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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,040 - This House, at times, can feel somewhat detached 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,080 from the outside world, 3 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:11,160 so let me remind you all that Christmas is approaching. 4 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:16,720 And you know, it struck me, as I said goodbye to my wife yesterday 5 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:18,360 to come here, 6 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:22,920 that this proposed bill and Christmas have a lot in common. 7 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:25,680 They're both about my three favourite words, actually, 8 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,800 and those words are 9 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:31,120 family, family, fa.... 10 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,680 - CORK POPS OVER RAUCOUS LAUGHTER 11 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:34,800 - Your wife's on the phone. - My what? 12 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,120 - Your wife. - My wife? 13 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,360 Ugh... I spoke to her just yesterday. 14 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:46,000 Sorry, chaps, it's just this woman from my wedding. 15 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,320 - CLEARS HIS THROAT 16 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,640 - Hello, dearest. 17 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,640 - BABY CRYING 18 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:51,760 - God. 19 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,080 - INDISTINCT SHOUTING 20 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,720 - Sorry, I can't hear a word you're saying, darling. 21 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,000 It's a terrible line. 22 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,440 Oh, that's the baby, is it? Ha. 23 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,120 What? - When will you be home? 24 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,800 - Oh, no, sorry, darling. 25 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,120 I won't be coming home tonight, I'm afraid. 26 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:07,800 I know... - Tomorrow? 27 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,280 - Or tomorrow. 28 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,400 I know... - I'm so upset! 29 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,240 - Well, I'm heartbroken too, darling. 30 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,680 Yes, I know... 31 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:18,960 ..but the truth is, darling, er... 32 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,360 ..something's just come up. 33 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,720 - Oh, what's he doing now? 34 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,080 Yes! 35 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,120 He's doing spuds in beef dripping. 36 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,200 Oh-ho! He knows his onions. 37 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,480 Potatoes. 38 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,000 - Are you ready for this? - Hell, yeah. 39 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,000 - Here she comes. - I should warn you, it's VERY sexy. 40 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,360 - Sexy? 41 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,200 - Merry Christmas Eve. Honk. Crrring. 42 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,320 Aw, Mike, that's not very Christmassy. 43 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,440 - It's got a reindeer on it. 44 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,800 - I think you look wonderful, Alison. - You look like a firework. 45 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:28,720 - Oh, thanks, guys. - The ghosts are here, are they? I get it. 46 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:31,720 Admiring the master at work, yeah? 47 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,640 - He's burnt the custard. Twice. 48 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:36,080 - And he's washed all the flavour out of the turnips as well. 49 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:38,200 - I'm a kitchen wizard. - Yeah, kind of. 50 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,000 - This Christmas is going to be so perfect, 51 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,960 it's going be like an advert for Christmas. 52 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,640 Look at my Christmas master plan. It's amazing, right? 53 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,440 It's all planned out, so Mum and Dad can relax. 54 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:47,560 You know what they're like - 55 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,680 always trying to do everything. Not this time. 56 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,360 - Excellent planning, Michael. 57 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,520 Oh, the things I could have done with a whiteboard. 58 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:55,160 - JULIAN: - Gah, humbug. 59 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,520 - Not a fan of Christmas, Julian? 60 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,920 - Hm? Oh, no, I'm just saying there's a jar of humbugs here. 61 00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:02,520 - Oh. - Also, I'm not a fan of Christmas. 62 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,800 - Really? - Well, it's just not the same when you're dead. 63 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,080 Can't drink booze, can't flirt with the fillies 64 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,600 at the office Christmas party. 65 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,720 If you can't do that, what's the point? Going to my room. 66 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,680 Wake me up when it's all over. 67 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,240 - I suppose he does have a point. 68 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:17,680 I mean, don't get me wrong, you know, 69 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,400 I still get a tingle in me dingle on Christmas Eve, 70 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,440 but it is hard, with the memories of what you had. 71 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,920 - I can't recall the last time I heard the King's... Queen's Speech. 72 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:30,040 - I miss playing games with my boy and the nephews - 73 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,600 Buckaroo, Boggle, Yahtzee, KerPlunk. 74 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:32,920 - Why are you talking gibberish? 75 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,240 - I miss the mist-letoe. 76 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,280 Will these lips e'er be kissed again? 77 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:39,760 - KITTY: - I miss presents. 78 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,280 We used to open them in the morning and then after lunch, 79 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:43,760 my sister would come into my room 80 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,360 and pick the ones that she wanted. 81 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,680 - ROBIN: - All this fuss, and for what? 82 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,800 This whole Christmas thing is just a fad. 83 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,920 - It's been 2,000 years, Robin. 84 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:57,880 - Exactly. And in mere 2,000 more, 85 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,560 it'll be something else. 86 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,440 The whole thing is just a... 87 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,760 What is phrase? 88 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,360 - Oh! - Flash in the pan. 89 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:05,600 - Passing obsession. 90 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,200 Trust me, it'll never catch on. Never. 91 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,320 - Well, hold on, this year can be different. 92 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,000 I'm here. We can have the best Christmas. - Yes! 93 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,160 - Ooh, which reminds me, 94 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,800 got to add something to the board. 95 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,560 - Carole's coming? - Oh, no. No, Pat. 96 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,720 I... Not...not your wife. 97 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,040 I meant a Christmas carol. 98 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:29,280 I'd like to sing one. 99 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:30,960 Maybe around the piano. 100 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,120 And your family can join in if they want to. 101 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:35,040 - Oh, ah, I don't reckon they will. 102 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,480 They're not really carol-y. 103 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:39,240 - Well, we can ask. - They won't want to. 104 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,400 - Ah, yeah, we can ask. - Yeah, they won't want to. 105 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,000 - CAR HORN TOOTS 106 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,000 - Ah, they're here. 107 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,880 - Great, let's ask them. 108 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:46,960 - Yeah, they won't want to. 109 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,600 Hi, Mum. 110 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,600 - There he is. My little prince. 111 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:52,920 - Ooh, oh, Mum. 112 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,240 - Alison, may I say, 113 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:58,760 you've made a wonderful start to the decorations this year. 114 00:04:58,760 --> 00:04:59,920 - Oh, thank you. 115 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,760 - It will look even better once the tree goes up. 116 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,520 - What? We've... 117 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,920 We've had this up for, like, two weeks. 118 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,720 - That? - Yeah. - No, no, no, 119 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,480 that is a bush. 120 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,960 I mean a real tree. 121 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,240 - So strong, crushing my bones. 122 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:16,560 - Leila. 123 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,760 Happy Christmas. - Happy Christmas. 124 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:21,360 - Oh, Alison, merry Christmas. 125 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:23,040 - Mum, I can't breathe. 126 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:26,120 - Hi, Alison. - Angela! Oh, look! Hiya! 127 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,840 Hello, Nancy. 128 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:29,560 - Oh, a baby! 129 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,640 Oh! It looked at me! 130 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,880 - Oh, yes, yes, babies do sees us sometimes, 131 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,880 till they be walkers usually. 132 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,840 Oh, this one has the sight, yeah. 133 00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:41,280 - I'm going a bit crazy. She just won't sleep. 134 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:43,800 - Oh, poor you. Come here. 135 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,800 - Mum, what's Dad doing? I told him not to bring anything. 136 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,160 - Oh, it's just a few side dishes, sweetie. 137 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,800 - Beef? I've got beef. 138 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,040 Beef isn't a side. 139 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,400 - A side of beef is. 140 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:55,720 - HE CHUCKLES 141 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,440 Thought we'd put you in here. 142 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:04,200 - Hello! Nobody told me I was hosting. 143 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,200 - BABY CRIES 144 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,200 - Argh, baby! 145 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,240 Hey, now! 146 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,120 - Oh, my God, you could get lost in this place. 147 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,720 - Why's she bringing that in here? 148 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,200 - Yeah, Mike actually still does. 149 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,440 - No, no. Room rules. No babies. 150 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:15,720 No way, Jose. 151 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,160 This is a non-baby enclave. - This is the perfect room for the baby 152 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,520 because it's the warmest room in the house. - I know it's warm! 153 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,800 I wear no trousers. I'm sorry. 154 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,400 - Thanks, Aly, you're a star. - This is a baby-free... 155 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,600 - Shut up. - Hmm? 156 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,520 - Oh, shut up, I'm not a star! 157 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,400 I'm just doing what anyone else would do. 158 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,160 I just really hope you get some rest. 159 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,240 - We've tried everything to help her sleep. 160 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:37,520 I'm doing self-soothing now. 161 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,760 You just have to leave them to cry for a bit. - What? 162 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:41,520 - Must be extra hard without Steve. 163 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,800 - Well, I'm used to it. He's got to work. 164 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,880 - Oh, yeah, working on his hangover more like. 165 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,720 Been there, seen that, got a T-shirt, love. 166 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,040 - You know what it's like for paramedics this time of year. 167 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,240 - Ah... - Hm... 168 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,160 - But you... You've left the baby! 169 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,920 - WAILING 170 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,920 ECHOING: - What, now? I told you, 171 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,600 I'm in Brussels, darling. 172 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,480 - CLUB MUSIC THUMPS 173 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,840 - Baby's still in the crying phase, is it? 174 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:11,680 I'm just, er, you know, at a restaurant. 175 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:12,960 Hm? 176 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,440 Well, I'm having some delicious moules-frites. 177 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,640 - What are you drinking? - A crisp Sancerre. 178 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,080 What is this? Question Time? 179 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,160 Look, I know, darling. 180 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,440 I'm sorry to be missing Christmas again too, 181 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,000 but I promise you, once I've signed this treaty, 182 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,600 you'll never have to hear the words "European Union" ever again. 183 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,560 Sorry, darling, I can't hear you over that baby crying. 184 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,880 - What did you say? - The crying baby! 185 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:37,520 Help! 186 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,880 Somebody help me! 187 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,840 You brought your own sponges? 188 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:50,200 - Since when did you clean up after yourself? 189 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,040 - Since I became a grown man. 190 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,880 What is it? Oh, my... Dad. 191 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,760 How are you washing cups? There were no dirty cups. 192 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:58,320 - There were in the cupboard. - Mike. Have you got a pen? 193 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,200 I just need to put "Mike loses his temper" 194 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,760 in between lunch and pudding. - Nah, nah, nah, move, man. 195 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,520 The bullet board is for me only, nobody else to... Mum! 196 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,120 The sprouts are peeled. Stop. - Just a few more layers, darling. 197 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,920 - Right, everyone...out. 198 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:12,680 Come, let's go! You first, out of the kitchen. 199 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,400 Please, Mum, apron. - All right, all right. 200 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,960 - Dad, put the sponge down. Let's go. Come on. - OK. - Thank you. 201 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:20,200 All right. See you later. Bye. - Just trying to help my little prince. 202 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,400 - Oh, my days. 203 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:28,160 - That's better. - Oh! - I hope you don't mind, Alison. 204 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,880 Just in case you're hiding any handsome men in the house. 205 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,000 - Oh! 206 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,520 You'd be lucky. 207 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,160 - The sauce of it! 208 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:36,400 - Come along, Patrick. 209 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,360 - Right, what do you reckon, Christmas pudding or yule log? 210 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,400 - Where's Mike? - Oh, he's trying not to burn stuff. 211 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,360 - Is he doing the Incredible Sulk yet? 212 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,960 - No, but I reckon he's going to go early this year. 213 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,880 - You still got that one from last year? 214 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,680 - Are you kidding? I made a remix. Look, check it out. 215 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,920 - I don't want to wear a stupid elf costume! 216 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,080 I look like a lime! 217 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,000 - DANCE BEAT 218 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,280 - I'm not going to wear it, no. 219 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:06,600 - Mike's stupid, isn't he? 220 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,360 - Guys, I told you to relax. Dad, I was going to do the fire. 221 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,680 - Here he comes, girls. Silly lime man. 222 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,240 - OK. - Thank you. 223 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,640 - ROBIN EXCLAIMS 224 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,000 - Sorry, still gets me. 225 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,360 - Hey, Mike. I was thinking, 226 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,800 wouldn't it be nice to get a bigger Christmas tree up in the house? 227 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,480 It was tradition in Button House... 228 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,920 - ..to chop a tree down from the grounds 229 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:29,960 and bring it in... 230 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,160 - ..on Christmas Eve. 231 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,280 - Right. 232 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,360 Oh! 233 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:37,960 Oh. Yeah. 234 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,880 Sure, I could do with some fresh air. 235 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,480 - Oh, I could do that for you. - No... No, you sit. 236 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:43,520 Sit. 237 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,200 Stay. 238 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,840 - Me good boy. 239 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,000 - Why can't they relax? 240 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,840 - And I seem to remember we planted at least 50 saplings, 241 00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:00,920 so they should have matured quite nicely by now... 242 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:02,600 Huh. 243 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,120 - You've got to be kidding me! 244 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,320 - Well, it has been quite some time. 245 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,760 - Better get cracking, mate. It's not going to chop itself down. 246 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:12,360 - Now, Michael, with a shaft of this girth, the trick is firm blows. 247 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,080 - CHAINSAW ROARS 248 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,080 - Oh, good Lord! - Who goes there? Show yourself! 249 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,640 - A dragon! 250 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,280 - Everybody, get behind Michael. 251 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,800 - Don't let it eat me! 252 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,360 - Don't mind, do you? I thought it'd be quicker. 253 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,960 - Where'd you get that? 254 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,160 - The car. 255 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,320 - BABY CRIES 256 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,320 - I've got something to cheer you up. 257 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,600 Coochie, coochie, coo. 258 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,600 - HUMPHREY SINGING A LULLABY 259 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,200 - Peekaboo! - Stop crying. Shush now. 260 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,640 This is supposed to be fun. 261 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,520 - I'm here. - Oh! 262 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,120 Mary, there you are. I need your help. 263 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,920 You're a nanny, or you look like a nanny, 264 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:50,120 or you're a woman. I don't know. Er, do something. 265 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,440 - Oh, you just want your nyilkies. 266 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,400 - Her what now? - His nyilkies. 267 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,160 - Oh, good God. Oh, good God, no. 268 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,280 - C'mon on then, it's only mil... 269 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:02,000 A false teat? Oh, she be a quack. 270 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,920 - No, Mary. Come back. 271 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,280 Mary, don't leave me! 272 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,400 Ow, it's on my foot, Dad. - Leave some of that work to me. 273 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,520 - Yes, all right, let go, let go. - Got it. 274 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:16,480 - Oh, yeah, tree in living room. Oh, that make sense. 275 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,520 - Looks good? - Oh, no, that won't do. 276 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,560 - It could do with a bit of cheering up. 277 00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:22,520 - There should be some decorations in the attic. 278 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,560 - I think there might be some traditional decorations 279 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,320 up in the attic. - I can do that. - No, Dad. Please. 280 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,840 - It's no problem. - It's fine. I'll do it. 281 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,200 Just please go and relax with Mum by the fire... 282 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:34,640 Where's Mum? 283 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,960 - She said she should be doing something useful, 284 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,600 so I said Mike's got tonnes of ironing that needs doing. 285 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,440 - Oh, not again! My tracksuits. 286 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,560 Right, that is it, I need everyone to... 287 00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:46,160 - Christmas has come early, the Incredible Sulk is here. 288 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,920 - GIGGLING 289 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,640 - No... No. No... 290 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:52,920 No, he's not, actually, cos he's not coming this year, so... 291 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,920 I was just thinking, that, uh, it's a busy day tomorrow, 292 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:00,560 so if everyone would like to go to bed, 293 00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:02,080 I think that would be a good idea. 294 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,200 Please. 295 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,040 We're going to bed, aren't we, Alison? - Oh, yeah, OK. 296 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,040 - Yeah? - Oh, OK, yeah. - Mm. Yeah. 297 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,960 - Going to bed. - Yeah. 298 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,360 - Ah... - Kitty's going to bed too. 299 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,720 - Might grab an early night. Excellent. 300 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,280 - I might just stay here. 301 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,720 - What about the tree? What about the tree? 302 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,200 - THOMAS: - Twas the night before Christmas, 303 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,680 when all through the house... 304 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,080 - Goodnight, guys. - Sleep well. - See you in the morning. 305 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,520 - ..not a creature was stirring, 306 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,400 not even a mouse. 307 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,920 - Where is my bedroom? 308 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,120 - The stockings were hung by the chimney with care 309 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,600 in the hopes that Saint N... - I think... That's lovely, Thomas, 310 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,840 but I think I'm going to get some sleep now. - OK. 311 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,440 - I'll see you tomorrow. 312 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:45,520 - You certainly will. 313 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,440 Tomorrow. 314 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,240 - Yes, I will. 315 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,120 Tomorrow. - Oh, you will. 316 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,480 Tomorrow. 317 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,080 - OK. 318 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,160 - Is it Christmas yet? 319 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,600 - No... - Is it Christmas yet? - Kitty, go to sleep. 320 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,840 Somewhere else or there won't be a present tomorrow. 321 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,080 KITTY GASPS 322 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,160 - Ghost stuff? - Yep. 323 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,480 Coping though. How are you doing? 324 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:10,840 - They are unbelievable. 325 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,360 I'm a grown man but they still treat me like I'm nine for no reason. 326 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,440 - HUMMING 327 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,440 What's that? - Oh, that'll be my mum 328 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,680 with my pillowcase full of pants and deodorant. 329 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,040 - She's not coming in here, is she? 330 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,880 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretend to be asleep. 331 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,080 - Oh, my God, she's actually coming in. 332 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,680 SNORING 333 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,720 Wow. 334 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:43,480 - Yes! Get in. Love these. - That's where you get your horrible pants. 335 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,040 - What? Autumn Blast? They know I'm an Arctic Forest guy. 336 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,440 - HE COUGHS 337 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,320 - Is it Christmas yet? - No. - Oh... 338 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,360 - BABY CRIES 339 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,800 - I can't cope any more. 340 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:02,200 - You can't cope?! It's all right for you. You wanted this...room. 341 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,160 I didn't ask for any of this. I had this thrust upon me. 342 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:06,840 - I know, darling, I know. 343 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,400 - CRYING STOPS 344 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,360 QUIETLY: - She's stopped. 345 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,520 - Put her down. 346 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,000 Gently. 347 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,600 That's it. 348 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,880 Gently... 349 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,600 Back away, yeah. 350 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,640 - TOY SQUEAKS, BABY CRIES 351 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,040 - That's it. I'm done. 352 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,080 I'm taking the Jag for a drive. 353 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,160 Well, a happy Christmas to me. 354 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,320 I am literally in the fridge. 355 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:45,960 How can I still hear it? 356 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,520 Argh! 357 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,640 - ECHOING: - No, I won't be there, I'm afraid, darling, 358 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,760 far too busy in Brussels. 359 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:54,920 Shut up! 360 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,160 I know it's Christmas, darling, 361 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:59,960 but these oil deals don't do themselves, you know? 362 00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,800 Do you think I want to spend Christmas 363 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,000 at Colonel Gaddafi's palace? 364 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:08,520 - JULIAN'S VOICE OVERLAPS BABY CRIES 365 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,280 - Family! Family! Family! 366 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,600 - HE SCREAMS 367 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,280 HE CRIES 368 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,000 CHURCH BELLS 369 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,120 - It's Christmaaaaaaas! 370 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,240 Like that? - Yeah! Just like that. 371 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:36,760 It was amazing. 372 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,040 - Happy Christmas, everyone. - Happy Christmas. 373 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:43,000 - Oh, champagne! Lord of the manor, yeah? Nice creases. 374 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,000 - Don't. - Come on, darling. 375 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,200 - Merry Kissmas, everyone. Christmas! 376 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,440 - Happy Christmas. 377 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,120 - Ooh, carols. 378 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,240 I was going to say actually. - Oh, I know right, boring. 379 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,880 - That's better. Carols are so mournful, aren't they? 380 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,200 - Yeah. 381 00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,720 - Merry Christmas, everyone. 382 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,600 - Merry Christmas. - Did you sleep? 383 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,760 - Ha! Who needs sleep? It's Christmas. 384 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,720 - Oh, it made it till morning. 385 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:09,240 That's nice, most surprising is that. 386 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,560 - Right then. Presents. 387 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,680 - Oh! - Now, what could this be? 388 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,200 - I bet it's socks. 389 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,920 - I bet it sucks. 390 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,040 - Hey-hey! - Ah, well done, Patrick. 391 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,160 - I love them. - He not love them. He hate them. 392 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,280 - Mike, I'm just going to... You know. 393 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,400 - Oh, sure, go. I got this. 394 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,320 - Oh, it's the gifts! The gifts! 395 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,680 - EXCITED CHATTER 396 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,200 - No, no, no, please, wait. 397 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,640 Alison... - Stand aside, Thorne! 398 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,320 - Alison. 399 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,040 It's all right, I can wait. 400 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,320 - Mike. Your big one from us. 401 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,440 - You're kidding. 402 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,880 - Merry Christmas, Kitty. 403 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,840 - I love it! 404 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,800 - I thought it looked like Button House. - It does. 405 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,680 It's lovely, thank you. 406 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,360 - Now, I know that you can't touch it, but basically... 407 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,280 - Oh, my God... 408 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:00,480 It's Twister. - Yeah. 409 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:01,840 - It's Twister! 410 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,520 Oh, it's amazing, Alison, thank you. 411 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,120 Oh, you guys are going to love this. 412 00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,440 It's SO funny! 413 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,560 Now lay it out flat, else you're going to break your ankles. 414 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,840 - Hi, Thomas. - Oh, Alison. 415 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,720 Gah, damnation. 416 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,360 - Oh, Aly, look - do you like what we got Mike? 417 00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:19,080 - So good. 418 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,200 - You look great. 419 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,360 - I look ridiculous. I hate it. 420 00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:25,400 - Finally, someone tell the truth. 421 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,480 He look like a dumb animal. 422 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,520 - Well done, Kitty. Now... 423 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,320 ..Mary... 424 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,560 ..left foot green. 425 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,000 Captain, do you want to join in? 426 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,960 - No, no, I couldn't possibly. 427 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,560 - It's Christmas. - No, no, no, no, no. 428 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,000 - Oh, come on, Cap! - No, no, 429 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,520 oh, OK, all right, I will. Where do we go? 430 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,600 - Left hand... - Right. - ..red. 431 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,880 - Right. Coming in. 432 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,240 Look at that, supple as the day I died. 433 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,720 - How about you, Thomas? 434 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,280 - I'm occupied, thank you. 435 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,000 - No, he doesn't have the physical discipline for Twist-it. 436 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,520 He's afraid he'll lose. 437 00:17:58,520 --> 00:17:59,680 - Balderdash! 438 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:03,640 I'd thrash you all at Twist-it then run a mile. - Oh! - You will? 439 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,840 - Fine, fine, fine. I'll prove it. 440 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,920 - Yay! Ha-ha ha! 441 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,480 - BETTY: - Pass the sprouts, darling. Beef's nearly done. 442 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,240 - VIDEO PLAYS ON PHONE 443 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,480 - Where's Mum and Dad now? - Kitchen. 444 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,240 - Oh, what are they doing? 445 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,760 - Let's try to put you down. 446 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,640 Wish me luck, everyone. - Good luck. 447 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:29,400 - Ah, Alison. Did you see if the decorations were in the attic? 448 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,360 - Oh, sorry, I forgot. 449 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,040 SHOUTING 450 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,840 Let me just see to that. 451 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,800 - Right. No, no, that's fine. 452 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:40,000 - SHOUTING AND ARGUING 453 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,080 What's all this racket, guys? You're supposed to be having fun. 454 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,600 - That's what I said. 455 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,480 - MUFFLED: - Alison! - They're taking it too seriously, Alison. 456 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,120 They're not even letting the girls play. - Come off it, Pat. 457 00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:52,320 - No, you come off it! It's not bloody on. 458 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,800 - Pat? - No, I've had enough. 459 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,720 - Alison... - I'm going to the shed to drink a Watney's. 460 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,400 I'm not. - Twister's going well then? 461 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,960 - Yes, I've got him on the run. It's nearly time for the King's speech. 462 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,320 - THOMAS, MUFFLED: - Alison! 463 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,120 - I've just got to get some decorations. - No! 464 00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:07,680 - I'll meet you up there. - Roger that. - No. 465 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,320 - Victory this day. 466 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,720 - Alison... - Completely razzled. 467 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:12,840 - Too late. 468 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,880 - BABY CRIES 469 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:22,680 - Oh, you've got to be joking. I'd just dropped off. 470 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,600 - This baby just will not sleep. 471 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,320 - That's it. You're driving us both bloody batty, do you know that? 472 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,600 I mean, what a business! - Are you hungry? 473 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,320 - Oh, she doesn't know what she wants, Angela. She's a moaning Minnie. 474 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:33,720 That's what she is. 475 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:37,040 "Oh, I done a poo. Oh, I need my nappy changing. 476 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:39,840 "Oh, I can't do it myself." Oh, really? 477 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,840 Oh, how very convenient. 478 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,600 You know, you're acting like a complete baby, do you know that? 479 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,120 I mean, well, you are a baby, but that's not the point. 480 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,200 You've stopped crying. Um... 481 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,320 OK. 482 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:56,520 What was it? Was it the parliament point? 483 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:57,880 No? Um... 484 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,320 Was it the Newsnight thumbs? 485 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,320 It was? Do you like the Newsnight thumbs, little one? 486 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:07,240 Well, I never. Angela... 487 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,160 No, no. Shh! 488 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,520 Let Mummy sleep. 489 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,000 She needs her rest. 490 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,680 Here's the thumbs again. 491 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,920 "Hello, my name's Thumby." 492 00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:20,400 "Hello, my name's... Er... 493 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,880 "..Bummy." 494 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,520 It's the Thumby And Bummy Show. 495 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,200 Let's tell you a story. 496 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,760 The story of the politician 497 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,960 who cared too much. 498 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,640 - HE LAUGHS 499 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,480 - Once upon a time, little one, 500 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,840 there was a man who wasn't afraid to speak his mind, 501 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:43,760 even when the PC brigade came marching in... 502 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,200 - Oh, I can't believe I found the decorations. - Ah! 503 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,360 I appreciate this, Alison. 504 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:50,320 The monarch is our bellwether, the nation's barometer, if you will. 505 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,400 It is vital we listen to what they have to say at Christmas. 506 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,200 Hello, what's... What's going on? 507 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,200 I thought you were going to turn on the wireless. 508 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,680 - Oh, no, it's all televised now. 509 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,480 QUEEN: - If you had said to me... 510 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,040 - Good Lord! No, no, wait, wait, wait. 511 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,120 No, it's like I'm in her actual drawing room. 512 00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:06,840 - I thought this was what you wanted. 513 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:10,320 - Well, yes. But no! I mean, this is unseemly. 514 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:11,840 I can see her posy. 515 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,280 No, no, no, this is very inappropriate, Alison. 516 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,240 An officer and a gentleman should not be privy to the colour 517 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,240 and thickness of the Queen's curtains. 518 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,440 I can't look. 519 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,000 - Alison, at last. 520 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,280 Is it time? 521 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,160 - Yes. It is time. 522 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,560 I just hope it lives up to expectations. 523 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:35,840 - I'm sure it will. 524 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,920 What? No! 525 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,760 Take it down. Take it down! 526 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,320 - OK, everyone, Christmas dinner is served. 527 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:52,960 - Ah, she's up. 528 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,360 - Oh, my God, that's what sleep feels like. 529 00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:56,880 - Are you bringing Nancy down? 530 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,440 - Well, now she starts to cry if I try and take her OUT of the room. 531 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,800 Babies - nuts. - Who's for beef? 532 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,640 - Dad, I'm carving. 533 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,200 - All right, serve yourselves, everyone. 534 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,280 - This looks great, Mum. 535 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,920 Thanks, Mum. - This looks great, thank you. 536 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:12,960 - These sprouts look good, Mike. 537 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,600 - Nothing to do with me. - Yeah, that was Mum as well. 538 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,400 - Did you do any of this, Mike? 539 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:19,680 Mm? 540 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,440 - OK... 541 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,320 You know what? I won't bother ever again. OK? 542 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,080 Yeah, film it, film it. OK, film it, yeah. 543 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,680 You treat me like a kid, I'll act like one. 544 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,000 Why is that...? 545 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,920 I just wanted to be in charge for once, OK, 546 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,600 so that you guys can relax. Yeah? 547 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:43,280 Oh, good luck, Mike, cos Dad's in the woods chopping trees down. 548 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:47,360 Your mum's ironing your tracksuits, carving the beef that you brought. 549 00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:49,680 That's not a side dish! It's not a side. 550 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,120 - Whoa, this year's a classic. 551 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:53,480 - Yeah, make the most of it. Yeah, make the most of it, 552 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:57,800 because this is the last time I try and do anything for you ever again. 553 00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,320 OK? Yeah? 554 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,280 - It's just that it might not... 555 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,120 - Michael! 556 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:04,720 - Great, yeah, I'll be in my room. 557 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,800 - Ladies and gentlemen, 558 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:08,120 that was the Incredible Sulk. 559 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:10,880 - Um, I'll just get... - It's OK. 560 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,200 I better go. 561 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,400 - You two are so awful to him. 562 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,880 - What?! - Honestly, he brings it on himself. 563 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,440 - I could see absolutely everything. 564 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,800 It was an intrusion. I mean, what's next? 565 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,080 Taking pictures of them on holiday, I should imagine. 566 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:31,120 The world's gone mad. - Well, at least you got your Christmas wishes. 567 00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:33,080 - Yes, I don't even know why I bothered asking. 568 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,400 It was never going to be the same. 569 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,760 - I actually quite liked my present, 570 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:41,040 but I suppose it's a shame that I can't really do anything with it. 571 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,560 - It's all holly-tinted spectacles, Kitty. 572 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,560 You think it's fun but it's not. 573 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,760 The games always ended up with the boys arguing 574 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,480 and me drinking Watney's in the shed. 575 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:54,000 Oh, let's face it, family Christmases suck eggs. 576 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,240 - It's supposed to suck eggs, Pat. 577 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,040 I had a daughter, you know. 578 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,640 She was only four years old when I died, 579 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,480 yet I managed to miss every single Christmas with her. 580 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:10,000 I missed them all. 581 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:14,320 Missed the crying, the screaming, the sleepless nights. 582 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,760 I thought I was so clever avoiding all that, 583 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,160 but now I realise... 584 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,280 ..it's all part of it. 585 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:23,240 Your family are supposed to drive you bonkers at Christmas. 586 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:24,560 The tree's never straight. 587 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,280 The parlour games are never as hilarious as they were last year. 588 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,200 Someone always gives you a duff present. 589 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,600 You always end up kissing the wrong person under the mistletoe. 590 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,280 Ha! Been there a few times, I can tell you. 591 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,480 But that's the point. 592 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,120 Christmas isn't supposed to be perfect. 593 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:42,640 That's what makes the whole thing so bloody Christmassy, isn't it? 594 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:49,080 So let's not get too down on the old family Christmas just yet, eh? 595 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,920 Maybe we should just feel grateful 596 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,400 that we're having one at all. 597 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:58,560 I never even knew what I was missing. 598 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:04,840 Family, family, family. 599 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,040 - Hello, my baby. 600 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,440 You've been so good. 601 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:13,960 Thank you, my darling. 602 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,680 - You're welcome, my darling. She's done a poo, I think. 603 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,400 And she'll be needing her nyilkies round about now. 604 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:20,800 No, thank you, Mary. 605 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:25,640 - PIANO PLAYS 606 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,760 GUNFIRE ON VIDEO GAME 607 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:37,960 - There you are. 608 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,200 Can I let you into a little secret, son? 609 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:53,040 The reason why old mums and dads like us want to do everything 610 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:54,600 is because we like it. 611 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,760 And maybe it's a bit because, I don't know... 612 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,200 ..we're scared. 613 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,440 - Scared of what? 614 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,440 - For the day we can't do it any more. 615 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,480 - You know what? 616 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,360 There is one thing you can do for me. 617 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:31,520 - # In the bleak midwinter 618 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:37,120 # Frosty wind made moan 619 00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:42,600 BOTH: - # Earth stood hard as iron 620 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:47,960 # Water like a stone 621 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:53,680 - ALL: - # Snow had fallen Snow on snow 622 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:57,920 # Snow on snow 623 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:04,840 # In the bleak midwinter 624 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:08,920 # Long ago 625 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:15,720 # In the bleak midwinter 626 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:20,840 - # Long ago. # 627 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,360 - Wow. 628 00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:27,040 She really loves carols. 629 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:36,040 - GHOSTS CHATTER 630 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,680 JULIAN STRAINS 631 00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:45,440 - I'm not sure about this, Pat. 632 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,920 What if my daughter was so traumatised by my death 633 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,720 she became something dreadful like a drug addict 634 00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,200 or an alternative comedian? 635 00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,280 - It's better to know, mate. 636 00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,120 Trust me. - OK. 637 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:06,840 Oh! 638 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:08,640 Oh, she became an MP! 639 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,200 Pat, look. 640 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,240 She followed in her old man's footsteps. 641 00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:14,840 Ho-ho, and she looks like she means business. 642 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:16,400 - Yeah. 643 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:17,960 What's the Green Party? 644 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:19,720 - Huh? 645 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,400 Oh... 646 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,040 Ah, well. 647 00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:24,400 Nobody's perfect. 648 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,960 - Oh, I didn't know it did that! 649 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:37,320 - Oh! 650 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:38,840 - Christmas, eh? 651 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:42,600 Suppose it might catch on.47559

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