158
01:05:25,174 --> 01:05:27,613
Well, we won...
1159
01:05:27,693 --> 01:05:29,930
But it was kind of fun the way it
turned out. Why doesn't everybody stay?
1160
01:05:30,418 --> 01:05:33,761
I agree! Let's just everybody stay
and enjoy the weekend.
1161
01:05:33,841 --> 01:05:35,412
All right, we'll stay.
1162
01:05:35,492 --> 01:05:38,307
But you gotta be able to keep
a leash on your son Charlie.
1163
01:05:38,387 --> 01:05:40,724
- What!
- Wait, wait, wait...
1164
01:05:40,804 --> 01:05:42,087
What the hell did that just mean?
1165
01:05:42,167 --> 01:05:47,883
Madonna, some pendejo tried
to pin a mosq on my shirt...
1166
01:05:47,963 --> 01:05:51,721
With a blonde hair.
The whites cheated!
1167
01:05:51,801 --> 01:05:53,965
Hey, I mean, come on, now...
the whites cheated
1168
01:05:54,045 --> 01:05:56,891
and now Charlie
is after my son Franklin.
1169
01:05:56,971 --> 01:05:58,801
- What?
- What?
1170
01:05:58,881 --> 01:06:01,731
- Pop, what are you talking about?
- Come on, now, Franklin.
1171
01:06:01,811 --> 01:06:03,823
I mean, you should have
told me that you were gay.
1172
01:06:03,903 --> 01:06:07,617
I mean, is that why you...
don't want to run for Mayor?
1173
01:06:07,697 --> 01:06:09,345
Are you kidding... I'm not gay.
1174
01:06:09,425 --> 01:06:11,621
And if I was gay, I could get
way better than Charlie.
1175
01:06:11,701 --> 01:06:13,333
You think I'm after Franklin?
1176
01:06:13,413 --> 01:06:15,602
- And a drunk!
- Okay, okay...
1177
01:06:15,682 --> 01:06:17,638
you might have me
on the drunk thing but...
1178
01:06:17,718 --> 01:06:19,373
you're out of your mind.
Everybody knows that.
1179
01:06:19,453 --> 01:06:21,519
Franklin's in love with Felipa.
1180
01:06:21,603 --> 01:06:23,119
- What?
- What?
1181
01:06:23,199 --> 01:06:24,633
Oh, Charlie.
1182
01:06:24,713 --> 01:06:28,881
Even me, the huge drunk could
tell 14 seconds after I got here.
1183
01:06:28,961 --> 01:06:31,701
And you still don't see it?
- Felipa?
1184
01:06:31,781 --> 01:06:34,055
Es la verdad?
1185
01:06:34,568 --> 01:06:36,741
Papi, I've been meaning to tell you.
1186
01:06:36,821 --> 01:06:40,949
Yes, okay? Franklin and I
have been dating for over a year.
1187
01:06:41,029 --> 01:06:42,149
- What?
- What?
1188
01:06:42,243 --> 01:06:44,283
You need to keep your son
away from my daughter.
1189
01:06:44,363 --> 01:06:47,993
Aye, no, no. You ain't calling
no shots in my family, El Chapo.
1190
01:06:48,073 --> 01:06:52,621
- Oh, well, Pop, calm down.
- No! And you, I can't believe this, son.
1191
01:06:52,701 --> 01:06:55,546
You've been sneaking around
with her behind my back,
1192
01:06:55,631 --> 01:06:57,348
and lying and...
1193
01:06:57,442 --> 01:07:00,639
standing up Shantaysia
who is hot to trot.
1194
01:07:00,719 --> 01:07:03,042
Wow, hot to trot isn't accurate.
1195
01:07:03,122 --> 01:07:04,655
Okay, fine.
1196
01:07:04,735 --> 01:07:08,125
I came up here because
we all needed to get together.
1197
01:07:08,212 --> 01:07:12,554
I love Felipa. That is my girl.
That is why we are all here.
1198
01:07:12,634 --> 01:07:14,319
I don't know where the
white family came from,
1199
01:07:14,399 --> 01:07:16,556
but that's why
our families are here.
1200
01:07:16,636 --> 01:07:18,697
We planned it.
But you know what I hate?
1201
01:07:18,777 --> 01:07:22,801
- Camping is what I hate.
- I knew it, I fucking knew it.
1202
01:07:22,881 --> 01:07:25,313
You are not perfect, brother.
You don't want to be a camper.
1203
01:07:25,393 --> 01:07:27,191
♪ Franklin's not perfect ♪
1204
01:07:27,271 --> 01:07:28,259
♪ He is a dumbass ♪
1205
01:07:28,339 --> 01:07:30,227
♪ He fuck with Felipa ♪
1206
01:07:30,307 --> 01:07:31,429
♪ I fucking knew it ♪
1207
01:07:31,509 --> 01:07:33,431
♪ And I thought
he was gay too ♪
1208
01:07:33,511 --> 01:07:35,842
This camping
can jump up my ass.
1209
01:07:35,922 --> 01:07:39,079
These "Jurassic Park" mosquitoes
can jump up my ass.
1210
01:07:39,159 --> 01:07:41,733
Sleeping in my car at night, waiting
for somebody to come and kill me...
1211
01:07:41,813 --> 01:07:44,341
Can jump up your ass.
- Exactly.
1212
01:07:44,421 --> 01:07:46,951
- All this can jump up my ass.
- Well, if you're going to act that way,
1213
01:07:47,049 --> 01:07:50,494
- why did we say we'd like to stay?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa...
1214
01:07:50,574 --> 01:07:54,326
- Let us stay?
- The whites cheated.
1215
01:07:54,406 --> 01:07:57,227
And we're going to win this
contest and kick you out.
1216
01:07:57,307 --> 01:07:59,146
Yeah, man, the hell
with all you guys.
1217
01:07:59,226 --> 01:08:02,002
Final contest.
Winner or go home.
1218
01:08:02,082 --> 01:08:04,820
- Let's get it on.
- Let's get it on.
1219
01:08:04,900 --> 01:08:06,263
Let's vamos.
1220
01:08:06,343 --> 01:08:07,398
- Let's do this.
- Huh.
1221
01:08:07,478 --> 01:08:09,124
- Go this way.
- It's game over,
1222
01:08:09,204 --> 01:08:11,114
tacos and Schlitz.
1223
01:08:15,292 --> 01:08:19,052
Hey, hey, gather around here,
I'm Peter Galkie, and I'm...
1224
01:08:19,140 --> 01:08:22,744
one of the original spectators, so I think
I'm probably most qualified to describe
1225
01:08:22,824 --> 01:08:25,398
what we're about
to witness here.
1226
01:08:25,478 --> 01:08:27,682
This obstacle course race
1227
01:08:27,762 --> 01:08:30,049
is two miles total,
give or take a mile or two.
1228
01:08:30,129 --> 01:08:32,666
And, uh, it's through the woods,
1229
01:08:32,751 --> 01:08:34,664
and then you gotta get past that lake
1230
01:08:34,744 --> 01:08:37,552
and then make it up
to that clearing way up there
1231
01:08:37,632 --> 01:08:39,379
'cause that's where
the finish line's at.
1232
01:08:39,459 --> 01:08:41,630
So, what do you say
we all just sit back here,
1233
01:08:41,710 --> 01:08:44,078
and let's enjoy the show.
1234
01:08:44,176 --> 01:08:46,613
Y'all ready for this? Let's do this!
1235
01:08:48,250 --> 01:08:51,190
Okay, everybody, here are the rules.
- Rules?
1236
01:08:51,270 --> 01:08:53,284
No rules! Ready set, go!
1237
01:08:54,570 --> 01:08:57,031
Hey! You got dirt on my shoes.
1238
01:09:11,411 --> 01:09:12,766
I want to stay.
1239
01:09:12,846 --> 01:09:14,878
Yeah, why do parents always
have to ruin everything?
1240
01:09:14,958 --> 01:09:17,008
I don't want to go.
- Me either.
1241
01:09:17,092 --> 01:09:20,827
Wait, I have an idea.
Rolie, you still have that map?
1242
01:09:20,907 --> 01:09:22,977
Does the bear shit in the woods?
1243
01:09:23,591 --> 01:09:27,664
- Yes, young man, it does.
- Ew!
1244
01:09:27,790 --> 01:09:30,050
- He's gross.
- He smokes too much weed.
1245
01:09:30,130 --> 01:09:33,206
One time he got so baked, he tried
to take his pants off over his head.
1246
01:09:33,286 --> 01:09:35,718
- What?
- It's an old Woody Allen joke.
1247
01:09:35,815 --> 01:09:39,427
Okay, so you see this ridge here.
It horseshoes around this mountain.
1248
01:09:39,507 --> 01:09:42,009
And if we cut across here,
then we're there.
1249
01:09:42,089 --> 01:09:44,738
The plan only works if we can
get to the finish line first.
1250
01:09:44,821 --> 01:09:47,887
- Think we can get there first?
- Hell, yeah, first is my middle name.
1251
01:09:47,967 --> 01:09:49,881
- It is?
- No, sweetie, it's Olivia.
1252
01:09:49,961 --> 01:09:53,702
All right, let's do this. On three...
One, two, three, break!
1253
01:09:53,799 --> 01:09:55,805
Let's go!
1254
01:09:55,885 --> 01:09:59,775
And the black Jones family...
is in the lead.
1255
01:10:02,385 --> 01:10:04,958
- You're killing it, Dad.
- Get your arms down there.
1256
01:10:05,040 --> 01:10:07,169
Get away from me!
1257
01:10:10,777 --> 01:10:12,469
Look, Pop,
I just want to say I'm sorry.
1258
01:10:12,549 --> 01:10:14,748
No talking, just winning.
1259
01:10:15,081 --> 01:10:17,938
I'm not sorry-sorry,
but I'm sorry.
1260
01:10:23,278 --> 01:10:26,771
- You can't keep up, can ya?
- Look, you're the one out of shape.
1261
01:10:26,851 --> 01:10:29,389
I'm not out of shape,
I could go for hours.
1262
01:10:30,795 --> 01:10:33,388
Hey. Wait...
1263
01:10:34,621 --> 01:10:36,801
Is that a snake?
- Where?
1264
01:10:36,881 --> 01:10:38,890
Right there.
1265
01:10:52,156 --> 01:10:55,716
Oh, shit, that ain't
no damn snake.
1266
01:10:55,796 --> 01:10:59,215
You know your scream
was kind of a...
1267
01:10:59,295 --> 01:11:01,549
hoo hoo, you know.
1268
01:11:01,629 --> 01:11:05,410
- You need to man up, you know.
- Man up on this!
1269
01:11:07,187 --> 01:11:09,010
I should have told my family.
1270
01:11:09,090 --> 01:11:11,736
Well, I don't know what happened.
We just... fell in love.
1271
01:11:11,816 --> 01:11:14,278
- Yeah.
- My dad's so furious.
1272
01:11:14,358 --> 01:11:18,022
Well, girl, your dad
be overreacting, if you ask me.
1273
01:11:18,102 --> 01:11:22,195
I mean, it's not a bad thing,
it's kind of a good thing.
1274
01:11:22,275 --> 01:11:25,122
I mean, I was in shock.
I was like, "What?"
1275
01:11:25,202 --> 01:11:28,996
I was clutching my purse like
I was watching "Days of Our Lives".
1276
01:11:29,076 --> 01:11:30,783
Did not see that coming!
1277
01:11:30,863 --> 01:11:33,854
But... it's a good thing.
- Yeah.
1278
01:11:33,934 --> 01:11:36,057
Y'all might make
some little Obamas,
1279
01:11:36,137 --> 01:11:38,879
or something,
little Baracks up in here.
1280
01:11:38,959 --> 01:11:42,321
Girl, all I can say is I think your
dad's acting like a big old kid.
1281
01:11:42,401 --> 01:11:46,087
Right. Surprise, surprise, all
the men are acting like children.
1282
01:11:46,167 --> 01:11:49,477
And speaking of children...
I cannot hear mine. It's like...
1283
01:11:49,557 --> 01:11:51,529
- Yeah, that is weird.
- They real quiet, like when I put
1284
01:11:51,609 --> 01:11:53,541
a little bit of Benadryl
in their Cap'n Crunch.
1285
01:11:53,621 --> 01:11:56,289
You know they get
real quiet then.
1286
01:11:57,302 --> 01:12:00,527
What? I wouldn't really drug
my babies, that's a joke.
1287
01:12:00,607 --> 01:12:03,125
Okay, okay, I was like...
1288
01:12:03,842 --> 01:12:06,040
Just a little bit, for a minute.
Kids!
1289
01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:08,979
- Chuckie!
- Rolie!
1290
01:12:09,068 --> 01:12:10,496
- Chuckie!
- They're not there. We should go.
1291
01:12:10,576 --> 01:12:13,684
- Let's go see.
- Let's try to parent.
1292
01:12:17,924 --> 01:12:19,959
Oh, my God!
1293
01:12:26,557 --> 01:12:28,824
Really? Seriously?
1294
01:12:29,449 --> 01:12:30,165
What?
1295
01:12:30,245 --> 01:12:32,992
You think they're going to shoot
dollar bills at you with a t-shirt gun?
1296
01:12:33,072 --> 01:12:35,595
No, this is a public service.
1297
01:12:35,675 --> 01:12:40,443
I do this for charity.
Not dollar bills. You drunk!
1298
01:12:42,411 --> 01:12:46,265
All right, nothing to see here.
Head down the trail, down the trail.
1299
01:12:46,345 --> 01:12:48,133
We've got a race to run.
Come on, sweetie.
1300
01:12:48,228 --> 01:12:51,269
Okay, I'm open.
Come on, let's go.
1301
01:12:51,510 --> 01:12:53,909
Come on!
- Wait for me.
1302
01:12:53,989 --> 01:13:00,767
♪ And the bombs of war
will make you bleed ♪
1303
01:13:00,847 --> 01:13:04,463
♪ When the hugs of love ♪
1304
01:13:04,543 --> 01:13:08,365
♪ Are all you need ♪
1305
01:13:08,898 --> 01:13:12,779
Hello, buddy!
You want to sing the chorus?
1306
01:13:12,859 --> 01:13:17,349
♪ The hugs of love
Are all you need ♪
1307
01:13:17,429 --> 01:13:20,323
♪ The hugs of love ♪
1308
01:13:23,995 --> 01:13:25,862
I'm gonna get you!
1309
01:13:25,958 --> 01:13:29,048
You slimy little bastard!
1310
01:13:38,081 --> 01:13:39,614
Do you see them yet?
1311
01:13:39,694 --> 01:13:42,083
Don't see them,
but I think I hear them.
1312
01:13:44,879 --> 01:13:46,879
Hold on! Hold on!
1313
01:13:46,971 --> 01:13:49,582
Wait, wait, wait, stop!
- What?
1314
01:13:51,675 --> 01:13:54,416
- Do you hear that?
- Hear what?
1315
01:13:54,496 --> 01:13:57,554
- What is that sound?
- Oh, shit!
1316
01:13:57,634 --> 01:14:01,995
Well, maybe it's a bear
or, or even worse, a monster!
1317
01:14:02,085 --> 01:14:04,156
Oh, damn, what's behind those bushes?
1318
01:14:04,236 --> 01:14:06,589
Oh, what beast
is coming towards us!
1319
01:14:06,669 --> 01:14:10,158
Who are you! What are you!
Show yourself!
1320
01:14:10,238 --> 01:14:13,955
Oh, shit, worse than I thought.
Just kidding, baby.
1321
01:14:14,035 --> 01:14:15,717
We're looking
for the kids, they ran off.
1322
01:14:15,816 --> 01:14:18,524
Is this some kind of joke,
'cause we're going to win?
1323
01:14:18,604 --> 01:14:22,553
Oh, really, I'm just curious,
on what planet might that be true?
1324
01:14:22,633 --> 01:14:23,964
I don't even know
how you got in the lead.
1325
01:14:24,044 --> 01:14:25,711
No, really, uh, uh...
1326
01:14:25,791 --> 01:14:28,109
Shan... Shantay... what?
- Shantaysia.
1327
01:14:28,189 --> 01:14:29,741
- Oh, Shantaysia.
- Can't get it right?
1328
01:14:29,821 --> 01:14:32,017
No, I thought it was Shantay...
1329
01:14:34,381 --> 01:14:37,149
Anyway, she...
1330
01:14:37,235 --> 01:14:40,441
said something about the kids...
and a finish line.
1331
01:14:40,521 --> 01:14:43,779
- Wow! Is that a bat?
- Really?
1332
01:14:43,859 --> 01:14:45,566
Oh, Charlie.
1333
01:14:45,646 --> 01:14:48,635
- Is that another bat?
- I thought you were going to quit.
1334
01:14:48,715 --> 01:14:51,549
No, no, no, wait, it that...
1335
01:14:51,629 --> 01:14:53,157
Is that three bats?
1336
01:14:53,237 --> 01:14:55,023
I guess we'll never know
what we could've been.
1337
01:14:55,103 --> 01:14:58,016
No, no, no,
no booze, no bottle.
1338
01:14:59,174 --> 01:15:01,796
Five, five, five... five bats.
1339
01:15:01,876 --> 01:15:05,368
- Oh, my God. Seriously!
- No, no, no, I'm serious.
1340
01:15:07,072 --> 01:15:08,754
Bats!
1341
01:15:23,063 --> 01:15:25,903
We can't stop. They say
bats get stuck in your hair.
1342
01:15:25,983 --> 01:15:29,552
No, no, no. That's a myth.
Total urban legend.
1343
01:15:29,632 --> 01:15:32,417
- Oh, shit.
- Oh!
1344
01:15:32,497 --> 01:15:35,210
- What?
- There's a bat on your head!
1345
01:15:35,290 --> 01:15:38,427
Guys, guys, guys, come
on, I'm not a moron.
1346
01:15:38,507 --> 01:15:40,471
Clearly there's no bat on my head.
1347
01:15:40,559 --> 01:15:42,398
- How drunk are you?
- Irrelevant.
1348
01:15:42,478 --> 01:15:44,710
I promise you, son,
there's a bat in your hair.
1349
01:15:44,790 --> 01:15:47,551
Come on, Charlie!
You don't feel that?
1350
01:15:50,454 --> 01:15:53,338
Get it off! Get it off!
1351
01:15:53,418 --> 01:15:56,203
Throw rocks at it,
everybody, throw rocks at it.
1352
01:16:01,270 --> 01:16:04,226
- Enough with the damn rocks.
- Hit it with the bug racket!
1353
01:16:04,306 --> 01:16:05,306
Yeah!
1354
01:16:12,538 --> 01:16:14,494
Not my head, not my head!
1355
01:16:14,574 --> 01:16:18,601
- Look, the kids!
- The finish line!
1356
01:16:20,180 --> 01:16:22,213
Oh, hey, thanks everybody!
1357
01:16:22,449 --> 01:16:25,049
Yeah, I'm fine. It's all good.
1358
01:16:26,815 --> 01:16:31,346
There was nothing about that...
that I liked!
1359
01:17:03,247 --> 01:17:07,545
- You kids did this?
- Yeah! We don't want to go home.
1360
01:17:07,625 --> 01:17:11,147
Us kids get along, how come
you adults can't get along?
1361
01:17:12,669 --> 01:17:14,578
Well, wow.
1362
01:17:14,662 --> 01:17:17,914
This is some muddy bullshit.
But I'm damn impressed.
1363
01:17:17,994 --> 01:17:19,964
Yeah, but who's
going to get a whooping first?
1364
01:17:20,060 --> 01:17:24,101
Kids! Not bad. You dug a hole,
you filled it with mud and...
1365
01:17:24,181 --> 01:17:26,259
made it look like the trail.
1366
01:17:26,339 --> 01:17:30,218
And you caught yourselves
a bunch of dumbass men.
1367
01:17:30,298 --> 01:17:34,053
You know what's funny?
Everyone covered in mud like this,
1368
01:17:34,133 --> 01:17:37,034
you just can't tell anybody apart.
1369
01:17:37,114 --> 01:17:39,116
There's a lesson in that.
1370
01:17:39,196 --> 01:17:43,042
A big obvious, freaking lesson.
1371
01:17:43,482 --> 01:17:45,632
Preach!
1372
01:17:45,740 --> 01:17:49,974
So, being that you can't
tell anybody apart...
1373
01:17:50,057 --> 01:17:52,461
the bottom line is this...
1374
01:17:52,541 --> 01:17:55,153
are you an asshole or not?
1375
01:17:57,245 --> 01:17:59,146
Uh-mmm.
1376
01:17:59,229 --> 01:18:01,926
- Choose wisely.
- So, let's not be assholes.
1377
01:18:02,006 --> 01:18:04,206
And let's all just...
1378
01:18:04,286 --> 01:18:06,107
get along.
1379
01:18:06,187 --> 01:18:08,210
In the words of Rodney King, girl.
1380
01:18:08,290 --> 01:18:10,335
La raza!
1381
01:18:10,556 --> 01:18:13,702
- What does that mean, baby?
- Just a Latin bonding.
1382
01:18:13,782 --> 01:18:14,978
Got it.
1383
01:18:15,058 --> 01:18:19,088
Hey, that was a really
really nice speech, Fake Mom.
1384
01:18:19,168 --> 01:18:21,171
Oh, well, that's...
1385
01:18:21,251 --> 01:18:23,704
still doing the Fake Mom
stuff right after the...
1386
01:18:23,784 --> 01:18:25,850
Cheyenne.
1387
01:18:26,482 --> 01:18:30,907
You called me by my name!
Sweetheart!
1388
01:18:30,987 --> 01:18:35,270
I'm so touched by the... You know,
I've always felt that we had...
1389
01:18:35,350 --> 01:18:37,884
Okay, don't hit on 16,
got it, don't hit on 16.
1390
01:18:40,945 --> 01:18:45,250
They said that tomato juice
can get rid of skunk stink.
1391
01:18:45,736 --> 01:18:48,793
- I hear the ice cream truck!
- Oh, that's beautiful, Gravy.
1392
01:18:48,873 --> 01:18:50,795
Hold up, hold up.
Hey, hey, hey.
1393
01:18:50,875 --> 01:18:53,121
Something's wrong with my knee.
1394
01:18:53,201 --> 01:18:55,800
- Look, you're my brother, okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1395
01:18:55,880 --> 01:18:57,956
- Listen to me, I'm talking to you.
- Yes!
1396
01:18:58,036 --> 01:19:00,021
Okay, and I love you, man.
1397
01:19:00,101 --> 01:19:02,203
And someday you are going
to be married, bro.
1398
01:19:02,283 --> 01:19:04,442
Because if anybody
can do it, you can.
1399
01:19:04,522 --> 01:19:07,878
- You think so?
- I think what he's trying to say, Pop...
1400
01:19:07,958 --> 01:19:10,660
It's time to propose.
You know, to Charlie.
1401
01:19:13,731 --> 01:19:15,578
♪ Felipa's going
to get proposed to ♪
1402
01:19:15,658 --> 01:19:17,213
♪ Felipa's going to get
proposed to ♪
1403
01:19:17,293 --> 01:19:19,616
You're next!
1404
01:19:19,696 --> 01:19:22,619
Well, Franklin,
you're down on one knee,
1405
01:19:22,699 --> 01:19:24,521
I think you better
handle your business.
1406
01:19:24,601 --> 01:19:27,351
Felipa... just follow your heart.
1407
01:19:27,431 --> 01:19:29,804
What is this...
are you'll for real?
1408
01:19:29,884 --> 01:19:31,439
Oh... oh!
1409
01:19:32,178 --> 01:19:34,353
- Do it, Franklin.
- Wow!
1410
01:19:34,433 --> 01:19:36,409
Do it, Franklin.
1411
01:19:42,256 --> 01:19:45,283
- Will you marry me?
- Yes.
1412
01:19:45,363 --> 01:19:46,996
- You will?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!
1413
01:19:52,333 --> 01:19:54,692
- Oh!
- Yes!
1414
01:20:18,815 --> 01:20:22,111
Felipa! We need help!
1415
01:20:22,191 --> 01:20:25,289
I got you! I got you!
1416
01:20:25,369 --> 01:20:27,428
We're getting married!
1417
01:20:41,463 --> 01:20:43,963
- Excuse me. Hello.
- Hi. Hi. Hi.
1418
01:20:44,044 --> 01:20:46,733
- Everybody.
- I just want to say...
1419
01:20:46,813 --> 01:20:48,962
another 4th of July...
1420
01:20:49,042 --> 01:20:52,190
here we are again, I'm just so
happy that we can all make it.
1421
01:20:52,270 --> 01:20:55,316
Yes. All right. Yeah!
1422
01:20:56,726 --> 01:20:59,294
Too bad Gravy couldn't make it.
1423
01:20:59,392 --> 01:21:01,251
What? Am I supposed
to be somewhere?
1424
01:21:01,331 --> 01:21:03,962
Just kidding, bro.
You're here. It's now.
1425
01:21:04,042 --> 01:21:05,799
We're joking, Gravy.
1426
01:21:05,879 --> 01:21:08,527
Um, hi, I'm Charlie
and I'm an alcoholic.
1427
01:21:08,607 --> 01:21:10,184
Hi, Charlie.
1428
01:21:10,264 --> 01:21:12,735
I'm sorry, wrong group.
1429
01:21:12,815 --> 01:21:15,745
Oh, check out this bad boy.
1430
01:21:15,839 --> 01:21:18,381
Six months sober.
1431
01:21:18,770 --> 01:21:21,752
Look who the good
influence is over here.
1432
01:21:21,832 --> 01:21:24,945
It just looks like
a poker chip painted green.
1433
01:21:25,025 --> 01:21:26,791
Looks like a blue condom.
1434
01:21:26,871 --> 01:21:29,560
Uh-uh. No. That is an IUD.
That's what that is.
1435
01:21:29,640 --> 01:21:31,662
Oh, gosh,
I hope you washed it, man.
1436
01:21:31,742 --> 01:21:34,438
- Baby, no. It's just an onion ring.
- An onion ring?
1437
01:21:34,518 --> 01:21:37,132
Yeah. You know, like from Mars.
You know, Mars has...
1438
01:21:37,212 --> 01:21:39,846
Mars?
- Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars?
1439
01:21:39,926 --> 01:21:42,447
What?
- Good food, no atmosphere.
1440
01:21:43,210 --> 01:21:45,820
Hey, you're getting the hang
of these jokes, Gravy.
1441
01:21:45,900 --> 01:21:47,952
I have a sobriety chip, too.
1442
01:21:48,032 --> 01:21:50,822
- Oh, there we go.
- See this? Yup.
1443
01:21:50,902 --> 01:21:55,810
Lord, grant me the serenity
to accept what I cannot change
1444
01:21:55,890 --> 01:21:58,033
and the courage
to change what I can,
1445
01:21:58,126 --> 01:22:00,448
and the wisdom
to know the difference.
1446
01:22:00,530 --> 01:22:03,074
- Hear, hear.
- Cheers.
1447
01:22:03,154 --> 01:22:06,724
Maybe he could grant you the ability to
change a light bulb in the house, right?
1448
01:22:06,814 --> 01:22:09,883
- Or put the toilet seat down?
- Go, Trophy Mom.
1449
01:22:09,974 --> 01:22:12,960
Mmm-hmm. I know exactly
what you talking about.
1450
01:22:13,040 --> 01:22:15,272
You wake up at 3:00
in the morning to go to pee
1451
01:22:15,352 --> 01:22:18,659
and then it's like you've fallen into a
hammock. Booty and everything, all wet.
1452
01:22:18,739 --> 01:22:23,693
Oh, ladies and gentlemen, and it looks
like the attitudes are heating up.
1453
01:22:23,773 --> 01:22:27,985
Bring out the bullhorns, it is
time to go at it one more time.
1454
01:22:28,065 --> 01:22:30,454
Round two, one year later.
1455
01:22:32,294 --> 01:22:35,492
Felipa, go ahead
and show us that ring.
1456
01:22:35,572 --> 01:22:37,948
Oh, yes, it's so heavy.
1457
01:22:40,506 --> 01:22:42,302
Damn!
1458
01:22:42,382 --> 01:22:45,195
- Sorry.
- Okay, hun. Well, you know...
1459
01:22:45,275 --> 01:22:46,545
Very nice. Hey!
1460
01:22:46,625 --> 01:22:49,841
Francesca's got a ring, too.
She got engaged with this guy.
1461
01:22:49,921 --> 01:22:53,496
- Go ahead, Franny, show 'em.
- Very nice.
1462
01:22:53,576 --> 01:22:56,089
Hey, when I become a millionaire,
that thing's gonna be huge, all right?
1463
01:22:56,169 --> 01:22:59,620
"A millionaire"? I'd be happy
if you were a hundredaire.
1464
01:22:59,700 --> 01:23:03,855
This idiot brother puts an air foil
on the back of my plumbing van.
1465
01:23:03,935 --> 01:23:05,944
Business has been kicking
ever since we did that.
1466
01:23:06,024 --> 01:23:09,422
Hey, Jose, could you shove that
antennae back into your love handle,
1467
01:23:09,502 --> 01:23:11,695
I think the Giants
are playing the Dodgers.
1468
01:23:11,775 --> 01:23:13,533
Oh, ha-ha-ha.
Yeah, I can do that.
1469
01:23:13,613 --> 01:23:16,754
You know, but I charge 14 bucks
for the premium channels, fool.
1470
01:23:16,896 --> 01:23:20,226
Hey, y'all kids, keep it
down over there! Okay?
1471
01:23:20,306 --> 01:23:22,863
This is not a library!
- Chuckie!
1472
01:23:22,943 --> 01:23:26,546
Quit hitting your sister Sara.
Don't! Stop!
1473
01:23:26,626 --> 01:23:28,214
- Can I hit you, Dad?
- Can I hit the dogs?
1474
01:23:28,294 --> 01:23:29,549
Can I hit a cupcake?
1475
01:23:29,629 --> 01:23:31,852
- Me, too!
- I want to hit one of those...
1476
01:23:33,937 --> 01:23:37,868
All right. It's cool.
Just hit her, it's fine.
1477
01:23:37,948 --> 01:23:40,002
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Yes?
1478
01:23:40,082 --> 01:23:42,082
- I have a toast.
- Ah!
1479
01:23:43,492 --> 01:23:48,147
All that I've ever wanted to be...
is whom I'm becoming.
1480
01:23:48,227 --> 01:23:50,471
- Nice.
- Hear, hear.
1481
01:23:50,551 --> 01:23:52,256
- Cheers.
- Hear, hear.
1482
01:24:02,950 --> 01:24:04,572
- Uh-oh.
- Hey!
1483
01:24:04,652 --> 01:24:06,519
Hey, Gunga Din.
1484
01:24:06,600 --> 01:24:09,102
What are you doing here?
This is our site. Site 16.
1485
01:24:09,182 --> 01:24:10,970
No way! We have site 16.
1486
01:24:11,050 --> 01:24:13,067
Oh, are you going
to build a 7/11 here?
1487
01:24:13,147 --> 01:24:15,097
- Yeah, right next to your nail salon.
- Oh, yeah.
1488
01:24:15,177 --> 01:24:19,032
Oh, snap! Y'all hear that?
What are you people doing here?
1489
01:24:19,112 --> 01:24:21,689
Finish up the gardening and go.
1490
01:24:21,820 --> 01:24:25,536
Hey, things are heating up down there.
I got one. I got one.
1491
01:24:25,786 --> 01:24:28,350
How do you know a Chinese
guy broke into your house?
1492
01:24:28,430 --> 01:24:30,673
How?
1493
01:24:30,753 --> 01:24:34,181
Your homework's all done and he takes
an hour to pull out of your driveway.
1494
01:24:34,261 --> 01:24:37,286
Get it?
Come on, man. It's funny.
1495
01:24:37,366 --> 01:24:39,255
- Did he just say that?
- Yeah, he did.
1496
01:24:39,335 --> 01:24:41,695
Let me see that.
Let me see that.
1497
01:24:42,414 --> 01:24:44,715
What did St. Peter say
when he saw the Indian guy?
1498
01:24:44,804 --> 01:24:45,933
What?
1499
01:24:46,013 --> 01:24:48,361
"Hey, Jesus, your cab's here."
1500
01:24:49,598 --> 01:24:52,326
That was funnier than that.
- Okay, that's messed up.
1501
01:24:52,406 --> 01:24:55,462
Hey, you guys still want
campsite 16?
1502
01:24:55,542 --> 01:24:58,354
Oh, I think we need to have
a little contest.
1503
01:25:00,029 --> 01:25:02,712
- Contest?
- What kind of contest?
1504
01:25:02,800 --> 01:25:06,954
- It's over now!
- No math contest and no...
1505
01:25:07,421 --> 01:25:10,291
Yeah, no math
and no science questions.
1506
01:25:27,831 --> 01:25:31,428
Subtitle timing by
=tosem=
118898
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof