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1
00:00:02,100 --> 00:00:03,330
(Shawn)
'Hey, boy, someone left
a package for you.'
2
00:00:03,366 --> 00:00:06,996
Package? Look, if it's from
Shaniqua, don't accept it.
3
00:00:07,330 --> 00:00:09,380
I don't care what she says,
Marlon Junior ain't mine.
4
00:00:11,116 --> 00:00:13,096
Just open the damn package.
5
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,276
Oh, snap, kid!
6
00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:18,316
These are my contracts from
"Everybody Loves Everybody."
7
00:00:18,350 --> 00:00:20,250
They want me back
for five more
episodes.
8
00:00:20,283 --> 00:00:22,183
- Whoo!
- Oh!
9
00:00:22,216 --> 00:00:24,156
- Five more episodes.
- 'Excuse me.'
10
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:25,220
- Oh, yes, ma'am.
- Hey, yo.
11
00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:26,300
You gotta be honest though.
12
00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:28,123
It gotta be weird being
the only brother
13
00:00:28,150 --> 00:00:29,220
on all-white show.
14
00:00:29,250 --> 00:00:31,220
Yeah, now I know
how Hootie feels
15
00:00:31,250 --> 00:00:33,830
with the Blowfish.
16
00:00:34,266 --> 00:00:36,326
Or Chris Rock
on "Saturday Night
Live"
17
00:00:36,366 --> 00:00:39,166
[imitating Chris Rock]
They didn't put me in
those
sketches, but I
18
00:00:41,660 --> 00:00:42,330
Alright, funny, funny.
19
00:00:42,366 --> 00:00:44,096
Now, hush.
So I could sign my contracts.
20
00:00:44,133 --> 00:00:45,373
Hey, hey, hey,
you better slow
down
21
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,370
and read the contract first.
22
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,150
Look, Marl, hey, if I was you,
since I know they want me back
23
00:00:51,183 --> 00:00:53,123
I would sweeten my
deal
with some perks
24
00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:54,380
like a dressing room.
25
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,230
And what's wrong
with my dressing room?
26
00:00:56,266 --> 00:00:58,996
It's the men's room.
27
00:00:59,330 --> 00:01:00,120
It wasn't that bad.
28
00:01:00,150 --> 00:01:02,150
Hey, I did get to meet
George Michael.
29
00:01:02,183 --> 00:01:04,833
[sighs]
30
00:01:04,116 --> 00:01:05,996
Hey, a real
down-to-earth brother.
31
00:01:06,330 --> 00:01:07,320
He has some clammy hands,
but he's cool.
32
00:01:07,350 --> 00:01:10,150
Hey, hey, hey.
Come on, man.
33
00:01:10,183 --> 00:01:12,273
Hey, look, th-the dressing
room
ain't for you
34
00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:13,320
it's for your ego.
35
00:01:13,350 --> 00:01:16,280
Shawn, where am I
gonna get a bird?
36
00:01:18,233 --> 00:01:20,233
Especially an ego.
37
00:01:21,350 --> 00:01:23,330
That's stupid.
38
00:01:23,366 --> 00:01:26,496
Don't you know
they're distinct?
39
00:01:26,830 --> 00:01:28,270
You should watch
some Discovery Channel,
brother.
40
00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:29,350
You know what?
You need some help.
41
00:01:29,383 --> 00:01:30,333
What?
42
00:01:30,366 --> 00:01:31,366
And who better to help you
43
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,160
than your older brother.
44
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:34,180
Yeah, the same older brother
45
00:01:34,216 --> 00:01:37,826
that got fired as my agent.
46
00:01:37,116 --> 00:01:39,246
'Kay, true that,
but you should have some family
47
00:01:39,283 --> 00:01:41,253
in your corner,
or else you get ripped
off.
48
00:01:41,283 --> 00:01:44,003
Yeah, you got
a good point there.
49
00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:45,380
What do you know
about managing?
50
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,250
I know that my fee
is 50% of your
check.
51
00:01:48,283 --> 00:01:51,003
- Fifty percent?
- Hey, that's right.
52
00:01:51,330 --> 00:01:52,320
Damn, that's kinda high.
53
00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:55,660
You must be good.
You got a deal.
54
00:01:56,330 --> 00:01:58,120
[theme song]
55
00:01:59,830 --> 00:02:00,330
♪ We're brothers ♪
56
00:02:00,366 --> 00:02:03,326
♪ We're happy and we're singing
and we're colored ♪
57
00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:07,300
♪ Gimme a high five ♪♪
58
00:02:07,333 --> 00:02:09,833
(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.'
59
00:02:09,116 --> 00:02:11,266
'Beautiful, guys. Dynamite!'
60
00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:14,100
[theme music]
61
00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:40,160
[instrumental music]
62
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,160
Hey, pops,
you seen the show last night?
63
00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:44,160
I sure did, son,
I liked it too.
64
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:45,220
I wish I could get paid
to act stupid.
65
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,100
Yeah, pops,
you'd be a millionaire.
66
00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:48,173
Oh?
67
00:02:50,330 --> 00:02:52,500
You think, my character looks
that stupid on the show?
68
00:02:52,830 --> 00:02:55,220
Marlon, last night's show,
you played an entire scene
69
00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:58,000
with your shoes
on the wrong feet.
70
00:02:58,330 --> 00:03:00,130
I guess you're still
in character.
71
00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:04,096
Hey, look, it's the black guy
in "Everybody Loves Everybody."
72
00:03:04,133 --> 00:03:06,203
Hey, look,
it's annoying white
people.
73
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,660
Hey, and I'm notjust
the black guy, okay?
74
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:14,300
That's right,
he also plays the dumb guy.
75
00:03:14,333 --> 00:03:16,663
I just love
the way you come up
76
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:18,170
with all those stupid
catchphrases like, um
77
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,300
"You all are tripping."
78
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,003
[laughs]
79
00:03:21,330 --> 00:03:22,280
Hey, um, can I get
your autograph?
80
00:03:22,316 --> 00:03:24,216
Sure, you know, I came
up
with a new catchphrase.
81
00:03:24,250 --> 00:03:27,160
It's called,
"You be racist."
82
00:03:29,150 --> 00:03:31,300
I told you
he knew how to write.
83
00:03:31,333 --> 00:03:33,303
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
84
00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:37,273
"Dear, Barbie,
you smell like baloney."
85
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,330
- I don't get it.
- Hey, look here.
86
00:03:39,366 --> 00:03:41,216
That goes to show
I'm not as dumb
87
00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:42,370
as I am on TV, okay?
88
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,660
[laughs]
Sure you're right.
89
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,280
[both laugh]
90
00:03:46,316 --> 00:03:48,146
Get her out of here, screech.
91
00:03:50,283 --> 00:03:53,123
Pop, I don't want everybody
thinkin' I'm stupid.
92
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:56,100
Oh, that ship has sailed, son.
93
00:03:56,133 --> 00:03:59,123
Hey, curls, look here.
You my manager.
94
00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:01,300
Get up and go out there
an-and talk to 'em producers
95
00:04:01,333 --> 00:04:03,163
and change my image, man.
96
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:04,180
I don't want
a bunch of dumb jokes.
97
00:04:04,216 --> 00:04:06,096
Hey, the last
thing
you wanna do
98
00:04:06,133 --> 00:04:07,233
is annoy the producers.
99
00:04:07,266 --> 00:04:09,826
I just seen Lisa Bonet
in the subway
100
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:11,126
drummin' on a bucket
for quarters.
101
00:04:11,166 --> 00:04:13,326
[instrumental music]
102
00:04:13,366 --> 00:04:17,656
Okay. Now, quiet please.
We're rehearsing over here.
103
00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:19,330
Alright now, kids, give
a lot of energy, lot of
energy.
104
00:04:19,366 --> 00:04:21,246
Let's see the spark. Go!
105
00:04:21,283 --> 00:04:22,333
Okay.
106
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,170
"I'm supposed to play
golf tomorrow with my boss
107
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,000
and she lost the number
to mycaddy."
108
00:04:30,330 --> 00:04:33,170
"Ho ho ho, man,
where're you gonna find a caddy
109
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:34,270
on such short notice?"
110
00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:38,660
Did somebody say
they need acaddy?
111
00:04:39,150 --> 00:04:42,380
Let a brother
hook you up,
homie.
112
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,660
I'll kick you down.
113
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:47,380
Would you want a black caddy?
114
00:04:49,366 --> 00:04:52,166
Excuse me, um,
is this in the script?
115
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,350
Hey, shut up,
Courtney Cockeyes.
116
00:04:54,383 --> 00:04:56,123
I was improvising.
117
00:04:56,150 --> 00:04:58,120
- Uh, Barney..
- That's Bernie.
118
00:04:58,150 --> 00:04:59,370
Oh. That's I
meant,
Barney.
119
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,320
We need to talk we need
the power to get
together--
120
00:05:01,350 --> 00:05:03,150
Shh, shh, shh,
quiet, quiet, quiet.
121
00:05:03,183 --> 00:05:06,203
- I really love this part.
- Oh, it's probably great.
122
00:05:06,233 --> 00:05:09,353
So, Lucius,
did you give me a caddy?
123
00:05:09,383 --> 00:05:15,123
Ha ha. It's parked
right outside, hom-i-ie-ee.
124
00:05:15,150 --> 00:05:17,320
First I went
to get me some Kool-Aid.
125
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,350
Ah, just like I like it,
like my ladies.
126
00:05:21,383 --> 00:05:24,273
Sweet and go down easy.
127
00:05:26,116 --> 00:05:30,116
Now, here are all the ke-e-ys.
128
00:05:30,150 --> 00:05:32,660
Ah. Take that homeboy.
129
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:35,100
"Oh, no, don't tell me
you brought a Cadillac."
130
00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:36,203
"That's right.
131
00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:38,173
"Oh, man and look here
132
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:42,130
it is beau-ti-ful."
133
00:05:42,166 --> 00:05:46,316
I'm tellin' you, just ask
Peppermint Patty right here.
134
00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:49,280
"Yes, it's beautiful, I
borrowed
it from my Uncle Cephas."
135
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:52,326
He sells meat
out the trunk, but shh.
136
00:05:52,660 --> 00:05:53,300
Keep that on the DL.
137
00:05:53,333 --> 00:05:56,123
[Bernie laughs]
138
00:05:57,333 --> 00:05:59,323
- That's great.
- That's a great line.
139
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:02,830
"Lucius, Justin
wanted a caddy
140
00:06:02,116 --> 00:06:05,496
to carry
his golf clubs
tomorrow."
141
00:06:05,830 --> 00:06:08,660
Oh, ma bag!
142
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:11,500
"But, hey, look here, you can
carry the clubs in the trunk
143
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,330
but you just got to move
all the pork first."
144
00:06:14,660 --> 00:06:17,330
[Bernie laughs]
145
00:06:17,660 --> 00:06:19,280
Pork in the trunk.
Oh, man.
146
00:06:19,316 --> 00:06:21,116
Move that pork.
147
00:06:21,150 --> 00:06:23,500
That really kills me,
I don't know why..
148
00:06:23,830 --> 00:06:26,100
Oh, man,
that's hilarious, man.
149
00:06:26,133 --> 00:06:28,383
- You're a genius, Ernie.
- It's Bernie.
150
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:30,250
Oh, yeah,
that's what I said, Barney.
151
00:06:30,283 --> 00:06:31,373
Hey, look here, man,
check it out.
152
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,280
Um, Marlon's startin'
to feel like
153
00:06:34,316 --> 00:06:36,316
his character is uh..
154
00:06:36,350 --> 00:06:39,150
...you know, startin'
to be portrayed as a idiot.
155
00:06:39,183 --> 00:06:40,383
That's why we hired him.
156
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:42,220
But, hey, I've been
in this business a long
time.
157
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:45,370
Take it from me.
That Cadillac guy is
hilarious.
158
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,830
- And it's real.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, uh, no
doubt.
159
00:06:49,116 --> 00:06:51,156
But, um, the thing is I know
160
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,100
that there's more levels
to him, you know.
161
00:06:53,133 --> 00:06:55,503
He is the kind of guy
that likes to take risk.
162
00:06:55,830 --> 00:06:57,330
If you give him something
to challenge himself with
163
00:06:57,660 --> 00:06:58,230
he will do great.
164
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,320
Well, there is
this
love story idea
165
00:07:01,350 --> 00:07:02,330
we've been kickin' around.
166
00:07:02,366 --> 00:07:04,246
Has a lot of drama in it, but..
167
00:07:04,283 --> 00:07:07,333
[clicks tongue]
I'm not just sure that,
uh..
168
00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:09,120
...your brother is
mentally
up to the challenge.
169
00:07:09,150 --> 00:07:10,270
Oh, no, no, no, that's okay.
170
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:13,270
Marlon's been mentally
challenged for all his life.
171
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:14,350
Check it out, check it out.
172
00:07:14,383 --> 00:07:17,223
- Uh, Marlon, come here.
- Hey, what's up?
173
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:19,270
- Um, I got bad news, kid.
- What happened?
174
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:21,270
Pops has been
in a horrible accident.
175
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:24,320
Oh, no. Oh, no!
176
00:07:24,350 --> 00:07:27,100
[crying]
177
00:07:33,316 --> 00:07:36,826
My suit, boy.
178
00:07:36,116 --> 00:07:38,316
That little black man..
179
00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:43,130
...with them white shoes.
180
00:07:44,350 --> 00:07:47,270
Wh-y-y-y?
181
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,320
- Oh..
- But it's okay, he'll
live.
182
00:07:52,350 --> 00:07:54,230
- He.. He'll live?
- He'll live.
183
00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:57,326
Oh, thank God.
184
00:07:57,383 --> 00:07:59,383
Hallelujah. Oh.
185
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,270
But he was wearin'
your brand-new leather jacket.
186
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:05,130
What? I-I'll kill him.
I'll kill him.
187
00:08:05,166 --> 00:08:06,296
Where is he?
I'll stab him. I'll stab
him.
188
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:08,303
No, no, no, no, no.
The cleaners fixed it.
189
00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:11,123
But they found a $100 bill
inside the pocket.
190
00:08:11,150 --> 00:08:13,830
A what? A $100?
191
00:08:13,116 --> 00:08:14,296
- 'A $100.'
- Ooh-hoo.
192
00:08:14,333 --> 00:08:16,153
♪ I got $100 ♪
193
00:08:16,183 --> 00:08:18,163
♪ Go get $100 ♪
194
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:20,000
♪ He doesn't have $100 ♪
195
00:08:20,330 --> 00:08:21,250
♪ You gonna feel $100 ♪
196
00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:23,303
♪ You gonna be a $100 ♪
197
00:08:23,333 --> 00:08:25,283
♪ We gots to find $100 ♪
198
00:08:25,316 --> 00:08:27,366
♪ Ain't nobody got $100 ♪
199
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,300
♪ It's a real $100 ♪
200
00:08:29,333 --> 00:08:31,233
♪ It is new a $100 ♪
201
00:08:31,266 --> 00:08:33,126
♪ Not the old $100 ♪
202
00:08:33,166 --> 00:08:35,156
♪ It's the new $100 ♪♪
203
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,120
But it was Monopoly money.
204
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,250
Damn, man.
205
00:08:41,266 --> 00:08:43,226
Now, is that enough level
for you?
206
00:08:43,266 --> 00:08:46,326
I'm very moved.
You talked me into
it.
207
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:47,350
- We'll give him a shot.
- Thank you, man.
208
00:08:47,383 --> 00:08:49,333
- Alright.
- You wont be sorry.
209
00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:51,250
Congratulations.
210
00:08:51,283 --> 00:08:53,183
Who's the baddest manager
out there, boy?
211
00:08:53,216 --> 00:08:56,346
See, now you ain't gonna be
the stupid brother on the
show.
212
00:08:56,383 --> 00:08:59,103
- Oh, you hooked it?
- I hooked it up.
213
00:08:59,133 --> 00:09:01,373
Oh, man,
you're the best, Shawn.
214
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,500
Hey, I'mma go run
to the hospital and tell pops.
215
00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:07,300
[instrumental music]
216
00:09:08,183 --> 00:09:09,203
[knock on door]
217
00:09:09,233 --> 00:09:11,273
It's here.
That's it, that's it.
218
00:09:13,283 --> 00:09:15,203
Thanks.
219
00:09:18,150 --> 00:09:21,350
Shawn, it's called "The Kiss."
220
00:09:21,383 --> 00:09:23,133
[mumbling]
221
00:09:23,166 --> 00:09:25,346
Let's see who you're kissin',
let's see who you're kissin'.
222
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,160
Come on.
223
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:32,500
Alright, it says,
"We're all at the
bistro
224
00:09:32,830 --> 00:09:36,350
and it's late, and I'm
sittin'
in the corner
with...Terry."
225
00:09:38,133 --> 00:09:40,233
- Terry..
- Sounds sexy. Sounds sexy.
226
00:09:40,266 --> 00:09:44,656
- Alright, alright,
alright.
- Whoo, whoo.
227
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:46,250
Ah, okay. Y-y-you be
Terry.
You be Terry.
228
00:09:46,283 --> 00:09:50,273
Uh. "Oh, my God, I've been
watchin' you, Lucius."
229
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,380
Lucius, that's
me.
I'm Lucius.
230
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,380
Rhymes withwhocius.
231
00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:00,000
"Like, the way you walk,
the way you sit
232
00:10:00,330 --> 00:10:02,330
"like, the way you talk..
233
00:10:02,366 --> 00:10:05,196
"...you got like,
such the prettiest mouth.
234
00:10:05,233 --> 00:10:07,333
Oh, my God."
235
00:10:07,366 --> 00:10:09,196
"You been
trippin',.
Word up, Terry
236
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:12,233
"I mean, I dig what you
sayin'
but you're not my type
237
00:10:12,266 --> 00:10:14,316
"and besides
Justin's your
brother.
238
00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:17,250
You know this whole
situation
is whack."
239
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,183
"Just give it a chance.
240
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:25,280
"Just like, just like get
free.
Give it a chance.
241
00:10:25,316 --> 00:10:28,096
I can rock your world."
242
00:10:29,350 --> 00:10:34,150
"And then Terry gives you
a long hard kiss."
243
00:10:34,183 --> 00:10:38,323
Shawn, finally
someone's
paying me for sex.
244
00:10:38,350 --> 00:10:40,270
Oh!
245
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:43,160
Hey, yo, and I bet they hired
246
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,150
someone famous to be,
to play the girl.
247
00:10:45,183 --> 00:10:49,133
You think? Oh, kid,
please,
please let it be Halle
Berry.
248
00:10:49,166 --> 00:10:51,116
Please let it be Halle Berry.
please let it be Halle Berry.
249
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:55,150
Shawn, you think Halle
Berry'll
smell like feet?
250
00:10:55,183 --> 00:10:59,503
Um, ha ha. Actually you got
bigger problems than that.
251
00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:03,250
Uh, Terry is being played
by...Bruce Gordon.
252
00:11:06,350 --> 00:11:09,150
They want you to kiss a dude.
253
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:13,330
You better get up
off your knees.
254
00:11:17,266 --> 00:11:18,226
[instrumental music]
255
00:11:18,266 --> 00:11:21,216
Oh, hell
no.
Uh-uh.
256
00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:25,330
Hell no.
I ain't kissin' no
dude.
257
00:11:25,660 --> 00:11:26,500
What are you smokin'?
258
00:11:26,830 --> 00:11:27,230
Hang on, hang on, look.
259
00:11:27,266 --> 00:11:29,296
It's actually
a pretty good story, man.
260
00:11:29,333 --> 00:11:32,333
Look, Justin's gay
identical twin brother Terry
261
00:11:32,366 --> 00:11:35,316
is spending the weekend,
heh, heh, heh..
262
00:11:35,350 --> 00:11:37,000
...and he comes on to you
263
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:38,380
causing you to question
your sexuality.
264
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:43,270
Questions? Shawn, I don't
have any questions. I
don't.
265
00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:45,230
Yo, and then there's this
hilarious scene
266
00:11:45,266 --> 00:11:46,276
at the masquerade party.
267
00:11:46,316 --> 00:11:48,326
I don't care what you say.
268
00:11:48,660 --> 00:11:50,300
I'm not swapping spit
with no Bruce Gordon.
269
00:11:50,333 --> 00:11:52,833
I'm not doing
it.
Shawn, look.
270
00:11:52,116 --> 00:11:54,496
Millions of women
are gonna see this
right.
271
00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:55,130
And they gonna
think
I'm gay.
272
00:11:55,166 --> 00:11:57,326
And then I won't get no rhythm.
273
00:11:57,660 --> 00:11:58,330
Marlon, millions of women
274
00:11:58,366 --> 00:12:00,316
already
don't give you no rhythm.
275
00:12:02,150 --> 00:12:03,320
No, no, see you wrong.
276
00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:06,660
They just play hard to
get,
that's all.
277
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,120
It ain't playing hard to get
when they Taser your privates.
278
00:12:11,166 --> 00:12:13,296
You just quit changing
the subject, alright, look
here.
279
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:16,333
Mr. Manager, you go down there
and make them change that script
280
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:17,830
I'm not kissing no dude.
281
00:12:17,116 --> 00:12:18,176
- Marlon. Hey, stop.
- No, no.
282
00:12:18,216 --> 00:12:20,496
- Stop, stop, stop.
- Ha, he, ha.
283
00:12:20,830 --> 00:12:22,180
You don't stop.
284
00:12:22,216 --> 00:12:24,826
Now, listen to
me.
I told you.
285
00:12:24,116 --> 00:12:25,226
This is what you wanted.
286
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:27,176
- What're you mad?
- This is what you wanted.
287
00:12:27,216 --> 00:12:29,276
You asked me to do this,
you wanted to get a part
288
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,266
that's gonna showcase
your acting skills.
289
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:32,380
So now,
I'm giving it to
you.
290
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,100
Besides, hey,
Will Smith kissed a
guy.
291
00:12:35,133 --> 00:12:38,383
And now, he's making
$20 million dollars a
flick.
292
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,330
- He does?
- Yeah.
293
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:42,230
And women still love him.
294
00:12:42,266 --> 00:12:44,346
So don't be so obsessed
about your image, okay.
295
00:12:44,383 --> 00:12:47,003
Nobody's gonna
think you're
gay.
296
00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:49,170
- See you later.
- Hey, man.
297
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,270
[instrumental music]
298
00:12:53,233 --> 00:12:56,833
Good news, I just got through
talking to the producers.
299
00:12:56,116 --> 00:12:57,196
I don't have to
kiss
the dude.
300
00:12:57,233 --> 00:12:59,163
Oh, no, you still
swapping spit.
301
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,000
But yo. Check it out.
302
00:13:01,330 --> 00:13:04,180
I got them to add some more
moon pies to your muffin
basket.
303
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:09,000
Who's the man, huh?
304
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,170
- Hey, Shawn.
- Huh?
305
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,830
You're fired!
306
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:22,826
Marlon, come on man, look,
there was nothing I could
do.
307
00:13:22,116 --> 00:13:24,826
You signed a contract, man.
308
00:13:24,116 --> 00:13:26,096
- It's just a TV show.
- Are you..
309
00:13:26,133 --> 00:13:28,123
Marlon, you're making
too much out of this.
310
00:13:28,150 --> 00:13:32,330
Marlon, there's no shame
in kissing a man.
311
00:13:32,660 --> 00:13:33,370
I never told anybody this
but I kissed a man
312
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,280
to get out of the army.
313
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:41,116
My God, even Pops
can get more men than I
can.
314
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:44,150
Anyway, I walked right up
to that lieutenant
315
00:13:44,183 --> 00:13:45,283
told him I had a crush on him
316
00:13:45,316 --> 00:13:48,496
gave him a big kiss
right on his lips.
317
00:13:50,183 --> 00:13:53,003
And the motto then wasn't,
"Don't ask don't tell."
318
00:13:53,330 --> 00:13:56,100
It was, "Get this tutti
frutti
out of here quick."
319
00:13:57,333 --> 00:14:01,303
In one second I had a one way
ticket back to the States.
320
00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:03,333
Wow, Pops, that was risky.
321
00:14:03,366 --> 00:14:05,376
Cause you could
have been
court-martialed.
322
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:07,500
Or beaten up.
323
00:14:07,830 --> 00:14:09,250
Or ended up
in a bad
relationship.
324
00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:14,833
Well, Dee, actually,
the lieutenant didn't mind.
325
00:14:14,116 --> 00:14:17,326
He still sent me
a single rose on my birthday.
326
00:14:18,266 --> 00:14:21,116
I wonder what happened
to...O'Colon?
327
00:14:24,333 --> 00:14:27,133
Damn. I don't know
what to do, man.
328
00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:29,166
You know, on one hand,
I-I want to be taken
329
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,350
seriously as an actor.
330
00:14:30,383 --> 00:14:32,183
But then on the other hand.
331
00:14:32,216 --> 00:14:34,996
I don't want people
to seriously think I'm gay.
332
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:40,230
How about in the other hand
you're making
333
00:14:40,266 --> 00:14:42,316
$5000 dollars an episode.
334
00:14:42,350 --> 00:14:44,000
Look at that hand.
335
00:14:44,330 --> 00:14:46,100
You know, you just
talking.
Alright.
336
00:14:46,133 --> 00:14:47,383
Would you kiss a man, Shawn.
337
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:50,180
Huh?
338
00:14:50,216 --> 00:14:52,196
Would you kiss a man?
339
00:14:52,233 --> 00:14:55,503
Hey, look, I ain't no actor
so
I ain't got to worry about
that.
340
00:14:55,830 --> 00:14:56,180
Oh, okay, look.
341
00:14:56,216 --> 00:14:59,156
If you was an actor
and if you were me.
342
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,120
And in order to stay
on
the top rated sitcom
343
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:04,660
you had to kiss a
man,
would you do it?
344
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:06,830
Yo, alright, busted.
345
00:15:06,116 --> 00:15:07,246
If..
346
00:15:07,283 --> 00:15:10,283
If I, if I was an actor, right.
347
00:15:10,316 --> 00:15:14,326
And, uh-uh,
my job was on the line.
348
00:15:14,366 --> 00:15:17,496
Yeah. Okay, yeah,
I will let..
349
00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:19,660
No, no, no, listen,
listen, hear me out.
350
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:20,200
Hear me out though, listen.
351
00:15:20,233 --> 00:15:22,333
Yeah, I would let a man kiss me.
352
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:25,000
I-I probably you know wouldn't
think about his, you know
353
00:15:25,330 --> 00:15:28,270
his scratchy facial hair.
354
00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:30,280
And his hot man breath.
355
00:15:34,216 --> 00:15:37,116
I don't want to talk
about this no more.
356
00:15:37,150 --> 00:15:38,380
Yeah, see, look at you.
357
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:40,150
I didn't think so.
358
00:15:40,183 --> 00:15:43,173
[instrumental music]
359
00:15:47,366 --> 00:15:49,996
Hey, Marlon, where you been?
360
00:15:50,330 --> 00:15:52,180
- Just having a snack.
- Oh.
361
00:15:54,660 --> 00:15:55,170
What the hell is that?
362
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,200
He's been in my kitchen
eating garlics and onions
363
00:15:57,233 --> 00:16:00,163
and day old fish heads.
364
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,230
- How could you do that, man?
- That's what I'm telling him.
365
00:16:02,266 --> 00:16:05,366
Now, I gotta think of another
special for tomorrow.
366
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,150
Hey, lookie here, okay.
367
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:10,153
If I back out the producer
said,
they'll sue me, okay.
368
00:16:10,183 --> 00:16:11,283
And then I'll lose my money.
369
00:16:11,316 --> 00:16:12,366
I ain't playing with my money.
370
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,500
Now, if I can make
Justin back out.
371
00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:17,300
It's a whole nother story.
372
00:16:17,333 --> 00:16:20,233
Partner, watch this.
373
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,270
- Hey, what's happening?
- Hey.
374
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:29,000
Homie.
375
00:16:29,330 --> 00:16:31,380
Please call me, Terry,
I'm trying to stay in
character.
376
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,250
Ha. Ha.
377
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,500
You arehilarious.
378
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:45,500
You okay?
379
00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:49,123
Yeah, I'm feelingfine.
380
00:16:49,150 --> 00:16:53,000
How are you feeling,huh?
381
00:16:53,330 --> 00:16:55,100
Well, I'm okay, my nose
is totally stuffed
382
00:16:55,133 --> 00:16:57,103
hay fever season.
383
00:16:57,133 --> 00:16:58,383
Excuse me.
384
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,000
Shawn!
385
00:17:03,330 --> 00:17:04,350
What am I supposed to do now?
386
00:17:04,383 --> 00:17:07,103
Marlon, do you remember
why you became an actor.
387
00:17:07,133 --> 00:17:10,373
Yeah. To knock some boots.
388
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,330
Boy, was I off.
389
00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:15,300
Marlon, listen,
sometimes
as a professional actor
390
00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:18,173
you have to do things that's
gonna make you uncomfortable.
391
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,270
Now, listen.
Look at Wesley
Snipes.
392
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:23,130
In "To Wong Foo,"
he had to get in a
dress.
393
00:17:23,166 --> 00:17:25,326
That was Wesley Snipes?
394
00:17:25,366 --> 00:17:28,496
Man, I gotta get that
poster off my wall.
395
00:17:29,316 --> 00:17:32,496
- Listen, Marlon.
- What?
396
00:17:32,830 --> 00:17:35,000
Just because you play somebody
gay doesn't make you gay.
397
00:17:35,330 --> 00:17:36,200
If you,
if you play a
killer.
398
00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:38,833
Does that mean you a killer?
399
00:17:38,116 --> 00:17:39,116
- No.
- No.
400
00:17:39,150 --> 00:17:41,830
It's about the art, man.
401
00:17:41,116 --> 00:17:43,116
It's just skin.
402
00:17:44,183 --> 00:17:45,283
Yeah, I guess you're right.
403
00:17:45,316 --> 00:17:47,276
Of course, I'm
right.
I'm telling you,
listen.
404
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,116
When you're doing
this kissing scene
405
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:51,330
try thinking about
something masculine.
406
00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:53,120
Like-like baseball. Okay?
407
00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:56,500
Think about baseball,
before
you know it it'll be over.
408
00:17:56,830 --> 00:17:57,250
Just think baseball.
409
00:18:00,150 --> 00:18:01,230
A'ight.
410
00:18:01,266 --> 00:18:02,276
- I'mma give it a shot.
- Okay.
411
00:18:02,316 --> 00:18:03,996
- Thanks, kid.
- Alright.
412
00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:05,170
Now, I know what I gotta do.
413
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,000
I'll tell you
the first thing you
gotta do.
414
00:18:07,330 --> 00:18:08,300
Go brush your damn teeth.
415
00:18:10,166 --> 00:18:13,826
Okay, quite everybody.
Let the actors do their
work.
416
00:18:13,116 --> 00:18:15,316
Camera's rolling.
Okay, lot's of energy
now.
417
00:18:15,350 --> 00:18:18,170
Five, four, three, two.
418
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:21,383
Yo, what's up, man?
419
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,830
I got here
as soon as I
could.
420
00:18:24,116 --> 00:18:25,346
What's the 911, money?
421
00:18:27,350 --> 00:18:31,330
Would you like a mochaccino?
I know I could use one.
422
00:18:31,366 --> 00:18:35,166
Mochaccino?
Hmm, this is serious.
423
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,160
What's the deal, yo.
424
00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:41,273
I can't keep it to myself
anymore, Lucius.
425
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:43,660
I've been watching you.
426
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,270
- The way you walk.
- Hmm.
427
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:46,300
- The way you sit.
- Say what.
428
00:18:47,383 --> 00:18:49,223
The way you talk.
429
00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:51,270
You have a pretty mouth.
430
00:18:55,383 --> 00:18:59,223
You betripping.
431
00:18:59,250 --> 00:19:01,000
Hey, look here.
432
00:19:01,330 --> 00:19:02,250
I dig what you're saying, homie.
433
00:19:02,283 --> 00:19:04,173
But you ain't my type.
434
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,270
Besides, Justin's your brother.
435
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:09,120
And if you ask me,
this whole situation
436
00:19:09,150 --> 00:19:11,320
is wickedy-wickedy-whack.
437
00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:14,330
Just give me another chance.
438
00:19:16,330 --> 00:19:17,370
I can rock your world.
439
00:19:21,283 --> 00:19:23,273
- I can't do it.
- What happened?
440
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:25,830
(Bernie)
'Cut, cut ,cut.'
441
00:19:25,116 --> 00:19:27,216
I had my line mixed up.
I still get my money, right?
442
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,220
It's not
you.
It's you.
443
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,230
You get the money.
You don't get
nothing.
444
00:19:31,266 --> 00:19:33,296
We talked about this.
Didn't we talk about
this?
445
00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:35,233
Okay. I know it's
unprofessional, I'm sorry.
446
00:19:35,266 --> 00:19:37,096
Unprofessional,
I'll show you
unprofessional.
447
00:19:37,133 --> 00:19:38,373
Hey, hey, relax, relax,
hey, relax, relax.
448
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,250
Let me, let me talk to him.
449
00:19:40,283 --> 00:19:42,153
Hey, Justin, Justin,
relax, man.
450
00:19:42,183 --> 00:19:43,383
Look, just talk to me, man.
451
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,120
What is it me, is it me?
452
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:49,000
What, eh, what,
you turning all this down?
453
00:19:49,330 --> 00:19:51,100
What-what-what-what,
you calling me a douche?
454
00:19:51,133 --> 00:19:52,273
What you saying, I'm ugly?
455
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:54,370
This is one very
attractive young man,
here.
456
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,230
- Thank you. Hey, whoa.
- I'm just not comfortable.
457
00:19:57,266 --> 00:19:59,376
Let me talk to him.
Hey, look, come here, man.
458
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:01,300
Sit down.
You gotta relax, man.
459
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:04,163
- Loosen up.
- Relax.
460
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:06,660
Release, man, you know
what I'm saying, release.
461
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:08,270
Alright. Just get in touch
with your feminine side.
462
00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:11,120
- You know what I'm saying.
- Will you please not touch
me.
463
00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:12,150
Chill, chill, hey, look, man.
464
00:20:12,183 --> 00:20:13,323
This is-is just-just skin.
465
00:20:13,350 --> 00:20:15,320
Look, just because,
just because you play
gay
466
00:20:15,350 --> 00:20:17,160
don't make you gay.
467
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:18,180
Look, just cause
you play a white
boy
468
00:20:18,216 --> 00:20:21,216
are you really a white boy?
469
00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:23,150
Alright, bad
example.
Alright, look.
470
00:20:23,183 --> 00:20:25,253
Just relax, relax,
man,
just relax, come on.
471
00:20:25,283 --> 00:20:26,383
Say it with me.
472
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,230
[singing in foreign language]
473
00:20:37,830 --> 00:20:39,150
You feel
relaxed?
Feel relaxed?
474
00:20:39,183 --> 00:20:40,383
Come on, man,
let's do this.
475
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:42,220
I don't want to.
476
00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:45,830
What you tripping for? Look,
just think of baseball,
alright?
477
00:20:45,116 --> 00:20:46,226
You got the bat, alright.
478
00:20:46,266 --> 00:20:48,326
You-you got, you got
the-the squeeze plays
479
00:20:48,366 --> 00:20:50,246
and the lines drives
right up the middle.
480
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,353
- Will you get away from me.
- What're you tripping for.
481
00:20:52,383 --> 00:20:54,503
Hey, relax.
482
00:20:55,283 --> 00:20:57,173
- Hot coco.
- Ah, thanks.
483
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,320
I hope it ain't too sweet.
484
00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:01,000
You know it is.
485
00:21:01,330 --> 00:21:02,250
It's been a long hard day.
486
00:21:02,283 --> 00:21:04,163
Yeah, it sure has.
487
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:05,270
Look at you,
you got all freaked out
488
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:07,000
cause you had to kiss a dude.
489
00:21:07,330 --> 00:21:08,270
And then you didn't even
have to through with it.
490
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,200
Huh, acting scared.
491
00:21:10,233 --> 00:21:12,133
I just wanna thank you
for the pep talk, man.
492
00:21:12,166 --> 00:21:13,326
For real, you got me
thinking
about the bigger picture
493
00:21:13,366 --> 00:21:15,326
it's always about the art.
494
00:21:15,660 --> 00:21:16,220
- That's way to think, baby
boy.
- Thank you.
495
00:21:16,250 --> 00:21:18,000
Hey, but you know what,
you don't even have to worry
496
00:21:18,330 --> 00:21:19,830
about that anymore.
497
00:21:19,116 --> 00:21:20,246
You know, they threw out
the whole script.
498
00:21:20,283 --> 00:21:21,323
- Get outta here.
- Yup.
499
00:21:21,350 --> 00:21:22,350
Because they got
a bunch of negative
500
00:21:22,383 --> 00:21:24,203
reactions from the sponsor.
501
00:21:24,233 --> 00:21:27,153
Yeah, they probably nervous
about portraying anything
gay.
502
00:21:27,183 --> 00:21:30,333
Ah, actually they were cool
with the gay stuff.
503
00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:32,160
It was the interracial
stuff they didn't like.
504
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,320
Ain't that a blip.
505
00:21:35,166 --> 00:21:37,266
You believe all this controversy
506
00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:39,370
just because two men
were kissing on
television.
507
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:43,000
- I know. It's ridiculous.
- Sick.
508
00:21:43,330 --> 00:21:44,180
- A'ight, man.
- A'ight.
509
00:21:44,216 --> 00:21:46,096
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight, baby boy.
510
00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:49,833
[instrumental music]
37499
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