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1
00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:02,137
Okay.
Time for gifts.
2
00:00:02,202 --> 00:00:05,979
We have gift certificates
for facials for everybody.
3
00:00:06,039 --> 00:00:09,213
Then, you are going to get a needlepoint
pillow with your face on it
4
00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:12,051
and the lead headline from a
newspaper on the day you were born.
5
00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:13,853
"Josef Stalin Dies"?
6
00:00:13,913 --> 00:00:15,688
That's right, Mom.
And you replaced him.
7
00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:19,762
Not in terms of genocide. Just in
terms of, you know, being on Earth.
8
00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:23,289
February 14th, Valentine's
Day, is about romance.
9
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:26,599
But February 13th,
Galentine's Day
10
00:00:26,659 --> 00:00:28,661
is about celebrating
lady friends.
11
00:00:28,728 --> 00:00:31,208
It's wonderful, and it should
be a national holiday.
12
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,367
It should be
a national holiday.
13
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:37,181
"Dear Congress.
It's Leslie again."
14
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:39,339
Let's talk about
personal relationships.
15
00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:40,578
Who wants to start? Donna?
16
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,483
I have several men
in rotation.
17
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,250
One's waiting for me
out in the car.
18
00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:47,018
Don't worry.
I rolled down the window.
19
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,720
April, you're the old married broad here.
How's Andy?
20
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,127
Well, last week,
he was supposed to buy gas,
21
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,495
but instead, he bought
novelty cookie cutters.
22
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,864
Now, everything we eat
is shaped like a dinosaur.
23
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:57,958
He's amazing.
24
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,963
Great. And, Mom,
how is it going with Steven?
25
00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:03,007
Well, I met him
on the Internet
26
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,942
because of my
lovely daughter.
27
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,001
And we are
28
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,548
compatible.
29
00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:13,414
Okay, no, no, no.
Ann, can you start talking?
30
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:16,249
Well, I'm in a bit
of a lull right now.
31
00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:17,845
But I'm so glad
that you all
32
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,323
have people in your lives
that you care about,
33
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:21,620
so congrats.
34
00:01:22,782 --> 00:01:25,695
It's really hard to say "congrats"
without sounding sarcastic.
35
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:30,626
Seriously, I really hope you guys
are all very happy. Damn it.
36
00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:31,691
We are.
37
00:01:53,746 --> 00:01:56,352
Ann, I just wanted to say I'm
sorry if I put you on the spot
38
00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:57,724
when I asked you
about your love life.
39
00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:59,223
How are you doing?
40
00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:01,993
You know, I'm mostly
fine being single.
41
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:04,729
It's just this time of year,
with the hearts and roses,
42
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,668
it just gets me
a little down.
43
00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:10,499
But Galentine's Day made me feel better.
So thanks.
44
00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:15,106
Oh, Ann. You beautiful spinster.
I will find you love.
45
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,607
What? Did you say something?
I love you.
46
00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:21,675
Thank you all for being here.
Let's get started.
47
00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,217
Wow.
Great attitude, Ron.
48
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,819
Sorry. I was talking
to these ribs.
49
00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:30,421
Okay. So the
Valentine's Day dance
50
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,258
is planned, prepped
and under budget.
51
00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,696
But we have
one final task.
52
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:38,127
Ann Perkins is currently attending
the Valentine's Day dance alone.
53
00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:42,162
So I need each one of you to bring an
eligible bachelor for her tomorrow.
54
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:45,004
Ann's not totally hideous.
Why does she need our help?
55
00:02:45,064 --> 00:02:46,566
Because that's
what friends do, April.
56
00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:48,670
They help friends
find happiness.
57
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,371
Now, the last guy
she liked was Chris.
58
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,746
But she can't date him again
because he's her boss.
59
00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:54,910
So when we're thinking
of prospective sweethearts,
60
00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:57,921
we need to think of
people who are
61
00:02:57,977 --> 00:03:01,356
attractive and
smart and kind.
62
00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:03,087
And if you're wondering what
kind of guy is right for Ann,
63
00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:05,254
all you need to do is ask.
64
00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:09,192
Also, you need to find someone
educated and friendly and fun.
65
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:10,700
Just tell us
the damn word.
66
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,500
Effervescent.
He needs to be effervescent.
67
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,096
Quick question
about Ann.
68
00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:18,005
Does anyone know if she
has any Indian in her?
69
00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:20,066
No one respond.
No one say anything.
70
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:23,808
Why? I'm just curious if Ann
has a little Indian in her.
71
00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:25,405
Silence.
72
00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:26,541
I don't think
she does.
73
00:03:26,606 --> 00:03:28,483
- Would she like some?
- Jerry!
74
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:33,157
Happy Valentine's Day and...
75
00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:36,789
Yachter Otter?
Yep.
76
00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:40,160
Two months ago, I have a dream
about a playboy otter lost at sea,
77
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,858
and you make him real?
78
00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:44,397
I love it.
I thought we had agreed
79
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:45,993
that we weren't going to
get each other presents
80
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,437
because we were too busy with the campaign.
I got you something too.
81
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:52,268
Oh. A bomb?
82
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:54,744
It is a cryptex, like in that
movie The Da Vinci Code,
83
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,611
which was the first movie that you
and I ever watched on Starz HD.
84
00:03:57,670 --> 00:03:59,672
Wow. That's specific.
85
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,549
Inside, it will tell you where
to meet me at 9:00 p.m. tonight.
86
00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:05,021
And the combination
is a five-letter code
87
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,059
that captures the essence
of our third date.
88
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:09,791
Yeah.
So I will see you tonight.
89
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:12,295
Okay. Unless you can't
crack the code.
90
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,497
I think I can
crack the code.
91
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,563
I have no idea
what the code is.
92
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:22,938
Hey, man, you okay?
Still thinking about your ex?
93
00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:26,536
Millicent Gergich
has literally
94
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,439
torn my heart
from my body,
95
00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:33,575
and replaced it with
a thick slab of sadness.
96
00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:36,712
I may never smile again.
97
00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:43,758
Cool. So I found a DJ for the dance
and his name is D.J. Bluntz.
98
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:47,297
Tom, this is a publicly
funded couples dance.
99
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:51,460
I don't think it's appropriate for
people to be "getting wet with sound."
100
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,198
Who's going to do it, then?
101
00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:56,069
I will. I certainly have no
other plans for Valentine's Day
102
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,609
because I am
completely alone.
103
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:03,104
All right.
I'll see you later, Chris.
104
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:05,710
Oh, cool cryptex.
Can I have it?
105
00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:07,752
Hey. No. No, you can't.
Where did you get it?
106
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,309
How do you know
what a cryptex is?
107
00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:11,054
I know what things are.
108
00:05:11,277 --> 00:05:14,417
Well, Leslie hid the location of our
Valentine's meeting place in here.
109
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,221
No. I've tried every
five-letter word
110
00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:18,421
that has anything to do
with our third date.
111
00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:20,695
Have you tried...
112
00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:23,157
That's a four-letter word.
113
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:26,164
Add an "S"? I really
don't think it's that.
114
00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:27,863
I wish I could help you, bro.
I don't know if I can.
115
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,873
You're like the second
smartest guy I know.
116
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,407
You should go to the first
smartest guy I know.
117
00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:34,309
Okay.
So the clue is inside,
118
00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:37,610
but it takes the five-letter
code to open it. Andy...
119
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:39,848
Did you try...
120
00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:42,814
Yes. Why is that
everyone's first suggestion?
121
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:46,254
Just smart people. I think I
might be able to help you.
122
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:47,416
Told you.
123
00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:51,826
Let me see it.
Yeah, you're going to see it.
124
00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:53,955
I'll show you.
I can unroll it.
125
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,425
"The murals with
this heart you see.
126
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:59,503
"Look to the first, and there
your next clue will be."
127
00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:02,130
The first letter of the name of
each mural with a heart on it
128
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,538
will spell out the clue.
129
00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:07,103
Or something.
Let's check out the murals.
130
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,904
Happy Valentine's Day,
Pawnee.
131
00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:12,377
For me,
it is not happy.
132
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:15,942
But don't let my sadness
diminish your night.
133
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,648
Anyway,
life is fleeting.
134
00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:23,458
Leslie,
I found a date for Ann.
135
00:06:23,516 --> 00:06:25,928
Jerry, well done.
I put an ad on Craigslist.
136
00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:28,989
"Man seeking man
for a night of casual fun."
137
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,659
Enrico,
he responded right away.
138
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,168
I'll meet you inside. Okay.
Okay.
139
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,363
Thanks, dude.
140
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:34,972
You hired a male escort.
141
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:38,342
A what? Please get your
gigolo out of here.
142
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,405
Oh, my God.
143
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,905
Okay. So we've got all the ones from
this side with the heart sticker.
144
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:49,883
All right. The ones from the other
hallway are "Cornfield Slaughter,"
145
00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:52,115
"Lament of the Buffalo,"
146
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,714
"Needless Slaughter,"
147
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:55,020
"Slaughter Gone Wrong,"
148
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,560
"Eating the Reverend,"
149
00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:59,756
"It's Raining Blood"
and "Death Everywhere."
150
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:00,854
Great.
I got it from here.
151
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,730
Thanks, guys. I hope I didn't screw
up your Valentine's Day too much.
152
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,031
No. Oh, God, no.
April hates Valentine's Day.
153
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,868
And brunch and
outside and smiling.
154
00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:11,332
She's weird.
155
00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:12,398
I figured it out.
156
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:19,143
The letters unscrambled say, "No food finer.
Clue three at J.J.'s Diner."
157
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:20,980
How many clues
are there, exactly?
158
00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:26,247
Hey, you're here.
And I brought a bachelor.
159
00:07:27,246 --> 00:07:28,281
Are you kidding me?
No.
160
00:07:28,347 --> 00:07:31,817
You brought Orin? Ann is not
some weird morose mummy.
161
00:07:31,884 --> 00:07:33,363
Offense intended, Orin.
162
00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:34,921
Let this be
a wake-up call
163
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:37,024
about the way you present
yourself to the world.
164
00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:38,762
I think Ann and him
would be cute together.
165
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,270
I asked you
to do one thing.
166
00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:41,600
Do you know how hard
I've been working
167
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,663
to try to pull this together
before Ann gets here?
168
00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:44,901
Hey.
Hey, you're here.
169
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:46,807
We weren't talking about you.
How are you?
170
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:50,609
Well, it's Valentine's Day and I'm
single and I'm at a couples dance.
171
00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:52,581
I can't imagine a more
depressing place to be.
172
00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:55,215
What about a wedding where you
used to go out with the groom
173
00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:56,753
and you're the only one there
without a date,
174
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:59,517
so the bride makes you dance
to Single Ladies by yourself?
175
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:00,785
Oh, my God!
Did that happen to you?
176
00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:02,019
Maybe. Let's get a drink.
177
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:05,028
And then, you and I are
going to have some F-U-N.
178
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,355
Well, at least
the music seems about right.
179
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,266
There were supposed to
be, like, 20 guys here for Ann,
180
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,532
and there's only four.
181
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:17,200
Who else do we have?
Ben, taken. Jerry, taken.
182
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:18,401
Oh!
183
00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:21,934
My dentist is 80,
and he's gay and he's taken.
184
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:23,743
What's this? "P Hut."
185
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:25,749
Pizza Hut. Hold on.
186
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:28,310
Hi. How cute are you?
187
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,682
Ann, this is my
lawyer friend, Alex.
188
00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:34,884
Hi.
Hi.
189
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:36,449
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
190
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,996
I've heard a lot about you
in the last hour.
191
00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:41,224
Yeah. Well, Alex gives
my campaign legal advice,
192
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,733
and Ann is the greatest
human being ever invented.
193
00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:46,531
So I'm going to... What? Someone needs me.
I'm going to go.
194
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:48,594
And you two
just hit it off now.
195
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:49,969
You crazy kids.
196
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,372
Okay.
197
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:55,868
Okay.
"There is no food finer."
198
00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:59,178
For Leslie, that means
whipped cream or...
199
00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:00,649
No, it's whipped cream.
200
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,549
Everyone, look in the
whipped cream cans.
201
00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:04,418
Oh, got some.
202
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:12,657
Nothing yet.
203
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:18,693
Okay. "Something wicked this way comes,
whence you peruse a book with your thumbs.
204
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:23,036
"Go to the one who succumbs. I'll
be attached with a little gum."
205
00:09:23,095 --> 00:09:24,267
Come on, Leslie.
Give me a break.
206
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:28,676
I hate riddles and other such nonsense.
I want that on the record.
207
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:33,676
But something wicked with a book
is my ex-wife from the library.
208
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,116
Which means
I'm the one that succumbs.
209
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,785
"I'll be attached
with a little gum."
210
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:41,017
Good God.
That woman is good.
211
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:45,218
"Follow me to the sheltered snow.
Only 22 clues left to go."
212
00:09:45,284 --> 00:09:46,592
22?
213
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:50,495
Well, this is the woman
I've chosen to love.
214
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:53,298
Well, I guess there's nothing to
do but spend the entire night
215
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:54,804
methodically
solving this puzzle.
216
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:56,897
There's no way
we'll finish in time.
217
00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:59,569
Okay. I'll just make a list of
places she and I have been together
218
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:02,374
and hope we luck out
and find the last clue.
219
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,574
We'll split up,
cover more ground. Move.
220
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,979
Hey, Chris-Cross.
Can we change up the music?
221
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:15,685
It kind of sounds like the end of a
movie about a monk who killed himself.
222
00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:16,749
It is.
223
00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:19,194
Listen, man. There's some
attractive women here.
224
00:10:19,251 --> 00:10:20,525
Why don't you rebound?
225
00:10:20,586 --> 00:10:22,429
Nobody here
compares to Millicent.
226
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,630
Except maybe Jerry.
227
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:27,967
Technically, they share
50% of the same DNA.
228
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:36,609
Stop staring
at Jerry like that.
229
00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:43,544
I don't know.
It's working now.
230
00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:47,754
Hey. How's it going?
It's Valentine's Day.
231
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,160
And I'm working the late shift
at the snow globe museum,
232
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:51,786
so I'm right
where I want to be.
233
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:57,164
Okay. My girlfriend left a clue here,
I think, like, for a scavenger hunt?
234
00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:59,294
Right, you're Ben.
Yes.
235
00:10:59,358 --> 00:11:00,996
She said you'd
be here by noon.
236
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:04,671
You're not doing so good. All right.
Well, thanks, Kevin.
237
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:07,074
I'm supposed to tell you that it's
under one of the snow globes.
238
00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:10,180
But which one?
Oh, I don't know.
239
00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:14,215
Nope. Nope.
240
00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:16,943
You really suck at this.
241
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:19,455
Okay. Why don't you just tell me where
it is, and I can get out of here?
242
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,923
That would take
all the fun out of it.
243
00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:23,453
Winner.
244
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:24,822
I found it.
Yep.
245
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:28,560
Oh, wait. No, that might be
from another scavenger hunt.
246
00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:31,762
Ann. Looks like
you've already met Jeff.
247
00:11:31,824 --> 00:11:34,031
Well, you didn't tell me that
your friend was so beautiful.
248
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:35,534
Oh! Thanks, Jeff.
249
00:11:35,594 --> 00:11:38,473
Not as beautiful as my sister,
but you know the law.
250
00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:41,045
No. No, Jeff.
What?
251
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,869
How am I supposed to
find the love of Ann's life
252
00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:45,415
when it sounds
like a funeral in here?
253
00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:47,246
There's no changing it as
long as Chris is depressed.
254
00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:49,513
All right. I'm going to go talk to Chris.
You go help Ann.
255
00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:51,111
She's not responding
to my top candidates.
256
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:52,656
So we're going to have to
go with some wildcards.
257
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,090
Got it. And, April.
Thanks for nothing.
258
00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:56,558
Why should I do
anything to help her?
259
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:59,494
Because despite the fact that all
you do is give her a hard time,
260
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,031
she would do this for you.
261
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,700
Just go hide under the table
with your friend Orin.
262
00:12:03,989 --> 00:12:05,662
Yeah, I see you, weirdo.
263
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:12,240
So Leslie dragged you into this
sneaky little fix-up scheme, huh?
264
00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:15,841
We're stuck at a Parks and Rec community couples event.
What else you got to do?
265
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:19,371
What the hell. You're right.
Bring them on, Tom.
266
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:22,783
I'm Harris. I heard you were
desperate for a man piece.
267
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:24,048
We in business?
268
00:12:24,143 --> 00:12:26,714
He's 33 years old,
still lives with his parents,
269
00:12:26,779 --> 00:12:29,988
and he's been to at
least 200 Phish concerts.
270
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:31,759
Try 308.
271
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:33,091
I'm going to have
to pass right now.
272
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:34,460
Your mistake, mama.
273
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:39,492
So, Bill, this stunning woman
saves lives for a living.
274
00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:40,593
What do you bring
to the table?
275
00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:43,030
Where to begin?
I'm an amateur juggler.
276
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,302
Nope, you shouldn't
have begun there. Get out.
277
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:48,072
No one's trying to get with jugglers.
Thanks for playing.
278
00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:58,745
Hello. My name
is Ron Swanson.
279
00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:03,317
I believe Leslie Knope may have left
some kind of scavenger hunt clue here.
280
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:05,293
She did. One second.
281
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:11,594
Gentlemen.
282
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,871
Enjoy your evening.
283
00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:20,735
Well, they always say break
glass in case of an emergency.
284
00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:24,980
Wait a second.
285
00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:29,614
Well, there we go.
286
00:13:33,045 --> 00:13:35,150
Hey, Chris. What do you think
about changing the music?
287
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,452
Sure.
288
00:13:39,451 --> 00:13:41,897
Hey, you know what? You should
look on the bright side.
289
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:44,833
I'm sure that Millicent couldn't
keep up with you on your runs.
290
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,961
So, now, you can
go full speed again.
291
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:49,768
On the contrary,
she was faster than I was.
292
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:53,743
I set many personal bests just
trying to keep up with her.
293
00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:56,143
Which is what
I'm worried about.
294
00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:59,344
What if she was
my personal best?
295
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:01,783
No. Your best
is still ahead of you.
296
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,287
I am 44 years old.
297
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:05,788
You don't look
a day over 30.
298
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,051
Most people say 25.
299
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:08,716
Who says that?
A lot of people.
300
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:10,886
You don't think that
Millicent was my soul mate?
301
00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:13,328
There are a lot of
soul mates in the world.
302
00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:16,764
I mean, look at Ann. You dated her,
and she's a perfect human specimen.
303
00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:19,530
And you tossed her out
like day-old chowder.
304
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,071
But it's going to be okay.
305
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,574
Buck up.
Thanks. I'll try.
306
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:38,945
Hey.
307
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:42,618
Hey. How is your evening unfolding in
terms of your conversations with men?
308
00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:44,991
I have met a lot of
different guys tonight.
309
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:49,021
How lucky that that happened
to you on Valentine's Day.
310
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:51,295
What's lucky is that
I have a best friend
311
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:54,304
who'd spend her Valentine's
Day trying to find me a date.
312
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,340
Thank you.
I'm going to go home.
313
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:57,601
No. Stay.
314
00:14:57,663 --> 00:14:59,768
I just... I'm going to go
home and watch TV.
315
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:02,904
Okay. Can you just do me a favor and
give me your car keys for a second?
316
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,948
There's something I need to
look at on your car keys.
317
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:07,280
You're going to throw them on the
roof again so I can't leave.
318
00:15:07,339 --> 00:15:09,080
You know me too well.
You're the best.
319
00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:14,316
It sucks being
alone on Valentine's Day.
320
00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:16,257
So I'm going to take
Ann out for a drink.
321
00:15:16,315 --> 00:15:19,421
You know, try to cheer her up.
And I can be late meeting Ben.
322
00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:22,892
He's not going to be on time
because those clues are hard.
323
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:24,766
They're really, really hard.
324
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:27,360
And I'm really worried that he's not
going to be able to figure it out.
325
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,507
Ann, you tricky bastard.
326
00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:39,515
Leslie?
What are you doing?
327
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:41,346
Look at Ann.
She's putting on makeup.
328
00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:44,388
She's using the emergency mini
curling iron that I gave her.
329
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,423
She has a date.
You don't know that.
330
00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:48,549
Why wouldn't she
tell me who it is?
331
00:15:49,415 --> 00:15:50,894
Because she doesn't
want me to know.
332
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,952
Because it's someone
she shouldn't be dating. Wait.
333
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:55,362
The music is better.
Have you seen Chris?
334
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,924
I don't know. Maybe he's in
the bathroom or something.
335
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:00,362
She's going to meet Chris.
336
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:07,109
Hey. So, I got nine,
three and four.
337
00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:11,615
I have 11, 12, 13, 14, 15,
16, 17, 18 and 19.
338
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:12,808
Whoa.
339
00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:14,316
I got... I got lucky.
340
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:15,852
And I love riddles.
341
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:19,184
Yo. I found some clues.
Also found this.
342
00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:22,691
Weird stick.
Might be a clue?
343
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:23,749
No.
344
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,818
Okay. Did you find
the 25th clue?
345
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:28,296
No, I got number eight
and number 22.
346
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:34,496
What do you want, April?
347
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,369
Leave Ann alone. This is
none of your business.
348
00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:38,567
After all the hoops that Ben
and I had to jump through
349
00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:42,305
because of the boss-employee thing,
it is absolutely my business.
350
00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:44,370
Chris needs
to explain himself.
351
00:16:44,436 --> 00:16:47,383
And Ann lied to me
about this date.
352
00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:49,646
I mean,
so many injustices.
353
00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:52,416
Ann would never do anything
to piss you off, Leslie.
354
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,081
You guys are
such close friends.
355
00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:57,150
It's lame. Just have a nice night
with Ben and forget about this.
356
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:58,320
Okay, fine.
357
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,555
I will let it go for now.
358
00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:03,189
But I want you to know
that I think there is some...
359
00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,129
Okay, she hung up on me.
360
00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:12,498
We failed. If I'd just
had a little more time.
361
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:15,977
She's waiting for me somewhere in
Pawnee and I'm not going to be there.
362
00:17:16,335 --> 00:17:18,246
Wait.
Leslie loves romance,
363
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:19,907
but she also
loves being right.
364
00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:22,077
Is there something
you used to disagree on,
365
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:24,519
but you've since come around
to her way of thinking?
366
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:27,884
Ron, you're a genius.
367
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,792
- Li'l Sebastian.
- Yep.
368
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:37,732
At first, you did not understand what
made this tiny horse so special.
369
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,098
And now, you love him
more than I do.
370
00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:41,195
Yep. I miss him every day.
371
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,167
I really tried to make that hard.
Yeah.
372
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,903
I'm very impressed with you Some
of them were kind of tough.
373
00:17:47,866 --> 00:17:50,972
So, are you ready to go have our
first ever Valentine's dinner?
374
00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:52,777
Yes. But I have
to tell you something.
375
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:56,284
Chris and Ann are
on a secret date.
376
00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:58,252
Which is crazy
because he's her boss,
377
00:17:58,310 --> 00:18:00,153
which is the exact
situation we were in,
378
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:02,283
except we were
put on trial for it.
379
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:04,486
And I know I'm not supposed to care.
And I should just let it go
380
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:06,427
and we should just have a
romantic dinner, but this is...
381
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:09,227
No, we have to go catch them
in the act right now.
382
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:10,631
Really?
Yeah.
383
00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:12,032
Screw romantic dinners.
384
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,731
Let's go rub it in their face.
God, I love you so much.
385
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:19,836
I cannot wait to see the look on
Chris' remarkably youthful face
386
00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:21,945
when we march in there
and confront them.
387
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,240
Leslie.
388
00:18:26,238 --> 00:18:27,512
What?
389
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:32,782
April.
390
00:18:33,011 --> 00:18:34,115
Hey.
April.
391
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,856
Tom and Ann are on a date.
392
00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:38,326
I know.
What do you mean you know?
393
00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:39,418
How do you know?
394
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,123
Because I set them up.
395
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,970
I was watching Ann
with Tom at the dance
396
00:18:47,025 --> 00:18:48,971
and she seemed to be
having a good time.
397
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:50,938
So I went over
and talked to her.
398
00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:53,203
What are you looking
for in a date, anyway?
399
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,403
I don't know.
What does anyone want?
400
00:18:55,467 --> 00:19:00,314
Just a nice, funny guy who
likes me and treats me well.
401
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:03,186
Tom's funny.
And he'd treat you well.
402
00:19:03,242 --> 00:19:04,585
Ha-ha.
403
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:07,021
I'm serious.
You want a good date?
404
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,889
Why not ask out the only guy
that's made you smile tonight?
405
00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:12,929
He's ridiculous.
All that dumb swagger?
406
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,089
It's an act.
407
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:17,224
He's sweet. You should just
ask him out for a drink.
408
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,332
I'm 1,000% sure
he'd say yes.
409
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:21,760
I bet you guys would
have a good time.
410
00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:24,634
Man. I need to, like,
wrap my head around this.
411
00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:26,232
Why?
It makes sense to me.
412
00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:29,245
This is a small loser town
with loser people,
413
00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:31,577
and Tom's, like,
at least semi-cool.
414
00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:32,775
You know what I'm hearing?
415
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:36,746
You tried to make Ann happy
for Valentine's Day.
416
00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:39,852
You're a very nice person.
No.
417
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,858
Yes, you are. A very nice person.
Bye.
418
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:47,487
Okay. I do not understand this.
This really confuses me.
419
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:48,930
Well, you do
love them both.
420
00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:52,901
Yeah, but I love passionate
speakers and Italian men.
421
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,301
Doesn't mean
I love Mussolini.
422
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:55,633
You love Italian men?
423
00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:59,501
Not as much as Irish.
424
00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:02,410
Scottish? White.
Whatever you are.
425
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:07,240
This is the weirdest
Valentine's Day ever.
426
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:13,916
So, Ann.
It's finally happening.
427
00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:16,117
Dude, this is so close
to falling apart.
428
00:20:16,181 --> 00:20:17,717
Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
429
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:19,827
Can I be honest, though?
430
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,454
I'm a little freaked out.
431
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,467
Like, I don't really
understand what's going on.
432
00:20:25,123 --> 00:20:26,295
This is what's going on.
433
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:29,338
We're going to have a drink,
and we're going to talk,
434
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,771
get to know each other.
435
00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:33,935
And then, I am going
to drive home alone.
436
00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:35,774
Cool. Consider
this alternate plan.
437
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:38,110
We grab drinks here, get to
know each other, whatever.
438
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:42,448
Then, we go back to my place and
snuggle up like little bunnies.
439
00:20:42,507 --> 00:20:43,713
Yeah, this was a mistake.
440
00:20:43,775 --> 00:20:45,083
No!
441
00:20:48,113 --> 00:20:50,821
Leslie, thanks to your
annoying prying last year,
442
00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:53,192
I'm sure you remember
my birthday's coming up.
443
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,493
I know, I know. No parties.
You hate parties.
444
00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:56,692
Correct.
445
00:20:57,723 --> 00:20:58,793
Oh.
446
00:20:58,857 --> 00:21:02,805
You know that wild goose chase you
sent Ben on for Valentine's Day?
447
00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:04,067
The scavenger hunt?
448
00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:07,133
I also do not want that.
Yup. I understand.
449
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,542
I absolutely do not want
450
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,446
to solve a series of riddles and clues,
each more intricate than the last.
451
00:21:12,971 --> 00:21:15,281
You understand what I'm saying?
Yeah. I got it, Ron.
452
00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:16,611
Good.
453
00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:23,959
I do want that.
Please do that for me.35745
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