All language subtitles for The.Wayans.Bros.S05E17_English

[instrumental music]

- Damn, Dee.
- What?

What'd you do? Get a La-Z-Boy
to go with your lazy ass?

No.

This belongs to the psychiatrist

who's moving in today.

- Word?
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, guys, you can
take that up to the 16th floor

and then put the box of books
in the reception area.

Thanks.

Hey, hey, hey.

What's going on, light skin?

I'm Shawn Williams.

You must be
the new
psychiatrist.

Yes, I am. I'm Dr. Dawn Cook.

Oh, a doctor?

What a
coincidence,
I'm a doctor too.

I crack backs.

Oh, you're a chiropractor.

Nah. I just crack backs.

Well, you're kind of cute.

Too bad you suffer from a post
adolescent impulse fixation.

Oh, you gonna try
and play me..

So what do you know about her?

What makes you think
I'd know anything about
her

I just met her.

Come on, huggy bear.

What's the word on the street?

Well, she's a
workaholic,
she's divorced.

Currently has no
children
or boyfriend.

I can handle that.

And her newest patient is a man

who's an exhibitionist.

How you know?

He showed me his exhibition.

- Whatcha doing, peoples?
- Hey!

- Yo, what's up, baby boy?
- What's up, Shawn?

- Yo, kid, what's going on?
- Chilling, B.

- Ay, man.
- Yo! What's up?

You just missed
the finest girl,
yo.

- Oh, word?
- This girl was banging, yo.

She's marriage material.

Sexy, cute, smart

and professional.

Word?

You wanna marry a prostitute?

Yo, what's up? Can I get
a family discount or what?

Not that kind of professional.

Oh, well, whoever you seen

ain't messing with the chick
I seen this morning.

- Son, this broad wasbanging.
- She's a dime?

Oh, my God, and booty for days.

- This wentra-pow!
- Really?

Oh, my God! Uh, Shawn,
I'mma kick it to her.

Okay, well, that's dope.
Then maybe we could double date.

You know, we'll go Dutch.

Dutch?

Shawn, now there
a whole lot of nice
restaurants

right here in New York City.

Why we gotta go
to another state?

Oh, snap.

(Shawn and Marlon)
There goes my girl right now.

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singing
and we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys. Dynamite.'

[theme music]

Now, you know, Marlon, uh,
the girl that you like

looks an awful lot
like the girl that I like.

I know, isn't that great?

We like twins!

Man, I hope I got the evil one.

You know they freaks, right?

- Marlon.
- Yeah?

We both like the same girl.

I just want to let you know
that you don't stand a chance

this lady, she's a psychiatrist.

She can throw her voice?

Not a ventriloquist.
A psychiatrist.

Oh, you mean, like,
Sigmund Freud.

The Austrian, 19th century,
father of, uh, psychotherapy.

Wow. I'm impressed, kid.

I guess eight years
of "Sesame Street" paid off.

Now, boys, you never let a woman
come between you.

No, come on, pop, we'd never
let
nothing like that happen.

Well, you say that now,
but my friend Ezekiel and I

fought over the same woman
for many, many years.

And to date I curse his name.

Why? Because he won?

No, because I won.

That's how I got
stuck with your mama.

Now...do you get the message?

Yeah, the message
is stop hanging out

with brothers named Ezekiel.

Ay, Marlon, look, I just
want to let you know, kid

out of love, if I was you

I wouldn't go up
against
your big brother.

Man, you crazy.

Once she gets a taste,
she'll forget all about you.

Once she gets a taste
of some of that good
lovin'

that I gots to give her

forget today.

I could smash it
and face the fire.

Yeah, that'll last
about two minutes.

Two minutes?
I ain't doing it twice.

Oh, there goes
baby girl right
now.

- I'mma go kick it to her.
- Oh, look, Marlon!

- The Ninja Turtles!
- Oh, wow! Cowabunga, dude.

- Hey, they ain't in here!
- No!

- Get on..
- Get your..

(Marlon)
Get off! Get off! Get off!

(Shawn)
'Get your behind in there.
Stop it!'

(Marlon)
'No! No! Aah!'

[Marlon screaming]

Have fun on the 15th floor!

Hey, light skin.

Look, I just want
to let you know..

Look, I'm sorry. Let's,
let's
start over again, okay?

I apologize for the way
I acted earlier today.

Well, I guess everybody
deserves a second chance.

You know, I was
thinking
about getting a
therapist.

Really? Why?

'Cause I have this
fear
that you're gonna

walk into the elevator

and out of my life forever.

[chuckles]
Well, I did take a oath

to help people
overcome their fears.

So, um..

- Here's my card.
- Thank you kindly.

So we gonna hook up
this weekend, right?

You know,
I-I'd really
like to.

I mean, you're very sweet

but I just have so many patients

I just don't have the time.

Come on, girl.

You know
more than anybody that

being overworked
could lead to a lot of stress.

Now, let me
take you out for a bite.

If my jaw don't hurt,
then we'll go out to eat.

[chuckles]

Okay, okay.
You got me. You got
me.

I do have one day free.
How about Friday at 1?

Friday at 1 it is.
Alright.

I'mma take you tole metro.

Oh, that sounds fancy.

Nah, that's just French
for Subway.

[chuckles]

You can get
any sandwich you want

I got a coupon, girl.

- See you later.
- Alright, I'll see you
later.

[elevator dings]

You know what?

You suffer from post adolescent

impulse fixation syndrome.

You need help, brother.

Actually I got all
the help I need right here,
bro.

See, while you was
on the elevator

I got a date
with that psychiatrist.

I don't care,
I'mma ask her out
too.

- You can't. You ca..
- Come on, man.

- Why not?
- No, you can't.

See, I got her last free day.

Friday at 1 o'clock.
Ah-ha-haa!

Now, if you'll excuse me
I gotta get home

and flip my mattress
over to the good side.

Man, Dee.
What's with that one free day?

Well, well, it's no
secret
she's a workaholic.

See, that's why
I mess with chicks on welfare.

They always got time to chill.

Yeah, well, she's the kind

that puts her work
ahead of
everything.

Just like me.

Oh, listen, if you need
me,
I'll be in the lounge.

Gotta rock this machine.

Bag of Cheetos about to fall.

She's a workaholic,
huh, Dee?

- 'Yeah.'
- Okay.

Got it.

Hello, hi, yes.

Uh, I'd like
to speak to Dr. Cook.

Oh, she's not there?

[sobbing]
Well, can you tell her
it's an emergency?

Yes, my name
is Marlon Williams and..

...I need to make
an appointment..

Oh, God! Excuse me.

[sobbing]

Nervous breakdown, I'm sorry.

I need to make an appointment
for Friday around 1 o'clock.

Why 1?

Uh, because I'm gonna
kill myself at 2.

Hi, I'm Shawn Williams

and I have an appointment
with Dr. Cook.

Dr. Cook? Yes, there's a
Mr. Williams here to see you.

Great.

You can't be
that damn happy all the time.

Oh, Shawn. I'm sorry.

I'm gonna have to cancel
our lunch. I have a patient.

As, as a matter of fact when

my assistant told me
that you were here

I thought it was..

...my patient.

- What?
- You have the same last name.

But anyway,
I-I'll reschedule, I promise.

- See you later.
- Alright.

Marlon Williams.

Uh-huh.

A-a-ah.

Pretty good, little brother.

But you ain't no match
for your big bro.

Now where are those
psycho folders at?

Okay.

"Robert Downey Jr.

Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopez."

Ah, and "Martin Lawrence."

Well, here we go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, we'll see
who gets the last laugh.

Okay, enough about
your horrible
brother.

Now...just calm yourself.

I'm gonna show you
a few ink blots

and you're gonna tell me
what you see, okay?

I see me and you..

...making love.

Wait until
I show you one, Marlon.

Okay.

I see me and you
making love at Jiffy Lube.

Marlon, can you try to think
of something else

besides you and me making love?

Alright.

I see you and Halle Berry
making love..

...at Jiffy Lube.

And that's me over there
in the corner.

Video taping the whole thing
with a camcorder.

Look, if you really want help
you're gonna have to be
serious.

Now when you called, you said
it was urgent, but you don't

seem like you're in
any real danger to
me.

- So if you'll excuse--
- No, no, no.

You don't understand.
I am in danger.

[sobbing]

You just don't understand.

Doctor, it's,
it's just all depressed

in the subconscious
of my medulla jasakata.

Marlon, I think you're
trying
to put one over on me.

[whispering]
You just don't know, doctor.

It's not my fault.

- Well, who's fault is it?
- I don't know, doctor.

It's just sometime I feel like..

...I feel like
two different people.

Marlon, have you ever
heard of a condition

where people have
different personalities?

Um, what do you mean?

Let me put it this way.

Have you ever felt like you've
had someone else inside of you?

Why? What have you heard?

He is lyin'.
Yo, we was play fightin'.

It was all in fun, yo.

I'm, uh, I'm talking
about Leroy.

Can you contact Leroy for me?

I don't know,
you got his pager number?

I mean, Leroy..

...that other person
that comes out sometimes.

Oh, Leroy.

You don't wanna contact Leroy.
No, you can't.

[sobbing]
Please, not Leroy.

Leroy is so evil.

[imitating Leroy]
Who you callin' evil,
you jive sucker.

No, Leroy.
No, Leroy, stop.

Leroy is from the '70s.

Leroy, please.

I wasn't talkin' about you, man.

I was just talkin'
to the doctor, that's all.

[imitating Leroy]
I know who you is talking to,
you jive-turkey-sucker fool.

Now come here,
I'm about to release

a whole can of ass-whoopin'
on you.

No, Leroy, please.

Please, Leroy, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, forgive me.

[imitating Leroy]
Ain't no sorry.

I'm about to tear your ass up.

No, Leroy. Please, Leroy,no!

Leroy! Leroy!

'Help me, doctor. Ooh-ha!'

Help me, doctor, help me.

Help me, doctor!

Oh, oh, doctor, help me.
Help me, please.

[grunts]

Down, turkey.
Oh, you goin' down..

Oh, no.
Help me, help me.

Doctor.. Doctor, please.

Please, doctor..

[imitating Leroy]
I told you
I'd catch up with you.

Now, I'mma smack you
like one of my hoes.

Come here, come here.

[grunting]

[choking]
Doctor, help me. Help me.

Pull him by his afro
Pull him by his afro.

No, just hold me.

Listen, if you hold me

Le-Leroy can't get to me.

He's, he's scared of,
he's scared of your
booty.

He's allergic to it.

- Okay, just, just calm down.
- Okay.

Calm down, just, just,
just, sit right here.

- Both of you.
- Okay.

- Just, just calm down.
- Yes, ma'am.

Now, now, you think
maybe you might like

t-to go away with me
this weekend

and spend some time?

Yes.

Okay, great, great.

Well, listen, I'm gonna go
into the other office

and I'm gonna make
the arrangements.

- Now, you wait right here.
- Okay.

You...and.. Both of you.

Ah-ha-ah!

We did it. We did it, Leeroy.

[imitating Leroy]
I said the name's Leroy.

[instrumental music]

Okay, Marlon, Leroy.

Everything's set
for the weekend

no-no-now
you're gonna go first

and then I'll join you
a little later.

Okay.

[chuckles]

So, uh, where we goin', girl?

Oh, oh, it's a very serene
relaxing environment.

- Oh, yeah.
- It's called Cappy Acres.

Cappy Acres? That's a nuthouse.

You're tryin' to send me
to some nuthouse?

[shouting]
Do I look crazy to you, huh?
Do I look crazy?

You're tryin' to send me
to the nuthouse? Come here.

We don't like
to call it a nuthouse.

We-we prefer to call it a-a
therapeutic relaxing retreat.

Oh, really?
That's a damn nuthouse.

I ain't goin'
to a nuthouse, aight?

It's for your own good, Marlon.

Wait, hold on.

Look, I just,
I just made it all..

I'm not crazy,
I just made all this up

just so I could get in your
panties, does that sound
crazy?

Actually yes. Take him away.

Wait, hold on..

(Dawn)
Shawn, I was wondering,
would you like

to go to dinner
with me tonight?

Oh, you changed your mind, huh?

Well, normally I would go home
and look through my files, but

but I need somethin'
to get my mind off my day.

I mean, that-that patient
that I canceled our lunch for

turned out to be
a very disturbed case.

Huh. Yeah, tell me about it.

Yeah, come over here
and tell me all about it,
girl.

Well, I can't go into specifics

but that poor
young man's brother..

I mean, he's the lowest form
of life imaginable.

Oh, he told you it was
his brother's fault?
Really?

- Well, maybe he's
exaggerating.
- Oh, no, I don't think so.

That kind of abuse
is very common

when an older brother
feels emasculated.

- Emasculated?
- Mm-hmm.

Turns out the older brother
had his privates mangled

in a freak vacuuming accident.

Oh.

Aight, aight,
that's what he told you?

Mm-hmm, but you know
those kinds of accidents happen

when you're suppressing
homosexual tendencies.

Hey, hey, no, hey..

Well, that young man's very
lucky that I had him
committed.

Committed?

You mean, like in a hospital?

Oh, yeah, but it's only
for observation.

They can only keep him
for 72 hours.

[laughs]
Alright!

Oh, alright.

Hope that little brother's
gonna be aight.

Well, so, we'll call it a date?

It's a date.

Okay, hey, look,
instead of goin' to
dinner

why don't you
just
come to my crib?

I hear that
my little brother's gonna
be

outta town for the weekend.

- Okay.
- Alright.

[instrumental music]

You know, Dawn, um, something's
been on my mind all day long.

Um, now, you know that guy
who you had committed

the brother
you had committed today

is he gonna be aight?

Well, it depends
on his condition.

I mean, they may treat him
with electric shock

or sedation
or maybe even a lobotomy.

A lobotomy?
Ain't that a Spanish dance?

Shawn, that's the lambada.

Oh, oh, right, right, right.

But I don't wanna
talk
about work.

Okay.

Well, then, let's have
a little toast.

Here's a beautiful toast
to a beautiful woman

on a beautiful night.

What, no wine for me?

Can I get a little,bro?

I ought to spit in your face.

Oh! What?

I didn't say anything.

It's getting a little
chilly
in here, Shawn.

Oh, well, girl, huh

I know exactly
how to warm you up.

[chuckles]

I meant, uh,
could I have a
sweater?

Oh, you're gonna
play hard to get, right?

Aight, aight.
I'll get you yoursweater.

[intense music]

Why don't you give
her
this jacket, Shawn?

With some fava beans
and a nice chianti.

[screaming]

Here you go, girl.

Thank you.

Ah.

Now where were we?

Oh, yeah, I think
we was right about here.

Oh, I see,
first you take my girl

now you wanna take my jacket.

- What's wrong?
- I don't know.

There must be aspartame
inside that wine or
somethin'.

I.. I'm havin' hot flashes.

I-I'll, I'll be right back.

I-I gotta rinse my face off.

Help me, bro-o-o!

[electricity crackling]

Hey, Shawn,
who's this picture of?

Uh, that's just me
and my little brother.

Oh, he's so cute.

Hear that, Shawn?
She thinks I'm cute.

Stop it!

Is there a problem
between you two?

Nah, ain't, ain't no
problems.
We cool.

Well, it seems like
you have some issues.

- Do you wanna talk about it?
- I said we're cool, alright?

We ain't got no problem.
Me and my brother's tight.

[sobbing]
It-it was the time when

that little league
baseball team was comin'

after me and my little
brother
and we were running away

and he fell down
and I kept runnin'

like a punk.

And then all I could hear

was the pounding of baseball
bats hitting his flesh.

[sobbing]

Oh, Shawn, it's only natural
to wanna protect yourself.

Especially when
you're just a child.

Yeah, but it just
happened last week.

You probably..

You probably don't wanna
see me anymore

because I sat here cryin'
like a little biatch.

Actually I find sensitive men
very attractive.

You do?

- I can't do this.
- Why not?

You know that little guy you
had
put in the hospital today?

Yeah.

That was my little brother.

Wait a second,
you're the brother

with the mangled privates?

Yeah, I mean, no. Look..

We were both tryin'
to get at you

and so my little brother
pretended to be a mental
patient

so that you wouldn't go
to lunch with me.

Oh, I see.

So in retaliation
for what he did to me

I switched around his files
with some nutcase's.

Shawn, how could you do this?

I mean, you're in here

tryin' to make
some crappy lasagna

and get some
while your brothers locked
away.

I thought the lasagna
came out aight.

I gotta go
get my little brother.

[instrumental music]

(Shawn)
Where are they keepin'
Marlon?

I don't know, but to get him out

we have to follow
proper procedure.

Forget that.

[Marlon grunting]

Oh, my God, that's Marlon.

[machine whirring]

Oh, no, they're giving him
electric shock treatment.

- Marlon, are you okay?
- Hey, what's up, Shawn?

- Whatcha doin' here?
- I'm here to get you.

(Marlon)
'Uh, well,
can you wait two minutes?'

She's just
about
to work the
front.

Okay, put that down.

I want you to start
from the nipples

and work your way all down.

Whoo!

Nurse, this doesn't look
like proper procedure.

Shh! Shh! Shh! She's not
a nurse, she's a patient.

She thinks
she's a Cambodian refugee

workin' in a massage parlor.

And how is this
supposed
to help her?

I don't know
but it sure do feel good to
me.

[speaking in foreign language]

Let me take you back
to your room.

Wait, hold on.
Don't take One Dumb Hoe from
me.

Why are you talkin' to her
like that? She's not even
Asian.

Hey, she's Caucasian,
that's the same thing.

- Anyway..
- What's up?

I just came here
to apologize.

I'm sorry I switched your
files
up and had you committed.

Hey, I'm, I'm
sorry
I told that girl

about your mangled privates.

I know how sensitive
you are about those.

It's okay, baby.
It's okay, baby.

That's not funny, man.

I'm serious, but what happened
was I started feelin' guilty

'cause you was in here
so I had to come get you.

So you stopped slobbin'
Dawn down to come save me?

Yeah.

Well, obviously you suffering

from acute
negro-is-you-out
your-damn-mind-itis.

Anyway, you think at our age
we'd stop trippin' over women?

Yeah. Hey, from now on,
let's make a pact.

We'll never let another woman
come between us.

- That's right.
- Aight?

Unless it's amenage e trois.

Hey or a threesome.

Help me, bro-o-o!

[electricity crackling]

Hey, Shawn,
who's this picture of?

Oh, that's just me
and my little brother.

Oh, he is so cute.

Hear that, Shawn?
She thinks I'm cute.

(Shawn)
'Stop it!'

(Shawn)
Look up, Marlon, say cheese.