Original subtitles

Miss Wakefield.

l knew you from the photo.

lt doesn't do you justice.

With blind dates, you don't know

how to recognize the other.

Now you've seen me, what do you think?

- Good morning, Mrs. Peel. - Good morning.

Help yourself to coffee.

Always the perfect host.

9, 10, 11.

Planning?

Plotting.

For your accountant? A museum of modern aft?

Or could it be...

your popularity poll?

Looking into a curious situation.

11 murders in 6 months.

No clues, no motives, no suspects.

Or rather, the people who had a motive were elsewhere.

- Coincidence. - This says no.

Everything points to 11 organized murders.

The chances of coincidence are...

27 million to one.

Roughly. l can be more precise.

The nearest million will do.

Mathematics won't solve the murders.

l'm hoping these might.

All the victims had their photographs taken recently.

All at the same studio.

Number 11, Jonathon Stone.

Shouldn't we pay our condolences to his widow?

We? l don't know her.

Somebody ought to go.

Of course, you can't.

l have to dash. l'm having my photograph taken.

Mrs. Peel...

l'm terribly sorry to bother you, but l'm with The lndustrial Times.

- Do sit down. - Thank you.

Mr. Stone was popular, l'm writing a biography.

- How can we help? - My brother-in-law,

Robeft Stone.

l need some details.

- That's simple. - And a recent photo.

- l really don't think... - No problem.

l saw some in his desk.

l'm sure you're wrong.

- Give me the keys and l'll look. - l'll go.

Tragic business.

Yes.

Strange he was killed without reason.

His business interests were quite ordinary.

You must have been mistaken, Robeft.

l find no photographs.

Hold it. Now smile.

1, 2...

Give it a bit of life, baby.

There we are. The tie. Smile!

The leg. That's lovely, great. Now hold it.

Come on, baby, animate. Come on, animate...

Animamimous!

Fabulous!

Tilt the head a tiny bit. Raise the arm. That's fine.

Smile. That's lovely!

Think of your boyfriend.

Not again, baby. What are you doing to yourself?

l told you money couldn't buy everything.

lt still isn't quite right. lt's too terribly mundane.

Too mundane by half?

lt needs something else. Charm, a bit of elegance.

A bit of savoir-faire as it were.

Let's try it from down here. Here we go.

Another one, here we go.

That's great! Fabulous!

Now hold that. lt's a knockout!

1, 2! Fabulous!

l'm much obliged.

Very confusing.

lt's an adveft. The watch.

- The watch? - Yeah, the watch.

Where's the watch? lt's to adveftise the watch.

Quafter to one! What can l do for you?

Just keep on.

A friend recommended you.

- You took his poftrait. - Not a chance.

l'm too busy. Hold that.

Lots of commercial work. No time for poftraits.

Your name was on the print.

Just head and shoulders.

Not a chance. l don't do it. Thank you.

Wait a minute! Togetherness!

Sorry.

This friend. Was he a Togetherness client?

l don't understand.

Very exclusive. Only the best people. A marriage bureau.

Just a second.

l think she was lying, but why?

And the brother?

Educated, sophisticated, charming, rather good-looking.

- Where's the catch? - He was edgy, tense.

- Something to hide? - Well hidden.

- And the photographers? - Went like a flash.

Togetherness. You must be starving.

A little restaurant with escalope � la cr�me.

- With asperges. - Parmesan, garlic.

- Superb cr�pes. - l'm in for a feast.

Charming, and so close to the library.

The library.

You'll find loads of information in the police records.

- ln pafticular? - Were the victims married?

What about marriage?

A marvelous institution. l'm seriously contemplating it.

l went on the market today, every bid considered.

Of course, l'm very choosy.

Mr. Steed!

Yes.

What a charming atmosphere!

- Do you mind? - Not at all.

- Thank you. - A love seat?

l'd be delighted.

Mr. Lovejoy will see you. He's congratulating a happy couple.

How very encouraging.

Perhaps you'd like champagne?

- Or... wedding cake? - l've just had breakfast.

...you'll treasure all your lives.

l hope you both have all the happiness in the world.

Good luck.

Mr. Steed?

- Keep the old bells ringing. - Yes.

Another couple on the road to happiness.

Do come in.

Now.

Since you called we've drawn up a basic file.

We now require the more personal details

to assess your compatibility rating.

- lt sounds very scientific. - Extremely.

We take the unceftainties out of marriage.

lf you're an early riser, your wife will be joyous at 7 am.

lf you like the outdoors, so will she.

Compatibility is the key.

But first,

your background.

We do have to be rather... how shall l put it?

- Careful. - Quite.

Our clients come from the best families.

Now about military service.

- You were commissioned? - My friends call me Major.

- Regiment? - Guards, of course.

Of course, which guards?

The Guards!

Splendid. Public school?

Expelled from three.

Two many extracurriculars and no studying.

Excellent. Now after leaving the guards,

what was your position?

- Position? - Your work.

Work?

l'm terribly sorry. The occasional client...

l tried, but it didn't work out. Too much like work.

l was at the Foreign Office, found it all quite baffling.

You seem imminently suitable.

Any preference with regard to your paftner?

Well, female.

l was thinking of special qualities you might require.

As long as she rides well,

plays bridge, mixes a dry Maftini,

whips up a passable soufl�. A good old rounder.

Adrian!

The Henshaw file. lt's urgent.

Ah, yes. You haven't met Mr. Steed.

Our counselor of love, Mr. Dinsford.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

Look at this right away. lt's tricky.

Just as soon as l finish with Mr. Steed.

You'll let me know? l don't like it.

All right, Walter.

Nice to have met you.

- l'm not going through with it... - ln my office.

No talking.

Henshaw, in my office!

Marvelous fellow Dinsford. An expeft in psychology.

He'll compute your compatibility rating.

Computing? l hope he presses the right button.

True love isn't always easy, not even here.

Oh, that? Another matter altogether.

Now for an appointment. Tomorrow suit you?

lmminently.

Frankly, Mr. Steed, l see no difficulty in placing you.

Sorry to intrude.

Mrs. Peel...

Don't talk, listen.

Go at once to 14 Spurley Couft. lt's not far from you.

A man called Henshaw.

l can't explain now.

Don't argue.

Unexpected visitors. Goodbye.

We can't push Henshaw anymore.

He could ruin everything. We have to act soon.

Walter, you worry too much.

- What are you doing? - Shutting you up.

Consulting the director.

lt's Lovejoy here. This is an emergency.

lt's about the trouble with Henshaw.

Walter thinks he might crack.

What? Oh, that's fine.

l see. Thank you.

Well?

As l said, you worry too much.

Henshaw is being taken care of.

You knew and you didn't stop it!

When l did l sent you around.

- Too late. - Just too late.

Later l tried Henshaw but he didn't answer.

l didn't do much better. l let the murderer escape.

- Did you recognize him? - Her.

Young, very pretty.

Maybe she's looking for a husband.

The bureau is involved right up to its bridal bouquet.

You repofted all of the victims were bachelors.

Except Jonathon Stone.

That's a bit of a poser. We may find out tomorrow

when the bureau will have found me a paftner.

They're very scientific. They analyze your personality

and find your compatible companion.

That must have been a problem.

- Finding a match for you. - l don't know...

Educated, charming, cultured.

Ruthless, devious, scheming. Have to be quite a girl.

A mixture of Lucretia Borghia and Joan of Arc.

Sounds like every girl l know.

lsn't it high time you thought of marrying again?

You can send Mr. Steed in now.

Ah, Mr. Steed!

Good morning.

Do sit down.

We are very satisfied with your rating.

Mr. Dinsford computed all the probabilities.

He's very confident and considers you one of our more elligible...

- clients. - Splendid.

- You're free today? - My time is yours.

Good. We've arranged a rendez-vous for noon.

The client is ideally suited.

You don't waste any time.

Frankly, Mr. Steed,

some of our clients would make Cupid lose hope.

But for you, our whole range is at your disposal.

Fascinating. Do you have a catalogue?

No.

Miss Wakefield should suit you.

- How do l recognize her? - You'll both have a carnation.

- So as to recognize each other. - Thank you.

We prefer photographs, but there hasn't been time.

Don't worry, it will be all right.

We would like to have your photograph taken for our files.

Can l arrange a sitting?

There's no need. l've quite a few. Etona, the Guards,

playing polo, in the nude.

Polo in the nude. l don't...

l was 18 months, on a bear skin.

l'll send some head and shoulders.

Perfect.

Musn't be late. Will you give me the details?

- ln this envelope. - Thank you.

- Good day. - Good luck.

What can we do for you, Miss?...

Mrs. Emma Peel. l'm looking for a husband.

You've come to the right place.

lndeed. Kindly step into my office.

- Mr. Lovejoy! - Not now, l'm busy.

lt's the director. Urgent.

We need photographs.

Full length, full face. Our recommendation.

- l really only... - Just tell him it's for us.

Good day, it's been nice meeting you.

Hurry back with those photographs.

Put it through to my office.

Hello.

Lovejoy speaking.

Yes, we have a new client. Our type you might say.

A meeting has been arranged. Barbara, of course.

- Mlle Wakefield? - Yes.

Carnations come in pretty handy.

Well, what do you think?

- 1st impression is pretty good. - Thank you.

- Canadian. What paft? - You're fast. Toronto.

- A bit of old England? - l'd love it.

Lunch by the river, feed the swans,

followed by a brisk trot... on horseback.

- ln these? - My riding club will fix you up.

Lovely.

- There we are. - My pictures.

l don't take pictures.

l capture the very essence of your personality.

Will a check do?

With clients like you l might give the bureau a whirl.

Mr. Beal.

Excuse me.

Stone, have you checked?

- Of course. Not from here. - Thank you.

- Tally ho. - And away she goes.

- How do l look? - Stunning.

l must warn you, flattery will get you anywhere.

There's only one thing missing.

- Fours? - Yes.

You come here often?

When l'm in the area.

l'm attached to a couple of polo ponies.

Do you own them?

The ponies.

Only hire them. Can't afford anything else.

Under different circumstances...

- What? - Black sheep of the family. Me.

My cousin is... Hold on a sec.

He's the favored one. He gets the real money.

l have income from a trust.

How's that?

- Fine. - Good.

lf this cousin were dead you'd inherit?

That's it.

- You must resent him. - Resent him?

l loathe him. Try this for size.

Togetherness will solve all your problems.

l only have one: finding a suitable paftner.

We'll do our best. Your requirements? Age, physique?

Just let me know.

A mature man.

A man of culture and intelligence.

- Mature, cultured, intelligent. - With stamina.

Quite so. Our counsellor will take care of the details.

Necessary, you know. Many of our clients

are very pernickety. Some even stipulate a title.

l'm more interested in the man.

An admirable sentiment, Mrs. Peel.

Financial status. You would wish your opposite half

to be reasonably wealthy?

A rhetorical question, really.

An exclusive concern such as this we do not accept...

- the lower orders. - Naturally.

l see we understand each other. To recapitulate...

Mature, cultured, intelligent...

with stamina, of ceftain means. Will that be all?

l think that will be entirely satisfactory.

- From the photographer. - Ah, yes...

Excellent.

We shall have no difficulty in placing you.

We'll be getting in touch.

Mrs. Peel, charming woman.

What's she doing here?

- Who? - That woman.

She's a new client, why?

Why? She saw me leaving Henshaw's apaftment.

How did your date go?

What was she like?

Charming and attractive.

She may be deadly serious about all this.

With the accent on the deadly.

She was careful, but she was planted

to find out my financial problems.

Not necessarily. lf she is genuine she'd naturally want to know.

She was greatly interested in my cousin.

Cousin?

The one between me and a foftune. lnvented as bait.

- And she bit? - Hook, line and sinker.

She took to me too.

How did you get on with Lovejoy?

We should have no difficulty in placing you at all.

Very good for the ego.

As if the whole of the other sex is panting to get at one.

Might be true too.

l went to the photographers.

Brent Beal. How was it?

- Robeft Stone was there. - Robeft Stone?

- What for? - To talk to Beal.

- What about? - l was too far away to hear.

Oh, pity, great pity.

Now, wedding cake decorations.

A big silver horseshoe, miniature bride and groom.

Lovejoy's invited me for a wedding cake tasting.

Miss Wakefield seems very taken with you.

Oh, yes.

A conquest.

She's very tasty... l mean compatible.

Thank Dinsford. His selection system never fails.

Bland, but not unpleasant. A complete conquest.

Fine, let's make the arrangements.

lt isn't quite as easy as that.

What do you think?

- lt's a question of finance. - Finance?

Too many currants.

- Too many. - l thought you'd agree.

From what l've heard of your financial status

we are not sure you will be able to provide for Miss Wakefield...

ln the manner to which she is accustomed.

- No? - No.

Naturally we wish only to make you happy,

but we do have an obligation to Miss Wakefield.

- Naturally. - Naturally.

Far too vulgar, Dinsford. Flair but with subtlety.

Such are our requirements.

Yes, Adrian.

lt really is a pity about your cousin, great pity.

- lnherited the family foftune. - Millions.

Superb! One can really savour the brandy.

Mr. Steed...

Delicious.

Perhaps, you prefer your liquor more liquid, eh, Steed?

This cousin of yours, he's in excellent health?

There's no chance he might...

None. He's ajolly spofting type. Plays a lot of games.

Games... Dangerous games?

An accident perhaps?

Too careful.

Keep fit and careful, dear me!

Not half positive enough. There's no marriage between them.

- No, really. - Nonsense!

Your opinion is appreciated.

lf he were to die tomorrow, would you shed a tear?

- This cousin... - Stands between you and a foftune.

A foftune you regard as yours.

lf he were dead...

l've thought of that.

Convenient accident. Cake of soap at the top of the stairs.

l must say l've toyed with the idea.

Only toyed?

Always stopped shoft, fear of being at the end of a rope.

l've always preferred soft collars.

Besides, getting up at 8 o'clock in the morning.

But that presupposes you would be found out.

With my motive...

That's the whole point.

Hundreds of people want to get rid of someone.

But they know they would be suspected.

Suppose you eliminated someone else's victim.

And they in return, eliminated yours?

You could have a wateftight alibi.

Swap murders. Very ingenius. But it wouldn't work.

You think not?

lt would require a vast organization.

Suppose... such an organization already existed.

Would you call upon its services?

Like a shot.

But how could it?

Anonymous, discreet, carefully planned.

Have a cover where people could come and go,

and meet at will.

A marriage bureau, in fact.

- Glad you could make it. - Why the celebration?

- lt's a soft of farewell gesture. - Leaving?

- An assignment. - Assignment or assignation?

Like it?

Gift from my new employers for services to be rendered.

Lovejoy and Dinsford.

They even provided me with the means.

Good, then we've got them.

l want who's behind Togetherness.

So l have to do the assignment.

- What? - Murder somebody.

Someone you choose at random?

No, the choice has been made.

They even provide a photograph. Rather flattering.

Steed...

Who is it?

You, my dear.

Very foftunate finding Steed. He seems efficient.

- Seems? - Now what, Walter?

l don't believe in anticipating the results.

not before we know the results of the results, if you get me.

l might work it out.

Still, we have a winner in Steed. We might use him again.

Don't forget Henshaw. We pushed him too far.

Leave Steed to me. He's a different type.

Ah, Mr. Steed!

My dear fellow, we were just talking about you.

You want something?

To give you back this.

You mean... already?

Why waste time?

- No problem? - None at all.

Commendable expediency.

- As l told you, highly efficient. - You're admirable.

First class!

Thank you, gentlemen.

But l'd prefer something more tangible.

- Your paft of the bargain. - Of course.

Thought l'd pop the question. Honeymooning on the Riviera.

- My cousin... - Becomes your depafted cousin.

Exactly.

- Exactly. - Exactly.

You understand it is imperative l see for myself

that you have...

completed your task.

A mere formality.

Shall we?

She looks peaceful.

Yes.

Let's hope that her past sins will be overlooked and...

- We must hope so. - Sincerely.

Most sincerely.

- There was no... - She didn't feel a thing.

My trust has not been misplaced.

- l hope not. - On the contrary.

l won't hesitate to test it again.

Again?

l'll be frank with you.

A man of your caliber is wofth 10 others.

We could use you again for profitable work.

Besides, l know my man.

l sense a ceftain restlessness.

Live needs a dash of flavor for you, a little danger?

l must say l'm tempted.

Capital. Then perhaps...

But l'd like to see your director.

You do have a director, don't you?

Naturally.

lt's time l stafted working for the top then.

We'll see, Mr. Steed

- Can l offer you a lift? - l'll stay a while.

Pay my last respects.

You've got a spider on your nose.

Have you no respect?

You were so peaceful l thought you were asleep.

- Are you comfoftable? - Not very.

How long must l lie in state?

l'll come for you this evening.

- All day? - lt'll be a nice rest

and l'll find out who Mr. X is.

Robeft Stone.

Perhaps... But they mustn't see you

until we're ceftain.

Anything l can get you? Magazines, newspapers, a heaft?

A lift home.

ln memory of a faithful friend.

Hold on.

l call that very thoughtful.

Careful you don't hiccup in the coffin.

Cheers.

We can eliminate Mrs. Peel from our files.

Are you sure?

Of course. Just seen for myself.

A touching sight. Most effecting.

l was right about Steed, a most effective chap.

- l hope so. - What is the matter?

This photo was lying on your desk and Beal saw it.

- Well? - lt's him.

- Him who? - John Steed

Naturally!

He asked me to take a picture of him.

Recommended by a client.

7, 8, 9, 10, 11.

Henshaw.

Mrs. Pell.

Spy duty.

Major Blink-Eye Dinsford. Colonel Hood-Eye Lovejoy.

And back at HQ, in command, the general.

General who?

- Good afternoon. - Please, come in.

l won't, l'm in rather a hurry.

A change of plan concerning Mrs. Peel.

Mrs. Peel? What do you mean? l killed her.

Then you won't mind helping us to bury her.

Well, that's over and done with, Mr. Steed.

- All doubts dispelled. - Doubts?

You knew she was dead. l don't understand.

A change of plan. We had to make sure.

Now you are sure.

Oh, completely. Eh, Walter?

Yes.

When do l see the director?

Right now, Mr. Steed.

You?

l saw you buried.

Correction, Mr. Stone. You saw my coffin buried, not me.

- Sorry to disappoint you. - Disappoint?

A nice organization you have here.

l have? Wait, you've got your wires crossed.

l saw you at Beal's.

So you imagined it...

l went there and l broke in here to find out

who killed my brother. You must believe me.

He was supposed to meet someone from here

the day he was murdered.

l thought there must be a record of the meeting.

You try the desk.

l still don't understand. The coffin...

Steed thinks ahead.

Lead floor for weight and an emergency exit if needed.

And l needed it.

Ah, here!

''Jonathon Stone''.

''Barbara Wakefield''.

That's right.

Back up.

We'll have to have your funeral again.

A double burial will be cheaper.

- Barbara! - ln here.

- What the devil... - Snoopers.

- We were right about Steed. - Fools.

He's home.

- We'll get him if we hurry. - Later !

We'll attend to Steed later.

First, take care of these two.

Back the car up to the door. They'll be found

far from here.

Why, Jessica, why?

Kill Jonathon? My own husband?

He wasn't content.

We had a good organization here, but he wasn't content.

He had affairs. One girl after another.

And so l used the organization, our organization, against him.

The only married man.

You've noticed that. Very clever.

Astute, but it won't do you much good now.

Dinsford should be ready.

Don't just sit there. Dinsford!

Walter!

Mrs. Stone!

l do like a happy ending. Delicious.

- Congratulations. - No. Best man!

- Don't you think so? - Absolutely.

l'm glad to hear it, Mrs. Peel.

Subtitles by: Jeannie Taillat

Processed by: B.B. COM - Paris