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Subtitles by explosiveskull
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♪ My name is Hutch
and I got Something on my mind ♪
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00:00:49,098 --> 00:00:50,630
♪ Baby Jill ♪
4
00:00:50,632 --> 00:00:52,566
♪ You probably get this
All the time ♪
5
00:00:52,568 --> 00:00:55,668
♪ Cats steppin' to you
Spittin' you a corny line ♪
6
00:00:55,670 --> 00:00:58,771
♪ So I thought I'd put My
feelings for you In a rhyme ♪
7
00:00:58,773 --> 00:01:02,044
♪ It's pretty easy for me
'Cause you're so fine ♪
8
00:01:05,147 --> 00:01:07,648
♪ Check out Myspace Or Friendster
If you need to vet me ♪
9
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:11,651
♪ Be my girl and life for us
Will be sweeter than Pepsi ♪
10
00:01:11,653 --> 00:01:13,489
♪ And not diet either ♪
11
00:01:14,623 --> 00:01:16,192
So, what do you think?
12
00:01:24,499 --> 00:01:27,500
Damn, Kelly, you're so special.
13
00:01:27,502 --> 00:01:30,270
I think you might be the one.
14
00:01:34,376 --> 00:01:35,809
- Hutch...
- Oh!
15
00:01:35,811 --> 00:01:38,378
Mom, private space.
16
00:01:38,380 --> 00:01:40,714
This is my house.
Every space is my space.
17
00:01:40,716 --> 00:01:42,752
You live with your mother?
18
00:01:44,820 --> 00:01:47,488
- What'd I tell you about them Beckys?
- Ah, her name is Kelly.
19
00:01:47,490 --> 00:01:49,756
Whatever. Do you know
what today is, Hutch?
20
00:01:49,758 --> 00:01:51,691
Yes, the day that you
crossed the boundary
21
00:01:51,693 --> 00:01:54,527
- by being in here while I'm trying to get busy.
- No.
22
00:01:54,529 --> 00:01:57,663
Four years ago you graduated
from college, and we had a deal.
23
00:01:57,665 --> 00:02:00,734
The deal was that you would have a
job by today or be out of my house.
24
00:02:00,736 --> 00:02:02,535
Ma, I know that, but...
25
00:02:02,537 --> 00:02:04,738
But nothing.
You are out of here today.
26
00:02:04,740 --> 00:02:06,874
No more extensions.
No more excuses.
27
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:09,242
Ma, come on.
I am the victim here, okay?
28
00:02:09,244 --> 00:02:11,744
- I'm an overeducated millennial that's trying to just...
- Here.
29
00:02:11,746 --> 00:02:14,515
That's so you can rinse
that bullshit out your mouth.
30
00:02:14,517 --> 00:02:15,849
Ma!
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00:02:15,851 --> 00:02:17,316
We're done.
32
00:02:17,318 --> 00:02:18,321
Ma!
33
00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:26,460
Mama.
34
00:02:26,462 --> 00:02:28,427
Mama, listen.
35
00:02:28,429 --> 00:02:30,397
Look, I know it's the
deadline, all right?
36
00:02:30,399 --> 00:02:32,466
But you gotta give me
more time.
37
00:02:32,468 --> 00:02:36,336
You don't want your baby boy out here in the
streets just working no regular-ass job.
38
00:02:36,338 --> 00:02:38,372
I'm gonna tell you
what I don't want.
39
00:02:38,374 --> 00:02:40,606
Is for my son to keep on
embarrassing me.
40
00:02:40,608 --> 00:02:42,609
Mama, how am I embarrassing you?
41
00:02:42,611 --> 00:02:44,711
Did you know when you were
in the fifth grade,
42
00:02:44,713 --> 00:02:46,480
Miss Humphries
pulled me to the side.
43
00:02:46,482 --> 00:02:48,248
I hope she ain't
breathe on you, man,
44
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:50,284
'cause her mouth was like
an asshole with teeth.
45
00:02:50,286 --> 00:02:51,421
Stop it with the jokes!
46
00:02:53,355 --> 00:02:55,556
She said,
"Barb, you got a good one.
47
00:02:55,558 --> 00:02:58,691
He's got looks,
brains, heart."
48
00:02:58,693 --> 00:03:01,260
Whatever happened
to that boy?
49
00:03:01,262 --> 00:03:04,630
He became a man, grew up, you know?
50
00:03:04,632 --> 00:03:06,700
Matter of fact,
51
00:03:06,702 --> 00:03:08,669
just got an interview
right now.
52
00:03:08,671 --> 00:03:09,969
I'm about to go crush it.
53
00:03:09,971 --> 00:03:12,806
Pack your shit today,
or I will.
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00:03:12,808 --> 00:03:14,575
Okay.
55
00:03:14,577 --> 00:03:17,579
- I'm not playing with you, Hutch.
- You look nice, Mama.
56
00:03:20,482 --> 00:03:22,783
I texted you guys
because I have exciting news.
57
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,818
I proposed to Maggie last night.
58
00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:27,553
- She said yes!
- Congratulations.
59
00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:29,755
You're getting married, man?
That's so damn gay.
60
00:03:29,757 --> 00:03:33,260
Okay, Maggie's a woman, so it's
actually the opposite of gay.
61
00:03:33,262 --> 00:03:36,597
Yeah, but you're 26, man. Why you
wanna be tied down to one beaver?
62
00:03:36,599 --> 00:03:39,633
Because I'm in love with the woman
that's attached to that "beaver."
63
00:03:39,635 --> 00:03:42,502
Gross. Anyway, I got
an announcement too.
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00:03:42,504 --> 00:03:44,671
I'm moving
out of my mama's crib.
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00:03:44,673 --> 00:03:47,641
- That's awesome.
- Yeah, 'cause that shit was getting sad, bro.
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00:03:47,643 --> 00:03:50,413
And I'm moving in
with one of y'all, so...
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00:03:52,314 --> 00:03:53,647
Absolutely not.
68
00:03:53,649 --> 00:03:55,982
Come on, man. We always talked
about being roommates.
69
00:03:55,984 --> 00:03:57,551
We said that when we was 13.
70
00:03:57,553 --> 00:03:59,719
I'll pay rent.
71
00:03:59,721 --> 00:04:01,921
Y'all just get me a job
at one of your companies.
72
00:04:01,923 --> 00:04:05,359
You work out constantly, and you can't
even keep a job as a personal trainer.
73
00:04:05,361 --> 00:04:08,962
That's because they wanted me to
wake up at 8:00-freaking-AM, man.
74
00:04:08,964 --> 00:04:10,796
Roosters don't even be up
that damn early.
75
00:04:10,798 --> 00:04:13,399
Hey, tough love time, bro.
76
00:04:13,401 --> 00:04:14,904
You're becoming a loser.
77
00:04:17,973 --> 00:04:20,643
Sorry, man.
You're on your own.
78
00:04:21,776 --> 00:04:22,878
Y'all for real?
79
00:04:24,613 --> 00:04:26,880
Man, y'all
some fucking sellouts, man.
80
00:04:26,882 --> 00:04:30,284
You know what? Don't ask Hutch for shit.
How 'bout that?
81
00:04:30,286 --> 00:04:32,255
What could we ever
need from you?
82
00:04:34,690 --> 00:04:37,390
- Whatever, man. I don't need this shit.
- Hey, Hutch, wait.
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00:04:37,392 --> 00:04:40,460
We actually do need something.
84
00:04:40,462 --> 00:04:42,828
That's what I thought.
85
00:04:42,830 --> 00:04:46,399
You got a grilled buffalo chicken
salad and four vodka sodas.
86
00:04:46,401 --> 00:04:48,835
You owe us $38.
87
00:04:48,837 --> 00:04:52,976
Yeah, well,
congratulations... assholes.
88
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:05,585
Oh! What the hell, Ma?
89
00:05:05,587 --> 00:05:07,087
Uh, uh, uh, back that up.
Back that up.
90
00:05:07,089 --> 00:05:08,822
- I need my life back.
- Mom, come on.
91
00:05:08,824 --> 00:05:11,825
I can't even have friends over
here, especially male friends,
92
00:05:11,827 --> 00:05:13,859
with your grown ass
in my house.
93
00:05:13,861 --> 00:05:16,662
You wanna kick me out the house so you
can have random saggy-balled mens
94
00:05:16,664 --> 00:05:18,597
running around naked
in the crib from MILFme.com?
95
00:05:18,599 --> 00:05:21,034
- Yes!
- What am I supposed to do?
96
00:05:21,036 --> 00:05:24,471
That should be your problem, but since your
mother knows that you're completely useless,
97
00:05:24,473 --> 00:05:26,440
I have contacted
your Uncle Mike,
98
00:05:26,442 --> 00:05:28,008
and he now has a job for you.
99
00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:30,476
Bingo!
You've got a job.
100
00:05:30,478 --> 00:05:33,012
- Oh, hell no.
- Give me my keys.
101
00:05:33,014 --> 00:05:35,614
Ma, I cannot spend my whole summer
with a bunch of "before" pictures.
102
00:05:35,616 --> 00:05:38,051
- I will blow my brains out.
- Well, you know where my gun is.
103
00:05:38,053 --> 00:05:39,719
- Give me my keys.
- Ma, come on.
104
00:05:39,721 --> 00:05:41,654
Fat is contagious.
I can catch it in the skin.
105
00:05:41,656 --> 00:05:44,123
Now you have six weeks to figure out
what you're gonna do with your life.
106
00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:46,092
- Keys!
- Ma, I had a dope-ass interview today.
107
00:05:46,094 --> 00:05:47,894
Crushed it, crushed it...
108
00:05:47,896 --> 00:05:50,731
Oh, I guess that's why I received
a text from your boy Dave saying,
109
00:05:50,733 --> 00:05:55,068
"Tell Hutch he owes me $38 for his
food and drinks at happy hour."
110
00:05:55,070 --> 00:05:57,371
Oh, he's such a bitch
for that!
111
00:05:57,373 --> 00:05:58,972
- Keys.
- Come on, Ma!
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00:05:58,974 --> 00:06:00,573
Keys.
113
00:06:00,575 --> 00:06:01,643
Mom.
114
00:06:08,015 --> 00:06:09,383
- Ow!
- No keys.
115
00:06:09,385 --> 00:06:11,450
Now, you go crush
that fitness camp,
116
00:06:11,452 --> 00:06:14,020
or you'll be crushing
a homeless shelter.
117
00:06:14,022 --> 00:06:16,722
- You ain't even using "crushing" right.
- Go crush yourself!
118
00:06:20,462 --> 00:06:23,462
At Camp Vision, we create
a safe environment for your child
119
00:06:23,464 --> 00:06:25,798
while stressing
nutrition and exercise.
120
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,969
They'll have too much fun to
notice the pounds are flying off.
121
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:31,871
- Welcome.
- Fuck my life, man.
122
00:06:48,589 --> 00:06:49,955
♪ This road I take ♪
123
00:06:49,957 --> 00:06:52,125
♪ Choices to make
Adios, I'm ghost ♪
124
00:06:52,127 --> 00:06:53,293
♪ C'est la vie
Make room ♪
125
00:06:53,295 --> 00:06:55,561
♪ Please excuse me
Don't get in my way ♪
126
00:06:55,563 --> 00:06:56,897
♪ Don't-Don't just stand there
Move ♪
127
00:06:56,899 --> 00:06:58,032
♪ This road I take ♪
128
00:06:58,034 --> 00:07:00,166
♪ Choices to make
Adios, I'm ghost ♪
129
00:07:00,168 --> 00:07:01,801
♪ C'est la vie
Make room ♪
130
00:07:01,803 --> 00:07:03,803
♪ Please excuse me
Don't get in my way ♪
131
00:07:03,805 --> 00:07:05,938
♪ Don't-Don't just stand there
Move, move ♪
132
00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:08,140
♪ To the max I can't
relax I'm doing 100 ♪
133
00:07:08,142 --> 00:07:10,075
♪ Movement of the stomach Got
me thinking Of the summer ♪
134
00:07:10,077 --> 00:07:12,111
♪ To the top Can't drop
Can't plummet, can't stop ♪
135
00:07:12,113 --> 00:07:13,947
♪ Gonna gun it Trying
to get it Got a point ♪
136
00:07:13,949 --> 00:07:15,918
♪ Want it like You want
to breathe Indeed ♪
137
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,051
♪ Get up off them knees
Proceed ♪
138
00:07:18,053 --> 00:07:20,085
♪ Think it's less on wants
More on needs ♪
139
00:07:20,087 --> 00:07:22,022
♪ More success to come
I must bleed ♪
140
00:07:25,694 --> 00:07:27,960
♪ Encore, take a bow
Will vow for anyone ♪
141
00:07:27,962 --> 00:07:30,931
♪ We're going to show them how Get
it down To the simplest minimum ♪
142
00:07:30,933 --> 00:07:32,802
♪ Move, move, move ♪
143
00:07:33,601 --> 00:07:35,971
Fuuuuck.
144
00:07:43,945 --> 00:07:45,712
Come in.
145
00:07:45,714 --> 00:07:47,681
Yo, Uncle Mike, what up?
146
00:07:47,683 --> 00:07:50,049
Hey, look. First off,
it's "Big Mike" around here.
147
00:07:50,051 --> 00:07:54,221
I can't have people thinking this is
a nepotism hire, as it clearly is.
148
00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:55,654
It's totally merit-based.
149
00:07:55,656 --> 00:07:58,123
You have zero merit
on which to base it, okay?
150
00:07:58,125 --> 00:08:00,861
Trust me, I would've said no,
but I'm as desperate as you are.
151
00:08:00,863 --> 00:08:03,496
Yeah, shocking.
Another crisis for the big man.
152
00:08:03,498 --> 00:08:04,864
Not quite as desperate.
153
00:08:04,866 --> 00:08:06,265
I have lodging.
154
00:08:06,267 --> 00:08:08,734
Ouch, man, damn.
155
00:08:08,736 --> 00:08:10,570
Look, I'm sorry.
156
00:08:10,572 --> 00:08:13,606
Your aunt really left me
in a lurch.
157
00:08:13,608 --> 00:08:16,041
Sorry, man. Must be tough
when your wife leaves you
158
00:08:16,043 --> 00:08:19,111
for another woman...
that you hired.
159
00:08:19,113 --> 00:08:21,046
Couldn't have seen that
on her résumé.
160
00:08:21,048 --> 00:08:23,517
Look, I can do this job
in my sleep, okay?
161
00:08:23,519 --> 00:08:25,017
But I'm not a marketer.
162
00:08:25,019 --> 00:08:27,219
She used to do all the websites,
and the Twitters and stuff.
163
00:08:27,221 --> 00:08:29,556
Now that she's gone,
my attendance is shit.
164
00:08:29,558 --> 00:08:32,525
I can't do two people's jobs, Hutch.
I'm one person.
165
00:08:32,527 --> 00:08:33,927
What about on a airplane?
166
00:08:33,929 --> 00:08:35,294
Fuck you, I'm one person.
167
00:08:35,296 --> 00:08:36,862
Okay.
168
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:40,132
I dunno. Maybe I should just
burn this place down
169
00:08:40,134 --> 00:08:42,235
and retire off the insurance
money or something.
170
00:08:42,237 --> 00:08:44,737
Yo, come on, Uncle Mike, chill.
171
00:08:44,739 --> 00:08:48,040
You got a sponsor or somebody I can call to
help you with all this shit you going through?
172
00:08:48,042 --> 00:08:49,211
Hutch...
173
00:08:50,746 --> 00:08:52,645
I need you
to listen to me.
174
00:08:52,647 --> 00:08:57,185
I need big results this summer
to attract more campers...
175
00:08:58,753 --> 00:09:01,254
or I'm gonna lose this place.
176
00:09:01,256 --> 00:09:03,990
Good. Then you can get a job
where you don't have to watch
177
00:09:03,992 --> 00:09:05,858
an elephant parade
all goddamn day.
178
00:09:05,860 --> 00:09:08,028
That's a really nice way
to say thank you.
179
00:09:08,030 --> 00:09:10,196
- For what?
- For giving you a job, asshole.
180
00:09:10,198 --> 00:09:11,831
At a fat camp?
Thank you.
181
00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:13,299
"Fitness camp."
182
00:09:13,301 --> 00:09:15,601
All right, man, "fitness camp."
183
00:09:15,603 --> 00:09:17,871
From what your mom tells me,
this is your last shot.
184
00:09:17,873 --> 00:09:20,840
Otherwise you're gonna end up
in a homeless shelter,
185
00:09:20,842 --> 00:09:23,709
getting raped
by a schizophrenic named Tobias
186
00:09:23,711 --> 00:09:27,279
who thinks he's a unicorn
and hasn't showered in months.
187
00:09:27,281 --> 00:09:28,715
What?
188
00:09:28,717 --> 00:09:30,686
Look, bottom line is...
189
00:09:32,688 --> 00:09:35,020
you got no place else to go,
190
00:09:35,022 --> 00:09:38,991
and my camp could actually benefit
from your fitness acumen.
191
00:09:38,993 --> 00:09:41,093
But I need you
to take this job seriously,
192
00:09:41,095 --> 00:09:43,329
'cause unlike your mom,
I'm not giving you 20 chances.
193
00:09:43,331 --> 00:09:45,865
My camp, my rules.
194
00:09:45,867 --> 00:09:47,670
My hell. Thank you.
195
00:09:49,805 --> 00:09:50,839
Hey.
196
00:09:52,773 --> 00:09:56,012
You know, you could learn to love
this place, if you let yourself.
197
00:09:58,113 --> 00:10:02,852
Actually, try loving anything
besides yourself.
198
00:10:20,801 --> 00:10:22,702
You must be Hutch Daley.
199
00:10:22,704 --> 00:10:25,170
I'm Charlie Soto.
200
00:10:25,172 --> 00:10:28,241
Welcome to Camp Vision,
California's premier fitness camp.
201
00:10:28,243 --> 00:10:29,909
Fat camp.
202
00:10:29,911 --> 00:10:33,346
I'm your CIT...
your counselor-in-training.
203
00:10:33,348 --> 00:10:35,981
Whoa, no, no, no, no, no.
Bottom bunk.
204
00:10:35,983 --> 00:10:37,583
Oh, well, counselors usually
take the bottom...
205
00:10:37,585 --> 00:10:41,721
I will not sleep a wink if I'm worried
about your fat ass crushing me from above.
206
00:10:41,723 --> 00:10:43,656
Oh, oh, oh.
You missed orientation.
207
00:10:43,658 --> 00:10:45,357
Um, don't worry though.
I'll fill you in.
208
00:10:45,359 --> 00:10:48,260
Just tell me where to be at at
what time so I don't get fired.
209
00:10:48,262 --> 00:10:51,097
I don't care about kids or their
self-esteem or helping them
210
00:10:51,099 --> 00:10:53,132
under their layers of lard,
all right?
211
00:10:53,134 --> 00:10:55,201
Edgy humor.
212
00:10:55,203 --> 00:10:57,703
You're like a young Don Rickles.
213
00:10:57,705 --> 00:11:01,408
- But I promise you're gonna fall in love with all our boys.
- No homo, man, damn.
214
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:04,647
No, I'm heterosexual.
Common mistake.
215
00:11:06,381 --> 00:11:08,280
Welcome, campers,
216
00:11:08,282 --> 00:11:10,784
to a healthy, prosperous
summer at Camp Vision.
217
00:11:10,786 --> 00:11:13,352
Please tell all your
fitness-challenged friends about us
218
00:11:13,354 --> 00:11:15,722
so we can get more
paying customers...
219
00:11:15,724 --> 00:11:18,290
I mean,
so we can change more lives!
220
00:11:18,292 --> 00:11:21,193
This is the best day of summer.
221
00:11:21,195 --> 00:11:23,228
Just smell that excitement
in the air.
222
00:11:23,230 --> 00:11:26,067
I smell trapped
fat-fold sweat.
223
00:11:27,134 --> 00:11:29,235
Welcome, camper.
224
00:11:29,237 --> 00:11:32,871
I'm Charlie, this is Hutch. And we're
here to help you battle your bulge.
225
00:11:32,873 --> 00:11:35,274
Jamar Hilton Jeffers
reporting for camp, sir!
226
00:11:35,276 --> 00:11:37,443
Welcome back.
But what are you doing here?
227
00:11:37,445 --> 00:11:39,312
You look incredible.
228
00:11:39,314 --> 00:11:42,115
Please don't patronize me, Charlie.
I'm a soft, gross mess.
229
00:11:42,117 --> 00:11:44,951
♪ Yo, on the East
Coast We got the West Coast ♪
230
00:11:44,953 --> 00:11:47,087
Kyle Danson in the hizzy!
231
00:11:47,089 --> 00:11:49,755
Damn, girl, you fine.
232
00:11:49,757 --> 00:11:53,125
I'll go ahead and get your number so I'll
keep you updated with Carl's progress.
233
00:11:53,127 --> 00:11:55,061
It's Kyle.
And no.
234
00:11:55,063 --> 00:11:57,066
♪ Overseas with
My bank account ♪
235
00:11:59,267 --> 00:12:01,170
It says that we have one more
camper here.
236
00:12:10,177 --> 00:12:11,112
Come on!
237
00:12:13,849 --> 00:12:17,250
I don't need to lose weight.
I'm a fricking stud!
238
00:12:17,252 --> 00:12:19,184
I will not be fat-shamed.
239
00:12:19,186 --> 00:12:22,087
You can all go to hell!
240
00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:24,256
What's the bitch sitch
like around here?
241
00:12:24,258 --> 00:12:26,458
'Cause I brought hella rubbers.
242
00:12:26,460 --> 00:12:28,026
What's up, piggies?
243
00:12:28,028 --> 00:12:29,862
Watch out, kids!
It's Lone Pine.
244
00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:34,266
Losers!
245
00:12:34,268 --> 00:12:37,002
Hey, Lone Pine, fuck off!
246
00:12:37,004 --> 00:12:39,172
That's okay.
247
00:12:39,174 --> 00:12:40,943
Fuck my life.
248
00:12:47,181 --> 00:12:50,151
All right, gentlemen,
let's circle up.
249
00:12:53,488 --> 00:12:56,789
Welcome to our first
nightly devotions.
250
00:12:56,791 --> 00:12:58,290
Hutch, can you put
your phone away, please?
251
00:12:58,292 --> 00:13:01,827
Why you dressed like that?
Got a hot date?
252
00:13:01,829 --> 00:13:04,063
Can we smell your fingers later?
253
00:13:04,065 --> 00:13:06,068
Hutch and I are going
to a staff banquet.
254
00:13:07,368 --> 00:13:09,501
And if I did
ever third-base a lady,
255
00:13:09,503 --> 00:13:11,837
I would never share her essence.
256
00:13:11,839 --> 00:13:13,438
Let's go around the room.
257
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,942
Say our names,
where we're from,
258
00:13:15,944 --> 00:13:18,178
and why we're here at camp
and then something fun.
259
00:13:18,180 --> 00:13:20,212
Okay. I'm Charlie.
260
00:13:20,214 --> 00:13:22,816
I'm from sunny San Clemente.
261
00:13:22,818 --> 00:13:26,519
And my favorite band is
Nickelback, obviously.
262
00:13:26,521 --> 00:13:28,520
And I'm here at camp
to help you guys get fit.
263
00:13:28,522 --> 00:13:31,256
Uh, I'm Andy,
from Santa Barbara.
264
00:13:31,258 --> 00:13:33,559
- My doctor made me come...
- No homo.
265
00:13:33,561 --> 00:13:36,228
- Hutch, seriously?
- His doctor made him come.
266
00:13:36,230 --> 00:13:38,965
Sounds like his MD
gave him an HJ.
267
00:13:38,967 --> 00:13:41,067
He didn't.
268
00:13:41,069 --> 00:13:45,538
I've got the chubby trinity: high
cholesterol, hypertension, and Type 2 'betes.
269
00:13:45,540 --> 00:13:47,240
Who's next?
270
00:13:47,242 --> 00:13:49,274
Oh, well,
I'm Jamar from Riverside.
271
00:13:49,276 --> 00:13:51,410
It was my third summer
coming here,
272
00:13:51,412 --> 00:13:55,215
and I won't stop till I've got ripped
abs, solid delts and chiseled calves.
273
00:13:55,217 --> 00:13:58,150
My goal is to get fit,
play high school ball,
274
00:13:58,152 --> 00:14:01,154
become a marine,
then a senator, then president.
275
00:14:01,156 --> 00:14:03,255
Hey, don't send
any dick pics, all right?
276
00:14:03,257 --> 00:14:05,625
That shit comes back
to haunt you.
277
00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:09,562
I'm Kyle, and I'm here
for one reason:
278
00:14:09,564 --> 00:14:13,031
pussy!
279
00:14:13,033 --> 00:14:16,034
A nigga like me is
tryin' to get his dick wet up.
280
00:14:16,036 --> 00:14:17,303
Wait, time out.
281
00:14:17,305 --> 00:14:18,404
Rewind!
282
00:14:18,406 --> 00:14:20,073
What did you just say?
283
00:14:20,075 --> 00:14:22,342
I said "a" not "er."
One love.
284
00:14:22,344 --> 00:14:26,111
You say that disrespectful shit
again, you're gonna get one punch.
285
00:14:26,113 --> 00:14:27,380
My bad, bro.
286
00:14:27,382 --> 00:14:29,448
Anyway,
287
00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:32,952
instead of getting shot down
by skinny bitches all summer,
288
00:14:32,954 --> 00:14:36,121
I'm boxing in a more
realistic weight class.
289
00:14:36,123 --> 00:14:38,957
I can respect
that shit.
290
00:14:43,064 --> 00:14:47,066
Um, I'm Marshall
from Lake Elsinore,
291
00:14:47,068 --> 00:14:49,968
and I'm a sexy bitch
who's here against my will.
292
00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:53,206
This whole place is a bullshit
farm to make us skinny.
293
00:14:53,208 --> 00:14:54,506
For what?
294
00:14:54,508 --> 00:14:56,442
I mean, look at me.
I'm great!
295
00:14:56,444 --> 00:14:58,111
Noted.
296
00:14:58,113 --> 00:15:00,049
That just leaves Hutch.
297
00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:05,050
Yo, I'm Hutch. Duh.
298
00:15:05,052 --> 00:15:08,520
From Long Beach. LBC in
the muthafuckin' hizzouse.
299
00:15:08,522 --> 00:15:11,256
Great! Bedtime.
300
00:15:11,258 --> 00:15:14,430
A good night's sleep is the
first step towards weight loss.
301
00:15:15,530 --> 00:15:17,196
Oh, yeah,
302
00:15:17,198 --> 00:15:19,933
and y'all figure out your
beat-off schedules, all right?
303
00:15:19,935 --> 00:15:22,434
'Cause it's real creepy
if we get involved.
304
00:15:22,436 --> 00:15:24,002
Uh, bro.
305
00:15:24,004 --> 00:15:26,307
Kyle,
what's a beat-off schedule?
306
00:15:27,675 --> 00:15:29,207
Oh, got it.
307
00:15:29,209 --> 00:15:30,610
Yeah, sure thing.
308
00:15:45,259 --> 00:15:47,327
I told you
you should've dressed nicer.
309
00:15:47,329 --> 00:15:50,498
I ain't wasting my sexy
on these she-whales. You crazy?
310
00:15:52,032 --> 00:15:54,199
Holy boner parade.
311
00:15:54,201 --> 00:15:56,037
Who is that?
312
00:16:03,445 --> 00:16:05,311
She's a knockout, right?
313
00:16:05,313 --> 00:16:07,246
Beautiful, and she
doesn't even know it.
314
00:16:07,248 --> 00:16:08,414
Yo, what's her name?
315
00:16:08,416 --> 00:16:09,716
Candace.
316
00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:13,186
One day I'm gonna work the nerve
to ask her out.
317
00:16:13,188 --> 00:16:16,422
Most girls her size wouldn't wear a white dress
like that, but she is really working it.
318
00:16:16,424 --> 00:16:18,591
I'm sorry,
are your eyes broken, man?
319
00:16:18,593 --> 00:16:20,161
She's not wearing
a white dress.
320
00:16:23,198 --> 00:16:26,031
Wait, that's the girl you
nervous to ask out?
321
00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:27,733
Yeah, I can't get her
to notice me.
322
00:16:27,735 --> 00:16:30,535
Put some bacon in your pocket.
Motherfucker is crazy.
323
00:16:30,537 --> 00:16:31,636
That girl, man.
324
00:16:31,638 --> 00:16:33,573
Who is that girl?
325
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:35,441
Oh, that's, uh...
that's Abby Krupa.
326
00:16:35,443 --> 00:16:37,043
Oh.
327
00:16:37,045 --> 00:16:39,345
She's cute too, if you're
into that type of thing.
328
00:16:39,347 --> 00:16:41,283
Everybody's
into that type of thing.
329
00:16:43,718 --> 00:16:46,785
My job won't stop until it
sucks the goddamn soul out of me.
330
00:16:46,787 --> 00:16:48,553
- I know.
- 'Sup, girl?
331
00:16:48,555 --> 00:16:51,057
- Hey!
- I'm Hutch Daley.
332
00:16:51,059 --> 00:16:53,393
Yeah, I know. I don't know
what we did in our past lives
333
00:16:53,395 --> 00:16:55,260
to end up
at this blubber farm,
334
00:16:55,262 --> 00:16:57,196
but you are
a sight for sore eyes.
335
00:16:57,198 --> 00:16:58,597
All right, everybody.
336
00:16:58,599 --> 00:17:00,732
Does this thing work?
337
00:17:00,734 --> 00:17:04,236
Settle down. There's gonna be plenty
of time for socializing, catching up.
338
00:17:04,238 --> 00:17:06,104
Dinner's coming out soon.
339
00:17:06,106 --> 00:17:09,207
And nothing contains peanuts 'cause
I can't afford another lawsuit.
340
00:17:09,209 --> 00:17:11,177
Right?
341
00:17:11,179 --> 00:17:12,578
Want a hit?
342
00:17:12,580 --> 00:17:15,180
I want to listen
to Big Mike's speech.
343
00:17:15,182 --> 00:17:16,681
This is...
344
00:17:16,683 --> 00:17:19,584
the most important summer
in our camp's history.
345
00:17:19,586 --> 00:17:23,488
Well, because this camp is pretty
damn close to going broke.
346
00:17:23,490 --> 00:17:27,159
Yo, you ever thought
that your hotness
347
00:17:27,161 --> 00:17:29,528
gets in the way of people
taking you seriously?
348
00:17:29,530 --> 00:17:33,065
By "I want to listen,"
I meant "be quiet."
349
00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:35,767
I dig a woman that knows
what she wants.
350
00:17:35,769 --> 00:17:37,402
Okay then.
351
00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:40,640
Shut the fuck up so I can
listen to my boss's speech.
352
00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:46,278
All right, so, um,
new incentive policy! Huh?
353
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:51,185
The counselor whose campers lose
the highest cumulative body fat...
354
00:17:52,453 --> 00:17:54,219
gets a $5,000 bonus!
355
00:17:54,221 --> 00:17:56,755
Before taxes.
356
00:17:56,757 --> 00:18:00,726
If you have any questions, guys,
check in with Abby Krupa,
357
00:18:00,728 --> 00:18:04,330
our "AK-47," and reigning
queen of weight loss.
358
00:18:04,332 --> 00:18:08,301
She holds the record for
47 pounds lost by one camper.
359
00:18:08,303 --> 00:18:12,205
But, you know, hey, hey.
I see some new faces, ya know?
360
00:18:12,207 --> 00:18:14,607
Maybe one of them might challenge
the throne, you never know.
361
00:18:14,609 --> 00:18:17,275
Hell yeah.
Shit, for five G's.
362
00:18:17,277 --> 00:18:21,746
Boy, I'll put my finger down these kids'
throats myself, choke 'em out. Bow-bow!
363
00:18:21,748 --> 00:18:24,717
Bulimia, you know, isn't part of
the program, but that's great.
364
00:18:24,719 --> 00:18:27,753
Abby, it looks like you've got
some competition on your hands.
365
00:18:27,755 --> 00:18:33,692
Only downside is the bonus was supposed
to be the end-of-summer dance money.
366
00:18:33,694 --> 00:18:36,129
So we're gonna be combining
the dance with Camp Lone Pine.
367
00:18:36,131 --> 00:18:37,897
Um, it's good to see you guys.
368
00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:39,799
Um, enjoy dinner.
369
00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:13,426
Come on. Let's line up.
370
00:20:13,428 --> 00:20:14,726
Are you eating right now?
371
00:20:14,728 --> 00:20:16,428
We just had breakfast, man.
372
00:20:16,430 --> 00:20:18,397
- Uh, it's a banana, sir.
- I know what it is!
373
00:20:20,401 --> 00:20:22,301
Look, that thing's
loaded with sugar, guys.
374
00:20:22,303 --> 00:20:24,469
What's the one thing you can eat
that has zero calories?
375
00:20:24,471 --> 00:20:26,304
That pink pastry.
376
00:20:26,306 --> 00:20:30,409
- How would a pastry have zero calories?
- It means "cooter," vag.
377
00:20:30,411 --> 00:20:32,011
Listen up. Focus.
378
00:20:32,013 --> 00:20:35,814
You guys think y'all have, like, I
dunno, a little bit of baby fat?
379
00:20:35,816 --> 00:20:37,350
Yeah? No.
380
00:20:37,352 --> 00:20:40,253
You got grown-man fat
on your little baby bodies.
381
00:20:40,255 --> 00:20:43,755
Your lives are gonna suck dead donkey
dick if you don't focus up and fix it.
382
00:20:43,757 --> 00:20:45,326
Right now, okay?
383
00:20:50,765 --> 00:20:52,331
Kettle bells.
Come on. Let's go.
384
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:54,899
Ladies, kettle bells.
385
00:20:54,901 --> 00:20:57,637
Just 15 pounds. We start
slow and learn to love it.
386
00:20:57,639 --> 00:20:59,639
We still talking
about exercise?
387
00:20:59,641 --> 00:21:02,541
No, nothing less than
than 40, all right?
388
00:21:02,543 --> 00:21:05,011
This ain't no pussy-ass
Pilates class, okay?
389
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:08,447
We're building man muscle here.
Let's go. Come on.
390
00:21:08,449 --> 00:21:09,547
- ♪ Girl, I wanna ♪
- ♪ Do it ♪
391
00:21:09,549 --> 00:21:10,749
- ♪ Don't you wanna ♪
- ♪ Do it ♪
392
00:21:10,751 --> 00:21:11,984
You guys suck!
393
00:21:11,986 --> 00:21:12,951
- ♪ Can we ♪
- ♪ Do it ♪
394
00:21:12,953 --> 00:21:14,019
- ♪ Let's go ♪
- ♪ Do it ♪
395
00:21:15,922 --> 00:21:17,689
- ♪ You know you wanna ♪
- ♪ Do it ♪
396
00:21:17,691 --> 00:21:18,990
- ♪ Quit playing, girl ♪
- ♪ Do it ♪
397
00:21:18,992 --> 00:21:21,459
Good job, ladies. Keep it up.
Keep it up!
398
00:21:21,461 --> 00:21:23,862
Man down! Man...
399
00:21:23,864 --> 00:21:25,665
Help me.
400
00:21:28,835 --> 00:21:31,303
Come on!
401
00:21:31,305 --> 00:21:33,538
♪ D-O I-T
D-O I-T ♪
402
00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:35,640
♪ This is how we do it
When we crash your party ♪
403
00:21:35,642 --> 00:21:36,742
- ♪ I wanna ♪
- ♪ Do it ♪
404
00:21:36,744 --> 00:21:39,411
- ♪ Don't you wanna ♪
- ♪ Do it ♪
405
00:21:39,413 --> 00:21:42,047
You're tired already, man? We've
only been out here 20 minutes.
406
00:21:42,049 --> 00:21:44,550
What are you gonna do at the dance when
you're trying to get your swerve on?
407
00:21:44,552 --> 00:21:45,985
We won't be
swerving anything, man.
408
00:21:45,987 --> 00:21:47,753
It's a joint dance
with Lone "Peen."
409
00:21:47,755 --> 00:21:49,955
Aw, come on,
you guys are gonna love it.
410
00:21:49,957 --> 00:21:52,425
It's only the most
magical night of the summer.
411
00:21:52,427 --> 00:21:54,893
- Hell no! I don't dance.
- Why? I'm sure you can dance...
412
00:21:54,895 --> 00:21:56,562
- Oh, is it because I'm black?
- Yeah.
413
00:21:56,564 --> 00:21:57,862
Well, I can't dance.
414
00:21:57,864 --> 00:22:00,099
- Hmm.
- Did I tell y'all to stop sweating?
415
00:22:00,101 --> 00:22:01,833
Why's it with Lone Pine?
416
00:22:01,835 --> 00:22:04,903
I used to go there.
I know what they'll do to us.
417
00:22:04,905 --> 00:22:07,907
- What?
- They throw raw pork products at us.
418
00:22:07,909 --> 00:22:10,676
Then you'd better run
your porky asses on, man.
419
00:22:10,678 --> 00:22:12,777
Sulking is a shitty
calorie burner.
420
00:22:12,779 --> 00:22:14,546
Let's go. Come on!
421
00:22:14,548 --> 00:22:17,082
Come on, ladies, come on.
Yes, you can do it!
422
00:22:17,084 --> 00:22:18,516
- ♪ Don't you wanna ♪
- ♪ Do it ♪
423
00:22:18,518 --> 00:22:20,686
Great job.
424
00:22:20,688 --> 00:22:22,053
- ♪ Let's go ♪
- ♪ Do it ♪
425
00:22:22,055 --> 00:22:23,089
- ♪ Should we ♪
- ♪ Do it ♪
426
00:22:23,091 --> 00:22:24,357
♪ Could we ♪
427
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,792
Come on. Yes!
You can do it. Come on.
428
00:22:26,794 --> 00:22:28,330
Seven...
429
00:22:46,146 --> 00:22:47,612
Y'all pathetic, man.
430
00:22:47,614 --> 00:22:48,948
Seriously.
431
00:22:48,950 --> 00:22:51,550
My grandma could do
these workouts, man,
432
00:22:51,552 --> 00:22:53,619
and she's been dead
for three years.
433
00:22:53,621 --> 00:22:56,921
Maybe tomorrow we ease up,
let their muscles repair?
434
00:22:56,923 --> 00:22:58,090
Hell no, Charlie.
435
00:22:58,092 --> 00:23:00,092
Who cares
if we lose weight, man?
436
00:23:00,094 --> 00:23:02,128
I do, Marshall.
I need that fucking money.
437
00:23:02,130 --> 00:23:05,163
Dope-ass apartments
don't pay for themselves.
438
00:23:05,165 --> 00:23:06,732
What money?
439
00:23:06,734 --> 00:23:09,701
Huh. We get a bonus
of a thousand dollars
440
00:23:09,703 --> 00:23:12,604
if y'all lose all that weight
by the end of summer.
441
00:23:12,606 --> 00:23:15,107
I don't think we're supposed to
be sharing that with them...
442
00:23:15,109 --> 00:23:17,476
If I win that thousand, I'll give
each of y'all a hundred bucks.
443
00:23:17,478 --> 00:23:19,111
- I'm listening.
- I'm listening too.
444
00:23:19,113 --> 00:23:22,415
- My man.
- Bribery? Man, you suck.
445
00:23:22,417 --> 00:23:25,484
You're goddamn right. All right, so
let's review strategies, all right?
446
00:23:25,486 --> 00:23:27,085
For meals.
What do they consist of?
447
00:23:27,087 --> 00:23:29,121
- Protein and vegetables.
- Thank you.
448
00:23:29,123 --> 00:23:31,489
What do we eat
if we're craving carbs?
449
00:23:31,491 --> 00:23:33,492
Brown rice and sweet potatoes
and pussy.
450
00:23:33,494 --> 00:23:35,660
- You are what you eat.
- That's disgusting.
451
00:23:35,662 --> 00:23:37,929
- What do we completely avoid?
- Listening to your ass.
452
00:23:37,931 --> 00:23:40,498
- White bread, white rice...
- White women?
453
00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:43,134
Ah, I'll put that in the
moderation category, brother.
454
00:23:43,136 --> 00:23:44,503
Trust me on that.
455
00:23:44,505 --> 00:23:45,871
Yeah, moderation.
456
00:23:45,873 --> 00:23:47,806
Yeah, you feel me, Kyle.
457
00:23:47,808 --> 00:23:49,742
All right,
pigs-in-a-blanket time, baby!
458
00:23:49,744 --> 00:23:51,509
Yes! We finally
get a cheat treat.
459
00:23:51,511 --> 00:23:54,045
- I'm starving!
- Hell no. You ain't getting no cheat treat.
460
00:23:54,047 --> 00:23:57,615
It's bedtime. Y'all the pigs.
Now get in the goddamn blankets!
461
00:23:59,921 --> 00:24:01,920
Ain't no goddamn pancakes.
462
00:24:01,922 --> 00:24:03,724
I need that money.
Lights out! Go to bed!
463
00:24:05,959 --> 00:24:09,027
Look, all I'm saying is that it's hard
enough whipping these kids into shape.
464
00:24:09,029 --> 00:24:11,130
You can't keep
undermining my authority.
465
00:24:11,132 --> 00:24:13,232
I'm in charge here,
and that's...
466
00:24:13,234 --> 00:24:15,470
Goddamn. Why'd you
hit me like that, man?
467
00:24:16,703 --> 00:24:18,938
Can you help me talk to her?
468
00:24:20,475 --> 00:24:23,042
I think you're beyond help,
all right?
469
00:24:23,044 --> 00:24:25,076
Let's just get some
liquid courage into you.
470
00:24:25,078 --> 00:24:27,646
Whoa. I'm a CIT.
471
00:24:27,648 --> 00:24:30,815
I'm allowed to go into the Legion,
but I'm not allowed to drink.
472
00:24:30,817 --> 00:24:33,087
Oh, party never ends
with you, huh?
473
00:24:36,857 --> 00:24:38,592
I don't think so.
474
00:24:43,930 --> 00:24:46,631
So why do they call
this the Legion?
475
00:24:46,633 --> 00:24:48,534
It's an American Legion post.
476
00:24:48,536 --> 00:24:50,503
So not only are you
catching a buzz,
477
00:24:50,505 --> 00:24:52,103
but you're also
supporting the veterans.
478
00:24:52,105 --> 00:24:53,839
Yeah, I'm nothing
if not a patriot.
479
00:24:53,841 --> 00:24:56,641
This place is exactly
like I imagined it.
480
00:24:56,643 --> 00:25:00,012
It smells like post-adolescent
high jinks, and summer romance...
481
00:25:00,014 --> 00:25:02,014
And mildew
and colostomy bags.
482
00:25:02,016 --> 00:25:05,083
Why would anyone
hang out here?
483
00:25:05,085 --> 00:25:07,018
Oh, well,
because they don't card.
484
00:25:07,020 --> 00:25:10,688
Every camp staff within
a 20-mile radius comes here.
485
00:25:10,690 --> 00:25:13,825
I swear to God, if you hit me like that
again, I will shit on your pillow.
486
00:25:13,827 --> 00:25:15,527
Help me. Help me.
Help me. Help me.
487
00:25:15,529 --> 00:25:16,961
- I'm not going to.
- Please?
488
00:25:16,963 --> 00:25:17,996
No.
489
00:25:17,998 --> 00:25:20,064
What's up, Hutch?
490
00:25:20,066 --> 00:25:21,800
Since you're a newbie,
first round's on me.
491
00:25:21,802 --> 00:25:23,268
- Hmm.
- Hey, Candace.
492
00:25:23,270 --> 00:25:25,537
- Hey.
- You look amazing.
493
00:25:25,539 --> 00:25:27,038
Thanks, Charlie.
494
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:28,908
You're finally old enough
to come to the Legion,
495
00:25:28,910 --> 00:25:30,743
and pretty soon
you can actually drink.
496
00:25:30,745 --> 00:25:32,143
Hello, gorgeous.
497
00:25:32,145 --> 00:25:34,648
I'm gonna leave you guys
to whatever the fuck this is.
498
00:25:36,049 --> 00:25:40,585
♪ Falling out of love again ♪
499
00:25:40,587 --> 00:25:43,922
♪ Falling down
And lost a friend ♪
500
00:25:43,924 --> 00:25:45,591
♪ Time ♪
501
00:25:45,593 --> 00:25:47,159
'Sup.
502
00:25:47,161 --> 00:25:48,826
Good job today.
503
00:25:48,828 --> 00:25:49,995
Really nailed it.
504
00:25:49,997 --> 00:25:51,996
So you were watching me,
like, all day.
505
00:25:51,998 --> 00:25:53,799
Couldn't keep your eyes
off a brother, huh?
506
00:25:53,801 --> 00:25:55,333
Oh, that's your takeaway?
507
00:25:55,335 --> 00:25:58,771
Look, this whole back-and-forth,
hard-to-get thing is cute, Abby,
508
00:25:58,773 --> 00:26:01,005
but I will get you.
509
00:26:01,007 --> 00:26:02,774
And I will get you hard.
510
00:26:06,279 --> 00:26:09,848
It's like you're doing this really
shitty impression of a pickup artist.
511
00:26:09,850 --> 00:26:11,850
What is this whole front
you have going on?
512
00:26:11,852 --> 00:26:15,254
I don't front.
Hutch keeps it one hunnit.
513
00:26:15,256 --> 00:26:19,324
"Duh, Hutch keeps it 100. Yeah, you
can't take your beautiful eyes off me."
514
00:26:19,326 --> 00:26:22,160
No one said beautiful.
Your eyes are all right, okay.
515
00:26:22,162 --> 00:26:24,862
Oh, now you're negging me?
516
00:26:24,864 --> 00:26:27,265
Yeah, some of us
haven't fully matured.
517
00:26:27,267 --> 00:26:30,069
Matured, all right. Yeah, we can
talk about maturity over a drink.
518
00:26:30,071 --> 00:26:31,704
- What you having?
- An annoying conversation.
519
00:26:31,706 --> 00:26:33,639
I heard beer.
Yo, my man.
520
00:26:33,641 --> 00:26:35,774
Yo, excuse me, old man.
521
00:26:35,776 --> 00:26:37,842
Hey! Yo!
522
00:26:37,844 --> 00:26:41,280
Jimbo. Zip it.
Thirsty customer.
523
00:26:41,282 --> 00:26:42,680
Yeah.
524
00:26:42,682 --> 00:26:44,015
Give me a vodka soda
and a beer.
525
00:26:45,286 --> 00:26:47,652
Vodka soda and a beer.
526
00:26:47,654 --> 00:26:49,888
Okay.
527
00:26:49,890 --> 00:26:51,623
Jimbo's eyes and ears
are going.
528
00:26:51,625 --> 00:26:53,958
They should Old Yeller him, but
some people find that inhumane.
529
00:26:55,830 --> 00:26:58,263
- Douglas Alvarez.
- Hutch Daley, man. I work at Vision.
530
00:26:58,265 --> 00:27:01,100
- You mean "Camp Virgin," where boners go to die?
- Yeah, right.
531
00:27:01,102 --> 00:27:03,168
Shit, they ain't all bad though.
532
00:27:03,170 --> 00:27:05,737
Ooh, careful. That one's
a tough nut to crack.
533
00:27:05,739 --> 00:27:08,040
- Oh, yeah? You tried to hit it?
- I did hit it.
534
00:27:08,042 --> 00:27:11,877
Took her to a nice dinner, then
turned that thing inside out.
535
00:27:11,879 --> 00:27:14,679
Then she ghosted me.
536
00:27:14,681 --> 00:27:16,918
It would hurt, but I
respect her game too much.
537
00:27:17,949 --> 00:27:18,353
Feel that.
538
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,053
I'm sure there's
other good pussy at Vision.
539
00:27:22,055 --> 00:27:25,858
Big girls work harder in bed. It's
how they reward you for slumming it.
540
00:27:25,860 --> 00:27:28,861
- I don't got to worry about that at Lone Pine though.
- You work at Lone Pine?
541
00:27:28,863 --> 00:27:31,162
Yes, sir. Nothing but
cool bros and down hos.
542
00:27:31,164 --> 00:27:33,734
- Come on. I'll introduce you.
- Ah, nah, I gotta take these drinks to...
543
00:27:36,403 --> 00:27:38,269
Ghosted.
544
00:27:38,271 --> 00:27:40,872
- Feel like blazing up?
- Oh, my dude.
545
00:27:40,874 --> 00:27:43,307
- Man!
- Easy, Daley.
546
00:27:43,309 --> 00:27:45,910
Except for a few junior high circle
jerks, I'm a strict vag-eterian.
547
00:27:47,014 --> 00:27:48,350
Circle jerks?
548
00:27:53,054 --> 00:27:55,153
Good morning, campers and staff.
549
00:27:55,155 --> 00:27:57,156
Week one is almost over,
550
00:27:57,158 --> 00:27:59,925
and if you're going through
junk food withdrawals,
551
00:27:59,927 --> 00:28:02,197
remember, it gets better.
552
00:28:05,032 --> 00:28:06,864
What are you doing?
553
00:28:06,866 --> 00:28:09,802
Pinch my skin together
like this.
554
00:28:10,970 --> 00:28:13,438
Really?
555
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,207
Is that for Sean?
556
00:28:15,209 --> 00:28:16,909
Um, Eric.
557
00:28:16,911 --> 00:28:18,947
I bagged me a Lone Piner.
558
00:28:20,081 --> 00:28:21,179
He sent me this.
559
00:28:21,181 --> 00:28:22,814
What the hell is that?
560
00:28:23,918 --> 00:28:25,450
Rebecca!
561
00:28:25,452 --> 00:28:27,486
I mean, he has a vagina
in his armpit,
562
00:28:27,488 --> 00:28:29,822
but other than that
he's really hot.
563
00:28:29,824 --> 00:28:33,057
- Mm-hmm.
- Maybe I should just stay with Sean.
564
00:28:33,059 --> 00:28:36,861
- Do you think he's out of my league?
- No. Absolutely not.
565
00:28:36,863 --> 00:28:39,997
Look, when I was your age, there was
this guy who did these stupid raps.
566
00:28:39,999 --> 00:28:42,200
I mean, I was chubby,
but he was way overweight.
567
00:28:42,202 --> 00:28:46,338
His rap name was Big Brotha,
which was really stupid, but,
568
00:28:46,340 --> 00:28:49,006
you know, I thought it was
cute 'cause I liked him.
569
00:28:49,008 --> 00:28:51,176
So I asked him out.
You know what he said?
570
00:28:51,178 --> 00:28:52,311
What?
571
00:28:52,313 --> 00:28:55,813
He said he wouldn't date
a fat girl.
572
00:28:55,815 --> 00:28:59,418
Don't assume that because you have the same
weight issues that makes you compatible.
573
00:28:59,420 --> 00:29:01,486
What kind of guys do you like?
574
00:29:01,488 --> 00:29:04,223
The wrong ones.
575
00:29:04,225 --> 00:29:06,190
Hello, ladies.
576
00:29:06,192 --> 00:29:07,426
♪ Money, money ♪
577
00:29:07,428 --> 00:29:08,997
♪ I just can't get enough ♪
578
00:29:10,498 --> 00:29:12,831
♪ Dollar, dollar
I just can't get enough ♪
579
00:29:12,833 --> 00:29:14,967
Come on, Becca.
You got this.
580
00:29:14,969 --> 00:29:16,334
- ♪ Brother, brother ♪
- Let's do this.
581
00:29:16,336 --> 00:29:18,771
Come on. Let's do this.
582
00:29:18,773 --> 00:29:21,506
♪ Just to buy the things
That keep you satisfied ♪
583
00:29:21,508 --> 00:29:23,242
Let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go!
584
00:29:23,244 --> 00:29:24,776
Push! Push!
585
00:29:24,778 --> 00:29:27,181
- Come on. Let's go. Let's go!
- Come on.
586
00:29:28,282 --> 00:29:30,082
♪ Money, money ♪
587
00:29:30,084 --> 00:29:31,949
♪ It's all about the money ♪
588
00:29:33,353 --> 00:29:35,320
♪ It's all about the money ♪
589
00:29:35,322 --> 00:29:38,157
♪ Money, money ♪
590
00:29:38,159 --> 00:29:40,859
- ♪ I just can't get enough ♪
- Come on.
591
00:29:40,861 --> 00:29:43,829
Man, Hutch, why do we have to
wear backpacks full of sand?
592
00:29:43,831 --> 00:29:45,296
Where are we, Guantanamo?
593
00:29:45,298 --> 00:29:47,332
Seriously, Hutch,
this is so lame.
594
00:29:47,334 --> 00:29:49,534
This sucks, Hutch.
595
00:29:49,536 --> 00:29:55,073
Running through the woods is for
serial killers and runaway slaves.
596
00:29:55,075 --> 00:29:56,941
- Hey!
- No offense, Jamar.
597
00:29:56,943 --> 00:29:58,377
I'm neither of those,
dick.
598
00:29:58,379 --> 00:30:00,845
Guys! Shut up,
stop complaining.
599
00:30:00,847 --> 00:30:03,181
Sweating before a weigh-in
is a great thing.
600
00:30:03,183 --> 00:30:07,052
Man, I'm either gonna pass out,
shit my pants or both.
601
00:30:07,054 --> 00:30:09,987
Please do both. You do not wanna
be awake for the pants-shitting.
602
00:30:09,989 --> 00:30:14,192
Guys, part of camp is finding
motivation to do things like this...
603
00:30:14,194 --> 00:30:16,328
Holy shit, a rattlesnake!
604
00:30:16,330 --> 00:30:19,297
Oh, my God. It's a rattlesnake!
Everybody, run!
605
00:30:19,299 --> 00:30:21,068
Go, go, go, go!
606
00:30:22,135 --> 00:30:24,303
It's a rattler app.
607
00:30:24,305 --> 00:30:26,371
Yeah, motivation. You know?
608
00:30:26,373 --> 00:30:28,340
See, I knew you weren't
that bad of a guy.
609
00:30:28,342 --> 00:30:32,143
Ooh, "Rattler." That sounds like a
hook-up app for kindergartners.
610
00:30:32,145 --> 00:30:34,612
Damn! I just made my first million, baby.
611
00:30:34,614 --> 00:30:37,484
Jamar, let's get you up here.
Week one.
612
00:30:40,421 --> 00:30:42,053
All right,
how we doing this week?
613
00:30:42,055 --> 00:30:43,621
Uh...
614
00:30:43,623 --> 00:30:45,357
- Four pounds. That's how we're doing this week.
- Yeah!
615
00:30:45,359 --> 00:30:46,925
Ooh!
616
00:30:46,927 --> 00:30:48,459
When I get that five Gs,
617
00:30:48,461 --> 00:30:51,229
I'm gonna get the most baller
of baller-ass apartments, dawg.
618
00:30:51,231 --> 00:30:54,166
Gonna be like, "Yo, does Bill Gates
live there?" "Nah, that's Hutch Daley."
619
00:30:54,168 --> 00:30:56,168
- "I shoulda known"...
- Can I ask you something?
620
00:30:56,170 --> 00:30:59,237
Eight inches, man, strong.
# blessed, you know?
621
00:30:59,239 --> 00:31:02,975
You said that I needed to "step
on my game" to get with girls.
622
00:31:02,977 --> 00:31:06,143
- But how do I do that to get with Candace?
- Step up your game, man.
623
00:31:06,145 --> 00:31:07,946
Get your slang game together,
all right?
624
00:31:07,948 --> 00:31:10,349
Also, look, man,
you need to lose some weight.
625
00:31:10,351 --> 00:31:13,084
Don't no girl want to be holding up your
stomach while she's sucking your dick.
626
00:31:13,086 --> 00:31:15,219
That's too much work,
you know what I mean?
627
00:31:15,221 --> 00:31:17,355
Yo, how much weight we lose?
Five percent?
628
00:31:17,357 --> 00:31:19,291
Seven percent?
629
00:31:19,293 --> 00:31:21,426
Holy shit, double digits?
630
00:31:21,428 --> 00:31:23,562
- ♪ I'm a bad motherfucker I'm a bad motherfucker ♪
- Really?
631
00:31:23,564 --> 00:31:26,534
Hutch, you moron, you realize your
kids gained a total of six percent?
632
00:31:28,369 --> 00:31:29,304
What?
633
00:31:32,405 --> 00:31:34,672
What the fuck is wrong
with you dickwads?
634
00:31:34,674 --> 00:31:36,975
- You should be embarrassed of yourselves.
- Hey, no, no.
635
00:31:36,977 --> 00:31:38,476
Hey, don't do that.
636
00:31:38,478 --> 00:31:41,213
Their weight loss is your job.
You failed, not them.
637
00:31:41,215 --> 00:31:43,448
All right?
I knew I couldn't count on you.
638
00:31:43,450 --> 00:31:45,516
It's like
you're incapable of success.
639
00:31:45,518 --> 00:31:47,686
I didn't even
want to be here, Big Mike.
640
00:31:47,688 --> 00:31:49,921
Then I'll tell you what.
Don't be here, all right?
641
00:31:49,923 --> 00:31:51,992
Enjoy all your other options
in life.
642
00:31:55,395 --> 00:31:57,428
You know, I'm never
gonna get that bonus,
643
00:31:57,430 --> 00:31:59,197
because you keep
gaining weight!
644
00:31:59,199 --> 00:32:01,533
You should be embarrassed
of yourselves.
645
00:32:01,535 --> 00:32:02,967
Go back to the cabin.
646
00:32:02,969 --> 00:32:05,003
No, matter of fact,
run back to the cabin.
647
00:32:05,005 --> 00:32:07,305
Run your fat asses on.
Run, now!
648
00:32:07,307 --> 00:32:09,006
Go!
649
00:32:09,008 --> 00:32:10,612
Everybody, inside, please.
650
00:32:12,478 --> 00:32:15,013
Who the hell
do you think you are?
651
00:32:15,015 --> 00:32:17,515
You know what it's like to not
have control over your weight.
652
00:32:17,517 --> 00:32:20,384
Yeah, I know. 'Cause I haven't had a
sugar or nonalcoholic carb in years.
653
00:32:20,386 --> 00:32:22,387
Good for you!
Good for you.
654
00:32:22,389 --> 00:32:25,056
But these kids
aren't there yet.
655
00:32:25,058 --> 00:32:28,259
And they don't come here to get berated
by some self-hating loathing asshole
656
00:32:28,261 --> 00:32:30,262
who's supposed to be
their support system.
657
00:32:30,264 --> 00:32:33,401
I'm their trainer,
not their fucking cuddle buddy.
658
00:32:36,370 --> 00:32:39,737
I showed them my workouts, and I went through
the diets, and they still gained weight.
659
00:32:39,739 --> 00:32:42,341
I suck at this. I can't
even win at fat camp.
660
00:32:42,343 --> 00:32:46,477
- Fitness camp.
- What-the-fuck-ever! Who cares?
661
00:32:46,479 --> 00:32:48,679
- Hutch.
- What?
662
00:32:48,681 --> 00:32:50,218
Do a sweep.
663
00:33:10,203 --> 00:33:11,371
Move!
664
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,006
This violates
their civil rights.
665
00:33:15,008 --> 00:33:17,376
Back of the bus, Rosa.
666
00:33:17,378 --> 00:33:20,114
I got a bonus to earn. Yo, I
want some confessions right now.
667
00:33:22,716 --> 00:33:25,249
Speak!
668
00:33:25,251 --> 00:33:28,053
I tea-bagged Marshall,
and I posted it on Instagram.
669
00:33:28,055 --> 00:33:29,621
- What?
- ¿Qué te pasa, dude?
670
00:33:29,623 --> 00:33:32,224
- Shut up!
- Check your face, man.
671
00:33:32,226 --> 00:33:34,325
- Speak!
- I...
672
00:33:34,327 --> 00:33:37,094
I stole a pair of panties
off the girls' clothesline,
673
00:33:37,096 --> 00:33:39,197
and I've kind of
been "using" them.
674
00:33:39,199 --> 00:33:42,034
What the fuck is wrong
with y'all?
675
00:33:42,036 --> 00:33:46,604
Yo, I appreciate-slash-am very
grossed out by your honesty.
676
00:33:46,606 --> 00:33:48,540
But that's not what
I'm talking about, man.
677
00:33:48,542 --> 00:33:50,578
How'd y'all gain weight?
678
00:33:51,344 --> 00:33:52,677
Andy.
679
00:33:52,679 --> 00:33:54,178
Oh, yeah, you look guilty.
680
00:33:54,180 --> 00:33:56,614
Yeah, you hate authority, huh?
681
00:33:56,616 --> 00:33:59,686
Smuggling food would be a great
"fuck you" to the Man, wouldn't it?
682
00:34:01,521 --> 00:34:03,487
Y'all made me look
like a fool out there, man.
683
00:34:03,489 --> 00:34:05,323
Hutch? Ease up?
684
00:34:05,325 --> 00:34:07,161
Hell no,
I don't ever ease up.
685
00:34:09,062 --> 00:34:11,228
You fucking with my money, boy?
686
00:34:11,230 --> 00:34:14,833
You know what they do to niggas on the
street when they fuck with my money?
687
00:34:14,835 --> 00:34:17,301
Fine, I did it!
I brought a butt-load of snacks!
688
00:34:17,303 --> 00:34:19,170
- Little bitch.
- All kinds of shit, man.
689
00:34:19,172 --> 00:34:20,471
Funyuns, Ding Dongs...
690
00:34:20,473 --> 00:34:22,473
Yeah, but we ate it all.
So leave us alone, Hutch.
691
00:34:22,475 --> 00:34:24,208
- That's not true!
- Show me.
692
00:34:24,210 --> 00:34:27,112
Andy! Man the fuck up, bro!
693
00:34:27,114 --> 00:34:29,815
Come on. You can't let Hutch win!
He's an asshole!
694
00:34:29,817 --> 00:34:32,484
Come on!
Andy, don't!
695
00:34:32,486 --> 00:34:34,553
- Really?
- Yo, what the hell?
696
00:34:34,555 --> 00:34:36,855
Why didn't y'all tell me?
Andy, we're here to get fit!
697
00:34:36,857 --> 00:34:39,324
Jamar, you're in good shape.
You're not one of us!
698
00:34:39,326 --> 00:34:41,759
You yell at us one more time
to "fight through the pain,"
699
00:34:41,761 --> 00:34:44,261
- I'm gonna give you some fucking pain to fight through!
- I'll beat your ass!
700
00:34:44,263 --> 00:34:46,163
- Yo, stop that shit, man!
- Okay!
701
00:34:46,165 --> 00:34:48,199
What are you doing
with all this shit?
702
00:34:48,201 --> 00:34:51,136
This shit makes us
feel a lot better than you do.
703
00:34:51,138 --> 00:34:52,739
Yeah.
704
00:34:55,709 --> 00:34:58,342
You know what? Fuck it. I'm not
even gonna confiscate this.
705
00:34:58,344 --> 00:35:02,313
If y'all wanna grow up and be nobodies and
suck the rest of your lives, then fine.
706
00:35:02,315 --> 00:35:04,181
Take some more of this shit.
Take some more.
707
00:35:04,183 --> 00:35:05,283
I'm fucking done.
708
00:35:05,285 --> 00:35:06,650
Fuck!
709
00:35:06,652 --> 00:35:08,319
Hutch!
710
00:35:08,321 --> 00:35:10,455
Goddamn it, Andy.
You suck!
711
00:35:10,457 --> 00:35:11,491
Yo, what the fuck, man?
712
00:35:25,772 --> 00:35:27,505
What the hell are you doing?
713
00:35:27,507 --> 00:35:30,708
I'm trying to leave, but some
rich asshole is blocking me in!
714
00:35:31,879 --> 00:35:33,114
Figures.
715
00:35:34,181 --> 00:35:35,650
What's with the trash bags?
716
00:35:39,785 --> 00:35:42,920
You had a shit weigh-in,
Big Mike hurt your feelings.
717
00:35:42,922 --> 00:35:45,390
So now you're taking your
little ball and going home.
718
00:35:45,392 --> 00:35:47,158
Great, you're gonna
pile on too, huh?
719
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,794
Yeah, I suck
as a counselor, okay?
720
00:35:49,796 --> 00:35:51,495
I don't give a shit,
all right?
721
00:35:51,497 --> 00:35:54,498
I got a psych degree, man.
I can get any job I want.
722
00:35:54,500 --> 00:35:57,902
Ooh, psych degree.
How's that working out, huh?
723
00:35:57,904 --> 00:35:59,504
Suck my dick.
724
00:35:59,506 --> 00:36:00,739
I'm kidding.
725
00:36:02,509 --> 00:36:04,676
Look, I'm sorry.
I was a psych major too.
726
00:36:04,678 --> 00:36:07,379
That's why I got the first
shitty job I could find.
727
00:36:07,381 --> 00:36:09,580
- Yeah? I thought you loved it here.
- This isn't my job.
728
00:36:09,582 --> 00:36:12,283
I sell franchise rights
to Kwik-E-Marts
729
00:36:12,285 --> 00:36:15,353
and help people make a profit by
bringing crap food to the hood.
730
00:36:15,355 --> 00:36:18,757
Oh, cool. So is this what you
do to ease your conscience?
731
00:36:18,759 --> 00:36:20,824
- Oh, you do have a psych degree.
- Yeah.
732
00:36:20,826 --> 00:36:25,496
No, I bundle up my vacation and sick
days to come and help these kids.
733
00:36:25,498 --> 00:36:29,201
It's the only part of the year
that I can actually tolerate.
734
00:36:29,203 --> 00:36:31,603
Yeah, well,
fuck these kids, okay?
735
00:36:31,605 --> 00:36:34,739
All they do is self-indulge, and they're too
lazy and ignorant to better themselves.
736
00:36:34,741 --> 00:36:36,473
Then why are you here?
Honestly.
737
00:36:36,475 --> 00:36:39,344
Same as you. 'Cause I'm running
away from my dope-ass job.
738
00:36:39,346 --> 00:36:40,545
- Oh.
- Yeah.
739
00:36:42,281 --> 00:36:44,583
You do know the meaning
of "honest," don't you?
740
00:36:44,585 --> 00:36:46,750
I'm a fitness beast.
Big Mike wants me to come in...
741
00:36:46,752 --> 00:36:49,254
You know what? I'm actually
gonna google "honest" for you.
742
00:36:49,256 --> 00:36:51,323
Oh, my God,
you want honesty?
743
00:36:51,325 --> 00:36:52,489
Yes, I want honesty.
744
00:36:52,491 --> 00:36:53,824
I live with my mom.
745
00:36:53,826 --> 00:36:56,261
And not even anymore,
because she kicked me out
746
00:36:56,263 --> 00:36:58,462
because I haven't had a job
since I graduated college.
747
00:36:58,464 --> 00:37:00,931
So now I live nowhere.
748
00:37:00,933 --> 00:37:04,636
I live nowhere.
My life is in trash bags!
749
00:37:04,638 --> 00:37:06,437
All I do is work out.
750
00:37:06,439 --> 00:37:09,908
It's the only thing I'm good
at, and I can't even teach it.
751
00:37:09,910 --> 00:37:11,478
Is that honest enough for you?
752
00:37:15,582 --> 00:37:19,783
God, you are slightly harder to
dislike when you're being real.
753
00:37:19,785 --> 00:37:24,556
Right, yeah, 'cause being unemployed
and living with your mama,
754
00:37:24,558 --> 00:37:26,861
that's, oh, that's
a panty-soaker right there.
755
00:37:28,562 --> 00:37:31,265
No, it'll actually get you
further than you think.
756
00:37:36,703 --> 00:37:39,404
You wouldn't have failed if you
would have just tried harder.
757
00:37:39,406 --> 00:37:40,538
I did try.
758
00:37:40,540 --> 00:37:43,007
Barking orders and insults
isn't trying.
759
00:37:43,009 --> 00:37:45,645
You need to figure out
what your campers need.
760
00:37:48,381 --> 00:37:50,951
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
761
00:37:52,886 --> 00:37:54,388
I usually am.
762
00:37:57,024 --> 00:37:58,556
Good riddance.
763
00:37:58,558 --> 00:38:01,393
Shut up. Hutch is the shit.
764
00:38:01,395 --> 00:38:02,826
No, he's not, Kyle.
765
00:38:02,828 --> 00:38:04,529
Hutch is every bully
we've ever met.
766
00:38:04,531 --> 00:38:05,929
Who cares if he's gone?
767
00:38:05,931 --> 00:38:08,299
He didn't give a shit about us.
768
00:38:08,301 --> 00:38:10,669
- I don't know, maybe you're right.
- We are right, Kyle.
769
00:38:10,671 --> 00:38:12,707
He has no idea
how hard this is.
770
00:38:15,475 --> 00:38:17,442
All right,
listen up, chub nuts.
771
00:38:17,444 --> 00:38:18,777
Oh, my fucking Christ.
772
00:38:18,779 --> 00:38:21,712
I am not bailing.
Everybody, grab a pen and paper.
773
00:38:21,714 --> 00:38:24,348
- We're gonna do something different tonight.
- You got us beers?
774
00:38:24,350 --> 00:38:25,917
Yeah, get a hair
on your balls first.
775
00:38:25,919 --> 00:38:27,752
- Oh, I got a hair on my balls.
- Yeah? Well, get two.
776
00:38:27,754 --> 00:38:29,824
All right, circle up.
Let's do this.
777
00:38:33,093 --> 00:38:34,694
- Hutch, uh...
- Nah, I got this.
778
00:38:36,529 --> 00:38:38,897
All right, man, I want
everybody to write down
779
00:38:38,899 --> 00:38:40,931
the times
they overeat the most, okay?
780
00:38:40,933 --> 00:38:44,469
Be honest with me,
but don't put your name on it.
781
00:38:44,471 --> 00:38:47,675
Oh, and don't write any dumb shit
like "dinner," or "Thanksgiving."
782
00:38:49,375 --> 00:38:51,576
This isn't
a sanctioned activity.
783
00:38:51,578 --> 00:38:53,745
I'm a bad motherfucker,
Charlie.
784
00:38:53,747 --> 00:38:55,616
My life is unsanctioned.
785
00:39:02,022 --> 00:39:03,991
There you go. All right.
786
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:08,728
"When I like a girl
that doesn't like me back."
787
00:39:09,696 --> 00:39:11,495
Yeah, I feel that.
788
00:39:11,497 --> 00:39:13,565
That's real.
789
00:39:13,567 --> 00:39:15,400
"When I get picked last
for gym class."
790
00:39:15,402 --> 00:39:17,402
That's a good one, yeah.
791
00:39:17,404 --> 00:39:19,440
"When I'm not accepted
for being a..."
792
00:39:24,844 --> 00:39:26,444
"When I'm done beating off."
793
00:39:26,446 --> 00:39:28,746
All right now, this never
goes away, all right?
794
00:39:28,748 --> 00:39:31,915
Bust a nut, fill your gut. That's
how it works. It's science.
795
00:39:31,917 --> 00:39:33,851
Can't argue with that.
796
00:39:33,853 --> 00:39:35,819
Who heard something that applies
to them they didn't write?
797
00:39:35,821 --> 00:39:37,557
Raise your hand.
798
00:39:38,892 --> 00:39:40,525
You see?
799
00:39:40,527 --> 00:39:42,159
We all have problems.
800
00:39:42,161 --> 00:39:44,462
We have to figure out
what the problem is and fix it.
801
00:39:44,464 --> 00:39:46,830
If you can't fix it...
like the jacking off thing...
802
00:39:46,832 --> 00:39:49,000
you just learn to deal
with it and forgive yourself.
803
00:39:49,002 --> 00:39:51,502
But you can't eat your way
out of your problems.
804
00:39:51,504 --> 00:39:53,638
You just end up being a fatter
person with the same problem.
805
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,406
You guys hear me?
806
00:39:55,408 --> 00:39:57,644
But, Hutch,
what problems do you have?
807
00:40:02,649 --> 00:40:06,884
Shit, man, with a physique like
this, you ain't got problems.
808
00:40:06,886 --> 00:40:09,554
# bodgoals.
Y'all figure it out.
809
00:40:09,556 --> 00:40:12,089
All right, so, uh,
we gonna get this started, okay?
810
00:40:12,091 --> 00:40:14,958
- Me and Charlie gonna get with y'all one-on-one.
- No homo.
811
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,027
Ah, you fuckers got me.
All right.
812
00:40:17,029 --> 00:40:18,598
Jamar, you first. Come on.
813
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:22,766
So, um,
814
00:40:22,768 --> 00:40:26,471
one of the cards said, "When I'm
not accepted for being gay."
815
00:40:26,473 --> 00:40:28,973
And I wanted the person
who wrote that to know
816
00:40:28,975 --> 00:40:32,544
they can talk to me
about it at any time
817
00:40:32,546 --> 00:40:34,946
and that it's okay
to be a 'mo.
818
00:40:34,948 --> 00:40:38,750
I get it. All of us have secrets
that we don't want to tell people
819
00:40:38,752 --> 00:40:40,984
'cause they might think
we're gross or whatever.
820
00:40:40,986 --> 00:40:43,187
I'm not gross. I'm gay.
821
00:40:43,189 --> 00:40:44,721
Oh.
822
00:40:44,723 --> 00:40:46,190
Then why not just come out?
823
00:40:46,192 --> 00:40:48,859
I am out, Hutch.
824
00:40:48,861 --> 00:40:52,730
At home, at school,
everywhere.
825
00:40:52,732 --> 00:40:56,100
But as soon as I came here, heard
you say that "no homo" stuff
826
00:40:56,102 --> 00:41:00,071
and all that gay stuff,
I didn't feel safe.
827
00:41:00,073 --> 00:41:02,707
Andy, listen, man.
828
00:41:02,709 --> 00:41:06,877
Look, 99.9 percent of the stuff
that comes out of my mouth
829
00:41:06,879 --> 00:41:08,980
is bullshit.
830
00:41:08,982 --> 00:41:12,083
People's differences, man, that's
what makes them interesting.
831
00:41:12,085 --> 00:41:13,853
And it makes for
great joke material too.
832
00:41:15,254 --> 00:41:17,154
So you don't hate
gay people?
833
00:41:17,156 --> 00:41:20,058
Hell no, man. I kick it with
a lesbian all the time.
834
00:41:20,060 --> 00:41:24,062
She's like my best friend. I mean, she's
an antisocial, condescending bitch,
835
00:41:24,064 --> 00:41:27,500
but I don't give a damn
if she has beaver breath, man.
836
00:41:29,069 --> 00:41:32,837
Look, people are equal.
Gay, straight, black, white...
837
00:41:32,839 --> 00:41:34,138
Thin, fat?
838
00:41:34,140 --> 00:41:37,741
Just be yourself, man,
and I got your back.
839
00:41:37,743 --> 00:41:39,911
All right?
I'll be right behind you.
840
00:41:39,913 --> 00:41:41,048
No homo.
841
00:41:42,681 --> 00:41:43,783
All right, man.
842
00:41:50,223 --> 00:41:51,623
Like that.
843
00:41:51,625 --> 00:41:54,558
Yeah, we talked for hours, man.
It was dope.
844
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:57,594
Like, we really connected,
you know?
845
00:41:57,596 --> 00:41:59,663
My boys are easy to connect with.
They're little pimps.
846
00:41:59,665 --> 00:42:01,833
One of them was macking
this Vision chick, Rebecca.
847
00:42:01,835 --> 00:42:03,868
We call her
"Regretta Rebecca."
848
00:42:03,870 --> 00:42:05,069
Huh?
849
00:42:05,071 --> 00:42:06,603
So he doesn't really
like her then?
850
00:42:06,605 --> 00:42:09,274
Dude, she's fat.
851
00:42:09,276 --> 00:42:12,109
Take it easy on the booze. It's really
fucking your brain chemistry up.
852
00:42:12,111 --> 00:42:14,080
Right, yeah.
I'm gonna go pee, man.
853
00:42:15,915 --> 00:42:17,517
Beer, babe. Let's go.
854
00:42:22,288 --> 00:42:25,056
Hutch, there you are.
855
00:42:25,058 --> 00:42:27,190
Yo, back up, dude.
856
00:42:27,192 --> 00:42:29,092
I got my damn
tool out, man.
857
00:42:29,094 --> 00:42:32,230
We've been living together this summer.
I've seen your privates.
858
00:42:32,232 --> 00:42:34,031
Pretty impressive, by the way.
859
00:42:34,033 --> 00:42:36,868
Do you think you're making this less
awkward? What's wrong with you?
860
00:42:36,870 --> 00:42:38,835
I'm making my move
on Candace.
861
00:42:38,837 --> 00:42:41,339
How's this shirt?
How's my hair?
862
00:42:41,341 --> 00:42:44,308
- How's this for an opening line?
- Dude, maintain. Damn!
863
00:42:44,310 --> 00:42:47,078
You are insecure, brother.
You need confidence.
864
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,147
Come here.
Look in this mirror, man.
865
00:42:49,149 --> 00:42:51,149
You know what I see
in this mirror, huh?
866
00:42:51,151 --> 00:42:54,118
A smooth, charming,
sexy motherfucker
867
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:56,219
who's smarter than most people.
868
00:42:56,221 --> 00:42:58,790
Just needs a little break
in life, you know?
869
00:42:58,792 --> 00:43:01,225
Thanks, Hutch. I didn't
know you felt that way.
870
00:43:01,227 --> 00:43:03,127
Nigga, I'm talking about me.
871
00:43:03,129 --> 00:43:06,263
You are a chubby virgin who can't nut
up enough to talk to a fat chick.
872
00:43:06,265 --> 00:43:09,199
- That is you.
- Are you trying to improve my confidence?
873
00:43:09,201 --> 00:43:15,073
Look, what I'm saying is you need to look
like you, and feel like me, you know?
874
00:43:15,075 --> 00:43:16,741
I'm gonna
help you out.
875
00:43:16,743 --> 00:43:18,208
I'm gonna go over there
with you,
876
00:43:18,210 --> 00:43:19,978
talk you up to Candace
so you're not nervous.
877
00:43:19,980 --> 00:43:22,850
- You mean like a wingman?
- Yeah, if this was 2005.
878
00:43:23,984 --> 00:43:25,650
What's wrong with you,
Charlie?
879
00:43:25,652 --> 00:43:27,855
Like a friend, man.
Like a friend.
880
00:43:32,959 --> 00:43:35,158
Hey, now remember, man,
okay?
881
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:36,861
Confidence. All right?
882
00:43:36,863 --> 00:43:38,732
She's lucky you're hitting on her.
Let's go.
883
00:43:40,866 --> 00:43:42,100
- Hey, Candace!
- Oooh.
884
00:43:42,102 --> 00:43:44,138
Inside voices, please.
885
00:43:45,372 --> 00:43:47,938
What's up, Hutch?
Nice shirt.
886
00:43:47,940 --> 00:43:50,875
Looks like we got front row
seats to the gun show.
887
00:43:50,877 --> 00:43:53,243
My man Charlie
picked it out for me, man.
888
00:43:53,245 --> 00:43:55,078
He has dope style.
889
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:58,181
Yeah, um,
but you look nice too, Candace.
890
00:43:58,183 --> 00:44:01,051
- Oh.
- But not like matronly nice.
891
00:44:01,053 --> 00:44:04,054
Hot. But understated.
892
00:44:04,056 --> 00:44:05,823
Like girlfriend material.
893
00:44:05,825 --> 00:44:08,426
- Have you been drinking, Charlie?
- No, I can't.
894
00:44:08,428 --> 00:44:11,297
But I would love
to buy you one. Barkeep!
895
00:44:12,399 --> 00:44:14,364
Hello?
Barkeep?
896
00:44:14,366 --> 00:44:17,268
I'm, uh... I'm gonna go.
897
00:44:17,270 --> 00:44:19,073
- Barkeep.
- Away.
898
00:44:19,973 --> 00:44:21,272
Over there.
899
00:44:21,274 --> 00:44:23,241
Barkeep,
beer for milady, please.
900
00:44:23,243 --> 00:44:24,745
Bar-Bar-Barkeep!
901
00:44:26,413 --> 00:44:27,978
Abby again?
902
00:44:27,980 --> 00:44:29,781
No, man.
903
00:44:29,783 --> 00:44:31,415
My guy's spitting game
for the first time.
904
00:44:31,417 --> 00:44:32,917
Good luck.
905
00:44:32,919 --> 00:44:34,321
That kid's
coochie repellent.
906
00:44:37,122 --> 00:44:39,692
Don't worry, it's okay. I'll just...
I'll just get it myself.
907
00:44:41,326 --> 00:44:42,826
- Charlie... What... Jesus.
- Aaah.
908
00:44:44,464 --> 00:44:47,031
Charlie, this isn't like
some self-service kind of bar.
909
00:44:47,033 --> 00:44:48,935
What the fuck?
Jesus... Charlie!
910
00:44:50,203 --> 00:44:52,103
Sorry.
Uh, little clumsy.
911
00:44:52,105 --> 00:44:53,937
But this, uh...
this drink will help.
912
00:44:55,408 --> 00:44:56,944
He's doing it.
913
00:44:58,143 --> 00:44:59,944
Oh!
914
00:44:59,946 --> 00:45:01,879
I'm so sorry!
915
00:45:01,881 --> 00:45:04,147
- Smooth.
- Are you fucking kidding me?
916
00:45:04,149 --> 00:45:06,119
Is this a good time
to ask you out or a bad time?
917
00:45:07,453 --> 00:45:09,689
Oh!
918
00:45:14,794 --> 00:45:16,861
Man down.
919
00:45:16,863 --> 00:45:20,297
Hell of a show, Vision. I only
regret I got no bacon to throw.
920
00:45:20,299 --> 00:45:23,134
Yo, chill the fuck out, dude.
My man just busted his dome.
921
00:45:23,136 --> 00:45:26,737
- No, I'm okay.
- Don't tell me you actually like those losers.
922
00:45:26,739 --> 00:45:29,473
They can't all be losers.
That's statistically impossible.
923
00:45:29,475 --> 00:45:33,377
They're about to eat themselves to death.
What part of that is winning behavior?
924
00:45:33,379 --> 00:45:36,781
You get shit-faced and vape and
talk shit about people all day.
925
00:45:36,783 --> 00:45:38,348
What part of that
is winning behavior?
926
00:45:38,350 --> 00:45:40,118
All of it.
927
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:42,219
And you're kinda being
a fucking dick hole right now.
928
00:45:42,221 --> 00:45:44,422
So whatever's up your ass,
you need to dislodge it.
929
00:45:44,424 --> 00:45:46,089
Maybe you're up my ass.
930
00:45:46,091 --> 00:45:48,326
- No homo.
- No homo. No.
931
00:45:48,328 --> 00:45:50,428
You know, I'm gonna
stop saying that shit.
932
00:45:50,430 --> 00:45:53,096
'Cause I sound like a snobby
judgmental bitch like you.
933
00:45:53,098 --> 00:45:55,333
And you're a dirt-poor chub
lover with a bloody nose.
934
00:45:55,335 --> 00:45:58,236
Bloody nose?
935
00:45:58,238 --> 00:46:00,373
- Go back to your fat camp.
- Fitness camp, motherfucker.
936
00:46:06,212 --> 00:46:08,411
- Oh, God!
- What the hell you doin', man?
937
00:46:08,413 --> 00:46:10,013
I hate violence,
938
00:46:10,015 --> 00:46:12,783
and the pain in my testicles
is really reminding me why.
939
00:46:12,785 --> 00:46:14,786
You chose
the wrong team, bitch.
940
00:46:14,788 --> 00:46:18,288
I mean, look at your boy. He couldn't
even nut up to kick it to a fat chick.
941
00:46:18,290 --> 00:46:19,824
Yeah, he doesn't
have experience,
942
00:46:19,826 --> 00:46:21,792
but he's a better man
than you'll ever be,
943
00:46:21,794 --> 00:46:24,161
- and he can get any girl he wants.
- Unlike you.
944
00:46:24,163 --> 00:46:27,297
You had to keep rubbing one out
to Abby all summer long.
945
00:46:27,299 --> 00:46:28,900
Beware of chaffing.
946
00:46:28,902 --> 00:46:30,902
I'd say the same thing
about you, Douglas,
947
00:46:30,904 --> 00:46:32,804
but even your own hand
must hate fucking you.
948
00:46:32,806 --> 00:46:35,071
Me, Charlie
and anybody in my cabin
949
00:46:35,073 --> 00:46:38,241
can beat any of you little
bitches in anything.
950
00:46:38,243 --> 00:46:42,346
Oh, we'll see at the dance when my
boys are swimming in a sea of snatch.
951
00:46:42,348 --> 00:46:45,949
As a matter of fact,
we'll outclass, outdance
952
00:46:45,951 --> 00:46:47,984
- and bag more chicks at that dance than you.
- Wait...
953
00:46:47,986 --> 00:46:49,554
Oh.
954
00:46:49,556 --> 00:46:50,855
- What?
- What the...
955
00:46:53,359 --> 00:46:55,359
- Oh, it's a bet.
- Yeah, it is.
956
00:46:55,361 --> 00:46:57,562
Oh. We'll reinforce
the floors for you.
957
00:46:57,564 --> 00:47:00,263
Yeah, I don't know
what the fuck that means.
958
00:47:00,265 --> 00:47:02,500
- Later, losers.
- I'm sorry.
959
00:47:02,502 --> 00:47:05,538
You guys are betting on whose campers
are gonna hook up with more girls?
960
00:47:07,105 --> 00:47:09,373
Am I the only one that
has a problem with this?
961
00:47:09,375 --> 00:47:11,509
Man, you guys should've seen it!
962
00:47:11,511 --> 00:47:14,545
Those Lone Piners were making fun of
us, but Hutch steps up and he's all,
963
00:47:14,547 --> 00:47:17,214
"Well, my boys can do better
than your boys."
964
00:47:17,216 --> 00:47:21,319
And then the other guy's like, "Well, my
guys can get more girls than your guys can."
965
00:47:21,321 --> 00:47:24,355
And then Hutch is like, "No, my guys
can get more chicks than yours can."
966
00:47:24,357 --> 00:47:26,857
And it's all going down
at the dance.
967
00:47:26,859 --> 00:47:28,993
- It was probably the greatest night of my life.
- Hutch!
968
00:47:28,995 --> 00:47:32,062
- Why would you do that?
- What? I stood up for you turds.
969
00:47:32,064 --> 00:47:34,632
By saying we'd get the most
girls at a dance? Seriously?
970
00:47:34,634 --> 00:47:37,000
Yes! Come on, guys.
We can do this.
971
00:47:37,002 --> 00:47:39,203
Look, we all got sexy
in us, man.
972
00:47:39,205 --> 00:47:42,172
You just gotta unleash it. I can turn
y'all into chick magnets in no time.
973
00:47:42,174 --> 00:47:44,908
Matter of fact,
I got a three-tier program.
974
00:47:44,910 --> 00:47:47,310
One, teach y'all my swagger.
975
00:47:47,312 --> 00:47:49,946
Two, teach y'all
some dope-ass pickup lines.
976
00:47:49,948 --> 00:47:51,949
You'll be able
to pick up anybody.
977
00:47:51,951 --> 00:47:55,152
Three, spend three weeks teaching
y'all some sick dance moves.
978
00:47:55,154 --> 00:47:58,188
Man, panties will be flying
all over the place.
979
00:47:58,190 --> 00:48:00,591
Y'all be hitting that
motherfucker just like damn...
980
00:48:00,593 --> 00:48:03,560
That is literally the worst idea
I've ever heard in my 14 years.
981
00:48:03,562 --> 00:48:06,397
Wait, guys.
This idea could be dope.
982
00:48:06,399 --> 00:48:07,899
See?
983
00:48:07,901 --> 00:48:10,400
Marshall likes it,
and he hates me!
984
00:48:10,402 --> 00:48:11,601
Mmm!
985
00:48:11,603 --> 00:48:14,170
Guys, come on.
This is a good idea.
986
00:48:14,172 --> 00:48:17,574
You know, to show that we big
guys can shake our asses too.
987
00:48:17,576 --> 00:48:19,442
No homo.
988
00:48:19,444 --> 00:48:22,312
Yo, all right. We gonna cut the
"no homo" shit out, all right?
989
00:48:22,314 --> 00:48:23,980
What? Why?
990
00:48:23,982 --> 00:48:26,317
Because I'm a "yes homo."
991
00:48:26,319 --> 00:48:29,020
What the fuck?
992
00:48:29,022 --> 00:48:31,422
I'm gay. So what?
I like dudes.
993
00:48:31,424 --> 00:48:34,458
- I'm a homosexual.
- I knew that as soon as you walked in.
994
00:48:34,460 --> 00:48:36,560
That explains
the way you run, you know?
995
00:48:36,562 --> 00:48:40,063
And since that's the case, you gonna
have to work extra hard, man.
996
00:48:40,065 --> 00:48:42,299
Because you thought it was hard
getting chicks when you're fat?
997
00:48:42,301 --> 00:48:44,502
Shit, you'll be invisible
to gay dudes.
998
00:48:44,504 --> 00:48:47,538
- Step it up.
- You guys are cool with this?
999
00:48:47,540 --> 00:48:52,243
We have been sleeping and showering
with this kid for weeks.
1000
00:48:52,245 --> 00:48:54,411
Kyle, don't be an asshole.
1001
00:48:54,413 --> 00:48:58,015
Yeah, homosexuals have
contributed greatly to society.
1002
00:48:58,017 --> 00:49:00,484
Like, the first computer
or fashion week.
1003
00:49:00,486 --> 00:49:02,719
I ain't living
with a gay dude.
1004
00:49:02,721 --> 00:49:05,355
I mean, if you want, I can
help your hating ass pack up.
1005
00:49:05,357 --> 00:49:07,558
Look, Andy likes dudes.
1006
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:10,127
So more pussy for you.
Think about it.
1007
00:49:10,129 --> 00:49:13,096
And if I hear you
giving him any more shit,
1008
00:49:13,098 --> 00:49:15,299
me and you are gonna have
a problem, you hear me?
1009
00:49:15,301 --> 00:49:19,703
Ooh.
1010
00:49:19,705 --> 00:49:24,174
All right. Now, who's down
with this dance plan, huh?
1011
00:49:24,176 --> 00:49:25,111
Your boy.
1012
00:49:27,212 --> 00:49:30,080
Fuck my life. Man, I took a
punch for y'all little...
1013
00:49:30,082 --> 00:49:31,384
Come on, guys. Really?
1014
00:49:33,085 --> 00:49:34,154
Don't hit me, man.
1015
00:49:35,421 --> 00:49:37,288
Attention campers and staff.
1016
00:49:37,290 --> 00:49:39,422
Week 3 is officially over.
1017
00:49:39,424 --> 00:49:42,326
You're halfway there.
Don't quit now.
1018
00:49:42,328 --> 00:49:44,264
Like my ex-wife did.
1019
00:49:49,368 --> 00:49:52,171
You know, it's pretty ironic we're
doing a kitchen raid at a fat camp.
1020
00:49:54,006 --> 00:49:55,541
- Jackpot.
- Oh, shit?
1021
00:50:01,413 --> 00:50:03,015
So...
1022
00:50:05,051 --> 00:50:06,353
- One for you.
- Thank you.
1023
00:50:07,553 --> 00:50:08,989
The trick is...
1024
00:50:12,290 --> 00:50:15,326
to melt the chocolate
on the marshmallow.
1025
00:50:15,328 --> 00:50:17,163
All right.
Suck it, Rachael Ray.
1026
00:50:19,399 --> 00:50:21,364
They'll get on board
1027
00:50:21,366 --> 00:50:23,433
with your lady-getting
competition,
1028
00:50:23,435 --> 00:50:27,006
which I am turning my feminist
brain off for so I can process.
1029
00:50:28,573 --> 00:50:30,042
Mmm.
1030
00:50:31,343 --> 00:50:33,109
Oh, my God,
so freaking good. Here.
1031
00:50:33,111 --> 00:50:36,080
Fuck no, thank you.
I'm not doing that shit.
1032
00:50:36,082 --> 00:50:39,150
That is too much sugar
and carbs in one...
1033
00:50:39,152 --> 00:50:40,717
It's like six sandwiches.
Just shit I don't eat.
1034
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:42,286
- Come on.
- Airplane all you want.
1035
00:50:42,288 --> 00:50:44,788
Cookies, sugar, not
happening ever, for no one.
1036
00:50:44,790 --> 00:50:48,759
Dude, your body issues put my campers to
shame. Okay, where does it come from?
1037
00:50:48,761 --> 00:50:50,661
And don't make me google
"honest" again.
1038
00:50:50,663 --> 00:50:53,297
Oh, Google, okay...
1039
00:50:53,299 --> 00:50:58,234
Look, I'm about to tell you
something that only Big Mike knows.
1040
00:50:58,236 --> 00:50:59,505
You killed a man?
1041
00:51:00,772 --> 00:51:03,107
- You have diphallia?
- What the fuck is that?
1042
00:51:03,109 --> 00:51:04,275
Two penises.
1043
00:51:05,511 --> 00:51:07,243
But... I-I don't know.
1044
00:51:07,245 --> 00:51:09,080
I can't imagine why you'd
even say that to Big Mike.
1045
00:51:09,082 --> 00:51:11,248
- No, no.
- No? Okay.
1046
00:51:14,219 --> 00:51:16,520
Uh, I used to be fat.
1047
00:51:16,522 --> 00:51:19,457
Like hippo-size.
1048
00:51:19,459 --> 00:51:22,692
I went to camp here, and they
used to call me Jabba the Hutch.
1049
00:51:22,694 --> 00:51:24,562
Why are you laughing at me?
1050
00:51:24,564 --> 00:51:27,067
- It is not that funny.
- Okay, sorry. I'm sorry.
1051
00:51:28,167 --> 00:51:29,469
It's kinda funny.
1052
00:51:31,203 --> 00:51:34,304
My dad took off, and, um,
I started eating my feelings,
1053
00:51:34,306 --> 00:51:37,343
and before I knew it,
I was 5'5," 240.
1054
00:51:39,178 --> 00:51:41,444
Well, for what it's worth,
I liked that guy.
1055
00:51:41,446 --> 00:51:42,645
Hmm?
1056
00:51:42,647 --> 00:51:44,750
He was funny,
charming...
1057
00:51:45,718 --> 00:51:47,417
and a decent rapper.
1058
00:51:47,419 --> 00:51:49,620
How you know I could rhyme?
1059
00:51:49,622 --> 00:51:52,755
♪ Baby girl, You probably
get this All the time ♪
1060
00:51:52,757 --> 00:51:55,792
♪ Cats steppin' to you
Spittin' you a corny line ♪
1061
00:51:55,794 --> 00:51:59,129
♪ So I thought I'd put My
feelings for you In a rhyme ♪
1062
00:51:59,131 --> 00:52:03,134
♪ It's pretty easy for me
‘Cause you're so fine ♪
1063
00:52:03,136 --> 00:52:05,236
I just knew
that song was for me.
1064
00:52:05,238 --> 00:52:08,241
I practiced my surprised face
in the mirror,
1065
00:52:09,575 --> 00:52:11,310
how you'd hug me
when you finished.
1066
00:52:12,879 --> 00:52:15,712
♪ I can make you happy, girl
If you let me ♪
1067
00:52:15,714 --> 00:52:17,547
♪ Make you feel things so good
I know... ♪
1068
00:52:17,549 --> 00:52:19,917
And then I saw you
rapping to Jill Hendricks.
1069
00:52:21,921 --> 00:52:24,690
♪ Be my girl and life for us
Will be sweeter than Pepsi ♪
1070
00:52:26,158 --> 00:52:27,526
♪ And not diet either ♪
1071
00:52:28,794 --> 00:52:30,393
So what do you think?
1072
00:52:33,232 --> 00:52:36,232
I was willing to be Jill's sloppy seconds.
1073
00:52:36,234 --> 00:52:37,536
You still said no.
1074
00:52:40,372 --> 00:52:42,473
That's impossible, man.
1075
00:52:42,475 --> 00:52:44,708
The girl who liked me was, like,
Flabby Fupa or something...
1076
00:52:44,710 --> 00:52:46,609
That was my nickname.
1077
00:52:46,611 --> 00:52:48,547
Abby Krupa, Flabby Fupa.
1078
00:52:50,448 --> 00:52:52,518
Fat upper pussy area?
1079
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:57,487
It was clever, but hurtful.
1080
00:52:57,489 --> 00:53:00,292
Ho-ly shit.
1081
00:53:01,426 --> 00:53:02,926
Why didn't you say anything?
1082
00:53:02,928 --> 00:53:05,529
I almost did.
1083
00:53:05,531 --> 00:53:07,397
But you were being
such a douche
1084
00:53:07,399 --> 00:53:10,466
that I couldn't give you
the satisfaction.
1085
00:53:10,468 --> 00:53:13,437
And then, you know, it was poetic
to watch you drool over me.
1086
00:53:13,439 --> 00:53:15,371
I know. I was a jerk.
I get it.
1087
00:53:15,373 --> 00:53:17,641
So, how'd you lose
the weight?
1088
00:53:17,643 --> 00:53:21,545
I promised myself if I ever saw my
dad again, I would kick his ass.
1089
00:53:21,547 --> 00:53:24,748
So, you know, I got swole
getting ready for the day
1090
00:53:24,750 --> 00:53:28,384
and liked the results so much and was
so proud of myself that I just...
1091
00:53:28,386 --> 00:53:31,422
- Became a colossal douche canoe.
- No, no.
1092
00:53:32,658 --> 00:53:36,460
I just didn't want to be
that kid again.
1093
00:53:44,669 --> 00:53:46,703
Aha, you got sugar
and carbs in your mouth.
1094
00:53:46,705 --> 00:53:48,408
- Yeah? Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
1095
00:54:00,685 --> 00:54:02,987
Almost there, boys.
Couple more seconds.
1096
00:54:02,989 --> 00:54:04,821
- Yes, Charlie.
- All right, guys.
1097
00:54:04,823 --> 00:54:06,957
We got a new workout today.
It's a hip-hop workout.
1098
00:54:06,959 --> 00:54:10,361
Why does that sound really, really,
really, really close to dancing?
1099
00:54:10,363 --> 00:54:12,696
Guys, if we're gonna beat Lone
Pine, we have to stick together.
1100
00:54:12,698 --> 00:54:14,598
- That's the only way this can work.
- We're not doing that.
1101
00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:17,000
- You have to at least try.
- Why? I don't dance.
1102
00:54:17,002 --> 00:54:19,335
- He doesn't even like girls. Get your head checked.
- Mm-hmm.
1103
00:54:19,337 --> 00:54:21,404
We're never outscoring
Camp Supermodels.
1104
00:54:21,406 --> 00:54:23,607
Seriously,
you don't even understand.
1105
00:54:23,609 --> 00:54:25,812
- You've never been fat.
- Mm-hmm.
1106
00:54:27,779 --> 00:54:28,978
Yes, I have.
1107
00:54:28,980 --> 00:54:30,513
- Bitch.
- You're lying.
1108
00:54:30,515 --> 00:54:32,516
Nice try, but you can't
bullshit a bullshitter.
1109
00:54:32,518 --> 00:54:33,687
- No, it's true.
- Prove it.
1110
00:54:39,292 --> 00:54:42,058
Yo, okay.
I got an idea. Come on.
1111
00:54:42,060 --> 00:54:43,896
- What's he doing now?
- I don't know.
1112
00:55:08,921 --> 00:55:10,323
Oh, my golly!
1113
00:55:11,690 --> 00:55:14,591
No shit, Hutch!
That's you?
1114
00:55:14,593 --> 00:55:16,759
Damn!
1115
00:55:16,761 --> 00:55:19,096
- You was fatter than any of us!
- Oh-ho-ho!
1116
00:55:19,098 --> 00:55:20,698
Them titties though!
1117
00:55:20,700 --> 00:55:23,333
Get off of me, man.
1118
00:55:23,335 --> 00:55:25,101
Yeah, okay,
I was a fat ass.
1119
00:55:25,103 --> 00:55:26,969
And now
I'm an asshole.
1120
00:55:26,971 --> 00:55:30,574
Look, I hated myself so much
for being fat, man.
1121
00:55:30,576 --> 00:55:33,377
When I got in shape,
1122
00:55:33,379 --> 00:55:37,614
I still hated Fat Hutch so much I was a
dick to anybody that looked like him.
1123
00:55:37,616 --> 00:55:38,949
Quit lying, Hutch.
1124
00:55:38,951 --> 00:55:42,786
I've seen you be a dick to
everybody, fat and skinny.
1125
00:55:42,788 --> 00:55:45,422
Marshall,
stop fucking up my moment.
1126
00:55:45,424 --> 00:55:46,857
Sorry.
1127
00:55:46,859 --> 00:55:49,960
Look, the point is,
if I can do it, so can y'all.
1128
00:55:49,962 --> 00:55:52,395
And I know you can kill it
at this dance.
1129
00:55:52,397 --> 00:55:55,431
Just don't be assholes,
all right?
1130
00:55:55,433 --> 00:55:58,534
There's a thin line between confidence and
arrogance, and I need to see y'all straddle it.
1131
00:55:58,536 --> 00:56:00,471
No homo.
1132
00:56:00,473 --> 00:56:03,540
Right.
Not doing that anymore.
1133
00:56:03,542 --> 00:56:05,509
My bad.
1134
00:56:05,511 --> 00:56:08,478
All right, men, when you walk into
this dance, you gotta have swagger.
1135
00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:10,380
It's all about your presence,
how you carry yourselves.
1136
00:56:10,382 --> 00:56:12,149
You gotta carry yourself
with confidence.
1137
00:56:12,151 --> 00:56:14,851
A little swagger, point at
somebody you know, all right?
1138
00:56:14,853 --> 00:56:17,087
Don't point at anybody you don't know.
That's very weird.
1139
00:56:17,089 --> 00:56:18,489
All right?
Let's go.
1140
00:56:18,491 --> 00:56:20,790
Kyle, let's see this.
Stop grabbing your dick.
1141
00:56:20,792 --> 00:56:23,527
What you grabbing your dick for?
Let your dick go.
1142
00:56:23,529 --> 00:56:26,629
What... You look like you're doing
little mini curtsies. Stop doing that.
1143
00:56:26,631 --> 00:56:27,998
Don't point at nobody
walking like that.
1144
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:29,900
Pick it up!
1145
00:56:29,902 --> 00:56:32,402
All right, y'all, two-step.
Two-step. Hit that.
1146
00:56:32,404 --> 00:56:34,971
Stop using all your body! It's a
two-step with your feet! Goddamn it.
1147
00:56:34,973 --> 00:56:36,140
What's up, bro?
1148
00:56:36,142 --> 00:56:37,940
Hey, hey, bro,
can I get some...
1149
00:56:37,942 --> 00:56:39,542
Can I get a burger
with that sh-shake?
1150
00:56:39,544 --> 00:56:41,612
I like your eyes.
I like your mouth hole.
1151
00:56:41,614 --> 00:56:44,515
When you see a chick that you
like, nod at her, you know?
1152
00:56:44,517 --> 00:56:47,717
Just a little swagger. Get your post
up like this and just nod at her.
1153
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:51,120
If you can't get your butt off the
ground, girls don't want to be around!
1154
00:56:51,122 --> 00:56:53,425
Looking good, y'all.
Let's go. Keep it up.
1155
00:56:54,593 --> 00:56:57,761
Back this way.
Looking good, y'all.
1156
00:56:57,763 --> 00:57:00,663
The whip and the nae nae, it's a
very important dance, all right?
1157
00:57:00,665 --> 00:57:02,632
Go, step into the whip. Whip.
1158
00:57:02,634 --> 00:57:04,435
Step into your whip. Whip.
1159
00:57:04,437 --> 00:57:06,203
Whip.
There you go. Whip.
1160
00:57:06,205 --> 00:57:08,471
Up. Jump.
1161
00:57:08,473 --> 00:57:10,007
Hope y'all better with girls
than you are with exercising.
1162
00:57:10,009 --> 00:57:11,841
Down. Push-up.
1163
00:57:11,843 --> 00:57:13,042
Jump.
1164
00:57:13,044 --> 00:57:14,877
Jump. Down.
1165
00:57:14,879 --> 00:57:16,547
...eighteen, 19...
1166
00:57:16,549 --> 00:57:19,082
Week four. Yeah!
1167
00:57:19,084 --> 00:57:20,783
- Killed it!
- Yeah, that's how you do it, baby!
1168
00:57:20,785 --> 00:57:22,518
...twenty-five, 26...
1169
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:25,621
Another four! Yeah!
1170
00:57:25,623 --> 00:57:27,024
Point at somebody
you know.
1171
00:57:27,026 --> 00:57:29,893
Oh, yeah, they see
it, they see it.
1172
00:57:29,895 --> 00:57:31,627
'Sup, boo?
1173
00:57:31,629 --> 00:57:33,663
What's your name?
1174
00:57:33,665 --> 00:57:36,667
Wait. Say it slow.
1175
00:57:36,669 --> 00:57:39,169
I've never really heard
the voice of an angel before.
1176
00:57:39,171 --> 00:57:40,904
♪ Let's get away ♪
1177
00:57:40,906 --> 00:57:42,239
♪ Up in the clouds ♪
1178
00:57:42,241 --> 00:57:44,174
♪ It's such a better day ♪
1179
00:57:44,176 --> 00:57:45,942
- Okay, all right.
- ♪ Well, get on out ♪
1180
00:57:45,944 --> 00:57:48,212
♪ We gonna celebrate ♪
1181
00:57:48,214 --> 00:57:50,080
- Ooh!
- Oh-ho-ho!
1182
00:57:50,082 --> 00:57:51,248
Ready? Go!
1183
00:57:51,250 --> 00:57:52,716
Whip.
1184
00:57:52,718 --> 00:57:54,250
Watch me nae nae.
1185
00:57:54,252 --> 00:57:55,953
- Wrong hand, Marshall.
- Whip, whip.
1186
00:57:55,955 --> 00:57:57,554
- My bad, my bad.
- Nae nae.
1187
00:57:57,556 --> 00:57:58,955
Damn, girl.
1188
00:57:58,957 --> 00:58:00,991
Your name must be Stevia.
1189
00:58:00,993 --> 00:58:04,228
'Cause you're sweet like sugar
but without the guilt.
1190
00:58:06,698 --> 00:58:08,732
Hey, way to get em', dawg.
That was dope.
1191
00:58:08,734 --> 00:58:11,067
Yeah, that was sick.
Sizzle it up.
1192
00:58:11,069 --> 00:58:14,004
- Oh!
- Hey, so now y'all know what swagger looks like.
1193
00:58:14,006 --> 00:58:15,938
I'm proud
of y'all, man!
1194
00:58:15,940 --> 00:58:18,641
Look, take that shit to the
dance, you'll be fine, all right?
1195
00:58:18,643 --> 00:58:20,810
I wouldn't listen to a word he says.
1196
00:58:20,812 --> 00:58:23,779
Ooh! Punanny!
1197
00:58:23,781 --> 00:58:25,882
Hey, you.
Going to the party later?
1198
00:58:25,884 --> 00:58:28,819
- Little booze, skinny-dipping...
- You really don't listen, do you?
1199
00:58:28,821 --> 00:58:31,087
I try not to,
but you keep talking.
1200
00:58:31,089 --> 00:58:33,824
Damn. You know I'm gonna show this
to the cops. You goin' to jail.
1201
00:58:33,826 --> 00:58:36,627
I'll be in a house with other battered
men, and we'll just talk about...
1202
00:58:36,629 --> 00:58:39,763
- You are an idiot.
- Verbal abuse too? Shit.
1203
00:58:39,765 --> 00:58:41,765
I am taking a 24
for my dad's birthday.
1204
00:58:41,767 --> 00:58:43,567
Hutch! Hutch!
1205
00:58:43,569 --> 00:58:45,835
- Yeah, what's up, Rebecca?
- You have a big problem.
1206
00:58:45,837 --> 00:58:48,004
Eric just told me
that Douglas
1207
00:58:48,006 --> 00:58:50,776
is gonna have his whole cabin pants you
guys in front of everyone at the dance.
1208
00:58:51,710 --> 00:58:53,109
Wait, what?
1209
00:58:53,111 --> 00:58:56,648
They're going to pants you.
1210
00:59:10,261 --> 00:59:12,728
Now we're extra fucked.
1211
00:59:12,730 --> 00:59:14,765
Come on, guys.
You can't give up that easy.
1212
00:59:14,767 --> 00:59:16,699
We just gotta find a way
to get 'em back.
1213
00:59:16,701 --> 00:59:19,538
There's no getting them back
after they publicly pants us.
1214
00:59:22,875 --> 00:59:24,844
Yo. I know exactly
what we need to do.
1215
00:59:27,745 --> 00:59:30,147
That is so stupid, Hutch!
1216
00:59:30,149 --> 00:59:32,049
- Stupid!
- Something's wrong with you, Hutch!
1217
00:59:32,051 --> 00:59:34,618
- I'm triggered!
- If you don't stand up for yourselves now,
1218
00:59:34,620 --> 00:59:37,187
people are gonna shit on you
for the rest of your lives!
1219
00:59:37,189 --> 00:59:40,257
Hey, what if we wear really tight
jeans with really tight belts.
1220
00:59:40,259 --> 00:59:42,292
- That could work out.
- No, Marshall.
1221
00:59:42,294 --> 00:59:45,261
Dude, it doesn't matter. They'll always
be the cool guys and we'll be the marks.
1222
00:59:45,263 --> 00:59:47,763
Doesn't have to be that way. That's
what I'm trying to tell you guys.
1223
00:59:47,765 --> 00:59:49,866
- Yo, I'm definitely not going.
- Me neither.
1224
00:59:49,868 --> 00:59:51,701
Yeah, as if it didn't
suck enough!
1225
00:59:51,703 --> 00:59:53,804
- Yeah, even I think it's a bad idea.
- Charlie, come on.
1226
00:59:53,806 --> 00:59:55,672
- Guys!
- No!
1227
00:59:55,674 --> 00:59:58,141
Trust me, man!
You'll be legends!
1228
00:59:58,143 --> 01:00:00,277
If this is your idea
of a good plan,
1229
01:00:00,279 --> 01:00:02,179
then you should go
to idiot camp!
1230
01:00:02,181 --> 01:00:03,216
What?
1231
01:00:04,984 --> 01:00:08,018
I don't know. It sounded
much funnier in my head.
1232
01:00:08,020 --> 01:00:09,920
- Come on.
- Guys!
1233
01:00:09,922 --> 01:00:12,325
Come on. Don't bail, man. Damn.
1234
01:00:19,230 --> 01:00:21,665
I have no idea, man.
1235
01:00:24,969 --> 01:00:26,071
Cheers!
1236
01:00:28,940 --> 01:00:30,373
Hey, guys.
1237
01:00:38,884 --> 01:00:41,250
Drink up, Charlie.
1238
01:00:41,252 --> 01:00:43,920
Life's just one big
disappointment after the other.
1239
01:00:43,922 --> 01:00:46,089
These kids
don't give a damn about us.
1240
01:00:46,091 --> 01:00:48,158
You know I can't drink.
I'm a CIT.
1241
01:00:48,160 --> 01:00:50,926
You're being a real C-U-N-T right now.
Come on, man.
1242
01:00:50,928 --> 01:00:52,828
Fuck up
and learn from it.
1243
01:00:52,830 --> 01:00:55,067
You know? Spend one day
not walking on sunshine.
1244
01:00:59,004 --> 01:01:00,206
Thank you.
1245
01:01:03,075 --> 01:01:04,310
Agh!
1246
01:01:05,678 --> 01:01:07,380
Oh, God.
1247
01:01:10,815 --> 01:01:13,185
- Candace here, huh?
- Yeah, how'd you know?
1248
01:01:14,886 --> 01:01:17,754
You can make
your move, all right?
1249
01:01:17,756 --> 01:01:20,056
But you're gonna
need alcohol.
1250
01:01:20,058 --> 01:01:24,460
Because you, my friend, have
very, very, tiny baby balls.
1251
01:01:24,462 --> 01:01:28,297
And this will grow 'em
to big boy size.
1252
01:01:28,299 --> 01:01:31,000
Hey, Hutch, I have some of that
cinnamon whiskey you like.
1253
01:01:31,002 --> 01:01:32,101
Shot later?
1254
01:01:32,103 --> 01:01:33,303
Hey, Candace!
1255
01:01:33,305 --> 01:01:35,871
- Hey.
- Nice sweater.
1256
01:01:35,873 --> 01:01:40,076
But you know, adults lose ten percent
of their body heat through their head,
1257
01:01:40,078 --> 01:01:43,216
so if you're cold,
you should wear a hat?
1258
01:01:44,183 --> 01:01:45,848
Wow.
1259
01:01:45,850 --> 01:01:48,951
You must be so wet
right now.
1260
01:01:48,953 --> 01:01:50,987
I'm gonna let you two chat
1261
01:01:50,989 --> 01:01:52,692
and do butt stuff.
1262
01:01:58,196 --> 01:02:00,330
We all used to drink
when we were CIT's.
1263
01:02:00,332 --> 01:02:01,834
Just don't go overboard.
1264
01:02:06,839 --> 01:02:08,071
Ooh.
1265
01:02:08,073 --> 01:02:09,940
Smooth.
1266
01:02:09,942 --> 01:02:13,210
Very smooth, very sexy.
1267
01:02:22,353 --> 01:02:26,125
It's beautiful out here!
Why is nobody in the water?
1268
01:02:28,426 --> 01:02:33,462
All right, this shrinkage is
unsuitable for public viewing.
1269
01:02:33,464 --> 01:02:35,367
I'm calling it a night.
1270
01:02:36,835 --> 01:02:38,000
You want my towel?
1271
01:02:38,002 --> 01:02:40,370
Uh, no.
1272
01:02:40,372 --> 01:02:42,806
Don't be stupid.
Take the towel.
1273
01:02:42,808 --> 01:02:44,277
All right. Oh.
1274
01:02:47,078 --> 01:02:49,414
The shrinkage isn't that bad,
btdubs.
1275
01:03:13,437 --> 01:03:15,774
Holy shit.
Fifteen minutes till breakfast?
1276
01:03:17,576 --> 01:03:20,277
Guys! Guys, get up!
Everybody, get up!
1277
01:03:20,279 --> 01:03:22,846
Guys.
Guys, get up.
1278
01:03:22,848 --> 01:03:25,147
Wake up, wake up. Guys,
guys, we gotta get up.
1279
01:03:25,149 --> 01:03:27,417
It's breakfast, guys.
We gotta get up.
1280
01:03:27,419 --> 01:03:28,520
Guys...
1281
01:03:30,388 --> 01:03:32,157
What the hell is going on here?
1282
01:03:35,460 --> 01:03:39,895
Oh, sh... Uh, we were probably just
trying to keep warm, man, you know?
1283
01:03:39,897 --> 01:03:42,234
Yeah?
Clothes usually help with that.
1284
01:03:43,968 --> 01:03:45,337
Fourteen minutes till breakfast.
1285
01:03:46,839 --> 01:03:49,475
I'd hurry up if you
want to make it... friend.
1286
01:03:51,542 --> 01:03:52,811
Charlie.
1287
01:03:56,381 --> 01:03:58,013
Fuck.
1288
01:04:01,553 --> 01:04:03,053
Charlie!
1289
01:04:03,055 --> 01:04:04,620
Hey!
1290
01:04:04,622 --> 01:04:07,392
Cutting it close to breakfast, huh?
Need a lift?
1291
01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:11,029
Hey, you all right?
1292
01:04:12,964 --> 01:04:14,100
I smell booze?
1293
01:04:14,933 --> 01:04:17,000
Aaah!
1294
01:04:17,002 --> 01:04:18,301
Fuck!
1295
01:04:18,303 --> 01:04:19,636
No!
1296
01:04:19,638 --> 01:04:21,841
No. Just walk away.
1297
01:04:23,542 --> 01:04:24,844
Sorry.
1298
01:04:26,377 --> 01:04:29,047
Fuuuuck!
1299
01:04:30,549 --> 01:04:31,851
Fuck!
1300
01:04:35,286 --> 01:04:36,989
Gah, fuck!
1301
01:04:46,364 --> 01:04:47,931
Come on, Charlie.
What are you doing?
1302
01:04:47,933 --> 01:04:50,132
Look, man, I was blackout
drunk last night.
1303
01:04:50,134 --> 01:04:51,903
I don't even know what
happened for real, man.
1304
01:04:53,138 --> 01:04:55,241
Say something, Charlie. Come on.
1305
01:04:56,942 --> 01:04:59,643
You could've had
anybody that you wanted,
1306
01:04:59,645 --> 01:05:02,978
and you still went and fucked the only
girl that I've ever given a shit about?
1307
01:05:04,549 --> 01:05:07,317
Everybody told me
that you were such a douche,
1308
01:05:07,319 --> 01:05:10,056
and I said that there was a good
guy in there, but I was wrong!
1309
01:05:12,156 --> 01:05:14,424
You're a hollow skin suit.
1310
01:05:14,426 --> 01:05:15,895
You're a broken human.
1311
01:05:17,194 --> 01:05:19,395
You've got no heart,
1312
01:05:19,397 --> 01:05:21,166
no backbone, no balls.
1313
01:05:25,404 --> 01:05:27,370
Okay, I get it, man.
1314
01:05:27,372 --> 01:05:30,406
I-I get it, y-you hate me, man.
But come on. Don't leave camp.
1315
01:05:30,408 --> 01:05:33,275
- You love this place.
- Oh, like I have a choice?
1316
01:05:33,277 --> 01:05:35,013
You think
I want to leave here?
1317
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:38,448
I just got fired,
Hutch.
1318
01:05:38,450 --> 01:05:39,919
For being drunk.
1319
01:05:41,252 --> 01:05:43,455
But at least I wasn't being
a C-U-N-T, right?
1320
01:05:46,024 --> 01:05:47,393
Charlie, come on, man.
1321
01:05:54,565 --> 01:05:56,333
Uncle Mike, man,
you can't fire Charlie.
1322
01:05:56,335 --> 01:05:58,000
He vomited on me,
1323
01:05:58,002 --> 01:06:00,036
and I smelled like
a frat house sofa.
1324
01:06:00,038 --> 01:06:02,071
And I swear
it got on everything.
1325
01:06:02,073 --> 01:06:06,141
The entire camp looks like
a giant puke germ.
1326
01:06:06,143 --> 01:06:08,113
I get that...
1327
01:06:09,647 --> 01:06:11,181
I spiked his drink.
1328
01:06:11,183 --> 01:06:13,049
- Excuse me?
- Yeah, I... He...
1329
01:06:13,051 --> 01:06:15,085
He needed confidence
to hit on Candace,
1330
01:06:15,087 --> 01:06:17,152
so I gave him some.
1331
01:06:17,154 --> 01:06:19,121
Uncle Mike, man,
you said it yourself
1332
01:06:19,123 --> 01:06:22,591
that if I let myself love this
place, I could, and I did, man.
1333
01:06:22,593 --> 01:06:26,129
I-I-I love it here. I love the
campers, Charlie, everybody.
1334
01:06:26,131 --> 01:06:27,696
And it's all due
to your influence.
1335
01:06:27,698 --> 01:06:29,332
Oh, really?
Let me get this straight.
1336
01:06:29,334 --> 01:06:32,301
Because of my influence,
you poisoned your best friend,
1337
01:06:32,303 --> 01:06:34,703
fucked his crush,
and then got him fired?
1338
01:06:34,705 --> 01:06:36,605
Well, when you put it
like that, man...
1339
01:06:36,607 --> 01:06:40,513
Hutch, I'm trying to build
this camp back to prominence.
1340
01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:43,612
I gave you a job
as a favor,
1341
01:06:43,614 --> 01:06:45,618
and you get one of
my best guys fired?
1342
01:06:48,020 --> 01:06:50,152
I can't believe you, man. You know what?
Get out of my camp.
1343
01:06:50,154 --> 01:06:53,623
What? Uncle Mike, come on, man.
These kids need me.
1344
01:06:53,625 --> 01:06:56,025
No, they don't need you.
You know what?
1345
01:06:56,027 --> 01:06:57,696
The best thing
I could do for these kids...
1346
01:07:00,198 --> 01:07:02,268
is to keep them away
from someone like you.
1347
01:07:03,502 --> 01:07:05,435
Uncle Mike, come on, man.
1348
01:07:05,437 --> 01:07:07,603
The worst part about it is
now I gotta tell your mother
1349
01:07:07,605 --> 01:07:09,308
that you actually are
the bum she thought you were.
1350
01:07:15,680 --> 01:07:17,683
You couldn't make it work
for one summer, huh?
1351
01:07:21,585 --> 01:07:23,022
Get out of my camp.
1352
01:07:37,669 --> 01:07:39,134
What the hell?
1353
01:07:39,136 --> 01:07:40,335
Hutch!
1354
01:07:40,337 --> 01:07:41,571
- Hey, Hutch!
- Hutch!
1355
01:07:41,573 --> 01:07:42,674
Come back!
1356
01:07:43,808 --> 01:07:45,243
Are you leaving?
1357
01:07:47,511 --> 01:07:50,279
- Hutch!
- What are you doing?
1358
01:07:50,281 --> 01:07:52,350
- Dude, where are you going?
- Don't go!
1359
01:07:55,087 --> 01:07:57,152
Cut him off, dude.
Bro, come on!
1360
01:07:57,154 --> 01:07:58,223
Come on!
1361
01:07:59,524 --> 01:08:01,290
Hutch! Man, what are you doing?
1362
01:08:01,292 --> 01:08:03,460
- Hutch! Hutch!
- Where are you going, Hutch?
1363
01:08:03,462 --> 01:08:04,694
Come on! Come on!
1364
01:08:04,696 --> 01:08:06,065
- Hutch!
- Hutch!
1365
01:08:57,314 --> 01:09:00,385
Hey, Ma! Ma, it's me! Open up!
1366
01:09:01,720 --> 01:09:02,755
Ma!
1367
01:09:05,523 --> 01:09:07,624
Yo, who the fuck are you?
1368
01:09:07,626 --> 01:09:09,292
Uh, Fred.
1369
01:09:09,294 --> 01:09:12,494
Yo, Ma,
who the fuck is Fred?
1370
01:09:12,496 --> 01:09:15,832
- Fred's my fuck buddy right now.
- Oh, my God.
1371
01:09:15,834 --> 01:09:19,168
But he's kinda growing on me, so I'm
thinking about upgrading him to my A-piece.
1372
01:09:19,170 --> 01:09:21,271
Mmm, I'm about to be
somebody A-piece?
1373
01:09:21,273 --> 01:09:23,806
I'm about to throw up in the toilet,
then sleep in my own bedroom.
1374
01:09:23,808 --> 01:09:25,544
No, no, no, no, no.
Hold on. Wait, wait, wait.
1375
01:09:30,849 --> 01:09:33,716
- What the heck is this brother wearing?
- None of your business.
1376
01:09:33,718 --> 01:09:36,819
- Uh...
- Son, your room doesn't exist anymore.
1377
01:09:36,821 --> 01:09:39,722
It's now my red room,
like Fifty Shades of Grey?
1378
01:09:39,724 --> 01:09:42,592
And I don't think you'd get a good
night's sleep on my pleasure swing.
1379
01:09:42,594 --> 01:09:45,628
Okay, I'ma throw up right here on this
cement, and I'll just sleep in the den.
1380
01:09:45,630 --> 01:09:47,463
No, you can't
do that either.
1381
01:09:47,465 --> 01:09:50,333
Son, I can't keep
enabling you.
1382
01:09:50,335 --> 01:09:53,235
The fact that your life sucks
is either nature or nurture,
1383
01:09:53,237 --> 01:09:55,771
but whatever it is,
it's my fault.
1384
01:09:55,773 --> 01:09:57,472
Ma.
1385
01:09:57,474 --> 01:09:59,475
Come on. I'm your son.
1386
01:09:59,477 --> 01:10:03,181
If I don't push your ass off
that cliff, you'll never fly.
1387
01:10:04,248 --> 01:10:05,949
Bye.
1388
01:10:05,951 --> 01:10:08,250
Um...
It was nice meeting you.
1389
01:10:08,252 --> 01:10:10,520
Nigga,
you ain't met me, man!
1390
01:10:10,522 --> 01:10:11,788
Stop jumping
your little-ass man-titties.
1391
01:10:11,790 --> 01:10:14,257
What the hell
am I supposed to do Ma, huh?
1392
01:10:14,259 --> 01:10:17,526
Blow some strangers in the
bus station for meth money?
1393
01:10:17,528 --> 01:10:19,728
At least you'd be
generating some income!
1394
01:10:19,730 --> 01:10:22,501
Oh, that's gross, Ma. It was a joke, man.
Goddamn it.
1395
01:10:25,937 --> 01:10:27,406
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
1396
01:10:28,773 --> 01:10:31,274
Okay, Hutch.
We've got some rules here.
1397
01:10:31,276 --> 01:10:33,409
Don't touch my booze.
Absolutely no pot.
1398
01:10:33,411 --> 01:10:35,511
I don't cook for you,
I don't clean for you,
1399
01:10:35,513 --> 01:10:37,446
and you know that phrase
"make yourself at home"?
1400
01:10:37,448 --> 01:10:38,580
Don't.
1401
01:10:38,582 --> 01:10:40,415
Ooh, burn.
1402
01:10:40,417 --> 01:10:41,918
- Okay? Love you.
- You got it, babe. Love you.
1403
01:10:41,920 --> 01:10:43,285
- Love you.
- Love you.
1404
01:10:43,287 --> 01:10:45,254
- Love you too, Maggie.
- Aw. Fuck off.
1405
01:10:45,256 --> 01:10:46,521
Okay.
1406
01:10:46,523 --> 01:10:49,459
Yo, don't ever
tell her this, man,
1407
01:10:49,461 --> 01:10:51,660
but I kind of like her, dude.
1408
01:10:51,662 --> 01:10:53,765
- She a tough broad.
- Sometimes too tough.
1409
01:10:54,765 --> 01:10:56,566
So what's next, man?
1410
01:10:56,568 --> 01:10:58,601
I'll probably jack off,
call it a night.
1411
01:10:58,603 --> 01:11:00,969
Dude, she's talking about life.
1412
01:11:00,971 --> 01:11:02,704
This is
a crucial moment, Hutch.
1413
01:11:02,706 --> 01:11:05,374
I mean, you can decide
to be a decent human...
1414
01:11:05,376 --> 01:11:07,576
Or a bum-ass nigga.
1415
01:11:07,578 --> 01:11:09,378
Come on, man.
Dave's right.
1416
01:11:09,380 --> 01:11:11,647
You're talented,
you're smart, you're funny.
1417
01:11:11,649 --> 01:11:14,717
I hate to say it,
but you are attractive.
1418
01:11:14,719 --> 01:11:17,355
You got all the tools, bro.
You gotta use 'em.
1419
01:11:20,358 --> 01:11:23,359
Look, I know I don't
say this enough, but, uh,
1420
01:11:23,361 --> 01:11:25,695
I really love y'all, man,
for having my back.
1421
01:11:25,697 --> 01:11:30,333
Enough? You've never said that,
in your entire life, to anyone.
1422
01:11:30,335 --> 01:11:32,468
And I can't believe you didn't
say "no homo" afterwards.
1423
01:11:32,470 --> 01:11:33,969
- Right.
- Babe.
1424
01:11:33,971 --> 01:11:35,905
Ah, you better go
fetch that, bruh.
1425
01:11:35,907 --> 01:11:37,774
"Babe."
1426
01:11:37,776 --> 01:11:39,545
- I'll handle this. Whoa.
- Oh, come on, man.
1427
01:11:41,479 --> 01:11:43,646
Yo, Winnie, uh...
1428
01:11:43,648 --> 01:11:47,683
You ever thought I was being
a dick to you because you're a lesbian?
1429
01:11:47,685 --> 01:11:50,887
What? No. I thought you were being a
dick to me because you are a dick.
1430
01:11:50,889 --> 01:11:52,821
- Hmm. True.
- And because I'm a woman
1431
01:11:52,823 --> 01:11:55,424
who makes more money than you,
I have a better job than yours,
1432
01:11:55,426 --> 01:11:58,393
I get more chicks than you,
and I don't live with my mom.
1433
01:11:58,395 --> 01:12:01,864
I got it! Damn!
How long is that list?
1434
01:12:01,866 --> 01:12:03,598
I mean, long.
Shit, you asked.
1435
01:12:03,600 --> 01:12:05,000
You right. Touché.
1436
01:12:05,002 --> 01:12:06,572
Damn.
1437
01:12:07,639 --> 01:12:08,971
Uh...
1438
01:12:08,973 --> 01:12:10,876
Yo, I'm gonna try to be
less of a dick, all right?
1439
01:12:12,544 --> 01:12:14,076
Think that'd be
a great fucking start, bruh.
1440
01:12:14,078 --> 01:12:15,911
I'ma really try this time.
1441
01:12:15,913 --> 01:12:17,780
In the meantime,
get yourself some rest, man.
1442
01:12:17,782 --> 01:12:20,350
Try to keep this place clean, all right?
I'm here for you, buddy.
1443
01:12:20,352 --> 01:12:21,452
'Ppreciate ya.
1444
01:12:23,554 --> 01:12:25,655
Hi. I'm Charlie Soto.
1445
01:12:25,657 --> 01:12:28,825
- I was told I could find Hutch here.
- Why are you so happy, bro?
1446
01:12:28,827 --> 01:12:31,360
- Mm-mmm.
- He's in there.
1447
01:12:31,362 --> 01:12:33,730
Charlie. Man, I'm so...
1448
01:12:33,732 --> 01:12:36,466
You told Big Mike
that you spiked my drink?
1449
01:12:36,468 --> 01:12:38,700
- Yeah.
- That took a backbone.
1450
01:12:38,702 --> 01:12:40,736
And a heart and balls.
1451
01:12:40,738 --> 01:12:42,838
And Candace told me
what really happened...
1452
01:12:42,840 --> 01:12:45,441
that basically you passed out and you
couldn't even get it up to have sex.
1453
01:12:45,443 --> 01:12:47,576
She said...
Oh, I can get it up.
1454
01:12:47,578 --> 01:12:50,445
- Goddamn it, I'm up right now.
- That means you didn't have sex with her.
1455
01:12:50,447 --> 01:12:52,582
- You should be happy that you didn't betray me.
- No, I get it.
1456
01:12:52,584 --> 01:12:55,517
I didn't betray you, but my
schlong, it works. Overtime.
1457
01:12:55,519 --> 01:12:57,619
Employee of the fucking
month, just on a frame.
1458
01:12:57,621 --> 01:13:00,423
Point is, fuck Candace.
1459
01:13:00,425 --> 01:13:02,758
She would've had sex
with my best friend.
1460
01:13:02,760 --> 01:13:05,397
And you helped me learn
that I deserve better than that.
1461
01:13:06,764 --> 01:13:08,063
Yeah, you do, man.
1462
01:13:08,065 --> 01:13:10,098
But you also
helped me learn that
1463
01:13:10,100 --> 01:13:13,136
we have to do
this Lone Pine plan.
1464
01:13:13,138 --> 01:13:15,704
We have to end
these kids' summer with a bang.
1465
01:13:15,706 --> 01:13:17,573
Mmm...
1466
01:13:17,575 --> 01:13:19,642
- What?
- Nothin'.
1467
01:13:19,644 --> 01:13:21,744
These kids still aren't down
with this pantsing thing.
1468
01:13:21,746 --> 01:13:23,879
I need you to come back
and convince them.
1469
01:13:23,881 --> 01:13:27,682
If they don't do this, they're gonna
regret it for their whole entire life.
1470
01:13:27,684 --> 01:13:29,020
What do you say?
1471
01:13:31,989 --> 01:13:34,824
- Hell yeah, man. Come on. Let's do it. Yeah.
- Yes!
1472
01:13:34,826 --> 01:13:37,096
It's gonna feel so good not to
lay down and take it for once.
1473
01:13:38,897 --> 01:13:41,030
- Okay, go ahead and say it.
- No homo, man. Damn!
1474
01:13:41,032 --> 01:13:42,832
- I'm sorry.
- You were killing me with that shit.
1475
01:13:42,834 --> 01:13:44,866
- It was really bad. I'm sorry.
- I gotta grab my bags.
1476
01:13:44,868 --> 01:13:46,802
- Okay, grab 'em, grab 'em.
- All my trash bags.
1477
01:13:46,804 --> 01:13:48,506
Okay, my mom's got
the car running, so hurry up.
1478
01:13:55,813 --> 01:13:58,580
- What's up, Big Mike?
- Little Timmy. That's my man.
1479
01:14:00,885 --> 01:14:02,554
- Good. Great.
- Yeah.
1480
01:14:17,568 --> 01:14:19,502
Why you dressed
like the Unabomber again?
1481
01:14:19,504 --> 01:14:21,536
'Cause I'm trying not to be
spotted by Big Mike, man.
1482
01:14:21,538 --> 01:14:23,541
I'm incog-negro. Chill.
1483
01:14:28,112 --> 01:14:29,978
- Yo, hang on.
- Hmm.
1484
01:14:31,950 --> 01:14:33,516
Hutch,
what the hell?
1485
01:14:33,518 --> 01:14:35,618
This little butt boil
is dicking you around.
1486
01:14:35,620 --> 01:14:38,186
Hey, leave her alone, or I'm
gonna kick your smug little ass,
1487
01:14:38,188 --> 01:14:40,655
and I don't work for the camp anymore,
so it's street rules in this bitch.
1488
01:14:40,657 --> 01:14:41,958
Hutch, are you crazy?
1489
01:14:41,960 --> 01:14:44,227
- He's dating Rebecca as a goof.
- No, I'm not.
1490
01:14:44,229 --> 01:14:47,496
I only said that so they'd leave me alone.
I like Rebecca.
1491
01:14:47,498 --> 01:14:50,132
Everybody makes fun of me for
it, but I'm done giving a shit.
1492
01:14:50,134 --> 01:14:53,134
I can choose my own girlfriend.
Fuck what anybody thinks.
1493
01:14:53,136 --> 01:14:55,570
- Girlfriend?
- Um, yeah.
1494
01:14:55,572 --> 01:14:56,905
What do you say, Becks?
1495
01:14:56,907 --> 01:14:59,976
Abby. Abby, come on.
Please, talk to me.
1496
01:14:59,978 --> 01:15:04,012
Sure. Because the Candace thing and the
Jill Hendricks thing wasn't enough.
1497
01:15:04,014 --> 01:15:06,649
If you could fuck me over a third
time, it'll be just great.
1498
01:15:06,651 --> 01:15:08,950
- Abby, come on. Wait a second.
- Hey.
1499
01:15:08,952 --> 01:15:10,520
What's this?
1500
01:15:10,522 --> 01:15:12,088
What are you doing at the dance?
1501
01:15:12,090 --> 01:15:14,757
I had to see my boys dance, all right?
Just be cool.
1502
01:15:14,759 --> 01:15:17,660
Oh, I'll be real cool while I'm
telling the cops you're trespassing.
1503
01:15:17,662 --> 01:15:19,594
Uncle Mike,
we're family, man.
1504
01:15:25,737 --> 01:15:28,704
You can take the money for the
new phone out my paycheck.
1505
01:15:28,706 --> 01:15:31,007
He said "paycheck."
1506
01:15:31,009 --> 01:15:33,276
- Come on.
- Damn, that was some gangsta shit.
1507
01:15:33,278 --> 01:15:35,011
Respect, home.
1508
01:15:35,013 --> 01:15:37,679
So I was like, "Why would I
give money to some bum?"
1509
01:15:37,681 --> 01:15:39,682
He's just gonna spend it
on alcohol anyway.
1510
01:15:39,684 --> 01:15:43,151
Yeah.
1511
01:15:43,153 --> 01:15:46,588
Man, this must be
the world's cleanest vaginas.
1512
01:15:46,590 --> 01:15:49,959
I see a whole pack of used douches.
1513
01:15:49,961 --> 01:15:52,194
I didn't think you were gonna make
it, since you got sacked and all.
1514
01:15:52,196 --> 01:15:54,797
- Ooh.
- Only thing getting regularly sacked
1515
01:15:54,799 --> 01:15:56,731
is your mama's chin
and taint, boy!
1516
01:15:56,733 --> 01:15:58,868
Ooh!
1517
01:15:58,870 --> 01:16:01,137
Wanna throw down again, Daley?
1518
01:16:01,139 --> 01:16:03,806
Anytime, bitch.
1519
01:16:03,808 --> 01:16:06,976
But right now my boys
got some business to attend to.
1520
01:16:06,978 --> 01:16:08,777
Well, may the dopest bros win.
1521
01:16:08,779 --> 01:16:10,081
Oh, they will.
1522
01:16:11,815 --> 01:16:13,682
We will.
1523
01:16:16,955 --> 01:16:19,688
♪ By the end of the
night You'll be home, girl ♪
1524
01:16:19,690 --> 01:16:22,191
♪ Talking all that ♪
1525
01:16:22,193 --> 01:16:24,960
♪ When I slide up in it
Talking kids, huh ♪
1526
01:16:24,962 --> 01:16:26,995
♪ Worry about some rules
That don't matter ♪
1527
01:16:26,997 --> 01:16:29,298
♪ Don't flatter me, baby
You know I know that ♪
1528
01:16:29,300 --> 01:16:30,766
Hey!
1529
01:16:50,220 --> 01:16:53,058
Losers!
1530
01:16:54,257 --> 01:16:55,691
Dope, Eddie!
1531
01:17:02,166 --> 01:17:03,665
- All right, now.
- ♪ Oh, oh ♪
1532
01:17:03,667 --> 01:17:05,036
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1533
01:17:10,308 --> 01:17:12,310
♪ Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1534
01:17:17,415 --> 01:17:18,748
♪ Oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1535
01:17:18,750 --> 01:17:21,019
♪ D-D-Does your mama know
You dance like that? ♪
1536
01:17:22,720 --> 01:17:24,152
Yeah!
1537
01:17:24,154 --> 01:17:25,855
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1538
01:17:25,857 --> 01:17:28,794
- ♪ Hey now ♪
- ♪ Does your mama know You dance like that? ♪
1539
01:17:33,363 --> 01:17:34,597
- ♪ What's up? ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪
1540
01:17:34,599 --> 01:17:36,966
♪ Put your hands in the air
Now jump, jump ♪
1541
01:17:36,968 --> 01:17:39,134
♪ Came in here
To have fun, fun ♪
1542
01:17:39,136 --> 01:17:41,803
♪ Now do your dance
Don't be shy ♪
1543
01:17:41,805 --> 01:17:44,005
♪ Go to work like a 9-to-5 ♪
1544
01:17:44,007 --> 01:17:46,008
♪ Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1545
01:17:46,010 --> 01:17:48,977
♪ Came in here
To have fun, fun ♪
1546
01:17:48,979 --> 01:17:51,079
♪ Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1547
01:17:51,081 --> 01:17:53,182
♪ Does your mama know
You dance like that? ♪
1548
01:17:53,184 --> 01:17:55,418
♪ Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1549
01:17:55,420 --> 01:17:58,788
Hey, man, you worried about
getting bitches with that thing?
1550
01:17:58,790 --> 01:18:01,457
You got a motherfucking
third leg, bro.
1551
01:18:01,459 --> 01:18:03,394
♪ Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1552
01:18:06,029 --> 01:18:08,364
♪ Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1553
01:18:08,366 --> 01:18:09,999
♪ Does your mama know
You dance like that? ♪
1554
01:18:10,001 --> 01:18:11,336
♪ Let's go ♪
1555
01:18:18,041 --> 01:18:20,008
♪ T-T-Turn up the bass ♪
1556
01:18:20,010 --> 01:18:22,813
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
- Whoo!
1557
01:18:26,184 --> 01:18:28,086
♪ Does your mama know
You dance like that? ♪
1558
01:18:31,389 --> 01:18:33,088
Oh, yeah.
1559
01:18:33,090 --> 01:18:34,959
I love you, Kyle!
1560
01:18:36,094 --> 01:18:37,729
Yeah!
1561
01:18:39,730 --> 01:18:41,463
- What's up? I'm Andy.
- What's up?
1562
01:18:41,465 --> 01:18:44,900
You crush my boy's heart,
I'll stomp your skull in.
1563
01:18:44,902 --> 01:18:46,768
Carry on.
1564
01:18:56,947 --> 01:18:59,013
- Oh!
- Come on!
1565
01:18:59,015 --> 01:19:01,049
Get up! Come on! Come on! Yeah!
1566
01:19:01,051 --> 01:19:03,218
Get up, everyone! Yeah!
1567
01:19:03,220 --> 01:19:04,486
Come on!
1568
01:19:04,488 --> 01:19:06,054
Whoo!
1569
01:19:06,056 --> 01:19:07,091
Jump! Jump!
1570
01:19:10,127 --> 01:19:12,360
Jump! Jump! Jump! Come on!
1571
01:19:12,362 --> 01:19:13,464
Come on!
1572
01:19:21,471 --> 01:19:22,873
Yeah!
1573
01:19:26,077 --> 01:19:27,145
Mm-hmm.
1574
01:19:33,818 --> 01:19:36,154
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
1575
01:19:37,287 --> 01:19:39,088
Yeah, boys.
1576
01:19:39,090 --> 01:19:41,193
That's how you do it, man.
That's how you do it!
1577
01:19:42,359 --> 01:19:45,093
Dude, that was awesome!
1578
01:19:45,095 --> 01:19:46,896
Way to go, bruh.
You're dope.
1579
01:19:46,898 --> 01:19:49,030
Proud of y'all, man.
1580
01:19:49,032 --> 01:19:51,169
- They ain't see that coming.
- Nope.
1581
01:19:53,938 --> 01:19:55,870
Attention, campers.
1582
01:19:55,872 --> 01:19:59,074
Even though this
may be Camp Vision's last summer,
1583
01:19:59,076 --> 01:20:00,245
it's been a great one.
1584
01:20:01,845 --> 01:20:03,279
I'm not crying.
1585
01:20:04,381 --> 01:20:06,451
Yo, Hutch, Abby.
1586
01:20:09,153 --> 01:20:12,190
So, uh, while you were gone, your
kids had their final weigh-in.
1587
01:20:13,825 --> 01:20:17,026
And they... lost more fat
than any other cabin.
1588
01:20:17,028 --> 01:20:18,828
Yeah.
1589
01:20:18,830 --> 01:20:21,963
I don't know what to say. I guess
dance practice paid off, man.
1590
01:20:21,965 --> 01:20:25,467
- Thanks, Uncle Mike.
- Unfortunately, since you were technically fired at the time,
1591
01:20:25,469 --> 01:20:27,268
I can't give you the money.
1592
01:20:27,270 --> 01:20:28,870
Rules, bro.
1593
01:20:28,872 --> 01:20:31,076
So, Abby,
the $5,000 is yours.
1594
01:20:33,044 --> 01:20:34,877
Hey, come on.
I thought you'd be happier.
1595
01:20:34,879 --> 01:20:37,213
I'm not really
used to being a runner-up.
1596
01:20:37,215 --> 01:20:40,548
What if there was a way I could make
you happy. You too, Uncle Mike.
1597
01:20:40,550 --> 01:20:43,451
Just need
a... little advance though.
1598
01:20:43,453 --> 01:20:45,521
Advance on what?
1599
01:20:45,523 --> 01:20:48,827
- Oh, yeah.
- I don't like that face.
1600
01:20:52,196 --> 01:20:55,129
And with your investment,
we'll create a brand-new program.
1601
01:20:55,131 --> 01:20:59,133
Abby and I both have psych degrees, and Big
Mike has been in the business over 20 years.
1602
01:20:59,135 --> 01:21:01,270
Adding a psychological
counseling component
1603
01:21:01,272 --> 01:21:03,304
to Camp Vision's focus
on diet and exercise
1604
01:21:03,306 --> 01:21:05,540
will help us get to the root
of their overeating.
1605
01:21:05,542 --> 01:21:07,042
I would help
the male campers and...
1606
01:21:07,044 --> 01:21:09,378
My role will be
to tailor a program
1607
01:21:09,380 --> 01:21:11,379
to young ladies who tend
to have more intense
1608
01:21:11,381 --> 01:21:13,515
but very distinctive body
issues during adolescence.
1609
01:21:13,517 --> 01:21:15,484
And the program
would be yearlong,
1610
01:21:15,486 --> 01:21:17,518
but we would visit them
at their homes
1611
01:21:17,520 --> 01:21:19,387
to make sure they're
maintaining their exercises
1612
01:21:19,389 --> 01:21:22,423
and train our staff to connect
with their hearts and minds
1613
01:21:22,425 --> 01:21:25,093
and not just their bellies
and bitch tits.
1614
01:21:25,095 --> 01:21:27,362
- Bitch tits?
- Did he say "bitch tits"?
1615
01:21:27,364 --> 01:21:30,298
Look, it's not just about
shaping these kids up.
1616
01:21:30,300 --> 01:21:32,101
It's about connecting
with their lives.
1617
01:21:32,103 --> 01:21:33,605
I really love these kids.
1618
01:21:35,273 --> 01:21:38,039
- Thank you.
- Thank you. Thank you.
1619
01:21:38,041 --> 01:21:40,276
- Sorry about the bitch tits.
- No. Okay.
1620
01:21:40,278 --> 01:21:42,610
I see.
1621
01:21:42,612 --> 01:21:44,612
All right, well,
thank you for the call.
1622
01:21:44,614 --> 01:21:46,949
What'd they say?
1623
01:21:46,951 --> 01:21:48,950
Uh, they said
they liked the proposal,
1624
01:21:48,952 --> 01:21:52,553
but if we want the job, we're gonna
have to give a lot of sloppy blow jobs.
1625
01:21:52,555 --> 01:21:54,490
I'm serious, asshole.
1626
01:21:54,492 --> 01:21:56,528
- They said, "Welcome aboard."
- Ah!
1627
01:21:59,596 --> 01:22:02,030
I am so proud of you.
1628
01:22:02,032 --> 01:22:04,232
Damn. I have never had anybody
say that to me before.
1629
01:22:04,234 --> 01:22:06,035
- We have to celebrate.
- We do.
1630
01:22:06,037 --> 01:22:08,070
You're right. I got this
dope dinner spot, right?
1631
01:22:08,072 --> 01:22:09,641
I actually had
a different idea.
1632
01:22:11,142 --> 01:22:13,010
Oh, this could be dinner too.
1633
01:22:16,112 --> 01:22:17,478
Fat Camp's over, y'all.
1634
01:22:17,480 --> 01:22:20,649
I don't need to lose weight.
I'm a frickin' stud.
1635
01:22:20,651 --> 01:22:22,484
Yeah.
1636
01:22:22,486 --> 01:22:24,055
Big Mike comin' at ya.
1637
01:22:26,157 --> 01:22:28,723
Jamar Hilton Jeffers
reporting for camp, sir!
1638
01:22:28,725 --> 01:22:31,196
That's right, fatties. Yeah.
1639
01:22:34,564 --> 01:22:35,933
No homo.
1640
01:22:37,100 --> 01:22:39,638
Right. I'm not
doing that anymore.
1641
01:22:41,706 --> 01:22:46,040
Was it good for you...
like it was for me?
1642
01:22:46,042 --> 01:22:49,744
That's right, fatty.
We're gonna get your skinny on.
1643
01:22:49,746 --> 01:22:53,082
Super fat now.
1644
01:22:53,084 --> 01:22:55,353
Uh-huh.
1645
01:22:58,255 --> 01:23:00,392
I will get you.
I'ma get you hard.
1646
01:23:03,728 --> 01:23:06,431
Uh! Fat Camp, y'all.
1647
01:23:08,431 --> 01:23:09,533
Get your boogie on.
1648
01:23:10,501 --> 01:23:11,636
Come on now.
1649
01:23:13,136 --> 01:23:14,272
We're goin' year-round.
1650
01:23:15,339 --> 01:23:16,440
Ha!
1651
01:23:18,376 --> 01:23:20,008
We're goin' year-round!
1652
01:23:20,010 --> 01:23:21,576
Has this ever happened to you?
1653
01:23:22,545 --> 01:23:23,779
Ha!
1654
01:23:25,248 --> 01:23:26,615
Hmm!
1655
01:23:26,617 --> 01:23:29,618
- Take three. Marker.
- Ha!
1656
01:23:29,620 --> 01:23:32,553
Oh! Still nailed it!
Whoo! Can't stop!
1657
01:23:32,555 --> 01:23:34,423
- Mmm!
- I'm getting out!
1658
01:23:34,425 --> 01:23:37,092
Yeah, I did it!
Whoo!
1659
01:23:37,094 --> 01:23:39,128
Whoo... Oh, wait.
1660
01:23:39,130 --> 01:23:42,330
Move the hand down and get
that ass, right there.
1661
01:23:42,332 --> 01:23:43,499
Uh.
1662
01:23:43,501 --> 01:23:45,366
I got my own ass
to grab.
1663
01:23:45,368 --> 01:23:47,802
All us people have secrets that
we don't want to tell anybody
1664
01:23:47,804 --> 01:23:49,306
because we wanna
feel safe.
1665
01:23:50,541 --> 01:23:52,673
Oh, wait, no.
That's not my line.
1666
01:23:52,675 --> 01:23:54,176
What do you mean,
"No"?
1667
01:23:54,178 --> 01:23:56,014
That's right, fatties.
1668
01:23:57,648 --> 01:23:59,548
- Hey, I tried to save you.
- I know.
1669
01:24:04,188 --> 01:24:06,621
Before I met you, I...
1670
01:24:06,623 --> 01:24:09,792
I've never looked at someone
Candace's size, at all.
1671
01:24:09,794 --> 01:24:11,660
Oh!
1672
01:24:11,662 --> 01:24:13,161
Big Mike, y'all.
1673
01:24:13,163 --> 01:24:15,530
And I'll keep comin'
till I got ripped abs,
1674
01:24:15,532 --> 01:24:18,767
chiseled delts and
overweight calf muscles.
1675
01:24:18,769 --> 01:24:20,602
Take it back from...
1676
01:24:20,604 --> 01:24:22,503
"Overweight calf muscles."
1677
01:24:22,505 --> 01:24:25,207
Thank you, I wanted to
look like a pencil today.
1678
01:24:25,209 --> 01:24:27,176
You think
prison rape is bad.
1679
01:24:27,178 --> 01:24:30,512
Try getting your little doo-doo
puss tape-fucked by a guy...
1680
01:24:32,082 --> 01:24:33,548
Ow!
1681
01:24:33,550 --> 01:24:35,249
- Do that again. Ah!
- Okay.
1682
01:24:35,251 --> 01:24:37,285
What the fuck?
1683
01:24:37,287 --> 01:24:39,088
- Do your exercise.
- All right.
1684
01:24:39,090 --> 01:24:40,088
- Ah!
- Do your jumping jacks.
1685
01:24:40,090 --> 01:24:41,423
Got it?
1686
01:24:41,425 --> 01:24:42,494
Do your push-ups.
1687
01:24:43,727 --> 01:24:45,229
Son of a bitch.
1688
01:24:46,397 --> 01:24:47,465
So... Goddamn it.
1689
01:24:48,465 --> 01:24:49,433
Hey.
1690
01:24:50,401 --> 01:24:51,633
Mmm!
1691
01:24:51,635 --> 01:24:53,401
We're set.
1692
01:24:53,403 --> 01:24:54,735
Got everything
going in action.
1693
01:24:54,737 --> 01:24:56,204
Now here we go.
1694
01:24:56,206 --> 01:24:57,806
- What...
- All right.
1695
01:24:57,808 --> 01:24:59,874
I'm not playin'
with you, Chris.
1696
01:24:59,876 --> 01:25:02,878
I heard it. I heard, Mom,
and my name's Hutch.
1697
01:25:02,880 --> 01:25:04,812
I mean Hutch. Why I wanna
fuckin' call you Chris?
1698
01:25:06,416 --> 01:25:08,616
'Cause you love me
already, girl!
1699
01:25:08,618 --> 01:25:10,319
Ow!
1700
01:25:10,321 --> 01:25:12,620
I'm like the male version
of you with lighter skin.
1701
01:25:12,622 --> 01:25:15,124
No, you're not the male...
I'm the male version of me.
1702
01:25:15,126 --> 01:25:18,392
Super fat.
1703
01:25:18,394 --> 01:25:19,695
Super.
1704
01:25:19,697 --> 01:25:21,132
Super fat now.
1705
01:25:24,201 --> 01:25:25,136
Uh.
1706
01:25:29,840 --> 01:25:31,874
That motherfucker
cleared me.
1707
01:25:31,876 --> 01:25:34,646
I-I... I went...
I almost went like that.
1708
01:25:37,814 --> 01:25:38,813
- Mmm!
- Phew.
1709
01:25:41,785 --> 01:25:43,388
Ow!
1710
01:25:44,889 --> 01:25:46,588
Mmm!
1711
01:25:46,590 --> 01:25:48,390
Get your boogie on.
1712
01:25:48,392 --> 01:25:49,693
Get your groove on.
1713
01:25:50,693 --> 01:25:52,229
One time now.
1714
01:25:53,531 --> 01:25:54,832
Two times now.
1715
01:25:55,933 --> 01:25:58,299
Three time now.
1716
01:25:58,301 --> 01:25:59,571
Don't hurt yourself now.
1717
01:26:01,171 --> 01:26:02,573
'Bout to get skinny.
1718
01:26:03,674 --> 01:26:05,877
Yeah, what's the commotion?
1719
01:26:07,211 --> 01:26:08,643
We in motion.
1720
01:26:08,645 --> 01:26:10,579
Uh. Yeah.
1721
01:26:12,248 --> 01:26:14,419
My God, that's amazing!
1722
01:26:20,359 --> 01:26:25,359
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