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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:15,891 A scarf. Cool. 2 00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:19,228 -Bumbercatch, did you make this? -Yeah, man, knitting soothes me. 3 00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,648 Sorry. I didn't know everyone was doing booze. 4 00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:24,942 Nah, mate. Cheers! This is great. 5 00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:28,362 I can wrap it around my booze. 6 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,697 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas, Colin. 7 00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,374 Dani Rojas, approach. 8 00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,042 Let's go, let's go, let's go! 9 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:44,878 May your Secret Santa reveal himself. 10 00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:51,969 And more booze! 11 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,804 All right. Let's see here. 12 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,475 Nate, is this a photo of you and me after our first win? 13 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,227 -Yeah. -Thanks, buddy. I appreciate it. 14 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,562 Look at that. 15 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:05,065 "Ted, thank you for everything you've done for me. Nathan." 16 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,943 What a lovely inscription, 17 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,529 that you wrote completely over my head, face and body. 18 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,406 Sorry. 19 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:20,831 Secret Santa's a fun new tradition. As is a half-day for Christmas. 20 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,749 Well, I think we gotta be responsible. 21 00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:24,710 We gotta save our legs for tomorrow's big game. 22 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:26,295 So, to responsibility. 23 00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,797 -Being responsible. -Responsibility. 24 00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:32,217 And if we get this Boxing Day win, we'll finally have more wins than losses. 25 00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,847 Coach, what are you doing the rest of the day? 26 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,515 I'm just spending it with my family. 27 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:41,268 I finally make enough money to buy something nice for my dad. 28 00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,520 He can be very tricky to shop for. 29 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,856 He's one of them fellas that buys everything for himself, huh? 30 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,317 I wish. No, he just hates everything. 31 00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:50,569 What about you, Coach? 32 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:54,865 Jane and I are going to a pagan Christmas ritual at Stonehenge. 33 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,825 What? I thought you two broke up. 34 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,703 We did, but we got the tickets before we broke up. 35 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,997 So, we're going as friends. 36 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:03,916 That's gonna be… 37 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,586 What about you, Keeley? What are you guys getting into? 38 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,631 Roy and I are celebrating a new tradition that I'm calling "Sexy Christmas." 39 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,134 It's not gonna be like that. It's gonna be a swinging-- 40 00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:16,720 A swinging Sinatra, 41 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,556 Vegas-y type Christmas for adults where we get all dressed up, 42 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,392 and we sip on martinis, sit by the fire. 43 00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:24,728 And then it's gonna be like that. 44 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,691 Awooga! 45 00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:33,779 -You're talking about Sexy Christmas? -Maybe. 46 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:34,863 Hey, boss. 47 00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:36,657 -Let me get you a drink, yeah? -Yes. Thank you. 48 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,200 How you spending the rest of Santa's birthday? 49 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,285 I'm going to a Christmas party at a friend's house. 50 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,621 What friend's that? First and last name, please. 51 00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:43,705 Elton John. 52 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:46,250 Holy shit! 53 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,877 Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer, Prancer and Vixen. 54 00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:52,840 Yes. Yes. It's actually rather lovely. 55 00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:55,717 We just sing carols around Elton's piano, 56 00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:59,096 and hopefully Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig will do their puppet show again. 57 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,265 That sounds like double-O heaven to me. 58 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:03,600 What about you, Higgins? 59 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,270 The Higginses will be opening Christmas presents 60 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:09,648 and then hosting an open house for players who don't have family in town. 61 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:14,778 Something we do every year. We usually get about two. 62 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,948 It's really nice. You're more than welcome, Ted. 63 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:21,618 I appreciate that offer, Higgie Smalls. But I am all good, baby, baby. 64 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,954 This is the first Christmas the family's away from each other, 65 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:27,124 so, you know, once Henry wakes up here, in about an hour, 66 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,502 he wants us to open presents and spend all day together on FaceTime. 67 00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:34,089 It's gonna be a lovely afternoon of yuletide cheer in two dimensions. 68 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,302 -Hey. Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. 69 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,429 -Merry Christmas, Keeley. -Merry Christmas. 70 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,055 How you doin'? What can I help you with? 71 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,391 Have you got anythin' that I can give as a present? 72 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,393 Did you not buy a Secret Santa gift? 73 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:47,769 I didn't know I had to. 74 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:51,732 The email said "Secret Santa." I didn't wanna ruin the surprise, did I? 75 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:54,651 -Oh, Jamie. -You know what, hold on here. 76 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,737 Yep, here you go. Higgins, look alive. 77 00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:07,247 -What are you doin'? No, no. -Here comes a little magic pixie dust. 78 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,753 Whoo! There's your Christmas miracle. 79 00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:22,179 God bless me… everyone. 80 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:24,640 Wow. 81 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,367 Okay. 82 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:28,787 Yep. 83 00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:32,165 Merry Sexy Christmas! 84 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,335 Phoebe. 85 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,257 Didn't get my text, did ya? 86 00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:43,719 What did it say? 87 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,262 My sister got called to surgery, 88 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,556 so Phoebe's got to spend Sexy Christmas with us. 89 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,474 Right. Okay. 90 00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:54,688 Phoebe, I'm sorry you can't spend Christmas with your mum. 91 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,941 -But we'll have fun together, yeah? -Please just leave me alone. 92 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,360 Apparently, she's been like this all week. 93 00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,029 Won't talk about it. 94 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:05,908 I am sorry. I know this does make Christmas significantly less sexy. 95 00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:08,160 Don't worry about it. We can do Sexy Boxing Day. 96 00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:10,746 Can't. I've got a match all day. Working. 97 00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,123 I can't do the day after. 98 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,292 Sexy December 28th. 99 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,253 -28th. Sexiest of all the days. -Yeah. 100 00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:22,341 Holy fucking shit. You look incredible. 101 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,402 What could it be? 102 00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:44,112 Clearly the surfboard I asked for. 103 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:48,116 Rip it, rip it, rip it, rip it! 104 00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:51,995 Perfect! 105 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,330 Okay. 106 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,250 Guests arriving in an hour, time to clean up. 107 00:06:57,543 --> 00:06:58,669 I'll get it! 108 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:05,175 Merry Christmas, and welcome to our home. 109 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,678 -Hello! -Hey! 110 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,763 Sorry. I know I'm early, but I was in the neighborhood 111 00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:13,267 -and I really need to use the restroom. -No, no. Sam, come in. Come in. 112 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:14,935 Thank you. 113 00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:17,437 Come through. It's a bit of a mess, but… 114 00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:19,773 -Yeah. -Wow. 115 00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:22,317 Yeah. To hold us off until dinner we have mince pies, 116 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:25,404 cheese and crackers, pigs in blankets, mulled wine. All the favorites. 117 00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,991 So, Sam, back home, what does Christmas make you think of? 118 00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,325 Colonization. 119 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,370 Of course. 120 00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:37,416 But I'm more than happy to celebrate the day with you. 121 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,252 Back home in Lagos, we have good friends who celebrate, 122 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:43,255 and they always eat jollof rice and goat meat, so I made you some. 123 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:45,966 But I used chicken. 124 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:47,634 Thank God. 125 00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:51,972 Mr. Obisanya, it was so cool what you done with that Dubai Air logo. 126 00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,140 Fuck those guys. 127 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,977 Yes, fuck 'em. 128 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,320 I'm really sorry, but where's your restroom? 129 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,946 Right. Of course. Yes. Back through here. 130 00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:09,656 To your left there, Sam. 131 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,620 Okay. All right. Now it's my turn. 132 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,246 Let's see what we got here. 133 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,666 Did you wrap these yourself? 'Cause this is very well done. 134 00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,627 Uh-oh. Oh, boy. 135 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,670 Is this what I think it is? Hold on here. 136 00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:25,422 Wait a minute. 137 00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:28,425 Is this a tiny dartboard or did I become a giant? 138 00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:30,636 It's a mini dartboard. Do you like it? 139 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:34,264 That's very smart. No, I don't like it. I love it! Thank you. 140 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,558 All right, your turn. Come on. Open up the big one. 141 00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:38,101 I wanna see what you think. 142 00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:42,981 A drone? Dad, you got me a drone! 143 00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:45,609 I know. How irresponsible is that of me? 144 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,320 Considering all the issues with privacy these days. 145 00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,864 And you know what? Mrs. Claus charged that puppy up last night. 146 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:53,408 -So, you should be good to go. -Can I try it out now? 147 00:08:53,492 --> 00:08:55,786 Heck yeah! Yeah, it's no fun just keeping it in the box. 148 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,663 -Great! -Oh, boy. Okay. Whoa, whoa. 149 00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:59,706 -Be careful. Easy. -Mom, here. 150 00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:02,084 You lost him. 151 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,461 Yeah, no. That's gonna happen. Should have got him socks. 152 00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:07,297 Sorry, Ted. He's just so excited. 153 00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,049 -No, that's okay. I get it. -Nice! 154 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,259 How are you? 155 00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:14,137 I'm good. Yeah. You know, just plugging away over here. 156 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:17,266 We got a big match tomorrow so everybody's focused on that, and-- 157 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,268 Henry, careful! No, not in the house! 158 00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:20,352 Sorry, Ted. 159 00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:24,898 It's okay. You go. Go have fun, and send me photos, okay? 160 00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,109 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas, Ted. 161 00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:28,193 Uh-oh. 162 00:09:28,277 --> 00:09:30,612 Henry, careful! The baseboards! Geez. I-- 163 00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:46,545 Shoot. 164 00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:56,513 Phoebe, whatever it is, we just wanna try and make it better. 165 00:09:57,514 --> 00:10:01,101 What have you got to be sad about? Did one of the Paw Patrol dogs die? 166 00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:07,524 Listen, Phoebe, problems, they're like mushrooms, yeah? 167 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:10,319 The longer you leave them in the dark, the bigger they get. 168 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:12,321 A boy at school was mean to me. 169 00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:14,448 What did he do? 170 00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:25,083 "Merry Christmas, Phoebe. I got you something you desperately need. 171 00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:26,752 Your Secret Santa, Bernard." 172 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,295 Who the fuck is Bernard? 173 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:33,509 Why did Bernard get you toothpaste and mouthwash for Christmas, babe? 174 00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:36,762 Because he told everyone my breath is rancid. 175 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,472 Right, where does Bernard live? 176 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:41,350 Roy, we are not going to go beat up a little kid. 177 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:42,851 Why not? 178 00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:45,562 Why do you think? Fucking knobhead. 179 00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:47,356 Phoebe, listen. 180 00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:50,192 Some kids are just mean little dickheads, yeah? 181 00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:53,862 I bet your breath doesn't smell that bad. Come on. 182 00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:56,823 Phoebe, it's me. 183 00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:58,784 Let me have a smell. Come on. 184 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,586 Wow. 185 00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:11,880 Oi! She feels bad enough! 186 00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:14,258 I'm so sorry. I really tried. 187 00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:16,301 It cannot be that bad. 188 00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,137 -Go away! -Phoebe. 189 00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:20,514 I'm a monster. 190 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,559 I've spent the last 20 years in locker rooms with men. 191 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,436 I promise you, I've smelled worse. 192 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:27,521 I don't know. 193 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,022 Come on. 194 00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,535 I think you might be dying. 195 00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:46,206 Sweetheart, listen. That is not like "I forgot to brush my teeth" bad. 196 00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:49,001 Or like, "I ate onions" bad. 197 00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:52,087 That's actually medically bad. Which means it's not your fault. 198 00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:55,340 -Come here. -Right. I'm gonna sort this. 199 00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:57,551 Put your coats on. 200 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:58,760 Where are we going? 201 00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,596 We're going to my stupid posh neighborhood, 202 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,347 and we're gonna start knocking on doors. 203 00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:05,726 And if we don't find a dentist in 10 houses, you each get £1,000. 204 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:09,354 -Let's go get our coats. -Yeah! 205 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,817 Quick, quick, quick, quick! 206 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,736 Run, run, run, run, run! 207 00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:20,449 Did Santa get you something good this morning? 208 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,951 It's okay. I know there's no Santa. 209 00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:24,328 But of course there's a Santa. 210 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:28,624 There's no way he can deliver presents to everyone in the world in one night! 211 00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:31,835 But it's not the whole world in one night. 212 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:35,631 It's the whole world split up into 24 different time zones. 213 00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:40,260 You see, Santa's true power is not his speed but his endurance. 214 00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:41,720 Wow. 215 00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:43,889 He got me a bicycle. 216 00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:45,182 Brilliant. 217 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,185 -Hey! -Merry Christmas! 218 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,937 -Feliz Navidad! -Merry Christmas. 219 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:55,984 Look at that! Hello! Thank you for coming. 220 00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:58,946 Of course. My mother was very happy I wouldn't be alone on Christmas 221 00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:01,698 and insisted I bring a traditional Mexican ponche! 222 00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:05,369 If you want to be a little bit cheeky, you can put some tequila in it. 223 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,914 Dani, it already smells like it has tequila in it. 224 00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,290 Yes, this one is pre-cheeked. 225 00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:12,084 Hey! What a turnout! Welcome! Welcome! 226 00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,252 -Cool! -Hello. 227 00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,586 A Montlaur family tradition. 228 00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:17,923 We have foie gras, champagne, and a fancy stinky cheese. 229 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,760 -And this time you try it. -Okay. 230 00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:23,762 -Hey! -I brought fried chicken. 231 00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:26,056 Is that a Christmas tradition in Holland? 232 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,891 No. 233 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:31,061 -Yo! -Hey! 234 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,813 I just walked into your neighbor's house! 235 00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,273 Oh, my God. What's up? 236 00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:36,191 Yes! Let's get drunk. 237 00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:16,690 Help! 238 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,736 Help! Help! 239 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,079 Hey, boss! 240 00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,957 How's FaceTime Christmas with Henry going? 241 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:37,503 Well, I lost him to an overpriced guilt gift. 242 00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:39,421 Hubris, thy name is Ted. 243 00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,424 Grab a coat. You're coming with me. 244 00:14:42,508 --> 00:14:43,509 Yes, ma'am. 245 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,554 And wear the hat. It's a nice touch. 246 00:14:47,638 --> 00:14:48,639 Okay. 247 00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,395 Where are we going? 248 00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:58,232 You know what? Don't tell me. Don't tell me. That's all right. 249 00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:02,528 Actually, hold on. We're not going to Elton John's holiday party, are we? 250 00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:05,030 'Cause if so, I'm gonna be severely underdressed. 251 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,823 I could run right back upstairs 252 00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,493 and pop on this Donald Duck suit I bring with me everywhere. 253 00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:13,497 -You look perfect, don't worry. -All right. I appreciate it. 254 00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:19,670 Last Christmas I gave you my heart 255 00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:24,800 But the very next day you gave it away 256 00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:26,385 This year… 257 00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:28,470 I love the buskers y'all got over here. 258 00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:31,515 Always reminds me of that movie, Once. You ever see that? 259 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:32,766 -Great film. -Yeah. 260 00:15:32,850 --> 00:15:34,977 Yeah, I loved Once so much, I saw it twice. 261 00:15:35,561 --> 00:15:37,896 I gave you my heart 262 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,107 But the very next day 263 00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:42,818 You gave it away 264 00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:47,197 This year, to save me from tears 265 00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:50,158 I'll give it to someone special 266 00:15:50,242 --> 00:15:51,285 Oh, shit. 267 00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:57,249 I guess that's what I get for taking a tinkle next to John Holmes. 268 00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,501 Come on. 269 00:15:59,585 --> 00:16:01,295 -Merry Christmas. Thank you. -Merry Christmas, y'all. 270 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,759 You drove yourself? 271 00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:10,053 -That's a Christmas miracle. -Oi, wanker. 272 00:16:10,554 --> 00:16:11,889 Merry Christmas. 273 00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,307 Right back at ya, sir. 274 00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:16,059 Did he just call you a wanker? 275 00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,686 Yeah, it's an inside joke. 276 00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:19,521 Mostly inside of him. 277 00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:36,830 Roy Kent! 278 00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:37,915 You gonna sing? 279 00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:41,543 No, we're not carolers. Is your mum or dad a dentist? 280 00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:43,462 No, they're lawyers. 281 00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:45,589 Figures. Come on. 282 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:46,924 Thank you. 283 00:16:48,342 --> 00:16:51,011 Uncle Roy, this is embarrassing. 284 00:16:53,514 --> 00:16:54,723 This isn't embarrassing. 285 00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:59,561 Embarrassing is me eating so much ice cream at a birthday party, 286 00:16:59,645 --> 00:17:03,148 knowing I'm no good with dairy, that I poop my pants on the bus. 287 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,444 -Finish your story. -Three weeks ago. 288 00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:10,656 Sweetheart, none of this is your fault. 289 00:17:10,739 --> 00:17:13,032 And the sooner we figure it out, the better, yeah? 290 00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:16,828 You pooped your pants? Roy Kent? 291 00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:19,248 Yeah, so? 292 00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,291 I do too, sometimes. 293 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:26,505 Well… let's both try and knock that off, shall we? 294 00:17:27,673 --> 00:17:29,091 If you can do it, I can do it. 295 00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:32,553 -Cool? -Cool. 296 00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:37,057 Merry Christmas! 297 00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:38,767 -Bye! -Come on. 298 00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:43,897 Go, go, go, go, go! 299 00:17:50,571 --> 00:17:52,114 We're not gonna make it. 300 00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:54,324 Tell my incredibly beautiful wife I love her. 301 00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:57,327 I'm not gonna do that, 'cause you'll tell her yourself. 302 00:17:57,411 --> 00:18:00,664 Then you're gonna hook me up with her identical, beautiful twin sister. 303 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:01,957 Good luck, mi amigo. 304 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,375 Bonne chance, mon ami. 305 00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:09,339 Eat Nerf! 306 00:18:38,911 --> 00:18:40,120 Richard. 307 00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,582 Why did you bring a date to the team Christmas party? 308 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:47,044 The French believe that having a beautiful woman around 309 00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:49,046 is always a good thing. 310 00:18:51,507 --> 00:18:53,967 That was not true with the Helter Skelter murders. 311 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,264 Hey! 312 00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:01,016 -Cheers, darling. -Cheers. 313 00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:04,311 -Hey! -You've become quite popular, Leslie. 314 00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:06,647 This is by far the most people we've ever had. 315 00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,690 -Merry Christmas! -Hey! 316 00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:10,359 -Welcome, guys! -Merry Christmas! 317 00:19:10,442 --> 00:19:12,528 Well, at least we've got plenty of food and drink. 318 00:19:12,611 --> 00:19:13,862 Yeah. 319 00:19:13,946 --> 00:19:16,532 But where are we all gonna sit down and eat it? 320 00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:59,408 Mom! There are two white people at the door and they're smiling! 321 00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:03,203 -Can I help you? -Good afternoon. 322 00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:07,916 We work for Santa Claus, and I believe he received this. 323 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,001 My letter. 324 00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:13,088 Yes, we're terribly sorry that your presents didn't arrive last night. 325 00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:17,634 But as elves we've been personally directed by Mr. and Mrs. Claus 326 00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:21,597 to deliver your presents this afternoon and to apologize for the delay. 327 00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:23,473 Am I forgetting anything? 328 00:20:24,850 --> 00:20:28,228 Well, you see what happened was Rudolph's nose shined so brightly 329 00:20:28,312 --> 00:20:30,272 that it rendered me unable to see, and I was-- 330 00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:32,232 I was delirious for several minutes. 331 00:20:32,316 --> 00:20:35,694 And I ended up putting this whole sack of goodies on the wrong sled. 332 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:38,155 I mean, you know, ain't that nuts? 333 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,990 Anyway, this bad boy's been around the world 334 00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,326 at least twice over the past day so… 335 00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:44,494 Yeah, you smell that? That's the Himalayas right there. 336 00:20:44,578 --> 00:20:45,829 That's all for you. 337 00:20:45,913 --> 00:20:47,706 Am I getting notes of Beijing? 338 00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:48,916 I bet you are, yeah. 339 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:52,127 -Thank you. -You're so welcome. 340 00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:54,671 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. 341 00:20:57,341 --> 00:21:00,427 -On to the next? -Heck yeah. 342 00:21:30,499 --> 00:21:34,628 -Hey, guys! Amazing! Amazing! -Hey! 343 00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:39,258 House number ten, Uncle Roy. 344 00:21:39,341 --> 00:21:41,218 Oi, Phoebs. We can't lose. 345 00:21:41,301 --> 00:21:45,222 Either we find out why your breath is so rancid, or we get £1,000! 346 00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:48,475 Each! That's like a month worth of swear words. 347 00:21:48,559 --> 00:21:50,519 Hold on, I've gotta fix my knee. 348 00:21:55,858 --> 00:21:57,150 Are you Roy Kent? 349 00:21:57,234 --> 00:21:58,986 Yeah. Are you a dentist? 350 00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:00,112 Yeah. 351 00:22:00,696 --> 00:22:01,822 Can we come in? 352 00:22:01,905 --> 00:22:04,783 Thank you so much. This will only take a second. 353 00:22:04,867 --> 00:22:06,285 Your house is lovely! 354 00:22:18,005 --> 00:22:23,760 Well, congratulations, Phoebe. That is some spectacularly bad breath. 355 00:22:23,844 --> 00:22:25,179 Thank you. 356 00:22:25,262 --> 00:22:28,599 Have you been under any unusual stress lately? 357 00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:31,351 Not if I do my breathing exercises. 358 00:22:32,144 --> 00:22:33,478 Have you been smoking? 359 00:22:33,562 --> 00:22:34,646 No! 360 00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:37,441 Any new medications? 361 00:22:38,275 --> 00:22:39,985 Just my antihistamines. 362 00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:41,904 They got a new cat. She's allergic. 363 00:22:41,987 --> 00:22:43,697 Her name is Dauphine. 364 00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:48,368 My mum said that we rescued her, but I'd like to think that she rescued us. 365 00:22:48,452 --> 00:22:50,704 Well, that's it then, Phoebe. 366 00:22:50,787 --> 00:22:55,250 Antihistamines dry out the mouth, and when saliva production is reduced, 367 00:22:55,334 --> 00:22:58,545 then the environment for odor-producing bacteria thrives. 368 00:22:58,629 --> 00:23:00,506 And thrive it has. 369 00:23:00,589 --> 00:23:04,051 Might be time to say au revoir to Dauphine. 370 00:23:04,134 --> 00:23:05,511 -No! -Come on, Phoebe. 371 00:23:05,594 --> 00:23:08,722 -You've only had her a month. -But we're soul mates. 372 00:23:08,805 --> 00:23:13,644 Phoebe, no one is gonna make you get rid of Dauphine. Okay? 373 00:23:13,727 --> 00:23:16,396 Because that would be an insane thing for your uncle, 374 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:21,193 who loves you and who is not a monster, to suggest. 375 00:23:22,194 --> 00:23:24,446 And I'm sure Dr. Rogers has another solution 376 00:23:24,530 --> 00:23:29,034 because she's nice and smart, and science is real, and it's Christmas! 377 00:23:29,117 --> 00:23:30,744 -Right? -Yeah. 378 00:23:32,162 --> 00:23:33,163 Thank you! 379 00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:35,749 Yo! Can I get an ussie? 380 00:23:36,750 --> 00:23:38,085 Fine. 381 00:23:38,168 --> 00:23:40,087 Not with you, mate. With Keeley. 382 00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:43,048 I mean, you're a legend at Chelsea but shit at Richmond. 383 00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:46,301 But Keeley Jones was a seminal figure throughout my teenage years. 384 00:23:46,385 --> 00:23:49,805 How about this, why don't we all take a picture together? 385 00:23:49,888 --> 00:23:51,265 By the tree. 386 00:23:51,348 --> 00:23:52,349 Wicked! 387 00:24:00,607 --> 00:24:01,817 Un, deux, trois. 388 00:24:03,694 --> 00:24:05,362 You brought jollof. 389 00:24:06,196 --> 00:24:10,075 -With goat meat? Yes! -Original. 390 00:24:10,158 --> 00:24:11,535 You want to try some goat? 391 00:24:11,618 --> 00:24:13,245 Okay. Are you sure? 392 00:24:15,372 --> 00:24:16,373 Oh, no! 393 00:24:19,710 --> 00:24:21,378 Oh, no! 394 00:24:22,254 --> 00:24:23,547 -Yes! -No! 395 00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:24,631 I never win. 396 00:24:31,847 --> 00:24:32,848 Cheers. 397 00:24:36,268 --> 00:24:38,228 -Merry Christmas. -Thank you. 398 00:24:38,312 --> 00:24:39,521 You're welcome. 399 00:24:39,605 --> 00:24:42,900 See, doesn't it feel better to solve the problem than go beat up a little kid? 400 00:24:46,945 --> 00:24:49,698 Oi, you got any poster board and markers? 401 00:24:52,326 --> 00:24:53,827 For another hundred quid. 402 00:24:56,997 --> 00:24:58,498 Cheers. 403 00:25:02,252 --> 00:25:05,464 That was pretty dang neat. Thanks for letting me tag along. 404 00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:07,341 My pleasure. 405 00:25:07,424 --> 00:25:11,929 -How long have you been doing this? -For years, but then Rupert… 406 00:25:13,430 --> 00:25:18,018 You know, I should have done it last year, but I just sat by myself instead. 407 00:25:18,101 --> 00:25:21,146 Drinking and plotting horrible things. 408 00:25:21,230 --> 00:25:22,439 Oh, yeah? Like what? 409 00:25:24,733 --> 00:25:28,153 Look, I know all too well how stunningly shitty 410 00:25:28,237 --> 00:25:30,864 the first Christmas after you get divorced can be. 411 00:25:30,948 --> 00:25:32,824 I just wanted to make sure you're okay. 412 00:25:32,908 --> 00:25:34,952 Yeah, well, I am now, you know. 413 00:25:35,035 --> 00:25:37,913 A lot better than I would have been if I just drank whiskey all day 414 00:25:37,996 --> 00:25:40,624 and watched It's a Wonderful Life on repeat. 415 00:25:40,707 --> 00:25:42,000 That could have gone dark. 416 00:25:43,669 --> 00:25:46,380 So, what now? 417 00:25:46,463 --> 00:25:48,590 I figured you could just drop me off at home 418 00:25:48,674 --> 00:25:51,677 and then go get all decked out for Sir Elton's party. 419 00:25:52,803 --> 00:25:54,930 -I might not go. -Really? 420 00:25:55,013 --> 00:25:57,766 You're willing to miss a puppet show by Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz? 421 00:25:57,850 --> 00:26:02,062 -'Cause that sounds like a lot of fun. -Don't get me wrong, they are incredible. 422 00:26:02,145 --> 00:26:05,190 But all I really want to see those two do together is fuck. 423 00:26:05,274 --> 00:26:08,360 Yeah, no. I get that. Yeah. You got any other ideas then? 424 00:26:08,443 --> 00:26:10,988 -You'll see. -You want me to drive? 425 00:26:11,488 --> 00:26:14,449 -The steering wheel's on this side. -Right, I'm the one with the accent here. 426 00:26:14,533 --> 00:26:15,868 I forgot. Sorry. 427 00:26:19,371 --> 00:26:20,581 Who is it? 428 00:26:23,750 --> 00:26:25,335 It's carol singers. 429 00:26:25,419 --> 00:26:28,422 Just give 'em a quid and tell 'em to bugger off. 430 00:27:01,079 --> 00:27:02,456 I'm sorry. 431 00:27:14,176 --> 00:27:15,260 I'm sorry, Phoebe. 432 00:27:41,161 --> 00:27:43,247 I just wanna thank you all for coming. 433 00:27:43,914 --> 00:27:45,666 To the family Higgins! 434 00:27:49,795 --> 00:27:51,046 You're gonna make me cry. 435 00:27:52,798 --> 00:27:56,051 To my lovely wife, Julie, my sons… 436 00:27:57,052 --> 00:28:01,348 To you and all your families back in Lagos, Guadalajara, 437 00:28:01,431 --> 00:28:05,894 Groningen, Cordon, Montreal, 438 00:28:05,978 --> 00:28:09,064 Benin City, Harare, Kingston… 439 00:28:09,147 --> 00:28:10,190 Ya, man. 440 00:28:10,274 --> 00:28:11,817 …and Santa Cruz de la Sierra. 441 00:28:14,194 --> 00:28:15,320 Hear! Hear! 442 00:28:15,404 --> 00:28:17,531 I know you would have preferred to have been with them, 443 00:28:17,614 --> 00:28:20,868 but it was truly an honor to have you with us 444 00:28:20,951 --> 00:28:23,829 to share our traditions and help make a few new ones. 445 00:28:24,955 --> 00:28:30,586 To the family we're born with and to the family we make along the way. 446 00:28:30,669 --> 00:28:34,131 And most importantly to Richmond! 447 00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:36,341 To Richmond! 448 00:28:40,262 --> 00:28:42,306 -What's happening outside? -I don't know. 449 00:28:42,389 --> 00:28:43,473 What's that? 450 00:28:45,058 --> 00:28:47,352 Ho ho ho, Higginses! 451 00:28:56,236 --> 00:29:01,950 -Oh, oh -Christmas 452 00:29:02,034 --> 00:29:05,495 -The snow's coming down -Christmas 453 00:29:05,579 --> 00:29:09,208 -I'm watching it fall -Christmas 454 00:29:09,291 --> 00:29:12,336 -Lots of people around -Christmas 455 00:29:12,419 --> 00:29:15,047 Baby, please come home 456 00:29:15,130 --> 00:29:18,175 They're singing "Deck The Halls" 457 00:29:18,258 --> 00:29:21,637 But it ain't like Christmas at all 458 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:25,182 'Cause I remember when you were here 459 00:29:25,265 --> 00:29:29,728 -And all the fun that we had last year -Christmas 460 00:29:29,811 --> 00:29:33,148 -Pretty lights on the tree -Christmas 461 00:29:33,232 --> 00:29:36,193 -I'm watching them shine -Christmas 462 00:29:36,276 --> 00:29:39,905 -Oh, you should be here with me -Christmas 463 00:29:39,988 --> 00:29:42,616 -Baby, please come home -Christmas 464 00:29:43,909 --> 00:29:45,452 Ho ho ho ho! 465 00:29:47,663 --> 00:29:51,583 -Baby, please come home -Christmas 466 00:29:51,667 --> 00:29:55,754 -Oh, whoo -Christmas 467 00:29:58,006 --> 00:30:01,301 Oh, oh 468 00:30:01,385 --> 00:30:04,805 Baby, please come home 469 00:30:04,888 --> 00:30:10,602 -Baby, please, please -Christmas 470 00:30:10,686 --> 00:30:13,939 -The church bells in town -Christmas 471 00:30:14,022 --> 00:30:16,984 All ringing in song 39002

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