All language subtitles for The.Wayans.Bros.S05E19_English

Yeah, Bernie,
I just got the script.

It just got to my house.

- Ha ha!
- Alright, alright.

Alright. Peace.

[Shawn laughing]

- Hey..
- Ow!

Hey, do me a favor, man.
Help me run these lines,
please?

They want me back on
"Everybody Loves Everybody"

as, uh, Lucius, uh.

Yo, hey, hey,
hey, chill,
Marlon.

Can't you see I'm watching
TV,
man, I'm trying to watch

"When The Pit Bulls Attack
The Elderly. Part Two."

Ha, see, he just made a hole
in that colostomy bag.

Come on, Shawn,
what's more important?

This or that?

Come on, help a brother
fulfil his dreams, man.

Who knows? I could be on
the next "Pit Bulls Attack."

Ah, alright, alright.

Right, Lucius.
Let me get in character.

Oh, yeah, brother!

Hey, uh, Lucius, where you been
for the past few months?

Oh, yeah, bruh, I been, uh..

...I been..

- Where I been?
- At the DMV.

At the DMV, you know how long
those lines are.

Uh, come on, man,
get me to lead in.

Who do you think I am? Denzel?

Eh,
okay.
At.

"At."

- The.
- "The."

- DMV.
- "DMV."

You know what,
I've had enough of
this.

- I don't wanna do this no
more.
- You know what.

I've had enough of this.
I don't wanna do this no more.

I'm serious,
I'm trying to watch
this.

I'm serious,
I'm trying to watch.

- Will you stop?
- Will you stop?

(both)
Leave me alone,
get outta here.

- Stop, wha..
- Stop, wha..

- Hey...I'm not..
- Hey...I'm not..

- It's not funny.
- It's not funny.

- Oh, ha, ha, ha.
- Oh, ha, ha, ha.

- I'mma pay you back.
- I'mma pay you back.

Thanks, stupid.

[mimicking Lucius]
I'll see you later.

That ain't in the script.

[theme music]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy
and we're singing ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.
Beautiful guys.'

'Dynamite.'

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Hey, boy, I still can't believe

they got you using the bathroom

as your dressing room.

No, no, it's,
it's pretty cool,
man.

I mean as long as
you keep a window
cracked.

Boy...I got an ulcer.

You ain't gonna use
my dressing room, are
you?

No, no, no.

- Oh, man, the..
- What's wrong?

[sighing]
The extras union
screwed up
again.

No!

They get 10,000 naked guys
for "Amistad"

but can't get
me
a cashier.

Where in the
hell
am I gonna find

someone who can be
convincing playing a
loser

who's stuck in
some dead-end job? Where?

Shawn, that'd be
perfect for you.

What?

- Come on, you..
- Yo, hey, no.

Hey, Marlon, chill.
I ain't no actor, man.

Uh, uh, we're really desperate.

Help me out here, homeboy.

Look, I've never taken an
acting
class before in my life, okay?

I'm not gonna play myself
on national TV, forget it.

The pay's 90 bucks and
I'll throw in a free lunch.

Where do I stand?

Right over there
behind the
counter.

[bell ringing]

Okay, everybody,
we're gonna do this

in about a sec and a half.

Have a lotta fun,
lotta energy, let's go.

In five, four, three, two..

Hey, Vanessa,
double decaf skinny latte

and it's on you.

And you know that.

Two lattes please.

Thanks.

Hot and steamy,
just like I like it.

Anytime.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Okay, cut, cut!
- Shawn, man, dammit.

Look, you're an extra,
you're not supposed to talk.

You're not supposed to act,
you react.

It's not,
it's not high, it's..

Let's do this again, okay?

And this time you say "anytime"

kinda, you know,
sexy it up, a
little bit.

- Okay. Alright.
- Okay?

And-and Vanessa's gonna
take it from your line.

- Okay? Let's go.
- Okay, alright!

- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
- No, no problem, no problem.

Just do it
again.
Be sexy.

I still get my, I still
get my lunch and my $90?

(Bernie)
'Lucius, you wanna get
your pants tightened?'

Wear 'em tighter?

In five, four..

'three, two..'

And you know that.

Two lattes please!

Thanks.

Hot and steamy

just the way I like it.

Anytime.

Hey, Lucius, where have you been
the last few months?

Oh, you know me

I was down at the DMV.

That's right,
and you know how, uh..

...long those lines are?

Anytime.

'Anytime.'

Anyt-i-i-ime!

[instrumental music]

Hey, Marlon?

You ain't mad
that they asked
me

back to the-the
show,
are you?

I mean I-I could
use
the extra money

things are a little slow
at the newsstand.

No, no, man, I ain't mad.
Come on, now.

I'm happy for you, brother,
I'm always happy

to see a brother come up,
you know.

Guess it's.. It's a black
thing,
you know what I'm sayin'?

I'm proud of you, man.
Do your thing.

Congrats!

Oh.

By the way, you have a huge
zit on your forehead.

Oh, my God,
it looks like this.

Are you serious?

It's huge, I mean
you could squeeze

a whole lot of mayonnaise
out of that.

- Oh, God.
- Where, where's it at?

- And is your hairline
receding?
- My hair?

Oh, man, it looks real thin
like Howard Hewett.

- Where at, in the back?
- Anyway, have a good.. Yeah.

Have a good show. All over.
Yeah, have a good show.

We're 10 minutes long?

Geez, we're gonna have to
seriously cut something.

Hey, rookie,
I got some bad
news.

Looks like they're
making
some cuts, you know.

They're gonna some
of your stuff

but don't worry,
that's just Hollywood,
man.

- Don't take it personal.
- It ain't no big deal.

- You'll be alright, son.
- I'm straight.

Sorry 'bout this whole
loser thing, you know.

- It's alright.
- Come here, let me comfort
you.

Uh, Shawn, can I talk to you
for a sec over here?

Stand tall, stand tall.

Uh, look, Shawn,
we need to make some cuts

and I know you're
new,
but, uh..

You know what,
I'm fine,
Bernie.

Um, you know,
it don't
matter.

I understand, this is
Hollywood.
You do your thing.

- As long as I get my check.
- Oh, hey, hey.

We're not cutting you down

we're gonna make
your part bigger.

Actually, we're-we're cutting

the whole apartment scenes out.

Wait, hold, hold..
Hey, hold up.

Time out, time out.

Now the apartment scene
is my only scene, Bernie.

Sorry, that's showbiz, babe.

[laughing]

[Marlon murmuring]

Hey, hey, Marlon.
This is no big deal,
man.

Hey, you said it
yourself,
man, it's no big deal.

I was lying, jackass.

I can't believe this, man.

I'm out and you're in.

You...back scrubber.

I mean stabber!

[instrumental music]

Brother can't do nothing right.

[instrumental music]

It's alright, man,
it's no big deal.

It's okay if you got cut
from that episode.

Ain't like they cut you
from the whole series.

Plus you'll be back next week
in time for the lab episode.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

And everybody's gonna
be watching that one.

Yeah, everybody's gonna
be watching that.

- Man, I'm trippin'.
- Told you, kid, look,
nobody..

Look, nobody's gonna make
a big deal out of it.

- Okay.
- Alright. Trust me.

- Surprise!
- Surprise!

(Pops)
'Bang!'

Congratulation on you debut

in show business.

I told you
it's no big deal, ya'll.

Now who would've thought
I had an actor for a son?

Hold on. Hold on, negro,
I'm an actor.

Of course, Marlon,
you call what you do acting.

[mimicking Lucius]
Lucius.

Yeah, we call that
a shirt lifesaver.

Look, you guys, I told you,
look, I only have one line.

And I wouldn't even have
that
if it wasn't for Marlon.

Thank you.
Can I get a little credit?

Thank you.

Oh, nonsense.
D-do Bill Cosby.

Ooh, you can do Bill
Cosby?
Let me see it.

Oh, yeah.
Cosby, that's current.

- Come on, please. Come on.
- No, I'm not gonna, I'm not.

[mimicking Bill Cosby]
Oh, I'm not going to..
Oh, oh.

No, no, no.

Now, Camille, you know

I like when you play
with my Pudding Pops.

Oh, you make me
one of those Jell-O Pudding
Pop.

Ha, ha-ha, speakin'
of Jell-O Pudding Pops

why don't you wiggle
your big old ass outta here?

Come on.

- Don't be..
- Come on.

Don't be mad 'cause
you can't do Cosby.

Anybody can do Cosby.

Snoop Dogg, Puffy Combs

Gary Oldman, Mickey Mouse.

- Everybody can do Cosby.
- Yeah, alright.

Uh, if anybody could do Cosby,
let me see you do Cosby.

[mimicking Cosby]
That boy b-b-b..

I'm sorry, Marlon.
I'm sorry.

I didn't know they were gonna
throw a party, man.

You know how brothers are, they
throw a party after everything.

[mimicking Bill Cosby]
Oh, my goodness, Lil' Ray Ray
just got left back

for the third time.

Party at my house.

Party in my Cadillac.

Come on, Marlon, man.

Look, I told you, I don't
even
like this acting thing, man.

But, Shawn,
that's the problem, man.

You don't like
the acting thing, I do.

- This is my livelihood, man.
- I know.

Shawn, ever since
we was little, son

you shined in everything.

Everything. Girls,
grades, school, clothes.

I mean, come on, man.

I finally found something
I'm better than you in

and here you go
out-shining me again.

- Marlon, but..
- No, son, I'm saying is..

Can I have something for me?

That's what I'm trying
to tell you, Marlon.

- Will you listen to me. Look..
- Yeah, Shawn, you're the best.

God, Marlon, eh, I..
I can't win, Marlon.

Look, I'm trying to tell you
I'm
not trying to steal your
dream

alright, man?

And even if I wanted to,
I couldn't.

I mean, you, look at you,
you're a great actor.

That's true.

[instrumental music]

[girls shrieking]

It's the black guy from
"Everybody Loves Everybody."

So cute.

See, kid, man, your fans
still love you, man.

- Yeah.
- Have a sleep on that.

I hate this part.

[Marlon screaming]

We saw your show last night and
we think you are the greatest.

[sighing]
Can you say your line for me?

Oh, come on..

Alright, just once, okay?

[chuckling]
Anytime.

[exclaiming]

Any...anytime.

[girl sighing]

Anytime.

Say, anytime.

Anytime.

Anytime.

Hey, listen, uh, you guys know
we're going out live?

Hey, you don't wanna
wreck the place

before we do the show?

Sorry. I'm sorry.

We're going out live
tonight, okay?

That means no mistakes,
no retakes.

And you better learn these
brand new lines, my friend.

They've written you
a whole new scene.

- I got a new lines?
- New lines, new scenes.

- Big scene.
- Thank you, man.

- Okay, yeah.
- Eh, hope it's a boy.

Hey, man,
see that, man?

And you were worried about
my little role for nothing.

- Come on, kid.
- Well, hold on, Shawn.

Shawn, they got me
goin' to a hospital.

That's good,
that is so perfect for
you.

'Cause you could just, uh,
display a lot of emotions.

Shawn, it's not good, man.

They, I don't make it out
of the hospital.

They killin' my character off.

[sobbing]
Mummy-y-y!

- Hey, uh, Corny, umm..
- It's, uh, Bernie.

Bernie, look, I need to
talk
to you about Marlon.

Now, I hope you're
not
killin' his
character off

just to replace him with me.

Well, actually we are.

I mean, he maybe funny, but..

...you have sex appeal,
and that spells big ratings.

Wha..

Well, does he have
to get killed off,
man?

I mean can't there be
two black guys on the
show?

Two black guys?

Last time that worked was
on "Different Strokes"

and that was only
one and a half black guys.

Listen, don't worry about it,
just go focus on your script

'cause as you know
we're going out live tonight.

And we cannot afford to have
any mistakes. No mistakes.

No mistakes, huh?

[instrumental music]

- Hey, what's up, baby boy?
- Uh-huh.

Did you memorize
your new lines yet?

Memorize 'em for what?

All I gotta do is close my eyes

and just wait for it
to be all over.

Hey, now you know
how your dates must feel?

Come on, Marlon, cheer,
I'm just trying

to cheer you up, man.

Look, besides,
you know what?

I think these guys
gonna realize

they made a mistake
by killing you off.

[bell ringing]

Okay, everybody,
we're going live

for real this time.

Lots of energy, let's go.

- Alright, good luck.
- Alright, man.

Have a good show.

Alright, come on.

In five, four..

...three, two..

[instrumental music]

What can I get you?

I'm pooped,
I need a pick-me-up.

Oh, you-you mean a pick-me-up?

You mean all the drugs that you
picked up in your dressing room

before you came out
here wasn't enough?

Umm, he he, don't you mean, um

one latte coming right up?

Oh, yeah, coming right up.

Coming right up kinda
like your court date

for your little daughter
that you don't take care of.

[crying]

Wha-what's gotten into
your
brother? What's he doing?

I don't know,
I don't know, I don't know..

I-I've no idea.

Oh, okay, Cooper,
guys stand up, stand up.

We're live, do something,
move.
Move, move, move. Talk.

Well, uh,
it's getting late.

I guess I'll...head home.

I'm kind of beat.

[laughing]
Beat?

Like the way you
beat up your wife?

I have nothing to do with
this.
Don't blame the brother.

Don't be
scared,
little white
girl.

I'm not gonna,
gonna say anything about
you.

'I ain't gonna bother you.'

I mean 'cause everybody knows

you sleeping with the producer.

You little slut.

You and him
cooked this up, right?

I-I didn't cook up nothing.

You tapping off
what's her name?

Cut, commercial!

[bell ringing]

What you giving me
attitude for?

- Was that fun? Ha?
- What?

Was that fun?
Wrecking the show?

Was that fun?
Well, I hope it was.

Because, Shawn,
you are finished!

You're finished, man! Done!

Finished!

- So, I'm finished.
- Oh, yeah!

- My character is dead.
- Done.

So that means
if you kill me

that means
you have to keep
Lucius.

[instrumental music]

[gasping]

[coughing]

I'm dyin'.

'I'm dyin'.'

Mama..

Mama, is that you, mama?

- No, it's Vanessa.
- Oh, yeah?

Oh, Vanessa.

Oh!

I'm so glad
you're still alive.

What happened to me?

When you left the coffee
shop,
you were hit by a car.

The doctor say
you don't have much more time.

I-I know.

I know they said it.

- Come here.
- Yeah.

[whispering
]
Promise..

Promise me something

Promise you'll do

Lucius something.

Mm, uh.

Anything.

[whispering
]
Promise me

you'll tell my brother

I said I love him.

'And thanks for everything.'

Tell him thank you..

...for everything.

Okay?

My eyes?

My eyes, I can't see.

I can't see.
Oh, oh, I'm
scared.

We're here, Lucius.

Please tell the nurse

to change my IV
from electrolytes to
Kool-Aid.

You hear that?

You hear the violins playin'?

Oh, they sound beautiful.

I think Puff Daddy
did the remix.

Oh, I guess it's all over.

May the Lord
be my German Shepherd.

It ends now.

Please don't die, Lucius.

It's alright, Scott Mayo.

Hey, you tell everybody..

...Lucius..

...loves..

...everybody.

[flatline]

[instrumental music]

- Hey, kid.
- What's up, man?

Hey, yo, you sabotaged
you bein' a star for me.

- That was sweet.
- Hey, man.

- You know..
- That was sweet.

Yeah, Shawn..

...Mr. Saboteur.

All that money

all those pretty freaky women
ready to do anything you
want..

...and I thought
Marlon
was the stupid one.

Come on, pop, what will
all those freaky girls

and all that money mean

if my little brother
wasn't happy?

- 'Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.'
- Yeah. Hey, kid.

I thought the stuff you came
up
with was pretty funny.

- I was laughing.
- I thought it was funny
too.

- Better than that script.
- I know.

You were exposin'
more dirt than Oprah.

(Bernie)
Hey, yeah. Hey, Marlon.

Marlon, I-I'd just like
to congratulate you

for the fine work that you did
in the hospital scene.

Oh, thank you, represent..

Appreciate that, you know
what I'm saying. Word up.

A-and for that reason alone,
I'd really like

to keep you on the show.

- Really?
- Yeah.

But Shawn's work was so bad,
the network cancelled the
show.

Thanks a lot, man.

Oh, well, well,
wait a minute, wait a minute.

Black, wait a minute.

All is not lost.

Since you lost that show,
I got an idea for another
one.

Two brothers sharing
an apartment.

They got a handsome
sharp-dressing father

who runs a diner.

- Bang!
- You three will do a show?

Let me tell you little bit
of how television works, okay?

These studios and networks
put up millions of dollars

to do these shows, the only way
they can make their money back

is to sell the re-runs
and maybe make a little
profit.

Alright, and you're gonna do
a 100 episodes of a show

about you two brothers

one goofy, might've been
dropped
on his head when he was little

we don't know,
one who can't do a line

from the script
to save his damn life.

And a father who dresses like
he just had an explosion

at a wallpaper factory?

Hey, hey, no, no.
No, I got an idea.

How about, how about
Shawn and Marlon

produce the show too?

Hey, better yet, how about

we get, uh, we get
the security guard

who's addicted to donuts
into the show, huh?

Hey, I got an idea for a show.

How about you three
play in a show..

Uh, let's see,
what's the idea?

You play, uh, three guys
I never see again!

[indistinct chatter]

Anytime.

A-anytime.

Anytime.

Anytime.

Any-y-y..

...time.

(Shawn)
Look up, Marlon. Say cheese.