All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation (2009) - S04E12 - Campaign Ad (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

Ladies and gentlemen,

the next City Councilor
for the great city of Pawnee,

Bobby Newport.

Hey, Bobby.
Hey.

Thanks, guy.

Hey. All right. Hi.

I'm Bobby Newport.

You know, we're two days
into this campaign,

and so far
it's going great.

In fact, I don't know
why they call it a cam-pain.

Because up until now, it's been
a cam-pleasure.

All right. Hey,
why don't we line up

for autographs and free Bobby Bars?

Who wants a Bobby Bar?

Bobby Newport.

Heir to the
Sweetums Candy Fortune.

My dad made them.

He just
entered the race,

and he's already 70 points
up in all of the polls.

He is attractive
and charming.

And his family employs
half the town But so what?

I am a lifelong
government bureaucrat

who is well-versed
in the issues.

And those are the kind of sexy
qualifications that win elections.

How's it going?
I'm Bobby Newport.

But you probably
knew that already.

Well, Mr. Newport, we meet at last.
I'm Leslie Knope.

Ah! Okie-doke.

So do you want me to sign it
to Mrs. Lope or just Nesnee?

What? No.
I... Leslie's fine.

Leslie.

Yeah. Ms. Knope is a
candidate for City Council.

We've been calling your office
trying to set up a debate.

Oh, no, you guys are wrong.
I'm running unopposed.

I'm pretty sure I'm
running unopposed. Right?

No. You're not
running unopposed.

You're very opposed, by me.

Oh. Terrific.
I love meeting people.

I love it. Yeah.
What do you guys do?

We just told you. We're going
to be running for City Council.

Great. Here, have a Bobby Bar.
Go ahead. My dad made them.

Okay, folks.

Hey. I'm Bobby Newport.

I think we scared him.

Here, have a Bobby Bar.
My dad made them.

Hey, Ann.
Are you still a nurse?

Or did they fire you, because
you slept with all the doctors?

Do you want to
try that again?

Hey, Ann.
Are you still a nurse?

Because Andy's
not feeling well.

What's wrong, Andy?

Just got a headache.
And I'm seeing double.

And I've got a song stuck in
my head and my teeth hurt.

Also, I'm hungry.

Okay. Well, some of those
things are symptoms

and some of them are
just being a person.

Did you hit your head?

No.

Oh, yes.
Technically, I did smash

my head area
into the wall area.

Yeah. He was hanging
up his gold record.

Oh, my God.
Are you okay?

Yeah. I'm good.

Point is,
I have a gold record.

Well, I can help you
with cuts and bruises.

But the other stuff, you're going
to have to see a real doctor.

Hey, smartass,
we can't afford it.

Hey, smartass, yes, you can.
You have insurance.

Neither of
your asses are that smart.

Because insurance is for if
something bad happens to your car.

PS, I haven't
had it in years.

Oh, my God.
We used to live together.

Aw!

You've still
got it for me.

I'm Bobby Newport.

My family owns nine square
miles of land in this town.

And isn't my family what
this town is really about?

Vote Bobby Newport.

- That guy is everywhere.
- Yeah.

I am not complaining.

Well, we have to
find away to beat him.

And, luckily, Ben is
going to announce

the most amazing
campaign strategy

ever thought of in the entire
history of Western democracy.

Go, Ben!
Go, Ben!

Here's your great idea. We're
all ready for it. And, start.

I'm running for office.
I'm surrounded by my friends.

My campaign manager
and I are in love.

This is exactly how I dreamed
it would be when I was a kid.

Except I wasn't
70 points behind,

and my campaign manager
was Mr. Belvedere.

We are David.
Newport is Goliath.

This is our slingshot.

Yes. We'll write
an inspiring op-ed piece.

No. The Pawnee-Eagleton
High School basketball game.

Now, in this town, it's bigger
than the Super Bowl.

We take all our money, we air
a TV ad right at halftime.

- Yes.
- Cool.

I think we should make an attack
ad against Bobby Newport.

Whoa!
That is a great idea.

Thank you.

- That's a good idea.
- All right, great.

So let's get to work.

Ron Swanson.

How are you?
Present.

I have a meeting
at Public Works,

and I was thinking that maybe
you might want to sit in.

Why would you think that?

They are working on a number of
fascinating big-budget projects.

I'm very busy here.

That I am being forced
to brutally cut entirely.

I can make room
in my schedule.

Wonderful.

As you know, I'm not a big
fan of delivering bad news.

Chris, it would be
my absolute pleasure.

Have you considered cutting
the entire fire department?

I have personally put out several local
fires at no cost to the taxpayer.

Look to the left.

The right.

Whatever.

Are you the kind of
doctor who gets hooked

on his own drugs?
I bet you are.

So, Andy,
tell me what happened.

I was reading
an encyclopedia.

And I tripped or "fell
over" and hit my head.

Or brain helmet.

Whatever you call it.

Yeah, he sneezed and smacked
his head against the wall.

That sounds about right.

Well, if it's a concussion,
it's extremely mild,

so I wouldn't
worry about it.

Anything else
bothering you?

Nope.
Okay.

Well, I mean, yeah. I've got a
weird rash in my knee-pit area.

And my tongue on this side
doesn't taste anything anymore.

Sometimes, when I walk,
my ankles make, like,

a weird rattlesnake sound.

What else?
Things that are far away

from my eyes are fuzzy.

I once ate a Twix
with the wrapper on it.

And I've never seen
the wrapper come out.

Also, I've swallowed
every piece of gum

that I've chewed
for the past 25 years.

Andy...
I don't know.

And I broke my thumb on the way over here.
Just fix me.

Well, I can help you
with the thumb,

but I'll have to
give you referrals

for specialists for
the other 1,000 things.

Wow. Thanks
for nothing, Dr. Harris.

You're welcome.

Hey, I'm Bobby Newport.
I'm a regular guy.

I like dogs.

I'm here with my Persian
greyhound, Reclette,

who was given
to me by my buddy,

the pretender to the crown
of Alsace-Lorraine.

Hey, between you and me,

I think that Donna is having a problem
with going negative in the ad.

Nuh-uh.
I always go negative.

Even if I like the guy,
I go negative.

Keeps them interested.

Thanks, Donna.

Well, I didn't want
to tell you this,

but Ann is having
a hard time with this.

She's kind of
freaking out right now.

Oh, my God. This magic
marker smells like cherries.

Hey, here's a question.

Do you like the idea?

It's... l...Who...
Do you like it?

Look. You have a vision of
how your campaign should go.

I am your chief strategist. So
I'm sure we can work it out.

Why don't you just tell me
what you're thinking?

I hate negative ads, and I would
never do one in a million years.

Thank you, John
for coming in.

The Public Works Department
is wonderful.

And you are the best idea
man in the business.

Also, we're canceling all
of your on-going projects.

What? What about
the Pawnee River dam?

Dam's dead.
Have a nice day.

Where will
all the water go?

Wherever it's headed now.

The important thing is,

the dam is never happening, and
your dream has been crushed.

- We're very sorry.
- I am not.

Good meeting.

It's not a negative ad.

We're stating facts about him, and,
yeah, they happen to be negative,

because he's a bonehead.

Well, I wanted to run an ad that
highlights the good things about me,

not the bad things about
somebody else. Well...

Tom. You are our Communications Director.
Weigh in here.

Leslie, I love your idea.

I also love your idea.

Two great ideas,
two great people.

I don't know
which idea is better.

But I do know I'll end
up on the winning side.

When I bet on horses,
I never lose.

Why?

I bet on all the horses.

How about we do this?
We split up into teams.

We each make a demo
version of our ad.

Whichever one
we like better, we use.

Great idea. As long as
Leslie thinks so, as well.

Sure. I'll pick Ann
and Donna for my team.

You can take Jerry.
What?

Well, you wanted
to go negative.

You got the biggest negative
in the world, buddy.

Okay, everybody,
I need big smiles from you.

We're making
a positive ad here.

So just think of this as
Christmas and your birthday

and the first day of school
all rolled up into one.

Positive is always
better than negative.

Barack Obama said, "Yes, we
can." And now, he's President.

Ben says, "No, we shouldn't." And now
he's working for his girlfriend.

Guys, I need double the smiles. Okay?
Let's take it back again.

And action.

And this is going great.

We're really positive. I think
I'm getting good stuff, right?

What's...

Oh, come on.

Leslie, I think Bobby Newport's
bus is in that shot.

Do you think?

E, H, four, M,

potato shape,
coffee mug shape,

smudge, smudge,
middle finger, smudge.

The rest are all smudges.

Oh, my God.
You drove us here.

We made, like, a hundred
million doctors' appointments

for ourselves
in one week.

After this, we won't have to go to
the doctor for, like, 10 years.

Because we're smart.

Well, you definitely
need glasses.

No, he's not getting glasses.
I like his face the way it is.

If you get glasses,
I'll divorce you.

Well, you heard her, Doc.
Too handsome for glasses.

No offense.

I've got to admit,
his hair game is on point.

I've got to find out what kind of
product he puts up in his hair.

Hey, how's
Leslie's ad going?

It's very good.

But yours is
also very good.

- You ready for the voiceover?
- Yeah.

Bobby Newport's never
had a real job in his life.

You've got to give it more attitude.
It's got to scare people.

Bobby Newport...

Yeah, okay. All right.

Bobby Newport's never
had a real job in his life.

Bobby Newport's never
had a real job in his life.

Bobby Newport.

Bobby Newport.

Bobby Newport.

Bobby Newport.

Bobby Newport.

Newport.

Bobby...
Bobby...

Bobby...
Newport.

All right, now we're
just wasting time, Jerry.

Ron Swanson.
I want to thank you

for being so ruthless and cruel
in the meeting the other day.

You'll have to
be more specific.

With the Public Works
Department, about the dam.

Ah! What do you say I
take you to lunch?

And then we can talk
about all the projects

that you want to
get accomplished.

That won't be necessary.
I don't have any projects.

I hate projects.

What a pill. We should order.
And then we can talk shop.

What are you
going to have?

I'm thinking something raw
and cucumber-based.

A cucumber.

I don't know what happened.
I declined his invitation.

He started laughing, and the next
thing I knew, we were at lunch.

Did he drug me?

Hi, I'm Bobby Newport.

My dad is friends with
John Cougar Mellencamp.

That's pretty cool.

What is this guy
running for?

President of being on every
channel all the time?

Reminder, Leslie.
We have less than

an hour to get
the ad to the station.

Ann, you're beautiful
and you're organized.

So, in order
not to bias anyone,

these are the two ads
that Ben and I made.

I am just going to pick one randomly
and we'll play that one first.

Oh, yay! The awesome one.

Hi, I'm Leslie Knope.

I'm pro-parks, pro-public safety,
and I'm pro-clean water.

I'm also pro-environmental
regulation.

And I'm very, very
pro-local-propositions 45, 86 and 102F.

But most of all,
I'm pro-Pawnee.

Here are some
other things that I'm pro.

As you can see, I'm in
favor of a lot of things.

Like hot dogs.
Right, Charlie?

I'm Leslie Knope,
and I approve this message.

Yes. I love it.
Fantastic.

Do we even want
to screen yours?

Yeah. That was awful.

What do you mean? Name one
thing that was wrong with it.

Okay. You never even mentioned
you were running for office.

You literally never said
the words "City Council."

I didn't... That...
It's implied. I didn't...

We can just put it in.
Okay.

Leslie is so good
at so many things.

And so bad at that.

Bobby Newport's been handed

everything on
a silver platter.

His cushy job at his
dad's candy company?

Handed to him.

His 60-foot boat,
Bobby's Boat?

Handed to him
when he was 12.

Leslie Knope is running
for City Council, too.

And she's earned everything
she's ever gotten.

Yeah, she has.

Bobby Newport wants you to
just hand him this election.

Don't.

I won't.

Yes.

Yes. Yes. I love it.

Now, people,
this is an ad.

It's succinct,
it's punchy...

It's mean.

It's depressing.
It's awful.

I am Ben Wyatt, and I
want to destroy Leslie's dreams.

Okay. If you're allergic to any
food, we'll know in a few days.

I think based
on the redness,

I might be allergic to
getting stabbed by needles.

We have already been to,
like, five different doctors.

I got my ankles micro-waved.
X-rayed.

They took my blood away to use for science.
Cholesterol test.

April had her

sinuses removed?
Looked at.

Some guy looked at my wiener.
Touched it.

That was weird.

And that guy wasn't even a doctor.
That...

What?

Now, I think it is time
for us to take a vote.

So who's in favor
of Ben's ad?

Traitors!

Ann, I painted
your garage pink.

I did not ask you
to do that.

Leslie, look. I want you to win,
and Ben's ad is just better.

Our friendship is over.

No, it's not. It's not over. It's never over.
BFF, I love you forever.

You know what? It seems like
we're kind of evenly split.

I think we should
keep debating.

We're not split. It's unanimous.
We air my ad.

No, I... This is just...

It's just not the way
I dreamed it would be.

This is the right call.
Okay? I promise.

Okay.

I'm going to air a negative ad.
It's out of my hands now.

And you know what? I'm actually
feeling very Zen about this.

Are you Ben Wyatt?
Yeah.

Okay. I need that DVD in the control room.

Oh, my God. Leslie.

I am Leslie Knope, and I do
not approve this message.

What are you doing?
What are you...

Give it to me.
Give me... No.

All right. The good news is there's
only two pieces of bad news.

The bad news is
none of our ads aired,

and we cannot
get our money back.

Oh, God.

There was probably a better
way for you to tell us that.

You both really blew this.

But I can't wait to hear your new ideas.
I love them already.

I'm hungry-

Tommy needs a mango.
See you.

I'm really sorry
I tackled you.

It's just I'd rather run the fake
campaign ads that I made when I was 10

than become
negative and cynical.

Look. I really don't want to
crush your childhood dreams.

But I bet in your dreams, you weren't
losing an election by 70 points.

You need to get tougher,
Leslie. You just have to.

You need to get tougher. You
were pretty easy to take down.

Thanks.

Ron Swanson.

Just the man
I wanted to see.

I'm going to be
going to a seminar

on the art of
the Japanese tea ceremony,

or chagai, at the
Pawnee Community College.

And I thought you might
like to come with me.

Why?

I know how much
you value silence.

A fair point.

But we did just
have lunch last week,

so I feel like we've spent
enough social time together

for the foreseeable ever.

All right. Well, if you change your
mind, you know where to find me.

Donna Meagle.
Chris Traeger.

For some
godforsaken reason,

that man is suddenly
determined to hang on with me.

You mean hang out?

- What is wrong with him?
- I don't know.

He's got you doing Ben's job eating
lunch with him like Ben used to.

Maybe he just misses
his little buddy.

Let's get you home
and get me some ice cream.

Here's your bill.

Oh, yeah. We won't
be needing that.

I've got
the free medicine card.

There's a $500 deductible
for dental procedures.

Oh, I think, you're wrong.

We have the insurance thing.

I believe we're covered.

It's still $500.

Let's see here.

Oh, because...

You know what? Let's go!
Dine and dash.

Out of the way!

Yeah!

Whoo-hoo!

Uh-oh!

Andy!
Call an ambulance!

Andy!
A different ambulance

than the one I ran into!

This is City Council candidate
Leslie Knope, when she was 10 years old.

Hi. I'm Leslie Knope.
I love Pawnee.

And I want to
make it even better.

Better schools,
safer streets,

and a more progressive tax
on residential properties.

This is City Council
candidate Bobby Newport today.

People keep asking me,

"Bobby, what are you going to
do once you get into office?"

I'm pretty sure
I'll figure it out.

Leslie Knope had better
ideas when she was 10

than Bobby Newport has now.

They do have
one thing in common.

I like dogs.
I like dogs.

For a better Pawnee,
vote Knope for City Council.

Well, we already
have a thousand views.

Yeah, but no calls from reporters.
No interview requests.

I don't care.
I'm proud of it.

Are you sure?

Yes. It is accurate
about my opponent. It does not...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold that thought.

Ron Swanson.
What a pleasant surprise.

And who's this?

This is a great
friend of mine.

He is a fellow who works in
the building, and he is named

Dennis.
Kyle.

He strongly enjoys
Japanese culture.

And I thought he might want
to go with you to the thing.

The tea ceremony?
Yes.

You're a brother
Japanophile?

I was eating rice and Ron
made me come up here.

But, sure, that sounds fun.
Arigatou.

Ron, a moment.

All right, pal. Level with me.
What's going on?

Well, you seemed like
you wanted a friend.

No, no, no.
I am not lonely. I have me.

And 4,000 Facebook friends,
and a hot girlfriend.

I wanted to spend
time with you,

because I have to replace Ben
as Assistant City Manager.

And I was giving you
a try-out of sorts.

Now, I'll mull my options
for the next few months.

But I'd love you to
keep an open mind.

Kyle-san. Arigatou.

Mr. Newport. Hello. Hi.

Leslie Knope. Ben Wyatt.

Yeah. Hi.
Good to see you.

Nice to see you.
You guys want anything?

This is a restaurant,
so they have food and stuff.

I'll take a milkshake.
No, we're good.

We're good.

What can we do for you?

Yes.

Why did you guys post
that video of me, man?

I mean, that didn't
make me feel good.

It was mean.
You guys are mean.

Well, we used your own ad,
so I don't think it was mean.

All right.
Let me lay it out for you.

My friends keep
sending me links

to that video and they
just make fun of me.

So just...

Stop running, okay?
Just, that... Stop.

Stop running the ad?

No, stop running
the campaign.

What?
Just quit.

It would be so cool of
you if you just quit.

Then I can win the election
and I'll have a big party.

And I'll put you both
on the guest list, plus one.

I'm going to have
a man who does magic.

He's really good.

Not, like, cheesy magic.
Like, good magic.

We're not going to
quit the campaign.

Why would we do that?

Because.

I want it.
Come on. Give me it.

Give me it. Give me it.
Come on. Give me it.

Just give me the election.
I'm sorry.

Please. Please.

Well, Leslie, he does make
a compelling argument.

Come on.
Come on.

Guy...

Bobby.

Oh, it's not padded.

Can I ask you a question?

Why are you even
running for office?

You know what? I need something
to do to get my dad off my back.

This seemed easy.

What about you? Why are you doing it?
Who's your dad?

I'm running for office, because
I want to improve the lives

of the people that
I love in the city

that's the greatest city
in the world.

What? What does
that even mean?

Hey. I've got an idea.
How about you quit running,

then I win, but then I
let you do all the work?

I'm not going anywhere. And
we are going to debate soon.

And I need to warn you.
I know my stuff.

So you should toughen up.

Why are you guys smiling?
I feel bad.

Hey, quick question That
little girl from your video?

Oh, my God.
She's so cute.

Do you think you could talk to
her and let her do an ad for me?

That girl is me.

As a 10-year-old.

How did you do that?

Maybe we should see
one of the other doctors.

No. No more doctors.

They're a bunch
of scam artists.

They reel you in
with the free stuff,

and the next thing
you know, bam,

you run into an ambulance.

Every time.

Let's just go home
and care for each other.

We can buy a sewing kit
and you can sew up my lip

underneath
a bridge somewhere.

That's so romantic.

Oh.

Sorry, I forgot.

Let's go.
All right.

Do you think sewing kits
are covered by insurance?

Or groceries?
Or, like, Xbox games?

What is insurance?
I don't know. Who cares?