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1
00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:10,501
DWIGHT: Uh-oh. Okay,
okay, nobody panic.
Listen up, listen up.
2
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,239
Everyone,
follow me to the shelter.
3
00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:14,679
We've got enough
food for 14 days.
4
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,240
After that, we have
a difficult conversation.
5
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:18,341
My bad.
6
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:20,387
Space heater and
fan were both on high,
7
00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:22,855
plugged into
the same outlet, so...
8
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,087
JIM: It's saying
the server went down?
9
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:27,285
Does anybody
know that password?
10
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,488
'Cause otherwise,
we can't do any work.
11
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:31,054
Uh, try "password."
12
00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:32,188
Nope.
13
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:35,566
Try zero, zero, zero,
zero, zero, zero.
14
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:36,959
No.
15
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:40,940
Okay, now try zero, zero,
zero, zero, zero, one.
16
00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:42,808
Okay, I'm not
doing every number.
17
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,368
Wait, does anyone
remember when
it was set up?
18
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:47,606
Uh, it was, like,
eight years ago?
19
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,372
Lord of the Rings stuff?
20
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,044
I don't know,
I'm just trying
to think of things
21
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:52,882
that were happening
at the time.
22
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:54,546
Everyone was getting
their driver's license.
23
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:57,651
Why don't we just
call the I.T. guy
who set it up?
24
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,090
What's the name of the guy
in the glasses, again?
25
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:01,993
Okay, moving backwards,
our I.T. guys have been
26
00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:05,060
"Glasses," "Turban,"
"Ear Hair," "Fatty 3,"
27
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:08,125
"Shorts," "Fatty 2,"
"Lozenge" and "Fatso."
28
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:11,071
I think "Lozenge"
is the one
who installed it.
29
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:12,128
ANDY: I got it.
30
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:13,262
Try...
31
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:15,366
32
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,345
You know what,
it made me laugh
when I heard it,
33
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,404
but Pam got
really offended.
34
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,244
"Big boobs."
35
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,581
"Drama queen"?
"Nosy"?
36
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:26,981
You're typing
"big boobs"?
37
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,110
I'm trying everything.
38
00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:29,315
Try "big boobs"
with a "z."
39
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:32,390
That's the password.
We're in.
40
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:33,586
DWIGHT: All right.
Wow.
41
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,390
DWIGHT: Yes.
The important thing is
42
00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:37,522
this kept us secure, people.
43
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,524
Morning.
RYAN: How's it going?
44
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:11,888
Hey, I'm Wuphf.
I'm Facebook.
45
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:12,955
What's up, Facebook?
46
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,399
I sent you
a Facebook
message yesterday,
47
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,959
I still haven't
heard anything back.
48
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,766
You should've
sent me a wuphf.
A what?
49
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,069
When you send a wuphf,
it goes to your
home phone, cell phone,
50
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,234
email, Facebook,
Twitter, and homescreen.
51
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:23,299
All at the same time.
52
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:24,367
53
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,012
54
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,172
AUTOMATED VOICE: Wuphf.
55
00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:29,182
Wuphf!
Wuphf.com!
56
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,491
Thanks, Erin.
Sure.
57
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,724
Hey, Pam. I don't
wanna be a lousy snitch.
58
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:44,453
Okay.
59
00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:46,932
Ryan has been
using the color printer
for his business a lot,
60
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:47,990
and as office
administrator...
61
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,058
Oh, it's okay.
62
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:50,832
But it's not for...
63
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,099
Let it go.
64
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,970
PAM: Yes, I investedin Wuphf.
65
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,473
It's actually
a really great idea,
66
00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:57,602
and I can't believe
it didn't exist before.
67
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:01,342
And I know Ryan's
kind of a sketchy guy,
but hey, I married Jim.
68
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:04,476
I've done my part
for the nice guy.
Now I want a bedroom set.
69
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:09,155
I think an investors'
ski trip, frankly,
is the best idea.
70
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:11,054
It will be
a bonding experience.
71
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,114
I love it.
72
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,455
I was looking
at a trail map,
73
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,428
and I was thinking
that we should start
on a bunny hill,
74
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:17,157
because I've never
actually been skiing.
75
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,965
And then work our
way up to "Death Drop."
76
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:24,036
Great,
so we got our first offer
to buy the company.
77
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:25,161
You're kidding.
78
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:27,673
We could sell,
but why think so small?
79
00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:29,873
We can just get
a couple more
people involved,
80
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,206
really do this
thing our way.
81
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,437
You and me, baby.
82
00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:34,811
New investors are key,
though. That's actually
why I came in today.
83
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:36,909
Don't you work
here full-time?
84
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:40,013
Today, I was
thinking I would sit down
with a few of the people
85
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:41,555
who haven't invested yet.
86
00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:44,455
Or we could do that
together, if that
sounds fun to you.
87
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,883
That does sound fun to me.
88
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:47,984
Awesome.
89
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:55,760
Oh, this is good hay. Yeah.
This is the good stuff.
Mattress quality.
90
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,270
Every fall,
growing up,
91
00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:59,829
my Uncle Eldred
used to build us a maze
out of hay bales
92
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:03,274
for us kids to play in.
We called it "Hay Place."
93
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,541
Eldred called it"Hay World."
94
00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:07,478
Eventually, lawyerswere brought in. But...
95
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:12,110
That's all behind us.
Hay Place lives on.
96
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,175
Watch it, watch it.
97
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:17,654
Hello!
Welcome to Hay Place.
A place for hay.
98
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:19,056
Don't forget
to make a broom.
99
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:20,856
Oh, the petting zoo
closes at 2:00,
100
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,123
and the goat roast
is at 3:00.
101
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,528
Come on in, enjoy!
102
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:25,788
Hey.
103
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:29,230
I'm kind of in the mood
for a roll in the hay.
104
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:30,861
Roll in the hay, $5.
105
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,734
No, I meant...
106
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,065
Oh, our contract.
107
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,199
Mmm-hmm.
108
00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:40,546
Yes, why don't we
meet at the usual spot.
109
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,844
Uh, I've got a half
an hour during lunch
110
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,614
in between the historical
reenactment of the
Dunmore farm slaughters
111
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:47,813
and the onion boil.
112
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,953
Perfect.
So... Excuse me,
get off of there.
113
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:52,389
Those are show bales,
not play bales.
114
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:56,793
All right, thank you.
I will send the
contracts over right away.
115
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,229
All right.
116
00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:04,631
Whoo!
117
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:06,866
JIM: I am on the first hotsales streak of my life.
118
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,635
I think it all comes
from feeding Cece,
119
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:11,234
because no matter
how much she resists,
120
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,371
I sell her
those carrots.
121
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:14,436
And let's be honest,
122
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:17,416
if I can make mushed carrots
seem better than a boob,
123
00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:20,085
I can pretty much
sell anything.
124
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,282
Commission comes out to
125
00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:23,448
126
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:25,717
zero.
127
00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:27,693
Okay, well, it can't
be zero, Kev.
128
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:32,699
I entered the sale,
and I hit enter and I
said, "Dunh-duh-na-dah!"
129
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,163
I'm pretty sure
I timesed it right.
130
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:36,999
You met your
commission cap
last week.
131
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:40,006
So, from here until
the end of the fiscal year,
your commission will be zero.
132
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:42,401
What are you talking about?
We have a commission cap?
133
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:43,838
It's a new
corporate policy.
134
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,776
Is this job really
about the money
for you, Jim?
135
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:52,176
I mean, isn't this
where you fell in love?
136
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:54,744
A commission cap
takes away my
incentive to sell.
137
00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:57,086
So, you realize
I now have no
reason to work, right?
138
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,822
When you're dealing
with a large organization,
139
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:03,227
sometimes you have to
put up with policies
you don't like.
140
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:07,028
I wish my gym
didn't allow full nudity
in the locker room.
141
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,428
Okay, some of
these old guys
walking around naked,
142
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,561
feels almost
passive-aggressive.
143
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,564
But I deal with it
'cause it's policy.
See what I mean?
144
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:15,798
Nope.
145
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,538
Nudity makes me
uncomfortable.
Okay.
146
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,512
My gym allows it.
147
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:23,482
I wish they didn't,
but it's policy. So,
I respect it, and I just
148
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,041
keep a low...
You know, I look away.
149
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,385
Think about your
commission cap
150
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,117
as a naked old man
in a gym locker room.
151
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:35,753
Excuse me,
everyone. Sex!
152
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:37,863
Now that I have
your attention...
153
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:39,489
You don't have
our attention.
154
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:40,589
Money!
155
00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:41,690
I'm listening.
156
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:42,963
You had me at "sex."
157
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,795
Pervert.
PHYLLIS: You have
all of our attention
158
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:46,237
just by screaming anything.
159
00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:47,529
That's good to know.
160
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:48,597
161
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:49,973
What do you want
to say, Michael?
162
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,136
Wuphf!
163
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:54,374
All right,
I've warmed them up for you.
You have the floor, Ryan.
164
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:55,875
How's everybody doing?
165
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:57,473
166
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:58,540
RYAN: Good!
167
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:00,246
Now, a lot of you
have already staked out
168
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,788
your corner of
the Wuphf empire.
169
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,222
Raise your hand if
I'm describing you.
170
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:07,650
Great.
171
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,022
STANLEY: Yes, I have a dream.
172
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:13,030
And it's not some M.L.K.
dream for equality.
173
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:17,195
I want to own
a decommissioned
lighthouse.
174
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,430
And I want to
live at the top.
175
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:22,032
And nobody knows
I live there.
176
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,772
And there's a button
that I can press,
177
00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:29,213
and launch that
lighthouse into space.
178
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:31,780
For my current investors,
things are going great.
179
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,114
We already
have a buyer.
180
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,176
Really? Who?
181
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,552
Washington University.
182
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,282
I don't even want to
think about selling
183
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:38,882
until our numbers
get into the billions.
184
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:39,949
At least.
185
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,996
So, I've decided
to open up a second
round of investment
186
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,827
to friends and family.
187
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,025
Oh, God. Hold on to
your wallets, ladies.
188
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:50,627
Did you ever think of
Wuphf as an emergency
notification system,
189
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,866
like, for college campuses
with shooters or gas leaks?
190
00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:56,373
No, no, Oscar, it's not
a digital rape whistle.
191
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:58,105
Wuphf is about fun.
That's right.
192
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,976
Fun, communication,
connection.
193
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:01,439
What's your
money situation?
194
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:03,447
Well, it's tight,
as with any start-up.
195
00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:05,747
Sure, how long can you
sustain this without
a cash infusion?
196
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:09,153
We have nine solid days.
I love these questions.
Keep 'em coming.
197
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,316
I'm sorry,
nine days until what?
198
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:12,381
Bankruptcy?
199
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,428
Wait, Ryan,
so this could be
over by the weekend?
200
00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:17,291
How long do you
think a week is?
201
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,128
No, not this weekend.
Next weekend.
202
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,758
We were gonna go on
the investors' ski trip.
203
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,703
I bought poles.
204
00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:30,239
JIM: Well, since I haveno incentive to sell,
205
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:34,247
I've cleaned my car,organized my desk,and taken a multivitamin.
206
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,747
So...
207
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:37,576
What now?
208
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,680
Pam.
209
00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:44,023
Okay, now I've tried
everything.
210
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,259
Did you prank Dwight?
No.
211
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,419
Well, you like that.
212
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,759
Yeah, it's not
as fun if I'm not
blowing off work.
213
00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:51,525
I love you,
but I'm kind of busy,
214
00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:54,500
so I need you to
figure this one
out on your own.
215
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,296
216
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,838
217
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,105
218
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:06,813
Oscar said Wuphf
only has enough money
for nine days.
219
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:08,711
Check this out.
220
00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,511
All that color.
MICHAEL: Look at that.
221
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:13,883
Triple your
investment by January.
222
00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:16,218
Anyone can just
throw numbers up
on a chart.
223
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,518
What are you doing
to make it happen?
224
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,717
Well, earlier today,
I was emailing someone
by the name of John Legend.
225
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,228
MICHAEL: There you go.
You have his email?
226
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:25,891
A lot of these
guys are just Mac.com
at their website whatever.
227
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:27,627
We get that guy wuphfing,
228
00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:28,857
it's all over.
229
00:09:28,935 --> 00:09:30,233
I want my money back.
230
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:32,067
Do not talk
like that, Stanley.
231
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,039
Ryan, just tell
us your plan.
232
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:37,811
Okay, all right.
I know what you wanna see.
I'll be right back.
233
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:46,613
Hey, kids,
was that fun?
234
00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:47,676
ALL: Yeah!
All right.
235
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,517
I wanna go
on it again.
236
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,955
Oh, I bet you do.
237
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:52,181
You know what?
238
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,523
When I was a little kid,
they couldn't get
me off the hayride.
239
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,028
But it's gonna cost
you three more bucks.
240
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,397
Wow! This brings
back memories.
241
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:03,027
Hay stacking,
hay throwing...
242
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:07,541
And at the end of it all,
one lucky boy would
be crowned hay king.
243
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,441
I always wanted
to be hay king.
244
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,240
But the world
shines on Mose.
245
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:20,348
Where have you been?
I've been waiting.
246
00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:22,053
Can we move this to
the end of the day?
247
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,884
No, I think you should
make time for it.
248
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,516
I found the needle
in the haystack!
249
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,857
Hey, congratulations.
Do you know
what your prize is?
250
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:28,917
I don't know.
251
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:32,499
Nothing. Life lesson?
Some tasks are
not worth doing.
252
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,623
Dwight?
253
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:37,761
Wuphf T-shirts.
Who wants one?
254
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:40,033
Just imagine that
you're at spring
break at Daytona Beach.
255
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:41,096
Here we go.
Okay?
256
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,733
Everyone's like,
"Hey, dude, what's up
257
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,005
"with all the hotties
in the Wuphf shirts?"
258
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:47,706
Or, "Hey, what's up
with that helicopter?"
259
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:49,307
"It's Ry from Wuphf!"
260
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:50,406
"It's Ry,
the Wuphf guy!"
261
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,542
"Yo, Ry from Wuphf!"
262
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:53,109
"He's up there."
"What's he dropping?"
263
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,882
"Wow, what's falling
on us, man?"
264
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:56,352
Wuphf condoms!
265
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,352
Fifty thousand condoms
out of the sky.
266
00:10:58,424 --> 00:10:59,414
MICHAEL: Look at that!
267
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,585
He threw 'em
on the ground!
268
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,459
Look, this is
a marketing campaign.
You got nine days.
269
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:04,691
Let's say you
do get the money.
270
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:05,754
What are you
gonna do with it?
271
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,494
The first lesson of
Silicon Valley, actually,
272
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:10,503
is that you only
think about the user,
the experience.
273
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:13,096
You actually don't
think about the money.
Ever.
274
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:14,700
That sounds weird.
275
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,367
No, it's not weird,
Andy, and you
know what else?
276
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,742
We have an offer from
Washington University.
277
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:21,178
So, monetize that.
278
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:23,239
Are you guys
meeting about Wuphf?
279
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,444
You know that that
was my idea, right?
280
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,077
I said to Ryan,
"I try to call you,
281
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:28,143
"and you don't
have your phone.
282
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:29,689
"I try to I.M. you,
and you're not online.
283
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:31,850
"I wish there was
a way that I could do
everything all at once,
284
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,223
"and I could
just be like this
little dog going,
285
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,818
"'Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!
Ruff! Ruff!'"
286
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:36,157
RYAN: Baby, baby, baby...
KELLY: I think
I'm gonna sue you.
287
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,219
No, no, no.
288
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:38,356
I do, I do.
This isn't right.
289
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,332
I help you with your
things, and you help
me with my things.
290
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,866
KELLY: But I...
It's not right.
291
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:43,960
I got this. It's okay.
Don't worry about this.
292
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,638
Is it any particular branch
of Washington University?
293
00:11:46,739 --> 00:11:48,833
The Washington University
Public Health Fund.
294
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:52,245
W-U-P-H-F.
295
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,302
Oh, God.
296
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:54,813
They only want it
for the initials.
297
00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:56,542
The domain name.
Yeah, they do.
298
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:57,982
I move we sell.
MICHAEL: What?
299
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,519
Yeah, sell.
Sell.
300
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:00,576
Get us out of this.
301
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,121
Have some faith
in this idea.
302
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,815
If everybody
wants to sell,
we sell, right?
303
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,121
I won't sell.
And you know what?
304
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:08,855
Ryan and I have
the majority of shares.
305
00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:10,760
Isn't that right?
Yes. You alone do, actually.
306
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:11,820
I... Yes.
307
00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:13,121
We're not selling.
308
00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:14,963
I will not sell.
309
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:18,598
Awesome.
310
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:24,433
Do you mind if we
share this bale?
311
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:25,671
Sure.
312
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,873
There's no charge
to sit on the hay,
is there?
313
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,510
Probably.
314
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,246
I mean,
wouldn't you think
315
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:34,014
the $10 to
build your own broom
would include the hay
316
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,350
and not just
the instructions?
317
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:36,411
I mean,
I'm starting to think
318
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,082
this guy is just
trying to make money
off the holiday.
319
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,722
Yeah, instead of
"Hay Place" it should
be "Pay Place."
320
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:41,783
321
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:42,851
Don't laugh at me.
322
00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:45,793
No, no, no, I wasn't.
I was just laughing
at your joke.
323
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:47,590
Oh.
324
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,431
"Pay Place."
325
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:55,942
Yeah, so we can celebrate
"Thanksgiving-me-your-money"
Day.
326
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:57,102
That's humorous.
327
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:58,166
Thank you.
328
00:13:01,180 --> 00:13:02,375
KEVIN: You guys know
how to get out?
329
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,677
330
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,610
Hi, Michael.
331
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,554
Can't talk,
saving the planet.
332
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,056
Oh, we don't recycle.
333
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,552
We don't?
334
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,959
Well, why have I been
separating the trash
into whites and colors?
335
00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:17,721
I'm sure no one
asked you to do that.
336
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,834
Eight years.
337
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,161
Listen, I know you
really like Ryan...
338
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,934
No, I won't
even consider it.
339
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:28,903
Michael, I...
340
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,738
I hate to say
this, but...
341
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:36,442
You know this special
bond that you've
always felt with Ryan,
342
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:37,984
where, like,
you're best friends
343
00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:39,610
or you're his
mentor or something?
344
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:43,680
Right, yes, yeah.
Best friend/mentor.
345
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:48,089
Michael, I think
that that feeling
only goes one way.
346
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,154
And I think that
Ryan knows that,
347
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:52,664
and he's taking
advantage of you.
348
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:56,728
I think you are wrong.
349
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,930
And there are
a lot of other people
350
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:02,066
in this office who
have money at stake.
351
00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:03,507
Other people
you care about.
352
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:12,445
You may be right.
I may be crazy.
353
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:13,644
Don't.
354
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:16,756
I'm just saying that
I think I agree
with your point.
355
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,652
Yeah, but in a jokey way
where you're
gonna start singing.
356
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,092
I thought it might
make me feel better.
357
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,063
Okay. Go ahead.
358
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:32,437
But it justmay be a lunatic
359
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:33,871
No.
360
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:38,406
Ooh, nice.
Wasting time,
here we go.
361
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:40,379
Hey, back off.
It's solitaire.
362
00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:42,337
Hey, kid.
363
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:44,106
Hear you're
looking for work.
364
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:45,173
Talk to me.
365
00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:47,776
How far can you
reach those lovely
long arms of yours?
366
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:50,278
Put 'em down.
367
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:53,588
How long can you hold
that pretty little
breath of yours?
368
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:54,989
369
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,051
Good.
370
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:58,829
Hey, Jim?
371
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:00,399
Are you distracting
these people?
372
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:01,456
CREED: We're working.
373
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,338
Can you at least
try to look busy?
374
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,771
375
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:09,172
JO: The moment Darlaput the cupcakein her mouth,
376
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,801
her daddy pulledher aside and said,
377
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:14,746
"You're too fat.No one's gonna likeyou if you're too fat."
378
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:19,978
The next time Isaw David Geffenwas at the Buffalo Club.
379
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:23,579
"I love you,you gay bastard," I said.
380
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,352
"You gay bastard," I...
381
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:26,782
Gay ba...
382
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,689
Gay...
383
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:33,960
Michael,
384
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:35,592
how's it going, bro?
Good, good, bro.
385
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,569
Hey, thanks so much
for having my back
out there.
386
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:39,128
Always have your back.
387
00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:41,935
So, any ideas on how
we can get over this
nine-day hump here?
388
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:45,672
I have nothing but
ideas. The thing is,
they all require money.
389
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,542
Nine days, though.
That's, like...
390
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:49,946
Look, I know I've
tapped you so hard.
391
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,084
Yes, you have tapped this.
Hard.
392
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:53,517
393
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:54,952
You are funny, Michael.
394
00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:57,023
You... People don't
give you enough credit.
395
00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:59,352
Maybe I could take
a second mortgage
on my condo.
396
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,193
Well, a lot of
people are doing that,
397
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:02,694
and there don't seem
to be any consequences.
398
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:05,288
And they say the rates
have never been lower.
399
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:08,163
So, you would think
that's a good
idea for me to do?
400
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:12,170
Think about this,
you and me on
our private plane,
401
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,302
flown by our
private pilot,
402
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:17,707
eating our private meal,
cooked by our private chef.
403
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,678
Yeah, well, we never even
have dinner now, so...
404
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:20,802
We totally should.
405
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:21,904
Tonight?
406
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,374
I gotta work on this.
407
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:26,248
Right.
What am I saying?
Rain check.
408
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,947
Yeah.
409
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:35,323
And now, by show ofapplause, we will crownthis year's hay king.
410
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:38,193
All in favorof Purebred.
411
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,197
Put your handstogether for
412
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:41,731
Mixed Bred.
413
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,235
And let's hear it for
414
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,802
Purebred.
415
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,767
We appear tohave a three-way tie.
416
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:53,176
I have no choicebut to pickthe hay king myself.
417
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:54,541
I pick...
418
00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:59,711
Me! I am your hay king!
419
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:03,014
All hail your hay king!
420
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,859
Did I truck 300 bales
of hay to a parking lot
421
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:11,454
to rectify some
childhood disappointment?
422
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:14,358
Yes.
423
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,229
So, if I were to
call Dunder Mifflin
424
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:18,294
and ask for
Miss Angela Martin,
425
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:20,862
would I get
through to you?
426
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:23,832
You would.
427
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:26,141
And if I were to
call your house
and ask for your wife,
428
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,271
would I get
through to you?
429
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,375
My wife passed away
a few years ago.
430
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,414
How tragic.
431
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:33,851
Very sorry to hear that.
432
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:34,910
Thank you.
433
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:39,592
KEVIN: Help! Hello?
434
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:44,153
Oh! Help!
435
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:50,433
Consider it
a wuphf in person.
436
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:51,835
You're doing
the wrong thing.
437
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,135
You're gonna lose
Michael's investment,
you're gonna lose ours.
438
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,698
You got this crazy
opportunity to get
our money back.
439
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:58,136
Tell Mike to sell.
440
00:17:58,210 --> 00:18:00,179
If you tell Michael
to sell, he'll sell.
441
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:02,337
I'm betting on myself.
442
00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:03,746
It's a bad bet.
443
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:04,806
Hello?
444
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:07,217
Hey. It's an ambush here.
445
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:08,777
Nobody here
believes in
this company.
446
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:09,878
Will you tell
them they're wrong?
447
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:11,351
It's not that
we don't believe
in the company.
448
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,517
We don't
believe in you.
449
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,184
All those in favor
of selling, say "aye."
450
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,793
Aye.
Aye.
451
00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:16,851
Aye.
Aye.
452
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:18,824
Aye.
453
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:24,265
Do not agree to sell,
which is to say nay.
454
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:27,865
What is wrong with you?
What happened to
you in high school?
455
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,135
Michael, are
you that blind?
456
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:32,040
I'm not blind!
I know exactly who he is.
457
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:36,674
He is selfish and
lazy and image-obsessed,
and he is a bad friend.
458
00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:41,019
And he's also clever.
459
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:44,751
And he shoots
incredibly high, and
he may just make it.
460
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,456
But you know what,
even if he doesn't,
461
00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:49,654
I would rather
go broke betting
on my people
462
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:53,825
than get rich all by
myself on some island
like a castaway.
463
00:18:53,899 --> 00:18:55,333
And there is
no middle ground.
464
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:57,563
You're gonna lose
all of our money.
465
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:02,208
Only if he fails.
And you know what?
Ryan, I believe in you,
466
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,770
just like I believe
in all of you.
467
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:09,342
You have nine days
to save everybody's money.
468
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:12,142
Oh, that's a lot
of pressure.
469
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:14,050
I'm gonna need
some more time.
470
00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:15,514
You can't have it.
471
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:19,385
Okay.
472
00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:21,751
I won't let you down.
473
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:33,005
Angela? Angela!
474
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:46,076
The world sends
people your way...
475
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:51,318
Ryan came to me
through a temp agency.
Andy was transferred here.
476
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:53,859
No idea where
Creed came from.
477
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,323
The point is you
just have to play
478
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:57,556
with the cards
that you're dealt.
479
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:58,687
Jim,
480
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,364
that guy is an ace.
481
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:03,494
Dwight is myking up my sleeve.Phyllis is my old maid.
482
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:04,867
Oscar is my queen.
483
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:09,136
That's easy.
Give me a hard one.
That's what Oscar said.
484
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:12,173
Toby is the instructioncard you throw away.
485
00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:13,803
Pam is a solid seven.
486
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,678
And yeah, you know what?Ryan is probably, like, a two.
487
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:19,844
But sometimestwos can be wild,so watch out.
488
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:23,250
And I am obviously
the joker, so...
489
00:20:23,322 --> 00:20:25,052
490
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:26,848
That's...
491
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:28,189
492
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:32,095
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Wuphf from Ryan Howard.Decided to sell company.
493
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:34,690
Thanks, bro.Hell of a ride.
494
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,292
Thank God.
495
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,938
496
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:47,435
Gabe Lewis.
497
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,443
JO: Now, listen here,Gabe, you're too fat.
498
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,644
No one's gonna likeyou if you're too fat.
499
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:55,745
I made somechanges to my book.See if you like them.
500
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:57,722
Well, Jo...
Now, I love reading,
501
00:20:57,790 --> 00:20:59,122
and I hate beinginterrupted.
502
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,921
Shut up and listen,you gay bastard.
503
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:06,261
Chapter one. I was born,not into luxury nor poverty,
504
00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:09,097
but into adversity,and for that,I thank the Lord.
505
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:11,228
My father was a man.That's all we can know.
506
00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:14,296
After I learnedto ride a bike,there was no stopping me.
507
00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:17,309
I would ride upMagnolia Streetand down Azalea Lane,
508
00:21:17,376 --> 00:21:18,708
which would laterbecome my paper route...
509
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:19,837
All right,
good night, Gabe.
510
00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:21,244
Just wanted to
say thanks again
511
00:21:21,313 --> 00:21:22,804
'cause I really
think I made
good use of my day.
512
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:24,680
...wherever I wanted.
513
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:26,480
I have alwaysbeen a fighter.
Sorry.
514
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:29,722
And fate has obliged mewith plenty of battles,
515
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:30,848
the first being a hard...
38393
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